If I Were You - 158: Matt Damon

Episode Date: June 15, 2015

In this episode we discuss eating habits, group sex, and Matt Damon.This episode is brought to you by CreditKarma.com, MeUndies.com, and Squarespace.com!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

I'm deep in trouble, I'm in a pickle, one guy not enough, better double, who could better tell you what to do than if I were you? My father, my brother, my sister, my daughter, my friends all hate me, I don't know why, maybe has to do with the fact that I get so high Or maybe because I cheated on her, I'm a cab murderer, he's my best bro, but I still think she likes me better My wife give hand job on a tour bus, I have issues with trust, wanna hear my problem, cause I tell you if I must, if I were you I tell you what to do if only I were you Piero Cajerve Piero Cajerve Was that sublime?

It was reggae It was sublime Oh, it was sublime to listen to No, it was actually sublime, the band Oh I think Bradley Noel himself rose from the dead

What sublime song did it sound like? Mucho gusto, me llamo Bradley I am a Takate Ron Jeremy I am a Takate Ron Jeremy I didn't know he had the G.I. Joe Kung Fu grip You didn't know he had the G.I. Joe? That's a part about somebody jerking him off What? I didn't know she had the G.I. Joe Kung Fu grip

Caress me down And I say, ooh That's him getting J.D.O He said, he hadn't heard, or Pierre, the guy who wrote this song said he hadn't heard us play a reggae song so he wrote one for us Very cool Talented guy, thank you

Reggaeton No, just reggae Reggaeton That's reggae with an air horn I got it I just ate, we just scarfed down food really quickly Made me think yet again about what a bad eater I am You were like hunched over the desk to sort of shoveling food into your face

Does this happen to other people? Some sandwiches I can't eat because the bread is too hard and the ingredients are soft I think it's because I don't have a bite My teeth don't, look at this So I'll bite down on something and pull the sandwich away and then a piece of chicken will just slide out from in between the bun and just stab my teeth I think I just don't have sharp teeth

I think it's hard for them to cut through the bread and the meat We weren't made to eat Evolutionarily, we should be dead But I'm in the bottom 5% of eating normally If it's a burrito, I can't eat it If it's a burrito, just come apart Food will fall all over my lap I have to eat pizza with a fork and a knife

Do you really? Yeah Do you like taking big bites? Yes I think that's part of the issue I shovel food into my mouth But that's not because you don't know how It's because I'm the same way

You just want a ton of food I want to take one bite of a sandwich and then I'm not going to put it down and chew I'm going to take one bite and then a second bite and then I'm still chewing while I'm putting another bite into my mouth I'm the same way That's why It's bad

It's bad etiquette, bad form I wouldn't blame the bite It's definitely more an attitude thing Have you ever not ordered something at a restaurant because you're with somebody you wanted to impress and you're like, I can't eat that like a normal person? Yeah, I think it's more I want to like have the guys being like slightly healthier than I am

Right But I guess like I wouldn't normally, if it was like a date I wouldn't get a burger because I think that's the sloppy festival right there A thick juicy burger It's going to be like dripping on my chin, dripping on the plate I have bad posture when I'm eating it You can't even like engage in a normal conversation

because your shoulders come up to your ears It's like quasi-modo Just shoving a foul into my open hole I once, my friends told me like two of my friends have pointed it out to me that I eat sandwiches Like I'm doing the chicken My arms are just like

My elbows are straight out to the side Yeah This is how you can eat a sandwich There's no reason for the elbows to go out Right, like elbows in, bite Put the sandwich down I'm just like, I need it to be coming at me from like above my head

Your elbows are out They're fully akimbo, I would say They are quite akimbo Absolutely akimbo And, oh, a toot chair Also, when I'm like trying to eat with somebody I'm trying to impress whether it be a lady or adults I'll be like, alright, when the food comes

The ladies you date aren't adults No, most of them are little, little girls I'm like, when the food comes, don't eat as fast as you When I'm alone, with the way I eat it looks like I have to eat over a garbage can in two minutes or less Like it's a competition Sometimes you do eat over a cup

Yeah, a garbage can over a sink Yeah, because it'll just drop and fall I'm eliminating the middle man So I'm like, alright, food comes, act cool Eat slowly, be chill Chew with your mouth closed, don't talk Can you do that? No, because then the food comes

and I awaken half an hour later and I'm like, what happened? You're ejecting it high I don't know what I don't remember eating politely I only imagine looking at my food for half an hour straight and I look up and the meal is over Oh shit, I did everything I said I wouldn't do

What you guys just saw wasn't me I left here and I went somewhere else and the slob that you saw before you was a zombie slob I was floating above the table looking down at this angry animal, a pig at a trough Here's a sad story from my life that I can talk about because it just triggered

I think every single one of my ex-girlfriends has told me that I chew with my mouth open They find it disgusting Really? Yeah, they're like, you eat grossly I mean, it's true, I did I do But one time I was at a cafe

Not even a restaurant, a cafe with an ex Actually, it was a current girlfriend at the time My ex-girlfriend now I don't have to specify that You didn't have to But you did, so don't backtrack I'm at a cafe, they serve coffee They also serve sandwiches and salads

And I'm eating a sandwich Talking to her Presumably I have food in my mouth because I don't care if I have food in my mouth when I talk And some guy, I was like 22 Now when adults talk to me, down to me I'm also an adult

You can't do that actually And I'm like sniveling back But when I was 22, I was just like Yes, sir, I'm sorry And he, I was eating, talking to a lady And the guy sitting next to me He's like, I'm sorry, can you chew with your mouth closed The sound is disgusting

And you said I'm sorry No, I was just like, I'm like I probably did say I'm sorry But I was just so mortified And my girlfriend at the time had to stand up for me Even though she agreed with him And it felt like extra sad Because instead of sure being like, see, I told you so

She was like, hey, like leave him alone And I was like, oh, both of you don't like the way I do it And now my girlfriend is standing up for me They actually ended up dating They left together They said, actually, you know, I do Can we get coffee sometime? There's a lot of shit I'd like to talk to you about

Yeah, that was a sad moment in my life Ten years later, still haven't learned my lesson Well, at least now somebody said Chew with your mouth closed, it's disgusting You would tell them to fuck off But do more Yeah, I would maybe answer sarcastically Or be like, you know, I can do whatever I want to do

Or like, oh, I'm sorry and spit food into his face That's what I would do But do... I eat very differently when I'm alone Like, when I'm alone, even more so I'm just like, no holds barred Like, you saw me what I was doing with the sandwich I've eaten shit with spilling out

There was food all over my hands I didn't even want to But you know, I've eaten More than once I've eaten dinner so fast In the privacy of my own home that I threw up It's happened more than one time That is a new level

I ate so fast and so much that I like Vomited You are a sheep I was like, you are a lamb, you are a you Left your own devices, you'll eat until you vomit Let me tell you, my problem is that I don't snack I only eat meals

Because I just don't get hungry throughout the day So I'm not like... But it doesn't like come in little waves It's like, it comes in one tidal wave When it's dinner time So like, I'll get here from work Like, oh, whatever, I haven't eaten since lunch And then all of a sudden it's like 8pm

Or later Yeah, like, oh fuck I need to eat And I would do this thing where I would like Make pasta And then I would like So I'd put like pasta and You boil egg noodles

So I would make like macaroni and cheese And I'm like, well that's not good enough I can't just have macaroni and cheese And I would be like, oh there's like A bunch of turkey here So I would like put deli meat turkey And then I would like cover the entire thing in sriracha And like add, just like adding any

Like a 6 year old chef Just like, this tastes good, I'll add it to this Kid this tastes good And just so much garbage And then I would scarf it and eat it so quickly And then I would More than once I threw up Because I ate way too much

When I imagine you eating this is like this When you long after you die And I'm just still around thinking about you still Long after And I imagine you eating The image of you that's most Burned in my mind is you putting 3-4 potato chips in your mouth at the same time

Which are hard to do Like potato chips aren't malleable Like you have to really open your mouth wide And try And they're not like pringles Yeah, they're not pringles where they easily stacked It's just like 4 ruffles basically And I'll arrange them to the point where they're stacked

You're like, alright now this is a stack of fried potato And ahhh And then See I don't think I've ever had a girlfriend be like The way you eat is disgusting But they are all impressed by the size of The bites that I can take Yeah that's them being disgusted

No they're impressed They're not depressed, they are impressed I don't think I've ever had anybody tell me to like Because I chew with my mouth closed I just eat really really fast But do you do that in the presence of ladies Or do you try to calm yourself down If it's somebody I'm comfortable with

I'll eat It'd be interesting to go back and ask them Like going out to dinner with somebody's parents or something You have to be very self conscious Or if I eat it with a fork And if I can like ration it a little bit You lasted a long time with your salad last night I eat like I'm in a race

Like as a contest Yeah you're in a rush And even when I like When I'm like half paced Like when you're eating half a bowl of paced Yeah when I'm eating half a bowl of my Of my sriracha mac and cheese paced I'll still beat everybody

I'm just Just that quick It is true the line graph of your hunger Is like I'm starving starving starving So full I can puke Starving starving starving So full I can vomit

It's like I have an eating disorder But not like on purpose I'm just bad It's in a bad order Whereas I just like snack throughout the day I never allow myself to get to I never allow myself to get to starving Well I don't

I haven't been hungry in a year Really? No that's not true You were hungry yesterday But not hungry No not hungry Alright So this is if I were you Are we really going to do the show now?

Yeah we still have half an hour to go I don't know what else to say I'm a disgusting man We do eat the same but different We eat the same way But not the same food You're slightly Sloppier

More stuff will fall off of your plate On your face And I probably overeat more Right and when I get food on my fingers It grosses me out To lick my own fingers So I'm just like I just deal with this Like right now I had a chicken pesto sandwich

Where the bread was really good But again crispy outside The inside was so wet That I just take one bite and everything slides out of the underside Then I start like picking it up And trying to form my own sandwich Using like half the piece of bread And like the wet chicken

And I'm like holding it with two fingers And I bite into it and sauce comes out of the side Then like a tomato slides out My hands and fingers are like Covered in hot dressing This is our live podcast for everybody listening We are in front of Sold out theater in Melbourne

Deafening deafening silence That would be so funny So I I don't know where I was It's bad It's disgusting I've had strangers, not only girls But a lot of strangers tell me I was a bad eater

Of course And they should have And I still haven't quite learned Maybe I'll actually make a conscious effort to change Maybe that's why I have never cared enough to change Otherwise I would have changed That's like such a last thing for me Like I've got so much more to figure out

Yeah, you have so many problems in life Not problem, but like if I'm making myself A better person I'm gonna try to nail down like almost everything And then I can't imagine having My life so perfectly together That I'm like alright this week I'm gonna buy

A soap dish And learn how to eat And then I can finally kill myself For I've perfected human I've checked every single box But like can't you imagine like If Matt Damon when he eats a wrap It doesn't spill at all

Yeah, I wonder what, like Google What does Matt Damon eat for lunch? Yeah, when you see Matt Damon eating a burrito I don't see it getting everywhere Cause he probably doesn't overfill it No, I think he just has a great bite And a lot of patience Wait what am I, Google

What does Matt Damon eat for lunch? He just, I don't know Can we start a Twitter campaign? We got our show, we got our pilot shot I want to know what Matt Damon eats for lunch Is that crazy and bad? What does Damon eat for lunch? Actually we should have Matt

Mr. Damon I just want to see you eat a sandwich But there's lots of stuff that I'm like I'm carrying three bags and it's spilling over Or I have a bad umbrella Matt Damon wouldn't have this third bag Right, what would Matt Damon is never like Trying to grab something out of the back

Of his car and he like he can't reach for it Right, do you think Matt Damon's ever like Gotten out of his car Then realized he forgot his cell phone in the car Then went back in to get the cell phone And then shut the door and realized oh fuck my keys No, Matt Damon wouldn't do that He's got it so together

Do you think Matt Damon's ever like dropped a chapstick Below the seat, like in between the seat and the door And he like can't reach for it so he has to open the back seat Like but his standing In traffic and his doors open And cars are honking at him And he also like has to pee really really bad This is all happening and he like

Squirts just a little bit Into his pants and now it's like he's got He's got like just wet pants Right, that wouldn't happen That wouldn't happen to Matt Damon Or like how do you think Matt Damon like Sometimes I travel and I have a roller But also a suit and also a bag

Filled with food for the plane So I'm like holding the suit I'm holding the carry on and then like the Plastic bag is starting to rip And I look like I don't have my shit together What would Matt Damon do? What does he do to make that not happen? Does he not have food on the plane?

Maybe he doesn't have to carry food on the plane He probably rides first class so he's like Oh they'll give me a meal So he doesn't have to carry a plastic bag That's really thin with sabra hummus And pretzel chips, fruit salad And a bottle of water That's true

What else does Matt Damon not do? What else do you do in life That you're like how does Matt Damon do? When I brush my teeth there's like lots of A Toothpaste that drips out of my mouth So I have to do it over the sink Kind of going in line with the

Food thing That's what it is Does Matt Damon sleep with his mouth open? Does Matt Damon snore? Matt Damon's the kind of guy that brushes his Teeth with a regular toothbrush Then he just spits into the sink and he's done Like I have to wash out

Matt Damon could be like Walking around in his kitchen Putting a pot of coffee And just brushing his teeth And then it's all Like spit once And all of the toothpaste is out I have to rinse more than once

Exactly So what is Damon? What's Damon hiding? How does he do it? He's a Scientologist He is clear And that's the point of this show We're trying to tell you guys We can also attain this level of Damon

You have to pay us money We should start our own religion Called Damonism Damonism? Satan worshipers, they pray to Demons while we pray to Damon So W.W. Matt Damon do Yeah

Or how does Matt Damon do? How does Matt Damon do? I bet Matt Damon has a watch You think he has a watch? I don't think he's ever fumbling for his phone to check the time Do you think his phone is ever at like 2% and he has to ask a friend Like or ask a restaurant

Like hey can you charge my phone? Yeah never never I bet he never has a dip below 60% Yeah I bet he For sure Damon are you kidding me? Do you think Damon ever like puts his socks on But like not really well?

So like the heel part that's a different color Is like at the top and you can sort of see it Or his socks are always like perfectly aligned Like this Yeah they're probably always perfect Do you think Damon unlaces his shoes before he puts them in Or does he just slide into them like this Like he like pounds down until

His feet are in I bet he sits down Unties I don't think he unties because that's not very efficient That's not very Damon like He sits down unties his shoes and unties He's not Mr. Rogers, he's Matt Damon But can you see Damon like lacing up

Like a tough boot Yeah that's pretty true I didn't think of that I didn't think of him lacing it up Like with one firm Well I didn't think of boots dude Of course Damon's got boots man What do you think Damon just has

Birkenstocks or Crocs I thought maybe he'd have like a sleek pair of Nike's Just for shopping I can see that Or he goes to like the Laker game He like puts on some Nike's and a Celtics hat Yeah of course he's got the baseball Of course that's nice

That's another thing Damon would do You think Damon burps Matt Damon I bet he does like very very quietly And it's like just you know not a public like Belch but just like a Almost like a hiccup You know like sometimes when you burp and you feel Really really really great afterwards

I bet it's like that it's just like He does like a little burp to himself Goes into the side nothing and then it's just like Wow my chest feels light I think he does that half hiccup burp Like Sorry like that's his burp Oh and he's still apologizing

Of course you don't have to Apologize Matt Damon Matt Damon please don't apologize Be yourself I encourage you I asked you here because I want to be your friend And learn how you do things Actually in addition to you being yourself I would also like to be yourself

So I think you could start a religion Where everyone tries to be yourself Don't be yourself be Matt Damon's Always A B D Always be Damon Always be Damon Do you think Damon lives

In Raven Nest Matt Damon That's a great question Raven nest is Matt Damon's Weekend home Amazing so like when he's out And he doesn't want to deal with traffic He'll sort of like chill out

I suffer in the garden of Eden He will spend a weekend Or a two week hiatus In Raven nest That's right very professional And he deserves to be in Raven nest And we do not deserve to be in Raven nest I can't stress enough how

How we weren't even given A counter offer to Raven nest Yes because that would entail that We were negotiating for Raven nest The owner didn't even Want to speak to us We approached a Rolls Royce dealership And said I will take one

I will give you a leaf for it And they didn't even want to entertain the idea Of accepting the homeless person battling That's what we were at the heels of Raven nest So to To wrap up this little intro We eat poorly

We are homeless We are not Damon And we have not yet received Raven nest We will be on Damon status We will be Damon level Who can be Matt Damon But Matt Damon And can we achieve Damon

Is this you talking to like a To a three thousand people at a Super church rally Now how can you be Matt Damon Alright Should we take a break Is it time Just about

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Slash if I were you, free trial Everything looks good, let's launch it Just use that offer code if I were you To save 10% off that first purchase Thank you, Squarespace This episode comes out After our Australia tour But we're recording it before

So who knows what will have happened We are leaving tonight On a red eye We both may die from an Ambien overdose I decide not to take Ambien Coward I'm afraid to take Ambien Okay, so I'm sorry

I don't want to tease you if you actually are afraid Well, I'm afraid To take this medicine that I've never taken On an airplane It's a dangerous situation It's just a sleeping pill Yeah, but what if one time out of 100 Some shit goes wrong

That's not a risk I'm willing to take I think I could sleep well with just some Nike Gonna pop some Nikes Don't try to make Nike will sound cool Pop a Nike I'm sweating What do you think Damon takes? Of course Damon doesn't need help

He's always well rested He closes his eyes and falls asleep peacefully He sleeps on an airplane Arms folded, mouth closed, chin down Yeah, I bet he... Well, he's obviously in first class You have to remember that he's rich So like, you're already

He's not dealing with the same problems That you necessarily are You're a senior coach So you have a limited recline Of course I got 30 degrees of pitch He's got a flat bed But not necessarily on a domestic flight

In New York doesn't necessarily have 180 degree flat beds On all the Delta flights they do On the Japanese class they do That's enough You better believe that if he's taking a red eye Which I... I bet Damon's not doing a red eye

Across the country like that And if he does, he'll make sure he has a flat bed Or I'm sure he's playing fucking private Actually, you insult The very essence That is Matt Damon You sleep on your domestic flight When you're flying American

Airlines and you're layovers in Chicago You know how do you sleep Like, what the fuck are you even talking about? Why are you mad? Because you insult him I do not insult him You're flippant He doesn't deserve your flippant

He doesn't deserve your glib It's catty, it's tacky It's not It is, it's petty All I said is how do you think He sleeps on flights You assumed a lot I think you're assuming a lot

You make an ass out of yourself And Damon You assume Matt Damoning And when you assume Matt Damon You make an ass out of you But never Matt Damon For he gets unassable Um

Arms folded I think he sleeps just fine And I think you don't need to worry about it You think he snores? Definitely not No, he's a very peaceful sleeper For he has just the sweetest dreams We got time for one question?

No, maybe No, we got time for more I'm snapchatting now That's a thing that's happening So if you have snapchat If I haven't given up on snapchat My name is Amir Bloom, BL-O-M And he is looking for dick pics

The more the hairier We just gave out my snapchat as well JakeDemand85 I was going to say but you can't hear it Unless you subscribe to the newsletter But, yeah I can always bleep it Because I want the dick pics too

Alright We need a guy's name Born? What's Born's name? JasonBorn Who's cooler? Matt Damon or JasonBorn? Probably Matt Damon Because he has a fucking writing Oscar

That's awesome JasonBorn is just the fucking ninja And by the way Who? JasonBorn Oh, of course, yeah So, I'm saying that Damon is real Plus Damon's richer That's true

How much do you think JasonBorn gets If you're like a assassin Well, he had like actually unlimited money Because he was sort of like a secret like a government op thing So he did have a lot of How does that work? You have a bank account You go to the ATMs Well, he had a lot of different aliases and different names

But he had like lots of cash and money Yeah, it was actually pretty cool Does he have a 401k? I'm just worried that JasonBorn Isn't worrying about the future He's not thinking about longevity and tiring Let's say at age 65 when he can't Kick butt anymore, does he have a nest egg? I don't know

That's a good question That's true Alright, so this is what JasonBorn writes So we started chatting and she told me That she's staying in the city where her college is For most of the summer, which is about an hour From where I live She told me I should come visit sometime this summer

And that she'd show me around the city I can only imagine That she's thinking about hooking up But maybe that's only because I am So my first question is Do you think she has that on her mind? My second question is Should I do it?

I don't really have anyone to date or hook up with So odds are it'll be kind of a dry summer Our breakup was pretty clean And I doubt she has any serious feelings for me And I don't have any for her Just good memories And after the summer I'll be back at school And have next to no chance of running into her

As you can tell I've pretty much made up my mind And convinced myself I should do it But I'd love to hear your thoughts either way Much love JasonBorn Yeah, this is way too late We're recording this on June 1st Comes out June 15th You are in a relationship with her

Oh no, you're back together with your ex Nobody wouldn't know if this is on her mind Maybe on Tinder And you have no friendship And she says come visit Does she want to hook up with me? Could that be the case? Yes, I imagine it is

Would you ever do that? Would you ever go back to the well? Have you ever slept with the next girlfriend yet again? After years? I don't think so Maybe, it's been rare I am bored by that But I think

It could be interesting I think Here's what I would say Your last ex-girlfriend If you just broke up with her Don't go back and sleep with her But if there's another ex or two in between It might be kind of fun to revisit that

It's the old I can only become friends with my second girlfriend If I'm done with my third I don't know that rule That's right When I'm in my third girlfriend I can only hang out with my first There's gotta be a buffer ex-girlfriend

I think if I was in a relationship With you and you were exercising that Logic It's not that normal for your partner I think it's more normal Like you're saying for you So much time has passed I've already had and lost another relationship

Now I can revisit the one before that You need a buffer ex I'm saying that my ex needs to be Buffer She needs to be jacked I want her to squat Deadlift me Jason born in a wig ideally

So you would not Sleep with an ex? No, if there was an ex in between I would Right now there are ex-girlfriends They'd be like yeah that'd be fine But not I wouldn't necessarily I don't know what's the point

Of sleeping with someone That you know you already had her You already went through that now you're going back Doesn't that seem like you're regressing? I think as long as he doesn't get back into a relationship With this person because he also doesn't want to be Like a long distance relationship But he's risking it

Three years especially and also people change so much Since high school they might not have even slept together In high school Holy shit so how about if you've never slept with her You should and if you have then don't Your advice not mine That's mine That way if you sleep with her now

It won't even affect your number And at that point what are you doing What are you if you're not getting that Atta boy why shoot a basket If you know it goes in and it won't count Yeah A fucking notch on a bed post I have a tattoo

A hash mark for every Every Every I can't even finish it I'm do full Yeah that's my advice If you've already slept with her And you've already been there and you've already Experienced her why don't you spend your

Time and energy and effort focusing on finding A new lady And I don't think that they're The two are mutually exclusive I think you can go visit Your ex-girlfriend and have sex with her And you can focus on having sex with other people You know Get it while the getting's good I said

So you're saying any sex is good sex Yes I would say that So like having sex with some of That you've had sex with before is still better Better than not having sex at all Especially if you haven't done it for a while It'll probably be different She's experienced other things and you've experienced

Other things so maybe the sex will be Even better How about if you haven't slept with someone In five years and you do it again You get to add it to the number Give me the number I really need the add another It's also a virgin

So you're talking about The number between zero and one Which I get is a pretty big deal For you That was short and easy Let's see if we can answer one more Before we have to go We have to catch a flight

We have to catch a flight to Australia Let's do it Here's one about international travel It's from a lady Does Matt Damon ever play a lady in a movie? Does it? Was he Mrs. Doubtfire? That is what I was thinking of

You were thinking of Mrs. Doubtfire And you thought Matt Damon I was racking my brain and I kept on Picturing him in drag Yeah but wait let me look I want to look it up Matt Damon as a woman would probably Just because Matt Damon

Is a good looking human Agreed There's no way he played a woman in drag I mean what about the closest that he did Was doing an entire movie As Greg Keneer Siamese Twin Oh yeah he has a sense of humor That's been fun

Yeah no it doesn't seem like he's played a woman Alright what's his name in the adjustment bureau? Give me a good character name on his IMDB LaBeef TrueGrid His name is just LaBeef That was Cone Brothers still got it Everybody's name is pretty funny in this

What is it? Rooster Cogburn LaBeef Lucky Ned Pepper Pretty cool Ready? Yeah Now you're just watching the trailer

He was good in this one Have you seen TrueGrid? Alright hey guys I need your help I met these guys traveling and they were just Normal American guys from what I can tell I'm from England Anyway a long story short and we were all sitting around This hostel in Croatia enjoying a nice big bowl

Of pesto pasta telling stories about ourselves And getting to know each other when BAM As if it was no big deal They started telling me this story about how Three of them gangbanged some fat mother Of three in Iceland It was so unexpected These guys seem moderately normal when you spoke to them

We carry on talking And this wasn't a one time thing They have various gangbangs All over Europe on their travels I like the guys and Found them hilarious But should I go and stay with them if I go to America Or do you think that's a terrible idea

Basically can you trust a gangbanger? Love? A beef I was really ready to forgive them If they had only done it once It seems kind of sadistic In a weird way That it's just like a couple friends

Who have been involved in several gangbangs The first time I read this It read as an unwanted sex thing But gangbang doesn't necessarily mean that right? Of course yeah If it was the other way around It would be rounded up and killed Right

This is a purely consensual situation Where they're just group fucking a woman That makes me sort of be like That's not that big of a deal As long as Everybody involved Then you're just You're judging people for their sexual preferences

Yeah Which these people are little It's a little odd They gangbang They have group I can't comment less my two boys are Basically it's a group sex Session but it's only

What's the difference between gangbang and an orgy? Is it just one woman and the rest guys? I mean I'm sure It's like so nuanced that you probably use both But yeah when you say gangbang I think it's like It's one woman and lots of men As a single lady

Would you say it's okay for this girl To trust her intuition Who guys who she says are hilarious Or should she be like No I'm not traveling Can I trust these gang bangers? Yeah it's hard to say I wonder if it was my sisters or something

I'd be like don't do that But I don't know I'm more judgmental and protective About them It seems like this is a situation where she should You know Go with her gut and if she's like I don't like this I don't know if I should Go travel with them then maybe don't

Yeah I guess if they've never threatened you Like they've never It's just like a seemingly innocuous sexual fetish That they have Then it's not that much different than Oh these three guys have slept with the same girl In multiple cities Like why should it be any different

That it's happening at the same time Like what if they're like oh these three guys slept With the same girl in Iceland and then later on They slept with the same girl in Florence And then in Rome and then in Paris And it's like oh that's a little weird The fact that they did it all at the same time Feels like kind of a vague threat

Well gangbang also sounds violent Yeah because it's like that's what you call Someone that has nothing to do with sex You say oh that guy's a gangbanger That just means he's in a gang And like bang bang Shoot him up We should call it group love

These group lovers Suddenly it's not that dangerous seeming As long as they're not trying to get you to do anything That you don't want to do They and their normal and fun in person And also that the stories are Like at least moderately respectful Of the people

I guess it sounds like they're not If they're like this fat mother in Iceland They kind of sound like assholes actually I'm going back and forth I think these guys suck But can you hang out with guys that suck Can you trust guys that suck As long as they suck in a specific way

That doesn't threaten you I think you can Right Follow your heart and deep WW Matt Damon did Alright Thank you for writing in If you have your own questions or your own theme song submissions That email address is

IfIWereYouShowatgmail.com The opening theme song was written by Pierre A French Canadian reggae Artist And this last one is Gareth who Made us a rather B parody Very nice. Do you think Matt Damon ever Like has a

Sort of like a card Where he uses like to get punches Like a coffee I'm not even done Ten punches you get a free coffee And then like he'll Lose the card and they'll get a new one So he's just got like eight different cards

With three punches on them And they'll say hey can I just like add these Up and they're like no They'll have to be on the same card So I'll just pay full price For the 11th rowback's juice Yeah no I don't think that's ever happened to Damon Either

That's awesome. Damon you rule man Alright we'll be back in a week Thanks for listening everybody. Bye And so you email these two Deepest Whose shows called If I Were You You tune into

The podcast To see if Yours gets through And you start To get excited Cause Ben Schwartz Is with them too Each question that they take

With every name that's fake Hoping that your one's next But as Amir and Jake Are going to undertook Reading the next email Ben says firstly though Can I ask you a question Sure Amir

Says and laughs at this gesture 40 minutes Goodbye how the time flew Now it's all over Till next week Sit by where you No no no How could I not get through

No no no Please tell me what to do No no no Now I'm completely screwed