If I Were You - 302: Bachelor Party

Episode Date: November 20, 2017

In this episode we discuss Alaska, awkward gifts, and alphabetical order.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. If I were your show, it'd be email.com If you're lonely, sad, and home early tonight There's a podcast just for you to confuse, hold your time If I weren't you, it's the name of the Google on your phone Jake and Amir will interpret all your mom Send them an email Love that twangy shit

That was bluegrass That was bluegrass Coming from High and Lonesome Band The High and Lonesome Band A bluegrass band in You'll Never Guess the State You'll Never Guess the State No Oh, alright, so it's not the obvious

No, no, no Okay, Maine No Okay, okay, let's, I only guessed two I feel like I should get at least 49 guesses E With 49 guesses, do you think I would get it? It's really low, it's really low down there

Hawaii That's correct Really? Yeah, that's Hawaii Alright Yeah I guess it was like ukulele E, so there was the Hawaiian I mean, I definitely, I did not, I was trying to guess

places that bluegrass would not come from Hawaii is probably the furthest state from Kentucky At least geographically Yeah, geographically If not alphabetically Well, definitely not alphabetically Alright, what would be the furthest state from Kentucky Alphabetically

Ooh, is K in the first half of this? Oh, I guess Alabama No, that's, yeah, from A to K is like 12 letters apart I guess there's no X, Y, Z state, right? Wyoming is the last Yeah, is it? Yeah, so the question is, is Kentucky closer to Wyoming or Alabama? It's really cool

Let's find out Alphabetically, oh god, now we're gonna have to figure this out Somebody's listening to this podcast for the first time Make your guess at home, play along with us How sure are you? Say it out loud so we can hear That I think, I guess I'm not sure at all I'm gonna go, my guess being that Alabama's further

Oh, Alabama's further Then Wyoming from Kentucky Yeah, Alabama is very close to Kentucky So this list I'm looking at has four columns of states And Kentucky Are we talking about alphabetically or geographically? Alphabetically I'm saying, okay, A is further from K

Then W is from K, that's my guess Right, that's incorrect So the first two, a lot of states are in the back half of the alphabet So this list is four columns of states from Alabama to Illinois Then Indiana to Montana And Kentucky's at the top of that second column And that doesn't include the second half of the states Which is Nebraska to Pennsylvania and then Rhode Island to Wyoming

What skews it is all these V and W's We got Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Wyoming We got a ton in the back half of the alphabet I see So Kentucky is closer to Alabama alphabetically But far from Hawaii geographically Okay, so here's another question for you Yeah

K is what number letter in the alphabet? Oh, I believe it is M is 13, so K would be 11 I see, so K is closer to A I'm not writing any way basically Oh, I don't know K is closer to W I don't know

YZ is 24, 25, 26 So W is 23 K is 11 And A is 1 So K is closer to A Alphabetically, just if you lay out the letters So you're clear? That's what I was guessing

Got it But you did say Hawaii very quickly That was good Let's all rewind to the first part of the podcast Where I got the bluegrass answer in three guesses There's a new Hampshire? What's that one? All right, that was high on Lonesome Band

I said it's Kate and Mike Kate and Mike, thanks for that Thanks Our first bluegrass cover I feel like bluegrass should be more famous Is it a cover? Yeah, it's a cover of Caleb Clouder's Sick, Sad and Lonesome, of course

You could have told us it was an original Yeah That would have been fine If it's a bluegrass cover, it's an original Yeah, because I'd never heard it, so it's original Yeah, unless it's wagon wheel Oh, that's a good one That's bluegrass, but that's the one bluegrass song everyone knows

So that you can cover Everything else is an OG Congratulations, thank you And thank you for listening to If I Were You The only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us I'm Amir And I'm Jake First time in a while, it's just us two

We've had a string of great characters Coming through our studio We really have Non-stop Yeah, we had Ben and Rob, Meg Baton, Brian Murphy My goodness And finally Nice to be just us again

Yeah, we don't have to be funny We could just talk about states and shit I wouldn't have wanted to do that with a guest No, no fucking chance do we get to do that No, let's talk about friggin' North Dakota Have you ever been there? No, wait, no, I haven't That's North Dakota's

South Dakota's the one with Rushmore, right? Yeah So I've been to South Dakota Me too Never been to North North Dakota's the last continental United state That I have not been to Really?

Yeah You count been to as drive through Or you have to stay in a night there I think as long as I have I don't think I've spent a night in every single one Maybe I have I've definitely, I've planted my feet in every single one I don't count airports

Got it So when were you in West Virginia, for example? Road trip Oh, you drove through it Yeah, I don't think we stayed in West Virginia We probably stayed in Virginia Naturally Arkansas, same thing, road trip

No, I stayed the night in Arkansas Nebraska I stayed the night in Nebraska Got it, got it, got it Any other random ones? Missouri We did a St. Louis show once Yep

That'll do it That'll do it California Oh, right, LA connection Spent a night Many nights, I mean, we've lived here Of course Four years

Yeah Jersey, I'm sure you did, accidentally We talked about, yeah, we were Jersey Yeah, it was like five minutes away We went to a wedding in Philadelphia What's wrong with you? You're looking at Connecticut's where I'm fucking from

Jesus Christ, you're falling apart Why do you say continental U.S.? You've never been to Alaska? I've never been to Alaska So the last two states that I've never been to are Alaska and North Dakota The coldest states Interesting

Maybe you should have your bachelor party there I was thinking about having it in Alaska Are there, is there shit to do up there? That's what I don't know We'd have, you know what we would do? We would spend the majority of time at Nome Which is where the, I did arrive The dog racing is

Yeah And we would just watch the dog's race And we would get, we would drink and watch the The dog's just Race Race I don't know if you get to watch it You don't get to watch it, but there's TV in the cabin

Yeah, they go off into the back, the rural area So you're not allowed there But it's gonna be an awesome time Let me plan it I'll think about it I'd rather not I don't know if I want to do the intro Well I'm gonna do it

And we're gonna do it there And I already got us the fucking dogs And there's an Airbnb in Nome And Nome, nobody knows how isolated it is up there You can see Russia from there I do want to, I do want to like Figure out the, I want to see like the Northern Lights That'd be kind of cool to do on my bachelor party

But then also part of me is like Mexico City would be fun Oh yeah You want to go somewhere you've been before Somewhere new I would go somewhere I've been before Really the ideal place that I want to go is Reykjavik I want to go back to Iceland

But you've been there twice Yeah So you're like, should I go back to a place I've been twice Right Three times in Iceland I mean I could, I would definitely do it But I guess I also, I wonder if there's a place that I haven't been That's got that same vibe that's got like

Yeah Have you ever been to South America? No That's an entire continent you've never been to Yeah We've got a lot of options there You think we could get people to go to South America For my bachelor party?

Well I don't care about other people So it'd be me, you, about two weeks We can do two weeks in Paraguay Here I'm on Kayak Give me your social security number You're planning my honeymoon at this point I don't want to We could do a week and a half at Rio Carnival

We need a week, alright We'll have to miss a I'd rather do the Iditarod Alright, okay, just book that one Are you okay with missing just a slice of your rehearsal dinner? We'll get there before Vows If all goes well Alright, let's answer some questions

After all, this is an advice podcast We're here to dispense some wisdom Including one to this 17 year old girl who wonders Am I a snake? Okay Am I a snake? What an interesting, interesting question Let's get to the details

You think she's actually talking about like a Slytherin serpent snake? I don't Okay, yeah, I think it's about a four Got it We'll call this one Sydney D. Alaska Very good

Because she's from Sydney, Alaska And she writes I'm a 17 year old girl in high school And a huge fan of your show Basically, I have a crush on a good friend's ex And I feel like a knob My friend dated this guy a year ago And about a month

For only about a month But he was kind of a dick when they broke up Fast forward, he's 10 times hotter now And still douchey But generally a much better person My friend has moved on But the main problem here is that we spent the past year Roasting this dude to smithereens

We usually just make fun of him for being a wiener But I've since befriended him And I think he's changed Last weekend, I hooked up with him Nothing crazy Third base at a party And I felt like I felt like I had to tell my friends about it

I had to tell my friends about it Who then started roasting the shit out of me I told him I was hammered And that it was a one time thing But now he wants to hang out And I'm feeling sneaky Any guidance? Please, I really want to fuck this guy

And hang out with him Without making my friends hate me Much love from Canada That could be a good option too Montreal, if you thought about that I have, but we were there so recently Alright 17 year old girl

An ex-boyfriend that she just spent a year making fun of Now she went to third base with him at a party Which is very far, if you ask me That's oral I'm sorry, grandpa blew me That's actually not oral That's the furthest you can get It's not oral

Third base isn't oral It's fingering That's not oral What's fucking oral about that? Still It's private parts Don't say still After you said something it wasn't

You say it's blowing someone You say no it's not And you go still It's fingering Still, it's something different It's still something far It's past second base Yeah, I mean in a baseball game

That's a good That's a rare hit Yeah Home runs are more popular than triples I feel like that's kind of true There's probably a time In your life when Like, this is

Nevermind, this isn't a fucking original observation Let's hear it Where home runs become Way more than norm than like Fingering in second base Yeah, that's like in baseball Like an unassisted triple plays The most rare thing

But it's not like It doesn't look that cool It's either first or home I think that like As you get older it's sort of Whatever You're either kissing or you're fucking Or you're home with your dick in your head

Like me Rod So this girl Is feeling snakey But it's She actually likes the guy Yeah He's actually a

Seemingly slightly better person And he's hotter So the only The only problem is that Your friends don't like him So the question really boils down to Like, is it like Can I hook up with this guy

Even though my friends And me have made fun of him a lot Yeah And now that she's like worried That they're gonna start making fun of her It sounds like she already backed off Like when they started As soon as she said that

She hooked up with them And they were making fun of her She's like, I was trashed I was trashed Yeah If he's really hot That they're not gonna really Make fun of you

Like they can only make fun of you So much if he's really hot The problem is that He's a douchebag too She said he was a better person But still douchey Yeah Can you imagine

How much worse he was That he's gotten much better But still a douche Also, but when you're like If it was a year ago Then he was like 16 And who's like a really great 16-year-old

Except probably Jeffrey James Yeah, he was a good 16-year-old I bet Cause it was like two years ago Yeah He seems fine now Totally Like we met him at age 17

And he was alright He was good Yeah Any guidance Do you want to Would you go for it With somebody that all your friends disliked Yeah, totally

I think that you gotta You just gotta power through People can reimagine their Opinions on somebody Especially when it's this young Like if you just keep on hooking up with him It will eventually shift to being normal You probably have to stand up

For him a little bit Yeah You don't have to like Get into a weird contentious fight With your friends But like laugh it off He's actually cool now Like you guys should hang out with him

Yeah And you can It win hearts and minds That's what it's all about It might not end well But you're 17 So that's also fine Like you're supposed to do

Some bad things now And then you'll learn from Your mistake if you don't like it So I say just go for it Regardless of if it'll work out or not Right The thing that you want to avoid Which I do understand is like

If she just rejects her friends Or like whatever Fuck you guys I'm gonna hook up with this dude Then there's like She could lose the war of You know like her friends Just continue to talk shit

About this guy And then they start talking shit About her and both of them And their relationship So you really I think you have to remain The middle man And try to bridge the gap

If you can Between the douche and the friends Yeah Reintroduce him to the group Tell them what you like about him See if you can Just get some converts You need a couple of people

On your side to be like Oh we were wrong about douchey Mingyi guy That's good Can you say that she has to Reintroduce Oh good Reintroduce

Ta-da Here's a similar But different question From a different lady Who's a sophomore in college Or freshman in college We'll call this lady Chile F. Barcelona

Nice These are all just places We might go on my bachelor party That's right I love it Chile F. Barcelona Right Hey guys

Listen Our second time email Or my problem is this I'm really close friends With my roommate She's one of my best friends But recently I found her guy best friend

On Tinder We both swiped right And talked a little bit But I asked my roommate About it And she said that she was Not okay with me And her guy best friend

Having a relationship Of any kind I told her that I understood Because I do And nothing would happen Well He and I were the last two Awake at a Halloween party

Recently Nothing would happen And then something fucking happens And a fucking course We hooked up I told my roommate About it the next morning And I apologized a lot

She's not thrilled But she forgave me Here's my question How do I continue To have a good relationship With my roommate After I betrayed her trust And how should you

Approach interactions With the boy They're good friends So I'm sure I'll see him more How do you have A casual platonic relationship With someone

Who's seen your vagina And who you're Really attracted to She actually said Who's seen your pussy I don't know I edited on the day Who's seen your pussy

And who you're Really attracted to Thanks And then she emailed us Again seven days later Well, we fucked It was awesome No regrets

There we go That's new I knew it was trending there And that's where My advice is going to Your friend doesn't Get to make the rules I think that

All you can really do Is be like Hey, I'm sorry That it makes you uncomfortable But I like this guy He likes me He likes me We're gonna fucking

Go for it It's really It's a two on one Whenever there's a try at Two people make the rules And one person has to deal with it Right She has to live with it

She's like It's friends with this guy The last And like This guy would not think You were a great friend If you knew that You're standing in the way of

Yeah Him Like finding Finding somebody That he likes Is there anything Beyond jealousy Is there any case

To stand on Beyond I'm jealous I want to be with him Like why would you say You can't be with him Maybe that if there are two Good friends I mean

It's jealousy across the board To some extent I think But like Maybe she just doesn't want to To change the dynamic To like see it get awkward Maybe she knows this guy's Behavior

And she's like No, he's gonna hook up with you And then he's not gonna Talk to you anymore And it's gonna be weird Or maybe that's That's the case with the girl So she is just worried about

The aftermath If it doesn't go well Maybe she's worried about If it does go well Maybe she's pushed out And these people become In a really good relationship And they don't need her anymore

I guess personally Maybe she likes her It can't end well There's only bad I don't think that's I mean What if she Really is just

This guy's best friend And she likes her roommate a lot And then her best friend And her other good friend Are in a relationship And they try to spend time With all of them That sounds nice

Yeah, I guess that's Best case scenario But it seems like When things Like you said Are trending toward something You can't stop the Chemistry train

No, you really can't Once it's leaving the station You can't do people Who really want to Have sex Not do it Because somebody Would be uncomfortable

When you introduced The forbidden aspect That is It's just pouring Fucking gas On the flame Yeah, you know What else is funny

We were the last two awake At a Halloween party It made me think about How many parties Just end with like It's like this weird contest Of like I got to stay

I'm not going to fall asleep Because the last two people awake It's like that contest Where you're touching a car And the last person touching it Gets to win it Yeah That's what it is

Like guys and girls Just fighting to stay awake To be the last resort For each other It's true And also It's funny to me That this sounds like

Oh, we were the last two people That stayed up at this Halloween party Like so it was a coincidence And one thing led to another And like Both of them stayed Like very much so Like you cannot fall asleep

Right That wasn't a coincidence That was a choice To stay awake And hook up with the guy And that's fine Because it is It's totally legal

Yeah, and then there's like The friends who are just like Happen to be awake And you're like Just go to sleep Go to fucking sleep already Christ, it's 418 Why are you awake?

You guys want to watch a movie? No, I don't want to watch a movie I wanted to fucking Wet cuddle with somebody I want to kiss her But you want to watch a film Alright, so again Go for it

Again, go for it Go for it And she already did It was so funny The follow up just said Well, we fucked It was awesome, no regrets I like that she's

She's being pretty up front With the roommate But I think you just got it And not make promises That you can't keep Yeah, it's easy to say Fine, I won't do it Because it's weird to be like

Actually, I'm going to do it I'm going to go for it And then you don't get it And then you're like Oh, shit But I think it's natural To be like Hey, I won't do anything

But then like to come back And be like Things are happening I don't know what to tell you I'm sorry I don't know why I said I wouldn't do anything But it's because

Yeah, it would have been bad If you're like I'm fucked that He's mine And I want him It's like Okay, he rejected me Anyway, let's hang out again

I'm going to fucking go for it It's all the bad ones That would be good T9 Anyway, what were we Up to this weekend? I believe you wanted to Go to the mall

That's another thing We can do We can go to the mall of America Ah For my bachelor party? Yeah, because there's like It's so big And there's so many stores

There's a ride in it Yeah So we can go on a ride I don't want to do that But thank you I actually don't even know If you're going to be invited up I know that's

I'm trying to figure out the If I figure out the location I'm sort of grandfathered in Yeah, that's true Well, tell you what Why don't you look your I-did-a-rod ticket I will

And then we'll see On the day if I'm there All right I'm just afraid that They're non-refundable Yeah That's what I think they are No

Dog race Yeah When is the I-did-a-rod? Yeah, do you think it's in Like the middle of the winter Or they have to They can just do it whenever Because it's Alaska

Yeah, I think I would guess it's like Spring It's like a marathon I-did-a-rod Christmas day Oh, that was the first one So it does seem like it happens

All right, let's take a break I'll do some more research And I'll come back with a bunch Of answers about the I-did-a-rod In-nome Alaska This show is sponsored By BetterHelp

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Off that first purchase Thank you, Squarespace And we're back Sunday, March 3rd, 2018 Everything's on March 3rd I'm figuring it out Is the beginning Of the Iditarod

In Anchorage On the corner of 4th and D That's pretty crazy We are March 3rd is coming up A lot these days Yeah There's a lot of things

Happening on March 3rd So if you want to I can probably Tweet at the organizers I don't want to go So you get At all I don't want to go

Dogs And they push you To Alaska To watch the dogs On Avenue D I really don't It's 4th and D actually Those are streets

There are no avenues In Anchorage after all And then if we stick around The awards banquet Is on the 18th At the Gnome Recreation Center So we'd have to stay In Alaska

In Gnome For 15 days To watch Dogs racing I wonder if that does sound Kind of cool I don't want to do it From that bachelor party

But it's an interesting I'd like to watch a documentary About the dogs And the racers Because I have a lot of questions About what the hell is going on Do the dogs want this Do the dogs know

That they're doing it Are they okay with it With the running And stuff It's kind of weird Like in all other sports Or not all But like in most sports

The people competing They signed up They're like They want it They want to win But like a horse race The horse doesn't want to win The dog race

The dog doesn't want to win A bullfight The bull I guess wants to Get the fuck out of the ring It's nearly a thousand miles They go in between Like 15, 120 miles a day

On these dogs Imagine that Pretty cool Alright Anything else we should talk about Or should we get To more questions No I have to

Promote my mother's cookies Oh yeah Thanksgiving is coming up And you're going to be home And you'll have to face mother Yes And you mustn't face her Without speaking of the cookies

I must move some more Units for my mother Actually you know what I'm pissed about My dad My fucking dad My dad Last time

Last time I was home Told me that That the sales were dropping off Uh huh And that he does I don't think that he respects My influence Oh

Oh I see So he was sort of pushing you With one finger Yeah he was like Was that all you could do Yeah In so many words He's like

This is My son I was like The influencer I thought you guys Were a bit more influential Yeah Could move what

30 dozen cookies He moved 50 on the day that she Launched You're a fucking Bake sale to your dad Yeah And so what did you

What did you say to that You said I told him just watch this You motherfucker Uh huh And then And then my mom was like Jake

And then I tweeted And the tweet Didn't go through Cause it was too long Right This was before the 280 thing This was before the 280 thing And it was

400 So even after Yeah it was 500 words On the cookies Yeah On the cookies More on the relationship With my dad

It was a diet tribe About the cookies It was actually my father's Birthday yesterday Oh And I'm surprised he didn't Say anything Alright I remember

Cause his birthday Was the election Oh yeah Happy birthday dad Anyway Jake's mom's cookies Dot com Please help me

Prove my Gord father wrong And To make my mother happy And that How does it work They pay for a dozen It shows up in the mail

Yeah Special boxes She's got a commercial kitchen Now she's She's paying her rent In cookies To a local coffee shop In New Haven

Holy shit So if you live in Around New Haven Yeah My hometown You know I'm gonna come through On Thanksgiving

And I'm gonna be At coffee Where they sell my mother's Cookies How's the coffee At coffee It's coffee Question mark with a K

And I've Never had it But we used to compete With coffee When I worked at A chapel sweet shop In New Haven Cause we had a little coffee thing

Of our own And chapel sweet shop Has since Gone out of business And coffee I think goes into Second location So they won the war

But they're selling My mama's cookies That's right And she's Paying rent with them So I won the battle So check them out at Coffee

Check them out at Jake's mom's cookies And you can get cookies In the mail She writes little Notes to everybody Comes with stickers It's very cute

I guess a few But we ran out Very quickly I'll let her know All right From those questions And those cookies Comes a pretty

Hilarious Insignificant question That I thought I can answer Cause you know Not all life's Quandaries Are big pickles

Of what should I do And how should I Am I a snake In this, that And the other Correct This one is about A fun little

Birthday Facebook message Somebody sent So we'll call This guy Are Alaska Have we not called everybody

That Because No more Alaska That's right It's out of the running You should have I wonder what's the city that

People party in Alaska It's probably Anchorage It's not Juno Yeah I don't know What's the Silver Lake of Alaska

Where's like The cool hair Cuts being Had That's what I'm saying I want the Beautiful nature Like Iceland had

During the day The water falls Of course the fjords And then The fucking Run tour Like the fucking Raging dance parties

At night And I don't think Alaska has that There's no raging dance Party in Anchorage Where do you think More people live Alaska

Or Iceland Alaska That's correct By nearly double 700 700 Oh no More than double

741,000 people Live in Alaska And what 300,000 Live in Iceland Yeah Yeah 335 Biggest city

In Alaska Gotta be Anchorage Anchorage Wow by a ton 300,000 Nearly half the state's population Live in Anchorage

The second largest city Is Juno with 32,000 Oh maybe Anchorage Would be cool Let's look up The club scene there Yeah After the punch

Which Yeah which clubs are Straight bumpin' On a Thursday Is there Does anything Go up on a Tuesday In Alaska

Alright Here's the question From Nome R Alaska writes I'll cut to the point On Friday last week

A friend of mine Had her birthday So Saturday night She invited a bunch of friends Over to celebrate The day of the party I messaged her on Facebook Asking her if she was

A Game of Thrones fan Because I have a stack Of Game of Thrones themed Coasters And I thought If she watched the show I could give her some of them And it would be a small

Nice gesture Came time to leave For the party And still no response So I decided I'd abandon The coaster idea Since it wouldn't be

A big deal to show Without a gift No one brings presents Anymore Now Monday rolls around And my friend Finally responds To the message

Saying No I don't watch Why do you ask What should I do I'm feeling like I have no good explanation For why I ask Besides

I was going to give You a gift And then decided Not to Which kind of Makes me seem Like a jerk For coming up

With an idea Nobody brought gifts To the party anyway And even if I explained Why I asked And give her the gift It'll be awkward Because she doesn't

Even watch Game of Thrones Anyway That's my dilemma Any insight You could provide Would be great I've listened to all the episodes And I like watching

The headgum videos Keep them coming Couragelly Love Nome Are Alaska Thank you Man you're overthinking this

What would you do If I were you You sent the message She doesn't respond Party happens Then she says Why did you ask And I would say

I just was I was going to get you I had a gift I had a gift for you What did you bring up You asshole I was going to bring an idea What's your mailing address

May I have your mailing address And I'll send you the gift I think you need to watch the show I got you DVDs What's a DVD I'll get you a It's a It's like a VCR

But for a DVD For a DVD For a DVD For a DVD For a DVD For a DVD For a DVD For a DVD

It's like a VCR But for a For a disc You're so old I just turned 19 I'm so happy to be invited to your party Please invite me to more Here's a coaster of my thoughts

A token of my esteem Can he say that I was going to bring you a gift But never mind He can But I wouldn't At this point I don't watch it

Why do you ask You just say I don't know It's a great show Just curious Sounds like a date Huh? Well, if you don't watch it

Maybe we should watch it Does he want to date this girl? No But I'm just You run the risk of coming off As flirtatious So what's a nonflirtatious way Of saying

Why did you ask Without saying I had a gift in mind Taking a poll My friend said Everybody watches this show And I said Not everybody

I could find someone That's even more convoluted Fine, here's the text If you say Long story But I was going to bring you Game of Thrones Coasters to your parties

Ha ha Glad I didn't The end Ha ha She responds Ha ha Glad you didn't What's funny about

Not bringing me my gift No No Go home Noem Go home Alaska Nobody wants you here

With your non-gift giving ways Yeah, no, I mean You could also just Fucking ignore the text She didn't answer it for three days Yeah, that's how you got to get back To this guy quick The clock is ticking

Oh, you know Facebook has Readverse seats This message has been seen Oh, it's definitely been seen Oh, yes Sweating so much It will see and be seen Alright, I like that text

NBC scene Nice Thanks The question The answer of Oh, it's gonna bring some to your party Ha ha Nevermind

Yeah Yeah Or is it just wondering Just wondering Yeah Just curious What do you watch? Why are you

Are you into Narcos? Yeah I can get a Narcos bib What about the Cleveland show? What was the last episode of that you watched? I have a Mindhunter tablecloth If you're interested

Would you want You like Game of Thrones Would you want coasters? No I'm not really into the like A cutramon of things that you like Yeah Style

What about a poster? Like a stylized art of Game of Thrones I wouldn't And I probably wouldn't want it Like a Westeros map or something Yeah There's something kind of fun about that But not really

I do have Like in my childhood bedroom I have like a tourism poster for Hoth What's Hoth? The Frozen Planet in Star Wars Oh, Star of the Rings Yeah, Lord of the Air for sure Star of the Wars

Star of the Wars Yeah, Star of the Rings The Star of the Rings Are you going to see the new one? The Star Star State Star movie No, I love it

Luke Stormtrooper is like a light You see the one where he's like A light superhero Get the heck away from me You're my only hope Yeah And then there's like the fucking Vaderan

Yeah Dark Vaderan Yeah It's like More I am your dad You're your fucking dad Yeah

And then it's like Oh, you shall not pass your will Yeah, that's good Yodel is like a little He's this little munchkin He's played by Andy Serkis, I think And he's like He does a backflip

And he's like You are not my father You are my father You have a ring, you will Yes I am a Star Trek That's good Who's that?

That's Chewbacca Chewknuckles That's Chewknuckles It's this fat little idiot Who eats his own fingers off When Princess Lea Can't get through Middle Earth And he's just like

This huge fucking slug Yeah, dude And Han's guitar solo Calls him freakin' Knuckle He's like Hey, help me Knuckle Cone over You're my only rope Cause at the end of the movie

He is a rope And he's had his last rope Yeah, there's like Alright, what if I get you The Game of Thrones chair For your fucking bachelor party I will And you can't stand up out of it

So we have to take you through the streets On a fucking chair And we get you sloshed We're all wearing sashes, tiaras And dick straws Dicks I would love to have a bachelorette party Yeah

That'd be a fun theme That's your theme That just reminded me for some reason When we were in Iceland And we were like so trashed Like walking down the street And you just like ran And jumped on a bench

You know I had your crutches I tried to pole vault over a bench Right, and you just fell And landed on the side of the bench And just I fell and I felt no pain I was so That was the drunkest I've been I felt no pain

I was so baffled that you even did it Just like you're running at the bench You pole vault and I'm like Oh my god And like there wasn't even a second where you Where you like landed and then lost balance It was like you did it just to fall on the side Yeah, and it was

It was numb It was so cold and I felt nothing I was happy that day That was an amazing night We'll just call that your bachelorette party See we should go back You already had it Congratulations

No, come on That was it man You had the fucking party I loved it dude That was awesome man I really liked your party It sucks I can't even have a bachelorette party

Well we already did enough I think we've done enough for you Alright I'm gonna, yeah I'm gonna figure shit out I don't think anyone's gonna go This is insane I'm gonna start a little

I'm trying to plan it I did a ride to not To try to not We're not doing the party There was a point where we were going to Fucking party Chile, we wanted to take me to Rio I'm not even going to fucking

Los Feliz with you at this point Like we've celebrated It's insane We've done enough So it's not even you Bailing It's like you're gonna get everybody out To go on a different party

Yeah You're also throwing Yeah, you're throwing a party The day of my wedding too Yeah, it's called a rival Yeah, it's a rival back to the party You have a lot of RSVPs Which I hate

Okay, because I sent it out early You gotta save the day quick Have you sent the save the day? No, I gotta We gotta get on that We're still finalizing the guest list Read the guest list right now Sure

We've got You're the number one in friends Alright, keep going Pretty cool Here, tell you what I'll just read from the yellow tier Which is the people that we invite When people from the green

Decline I want them to know that they were Yeah, do you want to just know Like the second tier? Yeah, just the second tier Okay We also have the red Yeah

Oh, they're definitely not Yeah, the basically Even if the green and yellow drop out Just like people that we want to remember But we're not gonna even send anything to Why don't I start at the bottom of that one? Marty Michael Is it even worth having a red list?

I don't think so But it is like The red list is everybody else on earth It's just like kind of nice to have like A running tally of everybody That's like sort of in the realm of Invite, just in case You know, cause

I don't know People that want to A year is a long time Like you plan out something like a party That is happening a year from now Yeah, you may have a new friend Yeah, and you also lose touch with people too So it's funny to like look at our guest list

Be like, oh, I haven't seen this person In a very long time Right Like are we still friends? Down to yellow with you Alright That's it, that's our episode Thanks for listening

Thanks for submitting your own questions If you have a theme song Or a question, it's all The email address for everything Is if I were your show At gmail.com Remember the bluegrass opener? That was fun

From High and Lonesome Well, this closing one Is written by Connor I believe he He said that he was Dickless for chickless In the email No shit

Yeah, which is kind of interesting What's neat It's neat to go dickless for him He said Thoughts positive or otherwise My Instagram is ConnorMcD44 Yours, Julie

Connor And then he named it Julie is good And then he named it Dickless for chickless So thanks Connor Thanks High and Lonesome Thanks to you guys for listening

We'll be back After Thanksgiving Where we'll be a lot more full I'm gonna eat a pie Check the mail To core jewels Yeah, you know It's if I were you

Check in the mail To core dudes If they asked I'd send them nudes Check in the mail Seize the fucking cheese Check in the mail, mama Turn down the podcast

Please Oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh Seize the fucking cheese Oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh

Oh, she shout towards her dream