If I Were You - 419: Stinky Penis

Episode Date: January 27, 2020

In this episode we discuss terrible Tinder messages and the new slate of Headgum podcasts! And then we name a baby, of course. For more IF I WERE YOU check out our Patreon.com/JA(Note: This was recorded before Kobe's passing. RIP!)See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast in this great text there's no disrespect so when I bust my Nut yeah break your neck we got this podcast for the disconnect from all the intellect bullshit world of back You're in a situation feel like a penetration you lost your concentration over woman frustration You're in that desperation. You need advice y'all. This is the show to help you out meant to say is this the destination? Yes, it is Everybody everybody let's get into it. Let's get stupid and started get started get started Let's get it started. Hi. Let's get it started. Yeah, let's play the episode Yeah, let's play if I were you. Oh, yeah

Under to see you and let me this is if I were you Drinking a beer Okay, I bet you know who came up with that. Oh, oh it has to be Justin Goncalves That's right Justin our most prolific theme songwriters Actually started a YouTube channel with his buddy Khaled called oh Hmm, sorry with my buddy called let's watch it All very capitalized. Yeah, I so I assume his name was Khaled. Yeah, DJ Khaled DJ Khaled that was So embarrassing. Yeah, you are your

You're a little bit of like a What's the word there? I suck for that. I'm a dickling. I'm a loser I'm a dummy and I'm a up-user. All right. Well, I wasn't gonna be that hard on you It was just I had to do it to home one time didn't eat a blooming felt. Congrats. Let's not you're an old piece of shit And you don't even know how to read one said No, it's not a name you little bastard All right, you're I feel like you're being Hard on yourself so I won't make fun of you. Does that make sense? You're protecting yourself

You're I'm the weakest link This is unfair because you ribbing you makes it so I can't read you. I have to build Yeah, wow Yeah I don't think you actually feel bad you little shit. Oh his name is Khaled. Oh, that's funny. Wow LID what are the odds another one? What are the Todd's? God, what are the Todd's there's Todd Furman Todd glass and what who else is there Todd Berry Yeah, my I had a I had a science teacher in high school. His first name was Todd

Funny that as parents you can name your kid anything and some people are just like Todd is great That's my number. I can't beat Todd is Todd short for Thaddeus. I don't think it's sure for anything or Toddy It's just it's a little it's a lot of Todd is hot Todd Yeah, we actually got a lot of We I'm glad that you brought up names because we got a lot of emails Having to do with child naming and stuff a couple people explaining the rules a couple people saying that they got the shit end up to stick With their names because their mom was passed out or something and the dad named them. Yeah, yeah

And we didn't even finish giving Justin the shout out. All right fine. Yeah, I'm just saying we are gonna have to talk about names again This episode. Okay. He has a new tube. You do you YouTube channel called new tube watching a new tube You can't fucking talk for shit this episode Sorry Shame shame They do movie commentaries on horror movies Basically, we make jokes and poke fun at the films we watch and then he edits the best part and makes it a video right now He has 14 subscribes, but who wants to get to a hundred

The new channel is hard to find so go perfect God Justin This is a tough sell Justin The new channel is hard to find so go to my insta the best year 96 and the link is in the bio. That's not that hard to find that's I mean, that's good That's good call to action the best year 96 on Instagram Go to the best year 96 on Instagram go to the link in the bio click on the link Subscribe to the YouTube channel The least we can do to promote it that heavily because I still am not a hundred percent sure that we're saying his last name, right?

Yeah, at this point, we'll never know and that's sort of part of the bit. It's fun to not know right Right, right, right. All right. Did you want to get into the name stuff now or is it like more? No, I just wanted to set it up. I wanted to set it up It'll be a callback at this point when we bring it up later on in the podcast. That's cool. Yeah, all right You sent me some questions. Is there one that we should start with do you want to read them? You know what truly I? Yeah, sure. I can read them. Oh wait. No, it's not that's gonna be too hard That's gonna be too hard. I'll never be able to find them You're gonna have to read them in no particular order except the order in which they arrived at your inbox, please

Stinky penis writes dick Nixon Hi guys, I haven't written to y'all in a while, but love the show and love everything y'all do I Should say this is if I read the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us. I'm a mirror Josh I've been following y'all since I was 12 and feel like you both have practically raised me. Here's the situation dads I'm a 23 year old lady. Oh, no, I called her dick Nixon. Oh I thought I thought she called herself that in the beginning Ladybird ladybird Johnson. That's another penis themed Presidential lady name. I'm a 23 year old lady who's been with my awesome boyfriend for over a year

Everything's fine, but uh his dick smells bad. Hmm. I rarely go down on him because his penis always smells like rotten Or like he hasn't showered in days even though he showers every day I can literally smell his dick all through the pants sometimes I'm not sure if this matters, but he's uncut and has given me several Bacterial infections, which I've never gotten with cut guys shout out to the circumcised boys Which we only have circumcised guys listen to the show Hell, yeah, we shower together and I can literally see him washing his peen very well But it still emits an odor even after a good wash. How can I bring this up to him without hurting his feelings?

Do you guys go through bouts of that stink D? Is it normal for uncut guys? I don't know how much longer I can go on dealing with his stinky weenie help any advice would be greatly appreciated That's a conundrum because the that my my first instinct is to that he just needs to wash but She sees him washing so it is gonna require a conversation She has if she wants to get to the bottom of it Um the amateur slew thing is not gonna cut it here I think she if she brings it up. She has to act like it's a new thing like whoa Something is up down there for the first time. This is so funny

That is that's but here's the here's the counter to that normally I would agree But she doesn't want to go down on him. So I feel like there's a little bit of like baked in leverage slash incentive here like If she were to say like I don't know if you've noticed but I haven't been going down on you as much lately And it's because I noticed something myself Your your penis has an odor that I find Unpleasant my darling uncouth and odious. It's uncouth and uncut So put it smells like a cheese or a yeast down there

But I think if you're if you hear like hey you Your hair smells wash it more you're like whatever But if you're like your dick smells if you wash it, I'll suck it more often You're like I'll you know hop to for that So you you you bacon the the incentive there. Yeah, but can't you say that too with this whole surprise of So you act surprised like whoa Something is up down there if you wash it. I will go down on you more or I see clean it And then it's like he cleans it like I don't know what the hell is going on. I still smell it. This is so bizarre

So the so really there's like a middle ground between yours and mine You you pretend like it's something new but pretend like it's something new right as you're about to blow him Yeah, so if you're like about about to uh engage in oral stimuli Uh, and then you're like whoa Hold hold up. Actually. This is a bit rank for my taste What's the dealio? Yeah, et cetera, et cetera. How long have you heard have you smelled this? This is like within the last two minutes

Otherwise like your entire life I mean for Blowjobs aside the fact that this guy's given her like More than one bacterial infection seems like you the it's important to have that conversation soon Yeah, it seems like uh Sweat turns into stink turns into yeast turns into bacteria With your yeast. I really think this is a yeast a yeezy does it type deal

This is a yeasty boy. Dr. Blumentfeld on here He can start a little bread situation with the amount of I know I keep saying it but have you tried blowing him with flour in your mouth and see if that makes a loaf He's a yeasty beast He's a yeast of the southern mild I woke up in yeast mode Nice. Thank you Bring it up. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, I would I wonder if the uncircumcisedness of it does contribute

I know you're supposed to wash it specifically. I don't know anything about it, but uh, I guess it's possible I guess it's possible anything's possible, but clearly he needs to Something needs to be addressed bring it up. And by the way, just because I'm circumcised doesn't mean I got a small dick I have a I have a very average sized hog slash Johnson Actually, I can see you don't believe me. I know knocking off. Please. Here we go. Please. Please you're going on instagram live chilled in here They won't even understand this out of context and my god, that's a small dick

One second. Jesus christ. It's a flesh raisin. Let me show you my balls Oh my god, they're huge Yeah, so you think it evens out I feel like Net neutral is average also on 511 which is my cock is normal because my dick says my dick is small But my balls are huge Yeah So the median the mean is the meat

Of my sack and the mode is my chode Check out the mode is my chode uh at store.headgum.com It's selling next to uh general cleanliness Would you sacrifice dick length for height? Hmm So you shave a little bit off the wean and you get to add it to your total height So I could be six foot four and have a 12 inch dick. Yeah, sure Nice, you like that? I actually have a 14-inch dick too

Yeah, but what's the fucking girth would you sacrifice girth for height? That's the real question I'll sacrifice girth for earth So So I want a thin dick, but my fertilizer works fine Where it is. We're really the worst We're the worst. We are the worst We're the worst. How about this question? Yeah, not necessarily you but if you're a six foot inch male and a six inch inch foot Six inches dick six foot tall, right? You're sacrificing an inch for an inch?

No, I don't want I wouldn't want to go below six Not below six you would go. Oh, yeah below six. Yeah below. Yeah, you I will that just that just tip that you're at it your answer You'll do anything to be tall You'll have a one inch cock if it means you're six foot two I'm six four and I have a one inch clit Please go to the next question All right, the next question starts. I'm six four with a one inch No

They're honestly I now I'm just like remembering that I one of the questions that I found is very much about penis size Maybe we should just skip to that one or should we keep them separated? Let's fucking keep it going. You're talking about penis shaming. Yeah, that's the one Is this from a dude or a dudette? This is from a dudette who she wrote she screen shot at a bunch of texts from Bumble or hinge or whatever she's on hinge. It looks like Okay, so with the question and then you and I will interact Uh, we'll yeah, we'll interact this

We'll we'll play the text. All right, this lady who we'll call Michelle Obama writes no we can't can we please not bring the first lady into this call Abigail Adams writes for sure. I was messaging on tinder the other day and had the most bizarre exchange I can't work out what this guy's angle was if he was joking then I don't understand why the conversation died The only thing is the only thing I can think is that he wanted me to shame him. I don't know. What do you guys think? It's uh, it's not the best at this kind of humor. I'm not the best at this kind of humor when I'm trying to be flirty Uh, okay And what's the order of operations? Hello fellow ginger is the first. Yeah, so you want to be the guy and I'll be the girl

Okay, all right. So mirror is playing the part of the man Yeah, and you are the female person who really I'm at Abigail Adams. Yeah Hey fellow ginger Ha, would it offend you to know I'm just a poser? Oh, no, I was hoping for a ginger bush And then I'm serious. I want your Your ad living this is it Yeah, I think if people are accurate representation of the conversation. All right, he did say the ginger bush line She responds

So, yeah, he said ginger bush. She responds. Ha. Well, I mean, I'm capable of I'm a capable Merkin maker if color is your only issue and then with a bunch of laughing emojis Yeah, I don't care the color of your The guy says I don't care the color of your bush or if it's massive or bald Ha, I mean, it's always good to establish that information right from the start laughing emojis Oh, I completely agree. Well by beard is going to spend time down there. Good to know I think you mean if Winky face emoji, but also for the sake of equality. I too have no real preference

With pubic hair. Yes with male grooming. I trim it Cut the grass and it makes the trees look bigger kissy emoji Ha ha needing to resort to optical illusions a Unfortunately so smiling crying laughter emojis Ha, well that casual lunchtime tinder brows took an unexpected turn, but back to work now Uh, straight line face unemotional You met a guy with a small cock

With a small cock lol Ha ha, I mean being willing to make fun of yourself as a pretty attractive quality Besides size is not on my list of priorities laugh crying emoji I'm sure you'll love my four inches Ha ha ha What size do you normally like? What makes you think I have a normal Would she

Jesus this guy is so bad Would you buy a four inch dildo? smile and crap crying laughing face And then she finishes dildos are for fucking other people i mo my fingers do me just fine if i'm flying solo And then he doesn't respond That is the end of the conversation So this guy just keeps bringing up her pubic hair his small dick and then he leaves And she is curious

If she blew it that is the craziest thing i've ever heard I know that the dating apps are supposed to be i've heard This stuff before that guys are like this and they're bad, but like Jesus christ This should just be like instantly reported behavior. This should be instantly screenshoted and posted on instagram or something like We've got to eradicate that that's insane This guy is peak id gaf I mean he is just trolling making jokes about a small dick ghosting her talking about her pubic hair color right off the bat

Yeah, usually you at least like build up to that right like if you're gonna be like a crass weirdo You kind of just like The hook didn't sink in Instantly he said i'm looking for a for a ginger bush I think this guy's not taking the app very seriously. So you think he's just he's purely joking Yeah, he's like drunk and or trolling I think I would agree. I don't think this is incomplete earnest that said I don't think it's even nice fun time. I don't even think it's I don't think it's good comic relief

And I believe he should be blocked and I believe abby can do better I'll I'll recommend a blockage as well. That's it Block that hinge Block that hinge I do really love uh interacting Hinge messages. So people should uh, send us more screenshots. That's a funnel time for me Send us the shots. I kind of miss uh, the the random conversations part of dating apps I wish there was just a random conversations app, but I guess that's

Flirting and cheating and every I mean every app turns into a dating app As soon as you have like as soon as you have conversations I'll just start a tiktok instead. That'll be a better use of my time. Have you been thinking about starting a tiktok? Yeah, well, I've been thinking about just getting it and seeing what the hell's on there because I see like The best of the best on instagram and twitter Makes me wonder what like what's really going on on tiktok And yeah, if I should have a funny dance, I might as well upload it I just I

I'll eat my words. I'm sure I'll have I'll get a tiktok the same way. I got a snapchat, but I just don't want to I want this I want this one to Peter out. I think that'd be nice The world has enough in the game. Yeah first to leave. I hope so All right, let's take a break. We'll come back and answer some more questions after these messages Thank you to aura frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast You know aura frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire headgum network jake. Wow, that's correct I mean, this might be the goat father's day gift. I think it actually is

Yeah, yeah, not just father's day, but if for any uh, not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon These digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah for me personally these things are perfect I'll tell you why as you know, I am expecting. Yeah, uh, my first child We got one for jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents So there are three of these bad boys Uh in our family right now, but they are They're great really easy way to like stay in touch with your family

You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything perhaps a baby and then it goes to their digital photo. Yeah frame This is actually how we how we told jill's grandma. She was pregnant. We got her the aura frame We plugged it in jill's grandma was pregnant Really nice asshole This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife and you're trying to make a joke of it I was just being goofy a little bit like uh, this is how I told my grandma. She was pregnant. Yeah Yeah, kind of like a she misheard it or something like that or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way

By the way jill's jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my god jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes and we let her know with an aura. Yeah Yeah Thank you the aura announcement Uh, so you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the aura app Add me to your aura app I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something that could be funny Yeah, like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah

Yeah, exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display As soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame Yeah, it's a great gift a really really iconic gift and right now you can save on the perfect father's day gift and visit aura frames That's a u r a frames dot com And our listeners can use code head gum to get up to 30 dollars off plus free shipping on the best selling frames There it is. Oh, wow, this is timely the deal ends on june 18th. So don't wait terms and conditions apply That's aura frames a u r a frames dot com. Okay, go get your parents something All right, and use the code head gum for 30 dollars off plus free shipping right on

Thank you, aura and now back to the head gum podcast you were listening to This show is sponsored by better help. Thank you better help if you're finding yourself in a difficult anxious stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place and It's not necessarily easy to find a therapist Especially one in your area But better help makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient flexible and suitable to your schedule

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You have to drive to and wait in a waiting room. This is done entirely online, but you're still getting professional licensed help And it's extra affordable. That's better help HELP dot com slash if I were you check them out. Thanks better help And we're back Jake. Do you have any? Yeah, you know what I do and so do you man. So do you what is it? It's uh, everyone should be subscribing to the new head gum original shows that we launched We launched six brand new podcasts

And you can subscribe to all of them now. I believe some of them even have episodes out already Yeah, this is like uh, this is a renaissance for the first time probably since we started head gum We were launching more than like one or two shows at once six new shows plus a new logo That's right. Oh, yeah, we rebranded we are launching new shows Uh, a lot of I mean, I'm super excited about all of these shows too. Uh, yeah, let's should we run down some of them? Let's do it dead eyes number one Oh, yes, this is the new york show very near and dear to my heart Connor Ratliff was fired from the uh

From the hbo mini series band of brothers by tom hanks On it kind of the fact that he had quote dead eyes And yeah, which is actually true Yes, this is a real thing. It's a really it really happened to him Yeah, so that podcast is like investigative It's basically a serial except for something petty, uh, but it's amazingly produced. It's so awesome Uh, I just listened to the second episode which is dropping this week and it's got john ham in it There's fucking draper telling acting stories. It's amazing. We got inside voices, which is kevin porter

A long time headgum host and he's talking to podcasters about how they started their show And then cultivating the voice part of the show like asking Why do you think they talk the way they talk and how their origin stories in that regard? Can't believe he hasn't interviewed us. I don't know if he's heard the uh bit about changing Dick's eyes for height, but I feel like that's really quintessential. He uh, you and I And that deserves a platform. He did interview me for one of his early episodes Oh, um Just wanted to talk about my voice and my origin story in the beginning of our podcast, so okay

Well, at least I was involved in some fashion. I can't wait to listen to it Fuck Jacob y sake another friend of ours. This one is like one of the most insane ideas pitched us a podcast Wearing he watches fight club non-stop for 72 hours. Yeah And it's sort of just chronicles his slow descent into madness insanity He doesn't sleep. He watches fight club back to back to back to back for three days Yeah

I have a phone call with him at some point. I think on like the 36th hour or something of him watching I was like at home with my family. He's like Why did you let me do this? Had at me It's called I don't want to talk about fight club anymore. Yes. It's called. I don't want to talk about fight club anymore Review review hosted by our friends and family Riley and Jeffrey. Yes After years of begging they finally started a show We settled on an idea that they knock out of the park

Which was them reading reviews like on yelp or google and then sort of improv acting out the scene that led to that review yeah, honestly, it's it's a it's a real as soon as you start thinking about like the just The never-ending uh Source of material that is out there. Yeah, it's a really exciting show to imagine because like It's you look yelp trip advisor every like everything has either a really funny One-star review or a really amazing five-star review, you know

Yeah, each one tells a story and they're so funny at reenacting the things that Led to that review. Right. Everybody knows that Jeff and Riley are funny, right? You guys like them already We've got newcomers lauren lapkis making her head gum Podcast host debut, which is very fun and the coal buyer are rewatching Or sorry watching for the first time every single star wars movie Yeah, they keep hearing about star wars because it's everywhere They grew up not watching any of it and so they're watching it together for the first time Some of the episodes are watch along some of them are just discussing star wars with their, you know, funny friends that grew up loving it

The watch along is amazing. I I'm gonna watch star wars Like along with them. It's it's synced to the movie. It's so it's like watching. It's like mystery science theater. It's great Yeah, two very funny hosts and awesome guests and a cool idea I'm excited to listen to all of star wars as someone who also hasn't watched all of star wars, right? And I guess that's it, right? Well, there's one more new original show, which is yours Oh, yeah, I guess you weren't gonna say anything unless I fucking made you That's right. Uh, I have a new podcast. Uh, this is podcast numero trace For zaddy. Is that right? That's right. It's you and mica. It's me and mica

It's called the goat show and we are we are on a mission to find the greatest everything of all time it's A product review show First example, what's the first step the first episode which drops this coming? I think it's wednesday or thursday Um, is the goat white t-shirts. We tried 20 different White tees and we found the best one we judged them on the fit the feel and the future of the fit in the field That's the shirts longevity Uh, and you take you guys take it very seriously. This is honest. It's barely a comedy podcast

It's really it's an hour of me and my brother discussing white t-shirts and why we like them Uh, but you should check it out. You can watch you can listen to the minute-long trailer and subscribe to that show right now It's called all six of these shows all six of these shows are on head gum.com You can listen to all the trailers. There's some episodes already on for some of these shows And you can help us out by subscribing or reviewing to the show wherever you listen to your podcast Yes, exactly subscribing and rating and reviewing even if you didn't have time to listen to the episode yet Just saying it's great Helps us beat all of our fucking rivals. So please do it. Thank you

It makes sense that you guys would also love at least one of these shows if not two two six of them Yeah, I mean Jesus I would say at least half, right? They're all they're all in our wheelhouse. So check them out the new head gum original shows That's a good unsolicited advice. The very least go to head gum.com You could check out the new branding and then you can decide if you want to listen to the pods. Okay I do like I do like the new logo how it looks on the website. Yeah, it looks really great Um, how's your foot? Uh, it you know, she's she's recovering. This is one month out exactly to the day. Did you know that?

This cut is it really so it's the 20 it's the 24th. Yeah, that's right. Um On on tuesday So the day after this episode comes out tomorrow if you're listening on monday, I get to wear a shoe Wow, they're putting me back in a shoe folks So the boot is still there as support mortal support muscle support bones support I guess it's like it helps me from like Making my you know putting too much pressure on the toe, but the doctor I'm doing these exercises That's like giving my toe flexibility back because it's kind of it was stiff from its time in the

It like when it when I wasn't moving it. Um, but I'm putting like full weight on the boot. Uh, I was also sort of like scooting along like limping on Putting all of my pressure on my heel And now for the last week I've been just walking like it's a regular old thing still in the boot huge But walking is My god, what a joy another joy So you sort of forget you really do and I god, I can't wait to wear a shoe. I've started going to the gym this week too

Whoa, how? Well, since I can walk I'm just I walk in in the boot. I mostly do stretching and then like Some pull-ups just like really easy body weight stuff just to get used to being active again, but I'm like I'm so excited to To start doing shit. Oh my god. Are you gonna miss your boot? I

I guess I'll miss the boot and I'll miss not being able to shower Um, but aside from that I'll be sad that my that my oh man I'll be sad when my foot isn't dry anymore dry and disgusting This is my foot is so fucking nasty. Do you want to see it? Yeah, sure So this is because you haven't gotten it wet in a month, right? Oh, wow. That is a crackly Scabby it's crusty scaly crusty

thick Red foot. Yeah, it's thick It's thick. It's red it It is it feels like it's falling apart. It feels like I could just snap part of it off. So that's what what happened the swelling is What's that's what would happen if you never washed your foot? Yeah Yeah, that is what happens when you never wash your foot But you still can't get it wet. No, I can get it. I can get it wet, but I mean I still haven't like the cut is kind of um

The cuts the cut's still a little I don't know. It's tender. I'm not I'm not scrubbing the foot. I'm I've not scrubbed it I've I've gotten it wet. I haven't soaked it. I haven't given it a soak I actually probably could if I'm being perfectly honest, they probably could and should put some lotion on her The doctor didn't say anything about not putting lotion on it. I think I've just been not touching it Just like leaving it completely alone Waiting for the the stuff inside to heal It's the stinky penis of feet. That's right. It really is especially because I basically got circumcised

They cut the skin around my big toe How weird is it gonna feel to put a shoe on that? Oh my god, it'll feel it'll feel so good. I've been looking at different Kind of like maximum support shoes. I'm getting really excited Yeah, I think new balance is good with like really wide Yes, gotta get some good widths. Also, there's a this brand called hoka Hoka one one like maximalist running shoes

I try to maximalist. I try to pair on uh today on At the running store, but only on my right foot That's cool Felt good felt All right, what is this sonogram? I'm looking at you sent me a picture Of a prenatal fetus. That's right. If all the new parents out there stayed through all of our cock talk Yeah, and then all all through all of our New show promo they are being rewarded because we got a lot of people asking for baby names

this one in particular Came with the sonogram, which is why I want to answer it This is based on last week's question Which was about baby naming and we were inquiring. How do you name a baby and like how do you like What's the official system there? What if you just leave the hospital without naming the baby? And then I think I also mentioned that I wanted to start naming babies Yeah, which I feel like this is a response to Talk to a buddy of mine. Turns out you cannot leave the hospital until you give the baby a name. That's how they get you

Wow. All right, you gotta sign the baby out. That'll do it. That'll definitely do it Okay, we got a Long time listeners from Durham, North Carolina and got a baby for us to name See the attached photographic evidence of little baby Madsen. You can say it on air You got to know the last name to know how the first name will sound with it. Okay last name Madsen Wow, very very nice. Very trusting. Thank you gender tbd The due date is july 27th and we'll find out the gender or the sex on march 3rd So you've got time, but I guess for now we'll call them chimp

Love seeing you guys when you come through the triangle bring nad pot to north carolina Hurrah. Love that. We'd love to do that. Um This is a cute little baby in here in the sonic room. That's right. It's from the duke fetal diagnostic center Well, I'm telling last name Say their hospital Matt anyone will be able to find this baby Well, madsen makes me think of lake or great mark madsen Which makes me think of the nice alliteration of the mm

You and you do and I love the way an mm would look and sound it rolls off the time alliteration is a fun Thing to do with the name. Yeah What do you think of marty? Marty matt's I hate it. No martin madsen. Maybe marty madsen because marty can be both guy or girl That's true, but I think Um, you know, no disrespect to marty michael, but the name that name's a joke. Um, michael madsen disrespect I don't know. Yeah, you're saying it in a very Blunt and obviously disrespectful way. No, I'm saying like no the name is a joke. I don't have any

I'm I'm I just I don't mean any like offense by it. No offense. Yeah, you just like no offense He's all you can say no offense. He's gonna be offended by that. You're sort of I'm just saying it's a no. I'm saying the name is bad. I think he's a fine guy. The name sucks The name's obvious marty is obviously a fucking fine guy. It's not even me either You're like him personality personality. I mean, he's he's greedy. He's mean You know, we're talking about naming a baby And you're just throwing marty under the bus because I suggest bus is a cool name What bus madsen the bus. Oh, it's not

Well, what if his real name is marty madsen? He's called the bus I'm afraid. What if he doesn't weigh 300 pounds? You're gonna call someone that looks like me the bus All right, so so we like m I do like m You don't want it to end with an m or an n. You don't want Mary madsen. What about Mary madsen now? I'm coming around on the on the y ending Marie madsen. I don't want I don't like a Marie Mary madsen is good. Yeah Mary madsen marty madsen

Uh Mathias. Oh, what about mathias? I always like a name that like you can make normal if you need it to Uh, and by normal, I just mean uh, you pick what is in america Uh, but maddie, you know or maddie or matt, but the real name is mathias Like mica, my brother has that name sort of you know, like Oh, mica is pretty good for yeah, mica madsen But like you can go around being like i'm mike or i'm mikey if you'd rather have like a more standard cookie cutter name But then you can always

At the just like aragorn when he's like i'm actually the king, you know, you're like Uh, i'm actually mathias I have a thias madsen. That's good. I have a bad name for you. Okay T H I M Thim I don't hate it Thim i'm thym madsen. I hate it It sounds like you have a a lisp and you have a bad name because like sim madsen thym, you know

Thym i'm thym madsen and it's hard with the m that then that starts with an m So like you don't want to do that either it's bad across the board. Hey, i'm thym You're for thimble Yeah, thimble. I don't like that because i fit in a teacup So this person's like one inch tall fritt What about fritt madsen? What? fritt fritt madsen fritt

How do you spell that fr it fritt? Obviously bad fritt I think i'm going with mica mica madsen I feel like we've given the name mica out before mica's a great name. I'll say i'll say it. I'll admit it And it's cool for a lady too Oh, yeah, mica does work for a lady. We could go mica. I feel like we're not I feel like this is a human life And we haven't given it enough enough

Time so let's let's dedicate the rest of the show Michaela mac. Oh mac madsen is pretty cool m a c m a m a m a c k mac m a q u mark mk All right, my final answer micah madsen. Okay fine. I also like the name melody because that's kind of nice It rolls off the tongue and it means like uh, you know a melody. Do it. That's nice melody madsen, right? It's kind of cool um

Marnie madsen Maven madsen don't just don't discount them. We're fritt Yeah, all right cool. Okay. That'll do it Okay, one last question. What's that one last question? All right. Yeah Another lady this I think these have all been ladies. Wow good for me Um another first lady's name Uh Micah mary lincoln

mm Four years ago. I was dating a guy who was very manipulative and emotionally abusive He cheated on me several times, but it always somehow ended up being my fault He cheated on me with one of his friends And when I told him I'd be willing to take him back and work on things between us if he broke ties with her He refused so that day. I decided finally to end our toxic ass relationship. Here's my problem Ever since I ended that day. I have had a social medias. Uh, I have social media stalked the girl He cheated on me with it's been four years and somehow i'm stuck on this girl

I'm in a happy love filled relationship now I would never get back with that guy, but I can't help but look on the girl that he cheated on me with The girl he's still with and will soon marry. I guess maybe a part of me is still wondering what she had that I didn't I don't know. How do I stop? Am I stuck in the past? And if so, how do I move forward with it? What's wrong with me? And I can't seem to stop looking her up. Thanks for your help love mary This rang true to me not that I specific This is like exactly happened, but like it is sometimes hard to get people out of your head even like weird like

You know Tertiary people in your life like friends of friends that you had some kind of interaction with that you're like I wonder what they're doing. Yeah. Well, it's really is it a to pound that um Unfollow button. Yeah, but you can still There's not a way to like hide them like she can if this person has a Public profile she can just like unfollow mute, but then she's like can't get it out of her head. She looks you know Here's a question that's come up a bunch recently in my

Sphere of conversations You're with someone you love they cheat on you Is it better or worse if then they go off and marry that person? Like would you rather it be a one-off or would it be like at least now they're like soulmates and they actually belong together I think I'd rather I If oh, I would rather they Ended up together. I guess Or ended up separately and unhappy

Yeah, I guess I don't care as long as they're unhappy. Is that The adult mature thing is like, yeah, I hope they end up happy together And it's like they'd belong together and I was just a footnote in their you know pre-history But then the the dickling in me is like no, I want it to be a mistake that ends up ruining the other person's life You you cheated on me with this person now. You guys don't even like each other that much Yeah, I mean I think that the the thing is like people have a tendency to like to end up everything

Unless you're really unfortunate. I feel like you can always look back and be like, you know what that ended up being for the best so even if you Cheat on someone if you cheat on someone you break up and then you end up with the person It's like a little more obvious like you know what that was for the best But if you don't end up with the person that you cheated on them with you'll end up with somebody else and you'll be like You know, there were two footnotes to get here The idea that you end up where you're supposed to be I think is pretty strong So like whether it's with somebody that you cheated on someone with or the next person after that or after that

It's all part of the the story So how do you stop licking this person up other than smashing that unfollow button? um Yeah, that's I don't know how you stop you could if you Want to read no, I don't think she should actually like talk to her. That's weird I guess she has to hurt her In a way that looks like an accident Knock it off

You can share this with your husband to see if I can help a therapist or a friend Maybe it just helps to talk about it It just helps to not necessarily kill her but like nudge her with a car to scare her couldn't hurt you don't want to do that You don't want to I'll nudge her for 50 bucks. We shouldn't have done one more question. I knew it was a mistake Email me. I'll nudge her. She already did email you. She asked for your help I'm blind You really are I'm fucking blind for that Oh my god, my tongue is swelling thinking about nothing or with my freaking modda

You're having a seizure and a stroke or something All right, I'm back. All right, cool. I was gonna let you die All right, thanks for writing in thanks for submitting your theme songs. Justin This closing one is a ballad of the game boy. Wow. What's who wrote this one? I love that The three of us started watching jacadamere in high school And we've graduated college to become huge fans of the podcast and head gum in general We got a chance to see you guys in new york Uh

And they did a front row cheers with a whiskey on stage and they made this theme song Which is the game boy joined a metal band or something hell, yeah So this is the nicolas pain Uh brian pain emiliano choreo and anthony penis hudson. Yes I'm making the game boy Um joined a metal band ballad. So thanks to you guys and thanks to everybody for listening. Thanks for checking out those other shows Let us know what you think

And we'll be back next week. Peace. Bye everybody. Do you happen to live with the game boy? It just takes a minute to find it. All right I go into a blackness A deep hole where I feel the other space more time Oh, oh, oh Oh, I have been so long Oh, oh He's been lonely

He's here Oh, oh, oh Oh Oh, now a better feeling exists. That's what I forward you guys in the most Is That was a hit gum podcast