If I Were You - 425: CoronaVirus

Episode Date: March 9, 2020

In this episode we discuss bees, headphones, and COVID-19.For more IF I WERE YOU, check out the bonus Thursday episodes on our Patreon.com/JASee omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Cause he knows how to please A mirror will do his best But there's no guarantees That he'll make you come But Jake will make you come That's a guarantee Wow, cool

Pretty cool, right? Yeah, I guess that's like... That was a really complimentary song to me And I liked it Well not really Not really to both of us What did he say? Jake will make you come And a mirror will

It's not that a mirror won't Essentially That it's not a guarantee That you'll try So that was from Jake Morrill Who's a 22 year old from Bangor, Maine And it was a Bangor Yeah, it was a Bangor

And it was a Bangor, my main Nice Nice Yeah Those are actually really nice That was actually really fucking nice That was Golden Mike nice That was Golden Mike nice

That's a little early for that Well, you're gonna dictate When the mics could come out That'll be a turdy for you, brother I think it'll be a turdy If you're gonna try to put a time stamp on everything That it's too early for a golden mic It's not too early for a turdy

And that's why you'll have a turdy It's a dirty turdy That's another golden mic Don't even decide yet Tell me not to decide Let's also another turdy on you That'll be Trey Turdy That was Jake from Bangor, Maine

What's the best time to record a podcast? Trey Turdy from here Nice That's a Golden Mike for me That was a 22 year old Jake from Bangor, Maine It'd be great if you could plug his music on Spotify Which you could find if you search for Joy Captain That was our closing theme song from last week

Is what I was trying to say Right, Joy Captain is a great name I think I said it last week It was a good song And I wanted to upgrade it from closing theme song To opening theme song Yeah, it deserves it It earned it

How are you doing with your quarantine? Are you at home or you're not leaving the house? Is that what life is like for you Now that COVID-19 is starting to spread in our country? I am at home today But it didn't have anything to do with COVID I see you rubbing your eye Yeah, I'm rubbing my eye licking the floor

I just feel like I'm not worried about it Because I think we'll all have it It's not like... I see, so you're worried about it in a way That you're like, I'm worried about the flu Like, yeah, it'll happen and it'll kill people But that's fine It feels inevitable

And it feels like I won't die from it So it's unfortunate writ large But... This is kind of like... I feel like we're having the same conversation about the flu Four or five months ago, I told you to get a flu shot You said, it's fine I don't mind it if you get the flu or not

Yeah, and everyone... I was lambasted I was publicly dragged Shamed into getting a flu shot Which I actually didn't ever get But now Jill's making me get a flu shot Next weekend Yeah, and the idea of being like, yeah, you can have the flu

And it's fine for you But you're getting other people sick Who can't necessarily fight it I'm spreading it I'm an incubator And I guess I would get a COVID shot if they had one Yeah, why is that? I don't know

Because I'm not smart Are you taking any precautions? Are you washing your hands extra long? Are you not touching things? Are you not rubbing your face? I'm washing my hands a lot A lot more Yeah, trying to not touch my face as much

But it's so like... It's kind of instinctual, you know You can't really... Yeah I'm trying not to touch... I'm basically trying to stop touching my face And I'm realizing mid-touch Just like rubbing my eye

I'm like, oh, I shouldn't be doing this Yeah I'm sucking my thumb It really is... I should stop Whether we have this worldwide pandemic Hit America on a mass scale or not I'm definitely realizing how cavalier I am

With my germ... My relationship with germs and stuff Like... Every day I wash my hands And then I go to work I open my car door I put my keys next to my sunglasses I put my sunglasses on my face

I will pick my nose while I drive I will go to the bathroom and open the knob And then I'll wash my hands again Since then I've touched eight dirty things And licked my mouth You really... Yeah, you cannot... You can't escape it

Like, even when I was... Because I was flying this past weekend I was like... Trying to just be extra cautious I'm like washing my hands for such a long time And then I just turn around And I'm like... And then I'm about to open the door of the bathroom

Of the... Of the Delta Lounge Like, that's dirty All right, we're back to square one And I've just washed my hands once And I should've washed it After everything I touched, it's impossible You can't do that

You gotta wash You gotta dry Then you gotta open the door with a napkin And you gotta make it like a basketball shot Put your hands in your pockets Walk to your flight I will say I was supposed to... I was talking to buddies of mine

Going to like a poker room in LA Commerce Casino And I'm like... That's gotta be like the worst place to go to It's just international people Who are just fucking touching chips Exchanging cards Touching tables

Coffee sneezing Kissing the hundred dollar chip for good luck Kissing the old Asian man next to me for good luck French kissing the dealer When he fucking hits me with a runner-runner Inside Stranger Oh god, I can kiss your feet You old Stranger

Where were you last week? Italy? Were you coughing my ass? God, this is good luck But then maybe... I don't know, maybe I should just get it And get it over with Maybe you can't get it twice

But now maybe you can get it twice Yeah, I'm thinking like... I'm not gonna... I don't know I think I'm taking mild precautions Precautions, yeah Precautions But not like...

I'm not like quarantining myself Like I still went to yoga I still went to The Girls on Porn Live show last night Yeah, that's the next thing is avoiding... We're not going to South by Southwest Yeah, we're gonna go to South by It's like international huge crowd

Shaking a lot of hands Yeah Yesterday I went to a... I went to a film screening Like Avi Tal did like a short film festival And there was a bunch of people there Everyone was like introducing themselves I'm like, I'm not gonna shake people's hands

I'm just gonna wave to them when I get introduced But I felt like a freak a little bit When they're like, hey, nice to meet you I'm like, hello Well, don't touch me It's very uncomfortable to... Like deny someone a handshake Yeah

It's happening a lot But it's weird because it's like... It's acceptable, it's good, it's normal But it's still awkward It's always gonna be awkward You're always gonna be a little weirdo about it And then you're really... You always seem like a hero when you're...

When somebody's like, ah... Like, you know, they're seemingly like Respecting you being a weirdo And then you're... Then everybody's like, hey, I don't care, brother And then you like, dab someone up And hug them and you're like, yeah, we're all gonna die, baby Yeah

I ignored a handshake yesterday And this lady was like, no, I totally get it I'm an Uber driver and people shake my hand all the time I'm like, Jesus Christ, thank God I didn't touch you, Uber driver Oh, I get it, no, I have it I have the virus, so I get why you're... Why you're denying me

I have a sore throat and a runny nose I have an upper respiratory infection Shaking hands is such a funny thing That's like a social norm That you're very much expected to do But is very unsanitary Yeah, hello, stranger Let me squeeze the thing that you touch everything with

All right, now I have it Now let me squeeze that guy, all right We're transferring the disease And something's in my eye Would you like a snack? Yeah, I mean, staying at home and not talking Or touching anything has got to be like The only way to prevent it, right?

Yeah, but then what are you trying to preserve? What kind of life do you have? Yeah, and then how do you eat food? You're going to the supermarket, you're going to eat food You touch food that was prepared by somebody else Or deliver something I stocked up on canned goods That's good, so you're having beans?

I've bunkered myself I had beans and I had rice And it was nice Yeah, you look very pale And you've gained what? 20, 25 pounds it looks like Yeah, so I finished the rice And I'm down to a single can of beans

It is nice Go get more canned foods I can't go outside Oh, you're sucking on the microphone That's not to help anybody You opened a bathroom door with your mouth I flushed the toilet with my teeth You said it tasted like rice

Nice God, that was kind of a... I don't want to say it, but kind of a golden mic Where the idea... What, the UF? Oh yeah, I guess I have it You're trying to give yourself a golden mic You're trying to like, fuck it

I'm not giving myself You're trying to manipulate me To giving you a golden mic And that's a turdy, my friend You're trying to influence the judge You probably deserved it And now I feel like I deserve it a little bit I already have the golden mic for this episode

I actually had three and you had tray turdies But now you have four I'm afraid to talk Well good, your awkward silence Is about to get you your fifth and final turdy Final? Well yeah, you know what happens when you get five turdy's In a single episode?

You don't get to host the podcast anymore, bub Permanent expulsion Permanent expulsion I'd have to find a new co-host And I think that is... You know, that's a Herculean task If I was able to accomplish it I'd earn myself another golden mic

Which would be pretty cool That would actually be really neat Sorry, you're being a little rude to me I don't want to give you that fifth and final turdy Okay, alright, let's just Let's start the show, let's not I don't want to, like now I'm like You are on edge

And you're sort of... Not too on edge, not too on edge I'm just thinking about it Like if you get two in your head I feel like you're thrown off your game It's going to get you your fifth and final turdy And then you get expulsion And I don't want that

I feel like I'm walking on a razor-thin line You are a little bit You're walking on eggshells But you need to stop making these You're hyperventilating I feel like if you have a panic attack That's clear fodder If you cry, that's going to be a fifth and final turdy, man

That's going to be expulsion, my friend You're choking Have you taken the subway since coronavirus Has gotten viral? Um, I think I have Yes Does it seem really the same? Are people a little afraid to touch poles?

I didn't notice... I didn't notice anyone wearing masks I feel like anyone that's like Nervous enough to wear a mask Is like not going to go on the subway But maybe And I didn't notice anybody like Not touching the poles either

This was, yeah, I wrote the subway like On Monday Still early This week Still early Alright, this is if I were you The only advice podcast on the web Hosted by me, Amemir

I am Jake Me Me Us Alright, we are going to be Answering some real questions from real people Just to preserve their anonymity Of course

We're going to give them a fake name Do you have a fake name for this Man, whose brother is 16 Let's do Coyvid Like this guy is Yeah, he's a Coyvid Okay Why a vid?

Because it's like COVID Got it, I like that By the way, COVID-19 is like over I'm already like worried about COVID-20 The fucking sequel Yeah, 2020 Yeah, that's like that COVID-21 shit

Yeah My brother is 16, writes Coy He took singing lessons for a couple years When he was younger But he never But We never ever heard him sing out loud However, recently he's begun singing out loud at home

While this is nice And at first we were very happy That he'd gotten over the fear of singing out loud It's becoming a little incessant He'll be watching TV, hear a tune And then sing the same song nonstop Until he hears a new one And then repeat that one nonstop

This continues all day And it's quite loud My parents have asked him a few times Why he suddenly decided to start singing And he said that he just enjoys it We don't want him to stop singing But just not sing constantly and so loud How would we broach this subject with him

Without making him scared to sing out loud Like he used to be So first he was afraid to sing Now he's singing too much And you want to tell him to be quiet Yeah, it's sort of a beautiful moment When this kid clearly had a breakthrough He's finally getting his confidence

He's finding his voice He's finding his knee I can be happy for you For a weekend, brother This is quite enough I'm glad you've come out of your shell But why don't you go back in Every once in a while

It's a bit too much joy You sparked too much joy Sorry, sibling Yeah Is there a way to politely ask this guy To knock it off I don't think so That's cool

I don't think there is Not a polite way I don't think there's a polite way Because he's being nice He's being like He's like a Cinderella thing Or the Seven Dwarves thing The whistle while you work

A happy joy man And you want to turn him sour Alright, what about a simple Alright, that's enough I don't blame him for wanting some peace and quiet I just don't think there's a There's no way that you can tell someone To stop singing and be a good guy

Stop it I love that song Shut up for a second, bud Yeah Pretend like you're on the phone Enough, enough, enough One second, one second, one second I guess you could say like

I love that song but can you Hang on for one second because I'm trying to concentrate On this email or something On literally everything else You've got to have a task That you're making him stop for And that'll be like Sort of setting the boundaries

That's cool Love the song but I'm just trying to read this thing Do you mind singing somewhere else Also, oh, what about that Don't be like, shut up, don't sing You'd be like, can you sing by yourself Somewhere else? Or sing elsewhere?

Yeah, or what about Yeah, what if it's like I like this, I don't like that song Can you sing and then you just Tell him to sing a song that you wanted to hear anyway That way it's like you're getting a free little Acoustic concert Yeah, what if you just started singing louder too

So you wouldn't even, you could just Be, it's like a competition But you're not good at singing So like he's singing It's all about the bass, about the bass No cheddar, it's all about my bass About my face Do you think that's the good one

Or that's the annoying one I was being the brother, yeah Like the good singer and then you would have to jump in With like a shitty song So if I have like my amazing voice Sorry My suggestion was nice I was like asking him to sing a song that you like

And you said, yeah, and then also But then what you said was really mean Which is like, drown him out It gave me an idea for something That was good and then it gave me an idea For a one that was mean So I had to say it I guess anded, but it was sort of a yes but

Yeah, it was sort of a no but Yeah, it was, I guess it was like A hold my beer moment Yeah, so it's like That's a really good idea and I'ma let you finish But yelling at songs Shut the fuck up But you can scream another song at your brother

That's cool Here's one other idea You shower your brother With praise, you're constantly talking About how good his singing is How much you love it Encourage him to sing more Start a band, do all that stuff

So That gives you cover every Once in a while when you're like You have to be quiet So like he knows you're coming from a place Of I love my brother's voice I'm his number one fan But you can't have it all the time

See, I wonder if they're like If they've been treating this kind of like a butterfly Landing on a flower, they're afraid to touch it They're like, he's finally got his confidence He's singing, let's not Let's not touch it, you know But I think you got to encourage it And then also discourage it in ways

Where you don't want it and that'll sort of shape It to your life Not touching it is actually like It's really good, like also coronavirus Yeah, covid advice So it all sort of stems from the same thing covid ice Advice, wait, covid ice

covid vise Okay, sorry I had a stroke The other thing I was going to say Was that turdy worthy or That's just you trying to figure something out Because if I did that you would have called me out on it I wouldn't have given you your

I don't really like that we're having This like tit for tat I agree This weird battle that I think you keep on You're trying to fan the flames of And I'm tempted to give you a A fifth and final 30 for expulsion That's a totally new rule

Especially because you were so rude And all I did was like miss Speak and I feel like that's like That's how a lot of mice 30 things start Usually Can you not interrupt me because I think that's another reason Like two things that you've been doing Is it interrupting

One, I will continue Interrupting which is turdy worthy But then also nitpicking just like a freaking miss speak This is a live podcast Like people are going to miss speak every once in a while And like you Sort of zeroing in on that And like asking why the rules apply to

You and not me, it's sort of just like It Colors the whole podcast in like a really negative Light, it's just like a weird It creates a weird energy And for that reason No Give me the fucking break to cool off

We'll come back and I'll have a solid Second half Earlier today Earlier on the pod I said Licking your mouth instead of licking your hands Or licking your fingers, that was just another thing That I wanted to own up to So you don't have to call me on it either

Cool, yeah Let's air out All the dirty laundry Come clean Ask for forgiveness, beg for forgiveness Frankly Yeah Yeah

Then I guess Second half will have a fresh start A clean slate Let's take a break, thanks for sponsors And we'll be back with more questions and answers after this Thank you to Aura Frames For sponsoring this headgum podcast You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring

Not just this episode, but the entire Headgum network, Jake Wow, that's correct I mean, this might be the goat father's Day gift I think it actually is Yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any Not so tech-savvy

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You can upload as many photos as you want Directly into my parents Kitchen, it's really nice So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby And then it goes to their digital photo Yeah, frame This is actually how we told Jill's grandma She was pregnant, we

Got her the aura frame, we plugged it in Jill's grandma was pregnant Really nice, asshole This was actually a really sweet moment For me and my wife, and you're trying to Make a joke of it I was just being goofy a little bit This is how I told my grandma

She was pregnant She misheard it or something Or the way you said it was Could go either way By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant And you told me with the digital photo frame Holy smokes

And we let her know with an aura Thank you The aura announcement So you can instantly frame photos From any device anywhere and invite the whole family In on the fun through the aura app Add me to your aura app I'd love to upload just a picture of me

Like at a pool or something that could be funny Like your banana or your dog Alongside pictures of my daughter Yeah, exactly You can even preload photos and add a personal Video message that will display As soon as your dad or anybody connects To the frame

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Slash if I were you Check him out, thanks BetterHelp And we are back, Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a leather device I'm coming Gross Yeah, yeah, I do You know, I

I was I experienced a new delivery service This past week A new delivery service, like UPS No, a food delivery A new food delivery It was called Deliver Zero And they partner with restaurants

And they give They give them reusable containers So you can get your delivery food In Basically take out containers You don't have to throw away And then the next time you use a service On Deliver Zero's

Website The place that delivers takes the old Tupperware So you're talking about like food delivery Like a Thai restaurant in your neighborhood Or is it like Blue Apron style? Like a Thai, like I got Indian food And they brought all of the food

In like reusable containers And then you eat it But then instead of just throwing away the plastic And next time you get Deliver Zero You give them back the Tupperware You, I heard You don't even have to wash it I rinsed it

I didn't do a deep wash But they wash it for you You didn't even finish the food I think two days ago I had Pad Siu You can have it now I'm like full of shit Yeah, exactly That's pretty good

But then where do they get the food from? Like improved, stable of restaurants Can you order from anywhere? Yeah, I think they're still growing They're just starting out They DM'd me and asked me if I wanted to try the service And I was super into it Because I feel like I never like

Things like Blue Apron Or things like I mean even delivery You always feel a little guilty All of the plastic and the shit that it comes in And you have to throw away So it was really nice There was essentially no waste

At all That's good So did you order food from A place that they told you to Or you just said it from anywhere you wanted So they partner specifically With certain restaurants I see, so it's probably only available

In your small radius for now I think it's available In a bunch of places in New York But at scale This would be in theory Anywhere that you order from Also has like a set of Deliver Zero Tupperware and stuff

Yeah, that's a good idea And then when you got Indian food Is it like a Tikka Masala Like did you get curry I am Glad A lamb sag Or a sag paneer

I got sag paneer I got chicken Tikka Masala And I got butter chicken And a side of rice What A side of rice And it was nice And it came in Tupperware

That I didn't have to throw away And it was delivered By a man in a mask On a bike With rice He sneezed on a rice Imagine that Imagine sneezing on rice

Yeah, I guess that's fine Seems like usual Okay Alright, let's see if we can answer some more questions Why not Should I get AirPods Pro Yeah, we actually

So remember we answered this question And this was sort of a follow up pup Got it, so we'll call this guy puppy I'm really sorry I haven't been in touch I'm sure you can sympathize What seemed like mere hours after I got your wisdom Concerning my AirPods debacle The biggest bomb of my life

And released AirPods Pro I obviously can't get normal AirPods And be seen in public When I know about this angelic existence Of the more expensive AirPods Pro What kind of financial mind games is Apple playing on me To recap, AirPods Pros, cool, rich, wireless

Cons, expensive AirPods Pro Pros The AirPods Pros Pros Are that they're cooler, richer And more functional And the cons are that they're even more expensive Help me navigate this minefield

So I don't have AirPods You don't even have the old ones? No, I use like over the head wireless headphones What about like I guess all the time Even if you're I guess in LA you don't really commute I don't have buds bud Moving on

Asked and answered God you're defensive That's enough I'm moving on What are you wearing right now? That little cigarette in your ear What is that, an AirPods or an AirPods Pro? There's an AirPods and I actually had the Pro

I got the Pro It came with my phone I got the new phone and I got the Pros And? I didn't like them I didn't Enjoy wearing them I felt like they were a less secure fit

And I And the whole point is that they're supposed to be better Yeah, and the noise canceling Kind of freaks me out That was like a really cool feature But you know what transparency is? Oh, like when you Do you know what transparency is?

Let me try to answer It's like when you can hear the headphones But it's not like completely noise canceling You can also hear stuff that's happening Yeah, it basically like Is in what is happening outside With your music So you can like, your music doesn't dip

But you like Hear things and people perfectly It's really amazing And only AirPods Pro have it? Yeah, so I wish that The other AirPods I don't want the rubber thing I like the shape of these pods best

I wish they had transparency because transparency is cool So another difference is that The Pro have a little rubber thing at the end That helps fit more snugly Yeah, and it comes with three different sizes The large, the medium, and the small How big is your midis? I thought my midis was medium

And then I tried small But neither of them worked And I tried large too And it said they were all good fits But then like I can run with these things in And I went on to run with the other ones in And they just felt loose

There was a jiggle And it just It wasn't for me No, I mean I want to be rich And I want to be professional You're not a pro, that's as simple as that I'm not a professional without the pros

Pros before hoes And you are not one, you're an absolute con If you were to go on a yog What would you put in your ear? Sometimes I'll wear the headphones And sometimes I'll wear nothing at all You'll straight up wear the headphones you're wearing right now Over the ear

On a yog? On a yog, and they are a little too hot Thank you for asking But then I also don't like the feeling of the jiggle As I yog either So I'll go full, no audio Meditative style You can get those like

With the plastic That has the hugging of your ear You can do that I prefer to be Accessory free Going back and forth Alright, well I could be able to enjoy a podcast or tunes

While you run, and that's kind of an issue Because I'm a podcaster My inner monologue is kind of like A pretty fascinating Podcast, I'll be like Really? Tell me some of your thoughts So imagine you're on a run

You're running around I don't have to listen to a podcast While I'm on a run I don't have to wear headphones to hear my voice Because I'm always like trapped in it So I'm like jogging around and I'll see A tree with the pink flowers on it And I'm like

That's interesting, the pink flowers I'll be like How does that work out? Some trees are apple trees Sorry, one second mother fucker This is the difference between A fucking podcast where it's just me Which is a really good show by the way And one that you're constantly trying to

Hammer home your agenda I barely did anything You're having a meltdown I feel like On some level you know That you're like You're flailing right now That's why you're pissed

So I'll be like Now I forgot You cursed at me dude Holy shit This is why I don't prefer to have other people In my fucking Ear when I'm like When I'm jogging that's like me time

And I get to record my show with my Rules and I don't have to be like What do you think man? If that makes sense Hello Hello Are you here? Now do you want to shut the fuck up? What?

Oh my god You're a saboteur Talk Forget it Oh my god Oh my god Wow Good stuff buddy

Really good stuff That was good stuff You don't think it was like Specific Easy We've already given out plenty of gold and mics this episode I think in another episode That would have been gold and mic worthy

But I feel like We told out like Three or four We'll just have it for next week's episode We'll cut this part out Maybe we'll do next We'll see if you earn it next week I'm sure you will because I think you're on a roll

I think you're doing your best work since this This half of the podcast You haven't got a single Turdy You can almost take some away from the first half At this point Well careful because I don't want you to start Fools because you know what happens

So I'm still at four And you're at how many golden mics I mean I think I have Four for this episode I think I have three or four I don't keep count I mean it's a high honor and I have Each trophy displayed

Proudly But I'm not about the recognition I love it and I need it And I appreciate it and I want it That's about it But I don't obsess over it It's not all there is It's not the be all and all

It is the be all and all And I actually feel like You're You're sort of like Discounting what a golden mic is And I'm tempted to give you a fifth and final Turdy for that Speaking of bees and auls and ends and auls

We have a question about bees That's right This is from A beekeeper Who's name will say bee We'll call him bee or her Of course, right Hey Jake and Amir

First of all congratulations on your marriage Your healed foot, your new podcast Your latest golden mic today And all of your god children I really do have it all I have A happy horde A cellar full of golden microphones

And what was the other thing? A wife? Yeah, the healed foot Whatever Here's my situation Me and my girlfriend moved into a new rental home Some months ago And our backyard is a big creepy shed It's horrible

Just aesthetically But more importantly my girlfriend went into the shed And said there was a big beehive inside of it I'm very scared of the swarming Stinging, flying insects I can't figure out what to do and it's not as easy as it sounds My landlord doesn't deal with bugs so that's out We actually have an exterminator

But bees are endangered So killing them is an instant turdy Lastly, I know a beekeeper But he doesn't respect me So I can't ask him to come in and save me Or else he'll judge me I already broached the subject with him And he gave me a list of other people that handle

Bees in my area Everyone I call is the same, they'd love to help But they want the details about the bees Like what they look like, what they're doing They want me to walk into this dark death trap And take notes I'm terrified of opening the shed even for a second They were there all winter

And might be dead But what if they're not even bees What if they're wasps or hornets I never even saw the fucking things Luckily, my girlfriend finds them pretty scary too So I don't think she's judging me too much For running head first, for not running head first Into the shed, but at the same time I'd love to fix this issue

And find a way to impress her while doing it What do you guys have But who do you have to call to come And just look at your bees Every expert I talk to on the phone treats me like a wuss And one of them even laughed at me What would you do, Koi boys Amir, would you just kill these bees

Jake, what would you do to be a hero And a conservationist Please help, love you guys Sorry for all the buzzing, razzing Amir But Jake is the goat of the podcasting World next to Marin P.S. go on Comedy Bang Bang Okay, thank you

Jesus Very cool What would you do I mean, I would call people like this guy's doing But I don't know why they're laughing at him We interviewed a beekeeper Do you recall that? Yeah

And he seemed to act like they were important And you could harness their power to make honey Yeah, you could harness their power to make honey I forget He was able to do something Where he like made them Make their hive In a box

He caught them in the wild And put them in a box He found the queen And put her in a box And then all the worker bees surrounded her And started salivating honey around her Cool, so yeah, I would do that I think

The fact that he's not respected by beekeepers That he knows is Fine And I think It seems more like I guess what he's worried about Is like, why isn't he being an adult? You know, like

I feel like a little child Because I'm scared of these bees But I think the thing that will make you feel like An adult is handling it As best you can So it's not avoiding the bees It's not going out there It's calling somebody

It's finding somebody There are conservationists that will remove the bees And when they come and exterminate it They'll just take the hive If there's any bees in there still And take it out Yeah, like There are task rabbits that will handle this

You have to go to a specialist Why are the specialists laughing at him? If the specialists are like You have to describe what kind of bees they are Like I would imagine that if you went in there And you looked at the bees You'd probably describe them the same way

Yeah, they're yellow They look like bees You're the specialist You have to come here They'll figure out If it's a bumblebee Versus a worker bee Versus a yellow jacket or a hornet

They'll be like, oh, you were wrong When you said it was a bumblebee But that's fine because we deal with all of them Yeah, or like They come in and it's like, all those bees are dead And you're like, yeah, I fucking lied to you to get you here So I guess discard the dead bees Or the yellow jackets or the horns

I think there's something even scarier About a fucking hive full of dead bees Than one full of alive bees Because bees won't fuck with you They're not gonna hurt you They're good little souls Yeah, unless you fuck with them I've seen a swarm of bees in the wild

Like in Joshua Tree, like you hear the buzzing And then it's like there's a black cloud Moving towards you and you're like, holy shit We have to get down and they just sort of hovered over us But it was a loud swarm Yeah, and it happened to us once that We were like at Julia Noon's place That's right

It sounded like a lawnmower Yeah, I think what they do is every once in a while They have to find a new hive They all leave, like if something happens to their hive maybe But they all leave and then Basically just find a new place But it's a mass exodus And it's just a fucked out of bees

That are homeless But then they build a hive in like an hour or two Yeah, so it moves fast And so do they and they're loud And they are scary, so I wouldn't be I wouldn't be like, you know Ashamed of being afraid Yeah, but also don't be afraid

Of lying to the beekeeper on the phone Yeah, I'd be ashamed of not handling it I'm not saying that you have to handle it By going into the shed But you have to like I guess I would be If you're worried about the beekeepers respecting you Then I think you're

Overthinking this You're not going into the shed, that's fine You're not calling the beekeepers And being like, listen here Bee removal guy You gotta come to my house Or fucking call your landlord He says he doesn't deal with bugs

I would I think I'd be like, okay cool So I'll deduct what I have to pay The beekeepers from my rent this month That's cool That's what I would do And then you send your rent Along with an invoice from the beekeeper

And you don't have to You know, yeah You don't have to pay out of your own pocket And maybe if you say something like that The landlord will be like, well wait a second I'm gonna shop around and find the best price I'll handle it So you turn your fear of bees

Which is kind of like a nerdy little wussy thing To like a guy who's like cool at business Like, hey landlord Yeah, I'm afraid of the bees I'm gonna take your ass to court And then he's like, yeah I'll see you in court But I'm gonna come with a bee And then you're gonna be like, yeah I'm actually

Let's not do that Don't sting me But I will see you in court Alright, cool Questions asked Questions answered Oh yeah

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