If I Were You - 366: Unsolicited Advice (w/Jon Gabrus!)

Episode Date: January 21, 2019

In this episode... 90 minutes of unsolicited advice with special guest Jon Gabrus! Plus, our history with guiding people out of sticky situations. Enjoy!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Ahoy, ahoy. Bit of a new style of episode this week. It's going to be a, if I were high and mighty, hybrid podcast. We had Gabriel's on. It was basically a high and mighty episode, but we spent the entire hour and a half giving unsolicited advice, so we figured this was a perfect if I were you episode as well. We're calling it, if I were high and mighty, but before we get into that.

Jeffrey James in the studio, and you had something to say, a little announcement too. Wait, so is it the same? I'm just going to ask the voice of the audience, because I still don't fully get it. No, of course. It's the same episode being released under your podcast and high and mighty? That's right. So this is basically this week's high and mighty, doubling as this week's if I were you. So high and mighty fans will have to wait till Thursday unless they hear this episode,

in which case they have nothing to look forward to until Thursday. Exactly right. Are you caught up? It seems like it was only positive to you, and Gabriel's lost a week. Gabriel's gained two fans, me and Jake. We gained an extra 45 minutes of extra advice giving content. Four years since the start of the network, at least. And now we've melded podcasts into one another.

If I were high and mighty, for this week only, of course. Well, I guess that's fair. What was your announcement? You held me up at gunpoint and demanded that you speak before the start of this episode. So let's hear it. Right. Absolutely right. So for those of you who are interested in a potential head gum internship, Riley and

I are looking for two video interns for the head gum spring internship program. Basically the job would entail camera operating, assistant editing work, including ingesting, syncing, and logging footage and audio, and other various post-production and pre-production tasks. Basically, we are offering free lunches, a flexible schedule, and a fun working environment, and also the opportunity to learn what it is like to work at this. I'm looking at this photo again and laughing. Fucking droopy.

Andrew Pyle, who works at head gum, I'm trying to explain two actual career opportunities and I'm here laughing at this photo of our co-worker, Andrew Pyle, in absolute awful pink sunglasses that take up an eightieth of his face. Real internship opportunities. We need two video interns. If you are interested, there will be information at headgum.com forward slash about, as well as information on where to apply what we need from you and a timeline that we're looking for.

We're looking to get these interns by the first week of February, so if you could email your resume, cover letter, and any necessary or appropriate video samples to hay at headgum.com, that'd be great. We'd love to have you aboard the team. If you're qualified. Yeah, and if you're not, don't bother. I like that a lot. If there's even a shred of doubt in your mind that you're not worthy of the job, y'all

won't. Because maybe a lot of humble people are like, no, I shouldn't do this, but they're actually overqualified. Yeah, when I applied, I actually needed a bit of a push off the ledge from Nimadre, and if she hadn't done that. And look where you are now. Now you're hiring your own interns. And if someone had spoken to me the way I'm speaking to them, I wouldn't have done it.

Exactly. So that's, you're not paying it forward. I am absolutely. You're pushing it backwards. I'm creating, not a glass ceiling, but an ass ceiling, where I've gotten past, excuse me. Sorry. Yeah, continue.

I've gotten past the ceiling and I'm laying the groundwork for me, which is also the ceiling of others. Shutting the people down below. Yeah. Got it. Got it. All right. I think we're done with this little very odd intro in which I introduce another podcast

and then you make an announcement for jobs. This is this extremely unique episode of if I were high and mighty. Can I give some unsolicited advice? Just a quick one. Just a quick one. All right. Go. Don't apply.

All right. Nice. What's up, shitheads? Welcome back to another episode of high and mighty. It's me. Yeah, boy. The number one fuck boy. The number one fuck boy.

The number one fuck boy. The number one fuck boy. Johnny G. All you got to do is trust me. Thanks for joining me. Not in the high and mighty studios. I am at head gum studios located at come kill us at, no, they're going to give the address in a studio guys. So if the audio is off, there's going to be no landscapers.

There's going to be no dogs barking. It's going to be, this is almost professional and it better be professional. Almost. Almost. It better be professional because I've got my engineer Mars in the studio who normally just has to deal with the shit I send there. And also my pod father and my pod father, my father's friends arguably, my father's lifelong roommate.

Arguably my boss is arguably very arguable. I report directly to Marty just for some stupid reason. The voices you're hearing, the juey one is Amir and the answer one is Jake, Jake and Amir. Or let's be honest, of Lonely and Horny. Oh, thank you. Which also is Jake and Amir. Jake and Amir is all the same.

Yeah, Jake and Amir is like the, the, like your earth signs are Lonely and Horny. Yes. I'm Lonely. Not, yeah. And Jake's Horny. Yep. It's our nicknames basically. Yeah.

Thanks for coming all the way down to downtown Los Angeles. Oh yeah. I have to head out in order to get home before, you know, tomorrow morning's appointment. So I got to leave soon. Guys, thanks for doing High and Mighty. Technically, this isn't really a true High and Mighty either. It's a crossover. This is where we're doing a crossover episode.

This is the Jetsons meets the Flintstones. Yeah. Now, is it solely because we were going to do each other's podcast and then we realized that's so much more work than just both putting, so this is a crossover app. Yeah, we're basically going to be doing the same show twice, but we might as well overlap it. So this will be in a fire show. Yeah, we can make this an extra beefy High and Mighty.

Yeah. That's sort of like better than to slim down, water down if I were you and High and Mighty. They should leave both of our fans happy. If all two of them, my one fan and your one fan. So this is if I were High and Mighty. Very good. Yes, that's perfect. I love it.

Cue the new theme song. If I were Mighty. What's up, shitheads and yah, dudes. Do number one, two and three fuck boys. So welcome to the first ever episode of If I Were High and Mighty. We'll do this on the road. That's cool. Take you with you.

In order to really squeeze in your guys' podcast, we're going to talk about advice. Yes. Yeah, which I think is a good idea because we were originally going to talk about podcasting because for me, this is quite an honor because not only were you the guys who told me you should do a podcast won't help you make it happen, but also you were my first guests. Wow, that's right. That's right. Do you remember where we met Gabriel when we told him that we wanted him to do a podcast?

Trenchers? Trencher. That's right. Yeah, sandwich place. We made you drive across town then too. Oh yeah, yeah. But that was for sandwiches is better than for fucking doing my job that I have a complete set up for in my house.

We should have come to you. It's like driving here to take a shower. Yeah, but now you don't have to drop off anything to Marissa. Right, I don't have to. The work is done. That part is hard for me. So it's like to take a two hour commute instead of sorting out Dropbox. For like, I guess that takes like 10 minutes maybe.

If I remember to eject the SD card before I put it back in the H6 or else normally I don't do that and that's like 11 to 15. It looks like you've learned already in those three years. You didn't know what those words meant. Three years. All it took was, it hasn't been three years, it's over, right? Over. Yeah.

August of 2015. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I think, because I only for like eight weeks, I double dipped. I did two episodes a week and I'm up to like episode 170 when we're recording this. I'm in like 180 maybe, 185. Yeah, so three and a half years. That's so many episodes of a podcast. I can't believe people listen to it and I certainly can't believe I recorded them.

It's much easier to listen. Yeah, how many episodes do you guys have out now? We're over 360. Yeah, 370. Jesus. Yeah. It's one of those numbers that at a certain point becomes less impressive. Right, when you start to go like, what are we doing?

Yeah. Did anything else pan out for you? I'll just do this until the show gets picked up. Episode 280, 360, 490. No, I'm not pitching anymore. Episode X, now they're in the Roman numerals. It's like an exponent, it's like episode six exclamation point. If you remember in Mario one, there was this hack where you can jump on a turtle shell

over and over and get like infinite lives and at a certain point the numbers. That wasn't Mario three. I don't think so. I'm pretty sure in Super Mario three. Okay. But maybe you're right. At a certain point the numbers run out and it's like you have a triangle amount of lives, circle amount of lives.

They're like replacing it because they didn't have enough information but like 150 lives. They're just like, we don't know what the character would be. Yeah, exactly. You have a square amount of lives. So that's what number we're on. That's what number on. We're on square. Yeah.

Welcome to the squareth episode of If I Were High and Mighty. Are you calling me a square for even bringing that up? Is that why it's the squareth episode? Yeah, dude. That's exactly why, man. That's cool. Now take the squareth root and get the fuck out of here. That's cool.

And root, what do you guys want to do? How do you want to talk about advice? Have you guys gotten good advice early in your life that you have stuck by forever? I have a piece of advice that I can't remember if I gave it or if I came up with it. I feel like it exists in the ether. But it's the advice that I gave my brother when he moved to New York and he's told me recently that it was the best advice he ever got. Oh, okay.

I like this. It's very, very simple. But every time you're at a bar. Brush your teeth. Okay. That's my dad's only piece of advice ever. When you go to a bar in anywhere, not just in New York, you're ordering shots, always order one for the bartender as well.

Oh. You say five shots and six if you want one. They very rarely take you up on it, but almost every time they will give you those shots or at least some of them for free, you'll never have to pay for a bartender shot. And then they're also, they pay attention to you the rest of the night. Yes. You're a bartender. Yes.

I used to black out bartenders. I used to show up to the bar, open up. Remember vitamin water, like the yellow one energy? I would drink like the top half of it and then just pour like a smear enough. I think actually Bacardi Citrone or Bacardi Limone. That gives me such happy flashbacks to like from high school until I was 30. That was like my Friday or Saturday night drink. It was with lemon lime Gatorade.

Yes. Drink it just to the little, the break in the bottle. Yep. To the label. Yeah. To the label, fill it up and then I'd like walk wherever I was going. So how many shots is that in that Gatorade bottle? I don't know.

I guess it could be like four or five. Three or four? Yeah. I used to do that when I was driving, which is really, really bad. Jesus. And that's another good bit of advice that I got. How did you do that? Don't do that.

Don't drink and drive. But I definitely used to do that. I used to just get absolutely blasted and then stop drinking at like two in the morning because by the time 4.30 came around, I could drive home, but I would be like getting hung over on the car ride. Oh, no. That's a bad situation. I would stop at 7.11 and buy Gatorade, those weird little fucking taquito things that were

on the wheel. Oh, no. And like $80 worth of scratch offs every night because like you just can't give a fucking 20 year old kid cash. Oh, yeah. I'm like, holy shit. I got to go home and put this in a drawer. Nope.

I got to buy scratch offs to win more. My friend Steve was a bartender and he used to always just have this thick ass wad, this roll of cash. I mean, I don't think he had more money than everybody else, but he just like, it looked rich. It looks, it's so, like I wish I had one cash gig a week still and I could be like, this is just my weed money or something like that. Your wad of weed money.

Oh, that's good advice. Yeah. Just keep a wad of cash somewhere. There is something nice about it. I will say that is something my dad told me when I was young is always have cash on you and I still always have cash on me even in now that we're nearly a cashless society. Yeah. Do you ever use cash?

What? Do you ever use cash or is it like the same $50 bill once a year? No. I always use cash now. Yeah. I've been using cash this week and actually I really like it. Like I'd use cash for like tips or like to give someone else instead of Venmo or like sometimes you need to like tip the valet guy $2 or you want to like throw $5 into something

or put a dollar in the jar at whatever you're at. It's just like, oh, fuck, yeah, having cash is important. That happens more and more like people with service jobs where you get like $1 or $2 get so fucked in this society that we live in. There should be some sort of system. Apple Pay tips to valet. There should be like an app like that. That's funny.

When I was at Bonnaroo, they had like in the VIP section where like you were drinking for free, the bartenders had tip jars and then they also had you can Venmo me at. So people were tipping them $1 or $2 at a time to go get drinks and he was just like the phone was just buzzing and I'm like, that's a smart move. Especially for like a music festival where like the VIP section is everyone's got iPhones and Mophie charges. Yeah. When you're peaking, when you're rolling super hard, you're like, I'm gonna Venmo you

a fucking hundred dollars, man. You gave me water all day. Layed on wet grass for like two and a half hours. It was fucking awesome. I'd rather Venmo you $10 than give you $5 in cash just because of the ease of use. Because it doesn't feel like real money because it's like digital money that somebody else gave me. So I have like $91 in my Venmo.

It's like, I don't care if you get eight of it right now. It doesn't affect me. Imagine the flip of that though is like getting $5 from someone cash versus getting $10 on Venmo. I think cash is like there's something about cash. It almost doesn't even matter that it's money. Anytime I get an alert on my phone, I get a little annoyed. Yeah, exactly.

Even if it's like so-and-so just paid. I hate to knock it off. When you Venmo someone and then you like refresh your email and you're like, ooh, an email. Then you're like, oh, it's Venmo. I just did that. I should know. You should anticipate that. Do you have a piece of advice that you receive?

Here's a really inconsequential one that I got that I still think about all the time is something that my mom told me, which is things that stay wet grow mold. So cups that you're drawing, I always flip them upside down. Laundry machine, that's shut. I always keep it open and dry it out. And I'm hyper alert of this kind of stuff. That's so interesting because everything else about home making, you're stupid. Yeah, I don't need that.

All I care about is trace amount of water in your shirt. But my washing machine is open and dry. You'll never see mold in there. It's funny though, like one little nugget of information when you're young can fuck you up for life. That's not something that's destroying your life. Any little piece of information just extrapolates out and so much into your life. So it's like your mom's like, hey, always leave the dryer open because obviously the

washer open because you can get mold. And you're like, okay. And then like 10 years later, fuck it, OCD. Yeah, I'll never put a wet shirt into my hamper and close the closet door. I'm like, I know that that wet shirt plus the darkness will make a moldy, mildewy. I just jammed like a wet towel and a bathing suit into my laundry bag before I left here. And I said to myself, you have to do laundry tonight when you go home because you just can't let that shit hit.

It has like sours. It smells awful. Yeah. You ever have like a wet towel in your car? I don't, but I can tell people do. Well, because you just put it, you got to also got a mini dryer put in your car for that reason. Yeah, a mini Cooper, mini driver.

My two favorite actors. Mini drivers. I got Winnie Cooper, mini driver. Nice. Mini driver also January 31st birthday. Really? Maybe she'll do my podcast. Do you remember Winnie Cooper's real name?

Isn't she Marilyn Manson? Yes, that's correct. Oh, Danica. Danica. That's right. Danica McCellar. No, Danica Patrick's the race car driver. Yes.

Danica McCellar. That's correct. Danica McCellar. And isn't she also like Blossom? Isn't she also like a physicist or something now? Oh, she just went on into the science world? Yeah, I think she's like a published mathematician. Yeah.

She's like some sort of news story about her a few years ago where she like published, she like published a theorem. Yeah. Approved a theorem. Yeah, she's got like some weird like academia level status. That means she's the most masturbated to professor of all time, probably. Bullshit. I got another one.

Do you masturbate to Winnie Cooper? Well, I mean, I'm sure a lot of kids did in the early 90s. I'm sure they did. I'm sure they did. As long as you don't keep the sock and the hamper out. Yeah, as long as you, as long as you take your jizz sock and lay it out on the drying rack over and over. I always use toilet paper.

I never used cloth. Yeah. Smart. Same reason. If you think water grows mold. Jizz grows a human. Human. Just a baby and a hamper.

Kill me. Please. Leave the dryer open. What? Shmuel, no. That's the name of my child. Oh. What's that?

Knock on wood. Knock on wood. That's my child. Is there any advice that you can't forget? I think I said it on one of the episode of your pod that I did with Lapkus. Was it advice? Well, my dad's big thing was a New York Giants coach one time yelled at one of his receivers for over-celebrating in a touchdown and said, act like you've been there before.

And that's sort of like a solid piece of advice. Don't be cocky, but act like this isn't your first time at an open bar. Act like this isn't your first time at some cool, swanky party. It doesn't mean don't enjoy yourself, but just play it cool, hot shot. My dad's big thing too was Johnny, New Year's Eve, Halloween, these are amateur nights. Everyone's out there partying. They're amateurs. You've got to be careful on the road.

You've got to be careful at these bars or parties. Everyone's an amateur partier, because I was just a kid who was out drinking every weekend. And he was an alcoholic, so we had that in common, but it would be like it's amateur night out there. St. Patty's Day, amateur night. People are getting fucked up that aren't normally getting fucked up, and you just got to be aware of that. For me, it's just another Tuesday, but for all these kids dressed up like Santa.

Yeah. I'm dressed as Santa smashing Guinness' all week long, all year long. This is fucking, this doesn't even land on Santa Claus. It's a thousand hours. I'm a professional Santa con drunk. This is not real advice, but this is something I've gotten to doing is like, hey Siri, remind me to blank, blank, blank, at blank, blank, blank, especially if I'm just like home getting stoned.

I'm like, hey Siri, in 20 minutes remind me to flip my laundry. Hey Siri, in 20 minutes remind me to go do, and it's just like the most minor, I don't even have the notifications turned on. And she just like talks to you? Or she'll just like pick up your phone to look at it at some point and it'll say like laundry. And you're like, right, right, right, laundry. I don't have it like buzz or ding or anything like that.

Interesting. That's like me trying to allow myself to be stoned as frequently as possible. Does that make sense? Like I've like built a system where I'm like, I can't be a stoner that's absolutely lazy. So that's like a, that's maturity. You're like, I'm not going to change this, so I'm going to like be smart about who I am. Exactly.

And now I've gotten really into stoned chores. It's like my thing, like I'll do the dishes, I'll get high, do the dishes, do laundry. Like, you know, it's just something you can kind of do and it sucks less. I'll pop a podcast in, get stoned, and then just like get fucking an hour's worth of stuff done around the house. Do you ever consider sobriety? No. No.

Do you mean like question? You mean like overall? Like taking a, yeah, do you ever imagine a world where like for the next X amount of time or maybe even the rest of my life, I won't get high? I will never imagine the rest of my life, but I, the next amount of time, I can see that. Just because I do like to do weird like self experiments. Yeah. Like your half marathon.

Yeah. So I think I would try like, oh, let me take a month off weed and see like, you've never done that. I feel like you have. I've done it. I've done like, you know, two weeks at a time for a while I was doing no weed Monday through Wednesdays. Oh.

And that was Monday through Wednesday. Yeah. Three days. So you can get high on Monday and then on Wednesdays. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really, it's Tuesday. It's Tuesday. It's bone sober Tuesday.

And it was just edibles. And I was just like, at 11.59. And then right at 12. Just like, hold it in. Hold it in your lungs. It counts. Get 40 seconds into the Tuesday. So high.

It'll take you to Wednesday. I was trying to like, wait until Thursday night to smoke my first weed of the week. And that was, it was interesting because I, the only thing it did, I thought, I feel like the main takeaway was that that Thursday joint was so good. Like, you know what I mean? Like it was like, oh, I earned this. I took three. And almost might be worth it to keep that alive because then you like, never get tired.

You know, it doesn't feel like, I'm just like, uh, but you know, like by the end of the holiday break, I was just like waking up in the morning and smoking a joint like the way people smoke cigs. Like I was just like coffee. Oh yeah. I would make a cup of coffee and a joint and then walk outside. And I was, this was like the winter on Long Island. I was just like, oh, fuck, I gotta get fucking another day.

Jesus Christ. Meanwhile, I'm like renting a house with my friends who have two daughters. Oh my God. Jesus Christ. They're like all screaming, making breakfast. I'm like, I'll be ready. Your friend, Gabriel is weird. Yeah.

Uncle Gabriel, I love, one of my favorite things is little kids, they all call me Gabriel. Like all my friends' kids call me Gabriel. Uncle Gabriel? Some of them call me Uncle Gabriel, but I'm like, one of my best friends, his kid for a long time, thought that because I would come over and be so nice to him and I came with a woman, my wife, who was friends with his mom. He thought, he was like, when is Gabriel and his mom Tiffany coming over? Adam Pally's kid thought I was like, a kid like him, he was like, when is Gabriel and

his mom coming? You know that other six year old, that's much better than Gabriel. Gabriel touches his mom's ass a lot. Which is also true. Still true, baby. Oh, I had a question. All right, so back to advice, what is, what's a piece of advice that you think you needed as a kid?

Oh, you wish you knew? Oh, yeah. Or not to be like wish, like yeah, I guess maybe wish you knew or just like, what kind of stuff did you, were you struggling with? What did people need to help you out with when you're like in high school and college? As I feel like we get a lot of questions of people in that era of their life who are like, everything's a big deal. Like what did you think was a big deal?

I was, here's advice I could have used for real, because I was gifted as hyperbole, but I was like very smart early on. And so everything was really easy for me all through elementary school, junior high, high school, even I didn't try hard, I didn't do well, but I didn't do any work and I got by. And I got to college and you can kind of skate through college too. And then I got to be 25, then I'm like, oh cool, I got a life now. And then you get to be 22 or 23, and you start to, the things you want to do for the

first time, you don't have any training in trying hard. And I like never tried hard, so I didn't know like, I It's not even like you wish you learned more in school, it's just like you wish you practiced effort. I wish someone told me that it's very important because eventually you're going to want something and you're going to need to try hard for something. That's really, I've never thought about that because this is something that's come to my mind because I think it's prevalent among a lot of people I'm friends with too, because

it's like the comedy world where you're like, obviously I was like smart and witty as a kid, then the rest of the world caught up with me, but I never had to try hard for anything. Or you know, there's like also like the charismatic and charming people. You can't get by on that. I used to just make my teachers laugh. Right. And I was like, okay, so I'll never completely fail because they like me. Exactly.

Ms. Parla Greco one time, my chemistry teacher in high school said to my mom, as a student, I hate him, but if he was my son, if he was my son, I would love him. And it was like the most kind. I was like, I feel the opposite. I wish you was my student. But and then like now that there are things I want to do in life, I don't have a work ethic. I'm like 36 years old and I'm like learning how to like try and like, to be honest, the

half marathon thing that I did, like there's a few times in my life where I worked really hard physically for an extended period of time and then you can really see that you've made a difference. Right. I'm so used to like instant gratification of like, oh, this is easy. Look, I did it. And now it's like, oh, I wish I understood earlier, like long, like working on something you can get really good at it.

Because I've never done anything long like I get so bored so easily like comedy is the only thing that I've always been doing. Right. And specifically it's like, I'm funny for 45 minutes, here it is, you do your own shit rather than like working on a movie for a year, sculpting it, making it better, building a story. Exactly. And I think that a lot, I exacerbated this issue in me by getting into improv, which is

like arguably like it's lazy if you get good at it because they're like, once you've trained in it, you're like, oh, I'm good at this. And it's like, okay. The rules are set. I don't try. Right. Yeah. You don't have to like, I don't have to write anything.

I don't have to like stretch before. Yeah. Is there anything that, to the idea that you might have accidentally been trying really hard at improv? Like you did a lot of work at it just because it was easy. And fun. It doesn't necessarily mean that you weren't putting effort in, maybe just didn't feel like it.

Maybe I didn't feel like it or maybe I'm okay with putting effort in if it's something I'm already good at. Oh, yeah. You know, like some, because I think that might be a little true for me too, something that you're like naturally kind of good at is easier to like dive in on, but rather than like a learning curve, I think I keep coming back to the running thing because it is something most people can do and most people don't do. And I just knew that like, oh, I should be able to do this and you can.

But the issue is that it's like, there's such an obvious growth path. It's like run one mile, get good at that, then run two miles, get good at that. It's so simple. And it's like the most base level of like, it's just like, keep doing it and you get better at it. And you can actively feel it in, in under six months, you can see such improvement in just running. Not including like your physique changes or your attitude change.

I mean, just like how much better you are at the activity of running the amount of time it takes you to run. And it's like, and in your head, you're going like, like, I literally, this is how I felt. Like I was telling people, I'm like, you know, if you like run like a couple of times a week for like 10 weeks, you get good at running and like, you get better and it becomes easier and you go further faster. I knew that in high school, Gabriel. Yeah.

It's like the most basic principle, but you forget that especially cause I feel like career wise and act and hobby wise, we all have these sort of like esoteric, not necessarily quantifiable careers. It's not like, all right, I banged out my 10th screenplay. I'm really getting good at these. Like, you know, everything takes a different amount of time and plus you've got to sell out. There's all the subject, subjectivity.

Like running, I felt like was like the first thing I've done in a long time that was like objective where it was like, you are now better at this like scientifically. Yeah. And there's proof to it because you're traveling further than you could. Right. Exactly. And then you're like, but then also on a macro scale, you look at it as like when you first started running, you were like, I can't believe, like you ran one mile and it was so hard.

And you're like, I have to do 13 miles in November. But then all of a sudden you're like running five miles and it's not that hard. And you're like, remember when one mile was really hard and you're like, well, it's been six weeks, five miles is way easier. I think if I just keep doing this, 13 is going to come around and it just does. That's crazy. So like going into your marathon, you weren't even nervous. I knew it was going to suck, but I had run nine miles before it at some point.

So I was like, I can't mean that much harder. I'll just survive it. I wasn't trying to do well. I was just trying to survive it. But I felt like, you know, it's a crazy thing when you're doing that kind of training. You get to a point where every single time you do it, you're doing something that you've never done before. Yeah.

Where if you like, I ran six miles for the first time in my life, the next week I ran seven miles for the first time, the next week eight and next week nine and then a couple of weeks later, 13. Like that's insane. Yeah. I remember like training for a half marathon and like running around my hometown and being like, all right, today's a long run. I got to run 11 miles and I was like, okay, like where should I run to and I realized

I could like run to my dad's office and back and like that would never, that wouldn't even be 11 miles. I was like, my town is so fucking small. It's crazy. It's crazy. I remember being like, Tiffany was like, where'd you run today? I'm like from La Cienega to Highland down to third, down to like, and she's like, you went all the way around Hollywood and I was like, yeah, she's like, how far was that?

I'm like seven miles. That's yeah. It's crazy. You're not in 40 minutes or you can run it in two and a half hours. In 42. Yeah. I'm fast. I'm fast.

Traffic's bad. So I guess what I'm saying and that's a big piece of advice I wish I knew and then something else and this is all now, maybe I'm also spewing therapy talk to you guys, but something else I'm working on as of last year is thinking about the future of Gabriel and not even like five years. I'm talking 48 hours, one week, one month. I used to just, and I almost, I still do and I have to stop myself. I act for just like an inch in front of my face.

I'm like, oh, look, dude, you know, Jake and Amir want to have some drinks. It's like, who cares what I have tomorrow the day after like, I'm like, let's just get fucking wasted. You know, like I make these choices that I don't think about the future. And like, I mean, like when I go like, I don't have to fucking work on this. I could put another hour into the fucking Red Dead Redemption too. And then you're like, do it. And then you're like, fuck, I should have thought about now the next day I'm mad that

I did that because I didn't think about the headspace of, you know, you're fucking over your future self. Right. Yeah. And I'm, and for no reason other than I'm not thinking about my future self only because you're being loyal to your current self. So my current self, sorry, future Gabriel, but current Gabriel was like, he's, he wants to jerk off.

He doesn't care if he's at an elementary school. Enjoy jail. So that's like, and I think that dovetails, uh, with what I was just saying before too, because like, you have to think about eventually getting to 13 miles. You have to like, in order to get there, I have to do this today, but these tasks can feel. Yeah, that is what effort is. Right.

Like it's, it's thinking about the results of your effort and like knowing that it's worth putting in all the work. There's that like quote, I forget who it is. It might be Emily Dickinson. I forget. It's like, I hate writing. I love having written. And it's like, that's like running to me, but also you can understand that for a lot

of activities. It's like, I can't, I don't want to go for going to do shows. Like when you're being lazy, you're like, I don't want to go do this fucking show. And then you like do it. You're like, oh, I can drive there. Oh God, look parking. Oh, fuck, fuck. Then you do it and you're like, have the time of your life.

You're driving home. You're like, there was a period of time when I didn't want to do this. It was earlier. It was like a one and a half hours. I'm not, by the way, I'm not feeling that yet. I'm still pissed about driving here. It'll be later tonight when you don't have to email Marissa the episode. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, this is great.

Oh, I bought myself five minutes. Thank you, past Gabriel. Giving your bandwidth internet cost low. Did you ever get, like, ever get advice? You know, also this is a corny saying because it's like on throw pillows and like weird posters. But it also stems to this, like a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. Yeah. At the most minor level, it is sort of the expression could just be like, just do the thing.

Yeah. Do the thing. Whatever the thing is that you're talking about. Or start the thing. Start the thing. Start the thing. I like that. That's my next t-shirt.

Start the thing. Begin it already. Because it is. It is like that. It's so easy to just be in your head about like this is something. It all seems daunting from the outside, but like how often do you like put your feet into the water and then like not get used to it? Like once you get your foot in there, you're like, all right, well, I'm going to go in.

Right. I'm here already. Yeah, exactly. But like standing on the beach with your shoes on, you're like, I'm not now. Right. The first step really is just like taking the shoe off. Oh, I really like this. And I especially appreciate you using a beach analogy.

Well, you just did a polar front flinch. Right. Yeah, I just did it on Jan first. It's so true. Just start the thing. Start the thing. Because that happened to me, like, I've been like, oh, I should like learn to scuba dive. I want to learn to scuba dive.

I want to learn to scuba dive. Talk to a friend. Yeah, we should learn. That'd be so much fun. Oh, be sick, dude. And it's like, wait, should I call a scuba dive place and just see if they can book this weekend that we're both available? Right.

My friend was like, sure. Curry Gabriel is just like, no, jerk off. He's like, no. Eat a chicken. Keep jerking off at least if you're going to call. Don't stop. And then you call it Louie style. Yeah, I did a Louie style call at the scuba center and then I called back with a Z's

and gave him the claw, gave the scuba instructor the claw. This is also secret items on the in and out menu. That's when you jerk off into a double, double. The Louie. You're banned from an in and out, right? No, that was a fat burger. Add in and out. You got banned for bringing fat burger covered in jizz into in and out.

They're like, we're not even mad about the jizz. You have some standard. You can come into our sandwiches. Please come into our sandwiches. That's like a very interesting commercial. Come on in. So you call the scuba place. You call the scuba place?

Got, took my first weekend. I have my second weekend's booked in like February and I'm going to be scuba certified. Paddy? Paddy, baby. Hell yeah. Are you Paddy? Hell no. My brother did it when we were in Hawaii on a vacation once.

Paddy, what does it mean? I don't know. It's like PADI. Yeah, it's PADI. It's like a professional association of diving instructors or something. It's just the kind of certification you need. Got it. And it's like, it was amazing.

It was terrifying. But it was one of those things that's something I always thought about doing. And then like 2018, I just started, I was putting so much stuff off for some time in my life when it would make sense. I was like, well, I can't get into this now. I got so much work going on. And then like a year would pass and I would look back on that year and I would be like, I spent the whole year being like, I can't wait to do some of these interesting things

that I want to do. And then I was like, why didn't I just do one of them? Like if I did one a year for the last eight years, I would have the eight things done that I wanted to do. And it would be so, it's so not daunting once you start it. But the idea of like, I want to learn to surf. You're like, oh, Jesus Christ, how am I going to do that? And it's like, just fucking after you do a watch.

You like fuck around with like little details. Like sometimes when I see my inbox in my email, like, oh, I'll just like respond to these really, like menial things, order, order something from Amazon. And then like all the way at the bottom is like a movie idea that I have. I'm the king of putting like momentum building shit on my to-do list where it's like cut nails. Right to-do list. I can do that. Cross off one item at random.

Awesome. Buy taxes. So my advice is start the thing, do the thing and fuck it while you're there. Enjoy the thing. That's a big three. Now you made a t-shirt. That's a throw pillow in a divorcee's house for sure. Yeah, there used to be more furniture here, but I got rid of it.

You can sleep on that do the thing pillow that I still have next to the couch. If you, what about specific advice, someone who's going away to college? What advice would you give them? Break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Yo, that is unless it's like fucking whirlwind amazing, just get out of it. Yes. It's going to happen anyway. That's advice I wish someone gave me.

Because then instead I just sort of did the, I ghosted. I did an old fashioned ghost on a girl I dated for, it wasn't called ghosting then. It was the 2000s. It just stopped contacting a woman that I was hooking up with over the summer. Even more confusing, but it's not like kind of in the zeitgeist. It's not even something that she's like, you know what happened to me the other day and none of her friends could go, oh, you got ghosted, baby. Everyone's like, that sounds like a monster.

That's insane. You might not have had cell phones then, so it's much easier to ghost. It was much easier to ghost. We just, and then I never called her and broke up with her and just kind of went about my school year. And I was like, wow, that was really smooth. When I came home and tried to get a job back at this place, I used to, I'm going to leave names, leave locations at a place I used to work. It was like a part-time job I did.

But the girl's sister was the boss and she's like, we're not hiring you back. I'm like, why? She's like, because of what you did to my sister. I was like, oh, okay, repercussions. Interesting. You can actually sue her for sexual harassment. Sexual harassment? Yeah, she didn't hire you because you didn't sleep with her sister.

That's completely illegal. That wasn't exactly what the dynamic was. You're an honor. You're my client. I got to have you representing court. Yeah, you would be some kind of weird ambulance chase. I mean, the facts are the case are there. You're an honor.

If I were you, that's where the title of your memoir comes from. Can I just break for a second to talk about me on D's if the court will allow? If it please the court. We don't talk about me on D's on High Amity. Sorry about that. Hashtag with Mac Weldon. I got brand loyalty over there. I've got one advertiser is what I'm saying.

Don't fuck this up for me. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this Head Gum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire Head Gum network, Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is.

Yeah. Yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow.

We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. There are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great. Really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents' kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool.

So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. Yeah. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant. We got her the Aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife.

And you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit. This is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah, kind of like she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God.

Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes. And we let her know with an Aura. Yeah. Thank you. The Aura announcement.

So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app. Add me to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something. That could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah. It's a great gift. A really, really iconic gift. Now you can save on the perfect Father's Day gift and visit Aura Frames.

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Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames. A-U-R-A frames.com. Okay. Go get your parents something. All right. Head Gum for $30 off plus free shipping. Right on.

Thank you, Aura. And now back to the Head Gum podcast you were listening to. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist, is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place. And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area. BetterHelp makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient, flexible

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And it's extra affordable. That's betterhelphelp.com slash if I were you. Check them out. My advice is to do more stupid things. I was kind of the opposite. I was so worried about everything, even in college, that I never did the stupid things that people had fun doing in college like traveling abroad, like 30-year abroad. I didn't want to do that.

That's one of my biggest regrets in life, is that I didn't go to Australia for a semester, which was something I dreamed of doing in college and I didn't do it because I was enjoying school. And I was like, oh, school's fun and then I miss a comedy. I miss my comedy group. I can't imagine taking a semester. Oh, here's a good example of that. Sorry, I'm stamping all over it.

It's okay, true show now. I was on an improv team with this dude and he was a Matt Moses, shout out to Matt Moses, very funny guy. He was like, I'm going to go, I got into Yale into the MFA program for playwriting and I'm going to go to Yale and get my playwriting master. So I'm like, that's fucking amazing. He's like, I know, but it's three years, I'm going to be like gone for three years. He left, got it, had an amazing experience and he did it like in his late 20s.

And then when he came back, he just got put on the Herald team that I was on at that moment. And he was like, I was like, oh my God, I was in my head going, yeah, you're right, three years out of the comedy scene, she's going to be different. And instead he comes back and has a fucking degree and a wonderful experience. Let it work. Everyone's still there. It's a really good education and a Herald team. And he just like, I'm like, oh, Moses is back.

Can we add him to our team? And the director was like, artistic director was like, yeah, of course, that's a great idea. He went to Yale. Yeah, he came back and he was like, hey, and I'm like, oh man, I'm still here. I have a podcast now. Yeah. I mean, like my life was good or all that, but it was one of those things were in my

head. I was like, no fucking way. And it's like, yeah, you know, there's time for everything. Yeah. And you could be a little stupid in college. I think I was afraid to like do stupid things. Yeah. I think I'll live in Australia for a semester.

That was like my big one. Yeah. You could literally go anywhere. Like most colleges are like, yes, please take this like opportunity at a free six months in Barcelona. Right. And if we don't have a location there, you could go to another school for a semester. Yeah.

Exactly. That's totally fine. And did you travel abroad, Jake? No. I didn't even really go to college. Oh, right. Yeah. That I knew.

Maybe, I don't know if that's one of my regrets because I'm really grateful for the way it all worked out, but it like, I was, when I should have been a junior, I had an internship at College Humor and I didn't, I had the exact same thing. I didn't want to leave. Right. So I had a full-time job basically starting when I was 20, 21. Wow. That's, yeah.

See, that's the thing that's, that's interesting because it's like, do you regret that? Or no, because if you went to college by junior year, you'd be like, I wish I was fucking interning at College Humor. Yeah. I don't know. Like that would be something that you would maybe want anyway. I feel like sometimes I feel like I had too much like good luck with timing to have done any of that stuff.

Right. I feel like it's the exact opposite of what you, the story that you just told. But it's true though. There's an element of truth there. Yeah. It really, it felt like if I, if I left, I might, I wouldn't have like started working with old blooms here. Yeah.

But also at the same time, you might have gone to college, made a couple of friends, come back, had a great experience, come back and worked with Amir starting from that. Or I might have found a funnier comedy partner and like actually done some shit. I don't know if that's possible. Thank you. I thought I was going to have to say it. Find someone funnier than Amir. Good luck.

Where would you find one besides obviously this room sitting across from you? Oh man, if you would have went to college, we could have been writing partners. What would that have looked like? Wait, we need one Amir and they could have worked up. Terrible writing partners. You need an Amir. Yeah. My writing partner, Justin, for the longest time, not as, you know, not this fucked up,

but like more responsible than the more responsible one too. Yeah. You're Amir is Marissa now. Yes, my Amir is Marissa. Where did Justin go to school? He went to Hamilton and then he, and he's in my mind right now because we're talking about that travel thing. He was a Fulbright scholar and traveled the world for a year after college paid for by

a grant. That's so cool. That's a life experience that you just can't get anymore. I've never traveled alone. Maybe that would be my advice and I can still do it, but I don't know, I feel weirder and do it. Weirder and once you're in a relationship. Yeah, or like you have a job, like I can't leave for six months to 12 months and just.

Oh, you would do six months and travel alone? I don't know. I mean, you could right after college. No, you couldn't. No way. You're too broke. You don't have the constitution for it. You can handle that shit.

You pussy. You're lactose intolerant, aren't you? You can't go around the world drinking milk. I didn't say that was my plan. Get out of here, tubby. Well, I'm not even that fat. On a minor, like a small minor version of this is I graduated college, a friend of mine who was graduating the same year as me is like, I'm moving to Los Angeles.

Here's the deal. Do you want to drive cross country with me? I'll pay for everything on the drive out and I'll buy you a one way from LAX to JFK. It'll just be for the adventure. And I also got asked to start a PA job at VH1 that would have started like while I was on this adventure. And instead of asking them if I could like start a week or two later or blowing off a PA job because they were going to come around, I just didn't know I just wanted to work so

bad after college. I was like so afraid to not get a job that I took it. And I think I missed out on an amazing opportunity. I've never driven across the country. I mean, at some point you just did it, right, Jake? I've done it six times. I've done it too much. I've seen Kansas a lot.

Don't you want Delta miles? Six times is an insane amount of time. Yeah, it's a lot. But I've done it differently every single time and I really, I love it. I can't get enough of it. That's so awesome. Did you drive the truck? Yeah, I drove the truck, barely, barely got it back.

I told my mechanic that I was like, do you think that it can make it? I got it tuned up and he was like 50-50. And you just still filled it up with shit and drove? Yeah. And I did not tell Jill. He said 95-5. He said 95-5. That's how we got to New York because no one thought this was going to be it.

That's fucking awesome. Was that a great experience though? Yeah, it really was. It was awesome. I want to do that at some point. I want to ride the train across the country too. Oh, that is cool. I think you could do that as first class as possible too, just to have Wi-Fi in your

own toilet. That's all you need. Yeah, that's all I need, man. I'm going to sit on the shitter, looking at my phone the entire time. Yeah, that's all I was thinking. I was like, Edibles, vape pen and a fucking 10 days on a train. Yeah, just like a light buzz the entire time. Just interacting with every old fucking weirdo.

Oh, why are you on the train? Oh, because you're on the no fly list. Okay, let me not engage with you anymore. We're sharing a book. Doing this also, what we're all describing is also do the thing, start the thing. Yeah, get out of your comfort zone, I think is a good one. Break up with your partner. I would say in college, overall, a good advice is find your tribe.

Just find the people, you know. You mean other Jews. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and find them and kill them. Whoa! Twist! Hunt them and kill them. Because you can spend so long trying to find a way to fit in with people, or you can meet people that you fit in with naturally, and it's just like, oh, this is who I am.

But I think that's why getting out of your hometown or getting at least to a new place or going somewhere is the way to do that. You're not going to find it any other way. Yeah, it's true. I showed up at College Humor with zero friends from college, and I met all of my friends there. Right, right, that'll happen. Or you go away to college and you're like, holy shit, I found this group of weirdos and

we all like the same shit. Not only do we all like the same shit, but I'm learning about cool stuff from them. I'm like, oh, I like this movie. Oh, if you like this movie, you should check out this movie. Oh, and you can really get what you want out of life from friends. It's really true. Yeah, it's really true. If you get into the weeds and figure out what you like and immerse yourself in that rather

than just going to school and being like, all right, I guess I'll join a frat because that's how people meet friends. Or maybe you meet a couple of guys in a frat, and they seem really cool, and you like them, and you're like, oh, if this is what these guys at that frat are like, I'll join it. But don't join it because it's the cool frat. Join it because you feel like these guys have something in common with you. No, but I played rugby. So it was like sort of de facto.

It was a club sport. I mean, it's like a club sport. So the house was there a rugby house? There was a rugby house. You live there? No, I did not. I lived in, I lived in, this is a stupid break, but I lived in a house my senior year that was cooler than all of the fraternity houses and sports houses.

We lived like we lived at 95 Sunset in Poughkeepsie, New York called the house was called Sunset. And everyone knew about us because we were fucking all like alpha insane assholes. And we just throw parties. How many dudes? It was eight guys in a two family house. Oh my God. Yeah, we had three, the house had technically three kitchens. One of the kitchens was converted to a bedroom a long time ago, and I stayed in that room.

I had cabinets all around my bedroom that's filled with all my clothes and shit like that. I just had a bed, a desk, and a dresser, and then everything was in cabinets. That's so funny. There was a blender by your bed. I would just like shit in the full sink that I had there. Leave the stove on in the winter. Well, you had a bidet. That's cool.

It's currently the wrong way, but I can get there. I'll figure it out. I'll just get myself upside down. So we, I lived, I lived like a very movie frat life without being in a frat. You know, like my college experience was very like getting fucked up, throwing huge parties, doing insane like quote unquote pranks, which are just vandalism. And you never had to get haste for it. There is like one hazing for like joining a sports team usually too.

Like there's like rookie initiation. And we had like light hazing, but it's a club sport, so no one's that committed. So it's not like I dedicated my life to fucking seven days a week of rowing crew. We're going to fucking annihilate the freshmen. The rugby players were like, we just got duct taped together for like three hours, like face to face with everyone got paired with someone around their size. And we had to like the 10 rookies had to finish one keg doing only keg stands as two dudes, two dudes taped together.

So me and the other biggest guy on the team are just duct taped together. His nickname was All-Stot named after like the Tampa Bay running back. It was like a tough little dude. And we got taped together and just got flipped upside down. Then like the two more guys would come over and just kept going. That was my initiation. How many beers are in a keg? How many cans of beers?

Oh, that's a good question. That's a good question. I forget. I feel like someone won. We did the math one time. How many? I feel like we did the math one time. That's so drunk.

I'm sure that's like a Googleable. Googleable. Bingable. It's Bing. Oh my God. That's how Bing wins. Siri. Siri.

Bing it, baby. The Microsoft Apple shit is very funny to me. Like, and it's always most apparent during the NFL games when it's like, ref's taking a look at the surface. You're like, oh, okay. It feels weird. It's called a tablet. It's the only Microsoft surface in the world is this Ed Hockely's on it.

Ed Hockely's is breaking it with his fucking forearms. Hoorah. Hoorah. Hoorah. Hoorah. Hoorah. Hoorah. Hoorah.

Hoorah. Hoorah. What about advice for someone who's starting a new job? Ooh. Oh, actually, we got an email asking us a question and we answered it. And the lady said she ended up getting a new job and one of her unsolicited advice is that she had that a lot of people appreciated is that after you interview somewhere, send an email following up to thank the people that interviewed you.

And a lot of people don't do that. And it like separates you from the rest of the crowd. Yes. Interesting. Yes. I didn't even know that other people didn't. I always follow up. There's nothing.

If you get their contact info, there's nothing wrong with following up. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you should definitely follow up. That's sort of before you get the job, but advice from this lady who emailed our show. And that's cool. I like that. Sound advice.

Very simple work advice I would give if you start a new job is no one ever hates you for being honest. Like you can't get yourself into trouble for being honest. Like you can, as long as you, because you know a lot of people who like say one thing to one person say something and then they find themselves like a slave to two masters or whatever. All you have to do is just keep the fucking ship going straight. It doesn't even have to be correct. You don't even have to be going in the right direction. Just always be like, this is who I am.

This is how I am. This is how I feel about this thing we're talking about. Yeah. And I feel like just because it's very easy to be like, I need to tell all these people what they need to hear. I'm not saying be an asshole, but I'm saying like at some point, if you're trying to like impress different people, it's all going to come folding it. It's the old, recently I was listening to a podcast called Last Scene.

If you haven't, I recommended it to you. I don't know if you listened to it on the phone. No, I was listening to the Manson one you recommended. Oh, how good is that? That's great. Yeah. If you must remember this, the Manson Murders mini series for listeners is fucking awesome. Wait till you find out, I won't give any spoilers, but wait until you find out how

connected the Beach Boys are to Marilyn Manson. It's a little too connected, if you ask me. Wouldn't it be nice was all about, you know. Wouldn't it be nice if Charlie would leave? If we can get Charlie out of this party. This podcast, Last Scene, which was about like a Boston art heist, one of the guys who's an undercover FBI agent says, I always use my real first name and my real kids' names and my real child where I grew up, because those lies are the easiest to maintain.

And it is like, that's like granted like a very specific case if you're undercover somewhere. But blow that out to like real life. And if you just never bullshit anyone, you're never going to get caught in like a hypocritic moment or anything like that. That's very true. And also, I think a lot of the time you, or at least I do this, like I'll tell a white lie to smooth something over. And then it like, but as it gets blown out of proportion and like things get worse,

everyone's like, well, why, like, why don't you just tell me the truth? Now it's worse. Like I was protecting you. And now we're fucked anyway. So it's weird because like Jake in the moment, current Gabor, his current Jake is like, I'm doing the right thing. But future Jake is like, no, no, no. It's only going to get worse.

If you actually care about somebody, if you actually care about something, if you care about doing the right thing, which you do because you're lying so no one gets hurt, think about like the future where people are actually getting hurt. Right. It's so simple, but it's so hard to wrap your head around at the same time. It is. You're like, all I have to do, I'm realizing I don't have to have headphones on. Oh yeah.

So tired of hearing my own voice. So like, I got Mars here. She's like, good at this. I don't wear headphones in my own house. I don't even look at it. Those are plugged in. I was just listening to a different podcast this whole time. It was very difficult to keep up with the conversation.

The other thing that I realized, I think like kind of in the middle of my time working at College Humor is that no one is trying to fuck you over. Like I would, I would get my head. It's a super rare case. Yes. I would get so worked up being like, this boss hates me. This guy hates me. And they're like trying to fuck me.

Like, no, no one. It's really rare that somebody is like actively evil trying to fuck you. Yeah. And if they are, it's not, it's not just you. They're trying to fuck like everyone because they're monsters or whatever. Yeah. So there's no one with a specific vendetta again. Yeah.

Just like, don't, if things aren't going your way, don't think someone's trying to fuck you. Think instead, they're probably, it's just not occurring to them. Right. You aren't on the top of everybody's mind. Oh, dude, that's huge advice is like, and it's hard to hear. And when you just say to someone, honestly, they're probably not even thinking of it. Like, and it's such a true thing because we can overanalyze any interaction you've

ever had, especially like, when you're like, okay, I got a job interview. You're like, interview with someone. You're like, I can't believe I said Wendy instead of Wednesday or whatever. And it's like, they have no, and then you do something where you send an email and you're like, hey, sorry about that thing I said. And they're like, what are you talking about? They're like, fuck. Now I'm like, into deep explaining my own, like lighting my own fucking house on fire

at this moment. It's really true. But it's such a true thing where it's like, and it's humiliating to think, like it's humbling to think about. But more often than not, the person you're stressed about, you're not on their mind. Yeah. Oh, so they're done. It's, I think it happens in a bad way.

Yeah. Oh, he goes, what, he goes, like, yeah, oh, fuck. The guy in the elevator, right? Pete Campbell. Pete Campbell is like, yeah, what do you, like, what do you think about this or something? I don't remember. But no, he's like, you know, I don't like you very much. And he goes, you know, I don't think about you at all.

Yeah. Oh, that's great. Yeah, so good. It's so true. It's so true. It's so true. He didn't think about Pete Campbell at all. He didn't think about much of anything, unfortunately.

Don's the man. So fucking horrible story, right? That's what he took away from. And then, absolutely, that's what I took away from him. You don't want to be Don Draper or Walter White. I haven't watched the last season. I'm the one who nods. That's really something who never watched the last season of Breaking Bad.

It's like, I'm going to be like Walter White. I want to be like Heisenberg. I'm like Tony Soprano, dude. Dude's a kingpin. He's a hero. Here's a piece of advice that I got at a good point in my life that I kind of spewed to people all the time. It's a hyper specific, maybe, to the creative industry.

But when I was a PA at VH1, I was talking to one of the guys who was a writer on Best Week Ever. Shout out to Kevin Marr. I say to Kevin, I'm like, I think I want to focus on comedy more. And he's like, well, I don't know if you're going to ever have the time to do what you want to do as a PA. He's like, you make this much money. Do you know for unemployment, you make almost that much money.

But then you're free all the time. He's like, you get six months. I say, leave. Take six months of unemployment and focus on whatever you want. He goes, the one thing you have to keep in mind, though, is when the six months are up, you need to be able to look back at it and say, hey, I did blank. And he goes, I mean, even if it is, I watched all of Deadwood. Or like, you know, I've seen it.

Another piece of advice is watch Deadwood. And it's like, yeah, on a minor level, just watch Deadwood because also the next season is coming. This is like, they're doing another one. Yeah. They're doing like a Deadwood movie with a lot of the same cast as all back. So sick. It's going to be so awesome.

But it was that advice where it was like, take this six month crack. And then I ended up getting like a couple of little paychecks in between. And then that bumps, you're like, you can't get unemployment that week. So I ended up like spreading it out over like nine months. And in that nine months, I got a lot of stuff done. I wrote like a sketch show for UCB. I started coaching improv. I found all this stuff.

And it was all because Kevin was like, don't accidentally blow this opportunity. That's really funny. Good advice. Like quit your job. Yeah, it was like quit your job. But don't regret it. He goes because he's like, in six months, you might be looking for a PA job. And if you might then be a PA, that might just be the path for the rest of your life.

He's like, don't you want to look back on that six month period and be like, I did this cool stuff during it. And it's like, take those cracks, especially when you're young. I know, and I almost wonder if there's a flip to that advice, because there's so much old person advice of like, when you're young is when you can actually do stuff. And it's like, but when you're older is when you have money. So it's like, it's true and it's not true.

And it's sort of like, maybe us older people need to be like, I need to take six months off work and watch all of Deadwood events. Yeah, I mean, I would definitely rewatch Deadwood. But you have a lot less responsibility when you're young. Like your rent was lower. You didn't have a wife and a dog. Yeah, exactly. Like if I tried to be like, for six months, I'm going to travel.

Like my wife would be like, you can't do that. And then all of her friends would be like, you should leave them. And they'd be right. Yeah, no, they wouldn't be like, that's what's great. They would not be out of line. I feel like we both travel solo for work a lot. So like we get, we scratch that itch a little bit, but it is for work. But I think either one of us would be cool if I was like,

babe, I think I want to go to Vietnam by myself. We're like at a level where we like, it's not like I'm going on a fuck tour. Like she knows, like it's not about like, I need to flirt with girls on my own. It's more like, I think I just need it for my own growth. Yeah, that's cool. And especially because like she's not really like, she's so afraid of spiders that it's like detrimental to her like activities. Like she doesn't want to ever go camping or anything like that.

And I'm like, well, that's stuff I want to do. So like you have to be cool with me doing it without you. Even if it's a fuck tour, as long as there are spiders involved, you could be there. I'm going, I'm going, I'm going to fuck tarantulas. If you ever want to go on any vacation without her, if you want to just go to London, there might be a spider in the Airbnb. I looked it up and it's black widow season in Scotland. Aren't you going just on a scotch distillery tour?

Nah, they got spiders all over them. But the name of the distillery is the black widow. Don't you see? Don't go, don't go. The logo is everywhere. Do you guys have any, uh, insane, like, like, debilitating fears, not debilitating fears. Phobias.

Phobias or things that you think like, if I didn't have this facet of my personality, I could do more things. You know what I mean? Those are two different things. Like one is like being too neurotic and I, I'm very, uh, I have a low tolerance of being like uncomfortable. So I don't like camping. Like when it's cold out, I don't, I prefer not to camp.

Uh, if it's too hot out, I prefer not to camp. So like, it's not also, it's not like you're like, I really wish I could go camping, but I'm, I'm so. Right. You're like a fear of snakes. Your thing is a phobia that, you know, or not, your thing is a preference that you would. Yes, a preference.

Right. You wouldn't, you wouldn't be like, I wish I was cool with the cold so I can finally go camping. That doesn't matter to you as much. Um, yeah. I guess I don't like going fast in things. So like, but I like the idea of riding a motorcycle or like skiing down a mountain.

But anytime I've ever like gotten on the back of someone's bike or tried skiing, I'm like, this is way too fast. Yeah. That's funny. So I guess if I had like a little bit more of like insane crowds, it feels the same way. Yeah. I think if I had like some kind of like action movie here,

I have romanticized action movie heroes. And then like in the moment, I'm like, this is too intense. Hi. Oh, fun. So I like in the same way about like crowds, I'm like, dude, it'd be so amazing to be such a huge part of like, the idea of burning man sounds amazing. And then it's like, if I'm like in like a crowd with like 50

people and they're remotely annoying, I'm like instantly turned off. Yeah. Yeah. I wish I had slightly higher tolerance for other people. Like, I feel that like, I guess. I let other people that are arguably strangers ruin my time at other places where I'm like,

I don't want to be at this place anymore because these, this like that the vibe here is that people are annoying. You know what I mean? Like, and I'll like limit my own experience. I don't want to go to that. It's going to be, everyone's going to be like standing and singing and shit. I don't want to be at that.

Like it's like, yeah, I miss my own like, miss a concert of a band I like because I don't want to deal. Which is interesting because like you're, you could easily hold court and be the center of attention. And I feel like I like that kind of thing too. I like being surrounded by people who are like friendly and everybody's having a good time. But if I go into a new space where like, I don't know anyone,

if I don't have like a warm introduction, I feel very uncomfortable. Oh yeah. If I don't have somebody to be like, this is Jake, now Jake, go speak when everyone over. Yeah. Then I can't, I can't walk into a bar and just be like, hey, how's it going?

Yeah, that's when I have like nine drinks too fast. You know, like when you're at like a weird premiere party and you're like, I thought I would know more people here. And then like you get stuck in a weird conversation and you're like, I got to get another drink. And you like walk over again, like as an excuse to leave. And then you're not talking to anyone. So you're just kind of, and then all of a sudden you're like,

well, I've had 12 tequila sodas and I'm at this funny or die event that I don't even really want to be at. And now I'm too drunk. Now I get one interaction with the person that you're like maybe like of the level of people you wanted to network with. The boss. And you're like, and I'm fucking wasted.

And I'm like spitting in Will Ferrell's mouth again. Frenching Adam McKay. Oh, God. I was like a big fan. Hold doors for people. You're telling me to? Or is that the phobia? Oh, actually, I don't know if I talked about this on the podcast,

but I learned two gentlemanly things to do that I've done. And I think it's nice. Okay, one, if you are getting into a taxi with a date, you think that opening the door is the polite thing to do. But technically, the polite thing to do is to get in first so you are the one who scoots apparently. And then if you are going through a revolving door, it is more polite for you to go first.

To get the momentum. Yeah, so you are actually, yeah, you are the one opening the door. But all these things are not acceptable anymore. The gender norms have switched. Yeah, I always say, I guess the gender norms have switched, but to me that just means hold the door open for guys now too. Yeah, hold it for everybody. Yeah, like whoever, for the person behind you.

It's really not that hard. I guess chivalry isn't really gender specific. Right, you can be chivalrous to people in general. And I think that's actually probably good life advice where it's like, if shit you would do, like this malady bullshit that you would do to like try to impress chicks, like do it for guys. Try to impress a dude.

Imagine buying a dude, I mean, a person, we should say, let's not even use gender. Just imagine just like buying a drink for someone that you weren't trying to go with at the bar. It's like, hey, just take those guys down there a couple of cocktails. Hey, that brings us all the way back to buying a shot for your bartender.

Yes. That's right. I want to start buying appetizers for people at the bar. Instead of like, hey, this plate of onion rings is from that dude over there. I'd be like, enjoy, sister. Hey, can we get sweet tater tots then? You know what?

One for you too. I'm okay. And why would you help yourself to it? To a cheeseburger? I already ate. Buying lamb chops for the bartender. Hey, easy for you, man. Help yourself.

It's like, what? You want one? I was at the barber a while ago, obviously, and a dude was like, I'm going to run by. I'm going to go next door and get myself some dinner. Do you guys want anything? They're like, no, no, we're fine. He's like, well, what if I grabbed you guys

some like tater tots and some wings or something like that? You guys will have it? They're like, yeah, I mean, I guess so. Yeah, thanks. And like the dude dropped off tater tots and wings. I'm like, I don't want these barbers going to eat like finger food in the back and then coming out and cutting my hair.

But it was weird that the dude like forced it on them in a weird way. He was, wait, he was a guy getting his hair cut and then he went out and got them food. Yeah, he like knew them a little bit more than I did, at least way more than I did. Oh, that just, this is something completely separate, but this is something that's a new pet peeve of mine.

I'll give advice. Also, let yourself be treated to things. For example, like we're out to dinner, you offer to pay, rather than fight and make a big stink out of it and be like, no, let me pay half, let me pay half. Because my mom, this stresses me, my mom and my aunt do this so much. Like, we always go out to dinner with these two families

and my mom will be like, let me pay, my aunt be like, you're not fucking paying, Joey. And they like fight over it. And then it's like, if my mom ends up treating, both parties are now men. And one of them got a free dinner and one of them got to buy their dinner for their sister. So like, I feel like I've said it because like,

we were out and someone bought us dinner and Tiffany was like arguing with them. I went, hey, this was very nice of you to treat us. Yes. Thank you so much. Dude, I have the exact same issue and I have a system for it. You have, you do one protest and then that's it.

I call it a faux test. Like, oh, no, no, no, let me, let's split it. And they say, no, I got it. And then like stop and say thank you. Because the weirdest thing is for somebody to be like, let me pay, let me get your dinner. And then you feel, they feel like you're mad at. Yeah.

And it's like, you're in this moment where you're like, no, I've, I'm trying to help you by offering to pay my half. And then you're like, but really what I'm doing is negating what you offered to do. Right. And in your head, just clock that and be like, well, next time I go out with a mirror and let me make sure I buy him dinner.

Well, he'll never buy you dinner. Yeah, I'm not stressed about that. That's not a lunch. How about you buy me lunch first and then we'll hopefully get around to another one where I pay. I thought we got you a sandwich that day at Trencher. I'm not, I think I paid.

That's, I love that. That's the joke I do with my manager if we're ever out to dinner. Like I know he's going to put it on the company card, but I do the fake wallet lien where I go like, make eye contact and go, and he goes, don't worry about it. I'm like, I know. It's all you got to do.

You just got a motion. This was a sponge in my back pocket anyway. I lost my wallet years ago. I have no identity. You know that as my manager. As my manager. Oh, you don't? We should talk more.

I'm trying to think of any others. How about advice of someone who's starting a podcast? I'm just thinking of like things I've done and like things we've all done in life. I usually tell people that the idea has to be easily produced. A lot of people come in grandiose ideas like, I'm going to talk to this person,

then I'm going to interview their grandparents. And then when I interview their grandparents, they're going to like link me up with one person and then I'll do like a sit-down interview and that'll be an episode. Right, yeah. Like after four, you're going to be so burnt out. Yeah, it's like imagine doing it.

Yes. That's all I say is like imagine doing it. Like think about your favorite podcast. How many episodes do they have? Can you do that many episodes of your idea? That's right. Make it as simple as possible, ideally you and maybe a friend, maybe a guest, even guess we find is difficult to get.

So it's like just me and Jake sometimes. Right. And makes so much. Well, that's pretty much what when you guys came to me to do High and Mighty, I was inspired by the Jeff Rubin, Jeff Rubin show. And that he sort of does whatever he wants. And I enjoy that it's self-serving because I enjoy Jeff.

So when it was like my turn, I was like, well, I kind of don't know what I want to do. Whether I want to be able to talk about action movies and like the action boys and the Taco Bell were two things I knew I wanted to do. And I was like, but I also want to like, I love to have highfalutin conversation. I love to sit down with two buds and be like,

what's like real life advice? And like that's shit you can't. So I was like, what's the umbrella for all of that? And I'm like, oh, a non-specific title. The John Gabbers Show. Right, exactly. The Gabbers Variety Hour. I would have called it something like that

if Jeff Rubin, Jeff Rubin Show wasn't what I was ripping off. The John Gabbers, Jeff Rubin Show. The John Gabbers, John Gabbers Show would be so fucking transparent. And what I ended up doing was making a podcast that was now it's peak self-serving where I pick the guests, they come to my house and we talk about a topic we've chosen together. That's right.

Now that's insane, but it's how I've gotten to almost 200 episodes. It's like the only way is that what would have happened is like if I made it easy. Because that was the thing I said to you guys too when you were like, you want to do a podcast? I'm like, I don't want to do any of the work. And you were like, look, we'll get the equipment, we'll do the editing, we'll upload it.

Like I'm like, I'm not good with technology. It takes me so long. We'll do all of that. We just think you're funny. Like you guys gave me the confidence boost that I really needed when you were like, we just think you're funny and you're the type of person that should have a podcast.

And I was like, you're like, we're launching a podcast network. We want to launch you. I was like, well, I wouldn't have, I still might not have started a podcast. And it took like you guys saying, do the thing. Well, yeah. And look how right we were. Yeah.

How right we were. Podcasting ends up being my fucking main income. Like I'm alive still because of podcast. It's truly kept me sane because it's been my new live shows where like, no matter what was going on in my entertainment career, I would get to go do improv and make or stand up and everyone laughed and feel good.

And now I got that on a slightly larger scale where it's like instead of 200 people, it's 20,000 people. And I'm like so excited to like, I still have this. Yeah. No matter because you can go to every meeting and get rejected, get rejected. But then when you sit down and put on the mic, you're like, well, this is my domain.

Yeah. This is like people want to hear this. We can do whatever we want. Right. Exactly. And it's like, we're fucking so lazy, we combine two episodes in a one. It's perfect for us. Advertisers are going to love this.

We couldn't do this on TV. You couldn't. No. I mean, there used to be crossover episodes. Of course. But it would be wildly expensive. Of course, we can't do this. But they used to do it.

I know. Hey, whatever man. Now we're right in front of us. On a trifle baby. Tell me where to go. I would say also like, and this maybe will piss a lot of people off. Oh, is this the Jewish thing?

Yeah. Don't worry about like quality, like soundproofing your room or anything yet. Just get it going. Marissa is sweating. Marissa's like, yeah, no shit, Gabe. Even with the microphone's peak, it's fine. Right, Marissa?

Don't worry about sound quality because Marissa will handle it is what we're saying. I think the main thing I would say, like another important thing is consistency. Yeah. Day of the week. Choose the day of the week and stick to it. And just do it.

And like, try to never miss. I've never missed one Thursday. One time I did, but it came out on Friday, but just because I had no idea what the date was, and this was two weeks ago. So three years is only one Thursday missed. But also, I've never taken a week off from an episode ever. I've had episodes come out on Christmas and New Year's.

That's amazing. I've never not had an episode come out in a week. That's great. Yeah. And that's another testament to the idea not being so difficult. You don't have to like grab friends or do interviews or do too much insane.

Right. Or like, okay, I got to punch up this jam now. You know, like this is my 290th jam. Thank God they have to make an original song this week. When you guys were talking about like the work of a podcast, if you go to guest on that podcast, you're like, you wrote a song in your free time? Jesus Christ. And they do not have free time.

Yeah, no. They're both working human beings. It's wild. Yeah. And also for me, my podcast allowed me, the thing it all stemmed from too was, the reason action boys exist is because one time at birds, me, Rogers, and Stanger all just happened to start talking

about the movie Predator. And we were all so informed and so obsessed with it. We talked for like 45 minutes. And there's not often that you talk to your adult friends for 45 minutes, unbroken, like where you're not like, I should go talk to someone else. But like, we just happen to have this corner table. We don't, we didn't really know each other that well at the time.

Yeah. I mean, me and Rogers are longtime friends, but we didn't know Stanger that well and we started talking to him. And I was like, this is why podcasts exist. Four hosts is like, I want to talk to my fucking friend. Like literally, I just, when I saw you guys the other day for the, for that good thing, I was like, do you guys, when are you in, when are you in town?

Let's do a fucking podcast together. Yeah. It's a way to catch up for one hour. It's a way to professionally hang out. Yeah. It's a way to, it's a way to monetize making fun. It's a way to monetize conversations. Finally.

How can I make money off my friends? It's a way to get a mirror to talk to you. You owe me 70 bucks, by the way. What? I'm paying, oh, I have to pay. I should start paying my guests. Not now. That's a whole other thing.

Not today. Not today. Starting next year. Headgump should start doing it. Is it, should it be, should I be stressed out at all that the guys who run my podcast company are launching patreons? Is that a bad sign? Oh yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're fucked, dude. We are trying to cork the damn any way we possibly can. Any other podcast advice? Keep it simple. Schedule. Wear headphones. Yeah, we should be asking more heads up.

Some more. Yeah, but see, I already don't like her advice. Get your own podcast. I think it ties back into the other advice that we have, is just do the thing. I feel like with podcast, with writing, with so many creative endeavors that people ask me about, they're like perfectionist before they even get started.

It's so self-defeating to be like, I'm not going to do this unless I can do it right. Like, you're not going to do it right. You won't. Your first episode is not going to be the fucking best thing you've ever done. You're speaking to my core right now. This is my main issue is like, I know if I try to write this

thing, it's not going to be as funny as it is in my head. And it's like, of course not. No, it won't be the first time. You got to get it to that point. Yeah, that's what effort is. But you got to write that shit thing. Yeah, you do. And it's so, it's so easy to, Jake, you're so right.

It's so easy to think that you're working on something by thinking about it. Right. But you are so not. I've been knocking this idea around in my head for a while. Like, I personally do, and I know my friends do too, where they're like, yeah, I want to write that fucking paintball movie, you know?

And it's like, you've been talking about that for 18 months. Like, you would have written it. If you would have had eight drafts done, you would have sold it and shot it by now. And it's a self-fulfilling prophecy too, because like the longer you do think about it, the more perfect it has to be when it does come out. In order for it to justify all the time, you thought about it.

Hey, just throw some shit on a wall. It's OK. Like, just record it. You don't even have to release it, but just record it. Just start doing the podcast, because it's so easy to get caught up in the like, we should, we should, we should, we should. And it's like, just do it.

Yeah. You can always delete your back catalog when you think you finally recorded your perfect business. Right, right, right. That the, that Ira Glass advice that's like, your taste out, like your taste is better than your skills. So like, if you're a fan of something,

if you're a fan of comedy, your taste in comedy, you are not good enough to impress yourself until you get better at it. So like, that could limit. That's really smart. That limits you in a weird way, because you're like, well, I love painting, but I can't paint like my favorite paintings.

And it's like, no shit, neither could they when they started. Yeah. That wasn't Picasso's first starry night. No, that's Van Gogh. Sorry. Add that out. Marissa, I really should know all of it. Marissa, no editing on High and Mighty.

The only editing we ever do on High and Mighty is when someone goes, can you take out the part where I shit talk to someone by name that might eventually hire me? Yeah, Van Gogh. Oh, fuck, dude, fuck. Your, your ex's sister with the sandwich shop. Right.

God damn it. The, getting your skill level to your taste level is something like, there's that huge gap there, and that'll prevent you from doing anything if you really, of course, you should have good taste in the thing you like, and eventually you'll reach it if you're pursuing it. Yeah, but you don't get better by not doing it.

Exactly. It's so easy to be like, I have this funny idea for a movie, but then you start writing it, and you're like, this isn't as funny. And this was way harder than I thought it was, and it's not as rewarding as I thought it was. Yeah. But you just got to fucking know what it's going to be like

writing sucks, having written is awesome. Yeah. Running sucks, having ran is awesome. Sex sucks, having sexed is awesome. What? You mean in the midst of co, in mid-coitus it sucks? Yeah. But like the afterglow?

Yeah, just laying down next to someone and going, that was awesome. And then you're like, did you come? And they're like, no. But not in English. And they're like, neither. Gavir's loved it. Well, I didn't just explain the most insane dynamic that you

are like hating the fact that you're coming, and then afterwards you're like, finally, now I can cut loose. Now I can do the best part, which is adding it to my number. I will say in a long-term relationship, there is an element to having had sex where you're like, if we fuck like early or something like that in the day, it's like, well, now we don't have to even think about it. Yeah, it's not on anybody's mind anymore.

Yeah, now it's like now. It's not hanging over us. Now I can eat a big meal. That's my exercise in the morning. That's a great piece of advice. Also, for going back to that unemployed thing and the creative life, something that the guy said to me that day too that stuck with me was set an alarm.

Even if your alarm is 9 a.m. or 10 a.m., set an alarm and build yourself a routine. And it's true. And it's like getting up and going to the gym in the morning is like for someone who has their own schedule is like, technically you can go at one or three or whatever, but it's like you'll easily put something in front of you. If you just get up and go and do it, you can come home.

Like Billy Scafiri always says, and then think about it, you can come home and smoke weed and do nothing all day long. You don't normally do that, but if you allow- He doesn't say that to me, but yeah. For me, he's like, just think about it. He's like, do you want me to get me to the gym? He's got different tools for motivating people.

That's what makes him awesome. He tells me I can spend the rest of my day setting my fantasy basketball line up. You're like, thanks, Billy. Run away with your fucking- Spot me. Time to go lose money on FanDuel. You know, I wanted to answer some questions,

but this is the better. It's kind of like the unsolicited advice episode of our podcast. We just throw in a bunch of- Play that theme song at the beginning. Yeah, that works. Perfect. And this works for High Mighty

because it's all over the place and in garbage. Except people are going to be like, it's recorded well. So let's wrap it up with physical health or fitness advice you've received. Or that you want to give. Here's something that Mano, who's been a guest in my podcast a bunch of times, he says, and it's stuck with me,

and Stanger always brings it up on Dumbbells, another headgump podcast. It's stuck with him too. Mano says, late at night, if you're feeling the craving to eat, like you've been drinking or you're a stone, and you want to eat something so gross, you're like, let's get pizza, let's get fat sals.

He will tell himself, don't do that. But go to sleep, and when you wake up in the morning, you can eat whatever you want. You can have a huge ass breakfast, pancakes, you want burritos, you want whatever, you can get it all in the morning. And then you go to sleep,

and you wake up and you're like, I'm not going to fucking do this. Like I want an apple. Yeah, like I don't want that now. Tricking your future self rather than- And it's like tricking yourself. A lot of your future self. Yes.

Or a lot of your current self. Yeah. Yeah. And you have your future self via your current self, tell your current self, future self's lie. I think I just time travel. When you feel like your future- Your current self.

Well, your future self just walked through the door. Oh, fuck, you can shoot me. Looper. That's my movie is Pooper. Nice. I get shot on the toilet by future self. Dude, is it- Oh man, I wish College Humor was still making originals.

Pooper? Yeah, because all you- My favorite gag about College Humor was like, okay, what's something that's topical? Great, we have Looper. What's something that is from our childhood? Great, Tetris. Okay, it's Tetra Looper.

And it's like, thank you, Dan Gerwitch. We're ready to rock. And can we make it a pun? I think when you have to put out three videos a week, you get to that point. And it's on dig. Relevant pun. Relevant pun is true.

Yeah, come up with a title, work backwards from there. Yeah, that's what Shanghai Nights was, I think. Oh, cool. Stop bringing that up. We've had to head it out the first 40 times you brought up Shanghai Nights. We'll leave that one in. Do you have any good physical fitness or health advice?

I think the only- The thing that has been the truest for me is that like, there was a lot of times where I was like, I'm going to get in shape. I'm going to get in shape. I'm going to get jacked. And I never- And I would always like try to do something that I wasn't like-

I'd like force myself to lift or run or something. And it wasn't until I realized that I liked hiking and climbing and doing these and like bike riding. It's like, oh, if you make your exercise something you enjoy, then you can work out without actually feeling like, oh, fuck, I got to go to the gym. I got to do this set. And like, I've been so into climbing

that that's like made me more into lifting. Because you're like, I want to get better at climbing. Right. I want my core to be stronger so I can be a better climber. So that's like translated now into liking the gym. So I think if you can find an exercise that you enjoy, it doesn't have like, I don't think that very many people just enjoy being on the elliptical for 20 minutes.

Right, right. But like, you might like playing pickup soccer or like joining a softball. And then you also might go like, oh, if I ran a little more, I would be better at my pickup soccer game. Right. Yeah.

So just, yeah, find the thing that ignites the- That's me. That's why I sign up for half marathons and play rugby still every once in a while. It's because it's like the only- I just, I'm, I still am like, got a little bit of a jock in me where I'm like, I don't want to be bad at this.

Yeah, you let your competitive. Right, yeah. So then you don't want to, and even if it's just with myself, I'm like, well, don't, if you're going to go to Seattle to play rugby, you might as well be able to try hard while you're there. Find a way to compete.

Oh, that's so true. It's so, that's so fun. Also, you were saying, I'm going to get jacked. I'm going to get jacked. And sometimes when you're saying that, you're like, all right, so I'm going to lift four days a week. And then like when you, when you set the bar too high on yourself.

Right. And you're like, no one can get to the gym that, but if you go, if you go one day a week and you were going zero previously, you've improved your life 100%. And it's like, instead, you're like, well, I'm not going five. And it's like, well, if the options are five or zero, yeah, like you're in a bad place.

If the options are zero, one or five, and one is better than zero. That's doing the thing. It's just doing the thing. Fuck. It all comes back to you. We should sell this tagline to Nike. Okay, ready?

Just do the thing. Yeah. We should make it a little longer. Okay. Just do the friggin' doing thing. Couple more words in there. And it'll be three swooshes. What about you, A?

Do you have any? I like going with a friend. That's helped me a lot. Going with Billy, going with you, going with anybody. The accountability part, we don't even, I don't even work out with you necessarily, but just knowing that I'm like, are you, the text, are you going tomorrow?

That's right. Is enough to be like, yeah, I should. I'm like, I wasn't going to go if you didn't text me. Yeah. One last piece of health advice that I got for diet specifically is come up with a easy, healthy breakfast that you can eat five days a week and not be like burned out on,

even if you change it every couple of weeks. If you, I eat two hard-boiled eggs every morning for about five years now. And it's so simple. We're about five hours. And it makes it guaranteed that one of my meals, in the morning, when I don't have the correct decision-making ability going on,

one of my meals every day is relatively healthy. And I, and it's easy. And I have no, because it's like, if I let myself be like, let me maybe order breakfast. Let me go make something. It's like, just bang down those eggs and you're fucking moving along. Yeah.

I think that's a big thing for- Eggs are insanely easy. Eggs are insanely easy to make. Yes. Like 30 seconds. It's awesome. And it's like, and it's protein, it's no carbs. And it's like, it's a very easy thing.

Or if your thing is oatmeal or it's a bowl of fruit or it's a smoothie, just make the same thing. And then if you look at it, if you eat like shit the rest of the meals, but Monday through Friday, or even Monday through Sunday, but say you do it Monday through Friday, there's 21 meals a week. If you eat healthy breakfast Monday through Friday,

25% of your meals are healthy. No matter what you do the rest of them. If you go ham on the rest of them, literally eating ham. I'm like, I lose ham. Diets are, I used to always think that diet is just like, oh, so eat a salad all the time. And I hate salads, but like, I've, I think I've learned that there's a,

there's a million different diets out there. You find one that like is tolerable to your palate. Yeah. Like a diet where I can have eggs in the morning. That's, that's great. Yeah, I like eggs. I always say, don't even worry about dying, just dieting. Worry about being less gross than you were previously.

It's like, all I do, it's like, normally I would have a burger here, but maybe I'll just get chicken. Do you prep all your eggs for, do you like hard boil 12 eggs? I'm going to start doing that. But I usually do them fresh in the morning because I like them a little warm.

But I'm going to start going to, if I start going to the gym early again, I'm going to have them done. So I could just pop them, drink my coffee, shit and get pills. Like pills. Yeah. Just on the drive to the gym,

pop two hard boiled eggs in my mouth, swallow them with a cold brew, and then get immediately in the sauna and shit a fucking alive chicken. What the fuck? Eggs work. That's how eggs work. Cavers incubates the chick on,

in his body and shits it out. Guys, thank you so much for coming on, if I were high and mighty. Oh, thank you for coming on, if I were high and mighty. Please, it was such a pleasure having myself on your podcast. This is one of our longest episodes,

so hopefully our fans appreciate it. This is one of my shorter episodes. We're not in the middle. Compromise. I don't look at a clock, a headphone, the levels. I don't do anything, clearly. But where are you guys at on Twitter,

for high and mighty listeners, so that they can tweet at us, unsolicited advice or advice that they've gotten at different stages? That's great. I'd love to read that. Jake Hurwitz. At Jake Hurwitz.

At Jake and Amir. At Jake and Amir. And I'm at Gabris, G-A-B-R-U-S. That's all it gets. Yeah, dude, guys, check out Jake and Amir's podcast, if I were you. And if you're just a fan of me and hate these guys,

I've been on a few episodes of theirs, start there. I think you'll become a fan of their podcast. And likewise, if you're listening to this episode on the If I Were You feed, listen to more high and mighty. You'll honestly like it. Yeah, pop back over to the end.

You have a good entry-level podcast for people that are listening to you on the first time, for the first time on our podcast. Probably the one with us on it. Probably this one. No, my first one, because the first one is not really about anything.

It's about starting a podcast that you guys did. Hey, we did not even have a name, or did have a name. I think it had a name at that point. But I think you can check out any one of the Action Boys episodes. That's just talking about movies. The Taco Bell episodes are sort of on-brand.

I highly recommend checking those out. And then the Power Hour episodes are pretty gross and disgusting live. I love the Power Hour episodes. People seem to dig them. I love John Carlos' Power Hour episode. You have to know them to realize how insane it is

that they're talking in the microphones. That's really true. Check out the Action Boys podcast and Raised by TV, and check out Buckets, and check out Not Another D&D Podcast. We're all multi-podcast heads in here. Check out All Fantasy Everything,

because Mars really likes those guys. She couldn't give a fuck about my podcast. And Demi and Mielle are standing outside the door giving us threatening gestures. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's 10 feet tall together. Terrifying. Bye, shitheads.