If I Were You - 371: Power Move

Episode Date: February 25, 2019

In this episode we discuss Jake's European Vacation, Amir's potential monovision, and whether its cooler to block or unfollow somebody on social media.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. Wow, how do you like that Bubley shit? Risky move covering a Bubley song because he's got a voice, you know. Yeah, it's so cool to see Bubley blow up like that. We went to junior high together. We did like bar mitzvah classes together. You and Michael Bubley did?

Yeah, we used to call him BuBee BuBlay. BuBee BuBlay. Little BuBee BuBlay. You went to high school with him? Yeah, no, we went to junior high. We did bar mitzvah singing classes together. I'm just going to quickly look up his Wikipedia. Oh, no, no, no.

Where he grew up. He's from British Columbia. He grew up in Canada and he's 43. He's 43, yes he is. How old are you? 35 or 36? You obviously didn't overlap at all in junior high. It's like two or three years.

I feel like I'm on trial here. You're not on trial. BuBee BuBlay. Oh, no, that's an evil sin. I would call this a mistrial. This wouldn't seek court. You're so clearly lying. Okay, okay, all right, all right.

I promise not to say anything wrong going forward, your honor. Well, not wrong. You lied, so let me see. I won't mispronounce anything either. It looks like he was Croatian, which would mean that you were probably lying about doing bar mitzvah stuff together. No, yeah, it was all a ruse. I'm actually, I really am sorry about that.

Okay, yeah. So that was a fuck. Sorry, I shouldn't have even tried to pass that off. I didn't even have to do that. I'm just like this pathological. It was weird. I guess you made it about you because there was a song that we usually give somebody credit for where you're like, oh, good job.

Here's your SoundCloud page or whatever. I wanted to be that. You tried to seize the glory. So here, back to reality, he said, this is a theme song submission of the parody of I Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble. I don't have anything to plug, but give a shout out to my beautiful girlfriend, Jordana. She doesn't listen to any headgum podcast, but I can change that. Also, come to St. Louis.

I'm from Long Island, but I go to school in St. Louis, so I always miss your shows. David Steinberger. All right, thanks, Dave. David Steinberger. So we appreciate that. You're back. You are back from your voyage to Paris and Copenhagen. Yeah, dude.

Gay Paris and gay Copenhagen. You had a croque madame with your madame, and then again, you got Haigie and Haifi with the wifey in Danish country. Yeah. You had a Danish in Daneland, and you had a croque monseur

Yeah, and you know what, I had a great European vacay from Scandinavia to Southern Europe. And you just got back yesterday, so I didn't even hear anything about it. Yeah, so one interesting thing that happened to me

is that I got food poisoning in Paris. Okay, that's a good one. And compared to the food poisoning, you got the last time you left the country, which was about two months ago in Mexico City with me and Marty. This was probably five to ten times worse.

Worse, which is weird because when you got food poisoning in Mexico City, you puked at a bar, then went home and had diarrhea and puke at the same time, and you said, if this is how I die, then so be it. And you're saying the one you got in Paris

was ten times worse. Maybe five. It was the sickest I've ever been in my whole life. And that includes the time that I got food poisoning when I was like 25, like seven years ago. Which until

this week was the sickest I'd ever felt. I'm trying to re-watch Instagram stories and try to decide which one of you were you recovering, which one were you not quite sick yet, because I do see yours and Jill's Instagram stories, and it seemed like you had a beautiful Parisian vacation.

So where in that did you get such ill food poisoning? First of all, we had a beautiful Parisian vacation. That much was accurate. But on Saturday night,

late, late Saturday night, we got there Thursday, so that's like some Eiffel Tower pics, some croissants, we had basically had half of our vacation, maybe.

Saturday night, starting at 4am, and then all day Sunday, I didn't, I left the hotel room for maybe 30 minutes just to see if I could take a walk at like sunset on Sunday. Which was the nice, it was 63 degrees and sunny, just like a perfect,

utterly perfect day where I was violently puking the entire time. And do you know what caused it and where? I've got a theory, because I don't know anything because, you know, you can't really

know, but there is something that grosses me out beyond everything that I ate, so that's just what I think it was. Yeah, you're blaming, you're scapegoating. The goat crepe that you had, you got a goat crepe, medium rare. It was the greatest crepe

of all time, and it was goat meat, and it was goat milk. The goat, the greatest crepe of all time. We went to this restaurant called Clown Bar. Fuck it, I'll call them out. Because even if they didn't give me food poisoning, they did have terrible service,

and I thought they were bad people. Okay. So, I'll call them out for that alone. And I believe that their duck pie made me almost die. Their pie made me die. Duck pie. And what are we working with there?

It's sort of like, I guess it kind of looks like a mincemeat pie or something, or like... Australian style. Like a chicken pot pie maybe? Yeah. But there wasn't really there wasn't like bread it wasn't really breaded on the top,

or like crusted on the top. It was it looked just like a bloody red meat thing. And most people split it. I took one straight to the dome, straight to the face, just me alone with the pie. This is Saturday night.

This is Saturday night. And like, meanwhile, I was feeling very hail and hearty, like all week. I was trying very adventurous things. I ate calf brain, I ate sweet bread, I ate like such disc, like just like three days of really adventurous,

kind of disgusting, very, very rich French food. You had snails, you had butter, you had frogs, you had nutters. It's true. So many things that like just make me start sweating a little bit now. And we also

stayed out until like three or four in the morning, like drinking. Okay. And then I got a crepe on the street, on the way home. The end. Okay. The beginning. Right, right. The beginning. But end, yeah, end of stage one. I guess at like 5.30 in the morning, I woke up and I was

like, I feel gross and I threw up and I sort of chalked that up to mostly getting a crepe at 4am. I was like, my stomach was too full. This was like resting at the top. I had to clear it out. Now I'm going to go back to bed. Crawl back into bed.

An hour or so later, I wake up and I throw up again. Like, oh man, maybe I drank too much. So are you hungover too? Or are you drunk? Are you completely sober? I'm sort of like out of it at this point. I'm like, man, I can't believe I have to throw up again. I like, I hope I can get enough sleep because tomorrow we have a big day of going to museums

and stuff. This is you on a toilet while diary-ing. So like, I'm sort of like throwing up being like, still like calculating like, how much, I was like, okay, I got like 6 or 7 more hours to sleep. I won't be that hungover.

I'm glad I threw up a second time. This is actually good. And then the third time I'm throwing up, I'm like, I feel pretty queasy. This is it. I feel like I'm sweating and pale right now. I think I've thrown up sufficiently

just if this is like, you know, too much to eat or drink. And then it started just happening every 15 or 20 minutes. I would wake up and I'd like need to rush to the bathroom. Meanwhile, I have thrown up all of the food that I've eaten. So I'm

just like, dry heaving, spitting up little shards of duck pie. Jesus Christ. And then like, it got to the point. This is maybe at like 10 or 11. Jill, Jill is like trying to sleep with her, with ear buds

in, listening to music so she doesn't have to hear me fucking wretch heaving in the, yeah. And there was nothing coming out. So I like couldn't even breathe. I was just like That was the sound I was making. Like my stomach in the bedroom. Jill is listening to Michael Buble

peacefully. It's not true yet. It felt like my stomach was like vibrating trying to shake every last thing out of me. And like there, it would, it would I would be throw like scream, throw uping

for so long that I felt like I wasn't going to be able to breathe. I was like, I could pass out from exertion. Jesus like your abs felt sore. Yeah. Like it was taking too much to even kneel next to the toilet. I was like

I was sort of like cradling the toilet like head against the back of it near fetal position hugging the toilet like a teddy bear just Jesus. I wasn't crying but like there were I felt so frustrated

and sick and there were like tears in my eyes but not like sad tears more like what is happening tears, you know. Am I dead for this? Did you die as well? No, that was the crazy thing. There was no no shitting and I was like in Mexico it was like maybe

two pukes and mostly shit which is like not fun but shitting is a feeling that you're really used to. Throwing up is like I'd wake up and be like maybe five minutes of just like apprehension and be like, oh my god, I can't believe I'm gonna have to throw up again. Maybe I don't have to. Maybe I don't have to.

No, I think I do but like I didn't eat anything. There's nothing left. It's gonna hurt it's gonna hurt and I'd be like, oh fuck and then I'd walk over and I would throw up and it would hurt and nothing would come out and I would just like so how did it end? Probably around like three or four I was like

I knew that I wasn't gonna throw up anymore and then I started thinking about drinking water and I was like I think I can drink water and I started drinking water um that was also when I was like able to sort of like sit up and use my phone and like

open my eyes for the first time I thought I maybe should take a walk but I walked like a quarter mile and I had to sit down on a bench because you were empty and weakened. It was so empty and then I had my first craving I ate half of half a banana around like six p.m. I ate half of a duck pie and

uh this salmon monsoor which is like raw tuna, avocado an egg salmon monsoor I had a frog brain at 10 just to see if I was feeling fine

uh yeah and then I I went to bed I slept I was like I don't know if I'll be able to sleep I slept for like 18 hours and I slept for another 12 and I woke up at 11 and then what's your first meal back like how do you like hit the road again? I got

two croissants started puking my brains out on the Champs-Élysées I woke up and I felt so good I was like I am 100% better and I went and I got two croissants and then we like went on a walk through a neighborhood but my battery

depleted so fast that everybody was like let's go get some wine I was like I have to go to a park and sleep on a bench now you slept outside? I slept outside on Sunday everybody like everybody was so worried about me I was like no no it's cool it's cool I'm just gonna like go chill in the park for a little bit and I

just fully slept on a bench and slept like I didn't have a home for another 18 spot? Yeah it was quick it was straight up was an hour nap and I like then and every time I like would see everybody I would be like bonsoir bitches puke dribbling down your chin

yeah and that was Paris what was your first drink after all that? ooh I did not drink the next the next night people like went out to dinner and I went to dinner it was like a Mediterranean

place and I just had hummus and pita I like haven't I still like haven't really had food cravings my stomach feels like it's the size of a peanut like even when things look good to me I can eat like 3 bites and then I start I guess this has been a week now so are you like

fully recovered or still not? Yeah I feel fine but I just like I am not getting hungry I have no appetite still yeah in Copenhagen I was like she'll be like what do you want to eat and I was like I have no idea

and we went to a bunch of nice restaurants and I would like try the good food but then I would just like mostly eat bread Jesus you basically got like a lap band surgery half of your stomach just descended and now you get hungry off or you get full off a few bites which is kind of nice in a way

like who can go to Paris and come back weighing less you know anything I prefer what happened to me I that's my unsolicited advice this week is get food poisoning abroad yeah also I've been drinking

a lot less which has been good for my skin because the poison really hurts my stomach yeah last night it was probably the first time I drank I mean I had I had a drink in Copenhagen I think I had there were two nights where I got a beer

oh my god that is a good story I'm sad that you got sick but I'm glad that we at least heard a good story oh also it was like kind of scary because we were with a group of like eight people and one other person got food poisoning and it just like felt like oh my god

we could all start dropping like flies but luckily no one else did was it also from the duck pie? I think they thought it was from something else from like a different meal like the night before maybe like a calf brain or a sweet bread or something adventurous but I've been like

puking is one thing and then like twelve hours of feeling like you might just die any second is yeah a week long weakness and Copenhagen was lovely or Copenhagen was dope I loved it I think have you ever been there?

I was there like when I was like six on like a day or two on the way to Israel but I don't really remember anything I mean it sort of reminded me of Reykjavik and but like with even more like civilization?

yeah well there's I think there's like 800,000 people that lived there or something or maybe I'm thinking of Denmark total but I don't know that's I think that's that's right so it's a bigger city it's like I love Danish like design and stuff

so there's like just like really everything is beautiful it's a there's like a sweet little harbor it's just it's really clean everyone speaks not that this really matters but like everybody speaks English

it's so convenient like people even like have they like put on an American accent when they talk to you like well you sort of demanded that you said I appreciate the English but can you at least speak with a good accent too? yeah it's true I was like I can't understand I can't

understand what the accent like they're like sir I'm I'm British and I was like I know but can you speak at the very least in a Canadian way so I can make heads or tails of what you're trying to tell me sorry about that alright let me try to get one question in before the break this one is about traveling abroad

so it's still within the same theme yeah I totally forgot we had I forgot we were recording a podcast yeah yeah do you know do you know what Erasmus is? no I do not it's a European study abroad thing where you're where European study

in Germany maybe for free but maybe just like as a college excursion so this British lad who will call Prince Charles writes my girlfriend and I are on Erasmus

for the next six months in Germany we've been together for two years we were in Germany for two weeks when she said that she would like to quote pretend we're single for the next six months and I was curious if any of the other studio uh sorry pretend we're single for the next six months

they are together on Erasmus and she wants to pretend that they're single for six months and was curious if any of the other students would work it out for themselves a friend that went on Erasmus with us called her out and says something like that's not okay

and it would make me worried which it didn't until our friend said it should my girlfriend said she really wants to make friends and thinks people won't be friends with us if they know we're dating just there she told me that I should remove a photo of her dad

that he tagged me in on my Facebook timeline because quote her dad is embarrassing and anyone that added me would know that we're dating what's going on is this okay it's uh it's it's not good

what is it okay I guess it's okay in the sense that on Erasmus anything goes yes this is Erasmus after all is this this is okay for her bad for him

I would call this grounds for breakup it seems like she has a thing she has a mental hang up about telling people that she's in a relationship yeah and I think that is I mean it sounds to me like

she just doesn't want to be in a relationship right I mean it is Erasmus after all she is basically not comfortable and that's okay saying that she's in a relationship but it's also okay for you to say that I'm not comfortable being in a relationship that's also okay

yeah you could sort of just discuss comfort here she says I but it's not even really about comfort she's like has this kind of a weird viewpoint that she won't be able to make friends unless she's single which I don't think is true yeah I think she means

another boyfriend she can't get another boyfriend unless they think that she's single yeah so I would call her on that I'd be like so if you want to be single if you want to be single to make friends and have all your friends think you're single

then you should be single whoa well I didn't want that I just want you to delete every photo of me or my father off your Facebook I will and we'll also not be together so peace out woo I'm just worried about Erasmus here

Erasmus is disastrous it's Christmas and Rum Springer Christmas yeah it's a great name Erasmus alright so it's okay but it's also okay for you not to want to do it I would say it's not okay I'll go ahead and say it's not

okay if somebody is like let's pretend like let's pretend that we're single you don't you're not actually you can't let anybody know that you're with me like what are you doing then what's what a weird sad secret

to have the most shameful secret of all is that you're playing along that you're doing it I think it's okay in the sense that it's legal like she can tell you what she's uncomfortable with but then it's also okay for you to say you're uncomfortable yeah and I think that there are I think that

it's I would actually go one step further and say that it's illegal it's illegal in a relationship if you're like we are boyfriend and girlfriend but on Erasmus we are single and we can we have to pretend to be single to everybody I will be like

that's that's illegal to the relationship that's and I'm throwing you in a relationship jail that's to such detriment that it's that we might as well not be in a relationship that's that's deal breaking game breaking

relationship ender alright so Jake says it's not okay I say it is okay maybe your answer somewhere in between let us know what happens I'm very curious as to whether or not I guess if you say yes to this she's just gonna be able to do anything she wants at this point yeah it's

I mean it's sort of like pretending to be single let's let's everybody test the waters to see if they can get a better boyfriend or girlfriend and then like and with the safety of like if it doesn't work out they'll

be able to go back to the the one they have on the back burner and I think that's that's cheating Prince Charles is gonna be like hey I saw you making out with somebody else at a party and she's like I was making out but that was just to continue selling this facade that we're seeing

they were on to us Prince don't you get it they just started to suspect that we were together you didn't delete the photo of my dad fast enough so I had to French some stranger on Erasmus I know we're on Erasmus I'm on Erasmus too

I'm on Erasmus nice thank you alright let's take a break we'll thank some sponsors we'll be back with more questions and answers after this thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast you know Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode

but the entire headgum network Jake wow that's correct I mean this might be the goat father's day gift I think it actually is yeah yeah not just father's day but if for any not so tech savvy family member

that you need a gift for soon these digital photo frames might be the best of all time yeah for me personally these things are perfect I'll tell you why as you know I am expecting my first child we got one

for Jill's parents we got one for Jill's grandma we got one for my parents so there are three of these bad boys in our family right now but they're great really easy way to like stay in touch with your family you can upload as many photos

as you want directly into my parents kitchen it's really nice oh that's cool so you take a photo of anything perhaps a baby and then it goes to their digital photo yeah frame this is actually how we how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant we got her the Aura frame

we plugged it in Jill's grandma was pregnant really nice asshole this was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife and you're trying to make a joke of it I was just being goofy a little bit like this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant yeah yeah

kind of like she misheard it or something like that or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way by the way Jill's grandma is pregnant oh my god Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant it's pretty cool and you told me with a digital photo frame holy smokes and we let her know with an aura

yeah thank you the aura announcement so you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the aura app add me to your aura app I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something that could be funny

yeah like your banana your dog alongside pictures of my daughter yeah exactly you can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame yeah it's a great gift a really

really iconic gift and right now you can save on the perfect father's day gift and visit aura frames that's a raframes.com and our listeners can use code head gum to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames

there it is oh wow this is timely the deal ends on June 18th so don't wait terms and conditions apply that's aura frames a u r a frames.com okay go get your parent something alright and use the code head gum for $30 off plus free shipping

thank you aura and now back to the head gum podcast you were listening to this show is sponsored by better help thank you better help if you're finding yourself in a difficult anxious stressful situation talking to a professional license therapist is the best way to navigate yourself

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if I were you check them out thanks better help and we're back Jake do you have any thoughts? let's do it oh I'm coming gross yes I do

bro want to hear it is it to avoid the duck pie at clown bar that is one and actually yeah I would fully fully endorse everybody to never ever go to that bar because their service was bad in addition to

poisoning me they were rude okay and my unsolicited advice is to unfollow the people that you hate follow do you have anybody on your Instagram feed who you sort of like just you can't stop

looking at and they and it irks you and you're like oh my god what is wrong with this person yeah well on Twitter I do yeah I've had that on Instagram like maybe maybe as recently as like a month or two ago and then I just like

clenched and I unfollowed all of them and my social media it like it's so much better and now if I even like start to get annoyed at somebody I'll hide their story like there's no reason to look at something because it makes

you mad hide their story you can hide you can mute people's stories and that's funny because it's basically like I don't even want to be tempted yeah and you will because like sometimes you got a long day and you have like you're distracted and you'll get to the end of your Instagram stories you will

find it oh yeah it'll just show it to you sometimes I'll like fuck with my I'll try to fuck with my algorithm and I'll just be like why do you keep on showing me this person's story first so I'll skip and I'll like just watch ones after them to get them to go further back and then I I just realized that like

your quality of life will be better if you cut out social media that makes you annoyed I'll bleep it out but can you just start naming people do I know them and then I'll just bleep it out as you say that you've unfollowed them

okay so you'll you'll bleep it out but I'll yeah just okay so I'm just curious right so Dave Rosenberg okay Jeff Jeff Rosenberg Avital your your girlfriend obviously

already Marika yeah oh Marissa and Jeffrey a little bit so yeah I just bleep all that stuff out because I don't want anybody Riley yeah I had to I had to I was hate following Riley for a long time so I had to

just just mute it up all right I have to figure out how to bleep again because I got this new premiere thing but I'll figure it out it shouldn't be hard you like even if you can't bleep it why don't you just just get tired don't get that time because you still have to edit the show you will figure it out

but if you can't bleep it I'm just saying edit it out because you don't even have to have I think I'll bleep it what are you talking about I think I already said their names dude I know I already said the names I know why are you thinking you're gonna bleep you have to bleep it I will bleep it you have to I'll bleep it the very like I'll get through

most of them before I run out of time I'll just upload the show it has to be uploaded on time okay I was kidding I was like actually I was joking about everything dude I feel like you're not gonna break it bleep it I was joking right Riley you're drooling you're puking again

you're eating a duck pie I'll sabotage this audio somehow when do you think the next time is you're gonna have a chicken pot pie I don't think I'll have up like any type of meat pie ever again I still can't even eat red meat

like at all and I was like I ate such gross stuff and like at the time it didn't gross me out but I had like I ate pigeon yeah I think that's what got you I saw that Instagram story of you chasing a pigeon and biting its wing off I dove into the scent to try

to take out a bird that had to have been it it must have been I think it might have been that I still think it was clown bar but I did eat a raw pigeon in the river alright solid solid solid on sensitive device what about you do you have anything

I'm on the cusp of one and I'll tell you what it is I'm not really willing to fully to fully endorse it yet but I recently found out about something that sounds incredibly intriguing I like finding out about new things that are like you know kind of life

changing that when you search online a lot of people are doing it but then when I ask personally a lot of people don't know about it so I'm going to ask you have you heard of mono vision no mono vision

no okay so here's the full story I got a optometry appointment to just check to see if I'm available if I'm eligible to get lay sick and I'm a candidate wow so that's one big

step I don't know if I'm going to do it I don't know when I'm going to do it but just know that I can I'm eligible alright now I can really put the pressure on you okay and then you learned about mono vision yes so while my optometrist was explaining to me lay sick which seems

I was googling other shit on my phone he was like what I like to do sometimes is leave your dominant eye strong as it would be in regular lay sick and your non-dominant eye a little bit

blurry at a distance and I said okay why is that and he said well everybody will need reading glasses as you get older your eyes harden and they stop being able to read close up for example when I'm reading a book I take

my glasses off okay and he's like but now imagine you can't take those glasses off because we're going to laser your eyes to basically have the glasses right I was like oh that's interesting and he said unless what we've been doing recently

is making your dominant eye which I didn't know there was a dominant eye sharp as though you had glasses on and your non-dominant eye a little bit sharper for reading and that gives you pretty much perfect vision at a distance while also not not necessitating

reading glasses because you're a little bit blurry eye does the heavy lifting on the reading while your dominant eye does the heavy lifting on the distance interesting wait so are you saying that like when I read a book because I have perfect vision it's like harder for me to read a book

when I'm holding it up close or it's like it's going to get harder as I get older it's it's going to get harder as you get older like when you see like you know 50 60 70 year olds they use reading glasses when they're reading otherwise they have to hold the book further and further away

that space near your from your like nose to like 12 inches out will get blurry and then 24 inches out will get blurry and he's saying if I make one of your eyes a little weaker from a distance which will hopefully be imperceptible to you that'll make it so that

the field of focus that are like the 12 inch to 24 inch will be delayed and you won't need reading glasses as fast as you think interesting and I'm like is this a new thing in optometry he's like fairly new a lot of people do Lasik just for mono

vision but since you're already getting Lasik I can add mono vision into it so there are people with perfect vision that are like make my eye a little blurrier exactly as they get older because they don't want reading glasses yes they don't want reading glasses very

very intriguing so I started you know Google searching reddit searching Twitter searching mono vision and some people love it and some people are it which is what I thought would happen is just give you like kind of a headache feeling because like one of your eyes is blurrier than the other

yeah it seems too risky it seems like you could just get I mean what kind of procedure is mono vision later is it like as intense as Lasik it is Lasik it's the same thing it's Lasik but it's making one of your eyes a little softer from a distance it makes your non-dominant eye it basically

is Lasik on your reading eye only yeah I don't know I don't I don't like it I don't like it at all dude well so he's like I'm like how can you tell if you're going to be one of those people that find it dizzying and he said for

come back on Monday so this was yesterday we're recording on Saturday and on Monday I'm going to go back there and he's like I'll give you contact lenses one that'll show you what will be like with your perfect vision and one that'll have mono vision baked into the contact lenses so you can see if it's like for

some people it's like imperceptible it's completely fine it feels just as great as regular Lasik but it'll delay needing reading glasses and for some people it'll be like dizzying for half an hour and then you're like okay it's not worth it for me to assume I'll get acclimated interesting okay so you're going to on Monday you'll

you'll know more on Monday I'll know more and just generally look up mono vision because it's kind of a unique interesting thing I feel like if you if you like the mono vision you're more you're going to be more likely to get Lasik if you like

mono vision because that's like a little bit of an interesting twist you know your future proofing yourself like if you like mono vision I'll I'll say there's like a 90% chance you get it and if you don't then I feel like it's we're back to like 5050 yeah because

it's like two for one it's like I'm going to give you the perfect vision and the mono vision you get the you get the 2020 you get the mono you get it all and you just can't swim for a week oh yeah

you can't I'm dude I'm so excited for you to have if I get it if I will you'll get it dude thanks man I needed to hear that yeah that'll be cool all right but I'm not well I'm not ready to commit to that being my

unsolicited device though I will say I've never even worked contact so Monday is going to be a monumental day regardless yeah oh my I want to be there when you put the contacts in for the first time it's good like I just want to watch you do it I assume they'll do it for me I guess that's true but like you'll have to oh I figured they were

gonna like let you have it for the day or something you got to take them for a real test no it's really just like 20 minutes because if it's if it's fine right away then it'll you'll only get better wow the only reason if it like it's dizzying or headache he's like you'll probably get used to it but a lot of people are like they

don't want to risk it what if you just love the contacts you're like this works I don't need to use or Lasik yeah that was really easy actually I don't know why I was afraid of contacts alright here's a question to get us back on the questions I would say we should endorse the the live shows but we're sold out hell

yes New York City and DC let's let's endorse figuring out where to go next Jeffrey's been begging us to do a show in Cleveland since we've known him so maybe we should do that in the summer or something yeah a little midwestern run yeah that'd be fun a little Chicago action

love that here's a question from an American lady she calls Instagram story power move reminds me of your Instagram story blocking idea that's right all right let's hear it so once again we'll call this lady Riley for now because you blocked her

on Instagram but well just remember to all right because I don't want you to yeah just remember to bleep bleep out Riley's name because otherwise the first time I will definitely do it well it's doesn't it won't make a difference if you do it the first time if you don't do it the second and I just said her name

again so yeah let's try not to say her name so like just all right because it gets like it gets harder to spot I'll give you the okay the timecode is 30 at the 39 minute mark so just remember I won't remember that all right I'll call you after so let me get into let hold on Riley right

don't say the name anymore says Riley at the end of the last year Riley started seeing a co-worker wait a second this is Fox at the end of last year I started seeing a co-worker and things have been going great we were so close to making official

when through a series of alcohol late in holiday party incidents we found out that we were the center of office gossip we mutually decided to end things because we didn't want it to interfere with our professional come upence for lack of a better term however it was really it was

very friendly and we both expressed interest in revisiting the relationship if we are no longer co-workers we've been cordial with one another since then but have tapered off communications significantly it's been about two months and while I'm quote over it he's been posting screenshots

of conversations he's having on dating apps on his Instagram close friends story don't get me wrong I'm all over dating apps too but isn't it in poor taste to screenshot these interactions up to social media even in general if he's only posting it for his hat

quote close friends a curated list that I'm assuming he knows I'm on is this some kind of power move maybe just a dick move maybe I'm the one reading too much into it anyway I've muted his stories but is there any scenario where I can ask to be removed from his close friends

lol I still like seeing his other stories but the little green circle is just too tempting sometimes please validate my feelings thank you love Riley hmm that's tough I'm with her on it

like that's that's definitely in poor taste to put it on Instagram I don't know that seems like a lot what are your thoughts on close friends this might be our first close friend story or sorry close friends question I don't use it and I don't

really fully understand it but oh yeah no I don't use it I could imagine using it for like my family or something yeah how do you see it do you see the green circle I do there's some

there's some people that I follow that that include me in their close friends and I see that yeah I wonder why that is yeah I'm not interested in it I feel like Instagram's like done enough for me at this point like doing new stuff

with Instagram I'm like generally weary of cause I feel like it takes up enough time so when there's like a new feature that I should use I'm like I don't know if I want to get into that really yeah I think it would be an equal power move

for Riley or sorry believe that for her to say to be like you can remove me from the close friends for stuff like this thanks LOL or like smiley face I don't know

yeah or can't she just block him like isn't it more of a power move to be in the close friends and not view it yeah but it's kind of tough cause like he'll never know that you that you don't view it or that you blocked him

unless maybe he's looking at that I feel like I think you look if there's only like you know like 83 people that view your stories you'll see if your ex-girlfriend is one of them oh believe that right what do you like do you think why do you think he's doing that do you think

that he's doing it on purpose so she sees yes I think so I think part of him is like hey check it out look at these silly dating apps thing and then it's like oh the byproduct is oh I'm on dating apps

oops I guess you know now so I guess it's not really like I don't know if it's a full power move if she just blocks him is like that's just more of a a self-preservation thing or it's like or it's maybe just like healthier to not give a shit

but I feel like if you a power move usually has to be something that the other person sees and feels oh you can't fake a power move then it becomes less powerful I don't know I guess I I guess I just think so I think I would I guess if I were you if

I were you I would block and then he'll notice that you aren't even watching his close friend story you think he will notice if she's not viewing yes then that's that's a decent power move that's a pretty

good power move yeah well because saying remove me from this isn't a power move that's like it's it's snide and hopefully hurtful to him but it's not really like it is it's definitely like a little petty

yeah it's a little Tom petty and the heartbreakers nice so what would you do if you were her I would and and you know that I would because I just talked about this on the unsolicited advice I would try mute or block you know what

I think the ultimate power move unfollow actually unfollow wow unfollow wow wow that's the wow that's the move you gotta unfollow fuck yeah glad we got their final answer unfollow the good thing about

unfollowing is that you'll only quote get in trouble if he calls you out which means he admits that he saw that you unfollowed him so yeah it's like it's almost like forcing the other guy to know notice something that's kind of embarrassing to notice right and then he will be like

oh shit this didn't have the desired effect of making her jealous and come back to me yeah it only had it made me repulsive to her so you say unfollow more than mute or block

and I'll say I wish you could unfollow with a door slam you remember on AOL when you would like get into an argument with somebody that you were dating and they would like sign off and it would actually like the door would slam oh yeah yeah like when you could sign off in somebody's face that was like

that was a power move you can't have that anymore you can't sign out of a text you know you can't leave that used to be something you could do like alright I'm done talking to you online and then you're out and now you can't

you're like I'm online all the time I'm never not reachable if your buddy wasn't on aim you couldn't message them and they would get it when they sign in right no they'd have to have an away message but a way message still meant I'm logged in yeah no you had to be logged in to get a message

that's really funny so it's like I'm not even logged in you can't message me there's no like answering machine for AOL good old days yeah and then the away messages was only like when I went to college and like internet was just fast and free for 24-7 like I couldn't just stay on AOL

throughout middle school no no not at all and like also I had I had I was in like high school when I was using away messages but like my sisters would be like I want to go on I want to go on aim and be like no no I haven't away message up

I'm collecting messages right now are you insane that's like a really fucking that's a choice dashboard quote okay we can't just sign out alright we can't just sign out did it save messages like if somebody else signed you out are those messages gone forever

oh they're gone baby gone words in the wind god that's awesome we're going back an AOL type chat where you have to be online to get it and if you're not you doesn't even send and once you go away it's gone forever I guess it's kind of like snapchat

but snapchat you're always on what we should really do is like make make a movie or a short film about this era of like I guess 2004 I gotta tell you I've been watching Pen 15 and that is that show no oh yeah

I mean that's great and also too bad it's really funny it's these two 30 year old comedians who play themselves at age 13 so it's like everybody is a seventh grader except for them and they're playing like seventh graders and it's all this stuff that's such

a good idea and it makes me so sad even watching it makes me sad we should have thought about that that should have been our idea let's pitch pen 16 cool anyway it's on Hulu the squeak will

it's more unsolicited advice alright that's it that's our episode two questions but we learned a lot about your gastrointestinal situation that's right and about mono vision mono vision look it up folks it sounds 80s and boring but I assure you it is

the future or maybe not I have to do more research and you should too I'll know more when this podcast comes out a lot of people also wear one contact to create mono vision if they don't want to go to the lacy group let me give you a contact monocle the monocle is back

and it is mono vision excellent excellent opening theme song was written one more time by David Steinberger yes Steinberger and then this one is a quite a long pixies cover that I'm going to save to the end because it'll be

a good outro song Alexander Stoykowski a pixies cover ps I've been loving you since my younger days I'm now a full grown baby that's right I have benjamin button disease so you better not be mean to me okay we won't be mean to you

we like the song thank you alexander thanks to you guys for listening we'll be in New York and DC soon maybe you can maybe we'll see you there and we'll be back next week as always ciao everybody later

no no no no no no no no

no no we've taken a beer given advice about a girl cheating on a guy and your head is

falling and your balls are empty and you shit yourself where's my advice where's my advice where's

my advice where's my advice way out on an email and the Jews are reading I was swimming in the Caribbean animals were

accidentally slapping my car and when I just on a fish I swear I look like an idiot where's my advice where's my advice

where's my advice where's my advice way out on an email and the Jews are reading no

no no no no