If I Were You - 189: Silver Lining

Episode Date: December 21, 2015

In this episode we discuss losing your virginity, breaking up, and our TV pilot.This episode is brought to you by MeUndies, Leesa, and ClubW!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. And while I'm sitting here confused, your observations are sometimes cruel. But I got myself here in the first place, and I want nothing with you. I put down some of your podcasts, and trust my real name won't be known. Real emails, real advice, both names can be. If I were you, if I were you, if I were you, if I were you, showheadgmail.com Best intro song ever? You know it's actually based on a real song?

Really, it's based on one of my favorite songs. Hey, Jealousy. Love it. By the Gin Blossoms. Yeah, dude. If we could get one more, I'd really like it. What's the other Gin Blossoms song? I don't know.

Whispers at the bus stop? Oh, yeah. I heard about, not found out about you, yeah. Wow. Can you do that one too, dude? Who is this guy? This guy's name is, I don't know, it just came from somebody named Stop the Rock. And he says, you and your listeners can feel free to add me on Steam.

Of course. And his name is I Feel The Casual on Steam. What is Steam? I think it's a video game thing. Steam. Dude, can you do it? Oh, I love this song so much. I didn't know the Gin Blossoms were so good that they had two good songs.

They have three. There's the other one too. Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down. Geez. They're great. Yeah. Great pen. Our pilot wasn't picked up.

Wow. Yeah. You're going to tell me like that? Just drop the news. Not even a buildup. Not even like, hey, you guys, so we found out about the pilot. Right. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Your parents are dead. We had to tear the Band-Aid. Yeah. That's true. Where do we start? So what is this?

It's an advice show. It's glossing right over it. Well, first of all, we should say that we're not joking. Yeah. No, that's true. Our pilot was not picked up by TruTV. They decided not to pick up the pilot that we made. Yeah.

We shot it in August and I guess just to backtrack a little bit, you write a script. They say, great, shoot it. They said, TruTV told us to shoot it. We shot it. It was an amazing experience. Yeah. We edited it. It took a month to put it together.

We made an episode that we were very proud of that we thought looked great. Yep. And then for reasons, you know, I guess it's a TV, a TV is a business. Sure. And they thought they wouldn't make money on our TV show. Well, who's to say, you know, what goes into the decision? That's, you know, that's left to us to wonder forever. Sure.

It's one, their opinion on the show, two, how focus group testing does. They show it to random people. Maybe who knows what's going on inside the offices of TruTV, like what their budgetary constraints are and what kind of shows they're looking for and what's happening in the marketplace of every other network, you know, like a million things. But all that, all that we could say is fuck them. No. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. I'm just kidding. Well, what, how did you feel when you first, we've, here's the thing we found out two months ago, but we weren't supposed to tell anybody. I think the worst part was probably just like talking to people like fans over the last two months and be like, when are we going to hear about the TV show? We're like doing interviews with like random student newspapers.

Yeah. Like, what about the TV show? We're like, hey, fingers across like the entire time I knew that we were. Yeah. And they're like, duh, it's definitely going to happen. I'm like, yeah, it's definitely going to happen. Yeah. And like all the questions about the pilot.

Like, yeah, it was the best experience of my life. While I knew that it was not moving forward. It's, it felt so like we're all so optimistic and positive when we shot it and then we put it together and then showed it to some people and everyone was like, so I had no, I didn't even have a space in my brain for the fact that it wouldn't get picked up. Yeah. I do. I just remember being on set, like everybody, like the hair and makeup people, the gaffers,

everyone was like, we just have such a good feeling about the show. Like you guys are definitely going to get picked up. Yeah. Bring me back. Like we're, this is the team. This is a whole, it felt like, it felt like summer camp. We just, I mean, like even our show runners were like, it never goes this smoothly. You know, it like never, it's never this much fun.

Yeah. It was like everybody's favorite experience on a set and it was our first time. So it's like a dream come true. Not to mention the cast. We were just getting very close with like the other people in the show. Yeah. I mean, Rick Fox is on the set of our pilot. I had my 30th birthday that week.

Right. Like everything was just like going, like it's going so great. It was lovely. And then Havy, who was on Mad Men, Betsy said, oh, it was super funny. Just like an incredible cast. It's funny. I thought I was over it. Now we're just talking about, I'm getting sad again.

Yeah. And then we, I equated to like just sprinting and having fun, like jogging, having a great time. And then when we found out that they were like, no, I was like, I hit a wall and you didn't see it. Right. Like I hit a pole. And I was like, yeah, it was almost like going on.

I feel like it felt like going on vacation or something and being like, that was amazing. Like now we just take some time off and hey, we're all going to be back here again. We'll like do this with each other. And instead of like going on a second vacation, they're like, all your friends are dead. What are you talking about? They're dead. We had so much fun together. Yeah.

Everyone liked it. I had, I thought it was good. I thought it was great. And we have, we have all these fans that would love to watch it. Why don't you want to put it on? Yeah. That's the other, that's almost like the second layer of sadness, which is such a depressing beginning of the podcast.

We're like, I was sad for myself when we found out because it was like such a fun experience and I wanted to keep on writing it, but like to disappoint all of our fans and be like, now Jake and Amir is actually over. Right. There's no more, there's no more Jake and Amir effort. That's correct. The end of, the end of that chapter and because ending it for college humor was bittersweet, but we're like, well, we sell the pilot.

So there's these characters are not gone. There's a glimmer of hope. Right. Now the hope is dashed. And then like you said, it's sad to tell your friends to like, cause everybody was always asking, Hey, are you going to find out soon? You think you're going to find out? Like, yeah, you know, we know we're optimistic.

We're positive. Everyone's saying good things. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh, mommy, daddy, they said no to us. Yeah. Telling my parents was really hard. I think it was harder to tell my family than friends because all of our friends are sort

of in this industry. Yeah. They know what it means to like, oh, you guys like, you know what it means to like, oh, you guys like, you guys shot your pilot and like, you know, you're going to move on to the next project. It's all going to be fine. But like my family, they're like, this is your TV show. And if it doesn't go, then you fail and you have to move home or something.

Right. They're like, wait, so what now? Like they didn't like it. It wasn't good. It's like, no, it was good. It was just that there was also other factors and sometimes. Oh, geez. I'm sorry.

Oh, what are you going to do? There's nothing. Now you're like screwed. No, we'll still go. We'll get like meetings and we'll write and we have a pot. Like that was the other like, oh, what are you going to do? Like, oh, we're focused on the podcast. No matter how popular a podcast you have, it's not a good sentence to say, I'm just focused

on my podcast right now. Yeah. And we also, I also feel, I hope that our fans aren't, I mean, I guess I understand that they'll be disappointed. I just don't want them to be upset or feel like we shortchanged them. We do appreciate like the only reason we got this far or one of the main reasons we got this far is because of our built-in fan base. Yeah.

Well, that's this, that's our show is on a very interesting trajectory because I don't even know how much we like told people like it moved to true TV, but that's because it actually died at TBS. Like remember the whole green light, Jake and Amir hashtag? Yeah. TBS didn't necessarily pay attention to that as much as we wanted them to. Right. I mean, they definitely registered, but they like, it didn't help us.

But what did help? I don't know, it did help us, but not in this, all right. So TBS passed on our script. Yeah. And then when that happens, usually that's it for everybody. But because of the green light, Jake and Amir movement, that was what true TV like responded to. And they were like, these guys have this built-in fan base, so we're going to give them a shot.

So the only reason we got to film our pilot is because of the fans. Right. So the guys took us so far and we were hoping to be able to, you know, once we're on the one yard line, we're like, You threw us the alley-oop and we smashed it against the rim. We got this. I'm a goal line back and we were stuffed three times and then missed a field goal. And we were like, oh, shit.

Sorry about that. It's like when a kicker misses a last second field goal and he like walks around and looks at all like the real football players like, ah, fellas, you know how it goes. We'll get them next time. Like, yeah, I'm actually a fucking superstar athlete. I made some pretty insane catches. You're five foot nine, 130 pounds and you missed a kick. Okay.

A lot of pressure on the kicker. A lot of pressure. Yeah, guys. There's a lot of pressure on us. And we did do our best job and we did, we are proud of what we wrote and we are proud of what we shot and we think it looks really good and we are still really happy with it. Unfortunately, as it goes sometimes, some of the funniest people and some of the funniest pilots don't end up going because of there's so many like outside factors.

This is me talking to myself late at night after I was like bummed and depressed about it. It's okay. My friend wrote me an email. He's like, listen, every like buddy that you like in Hollywood, all the funniest people like Tina Fey and all these people, Amy Poehler all had pilots that didn't go. Yeah. Like that's how it works.

You don't, you don't shoot one shot and you're like, well, that's my career. I missed one shot. Right. And you have that, you write a script and that doesn't go, then you're ready to shoot a pile and that doesn't go. You do that two or three times and then one does happen and then you can either even have a show on TV that nobody watches. Some people have shows for a season and then they go away and you're like, what happened?

You're like, oh, my show was on TV and they're like, oh, I don't really remember that. And you can have shows that are like super popular, like Steve Levitan had modern families like the number one show when he pitched another show went to pilot and that didn't get picked up. Right. You wouldn't pick up a Steve Levitan show. Yeah. He's already proven himself, sir.

It's not a show on TV. But that's sort of the business that we've chosen for ourselves. It's hard, but you know, it would be harder is doing literally any other occupation. Yeah. Like being a teacher. Yeah. That would be really difficult. Right.

You don't have to deal with the stresses of having shows being picked up and not and decisions being made out of your control. But you do have to teach children for nine months out of the year. Yeah. That's really hard too. Lesson plans and stuff. Like being a doctor, stakes are pretty high there. So silver linings, one, well, this is like we said, we found out several months ago.

So we've been through all the level stages of grief. First we were shocked, then we were mad and we're like, wait, why, why didn't true pick up our show? Our show is so good. Our web series got more views than their TV shows. Then I was like, you know what? True TV gave us the opportunity to begin with so I can't be mad at somebody giving me a shot and then it didn't happen.

Right. And then I'd be like, how dare you guys not give us two shots. Yeah. It's still the hot dare. Yeah. Absolutely. And silver linings, one, whenever stuff like this happens, I like to imagine like three years from now being like, oh my God, that was actually the best thing that ever happened

to us because that allowed us to do X, Y and Z. Right. We have to think about X, Y and Z right now because it hasn't happened yet. Because we're still on W. Yeah. We're still on W, X, Y and Z. So W didn't go but then I want to hopefully get to a place where it's like, okay, now that we have free time, now that what have we learned, now we have free resources and

effort at our disposal, let's create more. Let's see what we can do after Jacob and Amir. That was eight, nine, 10 years of our lives. We learned a ton. Now maybe we can start doing something else. Maybe if Jacob and Amir didn't exist, or I shouldn't say that, but Jacob and Amir and our rear view mirror, what can we create that's new based on what we've learned so far? This is us like bombing a pitch.

So anyways, it's two cactuses and it's stop motion. And one's a doofus, the other is sarcastic. And we do have ideas. We have a lot of things percolating that we are excited about. Yeah. I mean, even when we were making Jacob and Amir, we were still developing other ideas and Jacob and Amir just always had first position because it had been on the dock at the longest. We had been meeting with these networks and stuff about it, but there were always other

ideas. And now we have the time to put energy, effort and resources to creating other ideas. So hopefully you guys hear more about those soon. And I don't know, we still love the internet and like TV is really fun because when you get a TV show, it still has a lot of clout like, oh, I'm on television. But the internet still excites us because one, we have like complete control over like what we make. Like our podcast gets listened to more than some TV shows.

But we don't have to give it to anybody for notes. Notes are fun, but difficult at the same time. But it does kind of feel like for eight years, we were pushing a rock up a hill. And then like at the last second we let go and it fell all the way back down. We're like, shit, God damn it. It took us so long to create that. And now it's at the bottom of a fucking hill. Yeah.

But hopefully it's more like the rock fell forward down a hill. So it didn't go all the way back down. We got it to the top of the, I feel like we got it to the top of the hill. And then we pushed it down. Like we let it go to see where it would end up. And then like it fell into the ocean and sunk to the bottom. We were like, oh, that's not coming back. No.

But you know what? We trusted the universe and the rock didn't necessarily fall into like, I don't know where the rock was ideally going to go and like why you really push a rock up a hill to begin with. Of course. It was more of a metaphor than anything else. Was there, was Sisyphus ever like, why do I have to? Well that's, I guess, and we're talking philosophically about why do we do anything at the end of

the day. Money, recognition. Yeah. Cash. Cash. Absolutely. We want cash for that. And change is God.

Mercy. Oh my God. You're crying. I'm dying, which is like crying, but even worse if you can imagine. So that's the sort of full story. Frequently asked questions. When we see the pilot, another sad answer. It appears as if, since true pay for it, they own it, so we can't release it.

Yeah, we've asked. We made this show for them and they took it and they can do with it whatever they wish. It'd be cool if they released it. Sure. We can ask again. Sure. But it's not necessarily up to us. But like a lover that's been broken up with, I feel like the only way to truly get over

it is to sink our teeth into something new. Yes. And which is why we got the podcast network. Right. We've got, um, um, oh, shit, fuck my ass. And that's the goal right now is to create other stuff, to occupy our creative talents and abilities. I think we're still, we still got the same sensibilities.

We're still, we still find each other funny. I don't want to say we're still funny. I'm still funny. To me, like the saddest thing to say into the mirror, I'm actually still funny. And then, what was I going to say? Oh, right. Um, another silver lining is that, God damn it, it was just in my brain. What were you saying?

We're still funny. Yeah. That's true. Not want to say. We're still funny. We're still funny. We have the same sensibilities. We don't, we're going to create something.

Yeah. Create something. Like Jake in a mirror, but not Jake in a mirror. Oh yeah. Another silver lining is the fact that I really liked the way the Jake in a mirror, uh, web series ended. So the fact that there's no TV show, it gives it a clean and definite, definite ending. Whereas like, if that was the ending of the web series, and then there was also like a

TV show that lasted eight episodes, it would have been kind of murky. Yeah. That's true. So I like, like Jake in a mirror is now a self contained online volume, which is sort of, uh, how it started. And then I feel like it's an appropriate ending for it. Yeah. I think it's a beautiful thing.

Yeah. Rather than like having it go on to do some other kind of mediums, I feel like it is. Like say by the bell that college years, yeah, just had. Or like the entourage movie. Right. Yeah. Well, that was dope. Well, yeah.

Obviously the entourage. You got to understand me. Turtle is like rich. He's so rich. Uh, but now it's about like, if that was our office, what's our extras, what's next? And that's what we're most excited about. Yeah, exactly. I mean, most people's favorite comedians don't just do one thing forever and that's

it. Hopefully. Yeah. We can do what is, what's our curb your enthusiasm. Yeah. Larry David made a great show and then you're comparing. That's right. We're comparing Jake and Amir to Seinfeld.

Yeah. In terms of it. In terms of it being good and internationally renowned, but it's, you know, what's, what's now if Jake and Amir was our twenties, we're excited about what our thirties and, um, this podcast is actually giving us a ton of ideas just because like, I feel like we're constantly raking in, uh, psyches of 15 to 35 year olds and their biggest insecurities and their biggest questions and their biggest concerns. These emails are just like a case study on millennials in general.

Right. So it's, it's definitely, it's giving us a lot of fodder for sure. Yeah. And, uh, that's what I'm most excited about is turning our, uh, new, um, time, uh, to create something like Jake and Amir, but completely different. And I might be a Carpenters apprentice. What's that? I've always been interested in woodworking and comedies not panning out.

So I might be into like building porches and gondolas gondolas. Yeah. Dude. So you're talking about like a wooden floor or like a giant cable car. Yeah. A gondola, a porch, a gazebo, just some sort of two of those three makes sense. But the gondola feels so like a marvel of modern technology is the same thing as a gazebo in my head.

I see. So in your mind, a gondola was just a wooden little giant birdhouse. Being an apprentice ship, dude, so I can learn. I think I can, I can probably help you out, at least with the definitions part. A gondola. Yeah. It's not what I want to make. Right.

Sir, uh, just to start things out, I used to do comedy. A gondola is not what I want to make and just know that I'm interested in woodworking. Can I see your saw, man? Um, cheese, Louise. All right. I'm going to go ahead and answer your question. Should we take a break? Like that will cleanse us.

Yeah. Let's take a nice little break. It's a little early, but we'll take a break. Thank a few more people. We'll come back. We'll answer some real fucking questions. Yeah, dude. And honestly, you guys don't give up on us because like this is when we need you the

most. Christ. Holy shit. Everyone's leaving. It's so weird. Now I, it's, it, we have processed it. Now I have to fucking rethink about the dumbass pilot. Well, for the listeners and our fans, uh, this is the first time they're hearing about

it. Remember how we felt for the first half hour, just like dazed. Yeah. Like we were confused and sad and angry. It's such a weird feeling. Just be like, I have, I, they didn't pick it up. What are you talking about? All those calls all day.

Yeah. We worked so hard for years on this thing. Why would they not give us a chance to make it? Was it not good to them? Did they not like it? Is it not good? Did they just lie to ourselves? I think it was good.

But then again, every time someone makes a pilot, whether it's good or bad, everyone says this is good. Yeah. Yeah. And everyone's quote unquote optimistic because that's what you have to be. You have to be happy and positive. Maybe in a couple of years we'll like meet some true TV executives at some like event and we'll all be drunk and like we'll be successful with something else.

Right. And we'll be like, so tell us the truth about Jake and me. Like obviously it doesn't matter now. We've got the number one show on NBC. Friends too. Yeah. Let's take a break and we'll be right back. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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Thank you. Squarespace. Hey, we're back. All right. Who's having a good day? It's just that one hundred industry D spent so long on something and it just gets flat out rejected. Yeah.

Like imagine being just like, I don't know a hairdresser and for three years you've been working on a haircut and then somebody just says, sorry, we don't want to. You never get to do that hair crash yet. Yeah. Right. I don't know. Just something to think about. Anywho.

Shall we answer some questions? Yes. I think we've we threw a pity party and the party is over. Yeah. I think so. Guys, get over it. We'll still do shit. This isn't the end of me and Jake.

It's just the end of our web series with the same exact name. So funny if we ended the podcast today, too. Yeah. Oh, this is oh shit. We should have we should have mentioned that earlier, too. This is the last podcast as well. Yeah. The numbers just aren't really just getting we now have more time to dedicate to this

podcast more than ever. Expect bigger things coming and a head gum to grow and we can we can sink our teeth into that whole thing, creating videos and more podcasts and more shows and more episodes. What about giving the names of these people? How about the names and addresses of true TV executives? Oh, OK. So for I was going to say the names of people that helped us create the show. That's a nice idea.

Yeah. So for example, Ed Helms, executive producer could not have done this without him, got this far because of him. The Godfather folks lended his invaluable insight and wisdom throughout the whole process. Ed Helms writes, Hey guys, love the show and I'm running in for a third time. I'm a 19 year old sophomore in college and I'm a virgin. I'm not the most social guy, but I have also never had an issue having conversations with girls.

I just re listened to episode 95 in which you answered a question about a girl who was a virgin and was wondering if she should tell a guy she's about to have sex with that she's a virgin. I have the same question, but for a guy, if I'm in a situation where I'm about to have sex, should I tell the girl that I'm a virgin? And if not, and I ejaculate too soon, how do I remedy the situation? Sorry for the long email and I hope you guys can get to it. Wasn't a long email.

But love Ed Helms. So first of all, I wonder what kind of advice we gave the girl. I think if I remember correctly, actually, I don't remember. Would you say tell somebody or not? My guess. Well, it's funny. The way I feel right now, I mean, I always just say whatever I'm thinking like in the moment.

Like I don't know if I like, but I don't think you have to tell anybody. Right. So I had imagined that I said that to the girl. You just, especially, do you think it's any different for a guy or girl? No, I don't. I don't think there's, but with a girl, I think there was a little bit of a difference because there's the hymen breaking and the bleeding and all that issue. Well that's actually not necessarily true.

Oh, it's not? Well some, I mean, like your hymen can break pretty easily before you lose your virginity. But what if it doesn't and then you have it and then there's lots of blood and then it's like, oh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the proof is in the red pudding. Is it okay that I call a hymen breaking or really any female menstruation red pudding? It's okay with me, but I think it should. That's fine. That's how I need to.

Definitely. All I want to know is that if it's okay with you. I mean, as long as you're comfortable knowing it might not be okay with lots of other people. Yesterday I got into Mother's Red Pudding. Oh, that's fine. Actually, I really like that. It's curdled. I think that you, it's, I just like, it's not that big of a deal to lose your virginity.

I wish your hands weren't down your pants right now while you were talking about this. You're squeezing your dick while you answer this question. You're just talking about it. I'm actually not squeezing my dick. It's my balls. I'm squeezing your balls as if like, is some sort of weird like fortune telling thing. You're like, actually, let me see what I should do. Yeah, I don't know what I said last time.

I'm going to squeeze my balls open my mouth and then the answer will come out as recorded audio. I think you don't have to tell anybody. Do not. I would, I would probably not. I would probably not. If you're worried about like coming too early and like seeming really inexperienced and having somebody be like, wow, you don't know what you're doing.

You could one say like, well, that was my first time. And you know, people usually, I think if you had sex with somebody and said that was your first time afterwards, they might make a little bit of a big deal about it. So would you lie and be like, no, I've had sex once before. Yeah. Maybe I would just be like, I haven't done this a lot. You know? Yeah.

Like a zero. Right. Well, I probably won't get into it that much. But yeah. You just say like, oh, when I was like a couple of years ago, like when I was in high school, my high school girlfriend was like whatever. But I probably lie about that. Yeah.

Also, if you come too early, if that's your only concern, then I think you can always at least once or twice smooth over coming too early by saying like, you just turned me on so much. I'm sorry. Yeah. And like usually if you are so excited that you come early and you're also 19, you could probably fuck a couple more times. Like your dick's going to get hard again pretty quick.

Right. But another time, you'll be lasting much, much, much longer. Yeah. So just like you're good. Yeah. It's coming too early is not like a virgin thing. So you don't have to be like, whoa, oh my God, I'm a virgin. Sorry.

I've been outed. Right. I'm 30 and I still come. Yeah. Yeah. And you're not. Are you a virgin though? Well, I-

My high school girlfriend. Why don't you check out my hymen, dude? Whoa. That's awesome, dude. Red pudding, bro. I love it. Jesus Christ. So you would say you don't have to tell anybody you're a virgin.

I would agree with that. And then ejaculate too soon, remedy the situation. You turn me on. Oh my God. I can't believe how quickly that happened. God, I couldn't fucking contain myself. I think people always like, even though it's not necessarily satisfying to somebody else, like if you say I came too early because I'm so attracted to you, you know, you could

like really be mad. That's better than not being able to come at all. Yeah. Because then it's like, whoa, what's wrong with me? Yeah. Nothing's wrong with you, if anything, it's too good, too fast, too soon. So it's new, but it's exciting. And when it happens, you're going to fucking love it, dude.

Yeah, baby. Can't wait for Ed Helms to lose his virginity. Yeah, man. All right. Do we have a lady's name? Marcy Patterson. Marcy, our line producer, first hire of the Jake and Amir TV show, assembled on an amazing team.

Helped us create the show. Hardest working person on the entire set, probably. Dealing with logistics that we couldn't even begin to understand, right? I found out my boyfriend and his friends send each other dirty pictures of girls they find on social media, and they all talk about how hot they are and how they want to bang these girls. They also tell each other every time they see some girl that they want to have sex with. Like when he was recently in Vegas, he was telling them about all the girls out there

that he was seeing and wanted. My question is, is this normal or acceptable? It makes me very uncomfortable that one, he's talking about other girls sexually, and two, he's talking about girls in a degrading way. I know guys all look at other girls, but where should we draw the line? I've tried talking to him about it, but all he says is, we're guys. We're going to act like guys. One more point is, he hasn't been completely faithful in the past.

Can you help a girl out? Seizing that cheese, Marcy Patterson. Interesting. I feel like I was on this guy's side all the way up until the fact that he cheated on her. Yeah. If you're, I am totally cool with you being attracted to other people, letting your boys know, oh, that girl's hot, that kind of thing, but then it's weird that he's telling his

girlfriend anything. Yeah. How does she find out? I think that's the weirder part to this whole thing. There's always guys are sort of scumballs. Nobody would like the guys, nobody would like me if they saw me hanging out with just two guy friends that I really, really like. We bring out the worst in each other, but that's not us 100% of the time.

It's just when you're with a bunch of other guys, everybody, we ramp it up. You sink, and you sink, and you sink, and you sink. I think the weird thing is that you, I would never tell a girlfriend of mine everything that my guy friends talked about. Well, now we're giving the advice to the guy. We keep these things separate. Well, I mean, yeah, we think it's strange. She said, is it weird?

We think it's weird that he's telling you, especially given the fact that he's cheated on you. Like, hey, guys are going to be guys, we're going to talk about the girls that we want to fuck. Also, I did, but that was a mistake, and the rest of the time is just me chatting about it. Yeah. I'll send pictures of girls that we wish we could fuck on social media, et cetera,

et cetera. I'm going to cheat on you. Why are you making a big deal about this? Oh, mercy. So I would say, where do you draw the line? I would say you can draw the line at actually acting on his sexual impulses. Yeah. And I mean, I think you should tell him to stop talking to you about some of this stuff.

Like if he's telling you that he was telling his friends about girls that he wanted to have sex with, that he saw in Vegas, like, hey, don't share some of this. Stuff with me. But if you want to like fuck with him, though, you should start doing the same exact thing. Yeah. This guy sounds like he's just a little bit of a tool bag. So I don't want this to be like, dudes can talk about this stuff, but chicks can't. I think guys should talk about this stuff with other guys and girls should talk about

fucking other guys with other girls, but if this guy is the part where this guy is being a tool bag is by telling his girlfriend that he's talking about this stuff, or maybe she found out. How else can you find out? But like she should tell him that she's talking about guys that she wants to fuck with her girlfriends. And then I feel like he'll be like, OK, I actually dislike that a bit. Yeah.

And then at the very least, he will stop sharing with you that he's talking about that stuff with the guys. It is just things that you don't bring into a relationship. It's kind of who you're attracted to. It's hard to tell a guy to change his ways when he's with other guys. That's like a difficult predicament to put somebody in. This is just like an ignorance is bliss type thing. You're like, fine, do your thing with your guy friends.

Don't cheat on me and don't tell me about the girls that you want to hook up with. I don't want to know that. Everything else is coach. Yeah. So like, if you want to go and like tell your guy friends what girls are hot, that's fine, but just don't tell me that you're doing it. And then also you cheated on me. So I think she should probably break up with him for that.

It is weird because I don't want to be like this guy. I don't know. I feel like I'm stuck between like, I don't want to tell this girl to just fucking relax. But at the same time, like guys sending pictures of girls that they find on social media and saying how hot they are and how they want to bang them. Is that okay for a guy to do? I don't think there's like anything wrong with it necessarily. I don't know exactly the pictures that they're sending to each other and all that.

But yeah, I think it's pretty normal behavior for boys and girls to like talk about members of the opposite sex or same sex. Yeah. Totally. I can't stress how much we're gay friendly, 420 friendly, cat friendly, dog friendly. But I think like all that is normal, like, you know, telling your friends who you want to fuck. The part that really grinds my gears is that they're having these conversations with each

other. Boyfriend and girlfriend should not necessarily talk about this, right? Unless they're in some sort of open relationship where they're like down for it. All right. There you have it. So we don't have to tell her to relax, but we should probably, I feel like I wanted to tell the dude to like, you know, quit narkin, you know, like he's got loose lips. That's what I'm saying.

And loose lips, think ships. That was just a tweet I had once. It's not just about the rejection of the pilot. It's just that there's an undertone of like when I tell people they're like, oh, you failed. It wasn't funny enough. It wasn't good enough. And I'm sorry to hear that. Do you feel like people think that?

They don't think it consciously. It has to be part of it. Like, listen, we made this project, we made this item, we made this thing and it wasn't deemed good enough. And they're like, so you're not good enough in some way. I don't ever feel that the thing that bothers me is when I tell people and then I can instantly feel them trying to get like cheer me up. Yeah.

And I just want to be like, I don't need to be cheered up. Like I got it. Which makes you seem even sad. Right. Well, I would never say that. Like, so I say, no, it didn't happen. And they're like, oh, man, I'm so sorry. Well, like this, this and this, I'm like, look, I know, and I just, you know, I go along

with it. But in my head, I'm like, I already, it's, I've had this in my head for like months. I like, I've, all these things that you're reassuring me, I've reassured myself. And like they could never understand like all the tiny little things in my life that like, I don't know, that make up the big mosaic of who I am. Yeah. And I just, I just don't want to give anybody that like level of intimacy in any one moment. I just want to be like, the pilot didn't get picked up.

I'm fine with it. Let's talk about something else. Yeah. But it doesn't happen. All right. All right. All right. All right.

Another question. Another question. Let me look for, let me look for a good one actually. It's a nice idea. All right. Another lady's name. Another lady who helped on our pilot, Ashley Rubin. Oh hell yeah.

Ashley was our post-production coordinator. And she specifically writes, or at least someone we're calling Ashley Rubin writes. So I met this guy on a Halloween bar crawl. He was a friend of a friend's boyfriend. And through the night we made out in different places and you know, had a good time. Handjobs were made. We exchanged snap chats and kisses goodbye. And for the entire week we chatted every day.

We meet up for a beer on Friday night the week after. We had a good time. He laughed. I laughed. We ended the night with a passionate French kiss. We snapped every day for the next week as well. Saturday that next week we meet up for a coffee. He told me a bunch of deep shit about his friends who went through some drug problems

and all. Through that coffee date we held hands, kissed, had a good time, kissed goodbye, and snapped every day for the next week. I mean, ouch. I mean, our snap is on fire. The Sunday the next week we meet up, sit down at a bar. We had some fries. The night ended up at my place.

Ha. We stayed up all night talking. We slept with arms and legs around each other. We snapped for the entire week after that. This story is about... 10,000 words. Meet up on a Saturday. This time my friends are there and his friends are there.

Fun night. He ended up with me going home with him and his friends to his friend's apartment. We had some more beers, made some more jokes, danced a little. He followed me to the subway and we kissed goodbye. Snapped Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Tuesday, Friday, but not Saturday. And now for the last two days I was the one who sends the first snap. I was the one making the jokes. It felt like he was getting distant.

So I thought if he wants to get down he must send the first snap. And he never did. For every single, from every single day to absolute silence. It's been five days now. I like this guy. He had brown thick curly hair, the smile of an angel, the body of a Greek god. So what happened? What should I do?

I'm kind of pissed that he destroyed our snap fire. That was low of him. Love Ashley Rubin. Yeah, dude. She was describing the beginning of an excellent relationship. The dude disappeared like a snapchat itself. Yeah, the ghost emoji, ghosted. Interesting.

Yeah, he just doesn't like her anymore. Right, so that's annoying. So why all the other good stuff? I think that's just like modern dating, you know, like you're fire and then you're... You're ice. You know, breakups always sort of happen out of the blue for one other person. Because it's hard to be mean to someone for the third, fourth and fifth date. Like I'm my best version of myself when I'm with somebody.

That means it seems outwardly that it's going great. What am I going to like roll my eyes, not smile at jokes, not laugh, not pretend to do this, not be polite. I'm my best version date five, six, seven, eight. And then at a certain point, I feel like I don't want to lie anymore. I don't want to be polite anymore. I want to be my true self, which is not necessarily be dating this other person. So I'll have to be like, sorry, this is going well, but I don't want to do this anymore.

And then oftentimes it's like, wait, what are you talking about? We had such a great time. It seemed so perfect. We snapped. I wasn't having any fun. What I was doing was lying more and more and more and more to the point where I can't quite be that person anymore. Yeah.

But I would say that this isn't necessarily like this guy was growing more and more distant from this girl. Like he also might, maybe there's, it sounds like he's a fucking hottie. So maybe some other girl just came in, he got super into that, you know? It's so hard with new relationships because you don't know at all what the other person is going through. He's going through something completely different than you. And so frequently those two things don't line up.

The odds of them lining up are so small. That's why not everybody in the world gets married to somebody that they date. Right. But the odds of you marrying someone are like one in a hundred, one in 500 or whatever. The testing thing is always funny to me too. Like she's like, she liked him, she was sending the first snaps, she was sending the first jokes. And then she's like, you know what?

I won't send it. And that's always a really dangerous game to be like, I'm going to see if he contacts me first. Yeah. Because then he doesn't. And then what? Really built up the fact that he's going, and like, I bet every single day is just the longest day.

You like look at your phone, you're like, what the fuck is going on? So I think you, if you fuck somebody, I don't think there should be any like qualm about sending a text or sending a snap or whatever, whatever, whatever. And you would say, even if I'm the one initiating it over and over and over, that's fine. I mean, it depends on what you're getting back. If you're getting. It is a kind of a good litmus test because it did show her. Like she's like, I'm not going to snap first and see what happens.

Oh, he's not interested. Yeah. Now I know. It's a little, it's a little, uh, dickling. It's a little her wits of him. Yeah. I'll tell him that right now. He, because that's maybe what he was hoping.

If she stops, I'll stop. And then it's like, oh, we both ghosted each other when in fact he was the one that was doing the ghosting. Yeah. You're never, I really hope wherever he is, I hope he's not like, oh, I'm off the hook. She didn't text. Of course. That's what he thinks.

Yeah. But obviously that's like, you know when somebody likes you and you know when they're waiting, you just have to, you just, I mean, you don't have to, no one's like making you snap this girl. But the very least you should be like, all right, I probably hurt her. That was an ideal of me to do. Yeah. I was like, this is trending towards the girl reaching out one last time, like, hey, I really

like hanging out with you. Let me know if you want to do the same with me. And then he'll either complete the ghost and not respond to that, which is bad. That's real bad. Or he'll be like, yeah, sorry, I guess I'm just not feeling it anymore. This is, well, you're, you're taking this guy's side because he is you. Yeah. I am a snap chatter.

You are the guy that, you stop texting, you're like, oh, you didn't text me. So I didn't text you. Right. I'm in the right. But then I feel bad because it's like, what's, I'm just talking about myself, not through this guy. Like, am I to have to quote unquote break up with somebody? Like after like four dates, do I have to like email her and be like, listen, this isn't going

out well for me. I don't really like you. Like that. Yeah. And then she's like, wait, what are you talking about? Like you could have just stopped Snapchatting me and I would have been fine. It's really a case by case basis because some people would rather be ghosted and then some people would rather you be honest, which is what like came up on our podcast last week.

Like some people prefer like the, just the polite, you don't have to send me down and talk to me. I already feel like the rejection. Let me just at least like convince myself. Let me get ghosted and I don't have to like have this uncomfortable exchange with you. Yeah. And somebody else is like, Hey, you need to just tell me what's what so I can stop thinking about it.

Right. And yeah, I don't know. There's not really a right answer because it's really all like what's was the other person prefer and what do you prefer? And I've done both. I've quote unquote like broken up or had to send an email to someone like after like two dates. Some people like, why did you like break up with her?

Like you could have just said I'm thinking if you did the wrong thing each time. Right. Like the first time I shouldn't have said anything, but I felt like she was expecting me to reach out. And if I didn't, then I didn't want to be an asshole. I'm always thinking which one will get the lady to think that I'm not an asshole. Yeah. And I think the very like just the fact that you're thinking those thoughts makes you not

an asshole. Yeah. And at a certain point it's like, it's a little bit selfish to be like, I just, which one will make you like me? Like I don't, I don't give a shit if you want me to say nothing or you want me to say something. I'll do it. Just tell me which one you want me to do. Yeah.

But that's like sort of a win-win because you want them to like you, but like them liking you is them being the least hurt. So it's sort of like, it's, it's ultimately nice even though that's not necessarily your primary intention. Right. Another example of like doing something that's kind of rude, but I feel like it's actually beneficial and helpful is a lot of times I hear the advice of like it's better to ask a girl out in person than to like do it over text or over email because that's like really

passive and that's kind of winery and kind of lame and kind of modern like be a man and say it to her face. Right. But I think, I prefer, I think asking a girl out over text or email is nicer because you're not like confronting her and putting in her, putting her in a weird place where she has to like reject you or accept you instantly to your face. Right. If I'm staring at somebody like, do you want to go out sometime?

Like what kind of weird position does that put her in? They usually just say yes and then they bail later. Right. I think it's, it almost just doesn't even matter at that point. If they like you, they'll like being asked out in any of those fashions and if they don't like you, I guess they'd probably most like to not be asked out face to face. Yeah. I think if you get the sense that somebody likes you and you ask them out face to face,

they're pretty pumped on it. But there's this old fashioned thing where it's just like you should ask someone out to their face. I also heard recently that it's nice to pick somebody up in your car rather than like let's meet at this bar in an Uber. Yeah. I'm all for that like second level confidence. Like I don't think I would ever go up to somebody like, hey, I'd like to take you out

sometime. But like, you know, you make friends. You're like, hey, what are you doing? Like you set up a date and then once the date is set up, then you'd be that like ultimate gentleman. Then you're like, I will, I'll pick you up. I'll do whatever, all that stuff. Yeah.

Pickup is, I don't know, I'm not 100% into the pickup either. Well, we live in Los Angeles where it's like it makes more sense to meet in an Uber so you can both get drunk. Right. But I mean, it always makes more sense to meet in an Uber so you can both get drunk. But like some people would say like, no, we live in LA, it would be nice to get picked up. It's a car culture.

The date is a drive-in, a drive-in movie theater. Right. Like you, your date and the Uber driver to the drive-in. Yeah. Let me call an Uber. We'll pick you up and Louis or Mario will just sit in the front while the watch... Racist. Racist.

What? Yeah. It has to be Louis or Mario. Luigi or Mario. Sorry. I just think most Italian plumbers end up driving for Uber. Yeah. There's not a lot of plumbing to go around.

So I don't know. That's, I guess, what was this guy's specific question? She's... Oh yeah. About the snap fire. What should she do? I mean, you, there's nothing's happening. So if I were her, I would continue the non, don't reach out to him, except that it's over.

He was sort of a little bit of a dickling, but that's okay. Try to meet somebody else. There's always other humans. That's the best thing about being on earth. There's more humans than just that one guy. Yeah. There's more pilots. We should be able to write again.

Yeah. It's going to be fine. Yes. The internet still exists. We can create stuff that doesn't have to be Jake and Amir. It can be something else. It can be something entirely new, something exciting, something that builds upon what we've known and learned.

No, you're crying. It just doesn't fucking make sense to you. There we go. Let it out. All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. Oh, I have to promote that I wanted to my mom's podcast. No, we don't.

Time for that. Hey guys, let's wrap this up. The pilot is not picked up, but you can still hear me reading the secret life of Walter Mitty on my mom's podcast, which is called The Easy Chair. Oh, that's on the Head Gum Network. Head Gum. Your mommy's podcast. My mommy's podcast.

Jake. My favorite guest. She actually admitted on this podcast that I was her favorite child. Wow. Or at least the favorite son. Still. Pretty good. Still pretty good.

She still shouldn't have done that. Yeah. We're also on the Black Man Can't Jump podcast a week or two ago talking about White Men Can't Jump. Yes. So, on our show last week, we go on their show and you can listen to that right now. Thank you for listening. Thank you for supporting.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for everything. We appreciate it. We will continue making stuff and we hope you continue watching and enjoying. This isn't the end. This isn't the end. This is not the end of us. This is not the beginning either.

No. This is the middle. Oh, yeah. Definitely not the beginning. Yeah. It's going to be a nice long descent, baby, and you guys are going to be with us every step of the way. Hey, what's the best part of a roller coaster?

Am I right, folks? The precipitous drop, jump, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop. The opening theme song was written by Stop the Rock. You can listen to him on Steam or add him on Steam. I felt the casual. And this closing theme song is from Misha and Alex Scott. We'll be back next week and the week after and over and over and over and you won't ever as true TV doesn't have any say on the fucking part.

I had the shit. They just canceled our podcast. How? How is this legal? See you all next week. Bye. That was a hate gun podcast.