If I Were You - 223: Sports (w/Mike Karnell!)

Episode Date: July 4, 2016

Friend/Lover/Brother/Podcaster Mike Karnell joins us to discuss the thrill of victory, and agony of being punched in the face.This episode is brought to you by TrunkClub and MeUndies!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

If I were you, if I were you I would write into these tattoos If I were you We used to have a web show But that was easy to go, many years ago Now they have the video that I show If I were you I would do the video

if I were you If I were you You know who that was? That was me? No I thought it was Taking Back Sunday Yeah that felt like a fucking And then forever night. Yeah fired shit. Yeah. Yeah, that was like the beginning to a CW show

So that guy Gavin the guy who wrote forever night five years ago, which is the song at the end of fired Has a new part of my favorite songs of all time. Yeah, I love that song You are one wild child of the night you are you are you are He has a new solo project called Tennyson wolf TEN NYS ON wolf and just released debut EP So if you can go to tennisonwolf.bandcamp.com you get more more More songs from yeah, yeah, he wrote that song. I mean Why are you? Why are you mad? Podcast charging charging for the three theme songs we get it's free advertising

This is bullshit, but it's also a free theme song. I mean the trade-offs not working Carnel knows how to make some fucking money Mike Carnel in the house Mikey Carnel what at a Third of the hosts of Twinnovation. I know I'm the host. Sorry the host of Twinnovation. They are can I just say This is such a pleasure to have Carnel in this studio right now happy to be here. Yeah That's that song made me feel like we were driving around in the suburban in high school again Yeah, that made me think of that. Um, your hair is everywhere song. Yeah Breathe in breathe out so stupid how long have you how long have you guys been friends you and Jake seventh grade? Yeah, I think we met each other when I was in seventh grade seventh grade 13 going on 30

I was like a pudgy little bully. I was just like a real rough. Yeah, something's never changed But you're you're younger than Jake I thought I am I'm a great grade below you Jake was in 12th grade and Carnel was in 7th, right? Yeah, a lot of your friends were like 7th and 8th grade I was easy to impress. I was a camp counselor. Yeah I'll never forget what counselor Jake like took me into the woods and taught me how to drink dude. Yeah fucking homos What are you guys doing? Let me fucking chill with you guys. I'll buy you cigarettes and beer. You got a butt chunk this This is a Capri son. This is made to be butt chunk Did you ever have like friends older brother who like hung out a little bit too much with your crew?

And you're like wait a minute. You're not cool if you're hanging out with us Well, no, but my older sister was the opposite and was the wood like threatened to call the cops if the Rosenbergs didn't leave the house Cuz she just didn't want me to be happy and her friends Oh, you had that like Mike get the get your friends the fuck out of this house I was in the house. She's like I'm calling the cops if he doesn't leave and I said go ahead Why would she call the police? I was like not dumb I was not she wasn't so old and smart that I like couldn't see that she was lying Wait, how old was your sister when this she must have been in high school?

We were like an eighth grade right the tough thing was the car now sister was like really really really hot. It's enough It's a beautiful beautiful woman. She's the mother of three She's a mother three mother of three. You had a you have a third niece. Oh, yeah, dude little hanky She Hank now it's Henry He named after Hank No, I think you're in the homerun king, dude, we love it All right, this is this is a show and a podcast an advice podcast called if I were you People will email us in their questions. They're confused. They don't know any better. They're seeking our guidance our wisdom

Yeah, sometimes it's just Jake and I sometimes we have friends on the show today. We have family. That's what's up Well, I used to read these emails. Oh Shit, I used to read I've come alive truly come from the bottom I used to read the emails and send star them for you. Right. Holy shit. That's right. When was that? That was like a year or two like three years ago. Yeah, it was when I lived in LA Yes, before you moved God, they used to read the emails and then something actually some of them I was like I wanted to be like, yo, you need to not ask Jake and Mary advice and you need to like go to the cops for There was like some real shady shit going down in this

I want to be like do not depend on this podcast for help. Yeah So it's like when you need to talk to your parents, right? When we get like a year deep in the old old archived emails and there's like one about suicide. Yeah Oh, no, there was one about um, I mean, I won't even get into it. It's kind of a bummer, but it was pretty dark And I think I forwarded it to you and I was like, hey, I just want you to see this Yeah, I don't know what to do because like like is it illegal that I read it Like can I be in court for reading it once and not doing anything about it? Am I implicated and then the next one's just like my girlfriend's period smells

Frontier about it the one before anyone would please help me He's cut She's still managed to press send on that email even though she got amazing He did it. All right. Oh, that is too dark. All right. These are a little more light-hearted really melts from real people God, what should we start with? There's so many good ones. Let's do a okay. This one. I really love we need a dude's name Mikey Sorry a girl's name a girl's name Claire Bonaventure. Oh

Sassy Bonaventure little waspy. That's a great last name. Let's try another option another option Yeah, just because I didn't really like that one. Um, now I never do this. We never critique Jennifer Bonaventure Claire Claire Bonaventure writes hi friends very in love with your show keep up the good work Do you think I should read the compliments at the top or just go straight? I like to read the compliments Reinforces in people that we have a great show and they should love us. I just feel bad cuz she didn't actually rate that No, I don't think you should make up. Okay

Here's what's going down with me I'm a 22 year old lady in a long-term relationship three years and my boyfriend is very into sports Specifically basketball warriors and baseball giants when I say very into them I mean very into them whenever he's watching a game He gets extremely emotional about it shouting slamming his fists on the ground the whole nine now I enjoy watching sports I especially want to watch with him because he loves them so much and I want to enjoy what he enjoys But if they're losing it's as if he is personally experiencing a tragedy and if they do actually lose the evening is ruined

He mopes and pouts while I basically have to sit there and avoid him lashing out at my attempts to comfort him Or make light of the situation. Am I crazy or does he need to calm the F down? I know people get really invested in sports, but I feel like he goes a bit overboard So my question is is there anything I can do should I just not watch the games with them anymore? How do I tell him? I don't want to be around him when he watches sports without upsetting him Amir I know you're a sports fan, but do you get this emotionally invested when your teams do poorly? I was inspired to write to you guys because it's the playoffs and the Warriors are currently playing the okc thunder

Quite the roller coaster ride And they're not anymore because her boyfriend did hang himself. Yeah, and they're not doing great Honestly a little terrified if the Warriors don't win at all, please. Oh What if they lost it in the worst fashion imaginable? God, can you imagine? What if they come back beat the Thunder and I don't know what would happen if they pull it down? I Can love the chase down. It's very what do you think? I mean

This is a tough area for me because I get really passionate when I watch Mm-hmm, and I used to get like this dude used to get like I went to Ohio State big sports school I used OH. I am my man. Thank you very much Like when the Patriots lost their undefeated season, I kicked a hole into a wall like a big hole And I had to like pay out of pocket and like fix as well But I realized there I was like this isn't worth it You gotta you can get nuts and enjoy it during the game But you can't like you have if they lose you just have to let it roll yeah

Like I went nuts during the Warriors Cavs game and bit I bit Jeff's beard and pull it pulled hair out What I was pro Cavs and he was like pro Warriors and I was just talking shit to him the whole time And he was like he got my face and he said you bet you better step off dude You're gonna get clapped and I just looked at him and then bit into his beard I said you And Sarah saw that my girlfriend was like Jesus. I think I heard you say Jesus Christ But that we were good like even if they had lost that would have been fun Yeah, my my my strategy is um I

Love when I'm a Lakers fan, so I love when they win we watch Celtics Lakers together Oh my god That was so funny it was before I even that was like the day I met you in the day we met you were a Celtics fan I didn't even know and I was a Lakers fan and they were playing in the finals and the Lakers lost They collapsed probably the worst one of the worst NBA history yeah, and you didn't tell me that you were a Celtics fan Well, because that's part of being like a nice person is like you don't you should never rub it in the other team's face And you should just like be chill and enjoy it. That's really like

When I was in college I was I was a huge Yankees fan and They were I think it was the 2004. No, yeah the 2004 ALCS the 3-0 collapse. Yeah And like I remember three got the tat on my back to memorialize it dude Yeah, dude, and uh like we were we were like my my main brooms down all the way after we three like Everybody on my floor is a huge Yankees fan and then like mm-hmm. Wouldn't that one happen bitch? I'm sure beard out after they came after after the Red Sox came back I legitimately didn't get out of bed for two days. Well, you're like I was so depressed because I was I fucking loved the Yankees I listened to every single game on the radio Wow, and that was a lot and that was last year

Even I watched the Aaron Boone game with you back in the day. Oh, man. Watched it me you and yeah Yeah, yeah, and you're a real fucking jerk when they won do you? Had this come in if I remember it correctly because you guys were jerks when the Red Sox Well, we're all jerks to each other. Yeah friendship Half of being a fan is just being like being able to ridicule other people who were fans of different teams Well, like a strategy is to like be kind of quiet during the game So nobody like it's really really loud in your strategy dude. I get nuts This girl is like she what she should do is just start coming making plans during game days like look at it in the schedule

And make plans with her friends and be like, I don't think you want me there anyway, right? And then you think he'd miss her. He's like great get out of my fucking jerk, dude He's yeah, he's snapping at his girlfriend in public at a bar because his sports team lost fuck I'm gonna catch some heat some heat for this But I will say that like this guy sounds like most fucking Warriors fans to me Wow Wow Throwing shade at the entire fan base. I'm fine being like Losing they can't handle it. I mean being upset during the game. I think that's fine

This if this guy's an actual Warriors fan. He's experienced Decades. Oh, he's not in it. There's very few actual Warriors. Well, he seems like he's from the Bay Area at least The Warriors were also like it's that old mascot. They used to have that was like this Sonic dude He hasn't taken off the costume in four years. Yeah, the Warriors were so bad for so long And then they're playing well. He's I don't know gone through some sort of emotional roller coaster What I do is I like to get into the highs. I'm down I'm jumping up and for joy when championships are one, of course, but then the lows I'm just like, oh, why don't I get so invested like I don't really know these guys. They're not actually from LA

They're all that's it and that's the best attitude. I think this kid's a fucking maniac He needs to like actually talk to him. You just kicked through a wall. You said you bit of beer I did that in private and I've grown from that and I don't get I don't get like sad anymore Oh, you know, no, even like Ohio State has had some like we've gotten whooped in the championship game We finally won a couple years ago. That's what's up, dude Yeah, but I never pumped you were I was with you for that. We have a lot of sports experience I just think that once the game's over like who the fuck cares. It doesn't even matter But what is she gonna do that's the love of your life you're gonna snap at her maybe cuz he's young

I think how old it's an age. It's 22 years old. He's 22. I think she's got it. She's got to just say something She's got to be like, hey, you're uh being kind of just be nice about it loser about this Just be like, yo, you're really mean to me around people in public. It's a bad look for everybody And I like not gonna watch sports with you if that's how it is Yeah, I think he'll probably React poorly to that lash out a little bit, but then I really want to get How you feel bro, it's about how I feel I want to post game seven update after the thunder game and then up after the calves game

Hey, how's it going? We don't hear back from her. I thought they're I thought she's gonna be like we're up 3-1 against the calves I was like, oh my god, but then to start down 3-1 to the I mean this dude, he might have actually like hurt her That goes towards what I the greater point that I want to make is that this guy needs to have a more holistic approach of liking a team Yeah, like it's not it's not all hinging on like this one season like this is part of the whole story You know now maybe next year. They know yeah, like every game you're gonna be mad if they lose like a team for a long time They're not gonna win every single game every yeah, that's a great point to yeah Nobody like you're gonna lose in baseball gets this invested in regulars like baseball games in July 92 Fucking Giants blew a lead against the red

Yeah All right, tell him to calm down I think he needs to calm the fuck down and start treating his girlfriend with the respect that she deserves And this is coming from and this is coming from three sports fans We're not like I got a fucking red socks tattoo with a Budweiser crown on my back. It's the stupidest tattoo That's how much I loved I love sports and this dude's a fucking clown. All right, also fuck the Warriors fuck curry He's a bitch too. Fuck that fuck with Westbrook and I fuck with brawn brawn King James Okay, are you a Celtics fan now or a Cavs fan?

Oh, we've been a Celtics fan always will be but I root for the Cavs and I love LeBron, okay So LeBron on the Celtics is like your wet dream. I wouldn't even want him on the Celtics I want him to just do his own thing in Cleveland cuz Mike he's got time for the city dude The land The land oh, yeah, cuz he went to Ohio State. So you got that connection. Oh, yeah, I root for Ohio All right, another girl's out to the books another girls name another girls name hmm Hmm hmm

Jillian Martinez, I like that. Is that a real woman? I saw it Well, I know someone named Jill and then a Pedro Martinez popped into my head. I like that Jillian Martinez Yeah, still thinking about that 2004 ALCS that one was just for you, Jackie boy David Ortiz a girl's name David Ortiz Julian Ortiz So here's my dilemma a couple months ago, I went out for some drinks with my crazy aunt It was a late St. Patrick's Day celebration. So there were a lot of people out along with us We were having a great time and we were both fairly drunk at this point and my aunt and I went into a music

Tent and we're dancing around having a grand old time near the front when a middle-aged woman Cup a middle-aged couple started to seem a bit annoyed with us and asked us to leave We weren't in their personal space or anything. So I was slightly offended that they were being so rude I had recently told my aunt that I had recently told my aunt that I'd never punched anyone before Which led to her encouraging me to pop Hell yeah grumpy lady in the face hole as I ran away in fear of the middle-aged woman. I stopped by my doctor and her husband

He asked my mom works with the doctor I have an appointment with her coming up and I hope she doesn't bring us bring this up Or that she never saw it happen in the first place. So my question is what do I do if my doctor brings this up? Do I laugh it off or apologize for being a drunk scumbag? Thanks for your sincere advice and help love Julian Martinez. Oh, it's yeah, she didn't mention that happened It seemed like she did punch her. Yeah, she didn't or did did she glossed over She's like my aunt told me to punch her as I ran away Punched the woman. Oh, yeah, I think she it's illegal to write it

So she's like my aunt told me to punch her and then as I ran away in fear I mean, I you I'm down dude. I love that shit. I Love this aunt. How many times have you been punched in the face? Um? Probably three to four times and how many times have you punched them on the face? At least trip three or four times more than that. I always punch first in always I I've never had either. I'm zero and zero. I was a big like I like I was a scrapper as a kid, dude I was getting in like two or three fights a school year. What was your biggest punch in the face? That I got punched in the face. Yeah

Some dude, you know Eddie, you know our boy Eddie some dude was like this big dude was like 26 Because I hung out like in high school. Yeah, this is really funny I hung out like football players in high school. We like we party dude like we threw house parties And I actually still go to some of those house parties Football team and I still but this 26 year old kid whose younger brother was a senior who this dude I'd like just got an angel for like robbing that radio shack in town. Wait No, I won't say no I'll tell you after but like kind of like a scared like dude had tattoos and was like muscular had you were in so you were in high

School, we were at a house party. He came to this high school party. You were 18 and he was 26 You're like 17 Eddie was there. We were you know, we were just kicking it all mutual friends You know Eddie's Eddie could be confrontational and he was like, I don't know I don't remember what they're talking about but him in this 26 year old and our friend Eddie was like a sweet little boy Started kind of like mouth and off to each other and this dude like slapped Eddie in the face And then started calling him like like gay shit Like making fun of him for being gay and you're just like it was one of those moments where it's like a true test of care Like a true test and I went to his little brother

I was like, yo, if you're if your brother keeps slapping Eddie, I'm gonna slap him He heard me's the 26 year old heard me say that and was like, what's up, dude? And came up and I was like if you slap him again, I'm gonna slap you. He slapped Eddie I slapped him he punched me so hard Where and then the fight got broken up just like fucking clock me dude like the side of the jaw right in the jaw Did it break? Did it bruise? No, it's all good. I got the fucking strong jaw So he socked you in the face sock me fucking straight up in the face. Did you fall down? No You just felt like I got pushed backwards because he's a big dude, but like I didn't fall down

I know what did you do in response to that? You know, I got broken up. So I was like, fuck you. Oh really? You just acted cool like it was like it was nothing and then I was like, damn this hurts And what happens what does it feel like does it feel like a cut does it feel like a bruise on your face? I mean even like maybe like 15 months ago. I got punched in the face. Really? Yeah defending Sarah's honor I would have clocked the dude back. What what what how what happened there? Meatpacking district cut the meatpacking district December. Okay first off Jeff almost gets in a fight I know years after you're after you got punched in the face at the house party Yeah, a 57 year old man tried to fight Jeff. It was trying to fight everybody in this club

Jeff like tried to walk by him and the guy was like, yo This is my space like don't walk here and Jeff was like what and the guy got in his face and the bouncers broke it up And I went crap Jeff was like, what are you even doing dude? Don't get in a fight like we're adults I go back like that point. I know where the story ends up. So that's a funny line. Yeah, I'm so fucked up I go over to Sarah almost get into a fight for the rest of the night You're just like sort of in the mood the blood's pumping. Yeah, so I go over to Sarah and some dudes like kind of like You know harassing her like kind of really close and talking to her. I put my arm around her I go, yo, what's up, man? He goes. Oh, is this your girl? I go. Yeah, he goes. Well, then kiss her to prove it

I Just and I just said fuck you get out of here And then we were just talking shit bumping chest and the last thing I said was nobody here's fucking scared Are you bro? And we went to go turn our separate ways except he turned back around and clocked me so hard in the face Really my glasses go flying. Oh my your instinct. I use momentum of getting punched I come back clock him with the left cuz he didn't know that your boy was left-handed Clock him with the left. He falls back. We're grappling each other in the middle of a fucking bar. Holy shit That's late and um and me packing. Yeah, what did Sarah? What did Sarah do?

So we're like awesome. He like fucking trips me up. I'm like, oh fuck. I'm falling I land on a seat because you bounce up use the moment as I'm as I startle him I spin him around grabbing the back and start slamming his head into a door Holy shit, and then I got choked out by the bouncers from behind and I got a huge wealth on my eye Really and Sarah comes out. I'm like, where are my glasses, babe? She's drunk. She's crying. She's got her fucking flashlight on her phone My boyfriend's glasses The guy comes up to her. He's like, yo is your boyfriend the dude slam that guy's head into the wall She's like, yeah, it's like I found his glasses

And we went I was with Jamie Dell. She like threw up in her hands outside We just went I kept the party going dude We're gonna open our hands too and that night Dave Dave like went missing for like six hours And didn't it wasn't because Anna like face planted on the sidewalk somewhere. Yeah, I don't know You know, he just was gone. What a fucking god. I want to do that come back to the city, dude He doesn't fucking If I punched you would you punch me or you'd only do it when you're like, no I wouldn't but if you like punched me and got no, I probably would punch you just like I want to say that

I wouldn't I would just like take and be like, yo, it's cool. I know you didn't mean that But I think I would like I might grapple you grapple you to the ground and choke you out Have you ever punched a friend or was it usually an enemy? Definitely have punched a friend. Oh really Do you think more often you punch friends? No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, you know friends are minimal. Yeah You know, I got like a fight you have fights in college. Have you ever punched or been punched? I Got punched in the head one time That's it. Some guy at a frat party at Lehigh. You've never punched or been punched. No, sorry

When I was like, I'm a sucker puncher, dude. What I was like when I was in sixth grade. I threw a punch nice That's great. I think I've been like grappling wrestling things, but they all everything gets broken up before it like yeah I've never really started a fight. You saw me punch someone. Oh, no, I left that party before you punch Shit cuz I knew there was some there was some crazy shit going down there. There was some there was a bad boy Was he did see I don't want to punch or be punched But I want to have been punched or been punch. Yeah I want to be able to look back and be like I was punched and then I punched a bunch You know

Someone can just die and you kind of realize that as you get older like yo Someone could just die if if I could die if they punched me and I fall Oh, right. I'm the wrong like I could like it's just not really worth it. You could like ruin their life Yeah, that's true. All right fine at the end of the day. You've got it. You gotta throw down. Yeah Yeah, well sounded like this person to I guess to take it back to the question Oh, yeah, you don't write the question. You did she didn't need to punch this lady No, stop putting it on your crazy aunt. You know, you're also crazy because you listen to your crazy aunt All of this question was blaming the aunt and she didn't yeah

I was you my crazy aunt and my aunt told me to do this this girl doesn't really have an aunt She just has this like imaginary. I mean the doctor's gonna think you're a fucking psycho if we're sure punch Yeah, he's a middle-aged woman. I thought that she didn't punch and I was like Oh, you just blame it on your aunt when you go to the doctor, but if she threw the punch There's no I mean you just got to say you're sorry Yeah, like that's not how you have to apologize to everyone that sees you punch somebody. No dude. It is what it is Yeah, I don't think she needs like go to the doctor and be like Hey, I'm sorry for it. Like if the doctor brings it up, then you'll say. Oh, yeah, what a crazy day. I'm an idiot

Yeah, or also, it's Dr. Klein privilege or whatever. Oh, yeah confidentiality Hippocratic oath if anything you need to apologize to the woman that you punched, but it's all the coolest She was running around the coolest thing about a punch excuse is like they weren't even harassing you like when you're talking about he was talking to your boy Eddie or your girl That's a fucking honorable punch. Yeah, I had to take it from a boy. Yeah You got it too for Sarah. Yeah, yeah, but how does that guy tell the story? He's like Yes, this dude came up. I told him to kiss his No

What about second base? I'll see it if you feel her up in front of me. That's proof. He said no It's not his girlfriend, dude He probably tells it like yes or this stranger comes in he grabs this girl by the waist. I'm like, hey, that's not your girlfriend Don't you touch her? Yeah, we never hear the other story in any confrontation I never hear like a car accident where it's not like I mean the other person's fault. Yeah I mean I escalated the fight. It's like half my fault. It's half his fault half my fault That's really nice. I don't know this girl Seems like also if you're so drunk where you'll just punch somebody that you probably were annoying these people like stepping on their feet and

Like spilling your fucking drink everywhere. Yeah, and they were like go away, which is the worst because they like They were right to tell you to go away and you were so like she got It's like somebody In the movie theater, you're like, hey, can you please stop and then they just fuck you out Are you cool? Are you confrontational by nature? Like do you like tell people to shut the fuck up if they're talking the movie theater or are you like I'll be quiet I will stand up for myself. I think that like I just play I play everything by the situation I don't have one way that I am but like in situations like that

I'll say shut the fuck up Like if you're in a movie theater if someone's talking to me like that I'll if a bar I'll always try to diffuse a situation because that shit can get out of hand Yeah, I just don't have that in me There was we were playing basketball once and there were like these kids who wouldn't move and like all nine of us We're just like, all right, they're not gonna move and then there was one guy He's like dudes like get the fuck out of here like we're trying to play basketball here Just moved to another fucking court. I'm like, I would never say work. No the kids stayed

But I don't have that that gene in me where I'm yelling at children or anybody really I'll all fucking all fucking shame. I'll start shaming people did yeah, there's a dude I was playing softball in the the fields were built so close that the outfield was run the other field was in our infield Yeah, yeah, it was just a second base and I was just I start talking shit to him. Yeah, I should say watch out All right, let's take a break. We'll be back with more questions great We're Cornell after this this show is sponsored by better help. Thank you better help if you're finding yourself in a difficult anxious stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that

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So the best way to do that is to go to squarespace.com Slash if I were you for a free trial and when you're ready to launch Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain Again squarespace.com slash if I were you free trial. Everything looks good. Let's launch it Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off that first purchase. Thank you Squarespace And we're back Jake and Mike got into a fist fight over the break That one's for Eddie

I don't care It's renovation for those of you who don't listen, what's the elevator pitch? This is basically like stoner shark tank like Wayne's World meets shark tank, okay? So it's you it's world meets shark tank is a really I think that's how I would Wayne's World meets shark tank It's you the Rosenberg twins, of course, and if you listen to our show Jeff and Dave have both been on it We've known I've known them since fifth grade best best of buds interesting and with three of us will pitch like a Hairbrained invention or scheme. Yeah, it's also a lot of schemes like way to like steal money from people and shit like that Yeah, scheming a dream. Yeah, well, we'll each pitch one and then we'll hear from our listeners

And we all we do a lot of stories like I just went into yeah, but a bit of a rambler What I like about the show is not only the ideas Jake and I have actually been on Yeah, you got cooked dude. Yeah trap Welcome to bear trap. So if you haven't listened to Twin ovation start with our episode just to get a good taste Yeah But there's this this sub sub's like a B story a B plot almost of you Dave and Jeff's love-hate relationship going on throughout I was like all taking like through the lens of the nation There's three different factions. There are three factions in the group. Oh, really?

I'm mama bear and my faction is called the the sleuth crew the sleuth is a group of bears And then I just put th at the end of crew so that it was right I didn't know this sleuth crew was a group of I didn't know you put that much thought into it Yeah, we got a lot of gear and t-shirts to like claim your sides Yeah, you might have seen Jake you wearing it Jake and I have never done that Maybe we should start like we should divide and try to conquer each other like that like you guys treat it like a game of Risk. Yeah, because we did play a lot of risk growing up actually. Oh, really? Yeah, and I think also we've known each other for like 20 fucking three years now and

You're gonna like hate and love anyone, you know for that long fall in and out of favor Almost fought Dave. Jeff's L. Hefe Jeff is L. Hefe Dave is King David. Yeah, and Dave tried to start a snapchat, but he actually alienated a lot of He was doing like 60 second fucking snap We were getting emails from people on the show is like, can you tell Dave to stop his story was 10 minutes long? And it was like just the same exact thing. Yeah, he hasn't snapped in a while actually He was shamed he actually apologized to people like publicly as if he's forced he's forcing people to watch it like why is it? He just lot like that was his following

He's always like I got 2,000 snapchat and then everyone left because he doesn't know what to do Wait, so is he King David? He's he's also started a church and you can go to King David that guru and It's some sort of cult that he was trying to start where you just Venmo him money I think you guys are almost at your one-year anniversary at this point. Yeah, we're 50 episodes in a couple weeks. Damn. Yeah Yeah, that's we got a little surprise. Don't worry, man. What it's gonna be. Don't worry, dude We're cooking something up. They're just gonna punch each other for an hour full fist fight Backyard wrestling live show fist fights wrestling Twinnovation check it out. I had to innovation pod. I quit to innovation pod on Twitter

Headgum.com every Friday, right? Yeah, and if you go to that my Twitter sometimes if you say something aggressive I'll like getting an argument with you. It's kind of fun. Hell. Yeah I've banished somebody from the nation sort of like Yeah, you had to do it. He had to go. What do you what do you do other than the podcast? I'm all up for constructive criticism We have like very few female listeners, but sometimes they'll email and be like that was a little misogynistic We'll have like healthy conversations. Oh, that's good This dude was just like you guys fucking suck like it's 95% incoherent incoherent like rambling and I was just like fuck you, dude

And they got him to be like you should take my opinion seriously And I was like why and he never had a good reason for why And then you like went so deep on his Twitter feed like he had a link to his art or something your art sucks Your 200 followers in your podunk floor to town You went in yeah, I got him fired from his job What do you what do you do besides this podcast? What's what's occupying your time? I work at a late night of Seth Meyers a little writer director over there Daniel. Yeah, what keeping that late night sketch sketches Yeah, I direct all the pre-tapes really. Yeah, all the videos all of them any video you see

Mama bears got her print her prints on and how often? Are those on TV is it one a week is it they'll do one a week pretty much It's a bit of a you know, it's a lot to make a video as you guys know So it's like one a week, but we can do two a week to really yeah, cuz we only do four shows a week So who writes them? Anybody who writes them any writer on the staff then they deliver a script to you. You're like yeah, they're like all right Good luck. Yeah, we'll have like big old meetings about it. You know, I'll write some it's fun. It's cool What's the what's the most popular one that came out of that?

Did a game of thrones things Melisandre for all you Geo T fans It was crazy. I like I went to go talk to her in her dressing room and she was in full Like Melisandre wardrobe and she was in characters, but I was just like hey like thanks again for doing the sketch This is great And then she was just in character So she was looking into a mirror to look at me and she was like fixing her necklace and I just felt like I was in a scene Cuz you know just like like looking through a mirror into someone Like it was she blurs you at the stakes. Yeah, and I was burned at the stake. She punched you. Yeah

In the face. Yeah, there's a lot of it's fun. It's a cool job. Yeah, I'm excited for it celebs and comedy and and Creativity congrats. Let's bring the fuck. Let's bring the fire you community to NBC.com. Yeah Slash listen to to innovation. Just go to NBC. I'd actually rather you prefer support NBC, please awesome Do you want to answer one more question? I would be honored. I mean, we're already here, right? Yeah, let's do it This one finally from a dude. Oh God. Thank God this one. It's Legit, let me just read it, but it reminded me of to innovation a lot. Can I hear the Pitch first and then come up with a name the oh, okay. I want to like build the story for the man

Okay, so this is about a man who kind of got schemed and dreamed himself love it Don't hate the play I hate the game. Hey, dudes I'm having a mild crisis. Well, he said he wanted to do it after if you got off your phone and paid attention You wouldn't have heard me say that All right, all right, here we go. Hey guys, I'm having a mild crisis mild crisis is a great name for our podcast Today I was at work at Domino's Pizza when the manager said some kids were out front selling stuff now I had quite the day thus far so I figured I could give the kids a few bucks and be nice However, what happened next has confused me for hours. These two kids one large and talkative one smile one small and silent

We're selling boxes of chocolate covered peanut clusters cookies and fruit snacks Here's the fucked up part the loud talkative one said they're one for six dollars two for twelve and three for twenty now I'm no mathematician I'm no mathematician just a fucking engineer But what would three why would three boxes be more expensive? Business model is that shouldn't it be three for 15? Also one for six and two for twelve are the same So why I mentioned two for twelve I ended up buying some chocolate peanut clusters for six dollars and the larger more

Domino the boys was like are you sure you don't want to buy from him too and gesture to the smaller child who? Definitely had a serial killer vibe. I said I said I was good with just one gave the kids some cash And they were on their way. I opened the box and there were six small peanut clusters far too few for my payment the The chocolate on peanuts was completely melted because it was like 90 degrees Indianapolis from that point. I ate in the back room and they were good, but not six dollars good I paid four dollars for Girl Scout cookies last week and they were lasted 20 times as long So here are my questions one why the fuck was three boxes twenty dollars when one was six two What's the deal of the smaller child? Is he gonna burn my house down?

I live in a town house and he would burn my neighbor's houses down to Three do you think the kids were raising money for a church or something? Or are they just selling me sweets for a quick cash for if I see these kids in the future What should I do? Should I try to sell them pizzas one for ten dollars two for twenty three for thirty five? Thanks love Adam Pajard Nick Oh, yes, the kids were black

Jesus Adam Maniac, I mean those kids really but nobody nobody in their life was like that's bad mouth. I Respect it though. I like yeah, it just it sounds like a deal when you say it quickly one for six two for twelve or three for twenty Those are like Trader Joe prices for like peanut clusters That's insane, but like isn't when you're buying Candy from people on the street who are like trying to raise money for a cause or something. Yeah, yeah It's not supposed to be cheaper. It's not like they're not undercutting the store. Yeah, they're making a profit one for six is ridiculous Oh, yeah, I mean, it's bet I but like this guy bought it to support them

It seems he didn't like second-guessed himself once you like got in and ate them in a closet in shame One for six or two for twelve is really two for ten one for six two for twelve three for eighteen Nope three for twenty actually if you buy four I'm gonna give you for twenty four dollars. I like your smile, dude I mean price breaks. Oh shit I mean that they are definitely like getting old chocolate bars or something weird and just like microwaving it and pouring it on the whatever peanuts are left It's just one Reese's peanut butter cup that they cut into six little clusters Yeah, put it to a ziploc bag and say it's six bucks, but it seems like these are these are little to innovation nationers

I love it dude. I love that shit. I used to hustle dominoes, too How you know there's a fucking I think I shared this with you every local dominoes This is a little taste of what you get at the time Every local dominoes has its own four digit coupon code every local one And if you can find that out you can go online and put that code in and get any coupon you want I was at a party and some dude was like the silver like Domino's Pizza the code's like four oh five oh one four five oh one What's the code like it's like it's what they put into the register when you show them a coupon okay for their computer system So how do you find out that four-digit code? You know you got to get someone on the inside

I was like this dude just like happened to he was at a party It's like free pizza for everybody because they hadn't codes for free pizza. Okay, so you call and you're like put in this code No, you go online you put it in yourself. Oh And then what I figured out is that either up or down for five digits is every coupon code What even are all sequential? It's like it's a sequential order for different coupons like this one's for free brownies This one so goes what's your coupon code and you put in like four oh five two four oh five If I did four oh five oh one for a free medium pizza with a purchase of another medium pizza I can then go to four four five oh two and be like oh, I also get a free drink and brownie bites

And you can just do this and they caught on dude They started showing up and being like can we see the can we see the coupon? And I would say you emailed it to me and they're like can you see and I was like no I deleted it Oh, so the coupons are like actual physical papers. It was like enter this number. I just got the code. Yeah I'm eating garbage from the left and right 35 pounds I mean two four liter bottles of Mountain Dew brownie bites lasagna poppers At this point my cholesterol is through the roof. I had one similar scheme growing up I only did it once because I felt kind of bad

But I bought an n64. I was deciding between two football games for n64 NFL quarterback club 95 great game or NFL blitz gotta go blitz. Yeah, right gotta go blitz So I bought quarterback club god damn it and uh I mean I thought it was cool because you could do like a quarterback challenge. Remember those like old things on I'm a blitz boy, dude. Anyway I play quarterback club. I don't like it Uh, then I those surprise surprise. I'm trying to I'm trying to switch it up Pull a switcheroo. So I rent blitz from blockbuster. Nice. I come home very nice. I

Keep it I put quarterback club into the blitz. Oh return thing I go straight back to blockbuster and be like, uh, you gave me the wrong game. This game is Whoa That's fucking clutch. This is you gave me a quarterback club. They think the last person who rented it Socio path behavior That's great somebody's and then they're like stay right that's america, dude Stay right there because I know who rented this game before you and I'm gonna bring him in and

I want to Let's both beat them up together. I'm like, yeah, let them over their knees. This spank dude did it That guy did it. They bring in a 21 year old loner stoner and we will fire him together Uh, I I kept that blitz. I got away with it. I got away. I got away with it I mean, I think that's a fiend. That's that's why that blockbuster closed and I yeah, that's why every blockbuster closed Oh, we're giving these we're trusting these people to bring our video games back That was just uh, I don't know. I should have saved that for I mean That's the move like when someone used to scratch your disc back in the day

You go rent it and put the like try to clean it as best you can and then put those scratched one in the thing You got yourself a new game. Oh, what do you mean disc? Like the old disc that they used to have like ps2. Oh, yeah, yeah PS1 right to shit get scratched just rent it put your scratch one back in keep the right So I did that with a completely new game. That's ballsy And to go down there and like have your act down and be like you guys fucked up. That's really impressive. I'm really proud of you I I would never remember guys are gonna like monish me, but that was the best you ever were man You really think so? I respect the hustle for sure dude. I love that

I love you guys I actually robbed a bank once love it dude I love it dude. If you get away with it. I mean, I think you can't you shouldn't even get I sure did I tied up the teller and I let the whole place on I love what you gotta do You're just gonna let that teller live so he can yap his mouth to the cops saying like a stool pigeon Uh, so What do you what do you think about these? I don't even know. Let's just try to answer these questions

Yeah, why the fuck was three boxes 20 dollars and one was six a public school system Oh, you think it was an accident. Yeah, I think that the public school system is is maybe letting some kids down Uh, why the fuck was what's the deal with the smaller kid? So you're gonna burn my house house down. Um, oh always worry about the person not making noise I like that. I like that the silent one. It's funny that he's like does he even know that I live in a town house? He could kill my goddamn neighbors too. It's like an arsonist This kid's clearly not one but an arsonist probably would be excited by that It's fair if he goes after me, but for him to hurt my neighbors like that that's fucked up

Do you think they were raising money for a church or were they just selling me sweets? Dude, they're hustling dude. That's fucking so I could buy some snacks themselves Also, this guy's just parted ways with six bucks. Why does he care if it goes towards a church or not? I'll pay you six bucks and never write an email like this again Or two for 12 If I see these kids in the future, what should I do? Um Not buy snacks from them, but like just give them a nod and be like that's what's up

Yeah, but maybe check out the selection to see what they got It seems like they're at least trying to go gourmet because peanut clusters is not a normal thing Yeah, maybe work out some type of thing like free pizza for free candy. He gets fired from domino's Barter system. He becomes the third child Silencer than the last I think you just tap them up and you've learned they hustled you and that's fine You can't get mad at that, but you just got to tap them up and not buy any more snacks from them There we go. Dap them up. Dap them up respect the hustle. Don't get hustled again. Colonel. Thanks for coming on the show Thanks for having me boys. You did great. Lovely. So I'll be back in Los Angeles with you guys. Yeah. Wow. What a pleasure

Yeah, I moved right when you moved here. I moved away. That was not okay It's kind of fucked up. We had a good thing going we were playing b-ball getting in shape We were playing we played a lot of ball Actually, that's what sort of set off my back problems to this day. Yeah last game I played with you really we used to play with like a six foot five like 300 pet remember that dude He was like jack boy. Yeah, I had the game of my life because I was just lobbing shit up to him Just like get it dude throwing it You look like tyloon

All right, uh, to innovation podcast on the headcomb network check it out We're almost at episode 50. We got a little treat for all the people on episode 50 Hopefully unless we don't get it organized in time try to catch up which case it'll be a normal episode If you have even those are a treat Yes, if you have your own questions or your own theme song submissions that email address for everything Is if I were you show at gmail.com Yeah, much like gav at the top of the show and john at the end of the show who wrote this uh song Wait before we go. Yeah, the guru will get on me if I say hey

You want to submit some schemes like that domino scheme? Yeah, or a mirror scheme send them to ideas at toinnovation.pod we'll read them on the cast And maybe you get on the show dude. I love that That's a little plug dude. The good dave would have been really mad if I didn't plug the pod, dude You're allowed to plug whatever you want anything else. Um, shit. Well like tahoe dude Me and mike you're going to tahoe today tahoe. I don't know this this show is going to come out after that like that's fine Dude, just know just check the gram for all of the so no if you're listening Mike and jake went to tahoe

We're actually still in tahoe because this comes out on monday and we're coming back on tuesday great. Yeah, okay So we have for this coming out on the fourth of july. Happy birthday america me and mike I love it. Hang on on a lake right now. Love that. All right, cool. Thanks guys. Thanks for listening. We'll be back next monday Unless it's to complain it's driving me insane If I were you holding the world right in my hand The first thing I do Oh Look what's around you now

Well, then you ever dreamed Have you forgotten just how hard it used to be? Yeah So what's it going to take for you to realize that all could go away? In one blink of an eye It happens all the time If I were you holding the world right in my hand And

The first thing I do Is thank the stars above To the ones I love that I do Yeah, if I were you Whoa Yeah, if I were you Whoa If I were you

Whoa If I were you Oh So what's it going to take for you to realize It all could go away in one blink of an eye It happens all the time Whoa If I were you holding the world right in my hand

The first thing I do Is thank the stars above For the ones I love Take a breath and enjoy the view Live the way that I wanted to If I were you If I were you If I were you

That was a hit gum podcast