If I Were You - 239: Cousins

Episode Date: October 20, 2016

In this episode we discuss new names, new apps, and digital scales.BONUS THURSDAY Episode brought to you by Squarespace and PetNet!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

What's with these Mondays getting me down? Why do they make me beef? God, what I need is two decent guys to help me to seize the cheese Ooh, but if I were you, ooh, if you were me, ooh, I would email in Two Jews, one looks just like Buddy Holly And Jake Starry's Silent Mour I don't care what they say about my problems I don't care about that Though I don't care about that

Bad wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi-wi Yeah this... I look just like Buddy Halley And you're an unburied Tyler Moore I accept it that was written by Emily Jane Peters and we can find her on the tubes which I think she means YouTube fair I'm glad I called out for more Weezer parodies I forgot that I can just sort of put things in the ether and our talented

fans can do them yeah yeah so like is there anything you want to ask for now that like people are listening to you I guess a blink 182 cover would be good yeah that would be nice to hear also if everybody Venmo'd me some cash oh that's like as a tip or like it's the still the same money you're still getting money you just want I don't want their charity yes you do you just don't want to call it charity I just want the cash why what's the bad about it just at least being called to gratuity it is like on their servant I don't think so oh my god they work for me so you want them to give you money and then think about it in a way

where it's not considered where I'm still king a king can still take that's probably one of the king's biggest yeah we'll call it their dues oh like they owe it to you yeah that's it and now I'm happy now you're talking now you've got it finally understand blooming felt yeah egghead you dipshit thanks to Emily Jane Peters writing that song this is a bonus Thursday episode also on Thursdays we forgot to mention this last time we're releasing videos on our head gum Facebook page and YouTube page yeah we're making videos folks it's so far the series is called Jeffrey the dumbass it's about our intern Jeffrey and

the premise is that he's he's a dumb he's a dumb ass very well put together though oh yeah yeah he very he has the air of someone who's very capable and not a dumbass mm-hmm but what he should be taking over the world on the rise yeah on the rise but then sometimes he just can't walk yeah so check those out on Facebook comm slash head gum or YouTube comm slash head gum but this is our first bonus Thursday episode in a while it's been a minute geez I don't even know how to act like the vibes are completely different Thursdays are so much more exciting than Monday we're recording this on a Wednesday so this

is gonna be out tomorrow yeah tomorrow tomorrow we're also gonna be in Minnesota oh shit that's true so there are some people listening to this soda remember that from the jake in a mirror Minnesota how about a mini soda you get a soda that I did we get a soda that's straight up made them that small oh like coca-cola did yeah they had little mini ones yeah yeah I did I remember I wanted it to be like thimble size oh even smaller yeah I wanted it to be like a dollhouse soda or like one of those small cute ketchup or like sriracha things or no it's a hot sauce thing really small bottles yeah that

but a coca-cola classic yep I'll drink to that link we are in Minnesota I should say our show tonight is in Minneapolis then tomorrow Chicago the day after Detroit that's right and then what the hell are we supposed to do what are we gonna do with our lives what happens after this or when we're done with the like when we come back are you talking about like after-party or are you talking about like I guess we should talk about after parties because but I was talking about the sad reality of not having another tour planned hmm yeah I guess we're we go back to Australia that'd be great all right great thanks man

sweet appreciate it so this is if I were you the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us I'm Amir I'm Joshua I'm Joshua too I'm also Joshua I changed my name actually oh I thought of a good fake name for me oh yeah yeah pretty exciting what do you think of all right forget everything you knew about Amir uh-huh introduce yourself to me hey I'm Jake hey Noah oh God it's trying so hard Noah Noah I know a Noah yeah I guess cuz it's old Testament so it's still yeah it's still cool it's cool acoustic guitar yeah it's Jewish by accident yeah you and it fits with Blumenfeld I think totally if it

would like you could name your son that that'd be cool for your son but you can't take that name I'm sorry come on I'm sorry hey it's gonna be fucking wasted on my twerp of a kid okay hey it's gonna be all right Noah why don't I give myself the name Noah and then he can get something shitty like Amir yeah so it stays in the family yeah my parents fucked me so hard 33 he could be smart enough to change it like his old man Noah God Noah's take charge like that they don't give a shit about like how much shit costs you think I don't think Noah's a very like alpha male name it feels like but I'm not an alpha male

guy right but I'm saying like you don't he doesn't take charge of anything okay he's like an easygoing dude yeah so easygoing that he actually went to a courthouse to change his name legally but probably did it online the one thing it doesn't work is like Jake and Noah hmm not as good no that's more of a band Jake and Noah or Noah and Jake absolutely absolutely no art all right so these are as always real emails from real people concerned citizens confused citizens they're seeking our advice our wisdom our guidance we're gonna do our best to provide it for them these are questions Jake's going and blind these

are four questions I found last night yeah I had shit to do this morning so I didn't I didn't well you also texted me saying you overslept and that you didn't do anything this morning uh-huh yeah I'm actually a little hungover all right this is written from a female in Australia oh like I just mentioned we trying to come back honey oh wait this is a guy okay still we trying to come back honey I got an Australian guy's name Hugh Jackman I feel like we've done this before but yeah whatever what else is there other than oh what about Heath Ledger all right P Heath Jackman writes I'm a 20 year old male from Sydney

Australian I've got a question that will require equal parts of your expertise I live on campus and therefore have the chance to meet a lot of people from overseas and let me tell you there have been a fair few of you European dimes staying over here however that's not the point there's this one American girl that I've known for eight months keep in mind that I'm not attracted to her whatsoever be it mentally or physically however the other night she got drunk and could not keep her hands off me she kept grabbing my dick and after I repeatedly told her not to my basic thinking with my dick instincts

kicked in and she ended up blowing me walking home that night felt extremely weird but she sure did suck a mean dick now she continuously messages me about fucking her and asked to come over nearly every night most of the time I make up excuses however I'm wondering if I should just smash and dash considering she's only in the country for a few more weeks is this wrong knowing that she likes me and I have zero feelings for her I'm not attracted to her but I'd rather get a root and boot than just sit at home masturbating so love he's jackman the only he doesn't have a girlfriend right no he just he

just feels bad because he doesn't like this person no you can't even understand where this guy's I don't even understand the premise of the question not have sex what is that to not have it for no reason your nose is bleeding you can't even compute she's only around for a couple weeks yeah you don't have to root and boot you can root and she's gonna boot yeah she's gonna boot that's what I don't get I think that if she was around for a long time I don't think it's right to just like fuck once I never be in touch with that person again yeah but if she wants to have sex with you yeah and she's gonna leave the

country yeah you might as well just have sex for a while well I'll tell devils advocate one it's leading her on she's giving she's getting like this oh this guy's into me vibes okay I kind of combat as as you do this okay me to save it yeah give me the second one right before I forget it too if somebody is annoying to you a little bit now it's gonna be a lot annoying to you later more texts more calls more like I can see a world where she's like crying or like opening up to you like how could you do this getting mad so there's a world where she can get mad or upset at you may I play angels advocate you may

play angels advocate first of all I think it's putting feelings on her to say she likes him too much and like fucking her is gonna lead her on and make her like him more she very well just might be an American girl from from the States came over to Australia because she wants to fuck a strapping Australian and she just wants to get it done so like she grabbed his dick she wants she wants to get fucked that's gonna happen and she might be like I don't like your personality at all I think you're you're the worst but you I just needed to fuck so like they they actually might have more in common than

they think okay that's happened to me before to I can see I concede that usually when you're unattracted to something about somebody as if you like dig deeper into this relationship it's gonna be worse than you think yeah but I I also think since there's a there's like an end date to her time in your country then that definitely makes it seem more appealing I feel like that's the thing that's like alright at the very worst she she can't like walk into your apartment one night because she won't be living in the same hemisphere yeah so in that sense I understand that it's giving him a very finite end date

so he I can understand the gray area but I will say that sometimes it might not be worth it like if if somebody you're really not attracted to wants to have sex with you and you find her very emotionally and physically unattractive it might be better to as he says just sit at home and masturbate yeah I guess if you're emotionally and physically unattracted to somebody there's not much of a point in having sex I would just challenge his assertion that he's not attracted to her because he did get an erection when she gave him a blow job yeah but then she said that she's really good at it so maybe that's an

attractive quality as long as there's one redeeming characteristic you can go for it what would you do if you were him I would have had sex with her that night and then again potentially I don't know probably sober meetups hangups or just like this I'm it's I'm drunk and it's late and I might as well check in on her probably the more the the drunk the drunken late night yeah I get that ain't nothing wrong with that though yeah as everybody's cool as long as everybody's on the same page yeah nobody's taking advantage of anybody we're all we're all an equal understanding yeah why don't you just be completely honest with her be

like hey you're great at having sex that sounds great I just don't want to lead you on in any way that way yeah you're experiencing this thing a little more guilt-free if you are feeling guilty at all maybe that's what I would do I don't know that is what you would do it's hard to put myself in the mind of a sexy 20 year old Australian male I mean my god who imagine his hair long and blonde probably right just like he's all right why don't we answer a female question about time do you have a lady in your life she's 19 and let's say American oh right I was just trying to think of Australians yeah but not all these

people are from Australia Demi Lovato that's really good is she 19 sounds like it could be hey guys I need serious help writes Demi I'm 19 and I've been my boyfriend I'm with my boyfriend for two years when we first started talking my boyfriend and I both agreed that we wanted to get married young recently we haven't been doing that great at all I don't feel like he cares about me at all and is only staying with me because breaking up is inconvenient although he says this isn't true so obviously I'm confused he's also said that he's changed his mind about marriage and wants to wait until he's 30 and I

don't want to get married now but I'm not dating anyone for 10 years I'm just not now this is where it gets sticky I met a guy on whisper and we really enjoyed talking to each other so we moved it to snapchat it soon escalated to chatting non-stop and then calling recently he told me he loves me he doesn't know that I have a boyfriend and my boyfriend knows that we're friends but not to the extent it's gotten to I don't want to end things with my boyfriend especially because things have been great as of recently but he's afraid to step up and I don't want to date a man child and I definitely don't

want to date him for 10 years this guy I'm talking to loves me and I love him too I just think that and I love him too I just don't think that I love different people wrote this email I just don't think that I love him romantically recently I told him that we should just be friends and while he seemed cool with it he backed off about 90% and I miss him should I wait for my man child boyfriend to step up or should I tell him that if he doesn't step up now then we're done and explore my snapchat guy further I don't want to lose either but I feel like I'm in a position to lose both help thanks guys I hope you don't

think I'm a terrible person love Demi Lovato I don't think you're a terrible person I think you're incorrect in much of the way you handle your business it's hard she's a teenager fuck is whisper isn't whisper the one where you like don't know who you're talking to wasn't there something where like you're chatting but anonymously with strangers who are happened to be in your vicinity or something like that can I look it up yeah sure I think I think it came up in a podcast where it's like you arrive in a city and then like it just opens a chat window and it's like kind of like the chat roulette thing where you

are chatting with someone but you don't know who exactly they are and they don't know exactly who you are mm-hmm but then if you like them then you can move it to a more permanent thing like snapchat that's a sort of assigned to your actual person are you downloading whisper right now god no not downloading I'm just reading about it and you're you're you're you're correct allows users to send messages anonymously and to receive messages or receive replies users post messages known as whispers which are displayed as text superimposed over an image automatically retrieved from whispers own search engine or uploaded

by the user it's kind of like tinder but everyone's matched with everyone isn't everyone's talking to everyone there were post secrets used to be like that that popular blog where people would just like post their secrets anonymously right it's like I feel so good to get it off my chest in a way that doesn't actually implicate implicate me in a way that sounds like one of the most dangerous fucking app because it's like oh yeah everything's anonymous but it's not someone that's all connected to your fucking phone people this is not anonymous it can become unanonymous at any time Zarkfuckerberg probably knows

because Facebook's investing in it Jesus Christ I mean like you see a text that usually everybody seen like the iCloud get hacked and people's emails get hacked and you said things you didn't want to say there but Jesus you literally use this to post incriminating things that's right not anonymous it's like putting a note in a wall oh except it's fucking attached to your IP address your phone number it anyway um good lord good lord anyway this lady is I would say romantically confused she's she's a teenager so I feel like she's feeling all these things all at the same time I love this guy I don't like this guy my

boyfriend I want to get married maybe I don't I think everything is firing and the synapses are going off all at the same time and she's like depending on her mood or time of day yeah I mean one thing is clear you date somebody from 17 to 19 and then you start thinking about other people you fall in love with somebody you meet on whisper and snapchat then that means your relationship's not necessarily built to stand the test of time and it's good that you're finding out now instead of 10 years down the line when you're thinking about actually marrying with somebody that you've been with for 12 years and and it's and it's

not gonna last then either right so the thing to do here is break up with your boyfriend and not because he couldn't step up and not because he's a man child he's a man child he's also evolving and he's changing to just like you are and it sounds like you shouldn't be in a relationship because he's changing his mind about when he wants to get married you're falling in love with strangers over anonymous apps you guys just should not be together yeah that's good that's fine this is what I'll say if you're really meant to be break up and then down the line after you've explored other options you'll reconnect on whisper

yeah reconnect on whisper snapchat once you're a fully formed adult I'd say like who you are at 17 is so different than who you'll be as a grown-up quote unquote that it's silly to tie yourself to someone at that age because like let's say 35 is who you'll be at age six I know actually it feels I think that's kind of there's something to that theory I know a couple couples that like we're together when they were young yeah and they spent like college and post college apart and then like reconnected oh so I think that's really important to like have that growth and you think that like oh I'm not gonna want to be with this

person after they fuck a bunch of other people right and you know what sometimes when you're like 28 29 30 you're mature enough to realize that that doesn't actually matter who they fucked if anything it helps them to grow and mature in a way that you couldn't because they're dealing with life and love and breakups and heartache I feel like that's the new high school sweetheart is that you know like our parents were high school sweethearts went to college one or went to prom together got married yeah now it's gonna be like they were high school sweethearts of course they broke up yeah you know a baker's dozen years

and now they're getting now they're back together hooked up with a ton of other people I mean my mom was everywhere my dad was a pimp from 22 to 30 couldn't time down but then my mom so why don't you do that why don't you give that a shot if you love something let him go I have a feeling if you just if you got rid of your boyfriend for a little time you hung out with this whisper guy there's a chance you won't like him either oh yeah but think about all the I all the other people you can meet on whisper and Tinder and snapchat like oh my have a ball yeah have a ball and have them all but we didn't you're not a

terrible person right I don't think she's a terrible person but I do I don't think that you can put your breakup on your boyfriend it's it's on you you're growing distant you have you have met somebody on whisper and didn't stop it moving to snapchat and didn't stop it moving to phone calls and are keeping this he's a man child you're keeping a like a pretty bad secret from your boyfriend right now so like you're a woman child yeah I don't I just think she's putting a lot of blame on the boyfriend for like why she's strength from the relationship and you should just accept the fact that it's fine that

you've done that but it means that you shouldn't be in a relationship also calling someone a man child isn't really an insult when they're actually teenagers that is a man child definition you're the man you're the man of children I know that I'm 31 when people insult me and say that I'm acting like a 19 year old then it then it hurts yeah but a 19 year old acting like a 19 year old that's pretty good that's accurate that's fine status quo at worst he's an 18 year old a slightly younger man child all right let's take a break think another sponsor we'll be back with more questions this show is sponsored by

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even look this up but there's no way you can't buy a mere Blumenfeld is a good dude.com I bet that's available and you can have it today and you can buy it through Squarespace and build an awesome website dedicated to me or I guess dedicated to anyone else in your life and maybe you want to give somebody a gift this season a summer birthday coming up who doesn't want a website so the best way to do that is to go to Squarespace.com slash if I were you for a free trial and when you're ready to launch just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain again Squarespace.com slash

if I were you free trial everything looks good let's launch it just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off that first purchase thank you Squarespace and we are back what up what up you wanted to mention laughable oh yeah that guy that came by the office and we're so we're on we're on a new podcast app called laughable do you know what laughable is little buddy yeah it's a podcasting app to discover help discover new comedy podcasts right so you just downloaded on your iPhone and then not only do they have like every episode of if I were you it's also a nice because the iTunes or it's kind of confusing so

this it has like every headgum podcast right there on the laughable app and the final cool thing that they do is like if you like listening to me or Amir or Jeff or Dave or Mike you can click on that person's profile oh right and it shows every podcast that they've ever guested on and he had to do that by hand there's no like algorithm to yeah he's just an insane but you so like I clicked on my my name and it's like every time I've ever been on my mom's podcast or every time I've ever been on like the fantasy basketball podcast right every time I've been interviewed even with like with you or not and even in non-headgum

podcast because if you go to headgum.com and like the people's page that's all the times you appeared on a headgum podcast right he does every podcast Scarborough County dudes yeah exactly or if you want to hear more like Ben Schwartz it's like him on comedy bang bang and him on our show so if you're looking for an easy way to discover new podcasts comedy podcasts laughable seems to be a cool way to do it but what else what's going on in your life man let's see here you spray in the old ankle oh yeah that's new I I played basketball and I jumped up for a rebound so a basketball game that didn't matter I was

trying to get a rebound that mattered even less because it was such a small part of that game and then when I landed I landed on Billy's heel Billy's the strongest man we know yeah and I rolled my ankle I landed on my foot sideways basically and I fell to the ground I was an adult sort of trying not to scream in pain I don't know if you've ever felt extreme instant surprising pain I broke my heel right but I thought you said even when that happened you're like oh that that was it didn't feel as bad as it actually was I I didn't ride on the ground but I mean it that was like probably the most painful thing I

experienced in my adult life yeah so I landed I twist I roll my ankle I I ran I'm writhing on the floor squeezing like my ankle areas I don't know natural instinct and someone said the first thing I yell which I don't even remember was ah sorry guys for stopping the game yeah like this is gonna be a convenience for a little bit my first instinct when I was in the most pain I've been in forever was to apologize to everyone else for ruining their game and then they're like no it's okay it's okay I'm like oh and like I just like flashing for them like alright I can't go out tonight I really hope I can walk by the time the

tour starts fuck I just two to three four I don't know if it's broken I don't know how inconvenient this is oh man like when you're when you're getting sick you you have like a few like hours or days you're like I think I'm getting sick mentally prepare myself oh no I think it's happening right you try to stave it off yeah oh it's here the ankle injury is just like I'm fine everything's great I'm playing basketball and now I can't walk for a few days and I don't know and it's confusing because like did you hear it pop I'm like I didn't hear a pop and it felt like it popped what did it pop I don't know is it broken is it bleeding is

it bruised like getting struck by lightning just like one second everything's fine next everything is in shambles yeah it's like I've never dealt with like personal tragedy but it felt like the low stakes version of that where it's people like I don't know one minute it was it was good and then the next it just all went away they say it never happens to you right exactly so it was like that but with just with my foot hurting I'm carried off the court by Billy and Oren they bring me to the sidelines so they can continue their game I'm sort of just on my back contemplating how bad this is it is it

broken do I have to go to the hospital are you in a negotiating pain that during that I'm like squeezing it and it's sort of like throbbing but subsiding so like it was like a pain of pain and then just like a slow throb you thinking like oh I can walk this off this is yeah maybe I can like limp off it's either like I can limp off or like I broke it and I have to like get a cast and crutches for weeks man laying down I tried to stand up can't stand on it can't put any weight on it Billy then has to take an ace bandage that somebody had and wrap my heel ankle around it because he knows how to do that because he plays rugby I

don't know how to wrap my heel because I've never played a sport where I injured myself of course then Billy lifts me up basically fireman carry borderline fireman carry again all the way Oren all the way basically a quarter mile to my car so they're lifting me up and I'm like could you drive what was my left foot oh it's your left foot that you hurt they basically plot me in my car I'm driving with my right hand my shoe is off I get home I'm parked you know like 30 feet from the elevator and I have to hop on one foot all the way home holding my shoe and I was thinking how sad it would be and like how this probably

happened once where a guy is hopping on right his right foot and like he rose yeah like that's I've been more than both ankle sure that's so sad then I literally I when I was when I have my broken heel and I was I used to hop upstairs on my left foot there was one time where I twisted my ankle and it hurt for like it was it was pretty painful but it was one of those things where you just like you know also sometimes when you twist your ankle you can you're like oh fuck and then you walk it off like oh yeah yeah I just tweaked yeah I dodged the bullet yeah that's yeah that happened to me and I was

I went through that same like worst case scenario thing like holy shit wheelchair I don't even wheelchair which is actually might be a step up from the scooter you had oh yeah I would love to be a wheelchair you someone has to push you everywhere especially motorized or you get like yeah that's they gave you a wheelchair at the airport I pushed you around in the wheel oh that was incredible just absolutely incredible everywhere I went I at like we went to a museum I think in London everywhere I went I bet like felt like should have a wheelchair I used to ask if they had a wheelchair because it was such an upgrade

it was so nice why stand when you can sit yeah then I got home my my I took off the bandage and it was like kind of like that scene in Batman where the Joker like takes off the bandage and sees it for the first time huge swollen ankle like it looks like there's a little grapefruit underneath the skin I send you the photo because we're supposed to go out dancing that night I was at dinner when you sent me that photo oh no wait not I was at I was at lunch with two people we're supposed to go out with that night and I just like looked at my phone like oh and I showed it to them and each of them had the same

reaction it was so swollen it was so weird it was like I guess when your body is hurt like it sends fluid to like protect the area and it was so like banged up maybe ligaments strained or torn or whatever that there was like a pocket a bubble of fluid to protect it I really felt like someone was pushing a tennis ball out from inside my ankle it was so big it was so disgusting and then I'm like I think I can't go out tonight I have to lay down for 48 hours really sad because it was Shabbat Shalom motherfucker dance party at booty LA a Jewish themed mashup party which was basically like a second bar mitzvah that I missed

fortunately you went on without me yeah I said you should be brave and go on without me but I really wanted you guys to not go we had already bought the tickets yeah three days later feeling fine I can walk on it now now the swelling has gone down in the bruise you can't like run and jump on it though yeah no running and jumping does it hurt when you walk on it it feels like a bruise not like so sprained that I can't walk that's good but now it's like starting to get cool colors it's like purple and set kind of yellowish green I'm looking forward to the next steps of it did I heal super fastly sure that's kind of

impressive actually the like a lot of basketball players take weeks off and I think I diagnosed myself with a grade three sprain which is legit fractured bones so you diagnosed yourself based on how bad you thought it hurt yeah it killed other people that have more of like a high tolerance for pain might have called your sprain absolutely grade one if not anything at all I see and now I'm fully recovered bones completely healed what was never broken maybe maybe not who knows I'm glad to have survived good work enough about my problems why don't we answer some other people's problems very nice including a 17 year old from

Canada whose name is Justin Trudeau Justin Trudeau writes I'm 17 and I accidentally ordered three packages to my old house I moved five months ago one of those is a digital scale for selling weed what do I do all the packages will arrive in separate shipments and I would like to minimize my interactions with my parents about this thanks bitch oh he sent them to his parents house yeah you ever have that scale I did didn't you like sell weed yeah when I was in high school or maybe like a little in college but this did you have the digital one or you had that real shit I had a digital one so it was like you put it on

and then it says how many grams or ounces yeah and then that's a cooking scale people use it for cooking as well you can measure out coffee grinds on that thing yeah this is you talking to his parents I was measuring oregano it's at a pinch of turmeric and I didn't want to do it you're getting into high-end coffee grind and that they'll buy that I'm an espresso man yeah I think it's fine so you just say you're using it for different purposes using it to cook and your parents would believe you if you told them that I don't know they'd have to because I'm their little baby if you have to buy the lie you have to believe

the lie all right you have to buy the lie if you want to abide is fact that's good yeah the lies become truth as you believe them to be so and then you're unimpeachable you haven't actually used the scale for weed yet right there is no evidence you say fuck it fine if you don't want if you don't believe me that I'm gonna use this to cook then then return it I don't even care and then you ship the thing to your actual house the the other two packages are a grinder and two pounds of marijuana yeah I was using the weed to cook coffee which is still bad yeah that's honestly high all right there are ways to basically lie

about it you can and I mean I don't know how recently you did it but you can also contact the the shipping facility and have them reroute the package hmm getting real real technical about it real MacGyver all right let's answer one last question fair enough let's do it college student living in Europe named Harry Styles yes dude Harry Styles writes so I started University a month ago and I plan to meet a girl there who's my cousin's cousin I've been talking to her for a month now and we seem to be getting along real well I'm starting to like her and was wondering if I could move forward with her or if in her mind

the idea of being related not by blood meant we could only be friends thanks for the answer cheers and to da love Harry Styles cousins cousin yeah which could be your brother but I think he means cousins cousin in the opposite direction right right like a married a cousin's married to a sister whose cousin is this yeah I mean in the olden days that's who you had to marry yeah this is you telling your friends listen I mean I'm back in the olden days I consider the best thing best possible outcome I feel like when you meet somebody that's like this close but also this far removed yeah it romances on like

everybody's mind oh really like it's a weird forbidden incestuous thing I don't know it's like forbidden and incestuous but it's like it's like the first thing you do is like wait this we're not actually related by blood I don't know maybe that maybe I'm just fucked up would you be down my cousin I I don't think I know any of my cousins cousins I know but hypothetically you met a cousin's cousin and they're not related to you and yeah of course you'd be down yeah you wouldn't be afraid yeah I would be so anti it I would be like all I'm thinking about is like explaining to people my friends how we met like yeah

it's my cousin's cousin oh my god no I'm not like that not by blood but still the damage is done it's a they don't even if my cousin's cousin you just say a family friend but the someone will fucking find out that it's a cousin's cousin and then you'd be like why does that matter my cousins it's my cousin's cousin it's not my cousin I don't know it just feels wrong there's like a stigma attached to it I'd rather not even deal with it ever fine she's a 10 did you know that she was a dime I know and I feel bad I don't know I feel so weird about it I can't get over it's sort of like what can you get over if you really

don't care like it didn't even seem to phase you at all oh yeah you actually answer the question thinking it was just the cousin I mean it's not like my sister right I'm cheese I cousins cousin that's not really it's not relation by the way your cousin's cousins are your sisters think about that yeah I mean I understand oh my god you fucking don't even do not bring my sisters into this yeah imagine your cousin yeah I mean you never met like let's say you're I can't imagine my cousin's cousin because I don't think I've ever met my cousin's cousins it would be have you know like how it's your mom's sister or your dad's

sisters who's which cousin are you closest with I all I love all my cousins equally I'll tell I will say my my cousin Madeline because I think she listens to the podcast that's still does that's your mom's sister's daughter my mom's my mom's brother's daughter right so if Madeline's mother yeah my aunts but not not by religion exactly had a sister had a sister and that sister had a different husband yeah different like so far so we're completely out of my family bloodline that that had a daughter who that had a dog that family human's had a daughter yeah and she was really beautiful yeah and you're like

yeah with Madeline's cousin that doesn't freak you out a little bit it now it's funny if anything we both have the same cousin cousin Madeline and now we're fucking it's a little weird yeah I mean it's a little weird but it's so it's so like not enough to stop you I just feel like it we it weaves around every obstacle so perfectly stuck the landing yeah it's it's it's completely fine it it checks every box we're all good on every front yeah you would it wouldn't slow you down at all it's I guess it's kind of because it's my we both we would have the same aunt yes which is funny you're still the way you say it's all

funny you're amused it's all so many people had their first kisses with their like with their cousins in the garage during like family reunions it's such a it's a it's definitely a thing now you're getting a little too close for comfort why I mean I would never do that no of course not all right they call it kissing cousins yeah both of the K all right so if I were you I would not do it Jake would do it sounds about right that's sort of like the answer to all of our questions she says it's cool I'm here says proceed with caution with such caution that you're not doing it anymore dive right in all right cool that's it

bonus Thursday episode in the books thanks for listening I don't know what else to say we're on the road this weekend hopefully you can come out and hang out with us one if not we'll be back Monday with another regularly scheduled podcast tickets still on sale for our three shows so if you're on the fence I don't know why you've stayed on the fence this long but jacademy.com is the tickets for everything oh shit the email address if you have your own questions is if I were you show at gmail.com opening theme song was a weezer cover closing one also another weezer cover hey yo let me look who did

this one yes Josh no Joshua on SoundCloud wrote this my name is Jonas cover interesting I introduce myself as Josh with his podcast Josh no Joshua though SoundCloud thanks to Josh thanks to you guys thanks to I read that is Josh no Josh oh so it's the opposite of what he wanted and Emily was the one who wrote the opening theme song all right we'll be back on my date bye show it's a podcast dance so do the hashtag now send your questions to these two I can't do the hey I'm sorry that was a hate gun podcast