If I Were You - 199: Homework (w/Brian Murphy!)

Episode Date: February 11, 2016

Murph is back! And he joins us to discuss being a 90's kid and songs that will pump you up.This episode is brought to you by TIDAL, and NatureBox.com!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast Get your crab claws out, it's about to get real They got one smoke show and a diva roach, yo they killing it, cause they be hanging with crayon, it's turning matches into snatches and they keeping their fans pissed, clams dipped and spread on your boobs, you're a garbage man if you call Thomas doobs Now that being said, keep a trail instead, cause I'd rather sex my ex in the academy of head than kill myself dead inside a starbucks, so I'll leave and let my problem to these two quashmucks

Got an STD, wanna seize the cheese, some 10 cent piece, making your earned night booty with just breath and preach and tune in for free, meanwhile they're protecting your identity with anonymity, can you guess the theme then let me hand the mic over to Theodore Leslie That goose meat, I'm a gay skeleton but I got kaboose meat, how's that for fair? Well I'll tell you what, don't, don't, I'll woof and duck and shut the fuck up, bitch I'll run your neck so fucking fast, it'll feel like an undeserved sundae but last, and you know that I'm a beast in every single regard, cause rapping in this voice is so fucking hard

And we're out of time, unless she's goddamn fine, in which case swipe right for that goddamn dang, lick her crack to clit and that fuse is lit, cause she's a bomb in techsjake.com gotcha this shit, this ain't no romcoms, so show me your pom poms, I'ma glom on and go nom nom nom, mom Turn the podcast off, but really you my bitch, wash a dish, leave it on, now I really gotta bounce, but before I do, let me give a shout out to that Ben Schwartz fool, and all my day ones, you all get one too, so say it with me, toadah These two Jews, teaching us Hebrew, but I'll let the pinch get me out of this cinch and

tell me what to do, YouTube that shit, nope, your heart rule, one thing you gotta know and that's yo yo yo Oh mercy Wow Damn, that was really chocolate That was dense That was an encyclopedia Yeah, that was uh, you guys have come a long way

I don't even get half the references Really, yeah That was all of D12, right? The wha- I recognize I'm gonna bring her up my band The one guy, the main guy, sounded like he was recording, but didn't want somebody else to hear him rapping in the other room I was gonna say the exact- I sounded like he recorded that while his mom was home

Yeah These two Jews, I'll go and stop with you when I'm out with you Teddy? Nothing to do I'm not trying, I'm not trying to do something artistic That's really Cause you have a roommate or something and you don't want them to hear the punks on you recording on your acoustic guitar

I'm barely even gonna try Murph, what are you doing in there? Nothing dude, I'm fricking on the computer man That's so funny I'm not trying I'm not trying to do art I'm not putting effort into- I'm not making something

I'm not trying to sing, why would I do that? I can't sing Why would I try to do that? Effort was so not cool for like 14 years I promise you, I'm not even trying I'm not recording something cause I would suck at you Yeah, why would I fricking practice and try to get better? Why would I do that?

There's nothing lame-er than effort I'm aged 10 Instead of saying you do something, it's like, oh you try? No Did you try to sing? No No You were either good at singing or you're not

There is no try, which is why I don't try Which is why I'm not a singer I just cry If everybody stuck it out with their high school punk bands, we'd all be amazing singers Yeah, that's probably true I really should have never quit No, I'm sure some people would just not get better Well Tom DeLonge didn't necessarily get better, but he got a lot more successful

He did try Yeah, there's a curve of how cool effort is And like starting at age 9, it starts to get less and less And it peaks at minimum at like 16, I think That's when effort is the worst Yeah, right And then it starts to get better And then you really power through

And you power through when you are like full of effort at 18 When everyone thinks you're a fucking loser Then in your 20s, you're like, oh wow, he's an artist now Yeah Wow It's the same thing as like being a nerd in high school You're just like, no matter what you do in high school, you're a loser Unless you're like playing sports, right?

Right Or in a band Bands were cool That's true, yeah But you have to be like relatively good You also have to kind of already be a cool kid And then have a band Like there were so many bad bands in my high school that had followings

Just because it was, you know The cool kid's band The cool kid grew his hair out And now he's an emo kid, you know what I mean? Yeah dude, that's the coolest kid They're not real, they're fucking sell house I'm the real deal Not like me quietly recording in my room so that my dad doesn't hear

This is punk This is punk This is punk, dammit Just plug the pedal right into the computer So nobody hears it I'm wearing headphones So that literally nobody can understand or hear you Episode 199

Episode 200 No We did it boys 200 episodes Congratulations It's been a long road But you know, we got here 199

200 Yeah, the countdown won't continue until the next episode Until what? The next episode This isn't the benchmark episode This is a throw away is what we call it in the podcasting biz But we're happy that Brian Murphy is here Is back in the house

Hey First episode since number 99 Yeah, I believe so So you did episode 99, you missed 100 through 198 and now you're back baby I'm back Yeah dude Back in the game By the way you did, I don't think you said who recorded that song

You're right I didn't Eric Dale Eric Dale It does sound like a guy who's not allowed to do rapping Eric Eric Yes, Mr. Dale

What are you doing in there? Are you trying? Actually his email We don't try in this family His email kinda sounds like that Hey guys, this is my second theme song submission My first attempt at writing or performing a rap ever Hope the flow passes the muster

I feel like I should give credit to the random YouTuber I got the beat from I literally googled basic rap beat Feel free to shout them out or not, I don't care I don't have any channels and whatnot of my own to shout out But you can credit me as Eric Dale Oh Eric Dale, you're good man, you're good enough You should keep at it Sing louder

Sing louder dude Sing louder Rap harder, rap faster, rap battered Yours like fucking commit man The flow's tight, the lyrics were all great It was good We just railed into it for four minutes and I was like And I was fine

Once he became a human being we're like oh fuck As soon as he said himself that he wasn't sure of himself Then now I wanna build him up, before I wanted to break him down Isn't it weird how fucking shit works like that How you felt bad How you like wanna tear people down until they tear themselves down And you're like oh come on, no you're cool man I'm an M and M and 8 mile thing, like I did this

I went to this school, I'm an idiot Now tell them what they don't know about me And he's like oh shit I can't tear him down Cause he already did it to himself Yeah, and then he shows the whole crowd his white ass Yeah I mean you rabbit Have you seen 8 Mile?

Uh, I've seen bits and pieces on TNT on Stars You've never seen 8 Mile? I don't think so They uh, him and Brittany Murphy have sex in a factory or something Yeah That happens right? Yeah dude, that's cool You never thought Murphy was the one to go

That's your last name too Oh yeah that is my Are you guys related? Yeah, she was my sister Holy shit, I'm sorry I can't believe you called her Brittany Murphy Yeah, I was trying to you know I can't believe you didn't see her sisters

You guys made it real dark and personal You didn't see her sisters movie and then when you did you said Oh I think I saw when Brittany Murphy fucked M and M in a factory, right? I didn't fully think out the joke You're also cousins with Marshall Nathers Yeah, which is weird so it's all in the family Mackay Pfeiffer's your father Yeah

Wow Uh, so what is this? This is an advice podcast For those of you listening for the first time It's called If I Were You It's actually the only advice podcast on the internet Hosted by me and Jake Sometimes we're alone

Sometimes we have friends Every hundred or so episodes exactly Murphy joins us Uh, an old friend, colleague A acquaintance Yeah, acquaintance A acquaintance turned friend turned colleague turned stranger Uh

Back to acquaintance Yeah, full circle Yeah, we're back to uh, we might not at each other If we saw each other on the street Oh yeah We take out one earbud as I walk by you Hey what's up dude Are we gonna stop and talk?

No Alright Alright A single earbud friend See you in a hundred episodes Uh You've done this before This is old hat dude

You get it Um, we're gonna be answering real emails From real people Gonna give them fake names to preserve their anonymity Actually have one That's sort of uh, appropriate With what we've been talking about so far So why don't you give me a female's name

Uh Jessama Nice Another one Oh come on dude We can edit that out That's not your best foot forward man Come on

Cheryl That's Cheryl Jessama Cheryl writes I have a big picture question That as an avid day one listener Is certain you haven't addressed Great start I'm a 20 year old junior in college

And I am terminally disillusioned With my garbage social media driven Self indulgent narcissistic generation Of course I'm a bit of a hypocrite Since I listened to your dope podcast On my smart phone However I deleted all my social media accounts And I refuse to be one of those divas

Texting constantly Scrolling through insta While in a goddamn conversation And taking pics Slash selfies I feel like life has become about Documenting shit you do And desperately trying to prove to the world

That your life is cool And exciting Instead of actually living in And truly enjoying the moment There's not a day that goes by Where I don't fantasize about Living in another generation Preferably the 60s

But honestly I'd be happy if I was a teenager In the 90s So I wouldn't have to grow up with this BS I'm curious about your guys' perspective on this Since you were adolescents Before the onslaught of technology Yet participate actively

In social media as 30 year olds Was growing up without it better Should I just accept my generation For what it is? Am I being a curmudgeonly Grandmotherly youth? Thank you Love

Jessimo Cheryl Jessima Jessima Cheryl Carol with a chair Are you 30 Mer? I am 30 You're 30

You're 30 in October Jake's 30 I'm 33 Teenagers in the 90s I also like that she said That she wanted to grow up in the 60s Yeah, fuck it, I'll even take the 90s Vietnam rolled

Imagine if like your brother got drafted I'd rather be in this shit That would be I'd rather be fucking knee deep In the mud here in Viet Cong Getting shot at enough To listen to one other person

Snapchat their brunch Then she could have gone to Woodstock The 60s probably were pretty chill The 60s were chill, I assume The 90s were definitely a simpler time I will say though You always say it was a simpler time When you were a kid

I would advise her to be A little less curmudgeonly Because I think that when we grew up And stuff I mean, didn't you guys sit around With your friends in AOL chat rooms and shit I was just Yeah, that's what I was thinking

During this question Like there was still dumb shit That I did to distract myself Like I would come right home from school And like get onto the computer Be on AOL for like an hour Then watch TV And before that I was like

I would come right home and watch TV And now my phone like distracts me From TV a little bit Yeah, you don't have to TV as much Yeah, I don't know I guess like I'm with her a little bit Like I definitely notice When people have their phones out

Yes A ton Yeah, like at concerts When all the phones go up Yeah That's a thing I had like a nervous breakdown I was like super stoned at governor's ball

Sick Yeah dude, it was fucking ridiculous And I was just watching Kanye, right? Sick Yeah And all I could see in front of me Was like just I mean it's a sea of phones

But I kept on looking at this One person's phone And all they were doing was Just like They were like holding the phone And then zooming in Zooming in And trying to like

Take a picture of Kanye Like Yeah Fully zoomed in Like kind of green And they would like tap it And try to take a picture But it would come out of focus

And they would tap it again And they would zoom in zoom out And I was just like I just wanted to tell them Yeah That it does You don't have to zoom in You can zoom in afterwards

Just buy it on Getty Images There are better pictures of Kanye out there, right? You're not going to take the perfect one And like There are people taking like Full five minute videos of his performance Like that's just filling up your phone Yeah

What are you going to do? Watch that later? Man and it's So I definitely understand And sometimes when I'm talking to somebody And they're on their phone I just want to Just like

Catch a little glimpse of what they're doing Just And I'm like If they're emailing If they're texting That's okay And if it's If it's scrolling through Instagram

I'm like Fuck you So I do get it I do get it a little bit And now that I'm snapchatting I've discovered a new sad thing Do you snapchat? No

So snapchat You turn it on And it's your camera instantly And sometimes it's facing out Which is fine And sometimes it's facing back at me So like Turn it on

And I just see my Sad board complacent Resting face Just like my fat on the toilet Like And that's like The first thing you see When you turn on snapchat

Which is like A perfect logo Of what your life has become When you're on snapchat It's like My mouth open Drooping down Greasy forehead

Like swiping through stuff And the fact that you can like Sometimes see it Staring right back at you When you open the app I highly recommend Switching that default To the outwardly facing one

That way you don't have To stare yourself into the soul Before seeing What somebody you don't know Added to their snap story Which is a whole other Piece of social media obligation That I've added to my life

For seemingly no reason I used to like Oh shit I gotta scroll through these Instagrams Like What if I have an unseen Instagram I gotta clear this feed Yeah

But I don't remember Any Instagrams ever Like I'm spending At least 15 minutes a day Looking at the photos But I can't tell you one But also life isn't so good That you like

Shouldn't be distracted from it ever Like Yeah most of All of these times That you'd be sitting on You're sitting on the toilet And looking at yourself And you look like a shrub

Yeah Most of life is just Shrubby stuff It's just Trying to get into a Parking space Cleaning the dishes Taking shits

It's just real dumb Most of the time Yeah Toilet is fun I think toilet Smartphone use is good I feel bad about myself When I'm using it

While I'm talking to people Like if I get an email While I'm talking to someone Sometimes I'll check it Which is bad I'll look at my phone While I'm watching Other

Something on TV So I'm staring at two screens At once Yeah And then I'll shut off My computer And take out my phone And go to a website

I was just on So why did I Even use my computer The worst is When you're getting an Like answering email Then you have to pee You get up to go to the bathroom

And on my walk to the bathroom I will look at my phone Check my email That I was just on It's crazy It's true It's fucking crazy But if you look at

Older generations I mean Have you ever gone to visit An aunt or an uncle Or something And they just have Local news on all day Yeah

Like My 24 hour news cycle Is for like older generations Just so they can have White noise That's their twitter feed Yeah Exactly

If anything happens I want to be the first to know Yeah Right If anything I think you could be A little thankful That we live in a time

Where the stuff we consume And do can be so curated By like You get to choose Who you're following On your phone Or on your email That's like

Kinda nice And also I mean I know I would have lost touch with In high school or whatever That I've reunited with Over the years

Because of Facebook Or something Because it would just be like You know You see somebody on messenger That you haven't seen in a while And you're like Oh hey

Are you going home for Thanksgiving or whatever Like while you're in college And you stay friends With that person Or whatever Yeah I think the key for her

Is to find the Joy the good parts of it Right Which is like Maybe you follow news stuff On twitter So you have a twitter account And you follow news feeds

Suddenly you're becoming Friends I can't recommend this app The New York Times Now this app It's great Great for Sort of meaningful

News And it's like You want to read it So It scratches the itch Of Instagram While reading news Yeah

Exactly And you're right To say that you should Find the joy In social media And all that stuff Because it's not going Anywhere

Yeah It's not going to make Her any happier To be mad At her generation Right And you can just Find Instagram

And follow Just like Any Instagram That makes her happy Like Like outdoors the Instagrams It's a nice way to

Find places You want to visit Yeah You can use it For good The douchebags Have been around forever Like the people

She's talking about Are just The assholes her age Right The percentage of people That are just out in the world That you're going to Become friends with

And really connect with Is very small Yeah These people That she's talking about Are just people Who aren't her friends Right

But she's only 20 What if when What if the pool of I feel like us being 30 There's a bigger pool Of non douchebags Maybe when you're younger Now they're mostly

They're mostly douchebags I can't imagine Going to high school And college While having all these distractions I feel like I would Get a lot less done Like having to

Now I have to do real work But if I had to do Like something boring Like school work And then also have All this stuff Like staring at me Or like I'm on my computer

Trying to like Learn While Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, whatever Is happening I feel like it would be So much more distracted We kind of had that stuff

With instant messenger though Right Yeah, we had one thing Like I am Or gchat We had the whole Like the whole internet When you were

At your computer During high school Yeah, but there was no I didn't have Facebook When I was in high school I didn't have Twitter These are the social aspects Yeah, no social media

So it is harder I would imagine But at the same time Am I growing Is growing up without it better Is her first question We don't know anything else But I don't know

I don't think it is better Like I remember Going outside a bunch As a kid But then I also Sat around and watched TV There were times When I just like

Lie upside down on the couch And be like This is so fucking boring Yeah, do you remember What am I doing today Being in high school Or something And not having a cell phone

And not having any way to Talk to people Except for The landline And just sitting around And waiting for somebody To call you So you can leave

Your fucking house It was so Life was so boring It was so boring Yeah, imagine having nothing to do Like even right now There's always stuff I can do Even if it's as small as like

Tweeting something Trying to stay socially relevant But there was a time in my life Where I just woke up And I'm like I have nothing It's summer I really don't have anything to do

Until school starts I have zero Yeah I'll what Read an encyclopedia I guess Isn't that kind of nice If you're 19 years old And you just wake up on a Saturday

And you don't have a soccer game That day or something What do you do? You're not sitting there And you know Writing a screenplay or something You could be That would be great

But you're either Scrolling through your phone Or you're just sitting there Being like Oh my God That's why I a little bit Miss school Because none of my stuff

Is currently being graded Like I'm creating stuff And it's like I don't know if I passed or failed It just exists I need somebody to judge me Nobody is judging me And I feel like I missed that

People judge you You have ratings on your podcast You guys You guys are just more complicated The grades are from fans Not like teachers Yeah, I need a B Or a C

Like I need somebody to be like That podcast episode Was actually a B minus Oh God I would hate the grading system Because you didn't get good grades I got great grades Did you?

They were all over the place Sometimes I got really great grades And sometimes I got really bad grades What was your GPA in high school? I think I... Three Three point something Is that like

A's B's and a little bit of C's? B Did you guys do a GPA in high school? Or was it just like A, B, C's for you guys? Well, GPA is an average of the A's, B's and C's Right But I mean, did they actually give you a GPA Yeah

On your report card? Yeah They did not They didn't I think they did I think they did for us No, yeah, they did I don't remember what it was

I think it was a three-something You have to submit that number to colleges, didn't you? I went to a... I was in New Jersey Homeschooled and... I didn't do homework in high school What? I just didn't do it

Wait, like it was a sign that you didn't complete it? I would try to scramble to do it right before I go to class Like at my locker in the morning Or copy somebody else's homework or something Just real quick or do it on the bus or something Right You had to just show something But I remember there would be times like...

For math, you didn't even necessarily have to have all the answers right It just needed to be done And there were days where I was so lazy That I wouldn't even like... I would just show the teacher You'd be like, go around checking homework And I would show her the blank piece of paper And I'd be like, I'm sorry, I didn't do it

Yeah, he too What do you do with the teacher? You're like, okay I had such a... Fuck you I had such a bad reputation eventually That those teachers would start spending whole minutes Looking over mine while they kind of glazed over everybody else's

And they would be like Okay, you clearly copied this answer Because all of this work leads nowhere This is nothing, you just wrote numbers That's really funny They know more than you When you're like, all out smart them They're just the teacher

What do they know? How do you get away with that for years, though? If you show a lot of work And then you have like a... And you can genuinely earnestly say Like, I tried, I just didn't really understand this And it's like, okay, well, I see that you put in the effort And they wouldn't like deduct you for missing homework

But yeah, then... But I did my homework I did my homework probably half the time To not be hyperbolic But like half the time, I actually did So did you just get C's in high school? I got B's and C's and a couple A's here and there Did your parents know that you didn't do your homework?

Yeah Probably Did your teachers like you? Yeah, because I was nice I was a good kid I was apologetic I've been like, my teachers always... I was funny and I was nice

And I would make jokes that weren't like At the teacher's expense I would make jokes like for the teachers So they liked me And I didn't ever get really bad grades Yeah, I was a loud kid Who wasn't like a criminal Right, not disruptive

Positive jokes Yeah Like kids in my school would just be like This dude just sat on his desk And wouldn't get down Even though the teacher begged him to So the principal had to come in and wrestle And just, what is, why?

Just weird acts of defiance That weren't funny or anything So the fact that you only did homework half the time Is like, oh, you're still pretty good Yeah Yeah, it's like, oh, you should have done your homework But damn it, Brian, we like you At least you didn't sit on your desk

I guess that was a pretty low-stakes example A high bar All I have to do is not protest Did you guys have any kids expelled from your school? I think so I can't totally remember It wasn't like an incident We had a couple like drugs on retreats

Kids getting expelled situations Yeah, we did What, really? Yeah I mean like weed Nothing beyond weed, but like Kids would show up We had like academic probation

If you got in trouble when you're on probation You got expelled My school was kind of strict about it, I guess Did you have any friends that were expelled? Uh, yeah I had like two friends that got expelled Damn That's baller, dude

Yeah, dude, it was kind of sick Yeah What'd they do? One, they smoked weed in math With the teacher I think they like cut class and smoked weed At the athletic fields or something And they got caught

Damn Yeah, it's pretty cool Are those kids good people now? Or did they turn out to be bad people? I lost that with one of them But the other person is a good person Oh yeah She's doing well

Yeah I wonder how expelled kids end up turning out Is it just like a 50-50 shot still Or is it like mostly bad seeds? Probably 50-50 Because I feel like some kids take that as a turning point You're like, okay, you got expelled from your last school This is your last shot

And then they do better And sometimes they're acting out at school Because that's not the right fit for them Yeah, they're like smart That's the coolest cool to be Is like, I'm smarter than school Right And then some got bad grades

But a great SAT score without studying Some of them have like problems with addiction And then that's not necessarily gonna... That's even cooler, man Yeah, dude That's the coolest you could be One's a doctor and one's dead So 50-40

That's why I lost touch with them I'm the doctor I still talk to the dead one every fucking day I ride on his face big wall Every year Mercy Speaking of social media Thank you

Let's take a break real quick And then we'll come back with more questions and answers This show is sponsored by BetterHelp Thank you, BetterHelp If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation Talking to a professional licensed therapist Is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist

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Let's launch it Just use that offer code If I were you to save 10% Off that first purchase Thank you, Squarespace And we're back Murph What have you done for the last 100 fucking episodes?

Where the hell have you been, dude? Where have I been? You don't call you don't write? I'm sorry I was working on a show for MTV Called the middle of the night show That's done now Alright

Alright It's funny that came and went In between those hundred up Between 99 and 199 Like a shooting star That no one saw And then exploded into the night Yeah

No, it was a great experience RIP Yeah, it was really fun And now I'm working on a pilot For two TV with My wife Emily Emily Axford Emily Axford

Another if I were you Guest favorite Yeah What is that? What's the call? It's called No Dumb Questions And I'm not sure exactly how much I'm allowed to talk about it

But it's a really fun show And hopefully it'll And it will Become a TV show You actually just got in trouble Oh god I'm not allowed to mention You're canceling the pilot

Yeah That's exciting Yeah We asked you to do a podcast for headgum Yeah And we're totally going to do a podcast We uh We actually have a contract

Right here Yeah, it's very strict You guys You guys own us I should have read it We're actually not Here's a knife because you sign in blood We're not letting you leave

Until you start it Ooh Yeah Right now Hey Hey Welcome to the first episode Of uh

Murph at Jagan Amir's house But you know Do you You don't have an idea for a podcast yet Right No we have We have an idea We

So we had one originally That was Kind of Very pop-cultury But uh We're not Pop-culture nerds in that way So it came off kind of weird

Like we watch We watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer together And it just ended up Us both being like Buffy was good I think I'm on Team Angel and Buffy

I like them together You like it We don't know Who wrote it Or what they really went on to do Yeah So I I think something

Stupid Or maybe like That'll get us a little bit more Passionate Would be a better idea We talked about doing something Where We might call it like

Trouble and Paradise Or something Where we both bring Something To make the other person angry Like just like A statement That's not

It's not personal But it's just like This movie That you always talk about I actually hate it Right Here's why it's bad Or something like that

Are you gonna blindside her About it? Or is it like Stupid Party They both Emily hates the blindside Yeah So Emily could

You know Come in and be like I actually Hate pro wrestling And this is why it's dumb And this is why And I would be crushed That's really

And all the stuff you've been Polite about It's almost like Empowering It's bragging about How strong your relationship is Yeah Well it's not

It would be about Dumb things like that Where we could Get into arguments about You know Why the ultimate warrior Is cool or something Instead of

We're not gonna be like You know Oh this Serious relationship thing Yeah I didn't like Going to your house For things to do

Yeah Your mother's weird Around me You welcome Oh that one's Really gut wrenchingly real Cut Well

People are fucking I'm waiting for it I can't wait Yeah Just announce a date right now Let's get it set in stone Premiering What sound

When does this come out This will come out Let's see it's Wednesday, February 10 This will be online In 7 hours Alright so this will be Our podcast will be out

In 3 hours Oh my god If You have to run home Jake and Amir promise This will be up there Episode 199 Of our show

Is episode 1 Of your show It's a crossover So cool Let's answer some more questions Cause I feel like we only got to one It was That one was more of like

An overarching thesis She was just like What is society right now That's another good idea For a podcast That's like One big question It's almost people suggest

A theme for Yeah One big question That's a good Title too Shit That's what You want to outsource that

To Murph and Emily Yeah take it One big question I love that Oh that would be another funny idea For a podcast Is outsourcing it So you just get like

Four Indians in a room Somewhere in India And be like Hey yeah Your assignment is to Make a podcast You don't have to do telemarketing Or

Data analysis Or entry Just make a podcast That would be really cool Let's do that Seems a little Outsourced podcast Seems a little racist right

Like a little vaguely That's what the first episode covers Is this podcast racist And this My following impersonation Will be why it is racist Okay so ask me Is this racist

I'm gonna ask you Not to do that Cause you did just You put on a Turban really quickly Can you not Can you do impressions of people Without it being racist

I don't know There's I feel like it's not like Cut and dry right There's There's some sort of Gray area where you could do An impression

That's not racist And you could do Well you can't impersonate A people right I don't know dude You can impersonate southern people Like nobody If I did like

A twangy southern accent Nobody would be like Hey Jake That's really racist And if they did I could probably be like No big deal But then if I did

A really offensive And I'm already Calling it really offensive I just did An Asian accent What if it actually Sounds like them I don't know

I think it's just Like the way It makes people feel And if it makes enough People feel like Uncomfortable Then hey It's racist

Let's get to an actual question Do you have a guy's name? Murphy Yeah Bucket Alright Bucket right Don't dude

Hey guys Currently preparing Great nickname Hey guys Currently preparing For a bodybuilding show Which consists of me Doing my thing up on stage

For one minute The only problem is That I can't think of a song That would be unique And powerful Do you guys Have any ideas To help me beast this

I'm just going to Do a bunch of words At the bottom here In case you do A word search thing Watermelon, pineapple, almond, tree bark Tits of mackerel fish Thanks

Love Bucket All good Words to search When I Knowing that he needs a song To pump him up For a bodybuilding competition

Made me like Do this silent laugh That almost made me cry Instantly Like I was so excited To pump him up I think this is Stage shit

Yeah, I know That's why I'm Psyched This is amazing What an amazing opportunity To help a specimen Reach his true potential Yeah, he's got a

Tweet a picture at us, right? I want to see how beefy he is Yeah, Tweet a pic At chmerf Yeah Are you still lifting Doing all that? You're out of that?

You're out of the game? Yeah, I do jujitsu now I do jujitsu Oh, still? Yeah Oh, cool So I'm digging that Yeah, let's actually

What's a good song for this, dude? It's gotta be epic, right? Yeah, I've got one That I think is really It's a little subversive But I think it's pretty neat I believe in the rhythm of the night Dancing to the morning light

Not that Oh, not that My suggestion? Yeah I gotta go first? Sure I feel pretty Oh, so pretty

So it's sort of like Playful A little coy A little saying like It's almost like I don't need the song to be huge And masculine Because I am huge and masculine

And I am pretty And I feel gay I feel pretty and witty and gay Yeah, dude It's fucking owning that shit That's my suggestion All right Murph, you got one?

I gotta think long and hard about this Yeah Yeah, the first thing I think of are like Just when I hear that beast song I think of like What's that band that goes Like up Like up

Like up But that's what everyone's gonna be doing Let the bodies hit the floor Click, click, boom Like all that shit Don't do that Don't buy into it I'm saying

I feel pretty That's too far in the other direction I think Yeah They're subversive and there's just wrong What about Rocky like a hurricane? Oh, here I am Yeah

That's good He swagger's over to the front of his day Rocky like it And then he strikes perfect lat pose in the back Are you ready for the weather? Then he turns around Perfect abs Pops the back on the left

Pops the back on the right You know all the moves Yeah, dude I mean there's also something to like a mashup or something Oh yeah, so it starts with that Yeah, like Or a Or a remix

Or just straight up Bangorang by Rufio How's that one go? In the beginning it's like Bangorang I think if he came out at Bangorang And then started to really bust moves Yeah I think that'd be pretty sick

I also like the new Missy Elliott song Like It's The dance that you do when it's dumb Oh wait, wait, guys, got it We're actually out of time No, no Power by Kanye West

Oh Oh That is cool Yeah A lot of Kanye's songs would be good Also like the one that goes Oh yeah Yeah, I like power though

Because it's a little lesser Because no one man should have all that power Referring to his body No one should be this shredded That is cool So it starts with I feel pretty Oh so pretty And I pity

A girl that isn't me to Yeah, bash up, come on, I love it We can get girl Tosh to do it Yeah, that's perfect Tweet us a picture of your body, bro More than anything else Alright, let's answer one more question Before we have to go

Is that okay? Are you in a rush? Anybody? Nope I feel bad we only got to three questions Is this the lowest question? No There was Ben did an episode where we didn't answer a question

Yeah, we didn't get the one So zero is the record And you guys have him on the 200th episode We don't know yet It's all a surprise No, but everyone's fucking speculating Like the Twitter sphere is a buzz with this shit Who's gonna be?

To episode 200, we don't know So you guys are fucked Like you have no idea Yeah, we actually have no idea We have no bullshit for ambly Ben's not answering your texts Thomas is too I'm actually just gonna

Give you back on for 200% Does Thomas still talk to you? Just me Not to us But he'll tweet and I assume it's to me Alright Another females question Alright

Ladies' choice Let's see Ladies' choice? Cause this is a ladies voice And it's the latest Basket Bucket in basket My two twins

I dated this guy for like a month We snapped, we laughed We had sex We talked every day for a month Then one day he stopped I reached out a week later to say hi And you can tell that he wanted to pull a classic fade away Now it's been like two months since we last talked

And here's the question I wanna know what happened And why he did the fade away How it would be an appropriate way And a smooth way to ask that Without seeming desperate Note for the pod You should do an episode where you talk about yourselves

How did you guys meet And moments you guys have had together Alright Now let's do that Moments we have had together That is nice We'll do it We'll do an all

Us asking each other questions episode That one's good Alright The fade away Have you ever been faded away? No Have you ever faded away? No

I've mostly just consistently been in relationships So you've gotten closure as to why it ended Why? Like you never were left Yeah, absolutely Wait a minute, what happened? Yeah, totally Jacob?

I have faded away on several people And they Almost everyone I've ever dated Do they ever reach out and be like why Or is it like understood? No No They don't nobody

I don't think anybody's ever reached out There's been times like when I fade away from somebody Then we like We'll meet up again Like at a bar Maybe like You know

A month or two later You'll just meet up and have sex Or something one last time And they'll talk about like you don't Yeah You stopped calling me And I was like You never call me on my cell phone

Do you know hotline bling? Yeah That would be another Hotline bling That would be a bad one for the Workout one Yeah For sure

Don't do that one Don't do it How about you? I try not to ghost Like to leave confusion I try to like give an explanation But I have been like I've had like certain things

Ended and I'm like I wonder why it ended And I was too proud to ask And then I realized Why ask? Because the answer is always the same I didn't like you enough To want to see you

Yeah And it's never like It's because you did this specifically I don't think there's this Generally There's not a satisfying answer That this guy will provide Because no matter what it is

He probably won't be 100% candid Which is I just didn't like you enough To keep on seeing you Yeah Or he'll be like Oh I met somebody else Or he'll say

You're really busy Or something like that Yeah He'll just He doesn't want to see you anymore He didn't necessarily do it In a great way But I don't think there's an answer

That sheds any worthwhile light On why you got ghosted Yeah And without seeming desperate Thing There's no way to like Reach out after two months And be like

I was just thinking You know What happened to us? That's not There's no smooth way to do it Yeah I feel like if you were going to ask It should have been right away

Like hey Just that curiosity Why not now Sure And it's kind of irrelevant right I mean it would be easier for her To just cut this dude out of her life And just be done with it

Yeah Because there's no There's no good answer That comes from this She doesn't have a future with this guy Nobody that's actually Worth your time Would just stop talking to you

Right So that's like What do you glean from this From his response There's There's no Answer That like

Gives you new information Going forward Into a different relationship Like okay So this next one I'll just I won't do whatever I did last time

Right You didn't do anything last time He just Stopped talking to you Yeah You guys just aren't Right for each other What was I going to say

Fuck No Wait Come back This is me Like on a raft This is you Drifting away from an island

Oh a lot of Okay I got it A lot of the times You reach out again Because you're hoping That it leads to More Like a second chance

Like Oh hey I was just wondering What happened And then it's like Oh we're talking again Oh hopefully We can hook up again

So maybe You don't actually want an answer You just want to be with him again Which is probably Not going to happen Right You're just putting off Getting over it

You're like I can't get over it Until I have an answer I need closure But really any end of a relationship Is the closure That you need to move on Right And a meaningful relationship

You can always ask somebody Like I feel like you're People are a lot more Open with each other In a really meaningful relationship Then you actually get Some good information

Like You were too jealous And that weighed on me Or like you were too dependent Or you weren't available That kind of thing Yeah But on a

After I've been with someone For a month They asked like Why I didn't want to be with them And it's because I thought their voice was annoying I would probably just be like I got really busy with work

I'm sorry Are you sure that's why? Is there anything about me I can change Can you change your voice? Is that like a Yeah Surgery you can have

Yeah Whoa dude Wait Bucket Hey You guys know that bucket I know that can you A song

Blended on a Pop and a few pecs to that bad boy I feel pretty I'm so pretty I feel witty and gay Murph Thanks for coming on the show Yeah thanks for

Thanks for having me on the 200th episode It's a true honor I've been having some dark thoughts lately But you know it It means everything to know that You guys Will even me as a friend And a colleague

To have me on the 200th episode Let's Def Schedule 299 Just looking at my calendar What is your April of 2017 like April of 2017 I will still be middling Of the night show

Season 2 baby We're back VH1 Classic What's up I'm 39 somehow How did that happen in one year You aged nine years In one year You look like you were president for two terms

You look so sick You look like Obama at age 58 If you have your own questions Or your own theme song submissions The email address for all that stuff Is if I were you show at gmail.com The opening theme song Rap song was written by Eric Dale

And this closing one Great name too Johnny Ottawa Thoughts? Love it Love the name Let's hear the song Murph C in 100 episodes

And we'll be back on 101 episodes I'll see you guys Oh man We'll be back soon Bye I know what to do I'll email you

And if I were you show At gmail.com