If I Were You - 263: Outdoor Sex (w/Rhett and Link!)

Episode Date: March 13, 2017

Internet superstars Rhett and Link join us to discuss real friends, fake family, and the McDonalds menu.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. What, what, what would you, what, what, what would you do if I were you? Jake Mears, if I were you, is taped in front of a live studio audience. It is brought to you by Dunkaroos. Oh, that was a Nickelodeon thing. Yeah, that was the, what would you do, theme song remastered just for us. What, getting that Dunkaroos, Monty? Yeah, well, what we're doing is we let our fans create the ads they want us to serve.

And we reach out to Dunkaroos later on and say, hey, listen, we already, we already promoted your product. Has that ever worked? It never works. It's, it, this is the first time it's happened, so we don't know yet. I can tell you right now, it ain't gonna work. Especially because Dunkaroos, I think- You're trying to replace the kangaroo on the, on the package, right? As a Jewish kangaroo.

You might get a cease and desist, but I don't know if you're gonna get it. For that song? We're definitely gonna get in touch with them somehow. Right. That's good. Even if it's, even if it's their lawyer reaching out, that's a good thing. I know this isn't gonna help you, but what exactly is a Dunkaroos? Oh, you don't remember Dunkaroos?

It's like a- It's like a cookie. It's like a cracker cookie. Yeah, it's like a cookie. And then they, it came with a little jacuzzi of frosting. Oh, like a fun dip. Fun dip cookie version. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, exactly. I wasn't allowed to have those or something. I don't know. We should say Rhett and Link are here because people are gonna be listening and they're gonna be- Right. Maybe curious as to who you guys are. But actually, your names will be in the title, so they'll know that you're here. They already know.

All right, never mind. Rhett and Link, the- But that was Link who didn't know what Dunkaroos were. Yeah. For reference. And that was Rhett who was just being quiet. I knew they existed. You also didn't know, but didn't know.

But didn't want to butt in. Okay. You didn't know- You both didn't know what Dunkaroos were? No. Now that you say it, I was like, oh yeah, but you know, my mom was very strict about the sugary foods. Wow.

All the processed meats you could eat, but the sugary stuff, no. Oh, really? Yeah. Did you guys do soda growing up? Mellow yellow specific. Oh, yeah. Mellow yellow. Mellow yellow, not Mountain Dew for us.

I don't think my mom realized that there was sugar in soda. Oh. Somehow that slipped through the crack. But like frosting, that was clear. Yeah, yeah. You're not going to have frosting. Right, just rubbing in your finger. Have Coca-Cola.

Right. Soda is fine. It's juice. It's just brown juice. It's sugar juice. I guess we were getting sugar lots of ways. Like I definitely drank juicy juice, which was not 100% juice. Yeah.

A lot of sugar. Our kids these days, like, are our kids going to be eating healthier because now we know all this stuff or the kids just always eat garbage and that's fine. Well, we've got the kids to try as we may. There's at least five between the two of us. Is that true? Holy shit. Link has five.

Five and two. Five and two. My son, Lando, is, he turns seven today. Holy shit. Today is his birthday. Happy Lando Day. Yeah. And you see, you're giving them the soda is fine, the sugar is fine, or you're like,

no. Oh, no, no, no. We don't. No, but it's not. He wants to run the house. But when we, you know, we moved out here six years ago and so we've got kids older than that. I've got a kid that's turning 13 tomorrow.

Whoa. 13. Got a kid that's already turned 13. Yeah. How can I say how old are you? Ask how old? Or is that like a root thing? I'm 23.

Oh, that's amazing. 10 years older than your son. You're a baller. 39 and 38. 38, yeah. Okay. Still, but 13. And we got somewhere from North Carolina.

We got started with that whole wife and kids thing before the entertainment thing ever happened. Oh, wow. They were smart. They bought low. Yes. They bought low. Oh, thanks.

They bought Rhett and sold Link. That's what they call it. Exactly. So when we moved out here, our wives were already pretty strict about what the kids ate, but it was like North Carolina strict. Yeah. And then when we moved out here. Which is like no frosting except on cake.

No, it's like a birthday. All the kids that they were meeting at birthday parties had never eaten at McDonald's. It had never eaten. Wow. Oh, because L.A. is like health conscious. No fast food. You guys came from the South. Yeah.

They're like, well, you don't have Kool-Aid? Right. You guys have Kool-Aid? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But if they saw one of our kids with a chicken nugget, it was like, you let your kids eat chicken nuggets. Wow.

But those friends have relaxed a little bit and then we've sort of got a little more strict. Yeah. Yeah. So you met in the middle. I mean, the kids, like I can imagine like don't give your kids McDonald's, but at the same time, it's like kids have to have McDonald's. Like that's part of growing up.

This episode also brought to you by McDonald's. Yeah. Like if I met someone now, he's like, oh, I never had McDonald's. I'd be like, that's kind of weird. Right. Yeah. Are you an American? Yeah.

Well, it happens a lot out here with these children. But it's a sad thing. No more than twice a year with my kids at this point. I mean, it really is that. Yeah. But that's still, they're getting it. But it does happen. But there's going to be like a rebellious McDonald's, you know, phase in their lives where they're

going to like go like supersize me on us. Oh, right. That makes sense. Or once they get a driver's license. Yeah. Fuck mom and dad. Right. Drive to McDonald's.

As soon as I had like a little bit of money and a driver's license, I was at McDonald's every single day in high school. You're at McDonald's. We went to Hawaii last weekend. We ate at McDonald's three days in a row. That's enough. Very health conscious. At one point late at night, you ordered a chicken sandwich and then also a breakfast

sandwich. Oh, well, of course. You had dinner and breakfast all at 2 a.m. Did you say in Hawaii over a weekend? That's right. Yeah. We were recently in Hawaii. The real embarrassing story is that we went to Hawaii together for a week.

So did we. We went to Hawaii together for a week. Really? We went to Hawaii together. Yeah. When recently? Over Thanksgiving. We took our families.

We all went to the same place. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Where'd you guys go? McDonald's. Do your kids all get along with each other? Yeah, they do. We were in Kauai.

Oh, very nice. Yeah. Very dope. Hawaii's a magical place. I didn't see. Or Oahu. Okay. There's not agreement here.

So you weren't together. He was on McDonald's. He was on McDonald's. I was in different McDonald's. It was really weird. We haven't even said thank the fan who wrote this song. So thanks Alex Sexton, who's written for us before. He actually helped us out when we went to Austin that one time.

Sexy Sexton. Sexy Sexton. Thanks Alex Sexton. That's it. A lot of drumroll at the top of that one. He's earned it. Did you notice that? Quite a lead in.

Yeah. Is this only going to be drumroll? That's a great idea for a song. I legitimately thought that we could play it again. Should I? Yeah. Because you're thinking this isn't an intro. This is the song.

Just the beginning. Here we go. All right. Technical difficulties. I've never had to. It was like a drumroll before the drumroll. It was longer in my mind before we had to listen to it again. I thought it was normal length in my mind and that was longer than I thought it was.

I think overall it was good that we listened to it again. So this podcast is we record eight minutes and then write commentary for the first eight minutes. How'd you guys, what did you think of the Hawaii story? It was pretty sweet. Rhett and Link, how would you describe yourselves? Comedians, internet entertainers, entrepreneurs. You're basically kind of living in the same universe as Jake and I.

Yes. Kids are like taller, older, more successful versions of me and Jake. Just to put, and you found your loving, creative offspring. So you're really, yeah. Oh yeah. And you also have five children. God damn. We're so far behind.

We have to start having kids with each other. This is insane. I'm already 34. I'm not 13 years behind them, but I am in a certain way. Yeah. It's a different stage. You guys are going to be welcoming the newborns as we're pushing the children out of the house and getting to live again.

Oh, I'm so jealous. That's cool. Yeah. It's like when somebody is, somebody like just finished working out and you're like getting to the gym and you're like, I want what you have. You already worked out. I want to be eating my recovery meal. Yeah.

God. But then it's like, I didn't want to wake up early and work out earlier. So it's like, I can't have it both ways. Right. Unless, no, I can't have it both ways. No, you can't. You could adopt a 16 year old right now. Well, you could do the Insta family thing.

I don't know if you're currently dating anybody. Insta family. That's when you marry into someone who is divorced but has children. Oh. Yeah. Or never divorced and has children. Or you just, you become the second husband. That's also a thing.

That's a nice idea. That's not what I meant, but okay, that too. Am I too young to have a second, to be a second husband? No. Definitely not. I think you're right. You're in the sweet spot. I got to move back to North Carolina and find the ladies that married at age 23.

Back to North Carolina? Well, not back, but. Too there for the first time. I'm going to kill one of you and assume your life is all. I mean, it should definitely be Link, right? Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have any children who are so young that if I killed you and became you, they

wouldn't really realize it? No, seven is the youngest now. He kind of knows who I am now. He knows, Linda knows his daddy pretty well. But what if I'm your god of McDonald's all the time? Yeah, right. Suddenly I'm the cool uncle slash daddy. But it's weird that this is the first time the four of us are getting together.

I mean, honestly, right? Yeah. Isn't this weird? Because, I mean, for all these years of being on the internet and stalking you guys. There's only a handful. Yeah, there aren't that many duos. It's true. And there's very few that look like more attractive adult versions of us.

We should find the slightly less attractive version of us. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That way we'll feel as good as Rhett and Link do right now. Maybe they're 27 and 24. They also have six kids. Jesus Christ. But this is a long time coming.

I mean, Jake, we had a chance meeting at Little Dom's. Yeah, that was really exciting. I had no idea how tall you were. I was nice to not be surprised by how tall you guys were when you got here. Yeah, right. I mentally prepared. Did you prepare Amir, though? I don't think I did.

Yeah, I'm 5'11 and you're what, 6'7? Yeah. So that was, I don't know, emasculating. Especially because you got here and patted him on his head. Yeah. Well, I didn't show you my penis, though. Oh, yeah, it is out right now. Holy crap.

My God, man. I'm hopping into a baby Bjorn and he's carrying me out of here. You know what a baby Bjorn is, though. Yeah, that's true. I do have friends with children. You're ready for this. You can definitely be a second husband. All I have to know is what a baby Bjorn is to become a father.

We didn't know any. Well, then you also have to meet somebody that will sleep with you. Oh, right. The whole sex situation. Well, not necessarily. No, they've already made the kids. With the Insta family. Oh, yeah.

The Insta family. Yeah, you just have to be there sometimes. And then I can Instagram the family to complete the Insta family. Then you rake in the likes, you rake in the kids. How many kids do you guys have? Five. Total three and two. Perfect.

I'm in. Consider me in. It wasn't an invitation to be one of our family. I see. I see. For people we don't know or never associate with, you could join that family. Got it. It's just advice.

It's like a teacher man had a fish situation. Yeah, you're just giving me the knowledge to go off and do it myself. Yeah. Okay, so I have to unsend a few emails if you guys know how to do that. This here right now is an advice show, though you wouldn't recognize it as such based on the first, let's say, 19 minutes. But what happens here is Jake and I get emails from people all over the world and they're seeking our guidance and advice.

We do our best to offer it. As they should. As they should, because after all, we are two single white guys. Sometimes it's just ourselves. Sometimes we have more knowledgeable people in the house. So ideally, you guys can provide an extra layer of wisdom that Jake and I can't even provide. Yeah, you already announced the Insta family.

That was a snipe. So are you guys good with advice in general? Do people come to your advice? Are you guys wise beyond your years? We give a lot of unsolicited advice. Link is, in just our day-to-day interactions with people, he's the advice guy. Somebody even hints at needing to know about something or just is exhibiting some uncertainty about anything.

Link goes into his advice mode. I feel obligated to help people by giving them advice that's usually bad by accident. You're going to be a great guest on this show. I'm sincere about it. So these are real emails. That's an alternate name for our show. Bad advice by accident. These are real emails from real people.

All we have to do is give them fake names because I don't want to refer to them as their real names. That might out them in the real world. So why don't we start with Rhett? Why don't you give me a guy's name that we can call this person? Beauregard. I like that. Beauregard.

Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard.

Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard.

Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard. Beauregard. Hey guys. Love the show.

So there's been a guy at my work who got hired 3 weeks ago. I work at McDonald's. What? Are you serious? Are you serious? And he is already better than me at almost all the positions. He is also really handsome And has a British accent. So everyone likes him more than me.

I always see this malevolent glint in his eyes like he's saying he wants to take me off my throne. What can I do to make this guy seem worse so that he is worse than he is so that I can be back as the king without making it too obvious.

This is so simple. You have it. He's really good at everything in McDonald's and he has a British accent. He's going to move away from McDonald's very quickly. This guy just weighed him out. He says he has more

like malevolent glint. No more than a month left of McDonald's employment. Nothing to worry about. The way McDonald's works is that it's sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Everybody that's too good for McDonald's will eventually leave leaving this

guy the king. Right. They'll move to Chick-fil-A. They'll get too good for Chick-fil-A and then they'll go to something else. Denny's perhaps? I don't know. We might as well move out of the restaurant business all

together. Holy shit. Can you imagine being that British? Wow. You know it. You don't work in food services. I like to imagine a very handsome British guy working at McDonald's just killing it. Yeah, right.

Killing it and grilling it. What do you get, mate? Yeah. Is that a British accent? Yeah, I can do the poise. All right, old chap. Did you guys ever have a job like that, a McDonald's type

job? Never fast food. I was a loner. I would mow grass. Oh, self-employed always. Yeah, I mowed some grasses. Push in here like riding. Oh, I was a rider. Nice. Good man. He rode the lawn mower

to the yard across town. He was on the lawn mower, literally riding down the road and then would ride right into the Walkman on. No, I was just the drone of the lawn mower. It was like Zen.

It was like my Zen. It really was. I would think about lots of shirtless jeans shorts. I'm trying to pick pictures like a young kid in North Carolina. You're Jordan of a porn. Yeah, I would, I'd be barefoot,

but then you weedy barefoot a few times and you don't do that anymore. Oh. That's very bad. Barefoot, weed eater, yeah. Do not weedy barefoot. Is that just, is that a summer

job, the mowing of the grass in the south? No, it was all year. Like nine months out of the year. Wow. And then. Lots of grass action. Does that smell bring you

action? When you smell that freshly mowed grass, are you like instantly brought back to you? Yeah, it's like going into a trance. Yeah. Do you have a ride on mower

out here in LA? Oh no, nobody does. No, no, no. It's just be a really charming thing to keep. That doesn't exist. You rode the mower to Los Angeles?

No, we got a, I, I, I feel like I should make my kids do it, but we get, we've got a guy. Yeah, whatever, like everyone in LA has a guy. Right. It like when you get a house, it comes with a guy.

Right. Well it, all the houses around me, we all share one guy. It's not like the guy's just like, if I went home right now he'd be squatting out there waiting for the grow again. When we, when we first moved

out here and they were like, the gardener is included. I was like, we've made it. Yeah. Like where's this home? The gardener is included. And as far as the butler's service, when can I be expecting

him? Right. I would like a lemonade. But I mean, I understand this guy wants to dominate, you know, the Mickey D's. Yeah. As shitty as the throne is, it's

still a throne. Yeah. It's nice to be on top somewhere. I wonder if the other guy has an accent. He didn't mention that, but I assume he must have a better

accent. Yeah. It'd be funny if this is all what one did. He's British and I'm just French. Yeah. Right.

What is this, worldly McDonald's that they live in? How can I be the Burger King? Yeah. Maybe work at a Burger King. Yeah. Yeah.

There's an idea. Where everybody is the Burger King. I like also that he's like so private that he won't even admit it, but it's just us two. Where are the private places at McDonald's?

What are all of the positions? He's better at every position. Yeah. There's Fry, Burger Flipper, Order's Round. Well, I think that's what you do when you get a job at McDonald's.

They rotate you through everything in like the first couple of weeks. I think I've heard that from people. Oh, interesting. Where they find out that who, if you're a better at taking

orders or strengths. That's cool. Well, when I look back there, you know, when I'm ordering with my kids, when I'm taking care of them, my wife is around. There's drawers. I don't know what, what's with

the, do you know what I'm talking about? There's a lot of orange drawers back there. McDonald's? Yes. Are they ovens? I think it's like heater

thing. And they're like. I'm sure they serve a purpose. Do you know? For personal. You guys haven't seen the drawers? Like little cubbies that they pull out and there's like a

sausage in it. I don't spend a lot of time looking at it. So you're talking about just storage space at McDonald's? It's like heated sausage or whatever. Like that's what I want my

drawers at home to be. Yeah. He did just pull the griddles. There's an Egg McMuffin there? Yeah. Well, a McGriddle. I don't want the Egg McMuffin, but I can't believe you guys

have not seen the drawers. What? Can you, can you write this guy back? Maybe I have seen the drawers, but it didn't register because there's drawers everywhere. Of course there's drawers.

Right. Yeah. You assume. Like have you noticed the doors? There's also doors, doors and drawers. Those are known for us, man.

So this guy can just wait them out. Handsome British people are not long for McDonald's. What about some kind of sabotage? Oh, so you reach into his pocket and you pull out a quarter

pounder with cheese and be like, oh my God, Nigel is skimming off the top. Do you guys see this? Nigel for sure. He has a junior Mac. You guys notice that there's three big Macs?

Oh yeah. And I've been very tempted to go. This is one of my personality flaws is when I see the new sandwich advertise. In fact, this has happened multiple times in my life.

When I see a commercial for a new sandwich, I get in the car and go get it. Oh, really? Immediately? Yes. From the commercial? Yeah, yeah.

That's their fucking dream. So susceptible to advertising? Oh, I'm so susceptible to advertising. So whoever is actually sponsoring this episode today wants to go back and listen, I will sign up for that

service. But you're driving there right now. It's legal Zoom. You have to get a Wilma. Okay, yeah. I'm my file for divorce just for this sponsorship.

Just use your coupon code. But and then when you go to McDonald's or whatever and they've got a new item and it's in the window, I also fall for that every time. So you can't even live in America.

But I'm trying to be healthy. So I haven't had a grand mac yet. Drive you see a billboard, you're just like spinning a huge turn on sunset. Holy shit, I have to see nine movies today. That is insane.

That seems like a super size made. Exercising some discipline at this point. So I haven't had the grand mac, but you can bet your ass I know all about it. Wait, so what's the difference

between the grand mac and the big mac? The grand mac is just bigger. It's what the big mac should have been all along. Like wider? We're talking about we're talking about dying.

It is wider. And I believe in you. And I think the patties are a little bit thicker. I think it's like a full half pound of meat. Whoa. So is it is it like is the big

mac the regular thin hamburger patties? Or is it the quarter pounder patties? The big mac is what is on a cheeseburger. Is it? I mean, yeah, it's a regular

burger. Regular patty. They're so thin. They're so thin. And they're kind of sweet. And I don't understand how they're sweet. So the big mac maybe is the

thin sweet patties. And then the grand mac maybe they use the quarter pounder patties which is the bigger hamburger patties. It's actually bigger around. I think they made a whole new mold.

It looks like a restaurant. Same beef different mold. We broke the mold for this one. They just made bigger, a wider mold. Does that mean they got wider buns too? Yeah, wider buns.

Really? Yeah. Wider buns. We're going to go have to get one now. Big Macs. Yeah, it is. I don't think I've ever had a

Big Mac. What? Yeah. Because I always used to get chicken stuff from McDonald's. I don't know if I've ever had like rarely did I get the hamburgers.

You were on filet of fish most of the time. We brought up the filet of fish a couple episodes, maybe 50 episodes ago. It is the most underappreciated sandwich. Well, it was us two and a

friend. We'd never had the filet of fish. It's like we grew up not eating seafood. So like we never got the seafood at McDonald's. So we all went right after the

podcast to get our first filet of fish together. And? I don't think any of us could eat more than two bites. We were so disgusted about it. It's just half a piece of cheese on it.

Yeah. They don't even do a full piece of cheese. That is the weird thing about the cheese. The half cheese makes no sense. And then it's like this creamy sour sauce.

I haven't had it. I haven't had one in ten years. Tartar sauce. It doesn't. I don't think it holds up. Yeah. Well, it could also be the McDonald's that we went to.

You know, they're not consistent. We also didn't grow up with it. So there's no nostalgic appeal to it. Right. Right.

I mean, several people do that is their favorite sandwich. What are your kids ordered? Are they chicken nuggets? Chicken sandwich? Burgers? Yeah. My kids, you know, again, this

is in the Netflix generation, of course, they've seen all the documentaries. So when we say we're going to sometimes it's just like we're out and we've got to go to breakfast quick. And in my older son would be

like, dad, I'm not doing it. You know that that meat comes from a thousand different cows. Wow. Disease cows. The kid talking you out of the gun. That's so crazy.

And I'm like, Locke, we need a quick breakfast, man. You can just get an egg or something. We just got to take care of this really quickly. But yeah. So I mean, chicken, if anything,

yeah, they won't do the burgers. I know. I know people who like, I guess you can kind of convince yourself that the McDonald's breakfast is not like you said it's egg sandwiches.

So it's like it's not terrible in the same way that like eating a couple of cheese burgers from them. Right. Sure. And the hash browns. Big fan.

You can get them all day. This basically sounds like McDonald's. I can believe you're going on and on about McDonald's, but you've never had a Big Mac. It's like the weirdest. I didn't have to do that after

this. I think I was such a picky eater as a kid that I would get everything plain so the Big Mac never appealed to me. But maybe, yeah, maybe I should try to Big Mac sooner or later. My first Big Mac.

Sort of sabotage that. Or just wait it out. Yeah. We helped this guy. Yeah. I think waited out is the right answer. Yeah.

Wait it out is the right answer. His rival is going to be gone. That's where I disagree with you. It's not that he's going to move on if his rival is going to move on. That's what I said. Well, then I agree.

Did you miss the whole point? I thought you were saying he was going to move on because he was. I said the dude that the British dude is good at everything is not going to stay with McDonald's. Yeah. You were thinking of your answer

while I was talking. Obviously. And now that I've got it. I have to. You only thought of it now. And I agree. If you're a king and you have like a rival, you've got to like

keep them close. Right. So. And like the McDonald's is his domain. He should theoretically want it to do well. So he should be happy that he's

got this British servant. If you will. Servant. Yeah. Well, I think it's like a mini revolutionary war happening when this is McDonald's American versus British.

Yeah. Maybe he can warn people. Game of Thrones style. Oh, you're thinking. Yeah. This kid is like Varus or something. Got it.

Maybe I should watch Game of Thrones also. I'll watch Game of Thrones while eating a big. Yeah. Two birds, one throne. But just. Yeah.

Like Game of Thrones, if any, like if anything happens, like if he asked you, you can just like burn the McDonald's down. Jesus. That was in Game of Thrones. No, it wasn't. Sure.

You just wanted to burn a McDonald's. Let's take a quick break. We'll come back. More Rhett and Link, more questions and answers right after this. We promise to talk even more

about McDonald's. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, you're going to have to help.

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Thank you, Squarespace. And we have returned. What just happened? An ad? We all fell asleep. We all took a 21 hour nap. Yeah, I think an ad should have just happened.

If all went well, an ad just happened. It was great. Thank you. Rhett was convinced. Yeah. He's there now. Taking action, man.

On his way to loot the Andes right now. I'm at the link. He's eating a hamburger, regardless of what the ad was. He just wanted a Big Mac. You guys have a book? Is that true?

Yeah, Rhett and Link's Book of Mythicality. What's the deal with the book? It's coming out in October. You can pre-order it now at BookOfMythicality.com. But it's essentially, when we started it, we were like,

well, what can we do that is sort of like bringing Good Mythical Morning, our daily variety show into the literary form. We talk about all kinds of stuff to interest us. So it kind of started as like a fact book.

But then quickly, it turned into more of a memoir. We ended up kind of telling stories from our shared past. We'd known each other forever since we were in first grade. Whoa.

You met each other in first grade? Yeah. So we just tell a bunch of stories from our childhood and growing up and went to college together. And then even some of the

stories as adults. And we're kind of exploring what mythicality is, which is kind of just the way that we live our lives. So if you want to be like us, you'll read this book. I want to be like you.

Yeah. Me too. So the subtitle is A Field Guide to Creativity, Curiosity, and Tom Fullery. There you go. Tom Fullery, I like that. Yeah, so.

That's a cool name, actually. I'm going to start going by Tom Fullery. That'll be me now. Well, the funny thing was, after we came up. It doesn't seem like you wrote our book, too, which is perfect.

We came up with a subtitle. Uh-huh. And then it had gotten through everything. It was officially out there on Amazon and everywhere else where you could get it. And then Link is like, is Tom

Fullery a racial slur? It's like, I don't think so. Suddenly, I went white. I was like, oh, no. Is there some root to this word that is racially motivated? You got to be careful. Thankfully.

Yeah. It has nothing to do with anything racial. Yeah. Who is this? It's like a Tomcat kind of thing or something. I don't know where it comes from.

Exactly. But if it was like Uncle Tom Fullery. Yeah, Uncle Tom Fullery would be bad. But it had nothing to do with that at all. That's actually the book Jake and I wrote, which is sort of like

racist little foolish prank. Right. You can play on people of all ethnicities. Good Lord. Sure. That's awesome. You said it comes out in October.

Yeah. But available now. Yeah. There's a whole system now. If you write a book. Yeah. You got to get all the pre-orders in because they count towards.

Yeah. Once the book is out, it's boring. It's passé. Nobody cares about the actual book. Right. I've been thinking about just making a book that's only pre-order. It never comes out.

That's a great idea. If you could do the cover art. Yeah. The cover art, pre-order. It'll come out in 20, let's say 19. You get it now. Yeah. You get the pre-orders, 10,000, 100,000,

and $10 a pop. Suddenly you're a millionaire. You don't have to write a book. Right. Or you can whatever it is. 10,000 or 100,000. It's like a Kickstarter at that point. Yeah.

For a product that will once again never be released. Right. So again, like a Kickstarter. Yeah. So you remember the coolest cooler, that thing? No.

It was that crazy cooler? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They could remember that. That was like $195 and it had a blinder in it. Yeah, he raised like $3 million. He raised. No, he raised $10 million.

$15 million for it. $15. And it's a cooler that had everything on it. And he made one and took it to Panama. A lot of it. So then all of a sudden all this shady stuff started happening and he said he needed $15 million more to complete the whole thing.

And then he had all this stuff filed against him. There's a dude that just released a YouTube video that kind of like chronicles the whole thing. He just blew that money. You can still get one. Did he try to make the coolest blinder? Did he try to do it? He did.

And you can get it on Amazon for $200. And it's the coolest cooler. Oh, yeah. It just happens to have a blinder. I apologize. And like a Bluetooth speaker and stuff. But it's stuff. Super heavy.

You know, $15 million. It's like an everything bagel. But you can get it. Right. Apparently you can get it. And listen, I may be completely wrong here, but my understanding for watching one video was you can get it on Amazon.

Like you can go and buy it if it's in stock. But not everyone who gave the money up front automatically got a cooler. A lot of those people are still waiting for the cooler. Instead they just got a video saying, hey, thanks for the cash. Yeah. We'll try to make the cooler soon.

So it's not exactly like a pre-order that never materializes. But that's the problem when you've got a really good Kickstarter idea. But we should clarify that. I mean, the book is written. Yeah. It's real. We have done that.

So it's not a scam. Definitely. It's a guarantee. So if you're on the page for the cooler right now, open a new tab. Again, their cooler comes out in October. I think I might be misremembering certain things, but Rhett and Link have a cooler coming out in October.

Oh my God. Actually, let's answer one more question or maybe two more if we got the time. Sure. Yeah. This one. Let's do rapid fire too. That answers.

All right. This one actually happens in October. Hey, guy. Oh, wait. Link, do you have a fake guy's name for this guy? Gerard. Very nice. It seems like your name.

Gerard Giovanni. You want your name to be Gerard. Yeah. You said it in a way that was like. You saw it in my eyes. I'm Gerard. Gerard Wright. So in October, I broke up with my girlfriend of two years.

I broke up with her because I couldn't see a permanent future together and thought it was better to end it. So I caught her off guard a few days ago. We met for the first time since the breakup to swap possessions and talk about things. She lives about an hour's drive away. So we wouldn't have bumped into each other. The talk went really well for about four hours.

It was very friendly, understanding and balanced towards the end of the friends. Towards the end of the conversation, the idea of friends with benefits came up and we decided to go with it and proceeded to have some pretty amazing sex afterwards. We parted away as friends. Is there any way of this actually going to work out? I feel like there are a lot of ways it could go wrong,

but at the same time, who wants to turn down free hot sex? Any advice would be appreciated. Love Gerard. Gerard. This is a very Gerard question. Yeah, right. I sound like kind of think Gerard would get it. Double G.

Well, I've never turned it down, but I've never been offered it. So it's zero for zero. Yeah. You miss a thousand percent of the shots you don't take. First impressions, what do you guys think? Gerard, I'm sorry. And then it's how I felt at the top. And then I was like, oh, congratulations.

But I'm ultimately, if I'm to boil it all down, there's no way this is going to work. Yeah. Well, did he say that? You got to drive an hour to get together. Yeah. That's more investment than I think. They didn't agree, right?

It wasn't like, she still, he thought it caught her off guard, right? Is that what he said? Oh, the breakup caught her off guard. And then they had a four-hour conversation that was balanced and ended in them having sex and discussing being friends with friends. Because I think it would be very different

if you could both kind of just come to the conclusion that like, one of those like, I think we both know this relationship's over. Yeah. And then the emotional, oh, I see what you're saying. Oh, I see what you're saying, even. Yeah, yeah.

But four hours is not enough to get so unblindsided that she actually is only thinking that the benefits, well, yeah, it's enough. This is not free hot sex. It's not casual. Yeah, it's not free hot sex. No, this is just inexpensive hot sex that comes with a lot of emotional strings.

No, there's like a lot of... This is hot sex with a bill at the end. Oh, yeah. But an emotional bill. Yeah, right. Of course. The worst cut. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't fully understand being with someone for two years, breaking up, having blindsided and then like, turning down free hot sex. Like, free hot sex seems like the sex you have after you break up with a stranger, not with the girl that you just broke up with for two years. That part really doesn't compute in my mind. It's also not that casual to drive an hour to see each other

for like a friend with benefit situation. Well, if you think about it, they can both drive half an hour in the middle. And then they're like having sex in the car. Yeah. Maybe that's better. Actually, it's pretty hot. So I changed my mind.

All right. Shit, I'm into it. Real quick, if you were them, would you have casual hot sex friends with benefit situation with someone you just broke up? Yes or no? No. Stick with your plan A, man.

I think I would try it for a while. Yeah. I would try it for a while, but it would be a big mistake. You can have lots of free hot sex with a ton of strangers without going back to your ex. Yeah, I would say don't do it. You have more hot sex single

than you do with a friend with benefits. I think this has come up before. Like, the least hot sex is sex with someone that you've been sleeping with for the last two years and just broke up with. Well, it's always kind of hot to sleep with your ex, just one step. So it's like, it's boring, boring, boring.

Let's break up. Oh, now it's hot to have sex with the same person who was born with. Because you shouldn't be doing it. I think about the context. I think what you're forgetting, though, is how hot it is to exchange your stuff. That's the part that he mentioned.

I'm like, ooh, yeah. Sex is kind of always hot, isn't it? It's still sex. All right. Oh, by stuff, I meant your possessions. Oh, I thought you were talking about bodily fluids. No, they had to exchange their things because they were breaking up.

Yeah, this is your sweater. That's hot. Oh, baby. Let's answer another quick sexy one, just since we're all here. How about you give a first name, you give a last name? We combine to make one ultimate fake man. Smibbins.

Smurphy. Smibbins Smurphy. Who was the ghost writer on your book? Yes. Need some advice. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about four months and things are going great. We communicate well.

We love spending time together. And neither of us are bored. Here comes the problem. We don't have a place to have sex. I currently live with my parents. She lives with her aunt and uncle, who I haven't met yet. Normally, I would seize the cheese at my place in the basement. Those were the old days.

I recently found out that the vent in my basement leads to my brothers' and parents' rooms so they can hear everything. With that thought in my head, I'm on a one-way trip to Lymphsville and she's paranoid about it as well. Any suggestions as to where we can have sex to help a brother out?

We thought about a little Airbnb or hotel room, but they can get pricey. He asked both of us in our early 20s and don't know if this matters, but we live in Canada. Oh, it matters. The funny thing is, I was going to ask, where do they live?

Because outdoor sex is some of the best sex that you can have. Outdoor sex. Nature sex. Yeah. And I've never had outdoor sex. Yeah, I mean, you've got to be discreet about it. Where do you go?

Tell us about it, Rhett. I mean, beaches? Wow. That is really... Why are you looking at me? You remember Hawaii? You guys both... I feel like you've never had outdoor sex?

No. I've had plenty of outdoor sex. This room is broken up appropriately. You're horrified. I'm into it. So, Canada is a problem. I mean... They do it in the summer.

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, a nice weatherproof sleeping bag. Oh, interesting. You know, body heat... Camping. You know, you get the right bag, especially with another person.

You can get a bag. You can get plenty of body heat, and you're not... Nothing's going to freeze off. Nothing's going to freeze off. Yeah. Nothing's going to freeze off? No.

I think this is... You get every incentive to work harder so it doesn't freeze off. This is one of those classic circumstances in life where your limitations lead to innovation, right? Yeah. And I...

Exactly. And I think that this is... You can't be complaining about it. Definitely, you know, not at her house, not at your house, don't sneak around, find a good sleeping bag,

a two-person sleeping bag. That's nice. And find some nice spots. I mean, it's Canada. I mean, that's the problem with Los Angeles is it's very difficult to get away from people even on the beach. But there, I mean,

you just kind of walk a couple of miles in any direction. You can find some real seclusion. Yeah. It's like Fargo over there. Right. Just a snowy bank. Yeah.

Have you guys ever been caught doing this outdoor style? No. You've been caught? Not like... Nobody was ever like, hey, stop, but there have been plenty of times

where like, hey, stop. That's what she was saying. Jesus Christ, man. Hey, all right, you caught me. Hands up, still gyrating.

Yeah. I've been, like, walked in, I've been discovered, for sure. Outdoors? Are you talking about?

Yes. Outdoors. Was it a beach, a forest, a park? I've had sex in some very, very public places, actually.

For example? A bar. A bar? A bar. The corner of it. Indoors? Yes. Indoor in the middle of a bar?

Yeah. So, like, not outdoors, like in nature, but like in a bar. So, walk us through that? I really don't want to.

I mean, you're already at the most embarrassing part. Yeah, yeah. I guess. Save a little face. Is it just an open rectangle? You're by the dartboard

fucking somebody? It literally was a dartboard, yeah. So, is there like a hallway that's included? There's like a little, there's the bar,

and then they're sort of like, it was an L. Like an alcove. Yeah, the dartboard was an alcove, and it was dark. So, next to the bathroom

or just like this hallway to nowhere? It was a hallway to nowhere. It was a hallway to nowhere. It was a hallway, yeah. Well, people throwing darts around you.

You're like dodging darts. Pin the tail on my ass. What a party game. What's the discussion? Is there, is there like a negotiation? No, no discussion.

No, it was, I mean, I was, everybody's made out in a bar, right? Sure. That happens all the time.

So, that was happening. And, it just, for some reason, it just progressed. For some reason. Yeah,

I was like, we should go, let's like, let's go home somewhere. But she couldn't and I couldn't. And there was like, nowhere else to go.

And there was a hallway. Yeah. And there just happened to be a hallway. Yeah. Well done. But I didn't get caught that time.

The time I got caught was on the beach. I was like having sex and somebody walked by. And they didn't say anything. With a metal detector. Well, they were,

y'all see any glass bottles or, is that what they're looking for? Yeah. I guess the opposite of that. Was there a, there was a blanket involved. Yeah.

But we were above it. Above the blanket. Yeah. On top of the blanket. Wow. Nobody's going to stop you. Yeah. I think in that situation,

you're just as horrified when you walk right up to two people having sex as you are, like, if you're having this sex. Yeah. Can you imagine? Like,

nobody wants to acknowledge anything in that moment. What kind of human would be like, hey, stop that. Hey, you quit it. You too.

I guess if, I don't know, this is in the news a year ago or so. And they, they both got charged with something pretty serious. But they were, Triple homicide.

They were like, on a crowded beach. Oh, they were just like, they just went to town. I think I remember, I remember that. Yeah. I think they,

they may have, there may have been a blanket involved. I don't know the details, but it was like, yeah, like we've got kids and families all around. Right.

If it's, if it's the middle of the night and he's taking like a beach walk and you're discovered, that seems more fine. Yeah. More acceptable. Yeah.

Have you ever seen that like, I mean, I think it was an old internet video of like two people having sex and like during a baseball game or something like that. Like in the stands, like somebody was like zooming in

and you're like, wait a minute. That woman is riding that guy in the bleachers. Yeah, I remember that. I do get it though. I mean,

baseball is rather boring. Yeah, that's true. And sex makes boring things exciting. Yeah. I'm glad we can agree. I don't like to involve darts

in my, you know, my intimacy though. Makes a ton of sense. That is scary. Yeah. At worst, ski ball,

but darts. Right. Or what's the, the sack of Cornhole? Cornhole. Oh yeah.

That's at least linguistically appropriate. Right. It's getting closer. Man. All right. So with nature walks, nature sex,

that's the outdoor sex. I mean, I'm down. I mean, I've never had it, but it seems fine if you're okay with it.

I think we're out of time, but is there anything left you guys wanted to talk about before we head on out? Have you ever had sex with a Big Mac? Oh,

in the beach. I'm fucking a Big Mac watching Game of Thrones on my phone. Three birds. Now that's Tom Fulery. And we're back. Yes.

One last time, the book, name? Book of Mythicality.com. Yeah. We can pre-order Rhett and Link's Book of Mythicality. Type.

Of course, you can find us on YouTube. Oh, yeah. So how do people watch your YouTube videos? Well, you could probably try not to watch one of our

videos. And if you go to YouTube eventually when it's going to be served up for you, but it's a good mythical morning is our daily show. Daily video show.

Yeah. And we've got a YouTube red series called Buddy System as well. Season one is out and we may or may not

be working on a second season. Ooh. Ooh. Jake and I are coming on your show. Yes. Would you guys

come on our show? Definitely. So hopefully maybe that episode will be out. I don't know how much you bank in the future. We're going to get you

to eat something nasty. Oh, boy. Oh, can't wait. It's a big Mac. All right. Cool. Thanks Rhett and Link for coming by.

Yeah. Thanks for having us. Super fun. Thank you guys. Glad to finally do this. Yes. So the song was written by Alex Sexton.

Closing theme song is by Joseph. I think he had a cool name. Let me look that up. That wasn't Joseph? No. He had like a...

Oh, yeah. His stage name is The Last True American Hero. Wow. It's a long song. It's a little jazzy. So we're going to close

with it. And if you have your own questions or theme songs and missions, that email for everything is ifireushowatgmail.com. Thanks again, guys.

We'll be back next week. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me.

Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me.

Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me.

Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me.

Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me.

Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me.

Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me.

Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me.

Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me.

Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me.

Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me.

Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me.

Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me.

Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me.

Thank you for taking me. Thank you for taking me. Thank you.