If I Were You - 23: Would You Want That?

Episode Date: April 8, 2024

In this episode we discuss family trees, five letter words, and some light game strategy.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HITGUM original. Now here's one more effort for only positive motivations, they swear! Another podcast, each app different from the last. It's the Swiss Army Knife of Shoes, each a two emphatic hoax. Now let me teach you to empathic hopes To set me free I'm angry, yeah. Yeah, right. I'm just tired. I'm just tired. I'm just tired of this whole dog and pony show. We're fucking back in the lab slash studio. That's right, cooking in the kitchen. Let's tell you guys right up top to stop listening on your podcast app

and start watching on YouTube. That's right. This is a highly produced shot in, I wanna say 4K episode. 4K. Casey? It's 1080p. HD at the very least.

1080. That is HD. Really thought it was. 4K. It doesn't really matter. I mean, just. 4K. 4K.

4K. I have trinkets for thee. Is there a reason it's not shot in 4K? The same is for the content meeting. Granted, I don't know the difference between those two things, but I'd love to, what is it called? Up charge or like,

Up sell? Yeah, you up shoot like to a resolution that you can't even air yet. Future proof it. Oh, I see. Yes, exactly. Right, right, right, right, right. Can anything stream in 4K or is that like

for IMAX movies and stuff? And if not, poor K. Poor K, 4K. I think anything can stream in 4k or is that like for IMAX movies and stuff? And if not, poor K. Poor K, 4k. I think anything can stream in 4k. On YouTube? On YouTube, yeah, but you need the right equipment. That's cool. And this switcher only exports in 1080.

Yeah. The 4k switcher I think is like at least double the price. Let's not do that. That's yeah Let's return one of these cameras In the red we are in the crimson frame because I feel like we could just get a regular Sam Yeah Wait that those that signal word that's gold right we can melt that down Plastic I already fit into it. I had a jeweler look at it yeah this is a $40 thing we can sell we

yeah good cash you could maybe get two bucks for that iced coffee if you wait out in if you wait outside intelligentsia yeah and I'll say how much are you gonna pay for your cold brew I'll give you this for a dollar fifty. Yeah. Oh, fuck your dick. My company's going under, man. First segment. The game you thought of. A game I thought of. It's sort of a royalty free version of Would You Rather. Right, it's not even really a game.

It's a discussion. Exactly, it's a leaping off point. So everyone knows about would you rather, but I guess that's legally owned by somebody else. That's impossible. So our game is called, would you want that? Would you want that? So it's not like, would you rather,

like can you beat a thousand gorillas or a million ants or some shit? It's like, I'm gonna present you with a situation and say, would you want that? Would you want that? Would you want that? Would you want that? Would you want that? Would you want that? Yeah, exactly.

So the alternative is just not have it. So I'm gonna give you something. Yeah, so would you rather still, but it's just this option, this opportunity? Yes, or not. Status quo. Or no. You find out that you're not your parents' child,

but rather your aunt and uncle's kid. And you find that out because a distant relative you didn't know about passes away and gives you $111,000 in his will. Would I want that? Yeah. No. You wouldn't want another year.

It's 111 grand for free tax free. And then you just like, you're still you. Right. Nothing is different. And I still love my parents. Correct. And I love my own uncle. And they still raised you.

Yeah. But at birth, they basically gave it to you. That amount of money doesn't move the needle for me. But how does the family news move the needle? That's, I wouldn't move the, that would affect me more negatively. Why? Than 111.

What's the, why is it affecting negatively at all? Well, why did, why did my aunt and uncle give me away? They didn't, they weren't ready to raise you. I don't accept that. They have several other children. Well, yeah, but they were like, basically were at capacity. Then it sends me on this weird little like journey

where I need to learn more. Like I already know a lot about my parents which is really nice. Like I know where they went to school, I know where they went to high school, I know their relationships with their parents. And that's all still true. Yeah I know but like I don't know that stuff

about my aunt and uncle and that's fine. But like now I'd have to know that about my parents and I'd have to learn that about my aunt and uncle. I'd have to be like, I don't even know where my uncle went to high school. I would need to find out and then I would care and I'd wanna look at old photo albums. I don't have the time,

my time that I would have to spend doing that is worth more than $111,000. $111,000. Hit me with a million and I'll consider it. No way, that's way too much money. I might not even do it for a million. Oh my God, a million dollars cash. Yeah.

Just buy a fucking new house and then take a year off. I'm young enough that I can earn that times ten. Have a conversation with your uncle for literally one million dollars. No, I'm not talking to that guy. I'm not talking to that guy. He's a deadbeat. All right, good to know. Yeah, would you? Fuck no, are you kidding me?

I don't even wanna think about my uncle. All right, I got one for you. Okay. I came up with them as well. Never poop again. Interesting, no, I like to poop. But it's not always convenient. No, it's not.

But a nice poop saves my morning. I understand what you're saying that sometimes it's inconvenient, sometimes you got diarrhea, sometimes it's annoying. Yeah, it basically would eliminate any kind of like stomach discomfort, diarrhea's gone, constipation is gone,

and inconveniently timed shit. I mean, it's also just, it's gonna be cleaner because you're not gonna have to wipe. You won't have fecal particles on your person. But the relief that you get from pooping is very primal and enjoyable, to have like a something there and then you poop, and it's like that, you get a little high from that.

Yeah, and that's what you live for. Yeah, actually throw it in peeing, and then we'll consider it. Yeah, well I think peeing is- Peeing is more annoying. And I don't get the sense of relief usually. I mean, I get a great sense of relief when I have to take a major piss.

Yeah, like a burning piss. Yeah, but yeah, I think peeing is a little bit easier. I'd probably forego that for sure. I think I would do both. You would get rid of peeping and pooping? I would, yeah, I'd love to not have to pee or poop. Interesting. All right, would you do that for the aunt and uncle thing?

No. Good man. I feel like you just hate the idea of your family being a little bit different. I just hate my aunt. Oh, here's a good one. If I may say so myself. A nude leaks of you, but everybody is impressed.

Would you want that? Oh. It's all over Twitter, all over Instagram. It's pretty viral. Yeah, and people just think I look hot and my dick looks big? Yeah. Absolutely. You want it. Yeah.

No shame in the family, like, oh my God, everyone's talking to you, bringing it up, pointing at you, saying that's the guy with the awesome dick. I don't think that you can actually, you couldn't guarantee me that everyone would be impressed. I'm telling you right now, that's a hundred percent impressed rate. 95%.

That's what I don't want. I don't want the discord. I don't want the discourse. No discourse. If it's universally praised and adored, then yeah. You're not asking anybody in your family or loved ones, what they would think about that being out there. They wouldn't care. They wouldn't care

They wouldn't care the garbage that is out from us online already like trumps that yeah This would be a viral thing you'd have to address it. I would have to address it. What would I have to say? Well people would constantly be coming up to you. Yeah, but I wouldn't have to address it I know you like how dare you that's that's my private You're like, how dare you? That's that's my private cock. Yeah, and those abs are shredded. You're sick. Yeah. I can't believe you looked at it.

Interesting. So would you want that or not? Like the alternative is to just not have that. Well, I guess I'm sort of thinking of it in the lens of like I would be ripped. But is it just like the lighting? Just the photo. Then everyone's going to think it's photoshopped. the lighting. Just the photo.

Then everyone's gonna think it's photoshopped. So I say everyone's impressed with your nude and your fear is that they'll know that it's fake. Yeah. Yeah. If you're telling me that I could have a perfect body and- All right, how about not the body part, but just the dick part?

The dick part's so impressive that everyone's like, oh my God, that's awesome. I can't believe that's Jake. But it's your body as your body. Or just not. Or I guess maybe. Would you want that? I think not.

Interesting, so you did a little 180 there. Yeah, because it's more about the abs than the dick. Interesting. But if the abs came out and you still don't have perfect abs or whatever you consider the perfect abs, but in the photo they do look like the perfect abs. Plus the dick, would you want that? You would want that.

Yeah, and you? I would never shame my aunt and uncle in that way, aka my new parents. Okay, would you want to just erase a bad memory from your head, a bad childhood memory, or a bad more recent memory? I think not, because I don't have one specific thing that I think set me off or still traumatizes me. So I like having access to my full library

of memories of that. Your full catalog, there's not something. Yeah, there's not something that like digs at me or bothers me. Although if I found out that my parents weren't actually my parents, maybe I would want to erase that for sure. I once pooped myself in kindergarten, that wasn't great. Yeah, but you wouldn't necessarily want to

erase that memory. And who would you be if you did? Yeah, I would be a different guy that didn't shit themselves. It wouldn't be me. And you would you be if you did? That's kind of interesting. Yeah, I would be a different guy that didn't shit themselves. It wouldn't be me. And you would maybe have answered differently to the poop question. Yeah, and then people would be like,

remember when you shit yourself in kindergarten, I'd be like, I don't know what you're talking about. And then you'd be a liar. Yeah, I'm like, what else am I fucking forgetting? It would set me off on a weird sort of always second guessing myself. All right, so you would not want to erase the bad memory. I wouldn't want to erase the bad memory.

How about a good one? Yes. Okay, you give someone 2% of everything you own, your net worth, 2% annually goes to this person, and they deal with your taxes. So you never have to even think about what you owe, how much you owe, gathering receipts, dealing with that shit,

and they just deal with everything yourself. Mm. 2% of my net worth. Yeah. Let me just do a little math. 2% of my current net worth, or like my annual run rate? Whatever you make every year, they get 2%, and they do your taxes for you.

So you never have to think about it. Are they a tax write off? Like an accountant? No. That would have me paying them wouldn't count as a loss. Correct. I don't know. I mean, I pay my accountant a lot of money.

So it's kind of like. You still have to deal with the accountant. Why would I have? This person with interface with the accountant. Okay, but I wouldn't have, cause I'm not dealing with taxes at all in this scenario. So why would I have to deal with my accountant? In this scenario you wouldn't have to deal with it at all.

By the way, I love my accountant. Vigi, she's a damn saint. You can contact her, yeah. I would wanna stay in touch with her. Is everything going well with the person that's doing my taxes? Yeah, okay. Don't even tell me.

Money goes out of your account, you have no idea what it was, but. Okay. So basically it's an assistant who's gonna interface with VG and handle all of the taxes. Everything. Are they doing, I'm giving them my routing

and account number they're doing. Cart launch access to all of your financial information. Quarterly? I mean, they'll have to tell me some stuff. They'll deal with it. No, they won't. They can't deal with everything. They can't deal with everything.

They can't possibly. They would need to tell me when the money was gonna be removed. Sure, they'll tell you if you want them to help. I don't wanna deal with them. Yeah. They'll deal with everything. You just close your eyes,

and every three months money goes out, it's like, yeah, I handled everything for you. Yeah. It'd be really hard for me to trust, because every single time in my life that somebody has promised to make something easy by helping me work at something, they ask me way too many questions, and it becomes hard.

They just need your password to your bank information. Everything else is taken care of, going forward forever. And they're not gonna steal anything? Are they going to accurately report all the lies that I do to bring my income lower and lower and lower? They'll deal with the accountant to deal with the lies as well. Yeah.

Okay, as long as, and if I know for a fact that they're getting me the best possible. Yeah, better than you are, because this is their job. Yeah. Right. They can figure it out. Yeah, then yeah. Okay, great.

So this is what a money manager is. Right. So you can actually hire one of these people. Yeah. Okay. But I'll get, I'll link you with none of them. This is what I'm saying. You said you would want that. Yours is a magic person.

Two percent to do your taxes. Money manager is not easy. That's an actual office. That's not gonna be easy. That's an offer that's on the table. No, I'm not taking it. You just deal with it. I'm not, it's a human.

I wanted the fairy. I wanted the, I wanted the, I wanted the genie that was gonna do it. There's a chance someone would Dane Cook's brother you. Yes. Which is take advantage and slowly siphon your cash. That's right.

And that, and we're even worse. They'd send me like several emails and ask me for stuff that I don't know the answer to. Yeah. But once the system is in place, they'll do everything for you. I don't know the answer to. Yeah, but once the system is in place, they'll do everything for you. I don't trust that that's gonna happen. Would you like to understand bird?

Would you want that, Mike? You don't understand birds, Mike. You would understand birds. I feel like I understand birds. You would hear all of their calls and know exactly what they were saying. Oh, I see. I know I would translate their squawking to talking. Yeah, right.

You would hear it as like food, danger, whatever birds are saying to each other. Let's go south. Yeah. You know, like that's, you would hear, all bird song, you would hear as an English language in your head. So when they're just chirping and singing, in the hear as an English language in your head.

So when they're just chirping and singing, in the morning. It's like a beautiful day. Yeah. Shh. Right. You're hearing, worms over here! There's worms right here! Worms, my tail!

My tail! Get your worms! One worm, two worm, four. Another beautiful day. There's a cat! Eating, pecking, pecking a puddle, pecking a puddle. Get away from my nest! Get away from my young!

Protect the egg! That was a squawk. Sometimes I just say squawk. I think I would. Yeah? Because I think I'd be able to monetize that power. Yeah. I'd be able to translate what birds are saying.

And then I would be like a bird whisperer. I'd be the most unique asset in bird whatever. And you'd hire somebody to manage that wealth for 2%. Yeah, because at that point, I don't wanna have to deal with the quarterly. And would you pay to have your colon removed so you would never have to shit? You could get a bag placed under your nutsack.

You eat a pizza and it slides right out a hole. How cool is that? And guess who's your fucking dad? My uncle. Yeah. Okay, how about this one? Yeah. I'll give you an Apple Vision Pro headset for free.

Yeah. But. Oh, no, I'm out. You're the same. There's no conditions. I barely wanted it when it was just gonna have it. You have to use it to watch a movie on your next flight. Oh, yeah.

Sure. Yeah? Yeah. So you'd put it on, plug it in. Yeah. And on your flight you have it on. I feel like I do much more embarrassing things on my flight. The porn thing.

Already. Yeah. Cheeky fap. The red tube of it all. Is your wifi working? Can I use your hotspot showing them my red tube login? Is red tube still a site? So you wouldn't feel the quiet shame of putting a headset on in public.

No, I don't feel shame for anything that happens on a flight. Everybody becomes invisible when they walk through that door. Especially once you put the goggles on. You're the worst version of yourself as soon as you step onto a plane. Yeah. And I don't think anybody's gonna care if I'm wearing those things.

That's cool. Okay, that's good. So can I have them? No, that's not an actual deal. The money manager. The money manager was a deal. You got another one Let's see. I have two more. Okay

So anytime you're sick Anytime you have like a cold a flu you could snap your fingers and a random person somewhere in the world Would instantly have it. Oh, yeah, I would do that. You would just, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I thought that'd be harder. A loved one? Yeah, let's say a loved one, just to try to make you pause. I feel like my mom can handle that shit better than me. Okay, Luke. Especially if it's my aunt.

No, I wouldn't want Luke to be sick. Yeah, Avital? We'll talk offline, but definitely. Sure. Actually, I have a'll talk offline, but definitely. Sure. Actually, I have a dog related one. Okay. Medication that makes Dingo live longer, but he has to sleep in your bed and snore.

Yeah. How much longer? I don't care. Yeah. You know, there is a new medication that makes dogs live longer, and it's getting like through the FDA approval process, but it's not there yet.

Wow. Yeah. Great. Wow, great. That's good. Solid timing, Dingo's only one. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah. That would be incredible. He already does sleep, you know he sleeps under my bed.

Okay, and does he snore? He doesn't snore. He's perfect. Well, this will be an extra year of Dingo for the snoring. Just one more year? Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. year? Uh. Uh. Uh.

Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.

Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.

Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Would you want to know how you were gonna die? Mm, I think not. That would weigh on me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me the randomness. Totally. Yeah. Yeah, you're gonna be hit by a bus, by the way. I know that shit. Because I'm driving. A bus did narrowly avoid me the other day.

Really? No. I feel like I'm being final destination or some shit. All right, my last one. I'll give you a new phone every year on the year. You don't have to worry about buying the phone, setting it up, just wake up and that newest iPhone is there,

but you have to keep it on low power mode. No. Not gonna do that. Yeah, basically buy a new phone every year or maybe every year and change. You gotta figure it out, deal with it. It's a tax write off and it's not that hard to figure out. You basically turn it on, air transfer.

But also low power mode is not that big of a deal, yeah. Low power mode, it's just, it's tacky. It's tacky, you don't want the yellow battery. Someone is like, oh, can I look at your phone? And they look and they see that yellow battery and they're like, oh, you don't have your shit together. Yeah, if you have a yellow battery, you have a yellow belly.

You're a coward. You're scared of running out. We live in a world with ubiquitous chargers. They're everywhere. You can't hold the charge. Yeah. Oh my God, remember the Mophie. Oh my God.

That was, I mean, that was one of these basically. Would you like to double your phone battery life but triple the weight in size? I had a Mophie. Yeah, I remember you had a Mophie. You loved the Moph life? But triple the weight in size. I had a Mophie. Yeah, I remember you had a Mophie. You loved the Mophie. I needed the Mophie. Yeah.

I mean, now the phone, the batteries are good enough. Yeah, I used to make fun of you so bad for the Mophie, but then I would need to use it sometimes. Yeah, borrow it sometimes to have the Mophie. You're such a loser. Can I use your lame ass Mophie? All right, I have one last one too. Okay.

You know like video game stats? Yeah.? You know like you can increase your strength, your height, your build, your intelligence. Like Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah, your wisdom. Yeah, this is also D&D. So your dexterity, your constancy. You can increase all of your stats. Yeah, bigger dick for what?

What am I sacrificing? I'll be dumber if I'm being smart. Your max dick stat is four inches. What? Four inches rock card. So you can increase all of these stats to whatever you, you basically can do. Your max dick stat is four inches. What? Four inches rock card. So you can increase all of these stats to whatever you,

you basically can build yourself as the perfect person that you wanna be. So I can be a heavens worth, but I have a four inch penis for it. Right, so yeah, exactly. Interesting. Four inch dick. So I'd have a bigger dick and then also be Chris Hemcrup.

Yeah. So you'd basically be ribbed smart and your dick would be an inch and a half bigger than it is now. I'll fucking kill you! That's enough! Hey! Holy shit, your tiny dick is fucking making. I think it would change too much in my life to be hot now.

I couldn't just, what would that entail? It would set off a series of events that would change everything. Yeah, it would change the history. Yeah, I wouldn't be me if I were hot. Yeah. Would I be instantly differently hot or would I have always been hot?

I guess you would be like always been hot. It wouldn't be like, oh my God, this is, you're a different guy. It's basically like just tweaking existing you. Yeah. I'm afraid of the ramifications. Would you want an Australian accent? Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, I think so too. Yes, yes, yes, my yes, yes, I think so too. Yes. Yes. Yes, ma'am. Yes. I love one. What was that? An Australian accent, mate. Yes, from Australia.

Aren't you love? Mate. Yeah, that was, would you want that? Would you want that? Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Yeah! The greatest way to build a website. It looks professional.

It's incredibly affordable and you don't have to know anything. Exactly. You just need to drag and drop. Suddenly you've designed a professional looking, I don't know, online store portfolio, a gift for somebody. I mean, come on. It's incredible. It's insane.

It's amazing. Mm hmm. The future is now. You can even purchase a domain through Squarespace. or a gift for somebody. I mean, come on. It's incredible, it's insane, it's amazing. The future is now. You can even purchase a domain through Squarespace. Let's see, let's see, what can people buy? Right now, you can actually buy firemydad.com. Like if you were- And what would you do there? If you're kind of, you know, starting a campaign against your father

and you want his job to be taken from him, if you want your dad to be fired from work, you could have this URL and kind of launch your opposition PR campaign against your patriarch. As your old man. Yeah. Yeah, well that's kind of mean spirited. PR campaign against your patriarch. As your old man. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's kind of mean spirited.

I have kind of a fun one. Oh, if you like popcorn and you probably do, right? Yeah, I love it. You'll love popcorn2.com. Interesting. Like it's more popcorn. It's like the sequel to popcorn. Yeah, but it's popcorn2.com.

Yeah, popcorn for two. That's good. I could see AMC buying that because you're seeing a sequel. Right, you're already seeing it. You know there's this thing called Squarespace AI, which lets you update written content on any website, product description, or email,

and it generates it instantly and personalizes it. Look, incredible. I'm still thinking about popcorn2. It's actually great because movies are so long now. You're seeing like a four hour movie. You have popcorn one and intermission and then popcorn two. I mean, it's brilliant.

You can also do like email campaigns. And it's unavailable. And it's unavailable now. I own popcorn two. I'm actually the one that owns popcorn too. Anyway, head to squarespace.com slash segments. Hit me up AMC to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using that code segments.

So if you wanna use our websites or make one of your own, just head to squarespace.com slash segments and save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain just using that code segments. Incredible. Ooh, popcorn three is available. Maybe I'll get that. No. Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode of our show. Indeed. Thank you. Jake, I don't know if you know this, but some people can feel overwhelmed.

Quite easy to actually. Yes. Sometimes life can get stressful. There's a laundry list of things you have to do and suddenly you just don't have the emotional intelligence or bandwidth to deal with all of it. Exactly right. It can happen to anybody at any time. That's right, even me, I went to therapy

and I found it helpful. It's helpful to just talk to a professionally licensed therapist. Mm-hmm, yeah, feels good. And the easiest way to find one is by going to BetterHelp Cause it's an online app that's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Perfect. You just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist

and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Wow. Incredible. And you don't have to worry about driving to a place, awkward waiting room situation, being face to face. It's entirely online. It's private. It's secure.

It's affordable. And you can get 10% off your first month. If you go to betterhelp.com slash segments today. Perfect. That's better help. H E L P dot com slash segments. You can start talking to someone, feel better and even save 10% off your first month. Perfect.

So if you're feeling that ball of anxiety, you realize, oh my God, I've been tense for a month, a year, a decade. Um, best way to deal with that is by talking to somebody and the best way to talk to somebody. Time for that relief is better help. That's right. Right on. So thank you.

Better help. Thank you. Dot com slash segments. All right, we're back. Yup. Another car based game.com slash segments. ["Funny"] All right, we're back. Another car based game. That's right. Did you play this growing up, Ghost? Yeah. Oh yeah.

Did you call it Ghost? Yes. Okay. So you know the rules of the game. Yeah. You start spelling, I continue spelling. We're trying not to spell a word or be stuck saying the final letter of the word. Yeah, you can't finish the word and then if you come up with a letter

that doesn't make sense, I can challenge you. And if there's no word for that, like if I say W, you say H, and then I say T, you can be like challenged. I got nothing. And that gives me a letter. What do you think about this for stakes? I didn't ask you about this offline.

If you get a letter, the other person gets to slap you. Doesn't have to be like super hard, but just to sort of like knock you up a little bit. Not interested. Okay, what about a punch in the shoulder? That's still like a physical sort of ow, but it doesn't actually hurt you. Actually, you could choose slap or punch.

Okay, yeah, slap or punch. Fine. I'd be really annoyed if I have- If I won five-zero and I just kept slapping you. Yeah, a bruised arm for the day. Right, for this. That's why I would choose slap. Yeah.

I don't even know if I wanna slap you as the thing. Interesting. The slap sort of wakes you up. It hurts for like a second, but you're like, it's almost like a cold plunge. I would be worried that you would just like hit my jaw wrong. Or your ear.

Yeah, and then I always have like a, I think I'm just too old to play these games. Cause like if my neck goes the wrong way, I'll have a little crick in my neck for the rest of the day. And that's not interesting. We could try non-physical punishment. Okay. But I don't know if you could be literally beating you,

but yeah. No, I mean, that's fine. You can, oh, how about pulling out one of my beard hairs? Oh, that sounds like it would be more painful. For sure, but it won't, but it won't injure me in a lasting fashion. I don't know if I'd be able to grab one of your beer. You can grab one grab a wiry one and yank it out Okay, and I'll slap you. Yeah, okay

Let's start Should we do rock paper scissors for who gets to do the first letter? Okay, it's kind of an advantage Okay, and then after that it's whoever loses gets to start okay okay ready rock paper scissors shoot me D. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty interesting.

R. Just said Y. Yeah. Yeah. D, R. Yeah, there is often like, I accidentally spell the word. Thinking it would extend a word, but like, oh wait, that is a word.

Yeah. D, R.R-A. I. Nice. Very nice. Really good. You think you got me? Yeah.

I feel like you've played this game before. Dream. Is there a word besides the word that I have to finish? Is the question here? Yeah. I mean, I mean no, right? It has to be only one. Yeah.

There can be only one, it has to be. Is Drazen a word? It's kind of like a dry raisin. Yeah. Drazen. I'll let you go Drazen just word? It's kind of like a dry raisin. Yeah. Drey. I'll let you go Drazen just because it would also end up with you losing. Yeah, okay.

So that's an N. You want to pull a beard hair out? Okay. Or a slap, but you want to pull a hair. Yeah. I'll get this side. There should be one. Can you see this?

Yes. Okay. What if I pull it and I fail? It's like, it's the yank, but not. Yeah, yeah. No, it's not getting it out. It's, you get one chance. See one yank.

Yeah. Like if I tried to slap you and missed. It's so thin. Get a good grip on it. This hair will never grow back. That's fine. It's slipped out. Good man.

I have to use my fingernails. My pads are too greasy. You know that. Didn't even hurt. All right. All right, so you have one letter. I have a G. Yeah. Okay, and I lost so I get to go again.

Okay. D. D. Let's see what you do this time. Let's see if we can top this. L, as in you're about to take an L. About to give your ass an L. One second, I'm thinking. I'm gonna pass on L. One second.

I'm thinking. You. What? Impossible. You can challenge, of course. Why I still see the hair that I want and I'm coming back for it. And I'm not coming back for just that one hair. Nothing starts with L-U. I'm coming back for the whole fucking thing.

I'm going to bite your beard off. L-U-C. I. I've caught you in a bishop block. I have you completely cornered and checkmated. Yeah, cause L-U-C-I. Yeah. I see you're already removing some hairs for me to grab.

L-U-C-I. Lucy. Lucy, Lucy. Lucy. Yeah, Lucy. I lost. I literally don't know what word starts with L-U-C-I. So you can challenge. I know, you want me to challenge.

Lucy, it's not, oh, it's cinda, loose, Lucy, Lucy, um, loose, Lucy, Lucy, Lucy, lucky Lucy. You're stalling, just fucking loose already. You want me to challenge? Take that L. No, I can think of the word. UCI. You want me to challenge? Take that L.

No, I can speak of the word. UCI. E. Challenge. I was spelling Lucier. The cocktail bar. It's French for you, or Lucer. Lucid.

Yeah, so you're either gonna have to say D or challenge. Now I'm coming back for the hair. At this point. Were you good at this game growing up or am I just bad at it? I'm really good, yeah. I know every permutation of every word. I can't quite see. You're gonna have to pull it out.

Okay, there's one. Get a good grip, brother. Ooh. Got it. Okay, there's one. Get a good grip, brother. Ooh! That one's smarted. Very nice. Yeah, you can see the whole follicle. 1080p. That one's gone.

As in this is a pew. Save that. You're gonna wanna save that. Oh, good lord. Okay. Okay. If you lose again, would you do another hair or would you do the slap at this point? that you're gonna want to save that oh good lord okay okay who's again would you do another hair would you do the slap at this point I'm going hair all day hair all day okay Yeah, it is really good.

N. Oh God. Okay, oh shit. There's, okay. The writing's sort of already on the wall, as it were. Or the null. Yeah. Yeah. O.

C. Yeah. What the fuck? At this point, it's a montage of plucking. Yeah, it's gotta be knock. It has to. It's gotta be knock. There's got to be. There's no other world. Let's just get this one over with. Want to grab her from this side? So you

have GHO at this point? Yeah, GHO not an issue. I actually I'm starting to think that going first is a disadvantage. I can go first next time. next time. Okay. Okay. All right. Didn't get it. You didn't get it. You want to make me what if it really hurts you want to go for a mustache one a nose hair that'll kill. I figured you can choose the hair. Yeah. We should do it with a waxing. Interesting. My ass. All right. you go first. Okay, P.

Pass. I don't think so. P, okay, P. Actually P-A-S-S, that's pass. Yeah. You gotta spell that. P-A-S-S, that would be bad for me. And I can't, I'm not gonna do that. Can't risk it.

Okay, so I'll do P-O. P-O. P-O? R. Poor is a word. P-O-R? Poor you, you just lost the game. That's two zeros, two O's of course.

Poor. P-O-R. You're thinking that I can only spell the word porn. That's what you're banking on. And I might just take the L because it's so funny. Poor. There's also port. That's also, um, poor, poor.

Damn it. That's bad. Okay. That's also bad. There's not a world where I win this game. God damn it. Are you okay? I am.

You can try to delay the inevitable a little. Sort of go for like porous or something. Yeah. There's just all of the words come back to me. Hum. Hum. I'll just say R. P-O-R-R. Um, hum, hum. I'll just say R.

P-O-R-R. Yeah. I. Yeah, you've already thought of porridge, haven't you? I've never stopped thinking of it. It's always been porridge for me. It's the porridge for me. Porridge, porridge.

Yeah, let's just get it over with. Yeah, it's over. It's porridge, yeah, and it comes back to me. Porridge. Yeah, let's just get it over with. Yeah, it's over. It's porridge, yeah, and it comes back to me. So this is GHOS. Yeah. Am I going mustache? Yeah, because it'll hurt, and I deserve it. They're coarse.

Yeah, can you see? But I can't like separate one. I feel like I need reading glasses to get in there. Okay, I see one. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that hurt a lot. You got to. That's true. Leave it there for David Cross.

I wanted to see that. Oh, that one hurt. Yeah. GHO, let's get down to your last doubt. You would still, if I won again, go taking out a mustache hair? Yeah. Not a slap.

I don't wanna be slapped. And I think I've proven that I am incapable of winning. So I'm not going to risk it. I don't, I, do you have a strategy? I do, yeah. You do? I'm so, like, I am just, it's a roll of the dice for me every single time.

Yeah, I'll play the strategy after I win. Okay, T. H. T-H-H. T-H-A. T-H-A? Yeah. And far she blows.

Yeah, can't be R, can't be N. But there's nothing else. Oh, there's nothing else. Yeah. You're fucked now. Take the L and get... Set up for a fucking second. You can challenge. I know the rules. I obviously know the rules.

I invented this game. Comeback kid is ready to sweep. I'm feeling lighter now that I don't have as much beard hair. I can think clearer. I think the follicle on this one was in my brain. Look man, it's a lot of dead air for a podcast. I think I have to just slap you. I think for the listeners, I need to slap you right now. R.

Thar? Thar, she blows, that's a word. Is it? Yeah, thar. Casey, on the switchboard. I'll check. Thar, Scrabble word, Scrabble dictionary, thar. Scrabble dictionary. It seems like it's an old timey pirate slang.

Yeah. Thar. So you wouldn't accept what? It's like there,timey pirate slang. Yeah, VAR. So you wouldn't accept it's like there but they're in their accent Yeah, no gravel dictionary says yes, that's right I think I'll do a slap, but you have to insanely hard, obviously. Can we get it on camera? Yeah, we got it. You took two beard hairs. I took two mustache hairs. I'll take a slap, you break my teeth.

Woo! That was, that was not a word. Okay. Why do you have to stand over me? Can you stay low? Okay. All right. I won't do it hard. Shut your eyes, you're gonna flinch.

Two for flinching. Okay. Ow, you scratched me. I did not. You scratched me. Blood. Did that hurt? Yeah, it hurt, but it was in a fun way.

Okay, good. I went pretty limp. Okay. Do I go first or do you? I guess, why doesn't loser choose? Loser chooser? Yeah, I'll go frusery. Okay.

R. Trick, you're tricking me. Nothing starts with R. R, like the R. R, like the R. He's on pirate scrabble. There's no way these are words. Ye matey. Yar. There's only four words. Thar. Yar.

Yar. I can't believe thar is a word, by the way. There's only four words are yarr Yarr I Can't believe the word by the way, okay? Alright I'll give you two seconds. No, no. R.A.I.S. I. R.A.I.S. I'm thinking, trying to see if raisinet is spelled differently.

It's gotta be raiser net. That's the weird thing about raisinet. There's a silent R. How do I get away from raisin? Raisin. It's tough. Yeah. Yeah.

Cause there's really, we're backed into raisin here. Yeah. Raisin is locked. And loaded. Yeah. Yeah. Let's challenge. I just blanked.

I have no idea what starts R-A-S-I. Raisin is the word. Yeah. Is there a way out of it? I don't think so. I don't think so, yeah. Hair again. Roscoe neck. No slap. Yeah. Slap is funnier. Yep. I don't care. I'm not risking that. Okay. I see a neck one. Wait for it. Oh god. This is another point for YouTube. Oh yeah. Oh near.

Oh no. That's a sensitive spot. I can feel it. I can feel it already. Oh yes! Really? Hurt like you got it. All right, you want to talk strategy? Yeah. Last segment can just be sort of a Really hurt like you got it. Cool guys. All right, you want to talk strategy? Yeah, last segment can just be sort of a teaching aid. You almost blanked me. You almost blanked me. I almost thanked you.

Yeah. I lost on the. Yeah, and I spanked you. Yeah. So this was my strategy. When you start, you're getting letters one, three, five, seven, nine. So I was nudging it towards a five-letter word. That's your th's, your kn's.

Basically a word that starts with two consonants. Think of your wordal words. Bear, knife, whatever. Why not? So whenever you said t, I said h. Whenever you said k, I said n. It fucked up once because I was spelling like think, but T-H-A-N is the word.

So I was locked out of that. Yeah, and then you ended with the R. What were you gonna spell if- I didn't have anything. I see, yeah. Okay. When I start, I'm trying to get you to two, four, six, eight. So I'm saying P, you say O, you should have said H.

Right, right, exactly. Bone ends up on me. You said P-O, I said, P, you say O, you should have said H. Right, right, exactly. Bone ends up on me. You said P, O, I said, okay, any consonant basically nudges you towards a four letter word. Pork, porn, porridge was lucky because it actually ended up back at you. So when you start, when your opponent starts, go for the five letter words.

And when you start, hope that your opponent doesn't know that strategy and you can end up at a four letter word. And I didn't. So it's interesting because if, I feel like I grew up playing when everybody was just, you know, in the car, it's all random. Yeah.

And if it's always random. It's harder with three or four or five people playing because then you don't even know how to do it. Yeah, then it does depend on where it starts. This strategy is simply for two player ghost. Yeah, and what wasn't ideal because I was playing no strategy and you had strategy. So I was really cut off at the knees there. But I'm glad we got one slap in.

Yeah, me too. My mistake was doing T-H-A and then I'm like, okay, now I can't do think. Right. Is there a T-H-A-I word? T-H-A-I. T-H-A-L, thatch or something th th yeah what could you have done that wasn't th a I guess no cuz th a there's there I mean VAR I didn't even know was a word. Let's see if there's an auto-correct.

T-H-A, oh, no, thai, that's a word, T-H-A-I. D-H-R, oh, we already removed that. T-H-A-T is a word, of course. Wait, so I started with T, and you did H. Yeah. It would have been bad if I had done I. No T and you did H. Yeah. Yeah. It would have been bad if I had done I. No, not really actually. Yeah, cause then thin takes away thing.

Yeah. Yeah. TH is an exception to the rule. Right. I guess I should have always done that. I should have always, well, I guess I couldn't have always done that cause I would have said T

and you might not have always said H, huh? For that tip, I will be removing a hair and it won't be from your face. From my mom's pubis? From your mom's pubis. Really? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, let's go. Let's not go there. Let's not go there. We didn't go there. I'll slap your ass.

You already did. I'll slap your ass. Your hands are shrinking. I'll slap your ass. Yeah, and it'll feel like getting poked. Because that's how thin my fingers are. All right, good up. Yep, great up.

We learned some, we slapped some. I was able to remove four hairs from you. Ultimately. Yeah. I went two of five, but twice I got two hairs. Yeah, not bad. Oh no, three of five. I only got two hairs once, one hair once.

Yeah. And then I was over three on the other. Really? Yeah. Wow. Kind of disappointing. Yeah, not a great showing. All right, for more of us, we'll be back next week. As always, thank disappointing. Yeah. Not a great showing. All right.

For more of us, we'll be back next week. As always, thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. And then we're also on Patreon, patreon.com slash J.A. Ja, that's right. Correct. Watching Jake and Amir episodes, commentary as it were. Yeah. And of course we'll be back next week.

So we'll see you then. Bye everybody. That was a Hidgum original.