If I Were You - 212: Tampon (w/Ariana Madix!)

Episode Date: April 18, 2016

Actor/Friend Ariana Madix joins us to discuss fiancées, divorcées, and Vanderpump Rules.This episode is brought to you by TheTracker.com, MeUndies, and BlueApron!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

I want to be a podcast host so fucking bad give advice that I ain't never had I'd call it by were you the podcast show make up names so no one gets exposed every time I close my eyes I see my billboard in the sky yeah with different questions every time oh I swear the world's ready to hear advice from Jake and yeah it's so subtle my phone's not ringing all right great timing I really like that was actually the end of the song yeah it ends with my mom calling me which is so obtrusive yeah Arianna hi I'd like to introduce the guest because sometimes they don't know whether to say anything before they get introduced

she couldn't help herself from laughing yeah faux pas I'm usually the guy all upon that silent mode nice yeah it's pretty good when your mom is your faux and she sort of commits a faux pas yeah I call my dad my faux ma that theme song was a billionaire cover did you know that I did Bruno Mars yeah is it yeah it's Bruno Mars isn't I want to be a billionaire not yeah oh yeah it's yeah I don't know who that is well it was it was a rapper it was written in sort of created by Kristen who's a music teacher oh that's cool I really like that song is it billionaire or millionaire billionaire it has to be a

billionaire who wants to be a million yeah actually I mean yeah he's not a billionaire at this point but like it's funny that yeah he really wants to be a billionaire but he's like very very rich yeah he wants a thousand million dollars he you performed at the Super Bowl Bruno yeah he has like maybe eight million and he wants 992 more million dollars and really important to him yeah he wants to be a billionaire so fucking bad is that us is that song a guilty pleasure is it actually good like should I be a shame desk to how much I like it or it's fine I think Bruno Mars is like universally accepted as like a talented

musician and he makes very catchy songs yeah it's definitely pop music so there's a little bit of a guilty pleasure associated with a stigma I think you're allowed I'm allowed to yeah Ariana allows it yes Ariana Maddox hey welcome to the show thanks for having me of course thanks for coming yeah who are you how might our fans know you um well people usually know me from this reality show that I do called Vanderpump rules I feel like that's the most the most notoriety that I've achieved but I've done a lot of other stuff too yeah how much you how might Jake and sorry me and Amir how might Jake and Amir know you there's a

fourth person interviewing we know each other from college humor stuff so yeah yeah so people I don't know maybe there's a few people out there watched me air handjob motion oh no just in general or where a balloon get balloons popped on me or be Taylor Swift yeah you're all up in the college humor video scenes all up in there and they've been doing a lot of like reposting old ones lately oh wow which then I get tagged you know yeah yeah they're trying to pick you back off your Vanderpump success it'd be funny if they were where they are they I think they're pretty good on their own you're also in you're also in Lonely and

Horny our new web series I am we're gonna wait to release this until after your episode comes out so people can watch it right now that's a good idea you're an episode 3 which is a Thrender 3 some based episode don't give it any more away otherwise people won't buy it all right that's a okay I'll leave that as a sexy description yeah there's a three seven in episode 3 yeah very sexy really sexy sort of maybe involving Ariana who knows let's find out you were the first ever college humor is a cute college girl of the month what was that before what is it now like the hour yeah eventually by the time I left it was a

daily cute college girl now I think they don't do it at all because they realized it was misogynistic yeah yeah when I when I started when I was an intern college humor really embraced the misogyny and my job was to find cute college girls of the month and I didn't that was like before we had posted one so we didn't have like a ton of people submitting I had to just troll Facebook for like just finding cute people and I messaged them oh I was like what the fuck are you doing I guess I don't know well I've always was on the site previously so I was like oh sweet why were you on the site previous to that

because people would submit it was a lot of like submission based you know like fail videos oh yeah it was like you were the grape lady right the one that was matching grapes with her feet and then she fell and broke her trachea god internet's good remember the turtle kid oh yeah I like totals remember a dramatic chipmunk yeah what else is good online I really do want to be a billionaire maybe that's why that song resonates with me that's true but you also like yeah you like Jason Maraz songs too oh yeah that was a Jason Marazzi type song yeah that's your vibe yeah yeah which is funny because I'm

not that like I never wear like sandals or a fedora or an open-up shirt so for some reason that's like that music appeals to me even though I was more of an indoor kid Jason Maraz is your spirit and other sad thoughts a life in retrospect as a 33 year old guy who's about to fucking kill a suicide note that signs off PS Jason Maraz was my spirit animal what were his last words oh you don't want to know there's a pps here I never mind oh he was just shooting skeet skeets my friend anyway what is this this is an advice podcast it's called if I were you Jake and I do our best to answer emails from people who are

in difficult places in their lives sometimes it's just me and Jake sometimes we have people on from college humor and Vanderpump rules and today is one of those episodes we've had Vanderpump rules we've had college humor this is the first person it's done both yeah we've now combined the crossover Jax was on 41 episodes in a row I don't know if you know that so Ariana are you ready to help us advise the youth of tomorrow today I'm ready okay these are real emails from real people it makes me nervous I know right yeah they need you like what if I said the wrong thing yeah well we've told people to kill

themselves before I think so you okay so we can go yeah you can't really go to I mean maybe not tell people to kill them as long as we don't do that then we did a good job life goes on stay alive yeah that's stay alive is the first bit of advice always and then like let's everything else is just yeah so this one's from a lady do you have a lady's name that perhaps we can give this lady Linda that's great what's Linda's last name in your brain Barton that's great you're doing such a good job so far thanks Linda Barton writes actually it doesn't really work this is not a Linda Linda Barton writes I'm in my late 20s

and engaged to be married this year this is the first adult relationship I've ever been in and I've never cheated on my partner the problem is even though I respect him and I'm completely faithful I'm bored in my relationship in the same way that has resulted in cheating in the past which so she which she said she's never cheated or she hasn't cheated on this guy but it sounds like she's cheated on other people yeah she's bored in the relationship in the same way that's resulted in cheating in the past but she's faithful to this guy coincidentally maybe I've reconnected in a platonic way with a guy that I've

dated briefly in high school and we've gotten to become really good friends again I have a really strong feeling for him but not sexual I've been clear with him about my position as a loyal soon-to-be wife and he has never expressed any desire to change that I guess my question is am I doing wrong by my fiance by letting myself have an intimate non-sexual relationship with another guy or should I just chill out and not overthink it thank you in advance love Linda first reactions first reactions what does your gut tell you my gut tells first of all she should maybe not be getting married oh all right so

you're saying this this is bad I think she's in a bad situation but I think she should well you know why because she definitely should not cheat on like do not cheat on your fiance like do not yeah that's number two after don't kill yourself don't you don't say stay alive stay alive don't cheat on your fiance maybe shouldn't be getting married to the person you and your first adult relationship especially she's saying that she's bored I feel like fiance is a new that's like a new exciting part of relationship you're like you're only a fiance for like the like let's say you're together for like three or four

however many years before you get your only engaged you're only a fiance for like this little bit hypothetically if you're listening at home Arianna is making a little inch inch long it looks like a little inch worm with her with her two fingers I like it yeah I'm visualizing a line graph yeah there you go turns me on more than anything else yeah and then you know presumably you may married forever I feel like in this case the that little inch thing is the marriage as well exactly which I mean then she's already bored before she's married yeah and that's like bored in the most exciting phase of her

relationship she mentions like am I am I overreacting is that what she said yeah am I overthinking overthinking it she's under thinking it she should think more if there's a person that you feel like you're close enough that you need to clarify hey I'm not gonna cheat on my fiance with you that's really saying like hey I'm I want to cheat on my fiance with you right like if you have to ask right the answer is it's wrong exactly and this it's such a clear thing where he's like I've been clear about my position that I'm not gonna cheat and he's like I have no desire to change that so they've had this conversation yeah

which is such a sexy conversation even right to deny yeah it's just like no don't worry babe like I've never had a conversation like you know I know like every time I'm saying like this can't happen three seconds away from here I just really want you to know that like I'm committed to my boyfriend yeah no yeah totally and like and I have no desire to cheat on him yeah which was like this borderline sexier than I do have a desire to cheat on him yeah that's so true it makes it like a forbidden they're just that's like they're building sexual tension with each other they're talking about it yeah it's

weird that's very weird do you have I don't know if you even want to talk about it but do you have cheating experiences in the one way or another um I've both cheated and been cheated wow this is like a long time ago yeah like three weeks ago this is like months ago on my way here yeah traffic was horrible so yeah I mean you know LA traffic how the sea is slow swipe in one thing led to another you did come with a guy which I thought was so forward it was so cool yeah I was like you know whatever it's 2016 and cheating I feel like usually starts with playing with fire I'm not gonna cheat I'm just

gonna meet up with a friend right I don't think anybody really goes out there with the expectation or like the the the goal of like cheating on their I mean I think of some people do like if they're like pissed at that so I've been cheated on and then go on situations where somebody was like well I was mad and so I just thought and which is weird but that is weird I don't think I've ever done that but I've been like cheated on somebody because I was pissed oh you wronged me now I'm gonna cheat on someone oh it's more like boredom than anger yeah and then sometimes I guess I like if I'm close to cheating on

somebody when I've cheated in the past I will think of other times like the past trans transgressions against me like feel justified yeah it's like it's called paying it backwards right oh well she cheated on me earlier in the relationship so now this is like my free pass yeah or I'm gonna be breaking up with her anyway so it's basically not like the water just gets muddier and muddier it really does like just break up with your fiance if you want to if you're bored in the relationship and it's your first relationship you haven't experienced all the great people you can fuck and you should go and yeah like

maybe many relationships maybe don't be getting married but then thing is is if you're gonna be married or if you're gonna be with this person you really got to do it so like you can't be fucking around you can't be you don't cheat on them my question is how many maybe there's something wrong with her and she needs to see she needs to like go see a therapist and figure out why it is that she gets bored in relationships and then wants to cheat right she's gotta think of before like because this guy that she reconnected with from high school it feels like she probably cheated on him considering

she said she gets bored this is the guy that she cheated on originally yeah but it feels like this dude could be anybody it's like she's first and foremost she's bored in her current relationship so she has to figure out why she's bored in her current relationship why she doesn't think that she should necessarily or why she wants to marry this guy and why she feels like she might have feelings for somebody else yeah and if if that results in her leaving her fiance then so be it maybe better it's so easy to say it

it's just like just you know tell them you're bored and that's over with i don't have to have the conversation yeah that's the easiest part have the hardest thing in the world tell them you're bored about advice is that you don't actually have to do it right just tell your you know husband to be that you're bored and that you want to fuck other people next question this yeah this advice like reverberates through space and time ruin this person's life and yours for a little bit on the go crying breaking up in the bed yeah

can't uh can't the ring the giving back oh my god the which is probably like a family heirloom on my god side yes he spent he either spent or he like he had to go talk to his like grandma and be like he's got the ring while she was still alive really special to me oh lord yeah he took it off her her finger while she was sleeping she was eating her little finger yeah she was sleeping while watching like judge judy but you think like that's true it's true it's gonna hurt him a lot but it's gonna hurt him a lot worse when she

cheats on him which is fucking really close to doing but then maybe maybe everybody's bored and some people are just better at hanging it maybe it's just uh cold feet kind of thing yeah maybe she can get over it that but that's why i like your advice of like really sitting down and maybe talking to somebody about like why this is all happening like what yeah not like is this fucking dude from high school so great that he's worth cheating on that's right that's probably not nobody's that great from high school right yeah everyone from high school

everybody who ever went to a high school oh everyone all right we're just like look through high school like of the hottest kids in your high school and then been like wow they were not ever that hot now that i've like now that i'm in the real world now that i'm 30 and i'm looking at the 16 year old she actually was pretty busted oh i hear she's in a bar mitzvah she's pretty cute oh fuck now what am i uh all right next question uh this is a story of a guy okay uh a guy yeah dude absolutely a guy's name

what's it what's a guy's name um johnny and johnny magilla cutie hell yeah now we're getting silly uh hey guys johnny magilla cutie writes actually a pretty slick name yeah is magilla cutie a real last name that someone has her it's just like for limericks and stuff that's gotta be real okay someone has it uh i'm 28 says johnny and i'm recently divorced i left my wife almost the future of the girl from the last question this is all on one timeline i'm 28 and i'm recently divorced uh i left my wife almost a year ago and the

divorce itself is almost final i was with her for a total of 11 years five of which were married and the only real relationship i've ever had but we got too attached too young and it ended up getting pretty toxic pay attention linda anyway i have been enjoying my new found solitude and independence but i have to admit the soul crushing and crippling loneliness is beginning to wear and tear at the precious and delicate fabric of my mind my friend recommended tinder but suffice it to say it isn't working out so far there's this one girl who comes

into my work that i think is super cute and we actually have a connection and here lies my question if i ask her out to coffee or something casual like that and she says yes should i bring up my divorce at any point during the date i don't want to misrepresent myself but i also don't want to dump a bunch of baggage on something nice and casual and if not then then when uh it should also be noted that my soon-to-be ex-wife still lives in my apartment oh my god thank you for your time guys i know you probably won't even read this

but if you do you should know that i love your podcast and can't wait for lonely and horny oh yay thanks johnny oh my god johnny is a fucking mess who writes an email like that and like they really just like the the real problem is hidden in there under many layers yeah should i tell her that i'm divorced oh by the way i still live with my ex wife whoa sounds like um jeez what's his face oh my god i can't believe i'm not i'm blanking on his name

um did you take all the time in your world we'll edit out this that's perfect two hours of silence staring out his bashed her head against the wall he sounds like billy crystal oh like billy crystal playing a character but why yeah we like like super wordy super neurotic oh i see but like what do i do and and and it's like this woody allen asks exactly it's got a very it's he's annoying julie undertones i i can say it no you can't oh come on because my

mother's my mother's not jewish yeah that's right i yeah okay so he's neurotic he's super neurotic but it's a good question let's say you went on a date with a guy and he was a diva or say would you want to know right away or can he bury the lead a little more he can he really if he's he really shouldn't be going into a casual coffee situation with this giant weight of i'm divorced over your head like just don't worry about it if it comes up in conversation then don't

hide it but it why is he walking in the door going oh god but i'm divorced i gotta tell you something i've been lying to you for the last two minutes you didn't want a vanilla ice latte no that part's true so i don't understand you know would you want to know right away if i asked then yeah why would you ask though why would i exactly i probably wouldn't so would it be okay like i mean if you're on a date you know somebody could say have you been single long like then hey there's a

little right if he wants to ask the good way is probably to ask the girl a question about romantic yeah asked have you been a divorced there's something a little sexy about a divorce day like if i found out somebody was divorced i would have a lot of questions and not like none of them like oh god what are you doing with me then yeah like it means they're single and i'm i'm curious about marriage and how that shit works so i would ask lots of questions like how was your wedding day the thing that you don't want to do is

go on a date with somebody like that has that can't come back to your house because your ex-wife is there okay yeah no i forgot about that part that's kind of the biggest part that this goes well he has to text his wife and say get out of the apartment yeah it's really weird hey if there's a hankerchief on the door ex-wife don't come knocking first the the real baggage is your wife's bags nice need to be packed very good for yours that need to be packed i don't know who owns the apartment of course you know this is a it's it maybe it's a home or like a duplex

or maybe they're co-renting maybe they have another floor oh that's true like it's in the basement yeah it could be like a split level triple whatever the situation you gotta get the fuck out of there he has to move move to a different city he said it got toxic at the end yeah so how are they living so they like fighting in the apartment yeah i mean i don't see how they wouldn't be right they were in a toxic they got divorced because it was so toxic of a 200 square foot studio apartment yeah they share it they share each other in circles

they share a cot it's like the movie room but instead of a mommy and a son it's two it's a couple a divorced couple oh my god which is the sequel to the movie room that i'm co-writing with a stuffed animal that i invented in my head um so move out of your ex-wife's apartment yeah whatever don't worry about you don't you're a lady you don't want to know right away it doesn't matter to you i don't think it matters unless he's making he's making it a bigger deal than it needs to be but maybe it's a big deal because of the living situation

that's exactly right i think if he's cool with his divorce then that's all that matters but it sounds like he's not cool with the divorce because he still lives with his wife what is this like there's like some sort of like stigma that he's made up in his head or i mean it sounds like he's got a lot going on in his head at all times yeah so again like i don't know he sounds hot oh you're crying you want to be married tell linda to move out of your apartment yeah hit the road clearly the same

it's the couple linda's email came two years ago hit the bricks uh linda yeah get the fuck out linda linda uh all right or him you know whatever hey i'm not judging don't live with your ex that's just a rule of thumb yeah great rule great after don't kill yourself yeah don't cheat don't cheat and if you when you break up don't live together there you go damn we're getting a lot done rules somebody make a poster here uh all right let's take a break really quickly we'll come back with more

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let's launch it just use that offer code if i were you to save 10 percent off that first purchase thank you Squarespace hey we're back uh vanderpump rules what's that about it's about people that work at a restaurant how do you become in a reality show um for me i was it was not how do you become in it yeah how do you become how is it in that you your rise to fame was like overnight there was i just looked at your instagram one day and you had 150 thousand instagram followers it really what i remember i was like

man it'd be so cool you know how people have like the k when they get oh yeah 10 or whatever i was like that'd be cool like what is that like yeah and then i'm on a billionaire and then it was like 100 the next day what is it what is it like uh it's actually pretty it can be both cool and you know you talk to and mean a lot of night because i like to respond to people a lot oh and so like sometimes i'm meet online or even or like people who watch the show out and about who are super cool and really nice and you know just

really great people and then there are people on the internet who are just god awful human beings weird yeah there's a lot of those a lot of that and so there's definitely there are two sides to the coin for sure heads and tails yeah sorry i don't know what metaphors are and do you ever watch the show and like for the first time that's you hearing somebody talk shit about you oh yeah oh really do you watch every episode when it comes out uh yeah but i haven't watched the

reunions but because i feel like it happened more recently because a lot of times the show is six months behind real life but then we filmed the reunion in february so that's less behind so i don't feel like i need to watch those but i do watch every week the episodes that come out although a lot of times i fast forward through so you and it's like because it's so much that pisses you off or it's just i'm like i don't you know watch a scene of

you know jay kudamir jerking each other off i love that episode though that's my i mean that wasn't really there was a lot of tension in that yeah they edited it really well yeah how does it kind of made you look like a an asshole right which is weird but it was your hand that was really just with music cues yeah do you so the show itself is about people who work at a bar yeah a bar slash restaurant so you sometimes watch the show and then come in the next day and then you're just seeing the other

people that work in this bar restaurant come to the bar just to see you guys yeah they do well because i feel like you know people watch the show and they want to see what the place is like and now i feel like the majority of people that come there whereas maybe not so much before the show is on obviously pretty much everybody comes there because they watch the show that's an amazing it's a basic or they watch lisa our boss on housewives it's a commercial the whole thing is a commercial for a restaurant it's a genius thing half an hour

great for the owners as yeah then people just come to a restaurant and then we come and work there yeah for just like like what are the reality salary that's crazy imagine if like minimum wage and whatever the fuck will you get paid for the show i mean yeah all on the record imagine if you're like watching it's not like we can't make nothing from doing it right i was saying like you can't watch survivor and then visit the island or like watch big brother and go to the house like what are the reality shows actually like hated us if you were some

sort of you know psychopath and you were like those people on that show are pieces of shit and i want to make a name for myself and aren't a lot of people on the show pieces of shit yeah yeah like people the majority of the people on the show are pieces does your it does like my self included yeah are you but do people are you a liked or hated character are you like a stone cold or the rock um i've i've typically been a very well liked person on the show but it's definitely

not i'm not like a perfect person not universally liked by everybody it's not like i can do no wrong are you here to make friends though i'm not i'm here for the right reasons that's really cool oh is that what you know i'm here for the right reasons what's your snap handle it's the same as my instagram so it's ariana 252525 why 25 is your birthday february 5th no i'm just a ghost here i know um no my uh my basketball number was 25 hell yeah so i got a little obsessed oh i like that

yeah eddie jones that was my favorite laker he wore 25 nick anderson was my favorite magic player yeah if he's on your game in your living room yeah we have nba jam it's nick anderson and like denis scott yeah i i used i when i played i played i was very excited i know it's penny hat penny hardaway and nick anderson those are great it's a great nba jam team it is hell yeah i'm glad we got to talk about nick anderson jake never brings them up sorry the hell's wrong with you i i don't like basketball i'm more of a

tennis man patrick rafter here's one of my idols growing up that's why jake has a man bun even before it was popular he was the first high and tight ponytail oh rafter is a fucking god he's a greek god with a 138 mile per hour serve i mean he was philipusis before there was philipusis the australian stallion he was latin hewitt meets latin meester meets ariana maddox oh yeah i have a podcast yeah yeah that's how you should be plugging everybody's already watching banner pun this is what happens i get so

i get so down the rabbit hole what's a podcast called the bevs it's me and my best friend and we have on other friends of ours and it started out as a way to catch up with each other because we're busy and we don't get to see each other that much and a way to catch up with our friends and now it's turned into a thing that we do weekly and we love robots and that should be the name of the show and that's our thing robots and feminism yeah cool common ground

common ground oh well yes but it is different than that because you guys you know my podcast your podcast it's yours yeah we own it the show is not mine yeah well that's sort of why we started like a little blip of me but the blip and the blip you get of me is me in situations that i wouldn't maybe not normally be in you never know and then it's part of this whole bigger picture that someone else is in charge of so you know if it was my own show i would be different

okay last question about banner prompt rules and then we have to answer at least one more advice question gotta help people do you ever watch the show and you're like wait they they made it out to be something different i wasn't actually like that or you're like no this all makes sense i've definitely felt that way oh like oh i like they just stole that glance from a different yes they've definitely stole they've they'll definitely you know everything that's happening is is pretty legit but they'll definitely be moments where

a glance is stolen or a sentence is put together and i'm like i didn't know that wasn't and what do you do when that happens do you like just roll with it you don't like text the producer or like tweet a correction um you can but a lot of times people go oh yeah blame editing so like you can't i just don't say so funny people that like editing really sometimes can't beat a blend yeah it can we assembled for example in the season finale it was there was an engagement party it was 115 degrees outside in the sun at this engagement party and um

tom and i my boyfriend and i were standing at this table and we were waiting for this other girl britney because they were like uh britney wanted to tell us something right and so in order for britney to tell us something we had to like be at a place here so that they could get it happening so britney's we're waiting for britney to walk over in 115 degree heat i'm like blowing bubbles because they had bubbles on the table for the party and tom has a fan and he's like

dying so hot yeah because he's wearing like a jacket and pants at this nice engagement party they didn't show britney telling us anything they only showed tom and i standing at a table going like this and so we look like fucking weirdo but it was i mean it was a really funny shot and kudos to them for using it but i was like that you know we weren't doing that wait over there we're waiting here for britney like whatever reality tv am i right am i right

i mean you love it you hate it you hate to love it can't get enough of it uh all right let's uh we have a question over here about lady stuff and jake and i didn't feel comfortable answering it without a lady on and it might make you uncomfortable that we're even asking okay do you have a lady name another lady name i know i'm sorry um rosalita i like there we go getting a little ethnic does she have a last name now i feel weird giving her a last name that matches yeah it's got to be like smith or something yeah

kowalski oh nice kowalski parents uh a porto rican polish lady writes uh i try my best to change my tampon as often as possible when i'm on my period but sometimes leaks just happen i'm in school and several times i've actually left blood on my seat during class what is the best way to deal with this and avoiding crippling embarrassment the way i have in the past is to wait until most of the people have cleared out after the class ends and getting as far away from there as possible and let the janitors deal with my uterine fluids

this is probably not the best way but it's the most comfortable solution i can think of do you have any suggestions about how to deal with period leakage in public places love rosalita kowalski this cannot be real so this is not an actual thing of your face when you this is not a leak it cannot be for real it's not a real thing i i mean some she said sometimes it like sometimes i even it gets on the seat that's how is it that often i don't know sometimes like i don't even think

i don't even think that's ever happened to me once where it's been on the seat i mean i'm not there's nothing wrong with that period blood is it's fine it's a beautiful thing this is it's fucking natural you are a god's creation i mean i i'm against tampons personally how you have to celebrate who you are let it flow let it flow right size tampons let me ask her she's not yeah she needs a more absorbent tampon that's it fucking perfect because that's advice that we would i don't know

i don't know what size okay so there's right there's light okay right and then there's heavy flow there's well that there's regularly let her tell light and i'm just saying i picked up tampons for yeah and you have super you have super plus what's super might need a super plus super plus it just you're not talking about the size of the tampon you're talking about the absorbance the absorbency well yeah they are they do get bigger dammit sort of shove up there's those bounty paper towels are either paper towel towels or super double plus the quilted

thicker picker upper the bounty man just sort of inseminates you with a tampon you are too much sorry ladies but no i do like that advice that you she's she clearly needs and if she is already using super plus then i think that maybe she needs to bolster that with like a pad or um yeah double up double up double down uh there's no or go see a doctor if you're i mean if you're doing all of these things and this is still happening you need to see a doctor wearing panty

liners i'm wearing extra flow i've depends on like the whole nine but then the other thing that to me is very inconsiderate and weird is that she said she just leaves there which is why i thought it was fake because the wording of that is so weird for the janitor my uterine flow or some shit it's interesting because when i heard that i was like i wonder how many janitors have to fucking wipe up blood off the seats also i wonder if a janitor actually does it or if somebody in the next class just sits on the

seat does it look like it walks in and looks at it and goes not again yeah i don't think that there are janitors turning over the rooms in between that doesn't happen it looks like a paper telecom commercial where they blot it and then lift it up to show the camera look how it picked up the whole thing yeah no there's definitely somebody just sitting in the in the fluids after she leaves yeah it's just gotta be like a slick sand at that point i mean you are just drowning in it that's how i want to die personally

god clean up your uterine flow ladies roselita yeah and get a heavier tampon like a more absorbent tampon double down with a pad if that's not enough go see a freaking doctor preach yes yes and don't leave your shit on the sea for somebody else it's just rude like it's not that it's embarrassed like don't be embarrassed look everyone's had a peer a period accident tell me clearly you have some sort of weird there's a routine with yours so you really

got to figure out like what is going on yeah and also don't leave it for other people man can i just add period is not just when you pee pee like absolutely i feel bad ending the show now ariana like i feel like you hit your stride in advice kidding that was like that was like your presidential moment soap box dude you took the fucking lead with that well because i started thinking about like i've seen people who like walking down the street i've seen people i'm like like poor girl oh you see that right i've seen it

i've seen that too and i'm not and but the thing is i'm like oh i hope she's not embarrassed it's fine like i don't want them to be nobody to feel embarrassed about it because really it's not a big deal everybody gets their fucking period yeah even even guys a lot of time like i'll come in class and i'm like leaking everywhere and i have to let the janitor clean that shit up that's you still go to class that's what you're that's what you're concerned about it's a hot class it's a cooking course and i really like

wantons or whatever the fuck they take when you're in a relationship i feel like people in a relationship often take cooking classes separate like together as a fun date yeah yeah you never it would be weird if i was just there i would try to minimize doing that like the cliche maybe that's what linda should do is go to a cooking class with her fiance oh god i want to just admit like you're on your deathbed when you're doing that i could imagine like my dick would be the smallest ever back up inside of your body as you're like cooking last

yeah you're you're pinching wantons together like wondering what went wrong about all my single friends out there oh my god they're in a different dim sum class they couldn't get in yours yeah of course they signed up too late yeah sir no never thank you for coming on the show thanks for having me of course um if you have your own questions or theme songs the email address is if i read your show at gmail.com uh ariana you can also write into the show in case you ever find yourself in like a weird place i'm gonna ask you guys about

my uterine flow yeah we're really looking forward to that and where can people find more ariana if they aren't done listening to you yet well that's a big if um the bevs podcast which is on soundcloud and itunes and thebevs.com we are we are the bevs on all social media i am ariana2525 on twitter add another 25 for snapchat in instagram you're selling it add an extra 25 bucks to follow your snapchat venmo i'm at ariana 25 25 25 25 25 add an extra 25 if you want to know my PayPal yeah you're running out of characters and watch lonely and horny

yeah watch lonely and horny uh we bought lonely and horny.com so you can watch it there oh nice that's smart of us it's an auto forward that's nice that we uh did you have to buy that off of anyone else or was it just open somehow it was available yeah interesting weird people don't really like to admit feeling uh thanks to ariana for coming on the show thanks to you guys for listening thanks to christin for writing the opening theme song this closing one is by somebody who wanted to remain anonymous cool so thank you anonymous okay i did it jake thank you jake play my song well we'll be back soon enough

thanks for listening guys bye hey it would be hashtag dope if i could cope with this broken heart or at least give me some hope now the other bits in the sea are not too far it feels like an ocean in me and i need some help to mend this bleeding heart i'm hard strapped for cash so i can't afford a therapist that's why i'm reaching out to you to help me solve this shit so if you take it or leave it you help me and me that'll leave me defeated and tell me that i'm some kind of fucking demon you can help me or put

me on blast either way you're listening into the if i would you podcast hey i'm matt cohen shawndy pesquale we're the cabin boys a brand new podcast on the head gum network that no one is listening to and we don't know why because we're pretty fucking dope and it's pissing off jake and amir because they want to make that sweet sweet moola so they've told us to make a little teaser to entice you to listen to our show what are the cabin boys let's find out two fictional brothers inherit a cabin in the woods from their equally fictional dead grandfather this cabin however is no seasonal getaway it is the very nexus of all time space and matter one part interview one part long form

improvised variety show cabin boys is the podcast that you're not listening to but should be and it features folks like this matt bennett you're a guy from the future correct the president your name is virtual president your name is of the internet i'm virtual president you call me vp hoverboard x family guy rules 69x that is my name jake and amir well well well if it isn't the host of the world series of baseball podcast baseball podcast ryan nemyth something got shattered must have some rough houses yet it's a real stand yeah it uh broke on it the duck knocked into it oh i've heard every tall tale that could be told about a broken umbrella stand boys and boys will be boys joey ryan he's broken english he says maybe i grab but maybe you know sell because

american cock is so big and so strong genius right genius and i was like okay well who might all right who might argue urie loin fall a boy scout is like shoot bows and arrows and get naked with each other and stuff that's not really what it is like the army you do you have to go to the army yeah it's like the army for little kids military for little kids yeah it's like a child oh that's so cool right you want to join phil brunson freedman are you abraham lincoln guilty as charge guys am i right am i right fuck you know i what the fuck the great emancipator himself i don't even know what that means carl mcdowell dude my feet sweating all the time your feet don't seem to sweat in this sandal what's going on here he said

they will never sweat in this sandal nor will a spider ever touch that foot she didn't say he said he spoke to you yeah you mean jesus spoke directly to you claire grand if i could take you off in paradise of above what is she from if i could tell you i'm the only one that you love so life could be a dream sweetheart hello hello again shaboom shaboom nothing good again elie henry yes you know i could tell you one thing about the moon here's why i enjoy it it's one of my favorite vacation spots this is a big place you know and it's a big big rock covered in gray dust you know one day i'd like to retire to the moon and just you know kind of envelop myself in the dust luke brandon field and zelda william what what is your name young bare boy ceasal

ceasal okay and you ma'am alicia alicia beautiful oh i detect is that is that a spanish accent in there no my parents were just super creative okay fair enough it just keeps getting weirder and weirder like opening a door and then there's a smaller door and then there's a smaller door still yeah and you know it's in that last smaller door the cabin boys hey every wednesday at four 20 a.m. on itunes head gum and spreeker boy that was a head gum podcast