If I Were You - 143: Spelling Bee

Episode Date: March 26, 2015

In this episode we discuss tidy rooms, burner phones, and maneuverability.This episode is brought to you by TrunkClub.com, Squarespace.com, and Prosper.com!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

If I were you, if I were you, if I were you, the show Starts now Y'all do you Hey y'all, oh hey there Straight up, break up, that's what's up Uh, uh, uh, uh Isn't that like a TLC song? Straight up, break up, hold up, Mr. Lava, Mr. Lava, Mr. Lava

Ugh, I'm gonna go mercy How are you? I wouldn't grow I would pay no to if I were you, show You gotta earn this Boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-dee boo-dee boo-dee boo-dee Y'all do you Y'all do you Y'all do you

That was by us I did the remix We made that one doesn't count as art because he used our voices. It's weird. He took all of these like really quick Seemingly bad music things that we did and put them together into something really bad Too bad things coming together Big ups from London says Zanesh who made that thanks Zanesh. I didn't think it was so bad I thought it was actually pretty chill What he did was he made a salad out of the vegetables we grew right we had rotten vegetables

Yeah, and he made a somewhat palatable salad. Yeah food poisoning. You covered it in dressing. That's what you did That's what the beats were oh beats We have to go I left my I love hungry beats in the microwave Thank you Zanesh for creating that theme song if you have your own theme song whether using Voices that we've already recorded or ones that you'll make from scratch send it to if I were you show at gmail.com Good luck beating that that was 80s chic It was 80s. That was like a the beginning to like a VHS like a weird found little slappy bass Right you do you

Yeah, I forgot I did that we should do one episode. That's just us Saying rhymes doing music that way like it'll give him enough stuff to go for his net episode It's all for Zanesh. Yeah, it'll be called episode. I don't know probably 1080 Zanesh You think we'll get to episode a thousand I think you'll die before well Why I Don't know. It's just the weird premonition. I have I'll be like in five years

Yeah, I'll see my 38th birthday. No, and that'd be great or fun interesting if I called it. Sorry Interesting the way you saved it was all so bad Sorry, not great interesting. No, also. That's offensive strange. I'm sorry. I want you dead Yeah, all the all the year Your your synonyms are just also neutral to good. Yeah, you why don't you say it was a suit? It was a full-on insult my only pseudo recovered it Sudo recovery your other jam band. This is if I were you the only advice podcast on the internet that we host I'm logic

I'm chaos Welcome to the future and welcome to the never was Logic and I'm chaos our gay wrestling names Why do they have to be gay because I want us to kiss every time we fight It's sort of like the people's elbow except when I jump over your body. I fall down and instead of hurting you I kiss you Yeah, the people's lips here it goes. Oh They kissed So how does this podcast work we answer emails for people who are in difficult places in their lives

They send us an email to if I were you show at gmail.com and then we'll read these questions Record our answers upload it to the internet and then people download it either via itunes over a spot at you are over You can also stream it logic. Oh My god, you're picking up a table. This is crazy Chaos lives All right, you want to get to the first First question. Yeah, let's do it numero uno. We need a guy's name crocodile Dundee Very good. Thank you. We should say we are going to Australia. Yes, the tickets are now officially on sale

Right, you can purchase them that we will be in Sydney. Of course, we will be in Melbourne will be in Adelaide and oh my god That's a warplane ah Do people ever scream in war like if there's bullets or you ever like Fucking clipped me saving Private Ryan. Yeah That everybody is just so heroic just because you're a soldier doesn't mean you're not scared of bullets Yeah, well, I think it I think it does. You're a hero at that point. Oh, so you no longer fear death in the way I do I guess No, I think they well I

Can only speak with some authority because I did a single tour in Vietnam. Absolutely did not You know you did you did a student tour. Yeah, I did a biking tour Ho Chi Minh City. Yes, I did go there. I also slept with a Vietnamese whore Yeah, so far. Uh-huh. I had a flaw once or twice So I feel like I had a lot of pretty big Vietnam experience Like when I think they do training where they hear bullets and stuff a lot So you're not like I wouldn't be de-sensitized. I don't think you can ever really beat I don't know but I think it's it like it's not like just all of a sudden guns blazing here in the backyard

Yeah, we'd be screaming would you scream in a high-pitched voice if a gun if somebody there was just like guns going off, right? Yeah No, I'd be like Loser I'd be really bad. That's about it. Yeah, you'd be down get down dude Who are you talking to you dude cuz I want you to live You just said that I would die. Yeah, I want you to die before the thousandth episode, but not this early So like in between what I still try to get cash. I want nature box money until episode 899 So specific All right

This question comes from crocodile Dundee Hey, Jake and Amir love the show. I would love for you guys to get your own show someday I know you don't usually answer questions from nice guys, but I'm really hoping you'll make an exception My girlfriend of over a year and a half broke up with me this Valentine's Day because I had become emotionally Unavailable a family friend recently passed away and apparently me being sad was too much for my ex to handle I later found out that my ex-girlfriend had been cheating on me with one of my supervisors at work Anyways onto my question. I recently got tinder and began swiping right eventually I met this really great girl named Holly and we've been on a few dates since we began talking things are going great

But I want to lock her down. Would it be weird to ask her to be exclusive but not boyfriend and girlfriend quite yet? I feel like things are going great But I'm not quite sure how to act and date after being reamed by my ex to make life a bit shittier I now have to see my ex and supervisor every day at work Also, if you have time my supervisor is now giving me especially dangerous positions and jobs to do at work besides quitting What can I do about this? I work security at metal and rave shows Thanks Crocodile Dundee. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Oh, we're first you're gonna need a knife

Nice Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi Aussie Aussie. I quit. I said Fuck No, I have to go on Stone cold summer as you're doing that Aussie Aussie. Stop it. You're scary You're some kind of weird trance Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi I think it's a soccer chant

At the very least it's a pro-Australian chant the very most it's from the man show. Yeah No, that's Ziggy Socky Hoy Hoy Hoy So seems like this guy's not quite over his ex yet. Yeah, well also Day is boss given dangerous jobs. Yeah, well, let's not focus on that quite yet fine How about this first question would it be weird to ask her to be exclusive but not boyfriend and girlfriend quite yet? No, that's fine. Is it? Yeah, you just say Are you sleeping with other people and then she says yes or no and then she asked if you are and then you say I Am not and then I don't know you'd easily just be like do you want to what does that mean your boyfriend girlfriend?

I mean basically I don't but I don't think that you have to be like I'm not gonna sleep with somebody else. So I'm definitely now your boyfriend Personally, I think that's really dumb It seems like that's what boyfriend and girlfriend mean like once you define the relationship You can't sleep with other people. I think you're like you can't sleep with other people, right? I'm not your boyfriend though. So like what I don't understand what he wants. Yeah, I think he just doesn't I guess he's He got reamed real hard and he doesn't want to be like moving too fast He doesn't want to be like I have a girlfriend that I feel responsible for and then I feel like I have to

Support emotionally and physically then I think if you don't want that you can't say be exclusive Yeah, cuz then you're then you're not giving a person a boyfriend or the opportunity to meet other boy, yeah Can I put you on hold? I don't really like it you are asking to keep somebody in limbo when you're doing that But I also think that you could say like hey, I want to have like an exclusive relationship and like move towards becoming a Nice healthy couple. I've got trust issues that I want to work out But I think you're really great, but I don't understand all this like labeling thing Like when do you become a boyfriend and girlfriend versus people who are dating versus? Exclusive versus not like do you have to define it or do you just have do you just see someone until you naturally one day be like?

Oh, yeah, here's my girlfriend. It's almost like negotiating a contract. There's like how does this person want to deal with it, right? So like you might be dating any girl and she's like I Want to be exclusive But I don't want to be like boyfriend and girlfriend because I don't want to introduce you to my friends this set this early I don't want to introduce you to my family. That's something I do with boyfriends But like, you know, we're on this path and then other people might be closer to you It was like if we're gonna say we're exclusive then sure we're boyfriend and girlfriend It doesn't really matter, right?

But I think that like people exist on this spectrum and when you're in a relationship you have to just like Talk and see where you guys can where where the middle ground is. Do you ever have talks like that? Are you my girlfriend officially? I think as I've gotten older those talks have just like dissipated and like If I get close enough to somebody then I pretty much know if she's sleeping with other people or not because you see them almost every day Yeah, so I'm like I'm seeing you all the time and like we're texting so I know when you're like not I don't know I at this point I wouldn't ever want to have a talk that was like

We're boyfriend and girlfriend now that's exclusive to me I think I would probably say like are you sleeping with anybody like let's I don't want to sleep with anybody Or I only want to be with you and to me saying something like that to somebody is saying I want you to be my girlfriend Right, it seems like it's the same thing to me But I also think just to go to a next section of this question Doesn't seem like he's over his last girlfriend quite so much Considering his email about this current girlfriend is mostly about his ex-girlfriend Yeah, he just begins with a paragraph about her and then it goes back to her

Also, I keep on seeing my ex and this supervisor. Also. He's making my life shitty Seems like he's not I don't yeah I definitely don't think you need to have a girlfriend at all right now So you might as well just keep on dating this girl and then also It's just all fun. You're a free man. Yeah, you don't have to lock her down Lock her down also seems like a negative thing. Definitely. They look listen to that language. Lock her down I don't want to be like reading this guy too hard though because he's he does sound like kind of nice Yeah

He's hurt. He's hurt. He's hurt. He might even I don't want to go so far as to say, but he might be but hurt I think you got but hurt by his by his ex. Yeah, so Just be single for a while chill Stop worrying about your ex stop worrying about the soups And if you do want to be exclusive then you are boyfriend and girlfriend Unfortunately, and if you're not comfortable with the dangerous positions you have at work talk to your supervisor supervisor What is the dangerous position at a security? It's like security at a metal and rave show always already seems dangerous You're the middle of the mosh pit

We need an eye We need an eye for the mosh storm So basically those guys will just revolve around you And if anyone hits you or stabs you you have to spine. Yeah, that's good You're sort of a dummy then we know the band is rocking out hard So let us know if you break a rib that way. They're not breaking each other's ribs You're more or less a scarecrow tonight. All right. Who uh, who wants to work the door? Uh, all right, that's it the end

Good, but we'll never think about this guy ever again. Jesus. All right number two Do do do this kind of Dark yeah dark but true Bleak, uh, which city in australia do you think will be the most fun? Hmm, that's a really good question. I don't want to alienate anybody of course Uh, where are we flying to first melbourne? Uh, yeah But I think our first show is not in melbourne. Our first show is in adelaide. Oh, is it? Yeah, and actually I do believe that adelaide was on the 52 places to visit

Uh, the new york times list this year. Oh, shit. It was either adelaide or melbourne. We're gonna find out Yeah, and we'll let you know in new york times. I'm excited to see all of them I guess I'm really excited for the places that we have the longest amount of time in yeah, which are Uh melbourne and sydney right but then like there's I'm also excited because I don't know anything about perth And right now there's a lot of people listening in perth. Yeah, I heard there's this like town That's like an hour outside of perth. They're like 40 minutes outside of yeah, sydney No, we should go there. So he's like six hours away. Oh, I see Uh, I fucking wish I remember the name of it, but it's like they called it the brooklyn of perth

Oh Sounds cool brooklyn. I want to go to every every city's brooklyn. Yeah, the brooklyn of I want to go now We're the brooklyn of los angeles right and you used to live in the brooklyn of new york Yeah, how the how Brooklyn just became come like the spot where people the cool the cool altars. Oh, this is the brooklyn of austin. Yeah, wow Because it has his own name. You can't say like, oh, this is the east austin of new york. It's called brooklyn Why is it always the east side? That's cool. That's another question like east la school east austin is cool brooklyn is east of new york also cool. I think yeah

Maybe because west is where the water is and that's the most expensive property perhaps and as you get further away I don't know. I'm not a demographer Sorry, I am i'm not a social geographer. There's some authority on this because I am a demographer That's it's actually a study of populations and people. Yeah during one of my tours in vietnam a demography to the entire The entire place. Yeah, the demography. We need a second name for this email

another guy's name Perhaps another famous australian Liam Hemsworth Very nice I'm a 16 year old high school student with a crush on a girl in my class I'm pretty bad at talking to girls. I like so I don't really know what to flat out tell her I feel like I'll just screw myself over. However, the other day I came up with an idea Why don't I just use a burner number and pretend that I'm a friend of mine to text her and tell her that I like her

Should I do this? Am I overthinking it? Cheers Chris Hemsworth. You're under thinking it. Really? Yeah, he needs two burners. You need a burner burner. You need to clone her phone What? You need a phone cloner and a burner turner? I think you could clone her phone Text yourself then respond from her phone So she thinks that she sent a couple of the texts and she reads them over she says, oh, I guess I do like Liam Hemsworth and then

Then you're in you think a a phone cloner will would lead to a boner I really I really do think so really I guess he should use sonar sonar, which is how dolphins communicate for this loner. What is his plan? His plan is he doesn't want to be he doesn't want to ask his own friends to text her to say I like you right? He doesn't trust them. Okay So instead he's going to text he wants to be in control of the situation. So he's going to text her a

a A AAA Sign up today this episode is brought to you by AAA He's going to send her a message from his phone saying or from a burner phone Which is like a phone that he's going to get. Hey, this is chris hemsworth. Okay What do you think of what do you think of my friend Liam? He I heard he likes you and then the problem with your theory is that she's going to be Uh

More honest than she would be if she was talking to you directly. Oh, so I think it's a little dangerous because You run the risk of her saying. Oh, yeah. No, I don't like him. He's not my type. He's unattractive And then you're like, oh, I want to kill myself So it's better to approach the girl because it's better. Do you say like, hey, will you go out with me? Then she won't be like, you're ugly to me. She'll be like, I'm busy and that that's how you know that you're ugly to her Oh, so it's almost better to text her directly because that way she'll at the very least be polite Yeah, and maybe even give you a chance. That's another option. Maybe she'll be into the fact that you were straightforward with her Yeah, but I mean the fact that you're even considering this weird plan makes me question everything about you

um Have you ever you've gone to silly lengths to text a girl though, haven't you? Yes I think yeah, I have like oh text her for me a guy to text a girl for you Um, I'm trying to think we did something like that. Yeah But that was like it was for you. I don't think I've ever done anything like that But it was a girl that I didn't know right. I was like, oh try to set me up

Hey, dude number one try to set me up with girl and he's like, what should I say? And then I had a conversation with you jake on my phone and you changed your name to george on my phone So that I can like send you Fun texts as if I'm sending it to george, then we screen capped it Sent it to george and george sent it to a girl Right, so it was as if you like so we construct I had two phones at one point. So I was texting Me from your phone and responding, but I was in your phone as george So like so it looked when we took the screenshot that it was a conversation between you and george

Then I sent that to george. It was like the perfect conversation like so and so is super beautiful Like tell me everything about it. Whatever really nice and then good responses from george and good responses from me Because we were just scripting it out. Right exactly and then we sent that to george right and said send that to the girl And as she reads it, it's like, oh, wow, this is like this guy amir said some beautiful things about me Yeah, this all seems off the cuff and like pretty innocent, right, but I guess like at that point what you were doing was Very thoughtful even more so than she could have ever thought Because I didn't steal her number asked george for her number. Yeah, I mean, I think there's a there's a The difference is that it's like

Playful and fun that we constructed this thing to try to get you a date This guy is like wants to get a secret phone so he can manipulate and it's all maybe it's all it is all the same Well to be fair that my arploi didn't work Right, so maybe that's a good heads up to this guy I think at the very least don't take it all upon yourself You need actual like I would ask one of her friends to talk to her Hurt one of her friends who's warm towards you You say hey, I like your friend and then she could give you a better sell than like some random friend of yours asking

Right, you need an in you need a foot in the door Yeah, um Oh, is that gonna say Do oh this What am I just going up to friends or saying can you go up to her? It feels like it's a very young person thing. Isn't it? Like isn't that like a high school Type deal like oh this is person like me. I feel like this that doesn't happen at our age

Right. No, it doesn't I guess I remember being in like high school and like going on aim and pretending I was another person and say like Jake has a crush on you. I think I did that but maybe I didn't send from big 85 Jake No, it was not my screen name and actually I'm not going to tell you my screen name because I think it's still active It's still logged into a public library in New Haven, Connecticut Uh Man, yeah, I don't know it's I just think that like to do everything on your own in this sort of creepy way is like worse if it comes out

Yeah, that would be the worst that you went and got a burner Versus like you even just like borrowing one of your friends phones and sending the text is like slightly less creepy Or you just get your friend to do it. Yeah, he's actually doing it. Just like bring people in. I don't know Maybe he doesn't have any friends It's possible this girl's gonna love him I got zero friends a burner phone and a good attitude I think be nice to her a lot and maybe she'll start to have feelings for you either friendship or otherwise Then you talk to one of her friends and you say, hey, I like so and so and then they'll give you the lowdown

Because they know her better than your friends the end I don't know. I hope that works. I'm not in high school bra You are hooking up with a high schooler. Is that fair to say? Yeah, do you care about talking about that? Well, it's Yeah, sure. It's it's it's it's it's it's it's she she she she she She's old. She's old enough. She's 17 Enough enough about it I won't hear this. She's texting you

No, we communicate on kick K-I-K She says snapchats for old fogies All right, question the three. Oh, we need a girl's name Is Naomi Watts an Australian woman? I do believe so I do I really want to believe that I do believe she is. Yeah She's actually pretty hot For for a hot for an actor. Yeah an actress actually like a lot of actresses are just good at acting

But for her to be hot too is actually Misha Barton is another one who was hot and actually She wasn't as good as acting as Naomi Watts. Yeah. No, what about Naomi Campbell? No, Campbell is I think just mostly a model. She's he's hot about Campbell soup Campbell soup is it's like a snack So let's say you want a soup or something. You get a can of Campbell soup. What about Naomi DeGeneres? Who is a girl I went to high school with oh, I was no that's totally different too. She's not hot or not She's not soup either I'll give you one more question because what about JJ watt, okay JJ Watts a male football player. Okay. All right. Cool. You got it

So which one is the soup? JJ. Oh, no, no, no, you don't got it. Why? I didn't say no because he didn't say why When you clarified final answer, I I know and I was hoping it wasn't all right Campbell soup writes No, Naomi Watts writes Oh, hey y'all

I'm 22 and I live at home but commute to school. I'm naturally a neat person But like everyone else my room and closet get messy when things get crazy Since before I graduated high school. I've been smoking weed. My mom was totally cool with it I've even smoked with my mom a handful of times. I throw a lot of parties and have chill people at my house Well, suddenly last night my mom decided that I can't smoke in my room anymore and that And she insists that I keep my room clean because apparently I've changed and I'm not the best daughter She raised she kept saying that I'm acting like a child because my room isn't up to her standards How do I have her go back to the way things were before she got fed up with the way I live my life?

She says that if I don't clean up clean out my room and keep smoking weed She's gonna charge me rent or kick me out. This is all so sudden. Sheesh Thanks, Naomi Watts Doesn't it sound like this is like one of those things where you're getting an extra 500 dollars in your paycheck And then you find out about then like the boss finds out and they just cut it off They're like, oh, we're gonna back to your regular paycheck. Yeah, and then this and then you were like, how do I go back? To getting an unnecessarily good situation. I didn't deserve. Well, this is a little different because it's like You were you got demoted. It's like you had a job that paid you 60 grand and you weren't doing good

And then after four years of not doing good, they finally say like listen We can't afford to pay you that much and then you're like, can I go back to the old one? I want the salary and I don't want the responsibility Right. No, you had that and you took advantage of it and now after four years. I'm sort of fed up It's fine to do things in your 17 and kind of less. I can't believe I don't meet your standards Also, you're five years older from when the standards were established. So yeah, you're 22 now So at 22, it's not quite the same to still be having parties smoking weed in your room and uh hanging out with 17 year olds She's still hanging out with high schoolers

Kind of like you and your high school girlfriend enough about that Karen What k a y r i am I don't think there's a single young girl named Karen anymore. They're all older Uh, unfortunately seems like We're on team mom Yeah, you've been smoking for five years. She's not even telling you to stop smoking in general She's just saying not in your room and also she's not definitely okay. Like this is all reasonable mom things

She was being really really cool for a while. Yeah And now like you're there's not she's not asking a lot of you to keep your room Pretty neat As long as things don't get too crazy. What does that even mean? Just don't let them get so out of hand that your room becomes a pigsty. Oh my god. I'm a father. I'm a father I mean, you're incredibly neat where you like that in high school, too uh I don't I was never like

Yeah, I think so. I but I never had I'm much neater now that when I was in high school when I was in high school. I didn't think about it I think I was just neat in general. You like you like put clothes away on the floor Yeah, oh no, I've put them away in the drawers But unfolded of course I folded them. Oh but like I mean nothing. No, I was I was very neat So this isn't a new thing you didn't grow up and become cleaner

But I think I think it wasn't until after I left my house that I realized I was neat and then I embraced that about myself I guess. Yeah, like when I was in when I was in high school. I was just like, oh, yeah, like everything's fine Are you even a human? I was just like a piece of dough nothing and then I went to uh college and I had like messy roommates and I was like Oh, I don't like that. Yeah, I don't I I choose to reject this lifestyle and make it myself cleaner You seem like the worst roommate ever Just standing in the living you walk into the living room and while all your friends are playing video games and eating pizza Standing with your feet so close together. They're touching. I choose to reject this lifestyle

And I'll embrace another Yeah, go fuck yourself. Erwitz. I choose to reject your insult And choose to embrace another I'll keep my area tidy. I know you do Loser throwing a remote at your head Al Are you gonna pick that up? Oh I choose to reject that remote control

It did hit you Very well I at least I know where my band-aids are I keep them in a cupboard under the sink I'm like y'all Uh, so change Right. Yeah, I and she's not asking for a huge change. I I think you could use this opportunity as um A time to become slightly better. You're older. You're in college. You

Should maybe try to keep a cleaner room and make your mom happy because she's your mother And she's also housing. Listen to your mother. Damn it. Oh god. It's not like I'm with dad, right? Listen to your mother Listen to your how would you how would you say that to your kids? Uh, you want to say like listen to your mother? Yeah, listen. Oh, come on. Listen to your listen to mom Listen to mom mom Listen to mom. I would listen to your mother. Yeah, that's what I'd say like nice complex I'm not gonna. Hey, you know what? I had a teacher in sixth grade. Mr.

Staten. Mr. S if you're out there if you're listening. Yeah, no, you're not But he used to there's a one teacher that yelled at everyone and mr. Staten was really cool He's like, I'm not gonna yell at you. I'm just gonna take away your recess. Oh, that's the kind of dad I want to be So mr. T is screaming at everybody So you learned how to be a father from your eighth grade teacher sixth grade not from your old man No, my old man my old my

My dad's he's You know, he's a backpack. He's a pumpkin. He's he's absolutely a jack-o-lantern. Yep. Yeah, jack of all trades My dad's actually a jack-o-lantern of no traits Jack-o-lantern with no traits. Yeah, very good. He will eat a candle and his face will illuminate. That is his halloween Boo, you scared me Because I realized I'm the person that looks up to you. I don't think so Oh, boo Yeah, why don't you treat this, uh, ultimatum as a

A turning point of forks Stuck in the road. You know what I mean time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go Wow, what what is this? So make the best of this test and don't ask why This is amazing It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time Wow, could you take it from there? I don't know what would come next, but uh Honestly, I don't Don't quote me on this right. I bet just right off the top of my head

I would be like girls to do the dishes girls to do the laundry girls in in the bathroom Girls, did you clean up my room girls girls girls girls? Girls jack and mike deep to my dismay I could see why they'd apologize for that song makes a lot of sense Yeah, because part of it just says girls to do the dishes girls to do the laundry Offensive Absolutely not okay ad rock Listen to your mother

All right, let's take a break and then we'll come back with more shit right after these This I have to be so bad This show is sponsored by better help. Thank you better help if you're finding yourself in a difficult anxious stressful situation Talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that Difficult place and it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist Especially one in your area

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This season a summer birthday coming up. Who doesn't want a website? So the best way to do that is to go to squarespace.com Slash if I were you for a free trial and when you're ready to launch Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain Again squarespace.com slash if I were you free trial. Everything looks good. Let's launch it Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10 off that first purchase. Thank you Squarespace And we're back Tuesday june 9th is when we're in Adelaide

Tuesday june 9th, uh, wednesday june 10th, melbourne thursday june 11th, sydney. That's our biggest show friday june 12th brisbane Is it brisbane or brisbane? Let's find out when we get there. Okay that show only as It's a it's a room for one. They said it was the size of a phone booth. Are you kidding me? Yeah, are we gonna get it? We're on the outside and we call it and he picks up and this guy I guess listens to the show Jesus. Yeah, uh, and then Wow, that took me a back

And then sunday june 14th our last show at the aster in Perth Um, I don't know what goes on in australia. I can only assume We're gonna eat animals that we've never heard of Yep, perhaps, uh, I hear good things about vegemite. I don't know if that's a fruit or a vegetable I thought people all hated it. No, it's very polarizing non. I think non australians hate it So if we want to we want to act like we're blending in we have to eat it and then be like, oh, this is actually pretty good I like it. Can't wait. Yeah, the problem is I don't even like them like Hard to eat american foods like beer. Yeah. Yeah, I think beer is too bitter. You hate beer

So what am I gonna do when I have vegemite? I can only imagine it's bitter or salty You had, uh, an orange once you said it's really bad. I said it burned my eyes, right? You gotta Yeah, I saw you eat just bread regular bread white bread. Yeah, and you said no Yeah, you passed. It was too rough on my tongue. What do you usually eat? I'll have like boiled milk What? I'll have a glass of boiled milk. Excuse me and are like for dessert Oh, yeah, so I'll have a glass of boiled milk for dinner and for dinner dessert. I'll have like, uh, rice that's cooked So much a mush like a rice meal. Oh, so like just really milky

Tunky substances. What about meat? Do you ever have? No, meat burns meat burns my throat. Okay I All you have for breakfast Everything I have is boiled down and then left out in room temperature. It's sort of like gruel left to cool It is I would say my diet is predominantly cool gruel At school I would dine on cool gruel. That sounds cruel, but I guess you liked it

It was a cruel at school was cruel to have cool gruel But when I was at home, I would listen to Dave gruel and I would just eat the cool gruel and it wasn't cruel Didn't make you drool. It did make me drool. What do they do to your stool? Very good, uh, it would solidify it. Wow hard dense shits um Last question. Let's do this That's how the question starts A cacophonous series of doves and noves and then oh we need a guy's name

A male australian Patrick rafter very good. Thank you very very good. Isn't leighton hewitt also australian Common misconception He's dutch I got no idea All right, uh patrick rafter writes hey guys love this show been a listener since day one and I find myself in a bit of a pickle Here's the deal a few months back this girl started texting me out of the blue This has never happened to me

So I wasn't sure how to react but because I wasn't that interested in her I used the jake fade away Fast forward and she is now going out with one of my mates and I know I kind of blew my chance And I still want to stay friends with my mate, but is there any room for maneuverability? That's how it ends. Mm-hmm. Is there any room for maneuverability? I know I told this girl to go fuck herself and I she is dating my friend, but what's the policy uh Wiggle room rudder. I plead maneuverability. I was wondering if I can maneuver if I had the ability to maneuver can we

Just sort of Shuffle this whole thing up. You like him. He likes you, but I like you and you don't like me, but let's switch You liked me earlier. Is that a maneuver? We have the ability to complete Imagine this is like a boggle execute this maneuver like the beginning of a boggle match Where you shake shit up and see where it lands. It does sound a bit like a boondoggle here. You think so? He's in quite a boondoggle. Would you say? I don't know. I don't know what that means So it's hard for me to commit one way or another sort of uh boondoggle is a

It's it's it's a mired situation. Oh, he's mucked in a mired situation. He's in a mired situation I don't admire. I don't admire the muck. So what can we do? What can we do to help? I don't admire the muck. So sire. What the fuck do we do? Nice Is there a profession I can go into that's all rhyming base. I think you're that's not Wrap because I don't know how to do it to a beat I was gonna say this is probably as close as you can get dumb comedian. Yeah Fair that way Yes, still do stuff that people consume for whatever reason and then you get to do the raps

Occasionally the little bursts of rhymes we get into slam poetry because then you could sort of go at your own pace You don't need a beat Uh, I don't think there's wiggle room if you did the jake fade away. That means you ignored a girl Assuming she'll go away forever instead. She actually found something she liked your friend And now you want her back, right? What are your reasons also for wanting her after she started dating your friend? Are they? Is it like when a little brother doesn't want to play a video game until the big brother does and then he Desperately craves the remote and then he gets it back and then he's bored and wants the big brother to beat the video game for him Anyway, wow, you know that exactly because you were the little brother

I was the boyfriend Uh, he just wants what other people have. Yeah, I would say there's no maneuverability. So that is a funny word Spelled maybe correctly. There's a lot of vowels in that when he did. Let me let me try to spell it I don't know. He probably spelled it incorrectly I can look it up. This is uh, okay maneuverability All right, so I would spell it right this is like a

a uh Spelling bee right. I by the way, I spelled it correctly. I searched google and I got it right Really after after it filled it in when he got to the you. Oh, go fuck yourself. Well, there is no you Yeah, right All right, let's hear it maneuverability I'll let you say you're stuck. Oh shit So after you're done, if you don't hear anything, you got it, right? If I say ding you got it wrong Really?

Yeah m a n e u v e r a b i l i t y Really? You got it. I thought you were doing like a late ding ding What? No, you got it really nice. Yeah, can I give you two other words that I find hard to spell? Sure Omelette

Hmm I guess I would think o m e l l e t m e l l e t t e Incorrect. Is it oh wait That's another spelling of it

Nice, but okay, so that we will accept that the way it's spelled here is o m e l e t very short Oh, yeah, no, I think I think I'm spelling it this way. I see it on a menu the the the french way. All right one last word I can never spell correctly Privilege oh Oh dick Um, I think privilege the word is privilege All right a sentence uh privilege is spelled d r e i v e l e d g e r e

privilege Oh, no, I see how I messed up. I will show myself out. Uh, all right privilege. Let's hear it I can never spell this correctly the latin word privilege, which means to just kidding. That's what they say, right? Yeah Oh, no, the or the origin is middle english. All right p r i v i l i g e privilege Ding very close though. Is it p r i v i l e g e? Yes damn it

You idiot This is why I you know, I I won my fourth grade spelling bee. You know, I this is I won the spelling bee to get me into the main spelling bee in like the cafeteria in main You won the main spelling I feel like I won like the class spelling bee and then lost the school spelling bee Oh, you won your classroom spelling bee right and there were like several classrooms and then I went on and I went on to lose To regionals. Yeah, this and I I lost on the easiest word. I lost on the word original First word, do you know how to spell it now? I'll never forget o r a o

oregano I do I think about it every single time I spell it All right, uh, oh So what would you tell this guy no go? It's over. Yeah, no room for maneuverability, but there's you know what there's lots of other people so Maneuver a different direction than this relationship. Lucky you you can maneuver alone good news Yeah, there's billions of others out there waiting three-way maneuver Yeah, and they're and they're not even dating one of your mates Yeah, people are so dumb when they're just like, oh, there's only this one person and I have to have that one person

Correct, I'll wait for that one person and I'll try to destroy his or her relationship because she's the one very unnecessary Everybody is disposable like if my mom Uh broke up with my dad. He'd be fine. Well, I think at certain points. There's a lot of History and I mean they have children so it would be hard. Okay. Oh, fuck me. All right. Damn it. You're in high school It's a little I need to unsend an email for sure. I do I told my mom about my dad's affair. I shouldn't have done that. It wasn't even real I photoshop shit to make it look like it was legit Uh, all right. Sorry, dude pass no go

Uh, that's it. That's our episode. Thanks for listening Uh, if you have your own questions or your own theme socks emissions your own thumbnail submissions Please send them to if I were you show at gmail.com We open and close every episode with an original theme song written by our talented fans The first one was written by zinesh and this last one is by adam w Adam W very nice. We'll be back soon. See you guys. Bye

That advice so motherfucking good, but I digress I know jna gonna read into the subtext after my question They'll say who's next and make up some silly name your boys jaking of me and now running the podcast game Hashtag swag I came in I saw and I had some questions I got fat sounds like mad eruptions I'm here equals the levels like swag production if it wasn't for them Then I wouldn't know how to do nothing The pinch recommends what's the sense to do swag if it ever comes to x's it's x is true

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