If I Were You - 217: Let's Go! (w/Hoodie Allen!)

Episode Date: May 23, 2016

Rapper and Friend Hoodie Allen joins us to discuss gold diggers, summer camps, and whiskey dicks.This episode is brought to you by TheTracker, BlueApron, and Squarespace.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to the show The only place we really, really know How it's been okay, it's been okay And if I would tell Please tell me what I should do If I would tell Please tell me what I should do Take my distance

Get yourself to the start, but That was, I think that's like what the kids call post-hardcore Oh, what's that? Really, it's not just pop punk? Yeah, no, that's not pop punk, that's like hardcore, post-hardcore Very popular in the alternative warp tour scene You can go see them all this summer at your favorite outdoor music venues Oh, it's sponsored by Vans

Sponsored by Vans, Vans Warp Tour, there you go Is there still a Warp Tour? Oh, yeah, there is, but we shouldn't talk about them unless they're paying us money Alright, cool Alright, nice What band was that basically a parody of? Like what sounds, what actual band sounds like that? I don't know, like someone that's not going to be very successful in 2016

Yeah, I feel like the voice was very pop punky, but like It was, it needed a deeper voice, I wanted to hear some screaming That was auto-tuned If I would, yeah That's not a hardcore song yet? I would love a hardcore song Well, that guy's name was Wesley Forquay Forquare?

For, F-O-R-Q-U-E-R It may be short, but I wasn't sure how long a theme song should be I'll tell you it was long for a theme song Also, if you want, please shout out my SoundCloud SoundCloud.com slash Scream to Breathe That sounds like a hardcore band There we go, Scream to Breathe Yeah!

That's a pretty solid name for a hardcore band It must be hard to be a music producer for one of those Like, you have to set the mics to like one Because he's like, I'm going to scream at the top of my lungs Make sure it doesn't peak No, it does peak What do you think? Oh, yeah, I mean, you know, Scream to Breathe

You ever scream in your songs? Um, no, just in my sleep I love that I am a demented individual, actually Hoodie Allen, you were on, this is your second time on the podcast, right? Oh man, it is I'm very excited to be back There's a moment that I listen to over and over again on our first podcast episode

Oh really? I think it's kind of classic Episode 86, by the way, I just looked it up The real listeners know In like 140 episodes What's the moment that you listen to? Oh, when we gave a whole answer in rap form Oh, yeah

Maybe we should do that at the end of this episode too Maybe, yeah To keep people listening We want to leave a little treat at the end of the episode Otherwise, they'll die off, they'll stop Oh, you know what? We should really bury it in the ad Oh, yeah You go to the mid-roll

So there's two Don't skip Underneath the ad, you'll hear us freestyling You can unblock the freestyle if you buy a Squarespace website No, we'll put it at the end of this Is this QR code? The real deal Yeah, no QR codes necessary

Thanks for coming back Oh man, of course This is your second studio You came to our first house, which is where we had our first studio Yeah, this house is awesome Do you like this house better than the other house? Um, I mean, this house is that Vimeo money Vimeo, okay

This is the house Lonely and Horny built Yes, the house Lonely and Horny built for sure We're actually leaving this house Which is great by the way Oh, thanks bro If you guys haven't checked it out in the early listening Stop listening right now and check it out Oh, wow, thank you

High praise Now we don't even have to do the episode It was supposed to be an ad for a Vimeo show Yeah, you got it out of the way I was writing goodie a check right now Quicker than the Screamin' Breathe intro I feel bad that we woke you up and dragged you over to our studio We're like, we have to record right at 11

You woke, you were asleep an hour ago, right? Yeah, but weren't you also? Uh, I think I woke up around 9 Okay Yeah Okay I don't understand, he's still on New York time So I hit it now like 2pm

That makes it worse Oh yeah It's like 2pm when you're asleep, yeah Is that what you do? Are you late to bed, late to rise? Actually I am, I'm definitely like a late person But like in LA, you sort of feel motivated to be up earlier Yeah, everything happens 3 hours earlier here Sports?

Yeah Which is trippy, like 6pm start time, it's still light out Crazy, and I like it when it's football season Cause you're like really like 10am First football game, I mean that's cool Football season is perfect, I wake up and there's football Until I go to bed, it's so nice

So that is my favorite day of the year Because of your church going, right? Yes I started with church and then fantasy football Alright, so I mean you're an old veteran You don't need us to explain it Just in case this is your first episode ever Listening to the show

I'm sure a lot of your fans are like Oh hoody was on this podcast Let me tune in and see what's what I should let you guys know that this is an advice show We're not just going to be interviewing each other We're actually, people will email us Seeking our guidance, our wisdom really Sometimes it's just me, Jake

Sometimes we have a guest, today we have you Yeah Frankly Frankly it's you Quite frankly These are real emails from real people We're going to be answering And if you have your own questions

You can send it to if I were your show This is the first question Let's give this dude a fake name If you can hoody Hoodward Hoodro Just so we can preserve their anonymity a little bit It's a guy

It's a guy But when you do say it You want to get really close to that microphone Of those We can't hear it And then it goes away Forever The first name and the last name

We're just the first name Ooh Let's go first and last Felipe Bornaventure Wow Thank God I said first and last What if you just said Felipe What a waste that would have been

That's the coolest last name ever Felipe writes Hey guys First of all I'd like to preface this email Saying I only found your show in the past February But fell in love immediately I decided to start from the beginning And I've only gotten through the first hundred

My favorite so far is the one featuring Hoody Allen where you all rap No Wow You fake fan Anyway here's my conundrum I'm a 25 year old male Not quite an FDR male dime

But not too shabby looking either My FDR is male dime I thought about it for a little bit I think it's because FDR is on the dime Yeah I should have thought about it a little bit too I just ask questions you know I don't find my own answers

I'm a fucking hack Alright go on Sorry yeah of course So not quite an FDR Sorry Go ahead Fuck you Hurwitz Hey c'mon

Is my mic on? Yeah it is Of course it is It's always on You don't have to ask You're recording? Yes always recording Have we started?

Yeah we started Stop asking questions Yeah we did the intro I remember it was this I'm on this episode Yeah you're on it Who do you are? Yes yes

Every reality as you know it is true This guy's last name is Bonaventure That's correct 25 year old male Not quite a dime But not too shabby looking either I'm pretty quiet And I'm reserved mostly

Making it a bit hard to meet And hook up with women On the other hand When I drink I get wild I gain a lot more confidence And I can pick up women with greater success The problem arises When things start to progress

And my drunken skills land women in the bedroom Where the copious amounts of liquid courage Start to catch up with me For more than half of the past several encounters In which I've brought a chick home My dick quits on me Leaving me blue-balled And the girl unsatisfied

It's a classic case of a whiskey dick My question is How do you guys recommend Combating this blue-ball epidemic Especially considering that I need the drink to get my chill on With the ladies Yours truly love Felipe Bonaventure

Alrighty So this guy has to live in this delicate balance Between drunk enough to talk to girls But not too drunk to hook up with them Yeah Initial thoughts? Do you have any initial thoughts? Does this resonate with you at all?

I do have some initial thoughts But I almost want to pass it to you guys first Okay I also have some initial thoughts And I appreciate the pass I will accept And I will too pass And I will take the...

And me backwards And if the three of us pass We move on to the next question Before it has been decreed A pass The first pass in 200 episodes I have a three-pronged approach here Wow

To varying degrees We'll call it a salad fork theory So number one Yeah No more whiskey, drink vodka red bull Oh, you think whiskey dick is specific to whiskey And not just alcohol? I think there's a chance that the red bull

And a vodka red bull is going to keep you fucking I think that there's a chance that you'll... So you think it's a tiredness issue? I don't know exactly what it is I just know that I always fuck real nice On vodka red bull It's true Second is...

This is another thing that I used to do At... Like an hour before the bar closed So like in New York or... I think it was like 130 or something Yeah Here would be like 1230 Anyway, I get an alarm

I set an alarm on my phone that just says Drink water Okay So I'm out, I'm drinking, I'm dancing Then 130 I start drinking water For me it was all about not being hungover But I can see that it's working for this guy

Yeah, you start sobering enough Up enough to Yeah, you want to be drunk enough to meet But not too drunk to fuck So you're drunk when you meet And then if you feel like it's going to go a certain way You're going to go home with somebody Then you start drinking water

My last... And this is my real advice Is that I don't think anybody is as amazing As they think they are when they're drunk Everybody's like When I'm wasted I'm like super charming And I can bring anyone home It's like no

When you're wasted other people are wasted And they think that you're not an idiot And they go home with you So just drink a little bit less It's mostly about the courage element You have to kill the party in your brain Yeah, the whiskey doesn't unlock it The power is within you

But the question is getting over that anxiety Like are you guys good at talking to ladies completely sober? You're sober, you see an attractive lady Do you have the balls to overcome the anxiety of Oh my god, what if I get rejected? I think so But that mostly comes with being a world famous rapper Yeah, the problem is that he's not a famous

I don't think this is an alcohol issue I think this all stems back to confidence in general And if I was to take a guess I don't think he's being... Sorry Felipe, I'm not trying to tuck you down This has happened to everyone before But I don't think it has much to do with the fact that he Drank too much and now he's impaired

I think once he gets into that situation He's probably just getting nervous Oh, you think he can't fuck because he's nervous In the moment rather than because he's too fucked up on whiskey I don't know, maybe He didn't really say he's ever had sex before I guess he had, I don't know I don't know, but I'm saying like yeah

It's not like oh no, like the alcohol I don't know, I'm sure he's just like oh damn This actually worked this time Every once in a while too, like when it does it Like when you... Basically when your dick goes limp once You sort of start to think that it's like a chronic problem And then it's a little bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy

Like I found that if you just get your dick hard and fuck And you were like I'm a beast, I can do it Then like you can usually overcome limp dick It's literally only happened to me one time in my whole life Yeah, usually there's two types of problems One is like I can't get it up And the other one's like I go too fast Like I can't keep it down

And this guy's more on the first spectrum I feel like I find myself more having problems with the other one Which is like... Come too quick Yeah You're a two-pump Would you say you're a two-pump chump? I would say I'm a three-pump hump

Really? Yeah Like a little camel jerking off everywhere I'm a three-pump hump I'm a nine-pump lump Meaning I just lie there And I sort of thrust upwards of somebody's on top Yeah

I mean here's another thing I'd like to submit I don't think the confidence comes into play Even with talking to people I'm literally only approaching It's breaking the ice The scariest thing is going up to someone Once you've gone up to somebody If I'm introduced to somebody

And they seem to like me, I'm fine Yeah, that's true But if we're all standing in the corner of a bar And someone's like, hey Jake, go talk to those girls I'm like, I don't want to do that It goes back to that original math nerdy thing that I always think It's all about the rate of change Going up to conversation is the hard part

To stay conversing, that's like a plateau, that's easy But Jake, isn't the reason that, I don't know The reason why it's difficult to just go up to a random group Partially, at least is how I see it Because I'm not a world-famous rapper No, no, no, no It keeps you coming back to that I'm a North American quasi-famous comedian

It's not close, I understand No, you guys have done shows in Australia That's global Thanks, man I really appreciate it Of course But, you know, it's like I started thinking about it

Oh, like if it's an attractive group of girls You're not the first person who's done this tonight Or to them in their life And it's sort of immediately lumped you in a category With a bunch of people who maybe are of lower value Potentially, or you know And you don't want to just be another one of those things It's much easier when there's some sort of way

That you've come in contact with a person Rather than that Common ground and sort of I don't know what the word is exactly But it's something like common ground Or even playing field That's what it is If I go up and I'm just like

Hey, ladies, then I'm automatically in company That I don't want to keep Because I'm every other creep that's gone up And said, hey, ladies So how do you get across the fact Like, don't worry, I'm not an asshole I'm a normal guy Well, that's why I hope to be famous

Because then people come up to you And they're like, oh, you're famous And then, like, the girls would see that And then they're like, oh, these guys are famous What if you're not famous? What do you do? Oh, wow You're more famous than I am

You could go up there You could go up there And then have another friend be like Hey, man, I don't want to bother you But, like, I love doing that movie And you're like, oh, yeah And then you're just like And then you're just like

Then you start talking and you're like Yeah, that's just a fan or whatever I do Also, I saw you walking in with him No, no, I don't know I'm friends with all my fans There was one time when I was on a date And the girl went to the bathroom

And somebody came up to me And they were like, sorry, I didn't want to bother you While you were on a date But, like, I just want to say I'm a big fan And I was like Get out of here Come back in five minutes, you fucking piece of shit Father me on the date

This doesn't do me any fucking good You're bothering me now Your genuine interaction is meaningless to me Jake, why are you yelling at that stranger? I don't know Dude, what were you saying to me about Well, I never mind This guy was a ass

Sorry, I thought you were the dude from Coldplay Never mind Fuck Shit A little bit of drinking to loosen you up And not too much to get whiskey dick, I guess Is the basic general There is a magic point where you have the liquid confidence

But not the liquid motor skills Yeah, there's a zone in the middle You want to stay out of five But really, just learn to love yourself more Wow Yeah That's better advice We're telling him to just stay a little bit drunk

No, I mean like, you know, one is like, I think an immediate change And the other one is like, you know, you're writing an email to not us I mean, I guess I'm just part of it But you're writing an email to He was probably hoping you were here Yeah, he was actually Yeah, you're writing an email to us, Felipe And, you know, I know you're setting the scene

But like, you know, you could describe yourself in a more complimentary way Like, you don't really, you don't want to go about, hi, I'm Felipe And I'm not that attractive I'm only almost a dime, you are a dime We're all dimes, if you want to be And plenty of dimes are terrible people for other reasons Yeah, you're talking about just being physically attractive Yeah, that's just one small component

I'll say this is a very well-written email It seems like a very nice normal dude, so My fans are geniuses Believe in your smell This guy's 25 years old Is that on the older end of your fandom? I think it's, it'd be like on the older end of Someone who maybe, like, come to a show

Like, the shows tend to be younger But, like, anytime I'm in New York and, like, I run into someone It's always, like, a 25-year-old You're gonna wrap for a minute now It's like Your fans have grown up with you They have, I've... Alright

Seen that for sure We need another male's name For another male question This is still you Oh, it's still me Kevin, are you the guest? Yes, damn Um...

You knocked out of the park with Felipe Bonaventure And I don't know what you're gonna do I mean, for these, I turn off my brain I let whatever comes happen That's how that came So what came now is Kellen Winslow Titan for the Cleveland Browns eight years ago No, his dad

Oh, that's, you're right That was Kellen Winslow Jr. Got it Alright, Kellen Winslow Sr. writes Hey, guys I have a serious question My granddad had a gold digger for the past three years Recently, it's become more of a serious problem

As she started talking about marrying her He started talking about marrying her She's in her fifties and he's in his nineties She told him she would only move in with him If he married her My granddad wants her to move in badly But my cousins are living upstairs in his home Because they can't afford a house

And he can't climb the stairs anymore This has led my granddad To becoming very hostile towards my cousin As he's eager to get them out of the house And get the gold digger in Now, the gold digger She had a former husband That she divorced because he was depressed

She rarely calls my granddad's house But phones him twice a day When she's on her lunch break at the bank She never helps him with anything when she's there Whenever we try to do something to help him She discourages him behind our backs For example, once we tried to get him out of the house In a wheelchair

And she discouraged him Saying he had nowhere to be in the wheelchair And he would end up rolling out into the road At the moment, we have to keep the wheelchair at our house Because he's scared that she will see it If he marries her She'll send him to a retirement home Wait for him to die

We've tried telling him what she's doing But he doesn't believe anyone And his memory's getting worse and worse And forgets the entire conversation It seems like there should be some law against gold digging Is there anything I can do about this? Don't just say you do you Love, Kellen Winslow

You do you Have you ever experienced this at IRL? What was the cousin part? I'm saying that to me It sounds like the cousins are gold diggers Oh, the cousins are living there for free They're freeloaders I don't want this gold digger moving in

I'll have to leave Kicking out my cousins Everyone's using their grandfather here Yeah, everyone's But it should be cousins that use the grandkids What happened? Like they're just because they're related? Yeah, because that's his grandchildren

Well, no, the grandfather chose this woman And I feel like if you're 50 And you fuck a 90-year-old for three years Then you get money That's doing the most work for your family That's a job Like she can work at a bank or she can fuck an old guy You want to fuck an old person for three years of your life?

Oh, so you're saying the gold, quote unquote I feel like gold diggers derogatory Maybe we should just call her the 50-year-old lady in this case Sure Well, I mean, I definitely question the title That she's been given as gold digger Yeah, unless she has a shovel So you're breaking 40 San Francisco

She's sifting She's sifting for gold She's running So you're on the lady's side I'm not necessarily on the lady's side But I'm definitely not on the cousin's side But this guy's neither of them Right, I guess

He's neither the cousin nor the lady Well, he's definitely on the cousin's side Yeah, he's on the cousin's side So I'm not on his side He's saying this woman is taking advantage of him And then you're saying, hey, it's not taking advantage If she's actually fucking the dude No, I'm saying everyone's taking advantage of him

So I want the lens to be widened a little bit Yeah Right now, zeroed in on this lady Right And I think you should look at this from a more holistic point of view Of the grandfather's perspective What makes the grandfather actually happy? Is it this lady?

Then if so, there's got to be some way to more organically Integrate her into his life I mean, let's kill her What? Wait a second Then we'll get her gold Everything that she's sifted So you're like, the whole idea of like a lady

Marrying a guy Then when he dies, she gets all of his money You're okay with that arrangement As long as the guy is happy and does it Willingly I think so, yeah That's a hard stance to take And I respect it

Well, what's the... I just don't understand Why the like The grandchildren are like, this is my grandfather That should be my money That doesn't make that much sense Do you think it has to do with money? I mean, it seems like

It seems like they're worried that she wants to come in and take the grandfather's money And that she's no good for the grandfather But that really does feel like it's a little secondary It all comes back to the cash that this guy is going to leave And they're... That's why they have to kill her But I mean... No, not really

We are a Kadoni murder Well, she's waiting for him to die She's in her fifties She's got the money You distance yourself Then you marry her When you're in your fifties She's in her nineties

And the gold digging cycle continues Oh my gosh, I like that Well, Jake, would it change your mind if you found out that They actually weren't having sex? Oh I guess it's a good question It would change my mind if this... If the 50-year-old was like a very bad caregiver for the grandfather

I mean, that's how she's being portrayed, obviously Well, so far it seems to be just a discrepancy about a wheelchair And for all I know, the grandchildren might be on the wrong Because they just want to put grandpa outside in the wheelchair This is your mom or something You're a defending this lady, too I wish Kellen Winslow wrote if like... If this lady was giving any blowjobs or not

Right, I mean, at the very least Because what if he can't get heart? Then I feel like she should be dancing naked for him or something And then she deserves the cash Yeah, because then... Like a $1 bill at a time It's funny, I read this question I'm like, everyone's going to be against the lady

Maybe I'll throw out the idea that maybe it's not a crazy thing for her to be in the right But you're like 100% gunk Well, I mean, the first sentence is The gold digger wants to move in And that can't happen because my cousin is living upstairs for free Multiple cousins Like, that's crazy to me But that's how family works

The default is family The grandfather wants the cousins out That's not how family works He's 90, he doesn't know what's up You suckle on the tip of your finger I also never had family that was like Oh, I guess my father is like super rich But...

Like my... When I was growing up, my grandparents One grandfather... I don't think he had any money when he died And my grandfather that's alive now We're definitely paying for him to live So I'm not thinking about collecting a check anytime soon I never had that rich grandparent dying thing that other people get

Yeah, sometimes it's a great uncle My cash flow is coming when my father passes And you better believe I am not letting a harlot into his house Disrespecting my mother! I'm gonna... I'm gonna assume that the grandfather had A wife who maybe passed before he did Yeah, that's the safest subject

So now he's, you know... He's found this opportunity here Yeah I mean, this is sort of like The 90-year-old dream, right? Yeah 50-year-old Yeah, like on my 20s

And I can't wait to date a negative 20-year-old So like... That's gonna be sick one day It's not a percentage No, think of it as a percentage So 5 9ths of you So like you're dating a 15-year-old Yes, I've never done that

We're gonna edit this podcast You're dating a 15-year-old Yes No, yes, no, no, never That's the bulk quote She's mature for her age So Jake is on team 50-year-old lady I'm on team grandfather

Okay Whatever he does And right now the grandfather wants the cousins out of the upstairs And the 5th-year-old sexy maid lady in We imagine her as being quite busty, right? Oh my god, have you ever gone to the bank And just like wanted to pork your bank teller? Yeah

Okay, well that's what this granddaddy's doing He's living the American dream And I say we let him live it Because he's only got, I say, weeks, if not Hopefully months to do it Oh, let him make a direct deposit to that ass Nice Keep fucking fancy

Or you can tell him, hey grandpa, you can marry this lady But we're gonna make a prenup for you Oh, that's nice We want prenup We want prenup But how is he gonna, where are they gonna do the wedding though? City hall, are they gonna wheel them down? Like what is going on there?

Oh no, the wheelchair is there It's a no deal Yeah, there's no access It's all stairs You have to do it in a very flat location Alright The driveway So is there anything I could do about this?

You have to convince your grandfather It's ultimately his decision He's a 90 year old man He's been there before Doesn't seem like he's all there mentally Which might be a problem for you Also, you gotta learn to love yourself, man Yeah

Don't know this human He comes back to self-love and self-worth Can I see if you'd like? Alright, let's take a break We'll come back with more questions For us on Hoodie This show is sponsored by BetterHelp Thank you, BetterHelp

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Thank you, Squarespace And we're back Hoodra, what brings you to Los Angeles? You don't live here I don't live here I'm trying to make some new music So I'm working with writers We're not really working with producers

I'm writing songs with them and yeah So that's what I'm here Very casually What does it mean What does it mean you work with a producer? Like if you're a rapper what part do you do

and what part do the producers do? Well And you work with different producers for every song? Not for every song It's good to find someone who you can gel with and do a couple of multiple songs with

maybe even album with Wow But yeah So I've worked with a few different people while I've been out here just you start from scratch sort of basically make a beat come up with melody ideas

and a hook maybe some lyrics Oh So you start with the music the beat and then you like okay what lyrics would fit with this or you're like

I want to do a song about growing up what beat can you do about that thing? Yeah It's perfect No I think people have different styles I usually let the music sort of inspire the ideas

So once I hear something that I like it will sort of just bring out some things for me So like Can you give me an example like you heard a beat and you're like oh this song should be about this

I'm trying to think I mean it's not even sometimes I'm just like I'll just like freestyle ideas like freestyle singing sort of stuff and like then the words accidentally come out in form

and then like the idea sort of becomes cemented it's a very like free form process Interesting New York City But you're not ever like funny rabbit be rabbit in the back of the bus

it's an eight mile where you're like scribbling on a like a Oh yeah I mean like when I actually when I actually write the verses yeah yeah then I'm like writing

Oh then you're like listening to the beat and it's anything Yeah exactly Gotcha Listening to the beat and writing the song and stuff like that by hand

a lot of the start by hand usually by computer Nice Yeah I like just to run a laptop and stuff like that But there are times when I'm like

oh I have this idea like in this concept and even some words and you kind of wait until you find like the mood of a beat that like fits for it So just specifically

let's say the song famous for assholes That was an idea you had that was a No that was What was the origin of that Oh man I think

we had that beat and like had that and then it just sort of came out those words just came out Famous for assholes came out What about James Franco That's a good question

I think I knew with that song that I wanted to make like a pop like a song that sort of encompass like the pop culture era that we were in and I decided like early on in the process

that James Franco was like the archetype for it So I knew that that he was going to be working there but yeah Shout out to James Franco Has he heard that song I don't know

He's like you know Davey definitely has Oh man I hope Davey Franco we pull him for you men You've got to be a star Yeah So your last album came out when

January January It's called Happy Camper I put it out for free Oh is one of those free ones Well yeah you can buy it too if you want but it's also for free

What is that What is that I mean I guess so So when I saw it on iTunes was it free When you saw it on iTunes you could buy it but if you

obviously you could stream it on Spotify or SoundCloud or you could download it directly on my website like I made it like one of those like if you click it it downloads the zip file

and you can put it in your iTunes and all that sort of stuff So how do you track how many people bought it or downloaded or listened to it The money in my bank account But if it's free watch it go up I downloaded it for free

Oh yeah I got zero more dollars The real answer is like I can see how many clicks that that link has gotten So you know exactly but not necessarily everybody has access to that number Nobody has access to that number I guess

And your next album will be the same thing it's free if you want or you can buy it on iTunes I don't know I was thinking of charging like a thousand dollars That's amazing How many people would buy it That's cool

If I could get like five people to buy it like I can eat Yeah you're breaking even Spensive potatoes You're buying really expensive potatoes Well you have to recoup the recording costs and stuff You have to recoup the recording costs and then

get Idaho potatoes Yeah I usually get Yukon Gold but I don't have potatoes Sweet potatoes Oh I like that You like yams Potato pancakes

Lacus So you're in LA right now working on the next album And hanging out with you guys Oh yeah of course What about a tour? I don't know yet You don't know when you're coming

I'm not here to promote anything I'm here to give advice to lonely boys and girls You're just here to chill Yeah I'm here Which is cool I don't have like Do you have stuff planned like I'm going to Europe in August and September

like a European tour And do you do that just like when you want to you contact people and you're like Cause now I'm curious Before he wasn't interested at all But thinking about potatoes Do you get to just decide what you like hey now I feel like

recording I'm going to do that or like oh now I feel like going on tour or is it more regimented? Sort of I mean is there a season? There's a cycle to it Like you know I've been on tour like most of this year and like February and March was like the

you know like the ticketed tour and then like April was a lot of college shows and then I knew I'd have a period of time off and I was like that's a good time to write new music and then kind of think well it's going to take me this long and then that means I should probably go back on tour here So like you know those tours get planned out

like months in advance So usually it's good if you line it up with like new music and put some thought into it so it's not just a random You're like oh I'm on tour again That's how I've felt like things have been successful

And how many of those cycles have you done like new album tour Oh my god A bunch since 2012 Oh my god I'm old No we're old Yeah you're still in your 20s I've probably done like

seven national US tours I think at this point But damn you are old Wow I didn't realize how old you were That's really old You sleep on a bus and all that shit Oh I do sleep on the bus Sometimes when I sleep on the bus for a while I can't even go back to

sleeping in a bed You need that rumble I don't just ask people to let me sleep in their cars and drive me around but I like that because the rumble is legit Do comedians ever do like I feel like that's what we're missing out When Jake and I do shows we do like four shows

we're sleeping in a hotel wake up drive We're not ever doing like sleeping on a bus waking up going to soundcheck doing a show then sleeping on a bus We don't have the footprint that like an actual show like hoodies would have Like we don't have that many people working for us

Yeah like if we had a crew and all that shit then maybe we would need a bus but anytime we go anytime we travel it's like It's us two Yeah it's basically four people is usually like the max that we have on a tour so having a bus

would be kind of But it would be awesome Even if it's just like an RV we can hire someone to ship us basically to the next city while we're sleeping It seems like with four people it almost makes sense to like fly places

Would you like this is crazy would you be our driver for the next tour He's about to go to Europe I actually think I would very much like being your driver I can't I have to advise you against that

Your time is so much better spent No no I really have nothing going on Yeah he can drive our van overnight and then when we get to let's say a Kansas City or a Tuscaloosa Alabama of course What happens to the drivers they sleep and they'll do a little

meth Now I'm on board for this tour Some drivers do do drugs I remember I was on a big summer tour where I was the opener and a couple of like the truck drivers got

kicked off the tour for like doing like a really crazy cocktail of like illegal drugs and then like driving Oh well they're driving that's fucking really bad I guess it's kind of crazy they have to drive all night I mean like the lives they live are very crazy and counter to normal people

so sometimes you have to be a little You have to be a little wild if you're like I want to drive a tour bus for a living or I want to carry sound equipment The tour bus driver is like the highest paid person often times of a crew member So any kids listening who are like

I want to go to college but I might just want to drive a tour bus drop out of school drive a tour bus And with that bit of free advice let's get back into the paid advice We have another question from a British University student

so Oh he's loving it British dudes name We can answer this guy's question Oh he's laughing Now he's crying Now he's sleeping Oh yeah it's gotta be like

Okay You guys decide Is it Oh like a vote Like get up to the mic Rupert the fourth or Harry Potter Oh HP

I think Rupert the fourth Well now you guys are splitting there's no one to decide except for me again I'm choosing the Weasley twins I'm gonna go Rupert the fourth Rupert the fourth writes massive fan and listen to us since episode one I'm a British University student

That's all I have All I can say is massive massive fan inches wide what a strike and this summer I'm going to I'm coming to America to work as a camp counselor Summer camps are basically unheard of in the UK so this summer is gonna be an interesting

experience as they are a bit of an alien concept to me all I really know from them is from watching American TV and films based around camps What I would like to know is is your experience at summer camps if any what should I expect as a counselor and anything I might need to know about summer

camps thanks guys love Rupert the fourth do you ever play the game where you give this guy just including random words just in case we search those words is bluetooth, pepperoni, industrial, clunge ancestry and cruddle fortunately we liked your question so much

we're choosing it a natural let's give it up for Rupert fourth do you ever go to sleep away camps this is like I feel like you either do this or this is just the perfect episode for me to be on because I went to sleep away camp for a long time and I'm very familiar with the idea of

a British counselor or a counselor from another that's like a very common thing this is a camp you had to go to bad jew I was also a bad jew did you go to jewish sleep away camp what does that mean

by nature a lot of them are just sort of jewish but they're not making you do like prayers you ain't going like hava that's how Amir spoke to summer he just wanted to do it alone I didn't go to summer camp

but I would say 99.9% of my friends did something like it was a punishment why didn't you go I was afraid to sleep away at age 10 did you do day camps I did sports plus day camp but I never did jewish sleep away camp

but then all my friends would come back and they had hand jobs and fingerings and I never did anything I'm saying very important so what is your specific jewish or sorry summer camp sleep away camp experience fantastic

where was it what was it called I mean I don't know if I'm just giving free promo that's okay if you like the camp I do like the camp there we go yeah it was in it was in wing county Pennsylvania it's called Shenawanda okay yeah

but I was I went a while ago of course because it was like two summers ago instead of my european tour I went back to you had like camp friends friends that you only saw during these camp sessions I think I picked the camp because

a lot of my a lot of kids who lived in my town went there and I was in a different school than them so it was a way for me to like become friends of the kids who were in my town partially but then it was just like the place it was the thing to do like you go for eight weeks

yeah do you don't come home back home for eight weeks not and you play you play sports and you hang out with girls and it's you hang out with boys too I guess in the bunks I don't know why I didn't go this sounds so fun like I would love to do it right now is there like an adult sleep away camp

they actually they just saw it on like Shark Tank they do it in New York just like a bunch of 30 year old things it's a little lame it definitely is cool in theory and then you're like oh would all these people like pay a shitload of money to go and play dodgeball so what I want to do is

I want to go back in time and convince the 14 year old me to give it a try it's there's there's it's very developed like you're you're gonna have your first of a lot of things right you're gonna always it's one of those things we could always be like oh man you remember that like that championship game we played and Marty hit the three

pointer it's like you know like well no I wasn't there so I don't remember it but like you know you just have a I remember like going to like looking out of the bunk and going to girl side and like staying over there and like you can't go to girl side at night like that's like

legal and then you go and like you hook up with a girl and then you like sneak all the way back but then like the security like might find you and hunt you down and then you miss then you miss field trips if that happens and stuff like that right it's kind of funny that parents I mean it's not like parents don't know this happens at camp yeah like if you're the parent of a 15 year old

but that's all the spectrum that's the older spectrum of camp that there's like seven years old seven year olds right but like what if I have a 15 year old one day and I and I'm just like all right I send you to camp to go get fingered by a bunch of different boys oh you mean if your daughter is going to camp yeah like don't like you

your parents know what you do at camp but I think your daughter will definitely be you know you can't say frisky frisky you're talking about talking about my mom my daughter my daughter would always think things are

defying college all right so what the fuck are we telling wait what do we tell them that summer camp you've had specific experience with British yeah I mean I had Australian councillors I had New Zealand councillors I had British councillors this is a big thing

for like people from the UK I feel like to come over to these places and they're like oh I'll like you'll like be like a soccer specialist and a general councillor I bet they're also fucking each other these councillors yes they are that's another really good part of it for them it's like you know like

sometimes the girls who are well it can be boys too but like let's just say sometimes the girls who are campers eventually get like they stay in camp and now they're too old to be campers they turn into councillors and they so they're councillors themselves and they're like oh wow who are these 19 year old like UK boy

and then like 19 year old like Jewish girl and they have a fun summer culture it seems like the rules are actually way the rules getting broken are way more severe at the top like when you're 10 you're sneaking around

playing spin the bottle and like you know stealing girls underwear and putting them on the flagpole I think from watching or from reading our Einstein shorts but then when you're like when you're a councillor you're like oh you're sneaking around and you're like smoking weed and fucking people

I mean a lot of my friends got kicked out of camp for smoking weed why don't you do summer camps did your friends not do it most of most of my friends we had like a pool club that was like near our house so all of the kids in the neighborhood just went and did that but I also like

I love my mother too much to leave her during the summer are you kidding that's pride me and mom time when I was 12 camp was I think I've even talked about this on the podcast before but my mom and dad used to threaten me with camp

like if you don't like get your grades up we're gonna send you to sleep away camp we're gonna send you to a place where there's a lake and you play sports and hook up with ladies all night you better not take away my summer with my mother I wanna play tennis with mommy

I wanna go shopping for school supplies with mom in July before the sales hit but it sounds like the advice for this guy is to just enjoy it you're gonna have this amazing summer you're gonna have a three month long boner

and I mean like especially coming from England he's gonna be such a novelty don't expect to be the only English guy there alright oh yeah you better have your game ready to go because there's gonna be

more handsome British men and you better hope to god there's not an Australian there because you know that's even more exotic even hotter that's where the guys are even hotter and their accents are slightly weirder so you're fucked if there's an Australian guy there there's a guy from New Zealand

just fucking blow your brains out and bunk nine it's not gonna happen for you but if you're the only exotic person there but treat the kids well those could be people who you end up knowing for a long time as they grow up like you know I had counselors

for once you have them for one year and they come back they come back with the same bunk usually so you have that person again and again I went on tour this past February and March and in Chicago and Wisconsin

dates to the people who were my counselors when I was at camp we're there we're still cool that's awesome lifelong friends some real you can make some real connections here and

go have fun British guy what's his name? Rupert we're almost out of time but I didn't want to do a freestyle advice so maybe we'll read this question we won't delve too much into it we'll just give our straight up advice immediate reaction

let me read the question first it's from a lady that means you have to come up with a ladies name oh Sal Stem Sal Stem I love it that was Charlene

Charlene Sal Stem writes oh I I I I I I

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