If I Were You - 129: Especially You

Episode Date: January 22, 2015

In this episode we discuss making friends and breaking hearts.This episode is brought to you by NatureBox.com, Vegas.com, BlueApron.com, and TheBouqs.comSee omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

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I gotta get there I'm not wearing any shoes if I were you can you can you go through a airport security barefoot like show up at the airport without shoes Yeah, I guess theoretically and then they make you take off your shoes They make you take off your feet. They may well they yeah, then you walk through there like sir wear your shoes I don't need them. They taser you Thanks for rallying. This is your this is your Michael Jordan flu game Yeah, I feel like we've been here before haven't we where you you're sick where I'm too sick, but I do the podcast Yeah, I guess you do get sick quite more often than average. Do I I don't know. Why aren't you sick over?

In December your December break at one point you were sick. Yeah, and it's January and you're sick, right? Which is what my mother told me and I and then I my response is this I don't but what I don't think I was sick recently before that. I feel like I got back-to-back Sinus infections or cold or something but aside from that I haven't really been sick. Yeah Unless I have I Remember the last time I was sick I did the podcast with Ben because you were in town and I was sick And then I went over there and he was afraid that I was gonna get him sick

Then he said that he got sick for me. It's a whole to-do. Yeah, well, baby. It's sick all the time. Yeah, he's also sick today Yeah, I woke up feeling sick and I saw an email from him saying he could write with us because he was sick He's too sick It is funny to be sick how you don't appreciate health like I feel fine and I'm just not that appreciative But how much money would you give to be me? $500 Wow But you'd have to look like me for the rest of your life. I think we see you late Sawing my face off

This wouldn't even work This wasn't part of the plan. Yeah, I really do envy Feeling healthy just being able to breathe and stand up and not be sore and achy and tired. Yeah, you sad I feel sorry for myself. I feel pity on me. I really do feel pity on me And this that's not a fun feeling and I feel bad because like when I see that you're sick I just get mad at you. Yeah, that's not fair to you. Right. I'm like mad at me I'm just like, oh feel better so we can do more stuff like and then I'm afraid that you'll get me sick Right like when I'm sick and I'm around you like oh, you're sick. You're gross get out of here

Yeah, yeah, you are being mean to me all day. I know what it's like to be discriminated Yep, I've been protested Do you think you'll be okay for our Austin show it's Wednesday when we're recording right this podcast goes up on Thursday or shows on Saturday I'm horrified. I don't I'm I Think I'll be okay. I mean this feels like the worst of it You also are very acutely aware of when you get sick and sometimes you're right and sometimes you're able to nip it in the bud Yeah, there's some I feel like I can't think of a couple times where I felt it coming on and I like drowned myself in

fluids slept a lot That's what you should do is you just sleep for like 14 hours tonight as soon as we're done with this I'm gonna go to bed. Yeah, your body. I think you can only One more note about sickness and then we should really move on sure. Well, this is me getting advice Yeah, I think your body can only fight disease and on hours past eight of sleep So like if you sleep for eight hours, your body's not getting over it yet But if you sleep for 12 and then it's like you're giving your body four hours to fight the disease That's a nice idea

one time I like slept for like the entire day basically I was in bed resting and I got better so quickly because I think it was my Body was just I was just like if I shut myself down my body doesn't have to figure out how to walk talk and like Do normal functions and then it could I was either sleeping or like napping or like half asleep half nap But didn't you get bored? Yeah, I was bored, but I was I was watching TV and I was I was excited to feel better Oh, so I could watch TV. Yeah, you could be in bed watching TV and then like drifting in and out of sleep in and out of Consciousness, right so I had to be watching something that wasn't very good. Yeah, I'm thinking a property brothers So I was watching all morning, but you actually like that. Yeah, it's true But it's like I could miss a little bit of it because they like do so much recap

I think only people I know that watch HDTV HDTV are like girls in my life and you You you and every girl I know loves international house hunters. Yeah Every girl I know watch his property Hunters was really slipping and then you and every girl I know loves flip it or flop it. I love it's just flip or flop Appreciate the accusations I like flipper flop. What was the what was the one where LeBron was on like nine episodes in a row flipper flops? Okay, I don't like flipper flop that much. I really like Rehab addict. Yeah, it's funny like they get a no rehab at it is absolutely the best show on

Hgt to me. It's like the same footage used for fucking different shows. I just fucking yours footage All right, make a rehab attic make a flipper flop make a house hunters. It's just people looking at houses. It's all about the host Dick the rehab addict. She she is a feisty little fire plug. She's feisty, but she works so hard She's restores all those houses to like their original glory flip it or flipper flop is like We're gonna we're gonna go in here They're putting paint on a lipstick on a pig. That's what they do. They really are All right, what is this show? It's a fire you're the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by me I'm a mirror

I won't host this episode. That's all you then And you I guess me okay Jake Jake co-host And sometimes you're healthy and sometimes you're ill. I'm so ill today What kind of ill are we talking to so I can try to empathize sore throat stuffy nose I feel lethargic and

Soar I Have it feel like a head cold or something. What are your thoughts on medicine? Do you do it or do you just let it run its course naturally? No, I'll I'm on a lot of medicine right now They will no dayquil. I think dayquil. What am I on? I Took Sudafed for the congestion sure a leave for my achiness That's good, and some airborne just to inject me with vitamin C though I read this morning that vitamin C isn't actually that effective in

Getting over I think it might be help it might be good to like prevent it cold But once you have it then the vitamin C is not really doing any favors You know, it's good as drowsy medicine for when you're ready to go to bed pop like a night cool at 9 p.m It'll knock your ass out. Oh, I should get my cold. I'll take it at fucking five Fucking now This second but I try not to eat too much medicine like sometimes take a leave if I'm sore from Something but I try not to take too much medicine when I'm not sick like streeters just always on medicine Yeah, fuck that

Throwing him under the bus. Ben's always six just always on medicine and flipper flop is putting lipstick on a goddamn pig And then there's me and Adonis who happens to be ill at this point in time But for the most part is a healthy healthy god calls himself over the counter side out I know GC. Yeah, you know him. Oh shit. Oh, I don't even want to talk about anywhere. Let's do this It was another Illness thing But I already forget All right, these are real emails from real people

We're gonna give them fake names to preserve your anonymity. You didn't explain how the show goes. Oh, I didn't Shit see now you got me fucked up. I maybe did did I know no no I just said who hosted it. Oh, yeah, this is an advice podcast basically you guys people write us in If I reshow at gmail.com and they are seeking our advice and then we do our best to offer it on this program Perfect. Okay, so this is our first email that we're reading. Why don't we stay with the HGTV theme? Do you have a name for a girl? Nicole Curtis Nicole Curtis the rehab addict herself Hey guys, so it was an it was New Year's a little bit ago and you guessed it

I hooked up with a guy. It was nothing special just a classic New Year's kiss plus a bit more I never thought anything of it because it was just New Year's so me and him continued to text a bit And I was moving soon. And so I thought it was obvious that I never had feelings for him. I was wrong Apparently he took the hooking up very seriously and he took our texting is flirtatious because he just told me that he's planning a Vacation to where I live now I don't want to hurt his feelings But I also really don't want to see him at all or have him expect his vacation to be week-long hookup sesh How do I tell him that I don't really want to see him or how could I warn him that his vacation won't be a week-long hookup sesh?

PS love the show and thank you for bringing me into the world of tinder love Nicole Curtis. All right, Nicky So this guy didn't quite get any hints that this girl might have been throwing his way Right because they hooked up and then they texted into him. It's like oh, she's interested right but so interested that I'm gonna plan a Vacation that's a little crazy. Yeah, you think he's just like you think He's like oh, she'll be down. I'm gonna plan a vacation and we're gonna hook up I feel like it depends where she lives if she lives in Miami, then it's like oh, I could see him reasonably Planning a vacation here, and if she lives in Miami of Ohio But I think he's being a stalker. I think he's coming here for me

So what would you say that she should say this is sort of a text Jake dilemma? Yeah, that's true Text Jake calm the website that allows Jake Hurwitz to suggest texts for you Please do check it out still up and running, but this one's this one's for free So what do you suggest the text should be? I Don't know Do you say this explicitly don't come Or like just so you know yeah, how far along is he in planning this

Hopefully not very because she's not down to see him at all. It's really dangerous because if I mean I guess if it's me I Would first text like oh, I'm not gonna be around that weekend for that. We just straight up live like have fun I'll give you some restaurant advice. Oh, that's good And then if he's like oh, I'll like plan it for when you're in town then I would say oh You have the wrong idea. I wouldn't do that I think and I think you just say like as flattering as that is like I'm not I wouldn't really be amped on having a week-long visitor I

Was planning on staying with you. Yeah, no, thanks. You think it's worth a white lying saying just so you know I'm starting to see somebody or just so you know, I won't be in town or I'm busy with this that the other or should she just be completely honest to be like By the way, I don't plan on ever hooking up with you ever again. See I feel like that's This guy hasn't totally proven that he can't take a hint yet I think he I think you're allowed to give him one more hint Especially because you did kiss him and you did flirt with him. So why don't you just send him one hint like I'm busy or I'm I mean busy is really the only like hint keeping it vague

Yeah, is this something that you run into like oh, let's give this guy a hint and then see if he takes one hint And if you can't take that hint then you have to be more blunt I'm I'm not very good at being blunt with anybody ever But I'm getting better at it and I've been in this situation where like Somebody might say oh, I want to come visit I want to come visit you in New York. I want to come visit Los Angeles, right? And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's awesome And then they're like getting into actual planning stages and I realized what an integral part I am to the process and it's like

What weekend is good for you? Then I'm like, oh, I Don't accept a weekend visitor Usually I'll just say it's something like that like my schedule is always changing. I am super busy I can't accept a weekend visitor But like you plan this trip if you want to take it and if I'm in town we'll meet up and it'll be fun So this is the equivalent of like Hooking up with someone in a city. That's not yours And then you are just having fun flirtatious texting. They're like, oh, you got to come visit me in New York

Yeah, sure. I'll come back to XYZ. Yeah, it'll be fun, which is fine And then it's like, all right, I'm looking at the calendar and you're like, uh, well, I didn't really expect for you to do that Oh, no, I don't want you to stay with me. This is real. No, thanks Cuz hooking up like having a weekend visit. It's like fun for a little bit Yeah, that's like being in a relationship with a stranger. Yeah, you're spending 24 hours with somebody even more Yeah, it's such a real thing that comes out of a one night of hook and uppery, right? That's a big big big ask. I would probably white lie and it'd be like, uh I'm either one seeing somebody so it's like, oh, I'm sorry. I can't if you're gonna white lie

Seeing someone is the better thing than not being in town cuz they might see you or he might just be like Oh, I'll just change my flight and now I'm gonna come another time when you are in town Oh, and then you have to be like, uh, I Don't want to see you and then he's like, why didn't you just say that making you feel bad? You're right, but like fucking him, you know, you should make anybody feel bad. He's a moron Let's get a really flimmy ha Kanye with a head cold All right

I also Jewish Kanye Is that it Is that it for her? I think so. Would you suggest the white lie or you suggest the truth? I would suggest I'm busy and don't plan your trip around me And if it sounds like if his response is like I am planning the trip around you then you say Oh, I don't want to be at that place with anybody Especially you yeah, no, you never say especially you Never say it's special you it's always just assumed

Yeah, it is like I don't want a relationship with anyone in the whole world like really especially you But not anyone in the whole I don't really I'm not looking for a relationship with anyone and you fit the description of somebody I don't want to be It's like, yeah, I'm kind of busy next week. So I don't know if I can see anybody Especially you if you're amazing, I'd probably find a way, right? It's like a fork to fortune cookie where you add in bed after especially you Just assume whatever whenever vague excuse somebody gives you they're saying especially you I'm drunk and horny I'll go with anyone especially you. Oh, so it could be a good thing. Yeah, I can be of course

That's nice. So never take anything personally both good and bad. I think that's a good life credence credo Especially you yeah, and then you never get too high or too low, especially you Especially me do you think I'll ever kiss a girl? I Think I think everyone deserves to kiss a girl especially you but do you think I really really really I'm overdue I think it's sad if anybody's 32 and they haven't kissed a girl especially you especially juice Next question. Yes, we need a guy's name I Think one of the properties brother property brothers is named Doug. Oh, that's good Doug property rights

You know, that's his last name. It's crazy Doug in jail property. His name is jail property What a bad name Doug property rights I have a couple questions for you. My girlfriend and I have been dating for five months I get frustrated when her texts with me aren't cute or nice and I tell her in a nice way She is accepting of the feedback and is getting better But I'm worried that it makes me look needy or controlling. Is it okay for a guy to bring this stuff up or should I not? I'm 24 and she is 22 and we just started having sex. I think I'm pretty good at the pull-out method But I'm worried that that this is not enough. Should we incorporate any other methods or is that deaf?

Dece, let me know if you're gonna use this question y'all are ballers shot collars and shit on crawlers piece of deuces. I'm out This guy just sneakily asked two questions in one you just do you see the transition sentence that just made it up Is it controlling? I'm 24. She's 22. We're good at the pull-up man. Like wait, this is now. I'm reading something else You can't it's like he realized he realized there was a much bigger problem at stake One is texting the other's birth control And he has two big issues. We just started having sex. Oh, actually There's an issue there Can I pull out and is that fine? Is that good? All right first things first

You're a little bit needy. It sounds like I don't want to seem needy or controlling I guess what you're doing is a little bit of both Yeah, you're trying to control the way she texts because you need more affection That's like the opposite problem that I've ever experienced. I always want ladies to chill out to text less Yeah, text less. Don't be so affectionate right off the bat. I like like, you know, keep it cash, right? But I guess that this guy's talking about a girlfriend. I'm talking about non girlfriends I think I'm I also like I don't want to jump on his case I understand where he's coming from like a cold message from your girlfriend. You're like, wait, you're being mean to me

Yeah, well, it's tough. It's tough and I feel like texts are so since they're so impersonal Like if you if you're right, like I'll pick you up at 730. How does that sound and she wrote okay? Then you're like she's mad. She wants it to be any other time besides 730, but that's not necessarily true It's just like she just forgot an exclamation for the society that we live in man Everything counts every character matters. It's this 140 character or less society We're looking at each other's screens and instead of each other's faces. Yeah staring at heart emojis instead of actual hearts. I Mean, it's sick. It's sick. You are sick. I'm sick so

It sounds like he's doing a decent job with that It's like telling her nicely that he wants a little more from her in the texting regard as long as he doesn't have any Expectations that he's doing it with a pure heart and as long as you're not getting mad at her for being herself Then then I say carry on in Toda Yeah, easy and I think so one of the best ways to get her on your text level is just to Send the text that you send the type of text you wish that she would send and then you'll change your Your shorthand and the language you use with each other part to The pullout method is actually not

Much less effective than a condom It's the issue with the pullout method is and I think this might be tough because you said I think I'm pretty good at the pullout method Like if you actually pull out and you successfully do it then yeah There's not a large chance of a girl getting pregnant though. There is some semen in pre ejaculate though That usually only will happen if you're having sex like multiple times pre ejaculate doesn't sorry Pre ejaculate doesn't actually contain semen. I you can see I've argued with girls about not wearing a kind of It's amazing how much research and knowledge you have when it comes to fucking girls without a condom

Everything else is like, I don't know how herpes works. What's the internet? What out of certain things happen, but you're like in terms of pre ejaculate now the semen per ounce So in terms of pre ejaculate what that is is actually just it's fluid going through to cleanse your urethra of Like urine essentially But sometimes if you have sex and then you have sex again The pre ejaculate will all not just clear out the urine But it will clear out some semen as well and that's how people can like get pregnant from pre ejaculate Yeah, I mean that's I don't know. I think it's and this is all just you're talking about pregnancy not necessarily

STD's right, which I don't think he's if he's in a committed relationship, and then he's not really worried About STD's, but yeah, that does not prevent pulling out doesn't prevent STD's at all So It's so facto go Gito ergo some the problem with pulling out his birth control is that Fucking feels really good and sometimes you want to stay in there and sometimes you don't pull out quick enough And sometimes you do get a little splooge in the old VV So that's where the problem lies, right?

And it sounds like he's a little worried that he thinks he's pretty good. You have to be pretty immaculate Yeah, you got to be very perfect with that. Otherwise because the penalty is pregnancy Yeah, which is not a good place to be no Who knows what her reaction to being pregnant would be so it sounds like you guys could talk to you Some people at Planned Parenthood or a guidance counselor Someone who's not a moron on a podcast who likes fucking people without condoms, and they'll tell you Why don't we just say right now be care be use a condom? Sure. Yeah, that way it's like hey

We told him to use a condom. That's a responsible thing for us to do. Yeah, why don't we tell them to practice abstinence? As long as they're fucking going off the rails over here. Yeah, sure don't have sex with anybody The safest thing you can do is not fuck it all Yeah, cuz you could put on the condom incorrectly too. Yeah anything can happen so birth control Oh, yeah birth control birth control thing. I don't know. Oh, she's 22. She could yeah You're allowed to do that that way you can sleep with her without a condom and then you can also not have to pull out That's I mean, that's the ideal thing, but I think sometimes for

Women birth control affects people differently. Yeah, well, he's a guy So he wins I Got their affectionate right they don't affect me. I don't have to take a pill I don't have to change my mood Sucks all the time You're always hormonal you're an angry hormonal guy. You always have PMS That'd be funny stakes for a bet we should discuss our Super Bowl bet But one of the options is I get birth control. I'll get a month of birth control for my daddy

And we just have to take it. We have to take You have to take Estrogen pills for a month. That'd be so funny you would grow breasts I don't think so, but that would be funny. Your voice would change I don't think pills just turn you into a woman. I thought that's what estrogen pills were I don't know. This is see this is another thing. We don't know about that's true But that that'd be funny stakes for the bet. Who do you like in the Super Bowl? This is a really tough. This is really tough Hey, it's so tough. It's like one of the feet and even Vegas is confused. It's a pick-up, which means there's no spread They're like, I don't know who's gonna win. It's a coin toss

I think It was like the team of destiny because they shouldn't have been there, right? But then also you think about it like that It wouldn't necessarily be super sad if they lost because they had such an amazing win Like they're not gonna recreate that last their playoff win, right? But then I'd like a lot of players on Seattle Then of course, I love Tom Brady that cheater. That's my other issue I'm gonna find it very hard to root for the Patriots

Because they're a cheater They deflated footballs if Bill Belichick just videotapes other teams practices and then deflates football so his Quarterback could throw them better and his receivers can catch them easier They're a hard team to like they're a villainous We're not really worried about that. We're just We're trying to put the most points on the board, you know, right? Sure and Billy you Mr. Belichick you did deflate sure Yes, no idea. I did I deflated 11 football, but I'm gonna do whatever it takes

I'm gonna give you a chance if you want to you can take off your wet hoodie. Do you want to do you want to change? Oh, no, you look uncomfortable. No, I'm quite all right. Thank you. Thank you very much. I'm soaking wet I am a cheater and this is him. He's talking while deflating a football in front of the press. Sorry I'm just getting these guys Deflated football I did read that they Replaced all the footballs after half time. So after half time the Patriots played with full-size footballs and that was when they outscored Yeah, which is one of the weirdest things like they were already gonna win So they didn't even it's the weirdest type of cheating is when you're already up by a lot

Yeah, I guess when you're a cheater you just try to cheat all the time You don't just like just cheat to win you try to you cheat in every game Yeah, there's a there's old footage of Billy check tying a ref two laces together in the 80s He was trying to I guess trip him so that he didn't see a pastor pastor interference call And I do what I want Tom Brady to win So what it will if you if you were to bet on who you want to root for more do you even know? It's really tough. Do we have to decide today? No, I'm just saying in general. I Mean I would lean towards the Patriots. Okay, cool because I'll lean towards Seattle

It'd be fun if You bet on Seattle last year in one and then I bet on Seattle this year and lost. Yeah, that wouldn't be fair I also I mean, I don't want to give any of Seattle. I like Seattle a lot. It's really tough This is exact matchup that I wanted in this year rule. It happened Congratulations, thanks. All right, let's take a break and then we'll come back And answer more questions this show is sponsored by better help. Thank you better help if you're finding yourself in a difficult anxious stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that

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Welcome back I wanted to read an email we got about the last podcast episode where we talked about herpes Because this girl has an inside Viewpoint that we didn't get across because well, let me just read it ready. Mm-hmm She writes I want to send in a little note to you guys regarding your herpes episode I feel like you guys have a strong voice for people in the 14 to 30 range and your opinions on herpes and STDs in General might be influential in the wrong way. I caught HSV one which is herpes simplex virus one Last year from a guy going down on me HSV one is the oral version of the virus

But it was transmitted to me genitally I have dated and been sexually active since catching it though I've been safe about it and I haven't passed the virus to anyone else However, there have been times that have been flat out rejected for having herpes now I'm aware that the girl in your question was dealing with someone who has HSV to which is the genital version Which can seem like a scarier version of the virus, but as someone living with herpes I think it needs to be realized that herpes is not as scary as it as it's made out to be STDs should be taking seriously don't get me wrong, but I fear that instead of educating themselves on herpes people listening to the podcast

Might just take your advice or opinion as standard and they should apply it to their own lives This can perpetuate the problem associated with the stigma related to STDs The fact that Amir would put such a negative twist on herpes so much so that he would never consider Starting a relationship with someone who has it really saddens me. I'd appreciate I did appreciate Jake defending the honor of us with the virus However, maybe when addressing STD related questions in the future, you could try to think of the answer from both sides of the coin I mean this girl's a bitch We just read it to make fun of her Picking up the grammar mistakes

And littered with spelling errors No, but it's true. We didn't consider anything. We didn't need did you read the ink? I think we were both wrong to she said she was upset by your opinion and she was brightened by mine Okay, that's fair So I will say that I did I was very black and white in my cast a casting out of people with herpes. I think you called them negative 100 No, that is social. I called them negative 99. You did that. Yeah, and I said I can't imagine someone being so perfect So I was to crawl out of that hole. Yeah that if someone with herpes was absolutely perfect in every way

They might be a one on your scale of zero or of negative 100 to 100 when you say it like that it sounds mean in a way A person who's just a goddamn saint mother Teresa with herpes is a one to you is what you said And a cold calculating Terrible human who's just disease free is a 40 to 50 and she's hot Uh, so I do apologize. Thank you for emailing us and thanks for uh, sharing your insider opinion about how you shouldn't just Discount people with herpes people with herpes are people too. They have and they're able to have You know fairly normal relationships without passing on this disease Sure, uh, so it's good that all right. If you're in a relationship with someone with herpes

There's a very good chance. You'll get herpes. Well, what if you're safe and you have condoms and all that stuff I think if you're in a long-term committed relationship with someone, uh, they say that the chances are it's just Likely just so it's like you might as well We're back to giving advice for not well But if you but I think you can like you could date somebody with herpes and be careful and not catch it And see if like that's the kind of person you want to be with Yeah, but I think I don't think you'd be safe forever especially with Herpes simplex one. I think it's a lot easier to transmit them

Each uh than herpes too. So I guess the moral of the story is do your own research. Sorry for being so The moral of the story is definitely that we don't know enough about herpes. Don't listen to us But keep listening to us. Uh, what else did you want to talk about? Oh Oh, no now i'm getting sick uh our show in austin is sold out. So we don't even have to promote it anymore We can just talk about how excited we are to go there. We are excited and houston Yeah, which is part of the come and take it comedy festival tickets are still available for that But we know what time we're going on now. Oh, yeah 8 30 8 30 on sunday on sunday. We don't know how big the room is Uh, but the ticket you can't just get a ticket for our individual show

So you get a ticket for a whole day or two of comedy So that'll be fun if you're a fan of there's a bunch of other podcasters and comedians like norm mcdonald will be there Oh, wow, so that'll be fun. Anyway, so buy the ticket for us come for norm mcdonald Yeah, buy the tickets for us and then if you want to you can see like norm mcdonald do comedy Let's just say we're opening for norm mcdonald. Yeah, whether it's true or not doesn't matter. Sure. Uh anything else Um, I think we talked enough Are you ready to get back to it? Sure? I guess Uh, the sooner we're done with this the sooner I get to go buy knikewell and pass out

And have you ever done knikewell? I don't think I have I sort of discovered it late in the game and it is it's a game changer Do you just do you take a is it a tablet or do you sip it? Yeah, it's two tablets basically before you go to bed And it knocks you out So like when you're sick and you're sleeping you sort of wake up sneezing doing all this stuff Yeah, and the knikewell basically like I put my head down and then 10 hours later I wake up and I notice I haven't moved

I was like drugged because I actually was drugged. I don't know if I want that you it is a thick thick dense inescapable sleep You are a dummy. You are a dead dummy for that long eight to 10 hours. Well, yeah, my cabin is too flimsy You will you will sleep through the greatest of earthquakes um All right, we need another Guy's name who'd I say already dug? Yeah, I think the other property brother is named steve Steve property writes I made a lot of friends in high school and a couple years back now

I made a lot of friends in high school a couple years back But now I'm finished and I'm in the second year of college and I've realized that most of my friends I made were dickheads and just do stupid things. So I've been pulling the jake fade Slowly but surely it worked and I basically stopped talking to them completely which I guess is what I wanted Anyways, now I'm only left with a couple of friends and not exactly enough to go out with or have a good time So I'm wondering if you guys have any tips about complete finding a completely new friend group outside of school or work Do I just talk to random people see if they have a cool group and impose my will on their whole social life? Please jake and amir help me. You're my only hope

love steve property This guy pulled the jake fade. Yeah Later loser All close and good to each other They are brothers In arms and I am on the outside more than looking in I am stroking the window I don't have a job. So I can't meet anybody at work and I finish With everyone at school. I've exhausted all my relationships. Everyone sees me as the kind of friend who doesn't stick around and fades away

Help Should I just walk up to random groups of people and see if they have a cool crew? And once I find out if they do impose my will Y'all look kind of cool interested in having another friend in your life flipping a coin Uh, this is a but this is a common problem, which is how do I make friends as an adult? Yeah I feel like Because there's all these apps to meet

People for a relationship. There should be an adult Friend finder website So you're just adults and you're looking to find a friend. So yeah, just go on to adult friend finder dot com All these ladies look pretty interesting. Oh, this one is a prostitute. So is this one. What do you do? Well, who are your latest friends and how have you found them? um Well, I guess it's like George and billy right what so like people co-workers or friends of friends

Yeah, I feel it but that's tough for him because he's not gonna be Alienated all of his friends. So what mutual friends is he gonna find? Yeah, what about a hobby? That's I think that would be Some good friends like uh, stacey. We met at the rock climbing gym. That's right So you can you can take something up and then see who else is interested in that thing And the good news about that is that you'll automatically Have something in common with anybody you meet Practicing a hobby you like because you both like said hobby

Aren't there a website or an app like meetup or event something where it's like big groups of people get together and do hobbies Sounds nice. Yeah, I think it's called meetup meetup.org But don't once again don't quote me on that But I do think there's that what you would do though You would turn to the if you moved if you had to move to Nebraska. Yeah for for work or whatever Yeah, and nobody's there with you. How would you go out and make friends? I think I would

One see if I had any friends of friends in the area So like I would search facebook to see if I had friends of friends like two two degrees away Because the best way to meet people is to see who your friends like to hang out with and sometimes you become closer with those friends of friends Yeah, what if you hate all your friends? Then there might be an issue with you with me at that point But uh, I think the hobby thing is a is a great way to go because then you're not relying on other people that you've known already You're relying on a something that you like to do regardless Like if I like to play basketball, I'd go play basketball

And then if somebody's friendly you can sort of tell right away. That's a good plan. Oh, we should do this again Oh, we should do this again. Another option Is you go out on a date You like use tinder. Okay cupid. That's that's that's and then you And then you meet up with somebody and you know when a girl or a guy says like I actually I think we should just be friends And you take that as like, oh, we'll never talk to each other again. You're like, I will take you up on that I'm actually delighted that you didn't want to be with me romantically

Do you have a cool crew that you could plug me into? I'd like to just be friends with you and her and her and her and then he realizes that all of his friends are just girls That he's got on dates with that don't want to fuck them That's the best type of friend you can have all you need to do is get friend zoned by a couple girls And then you're you're in the zone for a lot of girls. It's a very small zone. It's just you Yep, but then there's a bunch of ladies around that zone and then you can hang out with them perfect Uh there two very very practical useful pieces of advice. I don't know what else this guy needs Maybe we can offer to be his friend

um No, I don't want to do that. I mean now that I think about it. I'm kind of full. Yeah, I mean Pulling the the the me fade away on a group of friends is a little Sheisty actually I'd have to really explore the entire group and why you wanted to not be friends I guess it makes sense because sometimes there's like groups of shitty friends that you need to get out of Yeah, that's so i'm proud of you if it was a good decision Yeah, if they're terrible and you're not then you did the right thing. Also, this guy's a second year in college

Which is oh, yeah, that's a very easy place to find friends. It's true. I feel like the friends I made The friends you make in the beginning of college are like that's the first group That's like I need friends who who who anybody and then I think like as time goes on you realize Like who your actual friends are college is like a room filled with 10,000 people and then for the first year you can only talk to the people that are standing next to you And sometimes that works out serendipitously and sometimes not and then like the second year you get to walk around and meet people And you become friends with those people based on mutual Hobbies hobbies class if you're in college. Yeah, like activities do some activities boss join some clubs, bro

Come on play some intramural sports, man Yo, you didn't do any of this stuff. I dropped out, but I had friends I still liked my high school friends. They were funny They actually did some pretty funny jackass videos like this one time I got into a freaking shopping cart and my my main man just launched me into a wall So I hit a wall and then we taped it This is really stuff that did happen So I don't appreciate it. Did you really make jackass videos? Yeah, dude

We did you know how I got these scars. What's the most painful thing your friends convinced you to do? Um, it was really like I didn't I feel like I came up. I was not the one that was doing this stuff You were more of a director. I I was yeah, I was like I feel like if we were a jackass crew My friend Ian was johnny noxville and I was more of like a dave england Or a chris pontes. Yeah, only without the skateboarding ability Who's the guy that just shot the footage and didn't do shit? Uh, I mean my friend Ian We like convinced him to jump off the ladder

Oh He lit his shoes on fire and how to do a backflip There's always one friend who's stupid enough to do everything because it makes him cool for 30 seconds But like that wasn't Ian man because he was cool before he did any of this shit So why why would he like to just let his shoes on fire and do a backflip off a ladder? It was like the most athletic I guess you could just he was just like uh, he was so Compact it was a tough little square of a man It was a beef and he was not afraid to jump and ride his bike off of ramps

So that was you know what we had to do you were like bam You always did shit and then someone put a snake in your face and you would cry This is actually not cool you guys. Oh, nobody was off bam sucked The worst the worst jackass really like the jackass characters can be all be applied to a group of friends. Oh, that's fun. Who am I? Preston Lacey You're a weenie Weenie's actually probably one of the coolest So i'm sorry for saying that you're just a small person

You're a small man emotionally not physically of course. Uh, all right, that's our advice Uh meet people either online or offline. It gets better. It gets better. Uh, thank you for listening. That's it That's it for this episode. Um If you have your own questions, please send them to ifirishow at gmail.com We read them all but we can't reply to everyone nor can we answer every question on the show It would take too many episodes. We have 11 000 emails for crying out loud We also start and end every single episode with a with an original theme song Written and recorded by our talented fans. The first one was from did we ever even say his name?

Maybe not. Wow the first one was from jamie So thank you jamie for that one and this closing one is from michael park Uh, so guys, thank you for listening. We're back on a monday and if you're in texas. We'll see you there. Thanks guys Okay Coming to podcast one this thursday the chive the podcast this is really cool If it's funny, it's hot and it's trending they're on it So tell all your friends the chives coming to podcast one at least the ones who like comedy sports And boobs america loves what they love the chive the podcast coming to podcast one this thursday. That's podcast on e.com