If I Were You - 226: Hot Tutor (w/Ramou Sarr!)

Episode Date: July 25, 2016

Friend/Fellow HeadGum Podcaster Ramou Sarr is in the studio to discuss dogs, boobs, and Bieber.This episode is brought to you by Framebridge.com and NatureBox.com!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

If I were you, if I were you, but I'd tell you what I would do, if only I were you, should I come? Yeah, dude. That sounded like he was falling asleep. He was falling asleep. It was like that thing you do on Quake. That was Eric Laurier. And this is Ramu. Hi.

You had the attitude of you weren't going to say a thing until I said your name. I know. I wasn't sure if I should, because I was like, oh, it totally did sound like that thing you do. It was very reminiscent. Yeah. But I was like, do I talk yet? I wasn't sure. Dude, dude, dude, dude.

Yeah. That was a great movie, by the way. That was a great movie. That was a great fucking song. I heard it again recently. Didn't Tom Hanks write that song or movie or something like that? He wrote the movie. The guy from Fountains of Wayne wrote that song.

Wow. Stacy's mom. Oh, okay. What a great get is when you write a movie and then it also has a great song in it. And then it's like, oh, we can use this song because it was written for the movie. Can you imagine the pressure? Like it all hinges, like that guy has to write a super catchy song. It's all about like a one hit, like a, the biggest hit, you know?

Is it hard to write a catchy song or is it hard to write a good song? Like is it easier to write a catchy song if it doesn't have to be quote unquote good? I guess like, what do they say now? There's like just the pop machine in it. Yeah. There's like a formula. But I don't know if there always was a formula or like at least a system like there is now. When that movie was written, it was probably kind of hard.

Yeah. I think catchy songs though are good. I think we get too stuck on what's, you know, what's good. Hey, you don't have to tell me twice. If you're singing it in the shower, it's a good song. I'm in it. Yeah. The human body doesn't, I don't know.

Yeah. Like if you hate pop music, do you still, do you still listen to it and it's just as catchy, but you don't like that it's catchy? Like when I hear like a Megan Trainor song and I'm like, oh, I really like it because it's stuck in my head. My thing is, no, my son is, no. I do like that one. Yeah.

I don't care for her, but I do like that one. It's catchy. It is catchy. So if you hate that song, like, oh, that's such a pop song and I don't like catchy songs. Is Beethoven getting stuck in your head? Yeah. Or does it get stuck in your head and that's a negative thing? Or does it not get stuck in your head at all?

Because you don't like it. I think it gets stuck in their head. They just don't want to talk about it. We're clearly a room full of people that are like top 40. Although I'll tell you what top 40 thing I don't like is Nick Jonas. Oh, you know what? I'm not sure which one he is. Which one is he?

There's Nick and Joe that are doing things now, right? Nick Jonas is the one who's like, I still get jealous, which I really do. You just don't like his lyrics, but that song's catchy. And I don't like that song. And then he has a new song that's all about getting closer and it's also really bad. I don't know. Whatever. It doesn't matter.

I had to cut myself off because I could talk about this for literally nine more seconds. And another song I don't like. Ramu, thanks for coming on the show. Thank you for having me. Ramu is a podcaster on the Headcom Network. Yeah, I am. Black girls talking. Black girls talking is, it's four black girls talking.

Yes. It's great because then. But not four black girls talking. Oh yeah, it's four black girls listening. It is both. It's for both. It's four black girls talking. We are four black girls talking and four black girls listening.

And for anybody else, but like we're not, we don't care if you aren't here for us really. Yeah. Just kidding. Listening to us. I like that vibe. Is your target demo black girls? Yes. Do you want?

Just like ours is Jewish boys. Little Jewish boys. Oh, come here, little Jewish boys. Put on your KIPA, little Jewish boys. Let me follow you home, Jew boy. Yes, just like that. Just like that. But I think your show sort of transcends that, no?

Yes. It's not just for that specific audience. I can listen to it. I remember I was listening to, we recorded a live podcast at South by Southwest at our house. And it was so interesting. I was sitting, I'm like sitting there with a recorder, the zoom recorder listening. And it's four black girls talking and 25 black people in a room and then me recording

it. And I'm like, I feel like I'm a fly on the wall of a conversation I wouldn't necessarily hear otherwise. Yeah. I mean, I think that is good to hear. I'm glad that you felt that way. And I think that sometimes we do get emails from white people and sometimes they're good and sometimes they're not, but we don't really care if they're not.

What's a good email versus a bad? It's like, hey, I'm really learning from you guys. And when people ignore, when white people say to us, you don't need to acknowledge that I'm doing a good thing by listening to you and saying, you don't have to respond to this. That's always nice when we get that. They're not asking for that at a boy. Yeah, they're not asking for us. That's a good one.

Yeah. And I get it. Yeah. But you also, you reviewed like a Drake album on there and that felt like it was for me too. I got into it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

We do like certain bonus apps where they're with people that like one or two of us are really into. So that was definitely an Alicia episode. Drake. I'm sure. She does Drake watch. Yeah. I'm the Bieber watch.

Oh, you love Bieber? Oh my God. I fucking love Justin Bieber. I love him. Talk about great pop songs. I don't really have that many feelings about Drake. Oh, really? It's fine.

That's interesting because you wouldn't guess. That's what I feel about Justin Bieber. Yeah. Get out of here. You wouldn't guess by looking at you like Drake's fine, whatever, but Bieber is your favorite. Bieber, I'm a little worried about him recently, but I do love him. Recently. He's like super depressed.

If you go on his Instagram, he's like, he did a, it was like a FaceTime. It was just a selfie, but it was a FaceTime and the caption was like, where are you now when I need you? And I was like, pick up the fucking phone. Who is he calling? Why are you not answering his phone? He's screaming out for help. Bieber alert.

He's not doing well. Bieber's not doing well. Well, we have some emails from some people who aren't doing well either. Okay. That was a great segue. Yeah. I tell you that, dude. Sorry.

I just wanted to talk about pop songs even more. Oh, okay. Yeah. And those people are Nick Jonas. He still gets jealous. It is his right. It is his right to be hellish. So these are, uh, oh, sorry.

I should say that this is an advice show, an advice podcast. If anybody's listening for the first time, big remove fans that are like, all right, I'll check out this other show that she's on. Uh, I'll bite. Uh, if you're, what you're listening to is if I were you, it's actually an advice podcast. The only advice podcast on the internet hosted by myself and Jake. Sometimes it's just Jake and I dispensing wisdom. Sometimes we have a friend in the room today.

We have removed in the room. Should I say your last name or it doesn't matter. You can say my last name. Do you know how to say my last name? Why don't you say it? Just SAR. SAR. SAR.

Remove SAR in the house. Uh, so these are questions, real, real emails from real people. Uh, do you know how it works? How we give them fake names? I do know how it works. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

So we're going to give these people fake names just to preserve their anonymity. The first one is written by a British boy. Do you have a British boy's name? Harry Styles. That's actually a really British boy's name. That's crazy. Is that his real name? That's crazy.

I think so. His full name is Harrison Stylish. Oh, that's really good. Uh, where does he land on your Drake to Bieber scale? He's not on my scale. Oh, he's not even on it. Wow. Not even on it.

No, he's not on it. Shout off into the stratosphere. I love you, Harrison Stylish. Uh, Harrison's style shish. It's sticky. I suck at maths to get grinds from my, what? Uh, so I get grinds from my hot neighbor. Is that a British term?

I think it's a British term for like, she's tutoring him. Uh, she has a tiny little dog, a Jack Russell, I think. Anyway, every Wednesday when I go for the grind, I have to walk from the gate to the front door, ring the bell and wait for an answer. The problem is this little dog is vicious. It waits for me at the gate, beckoning me to enter, nipping at my ankles until I'm safe and then I have to face it all over again after an hour of math. To make matters worse, my hot neighbor will always insist his bark is bigger than his

bite. He's harmless or my favorite. Don't worry, he won't bite. When the truth is, he bites me every time, sometimes twice. Last time the little bitch nipped me, he drew blood. My ankles are in agony and I can't even focus on the math. I don't want to tell my neighbor to lock the dog away when I arrive because I'll seem like a coward and I've said it twice now and she's indeed hot.

What should I do? Should I just show her the bite marks? Sometimes I run through the garden as if I was late for the math lesson just to get inside faster. Uh, yeah. Thanks so much for listening, you guys, or for listening to my question. Let me know what I should do. Love Harry Styles.

I love Harry Styles. You love Harry Styles or this Harry Styles? I love this Harry Styles. This is not where I was seeing this. I did not see this question going here. An angry biting doggy boy. No. I had an angry biting dog growing up.

Chico. Have you ever experienced it? Yeah, Chico. Um, no. We had a dog growing up, but he was a barker. Yeah, yeah. So I didn't even know biting dogs existed until Chico entered my life. This little, uh, 20 pound American Eskimo fluff ball.

Very cute. But he had this little tooth that wouldn't stay in his mouth when he closed his mouth. Oh, tooth that won't quit. Yeah. And he was so protective and annoying that he would like, if you stood close to his food, he'd growl like errr. And then you're like, oh shit, that makes Chico's on high alert. But then if you took fucking one inch forwards or back because he smelled fear, he would

bite you. And I'm not talking about my friends. Wait, he's lit to be like 15? Yeah, he, he refused to die. 15 years of that. He stared God in the face and growled and bit his fucking, his ankles and God's like, no, stay alive. Were you happy when Chico died?

Uh, I wasn't happy. It was a little sad because by the end he was so old, his back legs didn't even work. He was urinating. My mom had to cut human diapers in half and put it on him. Oh no. So even Chico, Chico as evil doggy in his old age still garnered some sympathy because he was an old white fluff ball of a dog. But when he was in his prime, I had friends that wouldn't come to my house because they

were legit scared to see Chico or they would come and they would like stand on the chairs and they'd be like, this isn't funny. I don't like it. Chico was like four pounds. You wouldn't have scared. So what did you do? Well, it was scary because he would yip and nip you. Uh, we would go upstairs, lock the door or like put Chico away, but Chico didn't like

that. Chico burned out. Chico said not today. Here's another cute sad story about Chico real quick. Uh, he hated the mailman as most dogs do, but him even more so because once again Chico is an evil little boy. Uh, and one day he crawled out from underneath the side gate and he just like went off and fucking chased after the mailman and we're like, oh no.

And then he came back 30 seconds later covered in this orange spray paint and he was crying and whimpering. The mailman had maced Chico. Well, I think that's Harry's answer then. So eager to mace Chico. That's, yeah, you know, that's not bad. Yeah. Harry could just abuse the dog like on the way and just give it one quick kick to the

chin. You ever sit on, you ever accidentally step on a dog and you hear like, yeah. Oh yeah. That was really sad. Yeah. So here's something I know about dogs. They respond to you two different types of, um, training. One is like praise and treat base, like good job.

Yeah. You reward them for good. Positive reinforcement. And then the other one is, uh, negative, uh, yelling and hitting. Yeah. Like they poop on the floor and you rub their nose. Yeah. Punish the nose.

Right. Or reward the yays. But I feel like if he, I feel like if Harry just lines his pockets with little treats. Oh yeah. That's good. Every single time you, you just give the dog you a little treat. There you go. Yeah.

The problem is when you have a scary dog, you don't want to put your hands next to him because he's been, he's drawn, he's drawn blood on your ankles. Uh, so I guess you can take it out and throw it at him. Yeah. Before you open the gate, you shake the treat in front of his face. Hey buddy. Hey. All right.

All right. All right, man. He's eating my hand. Why? Uh, is it considered not manly or cool to be afraid of a dog? Is that what he's afraid of? I mean, this, it sounds like he has reason to be afraid of this dog. His ankles are bleeding every day.

Yeah. Do you have a dog? I don't have a dog. Do you have a cat? I don't have a cat. Do you have a hamster? I have no pets. Just me and myself.

Uh, but if a, if a, if a boy in your life was afraid of your pet. He's got to go. Yeah. I think. Yeah. The boy has to go to the pet. The boy's got to go. I think that's what I would do.

I think the lady's being like, I love my cat. I love my dog. So you got to get along with that pooch. Yeah. I think that's like more so than any, cause especially a new relationship. Well, Harry Styles is not, well, he has a relationship with this person. No, yeah. But it's not crush.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's just also his tutor. Yeah. I mean, he's grinding her for math. Here's the thing. And if he, if he cared, like say this dog barks at everybody.

If he can like make it, make it so this dog doesn't bark at him and this dog likes him, then he becomes a little more attractive to that girl. Yeah. Cause he's been able to. Like, oh my God, that dog hates everybody. What's your magical quality? Like if, if somebody was able to tame Chico. Chico never bit me.

Right. I used to pick Chico up. You met him late in life though. He was already an old man. He was dead at that point. Yeah. You know how we killed Chico, right? What?

No, I don't like where that's going either. Yeah. I'm sure we just put him down in a very sensible way. No, I wasn't there. I just got a text message from my mom. I was living in New York. But it was an appointment. They made, you guys made an appointment.

Yeah. She just texted me. It happened. And I felt it became cloudy that day. And the lightning that day struck all of my friends growing up. It was one last, one last attack that Chico orchestrated. I like the treat idea. Do you have anything that beats the treat idea?

Drug. You can drug. You can drug this dog. You should drug this dog. Drug the dog. And make him con. Give him some prozac. You can combine that with the treat idea.

Is it a treat or is it abuse? Which one is it? Yeah. It's just a treat. Although dog medicine isn't the deal like you wrap it in food. Yes. Oh yeah. So wrap a little prozac in some hamburger.

Yeah. Then you're like studying math. You look over and the dog just like keels over. All right. Let's see here. I'm just doing my math problems. Don't notice that your dog is fainted. Is it not breathing?

Is it to kill the dog? No. It's to calm the dog down. Yeah. But I feel like you have to sneak over there an hour before your lesson. Give the dog the prozac and then wait for it to get brownie. And then take one yourself. I'm still picturing him running over.

Pretend like he's late. Oh. Here I am. Oh, I'm so late for the lesson. Ow. Ow. Sorry. It hurts me to be this late.

Is he sleeping with his tutor? Is that what grinds? That's what he wants to do. Oh, but he's trying to grind her. Yeah. I think grind is what this wherever he's from is how you say tutor. Well, grind in America is a very sexy thing that he might want to do with his tutor. Yeah.

So it works in two ways. All right. I guess drug the dog, feed the dog. Treats. Treats. That's cool. How about this? Two layers of socks, thicker shoes.

That way you're padded. You're not scared if he bites you. If he bites you, he's not even drawing blood. I still think treats and winning the dog over are a way to your tutor's heart, which is not something you're necessarily asked for, but I'm giving you for free. Yeah. Congrats, dude. All right.

Let's get another male, 23-year-old male college student. Um, Nick Carter. Really? Yeah. I'm sticking with the boy bands. I'm doing boy bands. Did you like Nick Carter? I was, you know, there was like the big backstreet boys versus in sync rivalry.

I was definitely team backstreet, but then I went to team Justin Timberlake. Oh, interesting. That's totally different team. That's great. Yeah. I totally switched teams, but now I'm not Justin. I'm like, I've moved away from Justin Timberlake. Oh, really?

Yeah. You're Bieber over Timber in terms of your Justin fandom. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Did you guys know that Nick Carter, if you want to feel old for a second, is 48? No. That is not true. I want to feel older.

That is not a thing. It's not true. I want to feel older. It's you, right? It's not true. That is not a thing. It's definitely not, not true. But how old is he?

I don't know his age. How old is he? How old is 53? No, I think how old is more like 75. Prevision to look up Nick Carter's age? I'll say, yeah. I probably know his exact age. Can I guess 39?

Wow. No, I don't think he's that much older than me. Maybe he is. Well, what's your guess? He's probably 45. 45? He probably is 45. I'm going to guess, I'm going to guess.

He probably is that age. Oh, wow. I really don't know. Wait, Nick Carter's not Eric. Oh, shit. I should have announced this guess. I had a thought in a different number in my head, and it was that. What did you say?

Wait, okay. Are we guessing Nick Carter's birthday? 39. No, no, no. We're guessing his age. His age. He is 37. I'll say 39.

He's 36. Fuck. Let's see. And I was going to guess 36. How does his daddy, though? Search Nick Carter's daddy's age. I bet it's over 40. Oh, Aaron Carter does not look hot right now.

No. Nick Carter went through a phase where he was not hot either. Nick Carter's looking fucking good. But he looks great now. Yeah, he looks good. Nick Carter's back? Yeah. Oh, there's a Backstreet Country album in the works.

Holy shit. They're still going. They won't give up. Got this long hair. That's really nice. All right, all right, all right. Let's read a fucking question. We don't need Jake's live commentary on Nick Carter's new haircut.

It's fucking amazing. Really, though? Yeah. Let me see that. Is it long? I don't know if I like the long. I think it looks cool. Oh, it's like a mane.

That looks like, from where I'm sitting, that looks like Ellen DeGeneres. It does not look like Nick Carter's. He's also a good looking girl. I once said that I had Ellen's haircut. Thoughts? I believe that. I believe it. I believe that tweet.

I believe that you said that. I'm a 23-year-old male college student, and I wanted to get your advice on a topic that I don't think you've talked about on the show before. I met this girl recently who has everything I want in a mate. She's funny. She's nerdy. She's gorgeous. She's Chinese.

She checks off all the boxes. And I'm pretty sure she's single. I'm pretty sure she's single, so I want to ask her out. The only problem is, I have, because of a brief comment she made, I think she might be pregnant. She's turning 20 next month, and she said she'll, quote, no longer be a teen pregnancy. And I can't figure out if she was referring to an actual situation or a hypothetical one. I was also kind of noisy in the room, so I might have misheard it entirely.

To make matters even more confusing, she has a bit of a noticeably round belly for her physique, but one that's within the realm of just being a normal body shape. So I can neither confirm nor deny her gestational status just by looking at her. I met her at a school club, so it's not like we've been seeing her at a nightclub or some other place where only people open to romantic advances would go. Is there some way I can tactfully find out if she's pregnant or not, so I can know whether or not it's okay to ask her out? It can be awkward enough just to figure out whether someone's single or not based on

context clues, and figuring out whether or not someone's pregnant is a whole different level of awkward that I've never had to deal with, or even thought about before. I could just completely forget about her, but she's a total dime, and I don't want to pass over the chance that I misunderstood something. Jesus Christ. Grow up, Nick. She's not pregnant. She made a joke, and you misunderstood her.

But what if she is? So neurotic. She's not. She's not pregnant. He doesn't even know if he's going to ask her out. She might say no. Yeah, but what if she says yes? She probably will say no.

Or if she's pregnant, you'll find out if she's pregnant. Would you want to date someone who's pregnant? I wouldn't want to, like, fucking ask. You just don't need to know. I think you need to know. I mean, I think he could just ask her, but I think she was joking. I think she was like, oh, there's no chance now that I'm going to be a teen model. Then explain, though, noticeably around belly for physique.

Every time you're asking somebody out, you ask if they're pregnant first? No, but I never assume that they are. Oh, I see. I see. You're saying, like, you assume most people aren't. I assume they are not. I assume that people aren't pregnant. But what if somebody that you were thinking about dating made a pregnancy joke and you're

50% sure it would you still ask her out? If it was a joke, then, yeah, I would still ask her out. And what if it was not a joke? Then I guess I'd be pretty interested to know her relationship to the father and, like, what her situation actually is. So you'd go on one date with her. For sure. I do.

How about this? Ask her out anyway. It's only one date. Yeah. That and then I'm sure it'll come up on the date. Yes. Oh, you should ask her out for drinks. Also, she's 19 and made a joke about being pregnant.

Oh. Because that's another way to find out if, like, now. But she's not making go out for drinks yet, can they? Oh, yeah, but most 19 to 20 year olds drink anyway. But yeah, I guess they can't legally go to a bar unless it's abroad. But that's a way for I'm of the age now that some of my friends and their wives are like, maybe pregnant, maybe not. Or, like, they don't want to announce it yet.

And one way to find out is if they were drinking at the party. Oh, I know that she wasn't drinking anything. So that's a thing. That's a little clue. Or, so what I've been doing is I've been telling the pregnant ladies. A little glass of wine. Yeah, so I've been doing, like, do a couple shots. Like, that's not a big deal.

My dad's a kind of colleges. I'm sure, like, he would let me know if it was actually dangerous. Right. So I've gotten a pregnant girl, nine months, completely hammered shit face with this weird plot that I have just to, like, sort of create this, just tell them to do a couple shots. Yeah, well, I'll tell them to do a couple shots. And then by the time we're five shots deep, it's like, wait, I thought you were pregnant. Even at nine months, they're questioning it because of the alcohol.

I mean, nine months, that baby's fine. The baby's, it's already almost, it's almost, it's already a fully formed bun in the oven. No, this is not real. I don't know if that's real. It's true. Nine months did seem more dangerous, but maybe it's less dangerous. The more formed it is. I mean, yeah, I guess I don't know enough.

But tell you what, my parents, however much they drank while, while my mom was pregnant, they did most of the fucking me up while I was getting raised. You know what I mean? What do you mean? You were, you were still attached to your mommy with an umbilical cord until the age of 10, which is still drinking. Like a little child leash. Yeah.

They refused to let the doctor cut it. You need to cut it. That's about an umbilical cord. Uh, so I think we're all on the same page. Ask her out anyway. Ask her out. Or just ask her if she's, how, are they friends? He says they're friends.

They're friendly enough to be hanging out. Yeah. I think you should also just ask her if she's pregnant. I think you could, I think you could ask that. I think you should, I think you should ask it. I don't know. But he should at least get a date out of it anyway. But it's always a weird question because it's like, I don't want to say like, are you pregnant?

And then it's like, are you fat? Right. Yeah. You're right. She's not pregnant. She's not. You're right. This understood a joke, I think.

There's no way to like accidentally have her take a pregnancy test, right? I think it would, it would definitely involve you like needing to get her to pee on something. So it's pretty fucked up. Right. Or like as like a goof. An avenue worth saying. It's like, hey, let's try it out. Yeah.

I'll take pregnancy test. Yeah. I'll take one too. What did you say? Like had somebody over and you were, and they were like, I have to go to the bathroom and you're like, oh, well don't flush because like my plumbing is a little messed up. This seems like a, a plot to a sitcom. Yeah.

Yeah. Or. But I don't know if like the water dilutes it or what. I don't know. Yeah. I don't think you can do that. That was definitely in something. I'll look it up later, but it was like we, they unplugged the plumbing and then they had,

they like kept drinking her water so that she would pee in the toilet. Does it sound familiar to anybody? It sounds like it would have happened on Seinfeld or Keen and Kel. Belvedere or all that were the two shows that I was thinking of. I feel like just generally though, this guy is suffering from something a lot of our listeners do, which is like thinking about a problem, like five steps in front of your current situation. Yeah. The opposite of being cool.

He, this guy, all he does is he likes a girl kind of and he wants to like, it's hard enough to asking her out. He's like five steps ahead thinking about asking her if she's pregnant first. Yeah. That's a way harder question. Yeah. Don't worry about that yet, but when you do, then you can ask her. All right.

Let's take a break and we'll be right back with more questions and answers with Ramu and Pals. That's the name of the show, Ramu and Pals. Oh, great. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place.

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Yes. What's the deal with your podcast? How can people listen to it? What can people expect? Why should people listen to it? And why should they expect? And who else is on it? Okay, it's myself.

Three other black women Fatima, Alicia and Aurelia. Okay. I don't need I don't need to blow up your spot, but I met Fatima and Aurelia and they're both Asian. They are both Asian. Yes. They're not actually black. Yes. It's a lie.

It's all a lie. It's not true. But you know, I was we were hoping. Alicia is from Ireland. We were hoping we could like make it through for wherever. Oh, all right. Sorry about that. Thank you.

Thank you for doing that. No. Okay. Fine. They're all four black women for four black women. They're on SoundCloud or BlackGirlsTalking.com or on Twitter at BLKGirlsTalking. You're all over the place. We're all over the place.

We talk a lot about pop culture, black girl shit, music. Like sometimes we have straight a little bit from like topical stuff. And sometimes we just like talk about whatever we want to talk about. Yeah. And we've been recently doing like more we were calling them bonus episodes that we stopped calling them that because they're just like our regular episodes with just like, I think I mentioned this before, like one or two of us with people were really into to diversify our content.

Excellent use of diversifying content. BlackGirlsTalking, I feel like is one of headgums, like biggest success stories because you guys started off as like a smaller show. But you guys' traffic is like doubled and tripled and quadrupled since then as it finds an audience and you guys find a voice. Yeah. It's been really exciting. What do you joke about?

Because we're like, how the hell did we end up on headgum? Because it's like all their friends and then hey guys, we're the black girls talking. It's very funny. But we're very glad to be here. Well, we're happy to have you. Thank you. It helps to not have just shows on your network that's all white Jews talking. I mean, yeah.

Yeah. I think it does help. Yeah. And you guys are definitely. You should tell other networks that. Well, then our competitive advantage goes away. That's true. I don't tell anyone.

I'd be fearful of that. You guys saw each other. You all met for the first time in, at Austin? No. The first time was in New York. We all met in New York maybe two or three years ago, but that was the second time we'd all met up together. Have you guys seen each other since then?

I've seen Alicia for Beyonce. We went to Beyonce together, but I haven't seen the others. You went to Beyonce in LA? Yeah. That's pretty crazy. You guys are four hosts and you've only met like two or three times. Correct. Yeah.

You know, a podcast together, but you guys, none of you live in the same city. Right. It's weird, but it's always nice to hear when people don't know that. Everyone thinks we're in New York. We had all these females like, come to this event where like none of us have ever lived, like we don't live in New York, but it's nice that people can't tell that we're not recording together. Right.

That is a good, that's a sneaky little move. That's a good job on us. It's not as big of a bombshell as two of them being Asian, but. I know. I can't believe you. I can't believe you told people that. Have you guys thought about just like doing an expansion thing, like Asian girls talking, good girls talking?

Well, maybe we should cut this out because that's a great idea. Don't let anyone just steal it. Jake's going to be saying, have you ever thought of, and then we'll have this beep, this dial tone. Okay. And then we'll come back and be like, maybe we should cut that out because that's a great idea. Okay, great.

All right, great. Perfect. We have a few more questions and answers that we could, that could really use your wisdom. Are you, are you willing to stick around for a little while and impart some more? Yes. I hope my wisdom is helpful. So far it's been imparted for sure. Okay.

Thank you. We need, how about, how about a lady's name? Ooh, a lady's name. Um, Debbie Gibson. Holy shit. Is that a. Do your listeners know who Debbie Gibson is? I don't know who Debbie Gibson is.

You don't know who Debbie Gibson is? No. Is that a Jonas? Oh my God. No, it's like an 80s female rock star, right? Yes. Um, what was her, I don't remember what her, she had like a song. Debbie, did she do, listen to your heart?

No. No, that was Taylor Dane. That was a great song. Wow. I think that was a Taylor Dane. Taylor Dane Cook. Uh, all right. I shouldn't know, I shouldn't know Debbie, a Debbie Gibson song.

Sorry. Debbie Gibson writes, I got married at 23 to a man who I started dating at 21. He's six years older than me and was my first boyfriend since high school. No dating in college, just fucking random dudes. I have always had issues with men and confidence. And although aging as a woman is scary, one thing is for sure. I am grateful for the confidence I've gained as I have turned 30. My career.

And I think I've been told that I'm funny, smart, and attractive. And I feel fairly grounded for who I am. That is in every aspect, but my marriage. I might be a success story in that my husband used to be abusive largely mentally, but a little physical. He drinks a lot, but has calmed that down too. But he's still drunk four to five nights a week. A few weeks ago, he told me that he was no longer attracted to me and I reacted severely.

I have slept with five other men since then. One of whom I really have feelings for. For obvious reasons, he's not down. I'm married. I have left a bunch and I have incurred like $10,000 in debt getting my own place and furniture two times now and he keeps reeling me back in to that shit storm. I'm ignored, talked to like a child, I feel alone and unwanted, and it's so hard to reject advances in this situation.

We are in counseling, but I don't know if I can ever really commit. I wish someone would either tell me, girl, you got a good man, marriage is hard as fuck, stick it out, be grateful, or bitch, no, your doubts are legit as fuck, get out, you will recover, you will have a home, and maybe even an awesome man again someday, power through. Am I awful? Am I out of touch with reality? Or do I have the right to want a different and better man in my life? I have to fight either way, but what's the right way?

Sorry, can I just jump in and say, girl, you got a good marriage, you have a good man. Make it work. Make it work, work, work, work, work. No, Debbie. Yeah, Jesus. Debbie knows what she needs to do. She knows exactly what she needs to do because she said it in her letter. She also did it twice.

She accrued $10,000 worth of debt doing what she needed to do. I know, but a lot of wisdom comes with 30, and I think she's like, there's no reason to keep doing this. So 25, you accept a lot of shit that you shouldn't accept? Because you don't know. Because there is part of you that's like, maybe every relationship is hard, and maybe everybody that's in a happy marriage was once in a shitty marriage, and they stuck it out. Well, I do think marriage is hard, and I think people don't talk about that enough.

I think marriage is hard, and it should be. It's work, but he's abusive. He's a drunk. There's no reason for you to still be there. I mean, he's down to being drunk to five nights a week. I mean, I guess that's progress. He's taken Mondays and with Thursdays off. But it worries me that she spent so much money like moving out twice already.

Yeah, and she's cheating on him. I mean, she's hanging on by a thread at this point. So why do people stay in these relationships? Do you have friends that have stayed, or perhaps even you stayed in a relationship longer than you should have? I stayed in a relationship longer than I should have because his parents owned a bed and breakfast, and it was like a really fucking nice bed and breakfast, and it was hot, and it had AC. It was like in the summer, and they had AC.

So that was bad. I should not have stayed, and it was kind of abusive, too. It was not good. I was just going to say, at least you're getting something out of it. I was. The AC was great. They had ballroom and the bed and breakfast. It was great.

What's ballroom? It was a ballroom. Oh, they had a ballroom. A ballroom, yeah. No AC, and no AC, no ballroom are nice enough. It was young. So then when the weather got cold, you're like, wait a minute. It's just as cold outside as it is in your heart.

Yes, that is what I said. But you've had friends as well who've stuck around for a long time. Sure. And it's not always for air conditioner. No, sometimes it's mostly, I think, because low self-esteem, you don't know your own worth. Debbie doesn't love herself enough yet to do what she needs. Bieber.

Oh my God, girl. Yes, you don't love yourself. But what about know yourself, know your worth? That's Drake. Yes, true. See, Drake, I would never doubt Drake on how much she loves and empowers women. I agree with that. Oh, you think so?

No, totally. You think Drake and Beyonce? I feel like Drake is, there's like complicated stuff behind Drake doing that. His new song is called Control Her. Oh, don't read between the lines. It's just about controlling her. It's complicated. I agree.

And it also sort of depends on like what perspective you listen to a Drake song in. Like I'm never, whenever I listen to a Drake song, I'm Drake, I'm not the girl. And maybe when women listen to it too, they're like, they think they are Drake in some way. Okay. But even with some Beyonce songs, I listen like, wait a minute, that's not actually like a super pro lady as everyone seems to think it is. Like what? Talking about paying people's bills, paying their automobile.

That's old though. But that was Beyonce singing it. Yeah, but that was about like him paying your bills. Oh, what about Lemonade about a guy cheating on you and then getting back together with him? She made the decision to get back. Like that whole thing is like, You are such an apologist.

Empowering yourself to make your own decisions, which is what? Right. Well, that's true. Debbie needs to do. Just because somebody cheats doesn't mean that you have to break up all the time. I agree. Wow. You guys are not pro-zero tolerance policy.

I have some tolerance for cheating. Oh, how many strikes are we talking? I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I'm like almost zero tolerance, but I think there are exceptions. I think there's like a difference between like this thing happened once and like I just cheat on you all the time. Right.

There's a difference between that. So do you want to tell this lady, bitch, no, your doubts are legit as fuck. Get out. You will recover. You will have a home and maybe even an awesome man again someday. Power through. Yes. Like Debbie.

I choose B. She already knows. She already knows. But you can tell what her fears are in this thing where she's like, you'll maybe even have an awesome man again someday. I think her fear is not getting an awesome man again. Right. Well, first of all, she didn't have an awesome man in the first place.

True. So to say an awesome man again, no, like I will say that she can get an awesome man for the first time. She's been with a shitty one for nine years. That's a long time. They're very young. 23 is very young to get married. Yeah.

It's like you don't know what you've got till it's gone, but in the opposite. Yes. Like you don't know how shitty it was until he's gone. Yeah. I think she, and I think she still doesn't know how shitty it was. That's why she's like not. She has to pave a parking lot and put up paradise. Absolutely.

Which is another Bieber song, I think. Totally. Yeah. Covered by the County Crows too. So let us know if we helped. That's three, that's three votes for bitch know your doubts are legit as fuck. And I'm sure you have friends in your life who would agree with you. The fact that you were leaving twice, cheating many times, him being physically and mentally

abusive. I don't see a lot of reasons. It's just a guy like abuses you in any way. That's that you have to go, go far, far away. Yeah. All right. We have another question from another lady that I wanted to answer before you went away. Do you have another lady's name?

Selena Gomez. I don't hate her. I think the relationship is very cute. I liked them together. You're so positive about these pop stars. It's fun to talk to someone who's like not cynical being like, oh, it's such a manufactured fake relationship. I fucking love pop stars.

I love them. I love them so much. Like, do you love them like they're your babies, like they're your friends? Justin Bieber, yes. Like he's my baby. Like you're not sexually attracted to him. No, I am sexually. It's a complicated, I have a complicated relationship.

Like what do you want to do? You want to hug Bieber? I became sexually attracted to him like when he became 18, but like, is that real? Am I kidding myself there? Yeah. Was it before he was 18? I think it was. Yeah.

Do you remember there was a countdown to when the Olsons turned 18? Yes. That was creepy. That was creepy. That was creepy. Anyway. I mean, that was up on my website for like a minute and I turned it into a different, a web counter.

And then your eyes. The fact that you're still bringing it up is so fucked. You turned it into a countdown for Nikki and Alex. I'm Nikki and Alex. Wait, they're hot. They're hot now, aren't they? Those twins? I think they're hot.

Are those the Sprouse kids? I think those are the Sprouse kids. Oh yeah. They're, wait, they're the kids from Big Daddy? No. I don't think so. Dylan and Cole Sprouse. Is that the Big Daddy kids?

Okay. This is not. There's different twins. There are. All right. Wait. You know what's actually, it was actually a set of quadruplets. Wait.

Kind of like how Michelle was twins. Nikki and Alex were actually four. That's not really true. I just made that up. You know what? I think that could be true. I would believe that. How do you even search what Nikki, are you searching Full House on IMDB for Nikki

and Alex? I just searched Nikki and Alex. Okay. And it came up. Yeah. There's a, it's not who you said they were. What? Sprouse.

I think that's the Big Daddy. That's Big Daddy kids. Blake and Dylan, Twomey, Willoitte, they're 25 or 20, 26. I guess they're 25. This article was written in 2015. Holy shit. They're 26. Top sugar.

They're just kind of cute looking. What do you say? Wow. Sprouse. He's no Sprouse twins. Those are, are, is that Zach and Cody? Yeah. Oh yeah, it is.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Ladies' name you said, Selena Gomez. Yes. Hi, Jake and Amir. I think you guys are wonderful. So I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands or should I say chest to be frank about it.

I have very large breasts. My chest draws a lot of unwanted attention for most people. Strangers, male friends, female friends, family members. The problem that I face though is not with my body but with the kind of men that I attract. I'm 24 years old and I find that most men are interested in me, simply want to fuck me and that's it. I'm constantly worried about the dudes that hit on me because I think they're doing so only to fulfill some kind of fantasy.

I'm very cautious about the people I choose to date because being someone's fetish doesn't feel real great all the time. I'm interested in having a real, loving relationship but that seems hard to find without being objectified. Is there anything I can do? Am I overthinking this whole situation? How do I get over this insecurity? Thanks in advance for your help. You guys are great.

Love. Selena Gomez. Selena Gomez. Selena Gomez. Selena Gomez. Does Selena Gomez have large boobs? I don't think she does, not like unusually large. Yeah.

All right. Is this girl, are they unusually large? She said pretty large. We don't really know what that means. Come on, dude. I got to know the cup size. I don't know. I'm trying to get off over here.

It doesn't really say. All right. Very cool. Initial thoughts, reactions, feelings. Okay. Fellow big boobs lady. It takes a while. It takes a long time.

You may want to consider a breast reduction though if it's fucking up real life that much. Physically, emotionally? Both. It's hard, especially when you're 24 and haven't learned how to figure it. You haven't completely figured out your body yet. So if it is fucking up her life, you should go get a breast reduction or at least look into it. I have several friends who've had them and they're very happy.

Very happy with that. No. Nobody's like, I regret having them. No. And my friends who've had them still have big boobs. Their boobs are still like C cups, good C cups. Yeah. So they still have like regular big, they're not small boobs.

What's it like to grow boobs? I've imagined having them, but I can't imagine growing them. You can imagine having them? Yeah. I'm like, oh, what if I had boobs? That would be kind of an interesting weird phenomenon. No, but I can't imagine like the, I guess I sort of feel how my boobs feel. I would say you have big cups right now.

Yeah. I'm pretty swole actually. But do you remember them growing? I don't. I think I got boobs pretty fast. Like I got, I like developed quickly, but I don't remember, I just remember half, I just remember them being there. Yeah.

You don't remember the transition. I remember like the training bras. Oh yeah. And then I like, I was like more of like a sport. I would wear sports bras and then it was like clear that that was not going to work. Right. But I don't remember like the transition really. Yeah.

It was, it went from what you have to what you have right now. Yes. Okay. So do you, does this resonate with you at all? This stuff of like the kind of men you attract and all this stuff, the problem that she's constantly worried that dudes are hitting on her only to fulfill some kind of fantasy. Yeah. But I don't think like, I don't know if like we have to know how big her boobs are, I think.

But I don't think it's like a fetish if people are just like, oh, she has like nice boobs. Right. There's a difference between nice boobs and like, whoa, those are the first thing I think. I guess I don't entirely, I don't, I don't know how old she is. I don't entirely remember like what high school, oh, 24 is correct. I mean, it sort of feels like guys across the board are assholes who just want to have sex with you. Like how do you specifically know whether you're a guy's fetish and he likes you for that

or guys just want to fuck literally anything. Yeah. I think that we, every, almost like the, the edit at, at our base, we just want to fuck. And it's not because her boobs are so big. If she had small boobs, she'd be attracting plenty of assholes as well. And her problem may not necessarily be boobs specific. Just like guys. Yeah.

Like what if you were an attractive lady and then it's like, is that a fetish to be attractive to us? Uh, a hot girl? Like am I making sense, treading so lightly as to not offend anybody? Like who's the same? It's always hard when we have a girl in the room trying to figure out. But like, so I imagine I'm not a boob person, but I like big butts. Can you lie?

I do lie often. Okay. So you like big butts. And you can lie. And I am very good at lying. Okay. Uh, but because, what is it? Just because I think somebody has a really nice butt.

That doesn't mean like I fetishize a butt so much so that I don't even care about somebody. Isn't it just like a guy might have a, a strong profile, a nice nose and chin. Yeah. So like, like, oh wait, do you want to fuck me just because I have a nice chin? Right. Like what, what it's an allowable level of why you're attracted to someone. Right. Like how superficial can it get?

It's a physical feature and some people will be physically attracted to the fact that you have large boobs. Right. Or good hair or tall or, uh, I don't know, anything really. But if it's, I guess we don't experience it like I don't have something about my person that brings on unwanted, uh, I've never been objectified. Yeah. I think I might like it.

I don't actually have the experience. I might be down if anyone wants to try some sort of weird social experiment. Uh, yeah. I don't know. What do we say? I mean, I think you have to lead this. I mean, I think you're right that it's probably not boobs specific. It's probably just guys are scumbags, especially at 24.

So you're just going to have to fucking deal with it like the rest of us and date scumbags. Well, really? Yeah. I think that's just what happens. Yeah. Have you dated scumbags? Well, I've dated a lot of white rappers, so like general scumbags. Really?

That sort of, that sounds like a different way to say scumbag. Yeah. Yeah. Because one of them was just a dentist. I just call him a white rapper because that's how scummy of a bag he is. So you're saying I shouldn't pursue this hobby of mine, this rap scene hobby? You know, I mean, if you, if you really, if it's really in your heart. I just think I have good flow.

Okay. And I mean, you could call me progressive. Oh, you're crying. Because my flow is so tight. And is there anything I could do? Breast reduction? I think she should, if it's like, because it doesn't seem like it's bothering her. She doesn't, from her question, she's not saying like it's bothering her life.

It's just bothering her dating life. It's almost like she's not having like any inward fear about the breast. Right. Like it's, it's not hurting her physically and she's, she's not uncomfortable. She's worried about the outside world and how their, their breast will be perceived. I think she has a lot of like self-awareness for her 24 year old. Which is good. And I think, I think, yeah, I don't, I think she's worrying a little too much about her, about guys and her boobs.

And you know what, you can, it's not like dating and fucking is this thing that it's not like a deep pool you have to jump right into. You can go out with like on one or two dates. I mean, you got on as many dates with somebody as you want to try to figure out if they're only trying to fondle your breasts and you don't have to let them. Right. You can like attract somebody with your big breasts that are still inside your shirt and not being touched or fondled and go out on several dates. And then if you decide, oh, this person is cool and they might like me for who I am, now I let them touch my breasts. And now I let you touch my breasts. That's like the plan that I'm going to use now.

That's like a good plan. That's like, that's like my new dating plan. Oh, really? Yeah. What was your old dating plan? Just let them touch the boobs. I think that was the old dating plan. Am I over thinking this whole situation?

A little bit. How do I get over this insecurity? Just go date. Just keep dating. Just keep doing what you're doing. Keep dating. Yeah. You're young.

This is all comes with like accepting your body. You get better because like you, it's so much easier in your late 20s to like go on one date and know somebody is a scumbag or not. Yeah. When you're young, it's basically so many people are scumbags. You put up, and you put up with a lot more, yeah, when you're 24. It's just like our other, like Debbie. God, aren't we all the perfect age right now? I bet there's a bunch of 40 year olds being like, what are these 30s?

I know. They don't know anything yet. You really learned at age 42. All right. Thank you, Rumu, for coming on the show. Thank you so much for having me. This was fun. Thank you for allowing us to answer some of these questions that perhaps we shouldn't answer when it was just me and Jake alone in the room.

Great. How do people, again, one last time, the podcast is Black Girls Talking? Yes, blackgirlstalking.com, BLK Girls Talking on Twitter. For more, Rumu and her three friends, great podcast on the Head Gum Network. Honored to have you both on the network and on this episode. If you listening out there have your own questions or your own theme song submissions, that opening one was written by Eric Lowery. This closing one is by confidenthitmakers.net. Great URL.

That email address for everything is ifiriushow. confidenthitmakers.net. gmail.com. Yeah, that's right, confidenthitmakers.net. How'd they land that one? You know, they must have got it in the early, early, early aughts. Yeah, so early. The worldwide web wasn't all taken up real estate.

No, it's a pretty long one, actually. confidenthitmakers.net. .com is available, actually. I don't know why they think they're a network or what. We'll be back next week, everybody. And tickets still available for our shows in Dublin and London, I should say. So come see us in Europe. All right.

Yes, peace. Gangnam Style.