If I Were You - 128: Herpes

Episode Date: January 19, 2015

In this episode we discuss ESP and STD's.This episode is brought to you by MeUndies.com, TheBouqs.com, and TaxAct.comSee omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

If I were you, I'd listen to these assholes They'll let you in on an any day blast Give some advice, well at least they try They can make you laugh at least 20% of the time Torn out motherfuckers, Mondays and Thursdays bitch Torn out motherfuckers, two guys that don't know shit When I started playing and I'm like, oh is this like a real song that he sent? But then he's like, oh no, he's actually singing about it

Yeah, he's like, oh he's making fun of us a little bit I'll take it It's a gentle ripping I'll take the gentle ripping Because I know he's kidding I'll take the gentle ripping because I know he's kidding Yeah, because if that was the truth, I'd kill myself, Ruth She's silly rhyme, dark concepts

You're funny 20% of the time Jake Feeney, a singer-songwriter from Toronto Facebook.com slash Jake Feeney Music Yeah, that had so much soul He actually just released his second EP, A Fit of Colors on JakeFeeney.bandcamp.com Alright Feeney is F-E-E-N-E-Y Feeney

Feeney, Feeney I can't seem to find Feeney Feeney If you're Feeney for more Feeney, visit jefffeeney.bandcamp.com It's Jake Oh, shit It's your name, Feeney Oh, no

I'm the only one that can have it You're lucky to be sharing a name with someone that's cool Who's the coolest Jake? Me Then This dude Then Jill and Hall

Oh, yeah, that's a good Jake So you have to share your name with a bunch of cool people There's not a lot of cool amirs There's a boxer that's pretty cool That's cool Yeah I think there's Jake's pretty popular name

I don't know what to do about it Are you proud? Like you did something Well, I'm actually a little pissed My parents couldn't come up with something original What? Like some name that no other person has? Yeah

That's stupid How about Jumpbagin2 That's what you want your name to be Jumpbagin2 Yeah You think so I think so

You think that's an upgrade I think nobody else has it That's true So there we go It's funny because the 2 is in it The numeral Yeah The numeral 2

Who's Jumpbagin1? There isn't one I'm number one and number two I'm every number Jumpbagin I never want to talk to you again, sir That's fine That's fair Most people don't

Of course But at least my parents came up with an original Goddamn concept What's your name? Roy? That's actually Roy That's pretty nice Shit

Can we at least acknowledge how insane that shot in the dark was? I guessed your freakin' name Act crazy That's something that never happens to me Jumpbagin2 I actually wish I had a normal name Like Jake I do hate it when people don't react appropriately to crazy coincidences

Yes It's hard I try to I'm like You don't understand how huge of a shot in the dark Like that's a one in a thousand If I said name and number between number one and a thousand And then you thought 638

And I said 638 You'd go crazy, right? Yeah, but like how impressive is it If you're If they guess 675 And you're like, oh, it was 638 It was in the 600s Yeah

That's somewhat close But it's still like It's, you know, they're They're 999 wrong numbers And they just guessed one of the wrong ones So it's not that impressive Yeah, well, what's crazier? So let's say

I'm saying Think of a number between one and a thousand You think of 638 Right What would be crazier to you If I said 636 Or if I said 738 I guess, you know

It'd be crazier if you said 630 something But I guess Well, let's try it I'm gonna think of a number between one and a thousand All right Okay Yeah, you got it Oh, no, I just

It can't be 638 It has to be a random one 638 It wasn't 638 All right, let me actually guess that All right One in a thousand? Yeah

I keep on thinking I'm mouthing the number Yeah It's so scary I don't want you to guess it This is so exciting for us It's so boring for everyone else We lost every listener All right, I think I got it

What is it? 901 Wow, it's 802 Really? Yeah That's not bad That sounds kind of impressive Isn't that kind of close?

That's it That's pretty close Yeah, that's like an interesting version of One over each No, the zero stood Oh, yeah Obviously the zero was the pillar Yeah

Was it really 802? Yeah, it was So I think 901 is closer than just a I'm kidding, it was 240 This is how are you? It was 802 It was 901 It was 802

Oh, wait, 801, what did I say it was? I said 901, you said 802 Oh, right, right So it was one up, one up, one middle, and then a down Yeah, wow, that is interesting It's symmetrical Yeah I told you that my friend over things

I'm a little bit psychic Yeah I think, I mean, you are very good at Yesing birthdays Though I will say When we do that trick together on people It rarely works I'm just as close

Yeah, because there's no such thing as Being a little bit psychic Right, it's just like weird little But still, 901, 802 Maybe I just play guessing games a lot Right, well, I think, because I think it's easy I feel like every time we've done the Birthday thing, it's like, oh, you're a

You're a summer baby I can tell Yeah, yeah, yeah You're a winter birthday We do a season and thing Yeah, and then once we get that Then it's a lot easier It's game over

Right, enough about this shit Sure This is If I Were You The only advice podcast on the internet Hosted by me And You Yay

I'm Amir I'm Jake This podcast is an advice podcast People email us at ifirishow at gmail.com They're seeking our advice Why? Because we are the kings

We are the kings of Wishful thinking I'm king of wishful thinking And I'll toot our own horn Because usually we're just like We don't know anything Right We are good at

Sort of Knowing 18 to 30 year old habits Yeah I think at this point We've read thousands of emails Yeah We've gotten our practice We've had follow up pups

We've gotten live advice At the live shows I don't know what's normal and average But I think I do know what's good Yeah I think we're socially intelligent Yeah Emotionally aware

Yeah We're good at advising Yeah We are good at it I'll own it I'll own it I'll own it I've earned it

The first question stumps it Oh, shit I don't fucking know I don't have a clue Alright These are real emails From real people We're gonna give them

Fake names to preserve their anonymity Do you want to read these? I feel like I always read them Or do you want me to read them? You do always read them So you should feel like that Yeah But do you want me to keep reading?

Do you want to read one? Sure I'll read one Yeah, it'd be nice Okay, this one's pretty funny Alright, so you come up with the name Alright It's a lady

No It's a dude Uh, oh My name is Uh Oh my god, I'm stumped I definitely want its first name to be Sid Okay

I just can't quite figure out What his last name is Sid Sal Sid Sal I think so I think his name is Sid Sal

Sid Sal Oh A mosquito just flew out Sid Sal Sid Sal writes I am an 18-year-old high school senior I guess I shouldn't say where he's from Uh

Yeah, sure, why not Don't say where he's from Okay Kalamazoo, Michigan Let's start eating This is starting to a mad lives I am a 19-year-old high school frog Oh lord

Oh Do you need to cop that out? Yup Yeah This is real This is happening It is live and it is raw The phlegm

You really, you really heard it You felt it And it was good It does feel good to get rid of it Yeah, wow That's gonna gross a lot I bet that grosses a lot of people out Probably

But I feel about You know what shouldn't gross people out Is I feel A lot healthier And now The phlegm was in my throat Which is the grossest place it can be Yeah, imagine that

And now it's It's in mine It's in the nicest place I spit it into your mouth All right This is from Sid Sal Kalamazoo I'm an 18-year-old high school senior

From Kalamazoo And I have a very awkward situation I met this girl on Tinder Not too long ago And we hit things off So we arranged to meet up It went well So we began to hang out

More and more Each time it got more and more heated Soon after We were full-on hooking up Ooh She was extremely good in bed And she gave head Like a goddamn porn star

Ooh But here is where the problem comes in Oh One time When she was giving me some slop top She looked up at me Mid-lick And sang

Take me to the candy shop Let me lick the lollipop What the fuck I could not believe it When I heard her It threw me off so much I couldn't stop cringing At the thought of it

She was being dead serious So this wasn't just a failed attempt At a joke When she did this I just ignored her And tried not to laugh Because I didn't want to make her feel bad This is my question

Have you guys ever come across Something so awkward in bed? What the hell should I do If anything like this happens again? Please help me Oh So do you think he gets He knows that it's a song?

Like he knows that it's a popular song Or he thinks that she made it up? I Really interesting point I would definitely imagine He knows this song So he's like I'm so turned off by the fact

That she referenced that song Not like that she just made it up I don't think he would mention Like she made up her own song And these were the lyrics They matched up to An actual rap song If you can imagine

So it's such a funny specific thing Because it's like She's trying to be cute and sexy And he's just like Oh, don't sing a weird popular song That is weird That is so strange But if somebody did it

I feel like you have to take their intent At the very least She's trying to turn you on Yeah, but what she did in a weird way She just didn't And I've been in this situation where Literally The girl saying the song

Must have been the same girl or something Shit No, but like somebody does something That just turns you off so much That it's all you can do It's all you think about Every time you see them It's like that one

Dare you say a specific thing Huh? Dare you say specifically what it was? No, I mean I couldn't think It's happened because For a while I was just so, so picky That like somebody doing anything Like even watching somebody Eat something I was grossed out by

Like if somebody got like a bloody mare I'd be like, oh, I can't imagine Like kissing them Their breath would taste like pepper and pickles And now I like don't even want to see them Like you're saying it's not you, it's me Wait, yeah, it's not It's not them, it's you

Yeah, I'm just like that's horrible Yeah That being said I think this guy's thing is a little more valid Because that it really is so It's such a turn off Just imagine a girl, a lady First of all, if somebody is

I feel like if somebody is giving you oral sex You have to give her the benefit of the doubt She's doing like a very selfless act Right, that's true So it's like she's got to do a lot to mess it up Yeah It's like how you can't get mad at someone For doing you a favor wrong

Right, like oh, I'll pick you up at the airport Sorry, I'm 20 minutes late Yeah, you can't get mad No, I guess not You can't get mad but you could say I'm turned off and I might not ask you to pick me up At the airport again Yeah

This will be the last favor you ever give my ass Because then I mean It's also representative of a larger thing Of like what she thinks is sexy And you might not think You guys just might find that you've completely Missed each other on this And maybe it's

I think you're extrapolating a little too much I mean this is like one second of a long hookup sesh Right And you're just like Maybe you just don't find each other attractive I don't know This is so fucking lame It's funny to laugh in something

Like he's trying not to laugh at how much He thought it was pathetic Yeah, it's so While she's giving him a beach I don't know That shit's cringy That shit's cringy Though

That cringy though So would you say your advice is not to Sing songs Popular songs During sex Well I don't I think some people might be turned on by it I don't think this

In my opinion I don't think this is the first time she's tried that move That song's been around for a while Yes I think I'm willing to give this girl More of the benefit of the doubt than you are Well I just think that Here's I guess

I think this is a bad That was a bad move on her part But I guess it sounds like you at least didn't React like it totally turned you off Or on So maybe she won't try it again I mean I've had a girl start like rubbing down there And saying let it grow

Let it grow Let it grow Let it grow It was a full parody Let it grow Yeah I think she was a musical improviser Because it was so good That would be kinda cool

If somebody asked you what would you do I think I would have the same reaction Just like oh I mean like it's so hard to be Like dirty talk Dirty talk is so You're so self aware So like I can't imagine like

She's doing so much And then she's also trying to do that And then like if it falls short Like I Singing just don't sing Dirty talk's cool But here's the thing Like I

What I'm saying When that's not the first time she did it Like it did work And it did turn someone else on So like it just didn't work on this guy Well you don't know if it worked Or if she's done it before I feel like she wouldn't be doing it again

Like that song came out 10 years ago It's the rare 50 cent song I'll make you like a lot of pop That's a Lil Wayne What's the Lil Wayne song That you told me about the other day Where it's like people metaphorically talking about sex And then Lil Wayne just goes out

Truffle Butter It's like everybody just like Drake, Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne And Drake's like talking about how he like Wines and Dines people or whatever Like girls like into Truffle Butter Nicki Minaj like Also offhandedly mentions it

And then Lil Wayne is like I put Truffle Butter on your pussy Lil Wayne is the animal of the Muppet Rapper universe He just like gets lowered in from a cage And he just says whatever he wants Like yeah fuck Simley the metaphor I just put Truffle Butter on your pussy

Alright Lil Wayne Truffle Butter was representative Of a high quality pussy Yeah pussy And now you're just talking about put Okay, Wayne You want to try to lay it down Like nah spit it from the top of my dome

But okay That's the thing about Lil Wayne You have to take the good with the bad Like he's like He's like an imperfect relationship It's like okay something's wrong here But you have to understand that that's like The highs are high and the low is the Mariana

Twitch It does not get lower So what was the specific question he had He like Oh should he discard this lady entirely I don't think he should discard her entirely But I mean How do you de-incentivize

There's a great chance she will never say it again But what if she says it every time Then it turns into like a sign Oh his questions have you guys ever come across Something so awkward or this awkward And what should I do if it happens again So it sounds like he's not writing her off Which is good like we would both say don't

Abail on this entirely If it happens again Which I don't think you're right I don't think it will But it might If it happens again Same exact song same exact line I guess I would just I think you should just have your natural reaction

And laugh I don't know that might really offend her There's nothing worse than hearing laughter When you're going down on somebody I'm being like Ah fuck But also you don't have a weird somber conversation about it It's almost like you want to laugh

Have her get hopefully a little bit Irked but not like wrecked Is there a sexy way to say shh No I think you have to like laugh Like I'm trying I'm being sexy Like I'm sorry like singing Just makes it made me laugh I think what you're doing is great

But I don't think you also I don't think you Want to have like a hey stop Stop what you're doing I don't like When you sing yeah that's worse You can't have a conversation mid that It's better to giggle and have her be upset And then you explain why You giggled and get yourself out of trouble

Yeah that's what I think That's what I would do Probably Not do anything because I'd be too scared To fuck it up But like what if you Lose your erection because it's so Unsexy oh that's

That would have to be really unsafe A single line that is more Negative than a blow job is positive It takes it down From a hundred to zero I don't know that'd be amazing Then she'll notice Oh maybe that's what

He should go flaccid That's good advice Go flaccid Or come instantly Either way Set up a Pavlovian response That would make this question really interesting But here's the thing

I was about to come anyway so when she's saying I came and now she thinks This is like a modern day Seinfeld dude We should tweet it at modern Seinfeld Who comes instantly when a girl Sings a song as he orgasms

Does not want to give her that Self of like Make it seem like a reward for her Alright next question Yeah sure do I Have your phone now This is yours now Well a lot of selfies

Okay question two Here we go This one comes from a Lady Her name is Melrose And her last name is Placha

Melrose Placha Mel Primrose Placha Melissa Primrose Placha Dilla Placha You know what fuck it her name is Jessica Jessica Chastain right

Hey guys here's my situation I've been dating my boyfriend for three years Now when we live together I cheated on him once before but to be fair He never eats me out and this guy told me He'd eat me out so then we hooked up Anyway that guy was a guy I hooked up with Before I got together with my boyfriend

The reason we stopped hooking up is because He has general herpes So that kind of scared me off But he eats me out and I don't have to do anything to him Because he has herpes So anyway it's been five months since I cheated on my boyfriend But I've been texting the herpes guy for a while Sexy sexual via text

I really want to hook up with him but I don't want to break up With my boyfriend because we live together And it's like really inconvenient But he, herpes guy, is good at going Down on me Anyway I know this is bad of me and I shouldn't do this But I also really kind of like herpes guy We get along really well

What would you guys do if you were dating someone And really liked them and think they're perfect But then you find out they have herpes Thanks for the advice At the end I thought you were talking about our current boyfriend What would you do if you were dating someone and he's great But he has herpes Oh you're talking about the mistress

She went from Just like saying I kind of want to cheat But this guy has herpes too I kind of want to date this guy What would you do if he has herpes It sounds like you're already over boyfriend McGee I feel like there's no reason to stay together with boyfriend You've already moved on mentally

To a guy that you probably shouldn't have sex with Unless you're the only person to ever have sex with It's definitely dangerous to be Cheating on your boyfriend with somebody That has genital herpes Yeah that goes from like emotionally dangerous To actually physically dangerous I think don't quote me on this again

But I think you can get herpes Even if a guy with herpes needs you Yeah google that we should find that out I bet they'll say you can People are usually pretty safe about that Cause yeah with diseases They're just like yeah there's a chance Don't do it

But I want to find out for sure Like if you have herpes I don't know if it's localized to just your genitals You can have like You know like colesores or herpes on your mouth I don't know I feel like once it's in you It can get transferred through your tongue or your peen Yeah that's

Well Your default search is fucking Yahoo You're using a weird browser I think Not using a weird I'm using the browser that you use Well firefox Yeah I use that But I only use that to post stuff to our

Podcast humbler Still you didn't ever Change your Your default search I think I did and it didn't take Really Can we get into that We spent the next half hour on

How to change my default search engine Wait what are you searching I don't know Can you get herpes through Conilingus Transmitted from mouth And actually The search came up and all these links were clicked

I think you have it They're all purple They're purple links Um Alright sorry I shouldn't read this Let's pause for one second General herpes is a disease caused by the herpes simplex virus Of which there are two types

Alright are we back So I just read some of this article Keep in mind I'm not doctors and I only skimmed An article on webmd But you're safe Cheat on your boyfriend I repeat you are safe

Cheat on your boyfriend So it's I mean it says Herpes simplex Two which is genital herpes Uh huh Can usually only be Passed off from like penis to vagina Or penis to butt or whatever

Penis is the source Or vagina to penis Genital to genital But It also could Be passed from his genital herpes To her mouth to give her oral herpes Which is I guess

She's saying she's not doing anything to him Which is essentially I suppose that's okay But But once you're in there and things are getting swapped But the other thing like Herpes is like A disease that's always like And changing so it's

I don't think it's ever that safe to be hooking up With somebody that has The herpes virus I mean unless you're Unless you're like I'm gonna marry this guy and then We're just gonna both have herpes together Sure but I think there's also complications If you're a lady who gets herpes

It's um Pregnancy is dangerous for you So even if you're gonna enter a relationship I would say like try not to get the herpes Yeah I don't know that I don't know But definitely

You're putting the boyfriend you live with At risk of You giving him herpes from cheating on him Which is I think like the meanest thing You can do to someone Breaking up with them and then giving them a disease Like hey I'm sorry I cheated on you I don't want to be with you

Also get tested you have herpes It's all All bad A nice thing to do to someone So the specific question is What would you guys do if you were dating someone And really like them and think they're perfect But then you find out they have herpes

Which is totally unrelated to their case Yeah She already knows this guy is herpes And she's cheating on her boyfriend So the advice that you didn't ask us for That we're giving you anyway Is don't be with your boyfriend And then if you want to be with this guy that has herpes

If that's a con Break up with him But especially so If it's with a guy with herpes I would say it's An urgent situation if you're about to Cheat on your boyfriend with somebody who has herpes Yeah because this guy's already gone down on you

Yeah so stop what you're doing Break up with your boyfriend immediately Yeah And then If you want to be with a guy with herpes Look into the actual risks And see if they're worth the reward Talk to a real doctor because I think there's

Like some kind of complication with pregnancy And Yeah whatever So to answer your question What would you do What would you do if you really like them And they are perfect but then you find out they have herpes What would you do?

I guess if there's like If they check off literally every other box Then it's like oh this is the thing we can get through Cause like I'm sure if I found A soul mate and wanted to get married And then they got herpes I wouldn't abandon ship So Doesn't it make sense not to abandon ship

But then the problem is if I don't even know them yet Like if the first thing I learned about them Is herpes they start with such a net negative That I don't really think that they can climb out of that hole Yeah that's so like if I'm dating someone And they're perfect and I love them And then I find out they have herpes It's like they're not perfect

Cause they lied to me about having herpes for a long time Yeah That's a mathematical way to think about it Don't let me lose you yet God my erections gone Thanks bud Herpes is negative There's a scale

A partner is on a scale Best is 100 Worst is negative 100 If they're in the positives you marry them Really? Yeah If they're even at a 2? Yeah you'll marry them That's what you dock for herpes

This girl's got to be a perfect 100 Going forward for her to end up at 1 And it fits the last thing I know about a 100 And she gets doubt 99 But if the first thing I learned about her Is a negative 99 You're not climbing out of this hole

What are the odds that you're Not only you're 6 foot 4 200 pounds All the things that I think are a perfect woman One tit, a double D I mean you know what I like Another one's inverse Strawberry brunette

I take issue with your Putting somebody at a negative 100 For having herpes Negative 99 I take issue with it I do I mean I don't think A lot of people get herpes

Completely by accident You're gonna give them that fine Well the fine is not You owe me cash Or I am hurting you You're saying they're an outcast in society They can't They can't pursue an eligible bachelor

Like yourself No absolutely I'm not saying that I'm saying on my compass On my scale Those numbers can be any Somebody would look for herpes is a leper to you That's what you're saying It's like if someone like what you give

What your biggest penalty would be Is a girl who Says that she loves Jesus And thinks that all Non-believers are going to hell You'd give that person A huge deficit I don't have a scale like you do

Probably Is she fucking hot or not That would be probably bigger That would be a minus 101 That even if she was perfect she couldn't get back to Positive territory And you're saying that all people that are religious Find someone

I'm just saying for myself I wouldn't want to necessarily start a relationship With someone that I know has an STD That's what The issue is for me Where I think somebody that has herpes Can be lovely

And charming and beautiful And whatever But I would take pause Entering a relationship with them Because I would be at risk Of myself for having herpes And if our relationship doesn't work out Then where does that put you when you leave

Sure You have to disclose to anybody You would date that you have herpes Henceforth negative 99 Everything you're saying Is what I'm saying I'm just giving it a number Quantifying it makes

It makes it negative 99 It's like putting the Jewish star On somebody You're a Hitler of dating A Hitler of dating That is what my okCupid Profile pic says The picture, not even the bio

You should make your okCupid Name I hate Hitler Instead of hailHitler It just says hateHitler I wonder if anybody's name is I hate Hitler Not their name On the dating profile

Their actual name I hate Hitler And then I just commented on everybody's Photos like wow I guess Abigail 2929 Kind of likes Hitler The very least she's neutral about it Not wanting to take a stance on her name

Sorry I'm the one with the cojones to say anything But I guess I'm Kind of a hero in that regard Do we give this girl enough advice Yeah to not cheat on her boyfriend And to only enter this relationship If she really really really thinks this guy Could be the one

Otherwise you can find other people To eat you out You might want to talk to your boyfriend about it I'm sure he'd rather go down on you Than have somebody that has herpes go down on you While he's still living with you If given the opportunity I feel like He wouldn't be into that one

Alright let's take a break And we'll be back Right after this message This is a very stressful situation Talking to a professional licensed therapist Is the best way to navigate yourself Out of that difficult place And it's not necessarily easy

To find a therapist Especially one in your area But better help makes that all easy Because it's online therapy Designed to be convenient, flexible And suitable to your schedule You just fill out a brief questionnaire And get matched with a licensed therapist

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So you can find that balance better With better help All you gotta do is go to betterhelp.com If I were you You do that today You can get 10% off your first month So the prices are already affordable To drive to and wait in a waiting room

This is done entirely online But you're still getting professional Licensed help And it's extra affordable That's betterhelp.com If I were you Check them out Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show

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Thank you, Squarespace Wouldn't it be cool if they brought those guys back For the Super Bowl this year? That would be really funny. I feel like the time is right Yeah, the time is definitely right Like we are going to be in Austin Oh wow, very soon This episode comes out on the week we're gonna be in Austin

Wow I hate Hitler Is taken He's private He has one follower and he's following one person He's squatting I feel like we can rescue that name For you if you really want it

I would like to This episode, this podcast episode Comes out on January 19th, the day after my birthday Happy birthday By the time you listen to this, I'll be 32 Wow, that's cool I don't know because I'm not there yet

Are you excited to turn 32? I think everything now Is sort of nothing until 40 Right Like 31, 32, 33, 34 Did 30 feel big when you turned 30? Yeah, that feels like the start of a new decade Right

You're no longer a 20-something You'll feel it in August I know, I wonder I haven't felt anything since 25 25 felt like, oh my god I had a lot of things I wanted to do By the time I... People put that on that age

For whatever reason If I do this by the time I'm 25 That'll be impressive I want to do this by the time I'm 25 I'm definitely becoming less impressive With every year I grow older I think once we enter 30 It's, I mean

Like people win real awards at this point Like 32 year old writers are actually If we got a TV show on the air or something Nobody will be like, oh my god And you're so young, this is crazy It would just be like, oh, it's about time Yeah, what took you so long This is basically a decade since college

Right I should have a review and audit of my life Like what have I done since college And am I proud of anything Yeah, I would say No, not yet Nothing I've done so far Would, I would chalk it up

And I had a similar review with my parents And I may agree They actually led the review I was actually feeling pretty good up until the point where They told me I was a failure That I was going to have a review What was I saying? Oh yeah, Austin We still have tickets available for the Austin show

January 24th We're gonna be there this week Alright, next question Sure Alright, well we need a name Quincy And actually he names somebody else So I need, I guess I'll just name

The person in his story Quincy Oh, he should be named Quincy Quincy and Sydney All I can think of is Sydney What's up, Jakey Boy and Amir I'm 18 and have been in a good relationship With an awesome girl for a year She always gets really jealous of this other girl

Sydney, that I've been really good friends with For a couple of years I have to admit, she's pretty damn fine But we are genuinely nothing but friends One time when me and her were hanging out Watching Taken 2, she farted on my foot Anyway, Sydney asked me to do her homework For her one time and I jokingly replied

I'll do it for nudes And she took the bait And sure enough, she sent me some nudes And they were awesome This was a few weeks back and then today She said she'd make a video of her masturbating Again, does this mean she wants my D? Or does she really just hate accounting?

Her friend did jokingly tell me She did one time, am I a cheating asshole for this? I mean, I didn't send her anything Also, is this prostitution? IDK, I'm probably going to keep doing it though Should I not? Great question Let's assume this girl's 18

Because otherwise I feel like this is illegal What we are doing is illegal Otherwise we're calling the authorities So, this girl I like the statement I jokingly asked for nudes and she did it She didn't get that I was just kidding

There was more back and forth than that She took the bait I guess I'll get the nudes now You did the homework You took the bait You weren't kidding sir You did her homework for her Is it cheating

to get videos? Those are very specific videos to him I mean, it's all I think it's all on the cheating spectrum How mortified would you be if your girlfriend found out and how hurt would she be if she found out? This girl already assumes that they're hooking up

She's got the hot best friend thing going on which is girls girlfriends don't like that I don't think cheating is necessarily You don't quantify it in the way of I went this far with somebody

or they only sent me videos or I only got a hand job It's not about that because this dude could take This dude could find anything impersonal You could have sex with her and be like

It didn't mean anything to me So how can you say what it meant? It's all about how the other person how your loved one feels So if your loved one is fine or then cheating is fine? If your loved one is

I don't care if you sleep with other people that's like some kind of open relationship or whatever I don't care if you flirt using social media I don't think very many relationships are that laid back

This is kind of standard cheating I don't want you following any guys on twitter babe Well then that guy should be broken up So like what's the disconnect? What's more important? Who do you side with

if this girl found out and she was really hurt would you be like oh yeah this guy is an asshole Yes you would I think it's just subjective but the masses would agree that this guy is a cheating asshole and if you were just following a bunch of

models on instagram that posted pictures of themselves in thongs that's not cheating it's like very passively ogling you're being sort of a skis but not really but like that's not cheating this is him like

pursuing something illicit that would get his girlfriend upset I will say that accounting is really shitty Yeah but would you make a video of yourself orgasming and saying someone's name? Yeah that's very specific it sounds like she's into him if she's willing to do that

if she came up with that Yeah and you know if maybe it sounds like you might just like this other girl which is fine but you should break up with your girlfriend I feel like 18 year olds shouldn't be in relationship there's so much like hormones and opportunities there that's like

it's impossible to keep that caged Yeah why would you? Yeah I don't want to tell an 18 year old to just like shut everything off that's the prime of your life right there The advice is to not cheat on your girlfriend but also break up with your girlfriend

You just don't need it At this point the next four years you're just supposed to take in as much as possible don't shut anything off You're with a girl for five years at this point and then you break up with her and then it's like oh there's five years of

nudes that I could have gotten or experiences that I could have attained relationship he could have explored and grown with somebody and gotten close with one human being and have a strong connection There's that too for sure

But then like a video of a girl nutting as she says Quincy Quincy Quincy for the wincy Have her do it while she's singing that lollipop song The Candy Shop

Quincy takes me to the lollipop Is it cheating? Sort of, yeah Is this girl into him? Sort of, yeah Girls don't do that just for homework She feels close or comfortable enough with you Yeah, I think right now you haven't

crossed the line because you haven't gotten the video you haven't Now he got nudes And that's like not great But let's say that's still a little okay Now you know In the beginning

he didn't necessarily know I said jokingly nudes, then I did the homework not really knowing what was going to really happen she sent nudes and now you know do you take that and exploit it further

which is the bad guy thing to do while you have a girlfriend or do you say, whoa that was intense I don't want to do that, I want to be a decent guy to my girlfriend Yeah, just be a good guy is the general good move And if you're a good guy

then you can politely break up with your girlfriend that's still a good guy move and then you're single then it's a pretty good guy move to just flirt and hook up with whoever you want and that's okay But what if she's like, why are you breaking up with me and then he's like, well I kind of want to see

these nudes from that girl that you're jealous about Well that's too specific of a reason but you just say I'm not jealous anymore and I can't give you the kind of attention and love that you deserve because you don't feel it So you're saying like pass it off like you deserve more than what I'm willing to give you

How can she get mad at that You can't and that's the beauty of it That's why it's the perfect breakup You put it on you Yeah, it's not you it's me Of course, there it is Now I kind of want to get

together with someone just so I can break up with them I love that fucking thrill the conversation you sit someone down you stare in the eyes and you say I'm done with you and me together

and to just feel that God, you've been not talking about it like this it gives me anxiety It's the worst feeling in the world Some people never feel it Some people never have to break up, they only get broken up with or they just stayed with their first love

and they don't know what it's like Yeah, well Thoughts? It's not good, well I've never been broken up with have you? What's going on behind me? Did you see that? Yeah, I brought a package A big one, oh shit

That's the pop of shot We got a pop of shot That's right everybody We bought an arcade basketball game Jealous much? Do we have to sign for it? There he is, oh he just waves He must be a podcast fan

The way he waved to us was very knowing He took a selfie Alright, let's go play pop of shot Alright That's it If you have your own questions, your own emails please send it to, if I read your show at gmail.com

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The first one was from Jake Feeney and this last one Wait till you get a load of this last one Oh, found it, by Joey Phelps Jay Phelps We are back on a Thursday this week again Come see us in Austin

Wow Thanks for listening, we'll be back, bye Bye You