If I Were You - 358: Bro Job (w/Grace Helbig and Mamrie Hart!)

Episode Date: November 26, 2018

Friends and fellow podcasters Grace and Mamrie join us to discuss wedding gifts, hotel safes, and watching movies at 9am.For more Grace and Mamrie check out their podcast THIS MIGHT GET WEIRD!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a Headgum podcast. It sounded like a Juju. Shuck. Fans become creators. You're done. Amir is weird. Thanks for the advice. Amir is weird.

Thanks for the advice. I'm doing this once. J car was just hit me with the Tex. Last night I left, techie is on his neck. Wait, was that advice? I'm perplexed. I killed myself with a star. I saw some pussy in the next man.

I'm really sorry I got hurt this from that episode. I'm just playing you guys, you know I love you. That was it. All right. Thoughts? Initial reactions. It sounded like a knockoff of Eminem a la a six lit. But yeah.

Remember those candies? No. What? They were like dollar store Eminems. Oh, I was going to say it made me angry and want to support you guys at the same time. That's perfect. That's our brand.

You get angry at us? Yeah, it's a parody of Kill Shot that he's calling Jew Shot. Nice. Well, it's anti-Semitic a little bit, of course. They make music and music videos under the moniker Addicted 2, pronounced Addicted 2, on YouTube. Hope you enjoy this. Thanks for all the years.

Peace, y'all. That was a great Eminem impression. Yeah. I'll say that. Do you? Sorry, I should introduce you. Me, Marie and Grace. They knew introduction.

Okay. No introduction, never mind. Can I take it back? Yeah. All right. You guys know who these people are. So edit that when you said their names. Yeah.

Starting now. So pretend that the song just ended. Okay. To Eminem. Not actively. He's problematic, but yes, I was just telling Grace about when I got in a fight in the audience of Eight Mile because he revved me up so much. Wait, what?

What happened? You went to Eight Mile? Maybe I went and saw Eight Mile in a movie theater because why not? Because it was opening night. And people, she had to hush some people. It got aggressive hushing to the point where we got in each other's faces. It was a rap battle. And then that person got asked to leave and then I was like, mom, spaghetti bitch.

Wow, that's cool. Was it during the exciting moment, the rap battling part or is it just like Brittany Murphy getting high in a parking lot? I think I strategically shushed at the serious part. During some downside. But wait a second. Were they rowdy supporting Eminem or they were just talking? Just talking too much.

That's bad. Yeah. It's a big pet peeve of mine. They weren't saying like, yeah, Marshall, get them, M, kill them, B rabbit. They weren't hype manning him from that. They weren't actors in the movie. I cannot imagine having the courage to shush somebody at a theater. Mamrie, that's her super power.

Yeah, I didn't ask to be a hero. All right, what about this? Somebody's on their phone a couple rows in front. You leaning over and doing that, can you put that away? What's their brightness level? High. Oh, God. But it's two rows away.

No, I would probably swallow it or move seats. Oh, I see. What if they're next to you? Oh, then that's my friend and I will slap it down. Yeah, been there. Do you ever check your phone during a movie? Only, if I like to go to movies in the morning, I go to movies at like 10 a.m. Wow, so it's pretty empty.

Yeah, so it like reduces my shush anxiety and better parking and then, you know, it's noon and you've already seen a movie, had a coffee. It's really lovely. Go try it. So there's less people, so I will occasionally peep at my phone. Oh, I see. Very low brightness. If there's nobody there, then it doesn't matter.

You're gonna have to eat either. The guy demands respect. Exactly. What was the last movie you saw at 10 in the morning? I think Ocean's 13. Well, hey, how many were there in that one? The all-female one? Ocean's bad.

Oh, I didn't see it. Can you believe it? Can you believe it? Grace Helbig has never seen a movie in her life. Ever. What's the last time you went to a movie? Oh, I saw Star is Born and I fell asleep because it was too long of a day and not the right choice on a Saturday night to go see a movie.

Yeah, not a very exciting one. Should have done it at 9 a.m. with Mamrie over here. That's what I'm saying. Pre-brunch crowd. I know, I know. Yeah, get a bagel, go to a movie. Oh, my God. That sounds great.

It's great. Oh, my God. That sounds so nice. Hello, you sneak in a little Bailey? That's good. They serve coffee at movie theaters, by the way, in the morning. Yeah. It's ideal.

Is the coffee good, though? No, it's shit. That's why you had the Baileys. I see, I see, I see. So it's 9 a.m. you're getting drunk. You're watching a Star is Born and you're fully awake. God bless. I wish I could get drunk off of coffee Baileys.

Jesus. Well, I don't know if you guys know, but this is an advice show. So we're here to help people out. These are people who have written into us and they're in sticky situations. They need our wisdom sometimes just being Jake. Today we have Grace and Mamrie here to help us out. Woo. So if you're ready, if you're ready.

If you want advice from someone who already says they get into fights and drink in the morning. Yeah, we've already proven. We've established that you're alone in a movie theater getting drunk at 9 a.m. Feed our advice. Yes. But low brightness. Yeah, low brightness.

Low brightness. All right. Here is a question from a female listener, a new listener. Mamrie, do you have a name for this lady? We're going to refer to her as with a fake name just to preserve her anonymity. So we're not going to use her real name. We're going to use a fake name that you can help us provide. Antonia Pebbles.

That's great. Yeah. You didn't have to be so nervous. That was perfect. Antonia. Antonia Pebbles when she goes with by Tony with an eye. Cool. Tony Pebbles.

That's a great name. She's like an international spy. Tony Pebbles writes, hey guys, new listener here. See, it's great already. Gumshoe detective, Tony Pebbles. Carmen San Diego. Just started tuning into the pod a few months ago and I'm almost all the way back to the beginning.

I have quite the predicament that I would appreciate your guys' perspective on. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year now and we're going strong. We communicate very well for the most part and have a great understanding between each other and I honestly want to spend the rest of my life with this man. But here's the issue. There's always a butt. I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy, but there's one caveat. Him and I were friends for eight years before we started dating.

We started our friendship flirty from the get-go, but never made it official until a year ago. Throughout our eight-year friendship, we have been separately in different relationships, but the only thing is as his girlfriend now, I find myself thinking about the past relationships a lot, particularly with his most current ex. Since we were originally friends to begin with, he shared the intimate details about their past relationship with me, including what they would do during sex, romantic trips they would take, and things he would do for her. Well, this sucks for me.

Our relationship is amazing, but it's missing those spontaneous romantic times due to our current financial situation. And sadly, I don't feel the most adequate in bed, getting better now, but still. Since I was previously in a five-year relationship with a guy I lost my V-card to, now I know I shouldn't compare, but it's hard not to when I know all the intimate details about his past, and now I wish I didn't know. Jake has said before that not all information should be shared with your significant other, and I agree.

I'm so smart. Yeah. I do agree with myself three years ago. You should lie to people you love. But since this is already out there, what should I do to both elevate our relationship to where I don't feel conscious about that stuff anymore, and for myself to hopefully move on from my man's past to your perspective and take on this dilemma would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long email.

Thanks. Love you guys. Love Tony Pebbles. Tony Pebbles. Tony. Tony doesn't sound like she would have a problem ever. Except, yeah. Tony only fixes problems.

That's right. That's what it sounds like. Where do you guys land on the knowing about your current lovers, ex-lovers? Do you want to know everything? Do you want to know nothing? Do you want to know somewhere in between? I want to know nothing. Nothing.

Yeah, but it's hard if they had a friendship before, and then they're like, that's what keeps their friendship close. Right. Tony wasn't digging for info. No, yeah. I was just saying in general, where she knows accidentally, though. In general, you don't want to know. In general, it's a mix, I think.

But then when it gets too far, it's like, all right, good, I'm good, I'm good, stop. Yeah. If there's a problem, it helps to know where it came from. Right. And if this is repetitive behavior. Hey, you don't trust me. Why? And then it comes out that somebody cheated on them.

You can understand that. I don't need to know how a person I'm dating had sex with someone that they previously dated. Right. Yeah. I don't want to know where they went on vacation. You want to know trust issues, not like how much you played with your balls. Yeah, I think more emotional issues you want to know about is more than physical issues. I had a girlfriend once tell me that she had her ex-boyfriend liked when she blew him really,

really fast. And I'm like, I wish, I really wish I didn't know that. And now I can't. You can't unhear it now. It was 15 years ago. I haven't forgotten. Oh, my God. Who is the girl again?

Oh, yeah, sure. I was going to say her name. And the ex, because I know that guy too. Yeah, yeah. Let's hear them all. First and last names. I promise I'll bleep them, maybe. How did that even come up?

I honestly, two truths and a lie probably. A nice breaker. Yeah. I was born in the valley. I think. Ah, what else? And I get Tasmanian devil glow shots. A fucking magic bullet down there.

Yeah, he's the same voice. Like a goddamn woodpecker. Uh, you're not a Libra, I hope. Um, yeah, that's a tough situation. It's, you know, you want to say like put the past behind you, but that's like easier said than done. Uh. I guess if you know everything about their sexual past, then like, did he leave anything

that they have? Is there something he hasn't done? Yeah, even if he was friends with her, it seems weird that he told all this information to a friend, a female friend of his. Even if they were just friends, it seems like a lot of information. And last Tony Pebbles already liked him and was being the like cool girl who can totally talk about that kind of stuff. And now it's like, fuck, I wish I didn't know that.

Yeah. Okay, here's my question. Do you think she should have a conversation with this guy or bottle it up forever? I was going to ask, like, has she said this, everything that she's emailed to two strangers that she doesn't know? Four now. Four now. Nice.

To her actual current boyfriend. Like, have they had this conversation where she goes, I'm insecure because I know too many things. I'll guess no. Yeah. Okay. I'll guarantee now. So does she like, that's a first step in this situation?

Also, does she think she's sexually inadequate? Inadequate? Or has that been voiced to her? I think she said, I don't know. I think she thinks that because she's been with one person for five years, the guy that she lost her virginity to. She said she's getting better. So, her confidence is on the up and up.

Has she tried super fast blowjobs? Oh, sorry. I didn't read the PS. Postscript. Wow. She's good. Super fast. Man.

I want to specifically weird thing. This is a real... This is a real... Faster than you think. Okay. Like, imagine what you were thinking times two. Right. Like hummingbird wings.

Yeah. We're talking about like, break your brain fast. Not like faster than a blowjob. I'm talking about faster than you can theoretically imagine something like that. It's gonna look like my head is spinning still. My head is suspended in time. It's just blurry. The only way you know how fast it's happening is you see the look on the guy's face.

Oh. I'm moving slowly. It just ends fast is what she meant. Oh, man. Yeah. I think also like they should have a conversation and then she should... I think, you know, at some point I feel like kind of like commit to being vulnerable in front of this person.

If they've been dating for like eight years, then she's gotta be like, I'm insecure, but I want to try stuff with you and like figure out what our rhythm is together. Yeah. Lean in on the friendship side that you built so much. Oh, that's true. That's something that you guys have that he does not have with his ex and eight year friendship, such a solid base. Yeah.

I also think that what this lady is like, what she's looking for is like, cause she can't forget the past. Right. That would be ideal, but you can't do that. Yeah. But what you can get is like validation from your boyfriend to be like, the past doesn't matter to me. Yeah.

And that's not going to happen unless you tell him that you're why you're upset. Also, it seems like she just wants to feel desired by this person. And if that's like a love language, like for her, you know, like maybe that's worth talking about with him. Totally. Just be like, I appreciate when you make me feel sexy more than like anything else. Right. Because he'll never, he does not necessarily know that you need like a little extra.

Yeah. And at this point, if you guys are dating, you don't have to be extra cool about that. You know, you can be like, this is what I need. That's the best part of having a girlfriend or boyfriend. It's not the super fast. That's the second best part. So the first best part is being able to talk to him. That's the best part.

So the first best part is being able to share how openly vulnerable you are about certain issues and discuss your insecurities and hopefully work past it and ultimately end up together. And then become the Sonic the Hedgehog of Blue Chops. Right. And then number two is Sonic Blue Chops. Wow. Just a flip book. A dreidel down there.

It is blurry and fast. Jesus Christ. What? That was good. It's almost Hanukkah. Seasonal. All right. Next question.

Yeah. This one is about, oh, a best man issue. Grace, do you have a fake man's name or a real man's fake name or a fake person's fake name or a real person? Jesus Christ. Of a real person. Oh. Really.

That was an inundation. Yeah. Any name? Anthony Pebbles. That's good. Oh, no. Oh my God. We were friends for seven years.

Anthony Pebbles. She sucks at it. They're both in witness protection. They just unfortunately got the same name. Let me cut to the chase. My best man and best friend and his wife didn't get us anything for me and my wife's wedding. To give you some perspective, I was one of his groomsmen and then my fiance gave them $300 as a wedding gift. I've known this dude for 20 years.

I'm the one who introduced him to his wife. Am I blowing this out of proportion? Did you talk to him? I mean, it's an awkward thing to bring up. Help. Love. Anthony. Wait.

What was the beginning? My best man and best friend and his wife didn't get me and my wife anything for my wedding. I would let it go, bro. Let it go. I would let it go completely. I feel like... Best man, best friend, no gift. But also, weddings are so insane and you're asked to do so much as a groomsman, best man or mate of honor.

The amount that person has probably spent just figuring out your bachelor party, doing things that you're not taking into account. If you had a destination wedding game over there, they bought plane tickets. For sure. And also, he might have just forgotten, which is awkward, but is it worth making him feel better? You know what I mean? Be like, I'm taking score? Yeah. All right, so here's...

I don't know. I feel like I would be letting it slide. Also, I know adults that don't know that you should bring a gift to a wedding. Or bring a gift, not just get something off the registry. Or send it. Yeah. Or just get somebody a gift. I literally last year explained to someone that you have to give a gift at a wedding.

Absolutely zero idea. And what about birthdays? I found out late. He also thought nothing. No. I found out late in life about you have to get the person a gift. I didn't realize how expensive weddings were. So I got married a month ago.

So do you keep track? Oh, congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. How many people didn't give you gifts that are on your burn list? This is the crazy thing. You do keep track. Because you need to write thank you notes.

So like... We do. And fuck you notes. I mean like... You don't really... You don't need to do anything, but we are writing thank you notes. So you like make a list of what everybody got you. Like the thing they got you or the amount of money that they give.

Yeah. And there are people on there that like didn't give gifts, which is totally fine. Like I'll never say anything. But then... Well, you're saying it now. Yeah. This is why. All those people listen to this.

So the guy that likes fast blow jobs is the same guy that didn't get me anything. So wait. Oh yeah. Here's what I was going to say. I was going to ignore it forever, but I was told that some people probably did get a gift and it might have gotten lost. And those people are expecting a thank you note. What is this courteous mind?

I don't know of. Yeah. I don't know. So when does a gift get lost? What does that entail? Like the green sent it somewhere else and not to you? Or no, you get... You have like a big basket of stuff at your wedding where people like write you cards

and some of them get left in the hotel room. It's a whole... I was so hung over the day after my wedding, we were like shoving stuff into the back of my family's car. I had no idea if like a card fell on the ground. Or you have a real trickster who switches cards so that they're giving a more expensive gift. My little cousin, that little fucker.

Really? You got us a frigidaire? Really? Tyrone? 14. This is like vaguely true. So now I am not writing a thank you note to my uncle who didn't get us anything. But my mom is like, no, your uncle got you something.

Well, like, now, you know, what do you do? How do you prove that? Yeah. So you have to ask your uncle, like, hey, now that I'm expecting anything, but if you did get me something, it got lost and my mom thinks you did. I have a perfect... I have a perfect idea and a resolution that I didn't... I had no idea.

Do it. You write everybody a thank you card. The same one. They didn't give you a gift. They're like, oh, shit. I didn't give him a gift. So it's just like, thanks for coming. A passive aggressive card.

You don't have to say... Oh, no. You say thanks for the gift. You say thanks for the gift? That's right. Wow. And then they're like, oh, shit. So you either gave him a gift and you lost it, which we're saying is a possibility,

or he didn't get you a gift. He's like, oh, shit. I have to get him a gift. I forgot to get him a gift. The thank you card serves as the reminder. Yeah. I think that's like a little bit too passive aggressive, but I do think there's something to it.

You don't say thank you for the gift. You just write a thank you note to your best man and thank him for everything else. And you don't mention the gift. And that might remind him to get you a gift. And let's do it like an overarching thank you of like, like it's not specifically to him as we're just like, thanks to everyone for attending our wedding and for the generous gifts. But like...

So it's not pointed? Well, if he didn't get him a gift, how good of a best man? Like we don't know if he actually did throw a good like, you know, all of that nonsense that they have to do. But... See, you write a letter that says... But it's also, it's not just him. It's also his wife didn't like chime in on it either.

Yeah. Those are two people. There's... That's a duo. So he's owed two like basically, yeah, double duty on that. So there's two... $300. According to him.

That's what he gave to his wedding. But like the wedding... I mean, it costs money to... Oh yeah. It's like I had a wedding. So he knows that you give gifts. Yeah. So...

I think that's the more egregious thing. This guy got $300 from the dude who wrote the letter. Yeah. At his wedding. So... Venmo you. That's good. Venmo request.

Venmo request. Yeah. New emoji of a husband in a bride or whatever. I'll say say nothing. And I like the idea of writing... Well, you write a card that says thank you for like your speech or planning my bachelor party or being there for me on the day. All that makes...

Your presence was such a present. Yeah. It's good. Really an underlying present three times. Thank yous and quotes or something sarcastic sounding like that. I think do nothing. Aside from... But thank you, Carter.

I say do nothing and then the next time the four of you as couples are hanging out, get your wife to say something to the other one. Yeah. I say it as we like... It's not a big deal, but like... Or... Just push it down until you get too drunk and then it explodes out of your mouth. Yeah.

You could slowly over... If you're... This is your best friend. Over the next like 10 years, just start stealing like stealing money from him. Yeah. Just get him to buy beers. Yeah. All the time.

We'll call it your part of your gift to me. You'll say 11 years later. Yeah, exactly. It's a little like a running ledger of like who's in the red, who's in the black. You can even call it a heat ledger. So like this ledger... You'll have to call it that. Yeah.

I'm saying that. In a perfect world. Disrespectful of the heat ledger. I guess or it's an homage to him because he probably reneged on a gift to us. You said it for a laugh. So I think it's disrespectful. I didn't say it for a laugh, it just happened to have gotten a laugh. So this heat ledger that you're keeping...

Grace is disrespecting. No, we just talked about heat ledger a lot. We just saw 10 things I hate about you two weeks ago and I'm a big fan. It holds up. So here's a question about 10 things I hate about you. Go on. It's based on... Taming of the Shrew.

Right. So do you think the title of it is an homage to Taming of the Shrew because it kind of sounds like it? It sounds like a drunk person trying to say Taming of the Shrew. Ten things I hate about Shrew. Ten things I hate about Shrew. Yeah. Do you think that's just a coincidence?

Oh, shit. I do. You think Taming of the Shrew and 10 things I hate about you just happen to sound like the same title even though the one is based on the other? Happy accident. I bet the producers noticed it after the fact. Right. But you think someone brought it up.

I think someone brought it up. I'm too far from it. You know, there's a lot of wedding rules and I sometimes get confused about the gift rules and whether they're ubiquitous, whether they're written, unwritten, some people say. You have a year, which seems like a huge out for people. Oh, that's after the actual wedding to get someone a gift? Yeah. A lot of people just put it away and they're like, I'll get it within a year.

That's like an archaic one because now people have like digital registries where you should definitely... But I do kind of like that if I was ever to get married, which like, no. I would have all three of us said no with you. Please don't. I would actually kind of like it if I did have surprise pop-up ones. Like I know I've done as wedding gifts before, figured out where they're going on their honeymoon and done like champagne to their room, things like that, where, you know, if you come home

and you're back in normal life three months into it, someone's like, oh, by the way, here's a gift certificate for a really nice dinner, like, you know, you're settled in. We didn't want to bombard you with more gifts. So I do like this one year rule. I had never that. Oh, should apply to more things. That's a dangerous rule. Like birthdays.

Birthdays. I can get you a gift any time. You have to have the next birthday. Yeah. Here's two gifts. I guess three for next year too. I'll probably forget. And then you don't necessarily have to get a gift if it's a destination wedding.

True or false. Oh. Because it's like you're paying for the ticket. You're spending so much money. Interesting. Oh, is that a rule or that's just that it should be? That's one of the things that I found that I don't know if these are. I had not heard that one, but I like it.

It does make sense. Yeah. I feel like a wedding gift is usually to help the bride and groom recoup their cost and start their life anew. What if, question, what if they're clearly better off than you? Yeah. What if they don't really need anything? What if you're like, I'm the broke bride's maid and I just flew to this state I've never

come to. If they're having like a destination wedding in Italy at like this crazy villa and you had to like fly Southwest there somehow, even though they don't do that. Yeah. Or like even less extreme. Right. No, I like to paint the picture for everybody listening. You really have to fly from Buffalo to Italy on Southwest.

Yeah. They go to Newfoundland, then you take a shipping container on Maersk. If the husband is, and wife, both have really good jobs and you're like, I just spent like three grand coming to this wedding. I can't shell out another $300 for you. I think that's totally, I don't think that's a conversation that needs to be had. I think that's probably what depends on the actual friendship dynamic. Yeah.

Because you could also, in theory, not go to their wedding and still send them a gift. People did that for us. Yeah. Whoa, gift, no appearance in the world. No appearance sent to gifts. Whoa. That's the ideal because you don't spend any cash on them. Right.

Oh, it's, but you're still getting the gift. What a treat. What a treat. That's my favorite. In a perfect world, the wedding doesn't even happen. It's just some sort of Kickstarter. Yeah. For your life.

So you don't do the whole ceremony party situation. Hey. You save the cash. You do a go fund me. Yeah. That was a great sex in the city episode. I will say is that there was an episode where Carrie Bradshaw, the protagonist, our hero. She was like going to, she'd done like the engagement party gift and the wedding gift

and how baby shower gifts and all this. And then she was just like, I'm just going to register myself as like, I'm owed. Like I'm not getting married, but like I've bought you 20 gifts along the way for your life events. How about just for my life? Celebrate me. Exactly. That's cool.

It's very Carrie selfish, which I liked. That's character. You are such a Samantha. Samantha loves Carrie. And so do you. No, I don't. I'm a Miranda through and through. Got it.

Is that the redheaded one? Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Anyway. Sorry, I just got really off topic. How's Mr. Pebbles doing? Oh yeah.

So my advice is to write the thank you card. Do you agree or disagree on that? I think still write a thank you card. Yeah. A passive aggressive thank you card is always a fun time. Whether he's going to dial it, I think you dial it back. You can genuinely thank him for stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. It's going to be passive. Just tell him to listen to this goddamn podcast. Yeah. Oh, that's good. Time code. And then get the wives drunk. I say get the wives drunk.

I say that. And steal. If it's still bothering you three months later or however. He's still got like, yeah, how far, does he know about the year rule? Maybe he doesn't know about the year rule. Maybe it's in the mail. You know what you do is you go to dinner and you're having casual conversations because now you're both married.

And he'd be like, let me ask you, did people give you guys gifts like a long time after the wedding? Pressing down on his foot. Just like, did people like forget because I heard this rule where like people have a year, but like genuinely saying like you're asking about your wedding and not specifically that. You could also go to a really expensive dinner as the scene that you're setting. When the bill comes over, you say to the waiter and you're like, hey, why don't you

get it bud as a late wedding gift? Yeah. And then you sort of put on the spot. Yeah. But at that point, you've already had a few drinks and you're like, cool. Everybody is chill. They can never come back to that restaurant ever again. Or go out to dinner with you ever again.

You basically want to shame him or ridicule him for not. Ruin your friendship. Ruin your friendship. Ruin your friendship. Ruin your friendship. All right. Rename the podcast. Settled it.

Settled it. Let's take a break. We'll take some sponsors and we'll be back with more questions and answers after these come back. I can ruin some more friendships and relationships. I can't wait. That's the purpose, right? Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this Head Gum podcast.

You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire Head Gum network, Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah.

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So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo. Yeah. Frame. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant. We got her the aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole.

This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife and you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit like, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah. She misheard it or something like that or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God.

Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes. And we let her know with an aura. Yeah. Thank you. The aura announcement.

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So don't wait. Terms and conditions apply. That's A-U-R-A frames.com. Okay. Go get your parents something, all right. And use the code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place. And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area, but BetterHelp makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient, flexible, and suitable to your schedule.

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That's betterhelp.com. Check them out. Thanks, BetterHelp. And we're back. Grace and or Mamrie, do you guys have any? Oh, it's a lot of sugar, the five of them. Mom, I'm coming. Gross.

Wow. We're here with Bubba and Biskins in the morning. We're dressing down in their Charlotte Raceway. It's funny, since we edit videos so much, I have a lot of... I'm like, that's royalty free music right there. I have a lot of royalty free music downloaded and when I connect my phone to my car, it just randomly plays something for my phone and right now, it's stuck on just DJ Airhorn. So I plug in my phone and it just...

Just that. And then goes right into Wilco. That's good. Anyway. Wilco's right. Those two things are never heard back to back. But maybe Wilco should be surprised. Unsolicited advice in any field, any capacity.

Let's hear what you got. Here's my unsolicited advice. I have learned my lesson about when I travel, I should put all of my things in the safe that is offered to you in your hotel room. What were you going to say? Whoa, the safe. I was going to say, put your clothes away. It makes you feel better.

Oh yeah, that too. I love unpacking when I travel. It's recent for me. It's new for me. The safe? You know from experience? Did you get robbed? This weekend, yeah.

All my stuff taken out of my room. Where? In Chicago. We talk about it on our podcast called This Might Get Weird. Yeah, and I think it was taken while I was sleeping. No. That's creepy. Wait, what?

How can they do that? In the middle of the night while you were asleep? I don't know. It's an open investigation right now. It might have been an open door. Well, hotel? Drake Hotel in Chicago. Drake has a hotel?

Oh my God. He's firing on all cylinders. Amazing. It's very, yeah. The wheelchairs they offer. Is there like security footage? I don't know. I talked to security.

I talked them on the phone yesterday. I have an ongoing email conversation with like the head of their security. Oh my God. Yeah, like my phone, my whole wallet with my passport and credit cards. It would be so fucking creepy to like see on the security footage that it happened in the middle of the night like somebody breaking into your room from the hallway. I don't know what happened. Wait, was your phone plugged in?

It was on my nightstand next to the front door and everything that was taken was taken. It was all on the same desk and the only things that weren't taken was like a singular credit card that I had on a table further in the room and some Dave and Buster's cards and my laptop that I was sleeping with in bed because that's my codependency issue. So that too. Yeah. So you used that safe because I also had to fill out and this is like a passive aggressive email this morning from like the head of security and to answer all these questions

about like what time did this happen? When did you last see your things and did you utilize the safe in the room and I had to say no. And then the follow up question was like, if no, why not? Cause you were in the room, you don't have to use the safe. Do you give wedding gifts? The safe is for when you leave. Right.

No, I don't know. But the safe, you know, put all your belongings, whether you're in your room or not in your room, anything that matters to you. Sleep in the safe. If you just sleep in the safe, make yourself a little safe bed. At the time at JFL, I put my passport in the safe and then I left and went to the airport and my passport was still at the hotel. That's why I don't use the safe is cause I'm an idiot, so I know I will forget that I put

everything in the safe. Out of sight, out of mind. My advice would be don't travel with your passport unless you're leaving the country. I know. I go high risk, high reward. Wait, what's your reward? With your passport? You didn't.

Just to Chicago. And this is the second time this is, the reward is that when it doesn't happen, every time it doesn't happen, total reward. Oh, when you don't get it stolen. When I don't get it stolen. That's the joy. You brought your passport to Chicago? I travel with my passport constantly and this is the second time this has happened that

my wallet's gotten stolen. Cause I think you think you're going to lose your wallet, but then you'll at least have your passport to still get into bars. Well no, I think that I'm going to have to travel internationally and I will be at the airport and I will have forgotten my passport, so I keep it with me all the time. If you get a last minute espionage mission. Yeah. Me and Tony.

Yeah. So it's full on gone, which is super fun. Full on gone. So use that safe guys. Okay. That's a good one. And then what's this? I'll go, don't travel with your passport domestically.

That's my unsolicited advice. That's just my friendship advice. But other stuff was stolen too, not just the passport. Yeah, yeah, but there's no need for the passport to have been stolen because it didn't need to be there, you know. Anyway, Mamrie. Yeah. What?

Do you have any unsolicited advice? Not really. Not really. YouTube TV. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But I'm not getting paid by them.

So I'm not going to promote YouTube TV. Okay. But at the very least, you're considering getting it. Yes. And then maybe if you like it, you can come back and praise it. My advice is look at your options. Okay. There's so much happening now that I realize that everything I watch I stream, besides like

maybe two hours of TV a week. And so with doing this, I'm going to have way faster internet and I'm saving like 80 bucks a month. That is pretty good. You know, like, so don't get too comfy in your bills. Do you watch sports though? No. Yeah.

So that's sort of the one thing that I like, that people are keeping cable for is the fact that you want to watch live sports, but you're saying you can even do that with these TV. But I watch, yeah. I watch live news and that is my sports. Oh yeah. So. Yeah.

It's just as exciting and numbers oriented as a basketball game is whether or not we're all going to die. High stakes. Totally. The graphics are pretty much the same. Yeah. Actually at gyms now they show news instead of sports highlights I've noticed. Wow.

Yeah. It's like you serped the need from like watching old highlights from like football and basketball is just like. We've seen them. Yeah. Now let's talk about what the fuck is going on. Isn't Wolf Blitzer a great name? It really is.

How'd that happen? Oh my gosh. It sounds like he was an athlete. Wolf Blitzer for the TV. Here's a question. You talked, you touched upon this. Your podcast, this might get weird. What is that?

It is a podcast that Grace and I just started a month ago and essentially it doesn't have any real form. It's just us shooting the shit for half an hour or so and essentially how we normally catch up before we shoot a video together. We just decided to record it. Yeah. We started this like live touring show called This Might Get Weird y'all a couple years ago and then we turned it into like a YouTube show for a while and then we got to talk about

cutting cords. Yeah. We got the cords cut on the show via a studio that was supporting us and so we turned it into an independent podcast. Well, there you go. That's the best way to go. Yeah. And then it's also a Patreon now too.

It is. Yeah. All kinds of fun stuff. Lots of stuff going on there. Yeah. We're still figuring it out. But so far so good. There is a tier on your Patreon that's perverts that you pay pervs.

Just pervs. Keep it cute. Okay. So those people are paying pervs. We have weirdos. You're a pervs. Do fools. And the pervs are paying $69 a month.

All $69. The pervs sold out. So anyone listening that wants to be a perv, you have to remain a pervert. We should have a pervert tier. So it's just we send you perverted, weird, sadistic, dark shit from our Patreon. What do you think we do? I thought yours is a little more happy and light. Well, we'll see.

We'll see. It's not replacing the videos you guys make, right? No, we're still trying to do that. We're both just, you know. Just gonna break. You get in those creative slums. And right now the podcast has been really invigorating and a good time, which will make me want to make more videos.

Yeah. Plus we get to talk about stuff that we don't normally talk about in videos, which is fun. Yeah. Because we don't want to get demonetized on YouTube. Oh. Yeah. We don't know any like the politics of like YouTube and stuff, but that seems like it. Yeah.

I mean, when I said I get demonetized, it would just be like, I don't know, there's a, yeah, basically shunned, fully judged. I think we've just like, I don't know, it's a freer space for us to like have conversations. Totally. Yeah. And it's easier because you can talk for like 45 minutes and then you don't have to edit it down. You just sort of assemble it and upload it.

It's the showering of it all. The showering. I don't want to shower. I don't want to be on camera. Oh. You guys got the email from Mamrie that said, is this going to be on camera? This podcast, because I don't want to show it. Because too many times I've shown up to a podcast and they're like, well, God bless.

I'm a good looking person, but it's still like, you know, HD. Interesting. That's something we never even considered when we were, because we also did the sort of the same switch we did, uh, Jake and Amir videos for College Humor and they were like, we should do a podcast because that'll give us like 50, like 45 minutes of content a week and it'll take that much effort. You can watch the Jake and Amir. I look pretty ugly in a lot of them.

Oh my word. I didn't give a shit. That's awesome, man. No, I mean, I wish I did looking back on that. You did email College Humor the other day asking for a few of them to be removed and they were like, is it off base, off color? Did it not survive certain social norms? I said, or just Photoshopped if you can like take away the mustache.

Yeah. Uh, sweet. So you can listen to that podcast anywhere. Anybody listens to any podcast? All of the things. This might get weird. This might get weird. Cool.

Uh, do you guys have time to answer a few more questions? Let's get in there. Yeah. All right. This one's from a man. Do you have a guy's name? It's also from a man. Of course.

Tuck. Say no more. Branches. Tuck Branches. Tuck Branches. Sounds like the guy that committed the crime. Yeah. Tuck Branches.

But Tony's investigating. Tuck Branches writes, Hey guys, hope everything is going well with the Patreon. Oh, there we go. I saw you guys in Vancouver. That's as far as just nice, friendly. Get out of here. Tuck. I've recently fallen.

Tuck. I've recently fallen head over heels for my dream girl. She's an 11 out of 10 smoke show blonde who watches anime and has the same weird sense of humor as I do. She's compassionate, great in bed. Just get to the butt. No, I want her to be built up more. I want to hear how perfect she is.

No, like you want her to describe her butt, you mean. Oh yeah, get to the butt. She's got a great butt. I'm a donk-a-dunk. However, I'm not sure if she'll be so understanding about this. Every second week or so, I get super horny for the D, and not even men in general, just the idea of giving a great bro job. For the record, I'm 90% straight.

I have no desire to have a relationship with any dude, and even the thought of kissing a guy weirds me out. I just want to give a blow job. I think that's super hot. So what do I do? I download Grindr, and since my profile name is Straight Guy, I get all sorts of messages coming in. What really gets me going is sending and receiving dick pics.

I don't meet up with anyone. In fact, I've only met guys for BJs a few times before me and my ladies started going out. But usually, I use this app as my version of a gay porn hub until I finish, then delete the app in shame. So my question is this. Is this cheating? I would never think of doing this with any girls, because I would much rather do it with

my girlfriend, but she doesn't have a penis. Do you think it would be upsetting to find out? I wouldn't mind if she was doing the same thing with girls, but I don't know if it's the same thing the other way around. Also, is there an alternative way to quench my thirst without cheating? Thanks a ton for everything. Come back to Vancouver, and I'll totally blow you. Oh my god.

Oh my god. And then in parentheses, just kidding. That is classic tough. Cheers. Love tough. Wow. Yes, not kidding. Wow.

Holy smokes. Okay. So there's a bro job waiting for us. Do you have your passport? Yeah, right. You didn't bring it to work. I left it to Montreal. Bring your passport to the bro job.

Is your bro job a thing? This person, I'd heard of it. Yeah, I don't know if I've heard of it, but it's like a friendly guy and guy bro job. Bro job. I mean, I got what it was. I just didn't know what the title was like colloquial. If he came up with it. Yeah.

I don't know if I've heard of it, but it's like a friendly guy and guy bro job. Bro job. I mean, I got what it was. I just didn't know what the title was like colloquial. If he came up with it. I don't know if it's like ubiquitous enough. Yeah. It is now.

Hmm. What thinks you? What about if your man did this, would you consider it cheating? I would 100% consider it cheating. I mean, it is cheating. Yeah. It's completely cheating. Even if, well, I know he doesn't think that if she did it, it wouldn't matter to him,

but it doesn't matter to her. Well, he's also saying they don't meet up in person, but it's the same way that if like... He's at least done it a few times. No, before they started going out. Oh, I see. Now he just does it for dick pics and then deletes the ad. So that's, I don't think that's cheating. I still do because in the same way, like if my boyfriend, looking at porn, whatever,

who gives a shit? Like I watch porn, but if I was specifically sending pictures of myself to someone else, or like a girl cam. I think it's a big, no, no, it's a bad, it's a bad move. Yeah. I just don't think it's cheating in the standard sense that I usually view cheating as. It would be cheating in my sense. This is why we're not in a relationship.

Right. Exactly. Thank God. And many other reasons. Mary. Actually, let's... I'll take it. Let's list all the reasons.

Yeah. But I'm definitely getting drunk at the movies thing. Thank you. Yeah. We can do that. Yeah. All right. Just not with each other or that's cheating.

No, I'm not pulling like a Mike Pence, don't touch another guy, but I'm just saying I would be very hurt. Yeah. I think it's pointless of if he's sending... If he's receiving dick pics or vagina pics, it's still just a connection with someone else on a sexual level. Yeah. I think it's also a big enough secret that if she found out, she would feel like she

didn't know who you really were. Yeah. So that's like... Unless she knows, like unless like she's like, yeah, I figured that you're weird, like you like freaky stuff. Cool. I see the anime you like. Yeah.

Yeah. What kind of anime are you watching? Yeah. I'm watching a conversation because people obviously have different individual levels of what cheating is. So like talk to her about this before it goes too far and you can't take that time. Would you definitely talk to her about it? Because then you might not even have to do the thing where you guiltily delete the app

every single time. You might just have guilt-free dick pics. And then you guys could come to a compromise on like what could be a solution for how it works for you guys that feels whatever void he's having. Maybe she wants to hop in there. Oh. Would you say that this is less cheating? That would be really perfect.

Would you say this is less cheating than sending a dick pic to a girl? The fact that he's sending it to a guy, does that make it less cheating? No. I actually think you need to talk about it more if you've never discussed like an attraction to dudes before. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's just a different way to solve for the problem.

If it's like you sending it to other girls, you're like, what am I doing that's making you not faithful? And then if it's, but if he wants to blow other guys, you kind of have to discuss his sexuality and what it means in the relationship. Because he has a timeline on this. He says every two weeks. Every two weeks. So he's got like an app on his phone that goes off there, like he's got a reminder.

So if this is that frequent, like that's going to have to be something that you get worked out. It's every full or new moon. He gets sort of turned on to send a DT. His neck starts itching. Yeah. It's like a gay werewolf of sorts. Uh, would you say he's 90% straight or would you question that percentage straightness?

I mean, that's a, for him to decide. Yeah. Let's decide for him. Yeah. That's how that works. Sexuality works. You're 50% gay, bub. Yeah.

Next question. Uh, also, I don't know why he thinks deleting the app every time is going to change the problem. Well, he's sort of like keeping it far away. It's like when you don't sleep next to your phone so that you don't wake up and check your email. But you do wake up and it's gone from your hotel room. Yeah.

So you get fucked either way. Yeah. Sleep next to your phone, folks. Yeah. Sleep next to the safe with your phone in it. Sleep in the safe. That's my advice for every single person that wrote in today. This is a doozy.

Yeah. What would you say? Tell your lady about your... You've got to come clean. You have to. You've got to come clean. You're just going to find... You're either going to be suppressing it and be unhappy yourself or she's going to find

it and be way more hurt. Mm-hmm. Yeah. There needs to be a resolution. And it's either you... Like you... The truth is, you like... She might not be cool with this at all.

Mm-hmm. And you have to break up because it's part of who you are. Mm-hmm. Or she might be totally cool with it. Or willing to like work for a solution that would be better than keeping it a secret. Mm-hmm. You'd never find out unless you talk to her. Or...

Okay. Let's hear this. Okay. Yeah. Right? In the next two weeks, he gives a bro job. That's fine. It's a secret that he keeps from his whatever girlfriend is.

So dangerous. But he promises that in between those two week segments, he has to go down on her. So it's like he's paying you. Who is he making the promise to? He's keeping this secret. He's making it to me. So he's basically just transmitting STDs to this girl that doesn't know why. Yeah.

Well, when you say like that, it sounds dirtier, perverted or skeezy or immoral, amoral, really. All of them. But the thing is like there's an even trade, so she's getting fulfilled by his... She's getting free STDs. Is she aware or is this just something he has in his head to rationalize and make himself feel less guilty? It's the second one. Yeah, the one about the...

The one about the irrational. The first one. No. I'd be like, don't be baby-burting it onto my vagina. Baby-burting. Ew. What a baby. Put that in open dictionary immediately.

Baby-burting. Baby-burting. Are you going to Vancouver anytime soon? I mean, now you guys get to look forward to seeing this dude. Because you were going to go skiing with Whistler. Going to Vancouver. Yeah. Man-couver.

Man-couver. Man-couver. The last question he has is, is there an alternative way to quench my thirst without cheating? I mean, he wants to give a... Have her get a strap on. Yeah. But I think like the... He's attracted to doing it to a dude, not just like the active.

But that's what I don't know. A strap on could work, but that is... That has to have a discussion, you know? Yeah, that has to be... Obviously, you can't just sneak it off. I got you a surprise. These panties are pointy. Watch how fast I can do it.

Yeah, if you're going to keep it a secret, you better get in there and get out. I'll have a burp. I mean, but here's the thing. You could theoretically just watch gay porn. I think the soliciting of dick pics is you got to tell her. If you're just watching gay porn, I don't think you do. Oh, dad's calling me. But also, I feel like there's...

If he's soliciting dick pics, like, if he just likes looking at dicks, he can Google image search that all day and it not be an interpersonal thing. I think the thing he's attracted to is like the interpersonal, like, scandal-ish psychology side of it. Possibly the shame is part of the... Yeah, exactly. And so I feel like that's a deeper thing for him to look into for himself rather than like, I just like D. Yeah.

Then Google image search it totally. You really don't come up with that great results when you do. I've done it before. Oh, okay. Just the letter D. Even the D doesn't work. Oh, really? You got to turn the safe search off.

That's it. Yeah. This is great advice. All right. So he can quench some of his thirst. There's a question for you. Maybe not the whole thirst. Just not to get too far off topic, but have you ever sent a dick pic?

No. That was the reason that I Google searched penises before. Because... So I could send a dick pic. You wanted inspiration. No, I wanted to send a dick pic, but I didn't want it to be my dick. Oh, my gosh. I just sent a black man's lower half.

I ended up not having the courage to do it. I just sent dick chainie. Oh, that's good. That's a great one. It's a cute dick pic. That is really cute. Yeah. His dick though?

Yeah. Dick chainie's dick. Wait, you guys have never sent a dick pic? No. Really? I have sent one. Even in a relationship? Yeah.

I sent one in that relationship. It seems too illegal or not illegal. Permanent. He's hackable. You don't put it on the cloud. Well, it's hackable. I don't know what's going on on the other end of that. I know that there's an FBI agent just on the other end all the time while he's seeing

some stuff. Jerking off. You getting DPs in relationships? Yeah, for sure. Mostly all of the relationships you've ever been in? No. All of the D? No.

Just the recent one. Just the special one. But he travels a lot. Oh, I gotcha. So you got to keep it spiced up. Yeah. Maybe like a live stream is more doable, like a FaceTime D. I've had plenty of Skype sex.

Yeah. That seems more safe. Yeah, that's normal. So yeah, there's definitely not FBI watching that. Until you hear that screen grab. No, no way to hack into that. Oh, it's a screen grab. Every Skype sex you ever have is a three-way.

You better believe that. That's awesome. Because there's an FBI agent, J and L. Oh, yeah. Or worse yet, the president. Oh, wow. Because you know he's probably in there. I don't think he's smart enough.

Really? No. All right. Because I've been saying some pretty pro-Trump things during FaceTime sex. Just in case. As soon as he's watching. That really dries up your mate. Sweet.

That's it. That's our time. We answered some questions. We got to the bottom of things. Thank you so much for coming by. What's your podcast name again or anything else you wanted to promote? Again, it is This Might Get Weird. And you can find it anywhere you find your podcast.

Yes, yes. Sweet. Jake, do you have any parting words for us? Yeah, I didn't think so. Jesus Christ. You're poking on the spot. You're absolutely fucking useless. It's fine.

Hold on. I'll come up with parting words. Really? Yeah, just give me a fucking second. All right. Take your time. I'll edit this part out. All right.

Good. Thank you. Okay. Can I workshop it? If we're going to edit it out? All right. Unless the workshop. It'll be like thanks for listening or something.

That's fine. Stay safe out there, kids or something like that. Stay safe. I don't know. I've got some weird dreams. Okay. So, Jake, any final words? No or not if you don't have any.

Oh, fuck. Hold on. Really? Yeah. You're second guessing it. Follow your dreams. What's that? Sorry.

I can hear you. End of the fucking show. The opening intro is an Eminem parody. Would you believe that the closing one is as well? It's a stan parody. Let me look up who wrote it. Alex Moses. Different guy.

From Australia. Rap battle. Australian M&M that's right play it and if you have your own questions or theme song send them all to if I were you show at Gmail.com or just tweet them at Grace or Mamrie. They'll forward it on to us. Thank you so much for listening We'll be back next week. Bye. Bye I know Jake and Amir will help me out because they're helping out the world. They might remind me that it's not so bad. It's not so bad. Hey Jake and Amir I wrote you but you still ain't replying. I left myself an email and my issue to which I'm inquiring. I asked advice from you back in January but you never got back to me. There probably was a problem with my typing or something.

Sometimes my keyboard gets stuff caught in the buttons. Anyways, it's been up guys. How's the show? I want your web series and call a tumor all the time. If you ever come back to Australia, I'm definitely buying tickets. I would have bought two of them once and I'll leave in misses. But it's been two months of silver work. I'm not deserving. I know you got my last two emails. I bought a new keyboard and target. So this is my intro song. I'm sending you before you hear it. I'm in the car right now. I'm doing nothing on the freeway. Hey Jake, I'm just wasting it on my low. Tell me to drive. You know the song by Eminem. He died old but stammered. That one guy could have saved that other guy from drowning but didn't. And figured it out at the end. This is kind of how this is. You could have sent me from drowning but now it's too late. One thousand down is now I'm drowsy. And all I want was some podcast advice. And we'll be in all to leave both your Instagrams twice. Anyway, gotta go. Almost up the bridge now. Oh shit, I forgot.

How do I upload this to SoundCloud?