If I Were You - 439: Song Titles

Episode Date: June 16, 2020

In this episode we discuss saving plants, killing relationships, and playing videogames.As always, for resources on where to donate your time and energy, check out BlackLivesMatters.carrd.co!See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. Pinching things and giving their advice And as I swiped I counted The mages from my tinder I'll kill myself in a Starbucks tonight A Starbucks tonight Don't waste your time on me Your podcast is the voice inside my head

If I were you Don't waste your time on me Your podcast is the voice inside my head If I were you If I were you If I were you That's off their self title, it was a single Real fans will know what song that was

That's from Cheshire Cat Is that I Miss You? Is that what it is? Yeah, of course it's I Miss You Of course it's I Miss You Did they have like a bunch of cryptically titled song? Cause I know like Dammit is the song of Dammit doesn't have the word Dammit in it It's like that song that I guess this is growing up, right?

Yeah, that's Dammit Yeah, but this song is I Miss You Is I Miss You in it or is that another like weird Interesting alt title? No, they repeat I Miss You incessantly in that song Cause I thought the song was called Don't Waste Your Time or something Voice Inside My Head

Yeah, it could be, but I mean Mark Senior Hopis is in the background saying I Miss You over and over again I don't know if they do have a lot of songs like that Yeah, no, I mean Girl at the Rock Show That's all the small things That's the first, you know What's My Age Again or say that a lot?

Yeah, okay, I was trying to create Some sort of deep, interesting, philosophical There's A Road, A Thesis Okay, Peggy Sue going away to college Those are things that they don't say in the song But it's the vibe of the song I think they go half and half Yeah

I mean, they're a fascinating band Right What about like top ten songs that are titled After words that are not in the song at all It seems like you gotta go Words in the song, otherwise Yeah I guess movies are the same way

Sometimes they say the line The titular line I guess we were all a few good men They never say that Right I feel like movies, it happens less The Jurassic Park is welcome to Jurassic Park Oh yeah, alright

But songs, I feel like it happens a lot Like what's the most famous song where they don't say the words The title of the song Yeah, I'm struggling to think of any It's really hard to think of Hey Jude, they don't say Hey Jude Oh no, they do right up top Yeah, it's the first two words

They sing it a lot in the chorus, yeah I bet, yeah If you know it, you're thinking about it And you're shouting it into your iPhone Or Android device Yeah, and you're adding me Can we think of one more? We gotta think of at least one

It's just gonna be this itch that I can't scratch the entire show What's a song titled? Oh, no, never mind I was thinking of that Simon and Garfunkel song You know where it's like It's a full song I sound very stoned right now It's a full song

And then there's also the second Like the last minute of it feels like a different song And then like bookends Is it called bookends? They have a song called bookends I think I don't know that song Is that the old friends song? It's like bookends and then in parenthesis old friends

A time of innocence A time of... Bookends, I don't know That's Simon and Garfunkel? Yeah It's interesting that you and I Have the exact same level of Zero music knowledge

Like very very limited music knowledge Surface Like we have to Google a famous Simon and Garfunkel song right now Yeah, it's called old friends But then if you... I don't know I wish I knew more I'll do research I promise you guys

Old friends and bookends Where it's like a song I can't think of a single song that doesn't say the thing And now I can't even... Alright, who's the... Okay, so let's go Wait, this is crazy I can't even think of a song

I really can't think of an artist right now Who's someone that sings a song? What? Okay, the Beatles They've got... let's go through their catalog They... I feel like they're classically naming The song off of the things that they sing

Let it be That one's in there Okay We're just gonna go song by song God damn it Yeah, what about newer modern songs? Brick by Ben Folds You know that modern song from 1998

That's in the chorus Brick a lot We're gonna get into... We're gonna have that thing Where it's just ruminating thoughts Only thinking about songs That have the title in the chorus That's what's gonna keep on happening now

The opposite I think he says one hit late at night Yeah Usually both songs they do Yeah, it's the words that you repeat the most It's the chorus Yeah, it's all named after the chorus The hook

Oh, no, that's in it The hook brings you back Of course, run around Yes, run around That's, again, the whole point The crux of the song Slash short The crux of the song

I mean, you feel like the Beethoven's fifth They don't say... They never say Beethoven's fifth in that song It's all fucking like... I think they do Because Beethoven's fifth Really? Beethoven's fifth

Beethoven's fifth I didn't realize that I'd only been listening to the karaoke version, I think When you touch me like this All coming back to me, yeah That's the chorus as well It appears as though Dammit is the only song like that

Really? Unless we want to look up specifically I bet it's already been like a bus feed list I've got it I've got it Did you look, did you cheat or did you think of it? I've got it and I looked it up So you cheated, you looked it up

You didn't got it Got it means you got it Well, I didn't find it I didn't look up famous songs that don't say the word I didn't look up that I searched most famous song And there's a list And some of them, I'm like, oh, they don't say that

What do you got? What's the most famous song? Well, I mean, this is only according to an eonline.com list Most iconic songs, but it smells like Teen Spirit That's pretty good Yeah And he doesn't say it Another one on this list Yeah, that song should be called

Entertain Us Yeah, exactly Bohemian Rhapsody That's good That's really good God, I wish we thought of it It would have been so fucking satisfying Me saying, here, let me cut this part out

What about Bohemian Rhapsody? That's like, damn it Smells like Teen Spirit is another one Yeah Just try to think I actually could have had this moment if you didn't say that I looked it up Like, I was gonna be like, I got it and then say it Like, that would have been perfect And I could have gotten away with it too

It's hard because there's no easy way to search your brain for it Like, I have to stop doing everything else in my brain Like, I stop breathing to think about You gotta think about the song first Then the title And then go even deeper in a Rolodex in your mind To find every fucking word in that title Yeah, and the problem really comes when you just like

Your brain wants you to fuck up So your brain will just like Keep on yelling brick by bed vault And you're like, it's not that one And I can't move on until I say it out loud Now I'm on rollingstone.com's 500 greatest songs of all time And we have to record a podcast So I just need to, I need to get off of the internet

Alright, let's get one more, you can cheat Anything else from that list Well, now I just closed the tab Hang on one second, I got you The problem with the list The problem with the list here is that it starts at number 500 And we don't know those songs Yeah, these aren't like, oh here we go

Now we're getting somewhere Hang on, now we're fucking, now we're scrolling Yeah, while you do that I'm just I'm scrolling through Weezer's blue album And they all seem to, between Buddy Holly, Sweater Song, Holiday They all have it, it's all in there My name is Jonas, of course My name is Jonas, that one says it, yeah

Right off the bat A lot of them say, a lot of them, it's the first thing they say That's confusing Yeah, it's either the first thing or the chorus thing And then occasionally they just title a song Like you're naming a child It's not necessarily in the actual lyrics Oh yeah, when they name just like the song after

Now I'm thinking Layla, and it's obviously not Layla Yeah, because that's, yeah after a woman or a man That's the infatuation But then they would save the name of that person in the song I was also about to say don't stand so close to me It's really embarrassing because like Often it's the thing, they say it so much We're gonna get like hundreds of tweets being like

This is the really popular song, we should have thought of that This is another popular song, we should have thought of that And it's also, I bet there's like a list of exactly what we're talking about somewhere Someone's done it better than us And we tried to do it just willy nilly on the podcast Live on the day Oh, hallelujah, that's a good one that says it a lot Now I'm just looking at great songs

Yeah Hang on one second, I'm scrolling past 200 here So now we're gonna start getting into some real bangers Okay Oh, how about Johnny Cash, Folsom Prison Blues Oh, that's yeah, I don't think he ever says Folsom But I also don't really know how that song goes Is that the I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die

Oh, well there you go That counts, that counts as the third song And now 13 minutes deep we can finally put this off hand question to bed Yeah We've failed How about Brown Eyed Girl, does he say Brown Eyed Girl ever? Yeah, he says it like 30 times in the song Alright

Second share I think after damn it we couldn't think of any Then you looked at a few listicles and we scrounged up three more At the end of the day I couldn't even do the list thing very good Because this is, because Rolling Stones websites are bad So It's been a long, it's been a long week basically

I mean, we're recording this on Monday morning to release right away Monday, June 15th That's right Just to place things on the calendar for everybody, the Ides of June We're not even halfway done with 2020 Are we not? Yeah Where that would be at the end of June, would be halfway home I think, do you feel like June is, I feel like June, or I feel like 2020 is ending in November

That's like Groundhog's Day Yeah, it's either like, I feel like on election day we find out if 2020 has an end or if 2020 ends in 2024 So we'll get to see, is there two more months or four more years? Yeah Like, I don't care about the calendar year anymore The election cycle, it's not even a year Alright, this is If I Were You, an advice show I guess Hosted by us, the only one hosted by us, I'm Amir

I am Jake I'm in Los Angeles, Jake's in Connecticut it looks like That's correct, that is correct That's your brother's old room Yeah, I'm chilling in Micah's room I got the Fender Strat right behind me That's a really nice axe Yeah, it's the Fender Stratocaster

Do you have an amp or a Wawa pedal? I would love to jam with you sometimes I do have an amp, but it's in the shed I don't think we have the chord Let's get the amp, I think I have an idea We've already derailed the podcast so much I want to come up with a song that doesn't have the words in it as the title

That's not a bad idea Untitled is what the name of the song is Blink 182 has a song called Untitled It goes Untitled and I'm so mighty Untitled in the way that I go wide I really want to titled So he says it a lot That's actually exactly how it goes

Don't waste Here's a question for you that we received just this week Just because the world is having an awesome glow up right now doesn't mean people don't have any questions of it Everything is going splendidly for us, sure But some people are actually in a predicament Good, at least it makes sense that we still have the show then Yeah

How? This one is from a 20 year old English male at university I'll call him Hugh Grant Who's on the cusp of his second year at university My best friend for many years is deciding between moving to a city with his girlfriend this September Or staying with her Sorry, and staying with her Or moving to the same city as me and breaking up with her

He says he kind of wants to break up for a fresh start But I don't really want him coming with me Because although I love him, he doesn't really gel with my new friends And always makes me feel guilty when I spend loads of time with him Making me think that he might be too much of a drain on my personal resources But he's got a lot of other things to do I don't want to disappoint him either if he moves to the city that I'm in And I can't spend that much time with him even though he's partly moving for me

How do I convince him to stay with his girlfriend and not move to the same city as me While still keeping him as a friend That's not where I expected this question to go That is not where I expected this to go This question jumped out to me because it was like a reverse saving Silverman situation It's like my friend's girlfriend sucks We gotta break up, get the band back together if I can hang out with my single friend And this guy's like, how do I get him to leave me alone and stay in this relationship

We're gonna team up everybody and fight to get him staying in a relationship And not moving to the city that I'm in as a single man What would you do? Well, this is the movie that I want to pitch you Saving Silverman was the famous one about trying to break up a friend So this one is called Protecting Goldman And this guy's name is Goldman Yeah, so it's the 2020 version

Everything is gritty rebooted style Everything is different and changed now We're telling this story from a different point of view Two guys team up in a silly caper to get this guy to marry his girlfriend Even though it's wrong Get new friends, but lose the old Because you are Silver and I am Gold That is the tactic

You're begging and pleading this guy to settle down so he leaves you the fuck alone I think you could tell him be like, you know, if you do move here I just don't imagine us having a lot of time to spend together Because I'm at uni and I'm gonna be hanging out with some new uni friends And this guy should be so offended He'll be like, you know what, fine I'm just gonna go and move in with my girlfriend And that'll show you thinking that he'll be like jealous

But instead this guy'll be like, yeah, that's what I wanted all along Right, I mean, I think this happens sometimes in relationships I feel like too, you know, when like somebody gets into college And the boyfriend or girlfriend is gonna go to the same college And they're like, well, you can do that, but do it for you Don't do it to be with me It's like people just don't like that kind of pressure It's an expectation fulfillment thing

So I think you could be like And it's like he shouldn't break up with the girlfriend for this other guy For a friend, he should break up with a girlfriend for himself if he doesn't like the girlfriend Yeah, so it seems like you don't have to manipulate him You can just straight up tell him the truth Worst case scenario, you lose him as a friend Which seems like kind of better than having him break up with his girlfriend Move towards your city, slash in your city

And then wanna hang out all the time The tough thing here is like, a lot of the time the truth is like something that's hard But ultimately good This truth is like hard and ultimately sad Like, yeah It's just, it's like Truth is, you make your weird around my friends And I don't like you

So I don't want you to move here God, glad I got that off my chest Things will be better for that They will be better for you, but it kind of will ruin your friend's life a little bit But maybe that needs to happen Just because you were friends with someone when you were 11 doesn't mean that you should get along at age 20 You're kind of a different human at that point Yeah, I still wonder if you don't tell the truth, but you just sort of, like, you say

You should break up with your girlfriend if you want, and if you wanted to live in the city, that'd be cool But I'm, I don't know Just like, temper his expectations Unless you really want a clean break, in which case, just say, I don't want to hang out with you But you can always do that over time Like, it seems weird to be like, give your friend advice on staying together with someone he doesn't want to be with or not Like, he should definitely just do whatever he wants to do You just have to remove yourself from the situation

Yeah Tell the truth, worst case scenario, this guy doesn't hang out with you But it's still better than the alternative of him breaking up with his girlfriend to be with you He definitely won't hang out with you if you tell him the truth That's for sure The truth is that you think he, he doesn't get, he doesn't gel with your friends and you don't want to spend time with him That's right Yeah

So worst case scenario will 100% happen there He will hate you He won't be upset and he won't be your friend anymore But maybe that's fine for you I guess to me, to me worst case scenario is him moving in with you This is second worst case scenario Yeah, I guess you're right This guy, he says he has a podcast called Don't Read On Podcast

And he's been a big fan of ours So we're gonna give his podcast a shout out, but don't read on podcast Alright, and now his friend, if he, now his friend's gonna know Yeah, that's great, you don't have to tell him at all Don't worry, we did We outed you, we know exactly who you are, he'll find out, I'm sure Whether he listens to this show, he either listens to it or he has a friend that does Like that's how many people fucking listen to this thing

Like you, everybody on earth is one degree away I'm sorry, I know it sounds like I'm self fucking He obviously has a friend who listened to it, right? Because his friend wrote in That's right So he'd be like, dude, I think this is about you And he'd be like, yeah, it's about, it's you who wrote in Yeah, I guess so, this is fucking bizarre

Don't move here And don't waste your time on me Okay You're all ready Alright, let's take a break, thanks to sponsors, come back with more questions and answers after this Yeah Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this Head Gum podcast You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire Head Gum network, Jake

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You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents' kitchen It's really nice Oh, that's cool So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo Yeah, frame This is actually how we told Jill's grandma, she was pregnant We got her the Aura frame, we plugged it in Jill's grandma was pregnant?

Really nice, asshole This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife And you're trying to make a joke of it I was just being goofy a little bit This is how I told my grandma she was pregnant Yeah, kind of like she misheard it or something like that Or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant

Oh my god Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant, it's pretty cool And you told me with a digital photo frame? Holy smokes And we let her know with an Aura Yeah Thank you The Aura announcement

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There it is Oh wow, this is timely, the deal ends on June 18th, so don't wait Terms and conditions apply, that's AuraFrames-A-U-R-A-Frames.com Okay, go get your parents something, alright? And use the code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping Thank you Aura And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to This show is sponsored by BetterHelp, thank you BetterHelp

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And we are back, Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a lift to the fire Mom, I'm coming Gross No, no I don't But just before we came back from the break, you told me that you did and I said great First of all, there's a Dave Matthews song called number 41, right? Yes

He doesn't say that in it, right? Right, correct Yeah, and that blur song where it's like, I got my head shaved is like track two or song number two Yes, that is correct Yes Titles where they haven't updated them from the place of their track title That's right There's also the

That's not my unsolicited The Green Day song, American Idiot Don't want to be an American Idiot's outster Oh, is that what he says in the chorus? I hadn't heard this song Wait, is it dookie? Basket case? Yeah, I don't think he says basket case Don't

I think I'm cracking up Or am I just basket case? Am I just case? Yeah And when I come around, he says, you know, you know what I'm saying? Don't, don't, don't So some of them you're getting, right? The fact that you keep bringing up When I come over there

You don't know the game, I don't think I think you're just guessing Sometimes correctly Sometimes not But I got basket case, that's solid Basket case is good That was like the first organic one we've come up with 30 minutes into this show

The song too was pretty solid Growing herbs Growing herbs from seeds is how I've been spending some of my free time recently And it's been both difficult And I've lost some stuff And some stuff has been fruitful And the fact that I don't have 100% success rate I'm learning how to do this stuff

And it makes the, like I'm looking at this basil plant that I've cultivated From literally a piece of dirt with some seeds in it To like a plant with like 21 leaves on it Like I'm looking at this thing like, wow, look what I've done This thing that I usually wouldn't even care about at all The problem is, I mean I guess it's not really a problem

It's a fun way to pass the time You can see this thing grow And it takes a couple weeks to a couple months to do So there's a nice long timeline But you don't have to wait years Like it's a tree or something And I'm having problems with some of my herbs that I'm trying to grow Like the basil's doing great

But my sage is struggling So I'm learning I saw you took, yeah, you took to Twitter and asked for some sage advice Ah, it was a shit show And everybody was saying Everyone was saying one thing And I was so certain that that wasn't the case Like, and I look it up

And it's that same old problem of like brown tips It means you're either over-watering or under-watering So treat it by adjusting So it's like, okay, great So I'm either doing one thing or the exact opposite And if I do the exact opposite to help That's either going to save the plants live or kill it completely I transferred this

Everyone said I was over-watering it So I transferred from the starter bed that I did Which was only an inch of soil to a deeper pot And then when I transferred it, the roots were like so like dried out I'm like, there's no way I'm over-watering this thing But I put it in this new plant and I let it dry out And then it started getting even more brown I'm like, I think it's just too dry

I'm going to water it more And a lot of the little sage leaves died out And now I'm like holding on to like two last stalks That haven't died yet And I don't know if these... And you're watering it I'm watering it, but maybe the roots aren't taking the water So like I'm watering a lot

So the soil looks over-watered But the actual plant itself is under-watered And then I found a fucking caterpillar on it Like a little inchworm that was eating the leaves I'm like, I only have like eight leaves left And these critters are starting to eat the leaves So I buy the neem oil I mean, I'm learning about all this little shit

It feels like a little video game Like Animal Crossing, like a slow burn But at the end of the day, I might have That's really nice Basil to put on something And you're using it You're putting the basil and some pasta God, no, no, I have not

I'm too scared to You're hoarding it Like I'm just, I'm worried about growing it right now Like the idea of actually using this sage And some sort of pasta sauce seems so foreign to me So you're keeping it in a little pot by the window No, I leave it outside So to cultivate it from like seeds to sapling

You do it inside and like cover it with saran wrap To create this like And that part's over Kind of steam room You've done that part Yeah, and then you Yeah, and then you take it outside And you like water it

To try to get it to grow in there It's backyard? Backyard style You gotta get some planters Do you have planters back there? That's the next step Because, you know, some people are years ahead of me They got planters with tomatoes and peppers

And they're growing food that they're picking off And they're eating straight off the vine That looks exciting Yeah, that's Los Angeles for you, baby You should talk to my sister My sister Sarah grows that shit Yeah, but she does it on like rooftops, right? Well, she's an herb farmer in North Carolina now

So can she look at my sage And tell me what the hell's wrong with it? I'm quite certain she could Jesus Christ, why are you hiding that information from me? I'll call her in You saw the tweet Well, it's FaceTime Yeah, I did

You knew what was going on I should have showed it to her, honestly I'll show it to her after this But I have After this is too late The leaves are yellowing She thinks, yeah You over-watered it

It's time to dry it out Take a hair dryer to that thing, actually That's what Sarah said She just texted me Yeah The hard part is you have to stick the hair dryer underneath the soil And blow it from the inside out So hold on a second

So I have a peach tree And an apple tree A cherry tree And an orange tree Wow Peach, apple, yeah That's massive You have an orchard

It sounds like you have I do have an orchard A little farm going on I have several And where's that? Where are all these trees? This is in the forest It's on my island

So I have Okay So I don't know if we talked about your island I should say that you recently either came into Or purchased an island Well, I didn't I guess I per- Yeah

Because it started out as just a vacation island And then I ended up having to buy the island So I ended up So I purchased the island from a raccoon It was I mean, I don't own the island I think Tom Nook owns the island I just

I own the house on the island Got it So you're talking about animals Yeah This is a game Yeah Animal crossing These are not real

It's more than a These are virtual fruits Yeah It isn't a game though They're pretty real to me I agree with that I sell them I sell them for real money

Well, bells I sell them for real bells And I can Got it I use that money to buy goods And services So this is not This is not what I was talking about

I was talking about actual Actual This is actual Actual great food It's So this is that Seemingly scratch This is actual

Yeah Yeah How far are you How far have you gotten on your island It's not about getting far It's just about It's just about doing Doing the work

Day to day You know You gotta You gotta just plug away I haven't gotten far But I That's It's a lifestyle

It's not like a game If that's what you're trying to imply Like you don't beat it I have added an extra room Didn't you buy a game In addition to Animal Crossing You purchased a game recently, right Oh yeah

Well, I bought I bought the Witcher But I didn't have enough space to download it So I don't So I haven't been able to play it yet But I haven't Probably an enormous game Cause I have five games on my Switch

And I've downloaded them all You only have Animal Crossing And you seem like You can't download the Witcher Yeah Witcher is like It's like 33 gigs or something Jesus Christ

It's huge It's really big So I need to get like a special card And I haven't been able to do that Because I'm still working on the island You know There's just There's stuff to be done

Cultivating You could delete Animal Crossing A natural ramp is what I was saying I was raising money for a ramp If you delete Animal Crossing You might free up enough space For the other game you want to get

If I deleted Animal Crossing Then like Timmy and Tommy wouldn't be able To open up their store Antonio wouldn't have anywhere to live It's not like a real thing anyway I guess they would live in other people's systems Or whatever It's pretty real to me

I've been playing Super Nintendo's Zelda Zelda Link to the Past Because Ben was telling me That it's like an amazing game And I never played Zelda's growing up So I'm like alright I'll give this a shot Yeah I've been playing for over a week

Thinking that I'm like getting close to the end Finally defeated this big boss man And it was like awesome congratulations I'm like this is great Zelda's here And like you have one of the nine crystals You need to take You need to like actually save Zelda

I'm like excuse me I thought I was done And you're telling me that like This is actually I'm 11% of the way through this game Wow I've been playing for like several hours a day For a fucking week and a half

To get to like this point So isn't that good This game is made for 11 year olds Aren't you happy though That you have more game to play Or would you rather have beaten it I would rather have beaten it Because I want to be like

Okay that was tough But I spent 20 fucking hours on this thing And I finally figured out how to beat it And then it was like Like what's hard about it You're not actually close Is it like puzzles that you need to solve Or is it like combinations of buttons

That are like I just can't imagine It's a big combo of both Okay Yeah So I've never played Zelda I was more of a Mario guy Which is very simple

It's like you're on one side of the screen Get to the other Beat the bad guys and get there With Zelda it's more open It like throws you onto this map And it's like try to find the princess here And so like you're walking around There's no like sense of urgency or time

It's just like walk around Talk to people Find out where she is And then like invariably This one person will be like Yeah she's in this place But you need to get this thing To get to that place

So find the key Move a rock Put a bomb Go into a cave So there's little Games within the games Within the games To get further along

Interesting So it's a little more loosey-goosey So I've been enjoying that aspect of it Where it's like Are the graphics updated? Like does it look nice? Or does it look like 8-bit Kind of like old-school video game?

It looks like a Super Nintendo game So it kind of looks like Super Mario World So it's like a little bit above Like Nintendo graphics 8-bit Yeah it looks like Genesis Super Nintendo It was made in like 1992 I see But I can't imagine

Did they just re-release it? For some reason I thought they like Re-released it and it like Is supposed to be beautiful Or is that a newer Zelda That you aren't playing? Yeah every console Has like the newer version of Mario

And the newest version of Zelda And everyone is loving Zelda Breath of the Wild on Switch Which is like what I'm playing But with even more insane graphics And like an expanded universe I can't imagine playing that Cause like I'm struggling right now

With this 1992 version of the game The idea of like that times Whatever they can do now Feels like way too much Yeah I'm like Dangerously close to Playing more on my Switch But like not being able to download this

This game just Like it was a bridge too far I was like okay so now I need a mini SD card Like I don't I don't know I don't know I don't know if I want to do that So I just like put it down

And start reading my book again You should do these The Nintendo Super Nintendo Online thing Cause it's like the games That you're used to growing up Keeps you entertained without like the Barrier to entry of

And learning how to play one of these new games Right That's another bit of unsolicited advice So it's that and Makes fucking I don't know Rosemary Solid

I mean growing your own herbs Jill was doing this thing Do you know you could like Regrow scallions Yeah like some vegetables You just put in water And it like becomes that Full vegetable again

Yeah and that's one of That's like scallions so you We would like chop up scallions Put it in this water And then a week or two later It would just be like You could have more scallions It regenerates

Yeah it's pretty cool But like some of it is like Regenerated and delicious And some of it is like poison So you have to really do your research About what you can eat And what you can't Yeah so that's the unsolicited

There's a good master class With Ron Finley Who's an urban gangster gardener Who like teaches you all about Gardening in an urban setting It's called the gangster gardener Master class That's very educational

And fun to watch Have you ever done a master class They're actually pretty cool I have not No Have you done Are you doing the food growing one We're watching it

Avital and I We're not like taking notes And like studying And like doing like homework But they've been I've watched a few And watched a few over Avital's shoulder

And they're all very entertaining And digestible information I feel like I remember when Master class was coming out We like thought everyone was like Making fun of it Yeah exactly And then it's like oh shit

It's actually Are you talking about basketball Yeah I guess I'll watch this Or Aaron Sorkin Talking about movie writing At the very least it's like Interesting to see how these people Who have succeeded

Have done what they've done That's definitely true Alright let's try to get to one One last question Another piece of unsolicited advice Yeah it's too much unsolicited Here's one more One last piece of so-licited advice

I'm a 23 year old male from California So we'll call him Mark Hoppus But I went to college in Texas For four years While there I met my girlfriend of two years But we recently broke up Because the distance was too hard for her We've communicated very little

For about four months Then we started talking again And I flew out there to Texas this week And we discussed the possibility Of me moving back I believe this woman is the love of my life And honestly I like the idea Of moving out there to be with her

She likes the idea too But says we should just be friends And not dating for the first couple months It would take for me to move out there As well as for the time for us To really reconnect in our relationship So my question is this Is she too under enthusiastic about the idea

She says if I move there We should definitely try our best At dating again But as her lack of response a red flag I love this woman But my confidence in moving Is lowered by her reaction To help this hopeless romantic out

This feels like it's coming from the other guy In the situation that we talked about before Like it's the expectations that are too much Like if you want to move out there I think you got to want to move out there Without having any expectation from her Like you can move out there With the hope in your heart

That you guys will get back together And knowing that she thinks it's a good idea But you can't move out there with a guarantee You just can't Yeah but it's the fact that she's like Yeah move out here and we'll see Are you like Then I won't do that

I don't want to do that on a fucking 50-50 shot I'm not moving there to flip a coin baby Yeah so like there I mean if you can't get over that Then I wouldn't move out If you're like I'm not moving out there For the chance Or like I need it to be more of a short thing

Then maybe you shouldn't move out Because it can't be more of a short thing You could also just think about Like all the other things that Texas has going for it Where you're planning on moving Like if you like the land You like the restaurants You like Texas

You like certain things about it That will be nice regardless of if you have a heart Your heart broken or if you're with your dream person Yeah some people are like wired in a way Where it's like I don't care if you like Say anything or guarantee anything I just want to be with you I'm going to fight to win you over

And then some people I think I'm more like me Where it's like if you aren't into it Then I'm not going to try very hard myself Like I need to buy in as well I'm not going to move there And try to convince you to be with me Yeah but I think that like You also have to look at where it's coming from

Like her saying that she isn't 100% sure Isn't necessarily a reflection on you Or anything could just be like You know she doesn't want to live up to that pressure Like it might be something that That she's struggling with It's not a knock on you Or on her but it's just something that like

I don't know That it's something you shouldn't take personally Right it's not I don't know it feels like That's her truth and your truth is different And if it jives then go for it And if not then don't But don't try to convince her

I guess it's nice that she was honest with you And being like yeah we'll see about it That way you can make an informed decision Rather than you moving out there And then her changing her mind Or telling you the full truth And sometimes pressure makes things go awry Like if she's like yeah come out here

And we'll be together And you're like great I'll come out there And we'll be together And then you go and you move in together And if it's not perfect everybody freaks out And it blows up Let it like be a little more organic And grow

Much like your sage Don't over water this relationship You have to dry it out Or under water it That'll kill it also in a very similar way Just watch a master class You'll figure it out I actually don't trust plants that you can over water

Like I'm just gonna give you a shit ton of water And drink responsibly I guess Like figure it out sage If it's too much stop fucking sipping on it And if it's not enough then I'll give you more You can over water a human too The best is like I'm like carefully like pruning delicately Like making sure the pH level of this and that

And the water is fine And then I like go for a walk And I just see this fucking cactus That's 38 feet high That like grew in the middle of a sidewalk Like so where did that come from Like this one is accidentally getting just rain water Once every fucking year

Yeah how is that This is random shit growing out in the middle of nowhere That's enough Meanwhile I'm like Well you could probably You could grow the You could grow the hell out of a cactus in your backyard All it needs is sun

Yeah Yeah cactuses are easy It's the herbs The food that need extra love and attention You know what they're making me earn it That's right If you could just garnish your pasta With a little fresh cactus

That would be perfect The best is when this sage is completely dead And I like prune these like Dry small brown leaves Like let's make some butter sauce with this Babe We get poisoned Won't have to go to Whole Foods also

Yeah this is all just a fucking Make a plant that costs like 99 cents that On Amazon It's the feeling that you want Doing it myself God it's gonna be so good I can't wait Alright

Where can people donate this week There's so many places I feel It's not like we're gonna shout URLs at people And have them write it down But a light Twitter or Google search Will yield many results That's right So don't forget

Keep that foot on the gas pedal everybody Keep the foot on the gas And also definitely do a little bit of research Because a lot of places have They're redirecting their donations now So there's plenty of places that Don't have enough money yet Other places that are overfunded

So Dive in Dive in Don't be afraid That's a very unique and new Exciting problems like We've gotten too many donations People are so upset

That they are donating so much money More money than these nonprofits Know what to do with And they're like Literally asking people to To donate elsewhere Spread the love around Yeah

And this is all in the middle of like Coronavirus Or like This is a tightening of the purse strings Society And they're still giving too much money Indeed Good job on everybody

And good job for you guys For listening and writing in Theme songs Were Send them all down to IfIWereYouShow At gmail.com Opening one

Was the I Miss You cover Did we shout the guy out? Yeah I think so He had a Oh maybe we didn't I don't remember The

Yeah Tommy Dowdy I don't think we did I have a YouTube channel Where I post music And starting a series of animations Animatrium Studio Animatrium Studio

Anyone should go Because I bet this guy listened to the episode And was a little stressed out That we never Never ever thanked him Yeah Instead we just spent 17 minutes

Thinking of song titles That didn't have the title In the song Sorry about that So we had to listen to that whole thing Waiting for a shout out That never came Sorry Tommy

And Animatrium Studio And this closing one Is another cover Of a song That I didn't quite recognize But maybe you will Everything's tragic Everything

Oh it's a Oh alright Yeah dude I fucking love this song Sorry it's Everything's magic Then everything's magic cover Yeah

Everything's magic Called Everything's Tragic And his This guy is Zach Rutiman Only thing to plug Is my Instagram

Slackery Good Instagram handle So thanks to Slackery Thanks to you guys for listening Thanks for your continued Donations anywhere And we'll be back

On Monday For more content You can listen to The Head Gum Podcast On the Head Gum Network That's me, you, Jeff Sometimes Riley

Sometimes Marika And Our Patreon Has bonus content as well To keep you entertained Videos So There's more of us

If you so desire And we'll be back here next week Ciao everybody Later Do you ever lie away at night Wondering how you could stand up That time Cause I can say that I have

Yeah I can say that I have So hear this please I really need some help To seize the trees And what do I do When she's going down I really like this girl But she's been around

My life My life is tragic Jake and Amir please I need advice Do I need to tell her If my cute have lies When she looked at me I ejaculated twice

My life My life is tragic Thank you