If I Were You - 399: Singing and Acting

Episode Date: September 9, 2019

In this episode we discuss pop punk, Sudoku, and acting cool at the gym.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. That was written by a Scottish actor named Samuel Pashby. I can't wait to see you on the silver screen, Pashby. Cool. An actor slash musician. What's the most successful version of that? Who's the goat? Jennifer Lopez.

Okay, well let's think about it. Jennifer fucking Lopez. You need someone who can sing, sure, but ideally acts as well. Oh, Eminem. Yeah, that's good. He was good at eight mile. Drake. Are those skill sets related at all, or is it just completely random to be good at both of them?

I don't know. Fucking performing? Yeah, dude. They're pretty related. Oh my God. Well, that's like a concept. I'm talking about like writing and singing. I mean, writing is one thing.

I think writing is a different skill set. Singing and acting. It's all just sort of being a ham. It's both acting. Like if you can act like you sing really well, you're a good singer. I can act like I can. If I act like Freddie Mercury, you know, like Rami Malik was an amazing singer, but only because he acted like Freddie Mercury.

Yeah, like Bradley Cooper was a good singer because he was a good actor and he acted so good it was good at singing. And can you act to sing? Act to song. Act to song so good that you're a good songwriter and singer. So like, ain't it something, boy? Aren't you tired of being so hardcore? I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block.

I used to have a little, but now I have a lot. Right. You're a bad actor and singer. So that, that stands. That tracks. I never said I was good. I said J-Lo was good. All right.

For me, it's like I'm good at algebra and also Sudoku. That's my equivalent. Why are you in comedy if you're so good at Sudoku? Yeah. Are those two things related or are they just? Algebra and Sudoku? No. Comedy and Sudoku.

Oh, no. I think everything is related to Sudoku though because it's kind of like a, it's dumb. It's like, it's asking is that related to Tetris? Oh yeah. Like if you're good at Sudoku, you're not actually smart, right? It's like addicted to a weird little game. Are you bullying me? Are you, are you good at Sudoku?

This is you hitting on a girl poorly on an airplane. Like, are you good at that because you're smart or is it a dumb fucking game? Oh, shit. I hate turbulence. Hold my hand, please. By the way, I think it's a nine in that box. And a six in this one. You splashed your drink on me.

Another ginger ale for the girl who's pretty good at a fucking little game. I think easy Sudoku is easy, but once you get to like the next level shit, it becomes like you have to actually be smart. Really? There's like easy medium and then hard level Sudoku. I feel like that's like people saying easy medium and hard level word search. Like this one's hard because it's a lot of letters. And it can go backwards, frickin diagonal.

You have to catch up all of your shirt. That actually is kind of hard. But no, expert level Sudoku is harder than expert level word search. All right, well imagine fucking a full on 10 by 10. It's a wallpaper word search. Yeah, that just takes a lot of time. It doesn't like me, a smart person can figure it out faster. Okay.

Okay. I'm sorry you bought the world's largest word search on fucking Sky Mall. That was a waste of time. And I didn't have the know how to hang it up, so I'm doing it on the floor. And you haven't found any words. Zero of the words. It's covered in footprints because it's in my threshold. Word search is like the poor man's crossword puzzle.

I don't know any clues, but I can fucking find the word bladder. Old Hawkeyes over here. I'll bubble this one. I have to look for an L. And when I do, I sort of trace a circle around it and then look for the word A. Just find a J. That one should be easy. Okay, there's not a lot of Js. It looks like a hook.

Is that a J? And it'll be used twice. So look to the left, right, top and bottom. Oh, yeah. You're getting mucus all over the board. I have post nasal drip. Does it matter if it's a capital or lower case O? And pre-nasal drip.

Oh, shit. It's coming out post and pre. Oh, mercy. This is If I Were You, the only advice podcast on the web hosted by us. I'm Amir. I am Jake. I've been hosting. That didn't quite work out for you so much last time.

It worked out perfectly. Everybody fucking loved it. They're clamoring for another Jake hosted episode, but you've stolen Lorraine's and you've usurped my power. Well, this episode is $3.99, so maybe for the next $400, it'll be a youth situation. Cool. I can take it over from $400 onwards for the next $400 if you want. Yeah. We can switch every $400.

And we will do another $400 spot, but then we really have to call it like at $800, that should be enough. That should be like, all right, we're good. This is $800. Enough episodes. Like we've done enough podcasts. Yeah. Like we've recorded for 10 years at this point. This is quite actually enough.

I guess everything that we do is like we did Jake and Amir for 10 years. We should just do everything for 10 years, right? Or no, we did it Jake and Amir for eight years, didn't we? Yeah. Like two presidential terms. That's how we should be thinking about our lives. Cool. I love that.

Although if you think about our Patreon, we have like bonus video episodes there. So that's even more episodes than $400. Right. That's true. I'll start hosting some bonus Patreon episodes too. Shout out to our Patreon. Patreon.com slash J.A. Give us $1,000 a month and you can watch a, yeah, you can watch like a half hour if I

were you video every other week and a thousand dollars a month. No, it's way less than that. I was just going to say it's if you, there's like basically an extra hour and a half of content every single month between Jake and Amir watch. If I were you or Jake and Amir watch Jake and Amir and if I were you bonus videos and for $1,000 a month, you can check that whole thing out. It's $5 a month. It's not $1,000 a month.

Well, that's the minimum ass. Yeah, they can get it for five, but you don't have to tell them to get it for five. You could actually fucking dupe some schmuck into paying a G, I think. Edit that part out, but I don't want to. I'm not going to edit the part out where you said dupe a schmuck. Why? It's bad for you. It's bad for both of us if they don't subscribe.

It's bad for you. I'm okay going down with the ship outing you. Okay. Well, shit. If you're not going to edit it out, I don't know what to do for the rest of the episode. I feel like I've really lost my footing. Yeah, you'll have one more weekend that this episode won't have come out. On episode 3.99, you're going to out you.

Really, you're going to out me for saying something pretty nasty about our fan base. Exactly. Yeah, pretty nasty about it. I'm sorry, but loyal schmucks who have lined our pockets with cash for the better part of a decade, and it's just going to go out the freaking window. That's fine. That's fine because you'll have gotten what you deserve. Just desserts.

I do deserve desserts. And just desserts. Here's a softball question for you about music, actually, kind of related. We'll call this guy Tom DeLong. Love that. Not really a hobby, writes Tom, but I've been pretty into music recently. Anxty Pop Punk from the late 90s, early 2000s, to be more specific. Pretty pleased, will Jake Care to share with us his favorite tracks from Tom, Derek, Billy Joe,

or any other bands my French ass has never heard of? Wow. Always a pleasure to hear from you. So this guy's in France just discovering late 90s Pop Punk. Very interesting. What a fun little journey you're about to go on. Is it? I mean, I had a great time listening to Pop Punk.

But do you have to be a 16-year-old American to truly appreciate it? I listen to Pop Punk sometimes now, and I smile nostalgically at being like, wow, I remember when this line really rocked my world. But I don't really get those emotional feelings from it anymore. So I think you have to be going through some shit. I think you have to be a teenager to really have it hit home. Yeah, I always wonder if musicians that take themselves really seriously care that the people most affected by their music are 12-year-old pre-teens who are going through some shit.

Like, dashboard. Because he was 30 at the time. It's like, hi, I'm 12, and I love your music. But nobody who's 30 in a musician loved his music. Was he 30 at the time? I'm just guesstimating. If not him, then somebody like him. Yeah, yeah.

You're older than the people, but I think that's normal. Musicians aren't offended by that? No. I would not imagine that someone really, really connecting on a deep level with your music would ever be offensive or upsetting. Even though if they're all 12, I guess we have the slight comedy version of that, where our videos that we were making in our mid-20s were appreciated by junior high school students. Yeah.

I think that's totally fair. And I mean, you feel things really deeply when you're in high school. I think that maybe the situations don't match up to like, you know, my heart is broken forever. I'll never get over you. Like, those words don't match your situation. Like, you will get over that person. But like being able to tie meaningful lyrics and songs to the emotion that you think you're feeling,

that's, I don't know, that seems valid. Yeah. Okay. Anyway. And like, and nice for an artist. So this guy's looking for pop punk. Is it just the classics? Do you have any underground or is pop punk only good if it's pop?

Like regular punk is too underground to be pop punk. The pop is popular. Right. I think that a lot, I think Blink 182 was like an entry level into lots of like, more like underground punk. So like there's pop punk and then there's like punk. But I feel like this dude should check out Simple Plant. What's that?

You know, you ever heard of Simple Plant? Which one is that? What's their famous jam? God, there's so many. I'm addicted to you. You know that one? It goes, I'm a dick. I'm addicted.

I'm addicted to you. Right. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That one. Okay. Yeah.

I know that one. They were a French Canadian pop punk band. So that kind of maybe could connect with this guy. You know, that's good. Newfound Glory. Obviously. That's a big one. Did you ever like get into underground shit or you're like, this is all great.

It's all on the radio and it's perfect. I think I did get into underground shit like from like going to, going to these shows. But none of that stuck with me. Like I'm trying to think they're Jimmy World Pennywise. The underground shit I got into was Jimmy Eat World. Well, Jimmy World was kind of underground before the middle came out. Yeah. You just need one epic hit to go from underground to overground.

Yeah. There's God. It's so, it's so funny how much time I spent listening to simple plan. Like looking at the album art puts me back at Hamden Hall being a camp counselor. And you were never even a camp counselor. That's how fucking powerful the music is. That's how powerful pop punk is. Takes me to two.

I'm in place. I've never been to. Blink 182 and stuff made me want to like go to local punk shows. So I liked the big popular bands, but then I liked just the local punk bands in my town. Oh, that's cool. So the, I don't know if there's like a punk rock scene in this guy. Where is he from France? That's right.

Yeah. There's got to be some cool pop punk in France. You should check out your local bands too. And then what are your top three just to give this guy a heads up? I would say Newfound Glory self titled like, wait, and I can't say Blink 182. You can. Okay. The Mark Tom and Travis show.

And. Hmm. Oh yeah. Maybe the all American rejects. Who's that? Which, what are they doing? Swing swing swing from the tables. My heart is a bio form of that's good.

That kind of shit. Yeah. Oh, I mean, fallout boy. It's really fallout boys. It's pretty solid. What's their number one jam? Sugar, we're going down swimming. Oh yeah.

Number one with a bullet. But that's not my shit, but that's like other people's shit. I didn't come here to hear your fucking radio hits. Like what's track number four? I want the deep, deep cut. Yeah. Yeah. But you didn't like, you liked pop punk.

What did you listen to? I just listened to popular music. Like it was the best of pop punk, but then it was also like Weezer and blues traveler too. And then also like Natalie and Bruglia as well or Green Day. So like I was just like, whatever was popular, I was listening to top 40. Right. Gotcha.

I love newfound glory. And I also love Tom Green's the bum bum song. Yeah. Oh yeah. But so do I. Like when Tom Green was on TRL, when the bum bum song went to number one, was that manufactured or did he actually win that day? Like he was there to celebrate with Carson, but how did he know that that would be the

day that his song would be the number one most requested song? Like did MTV plan that shit? Dude, you really got to like focus on more important shit. Like not real. What if it was all manufactured? It was. Like were they able to actually count my requests live? How many total requests did you send in?

Yeah. Like I would call and I would request, but like would that request count live? You have black nail polish on your fingers right now. Yeah. Like I don't want to hear the boys mine anymore. I'm requesting live totally the bum bum song. And for it to be number one, when Tom Green is actually in the studio, what are the frickin' odd of that?

I really wish we were doing a season three of Lonely and Horny so we could shoot you doing this. I mean like his bum was literally on a Swedish flashback of you in high school. Hi, I'm calling again. I don't know if you're requesting this shit live. His bum was on a Swedish and it was on a battleship. All right. I know he's all alone Carson.

I know he's like swinging by the Times Square studio today so I want to make sure that it's number one. All right. I mean a lot to me and Tom and Glenn. I'm sure Glenn would appreciate it. That show should be more popular now with like the internet voting than it was back then. Like Total Request Live, for those of you under the age of 30, people called in to request their favorite songs and then at like 3 p.m. on MTV they would play them in order of 10,

all the way down to one, the most requested song. And that was the only way you could see a music video. Now it's just, now it's YouTube. Now it's Vivo. You never have to call any, you can instantly watch whatever music video you want on the internet. I think it's better. It's a better system.

In 1998 you had to watch at three to watch your favorite video. Like you couldn't just pull up your favorite video. Right. And you know that watching music videos is still popular because like Justin Bieber releases one and it will have 500 million plays. Yeah. I guess it's... So like that maybe just goes to show you how popular TRL could have been in its heyday

when everyone is like, I want to see the new Backstreet Boys video. How do I watch it? You know where I can watch it except begging them to play it on MTV where they play 45 seconds of it. Yeah. And sometimes they would just like fade out after like a minute. You're like, wait, that was my only opportunity to watch them run naked. Actually.

I won't be able to hear the bridge. You couldn't buy the video and watch it, right? I don't. I mean, I think most of these bands like had tapes and DVDs and stuff that where you could like get all of their music videos so you could watch it on your own tape. Yeah. But other than that, you're fucked. Yeah.

No. Absolutely stranded. So fucked. All right. Let's take a break. We'll thank some sponsors and we'll be right back after these words. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this Head Gum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire Head Gum network,

Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah. Not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech savvy family member that you need

a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma.

Holy smokes. One for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great, really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo.

Yeah. Frame. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma. She was pregnant. We got her the Aura Frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole.

This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife, and you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit like, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like she misheard it or something like that, or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant.

Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes. She let her know with an Aura. Yeah. Thank you.

The Aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app. Add me to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me at a pool or something. That could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah. It's a great gift.

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The deal ends on June 18th. So don't wait. Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames A-U-R-A frames.com. Okay. Go get your parents something, all right? And use the code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping. Right on.

Thank you, Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place. And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area, but BetterHelp makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient, flexible, and suitable

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That's betterhelp.com slash if I were you. Check him out. Thanks, BetterHelp. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a lift. Oh, it's a lift. Oh, it's a lift.

Oh, it's a lift. Oh, it's a lift. Oh, it's a lift. Oh, it's a lift. Oh, it's a lift. Oh, it's a lift. Oh, it's a lift. Oh, it's a lift.

Oh, it's a lift. It's a lift. What about you, Bub? I'm in need of some. Let's see if you can help me out of this sticky situation that I'm in. Let's hear it. And then maybe when we record the next episode, I'll have the answer for you. Cool.

My garbage disposal stopped working, a little blender that lives in your sink that I often take for granted because it's never broken. Oh, yeah. I pressed the little on and off switch and it just hummed. It didn't blade like a little blender. Okay. And then it stopped. I was like, oh, that's weird.

And I shine a flashlight and there's a quarter stuck in between the blade and the wall of the garbage disposal. I guess a quarter fell down there and then the blender started working and it jammed it up against a wall and now a quarter is stuck between the blade and the wall. And I don't know how to get it out. Between the blade and the, you don't mean the wall of your sink. The wall of like the garbage disposal down there. Got it.

There's a quarter jammed in it. Okay. I can't take it out because it's like stuck with the force of a blender that was on. So it's like really jammed in there. Well make sure it's off. Turn it off. I'm going to turn it on till I hear the hum and then just sort of try to finagle it away with my thumb.

If you're going to do it, do it live. If I could just jam my thumb underneath the blade and sort of flick the coin up towards me. Yeah. You want to get your teeth around that if it's possible. And now like since I have this house, every six months I am approached with this dilemma of like, should I YouTube this shit and figure it out or do I have to call a professional? And sometimes I can do it like fixing a light that's built into the ceiling and sometimes

You mean, do you mean changing a light bulb? No, I mean like ones that are hardwired into my electrical system. You fixed a light? Yeah. Like I had a light that was like wired into the electrical system of my house and I looked on YouTube and it's like, yeah, you just have to like put one of the wires around this thing and then the black wire around this thing and then it should work. I'm like, okay, I could do that.

Wow. Good for you. And then there was like the bidet incident where I'm like, I could probably install a bidet and then it created a leak and then I was like, shit, shit, shit. I have to call an expert now, but since I fucked it up, the expert's going to be has to get here more urgently, which will cost more. So I don't know where this garbage disposal incident is on the scale of can I just fix it myself or do I have to call a handyman and will he just come in and like do this

thing for like 20 seconds and be like, all right, give me $280. Yeah. I mean, how much time have you spent searching so far? About half an hour. Okay. So you've seen the photos of like, you know, getting unlike unhinging it from below the sink. Yeah.

Some people have unhinged. Some people are like, if you have an Allen wrench, you can rotate the blades counter from what they usually spin and that might loosen up the coin. And some people are like, you got to remove the whole thing and yada, yada, drill it out. Interesting. I feel like you should definitely, this is something you could try yourself before calling it a professional. Yeah.

I think at the very least I have to go to baller hardware, my neighborhood tool place and say like, this is what I got. What do you guys recommend? Yeah. I think the guy there is smart enough. He's a handyman. He's like, I would do that or I would do this or yeah, you could probably do it or versus not.

And yeah, you should take some photos of what it looks like from above and below as well. Don't forget to do that. The below is, it's just a black tube. I think most garbage disposals look the same. Got it. But I got a good photo of the actual coin stuck in there. You want me to text it to you? Yes, please.

It's pretty gross because there's also food in the thing, of course. That's the problem. Yeah. Yeah. You know, what about needle nose pliers and just yanking them? Yanking them out. Yeah. I tried yanking one of the places suggested using a broom handle and just fucking pounding

it. Interesting. Just getting it to go down the drain. Yeah. And I, it's so jammed and it's so stuck that like the broom handle did nothing to it. It was basically like hitting a coin into a concrete wall. God, I cannot wait till this text goes through. It's a pretty gross image.

And again, it's like, it's like six inches deep into this tube. So I can't really, I don't really have good leverage to try to pry it out. All right. I'm sending it to you. Oh God. Jesus. It already went through? Yeah.

That was instant. Oh, you can't pry that out? Yeah. You see how like there's this two metal teeth? Like one of them is against the edge of the, against the edge of the garden. So those two metal teeth are like basically shoved against the actual blade, shoved against the coin. It's not moving.

It's not even wiggling. It really looks like you continue to use this disposal past the point where it wasn't working. There's like an hair in this, man. You have human hair in here. And that's not corn and garlic. That's the face of a mouse that's sort of growing out of the food. This is a really high res photo.

I can tell that this is a Georgia quarter. Oh really? Yeah. Holy shit. See the little, the peach. A 1976 bicentennial. I'll come over and fix it. I'll do it for free as long as I can keep the coin.

I'll replace your garbage disposal. Just don't, do not promise me you won't scratch the coin anymore. Don't hammer it down the drain with that broomstick, you beast. You would think the garbage disposal can go clockwise or counterclockwise, but it seems like it can only move in one direction and that direction is to jam the coin further. You know what's interesting? This week I have a similar problem, but it's the person that's living in my house, renting my house in Los Angeles, that says the garbage disposal doesn't work.

Oh wow. You don't think? I don't think it's quarter epidemic. To me, from their email it sounded like they were not pressing the right button. Oh yeah. That's an easier fix. Like how do you get a fucking coin out of here? It's such a, I'm afraid I'm going to have to like take out the garbage, just like once

I'm starting to remove stuff and then like also there's water pipes going in and out of this thing because water has to drain and that's when it becomes beyond my. I am absolutely floored that that thing won't come out. It's crazy that it's so stuck. You really can't pry that? No, because it's also like pretty flush against the bottom, so there's not like a lot of like wiggle room to get underneath it either. I think you just jam it with a screwdriver and you instead of, I mean don't push it down

but you go against the edge, get a little leverage and just boink it. You just boink it right out of there. I don't have a lot of doink angle because like you got to think like my wrist won't, like my hand won't even fit through the opening circle of this sink. So like the slight contact I can make is not like full elbow body weight getting underneath and doinkage. Right. But it's also metal on metal.

Yeah. I'll leave it until you're in LA next and then you can come over and you can see. That'll be a week of you not being able to use your disposal. And then for whatever reason the water is just not flushing down because you can see all this food is just creating a seal of sorts. We should really pitch a TV show that is like basically this old house except me and you are fixing it up. Yeah, so like my air conditioner stops working and I have to figure out what the fuck that

is. I could die so fast. That happened to me once and it turns out it was just my air conditioning filter which takes nine seconds to replace but I didn't know that. Yeah. That happened to us with our heater actually. It's crazy. All right.

So if you guys have any unsolicited advice for me maybe I'll post this picture to my Twitter although ideally by the time this episode comes out this problem has been resolved and I can tell you guys what happened. Yeah. When are you going to go to baller? Today. Oh nice. Yeah.

Keep me posted too. The coin's like starting to bend under the weight of the metal that was sticking it. So like it's really firmly in there. Yeah. I would maybe just run it for a little while longer. At some point one thing will win the coin or the teeth. Yeah. It's not even moving a little bit.

It's just like it's almost like it goes to start but it's jammed so it can't move. She's going to buckle. I really think it's going to buckle. Actually let me fill up the sink with literal elbow grease which is. Oh yeah. When you sort of squeeze the little excess skin on your elbow enough that oil starts coming out of it. That'll shine this nickel right up.

Oh it's a quarter sir. But it'll turn it into a nickel. I'm already down 25 cents just trying to fix this shit. Exactly. All right let's try to answer some more questions. Okay. I mean Christ this is getting ridiculous. I can't do anything.

This is insane. Hey it's all right. Just a podcast and you can do Sudoku. No not even the intermediate Sudoku actually. I was sort of talking a big game hoping you wouldn't bring it up again but now I feel bad. Jesus. You shouldn't have.

Why would you lie about that. I can only do the easy level where it's like they really hold your hand. You were hoping. Eight boxes are already filled. You were hoping I wasn't going to bring it up. Now I feel like a fucking moron. You shouldn't enter into conversations when you're this fragile where like if I bring something up again you'll crumble.

Like I'm not even saying like I'm not even quite I was just saying good job. I can't even do the easy ones quite frankly. Yeah I know. You said you needed eight hints. Like I don't know the rule. I assume there's rules but I don't know them. You think the Sudoku is just needing to fill in the box. Yeah it's like fill in the blank in any significant order.

This is a guy who is trying to take the LSATs. Do you have any lawyers in your life. My father is a lawyer. Okay we'll call this guy Samuel. Did your dad have to take the LSAT. Yeah my dad fucking aced the LSAT. Aced it. I have no idea.

I assume he did. I had friends who took it out here in Cal or maybe that was the bar exam. Yeah the bar exam is the one that's like three eight hour days. LSAT is like the equivalent of the SATs but for being a lawyer and going to law school. Anyway. Oh interesting. This guy says he's taken the LSATs in a few weeks and he's been studying non-stop But what you believe to be a problem is that my feeling while I take these practice tests

mostly relaxed is vastly different than my feelings during the real exam which will be high pressure and stress. I believe that you should prepare in the mental state which you will be taking the test. So how can I induce anxiety and stress during my LSAT prep. Easy. Bees. What? Bees.

You want him to take an exam underneath a hive? Yeah. I want him to put a hive of bees in a room and take the test. Now that's stress. What about short in time. So like you got three hours for the LSAT. See if you can do it in two and a half. That's pretty solid.

I just don't think it beats bees for me. Yeah that's true. Alright what if you're on a boat. So like you're kind of nauseous. Oh that's good. So yeah I have like old seeds. It doesn't beat. It doesn't beat bees frankly but I like that too.

What if you a la Jake Hurwitz wait for like a little panic episode and then whip out the exam and start trying to answer questions. That's a solid idea but what is more panic inducing than bees. I don't know man. I'm trying to like spit ball here but you keep saying bees. I don't know what else is more. Some things don't need to be spit balled. Some things are a strike right down the middle perfect and they don't need to be improved

upon. What about a tarantula on your wrist while you're filling out the bubbles. That's better than bees because tarantulas are panic inducing but they're not actually as dangerous. That's bees. Yeah. I mean bees are fucking really dangerous. You should never ever take a test in front of live bees.

That's the height of idiocy. That's why I think tarantulas is really perfect and I can't believe you even suggested bees. We can't. You suggested bees and you haven't shut up about bees. I think tarantula is good. Absolutely not. I said tarantula. You said bees.

You can listen back. You said bees were better. You can listen back. I think bees were worse than I thought of bees. If you want to we can pause and listen back and I said bees and you said, oh and I use shit. No you said bees. Now you got me saying it.

Have you had a panic attack since your panic attack? No. That was the last panic attack. But I do think I got over my panic attack really slowly. I felt a little fragile and frazzled after it. Like for days? Yeah. It was almost like coming over food poisoning or something.

We were just like, oh man, that was crazy. I'm not as strong as I thought I was. We were getting some emails from people saying that it was very helpful to hear you talk about it because they were going through similar things. No, that is nice. I got some nice DMs about panic attacks also. I appreciated them. It's nice.

Any bullying ones? Yeah, a couple that were like, you have to set up auto payments for your property taxes in Los Angeles. You have somebody change the name on your cable. Just like lots of tiny little needling things that maybe like, oh my god, wait, I have paperwork that I fucked up on? Yeah, being an adult is hard. Couple things that got me nervous, but yeah, no, I'm feeling much, much better.

I've been doing this. Well, I've already talked about it before, but going on runs, runs or bike rides really helps clear my head, but I started calling it a yog to break through the fog. Well, I don't just call it a jog. You change the word jog, but it still rhymes with jog to break through the fog. Jog to break through the fog is a sunny yog to break through the fog. I think yog is just a nice little way of having a fun run because a jog is like, oh man, a jog feels like a slog.

But a, but a yog, no, that's, no, that's a dog. Are you okay? No, I'm crying. How often do you take a yog fog? I'm at the point where I have to take maybe 19 or 20 yogs a day. That's not like a playful little jog like he described. You're running 19 times a day. That's a lot.

That's a lot of yogging. In the morning. Yeah. I like to wake up, take a yog, or if I, if I don't do that, then I'll, I'll take one after work. Yeah. So that's two. And then where, where are you squeezing in the other 17 yogs for the fogs?

Between midnight and seven a.m. Okay. So you're having, yeah, you're having panic episodes throughout the night, waking up in cold sweats and sprinting out of your apartment. I don't wake up. I don't sleep. And you think these yogs are all about, you're spending all your restorative time yogging through the fog and then you wake up and you don't, I'll be right back.

Can we just pause the recording for just one second? All right, sure. I'll be right back. You're going to pick and take a yog. I'll be back in 20 minutes. I'll be right back. No, you can't take, we can't stop for 20 minutes. I need a yog.

No. I need a yog. I'm in a fog. We can't do a mid pod rod. Actually, we got to follow up pup ourselves, not just you following up on your panic attack. Remember the guy who was living in a small town and he left a note on a dash of a lady that he would go into the hardware store or something and he thought he had a thing with her?

Oh yeah. So he left a note on her thing, be like, hey, I think you're really pretty and I'd love to hang out with you. And we're like, that's the kind of thing there. If she does like you, that's a very sweet sentiment. And if you're just like a forgettable customer at her store, it's kind of a weird move, but we look forward to finding out which one it is. Yes, yes, yes.

So that was sent five months ago. And I said, hey, let us know what happened with that lady because we only answered his question recently. And he said, I did end up leaving the note and she emailed me that night and I ended up losing my virginity to her. Oh my God. And we dated for five months. Yes.

And then I said, why did you guys break up? And she said, and he said, after the fifth month, we realized we didn't click as well as we did the first few months. We broke up and remained relatively friendly until she moved to South Dakota for some reason. And I haven't seen nor heard from her since. Perfect. It's absolutely perfect. A five month dating virginity losing relationship from a note on a car.

Way to go. And that's what happens when you don't follow our advice. Mazel tov. Good on you. All right, sweet. Let's try to answer one last question. Why not? Here's a gym related dilemma.

Okay. I'm an 18 year old girl, writes Nicole. Oh, and I joined the gym for the first time in my life. As soon as I walked in, I was met with a tall, gorgeous, obviously jacked check guy context. I'm Austrian, but I'm spending a year in Prague. Okay. Nice. Who looked like he could be around my age working in the front desk.

I signed my contract and I was only a little flustered, but ultimately all was well. I hit the gym again today. And for the first time, he was not confined behind the counter. He was in the gym working out. It's a very small gym. And I felt too awkward to badly work out in front of him. So I just stretched and left. This can't go on.

Have you ever been in a position like this? And how do you get over your own gym awkwardness slash fear in general? Love, Nicole. Yeah. Okay. Cool. I've been there before. When you first joined a gym, you don't really know how to work out and you're intimidated

by all the machines. That's right. And everybody there is strong. They're confident. They know what they're doing. They know where they're going. You don't want to try. When I first joined a gym, I would never fuck with a machine to try to adjust the seating

or like raise the bar on the bench press. I would be like, okay, I'm going to just stay in my little zone. I'll do free weight curls, a bench press machine and go away. Yeah. Or like, if somebody's like, can I work in? I'll be like, I'm done. I'm actually done. Really.

I just saw you like sort of eye this bench for 10 minutes and then slowly walk towards it. And I said, can I work in? And you said, I'm done. And now you're backtracking away from me. I actually realized. I'll see you in the steam room. Okay.

There is no steam room. Really? I'm going to get a schmitz in the parking lot then. Excuse me. Putting a pipe from your exhaust into the car. Is this what you wanted? I think. Yeah.

And I mean, now like I would go to the gym with my brother and he's like moving, dragging benches, putting bands on a kettlebell, like making it, making your own gym. I think it's just about time, but you got to, you have to get out of your comfort zone just a little bit. So feel, feel, feel a little silly and try working out in front of somebody. You could also YouTube videos, YouTube, like watch YouTube videos or Instagram has a lot of like good workout examples with like equipment that you might have in that gym. Yeah.

And you could go in like with a little, like a plan. I also think that gives you better workouts in general. Before I go to the gym, I like to like think about all of the workouts I'll do in my head or even write them down. Yeah. So when you're in the gym, you're like, I know exactly what I'm doing because if you just go there, you don't have a plan. You end up just wandering around, not getting a good workout.

Yeah. There's also apps, I bet that like teach you not only how to use the equipment, but what you do. Oh yeah. And this lady can even ask this guy. I bet he would fucking love that. Totally. He works at the gym.

That's what he's there for. Yeah. Like can I ask you a question? You're a new lady at the gym. That's probably his dream. Yeah. I used to go with, I guess I still do. I just go with people who are stronger than me.

That way I could just follow their lead. Yeah. Having a gym buddy is very helpful. God. That makes you feel confident and you got a better workout because you're trying to impress the person you're with. Yeah. And then you can say stuff like, can you hold my feet while I do sit-ups?

And then like your form is still really, really wrong, but they're standing on your feet. So that's helpful. You're talking about she says that to the guy she has a crush on? Yeah. Can you hold my feet? Stand on my feet. That was the original helping people at the gym is standing on someone's feet while they

did sit-ups. Standing on my feet. Yeah. Stand on someone's feet. Stand on my feet is a great pickup line. Because then they can feel how the foot-to-foot connection is the strongest one, both mentally and romantically. Yeah.

Stand on my feet. Why? And then like, I have to do sit-ups. You're a pervert. Okay. Okay. All right. Cool.

Sweet. Thanks. Episode 399 in the books. Opening theme song was written by Samuel Pashby. If you have your own or your own questions, send them all down to ifireusshowatgmail.com. Next episode is episode 400. Oh my God. You got to plan some sort of celebration of sorts.

This has got to be a blowout, a 10-hour telethon extravaganza. We're talking about... A tantric podcast. Old guests, new guests, a variety hour, singing, dancing, skits, bits, tricks, and skittles. Everyone that listens will have free candy delivered to them. We're going to throw this whole thing as a live stream, a blowout, HD on TV, on broadband, the web, Twitter, simulcast it across the entire web. We're talking about Slack, a Discord exclusive, and a Twitter web exclusive.

Facebook Live meets Instagram Live meets 24-hour telethon-style comedy gold. I'll come into you next week. I actually can't host next week, so you'd have to do that one by yourself. Maybe Ben or somebody will do it, or you could just do it as like a vlog or solo show. All right. Have a good one, everybody. Thanks. Where are you going to be?

What's that? I quit the podcast. All right. We'll see you later. Thanks, everybody. I can't do it by myself, obviously. I hyped it up. That's like a really big thing.

All that stuff and stuff you pitched to me yesterday, by the way, would happen. You got a whole week. I'm going to do it solo-dolo on the day. You're not even going to do it? You just told me I had to do it solo-dolo. I'm going to do it solo-dolo because it is my idea, and I'm going to do it in a fucking room full of bees. How about da?

That's a bad idea. I'll figure something else out. This closing theme song is Nick Verashak, who is part of a Toronto band called Rose Red Youth. Thanks, Nick. Thanks, Samuel. Thanks to you guys for listening. We'll be back next week.

Ciao. I'm going to go on a jog. Enjoy. Peace. It's true, I do love pussy. Do I really sound like that? I love that pudding tang.