If I Were You - 249: Snapchat (w/Gil Ozeri!)

Episode Date: December 12, 2016

Friend/comedian/lover Gil Ozeri joins us to discuss cousins, birth control, and his popular Snapchat account.Brought to you by BlueApron, TrunkClub, and the new HeadGum store!See omny.fm/listener for ...privacy information.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Monday, 12, 12, 2012. Sorry, Monday, 12, 12, 2016. Nice. 12, 12, 12 sounded like it would be a bigger deal. It's only going to be that date one time in history. Isn't that crazy? 12, 12, 12? Well, it would be, yeah, in 100 years it'll be that. Yeah, but that's it.
Starting point is 00:00:22 Well, what about 12, 12 at 12, 12, 12? That's only once ever. Did anyone care when that happened? Or am I just wasting my fucking breath? 12, 12, 12 was when the world was supposed to end, wasn't it? Oh, that was the mind calendar thing? I think so. This episode is brought to you by our very own Head Gum Store.
Starting point is 00:00:40 Did you know Head Gum had a store? Yes, dude. Very good. And it's funny you mentioned that because we finally have Yes, Dude Shirts. Shirts, dude. Yes, shirts. Gray, green, blue, red, a different shade of blue. They come in all sorts of styles thanks to Andre Luis Santos for designing.
Starting point is 00:01:02 Oh, there's also Yes, Dude's Hoodies. Oh, fuck yeah. There's also Head Gum Swell Water Bottles. Swell Water Bottles, very high quality water bottles. The price on that guy is 35 bucks. Well, not too bad. Not too shabbat at all. So, if you're interested in getting a loved one that happens to be a Head Gum fan,
Starting point is 00:01:23 there's also Head Gum Shirts and sweatshirts and hoodies. Go to store.headgum.com. That's store.headgum.com. We're already getting some tweets, pictures of people wearing the Yes, Dude Shirts. And to that, we do say yes, dude. We say to da, dude. And if you have any ideas for shirts from our podcast or any Head Gum podcast, we can finally add them to our store.
Starting point is 00:01:47 Store is sort of bare for now, but it's going to grow very soon, dude. Bottles and Yes, Dude Shirts, that's all we got. Remember when we were here when it was just bottles and Yes, Dude Shirts? Because that's about to change. We're going to be fucking H&M in the year. We're going to merch. We're going to be Uniqlo. March, march, march, march, march, march, march, march, march, march, march.
Starting point is 00:02:11 So, check it out. Just in time for the holidays, I think. Oh, an iPhone case, too. That's store.headgum.com. Very fun episode today. Gillo Zerry was in the house. Big fan. Big fan.
Starting point is 00:02:25 And you guys will be, too. Things, of course, got real. Let's get started right away. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Rebecca with the wagon wheel cover. Thank you. That we specifically asked for. Gil, do you know wagon wheel?
Starting point is 00:03:33 The school for children. Yeah, that's right. The school for children. That was a cover of that. That was a cover of a school. Most people choose songs. Rebecca covered a school. No, it's a song called wagon wheel that we talked about in a previous episode.
Starting point is 00:03:48 And we asked people to make a parody. Thankfully, Rebecca Watts did. Gracias. So thanks, Rebecca. Gillo Zerry in the house. Hi. We don't always have a guest. And we rarely have a first-time guest this late in the game.
Starting point is 00:04:02 You snuck into the first 250. This is episode 249. We got you in right in the first 250. That's when things get crazy after 250. That's when they, like, introduce third characters and, like, you know, like the cousin. Yeah, weird twists and turns to keep people interested. You're basically the cousin Oliver if I were you. Oh, sweet.
Starting point is 00:04:22 Perfect. Yeah, we should say that you're the permanent co-host. Because, yeah, a spin-off. I don't even know if you know that yet. I don't. Now, I'm excited to be here forever. Lock the door. Thanks for coming all the way down to our studio.
Starting point is 00:04:36 Oh, thanks for having me. How would our fans know who you are? Who are you? How do we know you? We know each other from New York, right? Yeah, you do comedy scene. Yeah, you do comedy in New York. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:48 You were an improv team or was it a sketch team with Ben for a while? We were both. It was called Hot Sauce. Yeah. Ben Schwartz and Adam Pally. Yeah. And you. Three people.
Starting point is 00:04:59 And me. Yes. Three people. Three dudes. Three identical morons. Finally. Yeah. It's pretty crazy how that improv group, like, those three people are pretty successful
Starting point is 00:05:11 for three comedians who did improv 10 years ago, right? Sure. Yeah. Way above average. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. I mean, would you consider them successful? Define success.
Starting point is 00:05:26 They both seem to be happy in their lives. I mean, you're married. Yes. All three of us are probably happy. I know for a fact, not all three of you are happy. Yeah, that's right. Because I played a nasty prank on Adam Pally this morning. Did you?
Starting point is 00:05:45 No. That'd be awesome. Still keeping in touch with those guys? Yes, I do. That's awesome. Yeah. It is pretty great. Keeping in touch is pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:05:56 That's actually what I'm here to talk to you guys about. Text your moms. I remember last, it was last year at South by is when we hung out a bunch. Yeah, we did. With Ben and you. That was a lot of fun. For the headgum festival. And that's when you started your Snapchat account.
Starting point is 00:06:14 I did, yes. Holy shit, that wasn't the beginning. Yeah, that was that. It wasn't even a year ago. No, it was like seven or eight months. Wow, it feels like forever. Yeah. Can you imagine there was a time in your life before your Snapchat?
Starting point is 00:06:24 It feels like another lifetime, doesn't it? Pain. Just so much pain between then and now. I don't want to get too into it, but does it, does it, do you feel like... We've talked about this on the show before, but Gil has like the funniest, most insane Snapchat. Oh, thank you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:42 It's better than DJ Khaled. Wow. Wow. Which is a high mark, yeah. Yeah. High hurdle. Gil discovered Snapchat. I guess you already knew about it, but you started snapping last April.
Starting point is 00:06:54 Doing some crazy things when not a lot of people were watching. No, no. It was basically me, Jake, and 40 people. It was exactly. The wind down your pants. And then, yeah, and like 40 people. You're like, wait, why are you jumping in public fountains for us four? That's when it felt the most worth it.
Starting point is 00:07:11 Now, many more people are watching, and would you say you're doing less crazy stuff? I'm a view slut. Yeah, less crazy stuff? I don't think totally less. You shredded your hair last night. Yeah, that's true. Not totally less. But you haven't destroyed anything.
Starting point is 00:07:29 Yeah, no. I haven't destroyed. Not recently. All right. Not my car. Hopefully soon. I want to talk about more after the break, but we got. Okay, cool.
Starting point is 00:07:38 Let's first try, at the very least, try to answer some people's questions. This is If I Were You. It's an advice podcast. Great. So people will email us at the show, and Jake and I will try to do our best. If you were them. If you were them. That's correct.
Starting point is 00:07:52 So we're trying to give these people advice. What would we do in their shoes? Sometimes it just means, Jake, sometimes we have very funny friends in the house. Can I ask a question? Sure. Do you guys ever feel guilty about the advice that you give? Yeah, one time you gave some pretty shady STD advice. Yeah, but I made good on that.
Starting point is 00:08:11 I told people that they didn't have to get tested for STDs. If they didn't show symptoms of it. Yeah, because I was like, if you had an STD, you would know. And then somebody from Planned Parenthood got in touch with me and they said that was very dangerous. Oh, wow. So I went back and I said that they never answered. Maybe you should start a podcast.
Starting point is 00:08:28 Maybe. People will listen to your shit. Hey, sweetheart. And then why don't you talk about it on your show? That's right, because you're not funny. What if I want people to die? Then I went to the doctor. I went to the doctor and they were like, because I also, part of me making good, I said I was
Starting point is 00:08:43 going to go get tested for STDs. Oh, that was nice. And I did. And I went to the doctor and they were like, what do you want to get tested for? I was like, everything. They're like, well, what symptoms do you have? I was like, what? You're supposed to be able to test.
Starting point is 00:08:54 And then you looked. You were proved correct by a doctor. You look at your email and the email was never there at all. It was just like conscious. Yeah. E-mailing you, like the telltale heart. No, no. Everybody get tested even if you don't have to.
Starting point is 00:09:08 Yeah. Just give blanket overarching safe. Like, look both ways. Don't drive past the speed limit. The condom advice, too. Yeah. Always wear a condom, even if you're not sexually active. Even if you're not having sex.
Starting point is 00:09:19 You don't know what you can fall into. Yeah, folks. So we have a question right here from, oh, this might be from a lady. I thought it was from a guy, but it was, it was, it appears to be from a lady. So what we do is you give these people fake names just so we can talk about them preserving their anonymity. Oh, you actually did this for us once at our live show. I think it was.
Starting point is 00:09:43 That's right. Yeah. It was at South by. Yeah. Ben asked you to come up with names. So for the second time ever, can you come up with a lady's name to call this lady? Dasha. So I saw that.
Starting point is 00:09:55 D-E-S-H-A. Okay. Last name. Oh, Nidus. You are good at this. Dasha, Oh, Nidus. That's great. Can we call you every time we recall?
Starting point is 00:10:03 Yeah, totally. Just leave us a voicemail of 20 names every week. Just call into the voicemail and keep leaving. All right. Dasha, Oh, Nidus. Right. This is my second time this week emailing you with a sticky situation for Christmas. My best friend's girlfriend asked me if I wanted to cover a song for my best friend as a Christmas
Starting point is 00:10:31 gift. Now I play guitar, but I'm really bad. I'm not even being modest. I suck ass. I'm really slow at changing chords and I'm not precise at all. Hell, I'm worse than Jake. Is that that? I told the girlfriend that I would try out the song and to get back to her, but that
Starting point is 00:10:50 I couldn't make any promises because I'm not very good. My best friend even warned the girlfriend about this since I've been playing guitar for three years and I haven't played a lick of it in front of my best friend. Fast forward to a few weeks and I've gotten down the first bit of the song and it's extremely rough. The girlfriend is very musically inclined, so I'm afraid that she'll be really critical of my horrible skills. To add to that, she wants to put it on YouTube.
Starting point is 00:11:14 I'm totally uncomfortable with any of this anymore and I'm afraid to let it go too far. The girlfriend is really excited and has already arranged her part, which is a violin, for the cover. I don't have the heart to tell her I'm backing out, but I don't want to be on the girlfriend's bad side, but according to my best friend, she gets frustrated really easily. So what should I do? Can I back out? Am I too late?
Starting point is 00:11:35 I'm freaking out. Help. Love, Dasha. Dasha. Does any of this stuff ring true to you? Have you ever done a half favor and then found yourself weeds down the line and you're like, shit. I think so.
Starting point is 00:11:48 I shouldn't have said yes at all. I feel like once you commit, you have a window to quit. That's a nice rhyme, too. Once you commit, you've got a window to quit. I think it's like a marriage axiom. I feel like you have a small window, but once you're down the road, a couple weeks. It's like changing your flight. Changing your flight.
Starting point is 00:12:07 You have 24 hours after you purchase it. Sometimes you're just stuck. Yeah. What do you guys think? You can always change for a small fee and the difference in fare. I'd like to surrender my favor for $50. You could go just credit and then find a cheaper flight. Oh, for a favor later.
Starting point is 00:12:24 Yeah. What was the question? Remember when the time we said we would do somebody's student film sort of haphazardly? Oh, yeah. And then I was booked solid for a month. It turned out to be a much bigger shoot than you've ever imagined by the time you read the script. It was too late.
Starting point is 00:12:41 Yeah. And then I also had to commit. Oh, man. You missed your window to quit? I really did. And then I was in. Well, what I did was I tried to not even say yes. I was just like, I'm super busy.
Starting point is 00:12:52 I'm sorry. And then he came up to me and he was like, I want you to do it. He just showed me a calendar. He's like, you just show me when you're free. Yeah. I was like, well, shit. My only excuse. This is where I learned a really valuable lesson was to never say you're busy.
Starting point is 00:13:08 Never say an excuse that somebody can get out of. Can get out of, yeah. Totally. That's like blowing you and going, just say yes or no while I blow you. No, no, no. Yeah. I feel like also there's the thing of like, whenever I agree to do like a show, I'm always like the day of, I'm like, why, you fucking asshole, why?
Starting point is 00:13:31 And I've noticed the further out it is, the more likely you are to say yes. So it's like, will you do our show in April? I'm like, yeah, sure. Yeah, you don't even think about it. But if that same show is like, will you do a show this Saturday? Yeah. Like, I don't know if I can do this. Yeah, because you're like, I'm going to die someday too.
Starting point is 00:13:46 So whatever. And then, but then actually the, right after the show, you're just like, that wasn't that bad. I'll say yes the next time. I've learned nothing. I just hate making plans in general. See, you don't like to commit at all. It's my least favorite thing in the world.
Starting point is 00:14:04 What about RSVPing to like, like we're getting birthday party invites, let's say. You're getting the paperless post. Are you RSVPing yes or no? Are you leaving it? I RSVP to everything, yes, because I like people to have like a little like, oh, look, Jake's on top of it. That's what you can always say no, right? You can always say no later.
Starting point is 00:14:21 I mean, I guess that's just answering the questions. I'm the big RSVP yes text, no, like day off. Yeah. I'm a huge, I'm a huge say no. And then if it's, if it's likely I'll show up, then it's like pleasantly surprised. Yeah. Either way, we lie first. Lie first, tell the truth, second.
Starting point is 00:14:42 So what would you say to this person specifically? It's too late for her to lie. I think so. She's a couple of weeks down the road. She can't, she can't pull it out. No. I, I, I, it sounds like she's not practicing. She's been weeks.
Starting point is 00:14:53 She's not doing the work. She's like, it has been weeks and I haven't gotten any, any better. I know she has not been sitting with the guitar the entire time. Yeah. I think she has a leg to stand on though in like putting it online and she could say like, I would rather you not do that. That's true. You got to find the thing that changed since you agreed to it.
Starting point is 00:15:10 Yes. So yeah. The rules of the game have changed. Yeah. You've broken the contract. Therefore it's null and void. Like if you said yes to a show at UCB and then like the day before they're like, it's actually going to be at the pit and you'd be like, I can't do that.
Starting point is 00:15:24 Yeah. Definitely. Are you crazy? I'm a UCB only kind of guy. Oh God, it feels so good when you want to cancel and somebody else cancels. Yeah. Cause then it's all the shame of, uh, on them and all the joy for you. You know what I liked about Dasha's question that she used the word hell as like a pivot.
Starting point is 00:15:43 Like hell. I didn't even want like, I haven't heard that in a long time. Oh yeah. Bye God. Yeah. Bye God. Wow. Just skimming this email, uh, she never used the word like that.
Starting point is 00:15:56 You were going to say that regardless, hoping that I wouldn't call you out. That's what you like about yourself. Hell, I love it too. Wait, it's not there? No, it is. I'm just joking. Oh, okay. I actually haven't found it.
Starting point is 00:16:09 That's why. But you were right about me. I do. I see a little notebook that you brought that was like, bring up the hell thing. Yeah. You just crossed it off. Test the waters about the hell thing. And then say like, for the next question, be like, I like the part where she compliments
Starting point is 00:16:22 me. All right. So you're saying too late. You got to come in. I think so. But you got the little out of the YouTube thing. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:31 Then it's just embarrassing yourself in front of your friend and your girlfriend. His girlfriend. Agreed. Okay. All right. All right. All right. Uh, next question comes from a guy.
Starting point is 00:16:40 So we need a guy's name. Oh, uh, Roy. Oh. Smooth save. Roy, I saved it at the last minute. I think I saved it. Right? Uh, Grego.
Starting point is 00:16:52 Roy. Right for Grego. God damn these names are good. Uh, dear guys, for Christmas, my workplace is having a adopt a family drive where we buy presents for families that can't afford it. My coworkers are all attempting to gather as much cash as possible in order to buy some pretty expensive gifts that some kids have asked for. Things like an iPod and a $200 dollar doll.
Starting point is 00:17:15 My coworkers have asked for it. Whoa. My stomach iPods. iPod touch. My coworkers have asked me to dig into my pockets to donate multiple times now. However, I'm a college student that is trying to save money. I also think it's a little fishy that a kid who's supposed to be poor is asking for such expensive gifts.
Starting point is 00:17:35 All right. I know it sounds terrible, but I don't want to give up my hard earned cash. How do I tell my coworkers this without them hating me? They all know that I just got my paycheck, so I can't say that I don't have any money. Does it make me a bad person to not want to donate to this specific charity? I look forward to your reply. What do you think? What are your initial reactions?
Starting point is 00:18:03 Instant feedback, gut thoughts. I feel like he can say, if he really has an issue, it sounds like it depends on what his issue is. If it's like, I don't want to give my money up, that's one thing. If he doesn't have, if he's in a situation where he really can't give money, then I don't think he should be forced to do it, right? I don't know. At what point is the money that you give better than saying no at all?
Starting point is 00:18:32 For example, saying no is probably better than giving a dollar. No, that's not true. You're saying you can give a dollar? A dollar isn't a slap in the face? Well, I guess a dollar is a slap in the face. At what point does the dollar amount become better than saying no? I mean, a dollar, no is a slap in the face too, but no is like you're making some sort of moral space.
Starting point is 00:18:53 He also has the option to say, fuck you, which is like selectively worse. Well, fuck you, there's no and there's a dollar. Those are there's three options. Fuck you's a punch in the gut, $1 is a slap in the face. But a $2 bill, that's just interesting. So you're saying $5 is fine? I think he's got to say like legitimately ask himself how much he can give if they're doing it.
Starting point is 00:19:18 It is sort of rude to assume that everyone can give the same amount of money. Yeah. But nobody's expecting him to do the full price of the doll, right? No, yeah, I don't think I don't think I doubt everybody's going to the American Dolls store and buy in a little a Rebecca. We all know Rebecca's the best one. Is there still Kirsten? I don't know actually.
Starting point is 00:19:36 I never had American girl dolls if you can imagine. But you have nieces and you buy them American. You've been to the American Girl Dolls store more recently than I have. And somehow you know Rebecca. Rebecca's the Jewish one. That's the extent of my knowledge. You did just say like Rebecca's the best one and then say, I don't know American Girl Dolls.
Starting point is 00:19:54 I don't know Kirsten, I said. How about just that last question, does it make me a bad person to not want to donate to this charity? I think it makes you a bad person to not want to donate to any charity. Now we're opening it up. Let me think about that. Just take a four hour break. To this specific charity, maybe not.
Starting point is 00:20:16 I've been in that situation where I'm like looking at a charity and then being like, oh, this one's for toys for kids, but isn't there like sex trafficking? Yeah. I want to donate to that one. Or if it's like, hey, this one saves raccoons in Asia and you're like, wait, why don't we do humans in America? Why is he so against this one specifically? I think he thinks that poor people shouldn't be asking for such expensive gifts.
Starting point is 00:20:40 That's ridiculous. That's absolutely ridiculous. Yeah. So you're saying it's okay to not want to give it to them? Poor people should want like what? Like a fucking lettuce for fucking Christmas? Just give me a can of beans, sir. That's what they already have into the stereotype.
Starting point is 00:20:55 I think you don't want to get, you do not want to like, screw yourself and get into this situation of like, okay, poor people can have beans and not iPods. What about the cup and ball? For the ball, a lot of ball on a string as shitty gifts, paddle ball or you really don't want to lose the ball. Yeah. That string's expensive too, I don't know. Can you just do just a ball and a paddle, no string?
Starting point is 00:21:21 You're poor. This is what you deserve. Don't have any dreams. Nothing comes back to you. Yeah. It's a single use, so you smack the ball and it's just forever gone. So what's the advisor? Just give a little.
Starting point is 00:21:36 Yeah. Give a little bit. I don't think that anybody in this company is going to be like, hey, you only gave five bucks, we all know what your paycheck is. Yeah. You should give a little more, because they don't know what you do with your money. Are you really making a fucking huge stink about this? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:54 It's just a charity, just help out and be quiet. I try to be miserly with my money in any way. I think about just occasionally spending like $30 on a porn subscription or something or like $200 on a bar tab when I'm trashed. I should just not buy nine vodka Red Bulls when I go out. And then you could do this. Yeah. Or you should get hammered at home and just open up a giving website.
Starting point is 00:22:19 What is that called? The Charity Advisor? I could straight up buy an American Girl Doll store if I just streamed free porn from now on. If I could trade in my cum for... You would have saved like four families. Starving families in Africa if they could eat my seed. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:22:40 Sorry. I'm just nodding. Charity Navigator is the website that tells you specifically which charities are, I guess, better than others? And they sponsor this show. Yeah. They should. We would take money from them.
Starting point is 00:22:53 And the answer is always your foundation, isn't it? Weird. Yeah. Spelled Navigator is slightly incorrectly, so that I got all the money. Now it's charitynavigator.org. All right. Let's answer one more question before the break. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:07 I want to get to a sexy one. We usually get a lot of sexy ones, but those are two non-sexy ones. Here's a sexy one. This one's called Friends' Cousin. Okay. Mm-hmm. So... These guys have sex with their friends' cousin.
Starting point is 00:23:24 It's a 16-year-old's name, a 16-year-old male's name. Joyce Pepsi. Joyce Pepsi. Or is it Joyce Joyce Pepsi? Joyce Joyce Pepsi. It's like duck duck goose at the Pepsi headquarters. Joyce. Joyce.
Starting point is 00:23:45 Joyce Pepsi. Joyce. All right. I'm 16 and a junior in high school and I have a bit of a problem. I'm in love with my best friend's cousin. She's a complete dime and a total smoke show and just a great person to be around. She's 17 and a senior and doesn't go to my school, so I don't see her often. But when I do, it's always a great time.
Starting point is 00:24:06 I really want to... I really want Sinatra writing this. Hell, we really have a kickback. I really want to ask her out, but there are a couple of problems. First, I don't think she even knows that I like her, let alone that I'm in love with her, so I have no idea what she would say if I asked her. Second, I don't know how my best friend would react to this. He said jokingly in the past things like, bro, if you dated my cousin, we'd be related.
Starting point is 00:24:31 He was high when he said it, so I'm not sure if he meant it. So my question is, should I try to get over her because it's just too complicated? Should I talk to my friend first to see if he's okay with it? Or should I just seize the cheese and ask her out? Any advice would really help. Also, since she's a senior in high school, she's going to be going to college next year and I'll have to wait another year, so would it even be worth it to ask her out at this point when she could be leaving in six months to college?
Starting point is 00:24:57 It went from Sinatra to Woody Allen. I mean, how could you say that? Thanks so much for your help. Love, Joyce Pepsi. Joyce, Joyce Pepsi. Thoughts? I guess he's worried that he shouldn't ask out the cousin. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:19 Because his friend might get mad. Well, two reasons. One, she doesn't know that he likes her, which is not a real reason not to ask someone out. That was the first question. Silly. That's the reason to ask someone out. Yeah, exactly. You find out.
Starting point is 00:25:34 Should I ask her out? I'm afraid she doesn't know that I like her. Without her knowing that, the question sort of feels like it's coming out of left field. Two, would you date your friend's cousin or is that too complicated of a sticky situation? Of course not. Friend's cousin. Friend's cousin? It's not like it's, you know, a sibling or something.
Starting point is 00:25:56 I mean, even then, it's like fine. It feels like just ask, I guess, the friend and say, hey, listen, I'm going to do this. Well, you maybe don't even ask permission. Definitely not. It's yeah. Just say, hey, I'm interested. You better not hurt my fucking cousin. Gail, are you married?
Starting point is 00:26:10 Yes. Is she happening to be your best friend's cousin? Well, the cousin is my friend. You're married to your cousin. You cut out, you eliminated the middle man. I wonder if you can go back and then now become friends with your wife's cousins. That way you can sort of relate to this guy. Family sort of disowned the guys.
Starting point is 00:26:28 Yeah. Would you date a friend's cousin? I think so. It doesn't feel that, I mean, like, it doesn't feel that crazy. You realize that cousins could be male, so what you just admitted to was that you were willing to be gay. Hey, why not? I mean, I don't, I, yeah, I don't, I don't see an issue unless it's like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:46 Just say, hey, I'm going to do this. If he has, or she has an issue, they'll say, hey, look, I have an issue with it. And then you say? And then you say, why? Yeah, you say, fuck you again. Yeah. That's your cousin, man. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:58 What about sister, friend's sister? Still okay? A little weirder? Um, it would, I mean, it would depend. It would depend on the situation. How, like, how long do I know this person for? Twins. Twins.
Starting point is 00:27:10 Twins. Siamese. Twins. Best friend's twin. Male twin in a wig. Occasionally kissing the friend. This sounds like it, did the guy, when he was high, he said he had an issue. Is that what?
Starting point is 00:27:25 It was. When he was high, he said, this is so unrelated to this thing, I think. Yeah. When he was high, the guy said, if, if you dated my cousin, we'd be related, which is untrue. Right. So. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:39 That's not how dating works. Very complicated. Family traits. Little cousins. Cause I fucked my own cousin. Uh, and then I liked the, the mental out that he's giving himself. It's like, you know, she's going to college anyway in six months. It's not going to work.
Starting point is 00:27:51 Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't do it. Six months is a real long time to date somebody. Yeah. That sounds like an excuse. That sounds like an excuse. So, well, we can say, because it's easy to be us, is just go for it. Just go for it.
Starting point is 00:28:03 Even though it's scary. Would you ask the cousin for permission first? I wouldn't ask the cousin for permission. Not permission. Bring it up and like, not even in a way of like, I'm going to ask her out. I'd be like, man, I have like a huge crush on your cousin. It is a small sly. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:17 And then he's, and then he's like, oh, I can help set that up. I think she likes you too. Oh, that's, that is the dream. Obviously. Of course. He says she likes you too. Yeah. But what if she, what if he's like, I wouldn't do that.
Starting point is 00:28:28 Then do you still go for it? Well, I guess you could maybe glean some information. Yeah. So that's the not asking for permission part. Yeah. I feel like asking for permit. It's like, why does another person get to decide whether, you know. Especially with cousins, man.
Starting point is 00:28:42 Are you so close to any of your cousins that you would like care about who they dated? No, not care, but it would be, I guess, kind of interesting. It would be, it would not, it would not register on me. If I wanted to date your cousin. Yeah. I would be like, huh, that's interesting. Like I would understand as a human being, if it affected someone else's life, and I would be like, look, I get it, whatever.
Starting point is 00:29:02 But you sort of weigh like what you want versus those things. I don't know. Honestly, I was just, time does this guy spend with his cousin. Yeah. It'd be real weird if you dated my cousin. Cousins really run a gamut. You can have cousins that are like one out of a hundred, or like cousins that are like borderline.
Starting point is 00:29:18 Right. You have cousins that have never met. Yeah. Yeah. Just like Frenching cousins. Just like you just fucking kiss them, and that's all. You have a sister, right? I do, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:27 Would you be down or okay, or has any of your friends ever made out with your sister? People, yeah, made out, possibly. Fingered, definitely. Yeah, I don't know. But yes, people I know, who I've been friends with before they dated my sister, have dated my sister. Oh, and did they tell you? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:47 But not, I mean, I found out. I don't remember exactly the timeline, but no one has ever gone like, can I have your sisters? Can I do this? I feel like that's almost like, it almost makes the woman feel like, what? You need permission? Like it's like she's an object that she's like there to be like, you know, bargained over? Well, if you do this with her.
Starting point is 00:30:08 As you know, I am the hate keeper to my sister. Yeah, exactly. All the roads to my sister pass through me. Yeah. It's also funny. The question is inherently misogyny. If you're 13 years younger than your sister, you ask the little boy next to her, may I have your sister's hand?
Starting point is 00:30:21 She's got to pay the older brother tax, man. I'm going to give you a knuckle sandwich, brother. I think it is. Any time it's happened with my sisters, I usually find out after, like someone will be like, oh, I like asked. Yeah. Like I'm dating your sister. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:39 And then I have to sort of be like, oh, all right. Good to know. GTK brother. All right. Cool. Let's take the break now. We'll thank a few sponsors while we're away and we'll be right back with more Gill after this.
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Starting point is 00:33:27 Everything looks good. Let's launch it. Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off that first purchase. Thank you, Squarespace. And we're back. How many people watch your Snapchat? Oh, come on. What?
Starting point is 00:33:43 You have to reveal that here. Is it a private? Is it a secret? You don't have to say if you're not comfortable. No, I'm fine. Wait, let me take a sip of my drinks when you say it. There was a time around. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:33:56 He actually did a spit take on his computer. There was around like 50,000 views per snap when Snapchat updated their sort of program. They updated so it doesn't roll into the next snap. My views went down. Did you notice that? You know, my views did go down and that happened, but I didn't realize the correlation. Yes. Yeah, rolling into the next snap.
Starting point is 00:34:21 Yeah, which I guess is better. You know more who's actually clicking on your name to watch the Snapchat. The numbers are more honest, but lower. Interesting. That's pretty crazy. So now it's like a bat down to four people again. Back into the fountain kill. It's because your name on Snapchat is DJ Khalida.
Starting point is 00:34:40 So you were just getting spill off. Exactly. I've been getting spill off. That's crazy. 50,000. Yeah. From just literally zero. Yes, from zero.
Starting point is 00:34:50 50 grand is like. One of the first people that just like almost like a kid that started on Vine and like, you're like one of the first people that started on Snapchat, right? I don't know how long it was. Were you guys on it for a while before April? I think it was around for like a good while. Snapchat used to be more of a messenger thing. Right.
Starting point is 00:35:12 I don't know when stories. Sex picks for kids. Right. And then the stories. I would not like sex picks for kids. You were the pioneer. I was the one collecting all the kids. All right, children, let's do it.
Starting point is 00:35:24 Yeah, the idea of using it as content creation didn't come until later, I think. Where it's like, oh, they're telling us how many people are watching. I can do something with that. Right. I guess most people use it to, you know, whatever, to do sort of like whatever, you know, just snapping what's around them and what they're doing sort of. Right. Do you, do you.
Starting point is 00:35:47 I do that less and less, I guess. Do you ever chat or use that functionality? I do. Yeah. I mean, people will send me videos and. Oh, it's open. You're open. I'm totally open.
Starting point is 00:35:57 What's your Snapchat name? It's Gil Ozeri. That's it. T-I-L-O-Z-E-R-I. Oh, perfect. Do you, are you like kind of, I don't want to say ashamed because that's like putting too much like pressure on it, but like, are you like scared of like, oh, I'm not just a Snapchat guy or like, you're totally embracing the Snapchat.
Starting point is 00:36:12 Yeah, I don't care. I mean, it's, I mean, like. Because you've been doing comedy for like 15 years. I've made fun of people who were on Vine. Right. I can take it also. I get that it's Snapchat. I get what it is.
Starting point is 00:36:25 But also I'm like, the only thing that's sort of defining about it is that it's like really, it's like quick stuff, but I feel like it could be, I could release it, all these things on any platform and it would still be the same sort of content. I mean, some of my stuff is like 10 seconds, but other stuff is like 10 snaps, you know, my 10 snap and it's like a minute and a half. The death of a salesman stuff. Yeah. Oh, thanks, man.
Starting point is 00:36:56 I thought you were actually going to die or hurt yourself with the death one where you try. There's one where the business one where I jumped off the thing. Yeah. You, you had to, you had to get over on the traffic side of a highway overpass. Yes. That was like a dangerous. That was a dangerous one.
Starting point is 00:37:14 Yeah. Just cause we're talking about all these snaps, we should also say that they're on Instagram at Gila Zeri snaps. That's correct. So you can watch the back. So everything that we're talking about, people can still go watch. Yes. They're all uploaded there on my Instagram account.
Starting point is 00:37:27 But yeah, I mean, I would love, because it's so stupid, it's on Snapchat, I relish in sort of making people think that I'm doing something really dangerous or stupid or whatever. I sort of feed off people going, oh my God, I'm worrying about you, which you know, rightfully so, but I still like. We really thought you were gonna, in the beginning when you were like running across the, across the traffic intersection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sweeping up on like a time cone or something.
Starting point is 00:37:58 Yes. One of the earliest ones. Yeah, that was, that was real early. Yeah. Yeah. We're like riding a wheeled office chair through traffic. That's right. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:08 That's right. Yes. Also, didn't you duct tape yourself to like the side of a car? I did that recently. I did like my own like homemade sidecar. Have you ever gotten in trouble with like the law in any way? A couple of times. Yes.
Starting point is 00:38:22 One that was like a failed snap where I was at like, you know, the Target on La Brea and Santa Monica. I frequent there a lot because I need like, you know, I do a lot of props like stuff. And so I have to get like, I'm always at Target and it sucks. That's one of the problems with my Snapchat is that I'm at fucking Target or the 99 cent or Ralph's like four days a week. Anyway, so I'm at Target and I see, you know, those like the gate, you know, a arm bar thing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:52 The bar. Yeah. So I was sitting there in the car with my sister. I was like, oh, let me ride that thing. I was like, you film it. I'm going to go ride it. And she's like. As in, as in like.
Starting point is 00:39:01 Side saddle it. Yeah. Get on it. Like hold on to it. You know, in my full body. Closer to the tip or the closer to the base. Right in the middle. Like full body.
Starting point is 00:39:09 You pay for the thing and I will rise with it. Hopefully it can carry your weight. Yeah. Hopefully it can carry my weight. Little. I was so stupid. I was just like, she's like, okay. I didn't see anyone around.
Starting point is 00:39:21 I like as soon as I get on the thing, it just collapses to the floor. Me holding onto it full body. The whole arm just falls off immediately. It was like made of fucking tissue paper and like for security guards to run out. I didn't even see the offices. They were right there. In the office. Guns drawn.
Starting point is 00:39:43 Yeah. Guns drawn, like shooting first. And I was just like, and they were like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, I just tried to get to the other side. He's like, I saw you, you shit. Like I saw you get on and try to ride it. I was just like, no, no, no. And we like argued and then they held me there for like, I don't know, half an hour or whatever.
Starting point is 00:40:03 And then finally decided to let me go. It's funny because he probably deals with dumb teenagers doing that. All the time. Well-dressed 34-year-old comedy writer. I knew a wedding ring. Yeah, like wedding ring. He was like, you're married. You fucking should be ashamed of yourself.
Starting point is 00:40:18 And you are. Yeah, I am. I'm so disgusted. I remember there was one early on that I guess Ben shot where you were going. It was the beginning of the day. It was like 9 a.m. And you're on the way to write with him and you saw a puddle and you tried to circumnavigate the puddle.
Starting point is 00:40:37 But as a joke, you just fell in, face planted into the puddle, soaking yourself. I think it was like a perfect thing that I do. I do extremely simple things, but really stupid. Incredibly wrong. Perfect is fucking. And I was like, was this part of the plan? And Ben was telling me that like, no, you like, when you come up with the ideas, it's almost like you're a slave to your own mind.
Starting point is 00:40:57 You can't not do it. Yes, now I have that issue. You're like, fuck, now I have to get wet. I have to. Yes. Even though like, what did you do after that? Like you were soaking wet at 9 a.m. I was soaking wet.
Starting point is 00:41:07 So what did you do? You have to go home? Ben gave me like shitty clothes that he like never wanted back. Because you jumped in another puddle. Yeah, yeah. You put yourself in a situation that inconveniences yourself so much. I did have an obsessive like need to, I, because I, I mean, you may have heard this before from like, we may have talked about it before, but I had like a problem putting things out,
Starting point is 00:41:30 like, like creative shit. Like I was like, I have to get it perfect. Like a perfectionist sort of. You have to get it perfect. Yeah, perfect. And then when Snapchat came, I was just like, oh, I can just shit stuff out and like do whatever is funny. And then it's sort of, it's turned into, it did turn into for a while a thing where I
Starting point is 00:41:49 was just like, oh fuck, I have to keep this going. I can't stop because well, if I don't, then I'll, if I stop for one day, you know, I'll, I'll stop forever. And then also like, I'm, I, this is what I wanted to do. I wanted to feel like free to put stuff out and now I'm doing it. And now I didn't want that to stop. And so for like set, I think last month, I did one every single day. It took me a while to just decide to do one a day.
Starting point is 00:42:18 And then it took me a while to say, okay, I can skip one day here and there. Right. You were doing weekends. Yeah. It was doing, I was doing, I had done every single day for like seven months straight. And it was like, some of them took like three or four hours to do. Do you have a day job when you're doing this? I did.
Starting point is 00:42:34 I had, I worked, I wrote on like, uh, that show, it's coming out big mouth on Netflix, uh, Krone and Malaney's thing. And then I just had, it was on another period and I was, I would, so I would work the full day. Just be drained. Be drained. Come home at like six, seven o'clock and then snap for three hours. And then just fucking pour water all over your kitchen.
Starting point is 00:42:52 Exactly. Pour salt in your bed. Bless my wife. She was like filming all of them. And she, was there ever anything that she was, you know, she's holding the phone and like, you know what? No, you can't do this. Yes.
Starting point is 00:43:03 Yeah. A bunch of times. So there are snaps that like, but I will, I, like, I will, if I really want to do something I'll try, I'll push it or like, whatever. Are you like, I'm really sorry, but I thought of one where I put pepper all over it. Yes. I'm sorry, but I have to like throw a pickle jar in our kitchen and like, as long as you clean it up.
Starting point is 00:43:19 She's just like, I'm not just, yeah, she goes into the bedroom, locks the door and I, she won't come out until everything. What was that? Do you like come into the bedroom after like, Hey, I'm like, yeah. And then I'm like, I did a perfect job. And then it's just like, there's glass everywhere. My cat has like, is bleeding his paws are like bleeding. And I'm like, I did it.
Starting point is 00:43:38 It's like Homer building a bird house. It's just terrible. What's the, what's like, one example of a, something that was to date, like you almost did it, but then ultimately decided that you couldn't do it. Do you have any regrets or any, any ones that you wish your wife was willing to film? Oh my God. I don't know if I, I don't know if I, like that my wife was just like, no, I can't do this.
Starting point is 00:44:03 Or what about the one? There's been a bunch of why nots where that, that one, that's serious. That's why I sort of was like, all right, I'll stop. Oh, you stopped. Why nots? I think I will, I haven't done one for a long time. I only did two days of it, but the first why not we should say for those of you not familiar is Gil just slowly shoving a full mug of coffee off a table and it shatters on
Starting point is 00:44:23 cinematic. It's like, you really, and that's like what I loved about watching this too, like it was so guttural. But it lands on the floor as shatters and there's just coffee and ceramic all over the kitchen floor. But I've done, like those ones I've done like full days and like, all right, this is a day where I'm just doing why not stuff. Inconveniencing yourself.
Starting point is 00:44:41 Yes. Which one was the biggest inconvenience? Like for an eight second video, what did you do the most damage? Just do it for some context for everybody listening. I remember one where you poured vinegar on all of your shoes. Or a Crisco. Yeah. You poured milk out in the trunk of your car.
Starting point is 00:44:57 Yes. And you drove your car and hit something. You crashed your car. I crashed my car a couple of times, once into a tree and then in the, at the arc light. Are you leasing or owning? Into all the... You own your car at least? That's why I keep that car.
Starting point is 00:45:09 I have like a shit car that I bought when I first got to LA. Yeah. Like an old Ford Mustang. It's like 15 years old and I cannot get rid of because I use it to like, as a prop, it's basically a prop in my Snapchat stuff. All right. Yeah. So what was the most, what was the most inconvenient?
Starting point is 00:45:29 Why not? That, well, I did the, oh God, I poured like water, shower, yeah, the shower onto like my back, like overflowing the toilet. Like it was all over my living room. Yeah, overflowing the toilet. That's crazy. Yeah. Doing stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:45:46 The other, a few weeks ago I did like, I put a garden in my bathroom and it took forever to clean. Forever. Just like there was like pounds of soil in my bathroom. I'm like, why, why? Like there's some that take like so much longer to clean. Another one was like perfect cookies. I did like, I baked cookies and like, there is still like dough in my tiles.
Starting point is 00:46:08 How many glasses have you broke? You always shoving your glasses. Yeah. One or two. One or two. You shove... Pairs of glasses. Dough into your glasses and look like they break every time.
Starting point is 00:46:18 Yes. They broke. Another, I just remembered another one where I got in trouble, which was I did this one called nap where I slept in the middle of the highway. I took like a nap in between the thing and like as I'm sleeping there and Emily's like above the highway, like taping me, an off-duty cop pulls over and he's like, what the fuck are you doing here? Cause I was in a full tuxedo.
Starting point is 00:46:42 He thought it was like some maniac eat and I'm like, I'm just shooting something. And he's like, get the fuck off the highway or I'm going to fucking arrest you. And so I had to like go, excuse me, I'm out of here. Did we get it? It was just like... Did we get it? Yeah. And it's hard because she has to get it within snap.
Starting point is 00:47:00 You can't upload video. Yeah, that's right. You have to shoot and then hope for the best. So what's next? What's the goal with the snaps? It's a pretty specific skill set, the cameraman. She is amazing at it. Like, well I have, sometimes I'll have a few other friends.
Starting point is 00:47:12 My friend Jason Berger does, helps me to give Emily a break and my sister helps me. There's like certain things that you have to shoot in a certain amount of time and the music is like a big part of my thing too. Oh right. How do you line up for music? You're just like playing it from Spotify right? Yeah, you have to like, sometimes you have to do it at a certain time and like you have to, sometimes you have to use two phones and stuff.
Starting point is 00:47:34 Wow. Yeah. That's annoying. So what's the next step or like ultimate long-term goal? Like is it just keep going until you're getting millions of views and figuring out? Is money a part of it at all? Yeah, I mean like it's expensive to do. So my plan is hopefully to, you know, I'm developing into a show now, a sketch show.
Starting point is 00:47:57 So I'm hoping, you know, yeah, turn it into something bigger. Almost like Jackass but not Jackass. Sort of, yeah, like a surreal version. Right. Where you're hurting yourself. Yeah, it's more like a, you know, Jackass all Dave England. I guess Jackass hurts themselves. They do, but I mean my goal is not to sort of like push limits of my body.
Starting point is 00:48:19 It's more to just like try to do something funny or surreal or how do you do that? Surrealist Jackass is a great way to describe the Snapchat. Yeah. Have you ever done like branded stuff? If people like, would you put a Coke in a door-to-door door salesman? I haven't. Weirdly, I have a ton of like products in there. I just like like to do like shittier versions of products and stuff.
Starting point is 00:48:40 Free product placement you've done. I mean I've done stuff for Snapchat. That door-to-door salesman was originally for Snapchat and stuff. Oh, that's cool. But yeah. Sweet. And you're all in. Do you prefer this to like TV writing or is it just a different muscle?
Starting point is 00:48:55 It's a different muscle. I like them both, but this, I mean, I'm like, this is me being fully creative and I get to like, I get to, you know, choose, do all different types of like, you know, I'm choosing music, I'm doing art stuff, like all the stuff I Photoshop and like. Right. You Photoshop all that too? Yeah, I Photoshop all that stuff. All the labels and stuff.
Starting point is 00:49:15 All the labels, yeah. And so, yeah, I get, I feel like I get to do a bunch of different, you know, things. This is like, this is 100% you. It is 100% me. That's good. Me being a weirdo. Yeah. Well, I'm glad we all get to see it.
Starting point is 00:49:30 Yeah. I want to go all the way there. Gillo's area on Snapchat. Thank you, guys. No doubt. Do you have time to answer one more real question? Of course. From a real person?
Starting point is 00:49:40 Yes. This is a male 26 year old. So we need one last fake name. Yiddio Stache. Full name? Yiddio Stache. Yeah. Stache is the last name.
Starting point is 00:49:55 Of course. Yiddio Stache. Stache. Have myself a problem with the GF. Some quick background on us. We were both virgins prior to knowing each other and have had no STDs. She is 20. I am 26.
Starting point is 00:50:12 Now let's rewind the clocks a year ago when the GF and I started dating and became sexually active. It was about two months in and she was extremely horny and from that point forward she was almost always horny until she finally went on the pill. It was about two months after that that I noticed that her sexual appetite diminished to next to nothing. Her and I have had small conversations about why this could happen and this is what I had thought had been the case.
Starting point is 00:50:38 The pill had lowered her sex drive to nearly nothing or I'm not that attractive to her anymore. It's got to be number two. Or according to her sex seems to hurt and is causing her burn and hurt and I had thought this to be vaginitis or a yeast infection by pain being incorporated into sex. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy with sex becomes pain and yes even lube eventually leads to it although prolonged. Okay.
Starting point is 00:51:05 And now we've reached a point where I'm sexually frustrated and in turn I've become upset. I've become upset making her upset. She always apologizes that she's never horny but sorry doesn't fix the problem. I insisted she goes to the gynecologist to see if prescribing a different brand of birth control could change her sexual drive. Am I being a jerk for insisting for her to see a doctor? I try to be empathetic with her but even I have limits where she will have sex with me maybe once every two months and ultimately what do you two experienced guys think what
Starting point is 00:51:42 her and I should do? Am I the problem? Does she have a problem? Or is it this tiny pill that's the problem? Horatio stage? Verdio stage? Yedio. Yedio stage.
Starting point is 00:51:54 What do you think? He sounds like a bit of an asshole. Because he's mad at her. I think anytime you insist your girls do something to her body you're being an asshole. She has to want to do it. Well he's looking at it the wrong way. She probably wants to have an enjoyable sexual experience as well. So he has to stop thinking of how much it sucks for him and how he seems to be fine
Starting point is 00:52:22 with it or complacent at something like that. She's apologizing, she's feeling bad. I'm sure that they both want the same thing but he's turning it into this thing like I'm being deprived of sex because of something you did. Well I can sympathize with him for wanting sex or whatever but it feels like you're right. He's sort of looking at it as like who's to blame here? Is it my girlfriend or what is I need someone to blame? Or the pill she's taking.
Starting point is 00:52:51 I get it. I'm sure she wants to, no one wants to make you feel bad or also not have sex. But she also doesn't want to go to the gynecologist. Does he say she doesn't want to go? Yeah, he said I insisted that she goes to see the gynecologist to change her sexual drive. Am I being a jerk for insisting that she should do it? Did she say no? But she didn't say she didn't want to go.
Starting point is 00:53:13 Oh interesting, I guess I read it as she didn't want to. But maybe she did anyway? No. Does she say like she doesn't want to have sex because she associates it with pain? Yeah, I think he said that was one of his theories that sex seems to hurt at her causing her burn and hurt. See, just the fact that you called it theories makes me think that they're not communicating as much as they should.
Starting point is 00:53:36 He should know exactly what she thinks and why she doesn't want to have sex. Oh, and then once you have that. You should be developing theories. You should be like, hey, this is what she says. This is why she doesn't want to do it. This is how she feels. As opposed to also assuming am I not attractive to her? You can't start to take it inwards and stuff that feels stupid.
Starting point is 00:53:59 It seems like the idea of a diminishing sex drive does happen over time. Sure. From the pill, definitely. Yeah, I don't think just a diminishing sex drive, they're both so young and also once every two months, even for people that have been together a long time. The pill does affect sex drive though, and you could definitely switch it. But they should talk to each other, it feels like. Yeah, if she switches it, it should be because they've just, well, actually, she's decided
Starting point is 00:54:29 to put this on like what they've talked about for their relationship or whatever, not because he's insisted that she goes to the gynecologist. Yeah, I also wouldn't get insecure. She'll let you know if she's not attracted to you. Anymore. Exactly. If she read this email, she might not be attracted to you anymore. But the fact that she's still 20 makes me feel like it's more than just like, oh, after
Starting point is 00:54:51 a few years, her sex drive has just diminished. This is just, it's two months into, like two months ago, she was very horny and not two months later, she's not. Well, it could be the pill, it just feels like it's sort of conjecture until she actually says this is what's happening. He never says this is exactly why she feels this way, right? No, I guess not. She said that it was painful.
Starting point is 00:55:12 Right. Yeah. It's like a possible reason why you wouldn't want to have sex. Why would it become painful? Oh, because of, according to him, vaginitis or a yeast infection. It could be the shape of his dick. Oh, I guess I didn't think about that. He does have a jagged little penis.
Starting point is 00:55:27 Yeah. He has a knife cock. Very rare. Yeah, very rare. So sharp. So sharp and thorny. A rosy knife cock. That's his problem.
Starting point is 00:55:41 Yeah, he's an alien. All right, so talk to your girlfriend, figure out exactly why she doesn't want to sleep with you and then address the issue from there. Yeah. All right. And also remember to talk to her from a place of, I want you to be happy and feel sexy. Instead of finding someone to blame.
Starting point is 00:55:58 She's like, well, why aren't you fucking me? I'm upset now. Yeah, that's good. Am I not hot enough for you? Do I have the right to yell at her now? Can I raise my voice towards her? I'm scolded, the woman I love. What if I get her far away from me so I have to scream so that she hears me?
Starting point is 00:56:18 Yeah. That way I still get to raise my voice. I don't think you understand. I haven't come in months. I'm backed up. I'm backed up. I'm full of razor blades. I can't even jerk off because of my thorny little dick.
Starting point is 00:56:30 I have a jagged dick and I want to scream. What do I do? That is the title. All right, cool. One last question I wanted to ask you. Did you shoot, do you have a, by your Snapchat, do you have a long list of ideas? I do. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:48 I mean, you know, you're going to shoot. Sometimes I'll do stuff like I'll see stuff in the moment, but yeah, I definitely have a list of like, not just because I'm like sitting down and going, whatever, but like, oh, we're like, oh, that would be funny. That would be funny. And I just add it to a nice big list. Is there anything on the list that you are dreading knowing that you're going to do it? There's a lot of things that I'm like, I just can't do that.
Starting point is 00:57:08 Wow. Either monetarily or just like, I cannot bring myself to do it. Like on an airplane, shit. Yeah, exactly. I cannot shit on an airplane. There are things, yeah, there are just a list on the list and I'm just like, no. And I've said no every day. To public.
Starting point is 00:57:26 You don't want to put other people in there. A lot of that is because it's in public. Like none of my snaps are pranks on anybody else. I don't want to do, like I don't even want people to react when I'm there. Right. The other one is when you got an entire restaurant to laugh at you. Which one was that? You got a restaurant to point and laugh at you.
Starting point is 00:57:45 To boo me, yeah. I'd rather people not react if I'm doing something weird. I sort of want to be treated like Pee Wee Herman or like, oh, that's just him. He's just weird. It's not interesting to me to prank people, but I like, but yeah, there's a lot of stuff that I would have to do in public and either ask permission or just like, just deal with, I don't know. Yeah, and I'm just like, I can't, I can't do it yet.
Starting point is 00:58:12 I think what you, why you can get away with it is because you are so funny and smart in real life that like, I can be as dumb as I want and you don't feel insecure about coming off as dumb. No. Because you are very confident. The dumb are the better, baby. Right, exactly. But if you were actually dumb, I feel like you're-
Starting point is 00:58:28 And they're also like 10 seconds, like, you know, I don't know. It feels like part of it is just like, the point is to be sort of silly and whatever. Do your in-laws or parents watch it? Well, yeah, my mom loves them. Oh, they love, she loves them. My dad less so. He just like, he doesn't know how to use Snapchat either. He's just like, when I'll post something on Facebook or whatever.
Starting point is 00:58:49 Israeli dad. Yeah, my Israeli dad. Does your mom watches them on Snapchat? My mom watches them on Snapchat and on Instagram too. It's so funny to imagine like, a mom, she probably only has one Snapchat that she looks at. Yeah. Her whole story feed is just one.
Starting point is 00:59:03 It's just mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's awesome. All right. This is the last time your Snapchat name is Gil Ozeri. Gil Ozeri, yes. And then on Twitter, if you missed the old one, that's Gil Ozeri snap. That's correct.
Starting point is 00:59:14 And on Instagram. Tight. Is there anything else you want to plug before you have to go? No, that's it. Perfect. Thanks for coming on the show, dude. Thank you. This was so fun.
Starting point is 00:59:24 Yes. I love you guys. Let's have you back before episode 498. Yes, that's right. I'm living here now, so I might as well. Oh, did you- Episode 498. Oh, you're living in the studio.
Starting point is 00:59:34 Yeah. Perfect. The theme song was written by Rebecca. And this closing one, another wagon wheel parody, written by Grace. Oh, yeah. Rebecca the American doll. That's right. Yeah, the Jewish American doll.
Starting point is 00:59:48 Buy your Hanukkah today before Hanukkah. It's going to get sold out. The closing one is by Grace. Thanks for listening. If you have your own theme songs or your own questions, the email address for everything is ifirushow at gmail.com. Thanks again, Gil, for coming. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:00:04 No doubt. We'll be back next week. Bye. Bye. That was a hate gum podcast.

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