If I Were You - 238: Evolution

Episode Date: October 17, 2016

In this episode the game boy returns and we discuss wrestling, religion, and playing with fire.This episode is brought to you by MeUndies, BlueApron, and NatureBox!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

The world has turned, I let you in here The solution does not seem near Don't worry, cause health is here If I were you, she'd count up If I were you, she'd count me here I could have definitely told you that was your favorite if I were you theme song in all time Weezer, Weezer cover, I love Weezer They had other Weezer covers on the show, right?

I think so, that was by Grant, who has a soundcloud page called Grant Robertson One And if we can plug it, that would be awesome So here it is, Grant Robertson One And with question marks Yeah, what? Can you love the show question mark? I think Weezer is my favorite band because I like more of their songs than any other band So I think the definition of favorite band is who has the most songs that you like And if you add them up and that's the most, then that's your favorite band

That kind of makes sense to me Another way to think of it is like who has written your favorite like two or three songs Right Who has written more songs that you love than any other band? Blink 182 Is there even a close second or a distant second? Tom DeLong's other band, Angels and Airwaves How many Blink 182 songs would you say you love?

Maybe Tom's other band Boxcar Racer was up there Is it more than 15? You know, it's tough to say because when I liked Blink 182 as much as I did When I was in high school and college I feel like they didn't have a song that I didn't like Like I liked even their earliest four track recordings that even they said sucked So I wonder if I went back and if I listened I would still like them Because that was such a fanboy

As it would probably make me feel nostalgic, it's really hard to tell It's funny because you say your favorite band is Blink 182 But you haven't heard any of their songs in like decades That's not true, I've definitely heard their songs But like some of these songs you haven't heard since you were like a teenager There's probably some old obscure Blink 182 songs that I used to like From Cheshire Cat that I haven't heard in 10 years More than 10

More than 10 How old am I now? No, no, 21 Yeah, 20, yeah, 10 years Here's what I'm thinking Maybe 11 Weezer cover album, we get people to submit every song in Pinkerton We release a mixtape

Is that what a mixtape is? I don't know I think you, I don't know if you're, can we charge for mixtape? No, I think it's free We have to release it Yeah, we have to release it for free So anybody is excited by that idea I want to release a Weezer Pinkerton theme song

If I were you mixtape where you cover every single song I don't know how we're gonna promote it, I don't know what that means even Well, but it'll drop And then that'll be our way to meet Rivers Cuomo because he'll sue us Oh yeah, and he'll have to appear in court Stare me in the eyes and tell me that I'm his biggest fan Yeah I too am a half Japanese girl

We're actually running low on theme songs So this is a call out in general to theme song submissions Don't make me go back to playing the theme song by myself If I were you show at gmail.com for any of your question or your theme song submission So send them all in, be like Grant Alright, we haven't recorded in a bit Because we had a few episodes banked and then we were on the road in Toronto We recorded that show

This is probably the first time we recorded in just estimating a year and a half Whoa, yeah Since it was September 2015 is when we recorded last So much has changed So much has changed The election is in full swing We've been all over the world, New Zealand, Australia, Toronto and back I really think we might have recorded more recently

Oh, you know what? Yeah, it must have been like a couple weeks actually Yeah, that's what I was going to say Right, maybe late September Right Alright, never mind then But we figured we could I'm a little flustered Sorry, I totally had a brain fart

I was off by 70 weeks Fuck God, I feel like such a fool for that Oh shit, you're not wearing shoes today Oh no, okay Fuck me I am melting You have Alzheimer's

I'm having a Trump-esque meltdown right now I'm yelling, I am angry I am delusional I actually have grandeur I have grandeurist delusions But we figured it would be fun to do another good old-fashioned Good old-fashioned Game Boy episode Oh, I have been summoned

I guess we should rewind just a little bit to say that this is if I were you Excuse me Go back Game Boy slowly backing out of the room You came out a little bit too early, Game Boy I apologize Yeah, just one second Oh

Back into this vent which I came out of This is if I were you, an advice podcast It's actually the only advice podcast on the internet Hosted by me, Amir, and you Jake And we usually, we comb through these emails And search for a couple great ones Or sometimes we summon our friend the Game Boy

Oh Who will search random words out of the entire dictionary To find just a few of our great random questions in our email box We have 14,000 unread emails right now So there's a lot to choose from So the goal of the game is to choose a word that doesn't appear in many questions Ideally just one Just one question

So does the Game Boy have a guess as to what word appears in only one of these emails Debris What? Debris Spell it D-E-E-R-I-S Debris I feel like it's going to be a popular one

It's not a popular one Really? Yeah Hmm You know what? It showed up in like a touch of modern ad or something Yeah, nothing real Nothing?

No one's ever said the word debris? In a question for us, yeah Do you have anything else? Fuck it, monkey Monkey? Yes, Jesus Christ Alright, an unread email about monkey It comes from, wow, nearly exactly a year ago today

October 16th, 2015 This person writes Oh wait, we need a girl's name Hillary Rodham Clinton Hillary Rodham Rotten Hillary writes I'm a freshman girl in college and per usual the biggest problem facing me amid all these midterms is a dude I met him at a party where he introduced himself and we realized we were in the same class

We left the party and went back to his frat and hung out Played Super Smash Bros. Melee of course And it was a good time Well, we kept seeing each other One thing led to another and we started banging It was exciting at first because he was one of the hottest guys in the sophomore class and one of the top frats here Then things got weird So one night I was asking him personal questions and I asked him if he believes in evolution

Random, I know, but I feel like that can say a lot about a person His response was, I don't see humans can come from monkeys Whoa baby And in that instant I realized it was simply not going to happen Am I jumping the gun here? Can I potentially end a good thing because he doesn't support evolution? I feel like you shouldn't even be in college if you don't What do you do if someone like that disagrees on such a fundamental belief?

Thanks for any help, love you guys, Hillary This is a good question Yeah, for a random oh So this guy does not believe in evolution Should you break up with someone? I had this conversation with somebody the other day I don't think that I could date anybody that believes in God That's sort of a subset of evolution

But a lot of people are like, I believe in God but not evolution I think it's pretty rare that people are so religious that they don't believe in evolution Evolution's sort of just like It's a fact Even religious people that believe in God believe in evolution Yeah, they just believe that God made evolution Of course, they heated everything by design including evolution

Cool Yeah, I think if somebody didn't believe in evolution that would probably be a deal breaker for me Maybe there's something that you can do like give him an encyclopedia or something Yeah, ideally Britannica but we'll take what we can get and Carter is fine Here's the disc Here's the difference between believing in God and believing in evolution As I see it This guy might have just been taught to say that evolution isn't good

So he might be ignorant, not religious I think he can flip the switch where he does believe in evolution If you're like, here's all the scientific theories and backings to be like, this is evolution It's obviously real, right? And then he's like, oh, sorry, I was raised in a small town and they're all like, it's not true And I had to believe everything, like how can I tell? They're teaching me science and some stuff says evolution's not real and the rest of the stuff is also true I can't tell the difference

But then if you believe in God, I feel like that's more of a fundamental spirituality within you You can't just present me with facts and I'm going to be like, oh, never mind, I'm wrong about that Right, right So this guy might just be a little, I don't even want to say dumb Although it's like dumb It's dumb not to believe in evolution It's dumb's ugly cousin ignorance where he didn't learn correctly rather than he's incapable of gaining that knowledge I see

Because he's a capable dude, he's in one of the coolest frats at school I mean, if you're in like the coolest, like I understand if it's like top three frat But if you're like legit in the coolest frat Yeah, like you can't be in beta and then also not believe in evolution Right, like that's what I'm saying That's more of like a delta thing Yeah, I wonder how do cool frats, do they just exist always or does like frat become cool if the people in it are cool? I think that like every year there's a new cool frat

Like college football I bet it's not every year because like what this cool group of guys, they're the ones that are choosing the pledges every single year I bet it's a lot like college football, like our team is so good We might not have the best team every year, but at least like our recruiting class is really good Like every year that we're like always competing for coolest frat Yeah We might have lost a game or two some years, like there's a bad crop and this is a rebuilding year for this cool frat The interesting thing would be like, oh man, I'm in sick new at Lehigh or whatever, this is the coolest school

Like this is the coolest frat at the school And then you go to like UVA and you visit that frat and you're like, alright brothers And then you're like, oh no Oh here that's the nerd frat What the fuck have you done to this chapter bros? You let us off the hook It sounds like some really low budget comedy

wannabe Zac Efron movie Yeah, written by a cool frat Yeah, he transfers to a new school and joins his same frat But they're like the losers Oh yeah And he's like, I gotta whip these dudes into shape I haven't seen Revenge of the Nerds in a long time, but that might be the plot of Revenge of the Nerds No, dude, they don't transfer there

They're just a nerd frat They're the nerd frat Competing as the cool frat The nerd frat and the cool frat, yeah Alright, cool frat, cool dude, doesn't believe in evolution I say you fire one bullet, you say By the way, a lot of smart normal cool dudes believe in evolution Just so you know you can also be religious and believe in evolution

Here's the science behind it And if the guy's like, nah That guy's gonna be like, I haven't seen you in a year Why are you bringing me this packet? We're already married Baby, you don't believe in evolution anymore either Yeah, it's funny to not believe in evolution That's one of the first ones they tell you that is true

Yeah, guys, you kinda got it That's the one that's like, they got the real evidence They got that science shit I wonder if you don't believe in evolution, there's like a lot of other stuff you shouldn't believe in first Like... Dinosaurs? Yeah, dinosaurs, dinosaurs and humans living together That was disproven

Of course, but I think that's the annoying thing that like turns It pits Christianity against science Science should stop trying to be like, we're disproving everything you believe They should just sort of, I don't know You're saying you're giving science tips? I'm just, I'm wishing science was like a little more like A little less proud of disproving people's faith Like, well actually, you're wrong

But isn't that what you're saying? You're like, I wouldn't date anyone that, you're science and everyone that you don't like is faith Yeah, yeah, but I think that there's, I think there's a difference between me writing everybody off And science at large doing it I feel like if they're, I wish that, I just wish they could coexist a little bit more Cause then we could have religious people that believed in global warming Do you know what I'm saying? I think they do, I think the overlap is the people that say God exists and he made evolution

That's like the way to justify both That's the perfect... Yeah, that's the marriage, that's the Venn diagram But you say you don't even like those people No, those people are fine As long as they're not like, I wouldn't marry somebody that was religious But as long as they're not saying that, I mean, even people that say evolution isn't real I think they're dumb, but I think that's fine

I think it's people that say global warming isn't real, that it's a... Dangerous Yeah, yeah, cause then... Now we're talking about the difference between dumb and dangerous Like what if we elected someone that said global warming was a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese That'd be really funny Then it's back again and the loop is complete It goes from dumb to dangerous to hilarious

My God Luching somebody that said that, then said he didn't say that Yeah, of course, obviously This show is sponsored by BetterHelp Thank you, BetterHelp If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation Talking to a professional licensed therapist Is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place

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I bet that's available and you can have it today And you can buy it through Squarespace and build an awesome website dedicated to me Or I guess dedicated to anyone else in your life And maybe you wanna give somebody a gift this season A summer birthday coming up, who doesn't want a website? So the best way to do that is to go to Squarespace.com Slash if I were you for a free trial And when you're ready to launch, just use that offer code

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A chef Very nice A question about a chef perhaps A chef is a cool occupation Yeah I feel like if I could choose a cool occupation to be I'd go chef, that would be like Hey, can I set you up with my friend, he's a chef

That's pretty cool, I would go architect That's pretty cool too, but architect actually takes a lot of school and effort I think more so than a chef I guess, but if you could just choose Yeah, I'm imagining a scenario where you're just already the thing and you're good at it Yeah, that's good A lot of spam about chef And a couple emails from people wanting to work here

Maybe this person wanted to be a chef Interesting Here's an email about me being a picture of someone that looks like me Very good Which is fine, which is good Oh, here we go, here's a chef question Let's see it, dude Alright, Bernie Sanders, let's say writes

Here, Jake and Amir, my name is Bernie Sanders, long time listener And I've wrote in a few times, but this is by far my stickiest predicament I recently just started college and I've made a few friends on my course One of these is a girl who I'm starting to develop feelings for However, I'm currently in a relationship with a girl who is in secondary school Her debbs is soon approaching and naturally she is taking me But I can't get this college girl out of my head She is funny, she is pretty, and she's a great chef

We are both doing culinary arts in college There's some Facebook stalking, I found her But I can't tell if she's in a relationship or not Her pictures show her with a guy, but her relationship status is blank Her name is, we'll skip that My problem is, should I break up with my current girlfriend and try and chase this new girl But risk the chance that she is in a relationship, thus meaning I've wasted a fun time If you suggest I break up with my current girlfriend, when should I do it?

Before her debbs or after her debbs? Also, how do you break up with someone? I really need help with this one guys, I appreciate it Thank you, love Bernie Sanders Wow, so this guy definitely is already broken up with this girlfriend at this point, right? Yeah, but this is a question that's evergreen When should I break up with this girl before or after? Do you know what this thing is? Debs?

I bet it's something like British homecoming or something Yeah, Debs dresses, yeah, or some sort of, oh yeah, it's a British prom or Australian prom or something Gotcha A lot of questions from very specific to general after that Yeah, so I think that this happens, this happens a lot, people right in thinking there's only two people in the world Yeah Like, well I have this boyfriend or girlfriend, but I like this one other guy or girl What do I do, chase after this other person and lose this person or stay with my person?

You don't, like, clearly the first thing you should do is not be with the person that you're contemplating leaving at the first sign of something gutter So immediately break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend Yeah, even if your options you think are just two and you don't know which one to choose from, that's never a good sign If your options are the person that you're supposed to be in love with or someone random, then you're not in love with the person And that's fine, but you shouldn't delude yourself into thinking like the only reason I'm going to stay with this person is because I can't get with this other person Right Because that other person that you can't get with is actually like a billion people Yeah, there's actually more people than her

Yeah, and there's a chance that if you can't be with her you can be with literally anybody else And especially when you're in college, when you go to college for the first time and your girlfriend or boyfriend is still in high school I'm sorry, it's just over I apologize, it's over I really do, I feel badly for saying that it's over I was there too, I've been there before, it's over Yeah, learn from our mistakes If you suggest I break up with my girlfriend, when should I do it? Before her debbs are after

This is kind of your fucked either way, because you do it before How could you do this with me before the prom? Are you insane? You do it after So why would you stand in pictures with me? I mean, if it's me, do not go to this fucking debbs You're not, you're going to be a downer because you won't be into it And then your girlfriend has to like, she's going to get all these photos from that night and she's just Your prom photo is something you hang on to like forever

And she's just going to always see it as the day before she got debbed at the debbs Yeah, so do it as soon as possible, let her get over it Her friends are going to be there for her, they'll be some fun photos for the debbs for her to look back on And she will not remember you in ten years So everything's going to be fine You're not a Blink 182 song that she'll be able to recall after a decade And then real quick How do you break up with someone?

How do I do it? I'm sorry, it's just like, I don't think this relationship is working out for us right now Why? I don't want to give you less than you deserve How can you do this to me? Debbs is tomorrow This is freaking debbs we're talking about You're a Debsy downer You're ruining debbs for me

Yeah, it's a hard conversation to have, but it's also part of being a human So it's going to be exciting when it actually does happen Yeah dude, you're a freshman in college That means you are going to break up with way, way more people So you might as well get your practice in now I'm a breakup machine at this point, I know how to do it Boom, easy, easy First breakup I had took like, you know, three months

The next one I had took a year Yeah Sounds like you're getting worse Yeah, well those are the first two And then since then, you know Two years, five, and then one year The last one I had was two hours Oh, that's really fast

Not too shabby at all And it was over Snapchat Oh yeah Which is so cool Big time Yeah Story too Public shit

Alright, do you have another term to search? Yes Does the Game Boy have another term? Oh, oh Pipe dream That's pretty good Thank you A double word

There's a few, but there's one really good one Really? Or just based on the title My OK Cupid crush wants to be a pro wrestler Great I wonder where pipe dream comes in here Another lady, Jill Stein Fuck that

Michelle Obama Love that Don't you go out there voting for a third party candidate You little This is not the election for that Michelle Obama writes I've been talking to this dude on a dating site for weeks now He's really nice

And we talk a lot about deep shit together Some of what we talk about includes whether or not God exists What happens when we die and our political beliefs He's very smart, articulate, and fit He seems like he cares about me He says how much he likes talking to me Pretty cool, right? Well, of course there's something weird about him

His greatest passion in life is pro wrestling His life goal is to be a professional wrestler I really hoped he was joking when he first told me that But he's completely serious I hate to bash his dreams But I've always thought of people who like pro wrestling are stupid I realize it's bad to stereotype But the fact that he wants to be a pro wrestler

Makes me think less of him He's in his early 20s and spends a lot of his money on wrestling classes Should I try to convince him that he should be putting money towards going to college So that he can have a real career Or should I just ignore the fact that he's wasting his time on this pipe dream? What up? Thanks, love you guys I like the two great questions from girls this episode

Yeah, and they're also very thematically relevant One was a girl starting to date a guy in college The other was a guy starting to date a girl And the other was like, oh, this guy believes it doesn't believe in evolution This guy wants to be a pro wrestler When do I change it? When do I end it? What do you think? You think she's being too harsh on this guy?

Or do you understand where she's coming from? I guess a little bit of both I think that it's... I mean, it's a big problem to not respect somebody's career choice I don't think that being a pro wrestler is... I don't know if it's not like the most respectable career But it is... There's something good about dating somebody that's a dreamer

He's got lofty ambitions for himself Totally And it's like a fit... Sorry, I'm kind of... I'm trending towards pro wrestling In the last couple of years, I've noticed that a lot of more people are starting to respect wrestling And there was the stigma that only teenagers like it But for whatever reason, there's this zeitgeist right now

Where wrestling is starting to become more and more respected as an art form That's a physical and good... I guess theater almost? It's theater but also athletics Shout out to my friend Jesse, who's a huge wrestling fan Unabashedly so And we do make fun of him a lot So I understand where this girl is coming from

It also convinced me a little bit like teaching me about professional wrestling Writers is now a thing ESPN is now starting to cover wrestling I've met other wrestling bloggers, writers, who are really smart guys So I know for a fact that people who like pro wrestling are not stupid We actually have a wrestling podcast on our network called We Watch Wrestling That's growing in popularity, which is a great sign of how popular wrestling is becoming So if you are a wrestling fan, you should listen to We Watch Wrestling

Wrestling is almost like video games From the outside, you look at it and you're like, oh, video games is sort of a lame hobby But then you dive deeper and you're like, oh, this is a huge industry People make a lot of money, people are really invested in it Yeah, it's easy to dismiss pro wrestling and video games I mean, you could easily dismiss baseball too if you discount the fact that it's an American pastime And I would say wrestling is harder than baseball No, it's not

Well, that's a debate for another day for sure But I mean, a lot of pro wrestlers have gone on to do great things And a lot of wrestling fans Yeah, Jesse Ventura, he was a governor And the Rock will be president one day God damn right But there's a difference between liking wrestling and wanting to be a wrestler I don't know what I respect more

Like, being a wrestling fan, I am ready to forgive that I know a lot of smart wrestling fans, of course Wanting to become one is a different issue I feel like the acceptance has to be related to how good they actually are Maybe if you're actually liking this guy, if you're feeling him, go to one of his wrestling classes See him perform, talk to him about it a little bit And if you feel like, oh, you know what, he does have the talent and the athleticism and the build To make it as a professional wrestler, that could be really cool

And it's almost like, you know, somebody tells you they're really into comedy And you go and see their show and they fucking bomb And you're like, oh, you're so unattractive to me now But if they've got a spark and you're like, oh man, this person's gonna make it Then it's like super sexy I guess it's any occupation. Do you respect the person in their field? Yeah, if you were a chef and I went to your restaurant and it gave me food poisoning I don't think you can be with someone if you think what they do is bad

Like, if you're dating an artist of any sort and you see their stuff and it's not good I think that's not a good situation I guess it's all about being good at whatever you choose to do Even if you are dating an accountant That's a little more harder to quantify, unfortunately Well, you just look at their paperwork Yeah, he's always constantly getting sued I think you're bad at accounting, I don't know, is that a thing?

Sorry, everybody you've ever done taxes for gets audited and they owe a lot more money But if this guy is taking up pro wrestling, what if he's really jacked? So if he's really jacked and then he's also smart, articulate and fit, like you say This guy might be good to go, I hope you haven't broken up with him yet Should I sit him down and say that he's wasting his time on pursuing this pipe dream? That's probably not a good look He's liked wrestling more than he's liked you So I don't think you want to make him choose between the two

Would you say that's accurate? Yeah, I would agree with that Give this pro wrestler a shot and send us a photo of him I want to see if he's like a Triple H, like huge, wet, scary kind of guy Or what if he's like an X-Pac, like the kind of guys that are just like wiry with really long hair Totally, if he's an X-Pac you can dump him But if he's Triple H, you put a ring on that finger, baby His thick fingers

You're going to have to buy a bracelet to fit on his finger Who's the one that said suck it? That was all of DX So that was X-Pac and some other people X-Pac, I think Triple H was also degeneration X Oh, they all said suck it The road dog Or somebody else, whatever

They were all good Do you want to get to one last question? Let's do it, you got a word for us? Oh shoot, I have to have the word now God, the pipe dream was so good Chemical? Ooh, chemical Chemical

Ooh, there's a good amount Okay, I got two good titles for you Ooh, actually three good titles for you to choose from Ready? Yeah Do you want to answer Female in engineering Whiskey Dick escape plan

Or double debauchery help Double debauchery help Alright, another lady You got another lady in your life? Another lady? Wow, I love it What's Tim Cain's wife's name? What's Tim Cain's wife's name?

We could call her Melania What's that? Melania Isn't it weird they're all married to a Melania? What are the odds of that? Really? It's Anna Holton, it's Tim Cain's wife's name Alright, let's go to Ann Holton, I like that better

You received an email in the early hours this morning from my friend with the guilty conscious writes Ann Holton She had sex with her brother's best friend in an alcohol-fueled mistake But alas, she is not the only one to have faltered so spectacularly last night In what was probably the most hazy of drunken nights

I was involved in a pretty steamy spooning session with a past flame To be clear, we didn't have sex but there was a fair bit of fumbling This is bad news as I have a boyfriend We've been together for six years and I've just moved in together I know I love my boyfriend

and I want to be with him but this has made me feel really confused I don't even particularly like the past flame guy We just had some pretty intense sexual chemistry I guess chemical also searched chemistry I'm pretty sure I'm the worst person ever now I've never done anything like this before I don't know how to handle

Please help Any advice? Thank you, Ann Holton She did the old We didn't have sex We didn't kiss We just snuggled Yeah

The half-fine The snuggled You can't get that mad We just snuggled I guess you always feel guilty if you want to fuck somebody really badly So close that you put yourself Why do you ever put yourself so close?

If you know you're not going to do it If you know you're going to get burnt Don't spoon a fire all night Yeah, I touch fire all the time Just leave I like to see how close I can get Just to see if I can take the pain for a little bit Sometimes fully submerging myself in the fiery pit

You're a monk that is emblazin' himself in gasoline I think it's... I don't know if this is advice But you always feel the most guilty the next day When you're hungover You're feeling sorry for yourself in every possible way Yeah, because you don't even feel good physically So just wait it out

That's all I'll say Just wait a few days and then re-evaluate if what you did was really, really wrong If it's eating away at you So that's basically like saying Hey, listen, I know you feel bad now Soon you won't feel bad Unless you do still feel bad

I mean, the thing is like, you know Bad luck a little bit, sure But you didn't fuck anybody You just fumbled You just had a steamy spoon session Yeah Which of course is gonna fucking make your boyfriend very, very upset

But at the same time, is it worth like fucking up a six-year relationship where you're about to live together? Yeah So why don't you... Why don't you... Don't do what you did again Right

But what are the odds that she never does this again? I don't know She didn't fuck anybody If she didn't fuck anybody You're yelling I'm saying, I didn't fuck anybody All we did was fumble Jesus Christ, get off my back

So why don't you... God, I don't know I don't want to say it was nothing But it was also not the worst thing As you said Wait a few days, you say until you don't feel bad anymore But then won't you just do it again?

Isn't the one thing that prevents you from doing it again feeling bad? Well, I mean, as long as she can remember how bad she felt when it did happen and not bring yourself to that point again Until you're drunk and that completely masks that guilt So if she went to another party and this old flame was there

and she proceeded to get trashed and fumble with him again Then it's like, okay, well, you're getting trashed so you'll fumble with him When you see him, that's your trigger for getting drunk enough to make a mistake and then you shouldn't live with your boyfriend But I think this one...

I'm gonna go on record and say I'll give her a pass for this one One pass One pass And then next... Two strikes, you're out? Uh, yeah If it's with this guy again

Everyone gets one pass per person One pass per person Wow, no, no, no You've made so many deals with yourself I can't follow the rules Deals with the devil Per person, per city Alright, here's what it is

If she does it twice with this guy Game over If she does it three times generally Then you're out Okay, so three strikes, you're out Or two strikes As the rule is in baseball Per rule is in baseball

Three individuals, you're out Okay, that's it But two of the same Also out So if you... That would be a cool baseball rule If you get caught looking and swinging That's a strike out

Two different kinds of strikes, you're out Or three strikes total By this rule, wouldn't it be If you look twice, then you're out If you... Even the same kind of pitch Or if you swing twice, you're out Because there's only two different kinds

So the third strike would happen So you swing twice, you're out Oh, yeah, that's good Yeah, yeah, that's correct Swing twice, you're out Or look twice Or look twice, you're out If it's the same type of strike twice, you're out

Yeah You shouldn't be getting fooled twice On the same pitch Yeah, and don't spoon with the pitcher The batter, the bat, the ball You can... I fuck the ref, the ump, but that's it Only third and first base umpire

Don't like turn around Because that guy's like standing right up And you're allowed to finger the third base coach Because that's sort of funny The umpire behind home plate is the spooner, really He's the big spoon Standing right behind the batter That's true

Alright, that's it That's our baseball analogy Thanks for listening, everybody If you have your own questions, send them on in If I were you at gmail.com Good news for those of you who have been clamoring For a bonus Thursday episode I think we're gonna have to do a bonus Thursday episode this week

So if you didn't get enough now, we'll be back On a short week in just a few days See you on Thursday, baby And speaking of Thursday We would be silly not to mention once again We're gonna be in Minneapolis on Thursday In Minneapolis You ever seen us?

Come see us again If you've never seen us Make the drive to the Twin Cities, baby And then Chicago on Friday Detroit on Saturday Tickets and all that info at IfIWereYouShow.com Jake and Amir.com

I liked that theme song so much Let's hear it again Grant Wow With the world has turned What's the sound cloud? Give me that second shout out then Grant Roberts won

No, yeah Grant Robertson Grant Robertson won On SoundCloud There we go Thanks, Grant, thanks for listening We'll be back soon. Toto, bye Peace

Cause I hope it's you If I were you She can't stop If I were you Would she count on me? If I were you Would she count on me? If I were you

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