If I Were You - 25: Cameos

Episode Date: April 22, 2024

In this episode we try to guess Cameo prices, create new movies, and Jake reads some of Amir's new ads.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Jake and Amir are two Jews that you can't forget In 2010 they were big on the internet And all things considered, their success is more than fair Now here's one more effort for only positive motivations, they swear! Another podcast, each app different from the last. It's the Swiss Army Knife of Shoes. Meet your two emphatic hosts. Segments folks, that's right. We're back with another episode coming at you. That's right. We're back. With another episode coming at ya. What's that?

I don't know. I thought I would kind of take over hosting a little bit. Why do I let you lead when I am actually, I don't know, arguably more charismatic, interesting. I'm more of a personality, more of a host, more of, I provide more star power than you do. You are dead weight, you're dragging me down. I'm kind of the be-all, end-all.

I'm the main character here. I should be hosting the show. I understood the assignment. I should be driving this forward, yeah. Yeah, all right, so driving this forward. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So have at it. What are we doing first?

It's like welcome. I was going to say first, I was going to say welcome to segments, which you always forget to say. Welcome to segments. This is a podcast. Or do you even ever explain it? I don't know if you do or if you have to.

You don't know. Like, okay. So welcome. I'm't know. Because you're skittish and scared. Let's hear it. I'm saying welcome to segments. Welcome to segments. Right. And let's get, and we're about to, and we're about to get the show,

do you usually say roll in or roll in or started or? Yeah, started rolling, let's get started. Let's get into it. Do you say both? You say both? Let's get the show rolling started. No, I don't think so. I don't think that sounds very good.

And that's why you're not the fucking host. Let's get the show rolling started. You are rolling on your camera phone though. I just want to make sure. Yeah. Well, my phone is cracked. So I don't know if the video is going to come through. And my Zoom just died.

Shit balls. This mic is plugged into what? I have Zoom diarrhea. And pneumonia. All right, first segment, it was actually an idea by my friend, Jesse. Ooh, yeah. Shout out to Jesse.

I have two friends left that listen to this show, Jesse and Rami, and Jesse actually came up with an idea. Rami, you're slacking. Right, Rami sent that text, figured it out. The idea is we're gonna guess different prices of cameos. Yes. Cameos, of course, are celebrities that record greetings for cash to your friends and family.

Have you ever sent or received a cameo? I think I've received a cameo. I believe Dave and Ana sent one for their wedding invite. It came from a Bravo person who I didn't actually know, but Jill thought it was great. So I don't, I'm yeah, I don't remember it. Yeah. Right. I don't know who it was, but yeah, I've, that's the one I've received. Cameo sounds cheesy until you get someone like that you love and you're like, oh,

this is awesome. Like this person's fucking saying my name. This is fun. I get, oh yeah, I've never gotten one that was like about me. That would probably be pretty good. All right. I'll try to think of one for your birthday, which is coming up rapidly in seven months. Yes, that's right.

Fast approaching. But of course this is, you know, it's a free market. People are willing to pay and charge whatever the fuck they want. Some people charge thousands, some people cost $20, depending on how famous they are. Right. I remember Cameo wanted us to join.

They reached out when they were launching. Yeah. We sort of had the Patreon thing happening, so. Yeah. We rolled it up into that. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. That's right. But maybe I'll join Cameo separately from that.

Just me. I don't hate that for you. Yeah. Right. Because we do get requests all the time. It's true. Okay, so this is how the game will go. I'm gonna guess, do you have five or three?

How many do you have? I think I have four, but I can pull a fifth one out of my ass pretty easily. Let's say five. Let's give us five and whoever's closest total wins the game. Closest, I don't even understand that, which I often don't and I feel like you take advantage of me with a lot of these. Yeah. Monetary.

So it's like if you get 500 and it's 100, you're off by 400 and that's your total so far. I see, so the cumulative, yeah. All right. Cumulative score. Okay, fine. by 400 and that I see so the cumulative yeah all right cumulative score okay of course at any point you can do a cash out which eliminates half your debt only if you win that round which of course technically speaking I've won the first round for explaining the rules so right off the bat I'm gonna so I have an opt out policy you can't opt out. You have a clause.

You have a clause. It's different than a policy. It's more of a fallacy. And you can exercise that clause for $50 against your debt or debit. I see. According to how you pronounce it. It's a very simple game.

Let's just get started. Do we do the songs? Like is that the new stakes? Are we doing real cash? What do you think? Oh yeah. I guess maybe whoever, we have to request a cameo from one of these people

that we guess. Oh, that's good. That's good. That's good. So the loser pays for a cameo for the winner. Yeah. Okay. And then we'll play it at the next episode. Perfect.

And the winner can write what they want it to say. Yeah. Exactly. That's a really good stake. I'm gonna eliminate half your debt for that. So you're at negative 100 right now, instead of negative 200, which is what I started you at for an I'd be released from the closet.

I'll start. Jake, how much do you think you'd pay for a fucking personalized video from the goat himself, bam Margera bam Margera. Bam. Bam Margera meets Dom Irerra. I hope he's doing well. At least well enough to do these cameos because I've seen scary videos of him. So prayers up for Bam Margera.

But if he's alive and well and can do this cameo, how much is he charging? What do you think? I feel like on the one hand, he's beloved and he is very famous, but on the other, he's had such a fall from grace, so I feel like his number is going to make me sad. Yeah. I'll, but he's so big.

I'll guess, why don't I go ahead, but he might be desperate, because where is he making the money from? 249. 249, final answer. Locking it. Final answer. And I was considering going up to 450, but I'm going to lock in 249.

I think you think a little highly of Bam. He only charges $100 a video. Really? So your current score, which you wanna be low, is 149. Right. Because that's the difference between the two. Okay, so that's obviously not great. And time.

No. Time. I have, you have a clause that lets you, you get to call the game at any point. Yes. And Bam will be actually antiquing you, just so you know. He's gonna give you the Don Vito treatment, which is the cameo.

And he will be slapping you in the balls with the mousetrap. You're slapping you with meat. Yes. And you will be on the toilet. So you can't get up and defend yourself. Okay. My cameo is one, Grace herself. Okay, not Rob himself.

I'm saying Grace herself. That is Deborah Messing, Deborah messing folks oh I thought you were Deborah messing with me grace herself okay let me look it up real quick just to have a mean I'm gonna have a hint I don't just think that you actually have to pay for even messaging them that's kind of interesting yeah now this is a personal cameo right this isn't like the business kind where Lindsay Lohan charges $50,000 or something crazy. This is just a regular personalized cameo

from Deborah Messing. That's right. I wonder why she does it because she's probably incredibly loaded just from residuals at all. Like these messages can't be dropped in a bucket. No. Like bam, I could kind of see needing the money.

I wouldn't think Deborah needs the money. Deborah does this for fun. So since it's for fun. And she's just messing around. Yes, Deborah. And she has to charge a price where she's not like doing 15 of these a day. She's like, gotta get up there.

So I'll say 2.99 for Will and Grace herself. That is, it's very close. Deborah is messing around with 350. So you are 51 off. Yeah. Current score 149 to 51. But you know, high variance game, this can go off the rails quick.

Yeah. But you know, high variance game, this can go off the rails quick. Yeah. Holy shit, that's NFL Hall of Famer and former Buffalo Bills quarterback Jim Kelly. Jim Kelly. Mr. Kelly, I'm a huge fan. What's taken of you is that from? I think it's my 30th birthday where I grew up in Buffalo and then I think I see Jim Kelly and I throw a football.

Oh, the football and it kills Jeff, yeah. So this is Buffalo Bill legend and NFL Hall of Fame quarterback, Jim Kelly. Yeah, I don't think it's very high. Cause it's cameo is kind of a, I guess I imagine it as very high. Cause it's cameos kind of a, I guess I imagine it as a young person's game, but maybe it's not. Yeah, I think it's grown, it's broad in its appeal now.

Yeah. I just feel like a retired sports star is not gonna charge a ton, a ton. Like I'm gonna guess $45. Okay. It's 379. God damn it. Which is gonna hurt.

That's- That's really bad. That's really, really bad. That's off by $334. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's rough. That's rough for me. 334. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's rough. That's rough for me. 334.

Uh-huh, yeah. Okay, okay. Now you know what we're working with though. You're sort of zeroing in. Great, let's go ahead and have you guess Kevin O'Leary, AKA Mr. Wonderful. Ooh, he's a businessman.

He's a shark. That's right. And he's rich. Yeah. And is he a rich on Cameo? Or is he just messing around? Denver or otherwise. I feel like he values branding himself

as somewhat of an entrepreneur and he's not gonna say, you can get me for $29. He's like, no, I am a fucking Fortune 200 CEO. My time is valuable. You wanna talk to me? It's, yeah. For 599, $599. 599. Yeah, you think someone's going to pay almost $600. You want to lock that in?

I want to lock it in. I don't think people are paying, but I don't think he cares because he doesn't need the money and he wants to pretend like he's a premium item. Five, nine, nine. Wow. And I don't know if anybody is paying, but to get a message from him, it is $1,500. What? Yes. So I was right about the idea, but way off on the price. Way off on the price.

Wait, they're 1,500? 1,500 for Mr. Wonderful, and that is a wonderful price. So I'm $901 off. That's right, that's right. And he will roast you. So you're allowed to ask for birthday, pep talk, roast, advice, advice question or other. Wow. Really putting it out, really putting himself out there.

Uh, okay. How about this? Are you familiar with Tiago Silva? Yes. Footballer football clubber. Yes, footballer. Chelsea football clubber. 39 years old. I believe Thiago is a bench option. Interesting. For the boys over at Stanford Bridge. The blues as it were.

I mean, he's making, I wanna say 150,000 pounds a week base. So again, he doesn't need it, but he's also, he is playing. So I'm going to say that I think that I think it's, I think it's going to be expensive yet again. I think, I think we're looking at how many of these would he do a day? You know, that's the thing. He has a busy life.

He's a football swimmer. Yeah. He actually did one on the pitch. I guess he's doing him from the training. Yeah, I mean, I would imagine, when he's getting massaged, when he's getting his quads worked over, he's making his videos.

Hello, take. I'm Thiago Thieler'll guess I will guess 500. Close 400. All right all right that's good that's good news. That's a hundred dollars extra. And you're at like 700 ish and I'm at 900 ish. Great. What do you think about Jeremy fucking Piven? Wow. Jeremy fucking Piven baby. Yeah. And he wants you to scream Lloyd or the person. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. That also seems kind of expensive. Star of entourage slash stage and screen. He also doesn't wanna be doing, like this is not like a Kevin from the office situation.

He was a pretty big deal to those who cared. Right. He's a star of the entourage. And Kevin was a big deal to those who cared. Right. He's the, a star of the entourage. Kevin was a big deal to those who cared as well. Yeah, but it's not like getting a fucking cameo from Michael Scott. Ari was the star of entourage. I'm sorry, like that was the best.

Ari was the star-y. Yeah. Ari was the star-y. Ari Gold was gold. He's charging $499, a little under 500. You forget that he was lightly canceled, I believe. So this might be his only word. Could be a little bit desperate.

Piven is 300, 300. So I was off by 199 there. Yeah, okay. So after, have we each done three? We've each done three. I'm at like, 1,151. Yeah. Mr. Wonderful was not so wonderful for you. Okay.

No. Okay. We're looking at, do you remember the Jersey Shore? Yeah, of course. We got Snooki, we have Ronnie, we have The Situation, DJ Pauly. The Situation? The Situation.

And The Situation is he's on Cameo, and I'm looking to see how much you'll pay for a cameo from the situation. See, I think the situation is somebody that's going to benefit from low price, high volume. Like, because he needs the cash. And he probably he's willing he's he's a reality star. He's gonna he's not gonna mind that front facing camera. He also theoretically doesn't really have anything else to do and I feel like he has a lot of fans who would maybe wanna get this cameo as a joke. So, you know, what I forgot about the legendary

football QB was that it was absolutely beloved to a very small group of people in Buffalo you know so you got to have high cost but it's a lower volume but I think situation is nationally beloved at a low price of 125 that's a pretty good guess it's unfortunately okay okay okay good for the situation you're off by It's 300. Unfortunately. Okay. Okay. Okay. Good for the situation. You're off by 175. A pivin price.

Yes, a pivin fare. I don't know how much people are getting it, of course, but you said 125. Yeah. So you're off by 175 there. Still close. Okay. I'm ready for my fourth. Mark fucking McGrath. Wow, Sugar Ray himself.

That's right. You can get a cameo from Mark McGrath every morning if you pay this price. Yeah. And contrary to the song, he actually will say a word. Excuse me, I'm not finished. We'll say, open the app, babe. I'll say a word.

Yeah, he'll always write the wrong for anybody who pays. Pays, yeah. Yeah. Okay. What do you think Mark McGrath is charging? Got it. For a birthday, a pep talk, a roast. I feel like he's getting a lot of those. Nineties moms.

So I think he's charging two nine nine two hundred ninety nine dollars. That might be a little high. I already it is a little high that might be a little high. I already counted that. It is a little high. It's a little high. He is a 90s guy and he's charging 90s dollars. That's right. Just 90. 90 bucks.

Yeah, 90 bucks gets you Sugar Ray. It's the 299. So that's $209 off. Okay, let's get a tally right here. So after four, I'm off by 1360, thanks to Mr. Okay. Let's get a tally right here. So after four, I'm off by 1360 thanks to Mr. Wonderful. That's right. And you're off by 758. Okay, so I just have to not get off by a thousand I think. Why don't I, Oh yeah, I'm going next anyway. Okay.

Your last one, your last one is the dice man himself eighties comic, Andrew dice clay, Andrew dice clay, who was the most famous person in 1984. And time hasn't been too kind for him, but he's still in the ether slash zeitgeist. Okay, there was a long time where I got Andrew Dice Clay and Lenny Bruce confused. Lenny Bruce is much more respected now, I guess. Yeah, Lenny Bruce is like from the 50s

and he like got arrested for saying bad swear words on his comedy shows. But he didn't stop. Yeah. Okay. Andrew Dice Clay was like this leather jacket wearing, cigarette smoking, hey, Jack and Jill went up a hill,

fuck them both, you know? Oh, like that kind. Right. So I guess I'll say, let's go with the Mark McGrath theory of the era that you were big in is the base price and we'll say 80 bucks. 80 bucks, okay.

You're off. Oh no. And I sort of chose this one in a Mr. Wonderful-esque scheme. He's a shit. Because he's charging $1,000. He's charging $1,000, yeah. Okay, okay.

You're off by 920 there. That's not good. The 750 plus the 920 puts you in total 1678 off. the 920 puts you in total 1678 off a thousand six hundred and seventy eight is your final score i'm at 1360 so i can be off by 318 or less or less yeah okay and for this reason, I need one more second to choose my final one. And it will be somebody who charges $2,500 for probably no reason. Okay. No, I, it was between, all right, I'll tell you who it was between afterwards. I'm going to give you the guy. Comedian, actor, Joel McHale.

Wow. Also very busy, very working. Doesn't have time for this shit. I think he has a lot of kids. I can see 9.99, I can see 3.99. I mean, there's a high variant celeb. It could also be a thousand, like he's just on there for a friend Yeah, put it on a thousand. I'll do two a week and we can go to fucking Vegas for free

Who gives a shit, but who's paying $2,000 for Joel McHale? What are these community stands? Mmm, does it make sense? It doesn't add up That's why I'll guess hoping that I'm $318 within $749. $749? Final answer. $749. Let me just do some math. You're off by 449.

Mikael's charging 300. Wow. 300. Yeah. Fair price. And I wonder, I wonder what you would have guessed if I had gone with my other option, Danny Bonaduce. Could be anything.

They give me 50 or the Dice Clay 1000. I guess I would guess 200. And you would have won because Bonaduce is charging 69. Wow. Everett's comic. Bonaduce. All right, I was off by 1700, you're off by 1678. What a game.

Yeah. So you have to get me a cameo from Thiago Silva. Silva saying, I know, I get to get you a cameo from anybody. Anyone on your list. Anybody that you appreciate. And it will be from somebody who we all like to hear from. And yeah, he'll charge $9 because it's an Andy Ray impersonator.

Everyone loves Thiago. Let's have Thiago say, come on, you spurs. That'd be really nice. I'd like to hear him say that. Yeah, it seems like there's a conflict of interest there with like current athletes. Like you can't be on like the Lakers and be like, all right, hey, go Celtics, like that'll leak and like be bad. Yeah, it's like

it's got to be retired people. There's also like retired athletes on here that just charged $2,500 because like they probably don't want to do it at all. Right. Wow. Yeah, but Brett Favre's charging 280. Yeah, that's weird. Easy to do that. Yeah. Easy money. Everybody's got their price. All right, good game.

Thanks again, Jesse, for helping me lose. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. We love Squarespace. That's correct. I use Squarespace over and over again, all the time. It is my go-to. Yeah, you've built multiple websites.

Yes, yes. It's kind of insane. You're like almost a Squarespace entrepreneur at this point. You must have made what, three, five, 50 websites? I am a mogul, yeah. I am a scion of Squarespace. So you know how easy it is to design and you don't need to know much programming,

if any at all, to create a professional looking online store, portfolio, blog, vlog, hell, you'll even create a slog. I have created a slog and it is a slog. Yeah, that's a secret vlog. You can even purchase domain names through Squarespace. Jake, what did you find that people can buy right now? Fly a bike. You've heard of fly a kite?

Well, how about you fly a bike? That's where you tie a string to a bike and run with it and see if it will fly. And if it does, you'll post it on this website, flyabike.com. Thanks, Shark. That's pretty good, actually. Yeah. Mine is bikeafly.com, which is also available. Really? You can bike a fly?

That's good. Yeah, you put a little flea on like a bike, like, oh my God, look at this tiny little circus. Yeah, all right, cool. That's really smart. So if you wanna buy those domain names or maybe somebody in your life is turning 50 and you wanna buy them a website

to show you how much you appreciate them, you can buy their full name.com if it's available. You can do it all. Gorgeous. Yeah. And you can buy their full name dot com if it's available. You can do it all. Gorgeous. Yeah. And you can also do email campaigns. You can sell content. They got award winning customer service.

They even got a new AI tool called Squarespace AI to update written content on any website, product description, or email. So it can generate instant personalized results for your brand, which is kinda cool. Very cool. So to get access to all these cool features and more, just head to squarespace.com slash segments

to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain by using that code segments. All there. Yeah, that's squarespace.com slash segments to save 10% off your first purchase, and then when you're ready to launch, you'll just use that code segments. Segment.

Thank you, Squarespace. Thank you to Helix for sponsoring this episode of our show. Oh yeah, baby. Jake, you love Helix. You sleep on a Helix. I certainly do. That is correct. I'm proud to do it.

It's your favorite mattress. You know why? Because it's personalized to you. That's right. I took the sleep exam. I took the sleep exam. I passed the sleep test. I am certified, licensed, professional, sleep, not quiz, test taker. Kind of like the bar, but for mattresses folks.

Yeah. It says, it says you take a Helix sleep quiz and you can find your mattress in under two minutes. For some. Super fast. Super simple. It took me 11 days to take that test. Jesus Christ.

Yes. It's gotta be less than 10 questions. It was open book, but I really wanted it to be perfect. Of course it's open book. It's just how you sleep. Not just that, but yeah, kind of. And then Helix has a lineup of over 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Lux collection.

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This is the best offer yet and it won't last long. No, sir. Uh, so with Helix, better sleep starts now. It starts right now. That's right. Thanks, Helix. Thank you. And we are back.

Yo! And we are back. Yo! I've been able to monetize this show a little more. I don't know if I... I feel like the show is sufficiently monetized. We sell a pre-roll, mid-rolls, and... And inter-segment native host-read ads that I sell on the side slash. I don't like when you do this, you know, like, yeah.

As always, this is copy that I received that they, for whatever reason, always want you to read. I feel like they think, like you said earlier, you're the driving force slash leader. Right. So it really has to come from the host, AKA you with the most. All right. Yeah. So these are. I appreciate that. And again, I didn't write this copy. So it really has to come from the host, AKA you with the most. Yeah, I appreciate that.

And again, I didn't write this copy. It was given to me. I'm just like, okay. Did you test out the products? Cause usually they'll send us, you know. The products are sound. The products are sound. And if you, once you read them, this is a cold read,

but if it's good, we'll just keep it in. So these are two ads I sold. Jake has to read the copy. I'll join in when necessary. Ready? Cool. Yeah. Sure thing. One second.

Sent it to your email address. Yeah, I got it. Okay. So this is advertiser one. Let's say we just got back from a break or we're getting into a break in its life. Okay. Advertiser voice. Let's go.

So we just got back from a break and we're going gonna do another ad. Another ad. Yeah. Hey Amir, how do you like your food? I like mine mushy as hell, borderline wet with no give at all. Like oatmeal?

Way mushier. Have you ever had that cake that leaks milk? Trey Leches? I don't speak Farsi. Anyway, this episode is brought to you by, by, by Miss American Pie, 100% human grade, ready to consume cum cakes. No, not that kind of cake. Get your mind out of the gutter. We're talking about urinal cakes, you piss pervert. Boy-o-cum cakes. Sorry, urinal cakes are 15... Are 15% bio...

That's really good. Let's take it from boy-o-cum cakes though. Right. Okay. Just to get a good, because a lot of times I'll like hear back, they're like Jake Stumlin through the end. Yeah. Boy oh cum cakes, sorry, urinal cakes are 50% biodegradable and edible.

And yes, you can piss on it. How much do you expect to pay for something like this? Keep in mind, they'll send you one a month until you sue them. I don't know, $20. Way more. Why do you get to be kind of like the straight man in all of this? You're like... I think the way I sell it they think I'm the business guy. You're the host. Yeah it feels like I am definitely I'm the one really hawking this. I'm the one that's all bought in and you kind of get to sit in the background actually unsure. Like you're not endorsing it.

You're not endorsing anything. Let's take it from me not knowing. $20? Way more, way more. So how do you get a deal? Well, that's easy. Just use your coupon code segments at check in. That's like checkout,

but they prompt you at the top of your purchasing journey. Basically, as soon as I say the URL, are you ready? No. www.govt.nz, that is G-O-V-T dot N-Z, and click on the words KiwiSaver is a voluntary saving scheme to help set you up for your... Is this a different thing? And click on the words... They want you to click on this link on the New Zealand government website. So I see and click on the words Kiwi Saver is a voluntary saving scheme to help set you up for retirement with a twist. The twist is we steal the cash from Madagascar that is Gvt.nz and click on the words QE saver is a voluntary saving scheme to help you to help set you up for your cum cakes.

Okay. Okay. Bye for now Westworld fans. That's great. I think that was a holdover from like a different podcast, like a Westworld style podcast or something. Yeah. I guess so. Like, yeah, sometimes they update the copy to be like, this is the Christmas, this is the New Year's,

and that was just maybe for the premiere or the finale of a season of Westworld, I guess. I don't really know. But they gave me, they Venmo'd me $1,000, which is pretty solid. It's not enough money. Yeah, that's not really enough money for a world just to do. All right, let's roll right into the second one,

which is advertiser time. I think you got the copy for that one, right? I see it, yeah. Yeah. Hey, Amir. I did it. Was me right or wrong? I did it.

Was me right or wrong? I did it. Was me right or wrong? Excuse me? This episode is brought to you by, well, not so fast. Okay. Baba. Babble? Baba. Baba?

Baba. Baba. What are you saying? Baba. The first app that teaches kids fake Spanish so that they can feel stupid going to Mexico. Do you know how to say water in Spain? Agua. Yup. And do you know how Ba Ba Ba recommends you say it?

No. Mi nombre es Hector. No tengo ojos. No tengo ojos. Solo tengo un grande penis. That's how you say water? According to Ba Ba. Ba Ba Ba? Yes. grande penis that's how you say water according to Baba Baba Baba yes so instead of water you say me nombre es Hector no tengo oh no tengo oido solo

tengo un grande penis according according to Ba Ba Ba. That's funny. Not really. How much would you expect this app to cost? Keep in mind, it's Android only. I don't know. I really hope it's free. 9K, but with our coupon code?

Segments. Yeah, but it's pronounced a little differently in Cuba, according to Baabbaba. Oh no, how is it pronounced according to Babbaba? Hola, soy Hector. Soy un hombrecito con un vasito de leche encima de mi cabeza. ¿Puedo cantarte un cancion de amor por un peso? Por favor! Please, I have por un peso? Por favor!

Please! I have eczema! Por favor! As a coupon code. For baba. Yes. Okay, fine. That coupon code again is... No, no, wrap it up. Thanks, baba. You mean ba-ba-ba? Whatever. So even in their copy, yeah, in their copy,

they're going forth. Like, yeah, Baba and Ba-ba-ba, they're using it almost interchangeably. We're both confused. Yeah, and the coupon code was just this, you'll never be able to remember that Spanish sentence. You'll never be able to remember that Spanish sentence. You'll never be able to input it, I don't think. So it doesn't probably matter. And they must have designed it that way. Yeah, to like goof slash scare people. But I guess even if one person signs up,

that pays for the entire ad. The ad was 90 bucks and this is $9,000. That's true. Yeah, interesting. All right, I think we got them. Thank you to Rocket Money for sponsoring this episode of our show.

Wow, very exciting. Jake, did you know nearly 75% of people have subscriptions that they just completely forgot about? I did know that, but only because we've done one of these ads before, and I was floored when I found out. Yeah, streaming content, you download an app to learn a thing, and then 13 months later, you're paying 6.95 for a

flexibility course that you haven't taken since 2022. You're stiff as a board. I mean, my God. That's going to happen. Well, thank you, because Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower those bills so you can grow your savings. Beautiful.

Rocket Money sort of scours your bill. They say, get rid of this, this, that, and the other, and then you can suddenly find yourself with some extra cash in your pocket. Exactly, right. Rocket Money has over five million users and has saved a total of $500 million in cancel subscriptions, holy smokes.

Really good. An average of $740 a year when you use the apps. Robust features, you found some stuff on Rocket Money that you canceled, right? Yes, yes. I mean you don't have to name names of course, but like what, you saved, I thought you said close to $1,500, $1,600 a month?

That's, hey, easy does it. A lot of gray area, quasi-legal. Kind of dangerous subscriptions that Rocket Money found. That wasn't me. And canceled. Yeah, and actually now I want them back. I'm scared without them. So stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions

by going to rocketmoney.com slash segments. Oh yeah. That's rocketmoney.com slash segments. Rocketmoney.com slash segments. Rocketmoney.com slash segments. Thank you Rocket Money. Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode of our show. Oh yeah baby.

Can be easy to ignore your social battery and spread yourself thin, but that's not helping anybody. Right on, it is not. If you're feeling depressed or anxious about the state of the world or some sort of interpersonal relationship you're having with family, friends, loved ones, your job potentially.

Oh yeah, that's true. The best way to help yourself out of life's difficult situations is to talk to a professionally licensed therapist. And the best way to find a therapist is with better help. Exactly. Right. Finding a therapist used to be so difficult. You used to like have to ask a friend of a friend, drive to a waiting room, give it a

shot, see how it goes. But with BetterHelp, you just fill out a brief questionnaire, you get matched with a licensed therapist right away, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Perfect. And you know the whole thing's online too. Oh yeah, so you don't have to drive somewhere,

you don't have to sit anywhere, you can just log on from your house, you can even text your therapist, which is very nice. That's cool, so find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Just visit betterhelp.com slash segments today to get 10% off your first month. Therapists can be very expensive. With BetterHelp, they're affordable.

And if you go to betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash segments, you'll even get an extra 10% off their already more affordable price for your first month. You'll love to hear it. So treat your mental health seriously. Take advantage of this great offer that's betterhelphelp.com slash segments. Thank you BetterHelp.

Handsome All right, we're back. And we're back. I'm host. One last, oh yeah. I'm the host. I'm the host. Go for it. We're back.

Welcome once again to the return of segments. Welcome back to segments. Why don't we? Welcome back. This is segments again. Let's rock and roll. Let's keep the show rolling and moving on forward. So with that.

Yeah, what's the last one? Another segment for us to do. Right, totally different. This is exciting. I wonder what it will be. This is, I feel like we have to take it all the way back to Cameo to just reset. I need a hard reset here.

No way. Yeah, I am stumbling and I have fallen. Nearly 40 minutes of content. That's fine, that's nice, that's fine. Okay. So we have, the segment here is that I went online and I found some writing prompts or sought some writing prompts out

to kind of try our hand at coming up with our own short story, our own original movie, perhaps a novel. It's kind of a creative leaping off point for us to tell our story. I've got five prompts here, five different genres. I'll give them to you here. Okay, we have romance, horror, adventure, comedy,

or dystopian. So you choose which one you're interested in. Let's do dystopian. Dystopian, okay. Yeah, that one seems interesting to me. Dystopian writing prompt. In a society where emotions are suppressed to maintain control,

a rebel group forms to restore the importance of human feelings. A young protagonist discovers a hidden underground movement and must choose between conforming to the emotionless norm or joining the rebellion to reclaim the right to feel. That's cool. So it's like fight club, but it's like just them getting angry or sad or happy. Feel club, yeah. Yeah.

Right. It's like feelings as, feelings like in footloose dancing has been outlawed in this country, feelings has been completely suppressed. Yeah, that's actually kind of interesting. I've, I was hanging out with my nephew this past weekend, who is two, and he's just starting to kind of like get angry at stuff, you know, the tantrum.

No, I don't wanna do this. Yeah, right, yeah, yeah. He didn't throw a tantrum, but like he's like very vocal about when he doesn't wanna do something and he'll just be like, no. And you're like, oh no, you have opinions now and they can be against me. I didn't sign up for that.

Maybe there's something to, it's kind of, what's that movie where everything is black and white? Pleasantville? Pleasantville, so it's Pleasantville-esque. Oh, Schindler's List? No, it was Pleasantville, you nailed it with Pleasantville. So it's Pleasantville-esque. Oh, or Schindler's List? No, it was Pleasantville. You nailed that with Pleasantville. Because Schindler's List was also.

Also black and white, except for the red jacket. Yeah. Yeah, no. So yeah, we're not talking about Schindler's List. We're talking about Pleasantville. But really we're talking about our dystopian feeling movie, Feel Club. But the protagonist would be a two-year-old,

a toddler who's beginning to feel their feelings and have intense emotions for the first time. It's basically, it's the journey of being a human, which I think really starts at two. A toddler. This almost sounds like a Pixar movie. Isn't there like one where like every feeling is personified by something? Yeah, like inside a little spaceship of somebody's mind. Yeah, right, inside out, that's right. But this is more of, I think of this more of like

a minority report, like we have reports of people like in the basement of this factory and they're getting angry. What does that mean? What is it getting angry? And it's like, they shout at you, it's like, please don't do that. It's like, you know, like-

Are you getting angry again? In their world they're not supposed to, yeah. Is this anger? Is this the emotion that you speak? Right. No, you don't get it. Like, whoa, what is that loud noise? I can't compute.

I can't understand. End life now. Our hero is really emotional. Yeah. The hero of the underground movement is emotional. And the head of the government, like this 1984 style Orwellian Wizard of Oz is like Stoneface.

Actually, his name is probably Eric Stoneface. Stoneface. Eric Stone Street. That's good. Who's on Cameo Four? General, please. Ninety dollars. Amazing. OK, General Stoneface

is the guy who's there to create law and order, never shows any emotion. The underground rebellion is headed out by either a two-year-old or it was a two-year-old and grew up. He's like, I actually do feel these things. I'm just suppressing them. I don't know what that is, what that could be. Yeah, maybe it's told in a flashback of he's two and kind of like coached out of his feelings. Yes. You know?

Yeah. They were numbed. But he's like still able to access it in this field club where everybody is either happy or angry. And then like you said in Pleasantville, as this rebellion is spreading, the movie starts to get a little more light, a little more technic color. So by the end, it's like really bright Willy Wonka-esque

contrast. Did you see Poor Things? No, did you? Yes, it does sort of follow Emma Stone's life. And in the beginning, it is very black and white and like fish eye lens. And then by the end, it's very black and white and like fish eye lens and then by the end it's very colorful and unique as she's growing up. So if we wanted to we could probably sell the director

Yergos Lanthimos I think on a squeak wool called feel club colon pour things to now it's more. Instead of a squeak wool a pre squeak wool. Field club, colon, poor things too. Now it's more spore. Or instead of a squeakle, a pre-squeakle. So like it all takes place, yeah. But a pre-squeakle. A spreekle. Exactly.

So it's not a squeakle, it's a pre-spreakle. Okay. And this takes place before poor things, or before things things for short. Yeah, right before things. And it's not illegal because we're not stealing the movie, we're just calling it Poor Things 1.

Okay, so let's- And they're like, so was Poor Things the original Poor Things 2? I'm confused and that's the whole story. Why doesn't this one star Emma Stone? You couldn't attach anybody. Actually, she's super attached. Actually, she's suing me.

All right, let's choose one other one between romance, horror, adventure, and comedy. Adventure. Adventure, very good. In a world where mythical beasts roam freely, a group of unlikely heroes embark on a quest to retrieve a lost artifact that holds the key to restoring, quote, balance. Along the way, they face treacherous landscapes, ancient puzzles, and learn to trust each other

despite their differences. So this is just any, like, this seems like a very generic thing. It's pretty, it's pretty vanilla. Find something. Yeah. So it's just mythical beasts that have and they have an amulet and they need to and they need to go put it in like a hole in a cave. And it's like, oh shit, it's opening.

And they need to learn how to trust each other. Pass me the treasure, sir. That's right. Yeah. Quick, quick, throw me the treasure. Now, sir, now, there isn't much time. It's called quick, throw me the treasure. And it's that guy after he gets the treasure.

So he's like, ah, you fool. And he like runs off and he's like, now he's at home with the thing. And he's like, oh, what a fucking crazy ass day. I can't believe I convinced him to pass me the treasure. Should I postmates a pizza or something? I don't know. And I'm riding inside. But Wimbit stars five different roguish imps who have stolen different treasures and now they have to learn how to band together and trust each other. So it's, it's-

Mexican standoff people. It's five golems. That'll pass me the treasure. Oh, give it to me pal. Quick, give me the treasure. That'll give it to me. And they all have a split personality like Golem. So it's actually like 10 different guys.

Smeagol, Golem. Quick, pass me the treasure. Constantly passing a treasure. There's no fork's tongue. Give it now, I'll save us all, all right? They're all really naive too. Quickly now! Let me hold the treasure while you pure the river.

Let me see the treasure for a second. I'll give it right back, I swear, let me just see it. I wanna hold the treasure. Yes, break down camp, I'll hold it right back. I swear. Let me just see it. I want to hold the treasure Yes, break down camp. I'll hold the treasure What are we thinking for dessert I can be if I can hold the treasure And then there's one fucking normal guy Dan from Seattle Yeah, I mean whatever man. You can hold the treasure or not. I don't really understand why it's so important. Oh, it's the most important.

Oh, give me really quickly. Whoa, didn't see you there. Kuh! Kuh! Kuh! Stop fucking biting my ankles, you fucking freak. You fucking crazy person. I signed up for a fucking outward bound camp

and I'm surrounded by four guys who are constantly asking me for treasure. Here, you want me to hold the treasure? Oh, geez, I was being nice. I actually wasn't trying to steal it. So it's four guys that want to hold the treasure. One guy that's- And Dan.

And Dan, yeah. So I guess it could be called, pass me the treasure, call in the Dan's mysterious joy ride to the ends of the earth and back. Okay. That's perfect. Cut print.

And we'll super attach John Cena's dance so it can sell in the room and we'll stunt cast the old impish men who want at the treasure. So they'll be Andy Serkis. They'll be all, they will all be Andy Serkis. Yes. But the faces of TikTok stars, so it could sort of be a four quadrant comedy. So it's, you know, it's Charlie D'Amelio's,

your Olivia Rodriguez, it's anyone that ends with an O, and Cena, and they open the fucking room, and they actually open the weekend and it's a really expensive script. Yeah. And so that's our box office winner and then we also have our critical darling with before things, which is pretty perfect.

That's a good year. That's a really good 2025 for us, bud. Cause you do one for them and one for you and that sort of catapults you into the stratosphere. Cause you'll win the awards, but you'll also get the cash. You're the Oppenheimer and the Barbie. You're a rookie and a vet. Yeah.

Oh yeah. So let us know if you're interested in that. I know a couple, um, studio heads listen to the show. It will be a big one. Producers, directors, show runners, yeah. So yeah, email us if you wanna give us the treasure. Give us the budget. Pass us the treasure, quick!

That guy checking his email. Does anybody have bars? Let me connect to your hotspot. I can't open it. It fell. It's that guy at the office. Do you guys use Google sheets? Pass me your Slack password.

Pass me your Slack password. Pass me your password. Make me the moderator, please. Make me the host. That's you. Pass me the hosting privileges. I want to record to the cloud. All right. Sweet. Thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. core to the cloud. All right. Sweet. Thanks for listening.

Thanks for watching. We'll be back next week. And for more of us, you could check us out on our Patreon, patreon.com slash J.A. Ja. Ja. And we'll be back next week. Ciao for now everybody.

Bye. That was a head gum original. Hey there podcast listener. Good news. We're doing another head gum happy hour in New York City. Whoa, that's amazing news. Amir, why don't you tell the folks when and where it is? Okay, fine.

It's Tuesday, May 7th at 7 30 p.m. at the bell house. Okay. And why don't you tell everybody who the fucking hosts are? Yeah, that would be us. It would be, uh, we're hosting it. It's Jake and Amir. Okay, and how about this, you little piece of shit? Why don't you tell everybody who is gonna be performing? Who is this show featuring? Alright, I don't appreciate being called that, but it is featuring Charlie Bardet, Natalie Rodder, Latement of Exploration, but- And why don't you tell them- excuse me. why don't you tell them who else it's featuring? Go ahead.

Nilly Tamaras and Elise Morales of the Go Touch Grass Podcast and some surprise guests as well. More, yes. And Mir, why don't you go ahead and close this out now. You say something like, thanks for listening, we'll see you at the show or something like that. Why don't you go ahead and do that? I will.

It's a, so go buy a ticket at headgum.com live and we'll see you there. All right, bye.