If I Were You - 334: Hot Roommate (w/Megan Batoon!)

Episode Date: June 11, 2018

Friend and fellow HeadGum podcaster Megan Batoon joins us to discuss flight attendants, affairs, and terrible blog posts.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

I've been looking over this email checking it word for word I can't even leave my house I'll get fucked up by a bird I ain't had an email back since Well that's not important, it's been long I got an STD from sleeping with a three And I didn't even get a text back How do I go from a fat and tattoo to a cigarette and a six pack You told me to jump up off my couch But I sit and swipe wide, I'm done If you're in a situation, you do you is the rotation If you need an explanation, they will hide away your location

To better serve the nation Just listen as much as you can You really need to know If I were you, the show Whoa, pretty cool, yeah, thoughts? That mellowed me out a little bit Are you okay? I'm tired You were tired beforehand True

Don't blame the song Megan Betu Yeah, yeah, yeah That was a parody of a Post Malone song I almost don't believe it I don't Post Malone seems like a crazy rapper man and then he just also has a song that sounds like that

That was beautiful Sort of like how Dynamite Hack was a parody that Easy-E song, you know, Boys in the Hood No, but I think the Post Malone song sounds like that and he made it and yeah, I think he just changed the words but the actual melody and like the tune of it was the same Awesome, I knew I liked Post Malone for a reason Who knew he had it in him? So thanks, Sam Baber Baber, B-A-B-E-R

How would you say that? Baber Sam Baber No one's more of a babe than Sam Sam Babist, if you ask me That's the third theme song he submitted to us So thank you so much for doing that Megan Betu back at it again

Back at it again We had you on not too long ago, right? But this was before you had a podcast, correct? Yes, a couple months and now I have my own Now this is work, before it was friendly Yeah, that's like hey, let's have you on, it's a fun little hour, now it's like let's fucking promote Let's cost promote Market, have you on, talk, pitch, you have to pitch our audience

I, okay Okay Here's my pitch Yeah You didn't want me to give a pitch What's your podcast? Well, basically your podcast but me As the host

It's perfect So imagine Better than our show because we're not on it Imagine your favorite part of this episode always So you, not us, giving advice Can you even imagine So it's like advice but not bad That's right

Well, I wouldn't say it's not bad Oh great, so it's exactly like our show The audience for sure is different It's bad adjacent You're getting sweet emails from confused ladies Yeah, they're very like real We just recorded your episode, us on your episode of Just a Tip And I noticed how different the questions were right away

Yeah, they're much more like I really need help, please Yeah And ours is like, how do I cheat on my chick Because she's a four and a five looked at me the other day I want a homey hop This is side piece advice with Jake and Amir And yours are sweet questions from sweet ladies Who are a little bit confused or downtrodden

And are wondering why guys are acting so mean to them Yeah, aren't we all? Yeah, it's mostly our fault, to be honest But I was able to find questions from ladies I actually, to find the questions for this episode I searched one lady's name So all of these come from one lady's name Stop it

Yeah, they're all from let's say a Sarah, though it's not a Sarah It's Rebecca I'm almost certain it's Rebecca Because I wouldn't put it past you to put anything in there In that search bar but a Jewish name Oh my god, how dare you Is it a Jewish name? It's Jewish adjacent

What's the name, Amir? It's Danielle It's Raquel It's Moisha, I'm sorry It's Safda, which means grandmother in Hebrew Could you believe we had four Safdas right in? No, frankly I'll give you a hint

After I say the name Amy We'll have said the name already After the name Amy? That's the shortest name there could be Well, I'm just saying, I'm going to throw out the name Amy And at some point during this podcast we've said the name already So that's your hint That the name was said

What a riddle that I don't want to be a part of Don't put that on me Then it's Amy Is it? You serpent-tongued bastard What is this riddle? Did I just throw in another option in the mix Just to throw you off my scent

When I say the name Amy We'll have said the name already Is the name say? I still think it's Rebecca Is it Raimi? Or some weird shit like that Ooh, that's good Every Raimi is crying

There is only one Raimi And it's Jake's friend Raimi Did she listen to the show? Probably not But shout out to Raimi just in case What up, girl? Do your friends listen to your podcast, Megan? Are you still early enough in the show

Where your friends are supporting you and listening? I think that they might I told my mom not to Really, does she? No, she listened to me for once Which is awesome You've done like 10 or 11 episodes So like, I remember when we did our first 10

Our friends were like, this is awesome I'm gonna listen to a few Now we're on episode like 338 It's like, no, there's no favor that lasts this long My brother and my sister sometimes That's really awesome And I'm proud of you Because my old man hasn't listened to shit

Well, he doesn't pick up your calls either So it's not just about not supporting the podcast Yeah, I'll send him a link And what he'll do is click on it It's cool you finally found his email address Yeah Or at least I think it is I send it to my mom and she says

I'm gonna, she's gonna forward it off To my old man At gmail.com He's an early adopter, to be sure Alright, let's get to these questions From these ladies First one is Oh, here's one

It's called Hotel Hotty Ooh What kind of name do you want to give us? Keep in mind it has to be the same name For all four questions And it's not Amy? It may or may not be Amy You can give him a different last name

The same name? Why does Jake look so pleased? Because I went to look at his computer To find out what this fucking name was And then I realized that he forwarded me Every single question And it said, read these names You're not gonna believe it

It's Sarah It's not Sarah Unless it is Anyway, what do you got? Ugh I know A girl's name that has to be all four Yeah, but you can give him different last names

Fine Fine Your podcast, your rules I get the riddle now Ugh Wait, I don't want to play this game And actually I'm pretty smart for getting it No, you're not

You read it, you cheated You said it was gonna be say I instantly understood It wasn't say I think if you understood it as a riddle Then I think you understand it more than I Because I didn't even know it was a riddle Really?

I'll tell you at the break Fine If it's a riddle adjacent I'll call her Tamara Because that's like Tom Riddle, but a girl That's good She figured it out

Can you imagine if that was actually it? Can you imagine if that was actual? Tamara Tamara Tamara That's really good Thanks Tamara writes

I'm a 23 year old flight attendant And I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half We live together and he's very supportive of me Being gone for days, sometimes weeks at a time The problem is, while the job seems exciting It involves a lot of lonely hotel rooms And lots of down time My boyfriend isn't one for texting

And I never get much back from sexy texts or snaps I'm a very affectionate person So I find this pretty hurtful But he doesn't seem to think it's an issue I've had a little crush on a guy that I work with And next week we'll be on a five day trip together Putting us together for Valentine's Day That's right

While I've never cheated on my boyfriend The thought of this guy staying in hotel room next to me For several nights while he's just a Knock on the door away seems impossible to resist He's very flirty And I can tell the attraction is mutual So my question is how do I avoid temptation Or should I just let this be a one time thing

And forget about it Or if I cheat Should I just end the relationship and move on Thanks Love Tamara Tamara That's the last name too

That's right Tia and Tamara, Tamara Three options here Did she say that she loved him? Sorry for interrupting No, she didn't But she said that she's been with him for a year and a half So she probably said I love you

Would you like to date a flight attendant? Never Would that be cool or bad? That sounds super hot I'm really into it Yeah, but you'd never see them I love it That's the hottest part

Oh, I have a flight attendant coming in next week And until then I'm just by myself It would be hard to not role play constantly I mean good lord flight attendant costume So she's a flight attendant You're seating in like a 31J middle row back Near the bathroom Can I have the Mesquite turkey club?

What do you mean they're out of the club? We gave those all to business class Then I'll have the roast beef I'm playing out the nose seat Your TV's not turning on, is that fine? Can the pilot reboot the wifi? Oh, the guy in front of you just leaned back Christ, I'm trying to get to Chicago when I have two layovers

How's that possible? I have to disconnect food service because we're reaching a rough batch Oh, shit I hate turbulence I can sit on your face if it'll help Thanks, and I'll have a Bloody Mary Do you have ginger ale? Bring the cart home, please, honey

Oh, that's really how you role play Yeah, the cart That's what gets me off about flight attendants A really thin cart? It's the narrow cart And they're always bumpy The bumpy narrow cart Anyway, you wouldn't want to date a flight attendant?

I don't think so Because you'd be dating a male flight attendant What's wrong with that? They're not as hot as female flight attendants That is, everyone knows that When's the last time you saw a hot flight attendant, regardless of gender? 1963 I see hot flight attendants all the time, male and female

Yes, yes I do I definitely do, they're always super hot It doesn't matter what they look like Because flight attendant is the hottest thing you can be She's wearing a fricking handkerchief around her throat That's the goat move And the guy, yeah, he has little wings He has wings

And they have a tiny hat They don't have hats anymore You guys don't fly on the right airlines Jake only flies Emirates We fly a lot out of New York and LA When you go to the airport I'm not saying all the time on the flights that I'm on They wear a hat?

Yeah, I think it's like Virgin Australia people They wear those little red suits The little red skirt and jacket blazer with the little red hat And oh my god, it gets me going That is cute, but that's one airline Yeah, and I'm a frequent flyer The interesting thing though is like as hot as this sounds If she knocks on the door late at night

She's probably not wearing the flight attendant outfit Which is like... Well you're talking about her cheating on her boyfriend Oh yeah He's already on board with it Unintended She should not cheat on her boyfriend But she should break up and then fuck the guy that she has a crush on

Oh I see, so you're saying break up and then just live out this trist Break up and fuck I like that one of her options is Should I just do it and forget about it? Let's be bad It's weird to like go into a weekend Knowing you're gonna cheat If you have that much forethought

You should definitely break up Five day trip with a hot guy that has a crush on you If you're planning the... Then it's not even cheating, it's an affair So if you're planning your affair, break up, of course And what if you're planning your affairs? Then that's... If you're getting your affairs in order

That's smart, that's good Use legalzoom.com Do they still advertise with us? Or do they pull? Of course they do And why wouldn't they? None of our audience is setting up a trist And that's on you guys, you lost a sponsor

Actually they're back Oh wow It's never too early to set up your will To cheat on your boyfriend What would you do in this situation? Have you ever been in this similar situation? Where I wanted to cheat on something? A forced romantic vacation

Oh I'm just at work, but you know what? It's kind of a hot place Like some sort of convention in Maui No, I've never officially been in a situation Where I'm forced to be with someone I really like But I mean there's like YouTube conventions That I go to all the time And everyone hooks up with each other

It's just weird Oh really? It's like a, it's a little dorm orgy of sorts It is a dormgy Yeah, vloggers just necking with other vloggers This is why you're never invited to YouTube Posting the whole thing to their Instagram story What Uncle Amirin?

I'm down to vlog I have a vine today Is it Vlogsmas? Uncle Amircat I'm down to Gab Logan Paul Oh my god What?

Dude stacked She said, oh my god, like you were on it You went to the hotel with Logan Paul I literally got a female reverse boner by hearing it A female reverse boner Now what is that dance move? That's my main move I feel bad for this girl

Because she's definitely going to be thinking about it Every single day until something happens or not Or if she really does like her boyfriend I mean she would respect it and not do that Or she could go and hang out with this dude And like be friends and homies And just try not to sleep with him But if she wants to sleep with him

Then she can self induce a yeast infection And then she wouldn't want to But she would still spend time with him How do you self induce a yeast? Cause I keep bringing that up A female non boner Would you call that just a yeast infection? What do you have to do there?

Does it involve dough? Does it involve a ball of dough? It could involve dirty dill dough You can get a yeast infection by that You can get a yeast infection by just being sweaty And not taking a shower right away So you use a little rolling pin down there Obviously you need some bread

You take the bowling pin And then you don't shower for what? Two, three, four days, however long this thing is Months, years, whatever Suddenly you're dealing with a Yi, Yi, Yi A yeasty infection So you couldn't even do anything if you wanted to Which might be better for her

Cause it sounds like she's gonna jump off the railings Pretty soon here Sounds awesome for the boyfriend that she's not cheating on too Just like, my girlfriend has a yeast infection What are your thoughts? That she did on purpose What about if she does decide to do it Not tell him

That they broke up So as to make it a more forbidden Passionate romance So it's like you break up with somebody The day before your trip And then on the flight you're like It's tough because my boyfriend Is very

Overwhelming and smothering And I just wish I had some out You plant the seed a little bit like that Then day two Night time You're in your room still You don't knock on the door yet And you have this loud conversation

It's like you lay off me You're smothering me I don't have a yeast infection Or whatever the fuck you guys can create A little fake fight about Night two of five Night three You ghost him

You're not in the room He's probably met someone else at this point It's night three It's night Suddenly things get a little hot and heavy You get hammered at the hotel bar By yourself And you end up

Knocking on his door by accident Oh my god My key is not working This is your door I'm so sorry I've been a mess ever since My boy has been lashing out at me Night five You already had sex with him on night four

Just skipping over all the action Night five is you Crying apologizing we can't do this I don't know what happened I was a mess last night This can't go on My boyfriend loves me I love him This is insane I think I have a fucking UTI from you

Because you know with the bowling The rolling pin thing Night six First of all A bowling pin Night six is they're back at home It was five nights total And you're advised for a perfect

A perfect trip It sounds like A fake fight A really bad yeast infection When you say it quickly In like sex one You highlight all the bad parts It seems like a stupid plan

I just wish when I'm talking you wouldn't rush me ahead Night seven Sorry I keep thinking about this Hanukkah fan fiction that I wrote This takes place over the course of eight nights But she did get laid on night four Of my little story Which is kind of hot

It's hot until she gets like really sad And tells him that it was a mistake Yeah That part's not ideal Especially because you had her breaking up You had her breaking up in the beginning of the story Night five is like Her penance

She didn't even do anything wrong She can't even get the fucking story straight at this point She's been lying to herself She has to eat pray love her way through Europe And just like find herself Cause I'm sorry this lady is way Confused way in over her head And uh

Night eight The last night of Hanukkah It's fine Whatever you light some candles, eat some lock cause no big deal Um What do you think? Do I think she should do it or not? I think she should break up with her boyfriend

And then sleep with this dude They're not together anymore I agree with the tune What's more inviting than being like I'm out of my relationship Got it So if you were to salvage parts of my idea It would be the

None of your idea I'm taking I'm just saying like let's not completely Gutt renovate here Absolutely zero usability From any part of your idea It started with her fucking a rolling pin And ended with her fucking a bowling pin Okay, alright

I see what's happening here I wronged you earlier today so you're finding like little Holes in my story that don't add up Or something You did slash my tires this morning when I got to work But this is unrelated to that Cause otherwise I think this is a gold idea I knew it

Uh Alright let's take a break, thanks some sponsors We'll come back with more questions I feel like one of you talked way too much that time I think it was Irene Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring This head gum podcast You know Aura Frames is sponsoring

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We got her the Aura frame We plugged it in Jill's grandma was pregnant Really nice asshole This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife And you're trying to make a joke of it I was just being goofy a little bit This is how I told my grandma she was pregnant

Yeah kind of like She misheard it or something like that Or the way you said it was kind of like Could go either way By the way Jill's grandma is pregnant Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant It's pretty cool And you told me with a digital photo frame

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Slash if I were you Check him out. Thanks BetterHelp Megan Batoon do you have any Unsolicited advice That one was written by Matt Windsor Is that the new Stinger? Yeah we changed it up a little It's a tiny sting. A tiny little sting I'm offended. Thanks Matt

Do you have any unsolicited advice? I do. Okay what you got? Here's an advice piece Here's a little morsel not the whole thing Just a little slice of advice An advice slice For hygiene, particularly for women Oh pass

No alright let's hear it Well I guess it could be for guys too Depending on how long your hair is If this is about a rolling pin I was joking It is about not Showering your hair Like not washing your hair in the shower You can use dry shampoo

Or baby powder In your hair to make it not greasy And you don't have to take a shower Many questions One, what is baby powder? What do you mean? What is it? How do you make baby powder? You don't make it, you buy it

So you buy baby powder too This is to avoid showering? Yes You avoid showering No it's just avoiding washing your hair Either or Jake It's clearly the first one But dude, no no no How often do you showering?

Every day now Starting now because you're giving me Some sort of weird stink eyes Literally stink eye Are you When you Some people wash their hair with water And they say that's not necessarily washing my hair

You're like rinsing it That's not washing your hair That's what it's doing But you gotta wash it You ever wear a hair net? Is that what you're talking about? Hair net and a shower cap are two very different things I think I have before

But I don't Don't shower and you're like I kind of smell I'm going to put some baby powder in my hair We'll call it a day You shower your body You're not supposed to wash your hair Except for like two times or once a week Because you're ripping the essential oils off of it

So in between the oil Stay but the powder is being added? Yeah and it absorbs all the moisture So you don't have greasy hair anymore So if you need to go out Or after the gym that's my big tip After the gym if you have to To work or a shoot or something

I would do dry shampoo But you can do baby powder if you don't have it I love the way baby powder smells I really do I want to wash my hair with just straight up Johnson & Johnson Baby shampoo Did you know that on Johnson & Johnson It says no tears

It means no tears It's not no tears Because they will cry Oh they'll cry Their skin will be intact Exactly That's so interesting It doesn't stay when it gets in your eyes though

Does it not? I was a baby whenever it was used on me So I didn't really get to report back And oh how mother tore my hair So I figured it meant no tears I guess you can get away with a lot of hominem Little Loopholes like that

For example Just pulling something out of my ass But I don't know Let's say for example Thought you were going to be able to think of one I just imagined Does a Clock

And on the clock on the box It said This thing tells time Which is fine it's good it's nice But in actuality it's a broken clock What about this thing this little disclaimer It says it tells time It tells time magazine

And I don't read it anymore So a broken clock with a little button That goes I don't read you anymore time magazine That was the rare like I was with you Tell I heard the example And now I think there's nothing That was so far wrong That I don't think hominems even

Work at all anymore There's no But let's see if I can come up with one Oh okay Throwing yourself in the fire I would never volunteer It's really true because it's hard to think of anyone That's like hey let's all jump off this tall building

And let's we'll do it one by one And then I jumped off and died And Jake's like alright my turn It's so hard The hard part is finding a hominem that works Really? Yeah Because the hominem is spelled the same exact way Yeah it's just pronounced differently

Right Like tear and tear And that's my example I've already gone and I knocked it out of the park Yeah So like it's never No let's hear it It couldn't be worse than your fucking time magazine one

What was that? The clock? Do you remember that clock bit? Yeah that tells time magazine or some shit Everyone go rewind It was clearly a mirror Mine had to do with read and read Yeah I started

I tried to do that and I didn't get anything Yeah it's hard because they both mean read One is just the past tense It's a good read or it's a good read But like yeah it doesn't really mean anything It's really hard this is very hard This is an AP comedy class And we all got a one

Except of course for Megan Irene has one That's spelled different Right? Like right and right and left and right and right and wrong They're both right But it's spelled differently It has to be spelled the same

Right and wrong and right and left are both right R-I-G-H-T It's not righting Right right Oh my god it happened It's a map that says always right And like you either Like the map is always accurate

Or the direction that it tells you to go Is always right I just don't tell you to go a direction That's the dumbest fucking thing Really Google Maps doesn't tell you which direction to go That was so stupid That's literally what Google Maps does I'm giving you a time out

Those were back to back two of the worst jokes you've ever made Also the right thing was That was Irene And I thought it was really good The record I think you're really feeling insecure About the time magazine Because

You brought it up twice And now you turned into an owl You're retreating You're retreating Retreat Retreating means when you go back Into a treat Now you've redeemed yourself

Alright Oh here's one about My boyfriend Your boyfriend I'm just kidding man I was only joking You were only joking when you brought That time clock thing too

That was not That was a real low point dude This is insane Alright what's this lady's name Tamara what? Wilson Nice Tamara Wilson writes I jokingly mentioned that

It better not be a female roommate In which he responded Now male or female I'll take what I can get Now I really dislike the thought of him Having a female roommate It's not that I don't trust him It's that I couldn't trust the situation they'd be in

Hanging out together all the time Watching movies Drinking together He mentioned that he wished I could be his roommate I would love to live with him But we've only been going out for a few months So I'm going back to school in the fall I've never lived on my own

Just to make enough money To make rent each month since I have nothing saved up So that's out of the question for now Anyway I brought it up a few weeks later and he said the same thing I'll take what I can get But then he said That he was thinking of asking an 18 year old

Female co-worker I met this girl and I know they're just friends But I still think this is highly inappropriate Just so you know he's in his late 20s And I'm in my early 20s So my question is So if he gets a female roommate Should I keep these feelings to myself

And just see what happens Should I put my foot down and leave him if this happens I don't believe ultimatums are fair But I've been hurt in the past And I don't want it to happen again Thoughts? Love Tamara Wilson A real fucking rollercoaster

That's really intense and as soon as you said Tamara Wilson back to me I think Mara Wilson played Matilda Is that her name? Mara Tom in front of it Which is what he did to the first one That's right That's right isn't right and left

This is wild Yeah I kept being on her side Then against her side There's a lot of prepositions with her side Yeah a man in his older late 20s living with an 18 year old Female is a little weird Yeah you put your foot down there

I think that's it But what can you say I couldn't Yeah it's legal When you give an ultimatum You can't live With an 18 year old female Co-worker of yours

And have me be your girlfriend That's the consequence He's allowed to do whatever he wants But where do you draw the line 18 year old female co-worker So 19 is fine No I think she's got to be able to Drink if he's in his late 20s

That is a little weird But then you're setting up an age thing For like hooking up reasons She's talking about drinking He's gonna be a 28 year old dude With a 19 year old Or an 18 year old drinking with him in the apartment Yes that's illegal

Straight up You can't drink until you're 21 It's illegal for her Not for him Well if he buys her alcohol it's illegal for him Yeah I guess If it's happening in his place It's also illegal for him

Is this a legality thing though I don't trust you to be not legal Or is this just a jealousy based problem It's a jealousy based problem But I think if you color it with straight up illegality I think it makes It makes a much more stronger argument Or is it just like

You're just assigning this arbitrary thing It's illegal for you to drink with her So I can't have that When it's actuality And I'm mad about it I don't think that's the actuality of it though It sounds like she's jealous She says she's not jealous but it sounds like she is

She also says she's been hurt in the past And she doesn't want it to happen again We've all been hurt Jealousy is the kind of thing where You can have founded jealousy and unfounded jealousy Jealousy is not like blanket bad You can actually Make somebody jealous

The guy from the first question He's just jealous of his girlfriend Going on this trip In a hotel Being next to a pilot or another Flight attendant And maybe that's not his place But then if she starts fucking that guy

He's jealous and that's bad jealousy That's founded jealousy And what's unfounded jealousy When you're thinking of things Too far ahead that Movies playing in your brain that haven't happened yet So her saying If my boyfriend got a female roommate

I would be jealous because they'd be drinking and hanging out And that's too fucked up That's crazy jealousy because none of that stuff has happened He just said a roommate of any sex Crazy jealousy But if he comes back and he says This 18 year old girl I work with Is gonna be my new roommate

That's like founded jealousy That's deserved jealousy I think either way she's gonna be uncomfortable Unfounded or founded I think that she's definitely not gonna be Sitting pretty But Here's what I would do if I were her

If I were her I would He's gonna also do whatever he wants If they stay together if she gives him the ultimatum And he does pick her over the roommate Well I guess then he would have a boy roommate But if for some reason the ultimatum falls through And they're still together Because she also may be like putting up a front

He'd be like break up with me Or don't and then it's they're still together She can get close With this other girl And then they become like best friends So that he wouldn't dare mess with her Because of out of their respect To the girlfriend

Yeah you're putting a lot of respect on the guy It's like I wouldn't dare cheat on you If it's with a friend of yours But if you're gonna have friends Open season Here's a follow up question for you mr. it's illegal to drink What if this is in Europe and 18 is the legal drinking age Do you think that 18 is now okay

Oh wow It would change things I mean it is the law So location would change things It definitely it hurts that argument a little bit But I think a 10 year age gap Is still not illegal But it's questionable enough to make a stand against it

Right but that's what I was saying That it's not the legal drinking age of it It's just the age difference Yeah but I think that like Having a legality case With it just strengthens your argument For like why on earth would you live with an 18 year old It's tough

Because you don't want to give ultimatums But at the same time you don't want to be like I don't care if you live with an 18 year old female But that's what I'm saying I think that like You're allowed to give ultimatums as long as they're like somewhat reasonable You would give your girlfriend an ultimatum If she was like I'm gonna blow the dog You would be like if you do that

I'll break up with you and she's like no I'm gonna blow the dog Yeah but living with someone And blowing a dogger I'm not saying I'm very different I use the example to say that sometimes Ultimatums are normal You hear that like they're not just like Always bad in a relationship

You're allowed to set boundaries So one of your boundaries can be like If you live with an 18 year old co-worker Then I'm so uncomfortable that I'll leave you Yikes Is that the co-worker part? What if it's an 18 year old Craigslist stranger? She has to set her own boundaries man

I don't fucking know You're futzing with the margins here You said he was gonna blow a dog I'm at least nudging it You're way off the page Anyway he could do it if he blows a dog Is that your point? Tip for tat?

Yes, obviously I think you can tell him that it makes you uncomfortable And then he'll make his own decisions But it's also a sticky situation because he's like I can't afford to live with myself and this lady And then it's like okay what if the lady is A lesbian, she doesn't want to hook up with me Does that make it okay?

Yeah, I don't think that You don't get like Roommate approval, right? That's not cool But I think you can Set a boundary I don't think that every single roommate needs to meet your criteria Well how about this

What would you do in this situation? We're not telling her what to do, but what would you do Megan? I'd blow the dog I know you'd blow a dog Stop asking, I would do the same I've already blown the dog We're all blowing a dog We talked about fucking a dog on your podcast

That's all I talk about It's the same dog What would you do? I guess I would talk to him honestly in town That it makes me uncomfortable and that I have insecurities For whatever reason my past And whatever's going on with us Is this you?

This is so personal now And then I would say If our love was strong enough Nothing would break it anyway So it's obviously something that I'm putting on myself Unless this is This relationship is already on the rocks So I think it's an underlying problem

It's not just this one thing An 18 year old co-worker can break any bond Any bond Any fucking That's the log line to a porn you're writing That is a universal truth That everyone needs to understand There are no lovers that survive

A 18 year old co-worker I'm sorry Romeo and Juliet would have ended after Four pages If Romeo's 18 year old co-worker Is like can I live here? Or Juliet's 18 year old co-worker That's fine too We're all blowing a dog at the end of the day

What would you do? I wouldn't touch this question It's so offensive that you guys are even trying to answer it You chose it You presented it I would say that it makes me uncomfortable I'm not saying ultimatum I'm not saying do it or buy

So then you say it makes you uncomfortable And then the dude does it Or the girl does it Then you gotta decide Am I happier with him and this roommate Or am I happier without him So it can retroactively have been an ultimatum But you don't say it up front

That's right The ultimate matum of all Wow Let's try to answer one last question I'm a little bit of an imposter Give me a layup Watch this Fucking watch this one

Tamara Frickensmith writes He wants to bang your friends And You should never flirt with his friends And you've got to watch your weight And the ever perfect If you make him watch a chick flick

At least give him a blow job after And if it was a sex in the city movie You owe him You owe him either anal Or a threesome Your choice When I tried to explain to him How insane it was

For him to even consider Sending me these Due to its complete stupidity He got angry with me For overreacting So here's where I need advice How do I tell him I have a problem with this Without seeming like I'm overreacting

Thank you Love Tamera Smith But will you please weigh in and let this girl know That these lists are hilarious and true I mean the sex in the city movie deserves anal You were telling us that over lunch I was But outrageous

That nothing deserves anal I'm sorry Maybe two sex in the city movies At worst, but I wouldn't send a site about it I swear to god if I watch 10 things I hate about you, I'm gonna have anal Either done to me Or done to someone else

If I watch a movie If I watch that I can't believe that this is a thing Even if he sent it as a joke Is it as bad as it would be If he's like these are actual rules Yes So

Grounds for dismissal you would say I hate it I hate that it exists I hate that he sent it to her I hate that she opened it and felt bad about herself No, this is what I would do I'm gonna cut straight to the chase I can't fuck around with this guy

Move in with an 18 year old That's number one Of 50 What is it the thing? 50 things every woman should know Women should realize about men I think she should say 50 things No men should ever send to a woman

Oh, that's good And send tragic articles And have this one be like 20 of them Oh, that's good And all of them are about anal And sex in the city for some reason Yeah, that one's just a funny one Cause she's like men sometimes

And then it's like the worst thing ever That's the worst of guys They're not all like that They're not all like that Can we revisit like two of the ones That you said because I was like Oh, maybe there is some sort of Grounds to stand on

You should never flirt with his friends You should never flirt with his friends I mean, yeah, but what if You're just flirting in general Oh, so you can flirt with his friends I like when girls friends of mine flirt with my friends Yeah, I think that's nice Keeps you on your toes

I just think that's like friendly Yeah, what's the other one You've got to watch your weight Okay, no Watch it go up maybe I'm packing on the pounds I mean, do it for yourself Don't ever do it for somebody else

Okay, and obviously this one Which makes kind of a lot of sense If you break it down If it was a sex in the city movie A anal or a threesome, you're a choice You're a choice Well, that's cool because it does give the girl a choice And that's a lot of times it's like

The guy chooses, but like it's 2018 I think the women should choose Anal or a threesome And none of that guy-guy threesome Do you remember when we watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days And then we had a threesome with Jeffrey Yeah, we had a lemon party And I thought it was fine because

He was an 18-year-old freshman at the time So She's not overreacting And I don't know You say no, sorry Don't do that, it's over, bye He just sent it to her out of the blue? No, it's Valentine's Day

Oh, okay, I get it He transcribed it onto a card Well, if he showed any effort, I guess That's more than most men do I think she should break up with him And then every time she sees on Instagram Or Facebook that he got a new girlfriend That curled the article and be like

Hey! Dennis sent me this I found the website, I found the thing It's from wallstreetinsanity.com Rightly so Sounds like it's from there It's funny because some of them are nice It's like don't make fun of his mother

And then also Give me a bad one That's funny, this one is Ultimatums Do Not Work That one's actually thematically relevant Bad one is He hates He hates that short haircut

Oh, god I love short haircuts Do you, like pixie cuts? More than long hair? I just love big changes, so if anybody's ever like Should I do this? I'm like, fucking go for it! This one's nice, it says if he cheats on you once If he cheats on you once, he'll do it again

So it's like some of these are nice And then some of these are like don't gain weight Yeah That was a hard one too What's that saying that people are like If he cheats on you to be with you He's gonna do it to you again Like it's almost like a chain reaction

Do you agree Like to get into a relationship, I mean Like by cheating If a relationship is like founded on cheating I guess? No, I mean not always Not always I think it's dubious though It's an inauspicious start to be sure

Unless you were What if you were the person that was Like you were the The second lady, like he was in a relationship And he cheated on his girlfriend with you You can't be that excited about it Cause you know right off the bat he's a cheater Because he did it with you

Well that's what I'm saying That's how a relationship starts You should compliment him more Number 45 That goes for everybody Yeah, people like compliments that nice But like this guy reading on this list Does not deserve a compliment

Never! Anyone that actually Sends this needs to go away forever Yeah, to write it is one thing To send it is divine I'm gonna send you this link You're gonna love it Jake wrote it Oh my god, by Jake Hurwitz

Oh, they published my byline? Christ! I ghost wrote the Tucker Max books I sort of fucking got it with me Uh, Megan Batoon It's called Just A Tip It's an advice podcast as well On the HEDGUM network

So if you want more Megan And more advice in your life, we highly recommend it Unless us We're gonna try to release this episode After the one of ours coming out So you can listen to Megan's Just A Tip With us as guests Right now on HEDGUM.com

Anything else you wanna promote before we get the F.O? No That's it I like that I don't want anything more than I'm given Good, I like that Uh, oh The opening theme song was the Post Malone one

By Sam Baeber This closing one is by a person named Rue I couldn't pronounce the full name But they said just call me Rue And it's somebody from Ireland So hopefully they're coming to the Dublin show And you should do, and you should Rue The email address for everything

Is if I were your show at gmail.com We'll be back next week Bye Just who do I choose? Shake and hear, they don't really know what to do Here by Rue Just who do you think that advice is? Just who do I choose?

Shake and hear, they don't really know what to do Here by Rue Just who do you think that advice is? Just who do I choose? Shake and hear, they don't really know what to do Here by Rue