If I Were You - 287: Hypnosis (w/ Brian McElhaney & Nick Kocher AKA BriTANicK!)

Episode Date: August 14, 2017

Fellow comedy duo, BriTANicK joins us to discuss olives, little sisters, the Mario Bros.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Usually when you auto-tune something, it sounds better, right? Yeah, he auto-tuned it backwards. That was Don Kianian. Setting a very strange tone. Don Kianian. We have to hunt him. He told me how to pronounce it because his last name looks like Kianian.

But it's not. It's Kianian. Don Kianian. Don Kianian. That's a cool name. Yeah. Weird song. Cool name.

It was called Four Dudes Kissing, so I thought it was appropriate because right now we're four dudes talking to each other. Over life. Yeah. Oh yeah, we're live. This is it. Brian and Nick. Brian?

Brytanic. That's right. Two internet duos. That's right. Oh my god. Yes. From the 2008 specific era. We should swing.

We should swing. We should swing, man. Is that crazy? Oh yeah. Who would switch? I don't know. You used to have glasses and now you don't, right? I don't really wear my glasses anymore.

No. Right, so now you're the only loser. What are we swinging? We're a thruple. I'm a solo career guy. You're like a slightly taller, less Jewish versions of me and Jake. That's what people say when they meet us. Yeah, that's true.

They're like, you're like more Jewish Brytanic. Yeah. We met back in the day in New York comedy writers, actors. Yeah, yeah. How would you define yourselves? If people, for whatever reason, don't know, listen to our show for the first time. Director, actor, writer. I just say writer.

That's good. Yeah, I just say plumber now. That's great. You're just going to totally... Yeah, I zig where other people zag. You guys are now in New York working for SNL. We are. So we only get you for the summers in LA.

The summers in our weird off weeks we sometimes have. Oh, you guys fly back? Sometimes. Where's home base? Yeah. New York or no where. It's kind of both right now. I feel like when I was 21 I was like, I want to be a fucking jet setter.

I want to fly to both coasts and live in both places and now I'm like so exhausted. No shit, talk me out of it because that's what I wanted. Yeah, right. Do we say fuck on this podcast? Absolutely not. We'll bleep it out. We'll turn it into Kant every time. He goes there.

Sorry. We should bleep mine though, right? Yeah, yeah. Do you guys consider yourself LA in New York or is it literally 50-50? I guess because we moved out here to LA like three and a half years ago after living in New York for a decade and we were like, we live in LA now. Yeah. We've got houses, we've got everything.

We were here for like two and a half years. And you know, like the move from New York to LA is normally pretty permanent unless you know, SNL comes calling which is a very rare shot. Right. And then of course that happens so we go back to New York and then so now it's like, well, we're like, well, we'll see if we're going to work there for a second year and now we are. So it's like, I don't know.

Yeah. Now you're back to being in New York, right? I think so. It's different. You can never leave you. It's in your blood. It's in your blood. If you're retired, do you have a preference?

I think. Los Angeles, I think for sure. I think it'd be really hard to like have a family in New York, right? Like, I don't know. Unless you're loaded. You have to be a billionaire. Yeah, you have to be really, really rich. Like, what was that guy?

Oh, Trump had like a whole... Trump's name? Yeah. Well, yeah, Trump had like... Jesus. He was in Manhattan for a bit, right? Of course. Yeah, he was probably like a...

He had like a three-bedroom on the upper east. It's about like the one-bedroom. You think he had a three-bedroom? It's a fact about Donald Trump. Yeah, yeah. And what do you mean for a bit? Yeah. Born and raised in New York.

I thought he was like a Brooklynite. But yeah, he was in Williamsburg for a bit. No, he wasn't. He wasn't a family. I don't know, man. Didn't he had a family in Manhattan? There's a focus of everything. Did he have a family in Manhattan?

What's his name? The junior? Junior? Yeah, Fred. Fred, Donald. If you know the last parts of junior, then you should know the first parts of junior. Something junior. Donald, Trump, and something junior.

And then... Do you know he is president now? It seems like you have a very, very light grasp on... Yeah, the more I said his name, like, I fucking know this. Why is he in the news now? It's like every day he's like doing something. Every day he's hustling. He's president.

It's a president. But we're not here to talk about politics, guys. We can't. Yeah, legally. We're not here to talk about politics. We're here to talk about giving people advice. Great. This show is called If I Were You.

It's basically just us dispensing wisdom, people who write in. Sometimes they need four people's advice. So this is going to be... We're going to give people basically double advice at this point. Let's do it. Great. What a good deal for them. All free.

The caveat is that we need some fake names to preserve these people's anonymities, because I don't want to rat them out. So do you have a fake guy's name? Brian. Grafethin. I love it. Grafethin. He's friends with Don Keania, right?

For sure. They're heist together. Graf? Fethin? Grafethin? How do we always say it? I don't know why you're looking to me. You know about his fake name?

Yeah. How do you always say it? I mean, I think that sounds right. That sounds like a solid... Grafethin. Grafethin. Right. Grafethin.

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Sister's 21, he's 9. My dumb little sister, my pregnant wife and child. It's funny that this father of one, soon to be two, is acting like a petulant 16-year-old. I was gonna say, my first thing is family therapy. You gotta get right with your citizen. Maybe your dad too, I'm not sure. There's a lot going on here.

I totally take the dude side. You guys don't? This girl's being a bitch. His vision is, he's visiting his dad. I got distracted by the twat. Nick got distracted by his twat. Oh, what else is there? His language could be, it's a little harsh.

It's a little harsh. And the fact that he's mad and writing in a podcast is very odd for an adult. So they're on vacation? You should be on vacation. I'm visiting the father. Alright, do we know where it is? Nova Scotia.

I was gonna guess Nova Scotia. Yeah, I was thinking Nova Scotia. Yeah, Scotia, right. Uh, sister, basically. Take the big guest house. I mean, that's insane to me. It seems like the whole house. It seems like the dad should be like, you shouldn't stay there.

Do you guys have younger siblings, older siblings? Yeah, I've got a younger brother who's six years younger. But isn't he also bigger and stronger than you, right? No. I saw a YouTube video of him playing Oldsman Frisbee in a dive game. He has a top 10 thing. He's more athletic, but he's not bigger than me.

He's just stronger and faster. I will give you a shorter... Maybe faster. Maybe faster. What are you talking about? He trains every day. I've never seen you run in my life. I run every day.

You jog. He's Prince. I'm taller than him. My legs are longer. I'm a weird spider creature. And I fight much quicker than you might expect. Is he... He's essentially at the top of his field.

But his field is Ultimate Frisbee. So, if I wanted to be at the top of Ultimate Frisbee, I imagine I could as well. I'm at the top of comedy. Yes. I'm at the third tier of comedy. You're talking like a real older brother.

But at least people have heard of it. Yes, he is. Are you close with this guy? Are you actually dislike him? Yeah, no, we're close. I've been on vacations with my family and him, obviously.

And then my girlfriend at the time. And in that situation... Now, fiance. Oh, sorry. Oh, cut that out. And on those situations, my girlfriend and I would get the master bedroom because my parents are divorced

but we still all vacation together. That's kind of cool. Modern family. And it's just fully understood that, you know, I'll have the nicest room. Because you still have love in your life. You get the master bedroom.

I don't anymore. I've got to get a new girlfriend if I want that sweet sweet. So the master bedroom is just for any loved one. Do you have siblings? I do. I have an older sister. But I have a very interesting kind of family dynamic because my sister has cerebral palsy.

So she lives with my parents. So I'm a young... Where is this? It's in Atlanta, where we both grew up. So I am the younger sibling, but in many ways it's kind of like I'm an older sibling. I see. And in many ways it's like I'm an only sibling. There's a lot of ways in which the dynamic

of how we interact is. So nothing like this has ever happened. So you can't really imagine her being a twat or something. You have younger sisters. But I have triplet younger sisters. Three of them. So when it comes to bedroom stuff, the triplets usually get the best room

because they need to all share it. They need to all be in bed together. They need to? Well... We don't often go on vacations in places with eight bedrooms or something. You know, triplets. They all have to sleep in the same bed.

The triplets slept in the same bed until they were 16. And they sleep in a triangle, like some sort of... Wait, shrewly triplets? Yeah. In the same bed, that feels like a fairy tale. It was. We lived in a moss cupboard. It's head to toe, and the head is reversed for the middle one.

You know what I'm talking about? That's how I see it. They were just in a king-size bed. And that's still how they sleep when we go on vacation. Some of them have boyfriends now, so if the boyfriends are there, they're in the bed too. They sleep in the bed too. My whole family goes on vacation.

One giant bed, Willy Wonka style. Identical triplets. Oh, fraternal triplets. I don't know if I've ever seen that before. It's weird. They all look like sisters, and they all look the same age, but they don't look like triplets. Yeah, I would say they don't even look the same age.

Rachel and Liza seem like they're four years apart. Amir talks about this all the time. Think of their ages. What would you say if they aren't triplets, and this is a long con they've been playing on you? They are younger than me, so they'd have to start. They'd have to figure that out. They started when they were zero when I was three,

lying to me. Yeah, you could probably lie to a four-year-old forever, and he would never know. At what age do you think you're smart enough to figure it out? I think I still probably believe some lies that were told to me when I was four. That your parents just sort of forgot. Oh, definitely.

That was the name of my dad's law firm until I was 17. Yeah, man, that classic. There were too many names, so I guess they gave me a nick one. They told you it was Dewey, Dewey, and Fart, and you thought that until late, late high school. Dewey screwed them in hell. Nice.

What are we telling this guy? Talk to your daddy, relax. It's just a younger sister. Your sister should be faithful to let your family stay there. You were moved here by force from the guest house. I think so, too. You're not big brother, but dad-style. There's a pregnant woman involved.

The pregnant woman goes in and says, pregnant, get out. You gotta fight for your family. I kind of have a feeling this will work out when they show up. I mean, I guess I don't know his sister. Maybe she's really a twat. I will say this guy sounds like he's gonna come in real hot to this big case.

Try to kill him with kindness. I think you should... When I'm in a situation like this, I lay everything out. You need to get out of this house right now. I would say, you see that my wife is pregnant. You see I'm holding a toddler.

You see that this room is very, very small. Thoughts? How do you think this should work? You lay everything out and you're like, let's discuss the best scenario for my family and you solo. Do you get the house and I get the guest room?

She starts smoking a cigarette and she's like, I don't give a shit what you think. I think if that happens, then you just plop the three-year-old down and you're like, you're gonna stay with Aunt Witch here. Did you think about Aunt Witch? Did I think about it?

Only as I said it. It was pretty perfect. I thought I thought of it a long time ago. I could eat at Aunt Witch for lunch today. So it's two pieces of bread, of course, because it is an Aunt Witch. And then the insides, of course, being...

Aunt? Yes. Or ants. That's right, pronounced aunt for no reason. Yeah, pronounced aunt because of your speech impediment. All right, we got another question from a lady. Real quick, first shout out to Drew. Of course, shout out to Drew.

Big ups to Drew. Do you have a lady's name, Nick, that we can call this lady? Yes, Lisa Sandwich. All right, Lisa Sandwich. A regular sandwich, not not one. A girl of Sandwich, no doubt. Lisa Sandwich writes,

I'm a 30... It's not a woman at all. It's a gay male. Wow, that's offensive. I didn't think that until I read it. Why did you think it was a woman? Because it comes... I'm homophobic for one.

And then two, the name that says from this person's name, and it's a woman's name. I don't know if he's writing from his female friends account. Like, Ashley is also a... Yeah, but it's not that. It basically says Laura. But then it says, thanks, guys, love.

And then a guy's name. You have a gay 30-year-old male name? No, anything he says is going to be it. It's Colin... Sandwich. Pizza. Colin Pizza writes, I'm a 30-year-old gay male, and I'm currently renovating a house.

I need a lot of subcontractors, plumbers, electricians, who I talk to on a regular basis. One electrician in particular spent a lot more time with me discussing the project, which I found to be very helpful. I also happened to find this guy very attractive. He followed me up

by sending me a video message over text, asking how a project was going, and apologized for his appearance as he just walked off a job site. Obviously, I had social media stocked, and I saw that he's in a relationship with a woman. But could it be possible that he was flirting by sending me a video message?

It wouldn't be the first time a straight boy in a relationship who ended up sleeping with me. Is a video message a way of flirting, or am I completely overthinking this? Thanks, guys. Love, Colin. Um, the fact that he sent a video message that,

sorry for my appearance, is next level insane. Because it's like, you had the option to text or phone call. You have the control here. No one's... No one sends a video message. Or take...

You can take five minutes before you go make your video message and make yourself presentable. Totally. You can take a shower if you need to. Well, he was apologizing for how he looked at the job site, not during the message. Oh, really? I think so. But why did he have to send it?

No, he's talking about first appearance in the... Oh, yeah, you're right. He was apologizing for his appearance in the video message, which was about something else. Uh, do you guys ever send video messages? Uh, yeah, I do. Uh... Like a pre-recorded, like,

hey, what's... I think I... I guess I have done it. I've never done it in a professional setting. Yeah, but it's always very casual. Is it flirtatious though? I've definitely done it flirtatiously, yeah. I've never sent a video to some... like, on Snapchat. This guy has never done it in a text message.

And he asked him, what's... like, how's the project going? How's some other project going? That's... that's crazy. Like, sending any text is flirtatious. I don't have a lot... I don't really know what the signs are when guys in relationships with females start hitting on males. But this sounds like it could be.

Yeah. This... I don't... It's definitely in play. Yeah, I would say be direct and immediately ask, are you trying to fuck me? Yeah. I don't know if I'd go very... Video message? What? Video message of that?

Video messages that exist for a short period of time and then just... That's cool. And then follow it up with a bitmoji. And then write the word congrats so it fills the screen with confetti. Are you guys aware of iPhone stickers? How you can just put stickers in text messages now? It's kind of a weird feature.

No, I mean, stickers... In the chat, you can basically just like plop down a little gif of a kitty like over previous text. Oh, like... Over previous text. It's not like a native iPhone thing. I think it is a native iPhone thing.

No, I think you have to give something... You have to download a third-party thing and then give it permission to access your keyboard. Yeah, but the fact that it can go over the text bubble means like the iPhone has programmed that it allows it to do that, I think. Have you seen the invisible ink thing? Yeah, that's cool.

And then you have to like wipe it. What's the point of that, though? For a long time. So I was just like, I guess that text didn't work. What's going on? Yeah, and then like you were saying, you can also send the audio which disappears in two minutes. What's the point of that, though, to get one of those fuzzy texts

then to just know one second later what it says? I guess, in theory, if you're a spy or having an affair, it actually might be useful for the person. You can get away from a person and then... Yeah, it is less incriminating. But I've never had it sent in that capacity. It's always just playful, it's nice.

What percent certainty are you? Should he be that the video message meant? I think what you should do is, if he's interested, is you can now respond with the video message. It's kind of flirtatious because that precedent has been said. Yeah. And then just see if it escalates.

If he sends one back that's even more flirtatious. It gets to the point where the guy does something that's like clear. Clearly flirtatious. He's still on the fence. And then ask him mixed advice. You don't have a limited supply of flirtatious. Well, you should do that as you're making out. And the fact that he's a plumber

makes me think that he's obviously gay, right? God, so many questions. Unless it's a mario. Oh, I assume Mario is gay as well. He's fucking the princess. What about the princess? The princess is a fucking beard. He lives with Luigi.

You idiot. Luigi's his brother. Do you know that last... He's like, oh whatever. Can you know Mario's last name? It's Mario, right? I thought that was a fucking coincidence. No, that's true.

That's why. Link's last name is Link. Yeah, from Zelda. What? They only have a short amount of ideas. It doesn't matter. Just make it all Mario. Is that canon?

Mario will say that his name is Mario Mario. I believe so. Someone asked him in an interview years after the fact and he's like, yeah, it's Mario. That's how little Japanese people know about Italian people. Mario, Mario. I don't know. I think it would suck to be Luigi.

I know, I have my brother's last name. I didn't realize there were brothers. Did you think there were brothers? Super Mario brothers, what do you think? You mean they're talking about them being brothers to other people? I never thought about it, but I'm not... We're the bright candy brothers. I'm not rocked like you are right now.

This is insane. I have to take a very long break. I have a friend named Dean Yazbek and he had an uncle named Yazbek Yazbek that blew my mind. Why? The parents were like, I mean, we hit gold with Yazbek.

Let's just double up. Yeah, that's crazy. We're never going to think of a better name than Yazbek. A slightly younger but taller fraternal twin brother. Did you know there were twins? No. Slightly younger, I mean...

Yeah, that's what it says. How much younger? Unnecessary detail. They do look alike and they are the same exact age but Luigi was born second. That makes me so excited. Is it Mario's older? Luigi was born second. That's so detailed.

That's so detailed, but then they're named Mario Mario. They didn't get that specific with that. Yeah, they spent like a day figuring out their age. I don't know, Mario. Luigi first appeared in 1983. Were you guys born in 1983?

86. Did we give this guy advice? Yeah, I feel good. Permission to engage. Sir, go for it. Alright, let's take a break. We'll thank some sponsors. You guys don't go anywhere.

We'll be back with more questions and answers after this. Hey Drew. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. Using yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate

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just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off that first purchase thank you Squarespace and we're back. When do you guys go back to New York? September 4th? Yeah. Are you trying to like cram in LA while you're here or are you just like don't do it?

Oh my god. I love being here right now. You're a tourist again. Yeah. You just go on hikes. Eating Mexican food. Game nights. Game nights. You can't do that in New York? It's harder. People don't do that in New York. They don't. They drink alcohol in New York.

LA feels like you go to people's houses in New York it's like you just you're going to your you go to people's houses and you go home by like 1130 and then in New York it's like you go to a bar for like one drink and then leave it at 4 a.m. You do see the sun a lot right because of SNL

like you see late nights. That's something that's like the after after parties go till like 8-9 a.m. What I've noticed is you never leave an after after party being like okay I think I'm going to work my way out. I'm going to go say my goodbyes

I'll be gone in like 20 minutes it's like you're like in the middle of a beer you're having a great time and then all of a sudden you're like I have to fucking leave and then you go out into bright sunlight yeah often it's like in a dungeony kind of place and then you don't realize it's morning and you walk outside thinking it's going to be the middle of the night

and it's like full on Sunday morning and it's not even like early morning like sun coming up there's a single person walking their dog it's like commuter time that's such a bizarre way to live you're just like I'm late for work it's like when you

ever wake up really really early and like you're riding the train trying to do something healthy you see just like this guy is like fucking passed out but the opposite I saw a dude on the subway who was like I don't know how this works

physics wise but he was like a full like I would say even 60 degrees to the right like somehow fully asleep standing too like a Michael Jackson party trick he just got the right angle right when the train started

actually the right angle would be 90 degrees and you said he was 60 which would be an acute angle the right angle the correct angle alright we can go back you really got out of your seat there sorry

I was like gripping the sides of this chair my nails dug through the fabric alright you want to try to answer some more questions hold on a second you guys can talk amongst yourselves what happened with you she's got a lean over I couldn't get to 60 degrees

try to find some non-relationship questions but we can only get so far so let's talk about eating out girls woo boy we need a guy's name Brian it's your turn Ashley spelled

as h l e y nice like every letter you were thinking about maybe this is gonna go we're gonna go crazy traditional is how the funnier you are the less funny you have to be big ups to true

I mean Drew's still hanging with us true Ashley writes here's my problem I'm always cautious about germs around me like Sharon drinks with friends or using public restrooms but that doesn't interfere with most of my life and I like the peace of mind I get from being clean

this does however cause a problem in sex as you know sex can be gross sweat, juices, spit all of this is fine even sexy for me until I have to put my mouth where her honey is what

whenever I go down on a girl I feel like throwing up and I have to stop this feeling is worse if she's not clean shaven I hate hair in my mouth in general I think the problem is I can't forget that this is where she pees from and I feel like I'm lapping up her pee particles

I don't want that in my mouth what if you guys sorry I want to become better at sex and there's only so much I can do with a dick have you guys ever tried something that you thought was gross in bed how did you get over it my solution now is to take oral sex

off the table for both parties as I am not too excited about receiving blowjobs either this has worked in my past relationships however I want to provide any future sexual partners with a fulfilling experience I'm a single 23 year old male of course you are

thank you for any help you can give me lots of love Ashley nothing like there's a lie going on here I'm like having a healthy sex life like taking oral sex off the table it is a non-starter for me and I make that abundantly clear at least like that he's like I also don't

like blowjobs because I feel like we've gotten plenty of questions that are like I don't want to eat out but like I love getting my dick that's what's most interesting to me about this because who doesn't like it have you ever heard of such a thing do you experience such a thing have you I feel like you just I don't know

I mean I guess if he says so then he doesn't you don't believe him I believe him 100% I guess I think this is just something where it's like you gotta you gotta get over it it's like it's sex is we I mean when I first

started having sex when I was a real young guy four holy shit no it wasn't that young I thank you for clarifying you were four when you were six I was a four I was really stepping up

yeah I mean at first when it's yeah I remember being like oh this is like oh it's gross because oh we have to work with the places where we pee but then you just have to grow the fuck up and get over that I don't really know how to do it if you don't want to just take the time

to do it yourself maybe hypnotic therapy wow have you ever used hypnotic therapy to get over something I've been hypnotized on stage in a Vegas show there is a video of this and it is spectacular Nick has the dvd I will never watch it

late you really got hypnotized I don't remember a lot of it I thought that was a joke no it's real my friend I was a full skeptic it was like a Vegas hypnotism show and I've been reading about hypnotism a lot and I was like I really want to be hypnotized

and I was talking about it all the time I don't really believe it when we went to the show and Brian and our other friend Erin got hypnotized and they were fucking hypnotized they were really hypnotized oh yeah it's amazing it's like you guys saying

no magic is real it actually happened to me it's the thing I think hypnotists are actually really frustrated because people lump the two together basically getting into a hypnotic state is a very natural state that happens to literally every person every day when you fall asleep at night that place you go to

right before you fall asleep where you're like not asleep yet but you're definitely not awake that's the hypnotic state and when someone hypnotized you they induce you to that state for a prolonged period of time how do they get you there if you're not tired though you were getting sleepy dude they say a lot of

words they lead you there they rub their little spoon in their teacup it's a very particular way to relax you using your voice and you have to really trust the person and when you get there you have to want to be hypnotized

so this is how I knew that it was real is because I've seen Brian on stage infinity I know how he is on a stage and I saw him being that way at the beginning of the show

which is like he's very friendly and he wants to please he's like was doing everything that the hypnotist said it was very cooperative and as soon as he was hypnotized he became this full serial killer

just was just like his eyes were half open just like talking in a really deep voice and what did they make you do I mean a lot of things I mean the more G rated stuff do you remember when he made his belt

a snake I remember being so fucking scared of that snake I almost couldn't breathe I was sweating so much I mean towards the end I had to fuck a male blow up doll that happened with your actual dick

and then did they tell you they were going to do that well they said they were all having a porn audition they bring out the blow up doll and they're like this is a very hot sexual partner for you and then were you actually fucking it everyone had girls and I didn't have one at all

and they gave me a guy and the whole audience went crazy because I don't know if you guys know this Vegas shows are mostly homophobic jokes it's crazy so you don't remember that I remember it kind of the way you remember a dream that's sort of the way I remember it not in control

so what could he have made you do could he have made you kill yourself apparently you would never do anything you wouldn't do in real life so if he said go kill your mom or something you'd snap out of it but you also don't know what your boundary is because I wouldn't think I would

just fuck a male blow doll on a Vegas stage but I did and really went at it Brian sat on his face I was like 69 were you like I'm actually fucking a thing or were you like trying to do jokes I wasn't trying to do jokes

because like there's no sense of the audience I remember like hearing laughter or applause and being like why are they there it wasn't even people it was just like you have no fear all your fear is gone highlights of the show

weren't even those is when they went around and asked everybody their porn star name they asked like they were like and people were saying porn star names and Brian said a pretty reasonable porn star name which was dick dog and in this like low like

dick dog like serial killer voice then our other buddy Aaron who is I mean we could do an hour long podcast on this fricking character but he said his fucking porn name everyone was saying like weird sex names

in this hypnotic trance like Calamine potion and like it stopped the hypnotist in his track Calamine potion he must have thought of that before right I don't know what no because who would think like

what is even the purpose of saying that second the guy the thing he had to do was every time he heard a certain song he made Aaron dance like river dance style as fast as he could and Aaron is like a good dancer like is like was trained and is like a good dancer

and he went at it so hard that he puked that he had on stage he vomited he had to leave go to the bathroom puke wall wall hypnotize and then kind of like wandered back up onto the stage he didn't know that he was doing that it was still in the trance the fugue state

he kind of was like I have to like I think he knew he had to puke obviously because he like raised his hand and went I have to go or something but the fact that he returned to the stage was amazing I remember like it's so funny because I remember watching other people

on stage and being like why are the people on stage laughing like the audience is going crazy and all the people who are hypnotized are just like dead eyed and staring at nothing then when I was on the stage and like you guys were all laughing I remember being like what the hell are they laughing I couldn't figure out what was funny why you thought it would be

funny like who you were pretty big yeah big Vegas show I don't know 500 people that's crazy and did you know that you were going to get chosen no so here's what happens is they have like 100 seats on the stage and they say alright come fill up the chairs so you have to go up on stage

so anyone can go up so the idea is they're trying to get the people who are most susceptible so if they just choose you at random it's like an audition yeah so if you go up and like fill the chairs you're already kind of an extrovert you're already sort of ready to do it and then once they get you in the chairs he kind of inducts everyone and tries to see

like which eight people are going to be and you were chosen because you were most it was also like a lot of our friends that were going were not into the idea of seeing a hypnotist show and I was like please god let one of our friends get chosen otherwise we're just seeing a bunch of strangers

like goof off were you at all skeptical after are you like no afterwards I was fully I was like yeah that was fucking real we're going to Vegas tomorrow I really want Nick would you do it would you go on stage I don't think so I don't think I would work on me everyone it can work on anyone thing anyone

can be hypnotized if you want it yeah I think it probably can work on you that only like the people who are really susceptible can have work on them on a Vegas stage that quickly that's the thing and you're saying so with hypnotherapy they can just inception you give yourself like okay you're no longer afraid of this and then when you wake up you aren't

I've heard of different people I don't know I mean just decided for smoking yeah but I've heard people some people be like yeah it works for me and some people be like I think it's yeah I heard some interview with someone who did it for smoking and they were like yeah it worked for a bit and then it didn't

yeah like wears off well solid it's like getting a cortisone shot or something just like yeah I also feel like there's a zebo effective I just paid like a thousand dollars to this guy to say I better not smoke again to otherwise I'm an idiot it needs to work

yeah that would be funny it's like I'm not going to hypnotize you just pay me a thousand dollars to quit smoking but you don't want to pay me and then still smoke that would be a waste of your time a thousand dollars on fire in response to our friend Ashley though I would say I used to not like whatever

I used to not like olives and I trained myself to like olives so I think you know I'm like halfway there right now really you guys I can avoid them but now like if I have one in my mouth accidentally I'm okay you can eat it on a pizza

put it in a salad that's all right oh man I don't know that many people like go down on a girl the first time and are like this is great I think it's probably for me certainly it was an acquired taste like beer or olives

I remember seeing like in a coffee porno magazine for the first time when I was like in seventh grade or something and I saw somebody eating somebody out and I was like that's insane do you know that like I like talk to my dad I was like this happens my parents would talk to me about sex

and I was like you didn't tell me everything what's this one liar did you know about this it's disgusting your mom's like trust me he doesn't that's enough my father please my mother I remember my dad told me

what masturbation was like I had been masturbating since my hands found my dick and I thought I invented it and I was like I thought I'd come up with it because I was like I don't know if you guys know this but if you rub

your hands on your dick it feels great so I was doing it constantly and my parents would be like stop doing that but they wouldn't really tell me so you were doing it like a really young kid young yeah I mean like when I was fucking

Brian had been fucking for several years I mean I don't remember exactly I don't think I was associating it with sex I just was like this feels good then I remember I saw the Thomas Crown Affair great movie the remake with Renee Russo

which is filled with soft core sex and I remember kind of being like I bet if I do my little hand I wasn't like jacking off the way you normally do it but I would like kind of just rub my hands generally on my dick

yeah and I was like I bet if I do that at the same time as I think about Renee Russo and Pierce Brosnan fucking on his marble staircase it'll feel good and it did and I was like I figured something out here and then I was

an episode of Dawson's Creek that I had to watch with my father that was the rule if I wanted to watch Dawson's Creek and the masturbation came up and I was like what's that word I've heard that word and my dad said it's what you do all the time

it's how you embarrass our family it's when you take your hands and simulate sex on yourself and I got beat red and I was like oh fuck I've been doing that all the time and you have to watch Dawson's Creek with your dad

just because he doesn't want to watch it alone right it's like when you have to watch the wire with your girlfriend like you can't watch an episode with Adam or he'll get mad I think it became that but it started at I was like all my friends were watching Dawson's Creek my mom was like it's inappropriate and then they were like alright fine

you can watch it but you have to watch it with your father so he can like walk you through stuff so after every Dawson's Creek we had a sort of talking dead of sorts you should start a podcast talking creek so you're saying it's an acquired taste

you can learn to love I think suck it up pun intended I think suck it up because when you eliminate oral sex you have finger sex and penis sex to have

and there's only so many options I have a question because I don't care about the germs associated with sex is he right in any way shape or form are there pee particles on your penis or vagina for sure right

there's pee particles but pee comes out of it why wouldn't there be he is more sterile than saliva that's a thing I don't think there's germs in it precom I know in the dick

I don't know anything but I think precom cleanses your urethra of any piss particles but I don't know if that happens in the vagina I don't know there's gonna be around

it's just part of it I don't know if you're a neat freak and you're like I need to wash my hands all the time there are germs everywhere in the world you're never gonna be completely clean and you might as well not make the thing

you're gonna be grossed out by something that feels fucking great it may not have any more germs than anything else in your head though it seems like it I feel like if I opened up every bathroom door with my mouth that would be really dangerous and bad for me but is it any worse than making out with a chip

would you basically do that? you wash your hands but then you open a bathroom door and you touch a door handle you touch a desk, you touch a surface, you touch money I'll take a shit all the ribs I'm sucking on my fingers it's no big deal this may be a crazy theory that's not backed up by science but I like to think that there's probably

an article that supports it this is a crazy idea you need to have exposure to germs because you don't want your immune system to lay dormant become like a bubble boy for sure that's like when you give your kid chicken pox early on

there's a balance probably he is late to the game if he's 23 he doesn't like going down on somebody I feel like I was judgmental at first though but I am remembering how much I do not like olives and I'm just like I'm so stubborn it's so different this is giving pleasure to somebody

it's just like an olive I don't know if I would but would you give the olive to other people if it made somebody really really happy would you put an olive in your mouth just for a minute you could spit it out afterwards I guess so yes depends on who's olive exactly just like vagina

I wouldn't just eat someone out because it made them happy per se I would need to have a connection with them I do it mostly for other people's pleasure I need to please I have two questions for you olive hater one do you like pickles or same thing pickles are fine I don't love them

because they're very similar to olives not to me oh no way I disagree with that because I love pickles and I like olives now but it took me I like pickles from the jump I hate pickles more than olives actually and then the second thing is

if you can get hypnotized to like olives would you if I didn't have to pay for it if you can snap your fingers and like olives I would do that yeah sure because I'd like them I have another thing to like so maybe this hypnotherapy thing isn't such a bad idea

that's not what we've been debating we've always said it was fine he's got a set for himself you gotta go down on the next 10 girls you hook up with and if you still hate it then I don't know then I guess

find a girl that really hates blowjobs they exist if you get in a relationship with someone you really like you kind of will like it more that will help if you're just hooking up with strangers and you're drunk and you don't care

then yeah I can see how that would be that's another good piece of advice though get drunk love it I've always wondered why olive oil is so much better than olives olive oil is good but you have like I can see 100 olive related questions

you've been jotting down on your computer pickled red peppers I had no opinion that was the right answer yeah I'm not walking into that hornet's nest I'm getting on either side of that one I have a hundred index cards they're just different pickled vegetables

alright we're just about out of time anything you want to plug before you get the hell out of here keep in mind 100 million people will be listening to it if all 100 million of you could go to brytanic.com for separate times so it doesn't crash oh that's good

watch our little videos or stoop a little videos that was your big thing when you were in New York you would make these kind of epic like Jake and I were churning out two videos a week forever and then you guys all garbage we may do one a year

but it was high quality though definitely subjectively do you have a favorite one I like the most recent one the faux pas it's like a time travel one I like on the house

oh yeah that's our favorite you know which one sticks in my mind is the free throw one oh yeah the foul line so that's three recommendations brytanic with a CK or just a K bryan, nick and titanic that's the part that people might be confused

the whole name is such a nightmare wait why brytanic I know this in a podcast two weeks ago in this exact same room because we were trying to figure out a name we were like hmm let's see oh ok bryan and nick bryan and nick brytanic

so you didn't spend a lot of time I think we saw like you get zero time brytanic and they were like that's perfect everyone will pronounce it correctly and then when we're 31 years old we'll still be referred to as like brytanic like this made up word

it is pretty cool that you can create it's kind of like what we did with head gum it's like it's once you know the word you can just register it for everything because nobody ever thought of brytanic right oh yeah if you google it it definitely will only show up I don't know if you've seen Dunkirk yet

I really thought you were going to take a little clip in Dunkirk where there's a ship that's pulling up that says like the new brytanic on it it was a ship you know it's a British ship or something a British titanic but it's spelled

slightly differently but it's like kind of in the font that we use that's insane and like it was a very fun moment in the very dramatic film for me that's me and back to the people ever coming to like I feel it's

so embarrassing like oh my god you're um and I'll be like oh from brytanic they'll be like no we grew up in Atlanta what is it what is that word you just said oh god no I don't even want to no we're cousins I'm so sorry this is a weird family reunion I make them get there

I'm just going to learn that after a while the same exact thing happened to me but I had only happened once where somebody was like how do I know what do I know you from and I'm like Jake and Amir college humor no did you go to North Haven High

oh god damn me why do you say your name in another person's name oh shit and I'm sorry alright opening theme song again was written by Don Keonion closing theme song is by Maki Maki Maki Maki

the dude from Montreal yeah Maki Lavender well that's a cool name and it's a great song so listen to all two minutes everybody and his website is blowfoam.com that's a pretty good one too if you have your own questions or theme song submissions the email address is if I were you show at gmail.com thanks to Brian and Nick for coming by

thank you thanks I'm glad we got you in the first 300 episodes yeah that was a cool every night cool we'll be back next week bye maybe maybe you want to be relationship the chicks the dime piece your mom is a bad bitch you loving your side chicks you playing with mad dick but you love it though

she used to be your best friend but you fucked on your boyfriend and she used to be your dad's friend now this shit is a whole mess you want to move out but you got no money you want some advice but they acting funny but they acting funny what's the joke bro listen

you want to move out but you got no money you want some advice but they acting funny fuck man there's a pinch in the mirror fuck fuck fuck fuck

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

The... That was a hate gum podcast.