If I Were You - 391: Tongue in Cheek Kiss

Episode Date: July 15, 2019

In this episode we discuss sexy tattoos, angry boyfriends, and kissing bosses.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. Well, that was sweet. Yeah, did you recognize that guy? That was from Growing Pains. That's correct. That was Kirk Cameron. That is Mikey Siever.

That is Alan Thicke, R.I.P. Whoa, R.I.P. indeed, damn. Let me pull up who wrote that song. Er, I think it was a request that I made last time. Nathan Thompson. Nathan Thompson. Oh, you did ask for that? Yeah.

Remember the guy with the band DearLincoln.com? Oh, yeah, great name. Great name for a band. DearLincoln is the band named DearLincoln.com is the URL. Right, obviously. So he's on Spotify, Facebook, YouTube, wrote a theme song for us before I recommended Growing Pains. I suggested it, I requested it, and I got it.

He begs for it. You got it. I'm just going to throw another one out there in the ether, just because this guy is talented. There's a great theme song from a kind of lesser known show called The Hogan Family. I think it would make a great If I Were You theme song. Again, DearLincoln, I don't know how busy you are,

but Hogan Family. You really should start. If you're going to do these requests, you owe him cash now, I think. All right, then I want to rescind the request. Amir will give you $1,000. No, I don't want to be on the hook. You want to hear the Hogan theme song?

Do you want to hear the Hogan theme song, bud? I'd like to hear it, but not if it's going to cost. Then you're going to have to Venmo DearLincoln, $1,000. I don't fucking have his Venmo. I didn't know that it was $1,000. He'll request it. He'll write the song and then request it from you,

and you just have to accept the request. You don't have to find him. It's very seamless. It's quite easy. I don't want to. I don't want to, then. Forget the Hogan Family theme song. You don't want to hear it?

No, I don't. I mean, I do. I want to hear it if it works. You want to hear it? DearLincoln's going to make it, and it'll only cost you $1,000. I want to give up the G. I really don't want to give up the G.

You pay him $9.99. I'll do the last buck. I don't even care, because it's not anything to me. Yeah, $1 isn't anything. You're asking me to pony up $9. Money is not an object to me. I don't, like, I'll spend. So you give up the thousand.

I'm not spending $1,000 fucking dollars. Because it is an object. That's a height of idiocy, okay? I wouldn't pay $1,000 for a theme song that we usually get for free. No. But you're requesting. You're making requests.

Yeah, all right. Fine. Fucking, this is extortion. I'll give him $1,000. Demo it to me. I'll hold on to it for you. All right, I see what you want to do here. You want to become some sort of extortion escrow service

where you make me pay $1,000 and it goes to you. You're not going to give it to him. It's just an escrow service. I hold on to it. And when you get the request, I'll pay it. I promise. Why? Why are you an animated little boy now?

I'm a tiny little man with a big idea for escrow company. Never mind. Okay. Well, yeah, that makes sense. You wouldn't trust a 33-year-old guy doing a tiny little baby voice with your cash. You're 34. I get that. I'm not 34.

I'm 33. You're as young. Yeah, but you're about to be. Yeah, but by the time this episode comes out, I'll still be 33. Yeah, for like a couple of weeks. Yeah, but I feel like a lot of people are 33 at the height of their game. And so I think I am too. It's kind of nice.

I guess you will be ahead of your game for like another two weeks. Well, I'm 33 years young at heart forever. That's kind of cool. Have you seen Chernobyl? Yes. So I started watching. I'm two episodes deep. And as you can imagine.

I told you you would love it. Yeah, it's great. Very heavy, very serious. I thought it'd be funny if it had like a growing pain style theme song. You want to deer Lincoln and do it. So like deer Lincoln does a Chernobyl like sitcom TV intro. That's what you're looking for. Yeah, that could be like a viral video.

So it's like a cold open of a scientist holding a piece of graphite and then he like starts coughing and his face starts bleeding. And then it slowly fades into a growing pains theme song about the show Chernobyl. That's yeah. That's that's cool. If we still worked at college humor, that's like a pitch that would be green lit laugh. It's weird that I know people have talked about it, but I just I've since I'm watching it for the first time.

It's weird that everyone has a British accent in Chernobyl. Yeah, I did that. What was the decision there? I think maybe to make it seem like, you know, this didn't happen in America. This happened far away. But I guess they didn't. But still not Russia. Right. Maybe it's weird to me a little bit because like a TV show like the Americans

showed how many great actors there are with Russian accents that they could have cast. But it seemed like they were just like, no, we're going to go all British all in. I didn't hate the choice, though. Like I I enjoy watching people with British accents in dramas. So it was cool. But some people but some people did have Russian accents, right? Or am I just making that up? No, I think I don't think anyone had Russian accents.

I think the different accents were like all different places in the UK. I might be wrong also. But I thought the minors had like Scottish accents. Yeah. But then like Gorbachev didn't have a British accent, did he? He definitely didn't really have a Russian one, though. So what a decision for a great show. And I wonder if it was like agonized over if it's just like everyone gets to pick an

accent and then we'll just fucking go ham on the day. Yeah. No, I think I'm sure it was agonized over. I feel like every decision on a show like that is agonized over. You're on episode two. Yeah. Yes. Finished episode two.

What's happening in episode at the end of episode two? They go into the water to like drain the drain the tanks because that would create even worse devastation. Yeah. I really. I'm really excited to see how they get out of this mess because as of now it seems like the entire world is going to die. Yeah.

I loved like those two guys' relationship. What is it? Sherbina and Legasov? Yeah. The Lane Price from Mad Men and Stellan Sarsgard from Goodwill Hunting. Yeah. I love like their friendship. It's really fun.

Yeah. It's a buddy comedy. Episode one, it sort of starts. Yeah. And then in episode two, you're like, oh wow, these guys are unlikely friends. They start kissing in episode three. Well, no spoilers, but yeah. It's like a will they won't they and then they fuck in episode four.

I love that about Chernobyl. All right. What is this? It's an advice podcast after all. It's not a TV recap show. Though it should be. It's by Ryu. The only advice podcast on the web hosted by us.

I'm Amir. I'm Josh. And I am Josh Stetislavia. That's right. I have a British accent and I'm Russian now. Good on you. I'm a nuclear physicist from Belarus. Good on you, Stetislavia.

All right. We got some good questions. You found two. I found two. Yes. Should we do the rundown again? Oh, yeah. That's a fun idea.

All right. You sent me kissing my coworker in Europe problem. Shaving colon. I'm not gross. Then I sent you need your perspective colon drunk girlfriends. Of course. And then should I hide my tattoo while having sex? Lots of good questions and embarrassment of riches, if you will.

Let's have a draft. You get to choose your first pick now. Oh, okay. I liked. Let's do should I hide my tattoo while having sex? All right. We'll call this lady Oksana Bayul, because I think she's vaguely Eastern European. And that reminds me of Chernobyl.

Oksana writes, I have already have a handful of tattoos on my arms. So no biggie, right? But about three weeks ago, I decided to get a tattoo of Nas, not Lil Nas X. And he's located on the back of my arm. Honestly, it's realistic enough because now my long-term boyfriend doesn't even want to see this tattoo while engaging in anything sexual. Is he being machismo? Or should I have consulted my tattoo choices with him before I decided to get a portrait? Should I just keep a shirt on?

Wear a bandana for the love of fried pickles help a sister over 30 out. Attached as my tattoo. So on the back of her arm, starting in the shoulder down to her elbow is a very photo realistic kind of demonic portrait of the rapper Nas. And on his neck is a tattoo, a tattoo of a guy with a tattoo. And it says Braveheart. And he's just staring dead eyed into anybody who can see. Does Nas have a Queen's tattoo on his forehead? No, he does not.

I'm looking at pictures. The Nas tattoo that she has doesn't fully look like Nas, at least the Nas that I know. So that's sort of interesting. He's wearing a crown of thorns. There's a Queen's tattoo on his forehead. There's a little asterisks under his eye. Part of his face is crumbling. The hair looks very real.

It's a good tattoo. Yeah, it's a good tattoo. I don't know how you would tattoo hair like that. It's like short hair, but still looks like hair. Big ups to Mike underscore V underscore tattoo for his nasty Nas work. By the way, you know how she said not Lil Nas X. About a month ago, you said that you had never heard Old Town Road, had never heard of Lil Nas X. When I brought that up to you on the show, was it like the type of thing where now you hear it and see it all the time?

You're like, I can't believe I hadn't heard it before. Or was that like the only time you've heard that song and heard of Lil Nas X? Since then, I've heard that song. I still don't know how it goes, but I know I like heard it somewhere and I've heard the name and the song brought up more, but I still not like listen to the song. Actually, I think yet one another interesting fact about me and popular music is that I've never ever heard the song, someone like you by a jet. That is an interesting thing about you.

Wait, I know how it goes based on like people singing it and stuff. Was it a conscious decision to avoid it? Like if you heard it on the radio, you turn it off? I've actively never listened to it. It's the same thing with what's the Bradley Cooper Lady Gaga song? Shallow? Shallow? No. Listen, boy, tell me something.

Yeah, shallow. Don't say no to me. You're admitting that you've never heard the song. I've heard that song. I just hate it. I think it's so bad. Really? It's like it's not catchy and like at least based on what I heard from the Adele thing,

it's also just not, I just don't like the cadence of the words. I don't like anything about it. So I'm like, I know I'll hate this song and I've avoided listening to it. Have you seen Stars Born? No, but I have the ending spoiled for me. So I really don't need to see it. But I think if you watch Stars Born, you'll like the song because they do a good way of like introducing it. And then when they play it, it's very catchy and it's very good and it's a good song and I think you like it.

I do think, I'm quite certain I would like Stars Born if I watched it. But I'm just like, sort of not interested in liking it. Yeah. Have you ever had anything like that? Like I'm just, I just don't want to be there. Yeah. Like, I know it's a good movie, but I don't want to actually watch it because I would rather do something else with my two hours. I don't even, like, I'll be on a plane and I'll know that I, like, I'll see other people watching it.

Like, I should watch this and I know I shouldn't like watch fantastical beasts and where to find them or whatever. But I know I shouldn't watch Assassin's Creed. Like, these action movies are bad and I hate them. And then I'm like, no, I'll just, I'll watch Aquaman. That's what I'll do on this plane ride. I'm kind of like that movie I like. Yeah. I'm like that with most things.

Like, I can't get into it, but like once I'm in, I'm invested. Like, I knew Chernobyl was the same thing. Everyone said it was great and I knew I was going to like it. But just the idea of watching six hours about a power plant melting. I'm like, I don't want to get into it. Yeah. But now that I'm two episodes steep, I'm like, oh, this is great. I know the characters.

I know this. I want to keep watching. Right. It's a really, it's a very good show. Do you know it was written by the guy who wrote Hangover? Yes, I did. That's crazy. What are we talking about?

The tattoo? Oh yeah, tattoo. This Christ, this really should be a TV podcast. It's about time we talk about something we kind of watch. I don't think the tattoo is that like unsexy and offensive. Like if you have other tattoos, it feels like your boyfriend isn't like turned off by tattoos generally. I don't know why he'd be turned off by like a portrait of Naz.

It's because he's staring dead eyes at the person. It's like, it's kind of looking at someone's arm while you're fucking them. You're like, he's looking at the back of her arm while they're having sex. Yeah, maybe they're having sex doggy style. If then like your her back or legs or butt would be obstructing the view there. I feel like when you're, when, when your hands are down, when you're in that position, I'm practicing right now actually. Yeah.

And the back of your arm is a little bit turned in towards your body. I don't, I think that would obstruct the view. It's not like if this was a lower back tattoo and you're like, my boyfriend won't fuck me doggy style anymore. I would be like that tracks because this is right in your face. Yeah. Like that. I understand that.

I think the problem is that on her ass, it's another tattoo of this guy's disapproving father sort of nodding his head saying, no, no, no. Right. And on the, I don't think so. Yeah. You thought Jay-Z and Naz was the beef. No, it's Naz and this guy's disapproving dad. Yeah.

Which that tattoo you should have checked in on. On her lower back is just a photo realistic portrait of this guy's mom looking kind of. Is she disapproving? No, she's not disapproving, but she's like eating a meatball. So it's just like, I don't need to see that right now. Just like not sexy. Yeah. Just like her mouth.

It's fine. But like she's eating. It's not like in your face, you had a bad relationship with your mom. It's not just like. It's just so real. It's such like an honest moment. It's like your mom eating a fork filled with spaghetti and a meatball. She's like trolling this guy with her body.

In some weird fucking way, I think. That's bizarre. It's frankly, it's uncouthed to me. And what about having sex in the dark? Like, isn't that kind of a thing? So like you wouldn't be able to make out the tattoos very well. Is it having sex in the dark a thing? Yeah.

Like it's never brightly lit. Do you have sex in the light or in the dark? What's your preferred like room luminosity? Yeah. Like if zero is pitch black and 100% is like daytime in Las Vegas outside. What's the goat dimness? Who is the goat dimness for sexual intercourse? Give me a 12% dimness.

That way you can make out something. What wattage are you having coitus to? I like it dim so that it's sexy but not well lit so that I have to squint. Yeah. Pitch black pre-cog pool type shit. I want a thick fucking blindfold folded over three times over my eyes. I am, what's that movie with Sandra Bullock? Speed?

No. She's blindfolded. Bird box. I am bird box munching on a box. Wow. Yeah. I can't think. I can't see.

I can only feel and sort of hear. Me, I am school cafeteria fluorescent evanescence listening to evanescence. It is fluorescent tubes flickering like a 1980s Soviet prison in there. Oh yeah, I like saw lighting for fucking. Yeah, it's like a dirty supermarket from the 70s. Actually speaking of sex, my brother, so we're recording this as two goats go toe to toe at Wimbledon, Nadal and Federer. By the time this airs, Wimbledon will have crowned its next champion.

But who do you think fucks better, Nadal or Federer? Oh, good question. Probably Nadal because he's buff and like more tan and he just seems more passionate. Like Roger is more of like a sensitive lover, more of a romantic type. Right. I think so. I would agree with that assessment. Federer's, he's got like kind of like, like some sleek movement though, like really fluid

motion. I feel like he would, he'd be a tender lover. Where do you rank Joker on the fucko meter? 24 hours of tantric sex with no back, back to back. He is ripping his shirt off. He is eating a banana. His haircut is sort of the same as it always was. Nothing will ever change.

A slightly longish buzz. And he is buzzed. You'd have to be. You're fucking Jake in a mirror, Djokovic. That's right. We're having a lemon party with the number two tennis player of all time. Yvonne Lendl's in the corner. To what end?

Eating a bowl of cereal at J-O. What a strange orgy we're having at Roland Garros. That's right. We're fucking Djokovic on clay on the day. Yvonne Lendl, the Czech goat in the corner. And guess who walks in? Bjorn Friggin Borg. We're having a smorgasbord.

A Borgie. Bjorn Borgie. Mark Philippusus, ace, rebound, serve in Volley's way into the room. And after? I'll be fucking Rafter. Nice. Patrick Rafter's pony tail makes the ladies wail. Andres Agassi and Pete Sampras's ass.

Yeah. I'll slap them, I guess. I don't know. All right. So I think we've solved that issue. We answered the question, I think. Make it darker. Don't worry about bloody things.

Yeah. You got to go dim. Heighten the dimness. Heighten the dimness. Let's take a break and we'll answer some more questions after this. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire headgum network, Jake.

Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah, not just Father's Day, but for any not so tech-savvy family member that you need a gift for soon. These digital photo frames might be the best of all time.

Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes.

We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great, really easy way to stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents' kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame.

Yeah. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant. We got her the Aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant? Really nice, asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife. And you're trying to make a joke of it.

I was just being goofy a little bit like, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah, kind of like she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant.

It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame? Holy smokes. And we let her know with an Aura. Yeah. Thank you. The Aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere

and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app. Add me to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something. That could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah. It's a great gift. A really, really iconic gift. Now you can save on the perfect Father's Day gift and visit Aura Frames.

That's A-U-R-A frames dot com. And our listeners can use code HEADGUM to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames. There it is. Oh wow. This is timely. The deal ends on June 18th. So don't wait.

Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames A-U-R-A frames dot com. Okay. Go get your parents something. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist, is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place. And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area, but BetterHelp

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This is done entirely online, but you're still getting professional licensed help. And it's extra affordable. That's betterhelp.com slash if I were you. Check them out. BetterHelp. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, I'm solicited.

Oh, I'm coming. Gross. Yeah, dude. Guess what? Actually, I'm going to plug my NADPod shows. So take that. Suck on that, dude. You owe me cash for this.

My own solicited advice. I'll Venmo you. I'm sorry. Well, yeah, my own solicited advice is to come check out my D&D podcast. We've got five live shows in Atlanta, Philadelphia, New York, Boston, and guess where Pittsburgh. You can check all those shows out at NADPod.com slash live tickets today. Those back to back to back days back to back to back to back to back five shows, five days. Is that true?

Holy shit. Yeah, it's kind of insane. Are they as mentally daunting as our shows where you get drunk and you have to be on for that long and then you feel kind of fried after or is it like a different vibe? Well, I definitely, I think it's probably much more daunting for Murph who is DMing and has to prepare all this stuff for me. It's like intentionally kept secret from me. Oh, so you almost can't prepare.

No. My character is also very straightforward. I don't even have to look at spell books or anything. That part is kind of easy. It's definitely mentally draining to play make-believe for that long. Play make-believe. It also helps for me that there's four of us instead of just you and I. Yeah, you can take some time off to just listen and not talk.

There are times in our show all the time where I'm just like, oh, I've just been listening to everybody else talk for a little bit, which is nice. I think that's good because if we're all talking all the time, it's too much. So you can really just take a few minutes and just listen and react a little bit. You're not the center of attention. Are you getting wasted? I have a drink on stage, but I feel like even on our shows now I don't get wasted. I did when I was a rowdy youngster.

A rowdy 33-year-old. Yeah, when I was a rowdy 33-year-old, now that I'm almost 33 and 48 weeks. Should I choose a question? Yeah, your turn. Okay, maybe you can read it. Okay, tell me which one to read. I'll go shaving, colon. I'm not gross.

Oh, wait, actually, we forward that back to me. Okay. I'll forward you shaving, colon. I'm not gross. Use your Gmail still, hjerwitz at aol.com. Dude, you'll edit that out, right? When you say my true email, hj. Hj69herwitz at yahoo.com.

Don't at me. We'll call this person Rafa Nadal. Vamos. Okay. Hey, guys. I'm a day one, day one, like college humor days, tuning in for new episodes, day one, which means I am not 15, I am 27. To paint a picture of my life, I am a fit, healthy individual, and totally not gross

at all. Okay. I love an email that starts with that, that clarification. One quick addendum up front. I'm not gross at all. Yeah. I have a girlfriend that I'm very close with, and recently on a vacation, I noticed my pubes were getting a little long, so I took my electric razor with a little flippy

end and began carefully grooming. She found this to be repulsive. She said it is gross that I use the same electric razor on my pubes and also on my face. I played it off as I was joking, but it has left me wondering, who's in the wrong here? For her, is it just the mental associations with private parts that are gross, or is there something really gross about it, even though I am a hygienic person that is totally not gross? I really cannot imagine owning a second electric razor just for my pubes thoughts, best, Rafa

Nadal. Wow. This is very apropos for one of our most recent sponsors, Manscaped, which is a razor just for your pubes. It feels like this was a sponsored question, but I'm also just generally, I basically picked this because I was curious as to what you do, and let me guess, you trim with the same razor. That's right.

I do. I don't think it's gross. Your razor can be cleaned in the sink. Yeah. Also, what does it mean to have a clean razor versus a dirty one from your pubes? Are there, I guess you could have pubic lice, but are there other things that separate pubic hair from normal hair? You're, I mean, your pubes, your pubes sweat, I guess, so you'll just have, I guess, having

nut sweat and pubes sweat rubbed on your face feels pretty gross. Yeah. But I think if you're just like, usually I groom before I take a shower. So like, even if I did put the razor on my pubes, then on my face, and then I took a shower with that, like, that doesn't really matter, right? Yeah. It's not like you're wiping your ass and then blowing your nose with the tissue, which I know you've done.

I do that. But then after that, I also take a shower. Yeah. I guess any gross thing if you're about to take a shower feels like it's in play. Yeah. Like I'll take a shit and not wipe if you're about to take a shower. That's true. You can, you can, because you can clean your butt in the shower.

It's better than wiping. Yeah. It's a good day for your whole body. So you can smear shit on your body as long as you're about to take a shower. You can trim your pubes with your beard, with your beard trimmer as long as you're about to take a shower. I also think it's really funny that this dude, like when he, when he, when she was like, this is gross.

He was like, I'm kidding. And now it's been slowly stewing. What is going to happen? He's going to have to go to her and be like, remember how I jokingly shaved my pubes before? Well, I wasn't a joke and I don't think it's gross. Okay, Rafa, you're scaring me, making a very funny dramatic or a serious dramatic statement, like almost like you're having an intervention or a coming out. What else?

What else do people shave? Have you ever like shaved a chest or a near to arm or near to back or done anything like that? When I was in seventh grade, I, I was like starting to get a hair on under my armpits, but it wasn't coming in fast enough. And I'd heard if you shave, it comes back thicker and darker. So I think I, so I shaved my armpits to, to try to hurry that process up. And it worked.

Oh my God, your bush. No, I don't think, I mean, I don't think it worked that well. I feel like I remember it being itchy. Did you? Have you ever done anything? No, not really. I had some friends that like shaved their chest because they didn't like having a hairy chest.

Oh yeah. Well, I don't think either of us have very hairy chest. I have friends that have like super hairy chest, hairy stomachs that shave them, uh, I've friends that have hairy shoulders that, that shave them as well. Oh, I don't really have any unwanted hair. Anywhere. Like my, my legs and arms aren't even that hairy. That's cool.

How's your taint? It's, it's a rat's nest. My taint is a rat's. It's a tropical rainforest down there. It's a Brillo pad, but yeah, it's a steel wall and the shit just hangs on like a stalag tight down there and it is not stalag right. It is. And I, and I still might get it frigging waxed.

That's cool. That's really cool. Uh, yeah. No, I don't, I don't have anything that I would, if anything. I would, I wouldn't mind like some more chest hair. I feel like chest hair is kind of cool. So like the opposite of shaving, sort of like a razor that places hair back on. Adding.

Yeah. I need, I need like, well, a shave, a razor that shaves my face, but then it can reverse, it like, there's little glue in the chamber and then I can reverse it along my chest. Uh, you, what you do is you want to smear glue on your chest, shave your beard and let the, the hair fall where they may, like that, uh, magnetic Beardo man. Yeah. That's actually perfect. That's the ideal solution.

So that's what we're, so that's our suggestion to this guy. Yeah. Wait, what did he say? It doesn't matter. I guess if you don't have a beard, you can shave your pubes upside down and put glue on your chin. That way when it falls, it sort of makes a little goat tee. And what's gross about that?

This is the lady who had a tattoo, right? They should really be with each other. Um, all right. Let me get to my second question. Drunk girlfriend perspective. Okay. I'm a 24 year old, we'll call this lady Coco who took over Wimbledon. I'm a 24 year old law student at UGA writes Coco and I've been dating my boyfriend, a

fellow law student for about four months. I went to Louisiana to visit my family and, and by honest to God accident, got completely shit-faced the last night of the trip. I was at a bar with my dad and two, two of my uncle's neighbors in the middle of the bayou and we got there by a boat. I really wanted my uncle's neighbor. I really wanted to leave, but my dad didn't want to ask the neighbors to take us home. Naturally drunk.

Me got pissed about this and I called my boyfriend and complained about it. But it was about 10 p.m. 11 in Georgia. I was obviously very drunk on the phone and I think I got so distraught explaining my situation that I cried. The next day he was pissed at me. My question is this, why do boyfriends get mad at their significant others for drinking too much? In this situation I may have said something stupid and gotten upset, but that's it.

I didn't put myself or anyone else in a dangerous situation. A similar thing has happened to some of my friends, where their boyfriends get mad at them for drinking too much when they aren't around. Why? Jake slash Amir, would y'all be mad at your wife slash girlfriend if she did this? Is it fair to get mad at a significant other for getting drunk and calling you in an emotional state? Thoughts on this issue would be greatly appreciated.

Huh. Okay. Does this sound familiar to you, like where guys, you know, get mad at their girlfriends for getting drunk? I remember being mad at like my college girlfriend when she was drunk one time. And I think it was because in my head I was like, she's drunk, she's more likely to cheat on me. And the reason I thought that was because I would get drunk and cheat on her.

Right. So you were just projecting what happened to you. I think a lot of like that like jealousy around drunkenness comes from like your, like it's hypocritical. It's like this is, it's, it's, yeah, it's, it's projection. It's a projection. So that's why guys get mad at girls that get drunk. This guy was convinced you were going to fuck your uncle's neighbor.

You're there with your uncle's neighbor and a freaking fan boat in the bayou. So you don't have to say that you got accidentally drunk. You got drunk on purpose. You're just scared of your boyfriend for some reason. That's, I guess that's true, but I've gotten like accidentally drunk too. Maybe accidentally too drunk, but you know what's going to happen when you drink. Yeah. When you, that's true.

You got, you got drunk and I would want to get drunk if I was on the bayou with my uncle's neighbors as well. But yeah. So it seems like the anger stems from weird level of jealousy where you're like, you're getting drunk and acting crazy without me there to protect you. I don't know. It all feels very weird. Yeah.

I guess I'm trying to think if I've ever been like mad at someone for getting drunk in, and it was like for a noble reason, like I just want you to be safe. But like she's with her dad and like it seems like she was perfectly, perfectly safe. So him being mad does kind of feel more like a weird like possessive jealousy type thing. Yeah. It doesn't sound good to me. I think you could be concerned. I wouldn't want him to be mad.

Right. I, the question, the question, like that's, that's exactly it. Like when you call him the next day and you're hungover, he should be like, are you okay? Do you feel better? Are you sick? Not, why are you getting drunk with your father? You're going to fuck him. I know it.

Yeah. I want, I want you to ask him why are you mad and hear what his explanation is. Why are you mad though? Yeah. Why are you angry at me? Um, all right. I will choose your second question, kissing my co-worker in Europe problem. That's right.

Uh, an American dude. So we'll call him Andy Roddick. Nice. The goat. Erotic. Billy goat. The young goat. The goat that never was.

He went to US Open. That's Cody. That's pretty good. And erotic? He is erotic because he just joined the Bjorn Borgie. Whoa. The Bjorn Borgie. It is catching on.

That's right. It's spreading like wildfire. Okay. Erotic rights. Hey guys. Long time listener. And I think second time question asker, I have a question about if I should start kissing my co-workers slash superior at work.

Let me explain. I am an American who is doing a PhD in the Wallownee region in Belgium. Uh, I swear. That's important. Uh huh. Now I don't know if you know anything about Belgian culture, but when you meet friends or say hello to new people, you generally give them a single kiss on the cheek as a greeting similar to many European cultures.

When I first got to Europe, I was pretty weirded out about this custom since, as you know, we don't normally do this and it's generally seen as too intimate for Americans, especially when you do it with both men and women. However, as I, as I stayed longer, it has gotten very normal and I have no problem doing it when I meet people. But here is the problem. When I first met my co-worker, we didn't kiss. And since then we haven't kissed every day since I've been there.

It's been almost three years and I feel weird every time I see him because I kiss everyone else in our lab, except him. It's especially weird because it's just me and him in this one room. So I feel like he probably expects me to do it, but I never do. So my question is, what should I do? Would it be weird to start kissing him every morning? Should I do nothing? I have no problem kissing guys when I say hello, but this would just be weird, right?

If only I had a Starbucks, hope you guys could help Roddick. So dudes in Europe kiss on the cheek when they say hello? Maybe in Belgium. Belgium. I have not. I don't think I've experienced that in the European cities that we've visited. I have like some family, some like European members of my family who do like a double kiss.

But yeah. I don't think I'd do it with the guys. It's because you're not a PhD. This guy's a doctor. Right. He's a doc. I think you can chalk it up to being a foreigner. I assume they think that Americans don't know about the customs.

I think it would be weird to start kissing now. After three years, you definitely don't like ... It's also ... It's a little mundane. You see people every single day at work. Even if it was part of my ... I feel like I would not be interested in kissing people every single day. Every day? I think this is more like if you guys had an office outing, an offsite somewhere, you saw them at a happy hour, then it's like, oh, all right, we're in a social setting.

I'll adhere to a social norm out here. Yeah. It feels like alone in an office, walking in. I would rather put my bag down, put my coffee on the counter and be like, how's it going? Then walk across the room, give my boss a kiss hello, and then go to work. That seems very off to me. Actually, since this guy owes him about three years worth of kissings, let me just get it out of the way now.

How many times have we hung out? Well, it's not count the weekend, so that's three years, but minus all the weekends. We might have to take a break. Sorry, this isn't part of our culture. I don't know why you thought that. Yeah, it seems like a lot of kissing. I remember in eighth grade, since a lot of kids at the school that I was in for middle school were Italian, it was like a big thing to kiss people on the cheek at the end of

the day. It was like what all of the popular kids did, they would kiss on the cheek. In eighth grade, I was a loser in seventh grade, and in eighth grade, I became popular for a few months. I was in on the cheek kissing at the end of the day, and it was like, it was so cool. I was looking for, I would be like, all right, dude, now I'm going to get my kisses. This is like, these are the kids you passed in the halls, just doing casual kiss on the cheek goodbye, and then I got to friggin' partake.

Hey, Jake, I've been thinking about it, and I think you should kiss us at the end of the day. No way, Joe. Holy shit. This is huge for me. Yeah, it was really, I mean, it was a pivotal life. Moment for me. You're part of the kissing crew.

I remember at the cool kids at the cool kids at the end of recess in third or fourth grade at my school used to hug at the end of the recess to say goodbye, and it was like the hottest thing, and then teachers were like, you guys can't hug to say goodbye. You don't have to. They viewed it as too sexual, I mean, it arguably is. They're like, the guys are just hugging girls at this point just to feel boobs, and you shouldn't be this turned on in third grade. The teachers are like, we know it's hot.

It's too hot. I'm trying to teach you math. You're turning me on. I mean, you on. You on. Yourselves, I mean. Anyway, this has been a really shitty parent teacher conference. I quit teaching, I think.

You're absolutely fired. Going in for the hug. Ah, all right, those are all four questions. We did it. Hell yeah. Good job us, and good job you guys for listening. Way to go. If you have your own questions, your own theme song, send them all down to IfIReuseShowatgmail.com.

Nathan again. Dear Lincoln. Shout out. This closing one is written by Tanner. Tanner. T-A-N-N-E-R. That's right. You know what?

I forgot to mention, last episode, I was talking so optimistically about Kawhi Leonard trying to join the Lakers, or I was hoping that he would join the Lakers. That's right. He ended up right there. And I ended up changing my opinion. Like, fuck that guy. Right. I think he's kind of like an overrated snake, so I'm not really sure if he ended up choosing

the Lakers or not. Oh, well, he didn't. He chose the Clippers, the other Los Angeles Lakers. Yeah, okay, so that actually tracks my fucking narrative that this guy couldn't even handle the Lakers. If we have to convince you, then you're not one of us. That was the narrative. That shaped your narrative.

Yeah, I think he's a fucking overrated snake. It's really fun to think about the NBA that there are so many teams now with brand new All-Stars team. Yeah. It's like... It's like eight of the top 15 players from last year's Switch teams or something. And also, I mean, it's sad that Clay has hurt, but it feels like the Warriors, it was always just like, when is their dynasty going to end?

And it was like, oh, just right now. That's it. That's right. It ends quickly. These dynasties don't often drag out. They fall apart. Yeah. Super fun.

All right. Thanks again to Nathan and Tanner. It takes you guys for listening. We'll be back next week. Ciao. Later. We'll just use what the lady needs, not just from your speed, but can I do a show for you?

If you have a question, send it to me. If I were you, show at gmail.com. At gmail.com. It's getting sexy. Turn on the podcast. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.