If I Were You - 191: The Emotionary (w/Eden Sher!)

Episode Date: January 4, 2016

Actress and friend Eden Sher joins us to discuss new movies, new words, and staying hydrated.This episode is brought to you by MeUndies, Leesa, and BlueApron!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Bye, were you? If, if, if, if, if, if I were you. If, if, if, if, if, if I were you. If this was what I'd do, if, if, if, if, if I were you. If, if, if, if, if, if, if I were you, they'll tell you what to do. But they don't really have a clue if I were you, if, if, if, if, if I were you. In a stick you sitch, looking for a fix.

and they'll probably make fun of you, if, if, if I were you, if, if, if, if I were you they're not qualified in any way but they will tell you what to do, if, if, if I were you Yeah Great, great song That was perfect Did you love it? I loved it so much Alright, positive right off the bat

Eden Yes How do you pronounce your last name? However your heart desires Sure Yes, that is correct No, no, no, let me try, let me try Wait, sure

That's also, also correct Not as correct but still correct in your heart Thanks for coming by Thank you for having me Did you really mean it when you said you've never done a podcast before? I've meant it 100% Wow, holy shit I know

What an honor I know This is happening Yeah, I think like I know, like I know for you Totally You guys are so fortunate right now For us For me this sucks

That guy's name was Jacob Legrand He had your name Jacob? Yeah Legrand Jake wrote that He actually wrote it from scratch If, if, if

Oh yeah, and then it was so popular that the, the, the Beach Boys ended up covering it Yeah They changed the words They went back in time and re-recorded it I feel like the most important part of that is that Jake is a time traveler Yeah He's a good musician But also, yeah, he invented a time machine

So Eden, how would people know who the heck you are? Like why are you here and how, what, what do we, what would they know you from? Man, um, well, I would say most people don't, they might know me from, um, I do a show on ABC It's a big one Television, yeah, it's a big television network Yeah And, yeah, Shenzhou, it's definitely, I love it, it's called The Middle And it's on ABC Wednesday nights, 8 p.m., 7 central

Well, your teeth are sparkling right now It's weird because all those details were wrong It's on Fox at 2 p.m. every other Sunday Yeah It's football Wait, I also, there's more Wait, there's more Okay

Nobody knows me from these other things But these are things I'm doing These are the things that you're really excited about Yeah, and I shouldn't even say that That's, I'm super excited about The Middle I've just been doing it for so many years How many years? We're in our seventh year

Wow Holy shit Many years Congratulations Thank you, it's super cool So what are you What's the new exciting stuff? Because that's old and exciting

Exactly, it's like make new friends but keep the old one as one and the other's gold So what's the gold? I don't know which one is good Which one is better? One is one and one is the other Gold's definitely worth more But silver kind of like goes in But silver's prettier and like shinier and like will just try like

That's true Yeah, when they said one is silver and the other's gold Are they saying that one of them is better than the other? Or are they saying both of them are equally precious? I think silver and gold are both very equally precious And I think people like, well, you know But why would they choose the Olympic medals that are specifically first and second place? One is first and the other's second

We're never going to let her see other things that she's doing I just want to get to the bottom of this medal controversy One is bronze and the other one's fine That's fine That one's wood If there were one is better than the other Which one does the song, do you think insinuates is better? The new, right?

Make new friends but keep the old No, probably gold because gold is worth more But it's like Also old and gold Is that a thing? Well, it just has to run You know what? We're just going to leave it I want to figure it out

Exactly a decision as the host It's done What are the other things? I also do a cartoon for Disney Channel It's called Star vs. the Forces of Evil I love it so much Are you a star? I'm a star

Oh, thank goodness No, I know I would have to just kick me right out Who's evil? Actually Alan Tudyk plays Oh, this little mini thing I believe it's like alien princess Like super cool

And this little like evil thing He plays the robot and I robot He's the one that yells I did not murder him Oh, really? That's like the one impression you can do Is that real? Yeah He's the one impression Will you tell Alan that I'd love to

Well, do the impression I did not murder him That's good He also does Anthony Kitas Do you know Anthony Kitas? And you do Kermit the Frog? Oh, yeah So do Kermit the Frog singing

Red Hot Chili Peppers? Under the bridge down there Now to the guy for I Run On the Disney Channel I'm on the Disney Channel Yes, I also have a website That I have not updated in a while But I'm very still passionate about the idea

It's called The Emotionary Oh, that's a book that's coming out Yes, it is Next year The Emotionary Yes, it's the-emotionary Oh Eventually, the updated website

Very soon will be coming out Nice Can I make a quick recommendation? Please Buy the URL without the hyphen I feel like I tried Maybe I didn't Because I just went to that one

And it's unavailable What is it? Nothing, it's nothing That's why I'm saying you should buy it And just have it redirected Forward it And you should do it before this episode comes out Because I'm giving a lot of mean people

The idea of stealing it for you I know And then I'm gonna- oh my god Did you hear that someone bought Google for $12? Also What, huh? Yeah, it was like a thing So irrelevant

So doesn't matter I should buy this URL It made me- hopefully like someone would buy it Oh, you're saying Google before Google was around No Some guy sold it to Google for $12? No, there was like a loophole like recently And someone bought it for $12

And then like immediately Google like Contacted them and they were like This is a mistake But they- he would contact the guy He bought it, contacted them and it's like This is a huge problem By the way, you guys The domain expired

Like how did you guys let that slip through your cracks? I'll sell it back to you for $12 Yeah Can you go as high as $14? I feel like a real asshole But I bought Google I actually might just Turn it into a personal blog

Yeah, actually I'm just gonna do it Unless you can give me like $16 So this, what are we doing here? Right now it's an advice podcast It's called If I Were You It's actually the only advice podcast On the whole internet that Jake and I host And sometimes

It's just us two And sometimes we have a guest Sometimes you're privileged Yeah Honored You know, Eden is Grew up where I grew up Really?

Yeah, we both grew up in the valley Well I didn't grow up in Israel Have you ever been to Israel? I haven't I was supposed to go on birthright And I got denied What?

They don't deny anyone My name is Eden My name- yes I don't know I don't know what the fuck I don't know what happened You didn't get into birthright? Like it's not a thing that

Like technically Yes, they're like encouraging people Yeah But I don't know what happened They were like We can't take you on this trip at this time Eventually I was like

You spent six months In an al-Qaeda training camp Right? I just didn't think it would matter I just didn't like I'm not in it now Right, dude What?

You're currently out of it Yeah So these I'm going to be reading real emails From real people I'm going to ask you to give them fake names Just to preserve their anonymity Putting that sweet

So this first one Is from a dude named Alfonso That's really good Ethnic Hi guys, Alfonso here My girlfriend is a bit of a nympho And she likes to have sex multiple times a day

I would say she's a total smoke show But I would be lying Anyway, to the point I tend to get dehydrated I'm being a scythe To get to the point I tend to get dehydrated throughout the course of the day And during said sexual activities

I try to drink a lot of water and Gatorade But hydration breaks are a no-go for her So I have been thinking about Wearing a camelback backpack During sex My friends completely disapprove But I think it would be a convenient And only add to the sex

So I was wondering what your thoughts were Thanks, Alfonso Okay Initial reactions I'm a fan Whoa Yeah, I think I mean communication is key

So just got to like He can't show up with the camelback on I think it would be really disconcerting However, although I don't know, it could be All over, although, but yet still It could be like How long have you been dating his girlfriend?

A year Do they say? Just long enough to call her ugly in this EBS I know Let's pretend like that didn't happen Yeah, well I mean right off the bat I'm like a little less on his side Yeah

But However, but yeah, still A camelback during sex I think as long as if he's And like if she's into it If he knows I was like If he knows her well enough

To like If it's like a funny like Yeah Yo, babe Yeah I'm thirsty I think working one time is a funny thing But if you're like continually trying to do it

Maybe How dehydrated is he getting? How long are these sashes? 45 hours straight? Nine days in the Sahara Yeah, do they have to do it in the heat? Well, I don't understand Wait, that is actually a really good point

I can understand Get like Whatever But if he's like Consciously throughout the day Drinking water And Gatorade And he's still like

Yeah Like fatigued There's something like A little okay about him pausing During sex to have water But so gross if he pauses To have Gatorade Yeah

Hot Gatorade Oh, one second Oh, lemon lime Lukewarm Gatorade Two gallon can't It's perfect Yeah, it's like The bottle is sweating on the inside

Ew You know, the kind used to PPN Yeah Maybe he's confused That's enough, dude We have a guest And I don't urinate in Gatorade bottles Anymore

Anymore than somebody else who does Yeah Unless it's an emergency And I'm driving And I have to And there are no swell bottles around Yeah, dude Shout out to Swell

Yeah We all three of us It's just I guess not independently You guys not But independently of you I have my own swell bottle And I think that's funny

Free plugs, Swell, what up? They've earned it We love them So Backpack you're saying Yeah, go for it I mean, also Why doesn't he just

I don't understand He's like He's like brought up Like I need a water break And she's been like Now Yeah You can't stop fucking me

Yeah Are a no go for her God, imagine that Getting a fat rejection For a water break I think why Definitely that ruins the mood To be like

Hold on, I need to Go get water Yeah What's happening during sex That needs to stay moist And it's not your mouth Oh, nice Thank you

Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes

Yes 45 minutes All of our mouths are dry I'd say anything to Change things up would be fun If this girl's actually having sex Multiple times a day For weeks, months, years on end

But like Oh, yeah, it adds to it Having a camel back Adds to it It does not add to it Let's just like Call a spade a spot Nice

Anything I am a firm Anything can add to it If you want it to If it's like If you were If you like I mean she might

She might be like What the fuck is that It adds to it for him But like what's It's not going to add to it for her It might It'd be funny If you like

Where's it with confidence And then it's like Alright babe Like I got to stay Like I got to stay Like in it for you And I don't want to take a break Like someone sexy about it

Like oh you're so dehydrated That you can't even fuck Without like Needing to prepare Like you're going into the wilderness Maybe Or it's like He has iodine pills

Yeah He's wearing a bandana Cargo shorts And a cliff bar Tivas He has goo You know we often talk about How guys like sex more than girls

That's not true But yeah But then there's I agree There's that next level of like Once you're in a relationship We often get questions about like My girlfriend like

Wants to have sex so much more than I do Oh yeah I feel like the trajectory is like Sort of It's an inverse bell curve So it's like Girls like it the least And then also the most

I think the thing about girls Liking it the least One is a really antiquated Like stereotype Cause it's like Yeah you little You misogynist You chauvinist pig

Let me mansplain something to you honey But also Or whatever Cause like Girls don't shake Shaming all that stuff But also I think girls have to deal

Girls are hit on all the time So the like Just like Girls get the reputation of like Not liking sex as much Cause they just don't want to have sex As many people Like they don't just want to have sex with you

Yeah yeah It's like about the Oh girls hate sex No they hate you Yeah Once the trust is established I think it comes down It's like an evolutionary thing

Like girls can have multiple orgasms And guys If they If guys could have multiple orgasms It's like Streeter's joke Where he's like The first guy would just die Holding his dick

Like there would not be humanity Cause he would just jerk off 24-7 Starve to death And die I thought that was Streeter's thing Where he like Thought that there

There should be vaginas on your hand That's a different idea he had But I think both Yeah both of those things were true There would actually be It would Like there would Just be a planet

Or a female God how does it work If you're a female You can have an orgasm And then just Seconds later Be down again Isn't that crazy to think about?

Yeah it's dope Girls have it real good Y'all don't need a break at all But then it leads to this situation Where like girlfriends are You know Being called a nympho Likes to have sex multiple times

Cause she could just She can have She can orgasm What's the most times you've orgasm Than a jade jake In a day Yeah I mean it's been

It's been a minute But like I had I like came seven or eight times in a day Because you had sex seven times Oh if we're just talking sex The most times I had sex in a day Is maybe like six That's so much

Like And then like by the end I've had sex like four times In a sitting But then it's like paint But like by the fourth, fifth, sixth It's just a painful thing But for the lady

It's not Well like Is it literally Physically painful Like my peen Can only handle so much Once it's like spitting Like

It leads a break Well you're also You're wearing condoms right Yeah I'm always Like If you're having condomless sex It doesn't hurt But it's hard to maintain an erection

True But even without a condom You can't have sex more than Let's say six times Seven times a day I could have sex that many times I wouldn't be able to But orgasm right

Yeah But a girl Is there a theoretical maximum Not that you may or may not know But is it possible to just have A hundred orgasms in a day Or is there also A little bit of a diminishing

I think there's a little I mean I don't know I can only speak Because it's personal Of course There's a little bit of diminishing Also it's not like It's not like

I mean I don't I mean I don't know I guess everyone's different But like you can't There still has to be some time In between Oh there does It's a diminishing

It's like a time That you could use for a water break This guy can't I feel like before Camelback is a last ditch effort Sorry just to bring it back to Any questions Right

Camelback's a last ditch effort If you like Just try one time To like Hydrate yourself throughout the day I think you can do it I think he's looking A bit more of a like

A freaky like New thing to try Yeah I think he wants Yes no I think he wants That's what it is I think he wants an excuse To try this Yeah it's like

Remember that Seinfeld Where Costanza's trying to Eat a sandwich and watch TV During sex to achieve The holy trifecta Cause he's like The best three things Are sex, eating and

Watching TV And so he's like If I can get all three of them And he got greedy He like started eating a sandwich While having sex And the girl realized that He tried to hide it from her

I tried one time I tried to And this also Goes back to like Girls being Whatever, crazier Like wanting more sex Than guys

Wait when does this Actually it doesn't It doesn't matter where the Termination is Sometime in December Not exactly sure I'm just Queen of TMI

I don't care Okay Specifically for my boyfriend One time I Cause I'm planning on Breaking up with them On December 13th So this could come out

After that No one time We were watching They might be giants Documentary And I Don't know if you like them Or know them

Whatever But he Is obsessed with them And I really like them And the documentary was great And then it was over Like it was like Ah like Dana

Like watch a movie And then just like What happens in life When you're like an adult In a relationship After you watch a movie You go to bed And if you go to bed

You're probably gonna have sex And so the like The You know The movie ends And I'm like Hey I'm here Like ah like

I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like Oh shit Shut down for special features

Yes Super rejected That hurts So let Yeah Wait what was the point That was really But it's also beautiful

Because he's completely honest And open with you Yes Yes Like he didn't want Him to hide that feeling Like he He thought it

And then he didn't feel like Obligated to lie to you And say like And be thinking about Special features While he's having sex with you Right So if you think about it

It's actually a Term of endearment That he said that If you think about it Actually he was really honest Wasn't he Well It's like you've been in that

Situation before Yeah Um Yeah So I guess So maybe like With the I guess yeah

He didn't lie I just I just agree with what Blumenfeld was saying Well how long were you In the relationship That's another thing Was it new and exciting

Or was it like Is this like a Seven year thing No no It was probably like Six, seven months Oh yeah he should have Fucked

Special features Now you're just tired It is tough to tell People sometimes that you're Tired Which is why I almost Never ever do it You just type

Tough through it You just lie I just have sex Right Yeah It's more like It's almost like Going to the gym

It's just I mean It's way way better But In this way it's like The idea is Like the effort Like thinking about it

You're like I don't really feel like You know Thrusting And like getting sweaty But then as soon as My dick gets hard I'm like

Oh actually I do Well it's like So if I just like Suspend my reality For a minute A little bit It's like being hung over When you're like

Hung over You're like I can't imagine drinking And then like When you feel a little bit Better than start drinking And you're like Oh this is fine

Yeah Exactly That's right Sex is fine We should go on To the next question So we can answer Multiple ones

But I just have one Sex in the shower Doggy style She's turned around You are facing the stream As often as you want The water might be a little hot But you can sip

Tell your heart's content He will be fully hydrated And she will be fully satisfied Because they are having sex Get a water bed The conclusive response The answer Pierce it with a straw

Get a water bed Pierce it like a fucking capri sun And just fill it up With powerade A camelback bed Yeah That is such a good idea A camel bed

A camel bed Fuck podcasting dude We're gonna be rich We gotta get back on Twinnovation This was my idea You guys just stole it Alright

Next question This one is written by another dude Okay Named Kale Carlson Carlson Kale Carlson

Kale Carlson Kale Carlson writes Kale Carlson Hey it's me Kale Carlson As you probably might know Star Wars Episode 7 Is coming out in December

My dad who saw the original movies as a kid Passed them down to me And I have revered them As perfect gems ever since A few months ago I decided to share them with my girlfriend Of two years And after watching all three

We decided to go see the new one On opening night A few weeks later My dad casually asked If he and I were going to see it together And I couldn't say no to the guy Who got me into this whole Star Wars thing to begin with

Originally I had planned on taking my Girlfriend on opening night And maybe catching it again With my dad next weekend But I realized there's a problem Saying I've loved this movie for years And I'd like to show it to you Is not at all as saying

I saw this movie last week With someone more important So I guess your turn now Should I go back on my promise to my girlfriend Or ruin a man's chance To relive his childhood Star Wars premiere memories Thank you so much

Love Kale Carlson Kale Well, I'm sorry I'm just taking it I am actually seeing With my boyfriend on opening night Star Wars And

But it's It's like a sort of a solution And maybe it doesn't He doesn't want to do this I'm seeing it with his whole family You make a big family thing Yeah And yeah

And his sister and her boyfriend He played Darth Maul in Phantom Menace though So like you guys have an in, right? Yeah So that's really cool Cool Have you seen all the six of the Star Wars? No

I have not seen the Like first I've not seen the new The second trilogy Yeah I haven't Did you see the original three In anticipation of episode seven?

No, I should rewatch them I also One of my greatest sources of shame I didn't see Star Wars Until like A year and a half or two years ago I'm yours I'm the same way

I just saw the first one Like last week Because somebody was like What the hell, you haven't seen Star Wars? I'm like, no, I haven't Maybe it's a thing It's an 818 thing Maybe

What if nobody in the valley Ever saw the Any Star Wars movie Holy shit We should Did you have any siblings? Older siblings I had an older brother

And a younger brother Did they see Star Wars? Yeah, somehow My little brother Little brother Where the hell did How did he see him? Yeah

Loved him He said According to his upbringing He grew up with them Did you ever know that? Or that was a news flash to you? What year did they come out? 77, 81, 83 or something

That's weird I don't know how You were not even born yet Yeah I mean They're like legendary Yeah We should just call every

We should go to the yellow pages Find a yellow page Yeah, that's how old we are We know about yellow pages Yeah We should know Star Wars Yeah We could call every 818 number

That's technically the white pages Find a white page Did you like them when you saw them? Yeah It was weird in that I knew everything about them already And there were no And I have to

You have to watch it in the context of Oh, this was the Because you watch it and you're like Uh-huh Yeah, obviously I know this stuff The graphics are bad The acting is really slow

Yeah, even if it isn't paused It's not as good as gravity I actually like Jurassic World more I think it was because I wasn't born in America You were born in Israel? That was my excuse That's a great illegitimate excuse

It's a fake excuse Yeah Also, people in Israel have seen Star Wars Yeah That's pretty global All right, Star Wars aside Who should he see this movie with? I think he should totally see it with his dad

And I think he's been dating his girlfriend for Two years I think he should understand She'll understand Yeah, the thing he said about I'll see it with you I guess we'll see it with you Also, the mark of you're in a good relationship

He doesn't even have to make a decision He could tell his girlfriend this conundrum Say, I'm worried It seems like my dad wants to see it I want to see it with you I don't really know what to do And if she's a good partner She will say

Of course, see it with your dad I don't care about seeing it on an opening night It sounds like it's important to you two You can see it whenever But what if she's like She waited like Fuck that, noise She waited 30 years to see the original ones

She can wait more Your dad's an old piece of shit He doesn't have to see the movie with you, baby I then immediately break up Yeah, I think that turns into a different question And then for sure Could your dad blow you like this And then what if she blows them?

And then she chips your tooth on it Yes, he could, yeah Yeah, I guess he could probably I mean, he's never tried What? Why are we talking about this? Nobody could blow me better than my dad This is crazy He told me how to throw a baseball

This is a great tangent What's the most popular movie you've never seen? I haven't seen The Godfather That's pretty good That's a good one to have never seen Neither have I Really? Wow That would have been my answer too

Oh my god I got a good one Okay Wizard of Oz Oh my god You just walk out But I feel like I know the plot of Wizard of Oz The Wizard of Oz isn't necessarily one

That still holds up like Oh, it's one of the best movies of all time You're supposed to have seen it when you were little But nobody is like It's not a revered Yeah It's a classic, I guess I don't know, it's not revered

What do you mean? It is revered It's not held to the same Walk out again I'm back in Now I mean like People still say like The Godfather is one of the best movies of all time

It's like influenced cinema In this incredible way You should see it Right Nobody is necessarily saying that about the Wizard of Oz While I don't You might be wrong There's a chance that you're just completely wrong

But I don't know either You're not talking to the right people, maybe Yeah Well, I guess in my world It's never come up that the Wizard of Oz Is a staple of modern cinema Right So I can't be wrong about that

Because it came out in 1939 Sure No, it didn't Yeah, it did It came out in the 30s It came out in the 30s It came out the same year that World War II started Actually, let me check

Because it might even be older than that There's a lot of movie nerds That are just yelling at us right now And we can't hear them at all Yeah Also, I think you're like the verbiage of what you said was Holy shit, I nailed it 1939

Wow Good work So maybe I do know It is a staple of modern cinema Yeah, I would say it is a staple of modern cinema You're so right in that Yeah, why not? Whatever

I disagree It doesn't matter Nothing actually matters So we all think Actually, whoa, it has a 4% rotten tomato People hate it No They actually prefer Snowpiercer

Shit, critically panned Jesus, it was not as good as Memento Yeah Not as good as Godfather Definitely not a staple of modern cinema Jake nailed it This is insane I wrote that review

How did it get to be the top option on Google? Yeah, how are you a certified critic? Jesus Yeah, I am a Siskel and Ebert Of yourself Siskel meets Ebert, meets Hurwitz I think we all agree of Team Dad over Team Girlfriend Yeah

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah I think totally Again, communication Just talk to her She'll get it Or do the, yeah Do the MyBF thing And do it all in one

Knock all the birds with Girlfriend is below family Fiancé is half family And wife is the closest family Whoa So, let's uh Like it jumps over the line That's why I love my future wife the most

I just don't know who she is yet Fair So, once I do find her, I'll take her to see Star Wars with me We're gonna take a little break And then come back with more questions And more Eden And more Jake, I guess too Gracias

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To save 10% Off that first purchase Thank you Squarespace And we're back Nice We spent two days during that break Getting to know Eden

And now we're ready to have the second half We'd all hate each other now We didn't even believe We're all mad at each other You grew up where I grew up, right? Yeah So how do you think that I want to talk about fucking California

I want to talk about Connecticut Oh yeah, what do you think about New Haven? New Haven New Haven New Haven Have you ever been to Connecticut? I used to go to Connecticut all the time Whoa

I dated a guy who went to Wesleyan Really? I grew up 20 minutes from Wesleyan I know, I always got off with the New Haven stuff Yeah, you did Union Station Love it too What's his name, Wesley?

Um, yes It was Ann There's got to be someone named Wesley Who goes to Wesleyan, right? That is a great solid point Of course, load up Facebook, baby No, Wizard of Oz was the staple of modern cinema Amazing

It's not what I was saying It's not what I was saying It's not a staple of modern cinema Yes, you did say that You said it's not a staple of modern cinema Nope You did actually say that sentence I said, not in

Not solidified my mind as a staple of modern cinema I don't know what it is to cinematographers Cinematographers are what you call people that like movies Yeah, they're the only people that are allowed If you're not a cinematographer, you don't like cinema If you're not a cinemafile, I'm sorry Am I not allowed to misspeak on the podcast? Oh, I'm sorry

Am I on trial? Is everything I say get played back to me? Or do you just like to call me on little shit So you can feel good about yourself Yeah, we can play it back actually Yeah, let me No, we actually already talked about your show And your website, The Emotionary

But what is The Emotionary? It is I'll give you the elevator pitch right now It's The Emotionary It's a dictionary for your feelings It's words that don't exist for feelings that do Whoa

Oh, kind of like how like the Schadenfreude, like the Yes, sorry So what's an example of a word that doesn't exist for an emotion that does? Oh, I have a good one Go for it The way a mom feels when a homeless person makes her baby laugh Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

The way, how, what, what, specify that feeling a little more Is it like a happy, cause there It's like a ha ha ha, cautious, laughter, nervous But actually happy, cause her baby's smiling Um, okay, here's a similar I'll, I'll do you one better with an actual word that exists Cause it's a little bit like that Okay

But like, not quite Yeah, it's not as good It's like, skepticism Skepticism Yeah So it's skeptical, it's optimism And it's a little bit more like Is that in your emotion?

Yeah Is it like caution? What's the difference between skepticism and cautious optimism? Or is it just one word? Like, you don't think it's gonna work out, but you hope it does? Yeah, exactly So it's a little like, with the mom, it's like I hope, like, I don't know if this is gonna work out

Cause there's a homeless guy, like, entertaining my child But I hope it's just a chill, a chill time right now So I have a good, I I'm gonna let this guy babysit You know what? Yeah I trust this I'm skeptomistic enough

The, the, the second half is like Oh, that's good, skeptomistic I could adopt that Right? Are a lot of them portmanteaus like that? Most of them are portmanteaus, yeah Some of them are taken from like Yeah, like Latin root or like

Actually, this is also kind of a Seinfeld thing, like Vindexant Okay, what's that? Which is just, it's taken from like The like Latin, like vindicated or whatever And then it's, I don't know what the second half is But it just like, I just took some, like I know what makes something, I looked at it like

What makes something an adjective And then like Vinny or whatever Which is like wanting redemption And it's like Vindexant It's the feeling of It's not like anything a French word for it But the, the feeling of like Thinking of the perfect thing to say

Yeah After you've left Oh yeah And you just like, the like need for vindication Oh wait, so like a comeback That you didn't have it in the moment That's also a Seinfeld thing That is it, yeah

There's like, the jerk store called They're running out of you Yeah, yeah Well, I don't know why You're their best customer And then he stands up and goes I had sex with your wife And then some guy

Wait, what's the word for that feeling? Vindexant Vindexant I like that a lot Yeah, I get it Give us one more Okay There, there's one that I love so much

That I've used as an example And it's totally, it's polarizing I realize it's hit or miss So hopefully you guys have enough problems That you'll relate I don't have any problems I can't wait to have one It's gonna be so good

Actually I'll do two Okay, one is This is one Emotal Emotal Emote and spiral Which is To think and judge oneself

In such rapid succession It ultimately causes Immobility That's the word Yeah, I should have these memorized Okay, emotal Yeah So you're like paralyzed with emotion?

Yeah, just like we're like neurotic Like, oh god, I shouldn't have Oh, here's one Solemn plate Which is solipsistic contemplating And it's to harbor emotions About an embarrassing event That nobody remembers but you

Harbour emotions about an embarrassing Solemn plate? Yeah Solo contemplating Yeah, sure And you're doing it in a solemn way Ooh, I didn't even think of that What was the first one?

The first one ever was Like how did this start? Well, it started Because I broke up with that Fucking Wesleyan Yeah From Wesleyan From La La

Yeah And I just was so I had all of the feelings at the same time And I was like I'm also just like Like perfection Like I gotta work Like I refuse to not be like

Constructed with my depression Yeah And so I like started Just like Pinned one of these feelings And then I was like I'm gonna do something with this Yeah

And then I You know, love puns Who doesn't love puns Yeah, I like puns It actually I think it was more like Started with like the word Emotionary

And I was like Yup, this is it now So how many words are you up to? I have like I think Like a 162 Book-ready words

Wow And then I have a couple still in I'm gonna try to come up with one Please I used to have a thing on that When I was really into it When I like really was trying to Like

I got really busy Because I have a ton of projects Yeah dude But like But when I was really Thick into it I like had a submit section On the website

What do you think of kinetic hunt? Oh god What does it mean? I'm sorry Um No, let's hear him out I'm not quite sure where he's going with this Shred lightly

That's great And what if the definition is just Now and a human named Jake Oh What's his last name? Yeah Hurwitz

I did it I was like If not Legrante My fingers were crossed But was the guy from Connecticut Or you just went to school there? No Well I tried

I'll keep thinking Don't Don't Don't worry about me I can squeeze words together I can make puns You'll have 165 Are you gonna be self-pungratulatory?

Oh Very important Very important I forget what I was gonna say The Emotionary puns, portmanteaus Oh, all right, yeah Okay, it's all out there Do you want to answer some more questions?

I would love to All right What was that noise? Martin is in the kitchen Someone He shouldn't be here like that I like that He shouldn't be here like that

Sorry about that You shouldn't be heard like that We'll have a talk with him after the show Which question should we answer? Maybe a question from a lady? I was just telepathy Oh, actually this one's from a girl Do you want to read it?

Yeah Nice try You were a little too excited Don't give her your computer Hey dudes, I'm gonna You have to give her a fake name too Okay I just gave some

I gave me a fake name The other night Cause I didn't want a guy to know my name So I'm gonna give her also And it is Angela Angela Same name as you had the other night Totally

Okay Hey dudes I'm a high school senior Who has a question with a somewhat obvious answer Okay But I'm still not sure how to handle the situation So I'm writing into the only advice podcast On the internet

Hosted by you too That's when you said that earlier Yeah So that I can move forward There's this guy I met last year That I thought was pretty cute So I So that that was pretty cute

So I was kind of disappointed To learn he had a girlfriend We ended up still becoming friends And still talk today The issue is the sexual tension between us I never acknowledged it And it really And it never really escalated

This I'm so sorry Cause I'm halfway through Can I give it to you to read? I realize it's too much pressure I'm too bad of a reader I can read it You can read it?

Okay I hope people don't get confused Of the voice swing Oh my god This is I also hate reading aloud Yeah But I read this question before

So like I can I can handle it It's in your head But yeah like the commas And the fucking Oh Like the letters Don't get me started

Yeah and then there's spaces What are those? Like where does one word start And the other one end You shouldn't have put her on the spot Like that blue Hey dudes I'm a high school senior

Who has a question with a somewhat obvious answer But I'm still not sure how to handle the situation So I'm writing into the only advice podcast On the internet I'm hosted by you too So that I can move forward We could probably just cut that out Since I just reiterated

What she already said I bet There's this guy I met last year That I thought was pretty cute So I was kind of disappointed to learn He had a girlfriend We ended up becoming friends And still talk today

The issue is the sexual tension between us I never acknowledged it And it never really escalated That is until recently Huh? I suddenly can't read This is something about this email That it's impossible to read it out loud

It's in hieroglyphics after the second paragraph He is still with his girlfriend of almost two years Wow, I really can't read it He is still with his girlfriend Of almost two years now But in the past two weeks Our snapchats have gone from friendly to sexual Ooh

I take all the blame here As I initiated sending him daily ass shots After a week or so I realized how wrong it was And how bad I'd feel If I were in his girlfriend's position So I stopped for a few days But I missed the compliments I was getting

So I pretty much reluctantly answered His request of more pics This led him wanting me to help cheat On his girlfriend just once I told him no and talked to me after they broke up Even to go so far as to enter into a virginity pact With him wherein we would have sex After spring break if he's single

Parentheses, my idea It wasn't enough for him though And he keeps pushing and telling me We basically already cheated on his girlfriend Because he and our friend Felt me up in my car twice And made me touch their boners As a sort of joke

Anyways, I know it's wrong to cheat And it's certainly against my own moral code But there's also such things as a side chick, right? But then again, that is also Not a great person to be I really don't know where to go with this Even though I thought I did I don't want to lose an opportunity

Because I don't get them a lot right now And I want to have a sexual experience When I get to college But I also don't think cheating is okay Do you guys have any advice On how to get out of this sticky situation? Please stop No pun intended

Oh, she said please stop doing live shows In places far away Fine Stickuation, stickuation Love forever, Angela A lot of it This is a confused adolescent Yeah, this is a teenager

Who is just swirled with Hormones, emotions, feelings New, old There's a lot of confusion there Yes One of the most confusing Slash funniest sentences Is when she said that

I know it's wrong to cheat But there's such a thing as a side chick, right? Yeah That's what the cheating is That's like where the cheaters That's what the cheaters are Yeah, that's just naming What the bad thing is

Yeah, it's like I know murder is illegal But there's such a thing as victims, right? Yeah, yeah, that's what the murder is Such a thing as murderers, actually Maybe she's thinking of a side kick And just didn't know that there was a She's like, that's a cool Sorry, I was trying to read it again

There were so many things in it You're trying to save her I have questions that I couldn't read And listen at the same time, I guess Yeah, that's another thing Also people that write in Don't have the best grammar So there's a lot of

It's like singing on the fly Yeah, you guys I have a new respect for how You read and listen to yourself read And give good advice Okay, so does she know She doesn't know the girlfriend She does

Let's say she does not Okay, or she's not like friends with a girl Yeah, yeah That's a personal issue, I guess I just don't It sounds like she does If she initiated I don't know, she initiated

The Snapchat It seems like Again, she's just asking for an excuse Someone to be like, yeah, whatever It's okay, side chicks are a real thing That exists, also not just in your head Yeah Side chicks are what the cheaters are

What she's doing isn't right But it's not like so fucked up Like Cheating the final act of like actually I always equate cheating to a house That you don't want to be in, right? So like, you're The house is the relationship

She shouldn't be like walking around the front lawn Right But you know what, it's fine You're allowed to You can peek in through the windows It doesn't make you really bad person Totally Now she's like kind of ringing the bell

And the guy's inviting her in And you can't enter the house Once you've entered the cheating house Then you're a burglar You're a bat Like that's you fucking everything up Yeah, totally All I can think of is that the cheater would be like a vampire

And they have to be invited in And they're like they shouldn't be there But that's I like that actually That's pretty nice They do have to be invited in They do have to be And they can

It takes two people to do this That's true And I will say I sometimes get a little defensive of like Because again like girls sometimes it's like Oh, they're a home wrecker And it's like Well, I mean there has to be

It's like she's not the one in the relationship And the guy was just complicit in this True I will say that she initiated But then if she did Then she's clearly, yeah She's okay with it And if she's gonna

Like at the She's to like look inside of herself And if she's like This is my journey Then like she's gonna have And whether it's a mistake or not She's gonna She wants

Also she's a She's going to college She's a virgin Yeah Sounds like there's a lot of Because I experienced this too A lot of pressure To be like

You gotta You gotta lose it You gotta lose it before college Before college Yeah Why so that it doesn't happen in college I guess I don't know

Well, just so you can like go there As like sort of An adult and like Not have to worry about Getting laid Like if somebody asks you Like have you had sex before Like yeah

You just like want to get Certain things out of the way Before college I don't know I think it's a Pretty Not It's like a source of shame

That like Doesn't actually exist in the real world It's just Stupid It's like some of the American Pie movie The pact We all have to get laid Before college

Yeah Where'd you go to college? Nowhere Fuck you University? Me too I have to get laid Before the college

That I'm not going to Pardon me Yeah Yeah That's why I didn't go That's why I didn't go I was like I didn't lose it

I'm going to go to your scholarship It was like birthright All over again Will have you been laid? Oh that's probably why Birthright rejected me too No Because you have to put out

On birthright That's the whole entire point To make more juice It is I think actually The one thing that I did agree With the guy on is When he's like

We've already cheated No that's not true They have not cheated Well they basically have With the ass shots And the That's not cheating It's like

It's bad behavior It's bad for the relationship Again, yeah, it's kind of like if she found out it's like why did you continue? Why did you like why'd you open the door? Why'd you continue to open the door like you were looking at like you were so close? Why would you even like you should not have answered the door if she likes this guy? She can't Cheat with him like that will be an unfulfilling thing for both of them because this guy will feel shitty that he cheated on his girlfriend She'll feel shitty that the guy doesn't really like her. He just wanted to like see her ass in person And then the girlfriend in this relationship has no idea. She got cheated on. Yeah. What do you all think of this virginity packed?

That was actually a foolproof idea She promised to have sex with him if he broke up with his girlfriend, right? Oh, right cuz he oh, yeah, he's not obviously he's having he's having sex with his girlfriend. Yeah, it's just her This seems one although I think we're not dressing this guy kind of seems like a douche Yeah, it's a huge asshole. Yeah, he's like begging to cheat on it That's a good point this guy is like begging this girl to help him cheat on his girlfriend Yeah, cuz he doesn't want all the moral responsibility like I'm sorry. She's the one setting the ass photos I'm not doing anything, but then he's looking at more photos, right?

Yeah, I sounds like also if like the sexual tension just like built slowly over two years Maybe he was maybe he knew it. He was well. I just learned this term hip pocket. He hip pocketed her He was like I hadn't heard the term, but I immediately understand it Well, they talk about that like with agents in Hollywood. Yes, you pocket people Hip pocket and pick pocket Yeah, not quite the same, but definitely two terms that I'm but that is cool If you hit pocket somebody then somebody else gonna pick up. Oh, you can pick pocket my hip pocket. Yeah, what? this I

Just I can't get over like they're both so complicit in this like he wants to cheat and she's like She's I don't think she's doing a very good thing because like it sounds like left to his own devices He might not have wanted to cheat on his girlfriend and she's like She's she's tempting him and he's responding to it But then she's not liking his response to it She's like no only if you're single and then she'll stop but then she does send him nude pictures Yeah, it's she has to cut him off like he's not he's a he's gonna keep on asking He's not gonna break up with his girlfriend true if she if she can see if she like is she's denying

She's like totally ignoring If it is a red flag for her if it is a discrepancy indicator red flags in a baby drop the mic actually it's expensive But if she is choosing to if like like what I wonder what she wants out of this Did she actually want like a relationship or does she actually just want like I just want to have sex with him She wants some action. I don't know if she really wants a relationship. She didn't necessarily say that to me It feels like she's dis pursuing him. Oh my god. You're on that. I was like, how did you do that? That's right. Disport dis pursue according to the Emotion area is to actually seek out disappointment

Yes dis pursuing that's what she's doing. She's what she's going down a road that will ultimately end with her Unsatisfied because the her first experience is gonna be marred by this guilty feeling of breaking up a relationship So she should just wait and see if this guy breaks up with his lady and if he does then she can get it on But I wouldn't they break up. She's got to remove herself from this situation. Cheating is bad. It's wrong It's you can never do it and you can't get yourself involved with other people's relationships No, I wouldn't say that you can never do it I would say it's wrong But it's exactly kind of like if you're going to act conscious to be conscious about it

If you're gonna say that you know what like I'm not in the relationship and I'm just gonna be okay with this Like bat like he's he's especially it's like he was pursuing you or whatever I on like I would feel I cry when I like if I hurt someone's feelings like just like by accident So I couldn't do it But if you want if you like can shut that part off for a second and you want to I Don't think like like I don't think it's if you're not in the relationship I would say like that's your choice again like I support you on your journey do it But it doesn't sound like it doesn't I don't think in this situation that I think you're right that you should just wait

agreed Sound like I'm totally condoning cheating But like that's the you can't condone cheating because you're Just because this girl wants to cheat you're like you're also hurting the girl in the relationship, right? That's she's a victim. She's like a complete victim that gets no say in this at all And the guy's wrong and this girl's wrong They're both wrong to varying degrees and that could be debated, but it's all Bad you should like and she's got all the power that she can remove herself from the situation

Yeah, I guess I'm just I feel like if it's like if a guy, let's say like actively pursues you like a hot like Really really goes for it. It's kind of not necessarily like it's not your responsibility to save their relationship It's kind of like all right homie like you should You should break up with her but if you're not gonna like you should just do that And if you're chilled it's like I don't if you don't even want if you don't necessarily want a relationship Like I just want to have sex with you if you're gonna fuck up your relationship like That's our new yeah Yeah, but you don't ever want to be the vessel for somebody to fuck up their relationship. No

You won't have to get into the fight with the with the ex the same way the guy will but like it's I don't know. It's still some sort of like aiding and abetting A bad situation totally. I like it doesn't I don't think it behooves her in any way Like if she's just trying to get ass she can find sexual attention with somebody that's single Totally totally I agree with that. I bet if she starts like hooking up with somebody else This dude will like feel the fire hunt under his ass and be like, all right Maybe I do need to get out of my relationship because I have feelings for this girl. Yeah, totally

So really quickly what's your bit of advice? Don't do anything else anymore. Don't cut this guy off completely start hooking up that other friend Who's boner that you felt in the car? He's single. Yeah, that guy seems like a good dude. Yeah, nobody's talking about boner, too We should be thinking about the second boner I think there's the reason he starts asking for the nude photos and he starts saying like please cheat on me is because she's like Was because she stopped Doing stuff and I think if she really stuck to her guns and did like cold turkey He like

He'd come to her or she'd forget about him One one thing would happen, but it's not worth it to hang in the limbo Yeah, I would if I was like same as like if I were not too estranged like I was just giving advice to my friend I would say no, don't exactly exactly. Don't don't don't do it. You can yeah, I would I've never seen this girl But I can tell you she is a probably sister. Yes a strong beautiful By the way, I would have cheated on my girlfriend. Yeah, no, obviously. Yeah, I mean I'm giving advice because I've been in this situation so many times and it's it's blown up every time It's never been good. Learn from Jake's mistakes. This girl's only 17

There's still time. Yeah, or fail and then you can learn from your own mistakes. Yeah So maybe she should go for it. She should feel the rejection. She should feel the the relationship slipping away She is going to be back. Okay, so it doesn't matter what we say. I'm telling her. I'm telling her to do the right thing She will not that way at least we're morally absolved of any problems that should like why we also tell people to use condoms Cool. Eden. Thank you for coming all the way here being on our show Talking about your stuff talking about these these troubled youths that need our advice. We really appreciate it I mean, thank you. I really only you know, because I know the troubled youths. I just like like buy my book eventually Yeah, yeah

You guys are all in the free and clear You saw stars with your dad and you're all Camelback fucking Buy my book The Emotionary is a book It it will be the Emotionary will be a book you can go to the Emotionary.com with a hyphen right now highly suggest you also buy the non hyphenated version We'll talk about it after the show. I can hop you on namecheap.com. We can we can squat some domain names

I can url forward. I can mask it. It's gonna look seamless. You're not even you're not even realize that you already bought it All right, I realized I actually just bought it. I'll sell it for $12 But in all seriously, I just want to say like sincerely like thank you for having me and I I love you guys This is this is so much. You're great. You're really great come back anytime literally anytime next week the week after five episodes Actually, we're gonna record in a few days if you want to just crash. Yeah pretty comfy couch You can yeah lock the door so that she can't leave Marty Get the pitchfork. Uh, are you on twitter facebook instagram snapchat ds snap? I do not snap. I don't understand snapchat. I'm able to think so you feel old. I am on twitter

I'm yes, I'm on I'm on twitter and I'm on instagram sweet. Yeah Just find it eat and share eat and share. Yeah. Oh your names. Nice. That's a good work early adopter solid All right, the uh, if you have your own questions or your own theme song that email address for everything Is if I were you show at gmail.com the opening one again with some jacob legrand And this closing one is from somebody named chad salad. How's that for a name chad salad? That's good. We got kale and salad. It's healthy. Uh, all right. We'll be back next week. Thanks for listening everybody Things got real I see you now vaccine and bloom and felt me hurt. We see your service beating wisdom immersive

Looking drip to discursive their circle back and blue accordion to your cluster. Fuck muster up some antidote the situations run amok They're under qualified, but the modifier hard luck promise can be callous, but they're solid guys regardless put on blast You just respected, but it's harmless. Do you line lonely with your neck split inside? Starbucks Like a phone display If I were you show That was a hit gum podcast