If I Were You - 423: Motion Sickness

Episode Date: February 24, 2020

In this episode we discuss OnlyFans, sea legs, and the perfect NYC date.For more IF I WERE YOU check out bonus Thursday video episodes on our Patreon.com/JA!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Fuck yeah, let's get it boys. Amir sucks. Yeah, Amir's good. Let's get it boys. Fuck Amir. Let's do it. Woo.

Fuck, I love having a good time with Amir. Jake and Amir in the house. Amir's the worst. Peace out. Amir's fine, baby. What was that bit from? I think it was from us singing a song and you were insulting me. And I was trying to pretend like we were both saying that I was pretty good.

Yeah, that's a good bit. I like it. Let's get it boys. It was remixed by our favorite Don Keanian. Don Keanian. That's right. If you use this, it would be number seven theme song. Wow, dude's catching up to Goncalves.

For our most prolific award. Anyways, if you'll honor me with a plug right Don Keanian, please send them to my website wolf-riotwith2tease.com. That was almost good enough. That's right. You don't want to see the dash, but then two words like wolf riot is pretty cool. Two tees, that's tough. Yeah, that's tough.

Two deviations from the wolf riot that you wanted. Yeah, that's tough. I wonder if you can get a domain in with two hyphens back to back. Interesting. I didn't even know you could get a domain with a hyphen. Yeah. I didn't know you could hyphenate a domain. Yeah, I guess you can.

That's new to me. That really changes the Squarespace plug game. Yeah, I mean, you do need that at a certain point. I mean, can you use numbers in a domain? Like I could do jk85.com. Yeah, like art19.com. I'm so stupid. Yeah.

What about an emoji? An emoji in a domain name? I don't think that's good or possible or should be possible. But can you do a colon and a parentheses? Yeah. jkherwitsmiley.com. The smiley should be the extension. So like jkherwits.smile.

Yeah, and I think that's available. I would hope so. You should get that. jkherwits.sunglassemoji. That's cool. Yeah, it'd be kind of chill. All right, we're back. You're back.

You were in Mexico for a little bit. Indeed. I was in Mexico, as they say. And was it warm there? It was lovely. It was absolutely perfect. Was it good to be there? It was great to be there.

High 70s during the day. Low 70s to high 60s at night. You could wear pants comfortably. It was really nice. Very nice. On the west coast, we're watching the sunsets right from the pool. Stray dogs everywhere.

So it's kind of nice to see puppies, though their circumstances are admittedly a little sad. But your life is good when you can see a lot of dogs. So that was nice. Yeah. And then you wonder how they get fed. Yeah, totally. Well, I mean, they eat trash.

Yeah. Okay. That's fair. Not good. Not great, but nice to see the dogs. As long as you throw away. As long as you throw away enough dog food, they're good to go.

We were throwing away food. They ate plenty. Highlights? For me personally, I've reached delta diamond status because I've been flying a lot. And Jill, who sometimes makes fun of me being so loyal to delta. More loyal to delta than to her.

We got upgraded on, it was a connection. So we got upgraded to Atlanta, then Atlanta, to Puerto Vallarta. We got that first class upgrade. Are you crying? Yeah. I'm just thinking about how much I hate this, but continue. So, I mean, that was huge.

That was absolutely massive. That was a savage grade. It made the trip for me because not only did I get, we had access to the Delta Sky Lounge. I had control of my seat. And as you know, control is nothing. Or access is nothing without control. So I had control.

That was a trip. I had access. Did you have a nice time with the friends? What were they serving on the flight? Newark to Atlanta. And Atlanta's a hub, mind you. So they have the salmon, they have the chicken, a basket of snacks, coffee service, tea, whiskey wine.

And a honey mustard. The water didn't stop coming. Mary did my bottle see its halfway mark without me being asked if I'd care for another. And was Jill upgraded too? She didn't have to be. Because I had bragging rights, I had access, and I had control.

No, she got upgraded too. That was the best part. So we get there. It was such a smooth trip. We were going to this beach town called Sayulita, and I've never been to Puerto Vallarta. No idea what we're going to do, how we're going to get the car, how we're going to get our groceries,

but it was just also seamless and easy. And I guess the highlight is a little bit of an adventure, I'd say. First day we get there, we just enjoy the pool. We go out to dinner in the town. It's perfect. Next day we kind of do lounging by the pool, hanging, drinking games.

Then on Monday, we went on a catamaran. We booked this kind of cruise. Because there's 14 of us. Was it a booze cruise? For some, it was a booze cruise. I would say Jill was a little nervous because she's like, I think I might get seasick. I don't know if I should go.

She's hemming and hawing. She's not sure if she wants to go. Somebody else is like, I get seasick sometimes too. I'm just going to take this like drama mean thing. And I'm not pressuring Jill at all because the last thing, I don't know if she gets seasick. So the last thing I want to do is like, oh, you'll be fine. And then she's out at sea, absolutely miserable.

So I'm just like, whatever you want to do. I like saying you'll be fine, but you don't know. You'll be fine. Of course, yeah. People absolutely get seasick. No, Jill, you're going to be good. Trust me. Go on this catamaran with me, babe.

She's puking. You'll be fine. You're fine right now. So like the first, so we wake up, everyone's like already even like a little hungover, but we get on the, we get on the catamaran. Not a good way to start. Yeah.

I love it. As you know, I'm reading my, the master and commander series. So anything that has to do with me being on a sailboat at sea is super exciting to me right now. You're dressed up like a full 18th century naval commander on this booze catamaran. I'm buckled into my pantaloons. I'm wearing a wig.

Sweating your ass off. You look like Washington crossing the Delaware. Everyone else is in a fluorescent tank top. A tarpaulin jacket. I'm dressed for like the Arctic. So we get out of the harbor. We're like going out to see Jill's there. I noticed that she's being like a little quiet.

And I'm like, I can't tell. And everybody's sort of like a little quiet, just like chill. And I can't tell if Jill is like content and chill. She's like eyes out at the horizon. I'm like, oh, I think she might be feeling a little seasick. And I go, and I went up to her and I'm just like, Hey, are you okay? And she just looks at me. Her teeth are chattering.

Her hand is shaking. And she's like, is it too late to turn back? She dives for the coast. You're 400 meters away. The worst. And we had been sailing for maybe 15 or 20 minutes. So like it was too late to turn back. We couldn't go worse.

Did you take the dramamine? She took the dramamine. And I like, I had prepared for her to be like, I'm, I'll be okay. You're just like a little bit miserable. But like, she's like, I'll, I'll get through it. There's also no shade at sea. But can we go back? No.

And you're sitting there. It's like, it is rocking. You're just like, it's up and down. There's no relief at sea. It's hot. It's sunny. And it's constant rocking. And I guess like, to me, I think of like the rocking and the sun is like cradling.

And it's, it's, it's a gentle swell. And I don't know, I like, I like all that stuff. But even I was like, you know, there's like an adjustment period for like a few minutes where you're like, whoa, this is weird. But I guess, so instantly there's 14 of us, maybe four to five people got seasick and just like had to like put their hats over their heads, lie in the like the little part of shade that the boat had and like not look at anything. I've gotten seasick.

Weren't you there when Ben Joseph took us like on his sailboat around the Statue of Liberty? Yeah. That was dope. I loved that. But I also threw up that day. I was super hooked over. I think everyone, everyone threw up. We went, did you puke?

You did, right? I puked. And then also like, I was on a, a bioch, a biology trip in 10th grade where they took us out to sea. And like, I also started puking there. I wonder what that is. I think it's just called being Jewish. I guess so, but I'm Jewish.

I got a little half. Yeah. That's why you got sort of queasy, but you didn't puke. That's right. My fortitude shown through, but it was great. They like brought us out to this, um, this like island that only people can only get there by, I guess, I think it's actually connected to the land, but it's an area where there are no roads.

So you can only get there by boat. Um, so this entire town was like built by like people, uh, bringing their shit across the ocean and then like carrying it up on mules. And there's like these waterfalls, this completely private beach. Um, and then on the way back, it's like, there were 14 of us. I think on the way back, half of us were seasick. And the other half, like it turned into like they're taking shots with the captain's blasting music, like shaking their asses over the, like what one half of the boat was so sick, could

barely even move. And the other one, it was like two different, two different vacations, like blasting, blasting music. I was, I was really in the middle cause like I didn't feel sick, but I also, I don't really like to daydream. So I didn't get drunk and I'm sort of like checking in on Jill. And then I'm also just like, I just want to like lay on the sun and read my book. So I was like with the sick people, I guess, but not feeling as sick.

And we're talking puking. I think maybe two people puked and everyone else was more just like, I need like peace and quiet. I need to lie down. I'm taking a nap. That kind of. I wonder, yeah. I wonder what dramamine actually does.

How could there be a pill that doesn't make you nauseous? I don't quite understand that. Yeah. And there's also those weird like bracelets, you know, those bracelets where you are. Yeah. They're supposed to like put pressure on like certain parts of your body that make you less seasick. It doesn't make any sense to me.

It really doesn't. I don't buy it. It does not. Sailing aside, does the idea of like being on a boat in the middle of the ocean and diving off, does that like spark joy for you? Does that stir your heart? No. Like you don't even like swimming in the ocean.

I like swimming. Like I'll go like, I did snorkeling in Hawaii and that was really fun. Like you're sort of by the shore, but like whenever you want, you can like stand up and walk back to the shore. Right. Like being so far out into the ocean that you can't see any land, that's not a good place to be. That's stranded.

That's stuck. That's scary. And I'm getting a little nauseous. Thank you. Thank you about it. Throwing up on your mic, man. I'm going to pull the trigger. Yeah.

Yeah. That was, but that was funny because it was like one of my highlights and probably Jill's low light. And doesn't that say at all? Yeah. Some people peaked, some people bottomed out right there. Yeah. But how do you get over it?

You just have to like lay down in a dark room. That's not rocking for like three hours. But I, I thought it was like kind of insane because Jill was like, she, she ended up not getting like super seasick. She was more like nervous about being seasick, I think. But like once we pulled up to this like little cove and everybody jumped off the boat and like swam to the beach, everyone, even the people who were sick were 100% fine. Like as soon as they got off the boat, they're like, yeah, this is all.

This is awesome. I'm really happy. And then we like got on the boat again to like go 10 minutes down towards the town and people are just like, oh, I'm sick. Like, yeah, I wonder what that is. What's going on inside of our bodies? Yeah. It's so instantaneous.

Especially because, you know, as babies, we're being rocked constantly. You think that's like a more nourishing, comforting feeling. Yeah. And there, it also really does affect, I mean, there were, Jill has like told me for a long time that she gets seasick. So I like expected it. But there are people on that boat that are like very adventurous, hearty people that seem like they love it and they were just like super sick.

So it's not like it, it, it prays on the little nebish Jew boys like you. Anybody can suffer from the seasickness. Yeah. Fucking Joest could get seasick. I bet. I doubt it. I used to get plain sick. Yeah.

You got car sick too. Yeah. I get every mode of transportation sick. Motion sickness. Yeah. It's all the same sickness. What about on a bike, if you went on a long, if you were a long walk, would you start to feel ill?

No. I've never felt ill on a bike or I've never, I rarely rode a bike, but I've also never been sick on a walk either. I get walk sick, land sickness. I think I'm getting sick. Sometimes if you toss and turn in your sleep, you'll vomit, right? Yeah. That's only when I'm wasted, waking up, choking on my own puke.

All right. Let's try to answer your question before the break. This is a Fiery with the Only Advice podcast on the web, hosted by us. I'm Amir. I'm Jake. Here's a question about... Oh, porn, of course. Yes.

I really am an expert at this. Okay. So this guy is inquiring about an OnlyFans account. Do you have a guy's name for him? Sure. OnlyFans, let's call him Lonely Frank. That's cool. Yeah.

It's sort of like a... Yeah. Okay, dudes. Here's the deal. I'm a 25-year-old male from Michigan and I recently learned that my ex has an OnlyFans account. On the off chance, you've never heard of OnlyFans. It's like Patreon, but for sexy pics.

Now I have no problem with my ex posting and selling sexy or even nude photos of herself. It's her body. She could do whatever she wants with it. Of course. Good. If she can make a few bucks off selling some salacious photos, then more power to her. Hell, I'd do it too if I thought I could make some cash. That's insane.

Now, the issue is when we were dating, she never even sent me nude photos. I got sexy photos, sure, and believe me, they still get the job done, but never nudes. And at the time, she told me that she never took nudes and that it would have sent me some if she did. So I'm not sure if I pay to join her OnlyFans if I'll see more of what I already have or more nudity. I mean, I'm a single horny guy who doesn't mind occasionally paying for porn and small doses, but if it isn't nudes, then I don't want to pay for it since I already have photos

of her. I mean, let's face it, fellas, sexy photos are great, but they have nothing on nudes. Also, I'm not sure if it matters, but this relationship ended poorly and we haven't spoken over a year. She moved to a different state, so I can't actually use my current account since you'll know it's me. Right. Anyway, my question is this.

Is it weird or bad for me to make a fake account, sign up and get my ex's OnlyFans account? I don't want to get back together with her or anything, but if her nudes are out there, I would like them since I don't have any of her nudes. That's right. Any help would be appreciated. Sincerely, what did you call him? Lonely Frank. Lonely Frank.

That question is written, so it's in such earnest. I feel like one, he doesn't have a problem. I don't know. This is the absence of a problem. You're overthinking just a scenario. Two, it seems fine, but three, I don't like your tone. It's fine that she's doing it. I'll allow it to happen.

It's her body, but guys, I think, and I just want to pay for it, but I'm not going to pay for it if I'm not getting the nudes. I mean, sexy photos don't have anything on nudes. Yeah, we know that. Everything he said was implicitly obvious, but he beat it over the head. Yeah, but that's a thing. Like it's clearly fine for him to just like make a fake account and see his ex's nudes. I just felt like that was a strange email.

Yeah. Does it affect what you think of him as a human? It's sort of he that email. He didn't seem like a bad guy. He seems like a what is the it seems like he's like meticulously studied how to be a good, normal guy. So he's like he's basically showing us the work everywhere, whereas like I feel like a lot of that stuff should just be like not occurring naturally to you.

Yeah. Like him saying it's OK that she doesn't only fan. It's like, yes, of course it is OK. But he's like, it's OK because it's her body and she'll do what she wants. Like, yeah, I know. Doesn't it feel like he had to sort of work through that himself? And now he's sort of like presenting it as like information that he discovered because his initial reaction was this is not OK.

This is my ex. Well, yeah, it's like I don't know if I'll allow her to do it. But I don't know, I guess it's her body after all. You know what? Yeah, I will allow her to do it. And I'll let everyone know asking you for permission. Yeah, I'll show everyone else how enlightened I am by by walking us through. Is only fans new or has it been around since your porn days of your? It definitely wasn't around since my porn days of your.

I think there's like it's kind of these new ways of like monetizing your content yourself rather than being part of like the big studios, the the browsers, the bangbuses of the world, just like just like Patreon. Yeah, it's it's Patreon for porn stars. Direct to consumer. Yeah. It's unbundling porn. Right, you can finally get your porn a la carte. All of art, all of art, especially if you're into fart porn.

They're I think partially like also like this like only fans thing is like unlocked fetishes that no one ever even knew that they had. Or like you couldn't find so much of this stuff in like mainstream porn. But now there's like such a there's a lot of there's demand for farting videos or crushing videos or whatever. And giant test videos. So now people are just like making them themselves. Yeah, so you're saying we could almost do that.

I'm not saying that at all. And in the fart video, that doesn't seem like we already. Yeah, I mean, we've already made steak and some sausage. Well, that's a pretty gassy day. I mean, yeah, you can. I don't think you want to do the kind of fart videos that they make on. Oh, I think I'm getting porn sick. It's not.

I think it's bloody thinking about you had food poisoning. I'm going to pull the trigger. You have motion sickness during sex. If I'm being ridden, it'll feel a little bit too much like I'm in a boat, a pleasure boat, but still. All right, the long and the short of it is should this guy get his ex-girlfriend's only fans, is it amoral, is it not good in any way? I think it's one of those things that you shouldn't.

Is there a word if we should we I've been thinking about the idea that you and I should make we should like make words. Wouldn't it be cool if we made a word that like became part of like the social lexicon, like and people said it and they didn't know where it originated. Oh, so you want to coin a term? Yeah. So I think this is our opportunity because. So like doing something like this, like checking in on your ex's only fans,

it's not inherently wrong, but it's like bad if you talk about it. Like you wouldn't want this to be public knowledge, but it being like a pervy private thing that you do is I think normal. So would you say do it? Would you say not? Would you say do it anonymously fake account or just go for it full? Do it anonymously fake account and don't tell anyone that you did it. So like including us, like you shouldn't have even written this email,

but like what is the what's the yeah, we should edit this out. What's the word for? Something is fine as long as you don't say anything. It's kind of like jerking off. I mean, like. It's not illegal or bad for me to masturbate in my shower, but it'd be weird if I was getting ready for work and I'd be like, oh, all right, Jill, I'm going to I've just finished masturbating in the shower.

I have to run, you know, I wouldn't do that. You wouldn't say that. No. So like. A private personal thing. What about nonful transparency? Oh, opaque transparency. What about transparency? That's cool. So it's like the Southwest thing, but we stole it and made it ours.

But it'll be fair if I if I are if I are so it's like fair to hide it. So we'll steal it from Southwest still. Yeah. OK, instead of full transparency, it's empty transparency. Oh, wait, what? Tell me again. Instead of full, it's empty transparency. Yeah, it's it has to be more of a pun. OK, let's take a break and think about it. And then we'll be back on the other side of these messages with more questions

and answers and a perfect pun guaranteed. Oh, I think I'm going to be sick, dude. Shit. Fuck. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire headgum network, Jake. Wow, that's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift.

I think it actually is. Yeah, yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech, savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah, for me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting. Yeah, my first child.

We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're they're great, really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents' kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby,

and then it goes to their digital photo frame. This is actually how we how we told Jill's grandma. She was pregnant. We got her the Aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife, and you're trying to make a joke of it.

I was just being goofy a little bit like this is how I told my grandma. She was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah, kind of like she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh, my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool.

And you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes. And we let her know with an aura. Yeah. Thank you. The aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app.

Add me to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something. That could be funny. Yeah, like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame.

Yeah, it's a great gift. A really, really iconic gift. And right now you can save on the perfect Father's Day gift and visit Aura Frames. That's A-U-R-A Frames dot com. And our listeners can use code head gum to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames. There it is. Oh, wow.

This is timely. The deal ends on June 18th. So don't wait. Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames A-U-R-A Frames dot com. OK, go get your parents something. All right. And use the code head gum for $30 off plus free shipping.

Thank you, Aura. And now back to the head gum podcast you were listening to. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation, talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place. And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area.

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This is done entirely online, but you're still getting professional licensed help. And it's extra affordable. That's betterhelphelp.com slash if I were you. Check them out. Thanks, BetterHelp. And we are back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a letter to the fight.

Well, I'm coming. Gross. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? I frankly do. I I honestly have some this week. Yeah. Is it about puking or actually this thing probably would make you puke. I have bought and have been very much enjoying my TheraGun.

That's that little jackhammer instrument that you used to massage yourself. Yes, it looks kind of like a drill, but it pummeled you with with like a rubber head. I mean, you see him on Instagram, you see him everywhere. They there's like other. It's a power massager. Yeah. I think there's a couple of different kinds out there, too. The one I got is like the the mid range TheraGun.

Is it official the official TheraGun? Yeah, I really like it. Well, where do you use it? Other than your cock. That's good shit. What? So I use it on my cock and my nuts. Stop. Stop it.

You started it. No, so I use it mostly on my cock and my nuts. I have you sit on it. Yeah. I started. I use it on like my legs, my hip flexors, my quads and my glutes. I spin it around and put it on my ass. So you use it on your buttock.

Yeah, not in it, but on it. OK, and what's the difference? What's the what's the science there? Just sort of shakes your muscles. Yeah, who knows? I don't know that like it's actually understood or proven, but it's like the same. I feel like I read one time that that there's not like actually a proven benefit even to like foam rolling or something.

And like a lot of just whatever is good is good. Like this thing I was reading was like you can if basically someone foam rolled on one side, but like got the benefits throughout their whole entire body because like it's it's partially mental, maybe. Yeah, it's but also mental. Part mental compartmental. But this thing, I mean, it's kind of like massage.

It just loosens up the muscles and. It feels it feels real good. If I have like a tightness in my quads or in sometimes my lower back hurts and I use the Theragun on my ass cheeks and it relieves it a little bit. That's cool. You know, there's also just the it feels good as it's happening. So like your body feels good afterwards and it feels good during. Yeah, it's like a massage.

The Theragun it's the live lightweight, which is something which I've been curious about getting a massage, but I've never I still haven't pulled the trigger. That's cool. How's the foot? The foot's good, man. It's very when swimming. I went swimming. I went I rode my bike yesterday.

Been walking around. It's it's great. What what percent back are you? I think. Eighty five, maybe. It feels better than my foot did before. It still feels like there's like a. It feels like maybe there's like a little bit of a.

What is the word? Kind of like before it was like a a long, long ago injury. So there never felt it never like if I was running on it and it hurt, it didn't feel like I was doing more damage. It just felt like this is my foot. So sometimes when my foot is in pain now, it's like there's more panic behind it. A little more urgency. I'm like, oh, fuck, I can't hurt it.

So it's like a little more sensitive anymore. No more. Yeah, I'm done with it. At the same time, like it doesn't. There's no resting pain at all. It's this is exactly the two month anniversary of your surgery. It's crazy. It's I'd that's another piece of unsolicited advice I have.

If you have pain in your feet and there's a surgical option for you that could work. I'd go for it. It was bad while it was happening, but I feel really good now. All right, let's answer this question about a New York City first date dilemma. Yes. We'll call this person, Micah, who lives in New York City and talks about first dates a lot. Correct. Hey guys, I'm going down south from New England to rendezvous with some friends after a couple

days for spring break this year. And on my way down, I'm going to pass through New York and see a girl I'm friends with. We're planning on spending a day hanging out. And at some point I'm planning on telling her that I have feelings for her. This is a pretty good situation, I think, since if she's not into it, I can just hoof it south and then not see her for a while. And if she is, then I could say something to the effect of stop by on my way back. Can I stop by on my way back through and take you out?

Here lies the rub, boys. I've never literally ever been to New York City before. I can't fathom where I take her, especially since she lives there. And I doubt I can come up with new and exciting date experiences for her. Since you guys have lived there slash lived there now, what's a good date I could take someone on who, A, lives there, B, I've known forever. So the getting to know you phase isn't a factor. Please help.

I really like this girl. I don't want to blow it with a bad first date. We're both in our mid-20s and from New England, if that helps at all. Much love. Micah. Okay, wait, from England, not New England. New England, New England. New England, New England?

Yeah, it's like they live in New Hampshire. So down south is New York and below. I see. I have read that question wrong. I thought it was from frigging England. Okay, cool. That would be cool. Fucking love England.

All right. Well, first of all, this is a topic that my brother and I discussed on our other podcast, The Goat Show. And that app is already live. That's live. That was two weeks ago, I think. We went on like 10 or 20 different first dates. Yeah, I mean, we reviewed 20, narrowed it down to the best three and the worst one,

and that's what the episode is about, the actual best first date you can go on. Okay, so this guy can just listen to you and Micah dissect for 30 minutes what he should do. Yeah. I'm going to answer the question and neither are you because I'm trying to juice those numbers a little bit. So everyone that's listening to this, stop and go listen to The Goat Show with me and my other brother because Amir, you're my first brother.

Well, actually, he should be the first one. I can like answer myself and that'll be back in a minute, which isn't in your episode. Let's zip it up. It's, we're at, yeah, we've, you know, it's not a full like 40 minutes or anything, but let's close up shop here and send people over. Tell you what, why don't we drop The Goat Show in this? Yeah, at the very least we can answer more questions. Nope, I don't, I really, I want to cut the content here so people are thirsty for something

else. So finish it early, leave them wanting more, and that more is The Goat Show. That's right. Well, actually, no, I would answer this because it's, he does know her, so it's not like a full on first date, you know? Yeah, so the advice is slightly different. Yeah, he's more looking for like a good scenario to tell her he has feelings, which there's a lot to, there's a lot to consider.

Here's what I liked about when I was living in New York. What I liked is when somebody visited you as somebody who lives there got to do some touristy things that you wouldn't otherwise do. Totally. Yeah. We're talking about the boat. You can hop on the Staten Island ferry, which is not actually rocking the boat very much. That's a very smooth ride.

And me, with my gentle disposition, my fragile nature didn't get seasick on the Staten Island ferry. Your fraught frame. Yeah. We're talking Natural History Museum, that giant ass whale that sort of hovers over you. They got dinosaur bones. Yeah. I'm not really going to those with my boys, but it would be fun to go with an out of towner.

Yeah. Most of the time, when you live in the city, you go to the same coffee shop every day, go to work, go home, order food, go to sleep, maybe you go to the gym, whatever. You don't experience all New York has to offer. Or you don't eat the best pizza even because it's like 45 minutes deep into Brooklyn. Right. You would never, ever do that. So there's, at least we can quell this guy's fear that you can probably suggest something

that she hasn't done yet, or even if she may be heard of it, but not actually gone to one of these museums or walked on the High Line or even just walking over one of the bridges. I think that would be my suggestion because it's, you have a free flowing conversation. There's like enough to distract you by like looking around an external stimuli, but it's not so distracting like you can't have a conversation. Like at a museum, you kind of have to like take in the art and people wander away from each other. You're discussing shit.

You don't want to, you want to have something like a walk where you're both, you're already kind of on a mission with someone. It's inherently teamworky and there's a little bit of built in romanticism if you're walking over one of the bridges because it's beautiful. Yeah. What about a bridge to museum or after a museum? What I like about the museum is that it gives you something to talk about. When you're on a bridge, it's like, this is small talk to medium talk to large talk.

There's no necessarily topics of conversations being thrown at you. So I'm into that. There's something, I don't know like what the museum situation is. Here's what I would suggest. You meet at the Brooklyn Museum of Art. It's in Prospect Heights. You go to the museum, enjoy your time. You get a coffee and then you walk through Prospect Park, which is a beautiful, beautiful

park. That's cool. Okay. You could similarly do this in Manhattan if that's more convenient. You go to the ... Yeah, I think the history museum is right next to Central Park. Yeah, exactly. So a museum to a park walk, and you tell her on the park walk, you guys familiarize yourselves with each other, you have a nice time at the museum, then you drop the bomb.

You don't want to do it early because then if it doesn't go well, you can't just hope it straight south then. You'd have to take in an exhibit and that'll be sad. Yeah. I don't know. The whole idea of dropping the bomb is also very scary. Do you have to say it in plain words? I have feelings for you.

I think. Can you feel it out? Yeah. I'm sure you can feel it out. Definitely take social cues. If it's romantic, you can say something. But if it's not, then don't. But yeah, it is weird.

I can't remember the last time. A daytime bomb dropping is very ... A sober daytime bomb dropping. It's hard to ... It's also very ... It's an interesting scenario to be in where you basically have feelings for a friend and you have to come clean. I don't know. I've definitely done that when I was in high school and stuff, but since then it feels way more like I am trying to date. So if I'm going to see you, it's already romantic.

Yeah. It seems like if you hang out during the day, if she wants to see you more that night than she's into it and if she's like, I'm busy tonight, then she's not. That's an interesting idea. I guess I didn't think of how much time he has in New York. I sort of imagined it was like a day and then he's leaving that evening or something, but if he's going to stay the night, it makes a ton of sense to do an activity, get the best slice of pizza, go to a cool restaurant, go to a museum, see a site, and then suggest

like getting a drink later. Yeah. And that's a good litmus test. Yeah. If you have the time, I would suggest that. And if you don't, site slash museum plus walk being in a park or over a bridge or along the river. Actually, walking along the river might get me a little queasy now that you say it.

I think I see a fucking kayaker. Oh no. Some of these docks aren't like, got a nail down right there. They kind of shift and ebb and flow with the tides. Oh God. I got wet. I'm getting walk sick. Do you have feelings for me?

Oh shit. Here comes the diary of the south. Fuck me ass. Got my Theragun. It's in my backpack. You shit yourself. That has nothing to do with being seasick. I need to plug it.

I need to plug me shut. Put this on my holy fans quickly. People have premium. Do you have any thoughts or feelings for me? I'm curious if you have feelings. Don't be afraid to catch feels. Oh Jesus. All right.

Good luck. Let us know what happens. I'm curious now. Yeah. I'd like a follow up up here. Full show. And if a full day in a romantic city like New York doesn't get it done, then you have no game dude.

You have serious social problems. You can't close. Oh God. Talking about closing actually makes me clothes sick. Someone has to close me. All right. Thanks for writing those emails. And if you have your own questions or a theme song submission, send them all down to If

I Were You show at gmail.com. Yes. The opening one, if you remember, was Don Kianian. Don Kianian. Is a longer song called Give a Mirror the Golden Mic. No. I don't know if you're still doing that in your head. I got the golden mic this episode, but we'll see what happens for you next episode.

Maybe the song will be good. That'll be fun. That'll be interesting to see. I've been meaning to ask what about the episode where Jeff and Riley were on and you were not. You actually, all three of you guys got turkeys for that because I didn't even know that that was happening. Okay.

And you got the golden mic. Yeah. I got the golden mic in absentia. In absentia. In absentia. I got a posthumous golden mic for that episode. You were dead that day. I absolutely deserved a golden mic.

I think my absence was keenly felt, which made it a golden mic worthy, sort of like a recognition that my value to the podcast was provided. It was crystallized. It was locked in that episode. In absentia, posthumously. Actually, this person who wrote this theme song, giving me the golden mic, is named Jacob. Wow. And if it gets on, shout out to my friends, Etan and Matan, Israeli names.

Shout out. Wow. Jacob with an Israeli friend, it's just like us. That's right. Our fans, they're just like us. And if you want some more content, more if I were you, more watch videos, it's all on our Patreon. Patreon.com slash J.A.

I also got the speech at your wedding on there. We got a lonely morning one and two on there. That's right. That is, it's content rich at this point. Yeah. We're over a year deep and there's hundreds. I want to say thousands of hours of content, literally weeks and years worth of content that's right to comb through.

That's right. So check that out as well. Patreon.com slash J.A. And we'll be back next week. Bye, everybody. Later. Bye. Bye.

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