If I Were You - 244: Female Condom

Episode Date: November 10, 2016

In this episode we discuss safe sex, inheritance, and one night stands.This BONUS THURSDAY episode is brought to you by Leesa.com and TrunkClub!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

Well, you know, I've been having trouble with my girl, my friends, my job, my family. I wanna know, maybe you can help me, turn on the fire, and seize that fucking cheese. I wanna hear from you, Coy Dunes on, if I were you, if I were you, I'll tell you what I would do, before we are worth a few, should I know? How dare you. Wow. Absolutely how dare you. That was by Austin Archer, who has a band camp, and it is AustinArcherMusic.bandcamp.com, and the Instagram handle, if you have time for two plugs, is me and me comedy. Me and me comedy.

That's right. So, two plugs, one great song, and that was by Austin Archer. Thoughts? Yeah, it was a great song. It was like so many genres, it feels like. It had it all. I thought it was like boy band, then I thought it was punk rock. Then?

Some sort of like, alt funk with the kazoo. Yeah, then it was prog rock, then it was christian rock or chris rock for short, then it was christian folk. Then it was christian bail. Finally, it was synth bail. His cousin. So thanks, Austin Archer, for writing that theme song. Hey, bonus Thursday episode. Alright, we need it baby.

Thursday, November 10th, recording this the same day as we recorded our Wednesday bonus episode. Wow, so there's a little context for you, but tell you what, this is a world that needs laughter. That's right folks, okay. Oh yeah, folks. Day after the election is today, we recorded all of our thoughts onto the bonus morning after Trump cast. You can hear that all if you want to hear what we thought about the election and all that stuff. Spoiler, we loved it. But we wanted to separate those two thoughts, yet still get them out.

So if you see an episode yesterday on the feed, I think it was episode 240 something called a 243 morning after Trump. Those are all of our election thoughts. This is just a regular bonus Thursday, if I were you, podcast. Another politics, pure podcast. I would like to say just really quickly about the emails, just the emails. I really want to just talk about the FBI. This is an advice show. It's called if I were you, it's the only advice show on the internet hosted by me.

And me. I'm Amir. And I'm Christian Bale. And I am Amir. The way it works is that people will email us. They're in need of our guidance, whether it be before or after Trump's election. People are confused. They're scared in life.

They don't get shit. And they don't get shit done. Fortunately for you guys, we are wise to certain extents. Dude, what if I was fucking Christian Bale? What are you talking about? Like if I was him. What does that mean? If I was him instead of me.

Like if you swapped bodies with Christian Bale or if this entire time you were Christian Bale. I am Christian Bale. I look and act and am him, but he's here and it's me. And I have a podcast and I was in Batman. I would be cooler than you because I would have a podcast with Christian Bale. And you'd be like, why does Christian Bale have a podcast? Right. I wouldn't exist in this scenario or I would, but I would be Christian Bale.

So who would Jake be? No one. So it seems like you just want to disappear. I don't want to disappear. I want to be Christian Bale. He would disappear. And now we're getting into the metaphysics of body versus soul and who you actually are. I would have my mind and his everything else.

And I actually have one mind to tell Christian Bale that I deserve his body more than he does. All right. You know he did the machinist after American Psycho. So he got that huge and then he lost it all for an indie movie. Jesus Christ. If I was Bale, I would say no hell and no way in hell. Yeah. I'd rather stay fucking caught.

Yeah. I have a movie. It's called Life and I'm jacked in it. But these are real emails from real people. I'm going to give them fake names just to preserve their anonymity city. Of course. So maybe you could just make up names based on sounds or something like that. Okay.

So like start combining syllables from other words. Phora saelapa. That's good. Phora saelapa. This one appears to be two emails. Am I only supposed to read the one on top or the one below? The one on top. Hey guys.

It's been a while since I've written, but I believe I have a doozy of a dilemma on my hands that you guys could help me out with. I've been dating this girl that I met at a mutual friend's wedding for about four months. Things are good, but not great. And I'm considering breaking things off. After seeing this chick for about a month, I came to realize that she and a friend of mine have a lot in common and may have, may really hit it off. Is there a way I can suggest to my friend or this girl that I think they should give it a try? If you're thinking it's weird, keep in mind that this particular friend and I have each dated

and lost our virginity to the same girl in high school. Love. Ooh. Ooh. Phora. Phosapilepra. Oh yeah. No fucking clue.

Oh shit. We should keep it simple next time. Phora saelapa. This is sort of like a selfless homey hop. Yeah, it's a homey hop where you're orchestrating the hop between two homies. You're allowing the homies to hop. This happened to me recently where I went on a few dates with a lady. I'm like, she's solid, but not for me, but I bet she'd be great for my friend.

Were you able to pass that off? No. I only ran it by the guy and he's like, I don't need to date anyone you dated. And I feel like he's the easier person to convince. The hard part would be convincing her being like, hey, I don't think we're great together. She's bummed. And I was like, but actually you should date my friend. Yeah.

And then she's like, fuck you. I'm not doing you any favors. I'm not dating. Like that's the last thing out. If I like someone and she's like, you should actually date my friend. I one time matched with someone on a dating app and she's like, hey, I swiped you for my friend. And I was like, all right, but I swiped you for you.

I swiped you for you. Not because I want to hook with your friend. I think I've been there too, actually, where somebody I was like, it was similar. It was like, I was hooking up with somebody. Then I like sort of ghosted them. And then they like came back on my radar, but they had a boyfriend and they were like, I want to set you up with my friend, which seems kind of counterintuitive since I'm clearly not a good guy.

Yeah. But what's the what's the harm? There's no real harm in a vacuum. Like it really doesn't matter. And it's fine. And if you've only, it's not like you're married to this girl and you want to set her up, set somebody up with your ex-wife. It's just like a lot of weird hurt feelings and kind of awkward.

Like what if they do hit it off? And then it's like, yeah, I dated you before you. And then they'll have to hang out. I guess you might as well just like, there's like two objectives here. One is you want to set your friend up with somebody, but the other is you want to get out of your relationship. And it seems like that's the, that's the executable action. Yeah.

Let's focus on that. Let's get that one done. Because I think the key is to wait. Like I couldn't probably do that orchestrated homey hop thing that I was talking about. But maybe now that it's been six months, that girl is probably over me. She's not interested. Right. And so yeah, it takes, it takes some time.

Who was the girl that you tried to set somebody up with? I can't, I don't even know. I think you know, but I don't want to say her name. Of course. And I don't want to then go back in this episode and edit it out or anything like that. I wonder if you can give me a hint. I wonder if I could, oh yeah, I don't want to mouth it either because then like you'll pick up on it.

And I don't even know if you remember that I went on dates with this human. How long ago was it? About four months, five months, six months ago. Five months? Where the hell were we? Here, I'm typing it out and then I'm going to turn my computer around. Do you remember that? Oh, I do.

Yeah. Barely though. It seems like a good match. It does. But you're right, barely. Maybe she barely remembers me and I can do it. Maybe she's listening right now. And she's wondering timing how long it took you to mouth her name.

Wow, wait, my name did fit. At the very least, listening to the keystrokes like Sherlock. I want to say the name now. What? I just want to say it. And then you'll have to edit. You'll have to go back and edit the podcast. Yeah.

And you want to say it like sort of randomly throughout the episode. Oh, and then you'd really have to go through. Yeah. I'd have to remove it just from your track because what if I'm talking and I don't want to get rid of it like from the total audio. God, what a way to fuck that up. Yeah. Just to troll you.

Yeah. From beyond the grave. What? I'm a dead. Because I'm Bale. I am Christian. I am Bale. So the advice here is to break up, focus on that, and then maybe in a while, crocodile.

Yeah. Let's just not worry about this. This girl will find somebody on her own. Yeah. Okay. I got another one. I'll come up with a name this time. Okay.

Zai Zai. Zai Zai. Zai Zai. Zai Zai. Ain't new. Zai Zai. Zai Zai. Ain't new.

Zai Zai. Miss American Zai. Zai Zai. Yeah. Drove my chair Zai to the Lezai. Lezai was Zai Zai. Oh, God. I hate it.

Zai Zai writes, Hey, J and A, my GF and I have been dating for around three months now and everything is going great except for one nerve wracking problem. Isn't that always how it goes? Everything's not great. Everything's great. Everything's perfect except for one issue and the issue is this. When we have sex, she doesn't like me to wear a condom. Don't get me wrong.

Neither do I, but I've always relied on the good sense of my female partners to ensure that we're wearing protection. This causes me to be unable to enjoy sex for the most part because I'm too worried about accidentally blowing the load inside her. What do I suggest? Sorry. When I do suggest we grab a condom, she'll poke fun at me saying like, What? Are you scared you'll come in me and audibly moan saying condoms suck.

She also tried to tell me things like girls can only get pregnant three days a month, but how do I know when those three days are? She asked me last night if she went on the pill, would I come in her? And I still don't think it's a good idea. I guess my question is how do I convince her wearing a condoms? Wearing condoms are a good thing without offending her. I'm 22 and she's 22. Okay.

So they're both 22. I'm going to have to be very careful here because I am a little aversed condoms. Yeah, you're a condom averse. I hate, yeah, but I also have an advice podcast, so I've got to be socially responsible. Yeah, you have to say not what you would do, but what you do as I say, not as I do. So, I, what's the problem here? You go first, man. All right.

Here's the thing. If she's not wearing, if she's sorry, if she's not on birth control, then I think it's too dangerous. I think it's too dangerous. I think why risk it? I personally don't dislike condoms as much as you do. I can still enjoy sex with it. I enjoy the peace of mind that it provides both disease and pregnancy wise. That being said, if she goes on the pill, you're looking at a very, very low chance.

You can still have the peace of mind while also having unprotected sex, which does feel better. Yeah. All right. That's, I think I'm with that. I think if she's not, if she's not using any form of birth control, if all you've got is the condom, you have to wear the condom. And I don't think it makes you any less of a man to say, hey, I agree with you that it feels good, but it's not worth the risk of us becoming with child at such a young age. Have you experienced the girl being condom averse before? Yes, but it's always resulted in not wearing a condom because I basically, if I'm going to have sex with somebody, my default is condom.

But if they're like, I don't want one, I don't would never put up a fight because I mean irresponsible jackass. But it feels like that's more rare than the guy version. Yes. Like the dip in quality on the guy's end seems to be more severe than the decrease in quality on the lady's end. Though I have heard situations where ladies can also not enjoy the condom. Right. Well, if it's not lubricated enough or something. Yeah.

How's the physics of that work? Like why is it more desensitized? It's the same layer of rubber in between my peen and the other person's V. So why is it more desensitized on my end than on theirs? I have no idea. I don't know what it feels like for a girl to have sex. Yeah. And what if she was, is there any difference?

Like if the condom is attached to her versus me? Like if I'm, imagine if you will, a situation in which... We were wearing like a dental dam or something. I'm wearing nothing and the condom is just firmly in the vagina and I am fucking the condom. That would feel better than if I was having sex and the condom was moving with me. You're talking about a female condom, right? Is that what a female condom is? Is it just like a tube within the vagina?

I think so. Okay. I've never used one. So let's say it is. Does that feel better? I mean it has to be wider because otherwise you are fucking a very, very tiny... Yeah. The condom needs to be like stretched over your penis.

I don't think you just like aim your dick at it. My imagination, and again this is something we should have figured out by now, is that the female condom is like, it's almost like a dam that occurs beyond the point of where the penis goes. Like it's almost like a rubber coin that blocks an opening. Oh, like wait up in there. Yeah. I think, I was under the impression that it was almost like a layer, I don't know what, sort of like a gelatin over the entire opening.

Yeah, almost like a saran wrap over the hole. Yeah. I guess, you know what we should do is when we go to break we'll look it up and then we'll have the thrilling conclusion to something you guys probably already know. It's still a mystery if 84% of people have solved it. I mean I have no idea what's about to happen. This is like when CNN called the election after they announced that Hillary had called to concede. Like alright, this is it folks.

We're calling this, it's like yeah we already know, he just gave a speech. We're not talking about politics today. I'm just saying, it came up organically. Never again. Actually, let me take a look at this Florida map. Aw. Yeah, look at this counting. We'll be right back folks.

Still 43% of precincts. Alright, what's the final advice here? We're going to answer when we get back I thought. I think we can answer a question without figuring out what a female condom is. Fine. Well yeah, I think the answer is that you should not feel bad about asserting your preference for wearing a condom because it's the safe correct thing to do in this situation. But if she hates condoms so much and she's willing to go on birth control then that's enough

of a safety measure, at least to me. Yeah. And speaking of safety measures, HHH passed in California. Can we talk about state politics? What is HHH? I don't know. I think it's the homeless one. Alright.

Well, not really. It was a law that forcibly bust them to different cities. Damn it. Shitch kebabs. Have you looked to see what the measures have passed in California? One of them was legalization of marijuana. That one passed for recreational marijuana. So no condoms in porn, speaking of no condoms?

Yeah, what was the deal with that one? People wanted porn there to be condoms in porn. Forcibly so. Yeah. And only the ones that are shot in California? Most porn is shot in California. Interesting. That's a fun little fact.

Most everything is shot in California. Come shot in California. Nice dude. You know what I'm saying? Are you looking out? I'm looking at female condoms. Alright, let's take a break. Think one more sponsor.

Oh my God. It's hot. We'll be right back with a thrilling conclusion of what is a female condom, saran wrap, or a rubber coin. What is a female condom, saran wrap, or a rubber coin? What is a female condom, saran wrap, or a rubber coin? What is a female condom, saran wrap, or a rubber coin? The prices are already affordable because you're not paying rent for a building somewhere that

you have to drive to and wait in a waiting room. This is done entirely online but you're still getting professional, licensed help and it's extra affordable. That's betterhelphelp.com slash if I were you. Check them out. Thanks, Better Help. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Wow.

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website or domain. Again, Squarespace.com slash ifiru, free trial. Everything looks good. Let's launch it. Just use that offer code IFIRU to save 10% off that first purchase. Thank you, Squarespace. And we're back. The female condoms are what?

It looks, I believe I was right. Which is what? The Saran wrap? Yeah. Well, it looks like an extra big condom. That you slide up in your DMs. Yeah, you slide like so. Oh yeah, that is a, that looks like a dream catcher.

Yeah. But hopefully less porous. Still catching all your little dreams. Yeah, so the entrance, it looks like a giant balloon sort of with a really wide mouth. So the question is, if you have sex, well, it's like if you fuck a condom, does that feel as desensitized as wearing a condom and fucking a non-condom vagina? I don't know. I don't know why, like why people choose, this is another thing I need to look up now.

Well, why people choose female condom over regular condom? Yeah. Yeah, is it like you try to, is it like for guys that can't wear condoms, it's like. Well, that's like latex allergy, you'd still get it either way. Or you mean like if a guy's dick is so small that his condom slips off. That's a good one. Or if like the guy refuses to wear one or he has a latex or a rubber allergy. Although it's the same material, so that wouldn't make sense either.

You know what we should do is we should have a doctor, a sex doctor on, like a gynecologist or something. We can ask him all these questions, because remember the idea, remember the word nuva ring? Yeah. Like what's that, a nuva ring? It's a ring, but where does that go? Do you know where that goes? Yeah, that just, it chills in your vagina.

Right, and that's like, that's medicine coming out of it, it's not like an actual trap. Yeah, it's not, it's not trapping any condom. It's like a hormonal. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's separate. I wonder if there's any questions where we don't have to look up the answers on Wikipedia coming up. Yeah, that'd be nice. You know, I'm not afraid to declare my ignorance.

That's, it's part of admitting being an adult really is saying, listen, I don't know everything. And as soon as I do, I'll let you guys know. And maybe out there, you guys, you guys knew that already, but very possible. We are in our 30s. We should know that. It's also possible that you don't. So I guess you're welcome for finding it out before you're on microphone as a 33 year old. Less embarrassing.

So I, I, much like a female condom, I captured the shame for you so that you don't have to wear one. Beautiful. Uh, any shows we have coming up? Um, there's, there's a few floating in the ether, but not till next year. Yeah. Uh, should we tease cities or just let it, let it be mystery for now? I like the little mystery.

Okay. Just know we are planning on going abroad. Ooh. Sometime and a couple new states or one new state sometime in January or February. And as soon as that gets solidified, we'll let you guys, we'll let you know. True. Uh, here's a funny question. It's from a male or female, the one that's written, bitch aunt stole my five grand.

I don't know actually. Uh, let's say it's a lady. Okay. Uh. We'll call her chakalaki. Chakalaki. Chakalaki. Right.

So a bit morbid, but vital to my story, my mom died almost exactly two years ago. Now, also vital, my family is hell. They're all arrogant, alcoholic, obnoxious assholes and they didn't take the loss well. My father and I at one point had to go to the hospital security to remove them from the building due to general screaming and some petty theft. Now, my mother's thinking wasn't too great in the last few months and she had some sort of government cash in for when she kicked it. That was not in my name that she wanted to put in my name. Free five grand. Some sort of consolation, right?

Wrong. My ailing mother failed to remember the bank, uh, this was associated with and my dad did no better. Turns out my aunt had been hoarding it away in her name. No doubt due to the, due in part to her Scrooge-esque husband and despite a conversation between her and my father on what could have been my mother's dying wish, she withheld what I believe is my cash. Now, my dad and I have to pay for some bullshit government tax on it while I struggle to pay my car insurance. What are your moral views on this situation? Should I talk to her personally? Could it get aggressive?

Is it wrong to dislike your family even if you think they're shitty people? Thanks in advance and hope to see you live soon. If it helps, I'm an 18 year old girl in Western Canada, so I was late the whole time. Oh, good. Love the show. Uh, so mom left lady, mom left daughter money. Uh, they can't figure out how to access said money. Uh, mom's sister figured it out and is now hoarding the five grand.

The question- They have to pay taxes on it? Yeah, as if they received it. Well, how did they, that seems wrong. Yeah, because it's like, oh, you did get the money because like, I don't have access to it. He was like, hey, I don't know what you have access to or not. You still got to pay 50% to uncle, whatever the Canadian equivalent of Sam is. Samantha.

On Samantha. Uh, what are your moral views on the situation? Uh, it seems like if she's going to take the money, she might as well at least pay taxes on it. And if she was, uh, your family members, she would, this is like a legit robbery situation. Yeah, sorry for your loss, by the way. Yeah, that's, uh, that's another bad thing, uh, lost in this email. Does it say, is the sister, is her aunt her mom's sister or her dad's sister? I'm guessing mom's sister.

I mean, you have to be mom's sister. Yeah, otherwise what's she doing about it? Dad's sister would be like, I'll take it from here. Um, brother's wife, dead wife. I guess you have to lawyer up, it seems like. Against your family, but then it's like getting into a whole other situation where you start out to paying other people. This is what I would do. Step one, tell aunt, figure it, see if you can figure it out face to face.

One, say you need to talk, step two, say come on, it's just talk. Talk to the bank. See if you can get it from the bank. Because that, how to save this money. Uh, step two, talk to the bank. Maybe they can give you access to it if it's like a, they're the ones holding it and giving your aunt access. Step three. Well, I mean, the money's gone, right?

Like, it's not like she has access to them. Like it's five grand, it's already gone. She's using it, she's using it and abusing it slowly, but surely. Step three, talk to the government. Maybe you don't have to pay taxes on it. You can prove that you never actually got the money, that your aunt stole it. Someone is responsible. Stick her with the bill.

Yeah, between your aunt, the bank. The best thing you can do is at least stick your aunt with having to pay the taxes on it. Because she probably already spent all the money. Maybe she doesn't have the like two grand of taxes or whatever it's going to be. That's a common problem that happened even to us. It's like, we made some money, we spend it all. And then it's like, oh, you have to pay taxes on the money. You're like, oh, that money is gone.

It's spent. Dude. I can't pay 50% because I don't have it anymore. Yeah, I learned that hard lesson as a, I think it was 24 or something. That's another one you can take with you. Anybody that's younger than us learned from our mistakes. My dad used to always say, you know, like everybody's got like a saying from their old man or something. Yeah.

My dad never said anything like, politics. But he said, he always said, make sure you brush your teeth and remember to pay income tax. Oh. Remember to pay your tax. Remember to pay your tax. I think it was, yeah, remember to pay your federal income tax. Yeah, that way at the very least you have good gums and you're not in jail. Yes.

And I have shitty gums and I am in jail. Listen to my dad folks. Unrelated to the taxes though. And then my other bit of advice is to talk to the aunt with your dad because if your aunt is anything like some people I know, they don't respect people who are 30 years younger than them. If my niece went up to me and asked for cash, I would laugh her off. You would slap her across the face. And if my brother did it with my niece, I'd have to listen to her. Because your brother could still kick your ass.

Actually, my niece can kick my ass too. If you and your two brothers all got into a fight, who do you think would win? Ooh, good question. I guess my oldest brother because he is strong and weighs the most. You think he's more than Ben? Ben's got long reach. Ben's got long reach but he's slender like me. Mm-hmm.

Your ear is thick and I feel like he's got dad strength. Yeah, I feel like he would just spear tackle you. Yeah. And then look at Ben and go, Start running, bitch. And Ben would. He would take off because he would see me there and he would say not me. Long strides on that one by the way.

He's a gazelle. Ghost gone. Cloud of smoke, Ben shaped. You reach for it. He's a mile away. There are no brothers in a fight. All right. Next question.

God, what a fucking, what happened last night? No. Oh, yeah, sorry. Focus. Eye on the prize, baby. Eye on the prize. Let's call this guy shy. S-H-A-I.

We're having fun. Comedy is real. Yeah. We're laughing because this is an escape. What's up, dudes? Right. Shy. Listen to the show every Monday and sometimes Thursday.

Hey. My girl's on a Thursday today. I'm not a fan of hooking up with girls randomly, but I had my first one night stand a few weeks ago and I don't know what to make of it. I at least try to know slash like someone beforehand to make sure everything is cool before we take things to the bedroom. But this was a heat of the moment move

and drunk me couldn't pass it up. We both walked away the next day. I guess mutually feeling it was a one-time deal. But why do I feel so weird about it? Most guys I know are the bone and walk away types, but I think it's just douchey. I don't like feeling like this, but who knows if it could happen again.

Is there anything I could do to step away from the hookup culture? That everyone else seems to be okay with? Or should I just go with the flow like everyone else? Note, I'm 25 and really have been having sex for the past four years or so. So this guy doesn't like one night stands. One night stands. Keep at it. What?

I think he's got to keep at it. So like keep seeing this girl or keep one night standing until he's desensitized like the rest of society. Yeah, you can get there. Yeah, when they go low, you go low with them and have more one night stands. Oh, the weird thing about one night stands is that how do you know if it's a one night stand until you like, what if you hook up with that person again? So isn't it only truly a one night stand when you die,

thus eliminating the need or possibility for the second night of standing? I guess you could lead some sort of weird religious cult with that. Like true one night stands where you fuck and then kill yourself. Yeah, because that's the only way to make it truthfully a one night stand. Otherwise, there's a possibility of hooking up again and then it becomes a two night stand, which isn't really a stand at all. It's a sit. It's a two night sit and a three night lean and a four night lay.

Ooh, I like a lay. Yeah. Have you ever had sex with somebody and just like not gotten their number? Yeah. Maybe so, yes. So that's, I think that's a good way to know that it's a one night stand when you're on a trip or something too. Yeah.

Oh, like when the odds of you seeing that person again are so slim. Yeah. What was I going to say? The not knowing. Oh, have you ever had a two night stand? What a rarity. Plenty. If you were to line up all the people you slept with in order of how often,

how many times, how many nights you've spent with them? Wouldn't you say two or three is the most rare? Two or three. No, not for me. That's probably the most common. I like to do shit twice. And then so two is more common than once. Interesting.

I'm not counting two times in one evening. Yeah. I'm kind of like one night and then another night and then you're done. Sometimes years in the future. So you're, I'm on like a 10 year cycle. You're like fashion. Yeah. I like to, I like to revisit shit.

Oh, really? But only once. I don't know. I'm a fucking weirdo. So you're a, you're a sequel, not a trilogy, man. Yeah. Big into sequel. That's another rarity.

What movie has, there's a sequel, but not a trilogy. Like this movie did great. Let's make another one. And that's enough. We're done. It's over. It's fine. The sequel was good.

How many of those are there? Is there a number two, but not a number three? Alvin and the chipmunks, the squeak wool. Yeah. But there was two squeak wools. Yeah. Then they did a couple, like a road trip and a chipmunk. A sequel without trilogy is a Google search.

But you say you have more of those sexually than one night stands. I don't believe that. No, I probably have more one night stands, but I think I have a surprising amount of sequel. God, all I'm seeing is Star Wars. All I can see is Star Wars. Well, that's, there's way more than three. The trilogy.

Yeah. The thing is, if you search sequel or trilogy, the internet just assumes you're talking about Star Wars. Oh. As they should. All right. So this guy does not like uno night stands. Yeah.

He does not like them Sam, you are. I think that makes him good. I think that's a good thing to have. I think that makes him empathetic and thoughtful. I don't think it's a bad thing. I don't think it's a bad thing, but I don't think it's like liking one night stands is a bad thing either. It just, if I were to like impose a trait onto a son of mine, I would be like, I'd rather

him not like one night stands than like them. Oh no, I want my son to fuck. I want my daughter to fuck. I want whoever wants to fuck to fuck. Whoever doesn't like it doesn't have to. Yeah. What I'm saying, I'd rather, I'd rather. Choose.

Yeah. If I could choose, I would say, oh, it's nice to want to have some sort of emotional connection with the person you're sleeping with. So. You don't have to have it, but it's nice to want to have it. The fact that he wants to have to have it is pretty nice. Not the fact that he has to have to have it. Obviously he doesn't have to have it, but he can want to have to have it.

He should want to have to have it. I at the very least think you should want to have to have it. You're giving me a migraine somehow. I think you should have to want to have it. Well, do you? Do you? Fuck no. So you want your son to have a different.

Oh, I want my son to be much more empathetic than me. Yeah, I am mentally disconnected. Oh, I see. Yeah. Don't be like me, little one. Little boy. I'm able to even go longer with ladies while still not being emotionally connected. Right.

Well, I guess, I mean, I think that the, to me anyway, the thing to do here is to separate, what am I trying to say? Church and state. That, that's for one thing. You know, it's, it's, it is good to want to have a connection. It's especially, it's especially good if it's like the person that you're sleeping with wants, wants to have that. Because I know I've personally confused and hurt people by like making a one night stand

into something that they did not think was going to be one night or like making sex in one night stand when they thought there might be more. Yeah. And I think it's also fine to recognize when somebody wanted to just sleep with you once. That's okay. Has that ever happened to you where you're like, oh, let's hang out again. I'm like, no, one night was good. Some version of that.

Yeah. It was like, should I get your number? And like, no, you don't have to. All right. Now I want it. I'll look you up on Facebook. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't, I don't really have Facebook. Who doesn't have that? At least you have Instagram. You have a cold. Do you hang out at the whiskey then? That's where we bad. I'll see you again. Won't I?

Oh, my freaking post nasal drip. Oh, shit, man. Well, I definitely gave you a little bit of a sniffle. So I'll be with you for the next eight days. Let's hold up together. Eat soup and rent movies. I'm Harry Carey now. So I think that this guy, I think it's, it's cool to want to have to have it, the connection.

But you don't have to want to have to have it, you know? Now you're on board. Now I'm on board. Now that I got it. All right. Cool. That's it. Let's get the fuck out of here.

This is a bonus Thursday episode. Hope you enjoyed it. Hope you appreciated it. Thanks to our sponsors for bringing us back on a short week. We will be back on Monday as always. As always. As always. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

The opening theme song was, what was his name again? Archer. Austin Archer. Austin Archer. What we've done is Eric, which is based on a song that we sang sort of as a joke on a previous episode recently called If I Shove It Up My Ass. So thanks to Austin. Thanks to Eric.

Thanks to you guys for listening. If you have any more theme song submissions or questions for us, the email address for everything is, if I were you, show at gmail.com. Now let's let Eric take it away with his personal rendition of If I Shove It Up My Ass. I cannot wait for this. God, let's put that at the end of the next episode too. That's too good.