If I Were You - 157: Tile and Ring

Episode Date: June 7, 2015

In this episode we discuss new friends and old flames.This episode is brought to you by NatureBox.com, TrunkClub.com and Prosper.com!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

These two are chill, they're nearly freezing And we almost don't care that they're Jews Oh, cause the cheese that they be seasonin' In that regard they're beastin' Oh, you better shape up Because you need advice There's somethin' you, they won't think twice So mom turn it down

Because it's gettin' absurd And I'm not quite sure how her please works But that's okay, cause Jake's SCD free At least that's what he claims, I'm not really sure Well here's what I would do Jake and Amir, if I were you Well this is what they would do With a band's underpinship

They would be At gmail.com Do you have it, game! Wow, I love that! Do you know what that was a parody of? Uh, fuck me, it's so familiar but no You better shape up Oh wow!

Because I need a man I really love that, start to finish, I love that one What do you think? You seem kriaki, I'm way kriaki-fied right now I am pouring us two little glasses of whiskey Yeah, it's weird I've never seen you this happy before When you hold the whiskey in your hand I love it, I love to drink

I absolutely do I like the way it tastes, and I like the way it makes me feel Cheers Alright, I might not get around to having a sip just quite yet That's cool, I'll have yours I don't want you to have mine I do, I'm chugging the bottle, here we go I said, hey we should record, you said let's have one where we're drinking

I'm like, I don't know, I feel weird, it's only two in the afternoon And then you're like, hey I'm already a bit buzzed Yeah, and then I also did an upper and a downer, so I'm even keel You said, watch me do a medium or right now Just joking, it's Saturday, it's Saturday night So this is sort of our like, this is how nerds get ready to go out They drink and then they record, and then they hit the town I actually might go out alone

Alright, that's alright too, hell, I don't even know if a lot of the bars will let me in I don't have my ID, I do not have my passport What I do have is my Israeli passport and it has expired And it just says shmuel That's right, and it says it in Hebrew, big block, Hebrew letters But that's what I'm going to go for tonight I like the way whiskey tastes In addition to how it makes you drunk

Yeah, I like to be drunk, because when I'm drunk I feel confident Yeah, oh and you can't feel that way without Well sometimes, like, if I'm in a bad mood and I drink, then I'll feel better And then if I'm in a happy mood and I drink to celebrate, then I also feel even better So it always makes you feel better? Yeah, there's really no downside to it Cut to tomorrow I have a picture of you

When I say hungover, what's like a good example of how hungover you've been? Because I have a mental image right now Was it silver like throwing up on the porch? No, but that's good too I was imagining you in the bathtub with a damp towel over your head And like the shower coming down on you with like lukewarm water Yeah, that was the same night Oh, was it?

Because that was the day that you and Marty went to the hotel and I was going to come And then I was like, actually I don't think I can go And then you guys were just like standing in the front of the house as I was puking over the balcony So yeah, there is an equal but opposite reaction Right How else do you get confidence if not through drinking? New haircuts, which we do today That's right, yeah, we got matching haircuts today

Yeah, we kind of did But we were trying to psych ourselves up before we got it as to how short we would allow the sides to be We were just like, I think I'm going to go three I think we can go shorter than that Wow, really shorter than a three It's scary It is scary, even though it's the difference is eighths of millimeters So you can't really tell

I ended up getting a one and a half And I got a zero over the whole thing You look like Mr. Clean But you look so, you look a lot better now than you did I mean, the before and after pictures are startling Yeah, my hair was too long and it was very ugly Yeah, it was like ratty and dry towards the ends of it Because that was hair that's been around since, like, February

Yeah, we filmed, it was pre when we were filming the last episodes of Jake and Amir So basically somebody could have watched an early video when I got a haircut And that was the last time it was You looked like Woody Allen, Annie Hall Like Annie Hall, Woody Allen haircut Where it's like a little bit on top and then Oompa Loompa also off to the sides Why did it take you so long to get a haircut? I really don't, I think because I like extremes

I like when my beard gets really, really long And then I like, we'll shave it with a straight razor I just like big transformations So I think that's probably part of it But I also, I wanted to see how long I could grow my hair I like doing many things at once Like, I'm not gonna shave or cut my hair until I feel healthy So like, if I have a cold, I'm gonna let myself get ugly and bad

And then once I'm feeling good again, I will like trim and get a haircut And buy a new shirt Oh, I love that Yeah Sometimes I'll like, buy a pair of shorts or something And I'll be like, I'll wear, I remember actually, I bought a shirt And I didn't wear it until I, I was like I'm not gonna wear this shirt till I get a six pack

You still, it's still hanging in your closet, I saw It took, I think six years And I only had a six pack for two months Is it a six pack if you flex? Or it has to be like a non flexing six pack I don't know, I guess I don't know, I feel like I feel like if you can flex and have a six pack, that's pretty good That's a six pack

Can I show you what I have and you can tell me if you think that's a six pack? Yeah Alright, I'm gonna stand up away from the microphone Oh my god, you're covered in boils Yeah, I certainly called that a six pack So I can say I have a six pack? Yeah I have one then

You finally have a six pack Have you been working out a lot? I've been working out the same amount that I usually do Dieting? Yeah, you know, my diet is like I guess you've slowly been, I mean, you've had that for a while Yeah, I basically don't, I try not to eat a lot of bread I usually get the healthy, the most delicious healthy option

Right So like, I'll have like a veggie burger instead of a cheese burger That's nice And I'll have sweet potato fries instead of regular fries I don't want to get drunk with you anymore Tonight or Ever This is if I were you, the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us

I'm Amir I'm Jake I was wondering how long it was gonna take I know, I think that might be a record I didn't mind it I have a six pack Alright, so what is this show? Really cool

For real, by the way This is an advice podcast People are in desperate need of our advice What do you feel like you need to work out now that your six pack is finished? Oh, like what's my next thing that I should What's your next fitness goal? Mmm, good question I think, I think I still have like chub that I can get rid of

If like, I'm not willing, I'm only willing to go 90% health Right Like I will get a wrap and like mashed potatoes But I'm not willing to like eat a salad for every single meal Right And that's like what it takes to get like, legit Or work out twice as hard as you do Yeah, yeah

Like if you take a three mile run and you could take a six mile run Or you could do like interval training with sprints and stuff That would just, it's like which direction are you trying to Right Or like sometimes I'll do push ups and sometimes I won't Sometimes I'll do a six minute ab exercise And sometimes I won't Yeah

But if I did something like literally every day And then didn't eat any bread at all I feel like the change would be marginal But the change in effort would be so monumental That it wouldn't be worth the marginal change But like, that's the difference between having like, I don't know I feel like you would, maybe it would look marginal But you would feel

A lot better Oh, yeah I don't know I don't know if I would though I think I would feel like a fucking lot better If I didn't eat cookies I think I'd be, in French fries I think I'd be sadder than the happiness I would gain

By looking slightly better Yeah So it's like a give and take I'm not trying to like, I don't want to deprive myself of everything Because then I wouldn't be happy enough When I do achieve those things that I want to achieve What else was I gonna say? Working out

Fitness goal Running Happiness Sweet potato fries I'm always just thinking of sweet potato fries Alright, maybe it'll come to me Okay Let's try to answer a question

These are real people seeking our advice for whatever reason So, here we go Do you have a fake name to give this guy? Tile That's a good fake name Thank you So, quite a while ago I was tending bar And a girl gave me her number

Texted for a while and all was going quite well We made plans to meet up one weekend But my mom asked me to go to a concert with her And I couldn't say no So I told the girl who had given me her number That the situation had come up And I had to cancel We haven't talked since

Meanwhile, I started dating someone else But that ship has docked Is there any hope of rekindling the interest of the enthusiastic bar patron Who thought that I was attractive enough to engage with Or has that ship set sail forever? Love Tile Basically is there a statute of limitations Someone gives you their number

And if you don't do anything about it And let's say this relationship lasts six months Is that too late? I don't think it's ever too late Ever ever? Because it's so fun and flirtatious to be like Here's my number, use it if you want And then like

That's, you know, that's sort of like a micro burst of energy Like, oh fuck yeah, like I got a number Yeah So that's one instance of fun, excitement, out of nowhere This is cool, unexpected Wasn't planning for this, hooray And then fizzles, whatever But as a fizzle down to zero

I think it's fine I think it does, of course fizzle down to zero But it's not like he blew it so hard That the door can't be opened again I feel like you can always peek in If it's that casual and lighthearted initially He could of course just be like Hey, it's me again

Is the spark still there by any chance? Right, except not that fucking lame No, yeah, of course I would say, is the spark there per chance? That's fucking hot What do you text someone that you haven't spoken to in a year That gave you their number a year ago? I would probably just say

Hey, exclamation point, what about that drink? And they'll be like, who is this? Yeah, that's a risk that you run The stakes are so low If she says who is this I think that's the real question If you do something like that and they say who is this Do you even respond?

So you're like, yeah, totally You can go for it, it's only been a year If they say who is this I think I'm gone forever again A year break, I say Hey, let's get a drink, they say who is this And I block their number That is such a slap in the face

It's just a stone wall Then I'm not even willing to entertain the notion of climbing over it There's no more fun flirty way to explain your name to someone Like, hey, hey, let's How about that drink after all? It's kind of funny to say that after six months And they say, who is this? And then you just have to be like

Amir Shmuel Blumenfeld I'm serious I can't say my name I don't know if I said, hey, let's get that drink She says, who is this? I guess I would probably say like Oh no, monkey covering his eyes emoji Then my name

Or I would say This is tough I would say my name and then like Another message that said I should have known you'd have given up on me by now Like make it sound overly traumatic Yeah, and like that you don't blame her For deleting your number or whatever

I snoozed and I lost I snoozed and I lost And I deserve to be tossed I feel like that's an example of something that's funny to me But if you said that to a girl She would be like, that's bad Do you ever just go for it? Like this is crazy and kind of weird

But if you don't get this Then maybe we're not meant to be Or do you always err on the side of Kosh? I probably mostly err on the side of Kosh Sometimes I'll go I'll do something very sarcastic And hope that they get it But I think also sarcasm is something that

You one have to like See me in person and know that I'm sarcastic Right, it's hard to translate over text Yeah, at least initially It's not that I wouldn't trust anybody To not get my sense of humor I would just be like, you have to build towards it So it's like a slow ramp up

So with this guy, you can rekindle Hey, how about that drink? Or the last text message between the two Would be like Hey, Sara, I have to cancel That's funny, if you're... But you can't go off that because If she doesn't have that thread anymore

Then it would make no sense at all Mmm But don't you sometimes like to reference the thread Like something, let's say Hey, Sara, I can't make it tonight I can't go to a concert with my mom She says no worries and then six months later Isn't it sometimes funny to be like

Hey, the concert just ended Yeah, hey, longest concert ever What are you up to tonight? Like make a joke about that I do... I guess if it's something that memorable Like, hey, I can't see you I'm going to a concert with my... I think only if it's memorable

I think if you're going solely on the last message It's a little dangerous because not everybody Saves their texts It does save automatically, but I sometimes delete them So, basically, he can text Ah, yes There is no statute of limitations Um

Alright, we need Yet another name Of a man You come up with it It has to be a fake name Ring Ring Tile and ring

That's our names tonight when we go out Hey, what's up? I'm Tile We don't need games to make me more Self-aware and self-conscious around people I already feel weird when I go out You don't have to say Oh, we're so hot and handsome That, like, let's do this thing where you have to introduce yourself

Is a weird thing, like, let's make this game A little more challenging It's already hard enough for me to talk It's not challenging, it's fun to do that It's not fun to say, hey, my name is Ring I'm going to introduce you to my name is Ring I'll introduce myself as Jake Say, this is my friend Ring

This is my friend Ring And they'll say what? That's right, his parents liked Rings Ring writes Been a long time listener Ving Reims' name is Ving You know, actually

His legal name is Ring Vames No shit? Yeah, it's a spoonerism Okay, here we go, Ving, sorry Ring Vites, no Ring writes You've had one sip of whiskey I'm already done

I don't need to go out, I'm already there Ring writes 8.5 out of 10 I like that he needed to say, don't get me wrong We aren't ugly He needed you and me to ask What do you think of her? I haven't even met the girls yet

I'm torn between the two of them So please, guys, I need your help Do I carry on Trying to progress things with the 8.5 Or do I embrace the 10s flirting Or a third option Do I wait till I meet them both at a party And let things sort out themselves

Thanks, love Ring He needed you and I to know he wasn't have we ever just made fun of somebody on this podcast because we thought they were ugly Yeah, probably on the on the outside Only on the inside we make fun of people all the time for being ugly on the inside You also you don't have to tell us that you've been lacking in some female affection recently your neurosis speaks so so many volumes that we know We know that this is a very precious and exciting moment for you as you invited someone to a party Three weeks in advance, and you're freaking out two weeks in advance as to which hot girl you should bone

Should I go for the eight and five eight point five? I don't know things are looking really good, but there is a ten out of ten It's so mathematical. It's also a nine My god one of the girls is a nine and the other one's a nine point two five And I'm sort of unable to differentiate Oh my friend is fucking all five of them. Oh, yeah, I was too busy ranking them You're too busy rating everyone out of ten You're a zero loser

Sorry, I was looking at a mirror when I said that it I feel like this is a Write a passage almost for like It's so not an actual problem, but you get so hung up on it when you're single and you're a dude and you're like Let's exciting after girls it's exciting to make it a problem right because You're thinking about it all the time and the only way to warrant the amount of Space in your brain that it's occupying is to make it sort of like a conundrum that you have to solve Yeah, but like really what you want what your question is is like Two girls like me two girls like me. This one's hot. This one's hotter. This one's hot

They're gonna come to a party two girls like me. Hooray It doesn't you don't actually need to decide anything yet, of course not. It's fine But I do I think that like I used to do this all the time as well Just be like do I like this girl? Do I like this girl? But it was only that I liked thinking about girls It wasn't that like I actually needed to decide who who I like Do you ever have that thing where you're like there's these two attractive friends that are both equally into me And I have to choose one and the other will be alienated forever

That doesn't exist, but you know what else I don't think exists I don't think anybody ever sits down and weighs all the options and makes an educated decision about which person They're gonna be more attracted to I think you just like to think about it. So it just comes up You just are you'll find yourself being you can't like talk yourself into or out of being attracted to someone So if he's like I like this 8.5 a 10 likes me and I like I don't know which one I like Who should I decide these are the pros? These are the cons. Yeah, all he's really enjoying is that it's happening, right? And then when the party is taking place

That's when you'll know who you're attracted to because you'll be like I want to talk to this girl I mean this is good. I mean it is a fun problem to have I was just joking calling him a zero I mean this guy's sort of like me in a way. He's just super neurotic and analytical about any any Specific problem that I think he's like every person though ever every every guy I've ever met right just so like all right in two weeks I'm gonna have a party and one of them is a as of this and the other one is a that and how do I make sure that there are three? Options are right. There are three options and I have to choose which one Why don't you go to having a party is planning for it, which actually which completely means nothing

Why don't you just go to the party without anything in your mind and see what happens, right? It's that's like one of the advice someone I think it was Milana on our show. She's like The best thing you can do on a date is not think about how it's gonna end just enjoy the moment because if you're thinking about the end It's like ooh should I kiss should I hug should I handshake should I do this should I do that? Yeah, do the other why don't you just enjoy what's happening currently and then see what happens if? One of the opportunities should present themselves whether it's with one girl or the other I say go for it because the hardest thing to do is actually yeah, I mean you already wrote for it So figure it out like let's say I wouldn't I wouldn't turn

Getting a girl turned down for what yeah, I wouldn't turn down for whom Getting a lady or a guy is a very difficult thing to do. It doesn't happen often in your life Even if you do it a lot It's a small percentage of your life That's true. Like let's say you sleep with a hundred girls, which is a ton or a hundred guys. That's still like five percent of a Given decade, of course, I haven't done any of that math at all so I can't really yeah I couldn't understand I mean a hundred out of three thousand let's say three thousand days

You sleep with a hundred girls that seems like a lot, but it's only like one and every Thirty three hundred one and every three hundred See this is what happens when I drink It's a small percentage of your day. It's a special you don't want to find out How many days in a decade? Oh my god. All right, I'm gonna do the math right here. This is why my number is lower than a hundred So 365 you're doing you're doing the math for my number. Yeah So there's thirty six hundred fifty days in a decade. Let's say you have sex 200 of those days, which is a lot

Well, I don't even know if it's a lot because you have a girlfriend you have sex many Okay, how about what if you don't have a girlfriend? So let's say you're a hundred What's the number a hundred times you have Well, look we count once they count once a hundred times you have sex with a girl for the first time Yeah, that's what we're talking about having sex for the first time is very excited. It happens once every So let's say there's 365 days and you do it a hundred times. So that's once every This is if this is a hundred people in a year a hundred people in a decade. Oh in a decade. Yeah It happens once every month in a week five weeks

So it's a special thing it's not like food where you have it every day and it's not like this weekend Which happens once a week it happens every five weeks if you're if you're doing it very very well So what I'm trying to say is that when it's so special when it's happening that I wouldn't be like I'll pass on this one and see if something else develops. I would say just go for it. Oh interesting Because I mean and a hundred you did a lot of work to make it not interesting with all the calculating In a perfect world I could have gotten to that number in my head Yeah, this this calculator that you see has to be in my in my brain This can't be here on the computer on the computer. Absolutely. This computer should be between my eyes

I'll finish your drink for you. I'm okay without it. I'm okay without it. All right, hand it over Let go. Hey I'm biting your hand The advice is to relax and go for it. I Don't know what else to say other than that. I think yeah, that's perfect relax and go for it Let's see what happens. Can you let us know what happened? Yeah We'll reply to this email so that you know we talked about and then you can let us know what happened Alright, let's take a break. We'll be back with more after this

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We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be in melbourne on the way to adelaide for our first show This episode comes out on monday june 8th. Our first show is tuesday june 9th and adelaide. Oh wow So there's still time to promote That's right. This is it the adelaide show is tomorrow if you're listening to this on monday june 8th We'll have already taken the 15 hour flight. Yeah, i'm not looking forward to that That's the worst part about traveling is the actual traveling I don't I don't I mean it's not like I love flying right, but I don't find it so

abhorrent that it would It's not even like I'm not even thinking about it. Oh, I'm thinking about it and it's not a scare thing It's just a boredom thing 15 hours on a on a seat But you're so you're like actively I'm dreading this flight. I'm like, I don't know what I'm gonna do on it I'm gonna download madmen episodes and watch it. I don't know if I should bring a sleeping pill I don't know if I should do this I'm gonna Right on the plane. Yeah, you and I are gonna we're gonna work on our script

Okay, a little bit till midnight. That'd be nice. Then I'll pop a pill I'm gonna sleep until you know whenever Of course because time is sort of weird when you're flying across the international date line probably sleep for At least six hours. Okay. Let's solid and then I wake up and what there's like Then I you sort of wake up and you're like, okay. Now. This is like a trip to LA to new york trip Right like six hours. I can handle that right all you have to do is work a little sleep a little wake up And then it's like a five-hour trip. Yeah. Yeah, I guess that's that's good. You're right All right, I'll go to australia. Oh, thank god. Our show's tomorrow in adelaide

Uh Tuesday in adelaide Tickets are still available as of now. Sydney or sorry the day after we're in melbourne that show is sold out Sorry, baby's I think melbourne's gonna be Pop popping off because those are all people that got tickets before the entire show sold out 800 people Uh, sydney on wednesday june 11th brisbane on thursday june 12th and then uh, sorry Friday june 12th and then the last show is perth on sunday june 14th tickets still available streeter is gonna be there too Uh, we're excited. I don't know about you guys, but I'm just excited to hang out with streeter again. Yeah

Um, I'm not even thinking about the shows. I'm thinking about like after the shows and asking people to take us to whatever place Uh, people rage at in perth on a tuesday. Oh, that'll be nice. Yeah sunday one of our show is it's it's half a show and then half a party Yeah, we're relying on people to take us out. That's right So we basically we need you to come. Please come. Yeah, if you're on the fence and you're like, oh, I actually know some cool places We actually need you to arrive. Yeah, wait for us until after the show We appreciate the money you'll spend on us, but we really actually mostly appreciate your guidance Of course, we need friends and I know what you guys are thinking I don't want to hang out with those two guys. They haven't gotten a haircut recently like we said

We did get a haircut today. We are looking fresh to death. We're cut. I'm actually going to be borrowing my roommate's Bomber jacket while you don't know. I think I'll be borrowing Marty's bomber jacket All right, if y'all see me in a bomber jacket, you'll know I borrowed it Another but I own it and wait. No, don't borrow it. I didn't borrow it Another update in our lives is that By the time this episode comes out, we will be homeless. We did not get we did not we did not acquire We were not presented with the opportunity To to enter Raven nest. Yeah, nor do we deserve to be entering Raven nest

We made an offer the offer was so low The owners did not even humor us with a counter. They they didn't even laugh at us They stared at us blankly. Of course laughing would be acknowledging it We floated down onto their feet like a leaf and they didn't have to do anything about it Grasp for the ark and stone. Mm-hmm. And what did we receive? We received nothing but ash Coal and ash for that is what we deserve and that is what we are In the shadow of raven nest Uh, so that that that home. Sorry that haven't glory be her. Absolutely praise be to her

Uh will exist only in that one visit to us only in our mind's eye And I'm not a hundred percent sure we ever were there Explain that I think You and I died of death I think we died of death and I think raven nest It was purgatory I can't imagine to show us what we could have to show us what there was and then to show us what we are and who will never be

How much good have we done on this limited time on earth? For us to have died and and seen the light of raven nest. Yeah, I feel saintly for that for only the a few Such important special souls to pull at the sword of Excalibur Although sword in the stone that we couldn't remove it to have the opportunity to grasp the handle and to yank at the blade To touch the stone to touch the stone to see the stone to be considered Is an honor

It was an honor to be before her gate to listen to the siren song And then we did try to bed the siren, but she would not she would not give herself to us, of course, nor do we deserve it We we offered so little for what you what can you ever tell you I shit in the drive right there What I shit in the driveway on the way out I swear to jesus what I turned around and saw that turd. It was nothing but three cadbury eggs Uniformly placed stacked on top of each other that is the power of raven nest And it and it is deserved and it is so let us never ever speak of it again for it is unspeakable

To raven nest Uh, all right, let's get to one last question. We gotta we gotta hop aboard this flight Oh I drank two whiskies at a time that you have not drank one. Yeah about half All right, you want to read this question while I while you finish that. Yeah Well, you finish that baby The fake name I'll give this person is it a lady? Uh, no good. It is not and I will give this gentleman the fake name of Uh, smort s

Hyphen sorry s apostrophe lowercase s apostrophe mor t. He loves s'mores His name was mort. He loves you went on one camping trip. Yeah, he had it Honestly, he only had two s'mores, but everyone else had one Some people had two. Yep But anyway smort smortimer writes smort writes Hey, jake and amir me and my friends all go to different unis But we always meet up in the holidays to catch up and hang out The problem is one of my friends always brings his sister along without asking

This wouldn't be so bad except this dame is a stone cold bitch She is really mean and distant to everyone and keeps messing up the group dynamic by getting off with or fucking the guys in the group We've talked about it and none of us want her there But it's got to the point where the only way we can avoid her is by not inviting our friends to stuff How can we politely tell this guy that his sister is not welcome without it being awkward? Thanks for your help smort I don't know about this chick you guys. She blew daryl fucked michael. She fucked david

I feel like she fucked everyone except for me at this point. She's actually a stone cold bitch He's such a bitch. She's like fucking with the dynamic. She's boning She like is hooking up with all our friends not me of course, but all of everybody else So raise your hand if you okay, see how it's everyone, but me nobody even freaking likes her except for me All right, I might not I don't like her I just I'm I'm curious is all to fuck because you all did it and you all liked it So I say I for one either cast her away and we never hang out with her or I get to have sex with her and make her my girlfriend and you guys never allowed to touch her ever again because she's with me

She Is not a bitch We I don't know we don't know we don't know we just don't know So like even if everybody else does agree with this guy and they're like we want her out man She's fucking up the group dynamic. She's hooking up with us She's not doing it by herself You're hooking up with her. Yeah, it's she's screwing it up because of you. You can't like hook up with her and then say You fucked up the dynamic

You mean what is the dynamic of this group that Doesn't that seem like a thing a girl can do is like threaten to sleep with all your friends Yeah, like if a girl if you were dating a girl And she was kind of crazy Right, and then you're like, I think we have to break up and then she's like if you break up with me I'm gonna fuck all of your friends if I was dating a girl. She was like, all right. I'm gonna blow a mirror I think I would probably If she was like, I'm gonna if you break up with me, I'm gonna suck a mirror's dick

But not just me it would be like me Dave Jeff like, okay, I'm gonna suck every single guy's dick And you could be like I'm gonna tell him not to but odds are they wouldn't care. Well odds are Definitely Dave's doing. Oh, yeah, Dave's already going. Well, actually Dave's married at this point. Oh, okay So besides Dave or Dave three years ago, especially if she did it in like a really Cool even tempered way not like well, I'm gonna fucking blow all your friends They're not gonna do it if you seem this unstable. She's like, and I'm gonna blow your friends No, I can con them I'll tell them I need to talk that I want to get over you and I just want to like go out and get a drink with somebody and then

We'll get to drinking and I'll Touch their leg. They'll think oh wait. What is this and then you know, of course if I just want to blow them You know your friends. They'll let me I would be really afraid I would be fearful. I think I would be scared. I might be scared that she would do it anyway So you might as well and ties and hope for the best be like, all right. Do whatever you want. I can't I can't deal with this Yeah, that's a completely different issue. I don't even know why that came up a girl. Yeah, no girls could

Easily wreak havoc. Yeah, they are on a group of guy friends because girls just men are so jealous and so horny They're so jealous and horny. We can't stress that enough the two worst things you can be Are like, I'm super horny and super jealous. So I'll be angry and also want to nut I want to come and yell. I love the idea of coming and none of my fucking friends get to Only I do Life is a competition and then we talk about it and celebrate me because I came the hardest and the most and for the most people And in the most people and with the most people. Yeah I borderline had sex once every 36 and a half days and nobody's given me the atta boy. Nobody's given me the gaps

I definitely didn't do it because it felt good. I did it because my friends would be impressed What can you do What would you do? What would you do to get rid of a sister Could you stop inviting a guy? Isn't it easier to just tell him not to invite a sister? I guess the easiest thing would be to Uh, tell him that his sister is hooking up with all your friends. Yeah, you don't want a guy wouldn't be like down I don't have a sister. So I don't really get that like When your sister is dating a guy, are you like a dad? Are you protective? Are you like, okay? What how does it work if you're a brother? I had to like go through a transformation with my sisters because

When I was younger, it was like no was allowed to touch them You know, I was a protective older brother. Like I don't want a guy talking to my sisters I don't want any of my friends working at my sisters And then you like you get older and you realize that People like to be touched and have orgasms and you you don't want to deprive your sisters of that happiness I don't like to think about it happening, but I would obviously want everybody that I love and care about to feel good in every possible way and sexually Uh Sex is a way that you feel good and I want them to have fulfilling sex lives

but Then you don't think about like hey, don't touch my fucking sister. It's just like hey, don't Uh, don't be an asshole to her. Yeah, don't be mean Yeah, so I'm sure if you told this guy that his sister was sleeping with all of your friends He would want There's not a lot of brothers who are like, yeah, I don't care have at her Yeah, but then like then this guy the tattletales fucking with the dynamic also like what is he gonna say? She's fucking everybody with me, dude

She's fucked. Yeah, she blew him fucked him made out with him and I'm getting like jack shit And you think that's fair. Do you think it's because my name is smort? I mean, I don't even know how to rationalize this one and a half s'mores s'mores Uh, is there a better so you're saying don't tell the guy that his sister is Hooking up. No, well, because if you're worried about the friend dynamic, that's certainly gonna fuck with it If you're like, hey, all of your friends are boning your sister I don't understand the kind of guy who's like, let me bring my sister around with all of my dude friends

You wouldn't do that I would bring uh, yeah, no, I don't think I would at all You would you bring any girl to a guy's night or especially not a sister? How does that work? female friend uh, yeah, I probably I mean I don't know. I guess do we have like guys nights? uh Sometimes we hang out dudes

But I feel like that's never like a conscious decision like hey tonight's guys right. It's just like we're mostly friends with guys Every guy every night of ours is guys night by default every night is just like hey Let's hang out with our friends and then we know four guys. Yeah That's our guys night. So what would you tell this guys to do? Uh to I think he is Way too focused on this sister. It's fine that she's there Yeah, and if it bothers you a lot, I guess you can talk to him about it

But what a weird thing to say Don't bring your sister around I don't like people that are like so focused on it like keeping a certain dynamic You have to just there's an ebb and a flow and an evolution and like But I can imagine you getting mad at like a guy that you don't like constantly being there I'd be like, why do we hang out with this dude? I don't like this guy. Yeah, but I was like ruining my night But not like to not bring him So say we hung out with this guy a guy that we really liked and every time he was around he brought another guy that we all

really despised I don't Did this actually happen ever because that would help me uh channel my emotions Uh, I don't know but sooner or later you would just like you would you in your mind you would group those two guys You're like, I don't like these two guys here. So it's like almost like it negatively his this badness Is contagious and it's like he's infected this good guy now It's like I don't like these two guys because it contains 50 percent that guy Interesting. It's like I don't like chocolate vanilla swirl ice cream because I don't like chocolate

Suddenly I'm not eating vanilla anymore. I mean, how is that? You did finally finish your whiskey. So I understand why you're crying And it does look like chocolate at this point I think the last time we did a drunk podcast like on our on our own not in the live show We got way more wasted. I'm pretty drunk. Are you? Yeah, good man. We're gonna go out Dude, are you kidding me bottoms up? Uh, what's your last bit of advice for this guy just so we can end this episode? Here's what I think You're never gonna get the same group of friends that you have that you want back

He's not you're not gonna get this Restoration to the old group dynamic, right? You might as well embrace that this girl's there Or sorry not embrace it, but just ignore that. She's there. Oh Talk to your other friends. You won't maybe you're not gonna have like a big guy group thing At least not with you're manipulating it. You're not it might just happen organically. It's gonna happen naturally but just try not to be such a little bitch about it, excuse me, of course and

Talk to your other friends and don't talk to the stone the stone cold ice queen. Yeah, also I do think you like her That being said, I feel like if she's slept with you and not your friends It wouldn't be an issue Except for that it would because then he would be like I love this girl and all my friends fucked her So what you should do is ask this girl out No, either kick her out or ask her out. There you go. Either way I'm blind

Oh, oh, no. Oh, no All right, that's it. That's our episode come see us in australia if you if you are in australia and you haven't bought tickets yet Fucking crazy is that we're gonna be there. We're there right now if you're listening to this Uh The opening theme song was written by collin collin. I don't know if we ever said thank you So thank you collin if you have your own questions or your own theme song submissions good email if I were you show at Gmail.com we also need thumbnail submissions, you know every time we upload our podcast to facebook We use original artwork created by you our talented fans

Once again, the opening theme song was written by collin and this closing one was written by ethan whose band Is called dead arcade and they have a soundcloud page. So if you go to soundcloud.com slash dead arcade You can listen to more from ethan and here's a little bit right now. Thanks for listening guys. We'll be back on my day. Bye What would you do? Got some issues for these two jews to help me get through They said go to a star bus say you do you enter the night clubs I'll let your crack to quit. You don't give a shit looks like a fun

Today was all about you. Well tonight's about me Hit me on tinder and told i don't text her You need help and you know what to do If I were you show at gmail.com