If I Were You - 412: Pissing in a Sink

Episode Date: December 9, 2019

In this episode we discuss the pros and cons of bath-houses as a means of relaxation, the trials and tribulations of growing your hair out, and lastly, whether or not you can drink your own pee pee.For more IF I WERE YOU check out bonus video episodes on Patreon.com/JA.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Got a cinch that's bigger than hard one. Buy my momma's cookies. Buy my momma cookies. I'm still looking like a backpack. You girl in my class, she looking hot. What advice you got? Fuck, I got a problem now.

I'm trying to shoot some fuck it. Fuck it. Coach Blooming felt. Hold it down. If I were you. If I were you. That's awesome. That motto follow, that's what I would do. If I were you.

If I were you. If I were you. If I were you. If I were you. If I were you. If I were you. If I were you. If I were you bitch.

Dude. Well, that was awesome. Buy my momma's cookies A. I think that's the coolest way to promote my mother's cookie business for sure. Is that still up and running? Yourmomscookies.com.

Yeah, it is. Actually, it's a great holiday gift, folks. Yeah, she gets she makes like a couple orders every week still. Wow. Jake'smomscookies.com. That's right. And sometimes when we talk about it on the podcast she gets a little overwhelmed

with orders. Yeah, just be careful, guys. My mom, she works real hard. So work together to make sure that there's an appropriate amount of orders coming in. If you're thinking about doing it just don't, okay?

Consult a friend. Make sure that one in every 10 of you thinking about it pulls the trigger. Can you consolidate? I like them to be staggered so my mom doesn't get frazzled here. And if they could all be shipped to the same hub, that would be ideal.

So like a centralized location. 30 orders sent to St. Louis. Everyone picks them up from a gas station. Ideally. No, she can handle it. Order the cookies. She loves it.

Nick Wheeler is who made that theme song. He raps at soundcloud.com slash one system. The number one and then system without an E, of course. That's right. He also has a podcast another long day with Nick Wheeler. Cool.

Should we do the theme song for that one? I guess it makes sense. It's only fair. He did one for us. We'll pay it forward. Yeah. Well, that would just be paying it back. Technically. Hmm. Right. Yeah. Sorry about that.

It's fine. It doesn't really matter. No big deal. No. I'm glad you fucking corrected me. That's good. I'm just saying. I can't fucking wait for you to mess up. I can't fucking wait. What'd you say? I'm just saying. I'm just saying.

That one was fine. You're not just saying. You're getting so worked up. You know, I'm like just trying to make. I'm on banter. What's that? I'm trying to make banter. Don't act like you don't hear me if you're interrupting me. Like you can't interrupt me and say what?

Right? I'm not going to flub. I'm not going to flub. Yeah, right. I can talk a mile a minute and I never make a mistake. I never have to think. I'm good at thinking on my feet is what I was going to say.

All right. First things first. What's your sickness update? It's been about a week since the last record. Are you 100% or are you 90% where you at? It's kind of hard to tell today because I'm kind of hung over if I can be candid with you.

Yeah, and our audience. I do think I felt good yesterday. I felt good enough to like go on a run the day before that I worked out. So I'm feeling back to I think 100% cold wise.

Minus the hangover. Right. There was sort of like a lingering. It was so weird. Like I would go to sleep and my throat would feel dry. Is there some kind of like science around that? Like lying down makes your throat dry? Oh, like you were fine all day

and then as soon as you lie down I have like a scratch in my throat and I'm just like it's so weird. Why at 11 30 p.m. when I try to go to bed is when that happens. That's a good question. I was going to say maybe it's like the dryness of the heating

in New York because that's what I've experienced but you're saying it doesn't even affect you all day just when you lie down. But then that is also like when I lie down is when I've been in my heated apartment for like three hours so maybe that's like it's getting to me by trigger.

I am like in heat all day. Thankfully we're both of us back to near 100% time to record for the holidays. How are you feeling? I'm feeling good because I was a week behind you. I'm already ready for my next one. Yeah, it feels like

for in New York at least I'll just be sick for the entire for the next few months like either about to get sick or just getting over something it's sort of just like a wave of never feeling 100%. I was wondering

like how like if there's like a really big movie where thousands of people are working on it like in Batman or something and Christian Bale is shooting in Chicago and he just has a really bad cold can he like still do a sexy scene or would they just delay everything for him?

It seems like you probably have some really like professional producers who are who can like rearrange the days to make it like a light day for Christian Bale on the day like that is feeling at a head cold.

Yeah, so like when he's at his worst they're like you know what why don't we like swap this day and we'll do exteriors we're gonna get B roll of all this stuff like so you're not like I appreciate that. Are you doing the Christian Bale Batman voice or Christian Bale cold sounds like Christian Bale's Batman

voice? I've just been up all night sneezing is all. But he would have a British accent. Thank you. There it is. If we could shoot out east today that would go a long way.

It's so sad. What a sad throwback to a time when Heath Ledger was alive and they were making the dark night. Do we have any Kleenex's here or did Heath use them all removing his Joker make up? Knock it off you're depressing me.

All right, sorry. Heath's a beast crafty. Imagine Heath with the flu beating up Batman in a room. He went to a dark place to play Joker and we all owe him a debt for his service to society.

Yeah, sorry about that. I didn't mean to bring up old demons. All right. What is this? This is If I Were You the only advice podcast seven years running almost in which Jake and I host Amemir. I'm Jake. Damn. Seven years.

Yikes. I think it'll be seven years in May. So I'm jumping the gun a little bit. Jumping the gum. I love that. Nice flub. But like it was sort of like a slant where we can promote head gum. So I know you didn't do it

on purpose, but your fuck up actually it lended itself well to a little promo. Check out head gum.com for all of our podcasts. I know you that was that was a slip of the tongue because you don't really have a master full control

of your mouth. So I appreciate it. Nice. You didn't have to say nice. You already complimented me in a really backhanded way. Nice. Nice.

Nice actually. That was nice. Yeah. The way you fucked that up actually worked out to our benefit. So good work. Nice. Nice. Good work on that last one. Nice. Yeah. Appreciate that. But nice.

I got a question about peeing in the sink. Oh, what's up? Alright. So we'll call this guy peeing Pete. Pete Peanley. Pete Peanley writes, hey, is it cool to pee

in the sink? I think it's pretty dope since you don't get any splash back and you don't have to use your hands. You don't have to use your hands. Also, it's easier at night when you don't want to turn the lights on and wake up. Let me know what you think. Is this genius or what?

It's not. Love, Pete. Okay. Interesting. I don't think it's genius. It's it's not it's not better than peeing in the toilet. I can understand vaguely

it being slightly more convenient but I can't quite imagine that you don't need to use well, you don't really need to use your hands. I think it's... Why do you need to use your hands for the toilet? Oh, like lifting up the seat if you live with a lady? Lifting up the seat? I mean aiming.

That's what I thought he was talking about. Sinks are high. I'm trying to like... Sinks are high. Sinks are like waist height. So you can kind of just drape your dick in and let the pee go straight into the drain. I don't hate the... I don't hate it as a concept. I pee in sinks all the time

but it's not ever like... Why do you do it? Well, in my at my parents house in Connecticut, my brother and I share the attic. So there's like... a room on one end, then there's like like this big unfinished

storage area, then there's my room and in the middle there's like for some reason we have a half bathtub. Have you ever seen a half bathtub? Like it's a sitting tub but that's it? Yeah. It's truly... It's like... It looks like a stunted bathtub.

It was like... Because my parents house is really old and like in the... In like the early 1900s that was like a maid's quarters up there. So I guess all of their tubs are like clawfoot tubs and I guess the maid wasn't allowed to have a full

one. Whoever made it was. So they had a half bathtub and then a sink. So there's no like shower and for some reason there's no toilet. I don't know what the maid did. I don't even think that's a bathroom you're describing. It's the weirdest... It's a

half tub. A pedestal sink and then like a paint sink. That's... Those are like really deep sinks. Right. So there's no toilet. So we

have one sink for brushing our teeth and one sink for peeing into. Got it. You pee into the almost the deep sink which is almost like a urinal up there. Yeah. So that one's that standard. And then there have been times when I had to pee really bad and someone was in the bathroom. So I'll like pee in the sink.

In theory it's like when I don't think about it too hard it seems like a Philistine move. Like what the hell is wrong with you? Who pees in a sink? That's where I brush my teeth. Right. But you know... That's where I wash my hands. You're not like touching the enamel. Is it enamel? Yeah. Yeah.

Or whatever that. The ivory. Porcelain. Porcelain. This porcelain. You're not touching where the pee was. Right. You're not like scrubbing the drain where the pee went down. Also like water runs. It truly is kind of the same thing as a urinal. It still feels wrong. It does feel wrong. I mean

I could imagine... Until you think about it. Also pee is sterile. It's not like actually it's not like germs you know. You're not... Yeah. I think that's wrong. Really? I don't... I think yeah. I think what you said was not true. I don't think there's germs in pee. I think there's germs in pee. I'll

go on record and say I think there's germs in pee. Should we look it up? Like you drink pee you think that's safe to have? I don't think it's safe to drink. Well when when sailors are lost at sea they say to drink pee before drinking seawater. When sailors are lost

at sea they say to drink the pee. Okay. It's sterile and safe you see. All you have to do is drink my pee. Drink my pee boy. This is from The Guardian. Urine is sterile because it contains no living organisms.

Unless the person that produces it is unlucky enough to have a urinary tract or bladder infection. There are less bacteria in urine than in tap water for example. Whoa. But drinking tap water is generally safe because it contains no toxic substances.

So unless you have a urinary infection of sorts you can drink pee and be fine? Yeah. So I should be brushing my teeth in the toilet? I guess. So I should be

drinking shower water? You know like how 50 Cent made a lot of money with like vitamin water? Yeah. Like is there something to us bottling piss and selling it as

like a fucking soda? Sports beverage? Like you know how like La Croix has pompomousse? Yeah. That's a flavor of sparkling water. Right. I'm like spitballing.

This is like pie in the sky. You've already suggested it. No. This is just like throwing everything against the wall seeing what sticks. But is there any... Is there any value to the notion

that we would put our piss in bottles and sell it as like as a fucking sports soda. As a sports drink. It's a beverage. It's definitely not. It's like a juice. Yeah. It's definitely not a sports drink. Like there's no electrolytes in piss I bet.

Well it wouldn't be just piss. It's like our piss but it's like flavored with I don't know fucking I'm thinking pompomousse just because it's already in the ether because I said it. But like we did like a great and piss

cocktail soda. Yeah. First sports. Is there anything to that or should I No. There's nothing to that. I'm not saying the first idea is gold but I'm saying like maybe there's like an inkling of something there that we can

I don't think so. Alright. Well if you're You already piss in bottles so I feel like the hard part's done. Actually I just got my car detailed and I forgot that I forgot to remove the piss bottle. Luckily there was no piss in the bottle but they did I noticed that they threw the bottle away.

I wonder if they were like oh here's an empty bottle or if they like smelled it and they were like this guy pissed in this bottle. You think that's bad. I was just told everybody to drink their piss. I was going to sell that. Well I really think the only negative

to peeing in the sink is if it smells you don't want the sink to start smelling like urine. Yeah. So instead of washing it's like healthier sanitary it does have a bad odor. That's right but you also, so instead of flushing you just sort of turn the sink on and wash it down. Yeah. I wonder if that uses less

water also. Jesus Christ is this guy right? Is he a genius? Splashback? He says there's no splashback. I mean you're it's probably true your penis is a lot closer to what you're aiming at. Yeah. Why is there so much water in a toilet? Why isn't a toilet

more dry like a sink? Like a urinal almost. I feel like it's for, I don't know so the shit goes under the water so it doesn't smell so bad. Right because urinals are dry but toilets are submerged. Is there anything to that?

You never see a urinal in a house. I've, I remember having a fantasy as a boy that like when I was a grown up I was going to have a urinal in my, in my house. A urinal is a sink it's a, it's a weird shaped sink. Yeah. So this guy is not deranged he's just reappropriating

what sinks are calling it a urinal. I mean you're well within your right to do that. I think unless you have like a roommate who doesn't want you to pee in the sink and yeah and whether or not it's like valid if they're like this is, I mean it is kind of gross it just is. So if they were like don't pee

in the sink I don't think you could be like there's nothing wrong with it. Like it's, you just, you can't unless it's your own, if it's your own personal sink by all means pee in the way. Yeah. And this guy is saying that you don't have to deal with waking up at night, turning on the light

figuring out where the bowl is you just plop your dick in the sink. It's nice. I mean I if it's the middle of the night I'm sitting I, I'm not like aiming there's not it's, it's a very lazy activity. I just go and plop my ass on the toilet. P

I'm half asleep. Imagine plopping your ass in the sink. I think I'd rather pee in the middle of the night than stand by the sink because like for me the longer I'm like I spend on my feet I'll like my body's gonna think

that it's time to wake up. Yeah that's why I wanted to invent that bed where you can piss in it because there's a little hole in the middle. I remember that and actually I do. So you don't have to stand up. It's a solid idea. You just sort of roll over and fuck the mattress a little bit. Yeah it's a flesh light. Oh that's kind of fun. If you need to fuck the mattress

as well. It's cool. You could do that. Yeah. So you can fuck a mattress. It's a kind of like a blow-up doll that you can fill with pee-pee in the middle of the night. Is there anything to that? Yeah. I think that's better than selling grapefruit flavored energy piss.

I didn't even think about it being energy piss. Sorry I meant sports piss. Five hour energy already kind of does taste like piss. It certainly looks like it. Yeah. So why not just go the whole nine? It's not going the whole nine. It's not like they started making

piss and gave up and made an energy break. It's going the whole one. It's making a complete U-turn to a different product. Oh literally the number one. That's cool. And literally a U-turn, a U-ring turn. Oh that's nice. So it's called the whole one. Yeah.

Yeah. And then it's little five hour energy capsules filled with your piss. I'm glad you come around. Alright let's hammer out some details during this break. We'll come back and answer some more questions after these messages. Bye. Thank you to Aura

Frames for sponsoring this Head Gum podcast. You know Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode but the entire Head Gum network Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is.

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I was just being goofy a little bit like this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah kind of like she misheard it or something like that or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way. By the way Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my god. Jill's grandma is 90

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your parents something. All right. And use the code head gum for $30 off plus free shipping. Right on. Thank you Aura. And now back to the head gum podcast you were listening to. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious,

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help. And it's extra affordable. That's BetterHelpHELP.com if I were you. Check them out. Thanks, BetterHelp. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a leather device. Mom, I'm coming.

Gross. Yeah, baby. You know what? Baths are on the mind. I think we both have bath related advice this week. Yeah. So mine is just straight up baths. An at home bath. You got a tub at home? Me?

Yeah. I do. Yeah. So I've had a tub for like three years now and only in like the last month or two. I'm like, I've been taken to taken baths. You're talking a 30 to 60 minute soak around 9pm. You have

a pretty big tub, right? Does it have jets? It doesn't have jets, but it is big enough for two. If you know what I mean. Sexy time. If necessary. You ever take double baths? Occasionally taking a double baths, but I'll tell you, most of the time I'm just in there by myself, you add some epsom salts. Yeah, you put this in. Epsom? Epsom?

I think, I don't know. But the salts. Either way, you add some salts. You Google that. I'll tell you how to spell it. Yeah. Anti-inflammatory agents and it's so relaxing, especially when it's a little cold out. It's better on the east coast than it is in LA because in the east coast you come home and you're like bones are cold. You're like

chilled all the way in. Yeah. A bath will thaw you out. It really it really will. And so how many are you, how many baths a week are you taking here? Um, nearly every day. So I'll say five a week. No shit. Yeah. It's like part of it's almost like part of my nightly routine.

It's like, all right, it's nine or ten. I'm almost time to like start getting ready for bed. Take a 30 to 60 minute long soak, rinse off, then get ready for bed and go into bed. I'm feeling very relaxed. It relaxes you. Yeah. Do you have any pain in your body that it helps with

the epsom salt? Sometimes yeah, sometimes like tightness in my hamstrings like you can stretch a little bit in there or like if I'm feeling sore in my neck or my back, loosens you up. How hot are you going? Like so hot you can barely stand it or just like a nice easy warm?

Pretty one. Yeah, pretty hot. So like it's like, ah, ah, ah, ah. Oh, oh, oh, ah. Sometimes it's like I'm even sweating above the bath because it's like steaming up. Right. See sometimes like if a bath is too hot, I don't find it relaxing. I find it almost stressful.

I'm like, this is hot. It's too hot. It's too hot. But it will cool down. Right. It'll cool down and adjust to your body. And you can like put your feet out of it. So like that'll cool you down too. Yeah, that feels good to get a glass of water in there. And you know what I, so this is bath related.

I, they recently opened like a straight up bath house near me. Wow. And now it's an entire home dedicated to the bath. It is the goat. It's truly the goat. It is so cool. I'm, what, like, I'm just like 100% converted to bath houses.

This is like, it's something that exists in like so many other cultures. Like the Japanese Anson thing, like the Turkish baths and in Iceland they have like these, those thermal pools all over the place. Like just. It seems as like it was like the first gym was 2,000 years ago

bath houses. Yeah. Just like communal soaks and steams and schvitz and stuff. Yeah. What's the deal there? Like, do you have to pay like a gym membership or is it like $20 a time? For the one near me it's $50 a time. Whoa. But this is like, this is like the equinox

of bath houses. It is. Got it. It's so nice. Like you. What's it called? It's called bath house. Wow. Yeah. It's, it's actually it's on north 10th and Barry, right near your old place. And that's pretty cool. So what's the deal?

What's going on in there? How big is it? So it is, it seems like it's probably like 2,000 square feet downstairs. You have a, it's maybe like 5 by 20, 5 by 15 neutral pool. That's like just kind

of warm. And it's like some maybe it's like some kind of mineral or something. I don't even know. But then they all look very dark and relaxing in there. Yeah. It's, it is so sleek, so sexy. And yeah, just like big marble

blocks, ice water, robes, towels, sandals. Spa vibes. Spa vibes. So they have the, the neutral soak. They also have a cold plunge. And then they have the hot tub. So you just go in and out of everything. Go back and forth.

Like from the hot tub to the cold plunge to the hot tub to the cold. Like I did that like five times. It feels so fucking good. It's so frigid. And then like when one, and then you just can relax in the pool. And I was just, I was just there with my brother just chatting, hanging, drinking

water, going into the cold pool, going into the hot tub. Then they also have two saunas, a steam room. Oh wow. Oh yeah. Wait, which one is the wet like humid, dripping water and which one is like the dry cedar wood? The steam room. The steam room's the wet one.

Yeah. That's really wet. Yeah. That's wet. And then the sauna is super, super dry. It's not really fun to kind of refer. I prefer a sauna usually but like sometimes, I mean right now I kind of have like getting over a cold so I'm like

I don't, I don't like, I can't tolerate the dryness right now. The dryness in your sinus. Yeah. Imagine entering the steamiest sauna. There's like 40 people in there and you just have a sneeze fit. Well the other nice thing about this sauna in

particular is that like usually when I've been to saunas, it's just like big fat Jewish men and now Naked. Yeah. At my gym there is the biggest acidic guy that just takes up the entire sauna. It's fucking crazy.

But this is like, it feels like a sexy Williamsburg club. Everyone's young. It's equinox. Whoa. Is there a restaurant attached to it? Do I see?

There's also a restaurant. I can't believe I'm giving them this much of an ad. This is great. I feel like I want to spend a day there. Oh yeah, you're coming back on Friday? Yeah, Friday and then we're busy Saturday and then we leave on Sunday. Damn. It's not going to happen this week. Next time.

Fuck. Next time. It's truly, it's so good. But yeah, I think for me like I have so much of those like chronic pain it does wonders for everything that ails me. Yeah and you can't get like a monthly pass. You really

got to spend 50 bucks every time you go there. No, they have a monthly pass, but it's like I think it's like 220 or 250. Oh wow. So it's I could, I don't think I would go more than like four or five times a month. I think they also do a five pass for 200. So the goal in life

is to be so rich. You have an equinox membership and then also a bathhouse membership. Yeah, and you just don't even think twice. You're like, oh yeah, I haven't been to the bathhouse in a few months. Imagine being so rich that you're spending $200 by accident and you don't even remember.

At the bathhouse. Classic. Wait, I had another question. Oh yeah, but when you leave and it's cold out, doesn't that sort of like take away all the hot energy that you've amassed at the bathhouse? Well, so you get nice and your

body temperature goes up and then you take a hot shower afterwards. You put on, you dry off, you put on your jacket. When I left, I was like, I was still warm. The weather did not hit me in the same way. It feels kind of like

going into the refreshing. Yeah, it really is. It's about like leaving the gym. How like when you leave the, you go to the gym, you're cold, but you leave and you're like, you don't need a jacket for a walk. Alright, baths and bathhouses. Yeah. Get a bath

in your house and get a bath house in your spa. Y'all gotta start bathing. Alright, next question. Yeah. Let's get back to business here. Come on. Groomsman question. We'll call this guy

Gary Room. Nice. I love that. Groom. My friend is getting married in two months and is asking me to be one of his groomsmen. Here's the thing. I honestly don't give a shit about his wedding. Okay. Or want to be in it. I like

both the bride and the groom, but I've just been in a lot of weddings lately and I don't want to be in, let alone go to one. So, what should I do? He is one of my closest friends and I'm not sure I should, if I should suck it up and just do it or tell him no. He's one of your closest

friends and you feel like this? I'm really conflicted. Imagine getting rejected. That is God. You really don't come back from that, but I am like conflicted between telling him, I mean, clearly he should suck it up

and like God, fuck. I hate this guy. This is insane. Because the groomsman doesn't even have a lot of obligations. Not ask him to be the best man. Right. Best man as like you know, you're, it's a job. It's, it is a job.

It's an honor. It's a job of honor for sure, but it's Have you been a best man? I actually have not. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Wait, have you? Not really. My brother had like being my brother as his best man, but there wasn't like many obligations or responsibilities. Right. Like there was no

bachelor part or anything to plan. You had a speech at my wedding though. That's sort of like an obligation. Yeah, speech is like the biggest, yeah, speech is the biggest thing, but like to say that you don't even want to go let alone be in one. That's like you don't want to stand next to him. That's truly insane. So like part of

me wants to be like, yeah, say no because then this guy won't be your friend anymore and that's what you deserve. So like that's what I think like you seem like a bad guy and and your friend deserves better, I think.

So your advice is to the groom because you want this bad guy to out himself as such. Yeah, I'd like you to tell this. I'd like you to tell your friend the truth because then that will free him of the burden which is you.

Yeah, that's where I come down on it for sure. It's like a wedding is such a personal, monumental, wonderful thing for the bride and the groom and like when they ask you to be a part of it it's like so much

so much thought goes into everything and like it's crazy that you would take that and just be like, ah, like make it about you in such a weird way. I don't know, I fucking hate it. What's your advice to this fucker? I would probably just suck it up and go.

I wouldn't like try to stand firm and you know, hold my ground and say, you know what, no, I'm not a groomsman, I'm sick of this fucking wedding. I've been to too many weddings man, you get that. I've had too many free dinners and it's annoying. Being a groomsman is like

kind of a like a solid position at a wedding. You know, if you're a single and you're a groomsman, you're like wedding celeb. You're a VIP. That's right. That's a good place to be. You get to wear the tux.

You want to look like you're an important member of the wedding. Otherwise, you might as well not even go. Which I guess is what this guy's thinking. People talk up weddings like they're, you know, amazing magical

nights and often times they are. But I've ever been to a wedding without an open bar. People get legit upset at the bride and groom. Like, can you believe this? We're here celebrating them and they won't even give us free booze. I had to pay for this last one.

They get so upset that they had to pay for the drinks or god forbid, no drinks at all. Yeah. Then all the magic of the wedding goes away. I think I would be upset if I had to pay for my own drinks at a wedding. But I wouldn't. Yeah. It is weird.

It would sour the wedding. That just means you're the only there for the free drinks. Yeah. It's like it's expectations being met, I think. When you go to a wedding, you expect there to be

pastoral derps. You expect there to be a cocktail. You expect drinks and you expect parties. When those things don't happen, I think it is totally true that everybody turns on the bride and groom, which is so funny.

Yeah. It's like, yeah, we're here to celebrate the love. But if I had to rank the things I want to be here, it's free drinks, a steak, a dance floor, and then the ceremony. When you think about how fickle that is, how easy everyone can turn on you,

that's when you really need your best friends around you. You need your groomsmen at our rehearsal dinner, which was just insane one debacle after the next. What happened at the rehearsal dinner? Go back and listen to Episode

which one was it? Jill was on. Good question. Yeah. But having my groomsmen around me, that was like 345. That was like the saving grace of that.

So like, if you can't do that for your boy, if you can't be there for your friend to make sure his day feels special, fuck off. That's awesome, dude. Nice. Alright, one last question. This one should be a quickie. I'm a single guy,

shy guy on hinge, writes Harry and Bumble, writes Barry after being in a five-year relationship. I'm looking for a dime piece to call my own, but I'm not getting much of a response from anyone. A year back, I moved to the southwest

of England after freelancing in London so I could buy a house. Down in the southwest, there's lots of conservative opinions, so not many creative types, but there are lots of beautiful women. So I'm hoping to find a diamond among these rough-ass Tory voters.

Think Trump voters. On paper, they could be considered a catch. I just bought a house at the age of 28. I'm good at DIY, and I'm a good cook. I'm a good listener, too. I've even been using the pinch's tips for texting.

I'm starting to think my shoulder-length hair could be stopping me from matching with some of these ladies. Should I try to look like everyone else in order to see some lady cheese, or should I continue seizing my own cheese and stay true to myself and style and value? I have attached some pictures

for you to judge my hair as you see fit. And it's basically a picture of a handsome man with straight, long hair that rests on his shoulder. Angelic. I think shoulder-length hair is the goat

haircut for dudes that have hair that looks good in that way. You know what I mean? Well, you could do this and you don't do it, so where's your reasoning? No, I don't think I could do it. My hair is not

thick enough. If this guy's hair is not thick... If I grow my hair out, it has a weird part on one side that looks bad. If anything, your hair is too thick. This guy's hair looks fine and

silky and he can mold it however he wants. Man, if I could grow my hair to my shoulders and have it look cool, I would. And you've tried. I have tried. You've gotten far. It basically stops growing around my chin

and it doesn't look good. I feel like... You'd have to flat iron. Yeah. I wish it looked good. I think long hair is the goat haircut if you have a hair that can grow that way. I guess if you want to test it out,

you can photoshop some short hair pics or even post ones where your hair is not in full view. Then it's like, oh, I've grown my hair out since. That's true. Put it in a ponytail and tuck it through a hat. A hat with a pony like a lady jogging

run-in cap. I don't think you need to photoshop anything, but maybe hide the hair. Wear a hat and a photo or two. See how that plays. It's also like... He also says that there's less people

in the southwest of London or of England. It could just be that. There's just less of a dating pool to draw from. I think the people there are so conservative that they look at his long hair and they scoff. Yeah.

I don't think you want to date somebody that only wants to date people with short hair because that's not who you are. It's better to present yourself. You'll get less matches, but when you do, they'll be true. That's the best match of all. Exactly.

Questions up, questions down. Baths were discussed. Everything. We got to it all. Thanks for listening, everybody. If you have your own questions, your own theme song, send them on down to If I Were You Show at gmail.com. The opening one was Nick Wheeler,

the rapper. This closing one is named... His name is Sigurd, pronounced Seeger. He's a 23-year-old Norwegian dude and he made this original 80s-inspired theme to use on the podcast. This guy sounds like he also has long hair.

Yeah, Seeger. If we should use it, he'd appreciate a shout-out to his Spotify. Seeger... Ross? Seeger Ross? No, it's not Seeger Ross. Seegurd ABL. I'm trying to break 10K streams this year. Can I recommend

something easier to pronounce than S-I-G-U-R-D, A-SPACE-B-SPACE-L. Oh my god. Trying to get to 10K streams, but we're doing our best. Thanks to Seeger and Nick. Thanks to you guys for listening.

And of course, we'll be back next week. Take a bath, everyone. You've earned it. You have. Bath, by the way, prime podcast listening time, too. Oh, I do like to listen to podcasts in the bath. Not in the bath house, but in the bath bath. Yeah, yeah. Alright.

We'll be back next week. Ciao, everybody. Nice! Nice! I'm here. Keeps him in check. He's very coy. Jake will go home with a golden mic again. He makes up the boomstick. We'll probably fight again. If you think you can handle the shame and mockery,

email your problems to Aison Jocelyn. Email and if I were you. Email and if I were you. Email and if I were you. Email and if I were you. Email and if I were you. Email and if I were you. Email and if I were you.

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