If I Were You - 410: Airdrop Flirting
Episode Date: November 25, 2019In this episode we discuss commitment issues, flirting on a subway, and office Crocs. For more IF I WERE YOU check out bonus video Thursday episodes on our Patreon.com/JA.See omny.fm/listener for priv...acy information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a headgum podcast.
Yeah, dude that fucking pumped me up that got me amped. I'm ready to start the fucking podcast
that's what I needed that was the I played the closing one by accident the opening one was this
kind of acoustic thing that I whipped up bunny just joking that was Brent Miller from San Marcos
Texas okay yeah that was a remix of the OG that's right it's a punk cover of the most genius
theme song that's ever been played in the first five minutes of the first episode of an advice
podcast on the internet hosted by Amir and Jake if you can shout out my band Kairos and the Insta
is at KAIRO78666 and then he says I'm the one with dreads and my girlfriend is a fellow fan
Ciara very so I think the band is just him with dreads and his girlfriend Ciara that sounds like
a cool band that I want to go check out next time I'm in Texas I'm hearing good things about
St. Marcos it's like or sorry San Marcos it's like kind of like the uh the new Austin really
yeah people are it's like it's like 20 miles south of Austin so like for all the people who are like
Austin's getting too commercial this is like the Bushwick to Austin's Williamsburg that's cool
that's San Marcos anyway that's where we're building up our next HQ as of now we're still in
Brooklyn H yeah HGTX that's that's next I also want to do HG UK you know because a lot of people
are bicoastal but I'd like to be tricostal what's the coast in Texas I guess the Gulf yeah the Gulf
of Mexico and then if we do we have to head gulf yeah the head gulf and then if we do UK we can be
quadcoastal that's cool which I think is the only quadcoastal podcast network I mean I think we did
tricostal we might be the only ones yeah I bet like fucking Wondery has a Chicago office yeah but
that's not a coast box okay well it's the coast it's the coast of uh it's the coast of like Michigan
is all is that a coast where does that I think I think it's the coast it's by the water isn't it
yeah or is a coast have to be an ocean this is great fodder we could just keep guessing where I
can look it up um I'll I'll say I I'll guess that it is a coast coast oh it can be anybody of water
not just the ocean I don't know anybody of water but I'll say that big lakes can be coastal okay
coast definition I'll say ocean only yeah I like basically agree with you but I'm just you want to
switch it up no I yeah you should have stuck with your guns because it's the part of the land near
the sea so it doesn't have to be the ocean we'll see oh I guess sea though yeah so the lake the real
question is if the lake can't do it but see Mediterranean all right see what is the difference
between a sea and an ocean and a lake is just size is a sea I see oh it's salt water right
it's fresh water and salt water no that's the only difference I don't know I would think it's size
let's see sea versus ocean oh yeah maybe size versus lake yeah at auto field they know what people
are looking at no one listening to this podcast is interested but I am oh you're a sort of right a
lake water can be salty or fresh the difference between a lake and a sea is that a sea is open to
the ocean and at sea level lakes don't have a direct outlet to the sea and so can be above or
below sea level the dead sea is below it but is the Dead Sea attached to an ocean that seems like
a lake that is the only reason why I didn't say it's attached to an ocean I didn't think it was
but unless they're like yeah because there's a lake that flowed through it and went to the ocean
or whatever maybe at some point that's cheating the Dead Sea is cheating sorry scholars this is the
dead lake I won't have it trust me I've been studying this for 95 seconds it's Blumenfeld's
time to weigh in this is a lake this is a lake you're a river now all right this is a fire you
the only advice podcast on the web hosted by us I'm Mir I'm Jake and I think this is now a podcast
really yeah we're we're talking lakes ponds rivers and streams anybody water will do you send in
your queries and we'll name it an ocean lake upon the river is stream a puddle a bayou or a bayou
can't be a swamp it can be a swamp in lake all right we got some questions not about water if
you can believe it I don't know why yeah well we only announced that there were a podcast
today so all right questions will start rolling in here's one that's pretty crazy with regards to
you uh we'll call this guy what's your dad's name Sam Sam writes I'm a 36 year old clinical
psychologist and married father of two boys four and eight in south Louisiana recently my wife and
I decided to have a third child in an unexpected turn of events we are now expecting triplet girls
hey oh no fertility treatment just a crazy expensive gift from god yeah I know jake from god
I know jake comes from a family with triplets and his mom seems to be such a wonderful soul
what advice would you all give a father expecting triplets I'm worried about being able to cultivate
close individualized relationships with each kid what was it like in your family of triplets
any pearls of wisdom would be greatly appreciated p.s my four-year-old is named mica
whoa yeah that's cool so he's got two kids and then triplets which is exactly what your parents
did and one of the kids is named mica older brother younger brother named mica and then
triplet girls yeah so we're we're we're really close to being parallel here it's also funny because
my parents had me and my sister and then tried to have a third kid and had triplets yeah and then
mica was a little mistaken after that so you never know what you never know yeah this entire tubes
you might have another this guy has to wait six years and have a sixth child to pull off the full
her wits yeah that's crazy which has got to be the most rare occasion in the history of baby making
yeah that that they're after the triplets after you have five there's like one more bonus why not
let's add one more the difference between five and six can't be that much uh I guess you can't speak
to raising these triplets but maybe you do have some insight as to like how did you guys
individualize them at what point do you know that they have different personalities power dynamics
yeah I honestly I don't I don't think we did like when I what I remember is the triplets were often
like dressed in the same clothes have the same haircut it was like the opposite yeah they tried
to treat them as one child who and for a long time we still do like we'll be like where's Hannah
Micah and the triplets I wonder if that affects them they like sometimes I think it's just like
anything like they would get annoyed growing up and but now they like really cherish their close
relationship there's not like ties they don't I'm very close with my brother and like but no one
will have the bond that the triplets have they're like they do they like feel things that happen uh
across like state lines without telling like whoa did something just happen yeah like they'll call
it like are you okay there's like oh no I had a really bad day or something like they'll wow that's
at least what they say and I feel like yeah and if they they believe that they at least like feel
closer wow yeah you'll never be like I have a headache Micah's everything fine yeah so yeah
how can he induce just the fact that he's asking this kind of stuff means he's gonna be a good dad
I think yeah I cultivate close individualized relationships I mean I think that all that
the triplets for as much as we like push them around in a three-person stroller like they have
like very distinct individual personalities and I would imagine as like I guess I do it as a brother
and well I do it as a brother now and my parents could probably do it too like Liza likes gymnastics
so it's not like okay all the triplets will do gymnastics yeah and like Sarah Sarah was a great
runner and well she still is but so you so they would support her her hobbies her passions Rachel
loves music so they bought her a piano like there and there were there were ways that they
individualized themselves but they also stayed close and my mom gave them the same haircut all
the time so that was nice also if you're a clinical if you're a clinical psychologist maybe you can
conduct little experiments on these little twerps so like nature versus nurture debates can be
settled once and for all I don't like if you home school child one which you'll call one and you
homebrew the other and the other two are sent to a public and a private school you can sort of
chart their educational development over a little Lucy has kept under the stairs and
sardines through a little slot well I would call them one two and three oh okay so as to not give them
personality or name a life of their own almost well so you you would send a like a young a young
girl to private school with no name you know the name is two yeah almost like almost make her feel
as though she is a experiment right which is interesting because she is getting the best
end of like she's going to the the ritzy is school yeah she's being treated like a little
princess for sure and then there's one that's kept under lock and key at home yeah and she'll be
homeschooled by me at home drooled the problem for me is learning this shit again like when a
second grader is learning history and you don't know that you have to teach yourself late night
you're gonna homeschool somebody but you don't know any like you had to just google what what a
sea was versus yeah but it would be a lot like you didn't know what a sea or a lake was but I
the child at home or one wouldn't know about the internet until she was 20 20 yeah so I sort of
yeah I keep her sheltered in a way so that she thinks I'm thinking but I'm actually googling
but she doesn't know what googling is because she's never been exposed yeah so you seem like a god
like yeah I'll say I have you know more of a satan because you're keeping her and I keep on
I'll have to hold my answer key and that's this orb that my iPhone but she doesn't know about that
and I sort of squeeze it you can tell her anything you're you're calling it an orb yeah
it's just a phone a knowledge orb and I'll hold it to my forehead but sort of cheated up cheated out
so I can read it one second a sea is a mass sorry our internet or not internet fuck one close the
door she would still think you were dead or dumb she would still think you were dumb and she'd be
right did you did is he asking how to how they have relationships with him or how they have good
relationships with everyone in the family because I mean I think he means individualized relationships
with each kid right like not treating them like one lump sum yeah but it's hard not to just give
them all the same clothes the same haircuts like you did or your parents did yeah I really think
that a lot of the the stuff that we the lot of the stuff like that was just seen it was like
they didn't have any time there were six kids so like I ate a lot of frozen microwave food
but it wasn't like I was being mistreated there was just no time I liked kid cuisine I did love
my little frozen drumsticks they were good and I want to eat them now again I want to eat a brownie
that you have to microwave next to corn next to Salisbury steak the one thing that we always got
in trouble for was if we weren't being nice to our my sisters and my brother we that was always a
requirement spend time with them and be nice to them yeah you hear a lot about like sibling rivalries
like oh I hated my brother growing up or I hated my sister yeah and like sometimes my brother annoyed
me a lot but like I wouldn't get in trouble if I got bad grades maybe I should have but I and I
wouldn't get in trouble if I like um lit off fireworks in the backyard but I would get in
trouble if I like wouldn't let my brother hang out with me that's what I got in trouble for
I think it was I think it was nice now we're now we're all very close which is healthy and nice
yeah I wonder if that's because of the rules that were stated as a child or in spite of them
yeah I have no idea all right here's a question about a Starbucks airdrop we'll call this guy
Howard Schultz Howard writes hey you tits this one's short and sweet I'm in college and I'm
currently doing homework at a Starbucks and I got an airdrop that simply said my number is blank
the actual number right my airdrop doesn't have a picture on it and I hadn't talked to anyone at
the Starbucks so there's no way anyone knowing my name in order to choose my correct airdrop
similarly there's no way to know who sent it so should I respond it seems a little weird but I'm
I'm a curious person so I'm thinking about doing it have you guys ever gotten random airdrops also
what should I say thanks a bunch Howard Schultz um have you ever has that ever happened to you
no airdrop no I think I've gotten I've gotten one but it seemed to be it was not like a flirtation
it was very it was very much a mistake oh I see airdrops seems so hard and fickle for me to
actually manage I can't imagine getting one on by accident like it's hard for me to find my computer
or your phone to actually do airdrops I think we just haven't been single in a long time like I
could imagine getting into some kind of airdroppy flirtation for sure like sending one you mean
yeah well no I don't think I would I don't think I have the the courage or the gumption or the
wave of us to pull that off I think it would it's almost like a little bit creepy it's like a little
bit of an invasion yeah I'm wondering what yours is because right now I'm pulling mine up but I
don't see anybody else in the area like you have to like have the airdrop open right like
my I can't airdrop for you unless your phone is on yeah but like if you're in line at Starbucks
and you use everyone's everyone's looking at their phone while they're waiting oh yeah I see yours
and it says jacob it's and your picture but maybe because your picture's in my phone yeah that's why
so this person is there a world where this person knew who was receiving the airdrop or did she just
fucking blast it out or is it even a guy thinking he sent it to a lady that's my guess is that it's
a thirsty ass dude who saw a cute girl and he just sent his number to everyone because he's like
I don't care I like all these other dudes will get it but this so she and maybe it'll work yeah that
or sending it to another guy I'd hate to use heteronormative standards right um I just think
that the the quintessential douchey guy will be a dude trying to get pussy got it for sure
but anyway uh I do think that it's it's within your rights to respond like yeah you're responding
at the very least out of fun hey lol who did you think you were sending this to just like get some
more information from this person whoever sent it took a much bigger swing like you say should I
respond is like should like you have nothing to lose the person who sent it is like is it a picture
that says my number is this it has to be like a note or a picture right it's not like a text you
can't text someone over a drop right so that yeah maybe it's a note I wonder if that happens a lot
on the subway here yeah I think it is I think that I think I've heard that before like an airdrop
subway romance yeah it's almost like I also think it's like prank people prank it pranking too like
you can send anything any photo to anyone you could send it to like everyone who's on their
phone on the subway all right you can send a dick pic to everybody in a car yeah if you wanted to
interesting well they'd have to accept it I think I wonder if it blurs it until you accept
yeah I think it does and what what percentage of people accept it I bet a decent amount because
you're kind of curious curious but I'm kind of turned on just thinking about sending it
nasty I'm a voyeur sorry I said that in like a sweet way you're nasty got it you're nasty yeah
like in a bad nasty yeah you're nasty like you're nasty so you should respond is what you were saying
I think you might as well do you have nothing to lose and what would you respond if you got this
what does it say my number is and then the number cool I would say hey got your airdrop dot dot
dot who is this question mark what about got your number from a friend parentheses airdrop nice
who is this lol are you hot to me I don't want to go on a date with a four
in fact lose my number I'll be at Starbucks tomorrow getting a pumpkin spice late
I'm kind of a basic be around the holidays what's your face airdrop your face to me now
she blocked me huh weird that makes sense follow a pup let us know what happened text
this person and give us a give us an update might as well all right let's take a break come back
and answer some more questions after these messages thank you to aura frames for sponsoring
this headgum podcast you know aura frames is sponsoring not just this episode but the entire
headgum network Jake wow that's correct I mean this might be the goat father's day gift I think
it actually is yeah yeah not just father's day but if for any uh not so tech savvy family member
that you need a gift for soon these digital photo frames might be the best of all time yeah
for me personally these things are perfect I'll tell you why as you know I am expecting yeah
my first child we got one for Jill's parents oh wow we got one for Jill's grandma holy smokes
we got one for my parents so there are three of these bad boys uh in our family right now but they
are they're great really easy way to like stay in touch with your family you can upload as many
photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen it's really nice oh that's cool so you
take a photo of anything perhaps a baby and then it goes to their digital photo yeah frame this is
actually how we how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant we got her the aura frame we plugged it
Jill's grandma was pregnant really nice asshole this was actually a really sweet moment for me
and my wife and you're trying to make a joke of it I was just being goofy a little bit like uh
this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant yeah yeah kind of like a she misheard it or
something like that or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way by the way Jill's
Jill's grandma is pregnant oh my god Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant it's pretty cool
and you told me with a digital photo frame holy smokes and we let her know with an aura yeah
thank you the aura announcement uh so you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere
and invite the whole family in on the fun through the aura app add me to your aura app I'd love to
upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something that could be funny yeah like your
banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter yeah yeah exactly you can even preload
photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects
to the frame yeah it's a great gift a really really iconic gift and right now you can save on the
perfect father's day gift and visit aura frames that's a u r a frames dot com and our listeners
can use code head gum to get up to 30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames there it is
oh wow this is timely the deal ends on June 18th so don't wait terms and conditions apply
that's aura frames a u r a frames dot com okay go get your parents something all right and use
the code head gum for 30 off plus free shipping right on thank you aura and now back to the
head gum podcast you were listening to this show is sponsored by better help thank you better help
if you're finding yourself in a difficult anxious stressful situation talking to a professional
licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place and it's
not necessarily easy to find a therapist especially one in your area but better help makes that all
easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient flexible and suitable to your schedule
you just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and you can
switch therapists at any time for no additional charge it's incredibly helpful therapy has helped
millions of people over thousands of years uh so give therapy a try it can give you the tools
to find a more balanced life i've tried therapy it's been very helpful um so you can find that
balance better with better help all you got to do is go to better help dot com slash if i were you
you do that today you can get 10 off your first month so the prices are already affordable because
you're not paying rent for a building somewhere that you have to drive to and wait in a waiting room
this is done entirely online but you're still getting professional licensed help uh and it's
extra affordable that's better help h e l p dot com slash if i were you check them out thanks better
help and we're back jake do you have any oh you know what i've got i've got some advice
i have recently purchased a pair of office crocs or crocus offs as i call them
yes and that is a very catchy little nickname how are your crocus offs
i've lost my crocus off um i am i'm in love with them meaning i think they're wonderful i think
that uh for anybody that has a standing desk office crocs are simply a must because why can't
you just wear your regular shoes i think that living in new york city i am at the height of
fashion the pinnacle of street wear and i i will sometimes wear shoes that are that are sexy for
my commute but not nice to stand in all day a fashion over function type decision yes but the
high heels of normal wear um and even beyond that when i'm at my standing desk i have this
thing this i forget what it's called but it's some kind of like it's a squishy mat that is
apparently designed to resemble the forest floor okay so it's like it's feel it's really soft and
squishy but then there's like a couple spots where there's like knots it's almost like
you're standing on a mossy ground but you like can feel some some twigs and berries underneath
yeah some tree roots yeah like you can step around different parts on this mat and just
like massage your feet so it's wonderful to be on that barefoot but then you got to get a
soda from the fridge you got to go to the bathroom somebody calls you over to their desk and you
don't want to just walk across the the floor in your socks because you have um the crippling
pain in your system do you realize like how many like additional things we're adding to like life
used to be you go to work and sit down and it's like okay sitting's not good anymore so we got
to have the standing desk if you're at a standing desk you got to have the mossy floor if you're
on the mossy floor you don't want to just stand with shoes you got to get the office crocs for
the mossy floor for the standing desk yeah can you just get rid of it all and have a sitting desk
i guess you could not be fine but i'd still i think no matter if you have a standing this is all
just my journey to getting the crocs um because you don't want to like if you take your shoes
off at your desk and you have to go somewhere you don't want to put your shoes back on right you
want to be able to just slide into something walk to the kitchen walk back um so even if i had a
sitting desk i think i like the idea now of taking my shoes off at work and putting on office crocs
yeah so regardless of the sitting or standing situation it's almost like slippers at home
yeah and i mean they are pretty atrocious looking yeah um but they are little
flesh lights for your feet they are so pleasant to be inside do they make do they make the moccasin
version of crocs like you know the kind of crocus yeah crocusin of sorts they do have fleece yeah
they have fleece lined crocs yeah i mean and the crocs aren't the only there's there's other
great slippers but i just i highly recommend it maybe it's not for everybody if you work like on
on wall street or in the state department or something if you work somewhere where
you're supposed to be pretty buttoned up but if you have a casual workplace environment
can't recommend office crocs yeah it's funny to imagine like an episode of homeland where brody
is wearing crocs because he's at a standing desk with the mossy floor i have a meeting with the
vice president hold on a second where are my crocus ops where are they i'm a croc lover
is brody a good actor he's in billions too right yeah i think he's i think he's a good actor
i don't think that he ever had a very interest like he's never had to show range yeah he's always
just been a serious man right and i was always floored that he he was so acclaimed in homeland
just like okay what you have to do is just keep it all inside yeah that's that's fine i can do that
by accident he's just kind of quiet and suspicious the most he's happy is like his
like a rice smile when he's trying to hide something yeah he's never laughing or like
getting a beer with friends or cracking up or being intense he's not he's not really ever
yelling yeah it's it's strange and then in billions he's just always uh he's kind of like a savant
businessman who only cares about money and power does he like is he a charming laughing guy in that
ever i guess he's sometimes a charming laughing guy but he's not like i don't think he's like super
good he's kind of just fun to watch yeah because he's like super rich and he's talks in a really
gravelly voice i guess he's better in billions actually than he is british though yeah so like
whenever a british person is playing american just by default he's a good actor right i think i
would tell i would say that he's good in billions but the character is so like the writing of that
character is so one note right it's just like i'm axe all i care about is money and chuck roats
got it which is kind of what you can say about his character in homeland well in homeland he had
he at least had like internal conflict he'd like kind of been turned by al-qaeda and and he also like
was in love with claire danes yeah so there's there's a little something there got it but the
right i didn't like the tv sucks in general i have the only good show out there succession
everything else is bad there's an a and a c of f's i wonder if succession would have ruined
like even breaking bad for me like if succession was on during breaking bad would you like breaking
bad's not that good because it's not as good a succession yeah that's a good question
i don't know breaking bad was very visually interesting at the very least like some of the
greatest shows of all time would be breaking bad mad men sopranos people love a lot though i
seen it i still have not seen i've seen i like watched the i think it's i would have equated
actually with something like the wire because i love the wire and jill's been rewatching the
wire like every once in a while and i don't love watching it it's just dense it's well i don't mind
dense i it's the production value seems so low already like before hd before why yeah it's just
like it's really not fun to watch and i think that i that is sometimes how i feel with sopranos
like i really want tv to look amazing and it doesn't right um but maybe i guess sopranos is
up there but the wire yeah um what do you do you think succession succession is my favorite but i
wouldn't i wouldn't get mad if somebody had a second or third behind those other shows those
are all like a plus shows to me yeah and those shows almost feel like masterpieces succession
is only two seasons so so far it's just been really really fun yeah none of those shows are
as funny as succession either that's true succession is the funniest show of those
and it's also really dramatic and good yeah it's almost like what's your preference of style of
genre like some people like madmen because it's like oh i i'm nostalgic about that era or i like
the idea of like businessman in the fifties yeah it's like sexy to watch that show yeah but there's
not i i don't think i've ever like there are things i'm madmen like made me smile and feel good
but i was never like oh my god that's hysterical draper just said the funniest joke sterling was
pretty funny so yeah sterling was pretty funny but even he was just like playing a wacky character
yeah like pete cambell never made me lol except for when he was uh eating cereal watching tv
all right that show is great no you're thinking of big daddy actually yeah that's right all right
stemming from now i think this is a three or four episode long unsolicited advice the flu shot
which i recommended to you like four weeks ago which you then said you didn't want to get
yeah which tom has joked about creating a super flu uh we keep getting emails so i have to stop
spreading misinformation okay no one said no one said that we are we're telling it like it is yeah
it's if i were you we're allowed to be dumbasses so free to write stop spreading misinformation
i get that you guys are kind of joking but you have a giant platform and you're spreading lies
um when vaccines are already under attack and mistrusted i really expected you to do better
so how about this i'll fucking read your email is that that's the best we can possibly do what are
you getting your message out there free to the main problem with someone like jake i didn't do
anything exactly that's the problem getting the flu back uh not getting the flu vaccine is that
even if he is healthy enough to fight off the disease successfully while his immune system
is fighting it off he can still incubate and spread the virus by not getting the vaccine he is
putting other people with weaker immune systems i.e. children in the elderly uh at risk this is
especially a concern because he lives in a place like new york where lots of strangers are crowded
together in confined spaces so basically you can have the flu and give it to other people
or you can get the flu shot which would prevent you uh and if everybody enough people got the
flu shot uh getting the vaccine means you contribute to quote herd immunity keeping
others safe even if you personally don't believe you need the extra protection so there that's
the end of the debate and i won't even accept a rebuttal i well i would love to go through the
emails and see if anyone else about it agreeing with me like if any anti-vaxxers out there think
it causes autism me and jenny mccarthy so lastly uh and i've said this from day one get a flu
vaccine but are you willing to go on record and saying you'll get one now i'm willing to go on
record and admit that it's probably good okay probably i'm fine everyone should get it uh
fuck it what do i care everyone should get it thanks man that means a lot all right we're going
to cvs right now i didn't say i'd get it i don't care about the herd as long as enough people get
it i'll be fine i don't hang out with elderly folks it's just everyone but me needs to get it
all right let's try to answer another question um oh this is funny relationship advice from
a sweet lady in st lewis who saint louis will call her marge a sweet lady name i'm a 24 year
old living in st lewis and i've been dating my current boyfriend for the last five years and
we've been friends for 10 he is latvian like christaps porzingis and moved here for college
but got a job afterwards in st lewis we've lived together for two years of dating but he works
an hour away so last year we started living separately to me our relationship is great we
make jokes and get along we're very independent of each other we love living together but after
dating for five years he still says i don't know when i ask him if he can commit i have been
giving him months to think about it because if we decide we want to be together our future would
be a lot easier i could get him a green card then we wouldn't be stuck living in st lewis
where he has a work visa should i just end it i don't want to be sitting around waiting for him
to maybe want to be with me or should i stick it out because he's awesome also he listens to your
show so he'll hear your advice if you tell me to break up with him it'll be a lot easier because i
won't have to tell him myself whoa lol my god wait so it's five years ten years of friendship five
years of dating and then when she says do you want to commit to me he says i don't know what is
committing me i think that's the problem maybe he thinks that means marriage and he's like whoa i
don't want to commit forever and she's like i just want to be exclusive together for the next
foreseeable future yeah part of me feels like i need to know i need a little bit of clarification
on what commitment means but i'll also say that five years is like you have to you have to make
up your mind at that point you should know everything you need to know right there's i mean
i understand there's ambiguity in this email but there should be no ambiguity in your relationship
after five years but what about the ages of 19 to 24 you're still sort of changing and evolving so
like every five years is not the same there she's 24 right yeah she's 24 now so they started at age
19 i see i understand a little bit better now then i think i mean i i definitely still think there
should be no ambiguity so if you're saying like i need you to commit to me and whatever that means
and he's saying no um then there's a lot of pressure knowing he's listening you're breaking up with
someone well it's hard because i don't know what i don't know what committing means yeah and like
they don't know maybe they're not on the same level about what that means if she's like let's i want
to be exclusive and they have been exclusive for five years and he's like i'm not sure then fuck that
you know then she should break up with them yeah uh and seems like they've already quote committed
in that they're dating for five years and live together for part of it i think i mean if it's
about if it's about marriage then i think not wanting to get married when you're 24 is completely
valid right um and if it's about i think basically if it's about anything shorter than just being
exclusive i think i think him being reticent is valid okay how about we don't break them up yet
all right we don't break them up yet but they should have a conversation about what this commitment
means to them yeah whether it means a lifetime guarantee starting now which is like the most
extreme version like let's get married today or is it like let's i can commit to the next year
two years five years right remember you said once that like marriage should be like a term
or it's like yeah i'm committing for four years like it's crazy to commit five i've known you for
four years and i have to commit for 80 yeah that seems like you wouldn't do that in professional
basketball was this before i was married yeah probably imagine because now lifetime seems pretty
damn good if anything it's too short i want to be with her for eternity help um i i think that the
commitment what you need to do is commit to having a convo okay nice commit to the convo
convo commitment there's i think the relationship has to work for both of you guys it sounds like
it's good for the dude because he's hanging with you and he doesn't have to quote unquote commit
to whatever you're asking him to commit to but if he continues to do that and you've been with him
for five years and you're not getting the thing that you want which is some certain type of commitment
that is a little ambiguous from your email but if you don't have to stay in a relationship like that
that's making you unhappy yeah and then she says ps i'm good at remembering everyone's birthdays
like you amir so that's cool so maybe you could be with her i mean should i like we already have
that she's young she's 24 and you're like 48 or something i'm not 48 i'm 47 going on 50
i guess and i'm nifty and i actually smoke cigars now and i have triplets one two and three
in fact i want to have triplets with you everything else won't do a twins would have to be discarded
it's not even close to being enough i need to have three for me three x on the day
all right we don't have time to answer one more question but maybe time to give a little
bit more of unsolicited advice i know you had one about overnight oats that you want you're
you're stealing my shit for next week blooms i got a good one for next week too oh okay well
the one all right fine i'll i'll mention overnight oats as well okay i have for the last couple
i've been missing cereal for a while yeah cereal is really good and oatmeal is i just find it i
don't have a microwave so i find it a little annoying to make yeah i have to put it into a pan
and heat yeah boil milk and or water and then like scrape the pan it's just not it's hard to clean
you got to clean it right away you have to clean that dry oatmeal even for like 20 minutes it's
like that's part of the pan and i like and i'd like to i like to eat and go i don't like to i
don't sit with breakfast you know got it um so i've been doing this thing where i just pour cold milk
into oats and eat it as cereal okay which is what as my wife told me not really good for
your digestive system because it's undone oats yeah it's dry oats plus milk it doesn't taste
very good either of course i'll like pour some fruit in there a little scoop of peanut butter
it's fine but it's not good okay um and then the other day i made that i i put my oats in my milk
what kind of milk um i do almond milk in there and then and then i was about to eat it and jill
was like oh i made you breakfast and she had made me like something way better so i so i put it in
the fridge you're acting like you invented over i know i backed into it i've like i've known about
them and i just like and everyone tells me how easy they are and like that i should do it and i just
never remember at night time to do that yeah and but this time i it was i mean 24 hour oats
because it was morning to the next morning yeah and i and i had them the next day because the
oats sort of take in the milk and become a mushy milk of sorts it was so fucking good because i
don't i also don't love when oat milk is hot i like the i like it to cold mush yeah like i kind
of like it to taste a little bit like cereal yeah so i had these overnight oats with with
the banana and some peanut butter and it was phenomenal and then you're like i'm going to
just keep doing this but not by accident anymore yeah now i do it on purpose and it's great it's
such a kind of jar you using i just pour it in the bowl and then i eat it straight out of the bowl
interesting i put it in the bowl i'm going to eat it out of in the morning and in the morning i
cut up a banana scooped peanut butter eat it done in five fucking minutes lies that better than cereal
though um i well i think that it's um a little healthier i guess it depends on the cereal yeah i
don't know what it's healthier than frosted flakes yeah i think it's health it's healthier than most
cereal that i would eat or buy maybe it's not i don't know what i don't know what else is uh
healthier than right but it also tastes so good that you don't mind that it's a little bit unhealthy
as long as it's mostly i don't think it's unhealthy but i bet it's like not as healthy as like those
giant wheat cereals where you just sort of break giant logs of salty wheat and then eat that with
with food i think it is because i like those wheat cereals really but i want i mean maybe
if if those if wheat cereals healthy then i would probably start eating that i forget everything
i said about overnight oats i don't know everything i was on the table healthy right but i do like
overnight oats so all right maybe that's healthy what do i know i'm just a dumbass with three kids
looking on the gulf all right that's it that's our episode thanks so much for listening if you
have your own questions or theme song send them on down to if i were you show at gmail.com the
opening one was written by brent remember that amazing um what would you call it punk something
or other hot punk uh cover of the greatest song of all time yeah he mentioned punk cover indeed
uh and this closing one is written by i believe his name is connor con con yeah i made a theme song
it turned out very good really good stuff here love the show thank you no really thank you please
plug my website i look like danielradcliff.com which is funny because sometimes people tell me
i look like danielradcliff.com i should have fucking squatted this domain when i had the chance uh
all right thanks connor thanks brent thanks to you guys for listening we'll be back next week happy
thanksgiving oh yeah bye everybody
because you have to do some fucking weird things so you the guy can tell
being a dad is a little bit neat oh clean and cool like a little bit of sleep though
getting advice from a dad in a road and coming like an odd rock so cold and potent it's all
up on my sheets cold as ice better give my mom some unsolicited advice chicken to me chicken
to me chicken to me now chicken to me chicken to me chicken to me chicken to me chicken to me
am me chicken to me chicken to me chicken to me now chicken to me chicken to me jinx to me
to me i chicken to me i chicken to me now chicken to me chicken to me i chicken to me
chicken to me i chicken to me chicken to me and now if i were u show etgymail.com
heck yeah
that was a headgum podcast