If I Were You - 392: Blind Date (w/Julia Nunes!)

Episode Date: July 22, 2019

Musician and friend Julia Nunes is in the studio discussing flirting, exercising, and laser eye surgery.Get Julia's new album UGHWOW wherever you listen to music.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. This is a headgum podcast. If I were you, hosted by the star of Hell in Kukumar 3, and some other dude. Fuck you, Jake! Yeah! You piece of shit. You absolutely...

How many great theme songs did you weed through to get to the absolute bottom of the barrel bullshit? You can listen to the lyrics. They're cute. I like the fucking... You had a bit part in Herald and Kumar 3. I had a very Herald and Kumar Christmas. I don't know what to say. You were absolutely ninth billing in that.

They talked about both of us equally. They didn't. I was trashed. I was dragged. Julian Noons, in front of Julian Noons. That's good because I have leaned way more towards Jake this whole time. So I feel like you just have to even the score. Things out.

Jake's thanked in my album liner notes. Yeah. I got a shout out. Jake was there. Amir was there. Not the me Amir though. Not you Amir. Different Amir got to thank you in the liner notes of your new album.

But this Jake is for real. Thanks. Even though it just says Jake, you're telling I'm point blank. It's her words. Yes, it is. The Amir is who? What's that person's last name? The other one?

His name is Amir, not Blumenfeld. That's awesome. So it's like a hyphenated situation. My mom remarried someone with the last name, not, had a baby. That was written by Brandon Lee. So yeah, he loves both of us equally, he says. Really? Maybe there's another one.

Seems like I didn't really reflect that. Yeah. Let's write another one, Brandon. It was kind of Julian Noons' chic, that song, right? A little bit. It was like one person, guitar or ukulele? That sounded a lot like a guitar to me. Okay.

What's the difference in musically between the guitar and ukulele? Beyond just the size. That's it. That's all there is to it. So you can hear the size of the instrument through. That's cool. That's because I have perfect size hearing. So you can hear.

So it's different than perfect pitch. You can always tell what size an instrument is. Yes. This drum kit is huge. This is a massive kit. Can you tell how much I weigh by what I sound like? Yeah. Let's hear it.

275. That's close. That is close. You're within 180. That's my range. That's my guaranteed within 180 pounds. Yeah. I could tell you how big your guitar is within 180 pounds.

Well, I don't doubt it. Thank you. If somebody told you, you have to guess within 180 pounds of the entire seating max of the Rose Bowl, 100,000 guesses. But if you get one wrong, we'll punch you in the face. But if you get them all right, we'll give you $1,000. 100,000 guesses. Yes.

100,000 guesses. Because they all have to be different? Yeah. They're different people because it's like the Rose Bowl was sold out and as they leave, you're guessing within 180 pounds. Yes. I could absolutely do that. What were the stakes?

Because if you're wrong, you get punched in the face. Wrong just once. Does anything happen? Yeah. If you're right, you get a thousand bucks. A thousand. That's a lot of work. It's a lot of time.

It's 180,000 people. 180,000 guesses. No. 100,000. 100,000 guesses. 180 pounds. How long does that take? With that take.

How long would that take? I don't know what. Six, eight months. You're getting a G. Also, they all have to line up. Yeah. Everyone has to agree to wait to walk by. On their way out.

They have just 100,000 people walking by you, single file. And would you just always guess 200, 200, 200 and then wait until you see a really fat person and you're like, all right, I guess 300. No, there's definitely babies. Or a baby. Yeah. There's babies that. If a baby's crawling out, what the hell do you do?

You guess 200, you get jacked in the face. I think I go 100, 200, 100. Right. Within, you know. That's nice. That'll keep them at a clip. That'll keep the babies. 100, 200.

100, 200. No. I think you'll, like I'm not saying yes to this, but I think you'll have a harder time getting all of those people to agree to this. They've already agreed. Because what do they get? They already get it. Sorry.

I've paid them $2. What they get is the potential opportunity to punch you in the face. If you guess their name. Yeah. The person I get wrong punches me, not you. Yes. No, the person, the baby that you miscalculated gets to sock you. It's hard to get a free pass at a punch in the face.

Okay. Yeah. I didn't know I was being offered an adorable punch. Because if it's a baby. If a baby's punching you in the face, I absolutely do it. Slightly different, but same world of questions. You, can I write a contract that says, I want you to punch me in the face? And you would do it, but it's completely legal?

Like, or can I always sue you for assault? Our show's changed a lot since the last time you, but we just, Amir asked these kind of like weird esoteric, not even philosophical as much as they are legal questions. Like what would you do if? Yeah. Like if I wrote something that said I want you to punch me in the face. It's not even a would you rather. Because it just wouldn't be crazy.

Do you think there's a lot, there's a document that would allow you to do that? To, for me to punch you in the face. That's right. And, and we both sign it and you can't ever. Sue you. Okay. And do your question to me is, does that document exist? Will it hold up?

Yeah. Will it hold up in court? Or will like, you can still punch me, break my nose and be like, oh, I didn't want that. Right. You punched me too hard. I mean, if I know anything about BBSM, I feel like all of those contracts like really. Oh, do those people have to sign contracts? Sometimes some people do.

Interesting. Just to prove that the like maybe assault you did was. Yeah, that's the thing. They sign up for like some pretty. There's a safe word. Yeah. But it's the safe word of legal dockers that like, by the way. The safe word is contract.

The safe word is help, stop, not now. Jesus. All right. Let's use that as a second. Not now. Help stop. Not now. I'm drinking tea.

Later. Later. You can electrocute my. Step on my nabs with a high heel later. Crush me later. We'll use that as a segue to the actual point of the podcast, which is an advice show called If I Were You hosted by me and Jake. Sometimes just two of us, sometimes we have a friend in the studio, Julia Noons here.

You've been on the show before. Once, twice, three times. Once. Once. That's cool. Still. Still good. Still good.

This was back when we were living in Los Feliz in the Casita. Yeah. The mansion on the hill. For sure. But we go way back. You were in Jake and Amir videos 10 years ago. At least. Could it be?

Yeah. Wow. I was a sophomore in college. Oh my God. That's like 19. I'm sorry. Are we? Am I on trial here?

Yeah. I was a sophomore in college and I believe you guys came and made a video with me in my dorm room. I have a contract. Nice. Yeah. We did enter your dorm room when you were 19. Yeah.

And shot a video. I was young. I was college aged, I think, when we did that. I was 38. I shouldn't have been there. That was before anyone knew about sliding into DMs, but that's what happened. There weren't even DMs. Yeah.

How did we contact with Twitter? It was Twitter, right? No, this was before Twitter. I think it was YouTube messages. That's my memory. That's cool. YouTube messages. Damn.

And then yeah, then we did a show at your college and we met up. Yeah. You guys performed at my school. Every woman I had ever met was like, you're hanging out with them after. And I was like, I am hanging out with them after. Hang out after? We did. We made a video.

I thought that was before. Was it? I think we made a video before then we hung out after. Okay. I think we hung out after. All right. There you have it. Either way, we chilled.

We chilled. It was very casual. And now if we really look at it, we're lifelong friends. We are. Like accidentally, we're lifelong friends. That's right. I remember I tried to get you to commit my birthday to your memory because you said I don't remember anyone's birthday.

Is it January 15th? That's really close. 13th. 18th. Yes. She got it within 180 pounds. But you don't know many birthdays, right? Zero.

So how did I hammer that home? I just kept reminding you. Because it's 15 days after mine, which is why I was like 15. And then I was, and I can usually remember like odds and evens. Like I knew it wasn't the 14th. No, of course not. That's insane. Absolutely not the 16th.

Yeah. No way. Except those are evens. You guessed odd and it isn't even. It's not. Oh. But 18 is kind of an odd number. It's an odd even.

Like what? It's like 15 odd plus three, also odd. Because my birthday is January 3rd and I only remember my mom's because it's 20 days after. And then Amir was like, okay, well mine's 15 days after. And that made her forget her mom's birthday, which is fine for me because that's still a double. Julia sends you a present every year. That's meant for her mom.

And then you asked a bunch of times after we had that conversation. Remember 15 days after, 15 days after. You would quiz me. January 15th? So now it's another reinforcement. My biannual reinforcement of January 18th. I'm going to lock it in at some point. Give me a couple years.

Let's take a random guess at mine. Four. That's pretty good. That's actually really close. The date of the month is really close. Can you guess the month? What do you seem like? That's a really good follow up.

That's a good first message on a date. What do you seem like? Save that. Okay, let's go with September. Also very close. So no. September 4th, August 5th is me. But that was like a month late in a day early.

Great. And a buck short. Within 180 days. All right. I need a lady's name so we can refer to this lady anonymously. Claire. Claire writes, Hello friends.

I'm not so much on a bind, but my problem is this. I have a boyfriend. Guys, girls, to me, it doesn't matter. But recently I've recently been working out quite a bit, feeling confident. And now I'm finding myself getting lots of attention. I find myself in tons of situations where I'm constantly getting hit on. Yes, I'm bragging, but it happens everywhere I go.

My boss hits on me a lot. People at the grocery store. That's absolutely bragging. Exes will reach out. Boss hitting on me is not good. Exes reaching out. Random girls on the street. Guys and girls in bars.

Good enough. Prick. I mean this part sounds cool. I love my boyfriend and would never cheat. But I want to know how do you resist temptation when you're in a relationship? How has this affected your past relationships? It's all around me and honestly it's getting hard pun intended to resist. Is this something ladies deal with more than guys?

Do you think the fact that you get hit on in public or in private or etc. I know for one like nobody's hitting on me when I'm going to a grocery store. I don't know. I think it probably depends on the person. There's some people that are just orbs of hit on me and then there's some people that are straight up not. Have you ever experienced cat calling like random on the street yelling like drive by yelling? Whether it's you or a friend you're with? Yeah, of course.

So what does that feel like? I've experienced it outside your office. Right here? I was kidding about that. It was you. Yeah, what happens? What's the take me through an example? Okay, well I used to live in Hollywood like right near Hollywood Boulevard.

The Times Square of LA. Which is such a ridiculous statement. It's so small compared to Times Square. Yeah, but it's like the touristy, traffic-y, hot, loud part of LA. If anyone who has been to Times Square comes to Hollywood Boulevard and thinking it will be like that would be so disheartened. There is nothing like Times Square in LA. I mean downtown has really tall buildings. Yeah, I didn't mean like the size of the buildings.

The quality of being in that area. The other tourists who will be there are like the tourists who will be in Times Square. But just like one hundredth of them and way less fun things to do. Sure, because hey, we all love hanging out in Times Square. There's no M&M store. Actually there is. There's a M&M two soads on Hollywood and Vine. And they sell peanut M&M. It's just the kind of place where you'll be walking and someone will be like where are you going?

Where are you headed to? Where's the party at? What's up? And then they'll just like keep walking behind you and then if you ignore them then maybe they'll do that for like ten blocks. Whoa, ten blocks. And I used to live right there so I felt like I couldn't go home. So I would like zigzag, go to the Moogee. That's insane. Look at journals for a long time. Guy right behind you, what are you journaling? What are you gonna write? What's going on?

I feel like when you hear cat calling and I know this is also wrong but like so like the shithead response is like what's a compliment? Like if I'm walking down the street and somebody yells nice ass I'm like thank you but it's not that. It's straight up somebody asking you what you're doing and where you're going. People are saying where are you going is the creepiest thing in the world. It's like where are you going because I'll be there too. If you tell me I'll also be able to be around. Yeah, invite me somewhere. That's what they're saying.

Do you already know that I have the last track on my record is about this? Do you know that already? What is it? It's called Boys. Actually I read the lyrics before we came up here because shout out to Julia News' jacket on the album which has the lyrics. It's so nostalgic for me. It reminds me of my spin doctor CD. Yeah, I want you to be able to like put it on and sit down with your little thing and read along because that's how I did it when I got records. What is Boys about? Well the first line of the song is called This is a Song for the Boys Who Follow Me Down the Street.

I got it. I got it. And it's basically about how I would love to not have my day ruined which is like if I am mean to someone my day is worse. I don't enjoy being mean to someone. And you have to be mean to them. Well you have a couple of options. Run the whole gamut of options. Ignoring is one that doesn't feel great because it goes on for much longer. But saying something you risk it going very badly. You risk them responding very badly. Because you give them what they want.

No, because you don't give them what they want. What they want is for you to tell them exactly where you're going. Yeah, tell them you don't have a boyfriend. Tell them your name and tell them that you are... And then smile. Yeah, and smile. I don't totally understand what they're expecting but the response that I have tried is to be like no thank you. And sometimes they'll just like hit you back with an insult. Sometimes they'll...

I wonder if half of them are waiting... What they'd rather do is insult you. But they just want to give you... They want that reason to do that. Have you tried? Here's an idea. Hit me. It's just a fart noise. Like a really inconspicuous one.

So it seems like a real fart. I would love to just turn around and do like a long... I really good breath control. Even your sample was really long. We'll call that option four. Option four. And then the song on my CD is like an imaginary world where I sing at them. I see.

That's cool. Have you decided what you're going to do a music video for? Because I can kind of see that happening. Yeah, it's just like rife with music video ideas. I'm not sure what I want to do. Turn it to like John Travolta, Olivia Newton, John thing. Ooh. That was a really problematic song.

Really? Yeah, she changed for him. But he also changed for her. Did he? I thought he was wearing all black, greaser outfit. And that's what love is. Like a cardigan. I thought that was earlier in the movie. I think it ends with him wearing a cardigan. She comes and she's in all black.

And then he quickly takes off the cardigan. So the hotter way to be is this way. All right, we're on the same page. You better shape up. But this lady doesn't seem to be talking about the unwanted cat calling attention. It seems like she's into this attention flirtation situation. She's a walking orb of hit on me, which can be fun. Do you have anybody like that in your life?

An orb? An orb, do you ever walk around with an orb of hit on me? Yeah, I do. One of my best friends is like a real orb. What's that like? It's great. She has fun with it. Yeah. Most of my house right now is single, almost everyone.

And we just kind of like walk around and see what happens. And most of the time, one of us is getting hit on. It's pretty. And is it often the orb? Is the orb or me? You're an orb. You're an orb. Maybe.

I don't know anymore. You're running away from the microphone. All right. But the orb is not in a relationship. I think what's happening here is like this girl, she said she's like working out. She's like experiencing a glow up. She's getting attention that she wasn't getting before. So I understand why it feels good.

But does it feel better than being in a relationship? Honestly, it might. I think there's like, if you're enjoying the attention a lot and it's fine to enjoy the attention and have no intention of following through on any of it. I think it's okay to be a flirt. I'm a little bit of a flirt. So enjoy the attention if it's not your intention. Yeah. But then also, I think that you don't necessarily feel bad about like, I am enjoying my newfound attention.

And I want to try to like get laid a bunch or like flirt a bunch or make out with strangers. Then like do that just break up with whoever you're with. Yeah. Or maybe the person you're with is okay with that. Whoa. Okay. But either way you should let the other person know. Right. Well, yeah, conversation is actually a really great indicator.

Question. It seems like all she's done is just been like, my life is great. I'm in a relationship and when I go out in the world, I get to flirt all the time. How do you resist temptation when you're in a relationship? Oh, resist temptation? I did not. I never did. So don't do it. Do as I say. Yeah, do as I say, not as I do.

Okay. I have some thoughts that like, sometimes when you're like actively trying not to do something, then you're like, oh no, I'm resist. It's like, this feels bad because I'm resisting temptation. But if you're just like, I'm allowed to do whatever I want, you'll probably find that you don't want to fuck most of the people you flirt with. I'm allowed to swear. You can swear. You can say that. Sorry. No, I actually really, that really, that really freaking bothered me. Just delicately holding his ears for all the people listening. Is this what pearl clutching is?

So sweet. In the touching of his ears. Jake has become a fragile doily in his arm last. A thin doily in the wind. Of a doily of a man. A snowflake made out of tissue paper. What were you saying? You can, something about fucking and flirting and... If you're holding yourself back and it's like a big deal and it feels like you're being like,

just like stuffing down anything you want, then like everything feels like a forbidden fruit. But if you're actually allowed to do whatever you want, then like most of the time you don't want those things. You just like flirting. I feel like I've also found that people that are like very forward in flirting with me, I'll have fun with that. But that's never ever been who I want to fuck. I want to hook up with people who are shy. That's more my speed. I'm the opposite of an orb. I'm a black hole. You saw Chernobyl, right?

Jake's a nuclear meltdown of a man giving off radiation. I'm a core. I'm a graphite. I'm plutonium 682. Is there anything we didn't talk about in this world? I'm a dosimeter. I would just say like enjoy it. Just enjoy yourself. But do you think she'll enjoy it less if she breaks up and it's like, oh, now I can be with all these people? Is there something about the forbidden fruit of it all where, oh, I'm in a relationship.

Ooh, this person's talking to me. It's extra. Probably. She probably just wants to feel the craziness of it all. Because if she was signal, she's signaling to everyone that she's taken. Very good. Nice recovery. Thank you. If she was single, she would probably be like, oh, well, none of this is actually what I want. But because she's made it of forbidden fruit, just let yourself enjoy all of the things. I wonder though, like that tracks for me too. Like she, even in addition to liking the attention,

I feel like she likes the little delicate dance as well. Right. Like, oh, but what do I do? Like the conflict. I shouldn't touch this. Playing with fire. Playing with fire. Yeah, play with fire. Get burned. We're all young. We're all going to die. You have a lot of third degree burns on your body though. That's right. I have my hair is missing.

Again, Chernobyl style. You got to watch this show. It's so funny. All right, let's take a break. We'll come back and answer some more questions with Julia. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this Head Gum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire Head Gum network, Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon,

these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents.

So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great. Really easy way to stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma. She was pregnant.

We got her the Aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant? Really nice, asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife. And you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit. Like, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant.

Yeah. Yeah, kind of like she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame?

Holy smokes. And we let her know with an Aura. Yeah. Thank you. The Aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app. Add me to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something.

That could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah.

It's a great gift. A really, really iconic gift. And right now you can save on the Perfect Father's Day gift and visit Aura Frames. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com. And our listeners can use code HEADGUM to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames. There it is. Timely, the deal ends on June 18th. So don't wait.

Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames A-U-R-A-Frames.com. Okay. Go get your parents something. All right. And use the code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping. Right on. Thank you, Aura.

And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional license therapist, it is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place. And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area. But BetterHelp makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient, flexible, and suitable to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist.

And you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. BetterHelp therapy has helped millions of people over thousands of years. So give therapy a try. It can give you the tools to find a more balanced life. I've tried therapy. It's been very helpful. So you can find that balance better with BetterHelp. All you got to do is go to betterhelp.com.

If I were you, you do that today. You can get 10% off your first month. So the prices are already affordable because you're not paying rent for a building somewhere that you have to drive to and wait in a waiting room. This is done entirely online, but you're still getting professional licensed help. And it's extra affordable. That's betterhelp.com. If I were you, check them out. Thanks, BetterHelp.

And we're back. Hey, Julia. Do you have any? Oh, it's a lift. I'm coming. Gross. Sorry about that last part. Obviously.

Yeah. I said it's gross in the song. You heard my reaction. And that's why you're my favorite. That's why I'm in the liner notes, baby. Yes, unsolicited advice. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And? Yeah, just off the top of my head, advice that I would give to the general public. That's right. Okay. Yes. Okay. Preach. Preach.

Preach. Okay. This is inspired by the last person. So I guess it's not that unsolicited, but I would say work out every day. It's the best. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Exercise in some way, shape or form.

Yeah. I've never worked out every day in my life, like consistently, consistently. And now I've been doing it for like two months and I feel cool. 60 days working out every day. Yeah, every day. It's crazy. Can I have a break? You don't take a day off?

No. Wow. Okay. Because if I do take a day off, then the next day I also take a day off. Do you know what I mean? So you're just a pattern seeker. What kind of exercise are you doing? Is it the same every day?

Is it varied? I belong to a gym and I do hot yoga. So I do like... One of those things. One of those things every day. I've been also on this same tip since I've been living back in New York City. I also... It improves my mood so much.

I don't know if you're a morning workout or an afternoon, but I used to be an afternoon workout person. But I found that like I was still... I was just like waking up and I would be in like a bad mood until the end of the day. And I'm really tired when I wake up. I don't want to work out. But if I do something, even if it's just like riding my bike over the Williamsburg bridge, that is like...

It drastically improves my mood. And it makes my entire day so much better. Yeah. Even if I don't want to do anything at all, there's usually like one thing that I can get myself to do. Like a very, very small, small. And then the small, small wakes everything else up. And then I can do other stuff.

Yeah. By the time you like finished a small, small, you're like, oh, I'm not going to do a small, small. I'm already at the gym. I'll do a tall, tall. I do that all the time where I'm just like, all right. I don't have the energy to go to the gym. I'm going to go for a quick run.

And then I'll run for a little bit. And then I'm like, okay. Now I can... I'll do a long run. Yeah. I think that varying your exercise is so important. Because for me, going to the gym and doing the same thing would get so stale and I'd be so bored.

LA is really nice because if you don't feel like going to the gym, you could just go on a big hike. Yeah. It's so good. Way good to sweat. Do you ever swim in the ocean? Yeah. I like jump in the cold ocean sometimes.

Whoa. I've never done that. That's another thing about living with seven people. You guys just jump into the ocean. I can usually get one person. If I'm in the mood, I can send that group text and be like, who's living with me in the next five minutes to jump in the ocean? Wow.

And then what do you do? You run to the ocean, jump in and run back? Basically, yeah. But then it's the same thing where you're like, all we're going to do is jump in the ocean for a second. And then you get there. You swim around. You hang out and you talk.

That's cool. And then you like go in the ocean. Again, it's like a whole thing. Yeah. Did you ever go into the ocean in LA? I've been, yeah. A couple times. I never jumped into the ocean.

You've never jumped into the ocean? Maybe like when I was younger, but like not in the last five years. Really? Yeah. Do you want to jump in the ocean after this? I don't know. It's so far away. How about this?

We'll take a bum shower in the bidet downstairs. Jesus. So you turn it on the nozzle cleaning setting. Have you done that? Yeah. Well, you've already done that today. It's the only thing. You were using it as a water pick.

You got to dry bar of soap and just go to town. I think if I ever moved back to LA, I would maybe want to live on the west side. Like switch it up. Living by the, it's weird to me that like coming from the east coast, you move all the way to California, the golden coast. And then you're just like, and I'll live 14 miles inland in the hottest part. Yeah. That is interesting.

We lived in the west side of LA for a little bit and like at night it kind of dies down. Yeah. It's like a better place to live during the day. It felt like. But I think that for us at that time, when it was me and you and Marty living together, we didn't want to be in a place that died down at night. Right. Now I would fucking love to be in a place that dies down at night.

Yeah. What do you mean dies down? Like stuff to do? Yeah. Like at 10 PM, it just seemed like every restaurant and bar were already closed. We were in Santa Monica. I think it's different. We were in a part of Santa Monica that was more like shopping.

It was a sleepy little town. Yeah. But we also didn't have that many friends there. Yeah. So we were constantly huffing it back east to hang out and then back to Santa Monica. Not ideal. All right. That was good.

Another one could be jump in the ocean. Yeah. For sure jump in the ocean. It's the weird like jumping in the ocean. If you have any like weird universe thoughts inside of your head, then jumping in the ocean makes you like, wow, everything's connected. I think that I'll go one general or any body of water. Yeah.

I'm a huge fan of just cold water. Yeah. Dunking yourself in cold water. I went to Catterskill Falls last weekend in upstate New York. It's a spiritual experience. What are your thoughts on cold water canyon, the street in LA? It's not technically cold water, but it is. If I were rich, I'd have a plunge pool, I think.

What's that? It's just like a deep pool that's small and cold and you could just kind of like jump in it to wake yourself up. Oh, whoa. Is that an indoor thing or an outdoor thing? I think there's an outdoor thing. I think Tony Robbins has one. A plunge pool.

Yeah, a plunge pool. So it's like a pool that's deeper than a normal pool, but also smaller. Yeah, it's like 10 by 10. You just jump into it, fully submerge, come back and you're like, I've plunged. I'm cold. An adult baptism. I'm invigorated. You gotta just do shit that invigorates your ass.

Stop yelling at me. You're so even-keeled. You never get invigorated. That's right. When was the last time you felt invigorated? Probably something basketball related like the Game 6 of the finals. Did you watch that? No.

Yeah, it was Raptors at Warriors. I mean, the intensity. I would rather watch Raptors and Warriors fight. Actually fight. Yeah, you would love Jurassic Park. Oh, what's that? All right, here's a question about a secret crush written by a man. Let's give this guy a fake name.

What do you got? Warrior. That's cool. Nice. Warrior writes, big fan for over 10 years, just now getting into the podcast and I have a lot of catching up to do. I saw this note on my car underneath my windshield after leaving an ice cream parlor with a number attached to it, but no name and I almost threw it away.

The note says, jumping out on a limb here, think you're handsome, too shy to tell you in person. Okay. It's the opposite of cat calling. I thought it might have been from some girls that were in there while I was inside, but then I realized I had been there before them, so there's no way they knew what I drive. Plus, they seem way younger than me. I'm 26, but I was so curious to know who left this.

I decided to text the number and turns out it was my next door neighbor. Me and my buddies just got a house two months ago, so I don't know her name yet. The thing is, my neighbors are a couple with two small children and maybe another girl. I've seen two different women there, but only one of them a few times, but I'm not sure if she's just a friend or what. I'm not sure if I'm texting the mother slash wife with two kids or a single lady around my age. I'm not sure how to move forward on how to find out who I'm texting, or should I just

screw it and seize the cheese regardless? Ta-da. Warrior. It's the single woman. You're insane. Well, what if it's not? It is. It for sure is.

How do you know until you text? Oh my God. I guess in a larger sense, how do you know who's texting? Can you ask her to just say, let's meet up and then you throw caution to the wind? I mean, I feel like this would be like a funny flirt to be like, just checking you're not the mom with two kids, right? Is that okay to ask or is that a sexy secret admirer ruining situation? Well, if it is the mom, he doesn't want to proceed, I assume.

Who knows? You don't want to live next to the marriage you're breaking up. I don't. Is that your other unsolicited advice? Yes. This seems solicited. Okay. Here's what you do.

If you guys want to pontificate anymore, feel free because this is the practical, like this one has the right answer is the only thing. So I don't want to like mic drop and give the right answer. So if you have any more like bits and silly shit, send me a selfie. Okay. That way you can see who it is. Right. You could go, I assume you're the mom with two kids and I'm so down to ruin your life.

LOL. Laughing, crying, emoji. Yeah. Send me a selfie is kind of like just a creepy thing. You definitely don't want to send that text. What if you send a selfie first and then you hope that they respond? Oh God, that's so cringy. I've always wanted to be a father.

Oh, that's cool. With a selfie? Yeah. Yeah. You with the fake baby. Because if it is the mom, she'll think that's great. He's already good with kids. All right.

What do you think? Fake baby. Okay. So here's what you actually do. Instagram and you do the, you know, find, find people to follow you sort by contacts. Instagram. Instagram lets you add people based on the people in your, in your contact list and your phone.

Okay. So then you'll be able to see who this person's in like is on their Instagram. But what if they don't have their phone number? What if it's private? What if it doesn't have anything? If it's private, even if it's private, they'll still have an avatar. Yeah. I don't even know about this function.

Yeah. And what if the avatar is like of a car? It won't be. It won't be of a car. Yeah. And also it's the single woman. Oh, then also, I mean, if it's, if it's, yeah, it is the single woman. And if it's, if the avatar is a weird thing, then you could still just request to follow

it, make a finsta. Also, is there anything wrong with going out with someone? If it's a pure blind secret note crush? No. I went on one of these ones. Have you left a note? I went on a date with somebody who left their number on a Jenga piece in a bar. Bum.

And you didn't know who it was. I did not know who it was. I called and I left a message and she texted me the next day and she was like, I, this, I've been getting texts for years and I've never ever, I've never gone out with anybody, but you're the first person that called. Oh. Oh, she's been doing the Jenga piece. I think her friend left it as like a joke on this Jenga piece.

Oh, I thought it was a person that knew you and saw you. No, no, it was like, it was a bar. It was, it was a bar that had like a Jenga thing. And it just said, call me for a fun date or something. Right. Yeah. For a good time call, like this number. And the weird thing was I was on a date at that bar and I did it.

And like the girl I was with was like, you should call. You should call. And I, Julie looks disgusted a little bit. No. But anyway, so I went on a completely blind date. No idea what this person looked like. And? It was, it was a nice date.

We had a good time. It was the worst night of my life. No, it was nice. I think it's, I think it's really nice in this day and age of like knowing so much, like being able to like completely social media stock people before you see them to just like go out on a blind date. That doesn't happen anymore. That's a lost thing.

Real life things are really, really good. Okay. So you're saying it's probably the single lady, but either way, just go out with a person in my life. Wait, no, that's not actually my advice. It is. I think, I think that's good for you. Can I say, can I answer for you?

I feel like it is generally a great thing to go out on a blind date and then like if it's your neighbor, as someone who has dated their neighbor, your sense of home is important and you just don't want to live in fear of seeing someone, you know, walking outside your door. Dating your neighbor is, it's dangerous. It's like dating a coworker. Yeah. But you could, you could just like maybe not respond and then like when you see this like

single woman who lives next to you, who definitely left her number on your car, then you can like feel it out. And if it's going to be like mad sparks and feel amazing, then like maybe try it. But if you see her and it doesn't feel great, I wouldn't pollute your home. I think that, I think that the home's already polluted. I think he has to move already. He's texting. One note.

He's texting with someone he doesn't even know who it is. Next time he sees the single mom, what is he going to do? It was like, I think I'm not texting you, but if I am, here's the knowing smile. Jacob's one note away from gone girl and going ghost, moving states at any given time. It can happen to you. I have so many broken leases. And leases. Broken hearts, broken leases.

All right. We got time for one more question. Great. If you do. Okay. We need another lady's thing. Wait, do we talk about Julia's album? We usually do that after the break.

That's true. Okay. You want to talk about your album first? How's that? I did an album. I made music. What's it called? And how do people listen to it?

It's called Eugh Wow. That's U-G-H-W-O-W one word. One word. Eugh Wow. Eugh Wow. And it's six songs. It's on Spotify or iTunes or Amazon. Wherever you listen to music.

We got CDs. When you say, oh wow, like is that the cadence like, oh wow. It can be, the reason I did is because it's like any, any expression of emotion. Yes. That's true. I say wow all the time for things that make me sad or happy. Right? Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Wow. There's like probably one of the most happy songs I've ever written on this record and then easily the saddest song. Ooh. I can't wait to listen. Easily.

The highs and lows. Easily. There's some pretty sad songs in old albums. Yeah. And not even close. Not even close. Far and away. Far and away the saddest song I've ever written.

What's the theme? Give me a taste, a sample. I want to know what's revolved. What's so sad? Yeah. Um, building a life with someone and like being sure that like your life was like culminating in this like deep, deep love and then being like, oh nope. Yeah.

That's not true. Going all the way. Yeah. The song's called Not True. No. That's universal sadness. You just said it. Oh wow.

Oh wow. Wow. Wow. Oh wow. It's official. That's crazy. That's crazy. See?

I had a question. Um, when you perform like the saddest song you've ever written, are you desensitized because you've like rehearsed it and played it so much or does it still like send you to a place when you're performing live? Cause I bet like a lot of people in the audience are transported to that place. Yeah. I had a release show a week ago and I choked up for sure. Whoa.

Wow. Yeah. And I'm not even sad about that relationship not existing anymore. It's just like an emotional thing and then you can like feel like I just am limbic system connected to like 200 people who are all also being sad. Right. Dealing with their own not truths and like all of the people that they're thinking of are different than the person that you wrote the song about.

But it's all like, yeah, that's, that's some crazy, that's ocean level connection, shit. Ocean. Yes. And you guys all jumped in the ocean, right? We all jumped in the, oh my God. I want to do that. I want to have like a beach show and then we all jump in the ocean to cleanse our soul. Oh, that's dope.

You could perform from the top of a little lighthouse tower thing. Yeah. Or not lighthouse. Lifeguard, lifeguard check. Yeah. Yeah. Lifeguard check. Do you ever jump in when it's dark out or it's usually a daytime thing?

Yeah. I have jumped in in the ocean in the dark. It's not too cold? It is cold. And then you get out, are you still just cold? You're just kind of like, it's, it, it's cold, but it's not like, it's just a different way of existing as a human. So it's cold, but not bad.

You feel like you've been dipped in some sort of like armor that is cold. Wow. The plunge pool. I mean, you're from upstate New York. This shit doesn't faze you. I did the polar bear club at camp every summer, so, you know what I mean? Is that a winter camp? No, it's a summer camp, but the, but you know, like how the sun comes out and warms the

water during the day and then at night the sun is gone and so the water gets cold. And so first thing in the morning, the water is cold. I see you're used to jumping in cold water. Wearing camp. Where was the camp? I used to go, it's on a Finger Lake and it was a YMCA camp. It was called Camp Cory. Cool.

Big into Finger Lakes. I, I applied to Hobart and Williams Smith actually. Did you? Yeah. Me too. Wow. I got in, so. Wow.

Good on you. Thanks. At the end of the episode, we usually play a, not that we're there yet, but we usually play an outgoing intro theme song, but maybe we can play one of the songs from your album. Yeah. Just play a really sad song at the end of this competition. Should we play the saddest one or the happiest one? Or the, you choose.

Yeah, you choose. Which song? You tell me. I'm going to vote for a happy one. Yeah. Okay. We don't have to say it yet, but think on that while I ask this question. Okay.

We need a lady's name. Paris. Paris. I think you said Paneras. Panera. Panera. The sandwich place? Panera.

I've never eaten at a Panera. One second. I'm just, oh, I'm just, are we, is the show so militant? Answer questions, answer questions, or do we just like fuck around sometimes? Yeah, we fuck around, but you not eating at a Panera doesn't, it doesn't seem like it would lead anywhere fruitful. Well, I was interested if you guys. What's that?

I was just going to ask if you guys ever had a Panera. I've had a, I've had a sandwich at a fucking Panera. Great. Um, can we? Yeah. Yeah. Julia? This is the best joke of the show.

Fine. Julia, have you ever, have you ever had a quiz nose? Like what do we do? No, Panera. We all had quiz nos. I actually realized I did have Panera once, but only once, that has to be super rare. Honestly, going once is more, is more interesting than never going. Yeah.

One through 10, the least amount of times gone, got to be one, right? Yeah. I've gone to Panera the least out of any of us, unless Julia's never been. I've been. Awesome. Aren't you glad we did this? Yeah. All right, fine.

Fuck. I just, I want to validate. This episode is absolutely called Panera. Yeah. And it is a sponsored post. All right. Go ahead. Pam Panera, Paris writes, I've recently gotten back into the hit.

Hinge game, and I matched out, and I matched with this very nice, very cute guy on my hinge profile. It says that I wanted to learn how to surf, so he offered to teach me the first time we hang out. We've made plans to meet up soon, but here's the kicker. She said, here's the problem. I don't know why I said, here's the kicker. I showed a picture of him to my sister, and she told me that he's my cousin's ex-boyfriend.

She recognized him from an Instagram, but when we went to look, she had deleted all the pictures of them together. So obviously they're broken up. I only see my cousin a few times a year, and we don't get to catch up much, so I'm not sure how long they were together for, but I think they were kind of serious. So now what? I know I have to tell this guy that I'm his ex's cousin, but what if he still wants to hang out?

I kind of still want to, but I know if it were to go anywhere serious, it could get super weird between my cousin and I. What are your thoughts? I'm in dire straits, and I need your advice, sincerely, whatever ridiculous name you end up giving me. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth.

I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you the truth. Was your eyesight pretty bad? What was your prescription? Negative 3.5, negative 4.

Cool. That's like in between what you and I... Because you were like negative 7, right? No, I was around negative 3 as well. Sorry. We talked about that once. The fact that we had similar prescripts. And then you had Lasik by the time we talked.

Probably. Damn. So you've had no ill effects five years after the fact? No. My vision is still great. And it doesn't really wear off like everyone's... The vision of course. But like the wonder of not wearing glasses anymore.

You still feel it? I still am like... In the shower I can see and during a haircut I can see and all that stuff. Especially at the beach. Oh my God. Haircuts are like the funniest place because I always used to be like, what's happening? Yeah. Let me put my glasses on and a grand reveal of what just happened.

What are you doing today? And now you don't have to take the glasses to the plunge. Yeah. There's so many locations. Did you ever wear contacts? I did. And then they stopped feeling good for any length of time. Like I would put them in and three seconds later no matter what, how fresh they were

or anything they just felt terrible. Right. Yeah, I can't imagine. I was never going to be able to wear contacts. Lasik was the only solution for me. They were fine for like 10 years and then they got bad. Interesting. Wait, how does that work though?

Because I never saw you with glasses. My vision was like getting bad as I got older. I had like a pretty light prescription. Like negative 1.7 and like negative 0.75 or something. But it got to the point where like I was, I was just like fending it off. Like I don't need glasses. I don't need glasses. And then finally I was like, okay, I need glasses and I can't wear them.

That's like your favorite thing to do is let something get as bad as it can. Do anything about it. I think like I straight up almost, I was like driving at night and I almost died. Like, okay, this is silly. I want to pull over and get Lasik right now. You over there. But like after I got Lasik, I realized how, how long I had had like just like vaguely shitty eyesight.

You did the same thing with your feet. Now you're getting feet surgery. I'm getting feet surgery. You are. Yeah. Whoa. Let's talk about that later. I want to, we, we talk about joint things.

That's right. That's right. Oh man, I was so concerned when you hurt your leg. Oh, I know. Are you still hurting? No. And that, and it's part of why I work out every day is because my knees are like, we, we can talk about the shape of my body later.

But wait, look, look at how my knee comes in kind of right here. Do you see? You're also very flexible. You're doing like a, I don't know how to describe this, but your leg is straight up. Very. As you sit down. I would fucking love to feel that stretch. I'm so tight.

This is as high. Yeah. You have like no hammies. They're like so loose. Well, this is another reason I work out every day is because I'm hyper flexible and my knees could, my joints could bend in ways that they really shouldn't because I'm so flexible. So I have to strengthen them to support how bendy I am. Oh my gosh.

That's really interesting. Yeah. Contortionist. Oh my God. Also I'm single. What's up? Catch me on hinge, cousins of the world. Follow me down the street.

What's up? No. So the order of operations here for this lady is ask your cousin if she says it's fine or if she says that's not actually my ex-boyfriend, go for it. Yeah. I wouldn't even say ask your cousin. I would say, I would just like connect with your cousin like, isn't this like funny that my sister thinks that like I'd match with this guy and like my sister thinks that you

dated this guy? Is it him? Or is it just that? What if she's like, haha. Yeah, that's him. Then be like, oh weird, and if she doesn't give you like a go out with him, then it's done. Right.

Cancel. Other guys know how to surf. Yeah. Other guys are cute. You know? This guy is not a real person yet. Right. You have not met him.

Yes. The idea of him is worth sacrificing your relationship with your family, but it's not in reality. She should go on one date because odds are the date will be bad. And then it's like, uh-oh, got good. No, but then you always have a second date. Then you always have a weird like secret with your cousin. Yeah, no, because then you're making it a forbidden fruit and everyone wants forbidden fruit.

Just spend a year with this guy. See what happens. All I'm saying is like, bring him to the family reunion. Bring him to one family reunion. Let him get boring. Yeah. At a certain point, one of you will die and then once you break up with him, actually you and your cousin have way more in common.

Yeah. Because you could be like, I hate when Kyle taught me how to surf. He was like. He never taught me how to surf. Really? Yeah. He says he does that with everyone he's seriously about. I'm actually back together with Kyle.

How are you now? He taught me how to boogie board yesterday. Fuck. Kyle went body surfing and never came back. All right. Julia, what song are we ending this episode on? Uh, do, oh my gosh, do boys. Boys.

Yeah. Okay. On theme. On brand. On we. What? Never mind. If you have your own questions or theme songs, send it to ifirishow at gmail.com.

Julia, the name of the album one more time is. Ugh, wow. Ugh, wow. People can just Google that and your name on Google and find the best way to listen to it. Yes. Or Spotify. Yes.

Or iTunes or Amazon or everything. All the things. Go to your local friggin Radio Shack. They sell CDs. No. Yeah. Go to a Sam Goody or a Tower Record. That's not going to work out for them.

They're going to be mad that you sent them there. Go to a Borders, the CD section where you can sample CDs. All about sells discs. No. I'm 49. Is that alright? Go to Best Buy and use your phone and download Julia's album, right? This is Boys, so you can also just continue listening.

You'll hear part of the album right now. Julia, thanks for coming by. Thanks. We'll see you guys next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye.