If I Were You - 118: Stinky

Episode Date: December 4, 2014

In this episode we discuss hobbies, honesty, and prematurely breaking up.This episode is brought to you by NatureBox.com, CombatGent.com, and BarkBox.com!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

Pocastay, see what these dudes say, Jake and Amir putting pizza on blast every Monday, I'm like Hedda James, at last, they dishes sweet answers to the questions fucking asked, Bear I'm, nah I'll bear you, these crazy motherfuckers tell you what they would do, if they were you, but honestly what I do is blog us, talk the shit, yeah fucking true, hashtag dope, yeah true say, waitin' like a Cordiva for podcast Monday, oh she's y'all, twas a dream, if I were you, show now it's time to scream. That was Wu Pig Suey, what, or, or that's just his way of signing off, the email, oh it says Wu Pig Suey at the end, he said stay true my dudes, Wu Pig Suey, so Wu Pig Suey

might be like a college crier, like a way to say goodbye or something, a college crier way to say goodbye, yeah he says check me out on SoundCloud, just type in Poflo, P-O-E-F-L-O, than Wu Pig Suey, yeah, I hope it's Poflo, he's in the, he's in the Air Force in Atlanta, or sorry from Arkansas, so it is, Wu Pig Suey I bet is the Arkansas like, like you know how like Alabama has role tied, yeah, and Auburn has war eagle, yeah, and then USC has fight on, so I think Arkansas is Wu Pig Suey, Wu Pig Suey, yeah, really, now we know, now when we go to Arkansas to visit this dude, we're not right, we're gonna look like a fucking idiot, in Arkansas of all places, everyone's gonna call us out, so thanks, that was a Drake

remake, no Drake parody, did you know that, no, what's that, Draft Day, I remixed Drizzy's song Draft Day for y'all, he says, I'm slowly reading this entire email, well how do you, how does one have fans that are cooler than them, like our fans like us, but they're cooler than us, we should like them, sometimes that happens, remember Jackson, yeah, when we went to Vermont, we met a fan named Jackson who was cooler than us, and then we just became fans of him, yeah, we're like, we wanna, we wanna, we wanna see you, we can come hang out with us, yeah, I'll honestly go dutch on a plane ticket, to Vermont to hang out with Jackson, this is If I Were You, the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by me, and

me, I'm Amir, and I'm Josh, well watch it, watch your court, it's dangling, it's a little, yeah, it's like, yeah, it's nice isn't it, isn't it really tight, nice tight squeeze, one of these days we're gonna have a studio, you're obsessed, it's gonna be so good, yeah we should have a studio, but we pay too much money in rent now, before we had a three bedroom house, yeah we had a three bedroom house with a little office, a studio, and it made sense to pay expensive rent, because we're, you know, we justified about it, it's like, oh it's also a studio, yeah this guest room is the podcast studio, and that was really nice, the mics were set up, now the new place is nicer, and doesn't have a podcast studio,

we've sacrificed the studio, we got used to paying high rent, yeah, we got right at the studio, yeah, and they got rid of the convenience, but now we can't afford a studio, yeah, when we get more money we should just buy a car, and still not have a studio, we'll just have a company Tesla, it wouldn't be so sick to have just like a little office space, yeah, we could make, we could do stuff there, that'd be chill, let's do it, well thanks to our sponsors for getting us there, come on please, who are you begging, well hang a nature box sign outside this studio if you just get it for us, yeah, we'll put banner ads inside our office, so at the very least we'll see them a lot, so what is this, it's an advice

podcast, people email us at ifireusho at gmail.com and they have questions, they're seeking our guidance, and then we offer it on this podcast, would you say that's accurate, I would say that was perfect, thank you, this is episode 118, which I dubbed my birthday episode, because my birthday is January 18th, it's amazing, happy birthday, so today you are officially out, no, no, no, it's not, that's not the date that this episode is coming out, right, but when this episode comes out you will be a 32 year old, no, no, no, no, no, so you're still, don't say right, and then guess wrong, let me explain it to you, what, you're like a poor pupil who's like too afraid to admit that he's wrong, I don't even understand what

you're talking about, this is episode 118, oh, you still don't get it, so when it comes out you'll be 32, so this is not a January episode, no, no, no, you thought we were recording this episode a month and a half in advance, honestly I don't know how many we've recorded, yeah, I'll tell you right now we have zero, really, this is coming out later today slash tomorrow, yeah, it's December 3rd right now, let me be the first to wish you happy birthday, absolutely, so you're born on the 4th or something, you're born on December 4th, that's what you're saying, what are you doing, you're ripping out your pubes on my bed, I just feel like there's a really long hair inside my underwear right now, and it's not

your pubic hair, no, none of my pubes are, relax dude, I'm so sorry, I jumped to that conclusion as you shoved your hand down your pants, made a fist like you're ripping out a tuft of hair and then you're looking at the result, yeah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're acting like you own this bed, we rent it, I'm still sleeping it, you still can't put your pee in it, this is not yours, do you understand that, I could fucking, don't teach me a lesson, I guess you don't own it, yeah, you're right, I don't own it, but don't turn this into a lesson where you're teaching me things, so I'm gonna dry hump it, holy shit, that's the worst thing you could do to my bed is dry hump it, so, oh, why don't we already give that guy credit, po-flow, po-flow, so show for show,

should we get started, should we try answering the first email, yeah why not, um, we need fake name, we need a fake name to preserve this gentleman's anonymity, of course, this is a real email though, I'm gonna read it verbatim, uh, so what it, what would you, other people that were born on your birthday, who do you share your birthday with, oh that's good, Kevin Costner, that's one, great, howdy, my name is Kevin Costner and I've been listening since about episode 40 and have finally decided to write in, I feel that you two give very sound advice and I have hit something of a confusing patch in my life, I am one of your younger listeners about to graduate high school and my problem revolves around me not knowing what to focus

my energy into, I do a lot of different activities that give me enjoyment such as creating short comedy videos, composing music, running, and drawing, to name a few, like I said I enjoy doing these things but some of them I am less great at, recently my old man told me I should just focus on the things I'm actually good at or I could find a career in, my question to you guys is should I take my dad's advice and drop some of my hobbies and focus on just a few or since I'm so young carry on being a jack of all trades, thanks love the show Kevin Costner, so 17 to 18 year old has a lot of hobbies, dad says drop a few, focus on the ones that make you cash, yeah because you're not a jack of all trades, you're a quack of one of low grades,

this didn't say that but yeah that's one way to look at it for sure, it's weird advice that a dad is telling his kid to stop doing hobbies, don't be happy it's time to make money, you're 17 now, is he a farmer in the second world war that he has to help out his old man ASAP, maybe this kid's just really bad at drawing and he's sort of like, I think I'll pursue drawing, I don't know, what would you do if you had a kid and he was like I love drawing, he saw his paintings and they were really really really bad, yeah well what would you do if you had a kid and he was ugly, if you had an ugly kid, impossible and he couldn't get, how could I have an ugly kid, imagine if you married such a dog of a wife and then you gave her through a kid that was so

so busted he couldn't even get head, I swear, you've never gotten head, I don't need to get head, I can suck my own dick, you've seen it, you were hospitalized for a month because you pulled a bone in your neck, I pulled my neck and I broke my spine, I folded it into two and it cracked, you wanted to get that rib removal surgery but instead you just cracked your own two bottom ribs hoping they'd implode by the pressure and they did, that is a good rumor, the Marilyn Manson removed his ribs so he can suck his own dick, is that the limiting factor, your bottom two ribs, if those weren't there your spine could just fold in half, I think what if you, there's the, let's start the remove that you removed your bottom two ribs so you could suck your own dick

but your dick was still too small so they had to remove and what is the conversation like with the doctor is like I'd like to remove the bottom two ribs in order to you know suck my own dick, all right that sounds fine as long as you have health insurance they're supposed to cover, I actually removed my top two ribs so that I can give myself a raspberry, how important are ribs, I want to be able to flay and blow me so that they protect my vital organs, yeah that's fine my most vital organ is my penis and I want it in my mouth, I think can I actually remove my ribcage and rebuild it around my dick so that I could sort of still suck my, my entire torso will be loose like a whoopee cushion,

can I move my heart into my anus so that I can kiss my own ass goodbye so should this guy get a hobby, should this guy lose a hobby, it's time to drop one, you're so young still my advice I feel weird saying don't listen to your dad, well you could just tell your dad okay and then still do anything you want right, how about this for some sound advice, so his hobbies are creating short comedy videos, composing music, running and drawing, why first of all running is a fine hobby, you can do that concurrently with anything else, you do it for like half an hour to an hour a day, it's not going to take away from other stuff and it's like physically good so keep running and then combine

the other hobbies like if you start focusing as a freshman in college on creating short comedy videos and then they also have your own music and they also have your own own animation by the time you finish college you'll be some sort of expert in that so you'll like you'll be the only person I know that can like you know make his own comedy videos that are animated with your own songs that's true so it's not about losing hobbies it's about combining them so you sort of shove them together into one mega hobby that's not a bad idea then then you're still doing what your old man says you have less hobbies because your one hobby is to you know create animated videos with songs and the other one is running what if he tells you to stop running you really

should start focusing more on the comedy videos I'd like you to son I'd like you to stop jogging I'd like you to get less healthy uh beat that advice you can't it's sound it's perfect it's great it's good it's a little too on the nose excuse I think I you're trying to give him you're trying to you're not you're no better than his dad by saying do this exact thing and I'm gonna say do you follow your path you're like your mom and I'm like your dad you just give like very helpful optimistic spiritual advice just an overarching emotional push yeah and I'm like all right take uh take hobbies one two three and combine them into hobby one and then hobby four will become hobby two and then you're down from four to two and then like that you've made it yeah but you are the one

that constructed the path so what are you what are you you're talking about me or you're talking about the child talking about my fucking dad I'm I always am whether you know it or not I'm fucking talking about my old man does he listen to this podcast um let's find out fuck you dad call me for once and now we wait he's calling you wow holy shit oh shit daddy I really love you you know I'm sorry daddy oh you thought you were calling Micah yeah okay one time I had a friend call another friend uh on his birthday so like my friend friend B was having a birthday and friend A called friend B to ask her friend C's phone number so it was like hey and he's like oh hey expecting that he'd say happy birthday but he's like do you have this other

guy's phone number he's like yeah I guess I do he's like all right thanks bye oh no that's so sad uh all right moving onward onward and downward um oh this is a good one another another guy oh guy who's born on my birthday I think Muhammad Ali was we know Kevin Costner you think Muhammad Ali I think Muhammad Ali sorry Cassius Clay don't get me started on that whole fucking name change today Cassius Clay right Cassius Cassius Cassius Cassius writes hey guys my name is Cassius Clay I'm writing in from Canada I'll cut to it I've been dating this girl for a few months now and she's great a real sweet girl and we both we're both into each other and we're enjoying our relationship but here's the issue whenever we get intimate there's a pretty significant BO problem

now I'm not saying that I smile like roses all the time and I don't have a problem with natural body occurrences we're both studying nursing but it is really consistent and it definitely takes away from the pleasure so my question is how could I broach the topic I'm thinking that maybe she doesn't wear deodorants so should I just ask her if she does and suggest it I don't know a good but kind way to bring it up I like her and I know this can be a sensitive topic oh and this is just a normal armpit body odor not like a vaginal vaginal order or something weird so put a pin in that anyway thanks for the advice Tota Cassius Clay what can you do you can't can you can you would you I don't know how do you tell someone that they stink I mean BO just put a lot of put a lot of

deodorant in your armpits and when you're fucking like wrap your arms around her sort of angle them onto her armpit that you're rubbing and rub them yeah oh god it's so hot you know what gets me off is this this this degree body odor wipe yeah let's fucking rub it all over our armpit specifically I think you have to wait I think you have to wait till you're more comfortable like if you're wondering how you can bring this up then you're then it's like not okay yet yeah but how can you ever because then the longer you wait it's like oh how long have I smelled three years yeah but then you're like oh you smelled for a long time but I like you so much can you smell better now now we're comfortable around each other yeah no I don't know oh it's the worst have you ever had a just a friend

smell I mean if your friend smells you could say you really smell yeah guys can do that I guess girls girls don't do that as much I don't think like girls can't feel like we've had that in that problem on the podcast girls like my friend smells bad yeah and or at least maybe I've definitely known girls who are like I don't know how we can tell her that she doesn't smell good do they not if you are around this bad smell do you just become desensitized to it it's like when you're in a really sweaty room and then someone walks in and they're like whoa it smells awful in here and you're like oh I don't I don't even realize because I've been in here for three hours I mean that happens to me all the time people will tell me that I smell bad and I'm like oh I just am me all the time so it

smells fine it smells status quo I mean we've been in rooms and just like been farting so much and like not minded you know when we're like writing or something yeah like holy shit the air in here is steamy green it's diarrhea in here oh is it I didn't even realize I was yeah I guess we have been waterboarding each other with diarrhea so what do you tell a girl that smells and it's bad and if you don't tell her then you can't get intimate with her I just yeah nothing you eat so your your options are suck it up you I think the only the best you can do is maybe talk to her about this like wait till she smells and then you say oh you have like a little b.o. or something today oh so it's like a specific thing are you like or you can be like one of us really smells

oh one of us really smells yeah I don't know if it's me or you that's not a bad idea but I think definitely treat it like it's the one first time that it's happened yeah I think that will be like oh he's aware of this stuff so like I'll put on deodorant or something you know what okay what do you think about this this is like sitcom style approaching it okay so a guy's dating a girl yeah she it's like a Seinfeld episode she just smells so awful he doesn't know what to do he's building himself up he like tells you that I'm gonna get drunk and I'm gonna tell her I'm gonna get a friend to tell her and then like finally he's about to do it sits her down and then Kramer walks in and he's like oh dear god and then she's like well he's like you really smell and then he

walks out and then she smells herself and then she's like oh I guess I guess I do really smell so what you want to do is get a wacky neighbor or a silly person in your life who has no who has no like a moral compass no problem he has no shame to just walk up to a girl and be like oh you reek of shit because then it's just like this instant jolt of truth coming from a source that she may or may not see before I think I think she has to know that that person is like a little a little wacky yeah because if someone was just like you smell bad that might be sort of traumatizing right but if it's like if you know the source that it's coming from and you know that it's like that it's just meant to like pure honesty yeah like no filter yeah unfiltered honesty right

yeah that's not bad at all I like that too so we get the Kramer in your life so ours would be Dave yeah of course though Dave is maybe the smelliest person I've ever known he always smells like cigarettes and clam not a coincidence because those are the two things he eats the most of that and pizza I've seen him smoke a clam and eat a cigarette here's a quick funny Dave story that I told you when I was in New York a month or so ago we went out or it was just me and Dave going out and we went out we just went bar hopping and hopping and hopping looking for fun and just like you know it was always just us two and then we got back we like eventually decided to call it quits at 2am and then I'm like where are you going he's

like oh I'm gonna go sleep at the office I'm like oh you can just sleep in my hotel room I have two beds and he's like all right great and then he's like we should get pizza so I go this pizza place is closing down they have one pie left and every slice is a dollar and Dave does not have a wallet at this point he lost his disease does he still not have a wallet did he lose he lost it I don't know if he ever got it back he was he was like he didn't want to cancel his credit cards or anything he was waiting just a good Samaritan which is I think he got I think he got a new wallet okay so at this point he didn't have any he didn't have any money yeah yeah he didn't have a wallet for like four or five days right so he's like so I'm like oh can I have two slices of pizza one for me one

for Dave and then Dave's like waiting at a table yelling across the restaurant he's like get four like I don't want four he's like I'll eat three I'm like no eat I'll get three you'll have two and if you want two more after that these are like huge slices if you really want four then I'll get you two more after you finish your two so I get him two and he demolishes them instantly and then I like have to go back I'm like can I have one more slice he's like get three more you're not gonna eat five slices of pizza you already had two I'm giving you one more he's like get two more and a box so you don't even want it now I'm buying your lunch for tomorrow so I get him two more and a to-go box he eats one which is his third slice and then takes the fourth box to go and he like

leaves it in my hotel room when we're sleeping so it just like smells like old pizza did he take it to work with him the next day I don't know if I forget if he ate it that night anyway or if he ate it the next morning or if he took it but he definitely consumed four over the course of not a lot time that was actually took an Instagram photo of him eating pizza in my bed oh so was that the fourth piece yeah oh my god so if you want to check that out Dave took off his pants very quickly hopped into the bed next to mine and devoured a pizza it's incredible uh let's take let's take a break in between questions two and three this time and think a couple more sponsors for bringing us back on a Thursday on a Thursday on a Thursday this show is sponsored by better help thank you

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design to create a professional looking website so if you're building an online portfolio for yourself or a loved one or you want to sell stuff online you can do an online store they have 24 7 live customer support email campaigns data you can even purchase a domain name through Squarespace for example i didn't even look this up but there's no way you can't buy a mere Blumenfeld is a good dude dot com i bet that's available and you can have it today and you can buy it through Squarespace and build an awesome website dedicated to me or i guess dedicated to anyone else in your life and maybe you want to give somebody a gift this season a summer birthday coming up who doesn't want a website so the best way to do that is to go to squarespace.com slash if i were you for a free

trial and when you're ready to launch just use that offer code if i were you to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain again squarespace.com slash if i were you free trial everything looks good let's launch it just use that offer code if i were you to save 10 off that first purchase thank you Squarespace hey we're back and i have some news for you me yeah cassie is clay born january 17th not january 18th all right but here's an interesting thing i was born january 18th in israel but it was january 17th in america so you and cassie is clay were actually born at the exact same time well he is 40 years older than me but still same time yeah same time of day same time of day yeah and you guys are this roughly the same age i guess in the grand scheme

of cosmic time we are we appear we appear in the same epoch irish twins in that regard you know everyone in my family was born in the same day that's amazing of the week yeah really tuesday on a tuesday uh all right episode no question three question the third uh okay got it this guy's name is clark gable clark gable was born on january 18th i like that so here is my issue during the summer i have been going on lots of dates i think dates are super fun because i love taking girls out for a fun time without there being an emotional connection here is where my problem comes in i recently went on a camping trip and drunkenly

hooked up with a girl toadah the girl had a boyfriend but after the camping trip she dumped him and asked me to go on a date with her and i said yes the date went well and then another one happened and now i think she's getting serious feelings for me and at this point i don't feel ready for a relationship so my question is how do i tell this girl i want things to slow down without losing her completely and does it make me a complete prick for wanting to date other girls any advice you can give me would be hashtag dope this is a problem that you have as well yeah i guess so i i mean in a lot of ways i am like clark gable you're very dashing a dashing actor born on january 18th clark kent superman without the glasses journalist i'm like clark gave i'm like clark kent i'm a

journalist um i just realized clark gable february first so way off in terms of that so we got kevin costner and no one else i'm bad at remembering my birthdays uh so what do you think this is the problem with being a lockdown boy that's the that's the phrase a lockdown boy lockdown boy it's being like a good catch i gotta lock this guy down oh you're saying this guy's so nice he's nice he's fun charming likes dates that's the you like dates because you're good at it because girls like you you know you're a likable guy yeah and the problem is so many guys are pieces of shit that when a girl meets a good guy that's nice and treats them nicely and is respectful and funny and charming they want to date you and date you and date you until no one else is dating you

yeah but you just still want a sample yeah yeah you're not ready to settle down and the tough thing is a lot of the time a nice guy a nice charming guy like that much like you and me to a certain extent that's for sure uh you get that preemptive guilt of knowing like this girl's getting into me and i don't want to see this through yeah i don't want to like i don't see i don't want to give this a four month shot right so what do you do do you break up with someone after the second date even though you're not in a relationship and that's what you do right this way i cut things off so early because i'm afraid that if i cut it off later it'll be harder well see i think that is uh a a it's um short-sighted it's it's sort of it's a little bit too much of a power play

so it's like you're you're taking everyone's emotions into your own hands and saying you feel this way and i don't want that so i'm gonna cut it off but that's actually you not knowing how she actually feels right but you can tell if somebody's more into you like being very extra cute and lovey-dovey sure but i don't think that gives you i don't think that should give you the power to make the decision of we're not going to do this anymore because you can't handle your emotions but isn't it more on me like i don't want to lead you down this path and then like we entered a forest and i don't think there's anything for the next 40 miles so i don't want to walk 20 miles with you and then just leave you i'd rather like at the hundred yard mark be like uh this isn't gonna work

out let's sprint back away who says you're leading anyone through the forest because i'm the man i'm the man i'm the man i'm the man you're the misogynist yes i am yes i am yes i am uh so what should i what should i do what should this guy do if i think you just you let pure heart rule let your intentions be known upfront that way when things inevitably fizzle like you know they will even if that disappoints her she at least knows that you are always upfront always honest what do you mean fizzle when he's like you know what i don't want to i don't want to keep on dating you i want to see what's going on with other people and she's like but we were having so much fun and then you're like yeah but you know i told you from the get go that i wanted to like continue dating other people

that i enjoyed being single gotcha so instead of breaking up you don't say i don't want to see you anymore and then just like have her be confused you say by the way before this gets too serious i don't want a girlfriend right now i like hanging out with you we can still hang out but i don't necessarily want to be in a committed relationship right now and if you want to like if you want to walk away because i'm not ready to commit or like see this relationship uh through for what it could be then i understand but if you're down to just have fun and date other people but like see each other and get to know each other a little bit yeah then that's great too so and giving her basically giving her more information and then the power to make the decision rather than you

taking the information internalizing it and then breaking up with her so what was this guy's specific question i feel like we just started talking about me only yeah uh how do i tell this girl that i want to slow things down without losing her completely well this girl is somebody who broke up with her boyfriend to start dating you or to like to be you assume right so she broke up with her boyfriend i think you could be like that's really exciting you should explore being single i don't want to like bring you into my orbit and i don't want to be this rebound also like i'm a little scattered brain right now i'm still excited by other other girls and other opportunities out there for me

yeah girls who aren't you specifically let's enjoy being single yeah there's nothing wrong with being excited by other girls that aren't the person if you're single and they're wrong with being excited by dudes it's so weird how it there's like you know being on the outside it's so easy to understand that and then when it's happening to you and the person you like wants to see other people your mind is rocked by it yeah you're like why aren't i the best you don't think i'm the best you think other girls are better you can't imagine people having opposite or like different feelings than you have yeah don't doesn't everyone feel what i feel don't you get it but i like you a lot so then you like me a lot because i feel that and that's

what i want and that's what would be best it's like when you're sick you're like how are people walking around right now isn't everyone really really sick yeah and this is a sickness so this guy should all he can do is be honest yeah say oh i'm not looking to be in a relationship i'm just looking date around i would be very happy if you're you would be that girl or one of the girls that dates me i don't think you should say that but i love for you to be one of the girls that dates me yeah but just know every time that i'm busy that there's a great great chance that i'm with somebody else developing emotions and feelings for them i think the thing to always carry in your heart is that protecting people from the truth you think will hurt them is much more

detrimental i'll carry that in my heart please i am wearing a locket what do you mean oh so i should give the lady all the information and not cut her off yes that's the kindest because i think you do this because you're trying to be a nice guy and i made so many decisions knowing i was being an asshole so you there's actually hope for you yeah i can learn from your mistakes you want to be nice i wanted to be mean i wanted to hurt people i wanted to destroy things i liked that did you really or was it just a collateral damage of what i think that was what i had to do to be okay with like the wreckage i was causing yeah i wanted to become the demon that i knew i was i thought you just wanted a lot of things and then the collateral damage was people being

hurt by it i didn't know that you actually wanted to hurt people it was you know yeah sure i didn't want to do it but when i did it i was like amused by it i was a sociopath well you're amused like i was like oh man i don't know yeah fuck i was like i didn't feel true guilt maybe ever probably never i would feel like micro spurts of it like oh god i can't believe it haha there's something new a shiny toy let me switch to another text message thread where somebody's excited by me and not angry i disappointed one person so how can i make three people happy oh all right i'm net positive change in the world and if i just keep replacing one with every three suddenly i'm the nicest person i'm a hero so uh so you're trying

you want to be nice you genuinely do yeah so i think what i what i think is nice is like oh if i tell a person that i'm not into them after date three that's nicer than after date 15 right because i then she's like how long have you known oh since date three oh why didn't you tell me after date three uh well that's i carried it in my heart jake help you you have to be up front i'm saying carry in your heart the fact that being not being honest is better than protecting somebody they're not white lies when you're dating they're like you saying hey i don't think we should hang out anymore you're robbing both of uh you guys of like eight great dates and some nice sex and good friendly conversation that would be fun for everyone and then it ends it could fizzle

for her she might not be into you as much no everyone's really into me yeah yeah yeah of course no one would ever fizzle out of feelings for me look at me i'm the man i'm the man i'm the man by the way carry grant is who i was thinking of not uh clark gable carry grant sure that's fair so it wasn't completely out of the blue so basically in summation be completely honest with her and let her make the decision the nicest thing you can be is honest but not brutal obviously not too much so we gotta there's a fine line but with dating i think that is true um all right last last question and it's from a girl so i'm gonna look up a real lady that was born on my birthday holy shit there's never been a girl that was born on january 18th isn't that crazy never ever yeah

not even a non-famous one just zero i'm just scrolling through the list and i see zero of them i'm gonna i'm gonna have to choose a non-famous girl the worst kind all right here we go an actress named morgan york ever heard of her one of my favorites this is one january 18th 1980 1993 oh really morgan york um writes so here's the deal i moved to la about a month and a half ago i only know my two roommates so i'm looking to meet people obviously i turned to tinder hey oh about a weekend i met this chill guy he was from the same area uh i was back east and we had a lot in common he just moved as well and was a lanky ginger with a beard just my type so it was great we went to a concert went hiking and started to do a bunch of random shit together

every weekend cut to a few weeks ago when we went to a bar and then back to his place the sex was not good he lasted about 30 seconds we kind of laughed it off and he said it had been a while and i thought this was kind of endearing at first but we've hooked up twice since then and the same thing keeps happening i hate to be a jerk but i'm not sure what to do i'm definitely not looking to date him but it would be fun slash cool to have a hangout slash hookup buddy should i ditch the bitch and seize the cheese elsewhere on tinder or stick it out toda morgan york oh shit how many strikes before a guy's out is the real question i think she should do both things that she's talking about doing oh like she can continue trying to see if he wants to hook up

with this guy and then also still stay on tinder and go on dates that's what you should do the always be seizing your cheese the lie why you have to seize your cheese and you have to do you do you understand and you can do them simultaneously and that is seasoning the ultimate cheese the most doing the ultimate you the most cheese of all yourself but if it's not good why should she keep doing it well personally um i don't really know much about history premature ejaculation oh yeah you know being a two-pump chump yeah though i have been there nor do i know about not being able to achieve so i'm sort of in the right zone always and forever i what i'm saying is like there's definitely been times where i came too early i like i think that happens to everybody

yeah and but i don't know i think i feel like i've heard that there is like chronic uh where you're incapable of doing anything else yeah where you like only come really early right and i don't know like if if that's the deal and she doesn't like him that much and then or if she like doesn't if the sex is going to be bad always then sure don't do that right but i also think that like this guy might just like you a lot he might not have had sex a whole bunch and few guys are having sex like every couple days or every couple weeks then you know he might just be like coming too early because he's super excited and that and it might just take time to for him to get used to it right so maybe if you're not enjoying it you could stop but if you think

there's promise of something better feel free to keep doing that while also pursuing other interests and i mean if you're talking about just like you're trying to get pleasure which is great and you should uh tell him to like go down on you or like do do shit that's not fucking because he's not good enough at that to get you off this is hurt giving him the cold cold truth this well this do shit to me that's not fucking because you're not good enough to get me off well that actually say that to him and that should that should shrivel his little dick so much that he'll never orgasm again that's actually fair yeah shame him into lasting longer but you should also be dating other people swiping right doing your shit going on other dates and then you're like simultaneously dating a couple

people then you choose the best one and then you drop everybody else is no good and there you go now you found your soul mate yeah i mean morgan you're an actress you know about auditioning you get how it works that's the game although i am kind of into this shame condom idea where you sort of just uh make people feel so bad about themselves they can't achieve an erection or an orgasm well not not achieving an erection would probably be a pretty bad bad way to have sex well you can stuff it in there sort of like a hanker chief like a how a magician does it a hanker chief into a fist that's true yeah how does thing a girl could say it while i'm having sex with her is like you're never gonna come you're never ever gonna come oh yeah i'd probably come into

because she's she's doing the ever worse psychology i definitely think like don't come like don't come yet is so high that's a shame because when she's saying that she really means it i know yeah and if you're like as soon as somebody whispers like like you say i'm gonna come she's like not yet okay way too late not yet oh we're past that honey i came five minutes ago sweetheart look down i'm using a goddamn pickle that's actually not bad if he uses like a cucumber or a dill well this is an advice to him then yeah oh i've been like prematurely prematurely aging in this girl aging aging yo dude you gotta just use a pickle yeah so put a condom on a worse yeah but i put a condom on a pickle and then do the old switcheroo don't actually do this that's

i should i should clarify that that sounds dangerous and bad so in conclusion don't appetizing don't do that yeah of course and then uh for this lady she can just continue sampling before settling down yeah and maybe it's maybe you guys could have a candid conversation if it happens a fourth or fifth time like am i is there something i can do to make you last longer and then like you can find out if it's a constant problem for him or if he's just you know nervous personally i think if a woman is hooking up with two guys at once she's a slut and she deserves to be shamed though right that is our time well i quit the podcast what just because i snuck that in there you're a slut shamer for that uh cool i think we're all on the same page here

continue doing yourself continue seizing the cheese continue seeing other people give this guy another shot if you like it and if not then it's okay to cut them off perfect uh that's it that is our time spelled t h y m e in a cute little fashion uh if you have your own questions please email us at ifirishow at gmail.com if you have your own theme song submissions like uh po flow did uh you can send those to ifirishow at gmail.com as well we start and end every episode with a theme song written by our talented fans the one at the end of the show uh is by is written by a guy named harry s e o or perhaps harry cio for a short uh we'll be back on monday y'all whoopig suey this episode was

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