If I Were You - 152: Litmus Test

Episode Date: May 7, 2015

In this episode we discuss when to break up, when to stay together, and demons.This episode is brought to you by NatureBox.com, TrunkClub.com, and Squarespace.com!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

And it sure Yes pop punk covers are better than real songs Because they sound better than the songs that they're based on it's a cover What is that a cover of the one the first theme song that you did isn't it if I were oh, no This is cover of the stony song. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's discover. It's the cover of the stony theme song a Pop punk cover of a song that somebody else made for us. Yeah, that's the best Have you ever heard like a pop punk cover and then you're like oh this song is great And then you heard the original you're like whoa, this is like a slow version of that song

I Like like newfound glories I will fight for your a glory of love right and because I am the man who will fight for your Always something there to remind you, you know that song before the original definitely same with 99 red balloons I think oh, yeah, those songs are pretty awesome 99 red balloons is good. There's no pop punk cover That's worse than the original Isn't that cool? I would say the newfound glory I

Would see you like the German red balloons I do the English red balloons more than the pop punk cover of red balloons. That's really the best one is the German Yeah, actually the pop punk cover. He stings a German verse. How does he that's pretty good Who sings that one the pop punk cover the German inch, maybe gold finger or something. Yeah, gold finger I definitely see it in like my old win amp player. Yeah, remember win amp Yeah, with like that and you could do the different skins. Yeah, what was your in-app skin the head? Yeah, that was a really good win amp skin This act this episode is actually brought to you by a website that just does win amp skins

Funny that that used to be like the way that could be like that used to be cool Yeah, I want to I want to be able to choose my own design to make it look worse Yeah, I want now with like I want to just trust whatever the app is to look dope gather around children Let us tell you about all this slightly old technology time of your Yeah, when they left it up to the user and we made it look bad Remember Maxter Maxter was the pinnacle of digital media this guy who wrote this song that pop on cover that we did play His name is Alexander

Melton and he has and he does pop punk covers to a bunch of stuff I haven't looked at this link yet, but I'm gonna because he said he does pop punk cover Punk covers of songs from Taylor Swift in one direction, etc And his channel name is Vacation Room Studio What his channel name on YouTube is Vacation Room Studio? I guess you know how to spell all the names, so it's not the worst channel Our secondary source of income is critiquing channel names Vacation Room Studio gets a solid b-minus from us Consultants of ourselves so consultants make a lot of money. Yeah, or that just sultans

Consultants and sad sultans are the two people that make the most money. What's the con to being a sultan? I want to know the con Consultants do make a lot of money for people like I wonder why people just don't tell consultants Then you do it because that's all they do they go around me like I would do this differently and this differently like all right But you haven't done anything at all. Yeah, you just it's like being a critic. Yeah Can the best movie critic write a good movie no didn't Roger Eber Free associating never ending for this podcast, which like this is just a podcast of Wikipedia things Also, we're just asking each other opinions and neither of us know didn't Roger Eber write a movie. I don't know yes

I really think he did but if you can critique something so well, shouldn't you be able to? Create something. I don't know. Can't you you could like critique somebody's Basketball playing skills, but that doesn't mean you would know how to play basketball Yeah, what's the difference between what yours because I think what you're saying is dumb and what I'm saying is really smart So I'm trying to figure out why that is Oh, I got it one is based on athletic ability and the other one is just No, a different creative talent and innate talent. That's that's basketball. It's not all athletic ability. Yeah, it is It's not a hundred percent athletic ability like I can throw a tight spiral. No, you can't I don't need to dude

Do you want I just opened up this guy's band YouTube page? Should we listen to one? Sure? Okay, as long as we're never starting the actual podcast. Yeah. Yeah, we can never start the actual podcast This is a bonus Thursday episode. So it's like whatever you guys don't even have to answer a question. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah If we never feel like it, I'm trying to find a Song that I know. Oh Taylor Swift. We are never getting back together pop punk version. Yeah, sure. Let's do it Let's listen to a bit of that Taylor Swift you've been one To write a song that was better than that

She didn't write that so she wrote it then he made it better now. It's her turn. Can you make it more pop punky? This is a good age test like if that sounded like garbage trash to you You were probably born before 1983 or after 1992 And if you're if that sounded really good to you you were born in that decade interesting. So that's like a good litmus test What do you think litmus is made of? Where did that come from? What is a litmus? I mean, I can look it up right now if you want. I guess cool. Yeah Litmus is a water-soluble mixture of dyes extracted from lichens. So it's it's uh

It was first used in 1300 AD When the blue dye was extracted from lichens and then with the guy who extracted it said what he said Witness the litmus really? Yeah, that was because that's not on the Wikipedia test witness the litmus He's it says the main use of litmus is to test whether a solution is acidic or basic Yeah, he said hey miss. Will you witness the litmus and then what happened there? I guess he he put his foot in his He said is it acidic or basic is it Can you trace it? Is it acidic or basic? Can you trace it back to trace it back to bass a tracen? to what

Trace it back to bass a tracen. What's that? What's bass a tracen? Yeah, you don't know what bass a tracen is. I do not it's it's kind of like neosporin Oh bass a tracen. What did I say? I don't know. I'm I'm repeating what you sorry. Yeah bass a tracen like, okay Neosporin and bass a tracen. I think they're like I said witness this witness witness this litmus Is it acidic or basic? Can you trace it back to bass a tracen? Yeah? Or are we just chasing Jason? Who's Jason? Jason was his son. I really really like who we're doing now What is this show this is if I were you the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us. I'm a mirror I'm a mirror. No, you're not fine

We receive emails from people who are in difficult places in their lives and they need our advice Sometimes you ramble for ten minutes at the top of the show and sometimes we get right into it Like today. Yeah, right. We we we we we we are laser focused All we did was dabble. We listened to a few songs. We found out what litmus meant when it started. I don't know what that is Actually, let's go back to that page the 1300s. Can you spell bass a tracen? I guess I would guess it's B a okay C I T C I C I N. Oh, yeah, bass a tracen. Oh

Wow Commercially manufactured by growing the bacteria bacillus subtilis tracy one in a container of liquid growth medium The antibiotic is then it's extracted from the medium using chemical processes Could this be a different podcast is just a guy Wikipedia hopping so it's like his train of thought but also he's learning things. Yeah, I Mike Carnell actually told me about that. He had that idea for a podcast. Oh, really? But like his thing was that he would just get stoned I

Was I think it was called the rabbit hole. Oh, that's good He's high. Uh-huh. He just goes through the internet and finds out about weird things and he like reads it out loud I don't think to another. Yeah. All right. Note to self the rabbit hole as a podcast. It's a good idea Is this all that idea? All right, let's give let's start reading emails and trying to help people These are real emails from real people. We're gonna give them fake names to preserve their anonymity I just wanted to mention real quickly in case we forget our Los Angeles show tomorrow is sold out So fuck off if you want to come unless you bought a ticket then come. Yeah, please do come if you bought a ticket

We have a show in Montreal, Canada Now we're gonna be at just for last comedy festival just announced We're hosting four comedy shows and doing one live podcast not exactly sure what the details are but ha ha ha comm should have it Solid URL. Yeah, ha ha ha calm. They started early. Sick. They got it And then we're also still going to Australia Melbourne show Melbourne show sold out every other show still available It more information at if I re show calm. All right, what name should we give this person? litmus Love that it is I sir litmus

Hi, y'all, I'm a 16 year old from Scotland and I am a bit in a bit of a sticky stitch So me and my girlfriend split up a few months ago because I had feelings for another girl Which later went away and resulted in me and my girlfriend getting back together Cut to now and my feelings for this other girl has come back and I no longer like my girlfriend at all She will be very upset with this So I don't want to split with her just now as she's doing exams and it would distract her a lot Also when we got back together her mom said that she'd come to my house and slap me if I broke up with her again during her exams

I'm also pretty sure that this other girl likes me as we speak a lot in class and on Facebook I'm thinking about doing it this summer holiday, which which is two months from now, but I'm not sure I know you guys have had similar questions to this on the show before but I believe mine is different Thanks in advance litmus All right, let's very different so The issue of when to break up with someone well

It is funny that he's like I like a different girl and then I broke up with my girlfriend Then I got back together with her and I like this girl again Isn't that odd? It seems like you just only like this girl when you can't have her right well I think it's weird to like act on your feelings so much like I had I had feelings for someone else So I broke up with my girlfriend and then those feelings went away So I got back together with my girlfriend and what I don't like her Just either I don't know your feeling feelings are kind of dumb sometimes

Like there has to be a conversation that you have with your feelings when they come up Oh, like like you don't have to act on your feelings all the time not blindly I I act on my feelings a lot, but I feel like there's there's gotta be a sort of a checks and balances system in place So who are the three bodies? What's the executive judicial legislative branch of your body? I think it's It's heart mind and soul. What about dick being one of them dick is my soul So our mind and dick soul Well, I mean dick is sort of heart dick is everything. Oh, dick God yeah

Dick is president and the three So imagine a marionette puppet where the the the heart is like the legs and The mind is the arms and the soul is the head and then the puppet master the hand that holds it all together Is a dick and balls and he's just sort of making that puppet go hither and thither high and nice Left and rye. It's funny that the dick is your master Yeah, it is truly the master because like sometimes I've seen my dick when it's like The king he was born to be he is the man like rock hard ready to go

Top of the world a little bit drunk, but not too drunk. He is he is a joystick of himself Yes, he is a controlling dick in the morning or something after you've masturbated the night before and you wake up It is just a shriveled little nothing Nobody with a little fleck of toilet. That's right It is a dry cold and that is who your true dick is your dick is truly a battered abused Lukewarm sausage of himself. Yes. He has a wolf in sheep's clothing and the sheep skin condom It truly is a cheap sheep and the dick is a limp master. So Anyway, when you have feelings you check in with everybody you say a heart. What do you think mind?

What do you think soul? What do you think dick? I know I get it you think calm down things all the time So and then you know if you're still thinking like hey, I really don't like my girlfriend I really want to see where this other thing goes then you break up with your girlfriend But breaking up is like passing a bill You need like two-thirds of the the heart vote and then like it has to go to the head and then the head has to not Sometimes the head can veto it sure can be like oh listen. I know heart. I want something but let's stay rational here This girl likes you. She's actually it's a very practical good decision. Maybe we should start a family together I will veto my heart. I don't think I don't think head can veto heart ansel

Oh So what it who can veto the other two dick is the only thing on the body with veto power and executive action Holy shit dick can pick up the phone dick has the nuclear launch codes too dick has the codes He really does have a code and he can launch the nukes very well He's very easy and he has or he is the master for he is a nuke of himself the dick Oh, he is a mushroom-shaped cloud in itself very true Meaning I Think this guy can break up with his girlfriend if he's like really not feeling it if you'd like somebody else

But you have to say that means I can't get back together with my girlfriend because you always will second guess that kind of decision Just to bring it back to that pop punk song Would you say that she should have never ever gotten back together? Oh wow? That's really interesting talk to your friends talk to my friends talk to me. Yeah Now that he is together should he wait to break up with her do you believe in waiting definitely not just break up It's not his problem. Would you say it is his problem? But like you're making it worse by staying together, but what if it's like? Oh, she's going through a tough Stretch right now. There's never a good time to break up with somebody

But during school is worse the end of school is worse than summer break No, oh she has exams coming up Why don't we just let her focus on that and then break up with her after summer break never really end up doing that though? Because like when you're you're not invested in a relationship It's not like you're the boyfriend that that that person deserves at this time and the exams aren't going to be stressful because you're a pillar of support You're gonna be cold disconnected uncaring I'm gonna confuse somebody and they're gonna be stressed out about their late relationship They're gonna say hey something wrong and you say no everything's fine and they're gonna be like

Very very distracted by the from the exams by you you you're saying it's impossible to actually Once you decide to break up with someone sweep it under the rug so much that it seems fine until you are ready very very hard. I Think not impossible. I don't think anything's impossible. I believe in the power of the universe Absolutely for the dick is the true master if he decides it should wait then it's my god Oh my god the creator and the destroyer So what would you do if you were him do it right away Yeah, I would break up with this girl now if I didn't like her I would wait

You don't want you don't want to give her any more anger ammunition Nishin and it seems like the mom's gonna be really mad at you So if you wait and then it's like hey, I'm sorry. I was distant, but I really didn't want to do it during your exams I don't think she can get mad at that. I would get really mad at that She was I would say wow you stayed with me a month longer than you wanted Yes, and you led me I feel like a fucking idiot when people do that Yeah, but I thought I would do that because your mom said she would slap me if I did it again great So now I'm mad at you and my mom, but that doesn't matter because I know longer. I'm in a relationship with you

I think I've done I've done You're saying you don't care about I needed it yet. Well, no, no, I care about them enough to delay it so that it doesn't ruin Yes, it is. No, it's not because I don't want to make her fail her that's halfway caring about somebody's feelings Which I that's caring about your own feelings No, you don't want to feel guilty by making her Failure exams, but isn't it wouldn't it be easier for me to just do it right now and say I don't care about your exams No, it's the hardest thing because you're you don't want to do it right now You think there's gonna be a more convenient time for you to do it and you'll feel better when you do it at this other time

Yeah, she'll feel better. Yeah, there's never a world where she's like, thank you for waiting till after my exams No, this is exactly what I needed to be broken up I know you're putting words in my mouth and I frankly do appreciate it 100% honesty in this situation And I think sometimes a little white lie I can go a long way. I agree. I also like the white lie Occasionally, I think when it comes to breaking up or staying together. Nobody wants to feel like they got duped You didn't I didn't get duped at baby. I just didn't want you to distract it I wanted you to focus on your exams now that the summer is upon us go off have a good day Enjoy this enjoy the June July and August weeks

See this is what I don't like you're the gatekeeper of somebody else's feelings when you do that too I promised her mom And now the mom's gonna slap me you would deserve to be slapped in this situation if I waited I would be deserved to be slapped Yeah, I I don't know what to say man. I think I disagree and not only that. I think I'm right What's hey, let's call for the vote on the podcast. How do we do that? Didn't we we've done it before Where it is meddling. This is only the second we don't disagree often sure With the meddling yeah, okay, how about you tweet tweet your answer at us your answer and Hey, I think you should do it right now and I don't care about this girl's exams or B

Why don't you wait until it's a no don't say my answer. I'm just saying listen I don't care about the exam. I care about the exams fine. I you care more about the human being It's better to break up Immediately, okay, and I say it's better to break up after the exams. Okay. I'd love to hear what you guys think Please please write it down on an afghan and throw it away Because the second you guys get a fucking podcast is the second I give a shit about any of your opinions Really easy to start a podcast shit

No, please do tweet it at jake and amir or at jake herwitz Let jake know that i'm right to we know that both of us so we so we can actually tabulate the results Yeah, and don't just root for jake because I've been like extra abrasive and confident in my answer Like don't let that sway you Yeah, well you should sway bitch that should sway them a little bit because they see what kind of person promotes that You're answering it in a kind gentle way, but you're actually making it worse and I'd hate for people to just See the envelope that you're delivering and not the actual content of the package Well, at least there's a there is a package coming from my end

You would just have him, you know, you've done say a word you you you've you've gotten a nice velvet red box And you've taken a diarrhea shit in it and it looks really nice when it comes in and then she opens it And it smells like hot diarrhea. Tell you what they're both packages of shit But would you rather open the shit and throw it away immediately or would you rather would you rather let the shit Linger in a closet for a year. I'd rather you get it I'd rather focus on my exams do well on my studies and then drop the bomb after the fact You think you couldn't do well on your exams if you got broken up with yeah, I think that that creates a Part of my brain that has to deal with this thing and I can't focus on this the studying

If I'm dealing with a breakup at the same time, what if you're just dealing with a bad relationship? That's that's well, that's She doesn't know that it's a bad relationship It's a bad relationship if somebody wants to break up with someone but not if the other person doesn't know about it As long as she's living in an ignorant blissful existence during the exams Then I I think it'll be more worth it to break up with her after the exams Piece of shit Sorry Uh, I need another

I need another woman's name Amir Blumenfeld. Yeah, right. Yeah, how about a girl's name like jacob or not jacob at jessica No way. It's too close to jacob. That's right two j names Jessica all right jessica writes So I've been home from school for a summer break for about a week now and everything's been pretty chill But recently things have gotten not chill My brother just turned 14 and I think he's pretty normal as normal is going to get

Recently he's been acting weird as shit Now this boy know that I am into scary movies and shit and he has literally been acting like he's possessed For the past couple of days One night I came downstairs and he was just staring into the stove in the dark and first I'm like whatever He's just being stupid. But when I called his name, he wouldn't answer me I went to I went about my business and was cleaning my room which is in the back of the house that night Now I had to go around the corner to throw to throw some stuff away And he was standing around the corner in the dark hallway with a sock on his hand

Whatever that's normal. I thought but then he started to bang on the wall for no reason Then I went around the corner one more time and he was standing there in the dark doorway with scissors in his hand Like he wanted to kill me Now I'm 99% sure that he's not possessed and he's just fucking with me But how could I make 100% sure that he isn't actually possessed by some demon? Should I call a priest or something because I'm not about that life Deuces Jessica Jessica

I'm almost 100% sure. He's not a demon. But how can I be 100% sure he's being a little annoying for sure Might be a demon living inside him. There might there might be a small devil man living in him Obviously that sounds insane. That's why I'm 99% sure that he is in fact probably not an imp He does probably not need to be exercised. But what is the spirit of satan is inhabiting my little brother? A poltergeist if you will. What if he is a ghoul of himself? He's a ghoul gremlin goblin man a kind of apparition The odds are so slim. I don't even want to entertain the notion But if it happens a hundred times one of the times he will be in fact a ghost man

What if he is indeed a ghoul? What do I do if he is in fact possessed by a demon? He was staring into a stove. He was holding a sock. He was banging a wall. He is he is the He held scissors. He is the spawn of Satan. Yes, that is correct I do believe he is He's possessed. Oh my god by by the devil incarnate There's no other reason he would be staring into a stove. He walks among us. He's not trying to just fuck with you Jessica He's probably a devil man today Hey, but I know all brothers are a pain in the ass, but my little brother's a satan of the ass

My annoying brother the ghoul It's like a failed disney pilot Uh subject my possessed brother, so it sounds like she's sort of getting into the idea that he is indeed possessed A good way to know if he's possessed or not is that he can't be possessed. So he's not possessed Yeah, like possessed isn't an actual thing that happens. I know he was staring into a stove But there is a chance he's just trying to mess with you Jesse Right. What you have to do is just like really dumb. I Um

Just coming as a as a brother who fucks with people a lot I think this is what you do next time. He's like really freaking out like looking at the stove not saying anything Or like holding a pair of scissors. Yeah, just go up and fart on him. Oh, it really breaks the ice The heat from your colon really breaks the ice like tickle him do something stupid. Yeah, something stupid and sweet, right? So, um So that'll that'll break that'll break the tension that will he I don't think you can keep a straight face if you bend over and farted on his stomach Yeah, then he disappears Yeah, that's the thing if he if he if he does keep a straight face through that then you'll know that he is for sure a demon That's the one way that's that litmus test

Uh, all right, he's not the devil, but he might be far on to something fart on him That's your advice for everything All right, let's take a break and then we'll come back with more if I were you If I were you If I tell you what I would do If only I were you show dot com This show is sponsored by better help. Thank you better help if you're finding yourself in a difficult anxious

stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place and It's not necessarily easy to find a therapist Especially one in your area, uh, but better help makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient flexible and suitable to your schedule You just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge It's incredibly helpful therapy has helped millions of people over thousands of years So give therapy a try it can give you the tools to find a more balanced life. I've tried therapy. It's been very helpful So you can find that balance better with better help

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Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10 off that first purchase. Thank you Squarespace We're back Wow quick jake is the devil I saw him climbing on a wall like a spider Then he turned to me he blinked his eyes horizontally and hissed Black steam came out of his mouth and a web came out of his tailbone. So I'm just a spider I'm not possessed by anything. I'm not a ghoul or a ghost. I you're you think I'm a spider

It's his thing is funny. It's like what people used to do it while they booed Yeah Boo boo, and then there's the one guy You have to be a snake to do that's how that's how much distaste I have for this act It's pretty cool. I hiss on you. Have we taken the break yet or no? Yeah, that was the break and we took it. Mm-hmm when I stopped for a second That's all we'll put the ad in cool. This is the 152nd podcast. Wow. Yeah I'm just saying you should know how it works, but we didn't pause

Oh, oh, we haven't taken like the break like we we took a beat and that's where the where the ad will go And then this is like the break section where we just sort of right I'm saying I didn't it didn't feel like we took a beat when you said we're gonna take a break because we immediately started singing Oh, no it show.com and then it'll be a pause and then I said all right That's all the pause you need. Yeah, it just needs to be at 1 30th of a second. I can sneak it in there Yeah I guess I know that but like every other time we've ever done that just for those of you guys listening at home a little behind the scenes Yeah, we paused for maybe five or ten seconds

And this time we didn't know we just went right into it Uh, the newsletter is going really well. We're really excited about the newsletter if you haven't signed up yet Great opportunity to now go to jaconamere.com or if I were you show.com Uh, we've sent out one a week for the last three weeks videos. We never posted but we're made eight years ago Uh pictures that you may not have seen information about new shows That like you would have already known about our montreal show if you were subscribed to the newsletter Yeah, or if you missed out on this la show, we announced it in the newsletter. That's right people Uh pictures from our phone old phone pictures that we've forgotten about here's a question

Do we have if you sign up for the news newsletter now? Can you see the other three previous newsletters? You can't but there is a url That I will put on our website that shows the last three you can like, uh, click on each one It's like a website mail chimp is pretty Uh polished we should have them advertised with us. Oh, yeah, that's from cereal. Yeah, maybe they maybe they could sponsor a rabbit hole Cool, who would it be a good host for rabbit hole? Well, I feel like mike would have to do it since it's no He's a good co-creator, but I'd really like to have a unique authentic voice behind it someone

Like me That is the voice I think I should host it. I'm the champion. You don't smoke weed champion. I don't have to smoke weed. That's the point of rabbit hole I'll eat a edible you ate one edible once and you fell asleep for 19 days That was the best podcast ever A podcast where it's just me snoring Would you think I would snore based on how I look? Uh, yes, well not how you look

But if I hung around you for a little bit because you're a mouth breather and that's all it takes I think snores are big people and I'm not a big person, but I still snore Well, the reason you snore I think is because you you're a back sleeper, aren't you? Uh, I'm a side sleeper I think if you sleep with your mouth open, I don't remember exactly But if you sleep with your mouth open, you're more prone to snoring, right? I hear your phone a little bit um I think sleeping with your mouth closed is one of the hardest like I can't do you sleep with your mouth closed? I don't snore

I think that's so hard like one breathing through your mouth breathing through your nose for eight hours Like that seems really really hard for me and then also like I feel like it takes extra effort to have your mouth closed Like when I'm completely at rest. I'm slack jawed How do people other people don't have that? Yeah, it's just like naturally shut I guess that's a butt Huh if you're Stay with me for a second. Yeah

Yeah, I'm sure of it now what I'll tell you what Jesus christ This is so cool to have this epiphany on the podcast if you're not to shut your butt. I think yeah I really do think so. You were like really milking that pause, but everyone knew what you were gonna say. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Yeah Yeah Okay, go ahead and say it

Yes, I mean, there's no other way to do it, but I think And here it is and it feels like God, I feel like I'm airing my dirty laundry. You're not if you already aired it by the way you said it then said you had Wait one second I will be but you have your eyes and open your minds ready. Mm-hmm if your mouth is shut And there's literally no other way to say it But the way I'm gonna you are ruining it because it sort of needs to be said all at once I know you're a butt and let me like look that that was put together put together

Simply put together actually to put it simply quite factually Oh my god. It's so cool. All right. So here listen from the top. You're overselling. I'm not overselling it I'm under delivering it if your mouth is to be closed or sorry No, no, no realigned if your mouth is shut Yes Yeah, okay Back or part one if your mouth is shut end of chapter. Don't say part two. Don't say it just pause it All right, so if your mouth is shut

Pregnant pause. No, don't say it. Just just do it ready. Here we go If your mouth is shut, just do it. You are I am no stop it. Okay. Here we go. Yeah, say it If you're say what if your mouth Is shut it's shut. Actually, I'll just say it once and I don't want you to say it because I think I came up if your mouth is shut I get to say it. All right. Go ahead. Here we go. If your mouth is shut You we have to take a break. Take one more sponsor take a break. You're a butt It's perfect. It's not it rhymes. Yeah, but like it doesn't really mean anything to anybody That didn't hear the whole entire lead-in because then like your mouth can be shut at any time quiet while addressing the master

I am the master And I will not be spoken to that way. You're right. I'm sorry I apologize. I'm going to salute You're saluted stand down soldier. I am already sitting down master. Thank you All right one last question sure This one Is very red

All right, this one was written in all caps So we need a girl's name Tracy Like bassa tracy Bassa tracin writes I keep in mind this is all caps Hey guys, just want to say I love you guys. I'm in a bit of a pickle though I met a guy about two months ago at a club and we went back home to his place

We did the do and it was awesome We've been texting and seeing each other almost every weekend since what I thought was a playful little hookup thing Seems to be evolving into something more serious or at least I think it is I don't really know which is why I need your help Like he makes romantic He makes romantic gestures sometimes like waking me up early to walk on a trail as the sun was rising and it was hella romantic Also after a long session of hardcore fucking we cuddle and snuggle affectionately I've had breakfast with him. I've explored the town with him. It seemed kind of relationshipy

I've had fuck buddies before in the past and this don't seem like one of those kind of relationships He's super nice and always calls me beautiful But am I just being naive? Is he taking advantage of my overly girly romance loving nature? Does he only enjoy fucking me? I'm so lost I'm starting to catch feelings for this guy, but I don't want to get my heart broken Help me out peace love Tracy Tracy

So it sounds like she's only had fuck buddies before so this thing is really throwing her throat. What's going on? We went on a hike. I think it as the sun was rising town And I don't fucking get it. We fucking then he's affectionate afterwards Yeah, not just before is he nice to me afterwards. He'll do things like cuddle affectionately Yeah, you're not naive. This is pretty normal of a relationship when a guy likes you He he introduced me to his parents. What the fuck is going on? He put a ring on my finger I'm starting like is this official if if our wedding date is in a year? Are we engaged or like making placements and shit? And I just don't even know what to think

It's like hella tight, but also is he using me? Yeah, or is he just gonna pump and dump me once we say that we are Legally binding contract of marriage. We're engaged to wed. We're married for two each other And we have a child of us use somebody for their pussy after you slept with them a bunch Like you wouldn't be nice to them just to have sex with them. Hmm, right because you already had sex with them so that's when I feel like you you're The you know the the stereotype is that you're nice and daty and you think you show somebody that you want something more than a Relationship then you have sex and then you pull away Hmm when it's going the other way when you're fucking and then he's taking you out on romantic

Strolls and cuddling you affectionately And still fucking you as well. Then that's that's it. That's the way it's supposed to go. That's that's normal That's the huge uh, the cuddling Seems like it could go either way like what else are you supposed to do even if it's just a Of course cuddling for sure either way, but like waking her up early for a sunrise hike sunrise hike After you fucked the person like if you if you're not into that person you save that move for somebody you haven't fucked yet Yeah

He's a stark today I've turned into a crow You're a crane of yourself A phrasier based crane of yourself So don't worry lady doesn't seem like he's just an f buddy. It seems like he he likes you for real. Yeah If you like someone well, the first thing you like about them is physical You want to bone them? Yes, and then it's like oh in addition to that. I like their personality I want to take them on a odd first want to fuck their body. Then you want to fuck their mind

Oh, and lastly their soul and suddenly their heart And then you can blow their god aka their dick away. That is correct for he is the puppet master He is the true master in fact I want my god to not be attached to me But he is more important than that. Hey dudes put that down. No Oh my god, that was sick fly god fly Throwing it like a wet pasta on the wall just to see if it sticks

Christ dude and the show Yeah, that's our time. Thanks so much to everybody for writing in do let us know I am still curious if you guys would would delay that breakup or do it right away tear it off like a band aid Uh, if you have your own questions for us Uh, or your own theme song submissions or your own facebook thumbnail submissions We are still needing your artwork 600 by 315 ideally, but we'll take what we can get Everything and anything is to if I were you show at gmail.com. Thanks to alex for the opening pop punk theme song Yeah, the pop punk theme song to start the show and this one is sam w to close the show out

We'll be back on monday, and if you don't listen to us on monday Don't fucking give us that pity tuesday shit the to the tuesday podcast slot All right, what's more important than that? It's fine. If you listen to us on tuesday tuesday is fine, but that's honestly Let's cut it off there whenever you want to listen. That's great as long as it just do before if it's after a week Like you might as well just be anytime. Thank you. We appreciate you really appreciate it. Do it fast. Do it often do it twice Yeah, yeah, did you leave her a view on itunes leave a couple more? Jake is a really chill dude. Amir is a really lame Jew They're gonna answer some questions and put you on blast if they need to

So if you're dating a dime or committed a crime and you don't know what to do Listen to a show that's hashtag dope. It's called if I were you If I were you If I were you Well, let's say toad and see is the cheese if I were you if I were you show.com motherfucker