If I Were You - 12: Jake and Amir Pitches

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

In this episode we discuss D&D characters, cryptic crypto tweets, and being sick.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Head Gum Original. One last ditch effort to try and stop the career I'm going to shit Second Another podcast Second Each F different from the last Second It's the Swiss Army Knife of Shoes Now that

Each a two-pathetic host Second Carol You're not going to stop me? No, I'm not going to stop you Now that meets you to pathetic holds. Seconds. Girl. Yeah. Nice.

We talked last week about your back issues, and now your shoulders are up to ear. Yes, my shoulders have kissed my ear. First it was my ass to shoulder, now it's shoulder to ear. I did actually sort of hurt my neck last week doing my PT for my back. I was doing some hip bridges in the bathroom. And that's like sort of a vacation.

Laying, getting up there, kind of like a tunnel with your body a little bit. Yeah. Putting my neck against the tile of the bathroom because I was trying to do, I was doing in the morning and Jill and the baby were sleeping so I wanted to do it out in the open. Right.

So yeah, pressing my back against the hard bathroom gave me a little bit of a pinch for the rest of the day and I was a little concerned that it would be a lasting injury. Yeah. All is right in the world. That's good. We, we survive in advance.

You have long COVID. You have long flu. You got the flu and COVID vaccine and it gave you the virus and now you can't breathe. You have a frog in your throat. You have a collapsed lung. Your sign is, they drilled the balloon, your nose balloon collapsed your septum.

Yeah. Your, you have dry socket, wet socket. My socket's a wet and dry. You have a prolapse septum. I actually did get the flu. So that part's not a joke. I got the COVID vaccine on a Monday. Oh, you got the COVID.

Yeah. And then by Wednesday, Avi Tal was feeling sick. By Friday, I had a good old fashioned flu, like shaking cold, sweating cold, headache cold. Have to take flu medication flu. But you know, now it's Tuesday, so day four or five. I sound sick, but I feel a lot better. And that's all that really matters.

That is all that matters. So you feel recovered. Did you did it ruin your weekend? Yes, it completely destroyed through a giant nuclear bomb into the weekend. It was a three day weekend and I spent the majority of it in bed, confused, scared, hot, cold, sore and mad. And do you blame Avital? Like, are you mad at all the time?

Do you like when you start to get sick on Friday? Are you like, you got me sick? Damn, yeah, you got me sick. You know, now I'm whatever. Actually, I'm thankful because whenever she is that covid or I've had covid, we never get the other one sick. So I'm like, I'm starting to think this like whole viral thing is like kind of a myth slash hoax. Like I don't feel it that way. It's never like one to the next. This one was a very direct transfer of sour.

That's good. Yeah. It restored your faith. Yeah. And the good thing about getting someone sick is that it takes a few days for the thing to replicate. So like by the time that person's sick, now hopefully you're better. So it's sort of an evolutionary advantage. Right, exactly. Whenever Jill is sick and she tells me, I get preemptively mad. I'm like, I get anxious and upset.

And it's a little bit resentful. I'm like, yeah, oh, okay. Well, then I'm gonna get sick, you know? Shove her outside. Locking the door. We're like, we're going to bed. She just like, she coughs. She's like, I have a tickle in my throat.

I'm like, great. Now I'm dead. Yeah. I did the sleep on the couch thing in a hope to avoid it. Oh, wow. Too little, too late as it were. Yes, you got a bad night's sleep and then the flu. Yes, exactly, back to back.

Good man. All right, but this isn't about our illness. That was last week. Right, our ailments. Yes, this one's about sort of surviving and thriving. You want to actually create life, specifically a D&D life for me, which we've done before, I think. That is right.

Have we done it before? Did we actually? Maybe on our Patreon that I remember you said we should create a character for you. On our Patreon, we did a video there of me creating, you guiding me through a D&D character creation. Great. All right, so we're going to do it again, especially because I don't even remember that. Yeah.

And honestly, during the fever, everything has become a dream. So I don't know if that actually happened or if I just thought it did. Or if it was something I said we should do. A night quill sort of cahole I went down one night. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Your snoring is fully back now. I had sleep paralysis slash wake demons visit me.

Wake demons. Yes, that's when somebody barges through my door at 1 PM. Yeah, wake demon is not a bad name for your character, but we can give you character name now or we can name this character at the end after we've created everything else about them. Okay, let's name him at the end after we've created everything else about them. Okay, let's name him at the end. And the only thing that I want to incorporate into this segment,

this creation is that the character should sort of be always sick or getting over an illness so that when I'm like, I sound a little congested and I have a cough, that's like part of my character. Right. Okay, that works. So the first thing we're going to and I have a cough. That's like part of my character. Right. OK, that works. So the first thing we're going to do is choosing a race. Lots of different fantasy races here from Arakakra to Tortal. White. That is, I mean, I guess you could go human.

White is obviously not an option. Yeah. Yeah. There was a push to call the races lineages or ancestry, which it doesn't Human, white is obviously not an option. White. Yeah. Yeah. There was a push to call the races lineages or ancestors, which it doesn't seem like that's happened on DMV. That doesn't take too, yeah. Okay, what the option is there? I go with, you know, you could do custom lineage

if you're hell bent on. I don't even know. I don't want to repeat it. Yeah, which lineage does a sore throat most of all? I mean, maybe a goblin. I'll run through. So, you know, an Erechakro, that's a bird person. An Assimar, it's like a fallen angel kind of bugbear.

Essentially what it sounds like, just a weird monster. You got Dragonborn. Then you have standard fantasy things like dwarf elves, your gnomes, your goblins. And then there's half elf, half orc, half laying, hobgoblin, human, kanky, that's a bird person. You don't hate hobgoblin. I kinda like hobgoblin, are those guys short and sort of congested?

I think a hobgoblin is actually sort of, well like here's the quick bio, war is the lifeblood of Hobgoblin's war. Its glories are the dreams that inspire them. Its horrors don't feature in their nightmares. So at least they're talking about, it sounds like sleep paralysis, like the dream of war. And the hobgob sounds a little bit like snot,

like globs in your throat and stuff. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Basically, I want like a character, like globs in your throat and stuff. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Basically, I want like a character that like, it hurts when that guy swallows basically. Usually people would, you know, create a fantasy character to escape their sad reality, but it sounds like you wanna- I sorta wanna guess, dwell on it.

Yeah, you wanna lean in. Okay, sweet. So we are, we're gonna choose your hobgoblin. A hobgoblin, of course, the Constitution is gonna increase by two, which actually doesn't sound like a sick person, but we can always mess with that on the day. Your intelligence also goes up.

Okay, so, oh, hobgoblins are between five and six feet tall. So not huge, not huge. Okay All right, let's go ahead Which I am I am also in between five and six feet Yeah, it's perfect. You get to choose a weapon. So There's a whole bunch of options. What kind of You are an ill hobgoblin. You are ill looking and ill tempered. You are thin, you are weak, you are drained of your vital lifeblood and fluids.

You just woke up from a very long nightquill nap. What weapons are you putting? Yeah. Yeah. And what weapon are you putting into your traveler's pack before you go adventuring? Can I like use viral warfare, like coughing on people, talking into people, getting them sick that way, or do I have to like choose a pre-ordained D&D weapon? Well, when we choose your class,

we could make you some kind of like maybe an artifice or that somebody who's like making little potions, like that could be you're making your own Nyquil, or we could make you a sorcerer. That's like. Yeah, you could be casting spells that get people ill, for sure, I think that could happen. But you do get two weapons just based on

your hobgoblin race here. So, is there any... Battleaxe, a blowgun, a crossbow, scimitar, flail, glaive, great axe, great sword, a hoopak. I'm not sure what a hoopak is. Is that like a Z-Pak? Where I have to take five a day for five days until my infection clears. It looks like a little slingshot,

which you could put a really big dayquill in and shoot it down your own throat. That's good, actually. Did you think I knew what these weapons were going to be when you're like, which two weapons do you want? And I'm like, oh, what are my options? And then you started rattling them off. Like, I would think I had. I was thinking that you know, I would think you would just sort of describe

some type of weapon and I could tell you what it was like if you said, right. Exactly. But I mean, you know, you've seen Ninja Turtles, they had different weapons. You've seen things. A stick would be that, actually. Yeah, I mean, we can get you a staff. Yeah, a staff infection? Yeah, I mean, that is perfect.

Sort of an open wound. Yeah, why don't we get you a staff and a who pack? Okay. You're because you're allowed to have two. Okay. That's better than what I was thinking the pill thing probably. Well, I mean, we still might be able to get you that pill. Let's...

All right. Now we're into class. Now we are into class. Okay. So, okay. Here, here is where, um, you could become a spellcaster, which is kind of interesting, uh, and we can lean you into, you know, the type of, uh, fighter who, who uses spells that make people feel ill. Um, there's also a cleric. that's somebody who's like a healer,

but I guess you don't wanna think about healing and illness. You wanna think about causing an outbreak. Yeah, yes, exactly, a pandemic slash pandemic of sorts. I'm on day five of Tamiflu, if that incorporates any of these options maybe, like is there a world where I'm on an antiviral and hope that I don't get a rebound case or anything like that like it's the option that sparks that kind of joy.

Um, I a wizard. Yeah, yeah, because medicine is kind of wizardry. I mean, you take this pill, you hope to God that the magical battle that's going on in your immune system, the war that's waging in your bloodstream. It feels a little bit like you would wanna, I feel like you'd wanna be either a sorcerer or a warlock. And the difference between these is where the magic comes from.

The sorcerer, you draw on magic in your bloodline. So that's kind of passed down to you from generations. And then the Warlock is a wielder of magic that is derived from a bargain with an extra planar deity. So that could sound like you kind of caught a cold from a god and you're passing it on it feels good To me it's like worse. Yeah. Yeah, exactly All right, and then you get oh It looks like you how you get an otherworldly patron. That's who gave you your your magic

So I'll just read you the names of these. So this is basically who gave you an illness. You got your illness from the archfey, the fathomless, the fiend, the genie, or the great old one. I guess the genie, I've heard of that one before. And maybe it could be a genie named Jeanie. Imagine rubbing a lamp and then rubbing your eye and you have pink eye now. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's absolutely perfect.

I got conjunctivitis from a fucking antique. Yeah. Okay. So now, so you have conjunctivitis from an antique. You basically rubbed Jeanne's lamp and then rubbed your eye. Yeah. You got ill and you're gonna spread your illness

across the realm. Yes, exactly. Okay, now this is the last part before we get into your actual, your character name, I guess, we are going to- Is that a leaf? What are you holding there? Accentured migraine? Much like, it almost looks like Dayquil,

this nice blue round cube. These are gonna be your stats. You roll six D, or you roll four D six and you drop the lowest score, Okay, okay like Yatsi Exactly, all right, so I'm gonna I'll write this down Okay, four four two five that's an 11. It's my fucking phone number man. What are you doing? What is this sorcery? 834 yeah, and now 9 8 1 9 That's a 14

This one's really bad. I rolled two twos and two ones. So that is going to be a five pair That's pretty good. Yatsui wise though. Yeah But it horrible horrible for this. That's also a pretty bad roll. That's only a 10. Well, you're we got two more rolls in this Yeah, this one's good though. 13 and the last stat for your Warlock is a 12, or a sorcerer I should say. Are you a sorcerer or a Warlock? I already forget.

I thought I was a Warlock, but now that you mentioned it, maybe I'm the better one. Okay, well, so now you have, these are the numbers, 11, 14, five, awful, 10, 13, and 12. And you'll distribute those between your strength, your dexterity, your constitution, intelligence, wisdom, and charisma. So those things, you know, you think about like,

you as a man, you have- you will have a Riz God. I feel like you have more intelligence than strength. You have more charisma than constitution. Well, yeah, because I can't keep food down. You have more wisdom than dex. Yes. I'm sort of aged like a fine cheese, basically. But I can't eat much your guy is much these days.

Your guy is sick. So I feel like we would we it would have to hit like his strength or his constitution would be pretty low. No. Yeah. Yeah. So that's going to be sure. Just because I do feel weak, weakish on the day, usually. Yeah, especially since last week. Okay, so let's put strength at five.

And then your con, I think would be your next lowest one because you're ill. So your con is gonna be 10. You are really smart because you will know how to get people sick. So we'll give you 14 there. But I do have cog fog, sort of a cloudiness. So you can't carry a conversation,

so your charisma should also be a little low. And then that'll make your, just by default, your wisdom is 13, and your dex is 12. Great. Now we have built your character. Drop into a story or how does that work? Well, now we're gonna have to give you your name. And then also ideally we'd be choosing spells here.

I might have to lay down soon actually. I am not used to like standing and thinking. Even just one name where you're ill. Myron? That's not bad. M-I-E-R-O-N. M-I-E-R-O-N, okay. No last name or? Last name,

Wef, W-H-E-F-F. Got it, Myron Wef, let me just... Myron, W-E-F-F, was that? W-H-E-F-F. W E F F was that W H E F F and M I E R O N. Yeah. Are you okay? Not really, but I am fainting.

That's what you mean. Yeah. And then there's just like a whole bunch of different spells that, oh, cone of cold. That's kind of interesting. That's a good spell that you could. That's like how I felt the first night when I was like under a blanket and like in a fleece, but I still was like shivering. I felt like I was in a cone of cold, you know. Right. Exactly. Spirit Shroud. You can call forth spirits of the dead. Oh, gaseous form. That's great.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Like I fart and it sounds like, it smells like something died in the room, basically. Fantasmal force. There's a lot of darkness. That's like, oh, blur, blurred vision, really good stuff. That's near putting it on someone else.

No, that would be your spell. So you're wandering around, you are adventuring, you're sick, you shouldn't be out. Myron Weff should be inside. Myron Weff should rest. Yes, he has to. Myron, you should really take it easy. Myron Weff, that's like a guy being like,

he left but he can't really speak. Where's my run? My run. Wef. What do you mean? He weft. Weft, you know, he should be at home watching TV, taking it fucking easy and relaxing. OK, so push his body. Yeah. So that's kind of interesting. I don't hate this idea for a character who is basically just like a walking disease

who shouldn't come into contact with anybody. But as you do, you're basically, yeah, he's, he is the outbreak monkey, except he's a hob goblin named Myron Weav. It's not a bad idea for a character. It's kind of interesting. All right, that's good. I'm glad we were able to sort of use the reality to fuel the fantasy. And then like my secret move is like sometimes

when you cough and then like you feel like the dark green phlegm in your throat, you could sort of spit that at people like acid, you know? Oh yeah, that's a can trip actually that you can do as a warlock poison spray. Yeah, yes. You extend your hand toward a creature you can see within range and project

a puff of noxious gas from your palm, but we can say that comes from your nose. Yeah, or my throat. The creature must exceed on the Constitution saving throw or take one D12 poison damage from Myron Weff's cleft palate. My yoga fire of sorts. OK, that's good. Bacterial slash viral warfare.

Yeah, very cool. Good stuff. Good job, Myron. I'm glad we got here. This episode of our podcast is brought to you by Yet Another Show. Ooh. It's called See the Thing Is, and it's a podcast hosted by Grammy Award-winning R&B artist Bridget Kelly and media personality and podcast trailblazer, Andy B. You don't say.

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They sort of have everything. They have kale? They got it all! And they're hard. They have romaine. I often find myself stuck in a rut of just sort of baking a salmon and calling it a day. Iceberg.

With Hello Fresh, I got like pre-portioned stuff. Yes, they do have lettuce and kale, don't worry about that. And I'm making stuff that I wouldn't. Baby Gem, spinach or arugula. Yes, don't worry about the leaves. They got everything that you need. They proceed Yes, I was saying that they give you a lot of options and ideas that you wouldn't necessarily think about You don't have to buy like four pounds of cilantro use six leaves and just throw the rest way in four weeks when you realize that they've gone Very bad in your refrigerator. What about their chart? Is it Swiss? They actually don't know Swiss chart.

Really? That's one of the talking points. Yeah, let's just keep reading that. Please don't mention the lack of chart. Or you will be charged. Swiss or otherwise. And since they say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, HelloFresh in fact is giving all subscribers

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Yes. So here's a segment that's kind of really similar, but also the polar opposite of what just happened. It was an idea I had. Basically something that you understand that I don't. Yes, exactly. I'm because of like all the Twitter accounts that I've followed since the pandemic, where it was like crypto NFT stuff.

My for you page is just like sometimes just littered with like random insider tweeting accounts of like NFT crypto world stuff that literally sounds like a different language. And as I was like scrolling, I'm like, it's insane that I after three years of reading these things, I understand what this means. And it's borderline not English, nor is it good financial talk either. It's like this specific language that these teenagers invented that I now understand. So I sent you one. It's useless jargon.

Yeah, it's useless jargon. I sent you one and I said, would it be funny if I tried to explain this tweet to you as a segment? So this is the tweet. We'll pull it up in post, but I sent it to you so you can read it. And if you're watching this on YouTube, you can read along. So why don't we just do a cold read of Jake reading this tweet, and then I'll try to do my best to explain it to you as much as I understand it. Okay, so this is a tweet from Colin, aka the value thinker. Stop the app.

Which is, yeah, it's a verified account which no longer means anything. Usually, and now it means the opposite. The verified accounts are like ones that have like 82 followers but they pay for Twitter blue slash X, whatever they're calling it now. The value thinker, which is a very funny name for this account. Okay.

Yeah. 2000. There's 3000 followers and Colin is following 2000 people. That's okay. Stop. It's crypto investments, freedom. I'm trying to add value. Got it.

Perfect. Got it. Stop. Yeah. Just starting the journey considering we are not even close to being in full bull cycle yet for those who stood by the community when Mojang rugged us to point zero zero five it's about a 22x load hardest when red dripping sign I guess blood, and fear all over the streets.

Remember previous, ATH was point, or was 62 cents. We not even 20% of the way back yet. Right now the dollar plus price targets is realistic, would still only put us at less than 50% of what some copperables are at. Even then, there is still potential for much more significant gains. Super early, you haven't missed anything.

Then he tagged at hip. He'd high-topia and high-chain games. All right, perfect. Of course, this is not financial advice, guys. Don't take what we just said at face value, especially because you can't really understand what it means. So it's really hard for this to be financial advice, even if you wanted to sort of pour your harder and fantasy money into this. Yeah. And let's look at the live high topia price. Yeah. It looks like it has. It's it has gone up 15% since this tweet. We have to say that. Yeah. So there was a if we put our entire life savings into this imaginary money,

we would have made more cash than the S&P 500 would have yielded over the course of a year or two. Okay. So, here's where I'm at. This is how I'll explain it to you. You know, in general, cryptocurrency. Before we go any further, I should say, I don't care. I do not care at all.

So, it'll be very interesting to see. Yeah. No, I like, so you're going to explain this to me. We'll see if I can retain really any of it because it couldn't interest me less. I wonder if you felt like this when we were creating a hobgoblin sorcerer Warlock. There's no way. There's no way Myron didn't understand that as much as you don't understand this. Myron didn't understand that as much as you don't understand this. Okay, so when you said Stopia, it was actually a link to dollar sign Topia. So dollar sign is the hash mark of cryptocurrency. So like instead of hashtag BTC for Bitcoin, it'll be dollar sign BTC, which is kind of interesting, kind of neat.

Yeah, that is kind of cool. I like that. Yeah. So far, that's like an instant understandable upgrade from what you said, which is Stopia. Right. That is just, now I'll note that from now on, that's not an S, that's a dollar sign. Yeah. We don't have to get into the sort of backstory of how cryptocurrency is also sort of fake money. But like Bitcoin is like something that you can't actually buy. And then there's

like millions of smaller ones that are even less impactful than Bitcoin, all the way down to just joke ones that aren't read even real like dog coin and stuff like that. Right. Topia is one about, you know, a video game that this company is making. Uh, we're not even close to being in a full bull cycle yet. That means there's like bear cycles in crypto when everything is going to shit. Everyone's losing money. Everyone says it's all dying. It's dead.

You should have sold. What are you doing? Why do you still have this? We're all going away. Then there's the bull cycle, which is like, oh, we're all fucking fueled by greed. Everyone's buying. That's when it's like dogecoin is going up. Oh, my uncle put a million dollars and now it's 10 million

and everyone's really excited about it. Yeah, and this guy's saying, even though it seems like it's a bull market, it's not even the bull market. Yeah, exactly. You think you've seen games? You don't even fucking know. These games are insane.

Yeah. Keep in mind, everybody that tweets about it has money and is incentivized to tell people that it's all going up so that they get richer. Yeah. For those who stood by the community when Mojang rugged us to.005. So this, this specific project was a game built for Minecraft NFTs instead of characters. I do even know what Minecraft is. I had to learn about it during this whole thing. Vaguely? I mean, it's a video game, right? It's a wildly popular video game. Minecraft and D&D sort of occupy the same thing in my mind

where it's like, I know people are obsessed with it. There's tens of millions of people playing it. I don't really understand why or how or what makes people good, but it's like that voxel pixel style like Lego guy like building a Tree and then like he goes over there and destroys people with an arrow and then like I don't understand what the game is But people are obsessed with Minecraft Got it. Interesting.

So this guy slash company built NFTs for Minecraft and was like, oh, I'll just put these two things together and people will buy characters and we'll make money. And then at one point Mojang, which is the company that makes Minecraft was like, no, you guys can't do that. This whole project. So they rugged them. I see. Rugged them is called, they pull the rug out from underneath them. The whole project just dies, which happens to 99.9% of these things.

They're all doing really well. And then the rug happens, which is when everybody, except for the people that started this, lose all their money. Very transparent happens all the time. There's no oversight because none of this stuff is legal anyway. Right. It's all just like these very quick little pyramid schemes. It's just like they pop up, you get in and out at the right time. And it's all happening like a three day span. Yeah. Well, the people that make money are

the ones that started slash could mince other people to buy it like this guy. Right. But I do the same thing. if I just if I just followed this guy and invested all my money immediately and then pulled it out later that afternoon. Could I make cash theoretically? You could make cash accidentally, but you could also lose it theoretically. Like you could have put all your money in and then

it goes down 90 percent and then it's like, oh, I'm out of money forever. Right. Okay. I use it. No, it's kind of like playing roulette. You could make money if your money in and then it goes down 90%. And then it's like, oh, I'm out of money forever. Right, okay. You just have to know, it's kind of like playing roulette. You could make money if your number hits. So this guy saying, this token, which was worth 62 cents at one point was down all the way to a half a penny per fucking topia when Mojang, the company

that started Minecraft said, nah, you guys can guys can actually do this this whole thing is dead So then everyone just sold all their shit and was like this is worth nothing Nothing, I don't know why you kept this money. This money is fake. There's no game. Minecraft says no way right Load hardest when read means when everything is down, he's trying to convince people to buy, which is like, you know, part of the scam is that when things go down,

it's like, I gotta still convince people to buy my worthless things because that means it'll be worth more in the future. Right. And he's not wrong, because if he does convince everyone to buy, then it is worth more. He's just lying in the first place.

Exactly. And he's saying, remember before Minecraft banned this thing, this random token was worth 62 cents each. Keep in mind the token didn't do anything, the game didn't even exist yet, people were just willing to buy it for 62 cents each. So if you had a thousand, you could in theory sell it for 620 bucks. But then at one point, your thousand is worth $5 to. So, uh-oh, Mojang rug dust, the token is worth nothing. And he's saying, by the way, now it's back at 11 cents, which is not even close to the 62 cents, which is where we're headed.

You guys got to buy now. Like this thing is taken off. Remember when Minecraft said this whole thing was illegal? Yeah, that was really bad. But now we're fucking back up. We're climbing. Everyone's gotta fucking buy, buy, buy because that's gonna make me more rich. But what about the Minecraft of it all? Like, is, are they just making it and it's not associated with Minecraft anymore? Yeah, so this company. So they kind of just, they drafted, they wrote the coattails of Minecraft's popularity.

That's right. Got their token kind of popular, not that popular because 62 cents is not a lot of money. And then Minecraft said you couldn't do that because of course it went down to half a penny and now there's and now he's saying well now it's back to 11 cents. 11 cents. Yeah, which is pretty good. All things considered. I mean not really because like what's the ceiling for

Topia if it has no associates, it has no association with Minecraft. Yeah, well that's the big question. This guy seems to think that they can create slash invent slash make a Minecraft bigger than Minecraft that they own. Like they're not relying on Minecraft anymore. This company is now gonna make their own fucking game. You think Minecraft's popular?

Well that'd be amazing for Colin. Is Colin the one doing it or is Colin the one seeing it? Is Colin calling these things the company is now gonna make their own fucking game. You think Minecraft's popular? Well, that'd be amazing for Colin. Is Colin the one doing it or is Colin the one seeing it? Is Colin calling these things or is Colin... That's a good question. Like, are you trying to just to add value or are you, it doesn't seem like Colin has a value. You're talking about the value thinker?

Mm-hmm, yeah. You're talking about the value thinker. I'm curious if Colin is an AI bot run by Topia to sort of promote their shit. Yeah, that's in play. But from what I understand, the people at the companies are kind of like smart computer nerds that are like trying to build a game and like create value. And then the this people, the Colin, the value thinker,

these are like the fake influencers of the ecosystem being like kind of like a D&D character like, oh, you want my bag? It's worth 11 cents now, but soon it'll be worth 60 cents. Why don't you buy a thousand of it? And I'll give it to you because you don't you have no idea how big this thing is going to be. So there's a lot of Minecraft. They're like the palace rats. There's just like They They're kind of just eating the crumbs of successful people. Yes, exactly But there's actually people underneath them, which is like people reading these tweets Liking them retweet. I mean look at just even the the replies to this being like, yeah This is gonna be awesome. The target is a dollar like, you know, all the little hangers on to this guy, like people are even below this guy. And then there are people reading this tweet

being like, yeah, I'm going to get my friend to buy this thing so that the value goes up and up and up. So yeah, what do you think about this comparison between Topia, mana and sand? That's really interesting. Now we're really talking. Because the Uniswap liquidity of Top. Yeah, I mean dwarfs that of mana I'm kind of curious, but also I like sand and uniswap 24-hour volume of sand being at 50,000 you have to get what is that to me? What is that to you? Does that mean anything? What is a uniswap value?

Those are all other games. Like there was a run to like make Web 3.0 games during all this where it's like, oh, this token's not just a random store of value, it's actually part of the metaverse. And we're gonna build games in the metaverse. And yeah, it'll be Minecraft for the metaverse. So you're somebody that doesn't even like the games though. You like the crypto of it, but you don't like the games.

But there are people out there who are like, I like Minecraft and crypto. There are some people that just like the Minecraft? Or is anybody that's like, Minecraft going to be into the crypto because that's what it takes to buy items in the game? That's what they're hoping is that like the success of Minecraft is going to leak into this like other ecosystem.

But who knows if that'll ever happen, slash if this company to really exist or if it's all just one guy and a thousand bots trying to convince people to buy this random token. And I think that's everything super early. You haven't missed anything. That's just the classic like by the way You think you're late you're not you can buy this today and it'll go up up enough, baby Should we buy some just for fun and see how it's doing next week when we pod That's pretty good. We can hypothetically buy like we just say what did you say was worth 11 cents?

Yeah, I mean why don't what's Let's let's get like ten of them right why not okay, so you'll buy ten for a dollar and ten cents I'm good for I'm good for 20 bucks. This is it's like we're at Vegas. I'll buy $20 See this is what you don't realize. I'm calling the value thinker and I'm basically trying to pump my back. I'm trying to get you to buy this shit for me. Why don't you give me $10,000

and I'll give you the value of what it will be next week. I'm telling you it will be my value thinker. You're talking to Colin right now if you can believe it. Nevermind about it. I'll let you know. Okay, great, if you can believe it. Never mind. I'll let you know. OK, great, because it's down to a penny again. Yeah, Minecraft is threatened to suit Colin. Wow.

Shit. Great. How are you? OK, so that was, you know, kind of similar, but polar opposite to creating a D&D character is trying to explain to you what in the world is going on in the world of crypto. By the way, this whole ecosystem was, this whole thing was just buzzing at the beginning of the pandemic when everyone was at home like without anything to do.

I remember that. That's when like I was like in there on the Discord trying to figure out like what's going on where the money was going. Now these are just like three years later who's still there like scorched earth but people are still inhabiting the wasteland. It's like the people still at the bar at like 5 a.m. when the lights are coming on.

You don't want to be seen. You really don't. And they're like, by the way, in 12 hours there's a fucking whole new boatload of people coming to the club. We just got stick around, man. Me and you at 9 a. club. We just got stick around man. Me You at 9 a.m. We already got this booth

Let's just go to let's leave our jackets here. We'll go to a diner. We'll get breakfast and come back Let's come back sober up. Yeah It's gonna bender with the great value thinker. Oh, yeah, you just Venmoed me a hundred eighty thousand dollars Wow you are. You just pumped up the price of a Stopia coin actually. Yeah, well I want you to buy sand. I'm a man, a man myself. Man, a man, a man. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show.

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even the last couple of years, and you see how many tinkles you've done in a day. It's kind of a nice little diary to keep. It's not a nice little diary to keep. Who cares? It's fascinating. You think it's not entirely depends on what you've had to. If you can see a four year long log of every single piss you took,

you wouldn't be interested. I wouldn't pay one dollar for that. Really? It would be zero, zero out. Oh, what if I told you tinkle.com was ad supported? It would be zero, zero out. Oh, what if I told you tinkle.com was ad supported? So you wouldn't need to pay. It was always free, like Facebook.

And did I mention there would be a banner ad at the top? Would that be interesting for you? Kind of now I'm listening. Actually, my idea is not much better. It's loosealosange.com. Loosealogen? A lot? Oh, god.

You sort of a tongue twister. Yeah, loosealosange.com. Loosealosange.com. Loosalogen? Oh, God, you sort of a tongue twister. Yeah, loosalosange.com. Loosalosange. Yeah, like when you're sucking on a cough drop and it's sort of like, because they're very like slippery, you know, they're like sort of like, oh, shit, they're on the ground now. I don't think that's ever happened to me my entire life. Yeah, you can launch an online store, a website, a blog, a portfolio. You can do it all with Squarespace.

And if you go to Squarespace. Tinkled Alias, all of those things, by the way. If you go to squarespace.com slash segments, you can save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Nice. So it's free to try. And then if you go to squarespace.com slash segments and use that coupon code, segments,

you can save 10% off their already low, low prices. Not bad. Thank you, Squarespace.com slash segments and use that coupon code segments. You can save 10% off their arty low, low prices. Not bad. Thank you, Squarespace. Thank you. Thank you to Helix for sponsoring this episode of our show. Love you, Helix. You sleep on a Helix mattress, Jake. Yes, I do.

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helixsleep.com slash segments and use code helixpartner20 that'll give you 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows. With helix, better sleep starts now. Now. Now. Now. Thanks helix. We have more Jake and Amir videos to write and to shoot next month. This is true. This is true. You're coming to LA. We're going to bake a bunch of apps, but we don't necessarily have the ideas yet. Right. So we're going to pitch each other some Jake and Amir ideas right now. Or bounce some ideas around because I didn't come with any I assume you didn't either. I got one. Really? All right let's hear it. Yeah it's called Jake and Amir tennis coach. Okay so

it's on location? No because much like the DJ episode this is one where I've been hired as a tennis instructor. I like show up like frazzled with a fucking bag like a real like headband, like a tournament. Yeah. Headband like, whoo. Sorry about that. Hopper. If we do a ball hopper with just four balls in it at the desk. Like you lost a whole bunch of your balls. Yeah, and be like, sorry fucking, you know these teenage phenom dads fucking crawling

up my ass. What did I miss? What did you miss? What's going on? What's going on? Are you a tennis pro now? Yeah, yeah, I got myself into like this whole fucking world. It's crazy, man.

Like just thank God you're not a tennis coach. I'm serious. You know Coco Goff? Well, I'm Jared Goff, a different athlete of a ball player. Is he? I'm just saying I coach a guy that looks like him. What do you know about tennis? Not much actually.

I saw a TikTok video about how to serve and I fucking posted a Craigslist ad or some shit. And yes, now I am on your Yelp reviews. Look at that. And then I read some Yelp reviews out loud just like in the DJ app. It's perfect, right? It's itself. Yeah. There it is.

Tennis coach, tennis instructor, tennis coach. Okay. So I did, I had the, a leaping off point for another one, but it's more of just something that I've noticed on, for whatever reason on my Instagram, like find or discover page, it's constantly showing me like home decor and like home renovation hacks. There are all these like IKEA hacks where you can like basically, you know, turn your wallet to looking like

it's a built in bookshelf or whatever. But now I've gotten like hacks for like, you know, things you can do to make like an end table. You basically get an IKEA end table, and then you like glue a bunch of wood stuff to it or mirrors or whatever. And you make your own weird little furniture. And I just the thing that I keep on coming back to is that none of it seems like a hack because it's all such high effort. And it's like, I can't imagine that it's

saving you that much money than just going somewhere else. Or like, you know, go to a vintage store or something. But then it's just hard work and like actual skills. Like, you're not, that's not hack. That's, I got a fucking life hack. I'm smelting metal later today. Yeah, it's not a hack.

You learn joinery. That's not bad. You learned joinery. That's a trade. You really? Yeah, because I was going to say I got like a fucking mask and I made this fucking coffee table out of scrap metal. Yeah, I guess that's pretty good. We could do with glass blowing. Haven't we threatened to do a glass blowing video before?

Yeah, but I guess you can get really sick trying to do it. So it's got to be one of those ones. Not really a hobby, but I've gotten into glass blowing recently. That one actually is a hobby. And then you've just made all these really gorgeous bongs. This one's a pretty dope piece. You put the weed in here. Yeah. Wow.

What is it called when you can pull, you like light it, you could pull it out? Is that that's not the the carb, right? That's the hole that you cover. There's yeah. You're a stoner slash architect now. You're a really hot girlfriend. You had to create a hell of a entire time. You just needed to smoke.

You had ADHD. I had ADHD. I had rage and now I have a fucking girlfriend who's a surfer. How dope is that? Oh, and did I mention we have a life hack where I turned an old RV into a really sick van? And then you you shrug, knock over your glass bong and instantly revert? It's like amnesia. If I hit my head again, I go back to the idiot I once was. No, no, no, no. girlfriend breaks up with you. Here, here, get high, get high.

Fuck. Does anybody have a joint? You're like asking with the urgency of CPR. Does anybody here have a fucking joint? Is anyone here a dealer? Is there a dealer on the plane? All right, great. So we have two solid apps.

Yeah. I don't know if this clamp can be anything. What about walking to work with it, like, attached to my face and I don't really know or something like that? You know, it's the thing we never we never wrote about it because we were mostly shooting in New York, but parking. Just like something that comes up at the LA office, like I see that in Slack, like, oh, we need some spaces open

for guests. Spots, parallel. The game, working stuff like that. The traffic episode one, yeah. Cool. Yeah, like me working at some ballet. Right. Or us in the car together.

It could also just be at the desk. Do you know anything about the gate not working? No, I don't think so. Like because they have, there's a bunch of Slack messages from you last night. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I put like a bunch of stickers on like the wheel thing. So I was trying to figure out like why what's the what's the gate code?

What's the gate code? Does anyone know the gate code? I know it's 1 a.m. But somebody has to respond or I'm going to try to break this beast down myself. I'm trying to get dinner across the street and ballet is charming and arm and a keg. get dinner across the street and ballet is charming and arm and a keg. I said, first one to figure out how to let my ass park here. I have 38 beers on me slash on we very late for a hinge day. This now turning into a different episode where I'm you're reading

Slack messages like an old email thread that I wrote. Yeah. All right. That's good. Trying to try to open up the lot to meet a hinge date. Sort of borderline lonely and horny, like, isn't there one where I leave somebody like a thousand messages like, Hey, I'm here. I don't see you yet. But yeah, you're waving. No, that's not progressively drunker. Yeah.

And you're like back there in the kitchen, you find and then it ends with you finding like realizing it was you're at the restaurant at the wrong date. And the very last one is like you just knocking on the door of her car as she's listening to the last voicemail. Hey. There's also something when you said parking I thought it was like You know like the kind of guy that like helps somebody else park where it's like alright Back up. I'll let you out. Oh, yeah. Alright. You got this one true. This one true I hear you hit the pole. Alright, you hit the pole Move forward. Oh, come up. It's not bad. It's not bad before I hit the pole

Going to the street trying to wave him forward into you. Yeah, I guess we don't have enough money to shoot. Like, all right, no, no, no, no, no, like going into getting t boned by Chuck. Oh, sorry, I wasn't looking both ways. Dude, oh, it's a hydrant anyway. That's how it is. Water everywhere. Now, one other half baked idea. We've already done me with a really stinky lunch.

The doll episode. Yeah. OK. What I mean, there's got to be an insecure Jake episode to be had. In the bot. Yeah. The last thing we did was like work wear. What's um...

Oh, I kind of have this haircut now. It's the... The mullet. Yeah, that's like a popular, it's the Jake Paul, right? Or the Paul Pascal. It's the, it's the mullet. So I guess I, you know, I would just have the mullet. I'll get it freshened up for the, on the day. It'd have to be really extreme.

What about a rat tail? Right, we can make it extra long. Yeah. Whoa, a nice mullet. A mullet for this gull- a mullet on this gullet. A mullet above this gullet. Because the gullet's the mouth, right? Yeah. Yeah, a mullet attached to this gullet makes the ladies full, full it null scream he's full of it. Or was J. Paul at UFC two thirty nine not styling.

I sued my niece to emancipate myself as her uncle you know you don't have to be her uncle Yeah, well, that's what the fucking judge said Illegally emancipated myself from being an uncle. I didn't want that level of responsibility. I also thought recently for the next 50 like tweet. Oh, that's good. I thought recently about just setting one, you know how we did like, you know,

a mirit Rises look at dating that was the impetus of lonely and horny. We just did like a big departure. Yeah. Just setting one in me and Nico's house. Remember, I get engaged in the Jacob, the universe. So it's just like a decade later. It was 11 years ago. Yeah.

I I've married her. We have three children just at our dinner table. I'm hosting Nico's parents. I'm not in it at all. Yeah, it's just a nice wholesome. We have a really healthy relationship. You're practicing Japanese. Yeah, we're playing the Ellen DeGeneres heads-up game.

It's just an amazing nice scene. Nothing is funny or bad about it. It ends with I walk into work and you've just diarrheaed on my desk. That's what happens when you're late piece of shit. I was worried sick about you. I gave myself diarrhea and I chewed up your jacket. You're a talk. Whatever happened to Nico, my partner.

Yeah. Y'all are still together. That's nice. Be a good cameo. I wonder where Nico is now. Yeah, we'd have to dig through the old call sheet. Haven't seen her in a decade. Plus.

All right, that's about it. That's all I can physically and emotionally handle right now. I just did mine. Yeah. Hopefully we remember this. My Michael Jordan flu game. That's my flu podcast. That's the most I can give.

Guys, I know it's maxed out. What you just saw was insane considering the fact that I did have the flu. Imagine he was sick and still came up with Myron Weff. What is possible next week? I mean, it's insane to think about what I'm capable of. All right, for more of us, you can check out our Patreon, patreon.com. And thank you guys for listening. Thank you guys for watching. All these episodes are on YouTube as well.

So head on down to the Head Gum YouTube channel. We'll see links to everything. Mm hmm. I'm going to pass out now, but we'll be back next week. I don't force every Monday from now until forever. And until then, let us know if you have any jacadamere show ideas or yeah episode ideas We need more episode ideas. We need more segment ideas clearly

So leave them all in the comment section below That's right. Bye everybody next week. Ciao for now That was a hit gum original