If I Were You - 281: Sex Party (w/Gaby and Allison!)

Episode Date: July 3, 2017

Comedian and friends Gaby Dunn and Allison Raskin join us to discuss polyamory, sexuality, and their book. Things get extra real.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. It's time to start the podcast show. Cool, right? Very nice. That was very good. Wow. That was Sarah Borralis. Did she write a song for us?

She did, but she like changed her email address and didn't say Sarah. So neat. I love that person's voice. Yeah, I like soothing. Her name is Clara. So you don't think it's one of those like, oh yeah, my name is Ramir Lumentel. Right. And then it's like, oh yes.

Is that right? You give people at Starbucks? Yeah. Ramir is too hard to pronounce. I'd give a fake name. Ramir. Really? Yeah.

You have to give Jake. It's not Ramir Lumentel, but it's Ben. Yeah. I have friends with ethnic names that always give just like Joe. Yeah. No problem for you. Gabby. Excuse me.

Whoa. What? A mirror is actually pretty easy. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Abby, Debbie, Daddy. Yeah.

What are those? Just other names? No names that people hear when I say my name. People think you say Daddy? When I'm in the supermarket and some kid is yelling Daddy, it's a nightmare for me. Oh, interesting. Yeah. I often introduce myself as Daddy.

Because I refer to myself as Daddy. Yeah. Or is it? Daddy. Who's your Daddy? That's good. Gabby and Allison. Yes.

Those are your real names. Yes. So requested on this podcast. I know. We've been getting tweets up a storm. At least three tweets. Yeah. Which is more than we get usually.

Do you guys give your real names at Starbucks? Yeah. I don't understand though why people like will ask me how to spell Allison. Like I like you can just put one out. Like I'm not going to be offended. Yeah. Also you're just going to yell it. So I don't need to spell it.

Right. Exactly. Also like you better believe I'm just watching like a hawk as you make my coffee anyway. So like you don't even have to have my name. I'll know when it's ready. Oh, you're going to lose? I'm usually I'm reaching over the counter and be like that's mine. I feel like I should just add with one B to my name.

Like my name should just fully be Gabby with one B. Oh, it's wait. You have it's two bees. No. G A B Y. But I have to say that two bees. I don't know. It's been ingrained in me that I'll just that's what I'll say.

I'll just be like Gabby with one B. And then they'll be like, okay. Do you wish it was two bees? No, I think that's wrong. My name is Gabrielle. Why would I add another B? That's insanity. I would never.

I would never. I think you'd have to specify if there's two bees. Right. That's crazy talk. Why would I add another letter? What are most? Most are G A B B Y. Most are G A B B Y or G A B I.

I've seen a lot. I've seen G A B B I E. I know. Now you're just adding letters to a nickname. It's so great. Well, I went by Gabrielle for most of my life and my family calls me Gabrielle. So Gabby kind of came about later and I don't even know. I think I just was like, yeah, it's just add a Y to the end.

Oh, wait. So if it's a nickname, not your full name, you choose how many bees. Correct. You can spell it over the fuck you want. Well, now it's registered with SAG, so. I can't believe it waited that long to let us know. Let's talk about unions. We're already here.

Do you have to like give your kid like that, that nice, you got to give your kid a Tom, a Jen, a Jack, a fork, and a spoon, a bob, and a knife. A good, clear bob. I want to give my kid a bob and a knife. I'm here. Would you give your kid a bob knife or a whip? Oh my God. Knife would be a really cool middle name.

What a cool middle name. Wait, what were you asking? I was going to say, would you give your kid an ethnic name? Oh, no, I think what I'm leaning towards right now is like old Jewish names. Like those are kind of fun. Oh my God. God, the first name. Like A by like is a cute name for a kid because you imagine like a 90 year old, but then it's

like, oh, this is a baby named Abraham. I know. My parents went hard the other way where my little sister's name is Cheyenne. And I only can think of a kid named Cheyenne. Like can you imagine an old woman named Cheyenne? I really can't. I could definitely imagine like a 48 year old divorcee. Yeah, like a new lease on life.

Cheyenne just got a sob. Cheyenne definitely got a sob. She moved to Cheyenne because she was so enamored with Cheyenne. Cheyenne is the capital of what state? Very good. Wyoming. Incorrect. Incorrect.

What? What? North Dakota. No. No, it's not. Whatever. You're incorrect. It doesn't matter.

Yeah. I just don't think there's any like 90 year old named Cheyenne, right? No. Or I would say the same thing about Amber. Right? Like you never hear about like a, you never see, every Amber I know is 20 to 25 years old. And they die.

There's just a little baby named Amber. No. Cute Amber. Amber's first words. It was Jennifer until 20, then Amber for five years and then, I don't know. And then back to like Edith. Sarah. Yeah.

I don't think I've ever met an Amber. Oh. That's funny. I just named. Maybe I'm not partying enough. I named my character that I play in that thing. I just shot Amber because I thought it was like a cool trashy name. Yeah.

Why is it? It's famous for being trashy. Or that's the stereotype. You have to like know that going in. Like if you name your kid Amber, it's just going to be a disaster. That's why you gotta go nice. Oh my God. I know Amber.

Now I feel so embarrassed. Oh really? Oh no. Do you know an Amber? Yeah. Is she cool? Yeah. That's why I'm giving my kid a cod.

Or a cork. Cork. Oh my God. Yes. Cork is a cool name. Can you even imagine? Dude, let's change the show. If I were you with knife and cork.

Oh my God. Is that nice? Is that manliest show ever? And I'm cork. Welcome to Toxic Masculinity, cork and knife. Nice. I like the name. Toxic Masculinity.

The email, the theme song that came in was from Clara. And then her email, the extension is .se. What is that? Sweden. Is it? I said that with such confidence, but I'm not sure. Gabby lies a lot. I'm not lying.

We should make that clear. I'm not lying. You said that with such confidence. Yeah, it's not lying. Just not checking your facts. I just like to say things with confidence, but it's a guess. Holy shit, it's correct. Is it really?

It's Sweden. Yeah, it is. Yeah. I hate that. I hate that you were right. Because you lied, but you accidentally told the truth. Yeah, that's the word. No, I didn't lie.

I just guessed with confidence. My other self. That's not a lie. Have you seen our government? That's not a lie. If you believe it. If you believe it, it's true. Yeah, that's like when I said Cheyenne was in a capital.

There should be a game show where you, the answer isn't, it's not what the answer is. It's just who's the most confident. Oh. So I'll be like, what's the capital of Florida? And then you just guess. Orlando. Exactly. So he said.

It's Tallahassee. All right. Of course. It took me a second because I had to think of something that wasn't the capital. That's how good I am at capitals. I don't know any capitals. I know maybe two. What's the capital of New York where you're from?

Albany. Yeah. Okay. So that's all you need to know. What's the capital of California where you live now? Sacramento. There you go. Those are the two.

Okay, cool, cool, cool. All right. What's the capital of Illinois? Chicago. No. I think it's Springfield. Yes, it is. How do you know that?

Because I retain information at an incredible rate. That's true. I should be on Jeopardy. You saw her pull out the Sweden fact. Oh. Sugar in the studio. Oh my God, my dog. Sugar.

Sugar. Come here. Alison's dog, Sugar. Wait. Sugar. The softest dog in the world. Thank you so much. She's constructed out of muscle and just 100,000 cotton balls, it seems.

Yeah, all Modal. Come here. Yeah. She's the me on these of dogs. Sometimes I think she saw a ghost. Oh, she just randomly. I used to get so scared when my dog would bark in my house because I thought that dogs could see ghosts.

And I was like, I'm not alone here. Because if you look and nothing's there, what are they looking at? A ghost. Yep. I do believe dogs can see ghosts. I thought there was. Right. Me three.

Maybe another dog. Like I thought maybe she had heard another dog and so I went and looked at the window she was barking at. Nothing. Probably just a ghost. Yeah. It must have been a spirit or a ghoul. Are you mocking me?

And now we can get started. That's the energy we were waiting for. Toxic masculinity. That's classic cork. You guys are used to this. It's an advice show. They'll write us in. They're seeking our guidance and we do our best to provide it.

Sometimes it's just me and Jake. Sometimes we have friends, fellow wise scholars. Female doppelgangers. Female doppelgangers is one way to put a corner from each other too. Who's who? That's a good question. Oh yeah. Because Gabby's blonde but has glasses.

You think that, I think Jake and I are the same and Amir and Allison are the same. Yeah, I think that's what it is too. Right? But it's confusing with the glasses. Because everybody sort of just thinks they're glasses. And the Jew. Allison, are you Jew? Yeah.

Oh, that's what it is. Congrats, dude. Thank you so much. Like the first time after, I don't know why, but like a month after I had my nose job, I was like standing in New York with my friends and this guy just like went through everyone and guessed who was Jewish and who wasn't. I know. It's a weird story.

And then he guessed I wasn't Jewish, and I was like, wow, so worth it. Thank you. And that guy was Donald Trump. And that was the commercial you made for the Rhino Plaza Place. I'm gonna go non-Jewish. Thanks Dr. Steinbork. Hit Doggo. I've heard it so much, I know her doctor's name.

Hidalgo? Hidalgo, Dr. Hidalgo. That was a great Vigo Mortensen movie. Yeah. Thanks, Dr. Goebbels. So you've seen the tweets about having you guys on the show because sometimes we answer questions that were not entirely qualified to answer just because we're two straight white males and like, you guys should have Gabby on the show, you guys should have Allison

on the show. Are you white? I am white, yeah. Well, you're Middle Eastern. That's true. I guess I'm olive. I would say I'm olive. You're a Semitic people.

Yeah. Our Jews white is such a touchy subject. Go on. I don't even know how to answer that to offend the least amount of people. No, I know. You won't. You might as well just offend the Jews. You can't win.

But what's the offensive answer? Yes? Both are offensive. Both are offensive. It's crazy. God damn it. It's come up on my Twitter. You tricked me.

And one of the questions that we sometimes get is about bisexuality and like Jake and I are guessing we don't fully know, we sort of understand, we're trying to remain open-minded but we don't know 100%. Polyamorous for a bit, but that's about all I can do. Were you polyamorous or were you just like slutting about? I was also slutting about. You know, I have a polyamory question, so why don't we ask that and then sort of see if we can slide our way into some general discussions.

We're going to give this guy a fake name just to preserve his anonymity. Allison, do you have a fake guy's name? Fred. That's really good. Thank you. Last name. You've used that so much. That's your plastic surgeon.

Banana hammock. That's good. Hyphenated or just one long last name? One long last name. I like that. Dr. Banana Hammock writes, I've been dating this gal for two months and she's inviting me to look at houses and land with her. I'm 32 and she's 28.

I have no money. Only debt. Oh, excuse me. You said the word debt and it triggered you. I'm that financially insecure. I've always thought that there was no way I'd be in position to own anything like a house or land, but have big dreams of building a commune one day. She has the same visions as me and has access to the funds to begin building something.

She's amazing. We have a lot in common. We work well together, communicate well, and have moved beautifully through a couple of challenges already. I've been practicing polyamory for the past few years and the freedom has been so great, but I want a partner. I think I've found an amazing partner in this woman, but I need to check my pride. Also, I haven't met her friends yet.

It's also crazy. Two months in and we're already on the verge of a huge commitment and part of me feels like I'm ready, but it's only been two months. What would you do? Thanks. Love. Doctor. Fred Banana Hammock.

First of all, I chuckled when you said we're really good at communication because clearly not. Like, right? Because this is all stuff that he hasn't told me. We're amazing at communicating and here's my biggest fear and problem that I won't tell her. We're so good at communicating. Also, I'm freaking out and she's trying to buy a house and I don't know why.

I was so curious where polyamory was going to come into this financial question. He's just having a hard time wanting to leave his cushy polyamorous vibes because I guess it's hard to go from one to another. I mean, first of all, this woman's trying to build a commune. How is she not poly? It seems like she wants a one-on-one thing and he is coming from a polyamory thing. Well, you can have a one-on-one. You can have a primary partner and still be polyamorous.

That's mostly what I do. Okay. Explain that. There's multiple types of polyamory. I mean, there's a bunch of types of polyamory, but the two main ones are with a hierarchical, so with a primary partner and then secondary, third, whatever. Another one is called relationship anarchy, which is just like ... A group.

Yeah, just like you're dating a bunch of different people and nobody is the primary, essentially. Got it. Doesn't it seem like those things always sort of mix? You start with a primary and then like, oh, but this person is like kind of ... I'm like getting closer to this person now. They're my primaries, so this person sort of falls off a little bit. Well, that would suck for the person that was your primary. Yeah, but isn't that the risk when you start like sleeping and falling for other people?

I think you have to ... It's never really happened that way for me. I think you have to. Whoa. What? My God. It did happen. You wanted to switch your primaries, but you couldn't. Is that like a cell phone plan where you have to get it in writing to contract?

No. Well, I think it doesn't really work that way because the other person who's the primary is going to get their feelings hurt. You can't just like willy-nilly be sneaking around. I think this is my biggest problem with polyamory. Maybe you can fix it because I don't know what ... All right, I feel like an open relationship is better than polyamory because you can have a primary partner and then whatever the fuck you want.

Yeah, it's different. Like with a primary partner in polyamory, you can like concentrate your jealousy and anxiety towards like two or three other very specific people. It's like an open relationship, but only to these two. Yeah, I mean, it depends. I have a friend who has two boyfriends and they all live together and that they're all three. And they only sleep with each other. Yeah.

And they're monogamous within the triad that they have and then ... I know them too. Oh, really? I know one of them. I mean, yeah. He's my friend too, so pretty cool. Are they like so zenned out that it just ... It doesn't matter? I mean, there's definitely ... Look, there's definitely ... I think non-monogamy and polyamory

are very different. Polyamory means that you have the capacity to be in full relationships with other people. And that is tough because time is a finite resource. And so you can only spend time with certain amounts of people or sometimes a wedding. You get a plus one. You don't necessarily get a plus two or people's birthday parties. I knew you were going to bring that up. It was my birthday, okay?

So you don't want her bringing all of her boyfriends and girlfriends to the party? I had a boyfriend and a girlfriend and she made a couple's birthday party. And so I could only bring one of them. And which one did you bring? The guy. Well, that's the primary. Isn't that the whole point of designated a primary? That's the primary.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the primary. Can you be somebody like two people's primary or it's a one-on-one thing, primary, primary, primary, secondary? I've never been ... Does it have to line up perfectly? Yeah. I've never been ... Oh, that's not true.

I guess I have been two people's primary, but it really only kind of works if they like each other and like respect each other and ... How can you be two people's primary? Doesn't that completely ... I could have had a boyfriend and a girlfriend. But so ... But it fell apart because they didn't like each other. They stopped liking each other.

I got it. I would argue it never worked. No, I think it worked for a little while. How long of a while? But also the problem is that ... So this is what my therapist says. The problem is that I was dating people who were not polyamorous to begin with. I say this. I know you and my therapist have both said this.

My problem was I was a teacher and I was dating students. So essentially I was someone who had done this before and I was coming in dating people who hadn't done it before but who were quote-unquote open to it. And then I was just leading the charge and telling them how to be. And it didn't really work because a lot of times they're either trying to impress me or keep me or they're just testing it out. They're like touristing about, not really ... And then now it makes more sense to date people who are already polyamorous, who were already doing their own thing and I was already

doing my own thing and then we came together and it's not like a learning curve. And that's sort of what I'm doing now. Follow-up question. Sorry, unless you have a question. No, go ahead. I do. I have a million questions. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait, you're not part of this universe, right? Sugar! No, I'm a jealous maniac so that wouldn't work out for me. Got it. We could not be on more different ends of things. Can polyamory be filled with straight people or do they have to be sort of fluid bisexual people that can ... It doesn't matter if you're hooking up with a guy or a girl. Or can it be like three guys, three girls and then they just interchange?

Yeah, it can be straight people. I'll call it Brady Bunch Style. Haha! Oh, the dream. Everyone's fucking Alice. Yeah. No, it can be straight people. There's some people who are just more into partner swapping or there are some straight

guys who ... You've heard the term cuck thrown around, but there's stuff like that. Not enough. I wish I heard more. I wish I heard the word cuck more. That's the short form of a cuckold. A cuckold. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's stuff like that where the person is ... Sugar, come here.

I'm getting her little legs. Sit! Okay. Why? She was fine. She's exploring. Oh, the mics are very directional. I don't think it would pick it up.

I really care about your sound quality. I really appreciate that. She's wearing a little lab. No, Amir does too. I saw Amir's face when her collar made noise and I was like, no. That's what you're reacting to. That's what maybe you're more of an Amir. I know.

It could be. Yeah, right. The only thing you care about is sound. And there's literally nothing else. You're obsessed with audio. This might work out with your polyamorous relationship. Yeah. You're too focused on sound.

You're obsessed. He was a percussionist. I didn't want to upset him. No, you're doing great. Sorry. Continue. Would you say it works better when there's a bisexuality element involved where anybody can do anything?

Or it's fine either way? Yeah, I guess so, but I've been in the situation with my ex-boyfriend and the girl. She was bisexual and so am I, but he was straight. So at certain points, he was sleeping with her on and off, but they would break up. I don't know. He was straight and he just happened to, but they were never partners. They were just kind of... She was a secondary.

Not even really. But they didn't even hook up, so they were just sharing you. They hooked up sometimes. Oh, they did. But it never went quite as well. They went on a few bad dates. That's what... A lot of the times, it seems like polyamorous relationships are just something people deal

with to keep hooking up with the person that they really care about who wants to be in a polyamorous relationship. Yeah, well, that's wrong. I really have steered away from that. You really can't do that. Like some guy's like, yeah, I guess I'll do that. I'm done with polyamory as long as I get to be with you, babe, and her. And sometimes I get to fuck her too.

All right, I guess I'm polyamorous, right? But you might think that that's great, but in a lot of capacities, it's not because it's very... I mean, imagine you have one girlfriend, right? And now you have two girlfriends, like it's tiring. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's incredibly tiring. It's very fun.

It's interesting. The guy I was dating, he was like, someone was like, wow, that's so cool that you are with both of them. And he was like, honestly, it's exhausting. And so you kind of have to take the sort of like romanticization of it, like, oh, I could do this out of it, because it's very tiring. I mean, I had a boyfriend, and then I was dating another woman who was married. And there was no time...

We ended up splitting up because there was just like no time. The wife demanded a lot of time. She and I would like try to find... I mean, it's a Google Calendar situation. So she and I would like try to find time to see each other. And sometimes for a week, the only time we could see each other is like 8 a.m. for coffee. So here's my question. What's good about it?

What is... Well... This sounds... It sounds so exhausting. I'm having like four girlfriends and a boyfriend or something. I know. Well, sometimes you just like have the one partner. You just have to shut it down depending on how much time you have.

But the good things for me are one communication, because what I never understood about monogamy was that you're supposed to like sort of... Like the expectation is that your partner will never find another person sexually attractive, and that's... But I don't think that that's true. I think that like in certain relationships that you are open about that. Yeah, but that's... Yeah, some people, but that's weird.

That's considered weird. You just can't act on it. It seems like... Right. But you're still a person. It's understood that you'll flirt with other people and that you'll be attracted to other people. But your partner's allowed to be mad about that, and that's what's weird to me.

I don't know. I don't think that that's true. Everything in media is like, he looked at another girl and now I have to like beat her ass. Oh, I'm sorry. Is everything about... That says stuff about queer culture and media correct? No, but I just...

I've seen it in real life too. There's this weird sexual possessiveness of people in monogamy that I find strange. Yeah, I feel like that too. If somebody was flirting with somebody else, I wouldn't necessarily rush to tell a person that I'm with or I don't expect her to do the same to me. But at the same time, if she did that to me, I don't know if I would be like... How dare you? If you were a monogamous and your girlfriend came home from a party and was like, I spent

the whole time flirting with this guy, but nothing happened. You wouldn't have a right to be pissed? No, I would be bummed. I wouldn't be mad. I would just expect to not have anyone tell me that. Like, that's... But that's weird to me. I just feel like everything up until like...

So then you're just keeping secrets from each other? That's so strange. That's not necessarily a secret. I feel like you just... If you're in a relationship with somebody that flirts, you just know that about them. And you're like, okay, I know that you were going to go somewhere and flirt and be desired and like feel good and then not act on it. And then that's like...

That's enough for me. Well then to me, part of... To me, I would include that openness of you guys, you knowing that about them and you guys talking to be a slightly part of non-monogamy, because there is like an element to non-monogamy that I think is like your partner goes off and flirts, comes back, you know that about them and then that makes you possessive or jealous or whatever and like spawns some sort of sexual activity or whatever. It seems like what you're saying is that polyamory is like the very root of it is recognizing

just a really simple truth that's important to you. Correct. Yeah. There's a lot of relationships also that are out there that are based on sort of a lie that I'll never look at anybody else. Right. I only have eyes for you. And I don't...

And I like knowing. I like being communicated with. I don't like... But in your polyamorous, do you expect the guy to come home and be like, I was flirting with somebody else or the girl to be like, I was flirting with somebody else? Or is it just based on the fact that you're already... I would love to hear about it. And I think there's like this weird thing of, you know, I don't know, there's this weird

thing where I found in Monogamy where it was one, it was like very gaslighting where you would say, you're flirting with that girl and they would go, no, I don't. I don't think she's attractive. And I'd be like, that literally is a 10 out of 10. Like, I don't know why you're lying to me. And then two, like in order to spare the other person's feelings, which just ends up making them crazier and gaslighting them. And then two is this thing of like, it's always portrayed as like the man in the...

Let's say in a heterosexual relationship, the man and the woman are like opposing teams. He's trying to like make her not find out about his hot co-worker or whatever. And she's like pretending that she doesn't have a crush on some guy from college or whatever. And they're like opposing each other. And I never liked that. I always wanted relationships where you're a team, you're partners. And then anyone else who is around or who you're interested in or who you're hooking up with or whatever, is like something that you're doing together.

Even if it's someone that you're just with, like, and they're not part, like you're not having threesomes or whatever, like I just, I wanted it to be like a partnership where I could go home and be like, oh, I don't know, like this girl's acting crazy. What do you think? So it's more about communication, open honesty than fucking all the time? Of course. Yes. But would you say that one of the pros is fucking all the time?

One of the pros is that you don't feel, I don't want anyone to ever feel resentment towards me. A lot of stuff that I was really uncomfortable with in monogamy was the expectation that the person I was with would have to forego pleasure because of me. If I'm with someone and I love them. But isn't polyamory just being like, you don't have to forego pleasure as long as you're fucking these two people that we agreed upon? No.

No, because you can meet someone new. You can always meet someone new. And bring them into the fold? Sure. And non-monogamy. It's not like, I'm sorry, but it's not like you're in like serious relationships with every person. Yeah.

I mean, I guess I'm learning today that open relationship is different, but I guess I mean like it just means like she'll be at a party and she'll text whoever her primary is and be like, I'm at this person. Is it cool? And they'll be like, yeah. Yeah. There's one night stands. There's all sorts of stuff.

Yeah. You're not in a relationship with every person. So you can be, can you be polyamorous but not in an open relationship? Yeah. You can be polyamorous and just have, like what you said, just have your two partners. That seems like, all right. So let's just, as long as I'm ranking him, that one seems like the absolute worst one. And then, yeah, I like, I,

And then non monogamy is more like you just are kind of allowed to do what you want based on the parameters that you and your partner have set up or based on the parameters that you have for yourself. Okay. Maybe the last question, maybe one of like another 50, but do you suppress jealousy or do you not feel it at all? Your primary texts you and it's like, oh, I found this awesome girl. We're going to sleep over tonight and then I'm going to hang out with her tomorrow and

you're like, oh, that's awesome for you. Or are you like, oh, that's a bummer to hear. What if she replaces me as the primary? I mean, if they're going to leave you, they're going to leave you. You better not miss. I would say that you don't, like you don't have jealousy in romantic relationships. That's what makes you able to do this. I have something called compersion, which is the opposite of jealousy.

We know what compersion is. You do? No, I have no idea. It's the opposite of jealousy. That's when the other person experiencing like pleasure or joy or whatever is like makes me happy. Wow. That's the best thing you can have.

I thought it was that you liked when other people liked your person. You like, yes. That's different than just like, oh, they had a great ice cream. I feel happy. No, I'm trying to be a little PG about it, but yes, like you. That's the wrong explanation then. Okay. Yes.

It's like you get off on that person being with other people. Being desired. Yeah. Correct. Does that include nonsexual things? What do you mean? Like if she's asking about ice cream now, you're starving and you're seeing me house a pizza.

Does that fill you up? No. She's more correct. Yeah. It's like when you, when you see someone else, like we were at a party and this girl came up and was talking to him was like, your eyes are so beautiful. And I was like, nice. Yes.

All right. Like let's, like I, I like one other because I, because I get it. Like I like when other people think my partner is attractive because I'm like, you're on my wavelength girl. I get it. Like you let, yes. You're seeing what I'm seeing. Makes me think that you have a good, a good one.

Yeah. Exactly. You're proud of it. Well, that's a dope. Now I'm into polyamide. But compliments are one thing. And then if she goes off and fucks that guy, you're still like awesome. That's like awesome for her.

And I feel great. Because it's like a validation that they're, that they're sexually attractive. I feel, I mean, I've ventured to just a positive, a hypothesis. Yeah. I feel like polyamory could work if everybody was like you. I think the cancer is that there's like, there's little infiltrators everywhere that like pretend that they have, what is it? Compersion.

But I do feel jealousy. Like I felt jealous. Like my ex, I felt jealous when he drove a girl to the airport because that was like not romantic. That was like. For all of us. Because that was like, I've been real mad about that. Right?

Like a major and he went through a major inconvenience for this person. And he must really like, I don't, you don't like everyone. Put your dick somewhere. That's like, you were on the 10 for a long time. Like you don't like every person you put your dick in, but like you definitely like, right. But you definitely like this girl that you drove to the airport and he never touched her. But I was like, what the fuck is that?

Or if you write a book for her. Right. That's the longest commitment. If somebody gives you a book and you read it, you have to read it in three weeks. I really loved this one. You're reading a fucking book for her. Right. And there, and yeah, and there was a person I was dating who would say, um, like would

compare, would say disparaging things about my body compared to their body, which I did not like, you know, I'm still a person. Like there's certain things that made me insecure or like someone did that. Yeah. Did I ever tell you that? Fucking get her. Yeah. It's crazy.

It had to do with like how each of us did our pubic hair. Oh. Wait, what happened? Sorry. I was reading about the compulsion. There was a guy, I was dating and he hooked up with someone who, I mean, whatever. He hooked up with someone who, who, um, shaves the whole thing. Um, and I don't.

And you do a dollar sign. I do. I wish I did a dollar sign. Oh my God. Now she won't. I like how, who could I go to to get that done? I don't even know. We'll go to the gallery after this.

I'm going to go to. Oh my God. Bonding. Um, and he was like, Oh, she does, she does that. I wish you would do that. And I was devastated because I, because I'm not like, I'm still a person. Like, and that made me really jealous and upset. Right.

So like things come up where like you don't, you know. Can you be Persian and compulsion? Probably. Wow. It's Persian. So I think they go by Iranian now. Oh, Jesus Christ. I keep accidentally unwoking myself.

People has no results for Persian, compersion. Oh, that should be, you could be the first one. Yeah. Please email us if you're Iranian and also experienced compersion, come, come Iranian. They're actually called it. Compersion is really offensive. Yeah. Come, come Iranian is actually the, the preferred nomenclature and like this doesn't work for

everyone. And some people are monogamous and that is completely fine. It just never worked for me. And my, my. Well, nothing works. Nothing works. Nothing works. Oh, of course.

Nothing works. It's all bad. And my partner now says monogamy is a fetish and that it's like, but that's, it should be respected as such. Interesting. I feel like the right way to, to look at monogamy in a way is that like, yes, that person is going to flirt with other people. Yes, there's going to be attractions with other people, but every day that person still

chooses you. Yeah. And that's what you get off on. Yeah. I love being chosen. Yeah. Everybody loves different things. I feel like I used to feel, like I used to feel such intense jealousy and like where it

was unhealthy, but now it's like, okay, if you're telling me that like I'm your person and you're picking me, then I'll believe you. And then you can like, you know, as long as you don't cross certain lines, like we're fine. How did you, cause I used to feel really intense jealousy too. When did it stop? And how did you, how did you fix it? Zoloft has been really helpful.

Wow. Do you have an example of your most jealous moment? Oh my God. I'm a psycho. And would you still feel that way now? It's also a lot about what the other person makes you feel, and if that person is doing a good job of making you feel secure or not. Correct.

Yeah. Before and after the act. Yeah. So there was one time where my ex-boyfriend, oh my God, this girl who was so problematic for us the whole time, like he, yeah, I was kidding, honestly, I wish, and they weren't to, like he helped her in some way and they like went, she wanted to take him to dinner to thank him. And I was like freaking out about it.

I was like, I don't want you to be at dinner with this girl. And like they were at dinner for like three hours and throughout the whole dinner, I was like texting and being like, why are you still at dinner? I like leave dinner. It's not dinner anymore if it's still happening at 11. Yeah. I was like, she's like, oh no, she ordered another drink and I was like, please get out of there.

And then it was like, oh, I ran into someone in the parking lot. So now we're talking. Also, I have to drive her home. She lives in Koreatown. Like it was insane. Jesus. But if there may, if there's a difference, like if that guy had made you feel secure at all, it would have been a totally different ball game.

Now, maybe not me two years ago, but now you're saying two years ago, you were in, pre-Zoloft. Yeah. I mean, probably like two months ago, I was in a bad place. So it doesn't even depend on the guy, it depends on your current state of mind. Yeah. No, I would argue if it's him. It also depends on the guy. If someone made you feel secure, you wouldn't behave the way you behave.

Right. What do you think, sugar? She's asleep. I know. She was talking to you. Oh, babe. Are you on Tinder? I deleted it last night because I was mad at men, but I think I'll add it back.

Wait, why did you delete it last night? What did men do to you last night? I mean, what haven't they done? No, I was upset. So I usually have it set to women, and then I turned it on for men just to see what the fellas are up to, as Kyle Kanane puts it, and got to say, not great. Not great, y'all. Yeah.

Tinder's sort of not doing great. It's a bad place. The women are just like, oh, that's so, like, whatever, I mean, some women have not behaved great, but like, I was- What have they done? You know, but I've said to her, I've said to her, well, it's funny because it must be what we're putting off, because she was like, I get like two messages, and then they ask me out to drinks, and I was like, what?

I get two messages, and then for sure a dick pic. A dick pic? A dick pic, or like, hey, do you have a private tumbler for private pics, or like, hey, like, do you want to meet up and make out in a car at midnight? Like, people think they can just like talk to me a certain way. Make out in the car at midnight is almost romantic. Yeah, I kind of, that's nice. That guy was like, was like almost there, like so close, and then when I didn't respond

immediately, he was like, how vulgar could I be until I write, until you write back? And I was like, oh, here we go. Yeah. The twist has started. That's too bad. I do think where I'll start online dating, and then I'll go out on one day and be like, this seems good, and then just date that person for a few years. Just to bring it back to this question, just, I don't even know how far we've gone.

Oh, we didn't answer any of it. Yeah. Just real quick, two months in, we're on the verge of a huge commitment. Do not buy a house with someone to it, and are you kidding me? Right, I know the answer. If she wants, he can accompany her for this journey of like choosing a house and choosing land, and he can pay. Also, ask him to pay her rent.

Yeah, he can pay towards the mortgage, but like, don't put his name on anything. He doesn't have the money to put down anyway. Ask her, what the fuck she's doing? You're great at communication. Why is she taking you to look at land? Why isn't he met her friends? I'm going to venture to say she doesn't have any. That's what I was going to say to you.

That's fine. Does somebody have no friends? Could you have no friends? Yeah, I don't know if I have no friends. Zero? What if this is a clue that she's true? I don't like anybody. That's different than not having friends.

Sure it is. Don't you think people refer to you as their friend, though? Maybe mistakenly. What if she's, it's a big red flag that she like has driven everyone out of her life. For me, I think he can buy land. What is land? You can leave someone with land, you don't want to buy a house. That seems like a real thing.

No, no, land is the biggest commitment. No, no, no, land is nothing. You buy land, you walk away. It's just an afterthought of land. No, you don't walk away. First of all, you can't put a down payment on land. You have to buy an outright, which is a huge, that's a- She's paying for it.

She's footing the bill. It's a big commitment. Then what the fuck can you do with it? Do not buy land. And you have to build a house that takes years and years and years. No, I'm saying you can leave. Right, exactly. You can leave before the house is closed.

You can't leave her without, fine. I think you say, you find out what the expectations are for the house, for the land. You say, do you expect me to live there and contribute because I'm in debt and I have no money? You can be a supportive boyfriend and not put your name on the mortgage. This is actually no man's land. That's what you can say. That way, she's like, I get that.

Is it even, like he said, some girl I'm dating, is that even his girlfriend? Two months. So what? How many months is a girlfriend to make? I don't know. I guess you should talk about it since you're so good at communication. Jesus Christ. All right.

We got to take a break. Thank a few more sponsors. We'll come back with more with Gabby and Allison after this. And sugar. And sugar. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation, talking to a

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purchase of a website or domain again, Squarespace.com slash if I were you free trial, everything looks good. Let's launch it. Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off that first purchase. Thank you. Squarespace. Hey, we're back with Gabby and Allison. You guys have a book coming up?

We do. Yeah. What is that? September 5th. September 5th. 9-5. 9-5. 17.

We also have a tour. We've got to be promoting our tour. Oh yeah, we're going on tour for the book, but also it's a live show that we're doing together. Where are you guys going? We're going to a bunch of cities. Right now we've only announced Chicago, Boston, Philly and New York. Oh, totally.

Wow. If you go to gabbyandallison.com you can find the tour dates. Well, what's the quick backstory for people that may have never even heard you guys before? They're listening to our podcast. They're like, who are these two ladies? How do they know each other? What is this tour? Sure.

You want to give like a quick background? We have a YouTube channel together that's like an odd couple comedy thing called Just Between Us. We've been doing that for a few years and then we wrote a book together called I Hate Everyone But You. That is kind of, thank you. That's very non-polyamorous. I know, right?

And it's about two girls who are friends, so it's basically like, it's a YA novel. Yeah, versions of ourselves in college. Oh, we had the novel. We had been friends in college. Yeah, it's a novel. Oh, cool. Versions of ourselves, I mean, it's fiction, obviously, but like, you know, taken from the headlines.

Did you guys know each other in college? No. We met out here. So it's kind of like an imagined, like, what if they had known each other in college? Got it. And they go to college on separate coasts and then they are writing to each other. We saw all emails and text messages. Oh, shit.

That's a really great idea for a book. Thank you. And so they're writing to each other, like, from school, and one of them is dealing with OCD and mental illness and trying to, like, fit in in, like, a sorority and, like, normal college life and having a really tough time doing that. And then the other girl is, like, just partying too much and she comes out as queer and she's figuring that out and she's making a bunch of mistakes and so they're, and then it's kind of like, can they stay friends where they're both, like, changing so much?

Cool. That's really cool. And then what's the book that, that's the book that's coming out? That's the one that already came out. That's the book that comes out September and then we're going to tour with it through the month of September. Please buy tickets. Yeah, please buy tickets to our tour.

Our manager is just texting us, like, promote this. Well, but we're doing well. It's funny. I didn't, I didn't tell you, like, my, the guy I'm seeing went and looked at, like... He's going to be mad. You said that. Whatever. He went and looked at, like, how well it was selling, but he didn't want to tell me.

But he said it's doing well. Uh-huh. How do you, how can you look? Because he's looking at where, what seats are available. Oh, seating chart. One commitment. That's what you do. I know.

I'm here to do that for our tours. Oh, really? That's me. No. I'm a lot like your guy, I think. That's great. You want to join our relationship. Are you looking for a fourth?

Uh... What do you mean? Every relationship needs a schmuel in it. Schmuel of development. Right. Just one schmuel to keep things organized. To grease the wheels. Um, but there's, yeah, so that book comes out in September and then we're going to go

on tour with it, gabbynausen.com. And then... We built a website. We built a website. Like, someone on Twitter said it looks like the most beautiful lesbian wedding website they've ever seen. It's just pictures of us holding hands and like, it's very over the top. That's awesome.

Yeah. So you can order the book on Amazon or Indiebound or whatever there's like, you know, wherever you buy books. Cool. You guys have a podcast too? No, I have a podcast. You have a podcast. Yeah.

I have a podcast called Bad With Money. That's like a finance podcast. It was on the New York Times top podcast list. Wow. Hell yeah. Um, so yeah, so that, and then, um, I sold that as a book too, so I'm currently writing that one. Is it like financial advice?

No, no. I'm awful. Um, it's like the opposite of that. It's, it's just kind of me figuring out like that nobody knows anything and like explaining my history with money and, and how I'm trying to learn how to put things, because like there's no class, like nobody in college or high school sits you down and goes like, these are taxes. This is how you write a check. Whatever.

So it's kind of like me learning how to deal with finances. And like literally I went from, when I started the podcast, I would throw away my mail. Like I, I would just get mail, see that it was a bill or from Bank of America and throw it away. Okay. It was really great to be business partners with her. Did we get like an outs, I don't know, I threw away all my mail. Hmm.

All right. That's. Yeah. Because I was like, if I don't have to, if I don't look at it, like if it's really important someone will come to my house. But like, um. And arrest me. Yeah.

And then, um, and then now I've like started to, what was your credit score when you were throwing away mail? How would you even, how would you even look up a credit? Credit. I had no idea. I had no idea. I looked it up now. It's good now.

Oh really? What is it? Good or very good. I think it was like 740 or something. Oh, that's very good. Yeah. Oh, that's quite well. Great.

I mean, I was happy about it. I was like, I've almost like despite myself, um, but that's because I didn't even know how to use a credit card. Like it was very bad. And then, um, now I've started to like, it's very weird in season two of the podcast. I've just like gone from this girl who didn't know anything to all of a sudden, like just a crazy tin hat socialist who's like, we have to burn the system. It's really, it's like, that's what you say publicly.

And then privately you're like, I don't want to pay my taxes. Oh, this was very funny. I start, we started making more money and then I like start, we started making more money. Like I got the advance for the book and then I, they were like, okay, cool. And you have to pay like thousands of dollars in taxes. And I was like, Allison, what, it's such a large cut. This is out of control.

We have to do something about this. And she was like, I love that you've had money for one day and you're a Republican. Yeah. One day. You should be voting for this, uh, for the healthcare appeal. I was just like, oh my God, taxes are so high, but then I did an episode of the show where I explored what taxes go for. And then I was like, okay, this is worth it.

But part of me is like, I don't have kids. Why do I care about schools? I do care. I went through this episode and I was like, it funds this, it funds that. Okay. It funds the military. It helps our defense. It's understandable.

No, it funds our streets and Plain Parenthood and things I care about. So I was like, okay, I'm fine paying taxes. Uh, can we get to one more question? Yeah. Because I feel like we did such a deep dive, but I want to try to help somebody else out. Yeah, we really helped that guy out. Yeah. We just said don't.

We just said don't. We've really been really asking us to have somebody that knows about polyamory explain it. And that was helpful. All right. Uh, Gabby, why don't you give this guy a name now? Good luck feeding Fred Banana. It's a guy.

Yeah. Um, Marcus Johnson. I thought you were going to say Josh Groban. Marcus Johnson. Okay. Um, and he's, um, he's not a doctor, but he's an Esquire. Whoa. Whoa.

Yeah. Mr. Johnson Esquire. Marcus Johnson Esquire. Marcus Johnson. The first, second, third. The first. Okay. First of his name.

Yeah. But his wife's pregnant and then he's going to have a second. So it's going to be like Marcus Johnson the second. Whoa. That's really cool. But not junior. Um, no, not junior. The second.

That's very classy. What does his wife do? Let's just get to the question. I'm just curious. I've never heard such a backstory with the name before. She like, she runs an Etsy store. That's really nice. I'll tell you actually this guy doesn't have a wife, so you're creating a backstory that

won't even come into effect. If you let me read the question. I'm curious if she restores old furniture. She doesn't restore. She doesn't, he doesn't even have a wife. We're out of time. Okay. We're out of time.

Thank you guys for listening. Gabbyanalison.com. All right. Here we go. Marcus writes, I met a girl in one of my classes a couple of months ago and pretty much fell for her instantly. Oh my God. You're cheating on your wife?

Well, the Etsy store. She has this dumbass Etsy store. This girl is beautiful, smart, funny, and we have so much in common. We have really good and meaningful conversations too, but that's where the problem lies. When we're apart, she never replies to any texts, Snapchat's, or Facebook messages I sent her. Oh no. While we're together in person, we're so comfortable and we talk to each other a lot.

In fact, it's usually she who approaches me. How can I get her to talk to me online without seeming like a needy loser? We probably only see each other a couple of times a week and I don't want that to limit our conversations. Thanks for any advice. Love. Marcus. I love the spring true to you in any way.

Are you up? My advice is run. Are you? This person's terrible. I hate her. Well, just because she doesn't contact you online, maybe she's on the internet. Yeah. I think he's wrong.

Why doesn't he ask her out in an in real life date? I'm sorry, but if someone's just not replying to you, they don't like you. That's true. She doesn't like him. That's right. But he'll know for sure if he asks her the fuck out. Or if he just listens to this podcast. But she does not like you.

No, but why ask her out in person? Why are you so into it? Why do you need to hear from her on Snapchat? Just ask her out. You see her in person all the time. Get a drink with her. We usually have the exact opposite. People are like, I'm talking to this girl online.

How do I talk to her in real life? Yeah. Ask her out. And then if she says no, stop Facebook messaging her. When she says no. Yeah. Because she won't. Or have you met someone that's just bad at the internet?

I don't give a shit. Like I... I don't give a shit. Honestly. Grounds for expulsion. Like part of relationships and liking people and being a decent person is like giving them what they need. And like you shouldn't, I don't, no one is that busy that they cannot respond.

To Snapchat's? But like, I know a lot of people are like, I don't know how the fuck this works. I check it. I don't respond. Snapchat. That's fine. Snapchat's different. And I think everyone should stop using Snapchat.

But. Whoa. Instagram video. Why are you anti-snap? I'm just anti-snap in general. Yeah, dude. I'm all in on Instagram. Instagram is way better.

No one, no one uses, why would you need an outside app to do the same thing when you can do it in another app? This is all, but you guys. As soon as I can like fucking request money in a car through Instagram, I'm deleting everything. Done. Right? Yeah. I feel like you guys are siding with the wrong people here.

Like Facebook took Instagram and the stealing from Snapchat. Yeah, but like it's interesting to copy backstreet boys, but they were better. You think Evan Spiegler really, you feel bad for him? Yeah, because I think that Snapchat created something out of nothing and now Instagram is stealing it. And you guys are like, yeah, Instagram is better. Snapchat created an app that you could like send nudes to people and they would disappear and then like that got everybody to sign up and then they're like, they're fucking

it up. I feel like Snapchat is the underdog here. No, I feel like Snapchat has like made serious mistakes and like has no idea how to monetize and is now falling apart. Anyway. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

I mean, they got racist filters and whatever. Follow us on Instagram people were deleting Snapchat. Well, I, we disagree, but I am saying if, if she doesn't like him, then find out by asking her in person. And then if she says no, then stop messaging her. Yeah. I don't want to be too much of a cynic. I'm with you.

I like ask, ask her out. I, I would venture to guess that she's going to say no. Yeah. But I also think that if you're dating somebody and like they don't respond to you, like that's a problem. Yeah. But they're not dating yet. They're just flirting.

I know, but I'm just making a broader statement. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. If you are somebody that like, likes communication and the person you're dating won't recognize that. That's also, as you said, also, okay. What is with people who when you don't reply, keep messaging you.

Yeah. Like that is crazy. I was going to suggest. When you're dating or something. No. Like some, someone like, I have a friend named who will just, I shouldn't have said her name. It's fine.

I was so here because I feel bad whenever I like don't give someone credit for something funny that they do, but maybe this is mean bleep her name. So, um, so she, she will just like, cause I'll block people immediately, but she doesn't. She's like, I want to see how long they'll keep going. So there's like guys, like she came out as a lesbian like years ago and there's a, and there's guys that will just like keep, Hey, then a couple of days later, Hey, then a couple of days later. So you lesbian now?

That's crazy. Then like a couple of days later, Facebook messenger, there's like two different guys that do that. Then there's another girl that I don't, then there's like another girl that like, she wasn't replying to her on her Instagram or her Twitter DMs are open, wasn't replying to her on Twitter. And then that girl, she doesn't know her, found her again on Instagram and then was like, Hey, Hey. And then while she was showing me the 16 messages, this girl had sent her without her, without

her replying, she's typing and then like, and then found her on. And then there's like another person, I mean, ever, ever result in somebody like, you know, 16 messages later, like, you broke down the wall, I'm going to fuck you. Or like, I can't like, if, if I have, there's people that like, I have blocked on other mediums and then they like reach out on Facebook and are like, Hey, like, I just wanted to say it. I'm like, no, you're done saying people reach out to me because you blocked them. Really?

Yeah. But that's because people like, I think one, I can't imagine like, they just must not have shame because if someone didn't reply to two of my messages, that's what I was going to say. And never contact them again. And then three, two, I think, right? Two, two is mine, but I think three is appropriate. That's what I was going to tell this guy.

Three is three. You concentrate, concentrate on one medium. Yeah. So like crazy. If you have her number, don't snapchat, don't Facebook and it just goes straight to boundaries. It's scary. It really shows a lot about your character. No, not even thirsty.

It just shows that you have no boundaries and you don't clear. You clearly don't respect me as a person. Or maybe it's like a lack of social intelligence. Like I don't understand that this person is not interested in me. And I also think there's a lack of willpower. Like when I was in college, I would contact people all the time I shouldn't be contacting because I just, I couldn't help myself. That's when you were the jealousist.

Yeah. Well, when Facebook first came out, I was just like willy nilly, like, oh my God, I can just start conversations with anybody and not talk and like not have to like face, like face them in person and my fear of rejection is crippling. So I would just throw a, Hey, is your fear of rejection crippling? Uh, yeah. Interesting. What do you say?

Gabby has no fear of rejection. Not at all. I throw spaghetti at the wall all the time. Oh, you ask people out there, like, I don't know if this person likes me. Oh, I get rejected constantly. And what is that like? Is it like, Hey, do you want to go out and they say, no, I've never been rejected. What is.

What does that do? You just move on. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. You just move on. You just connect it to your, your sexuality slash polyamory thing. I don't know. I just ask people. Cause I want to know that part of compersion.

No, cause I, it doesn't feel good when they reject me, but I just ask people out, ask people out, whatever. But I also, and then like something that worst thing is they say, no, and then usually we're still friends. Like it's not like it doesn't get weird or anything because I'm still here because if they say, right, oh, because if they say, no, if they say, no, then I go, okay. And I don't ask again. Like, do you know what I mean?

Like I don't like one and done, make it, or I don't make it like one and Gabby done. Yeah. I don't make it like, I don't pursue them. I don't harass them. I don't make it part of this. Like we're, this is a weird thing. Right. So like men get so up in arms about the friend zone and like so up in arms about like, you

could search our emails for friend zone. Yeah. But like 80% of them speaking as a queer woman, I'm friend zoned 99% of the time and I don't go fly into a rage about it. Like I just like, they are like, this is only a thing that happens to men. It's not. It happens to queer women all the time and none of us are like murdering people or screaming or harassing or like.

They are, it's, I feel like the friend zone comes from an expectation that you start out in the romance zone and then you like, fuck, now I'm not going to fuck them and I have to be their friend. You kind of don't start out in the fuck zone. It's an entitlement that I don't think, I think some queer women like are less likely to have. Is there a difference between a queer woman and gay woman? Well, queer is an umbrella term.

Like it's just like, yeah, I'm using it as an umbrella term versus, yeah. And some people don't like it because they think it's a slur, but I, I reclaim it. Like I use it as like a personal catch-all. Can I use it? If you're allowed to reclaim it, you could call me a queer woman. I think it's fine. I don't mind it at all. Some people really don't like it, but I don't mind it.

Got it. And the sex parties you were talking about, what's the sex party? That doesn't have anything to do with this guy messaging people. Oh yeah. Message her, don't ask her out, whatever. So what is the sex party? Text her, don't Facebook. Yeah.

How does that work? What is the sex party? Well, it's different stuff. We'll leave on this just because you mentioned it earlier, but I was curious and I thought I should ask online just in case people, other people don't know. Allison, do you know what a sex party is? Unfortunately, yeah. Maybe you want to explain it based on what you've heard.

Oh yeah, I would love to hear what Allison thinks. Yeah, yeah. So a sex party is an organized event put on by some sort of host. I think that men have to pay to go in, because women don't have to pay. Right. So it's like a club so far. And then you go in and then... Couples have to pay.

Couples pay half. Couples pay half, and single women don't pay, and solo men pay the most, as always. I'm sick of paying the most, taxes too. And then you go in and depending on where the party is, there's a bunch of people, and then you sort of... There's decorum and there's rules about how you approach people and what you can do. And then if there's consent on both sides, then you can do anything from kiss to penetration to anything.

So is it an orgy, or is it like a... There's more clusters. It sounds like a bad party. If I go to a great party, everybody's fucking anyway, and only had to pay, and everything is like... True, true, true. Did I do a good job? You did a great job.

Thank you. What I would love... Now, can I get a fucking invite to the sex party? No, what I would love to do, I mean, I'm a person who I like... I don't like meeting new people, which maybe is why I deleted Tinder, but I like meeting new people in person, but I don't like going back, like when I became single, instead of meeting new people, I went back in the catalog and was like, let's go back, let's see who... That was a whirlwind.

How many sex parties do you go to in a week if things are going well? Oh, no, I haven't been to one in... I guess the last one I went to was in April. Got it. Yeah, I mean, it's like a once in a while thing. How many people are there? For reference, this podcast is being recorded May 2nd. Yeah.

No, it's not. I had a moment. Oh my God. At a sex party. Oh, boy. I don't even know what day it is. Yeah. How many people are there?

It depends. Sometimes there's like... Four guys. Yeah, right. No, sometimes there's like 30 people maybe. How many people and how many of them do you think have sex by the end of the party? You ever go there and go, I'm not feeling it, I'm out. Yes, definitely.

There have been ones where we were like, meh, and we left. But me and the guy I'm seeing. Got it. But there's been some that we... He's going to be mad at me and call my boyfriend. It's fine. There's like... It depends.

There's like some that we went to that I was like, I don't feel comfortable, I don't like the people here. Yeah. It's such a hard, like 30 random people, I probably won't want to go to a trendy bar. There's like such a decorum usually, like there's like, you know, you don't really approach the women. The women have the power, they approach you. There's not really like, these are just straight ones, but there's not, you know, you're not,

you don't supposed to touch the women. Like there's like a lot of weird decorum. There's also some like weird kind of patriarchal stuff where if you're there with a guy, a lot of times another guy will like ask that guy if he can talk to you and then you tell the guy you're with, like yes or no, but that's like just depends. What's the going rate? I want to go to a sex party. How much am I putting down?

What would you guess? Single guy. Oh yeah. What would you guess for single guy? I mean, $45. Oh no, I got to go higher than that if you're fucking a lot of people. It just sounds awful, so I'm not... 30.

$250. For a single guy? Yeah. 60 usually. Wow, that's... Her move was closest with 45, wasn't it? You're in. I get the showcase, baby.

Yeah. You get a discount. And it's like 9 and the 10th one is free for the sex party. Yeah, right. I wish there was like a punch card. Yeah. No, and then I mean you don't have... The other thing is like you don't have to do anything.

There's like... It's very consent based. And everyone... Then you don't seem cool. Yeah. That's not true. I'm just kidding. And then...

And then like so like there were... There was one we went to where... And it's on a whim, like I mean a lot of times the men will go out of their way to be really respectful because they don't want to scare you off. So they're like actually... It's actually safer than a bar in a lot of ways because they're so over the top nice and over the top like respectful because they don't want you to leave. So like one time I was at one and a guy essentially cat called me like I was walking by and he

was like, hey Blondie and I went to the organizer and was like, that guy cat called me and they all were like, you got to go. They were furious at him because they didn't want me to leave and he was doing something that would have caused a hot girl to leave, like no. So they kick him out. Wow. That's cool. I would just walk around like kicking everybody out.

He cat called me too. She cat called me. I just mean that like at a bar no one's like maybe you could get the bouncer to bounce someone who's groping you, but like maybe not. Whereas like if you're a woman at a sex party, a lot of times the organizers will like really look out for you. Is this illegal? Yeah, of course.

Okay. So it's like organized by like a real company and like they're like that kind of thing. Well, it depends. Yeah, is it legal like buying drugs is legal where it's like a BDSM layer? Sometimes they'll put it on. Sometimes like a porn site will put it on. Sometimes it's hosted by like a porn star. Yeah.

What's legal about paying the admission to a house party and then having consensual sex? That's completely legal. At the same time, I feel like you're paying cash, right? So like it might be illegal the way they do their taxes and bookkeeping. That's where we're going to get them. Some places are like layers and like warehouses and stuff and some places are residential, which is super funny to me because it's just like a suburban neighborhood and you're like, oh my God, do the families next door know what the fuck is happening in this house?

Are they publicly advertised or you have to be invited by somebody? They're advertised on like FetLife or Craigslist. Wow. Yeah. There you have it. I'm sorry, mom. Like your mom doesn't know what I'm up to. I think she wants to think it's not true.

One of the first times I met her, I was showing her my Tinder like the first time I met her. But that's different than you going to sex parties. But I don't, it depends on her. She was watching one of our videos and turned to me and goes, does Gabby really hook up with just so many people? Wow. And I had to be like, yeah. And then we both just like looked away from each other.

Ruth. Ruth. Everything is safe, there's always condoms, everything's fine, Ruth. She's on FetLife probably, right? Your mom? Mm-hmm. Do you like hearing about these sex parties or are you like? No, I think it's boring.

She's so over it. You're done with it. Like nothing shocks her anymore. She's over it. She doesn't care about anything I do. I only care about feelings and love. Oh, that's really, so that's the hotness. So she's like, I'm in a monogamous relationship then you're like, oh my God.

Give me the deep. The dirty, dirty deeps. How does he make you feel? I went to a real party. Oh my God. What happened there? He has a retirement party. Oh my God.

You met the whole family? Nobody fucked. Yeah, you're joking, but that's what she's like. Yeah. Can polyamory end in marriage? Yeah, definitely. And is polyamory marriage? What?

Is there polyamory marriage? There is. There are people who are in... Not legal. No, not legal. Some, it'll be like a legal, two of the people may be legally married and then the other people are like, you know, do a ceremony, like a spiritual marriage or whatever. Kids are born and then they have multiple parents.

Sometimes, yeah, there are houses, there are like people who live together in homes and then it's actually like, people have said to me that it's like very helpful with child care. Oh, right, because it's just like a bunch of people. Yeah, that is like a bunch of people. It's kind of a public style communal raising of children. Yeah, it's just like there's always a parent around. Like if one's working or whatever, they at least, they like always have someone.

I wish my mom were cool and queer. She's just a normal loser who's married to one guy and she's not. Well, she folks all your dad's brothers, right? Yeah, that's true. Interesting little wrinkle, but at the same time, I feel like that's not enough. That's going to be like, what you're saying is like going to be like kids in the future. Yeah. It's going to be like, ugh, my parents are monogamous.

It's so square. Square. Yeah. Square's going to make a comeback. I can't wait. All right, thanks for coming on the show and letting us ask you about all the stuff that we didn't know about. Yes, thank you guys.

I really appreciate it. It was just helpful. I'm sorry I didn't know anything. No, I think you chimed in when necessary and if you guys ever need any tips on like fantasy football, let me know. I can come on your show and talk to you guys about that. Jake's an expert in pornography as well. So if you guys need a porn expert.

Oh, that's nice. You guys really run the gamut. Yeah. For the football to porn and back again. Any last things you wanted to plug before you go just to make your manager happy? I want to say that I don't represent everyone, that people have different- Oh my God, we have to talk to more people? No.

I'm sorry that people have different experiences. Also, please come see us on tour. All those things. Do you want to say more about our tour again? Yeah, just come check out our tour. It's cool and hip and it'll be fun. What's the URL again? Just gabbieandallison.com and then you click the tour dates link.

And then also just let us know what you think of the design. It's a new website. It's pretty cool. That's cool. How'd you guys do it? The contact page is pretty fun. Did you guys hire a smart person? Yeah, we hired our friend Doug.

Thanks Doug. Thanks Doug. Designer and coder. Did it all? One stop shop? Yes, it was Squarespace. This is our DP for our shoots. Oh wow.

Now he's multiple things in our lives. He's your resident artist. And our friend. And our friend. That's beautiful. And an art dealer. I bought a painting for him. But most importantly, a DP.

More than anything else. All right, Gabbie Allison, thanks for coming by. Thank you for having us. No doubt. If you have your own questions or theme song submissions, the email address for everything is if I were you show at gmail.com. Opening theme song was written by Clara. Remember that one?

It was good. Can I say one thing? We got to go. I'm so sorry. YouTube.com. Just between us show. How could we forget? Yeah.

We're slipping. If you want more, Gabbie and Allison. This closing one is written by Jackie and Rebecca. Thanks to you guys for listening. We'll be back in a week. Oh, I think this is July 3rd. So happy 4th of July weekend. See you soon.

USA. USA. Last night at 8. On my date. Sad in some poo. What should I do? Hey dude. How about you?

Send an email to. If I were you. They'll say. I hope you. Move the poo. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Played it cool. Next time.

We'll see you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

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Oh. Oh.