If I Were You - 310: Unsolicited Advice

Episode Date: January 15, 2018

In this episode we discuss nudes, dudes, and cryptocurrency!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

Where do you go to get out of a situation fast, if I were you? They're gonna help you, oh they'll just put you on blast, if I were you On me and Jake they're gonna make you laugh out loud until you break up with your B.F.O. or your G.F.I.O. Where do you go to get out of a situation fast, if I were you? His name is Keshish on SoundCloud and he loves my show. Our show. My show. Do you have a different podcast?

Not yet, but I'm thinking of starting one with Keshish. He loves your show with him. Yeah, I guess you can say that. Alright, so even that one's not your show. You only do co-shows. Happy 2018 to you and yours. We've released a podcast in 2018, but I don't know if we've recorded one in 2018. Is that true?

Unless we recorded the one with Jake Wiseman in 2018. We did. Yeah, but never just me and you in 2018. That's cool. That's awesome. So let me be the first to wish you a happy 2018. And let you be the first to wish me a happy little early birthday. And I thank you for that.

A lot of people don't bring it up. You're saying let me be the first to wish you a happy 2018. It's January 10th right now. So of course you're not the first. 12th. Oh, wow. It's Friday the 12th. Spooky.

Scary. Alright, what is this? This is If I Were You, the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us. I'm Amir. I'm Jake. I've been starting to say when people ask me my name, I don't say Amir because people think I'm saying I'm here or I'm Ian or I'm here. So they'll be like, hey, I'm Kyle or something fucking normal, like Kyle Sheesh.

And then I'm like, hi, I'm here. And he's like, you're here and all the fucking hot girls laugh at me. He's around hot girls? Probably. And so what I've been saying is, hi, I'm Amir. But at a coffee store the other day, let's call it Starbucks. Sure. Hey, what's your name?

And I said, I'm Amir. And then the other guy wrote AMAMIR on the cup. I'm Amir. I'm Amir. Wow. Yeah. So I guess my fucked up name is getting in the way regardless of how I say it. If only you could have been second born and been Ben.

That's a good name. Hi, I'm Ben. Yeah, you don't get that one wrong. It's one syllable. You can't misspell it. There's no B-I-N or B-A-N or B-O-N. Oh, B-I-E-N is cool. B-N.

Hi, I'm B-N. Nice. Oh, B-N, B-N. Very B-N. Very B-N. Very good. Very B-N. So we had the idea of creating segments to the show because we wanted to switch it up

a little bit, diversify our portfolio as they say. Correct. The first segment idea we had was unsolicited advice. Correct. Advice that nobody really asked for. Yeah. But at least they're listening to the show, so they're implicitly asking. Do you think we should get into it now or should we save it at the end?

Does it feel like an end of show segment? I think it feels like a back from break. Oh, like now that we're back, let's take a breather. This is my unsolicited advice. Yeah. Got it. All right, cool. And then if it sticks around, you can even do like, I don't know, like an audio cue

for it. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. So it'd be like, it's time for the... Oh, it's a left-suited device. Turn it out. Beep. Beep.

Mom, I'm coming. Gross. Well, it's like the mom asked you to come and sit. Yeah. Also, I'm gizzing everywhere. If we can make the song anything, we might as well avoid it, right? Yeah. You don't need the part where the kid is screaming at his mom.

That he's coming. Yeah. That was like the Ace of Jocelyn thing. Mom, close the door. Yeah. Mom, close the door. It's good. All right.

So let's try to answer these emails first. You sent me a few. Were any good ones or should we start with the one I sent you? Let's start with the one that you sent me and then... Yeah, the ones that I found were like one funny one and then one pretty basic one, but I feel like it opens the door to us talking about something that needs to be chatting about. Especially now in 2018. Do you have the email?

I think I sent it to you and not me. Of course. Of Jorts. And that's fine that you sent it to me and I do have it and it's not going to take me very long to find it at all. In fact, I bet by the time I'm done with this... Very simple sentence. Here we go.

Got it. Let's give this guy a guy's name. Okay. Antoni. Antoni writes, what's up guys? I find myself in a gooey and confusing situation. I matched with this total 10 cent piece on a dating app about a month and a half ago. We went out for drinks and had a blast.

She's from outside the US and mentioned she'd be going back home for a little over a month before she started her new job. Hot. A few days after we got drinks and before she was going to leave for home, I invited her to this party. I was at with a few of my close friends and a bunch of other people. The party was great and she was also having a good time and getting along with my friends. Even to the point where she asked my former roommate for his number. What?

Now I'm not really a jealous little bitch. I mean, I barely know this person and it's not like we're dating. Plus I'm not really threatened by my ex roommate. Haha. He's a friend of mine so I don't really care. She's new to the city we live in and maybe she just wanted to make some more friends. Anyway, fast forward to now. This goddess has returned from home and texted me immediately when she got back saying we should hang out soon.

Great, right? Well, it turns out she sent a similar message to my ex roommate as well. Not jealous. Don't care. I'm out because I mentioned in front of him and a few other friends that I couldn't hang out on a certain night because I had plans with this girl to which my friend remarked that the same girl had also texted him asking him to hang out. Haha. Haha.

Not caring. I didn't really know what to say so I awkwardly just said, oh, haha, that's funny. That's good. I don't really know what to do about this. I don't really want to compete with my friend over this girl, but I'd also be low key salty if they got together. Low key salty. And I just left and I just let it go because I thought the whole thing wasn't worth it. What would you do?

Love Antonio. Did he let it go? Or did he let it go key salty? Yeah. Which just means he didn't let it go. Let it stay. Let it stay. Let it fester.

Let it fester. Let it eat away your soul. Uh, it sounds like this guy's high key salty actually. He's like, haha, I'm not really caring too much. But he did mention that he was going to see her and I'm afraid I'll get salty about it. I get it. It makes sense. Do you find that this girl is from Australia and they live in New York?

Oh, I was thinking of England and they live in Lincoln, Nebraska. Really? Yeah. Nice. Do you think the queen likes royalty free music? Probably not because she wants it heavy with the royalties. Got it. Don't they just like pay taxes to the queen?

I swear those guys pay tariffs. They just fucking, the queen just gets- I really think Cash for being- I think the Stamp Act was about that. Damn. Weird. Uh, yeah, it is. I would also get like a little weird and competitive about it.

I don't want to like some girl that I matched with dating another friend of a friend of mine and then there's this weird inherent low key competition about it. Yeah. The danger though is you can't win because if you like, if you're like, I don't care. Unless she chooses you. Well, right. That's the old, so- You can win and you can lose.

Well, I mean, even her choosing you is like then the friend is low key salty at you. But that's fine. Right. But then like, it seems like if you decide, you know what? I'm gonna compete and I want this girl to like me and then she likes the friend. Then that's like, you know, worst case scenario. And then if you're like, I don't even care. I'm not gonna try and then the friend hooks up with her.

Then you're like, that's annoying because you secretly wish you did try. Yeah. Well, there's both of you hooking up with her, not at the same time. Then there's him hooking up with her and then there's just you hooking up with her. And there's also nobody hooking up with her. Yeah, so there's- And there's them hooking up with her at the same time. There's lots of permutations.

There's six results. Are you- The question is, would you be so devastated by the one where she chooses him and not you that you wouldn't find it worth risking the best case scenario, quote unquote, where she chooses you and not him? I guess. It feels like it's still too early. When I've been in this situation in the past, I've always tried really hard. Yeah, you want to be the quote unquote winner.

Yeah. But does the other person ever try harder? Yes, that happened before. And then it just makes you feel kind of weird because it's like this weird competition where one of the participants doesn't quite know that they're competing. Correct. So is it better to just distance yourself from the situation? I guess the best thing would be to tell your friend the truth. I'd be like, hey, I went out with, I matched with this girl.

I went out with her. I brought her to this party. I want, I like, basically, if you do like her, tell your friend that you like her and to not hook up with her. And it's so weird. Otherwise, it's so weird to like talk about this other person. Like it's this thing where it's like, hey, I matched with this thing first and don't do anything with this thing. Yeah. But like at the same time, you don't want to be like, all right, let's all three of us sit down and have a conversation about it.

You don't want to do that either. All right. Here's the rules for the person that has her own free will and might like you more. It's like that idea we had where two guys decide to swing and then they like, they don't ask their wives at all. Oh yeah. All right. Let's fucking do it. All right.

We made it packed. I don't want to swing. Huh? But the other wife does want to. I'm down to swing with Amir. I already fucked him. So the question is, what would you do in this situation? You would try harder because you find yourself a little competitive?

I mean, I guess if I liked the girl, I would. Did he say hooked up with her already? No. They just got drinks. They got drinks and he took her to a party. But then she asked for somebody else's number. Yeah. That's the question.

Like she, it seems like asking for somebody else's number means she likes the other guy more than him. It definitely seems like that. Cause like that a match is like an app brought you together. She had to actually actively go out of her way to ask a guy. Right. But what if the guy asked for her numbers and she was just being polite, but she also texted him. Yeah.

She texted him. Like here's what I would wonder if she texted, if the, if the friend actually is just like, Oh no, I'm like not interested. I don't want to hook up with this girl. Does she then say like, okay, then I'm going to go to my second choice, which was my original this guy, Antonio, or does she be like, all right, cool. Then I'm not going to hook up with anybody in this friend because I'm not going to hook up with Antonio.

I only liked you and maybe we can all be friends. Right. So the choices that Antonio has is like she hooks up with your friend or she is just friends with all of you guys and nobody hooks up with her. Or maybe you say like, I'm not even going to think about the other stuff. I, for me, it's just me and her. What she's doing, whether it's hanging out with other people, hanging out with my friends, that's beyond my control.

I mean, they're going to, I like this girl go for it. I don't like this girl not go for it. That's probably the healthiest thing that you can do actually just continue to hang out with her. She did text him. Yeah. So that's fine. Yeah.

There is some, there's something there. And if I were this dude, if I was like threatened by the friend, I would maybe not invite her to group activities a little bit. Hey, let's hang out. Like sure, why don't we get drinks, you and I. And then if she's like, let's hang out with all of your friends. Yeah. That's how you'll know.

Is Ryan going to be there, Antonio? Yeah. I'd really like for Ryan to be there. That happens. People, people like find their way into groups of people and realize they like somebody else all the time. Of course. All right.

Tread lightly. Maybe she starts dating your friend and one of her friends comes to visit and then you look up with her. We never know. That'd be nice. Let us know what happened. I'm curious. Love to follow up on this.

This question that you sent me is called wheeze, nudes and coworkers. Yeah. Sounds very spicy. So we'll call this guy Sean Spicey. Nice. Speaking of Sean, I'm so excited for the winter Olympics. Why? Speaking of Sean.

Sean White came to mind when you said that. Sean White. Oh, the flying tomato. Yeah. Where are the winter Olympics this year? I can't remember. It's either Seoul or Tokyo, I think. Let's see.

Winter Olympics 2018. I know that it's in February. Oh, that is soon. Did you see Eitania? Not yet. It's about a winter Olympics. Of course. It's in South Korea.

Is that in Seoul? It's in Pyeongchang. Oh, yeah. That's right. February 9th is the 25th. All right. Sean, the flying tomato, White writes, a few weeks ago, me and my friends got bored on steam, got bored on steam, which I think is a video game thing, not a drug.

And wanted to change. How do you get bored on steam? Steam rules. And we wanted to change our pictures to something funny. So we all took out our wheeze. I have attached a photo of the two I took so you can get the best picture. But for the listeners, I'll explain. The first picture is me laying on my bed wearing nothing but a whee on my dick.

He did attach these pictures, which is, I thought it was so fucking weird. It's correct. It looks like a weird, prepubescent look version of me. All right. The second one is me standing with a whee covering my dick and a Mickey Mouse cart racing for N64 taking the picture. So the problem is, the problem with this is that I'm friends with one of my coworkers on steam.

At first I didn't think about it and I just seized the cheese as far as the whee nudes go and made it my pick for two weeks. After a week I noticed he deleted me. In fear I changed it and went to work the next day. My first attempt to make this right was to tell him that we should add each other on steam trying to play it off. He acted like he didn't know it was me, but he was still weird around me. Then I realized my goofy ass had my face in the first pic.

What would you do if you were me? Also, P.S., can you shout out my cat? Her name is Caroline. I did not read that part. Her name is Caroline. I bet she listens to the show as all. Shout out to Caroline. All right.

These are very low res pictures of... So this guy is pretending he's taking a picture with an N64 cartridge. I guess so. And a whee is just covering his... Are his peeps fully in the photo? Or is that a shadow? Maybe it doesn't have cubes. It looks like it's more shadowy, yeah.

But he's got a good V going on. The vicious V. Yeah. That's a pretty solid V. God, that picture goes so deep. It's a deep V. We're about 65% down the V. Yeah.

I mean, you're about to see Shaft there. So his co-worker saw a goofy, silly, naked little whee pic. And he wants to be like, by the way... Do you explain or do you just assume he doesn't say anything? Is this one of those things where if you explain it, it makes it weirder? Yeah, it does not. You can't be like, oh no, it's not what it looks like. My friend and I took nude photos of each other for our steam pics.

Yeah, the explanation is just that you did what you are afraid he thinks. Yeah. It's not what it looks like. I took a picture with a whee over my dick. So it is what I think. The second photo where it's like you taking the photo in the mirror. That looks like something you did yourself. The first photo is just this guy lying on bed.

Both of his hands are in the photo. So you know that a third party took the photo. Who took that first naked whee one? The friend. You guys had a nude photo shoot. So, sir, I assure you. It wasn't a nude photo shoot. At least it wasn't your boss.

I mean, get a new job. You reek of shit. Get a goddamn job, Sean. So what would you do if you were me? I probably wouldn't say anything if I were you. Yeah, right. You can only dig yourself further down the hole. Has anybody ever accidentally seen your nudies?

A long time ago during Hurricane Sandy, I posted a nude photo of me and the Rosenbergs. Did you keep that Instagram up? Yeah, it's still there. Yeah, you talk about it like you did it for a few minutes and then took it down. Well, I remember thinking like should I post this? Like there's no going back. And then I was like, yeah, it's fine.

And every day you don't delete it. You make that same decision implicitly. The yeah, it's fine. Yeah, it's fine. You're keeping it up. That's fine. Yeah. But then like I also have a job as a comedian and this guy,

I don't know where his job is, but... What? Oh, sorry. There's a there's commotion outside. Yeah, just lock the door. Lock the window. We should get a fucking BB gun. And like when people are loud when we're recording this,

Jesus Christ. It would filled with rage. It would sting and then they would look up and I would nod. And they would know. The anger bubbling inside you is really unsettling. They would know my name. Ben. For I am Ben.

Yeah, I think just don't do anything. You delete the old, delete both photos. And then it's just like the guy probably kept it to himself or maybe he told a couple of people at work. And now if they look, then it's gone. And what's the worst thing? Like what does he think about you? That you're the kind of guy that would do this, which you are.

Right. Yeah. There's nothing to like incredibly incriminating here on here. Yeah. You didn't do anything wrong per se. Yeah. It's not like there's a cat licking your balls. Yeah.

Right. There's no like dog licking like your balls. You're obsessed. There's not like a little hamster nibbling at your little balls. So the dog and cat are licking the hamster bites. Oh, the hamster bites. And guess what? I'm the hamster.

Yeah. And I have an attitude. An attitude problem or? Oh, no. Just one. Yeah. I guess we all have attitudes. Right.

Some of them are good attitudes and some are bad. Then mine's bad. So you do have an attitude problem. Well, I don't think it's a problem that it's bad. I asked you to specify and you didn't say anything. Oh, I'll never tell. You're slow to the draw, man. Very good.

It's not good. All right. That's it. Let's take a break. Thanks some sponsors. We'll answer some more questions. And some unsolicited advice. Oh, I will yell my advice from on high.

Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast. Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire headgum network, Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah.

Not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech, savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow.

We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great. Really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool.

So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo. Yeah. Frame. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma. She was pregnant. We got her the Aura Frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant.

Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife. And you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit like, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way.

By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes. And we let her know with an Aura. Yeah.

Thank you. The Aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app. Add me to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something that could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah. It's a great gift.

A really, really iconic gift. And right now you can save on the perfect Father's Day gift and visit Aura Frames. That's A-U-R-A frames.com. And our listeners can use code HEADGUM to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames. There it is. Oh wow. This is timely.

The deal ends on June 18th. So don't wait. Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames. A-U-R-A frames.com. Okay. Go get your parents something. All right.

And use the code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping. Right on. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place.

And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area. But BetterHelp makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient, flexible, and suitable to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist. And you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. It's incredibly helpful. Therapy has helped millions of people over thousands of years. So give therapy a try.

It can give you the tools to find a more balanced life. I've tried therapy. It's been very helpful. So you can find that balance better with BetterHelp. All you got to do is go to betterhelp.com. If I were you, you do that today, you can get 10% off your first month. So the prices are already affordable because you're not paying rent for a building somewhere that you have to drive to and wait in a waiting room.

This is done entirely online, but you're still getting professional licensed help. And it's extra affordable. That's betterhelp.com. If I were you, check them out. Thanks, BetterHelp. And we are back. Yeah. It's time for some.

Unsolicited. Wait, how did I do it? It was like an electric guitar riff. Unsolicited. Mom, I'm going to fucking cum. It's getting worse. Yeah. That one was definitely like, don't walk in.

I'm orgasming. Right. I mean, I almost like mom, I'm going to cum like you're fucking your mom. Yeah. No, I definitely felt that way too. Like I can see why it was you'd misconstrued as that. Anyway, I've tiptoed around it recently. We've spoken to it about it.

It's just trickled into the podcast. If someone follows you on social media, they know. Yeah, I can't get enough of it. My unsolicited advice is if you've got some extra money lying around, throw it into the cryptocurrency market. I mean, it is a fucking bonanza in there. Yeah, you told me to do that. I've only lost $300 so far.

So far, so far. It is the Wild West. There are swings, ebbs and flows. My advice is not to put money that you can afford to lose. That's my way of getting out of it guilt-free. If you have money lying around that's literally doing nothing, that you'd like to pretty much gamble, that you'd be okay if it went away entirely.

Right. $200 just vanished. Yeah. If that's okay with you. You could buy a couple thousand Trons. That's right. Oh, more than a couple thousand. That crypto is just tanking.

It is absolutely tanking. Did I sell my Tron? I'm out on Tron. So this is basically the lowdown of it. What you can do is if you're on the fence, you sign up for a Gemini account, which is sort of coin. Coinbase was like the my space of it.

Coinbase started it all off. That's how I bought my first Bitcoin. Wait, I don't have a Gemini, do I? You do not. I do not. I don't even have Gemini. Gemini basically allows you to buy Bitcoin and Ethereum, which are the big two cryptocurrencies.

And you don't have to buy a whole one. I know what you're thinking. Bitcoin's worth over $10,000. I don't know if it still will be by the time the show comes out, but let's say it is. You don't have to buy an entire Bitcoin. You could put in $50, $100 and get a fraction of a Bitcoin. Right.

Once you have Bitcoin and Ethereum, should I even get into like what the hell any of this is or that doesn't matter right now? I guess you could probably get into it a little bit. Why don't you? Well, a light primer. Yeah, a light primer is every money, I guess I won't say every money,

but pretty much all the money that I've ever heard of is attached to a government. So there's US dollars, Canadian dollars, Australian dollars and there's an exchange between these and that goes up and down. The British pound, the Euro, they all are attached to a government. And one day, about eight years ago,

somebody said, what if we just created money, decentralized, not attached to any government, a completely digital cryptocurrency, which means it's kind of anonymous. We don't know exactly who owns any of it. And people can mine it and create it and then use it to buy and sell and the value of it will go up.

That was Bitcoin. People heard about it, bought more. As people buy more, the value goes up because it's more valuable. Suddenly it becomes worth $1,000 for a Bitcoin, $5,000. I remember four years ago, five years ago, Streeter was telling us to buy it.

It went from like $300 to $600 and Streeter's like, you guys got to get in on this. I don't know what the fuck it is, but it keeps going up. We bought a few, we felt really smart. We sold a few over the course of the years, or at least I did, because it went down or up. And then in the last year, it went from $1,000 for a Bitcoin to almost $20,000.

Some people bought it when it was at $20,000, assuming it would go up forever. Then it went down to about $13,000. And that spawned other cryptocurrencies. It's not just Bitcoin, there's other ones. So the big, I would say, big four are Bitcoin, Ethereum, Litecoin, and Bitcoin Cash. You don't have to memorize all this stuff,

but you can buy some of this stuff and you could do that with U.S. dollars on Gemini. And then what I did was I got deeper, delve deeper, because I knew there were other Bitcoins out there. I wanted to see, I wanted to buy the ones, because you keep hearing about these people like, oh, I bought 1,000 Bitcoins accidentally when they cost 50 cents each, and now I'm worth $1.9 billion.

So I'm like, what other cryptocurrencies are out there that cost a few cents? And there are thousands, literally thousands, because any company can create a cryptocurrency. It's basically like IPOing, like creating a stock or joining the stock market, but any company can do it. So you're basically buying penny stocks. Yeah.

But with a precedent for one of these penny stocks, like absolutely skyrocketing and making you a billionaire. Exactly. Unfortunately, as you know... It's roulette with an enormous table. Yeah. But as you know, when there's the possibility of scamming idiots out of their money,

a lot of people just create fake ones that are not attached to any company. They buy a lot of it, so the price goes up, and then idiots like me are like, oh, this one went from 1 cents to 5 cents. I'm going to buy 25,000 of them. Do you know which ones that happened with? Because I bought all the ones you told me to,

so you got to tell me what to sell them to. Well, there's one that somebody bought, and somebody started Dogecoin, DOGE coin, basically as a joke being like, this shit is meaningless. Nobody should buy any of this stuff. And then people started buying Dogecoins

just to prove how dumb it was. And now Dogecoin, the total value of it, is like in the billions. And everyone's like, see, this coin, which isn't even worth anything, it doesn't even do anything, people are buying and selling it, and if you multiply that amount

by the amount of Dogecoins there are, it's over a billion dollars. It doesn't make any sense. None of this makes any sense. So as a joke, this guy created a billion dollars. Why don't we create a fucking cryptocurrency? Cryptocurrency. Yeah, we can.

We can create a head gum one, and then you can own part of head gum. And then, so some of these coins are attached to actual companies with great teams behind them who are doing awesome things. Like I read about one called the Gollum Project, which uses latent computer processing power

from around the world to help other people. So like, you use your computer for email, and that's it, you're not using 90% of your computer's processing power. And there's a guy in India that wants to render animation, and he can't do it because his computer is old.

So it's like, what if he can tap into the latent, unused computer processing power from around the world to help him render animation, to do stuff? Right, how is that possible? It sounds like a superhero movie.

It sounds like very lofty and ambitious and awesome, and they created a cryptocurrency to help fund that. So you can invest in that. And then there are ones that are like, wait, what is this guy doing? This thing already exists, but there's like scam coins, shit coins, they call them on the reddit,

so you want to look to avoid those. But even those can be profitable because those also, quote unquote, moon, which is like when they become worth 10 to 50 to 100 times their current value. So your advice isn't specific to like invest in this one and not this one, but like your advice is just like,

get Gemini and get in the game. Yeah, I'm saying if you have some money to tinker with this, because if you're kind of like a numbers stats nerd like me, and you're kind of in, like you have a fantasy football team, but that's in the off-season, this is kind of like a fantasy football game

that never ends, because the market, unlike the stock market, is 24-7. This is, so it never, you got to appeal to like all of your interest. Yeah, and it's gambling, it's math. You go to sleep, you go to sleep and you wake up

and the numbers are completely different. I'm like, unless you fucking set an alarm for 4 a.m., you have no idea what to do. And then you can get even deeper in the weeds and like set by and sell orders for like, let's say you bought Tron, for example. Let's talk about Tron for a second. I have no idea if anybody will find this interesting.

Tron is a coin. This is the last unsolicited advice segment we'll ever do. There's a coin called Tron that many people are accusing the owner of basically creating something out of nothing. It was a coin that was worth three cents per coin, so people would buy a lot of it and the price would go up. That's what happens.

If people buy a lot, the price goes up, supply and demand. So they're accusing rich people of just buying it up so that Tron went from three to 11 cents. And then everyone starts talking about it. What's this coin that like tripled over the course of a night or two? Like, we should buy that. And then as people do that,

the price went from 11 cents to 30 cents. And then the rich people who moved it from three cents to 11 cents just tripled their actual money because it went from 11 to 30. Then all those rich people sold the Tron. They made their profit and it left a bunch of idiots who bought it at 30 cents and now they're holding a coin that's worth 11 cents.

And nobody fully really understands, or I shouldn't say nobody because I'm sure there are certain nerds that do, but the vast majority of these bro crypto traders don't really know what Tron does. They just look at the numbers and the price point and be like, I want to buy something worth three cents because what the fuck, it's worth it.

And some of those people are right, unfortunately. So they're like, I bought it at three cents and now it's worth 20 cents. And look, I'm a fucking genius because I turned $1,000 to $7,000. And that's why it kind of feels like the Wild Wild West because even the wrong people are right sometime. So there's multiple ways to play the game. You can try to follow these shit coins,

see if they can double, triple in value and sell it right away. Or you can invest more money into the teams like that Gollum thing that I found. There's probably 10, 15, 20 of those really reputable ones that don't necessarily go from three cents to 40 cents because nobody's pumping and dumping and chilling it. This is the real world, man. The bad guys always win.

That's the scary part. The dude in India is never rendering his fucking animation. But this... I'm all in on shit coin. That's a new one, actually. We can start when called shit coin. Just embrace it completely. That's kind of what Dogecoin is.

But remember Litecoin? You bought it at like $80 for something like two months ago. Litecoin is sort of like the silver to Bitcoin's gold, they call it. Don't entirely know what that means, but you bought it around 80. And for whatever reason, people really liked it. Maybe because it was the cheapest one you could buy on Coinbase and it seemed more affordable.

And if you thought you can't afford a full Bitcoin, you could just buy Litecoin. And that went from $80 to about $350 in like three weeks. Everyone looked like a genius. Just buy Litecoin, it'll go up forever. Litecoin eventually devolves. But Litecoin was worth $4 a year ago. That's crazy. So I'm like, what if I can find the next Litecoin?

But instead of buying eight of them, I'll just buy 10 fucking thousand of them. Well, but then you day trade everything. So you couldn't... But you don't necessarily have to day trade. Like you said, Roulette, just put a huge bet on one thing and hope that it goes from $4 to $400. I guess that's what I did with Bitcoin. I didn't even know if I still had Bitcoin when it went skyrocketed the second time.

We bought one or two when we should have bought just like 80. I don't know why we didn't buy 80. Because like six years ago, I don't think I had more than $500 suspended on it. Right. That makes sense. Don't, again, it sounds exciting or maybe completely not, and I lost you. But don't be willing to put in what you can't afford to lose. Because again, we record this on Friday by Monday. Everyone might realize that this is all going to shit.

Oh yeah. Which seems to happen once a week that everyone just starts selling off everything because they're like, holy shit, I've made real money. But I've only made real money if I sell. So I'm just going to sell, sell, sell. Prices go down. Everyone's like, shit, I got to sell now before it's back down to zero. But then they're like, oh wow, I can get into this.

Yeah. And then like all the new, you never know. It's a cycle. It's a cycle. But if you have that same... You're just telling people to get in this game so you're to drive up the price of Tron, dude. I'm just saying if you want to buy a specific crypto that I buy. Oh, so listen to advice.

Buy Tron so I can fucking sell. Yeah, it's called shilling. So every time you own a coin, you speak very highly of it. And everyone just accuses you of shilling. But it's kind of like this self-fulfilling prophecy because if you have a coin, you want people to buy it. So you rave about it. And then if you're raving about it, then more people buy it, more people rave about it. Like what's there...

The only way... You can't rave about... It is like literally a currency, right? It's not like I would... I'm just going around raving about Icelandic Kronor. Right. Yeah. You should really...

You should only use Kronor. It's better. Oh yeah, pretty much. But like what makes Ryeblogs better than Tron or Navcoin better than Poet? As far as I know, I don't know. But... You can't be like, oh dude, you got to get out of Poet. The only thing you could...

The only way you can rave is by saying like, that one's tanking, this one's going up. Right. Or you can say, this one's actually useful in the real world, which is like... Some people are just buying and selling to make money and some people are like, no, you don't understand. Navcoin is free instant transactionless. Like it's what Bitcoin was meant to be. And I fully believe it will all be on Navcoin soon. So I'm buying it now.

Like spiritually and philosophically, I'm like aligned with this company. And other people are like, if it doubles, I'll sell it and move to Japan. I don't know what the fuck it does. But it's a fun game nonetheless. Anyway, tweet at me, you're altcoin rex. And let us know if this is completely boring to you. Well, next week it'll be different unsolicited advice. No, it'll just be more crypto shit.

All right. Well, I quit the podcast. Of course. And if it does go well, I'll just spin off, lock myself in a room and start a five hour long daily crypto podcast. Because every four minutes, the landscape completely changes. Did you have any unsolicited advice or was that enough for both of us? I think that's good for both of us. And then maybe I'll go next week.

That's good. I also don't have any. So what about our shows, our live shows in Canada? Oh, yeah. Come to those. Yeah, those are still available. Calgary, Winnipeg, Vancouver. I believe it's Winnipeg, then Calgary.

Yeah, Winnipeg, then Calgary, then Vancouver on March 6th, 7th, and 8th. Two never before seen cities for us. And we've only done a Vancouver show one other time. That's right. Hopefully we'll get some special guests in those cities too. Maybe. No promises though. Much like cryptocurrency, we don't know what tomorrow will bring.

Especially with our commander in thief. That's right. I swear he's stealing shit from me. Well, the new thing is that he, well, I guess not new, but he's so racist. Yeah. Anyway. All right. Question.

There was, you sent me a question about shoes. Oh, yeah. Shoes. Do you remember? Oh my God. Shoes. Do you remember? Let me see if I can pull it up.

All right. Hey guys. I'm trying to pick between, oh wait, what should we call this guy? Fucking Tron. Yeah, that's good. Stellar. XLM. I'm trying to pick between two pairs of shoes and I can't decide on which to purchase.

I posted them to my story with a pole. And the pole went 50-50. I haven't been able to decide which to choose from. And I would like your opinion. So I've attached the photo of both. Love the show and look forward to hearing from you. So these are the shoes here. What are these?

Are these vans? Those are, yeah. Those are sort of like old school van, high top with a gum sole. Yeah. One is burgundy red. One is white on white on white. Well, white on white on gum sole. Yeah.

So not full, not full white. Okay. So what's your opinion on these two shoes? I have a strong opinion and I think you've got to go white. Really? Yeah. That matches with everything. The burgundy is not going to look, I don't know, I don't think it's going to look great

with a lot of different color. Pants? Yeah. Although the pants that you're probably going to wear and by probably, I mean me, like blue or gray, those red shoes will go with either of those. So I'm not too concerned about that. Red shoes, but it's also hard to match red shoes with like shirts. I don't know.

I just think shoes, when I think about shoes, I think about like not wanting to think too much about, oh, I need to match these shoes with this outfit. Right. Like the shoes should just thoughtlessly match. So that's like gray or white or black. Are you a little concerned about keeping the whites fresh? Yeah. I don't think you can keep the whites fresh, but that's the nice thing about vans is that

they're like, you know, relatively cheap. They're under a hundred bucks. So you're saying? So you replace them every few months. Or you could just buy both if you're a big baller. Honestly, if you invest really wisely, you can turn that one van into two vans pretty quickly. That's true too.

With a routine pump and dump. What you want to do is short buy all the... It's all solicited advice is over. Of course. And we're never doing it again. So again, we're split. We haven't helped this guy because you're saying white. I'm saying burgundy.

You are really saying burgundy. Yeah. Burgundy is one harder, easier to keep clean. Like with a white, within like four uses, those white shoes are scuffed and that sort of depletes the joy of the white. I don't think... Well, I think that if you're talking about like ultra boosts or fucking Yeezys, I don't even know if they bake white Yeezys, vans and converse look better when they're a little

scuffed. Yeah. But I think the joy of a white shoe is how fresh it looks. And then when there's like just like gray and black like skid marks throughout it, it starts to... It makes it look a lot shittier. I think light wear on those whites is going to look nice, especially with the gum sole. Also if you're wearing like a pretty basic, like if you're wearing blue jeans and a white

t-shirt, you don't think the white shoes is too much because you're wearing a white shirt with white shoes. I think that looks nice. But if you're wearing a white shirt, blue jeans, I would wear the burgundy if I had those two options. Yeah. Well, theoretically, I guess you should also weigh this on what shoes are already in your closet.

Yeah. Like if you already have white shoes. If you already have white shoes, then yeah. But if you have like a pair of gray shoes and a pair of blue shoes, I think white rounds it out better than burgundy. Yeah. Well, you don't own any burgundy shoes, do you? I don't.

But I'm wearing like green right now instead of white. So this is like sort of a splash of some sort of color. So this guy says, PS, I already own 21 pairs of burgundy shoes. Nice. All right. So I think the burgundy then because you clearly love burgundy. Yeah. You got a collection going and I'd hate to ruin that for you.

So once again, we're split. Isn't it weird that one shoe of each hasn't ever become a thing? Like wearing pants backwards was a thing for one point. Like you would think like one red, one white would ever be a thing. I don't recall that ever be a thing. It's like I've seen it before. I don't know if I've ever seen it. I've seen it.

It's never taken the world by storm. Yeah. That's true. What we need is Kanye to wear it. Kanye's this. Yeah. Why? Why has that never been a thing?

What about? I think it's too easy. Too easy? That's right. That's right. That's the end of our not just episode, but our entire podcast. Our career. Actually.

We'll never work in this town again. What do you think of burgundy laces on the white shoe? No. Of course not. Of course not. On the burgundy? I just want you to visualize it. White laces on burgundy?

No, I don't think that either. Well, color. We're the laces on the burgundy. Burgundy. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Jorts. All right.

The good news is with a 50-50, you can't go wrong. That's true. Yeah. But you also can't go right. Get blue shoes. Half your friends are going to hate them. Have your red and eat it. Shoot.

All right. Done. That's it. We maxed our time. Thank you, everybody. Tweeted us. Let us know what you think about this segment or any other segment ideas you may have in the future.

Ask us questions. Send us theme songs. The opening one was written by Kyle. This closing one was written by Ellie. The email address for everything. Everything is at FIREAUSHOW at gmail.com. We'll be back next week. I'll be 35 years old next week, so the show might be a little different.

Happy early birthday. Let me be the first to wish you. It's funny that you mentioned that. I'm not even thinking about that. You said it earlier. Yeah, I do. I appreciate it. Thank you.

Thank you. I just wish I didn't have to bring it up earlier, so you should have said it before I said it as well. Cool. All right. So you went from saying, I don't even think about it to now you're mad at me. Now that's what happened. When you say it, it's kind of condescending.

You said, no, I don't even think about that. Now you're a little piece of shit, and you don't get to serve to talk to me. Oh, I can't wait for my first thing. I'm glad I'm cheering this. I'm going to take a big shit on your white shoes. Yeah, you are. Yeah. I'm going to hold you down, and people will hold you down because it'll be my special

day, and that's what I'll ask for. That's how you want to spend your birthday shitting on my shoes. As a birthday present, you want all of our friends to hold me down and shit on your shoes. Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes. The best thing about Monday's is a pocket set's cooler than other jizz. You know who to write to if you're in a tiz. Thanks for listening, everybody.

And shit on your shoes. The best thing about Monday's is a pocket set's cooler than other jizz. You know who to write to if you're in a tiz. Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes. The best thing about Monday's is a pocket set's cooler than other jizz. You know who to write to if you're in a tiz. Thanks for listening, everybody.

And shit on your shoes. The best thing about Monday's is a pocket set's cooler than other jizz. You know who to write to if you're in a tiz. Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes. The best thing about Monday's is a pocket set's cooler than other jizz. You know who to write to if you're in a tiz. Thanks for listening, everybody.

And shit on your shoes. Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes. The best thing about Monday's is a pocket set's cooler than other jizz. Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes. The best thing about Monday's is a pocket set's cooler than other jizz. Thanks for listening, everybody.

And shit on your shoes. The best thing about Monday's is a pocket set's cooler than other jizz. Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes. The best thing about Monday's is a pocket set's cooler than other jizz. Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes. The best thing about Monday's is a pocket set's cooler than other jizz.

Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes. Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes. Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes. The best thing about Monday's is a pocket set's cooler than other jizz. Thanks for listening, everybody.

And shit on your shoes. The best thing about Monday's is a pocket set's cooler than other jizz. Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes. Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes. Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes.

Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes. Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes. Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes. Thanks for listening, everybody. And shit on your shoes.