If I Were You - 370: Meth Boyfriend

Episode Date: February 18, 2019

In this episode we discuss Denmark, Cupid, and of course... hooks. Tickets still available to our show in Washington DC on March 9! Come on out and party with us.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. The figures in Jake's room he's always painting Me to them just meant for TNT And it's a long way back from 33 The chipmunk gives advice to me and I'm I'm not getting blown, I need help I'm nearly 16 years involved in fast Let's ask if I were your show

Wow, that was just half the song Oh man, I love that There was too much of it that I wanted to split it up First half being the opening theme song Second half will be the closing theme song Because there was too much and it was too good Do you know what that was a parody of? It was Blink 182, but I don't know the name of the song

It feels like a new Blink Oh is it? Yeah, it's all vaguely familiar to me So I can't really tell the difference between like new and old But I guess it's new because you don't exactly know what it is No, yeah, it doesn't It makes me happy to hear, but it doesn't stir the same emotions As if I were to hear, say, a carousel parody Or a pathetic parody

Something off of Dude Ranch or Cheshire Cat Got it, yeah, so this is called Bored to Death Do you know what that is? No, it is Blink though, right? Yeah, that's what he says It's a Blink 182 parody of Bored to Death Been watching your content since the college humor days

My buddy Noah, whose song you used recently And I both really love the podcast Please never change the unsolicited advice theme We're both big Blink fans, we rock climb And Noah even plays D&D So we're basically Jake I spoof Bored to Death theme song So I hope you guys can use it

Love David Kim Interesting Bored to Death theme song Is it a Blink song? I guess so, we gotta find out We should after this episode We'll listen to Bored to Death by Blink 182 So we can hear the original

Okay, great It sounds close enough that I believe him Yeah, yeah, but it also almost sounds like a I don't know, like a train song or something But maybe that's just because that's like his voice You know, like that's what he did Yeah, it seems like Blink 182 songs Are either silly or serious

Right? You could say that about Eminem as well Yeah, he has like My bum is on your lips And also like Fuck you Kim, I'ma kill you bitch Yeah, and Blink 182 has that kind of like What's my age again

Like the state looks down on Saddam Saddamie, I pranked your Prank phone called your dad And then also please tell mom this is not her fault About suicide I'm sorry When I was editing What's that one about?

Don't waste your time Yeah, I think that's from their south title too Where are you? And I'm so lonely Are you lonely or are you guys running around naked? Because it seems like you're very bipolar That song he calls something the six string darkness Which is like really like it sounds poetic

And it truly means nothing But it didn't need to mean anything This was the 90s Well this was in 2015 I think Really? That was their, I don't know their self title Maybe it was 2012 It was a different time

Jesus It was pre-Trump, that's all we need to know But definitely after 9-11 Shit had already gotten real I feel like there's another era now doesn't it It's like the pre 9-11 But then like after that there was like There was another time where things kind of got chill

Yeah, and now they're not chill anymore It was post 9-11 pre-Trump chill Oh yeah, the 90s of the 2000s will call them I like that actually That's a podcast No it's not Well I guess it's our podcast That's right, that's our new log line

This is If I Were You, the only advice podcast On the internet hosted by me And me, I'm Jake You're going to Paris? I am actually, I am going to Gay Paris And I'm going to be there, I leave tomorrow night Holy shit, what's the plan there? So, my wife

Her friends were going to Paris Oh is this the one where she wanted to go And you're like I'll come with And she's like it's sort of a friends trip And then you're like I can do like a friends trip Right, it was sort of like I was like oh that Jill was like I want to go And I was like oh that sounds really fun

But I don't know if I can permit you to go by yourself Right And you know that sort of caused a little bit of a Cause she might French kiss Right, I would hate for her to go all the way to Europe To cheat on me Right So I'm kind of going as an unboying

Like a chaperone A chaperone An unwelcome guest to be sure Because the allowing her to go thing Didn't sit well with Jill or her friends For that matter Yeah, just saying allow It has a bad ring to it

Yeah, it was a nasty way to put things for sure But now I am going to be there And I don't think they want to have a sour time They don't want me in a rotten mood So I don't think anyone's going to really I think everyone's trying to like smooth things over Like oh no, it is fun, it's cool It's like weird circumstances

Why is here, but we're going to be chill And then I'll be like I'll be sort of a nasty boy on the day when I arrive You'll be a dark cloud a little bit Yeah, I will be a dark cloud I don't like museums, I don't like sightseeing And I don't know if I want to permit Jill to enjoy those things Because fear that she'll find a French lover

Which everybody can understand Yeah, because like you have a nasty attitude And she might meet someone who's like really into the stuff that she's in Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm a shitty guy Is what it comes down to And if she leaves my sight for long enough She might realize that or somebody else Yeah, somebody could swoop in

Yeah, like what if she takes a museum tour right And then like the guide is like pretty intelligent Like French has long hair, is kind of jacked And he's like talking about like art history in a way that's really cool and interesting to her And you're not there to like make snide comments and stuff like that I mean even if this guy is but ugly If she is around someone who's not emotionally abusive And vindictive and small and petty and shallow as I am

I fear that she will see that the grass is indeed greener On the other side, yes So I need to be there and I need to be in a foul mood And I need to be a bed Especially I need to be a bed Because then she may want to not stray too far from the hotel As long as she's going to a pâtisserie That I can see from the balcony

Did you say leave the bed? I'm not going to leave the bed of the hotel Right, got it So you'll just sort of see within the purview of the balcony But once she like strays from that radius It's sort of like all this I'll shriek and I'll scream and I'll cry And I'll threaten to hurt myself

Like a captive person And she'll have to return And we're also going to go to Copenhagen Oh that sounds fun That's a new little development The other day because we're coming back next week And then I was just like well what if we extended the trip for three days And we could just go to a different place

And then I like looked on Google Maps And I just pinpointed a place that looked cool And then I looked at the flights and they were cheap as hell To Denmark Yeah, so now I'm going to go to Denmark Is it because it's February and it's like dark for 18 hours And negative 4 degrees out What?

It's like not really high travel Is it cheap because it's like not high travel season And nothing's really open or going on It's going to be like freezing rain the entire time You guys are going to be cooped up in a hotel room I didn't really think about that Blumenfeld Yeah usually there's like peak travel season Well I looked at like Condé Nast Traveler

You know like You saw pictures of beaches and stuff I looked at Copenhagen and yeah there's like people kayaking And they're outside drinking beer That's all June, July, August And a lot of beer garden outdoor drinking Yeah it looked really nice Over the summer

The sun was shining quite brightly in the photos What dates are you going to be there? Well we'll be there on February 19th until the 22nd I see right now that's called the cold season It's the coldest day of the year The air actually freezes Well how am I going to go to an outdoor mall? You can't

If the temperatures are frigid You know how I'm sensitive to moisture Negative 41 Celsius Really? Centigrade? Yeah well at negative 40 it's pretty much the same thing Between Centigrade and Fahrenheit Ah shi- Shiza

That's German No fucking way I downloaded the wrong Duolingo I learned to spreckency toys I took a frickin' class Dammit In the wrong lane I actually almost went to

I looked into going to Iceland again Jesus Christ haven't you got enough? I can't stay away I really want to see the northern lights It was way too expensive Oh really even in February? Yeah oddly enough Because of northern lights stuff Maybe so

Or maybe even pilots don't want to go To Iceland in the winter Just like everybody's not going I'd rather quit What about you? You gotta No let's chat man We don't have to get to the advice shit right away I'm not going anywhere in February until

Actually I'm going to New York in March for our show That'll be the next trip There you go and that's it By the way I looked up I asked Twitter based on our last episode How many of you wear long underwear in the cold? I was floored Remarkably low

Half the people never wear long underwear Regardless of how cold it is That's bananas but then I also I know that you said you never did And for most of my time in New York I did not either But really once you start Like I'm addicted

It was 55 the other day And I threw on some long undies I didn't give a fuck Yeah you were two turtlenecks And a tutu That was the original tutu It was a two turtleneck Only 15% of people said always in the cold

That's nice So let's see if we can get that percentage up Good man Alright let's answer some questions Before it's too late Why not Here's when you found about a 23 year old Dude from Michigan

Who I'll call Magic Johnson Because he was once a 23 year old Dude from Michigan Nice I'm heading off to dental school in August But until then I'm living at home with my parents Working to make some cash for school Anyway there's not a lot to do around my hometown

Because most of my friends are either in school Or I've moved on to a big boy job I've since taken my talents to tinder and bumble To find a cute fun gal And I happened to stumble upon a girl I went to high school with A stumble on bumble That's right

She was a year above me But still a cute athletic girl That I could see myself dating I said freak it And swiped right And we matched I'm kind of a timid guy So I didn't message her

And just kind of forgot about matching with her But then a week went by And I wake up one morning with a tinder message from her At 2 AM Saying drunk confession time I'm slightly obsessed with you That's all Have a nice night

Wow I messaged her back And she said that she and her mom Were binge watching Grey's anatomy Drinking wine After a little more chitchat She confessed that she was a little embarrassed But happy that she sent the message

Because she actually meant it We've been snapchatting each other For about a month But I've yet to hang out She lives at home with her parents as well Before she goes off to grad school So we're both in the same boat My question is this

Should I pursue this gal for a relationship Even though I'm going to be leaving the state In six months Or should I just hang out with her And seize as much cheese as possible Until I leave for school Cheers and towed up P.S. Love and the E.P.L. Patreon content

I'm an Everton fan Everton? Yeah You know, loosely related to the E.P.L. pod Or directly, actually After we had Tom and Connor on Sunday Yeah They tried to convince me to like

Wolverhampton The Wolves The Wolves The Wolverhampton Wanderers Yeah And I must admit that I love the name Okay So we'll keep an eye on them

Yeah, I'm gonna have to watch a match Okay I feel like six months is Plenty long enough Like you're not starting a relationship Under false pretenses there Right? Like six months is like you can

You could like easily Date for a while and break up And like have it not even be about You leaving town Yeah, that's This guy is so passive He's like I matched and I didn't message her

Then she said she's obsessed with me But I'm leaving town in half a year Should I do anything about it? Yeah, like What are you talking about? Why did you download Why did you download Bumble then? If you're

If you're If you're not planning on starting a relationship Yeah, for six months For six months, that's the point of Bumble So you can date people for six months That's a long ass time For Bumble, that's the longest time Yeah, that's a marriage on Bumble

That's a Bumble marriage It's six months of time Especially because she went out Of her way to message you She wants to hang out with you And you still won't do anything about it So why don't you at least take this One mini-step towards actually making a

Cool decision for once For once you've got them one And you don't have to consider it as Seizing the cheese as much as possible Just hang out with her once Right, it's not See what happens It's not seizing that much cheese

It's a small seize of the cheese Yeah, this is like She's done 95% of the work And she's asking you to do the last 5% And you're like I don't know, I'm still on the fence Yeah, sample the cheese Have a costco size cube of cheese

With a toothpick in it Then you come back 5 minutes later And hope that the person doesn't remember you And sample another cheese And they're like You've been to my station before You have a toothpick sticking through your cheek You didn't remove it before you ate the cheese

Yeah And he's like I didn't come here for another piece of cheese I came here to borrow your phone To call 911 because I'm bleeding out Yeah And when I come back here next time It won't be for a cube of cheese

It's gonna be for the whole damn thing Take a lawsuit the size of that wheel of cheese behind you Because my dad is actually a big cheese lawyer And he's gonna have your ass on Not unlike the platter that you're serving the cheese in And I'm gonna have your boar's head for this Very nice And then you slip in a pool of your own blood

And fall into a stack of television Yeah And then she sort of takes the toothpick out of your cheek And she notices that you super glued one side To the inside of your mouth And the other one to the outside To make it look like you had stabbed yourself And just another Costco you're not allowed in

Just like that It's that easy, folks Alright, here's another question Okay From another confused gentleman About Valentine's Day Which is coming up Ooh

I should say it's So we're recording this on Tuesday Valentine's Day is on Thursday And we're not gonna release this until a little bit after But Yeah At least it's gonna help him for next Valentine's Day That's right

We'll call this guy He didn't say where he's from Oh, Cupid Let's call him Cupid It's a Valentine's Day thing That's fun Cupid's a naked little fat angel That shoots people

Yeah, does Cupid wear a diaper? He sure does wear a diaper Is it a diaper? Or is it just underwear? Or is he just straight up nude sometimes? Yeah, like, have you ever seen Cupid's little tiny dick? Have you ever seen Cupid just on the off season He's wearing like a onesie?

Yeah, so it's like Cupid But like, he's not necessarily shooting people With arrows right now He's like just wearing like little jeans And a shirt that says Mom, he's number one fan He's working on like a screenplay Yeah, so he's at a coffee shop

All the Cupid one, I just Googled Cupid And he's definitely in He's in like a kind of a cloth diaper Yeah It's kind of like an old underwear Right, now I just searched Nude Cupid Yeah, or Nupid

Yeah There's a couple where he's just Where it's a naked Now I'm looking at child porn Okay Actually, now let me just search Random one-year-olds Because the Cupid thing kind of takes me out of it

There is some like weird little Oh god, this is like a baby angel With a really tiny dick But he has kind of like He's like a little toned I hate what I found Cupid's like pretty jack Now I'm gonna search Cupid naked

Six pack I'm absolutely on a fucking registry for this Oh Jesus Christ A wedding registry I have to go knock on my neighbor's doors I'm gonna turn myself in after this show Alright, here's the question for that Cupid rights

Dear Amir, this is a question for Jake And yeah, I'm a day one Starbucks killer joy boy Okay It's not weird that the Starbucks joke is An episode one thing Episode one Kill yourself in a Starbucks Yeah

That was when we peaked It's been a slow descent since then I wanna listen to episode one See how different it sounds from like episode three fifty three Hmm That'd be cool Hopefully you can answer this before Valentine's Here's a little background info for ya

I have been in a relationship with a twelve cent doll piece For the last five years I have left my girlfriend wet, gleaming and orgasmed A multitude of times I left her orgasmed That's right, she's been gleamed for him Jesus She's shiny

Slick as a newborn Newbile too We are rather open Cupid rights And I guess I have always wanted to experiment With some tools in the bedroom I'd say pocket pussies, dildos, vibrators And yes, even lube I'm not even sure she knows about this though

That being said, in honor of Valentine's Day I decided it would be in her best interest And my best to invest in a vibrator Now here's my question I give it to her And what if she says no? Can you say no to a vibrator? You open a gift and just say no

I know this gift I say no to it How do you give a sex toy for Valentine's Day? Do you just go for it from zero to vibrator? I would suggest You definitely like get the vibrator Like if you've got ideas to improve your sex life And you guys discuss these things

And it's like sexy and cool I'm all for it Here's my pitch though It is not the Valentine's Day gift That's a bonus That's just a thing that you'll have On Valentine's Don't make her unwrap it

Like it's a gift Like get her a card Get her chocolates Get her flowers Normal Valentine's Day stuff Take her out to dinner Something like Just like on the boring

On a more normal spectrum Take her to Copenhagen You gotta go to Copenhagen on Valentine's Day It's a Danish holiday It's Denmark based paste It's Copenhagen chic And it's this year And it's Saturday

And it's dark It's Hugga It's Hugga for sugar It's absolutely getting hyphy And high-gee with the wifey That was the groupon that I used For our hostel For five Dutch Franks a night

Get a high-gee with the wifey A shared twin mattress So you're saying get her the gift But not necessarily a Valentine's Day gift Correct I think that you can get it But you don't have to make it a presentation Yeah

Although like If you're gonna get her a vibrator as a gift Like Valentine's Day seems like the perfect time Because it's not really like a birthday gift It's not an anniversary thing It's like a love-based novelty Yeah, but I just think that like A sex gift should just be kind of like

A random surprise gift It's a gift, not the gift What if you give her a coupon for a back massage And a vibrator Oh, that's good So you give her a coupon for a back massage She's like, cool Then you start massaging her back with the vibrator

And she's like, this is weird And then you're like, well, that's because it's not for your back And then you show it to her And then she breaks up with you You say You actually already redeemed the coupon So joke's on you And I have a couple coupons myself

This one's for a do not break up with me Use any time, no blackout dates So I'll use that one now This one's for a free dinner So you gave yourself the coupons in this scenario Yeah, and this one just says 10% off bed, bath and beyond It came in the mail, unrelated to that It's kind of interesting

Just a big book, like a big book of coupons That are like for everyone's mutual benefit So it's like, yeah, so there's a free foot massage That's good Okay And a free, a free dinner And then this one's for me Which is free head

A water pick And I can watch the football game Without you yammering on about why I'm not hanging out with your friends We did brunch last week Here's the coupon Christ Are you aware that there's another football league

That just started this year? Excuse me? There's like the A Alliance Football League The AFL which started Like a private league That started the week after the Super Bowl No, or is anybody good in it? There's a few like ex-NFL players

I know Trent Richardson, who is a high draft pick Who didn't do anything in the NFL Is playing in it Very interesting Where is it popular? Is it good? I don't know I'm more of an EPL guy now That's actually really cool

Let me tell you the eight teams in the AFL Just if any of them peak your interest Okay, but honestly, if it's not like the Tottenham Hotspurs I don't care, but go ahead The Memphis Express I mean, I love it I love it The Memphis Express

Okay, yeah, yeah But let's keep on going The Orlando Apollos The Arizona Hotshots The Salt Lake Stallions The San Antonio Commanders And lastly, the San Diego Fleet I'm out

I didn't even know where you landed after all that Yeah, I'm not interested I'm in the fleet Alright, I got you a San Diego Fleet jersey Thank you, dude Alright, let's take a break We'll come back and answer some more questions after this Cool

Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode But the entire headgum network, Jake Wow That's correct I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift I think it actually is Yeah

Yeah, not just Father's Day But if for any not-so-tech, savvy family member That you need a gift for soon These digital photo frames might be the best of all time Yeah, for me personally, these things are perfect I'll tell you why As you know, I am expecting my first child We got one for Jill's parents

We got one for Jill's grandma Holy smokes We got one for my parents So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now They're great, really easy way to stay in touch with your family You can upload as many photos as you want Directly into my parents' kitchen It's really nice

Oh, that's cool So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby And then it goes to their digital photo frame This is actually how we told Jill's grandma She was pregnant We got her the Aura frame We plugged it in Jill's grandma was pregnant?

Really nice, asshole This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife And you're trying to make a joke of it I was just being goofy a little bit Like this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant Yeah, kind of like she misheard it or something like that Or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant

Oh my god Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant It's pretty cool And you told me with a digital photo frame Holy smokes And we let her know with an Aura Yeah Thank you

The Aura announcement So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere And invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app Add me to your Aura app I'd love to upload just a picture of me at a pool or something That could be funny Yeah, like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter Yeah, yeah, exactly

You can even preload photos and add a personal video message That will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame Yeah, it's a great gift A really, really iconic gift And right now you can save on the Perfect Father's Day gift And visit Aura Frames, that's A-U-R-A-Frames.com And our listeners can use code HEADGUM To get up to $30 off plus free shipping

On the best selling frames There it is Oh wow, this is timely The deal ends on June 18th So don't wait Terms and conditions apply That's Aura Frames A-U-R-A-Frames.com Okay, go get your parents something, alright

And use the code HEADGUM for $30 off Plus free shipping Thank you Aura And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to This show is sponsored by BetterHelp Thank you, BetterHelp If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation Talking to a professional licensed therapist

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And we're back Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a little... Mom, I'm coming Gross Yes, I do Wait, but first Are there tickets left for our DC show?

Because we should say that that's the unsolicited advice first, right? Yeah, there might be We're now less than a month away March 9th in DC We might have some tickets left I'll put up a link on jacadamere.com New York show, of course, sold out So DC is your best opportunity to see us

In the Eastern seaboard Before 2020 Yeah, yeah Okay, so my unsolicited advice is hooks Hooks Hooks Let me guess what you're trying to say there Okay, I'm a big hook guy now

But go ahead, try to guess Hook For hanging stuff on your walls? Correct, Amundo Really? Yes So, here's what I... When I moved, I wanted to...

There was like a closet Where there was just one random hook on the side of the wall I was like, what the hell, what's the point of this thing? And then I put my climbing bag there And it fits so neatly and nicely And I didn't have to keep it on the floor Or up on top of the back of the closet And then I ordered another one

Because I wanted to put one in my other closet For another backpack And you can't get just one hook on Amazon Uh-oh You open the door to your house There's hooks everywhere So what I did, babe, was... Yeah, everything has a hook, right?

So if you need a spoon or a fork There's hooks for that, right? Careful, don't walk there, that's where I put the hooks Actually, look at my feet, babe Hovering above the ground, right? That's because I'm actually hooked to the wall right now Yeah, it's... And if you want to just go to sleep

You hook yourself into the bed, just like that Don't touch the ground, the ground is lava So I got like 24 hooks or something So then I started trying to brainstorm All the different places I could put my hooks Of course So I put one in my bedroom closet Just like against the side

Because I wear the same pair of pants Like most of the time I wash my pants probably once every week or two So rather than like fold them And put them on top of a dresser And a chair on the corner of the room Where it looks a little messy I can just put them on a hook

Without having to put them back in a drawer They're always there, ready to go Trusty pants every day And like there's a hook now Behind the sink cabinet Where I put like a little... Where I put like a little washcloth It just really...

Tomorrow's floss? Yeah, it's really convenient And I think it's like kind of elegant too It makes things look a little neater So if you're trying to condo your life Yeah You can hook it up, you know what I'm saying? That's good

You can start like a custom hook line Called by hook or by crook And then you can figure out different ways And different styles of hooks Are you rolling with? That really feels like... I don't want to like fully Get into the hook game

Where I'm promoting my own hooks I just... I'd love for everybody to find their own hooks They have like a stick on hooks too, right? That's exactly what I use Because I'm not... Drilling into the wall Is like normally what I'd like to do

Because it's like a little more substantial But these are just... I don't know Exactly where I want all these hooks They're all testers So it's really... It's nice having the little stick on hooks And they work really well

They hold up like my backpack With the weight of a laptop and a charger And shoes in it Wow, and it's just sticking to the wall with adhesive Can hold up your like ten pound backpack? Yeah It's... They are not fucking around

It's great It's a miracle Alright, hooks Hooks What are your thoughts on ladders? Really nice Why don't you come to the table For once in your goddamn life

It's the monseless dude advice, okay? During the break I said I don't really want to talk about hooks And you're like Can I talk about a different one today? Um It's kind of It's kind of time-pressing

You're really going to call me out Call me out for also liking hooks It's a family emergency Yeah But hook... You said hooks is a decent one But it'll play well next week Let me take the floor this time around

I tell you what I'm going to edit this podcast this week Because I want to cut that out Where you defame me Alright, I'll send you the audio Alright, sweet So when I upload it That whole last hook thing

Where you called me out for stealing yours Is just going to be edited out And I actually Yeah I don't appreciate it I liked the idea of hooks That's why I told you I said

I did say I had a family emergency What you said is true What you said is true I'm just going to tell you though It will never see the light of day Fortunately And if all of this is still in the episode Then just know that

Jake didn't edit it I edited the episode No, well, it won't be I edited the episode It'll be kind of like a litmus test For who edited the episode Is whether or not You heard the last five minutes of the podcast

And they won't have So let's just try to get into the episode Cleanly Because Get into it Or get into the second half We're half an hour deep So let's just take it from me saying

Hooks, that's my pitch And then you're like Alright, that's great Thanks for the original idea And then we'll move on Alright Alright, fine Go

Alright, so that's it Hook I like that Why are you laughing? Shit Also, you don't know how to edit Hooks, that's my idea That's my idea, folks

Actually, I created a website By hooking by crook I really want to get into hooks Alright Back to the questions and answers We got an anonymous one From somebody calling himself The Turtle Avenger

So maybe we should keep that name I love it The Turtle Avenger writes Here's some background information I'm a senior in high school With very little friends And even less of those are female But there's this one girl in particular

That I talk to a lot And we message each other online daily Little more background I am way too shy to ask her out And have never had a girlfriend before But that seems besides the point Okay, now to the real matter at hand We started chatting one night online

And got to talking about hentai For some reason And she decided to use the website That generates a random hentai image Anyways, we kept sharing images We got from there with each other And discussed the physics of the woman And the actual art style

As well as the key features Like the way the nipples were drawn Or the way the legs bend Anyhow, my question for you guys is Is this normal? Is looking at hentai porn in general With a member of the opposite sex In a kind of non-sexual way

Normal? Or is that extremely out of the ordinary? Also, does this ruin my chances Of asking her out? Much thanks for looking at my question I know it's a weird one But hopefully you can find the time To get around to it

I appreciate you taking a look This far down What do you think? I don't think it's normal I think it's very romantic I think it's very crushy I think he has reason to believe That this lady is

At the very least open to His romantic suggestions A date asking out Wouldn't seem out of the ordinary This guy reminds me of a young's Me when I was 18 Where I'm like, I don't know if this girl Actually likes me

Or she's just sending me porn In like a non-sexual way I don't want to read too much into it But she sent me a picture of nipples And talked about how much she likes them And I look at hentai porn With members of the opposite sex all the time And I think it's completely normal

Yeah, but would it be With a completely non-romantically Interested female friend in high school When hormones are running wild? I do it all the time With high schoolers, yes It is not sexual Yes, Blumenfeld

Wake up, you old square If you're still editing the podcast I would remove that part too Yeah, this is It's crazy Like he's This is so clearly Sexual and sweet

And nice and cute And you guys like each other And you're into the same stuff It's not like they just happen to Start sharing hentai Because they don't share Some of the same passions And perhaps turn on

Yeah Even though he thinks this wasn't sexual A lot of guys like Read too much into things in a positive way Like this girl's totally into me Because she looked at me Right, she likes my photo on Instagram Should I smash?

Right And then there's like The other end of the spectrum Where like Clear romantic chemistry Related things are happening Synapses are firing And then you're like

I don't know Maybe she's just Doing this as like a friend Which is possible But you can at the very least Maybe ask her to hang out Right You can at least proceed

As if this was a unique situation That was just Like that was just for you Because she likes you Yeah, but it's good Because this guy's literally Half my age Maybe even less

So like he doesn't have the experience to draw And he doesn't know For the next 18 years These things happen between friends And they mean nothing So we can lend our wisdom Our insight And let them know that

It is a little bit more than nothing That's true That is true But there's also the fun thing Of like thinking that it's nothing And then like Kissing somebody And being super surprised

Yeah But I wouldn't be surprised At this point Right But I'm gonna tell him That it means nothing So that way When something does happen

He will experience the pure joy Of a kiss That you weren't expecting Wow, you are a little cupid And yet Your little one-year-old dick is out All right Editing that out too, you fucker

I see a little cloth diaper Hanging by a hook Over your trash can Okay, quiet Quiet down Quiet down We're gonna edit that out One last question

From an Australian female An Aussie female Who's the most famous Australian female? Margot Robbie That's pretty good Was there an Australian female tennis player? There's a lot of Australian male tennis player Hmm

Australian female tennis player Margaret Court Johanna Conta I like Margaret Court She plays after She's named after what she plays on No, she's such an old school tennis player They named the surface after her

Really? John Tennis and Margaret Court That's cool She won 24 Grand Slam titles in the 50s Jesus That's insane Is that like the most ever? Uh, Grand Slam's won singles 24

That's crazy It might be the most ever How many, like, yeah, how many does friggin' Federer have? I think he has roughly that many as well 11 in the open era I don't know what was going on before then In the 50s they were just handing out Grand Slam's

Yeah, I actually have one Yeah, that's awesome You were born in the 50s, that's cool Alright, Margaret Court writes I'm a 22-year-old from Australia And I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years Last night, he admitted to me that he smoked meth Four months back when he was 18

Before we were together Obviously, I was like WTF The worst drug he told me he had taken up Up until that point was ecstasy And I know he used to be a full-time smoker This is the first time he has opened up About his past part of his life And honestly, I'm shocked

He has always been so against drugs And doesn't even touch a cigarette to this day Do I have to be a little bit cheesed off? Do I have the right to be a little cheesed off here? I told him everything about my past And assumed he had done the same I'm disappointed that he ever did this But I'm honestly more hurt that he waited

Almost three years to tell me Where are your guys' thoughts? I don't know what to do here Should I just act like everything is all G? I can't help but look at him differently Even though that was why he didn't want to tell me In the first place Thanks, love

Margaret Court I thought that she was talking about Like he smoked meth three months ago And she just found out Three years, yeah, that's fine Yeah, she's been with him for three years And then four months before they were together He smoked meth

Yeah, that's fine Margaret, you gotta let this one go, man Why is she so cheesed off then? Because it's a scary, dangerous drug Yeah, it is I get that you can feel like you don't know somebody But you gotta remember that you've known him For the last three years

And the reason that he didn't want to tell you Isn't because he's still addicted to meth It's because he thought That you were gonna look at him differently Which is exactly what you're doing So you're sort of proving him right In that regard I knew you'd be cheesed

Yeah, you're teaching him it's good to lie I'm actually not cheesed, mate I'm not cheesed at all I'm not super cheesed with you I'm actually vegan cheesed And to prove it I'm gonna have a cheese in Vegemite Sandy I'm not cheese of you, mate

I'm actually cashew cheesed And yahoo serious Yeah, I think it's fine I mean, it's good that he told you And I also think it's kind of weird When relationships are all about like You have to tell me your entire past Like, you don't really have to do that

I think that Including the meth? Yeah, I think that you sort of I mean, share some stuff from your past That you think has shaped you But I feel like you should really be sharing More about what you are now Yeah, I think you said that once recently

It's like anything that happened before I met you Is a lock box, a mystery closet That is forbidden and locked to enter But starting now, my life is an open book, babe I think that's healthy Maybe the lock box couldn't have like A code that everybody knows But there's not really any reason to go

Digging around back there Yeah, but there is something That once you have the There's like a Simpsons joke where it's like What is your infatuation with my forbidden Closet of mystery? Once you like don't Once you have this secret past

This locked up thing People are more interested, more excited More curious than ever before Right, and then you find meth in there And you're like, oh, yeah No wonder it was locked The whole I didn't want to tell you Because you'd be mad as a

As a trump card a lot of people play Like whenever someone finds out something And is mad at you And you're like, well that's why I didn't tell you Because you're mad And then the other trump card is like Well, I'm mad that you didn't tell me And this girl can't even use that line

Because she, he did tell her Yeah, well he told her really late I think there's like I don't know I guess my advice to this person Is to Try to like understand Not like why they didn't tell you

But just like try to get a bigger picture Of what's going on In your boyfriend's life Currently, and like As long as you feel confident That he's not doing drugs That make you nervous for his For his life

Then I think it's okay that he did it You can like talk more about his past If you really need to Yeah, also he hasn't done it in three years I hope That's the thing that you got to find out I feel like the question isn't like Why the hell didn't you tell me

I'm super cheesed at you It's the question is like What was that experience like for you And would you ever want to smoke meth again Did you like it Are you at risk of being addicted That kind of thing No sense in re-litigating it

God, meth Would you do meth if you were just like Guarantee that you weren't going to die Just to like have the feeling Kind of like in a controlled environment Yeah That should be like a type of doctor That lets you experience drugs in a controlled environment

Or like in a type of an amusement park Like you could just go into a little room Do a drug surrounded by doctors And know that you'll survive But it's also about not being addicted Yeah, so this is what they do It's like an amusement park But instead of rides

It's just different closets And you go in there and we give you We administer this drug to you In a controlled environment So there's like a really long You'd get like a fast pass for meth Because that one has a really long line And when you get your little

When you get your number It's a closet Because it's a very controlled environment It's like a safe space That's too controlled And they give you It's not even a space It's really small

Yeah, they give you a meth It's claustrophobic So you're in a closet on crystal meth We can keep the line We can keep the name Amusement park Because it still is an amusement park But instead of rides

It's just closets Closets with meth But then you can't really leave Until you promise You have to promise You have to swear That you can't do it again This is like some kind of medieval torture

This isn't an amusement park This is a Yeah, so I'll give you meth But you have to promise This is a horror movie This is a horror movie You're some kind of Sadistic serial killer mad scientist guy

This is a black mirror episode actually I could see that Yeah It's like a drug park An amusement park For adults who want to experience drugs I'm actually not too against it Yeah, you gotta

Yeah, you gotta do it smart No closets, okay? Okay, bud? Yeah, maybe Maybe, uh Maybe it's the roller coaster still So you're fucking shooting up On Splash Mountain

Let's chill It's the purge meets Disney World So for one day a year We let heroin addicts ride The frickin' Matterhorn Amen All right, that's it That's our time

Thanks for listening We'll be back next week As always, tickets are still available At jacadamere.com for our DC show And if you have any questions Or theme songs, please send them To ifireusshowatgmail.com Opening theme song by David Kim

Closing one, the rest of that Sweet theme song, once again By David Kim We'll be back next week When Jake is back from Paris And Copenhagen Can't wait to hear all about it Oh yeah

Are you gonna do meth? Yes Awesome Bye I just jumped onto a hook On the copier if used to be let down Or the way more Benz girls milk got all over A mirror's face over and over and over

Let me ask you a thing And let me know what you think I'm about a handjob I bought From this dude for a clip bar And I came over and over and over So embarrassed I was so sober So I'll ask over and over and over If I were you is the best place for closure

That was a headgum podcast