If I Were You - 330: Vaping (w/Sugar Pine 7!)

Episode Date: May 21, 2018

In this episode, Steve, Cib, and James of Sugar Pine 7 join us to discuss kissing, dissing, and car accidents.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Kids, do you like podcasts? Wanna hear these two Jews giving advice out their own ass? Ride my email and hope that they don't pass On your stupid questions about bonus and passing gas My phone's at wait, I'm trying to get my life straight But I gotta hear what Jake and Mia have to say about my heartbreak Enemy of B said,

Mom, I'm coming! So gross, but I ain't turnin' the podcast off just yet Well since age 12, I've laughed at these funny dudes Watching videos on college, humid on YouTube Who get pissed off and told me to be off But sometimes the tables will flip and Jake would be the jack-off I listen to all of their advice and to be concise It's resulted in love and relationships now ending twice

I'm single Nathan, wait a minute, that's fucked up dude They don't give a fuck, I've sent in to make people laugh their asses off Hi, the name is What? The name is Who? The name is

If I were you, show Hi, the name is Huh? The name is What? The name is If I were you, show What?

The name is Who? The name is If I were you, show Hi, the name is Huh? The name is What?

The name is If I were you, show Whoa! Alright guys, what do you think? Just initial thoughts on that song Do you know the song that's parody? Yes, I'm considered a large Eminem fan Oh really?

Yeah And? No, I think it was just large What do you mean? No, he had been joking I was joking about his weight Oh, got it I don't really think that

Dude, I'm only 20 kilos Over Sugar Pine 7 in the house Is that... Am I pronouncing that correctly? Sugar Pine 7 Is that what you call your collective? Sugar Pine 7

If you can pronounce it, it's right Okay, but what do you call yourself If you're like, hey, we're here, it's It's the Pine Boys in the class The Pine Boys, that's pretty cool The girls from Down the Block The girls from Down the Block and Dr. Strange Which one's Dr. Strange of you three?

It switches It switches between Dr. McGonigal over here Because we just met you guys like an hour ago And you were all very strange to me So the fact that one of you is Dr. Strange Really freaks me out Well, one of us has a PhD in it Holy shit

Yeah, congrats Dr. Strange, Dr. McGonigal, and Dr. Henry III No, Henry IV Sounds like you guys were all PhDs then No, but only one of us has a PhD And we don't want to tutor our own horn No Dr. Strange PhD

But I think we speak for ourselves So you don't want to tutor your own horn But you speak for yourself Well, when you guys first saw us Who was the cutest? I would say You are the cutest You pointed at me first

That was kind of like an ambiguous pointing Those of you who didn't see it There was no direct pointing And it landed right at a mirror You pointed at yourself If for whatever reason Somebody who's listening to this podcast Doesn't know who you are

What's your elevator pitch? Why are you guys such a big deal? What's your claim to fame? We vlog And we make a story out of it And use narration Don't be humble, dude So it's like a rest of development

And like a IGN This is the first time I've seen you be normal Since you got to the office Oh yeah, we'll start to simmer down I think that's how we deal with real life situations Is by overcompensating with our Personality or lack thereof YouTube, so would you guys consider

All three of you YouTube vloggers One of you more a producer-director One of you more of an actor-writer Is it just vlogger? I'd say on YouTube we're vloggers That's what we call the vehicle Used to tell whatever story we want to do Yeah, I would be very sad and upset

And hurt and offended if somebody called me a vlogger Oh really? Yeah, is there a negative connotation To be a vlogger? But do you embrace it? Because of the actions of some Well-known vloggers, yes But I think that the way we do it Was never actually meant to be like

Vlogging, it was just Friends hanging out and goofing off And then became little characters and quirks But we're vloggers at heart At Vart Making videos with your friends Is cool and vlogging's lame But it's all the same thing

I think it's just the word sucks Vlogging is such a dumb word It's a dirty word, it's what it is I personally don't think there's anything wrong With being a vlogger, I think it's just You don't hate the player, you hate the game Are you a proud vlogger? Wait, what?

Are you a proud vlogger? I don't think there's anything wrong With it, per se But would you say that you're a proud vlogger? Answer the question, man! Does your business card say vlogger on it? I'm Steven and I am a proud vlogger That's really nice

It's a real thing You said that like you run an AA meeting Yeah, and I truly think that Vlogging is a really cool concept I think it's just been spoiled by Certain individuals and it just Gives vlogging a bad name And obviously it's in over saturated market

But there's still some good that you can get out of it It's sort of like because anybody can do it But not everybody can do it well But that's the magic of it Everybody can do it And there's a whole lot of shit that exists Oh yeah So it's hard to separate yourself

I think it's cool using something that's so popular And like relevant right now And doing it differently Because it's really hard to do Especially if there's so many people doing it And everybody wants to do things differently So actually being able to do it differently Not that I'm saying that we're doing it differently

Or that we're great But like that's where the But you guys are relatively new in the Vlogosphere, aren't you? Yeah Like just a couple years old Not even less One year

Really? One year in March Exactly a year in March Holy shit So how do you differentiate Like if there's so many vloggers And some of them are so well established And so popular

How do you like One year ago If I was giving a graduation speech to somebody And they're like I want to be a vlogger I'd be like don't bother now It's too late School Only

I want you to start high school over But like the time has passed I didn't know that you could like Still make a name for yourself We didn't either You want to know like quickly what happened He got Well Sourcefed like shut down

You guys know Sourcefed? Yep Sourcefed It shut down And he took advantage in a good way Of the audience that needed somewhere to go And he started just recording Being silly

He came to my house one day We started recording And everyone seemed to like it Got it And it moved from there And turned into a company And now dead souls Walking baby

Hell yeah I want to know how it turns into a company Like where does James come in How does it become a company Who do you guys contact You guys sold your company I'm the funding I'm the funding

You contact anybody I bought the company Oh that's really cool So you were just checking your email one day And somebody's like Rooster Teeth I want to give you $8 million And I want you to take your pants off

In that order Well um yeah James you came along very early on When Steve was making a different series And needed someone to film with He was a PA at Sourcefed I was a PA at Sourcefed Which so you were just around there

Helping out whatever needed to get done A production assistant Exactly yeah I was doing a range of tasks at Sourcefed I was shooting their different videos Setting stuff up and stuff like that Steve and I just got along Because we had a similar sense of humor

So I shot a couple things for his channel While Sourcefed was still going on So when he wanted to do this after Sourcefed He was like hey You want to shoot this with us And I was like yeah Because I simply have nothing else to do I lost my job

And I was just picking and flicking my nose And all just What were you doing when you got caught I was doing my own YouTube thing That was actually No I was producing for my friend Because he had a bigger gaming thing And I was just like

Handling everything for him And then we started doing this And I started neglecting that And doing this more And this turned into something Something I never told you The video that kind of Not sparked everything

But the video that sort of led into this group When I went over to your house And that was your introduction into the series I almost didn't do that You almost didn't I almost didn't include you in this Because Because of your inability to stay

In the United States And I was like I can't you know Put you on camera and then have All this build up And then suddenly he has to leave And then everything's fucked And that's a battle

But I did it anyway Wow It's funny to imagine you guys Just like wacky, silly, loud vloggers But then like at a certain point You're having to like Rack your brain And figure out if it's worth

Including someone who may or may not Be deported Due to legal reasons Because you were born in Canada Or something Or something Isn't it also hard Like don't you have to prove

That the job you have in America Is something that only you can do Yeah So like with vlogging The government would just be like Anybody can vlog Oh god you're straight I didn't go that road at all anyways

But you would have to You would have to be like Listen nobody's me baby Only I'm me Yeah it helps a lot Because Trump's a big fan too He's a sugar pine guy Yeah

Trump's a piner He's a pine boy Is that what you call your fans? The piner? We don't call them any piner You guys have so many views And so many fans at this point How do you go from zero to

One million subscribers in a year? Well And now Amir is not interviewing You for the podcast How do you join How do you help others? How do you help others? Heveraging listeners

Get me in Because we're such old school YouTubers We did like sketches and stuff How did you do it? We were pre- We worked for College Humor We were pre-vloggers

But I feel like if I was born In 1993 instead of 1983 I would be a vlogger But I missed the train Yeah Well it helped to already Have a channel that had 600,000 subscribers

And then it just kind of Snowballed to Over a million But there was already A built in audience From source then No from gaming From gaming?

Yeah it was my personal channel Oh shit Like 30 to 60,000 people Watching everything Yeah So it was about a 30 to 60 Audience already From gaming

And then just Transitioned that over It was a very scary rebranding Change I deleted all my videos What? Really? Oh yeah Why'd you do that?

Because I wanted the new content That I was proud of to be bingeable And here's the issue I have with what you did Not only did you not just Unlisten private them You deleted them And the source footage

Six years ago I had an issue with deleting things It's just I don't know It's like an OCD kind of thing In me I'm the same way Because I was worried if

They watched these new videos That I really liked And then suddenly Went back and saw some shitty Gaming video They're gonna be like Oh my god I hope this doesn't happen again Not gonna subscribe

Why not private them dude? Because I didn't want them I didn't want them I didn't think they were that good How many were there? I thought I thought all of the No I didn't

I thought all of the 1,000 videos That I deleted were bad So All of them It was a real perch He's a tough critic man Yeah Jesus Can you imagine

If we deleted all the videos We thought were bad We'd have nothing left There were all of that I didn't delete anything There's videos of me Like as an 18 year old Being really stupid

Just online I don't even think to delete them People love that shit though dude Yeah that's But I'm sure people love that The videos you deleted too It's not about them I do this for me

And I didn't like Guardians of the Galaxy 2 Fuck it I'm not afraid to say it Another thing That's a victory vape right now This is the only podcast Where we'll have to get rid of Vaping noises

Oh man this is what we do It adds to the ambiance You guys said you started Vaping as a joke And it became real As you became addicted To the nicotine The nicotine is very highly addictive

And I already have a very Addictive personality Of course So you know 2 and 2 makes 2 4 Yeah This is absolutely absurd Like now you guys have

Like not just like casual vapes These are big ass vapes Like bigger than a phone And not only did we not buy them They sent them to us Because they recognized What we were doing Yeah you guys are like

Poster boys almost It's bad We're like the early days Of big tobacco We're like these guys We're like the pregnant mom Who's smoking on an ad In the 50s

I mean 4 out of 5 doctors recommend They try to like buy a defunct Vape company And rise it up Wow Like you guys should have brand Vapes I thought you were going to go

You guys should just come up With this way to vape But not have nicotine I was like they make that We choose to smoke the nicotine And she didn't I could also I could also pitch you on

Quitting vaping But I'm not going to do that I think you guys got to double down Lead into it Buy a company Support me And my decisions Do you guys have any adults

On your team Like do you guys have a lawyer A 40 year old's like You can't do that What are you guys doing Bruce He's old as shit Bruce is dead

Bruce was in bro threesome Right Bruce was in the bro Bruce was the girl Yeah But you guys don't live together right No We talked about that

Yeah we live together But you're married Yeah I am now Are you married No almost Oh but will you pull the trigger I'm going to pull the trigger Well then do it

Dude he's planning his wedding On Saturday Yeah he's planning for it to fail It's next It's next year May I think Or June I don't know If you love me so much why don't you marry me

That's all I'm saying Because you're already married And I fucking fingered you very easily Whoa It's all in the videos I deleted Yeah Just only fingering What do you guys think of this one

Is it better than this one SMR before Alright I'm endlessly fascinated With you guys But we have to get to these questions People are desperate need Dire Dire straights

Eager for our advice Totally yeah No I'm also in a long relationship Oh sorry I didn't even think to ask I don't know why I glossed over it That's okay I'll fill you in Five years

Lauren's cool Thanks man So all three of you have been in Long distance relationships Long distance Long term I've been in a long distance relationship And long term

You guys have the attitude of like Cool bachelors You guys get off that vibe Oh we cheat all the time Thanks dad Just kidding Alright here's one And again these are really emails

From real people We're just going to give them fake names To preserve their anonymity Steve do you have a fake woman's name To refer to this lady yes Bluthera That's good Nice

Bluthera writes I was hanging out with a guy I've been dating at his apartment And I noticed another girl's makeup In his bathroom I didn't say anything to him about it Because I didn't want to jump to conclusions And start a fight

But the more I think about it The more it bothers me There were eyeliner pencil shavings In the bathroom trash Which means the makeup was used recently So it's not just left over from an X Or something I guess it could be from someone else

Who's just a friend But it seems weird that she'd be leaving Leaving behind her things at his apartment For some context We started hooking up about a year ago And have been exclusive for a few months now I wouldn't call him my boyfriend just yet But we did both agree to stop seeing other people

I have accused him of hooking up With other girls before And I have been wrong Jesus So I know I need to tread lightly My question is How do I bring this up to him And get an honest answer

Or answer without sounding crazy And as a side note Am I actually being crazy? I don't want to accuse him of cheating Or anything if that's not the case But as much as I do want to trust him I'm having a hard time convincing myself That it's anything less than that

Please help Love Blethora I had an amazing solution I've got a solution Really? You guys Let's go around the horn Yeah, you chimed in first

Okay, she didn't mention anything about having a dog Do they live together? Doesn't matter She gets him a dog That inspires her to buy him a dog camera That spies on the dog at all times You're fucking sick Or

You're fucking sick Your option to simply ask him I'm liking the first one I like the dog thing I like the first one I'll chime in Because it's more cynical My real answer is simply

In the nicest way But like, hey, I saw like Woman's makeup in your sink And I'm curious like What was that? Just ask him And then if you feel like he's lying to you You shouldn't be with him

So you're saying honesty here Is the best policy Yeah, but also You don't know what he does in a spare time Maybe he does that to himself And that's something you'll find out With the dog camera If you like it then you should

Put some nail polish on it Yeah, you have nail polish on Yeah, I'm a transvestite How's that fair? Just cool Guys can do it too, you know When did you start wearing nail polish? For the show I was like

I need to look how I want to be cool Yeah I thought it was cool I was like I've seen like rock stars do it And I want to do it And then I thought it was cool

That's very self aware That's good of you But what if I wore nail polish I feel like people would make fun of me I think nail polish works Like with this whole It's like part of like The whole ensemble

If you were wearing your James Perce shirt And your colorful socks And then nail polish Well your guys' bit is that You're very self aware Well actually your character's Not very self aware So it could work for you

Oh yeah, in the videos Yeah Oh yeah, in the video for sure I feel like you probably Have done nail polish in one Maybe Yeah, I was a mime in one So maybe I was wearing nail polish then

Anyway, I'm just asking you guys How to be cool at this point I don't know, Richie I'll talk to you after, man Just do it I know I'm fucking cool Oh yeah, the headband That's another thing

Is that a daily wear? It is a daily wear Same headband Different headbands I have different ones for sure I try to keep myself calm That's another thing You can start making yourself and selling

I do We have that They say Kib on them They say headband That's very cool Headband for he or she Is there anything more Than just asking this girl

Or asking your boyfriend Yeah, I was thinking about this And I think it stems from overthinking Because if she was She assumed Or like, what's the word I'm looking for? Accused him Yeah

Of seeing other girls are cheating in the past But it wasn't technically cheating Because they weren't exclusive I don't know So there seems to be a little bit of mistrust there On both ends Later So I get that

Like seeing this again Would make you overthink about it But I just think talking about it Especially if now you're exclusive And first of all I feel like once you become exclusive Then you become boyfriend or girlfriend Yeah, what was that about?

Yeah, that was confusing Exclusive for months together for a year But I wouldn't call him my boyfriend Yeah, that just doesn't make any sense As soon as you're not sleeping with other people Call them your boyfriend or girlfriend Your boyfriend Well, is it both ways?

Is she exclusive and he's exclusive? Or is she exclusive but he's not quite exclusive? Oh, that's one way She said they're both exclusive But for real She should just simply ask Like, don't be weird about it Just be like

Hey, I have a question This is gonna come off weird But I need to know I'm gonna be weird about it Are you exclusive? But that's I think that goes to The way you frame it

And also overthinking it Like, if you're in the bathroom And you see eyeliner And you're like Hey, what's this eyeliner? That's, like, not that weird No, exactly But holding on to it

What's weird is to, like Is to come up and be like I saw the eyeliner Six months ago, June 17 And these are pencil shavings And we built up the courage to ask The weirdest part is definitely Building it up and bottling it up

So much that you ask it on a podcast Yeah What was this girl's name? Lethara Lethara Lethara Lethara Well, now you gave her name away, dude

What's your email? Lethara Simpson at Gee, tonight Yachty wachty Yeah, I just, exactly that It's like, you see it? Huh, that's interesting Hey, babe

What's this? Oh, simply this Oh, cool Let's move on and be happy If you see something, save something Yeah Save something, yeah He could be a terrorist

I guess I don't know, that seems so far-fetched All goes back to the dog camera That's so funny Imagine if he was a terrorist And he uses that as his disguise Uncover the greatest terrorist And you guys just say it's history

What's the doggie cam for? Just to make sure your doggie's still alive The doggie cam? I mean, yeah It helps us to see if the dog's alive But I mean, to check on him You can just turn that camera on Anytime you want, spy on whoever you want

All the time Don't take this advice Don't take this advice Or add each other on Find Friends Oh, what's that? That's the thing that comes automatically with the iPhone We should add each other I don't know, I feel

Alright Hey, I see you're at work How's it work? Keep tabs on your friends It's the most The only reason I don't really use it anymore But when we were all at the Van Nuys office And we didn't really have specific times to get in

People would text me and say When are you getting in? Just look at Find Friends Be like, are you at home? When are you coming in? Someone's angry I am A better solution of that

Was to just get normal times you come in And we did That's true, we did Wait, are you an advocate for Find Friends? Yeah, it depends We all use it Because it's like, eliminate the need of texting me where I am Just fucking look on the app

How far away is Steve? Check Find Friends Google Maps, that shit But you have to activate it so that you guys can follow through You have to accept And so if he doesn't accept that Then the man's cheating I would like to find you

I want my privacy I want to know when you are and where What do you have to hide, Jake? Yeah, so much shit So many things What do you think that's the issue? Really, trust Everything

But I don't want to be trusted I'm a nefarious little boy Yeah, you are a little boy Yeah, you are a little boy I go off and I do some shady things You've got rodent eyes You know what I mean? Not physically, but like I can see

I'm shimmy I'm shimmy, yeah Physically, because physically they're human Human eyes, beautiful ones Great eyes, rodent attitude though Rodent attitude Fan of cheese You're a slippery little man

I am a snake Alright, let's get another question under our belt This guy is a... We need a man's name basically James, do you have a guy's name? Probably... Luston Luston, that's good

Luston Luston really likes Luston This is one of my favorites in a while Luston, link later Richard's estranged son Alright Not estranged, but be estranged No, be estranged, because you said fucking weird

They should use find my friends, he wouldn't be Be estranged or estranged Luston to the principal's office Luston writes Right, what up gang, longtime listener First-time advice-wanter The other day, me and my ex, who was also my best friend Hooked up at a party

Nothing crazy, some heavy fingering Hair pulling and making out Whatever Heavy fingering Heavy fingering? How dare you Oh, heavy, that means like there's momentum behind it Or is it more fingers?

Oh, it's got to be upwards of... Or the man was heavy set And the fingers were normal fingers, they just weighed more We both agreed beforehand That it meant nothing to either of us Because we are going to different universities And long distances fucking lame However, although it meant nothing to me

I want to hook up with her again throughout the summer Before we go back to school So what I'm asking is How do I turn my one night stand thing Into a semi-frequent hook-up sesh Without getting too emotionally involved Thanks for whatever advice and love you All this shit you guys do

Peace, love, Luston I have a real quick thing about the It meant nothing I'd like to imagine that while he was fingering her He was like, this means nothing Yeah, that's a conversation you want to have After the situation I kind of like that dirty talk, to be honest

If I was having sex with someone If I was having sex with you I would never say it But if I was having sex with someone And they said to me that this means nothing I would fucking explode, dude Oh, shoot I don't love you

You're like, yeah, you like that, you like that I feel nothing I feel nothing is much worse I feel nothing, oh my god That's a sensitivity issue You need to be brought up at a later time So you would get off to the fact That this person is telling you

That you mean nothing to her Yes Because it's so different than what you're used to Or because it's what you're thinking And she's verbalizing in the top I guess just because it's like my fantasy Like real Girl's not caring about you?

Yeah No one always cares too much about me I like it when they don't Yeah So Luston wants his girlfriend A black scene to not They want to not have feelings for each other Sounds like Luston is Lusting

He is, he has been, yes He is, wow, namesake You think he's getting attached to that name for a few hours? You think he's getting attached? Is that what it says? You know, I already attached Honestly, yeah, I think he's attached And he's trying to psych himself out

And be like, don't be attached, don't be attached, Luston Yo, simply just keep hanging out with her It'll develop or it won't And you know the lamest thing he said Dude, long distance is so lame Like, I could never, you know Fucking just do it, man No, long distance is shitty

They're going to college for the first time They should not be in a long distance No, no, no, no You're going to college for the first time And you need to like, that's where you grow And become who you are You need to like, fucking suck as many clits As you can stick in your ass

Whoa, that was cool And that's your tattoo, yeah Fucking suck as many clits you can stick in your ass Right on my arm, baby Just like the tattoo No, I think it's literally Because he wants to keep hooking up with her For the summer, before college

Yeah Do it Be like, yo, let's go, let's hang out Okay, then you probably just hook up then Yeah, dude, I made so many girls Some are girlfriends Some don't even like me But how often are they also your ex?

I think that's the, that's the The thing is, yeah, you got history there So there's going to be some sort of like Reminiscing about feelings that you once had Because I think that true love If you really loved somebody It's never fully going to leave Exactly

Unless they become like a shitty person And a murderer Ooh, piece of advice I find it really easy in my life To pick out something and immediately Be able to hate somebody So if you're worried about, you know Connecting with somebody

Just after giving them the old heavy finger All you have to do is just really train yourself To be able to dislike somebody But what you do to dislike someone is You like to imagine them as a rapist Yes, so that's what he does If I feel really bad, like say an old person's on the street They've fallen, okay?

Very sad You just, you project a narrative onto them Very sad, you can't stop giggling And you also rather than help the old person Help them Rather than help, I picture them as a rapist So I don't feel bad I was almost not bored until I heard the exact scenario

But I think there's a version of this that's like Make sense Okay, picture the old person as a terrorist Rapist Well, like, that's just like to get out of like Helping people But if you want to get over your ex Then like, it's, I forget exactly what it's called

But like magnifying something that's bad about her personality Or appearance In your head Appearance is worse, but yeah I mean, it's, I don't think it's like a very great thing to do But it's a good way to get over somebody If it's the only way you can get over someone and it works Right, you guys have seen Shallow Howe

Oh, she's got a nasally voice But then you think Oh no, she has the most nasally voice ever And I can't stand it And then you sort of like Contrain yourself You like wean yourself off Yeah, we're really

In the backfires And then you start to really be into those kind of voices Or if you're like I love her nasally little voice Yeah, I'm just too ugly for any girl I'm just too ugly for any girl I don't deserve any of them, you know Yeah, that's okay

I was gonna say, have you guys seen Zara? Who the fuck are you on about? Have you guys, have you guys Have you guys seen Shallow Howe? I have seen Jack Black Remember when Jason Alexander's character in it He like finds really like little things about girls

And dislikes them Like he's dating this really beautiful supermodel And the one thing is that her second toe Is a little bit longer than her big toe So it like came over the edge of the flip flop And he's just like Oh, the toe! Like, ugh

Remember that one It looks like that But it is like that That's like a way to get over somebody It's just But picture their worst quality and magnifying Listen, Lepstunk, you've got two options here Yeah

You can A, know that you might grow attached to her And she may grow attached to you Or she may not, but you probably will But you can see that through And just know that, hey She's probably not your wife anyways So you just be with her Go to college

Cry for a week, month, whatever Get over it Get fucking again Or break it off now Save yourself the heart And you can get fucking again But in the meantime, you were fucking So that's what's really

That's true But yeah, you know what Getting over like the end of a relationship And being bummed out Like the first few weeks of college Like that's normal And that'll be part of your experience Especially like a high school

Especially like a high school To get over a relationship You're supposed to go through heartache To grow and learn how to handle it If you never went through heartache And then you're with the person you love And you break up and you're fucked Sounds like he's very self-conscious

That he's worried that he's going to get attached Also, you're 18, I'm assuming 17 or 18, going to college Experience Like, that's the biggest thing I feel about hindsight Is like, in the moment, especially in high school Everything is so intense and so important Like, this is the time of our lives, right?

But like, you think back on it Like a couple years later And you're like, wow, that wasn't a big deal at all So just experience things Is that fun with it? That figure wasn't as heavy as I thought Wow, that breakup was terrible Experience things, get her a dog

And get her a dog camera Always the camera, always the camera That's called a callback, dude In comedy, that's called a callback No, we're all learning something No, we're all friends here, though My wife got me a dog We got to take a break

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That's betterhelp.com If I were you Check him out Thanks, BetterHelp And we are back Steve, I was asking you about your car accident recently And I said This would be great podcast material

Because I don't know anything about this car crash And it was unique Was it not? You know, it was very unique I crashed my car Like many do But I had a bit of a rolling

Rolling? Yeah Full 360 Like a chicken on a rotisserie Rolled a bunch of times And landed upside down What was it? Was it upside down?

Oh yeah When was this? This was October Oh shit This was a long time ago So six months ago roughly Oh, truly Wait, was it six months?

Yeah Show the picture of the car You guys will not even fucking believe this Where was it? This was far away Outside of LA Mexico He thought they required it to get to the border

Was it like a highway thing? No It was just on a back road Bit of a roundabout that was too dark to see Were you buckled in? Yeah, I was And then you were still buckled in Even though the car was upside down?

I unbuckled myself after the upside down part And did you do that thing in the movie? You unbuckled and it collapses onto the roof I unbuckled but I had my hands Like that on the Because I had a glass roof kind of thing So I was kind of worried because I looked at my hands And they were all bloody

But it was because of the cracked glass and all that So I was like, oh, something is surely worse Than I thought previously Were you by yourself? Yes But I was upside down and I landed on my side Because you can't stay upside down After you've unbuckled your seatbelt

That's right Physically it is impossible That's correct And then I tried to push out the door on my left Completely just jammed And I was like Now what? Okay, surely they're the other door

So I tried to push the other door Jammed as fuck And I started to get a little panicky A little claustrophobic And I started to smell something And I was like, it's not my shit It's the car I can smell my shit

This is where I die Oh, you thought the car was just going to explode? I thought that But luckily that was actually the year they added Rollover protection on those kind of cars Is that a thing where it's like If a car is upside down it won't explode? Older cars, I imagine they definitely would

It was the 2017 It was the first year of the car And he almost bought the year before So Oh my god So how'd you get out? I kicked the door And it opened

Just barely And then I was able to push it out But I had to kick the bitch If you'll swipe to the right You had to fucking suck that bitch open Oh my god Holy shit I consider that a miracle

Don't scroll too far as you'll see And here's the thing Everybody's dick He walked out of that with a couple scratches on him That's insane Just wait till you see this Fucking vaping on your way out Get out of here

This was during the day Yeah, no, no, it was during the night Oh, but the car The next day is when I went to go What do you do when you crawl out of the car? You call someone or you're like I have to call an Uber I have to call the police

What do you do? Well, luckily there were people that came over nearby And they called an ambulance I didn't really even need an ambulance But they took me to the hospital anyway Just to check me out I was supposed to stay for more tests But I didn't have any health insurance

So I was like, ah I'll get it done You collapsed in the lobby I still haven't to this day I promised everybody I would I didn't promise they would get checked out When he had health insurance Haven't

You could be hemorrhaging money and blood Through your skull bones Yeah Holy shit And then the next day Did you feel completely normal? No, I was like freaked out Even to this day

I still can't really handle cars too well So I haven't tried to get a car When I'm in James usually drives me home Or to their office Or I'll drive with my fiance And I'll just I can't like look out the front window

Otherwise I'll be like Oh, we're dead Really? I'll be like Oh, we're dead There's simply a car Like 50 feet in front of me That's starting to slow down

And I also start to slow down And he goes like Oh, we're dead And then I'm like No, we're not Cause I'm also breaking I don't scare the shit out of us Like I'm in the front seat beside James

You're a bad passenger He's like Oh, we're dead Like I'll be just driving Normally looking at the road Like a driver would And he'll be like Oh, we're dead

And I'm like Why? Where? So wait Have you not driven since that accident? Nope I drove During the Even then I was a little bit freaked out

Did you? Yeah And do you mind saying How it happened? How does a car flip over? Uh, poor driving Leave it at that? I mean, I was on a

There was a roundabout Road where I shouldn't have been going as fast as I was And there was a roundabout And you know, one thing just led to another Yeah, it's like taking a turn too quickly Oh, yeah Skids Yeah, it's like cause the roundabout has like a little

Curb Like on the edge of it That's like Lower than a normal curb would be So like I think what you told me is like You noticed it like at the last second So you like kind of like turned to like not

Hit the curb And then that Allowed one wheel To go on the roundabout And then They both all They all went off the Into the air

And then a rocket launcher Went off next to me Which launched my car Dude, the best part is when you're real There was a 747 that crashed right next to me Too After my car crashed 30 seconds later

When you're To his wreckage That's why the car is like that Just like a shot of the car Like lands right there And then all of a sudden Do you have time for like your life to flash before your eyes While you're in the air

Like what's happening when you're When the car's flipping It was mostly just like I couldn't believe it I just could not believe that this was That was actually happening So I was just I You feel like the car just

Take hold And then boom boom boom boom boom And the whole time I'm just waiting to be hurt You know I'm just waiting for something to be really bad And then I land upside down Did you go limp biscuit

So you wouldn't break any bones No, I just was like Like still hang on the wheel Trying to even it out Against traffic You're in the air I think I could turn out of this Yeah, so I tried to oversteer

To overtake the guy in front of me Yeah, then I was just upside down I was like Ah, that was probably really bad But it turns out it was I was right At the end of the day it was bad You nailed it

Well, I'm glad you survived Now back to more important issues But that car is now parked at a friend's house Because I still have to pay it off Really? What does he think now? We haven't even talked to him You just asked him recently to check in

How does insurance work like that? You call him You're like, hey, flip the car So I guess you gotta get me a new one Here's the zinger That's how it works You want insurance? No insurance, of course

So I thought I was on auto pay Pun intended? Wasn't So you just Laps So now I'm changing the lease over time Into a finance agreement So I'm just paying it off

For basically a piece of junk So you're still paying for a car show? I just think of it like a college loan Did you go to college? No But he learned something I know what you mean And honestly, after I pay off all my student loans

I'll probably pay off more than you paying off that car Because of interest Once I pay off mine I'll probably crash the car too And then when did you tell these guys? You're like, by the way, I just fucking flipped the car Oh, the next day The morning after

His fiancee listened to texts me And it's like Hey, Steve got into a really bad accident last night And I was like No Oh, that was We have a movie to edit Oh, yeah

Dude, that was the best thing to do He has to come to work He needs to do ADR No, I look up and I'm like I'm like I'm the captain of the company Oh, my God I'm the captain of the company

Oh, my God I just inherited a company I'm the captain now The prophecy is fulfilled I know if I got him that shitty ass car I knew if I put sugar in his gas tank He'd eventually fuck himself And everybody was always like

Oh, you're gonna crash it And then there's Steve saying No, I'm not, guys There were times where you and I Like, driving back from Ottawa Went down those windy roads Just like Like around the curves and shit

And I was like, nice, nice, nice, nice This is good This is fine And now you're like We're dead, we're dead, we're dead Exactly, that's the time where Me saying, oh, we're dead Made sense

And I would take Keb up on these Drives in Agora Hills And he'd throw up every time I literally threw up twice In one trip driving with him I had to pull over to throw up So you're just a bad driver Even before this situation

Bad isn't a thing Careless Careless I had a lack of respect for My life and lives around me Got it Nothing bad will happen Yeah, I thought it was invincible

And that was the best college lesson I could have gotten Well, you barely got a scratch From this accident So it turns out you are It is a lot like the movie on break Yeah How old are you?

25 25 Yeah, that's an You're gonna live forever, brother Guys, let's die tonight But live forever That's what I'm saying Every time we're drunk

We're gonna live forever Rock on And then instantly Just any shooting Alright, back to the shit That people care about Yeah, alright Back to the shit people care about

Thanks for helping me Host this thing I would have just talked about this car Accident for another half an hour Welcome back to the Sugar Pine Pocket Yeah, another pine Cib Cib? Cameron?

Cib Cameron? My real name's Cameron My real name's Clay But everyone calls me Cib Cib I feel weird saying Cib You can call me Clay if you want

Clay is cool, yeah I could do clay Clay is cool, isn't it? Clay, do you guys Do you have a guy's name for us? Yeah Jarnind That's good

Jarnind Jarnind Spell it Jar Yeah Nind And last name E

Last name Perflegs Cool Jindperflegs Jarnindperflegs Wait, Jarnindperflegs Of course Right

I've been seeing this girl recently It's a common name guys And everything's going great Awesome personality Super pretty And fun to be around However There's this one thing that's been bugging me

She's not the best kisser Hmm Now I'm not saying this is unreal Now I'm not saying I'm this unreal amazing kisser But it's quite obvious this girl doesn't have the best idea of how to approach things Could you give me an easy way to tell her that she's not good at it? Oh I don't want to offend her

Or think she can't kiss me But I know that if I speak out of turn That might be the result Thanks in advance for any advice you can give me Love this show Very excited to see you guys in London this June Oh Thanks

Love We're all going to London together, right? We're actually We're going to be at RTX London Is that true? I don't think we are Which is the only RTX I want to go to That's the one I don't want to go out of the country

I love London You don't Is that part of your driving here? Airplanes are just big cars, man I just don't like not being able to sit in front of my computer That's my biggest thing, yeah Got it So you have a travel phobia

But you know what about the kissing Alright, of course, thank you I haven't helped Peter, man Sorry You don't ever find someone else Flation, what was this show? All I'm going to say is A, she'll get better

Because it usually works like this with kissing It feels good for you Feels like a tender kiss Then you're probably doing it right So she probably is aware Or thinks you're a bad kisser, too You put me like It takes two

No, you can't say anything Yeah I just realized it It's an early relationship You learn how to kiss each other Just like I learned how to suck my dad's dick Whoa And you probably were terrible at first

Yeah, at first But you got better, you know, he Dude, I try to There's some times where I try to kiss Alyssa And I know I'm a bad kisser Really? I know it And I feel so bad for her

It's not all the time I'd fucking hate to kiss you, dude I know Everyone what does And she'll just She'll take it, you know And she never says anything And I really do appreciate that

Because I know it's bad I'm sure she knows too But I can tell that her jaw's clenching So she's pissed She's crying in the tooth the whole time I'll like lick around her mouth What are you good at in the relationship? Like, why did she put up with the kissing?

I give a mean pounding Nice Yeah, I give a mean pounding And I get a mean pounding So you're good at getting a mean pounding? I think that, you know, I provide a lot In a lot of different ways Kissing is not one of those things

That is, that I'm particularly good at It's not all the time She's very good at getting pounded Yeah And that's fine too Yeah, it's totally fine I don't know though Like, you can't really say that

You know, yeah, it's tough when it's With somebody that you're in a relationship with I remember in high school I hooked up with this girl And it is, dude It was dope, dude That's not true No

Girls are sick It was the worst kissing I had ever experienced Like, it... No, she was like, she was just like... Ooh And I was like, I was like kissing her And I like opened my eyes and looked at her And in my head I was like, is this happening?

Are you aware of what you're doing to me? So she wasn't actually kissing She was just rotating her tongue She was rotating her jaw and mouth In a very symmetrical way But I was like, Jesus Christ Well, kissing is weird Because you never take kissing lessons

You only learn by kissing someone else And in theory they have to tell you You're raising your hand Like you took a kissing lesson A class of sorts Not took but gave Ooh Held a class six months prior

To the death of my firstborn Star people And I'll tell you I don't know what you guys are kidding I think it's, you know Just wait if it gets better Great, if it doesn't, then it's like me And you deal with it

And you know what? And she'll be good at other stuff Like giving a mean pounding Yeah, exactly If that relationship develops And it's something you see that will be long term You'll get to a point where you're comfortable enough To be able to talk about it

Realistically That or it'll naturally start to get better Because like what you said It's just, it feels more natural And what feels better Sanidos told me countless times Listen, if I'm gonna fucking kiss you You gotta open your goddamn mouth

People have told you that? My wife, she's just like You gotta open your goddamn mouth Because this is, I normally I'm going close, but I stick my tongue out Mouth closed, tongue out I lead with my teeth Lead with your teeth?

Just clink teeth Aw, that's nice You get comfortable And I mean, I'm at a point in my relationship Where I'll be in bed in a little She'll wake me up in the middle of the night Because she feels comfortable enough to be To say, Stephen, you've wet the bed again

And I'm not comfortable I'm sleeping in your piss And you should go sleep in the guest bedroom And I'll go and wet that bed Fuck, I already have Why do you think I'm in this bed, Alyssa? If that is your real name I think you can bring it up jokingly

Because otherwise, she'll never, ever, ever Really, is that how you kiss an idiot? Yeah, I think that's She's like some of the worst advice you've ever used I'll play a little roleplay I'm your signic and give out other Well, I like when your wife said to you You gotta open your mouth, idiot

That's like a fun little She's busting your balls Oh, playful Well, that didn't really happen But we've made it But like that It's really up to you Because if she never hears anything

Then she'll completely continue that line of kissing You gotta have positive reinforcement On the things that she does well Strike her down if she kisses bad Yeah, exactly If you give her positive reinforcement On what she does well And you never say anything good about the kissing

She probably will never learn Well, I think you can sort of like Try to direct a kiss If she's show me And then like Once you've got like a great kiss That's like a little less than you The usual kiss style

Wow, that was a rigid kiss That's my favorite kiss we've ever had Pretend you're my girlfriend And the other ones aren't good Pretend you're my girlfriend I'd love to For the next year We've just finished kissing

And we come back and I'm like Wow, you're so great at everything besides kissing How do you react? That is not what I pitched That advice, Jake I would be mad if that is what happened Okay, then pretend I'm your girlfriend Okay, nice

But this is a world where I've kissed you Exactly how I think we should kiss Okay So we've had our first kind of different kiss And I say, sweetheart, that is That was the best kiss you and I ever did have What about all the other ones? What about all the other ones?

You know the bitey sucky kind that I'm so good at? That's not a bitey sucky What if that backwashed? What if that backfired and she literally goes That backwashed What if she's like What do you mean? That was the worst kiss we've ever had

No, no, no, but you say like That was the best And she says, what do you mean? Oh, what do you mean? I just loved it It was really nice No, but why did you have to say that was the best one? Because it was my favorite one ever

Why, it was with the third degree But now you're getting defensive about it I'm not getting defensive I'm not your shouting I think we should take a break I'm not shouting, you're shouting I think we should take a break I think we should too

And you sucky kissing Come kiss me I'm the doctor I've arrived You just burst into the room He opens up a portal I'm the doctor I've two guns up

Pointed at each of them Doctor standoff's back I'm doctor standoff And I've come with a clue And I've come with a clue Lips out and kiss boys Sorry Do you guys have time for one last question?

Yeah Whatever That was awesome Whatever you got first, baby If you can vape and say whatever in the same three seconds That's cool to me Very This one's short

We'll call this guy Oscar Oscar, because that's his actual name But it doesn't seem very shameful Oscar Kockabler Oscar Kockabler writes Hey dudes, I'm starting college after the summer And I'll be moving to a new city Should I get Tinder?

Or is that unnecessary at this point? Do it The real answer is Tinder's still like a good form of meeting people And hooking up Even if it's in college Where it's like that kind of meeting people Will happen organically anyway

Well, maybe your personality sucks and you won't Yeah, I was never, I mean Break that barrier Granted, I started dating my girlfriend early in college So I wasn't, I never had an opportunity to Yes, I went to college Big deal Are you the only one of the three?

Yeah Wow, ball graduated Before I met my fiance, I would use Tinder And I never actually met up with anybody on it But it was a feel good thing Like you swipe and if you ever got a match, ever Then you'd feel good Get Tinder, it's only a bonus

You're gonna meet new people anyway But Tinder's the bonus Go to parties, talk to people Do both, baby Yeah Oh, I forgot the question Yup I'm a fan of social interactions

I like doing those So I'm always like, yeah, just talk to people Yeah, that works too But you can do both You can do both You couldn't though All right Sugar Pine 7, how would people find you?

Probably on LinkedIn Probably on the internet Yeah You can just search us up We'll be on YouTube at YouTube.com slash Sugar Pine 7 I'd say people find us on Twitter At official Sugar Pine 7

At official SP7 You can find us I'll be driving Postmates around We shot some We shot some stuff Here, is that gonna be on your YouTube channel? It will be, yeah Jake and Amir will be in a vlog

That just is all right After this We have to shoot the ending to that Holy shit Let's do it All right, Jake, you get in the diaper And then we'll shoot that We'll shoot the address

You gotta get in the diaper It's unrelated Thanks to you guys for coming on our show We appreciate it Thank you so much for having us So much for having us, man And I'm sorry to everyone listening You guys

This is what you got into Yeah You guys made this up Yeah, we end every show Within apology to our fans You deserve it Big, big, big, sorry to everyone I really, really appreciate you guys

We'll never have them back We'll be back Again, we apologize Cool We'll be back next week If you have any questions for us The email address for everything Is ifireeshowatgmail.com

We're going to We mentioned it briefly But we're going to London And Dublin and Amsterdam There are tickets still available At jaconamere.com All five of us are going Yep

If I were you Nice Cup on cover Should we end on a song? Yeah, I think we should Let's get a closer Boom, boom, boom, boom If I were you

Boom, boom, boom, boom Boom, boom, boom, boom Boom, boom, boom, boom Boom, boom, boom, boom I'd send an email Into Jake and Amir Boom, boom, boom, boom And I delete it

Before I sent it Boom, boom, boom, boom Boom, boom, boom, boom Boom, boom, boom, boom Darling, darling That was oddly good That was better than I thought You guys would do

Thanks, man I know you guys are too humble Give me a topic to freestyle about Let's go for another like 30, 40 minutes Uh, shit Hit that shit Uh, jeans Jeans

Jeans Marin Jeans My black jeans Got rips in the knees Oh, man Don't say Thank you, say please

Oh, man Look at all the rips in my jeans I'm pretty cool And I don't go to school We wear jeans You wear jeans Everybody's wearing jeans I'm wearing jeans

I don't like my dad And I never have He's gone now I'm sorry I can't be perfect This podcast is over That's amazing Good very thanks, guys

It really was That was a hate gum podcast