If I Were You - 329: Instagram Jealousy

Episode Date: May 14, 2018

In this episode we discuss Hollywood, DM's, and Simon & Garfunkel. See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. I know what they're doing and they don't even know. They're taking the time making L and H season 2. Give me a yes, dude. Hey, did I mention? It's Jake and Shuiyo making a podcast. Jake and Shuiyo making a podcast. Jake and Shuiyo making a podcast. Okay, Jack. Yeah, Jack.

I see what you're doing there. Simon and Garfunkel were the goats. They absolutely were the goats for songs that make you feel pretty good. Yeah, catchy, good, fun, happiness. Yeah, except for that song called The Only Living Boy in New York, which is a little sad. Yeah, but even that is like, it's catchy and even though it's sad, it's like melancholy but also kind of like makes you move around. I think that's why it's such a great song.

It's Simon and Garfunkel tune. Ooh, Homeward Bound. How does that one go? Home, where my thoughts are taking home. That's good. Yeah. What's yours? Oh, thanks for asking. Never mind. Who's this guy?

Mine's a pretty rare B-side. Yeah, not a lot of people know my favorite, Simon and Garfunkel, but I guess that makes me cool. Yeah, sure you do. Yeah, a lot of people have a cursory understanding of music and Yeah, they know the hits. They know Cecilia. Yeah, Cecilia is an easy one and if you like it, you're fine. Right, they know Sounds of Silence. They know Bridge Over Troubled Water.

So it sounds like maybe it was Bridge Over Troubled Water. How's that? Yeah, that one's famous. That one's pretty famous. Really? I barely like it. It's fine if you like it and it's famous. I think it's good, but it's a little too popular for me. You can like things that are good. Cecilia.

That's another really famous one. Really? Yeah. Which is the one that goes, Mama Pajama rolled out of bed at a police station. Isn't that the one we just listened to? Yeah. Me and Julio down by the schoolyard? Yeah, but I'm saying that I like it. You like Mrs. Robinson?

I like Mrs. Robinson a lot. That one's one of their most famous songs. But I like it on a different level. A lot of people are like, that's a good tune and fun lyrics. So what level do you like in that? Do you get how it's actually about some shit that's going down between him and Mrs. Robinson? Of course. Okay, do you know who Jolton Joe is when it goes, Jolton Joe has left?

Yeah, it's Joe DiMaggio. Really? Later in the song you say, where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Okay. Before that they say that. They say, where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Jolton Joe has left and gone away. Okay.

Yeah, I thought it was Joe LaTruulia. So you asked me if I knew who Jolton Joe was and you had the wrong answer. I'm saying I like the fucking song. Actually, the Lemonheads cover is better. Then you don't like the song. I don't like Simon and Garfunkel, but I like the song. You said you like Simon and Garfunkel B-Sides. So you just like Pop-Punk covers.

I do. I like Pop-Punk covers. That's also not unique. I think it's kind of cool though. Like a lot of cool people don't like it. Yeah, well it's bad. They're bad. They're like notoriously dumb.

I feel like we're getting way off point here. All I'm trying to say is that I'm cool. And like that's getting lost in translation. Yes, you have been trying to say that. And it hasn't gotten lost in translation. It has just been like disproven. Codochrome. You bitch.

Sorry. Codochrome. The song. That's a okay. Give me the night's bright colors. I don't know that one. I didn't think so. But just because you know it doesn't make you cool.

Yikes. Because you're trying so hard. That's a good one. Buy the shirt. Go to a concert. Cash me outside on my zoom. Sorry, what's your name? I am Sydney.

There's something wrong with your teeth. Yes. On your lips. I only talk using my bottom teeth. And you like pop punk covers. That's correct. And you have a zoom. Yeah.

I have a zoom. And you can cash me outside of most concert venues. Because that's where the music's free. Do you like the 99 red balloons cover? I like, yeah. I like the one that's not in German. Okay. I didn't say anything.

I have a heart of hearing due to a water balloon accident. You have a heart of hearing? Yeah. And a heart of gold. Sale. Jack writes, if you happen to use this, please plug my political satire website. United We Fall. Nice.

I hope it doesn't skew left of center. I would hate for it to be a liberal magrag. So thanks to Jack for writing that. He sounded British. Maybe he is. I don't know. All right. What is this?

This is a fire you the only advice podcast on the internet that we host Abameer. I'm Jake. Busy week, but we'll always have time to record this show. Oh, we can't escape it at all. Oh, only barely though. 5.30 on a Friday. Just getting into it. Why not?

We pushed and we pushed and we pushed. And Shabbat is almost here and we have to get the recording in before then. Does Elijah come on Shabbat or only Passover? Only Passover. All right. Good question though. What's he doing the rest of the year? He's sort of-

Titling his dick? I'm serious. So he's- What is Elijah doing? He's a very important prophet. So the fact that you're alluding to the fact that he's twiddling his dick- I'm sorry about that. I didn't realize-

Incredibly offensive. I didn't know that he was so important to your religion. I thought he was- Honestly, I thought he was spending most of the year twiddling his dick. He's not spending most of the year twiddling his dick. Because I didn't know how many nights Passover was. Passover is 8. And does he come every night or just the last night?

He comes during the Seder night. So only once? Correct. So that means 365 days a year. The dude is twiddling his dick. It means 364 days a year. We're preparing for his arrival because he's doing something a lot more important than twiddling his dick. I swear to God he's edgy.

I know this dude. Here's a funny email we got with a great title. It says, Thoughts? There's a place called Goy. No, it's just Ontario, but he's a Goy. I see. So he's saying this is a Goy scenario from Goy, Ontario.

He actually gave a fake name for us. So... Let's hear it. Hey gents, I've got a problem for you. I am a high school student in Canada and we have a French language test that happens for seniors. I just did mine and I did the test with an absolute smoke show dime piece goddess Athena type. She shot me a few very Goy looks a couple times, but we didn't talk. I, however, subtly picked up her name from a student sheet and I looked up her socials.

Here's the dilemma. We've got next to no mutuals. We have no reason to know each other. So it'll definitely be weird for her to get a random follow from me. So should I seize this squeeze or will that be unease? I'll do as you please. Thanks. Tic Dickler.

Tic Dickler. Tic Dickler writes, Should he quote unquote cyber stock this lady? He already has cyber stocked her. Yes. He just needs to know if he should pull the trigger in a way that will reveal himself. Yeah. Is it creepy or is it fine on the day?

It's creepy. It's creepy, but it's creepy. There's like certain level of creep that is acceptable. Yeah. Is it acceptable creep? If she's private and you have to request her, that feels like a lot. Because then it's like showing up at her Instagram door and it was like, Oh, hello.

I believe we've met before. I stole your name from the test exam and I stalked your socials, your private, to keep other creepy pervs at bay. But clearly you let me in, right? I've done stuff like that because sometimes Instagram gives you like suggested follows. Oh, you think he can blame it on that? If they have even one to two mutuals, he can. He said next to no mutuals.

Next to no. That's not no. Oh, you're saying, oh, I just happened into your Instagram profile. That's funny. Yeah. Or how about this? He can do it because there's nothing to lose. There are no, yeah, because like the consequence.

What's the risk? Yeah. The risk is she says no and you're back to where you are now. Or you could just go for it. Basically, if you're an attractive person, it's not creepy. Like if a local hot did this to me, I'd be excited. And if somebody that I didn't like as much did it to me, I wouldn't really think about it very much. Here's something I'd like to posit.

And I don't know if I'm right on this, but I think if you're self-aware enough to fret over how creepy it is, then it makes it a little less creepy. Because I feel like the real creeps are somebody whose goal was to always do this. Oh, if it's fine for you, then you're not creepy. Oh, that girl is sexy. And now I'll spy her name and type it into Instagram and request to follow. And I think nothing of it. That makes you creepy.

The fact that you just do it like it's nothing. But if you obsess and you're nervous and if you're like, oh, this is insane, but like, Christ, I like her. She's cute. I don't know if she's going to think I'm crazy. Should I? It like makes you seem a little more level headed to me. Yeah, but can you explain that when you request to follow or DM? Oh, no.

Oh, this is really creepy. No, I don't think you should do that. I'm just sort of giving this guy like the acknowledgement that I don't think what he's doing is insanely creepy because he has this level of self-awareness around it. Right. So the DM, if he does decide to pull the trigger, should not reference the creepiness because that's not a good way to diffuse the situation. No.

LOL, this is weird. Ha ha. Feel free to ignore but. I think, well, it depends because I don't think that he should go right to DM. You don't go from like sample test, I see your name, follow DM. Like, following is, that's the bullet that you fire. That's the big deal. And then you see if she follows back.

You see if she follows back. You see if she likes it. If she does, maybe you like some stuff. You see if she likes anything. Then you DM. And then you've already like liked each other's photos and stuff. Wow. I think eventually you'll have to have the, I know that's creepy conversation but.

Yeah. It's fun to have those conversations like after you realize that you like each other. Like that was creepy and it's like, I know but I'm glad you did it, that kind of thing. It's kind of like a cat. You can't make any sudden movements. You can't DM out of the blue because then they'll get scared. So you follow. All right.

No big deal. We're in the same room. It's cool. It's cool. You like a pic. Ooh. You wait a week. She likes one back.

Ooh. She likes another one. Oh. Ever get the double picture like? That means she's on your profile. Yeah. That means she wants you to see that she's liking stuff. Likes an old photo.

That's dangerous. She's moving too fast and you, you unfollow. Oh, definitely. Oh, you're unfollowing that. And you block. And you move to America. This guy's in Ontario, right? That's right.

Yep. Move to the States. Then follow her with a Finstagram. That's a fake Instagram? You gotta have a Finstagram. And then once she likes your picture back, you can then DM or maybe you respond to a story. Although is that a DM?

That is a DM, but responding to a story is a great way to DM. You don't have to go like out of the blue like, hey, I know this is crazy, but I saw you at like whatever. Then you just wait for her to make a story. Yeah. You slide. You say, I've been to that restaurant too. It's so good.

Oh, this is a very fragile, fragile game. The follow. That's what makes it so fun that you play on the margins. It's like this game of fucking, not even inches, but mere centimeters. It's so meticulous. You're sweating. You're sweating. It's beautiful.

It's better than fucking, I don't know, baseball, which is overall fine, I guess. What's the least amount of good that's still good? You know, like the most intricate sport, like football is like smash, smash, get the ball in the end zone. Yeah. Like the most strategy involved. Yeah. Chess?

I guess so. But I still think it's baseball. So you're saying this is better than baseball? I think baseball is great. I would spend three hours eating a hot dog, watching this guy follow this girl on Instagram, waiting for that follow back. And what about on Instagram? I would be a little cautious to spend an entire nine inning event on Instagram.

It's funny how the games have changed to the point where you don't ask a girl for her number anymore. It seems like nowadays you would ask for her Instagram. Well, and the interesting thing there, which is like, I think part of the beginning of the end of our society is that you don't really have to ask anyone for their number. You don't ask anybody for permission to be in touch with them. You can just do it because everybody is searchable. Like if I think somebody is cute, I could find them on Instagram and then I can have

contact with them. I didn't need to like inch my, I didn't need to like woo them or win anybody over and then like earn their contact or like prove myself in any way. You can just creep on to somebody's Instagram. You don't even have to like know who they are. You can look through somebody's likes in one of your friend's photos or like look at a comment that somebody else made or a tagged photo of some random person you don't know. And then you have a direct line to that person.

That's kind of crazy. Is that good or bad? I don't know. I don't know if it's good or bad. It's just, it's so different where like your grandparents met because they were in the same town or they went to the same dance before the war and then you like meet your wife in a night. I want to go back in time and give my great-great-grandfather a fucking hinge account.

Can you imagine if daddy, if daddy Doron Blumenfeld, great-grandfather living in Poland or Romania, I've, you know, explode onto his backyard with a smartphone. He's holding, I don't know, a rape. Great-grandpappy! I have you a Instagram here. I'd love to swipe with you. You're following Kylie Jenner. How, how fat is that?

You can DM a goddamn Kardashian. Oh yeah, like you could DM Nicki Minaj. She wouldn't read it. She doesn't look at those DMs. Of course. But kind of neat. Yeah, but do you think you can, you said, if I just see somebody, I can follow them on Instagram.

Could you do that if that person was anonymous, like a, if, if, if you just see an attractive person in line at a Starbucks, you'd have to at least know their name. Yeah, I guess you'd, if that's, if you're talking about like seeing somebody that you think is attractive, like in the wild and then finding them online, yeah. But all you need to do is find out what their name is first like, yeah, and then you can get in contact with them. Well, not first name. I think you'd need, you'd need both.

Full. Or first name and the fact about them, like where they went to school or where they work. I don't want to like advocate on how to find exactly, like how to find people. Have you done your fair share of cyber stalkery? Yes. I think everybody's done a shameful amount of cyber stalkery. Yeah. Because it's, it's out in the open.

Facebook is a gosh darn Rolodex. Yeah. A universal yellow pages. That's another thing people used to do. Maybe it's the white pages. Oh yeah. Like if you knew somebody's name, you could like get their phone number and give them a call. That's right.

I guess doing that does sound, that sounds like it's creepier because like a lot of creepy behavior these days is a little acceptable. You can follow somebody you don't really know if you think they're cute. Am I in the phone book? Am I in the white pages? Did I have to opt into that? Or will they just find me and add me to a goddamn directory? I don't know.

I think you're in it. I'm in the white pages. If you have a landline. And is headgum in yellow pages? Maybe. And my restaurant that I'm opening, the Thai place down on 17th and grand. Oh yeah. Bye bye, Miss American Thai.

Yeah. Is that on Yelp? Yes. And it's doing very poorly. One and a half stars. The creepy pervert that runs the establishment freaks me out. He's often asking for my last name so he can get to quote, know me better. The pad see you is also dry.

That makes sense. I guess I'm happy she at least gave me one and a half stars. The service was fine. Just to get back to this guy, you're saying 100% yes, follow or it's a little creepy. I'm saying it's a little creepy, but I think if you have one person in common, then you can follow because you could fall back on the fact that you got her as a suggested follow, but you don't mention it. I think I would mention it.

I would feel too bad. I would have to be like, haha, this is crazy. Lol. I'm sorry. Super creep, but hey, how are you doing? No, that's so creepy to acknowledge the creep. Isn't it more creepy to not acknowledge the creep? You're just walking in like you own the place.

It's just a follow. It's not a DM, but eventually it'll be a DM. Well, that's when that's only you only DM if she follows you back. So no DM pre follow. Yeah, follow. You follow that's dipping your toe in the water. If she doesn't follow you back, then get the fuck out of there. What were you ever thinking?

When do you unfollow? Uh, after a month, a month at a certain point. She did notice that you followed her, especially if you like follow. Wait, see if she follows you back. If she doesn't like a photo, see if she follows you or likes anything. Nothing, two photos, still zero. If she doesn't, then you get the finstagram. Try with a hotter person.

See how that goes. Do you see who follows you? You have too many followers. You don't check who follows you, right? Um, I don't, I mean, I sometimes, but not, no, not really. Yeah. I don't, I don't get like individual alerts or anything like that. But sometimes if I like post something, I see who likes it.

I don't know. It's hard to say. I don't, I don't really look. I wouldn't say I pay attention to it. That's awesome. What about you? I stare daily, updating hourly, recording half hourly, people coming and going. Is that an Excel spreadsheet?

Yeah. And so like over here is reasons for unfollow, which I'll, I'll have to do my own research for you. You have an exit interview on the fall, on the fall. If you're going to leave me, you better have a good reason for it. So you have everybody's name who follows you and then also a list of which photos they like. Yeah.

And which one got them to leave it. Why? So like these people who look at this, they all like selfies and if you posted a selfie and it doesn't get there, like you'll DM them and say, yeah, you say, what, what gives? Yeah. And these are just the bees. I'm scrolling just willy nilly, large swaths of people being unfollowed.

I'm so sad for you. Be as you should be. As you should be. As I should be and as I am. All right. Let's take a break. We'll come back with some unsolicited advice and some more questions after these messages.

Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire headgum network, Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah.

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We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great. Really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool.

So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. This is actually how we how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant. We got her the aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife.

And you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit like, uh, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah, kind of like she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God.

Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes. And we let her know with an aura. Yeah. Thank you. The aura announcement.

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Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames A U R A Frames dot com. OK, go get your parents something. All right. And use the code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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Check him out. Thanks, BetterHelp. Hey, Jake, do you have any? Oh, I'm coming. Gross. Frankly, no. OK, on to the next segment. I do, but I'm trying to solicit some advice.

Oh, so you want unsolicited advice? Yeah, actually, you want solicited advice? Yes, I'm soliciting advice. Yeah. We're traveling. Yes. In the next few weeks? Correct.

We're leaving in like two weeks. Yeah, yes. This episode comes out on Monday, May 14th. And then we leave on Monday, like on May 30th. Wow. In a few weeks. All right. So we are one going to Iceland.

Yes. For Zaddy's bachelor party. And it is just being you. Yes. Oh, yeah. It's going to be romantic. Followed by our trip to Amsterdam. Amsterdam.

Amsterdam, where we're doing a live show. That's right. Followed by our trip to London, another live show. Tickets no longer available. And then we're doing a live show in Dublin. Tickets still available. Yes. Here is my big question.

Okay. We have never been to Amsterdam, neither one of us. Yep. That'll be a good one. Knock it off. Yep. And we're going to spend two or three days in Amsterdam. That's right.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday in Amsterdam. And then we're going to London. Yep. On Wednesday for a show in Wednesday in London. Yes. And we wake up. Thursday. It's Thursday.

The show is complete. We don't have a show in Dublin until Sunday. That's right. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday Sunday. weekend the exciting kind correct off now what doth we do mm-hmm with those four days four days in Europe keep in mind we have been traveling a lot so we can stay put and explore London for the fifth sixth seventh or eighth time right or we go somewhere else near London but far far away from LA yes so somewhere

where we could go for three days and enjoy ourselves take advantage of the geolocation mm-hmm and then go to Dublin from that location for example for example I looked at the city of Brussels I looked at the city of Edinburgh yes I looked at the Isle of Man and I will be spending my four days in the Isle of Man also my friend Edward lives in Portugal huh and I've never been to Lisbon to visit him much to both of our chagrin frankly and dismay so these that's the question really like do we stay in London or do we use those few days and take in a new site to see yeah so my fear is the amount of travel will be

doing because you'll be coming from New York to Iceland to Amsterdam to London and then we'll spend one day in London and then you're like all right let's go somewhere next and three days later go to Dublin whereas we can just spend some more time in London I'm sure there's lots of shit we haven't done though we have been to London a lot yeah that's that is where I that's my dilemma too like oh we should stay in London London's great I love London we haven't explored the whole entire thing but then also like when is the next time I'm gonna be in Europe when will I ever go to the Isle of Man that's right how about

this a different city in England have you ever been to ho no have you ever been to live a pool no I've been a live a fool I'm gonna go there by myself really yeah it was liver fool thing I'm taking a four-day Beatles extravaganza a journey of sorts yeah so what about Wales Wales isn't too far never been to Wales no like I think it'd be I think it would be cool basically I like it feels like between Iceland and Amsterdam and then our one night in London we're gonna be doing a lot of partying and shit yeah it might be kind of nice to have like three days just you and I on a romantic little sightseeing thing like a nice English

countryside to friggin Cairo to Tunisia that's a lot I don't know that's a far that's a far way to go what about Barcelona Madrid well you went there last time didn't you yeah Barcelona son but I didn't go to Madrid oh Madrid would be cool I don't know if you guys have any basically recommendations for us three day recommendations and just while we're here this will be my third time to Iceland uh-huh so if anybody out there can think of something that I might not have done in Iceland hit me up with that as well good luck yeah can we take a channel to Paris we could a frickin channel have you been we've both been to

Paris though yeah of course we have but not together they'd be funny go to Paris I'd love to split a big get with you lady in the tram style why don't we have a croissant together on the day we we yeah you love croissants imagine going to their birthplace I'd yeah or we can be twerps and antwerp I don't know tell us where we should go simply put if there's a if there's a city that you live in also if we can crash with you that'd be nice just because hotels are prohibitive this is high travel season to peak tourism and frankly we'll definitely couch surf yeah I'm down to crash I don't need to see the city I'll just Netflix and

chill with some folks and give me a sleeping bag and a hard linoleum floor with an air conditioning that won't turn off a shared bathroom with a stall shower about an apartment that reeks of cologne in cologne oh very nice and then a frankfurter in cologne in frankfurth oh Germany was another fun place that we went that's right Berlin all right where should we go let us know at a fiery show at gmail.com and come to the shows Amsterdam and Dublin still has tickets available you can go to jacqueline here dot com to book your vacation now maybe you can come with us let's say you live in London but you didn't get tickets to

the show why don't you fucking take a vacation with us to Amsterdam it's not it's not a far flight it's not insane we're taking the train that's right do that that'll be fun that'll be good all right here's another question from a Canadian we'll call this command Winnipeg the jet nice Winnipeg the jet writes I write to you from the great north deep within the frozen middle-ditch breeding tundra that is Canada and I have a bit of a different question the king in the north and a slightly guilty conscious do you ever find it frustrating seeing people succeed with things you want to be doing yourself

I'm a musician who deals with depression anxiety and some substance issues while I feel great the genuine sense of pride seeing peers make big moves I'm guilty to admit that it also knocks me down a notch and makes me feel as though I am not enough how do you two deal with confidence in yourself and your craft much love Winnipeg the jet sincere question yeah do you deal with jealousy and if so how just real quick I think it'd be really fun to do an episode where we only answered earnest questions like that who didn't do any jokes a no joke episode no joke oh just like the no-joke podcast yeah although they're very funny

so they don't really stick to that name we can steal their name and and execute on the premise perfect do you deal with I do deal with jealousy or confidence issues yeah I do I get sometimes when I like hear about somebody selling a TV show that I wish I thought of for like working with a bunch of people like collaborating on something and I like wish I was involved in it I I have like some sort of like jealousy meets FOMO thing that happens yeah is it harder when the show is bad or when it's good is it like hey a friend of mine is in this TV show and it sucks and I'm like fuck they made a sucky show I could have

made a sucky show or is it like hey your friends doing something awesome and it's great and you're like shit I wish I had the capability of making an awesome great show probably when it's awesome because like at least when it sucks you have like one like oh I wish I was in a show that was on TV that'd be really cool but at least it sucks so I'm like I can't be that sad can't be that sad so like when your friend is in a show that's awesome they're doing really well and you feel like half happy for them and then half jealous that's like a worse feeling because you're like I shouldn't feel jealous I should be like

why like you you start beating yourself up for feeling that way in the first place so it's like double the bad yeah it's like how fast can you turn your brain off from feeling jealousy it's like alright I'm not gonna express my jealousy so he only thinks that I'm happy however I did feel jealousy for a second does anybody not feel jealous for a second not even a second of jealousy like a just a twinge yeah you know you have it not even a twinge yeah are you really twingeless you have a twinge you do everyone's got the twinge and then the my other question was oh god oh yeah how Hollywood in the show business

stuff is very fun but like the weird evil nasty bad part of it is that whenever you fail there's like an article that shows you who succeeded and like thousands of people congratulating that more successful person yeah so like if you're going for a role or something it comes down to you and somebody else you don't know until they announced that person and everyone says how good that decision was and you know who that person is yeah like that doesn't happen in regular jobs right you get passed over for like a position or like a grad school I don't know what the hell it is like to be a student somewhere admitted

to a school you mean yeah like they but do they get a role a slot yeah probably a slot or something whatever it is you don't find out the student that like got in when you didn't and everybody is like they're the smartest ever yeah that person is so much better than you hotter to I heard some some like crazy horror stories in Hollywood where somebody got a role they went to the table read which is basically congratulations everyone here got the role now let's read the script together this will be fun this will be fun we shoot tomorrow not so fast lead you weren't good in this practice you're

fired now and replaced yeah so all the articles and congratulations about you you have to then go back to everybody when they ask how shooting is going and tell them you weren't good at reading to the point where they had to replace you with somebody else oh and that article about somebody else is coming out you better you better believe people will be congratulating that if you're not the lead anymore they're definitely writing an article about how you got recast you yeah the funny thing is that like that happens a lot so there's like a lot of examples of that that you could point to but still when it happens to you it's

it's gonna hurt it's gonna feel personal that would that happen to some guy before Michael J. Fox and back to the future they like shot half the movie with this guy oh yeah was that guy's name Eric something see yeah exactly and then the movie comes out it's like isn't Michael J. Fox the best he's the goat in this movie God can you imagine it with anybody else let me look up this guy's name yeah and that's extra sad even especially to the per oh Eric Stoltz that's right they shot several scenes with Eric Stoltz and he was so bad to shoot it imagine that conversation or so this isn't going well is it we're

gonna switch you up everybody else is doing great except for you and you get that right this idea is perfect every actor is amazing and the production is fine so we've at least established that everybody deals with some version of what this guy's going through yeah this guy's a musician how do you cope how do we cope one it helps to think about what you have you're like you know what I'm not doing that specific awesome thing but certain awesome things are happening to me so you guys are you know you feel like it's a little harder if you're doing nothing then it's a little harder because you have nothing else to

fall back on it helps to at least pretend to be happy with for that person because then you slowly start to trick your mind into actually being happy for that person and then you find solace in the fact that everybody was struggling at a certain point nobody's like a child actor turned into an amazing actor and then he died a successful actor or like a grew up a great music prodigy yeah you've you start all the success they ever would and that's right you start to find joy in the journey of it like when we were less successful making videos those were probably happier times than now that

we're making bigger and better things for whatever reason I'm happy now you're fine how do you to deal with confidence in yourself but this guy's also dealing with depression anxiety and substance abuse yeah so that goes to like something that he can treat medically yes that's just more than the power of positive things all that other stuff you should talk to a professional about yeah do you have anything that I missed I don't think so I guess it hopefully helps to know that this isn't like one feeling that only he feels that he should feel bad for feeling it's pretty universal yeah but at the same time the people that succeed

are not the ones that let the jealousy corrode their creative process where they got too mad and angry and then never did anything maybe but also maybe it did corrode their creative process they just didn't give up that's right you're allowed to feel the feeling and like and press ahead yeah don't like don't beat yourself up about it can't you can let it drive you like I've seen some bad movies and I like walked out feeling like inspired like that garbage was made and people like it I can do that garbage that garbage is easy watch this cut to me playing Mario Kart for six months but that's shit God what an awesome movie

that it's 400 hours long but I did beat Wario's castle that's actually in record time I'm jealous of that yeah all right that's it the end let's answer one more question sweet one last one from who I wonder if this is a male or female I first I read it as a male but maybe not all right let's hear a genderless a genderless person named Sorm SORM that is a gender neutral name to be sure okay it's a man a man named Sorm writes all right I'm coming up on two months of being single and in my last relationship I may or may not have but did cheat on her once or thrice I feel like shit about it which ultimately led me to

ending things out of guilt along with other things like an hour and a half distance and also I'm graduating while she has another year in college now I'm no coxman but I was probably getting laid more when I was single than when I was in a relationship because of the distance thing but this time being single I'm having no luck girls will stay with me and vice versa but still have seized zero cheese is this karma for me being a shithead while dating my ex is it a conscious thing that's not letting me bang these new girls how do I lay again I'm worried I'm becoming a born-again virgin help love Sorm Sorm Sorm Sorm was

cheating on his girl a lot and now that he's single he's not getting laid as much yeah is it some sort of pheromone or vibe he's given off I don't know but it is fair at the very least if you do believe in God this is probably a thing that he would dabble in all is right in the world that you would suffer a little bit now yeah deserve it yes so I think there's something nice about letting that sink in just a bit say I was a bad person for a bit for a spell yeah I atone for that and now I'm single and I won't treat people shittily and once you have that truth in your heart I think you can move forward would you ever

free apologize to somebody who doesn't know the full truth about what you did or does that not really need to go back to an ex who I broke up with and be like hey by the way I'm sorry I cheated on you that's right of course not is that the honest thing to do no that's the height of insanity would you say that a really sweet normal wholesome person would tell you to do that maybe so you're saying like the Brady bunch bit of advice is to go back and apologize to everyone you wrong even though they didn't know about it yeah but the real advice is to obviously never do that of course because what what's in it why is

it a good thing to say that yeah what you clear your conscience you don't it's just a shitty conversation that you have and then you also like shatter somebody else's world yeah would you want to know no I wouldn't not even like by the way if they felt really bad I think I'd want to know I'm really sorry I cheated on you because at the it wouldn't break your heart like puts the that that like freeze someone of their guilt and puts it's like putting the rain cloud on me so like I have an ex who I broke up with and I've and you know maybe it was rough at the time but everything is okay now meanwhile she

cheated on me she's been racked with guilt so she comes and she's like hey Jake I just have to tell you I cheated on you a whole bunch man it feels so good to have that off my chest thank you and then I didn't accept your apology and then it's like okay so now I have to know that you ruined me so you're saying you were you were bad you were feeling bad and you wanted to free yourself of the guilt so you decided to ruin me that's not fair so you're saying that if you do cheat on someone don't tell them no if you cheat on let it erode yourself I think if you cheat on somebody then you should tell them but I don't think you

have to tell them if you break up for like any other reasons you don't have to like go and and apologize for past trans transgressions with your exes right don't think you have to do that why do you think somebody would tell somebody to do that I mean maybe somebody that feels guilty they think that they'll feel better they think that the ex deserves to know but I feel like if they're the ex then they're free of all the bullshit that you that you come with would you be curious to know what someone's ex like I'd be curious to know if my first girlfriend cheated on me and I just didn't know oh she did it wouldn't

affect me don't want to affect me oh god you cried so much I'm just remembering that I freaking did you insolently cried so fast what the fuck are you new Jesse no

oh yeah I guess if it's someone you still know you shouldn't say that's my rule yeah if I cheated on you with someone you don't know yeah how about it let me feel a new emotion how rarely do I get to feel something new an ex-girlfriend cheated on you it's such a new thing to deal with it's nice to deliver someone a bombshell yeah but like an old bombshell it's like when you're leaving an Airbnb and you find a note that it was haunted you're like oh that's interesting I survived that was fine I think it was cool it would have been scary but I'm out I guess and then you're like oh no wonder I heard the house moaning all

the time yeah so you would like in a relationship like oh no wonder you were always distant and elusive that's right maybe it would make the other person feel a little bit better I guess if you feel like they're that telling that person could clarify any like lingering feelings I just think it's not worth it if that person is over you like if you think that she's or he is still being tormented by what you did in the relationship then making peace makes sense how about you're just solving your own shit if you're just solving your own karma so you can get laid then don't do it because it's just being selfish

all over again tweet us what you think I'm curious to say I'm curious to think what people think should you hashtag let her know or hashtag let it go nice let us know let us know at the very least all right thanks to anybody who's written in thanks to people who are submitting theme songs the opening one was that me and Julio jingle by Jack this closing one is written by Brooke very good very good songs and the email address for everything is if I were you show at gmail.com we're still looking through all the awesome podcast art submissions if you're interested in upgrading the look of our podcast art

you can send that to if I were you show at gmail.com it needs to be a square image of 1400 by 1400 I think today or this week is our five-year anniversary wow we didn't even mention that during the show this is a five-year anniversary show so I'm glad we did it with a classic throwback three questions up three questions down love it and let us know if you have any tips or advice going forward what do you want the next five years to look like send all that information to us on Twitter or at if I were you show at gmail.com thanks to people who have been listening for five years some people have been with us from

day one toe dot to the day one's all the way to episode cheese baby three twenty eight I think again toe dot for listening we'll be back next week tickets available to our shows in Europe at chickenamere.com ciao for now peace if I were you if I were you that was a hate gun podcast