If I Were You - 446: Jake's Birthday Gift

Episode Date: August 4, 2020

In this episode we discuss virtual reality, virtual currency, and the perfect present for a 35 year old.For more of us check out "The Headgum Podcast" on the Headgum network, and Patreon.com/JA!Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fmSee omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. I found that to be a phenomenal song. That was great. I really liked it. It was really cool and groovy, just like we are. We're just two cool dudes. Obviously. Yeah, the song matched that vibe that I want to put out there. We're a mood. That was an actual cool song. That was an actual cool song. When you described it as being fitting to us because we're groovy, you undid everything that song set up for the show. If you could have been cool,

if you could have been cool when the show started, that would have fit. Do you know what I mean? I was just saying that we're a couple goals. I know what you're saying. And that song was kind of like that. Your hair is getting grayer as you're talking. It was a current mood, I was going to say, and it fit our mood. It was a frayay banger.

Okay. And I'm actually going to pour myself a rosé to celebrate frayay rosé by the seashore. Now that's groovy. This guy wants us to give a shout out to his new EP called Cocaine Lemonade out on all streaming platforms August 7th. Wow, two days after my birthday. Oh, that's right. Not only do you have a birthday this week, but Cocaine Lemonade comes out this week. It's a pretty exciting August.

Yeah, that's a great August. I might play that shit. I might play that shit. I remember when at my party, that guy's name was Sugar, Sugared, S-I-G-U-R-D. So maybe he's from a far away land, or maybe he's not, and that's fine too. I'm afraid of saying anything wrong, including this word, saying anything wrong. So I'll move on accordingly. Thank you, S-I-G-U-R-D.

Yeah, you're going to get, for everything that you could get canceled for, it's not going to be saying S-I-G-U-R-D is from a different land. Holy shit, they're coming after me. No. When the quarantine started, I remember all those March and April birthdays thinking like, uh, you, you sad saps, you guys don't get to celebrate your birthday during quarantine. Like all of us at a different part of the year, like your birthday in August will be fine. And then my birthday in January, by that time, it's going to be game over.

But it looks like we're all going to have quarantine birthdays this year. Yeah, I guess that's true. I, I totally, I thought the same exact thing. And now quarantine is so normal that I'm just like, yeah, of course my birthday is going to happen during quarantine. This is just the, this is what life is. My birthday will happen during life. And that's including a Zoom hangout affair, because bars don't exist.

I am not doing a Zoom birthday. I'm just going to go to the park with Jillian and that's going to be, and I'll have a beer outside. That's cool. That's what I'm planning on doing. You get arrested. Come on. It's my birthday.

I'm turning 35, Christ. I can't have a beer outside. I can't have an IPA with a Mrs. Look at that guy that has a margarita. I know that's a margarita and that to go cup. Tasing you. All right. This is if I were you.

The only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us. I am a mirror. I am Josh. Another one of those Monday AM recordings because you got back late, late, late, late night last night and you were thirsty last night. I was thirsty. I was dead thirsty. I was tired.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't hack it. I could hang, but now I'm back. I'm up to 60% after a full night's sleep. I only feel a little sad. 60% of my normal mental acuity. And that's all I need. That's the best it gets, man.

That's the best it gets. So 60 is the new 100. Yeah. 100 is actually just six zero. Yeah. Just barely not feeling failing. That is what I got in English class in 10th grade. It's what I got in algebra class in 11th grade.

And then it's what I got in bio in college. Yeah. So life today is the D minus. You've been getting your whole high school academic career, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's true. I did get a lot of Ds.

A D. Are you happy when you get a D because you didn't fail or it might as well have been an F? I mean, to me, I'm like, I didn't fail. I think that's, I don't think, yeah. No, I was not happy. My parents thought that was failing. I mean, they knew it was failing. It is, it's not technically failing, but it is failing.

You know, you shouldn't be getting a D. It's a D in our school. High school is not that hard. It's really not that hard. Yeah, they're trying to make it so you don't get a D. Like they're begging you to not get Ds. Yeah, they don't want you to get the D. That is not, that's not where they want you to be.

B would be great. Yeah, B goes on the fridge. I got an 85. That goes on the fridge. Okay, that's a fridge. Great for me. Who is the best student of all your siblings? Did anybody have like a 4.0?

Yeah, Rachel, Rachel graduated number four in her class, you know, not quite Valley or Sally, you know, but four from the top. Pretty damn good. It's funny when they have like rankings because like, you know, my sister, my sister's ranking, whatever it was, whatever mine was, and then like whatever Micah's was, but the triplets, their rankings were like, it was so easy to compare them because they were all in the same grade at the same time. Yeah.

And it was just like, you know, you could just see who is the best student. My school didn't have rankings. I think that's a public school thing. It's weird that they still have that. They just straight up put a number on your report card being like, you're the 38th best student at this school. Yeah, it is kind of crazy. But actually now that I think about it, I don't think my school,

because I graduated from a private school, I went to public school for a little bit, but I don't think, I don't think I knew what my ranking was. And actually, but it was probably top 30, but only 40 kids graduated. So that's good. In private school, you pay a lot of cash and then on the report card, they just put your third regardless of where you were. And you're like, that's awesome. I paid tens of thousands of dollars and I got to read that I was third,

whether you are or not. Yeah. I mean, that's definitely how it works. And by the way, you're not getting the D's in private school. They'll make sure of it. No, I got one of my D's in private school, but it was, it was a, yeah. It can happen. It can happen.

They don't want it to happen. If you believe. That's the weirdest one. When you're failing in private school, your parents are extra mad. Yeah. Because they're paying for you to fail. In public, it's like, at least I'm not giving you money to fail. In private school, it's like, I'm paying thousands of dollars.

You're costing my cash. I moved you to this school because you were having problems. And now they persist and I'm going broke. And did you feel bad or were you like, whatever, school sucks. I'm not supposed to do good. Um, I felt bad. I didn't ever, yeah, I definitely always felt bad, but not for very long. I wasn't a good kid.

I'm a privileged little shit. Piece of shit. I would start practicing my Zippo lighter tricks. So that's where my focus was. At least I'm good at something, mom. Lighting my pants on fire. Fuck! No!

My chinkos! I should at least get a B. I did light the jankos. Speaking of B, we have a question about Bitcoin with a B. Oh, very nice. We are experts in that. Yeah, remember Bitcoin? I do.

Finally, something that predates our podcast. We'll call this person. What was the one that got hacked? Goki? Oh yeah, Mount Gox. Mount Gox. Let's call this guy Gox. All right, it's actually a lady.

Okay. Whoa. Yeah, that's... I know. ...really offensive. I know. That's actually really, really fucked up. I know.

Actually, it might be a man. The name is sort of, yeah. Again, European, potentially androgynous. So we can call this person genderless Gox. Matthew Gox. Right. No. You've spoken with Bitcoin briefly before.

I believe it was a mere unsolicited device at one point. Well, I've taken an interest in Bitcoin myself for a lot of reasons, but mainly because our global financial system is in collapse and the dollar sets the standard for that system and the dollar continues to plummet in value as millions have been printed in the last five months bailing out the rich but devastating, the poor and unemployed. So my question is, that's a very thorough recap

of what happened in the last six months. Do you think buying Bitcoin is a good idea? Do you see it as less of an investment opportunity and more of an escape plan? I'm curious to see what your thoughts are and what the general attitude slash acceptance of Bitcoin is in the biz. Hopefully you're not buying shitcoins later. Gox.

Okay, Gox. I have not paid attention really to Bitcoin at all since I got in. It's been going up recently actually. As of the time of recording, it's over 11,000 which is a newish territory after it collapsed all the way down to like 3,000 last year. And it had ballooned up to like 25,000 at one point, right? Yeah, almost $20,000.

I went from like 20,000 down to three and now it's sort of in the middle of those two numbers. Is there... Okay, yeah. Well, what are your thoughts? Well, he asked if it's a good idea. I think it's fun to put not like any sizable amount of your money in Bitcoin but like a little bit just to like have fun

and be able to track it and be excited when it goes up. And you can buy in... Like you can buy a fraction of a Bitcoin. Like you don't have to have $11,000 to buy one right now, right? Yeah, and there are most apps, like investment apps, let you buy cryptocurrency now because... Yeah, you can like buy shares and little segments of a Bitcoin. You don't have to...

You can buy like $100 worth. Interesting. Yeah, I mean, it seems like buying Bitcoin or buying shares of it, like I guess I would advise anyone not to invest a huge chunk of their money in so volatile, a stock or a currency. You never know what's going to happen. There's a documentary on like all of the cryptocurrencies

that's probably worth watching before you do any of it too. But if it's just shares and you want to like get in and you have like an amount of money that you're okay not touching for a long time or not having access to, whether it goes up, down, or disappears or around. Yeah, it doesn't seem like it's that much different than like buying Tesla stock, which is a very volatile stock, but is killing it right now, you know?

Right. The general idea is like put the money that you'd be okay losing all of. So like, would you be okay if Bitcoin went down to zero tomorrow? Would you still be able to afford things just as much as you can now? Or cannot now? Then yeah, go for it. You have 48,000 Bitcoins, right? So yeah, so I got into it when it was like 32 cents or something.

So I bought, well, I bought 50,000 Bitcoin for like a couple thousand bucks. And then when that ballooned to 20,000, I was a Bitcoin billionaire basically. I had like, I think 1.1 billion. Right, yeah, I was just doing a quick, some back of the napkin math. So you had a bit, you were a billionaire. I was a Bitcoin billionaire for like from January, or sorry, from December of 2017 to January of 2018.

And then I moved my heart, I moved it all to a hard wallet because I didn't want to get hacked. And I, the darnedest fucking thing happened. I was making, have you ever made like chicken stock? Like from scratch, like chicken broth, you put like bones and vegetables and a slow cooker and stuff. Oh, I haven't, no, I haven't personally done that, but yeah, Jill's done that. I've seen it, I've seen it.

Yeah, like in a slow cooker. Right, yeah. Right, I guess it's very good because it's like, it doesn't take a lot of digestive strength, but like all the nutrients, it dropped in the soup. The hard wire, the hard wallet, the treasure dropped into the soup and it melted. I was ruined. What man?

You had, you had over a billion dollars. I had a little north of a billion dollars worth of Bitcoin and you can check the ledger. It's called one of history's greatest blunders. You can see exactly where those coins would have been on the universal ledger, this blockchain. So I actually tattooed the numbers onto my ass. So that went Uncle Sam fuck, because I'm still paying taxes, though I have that billion, you know. Right.

So I owe plus the 400 million in back taxes and that's cash that I don't have. Nor will you ever, ever. That is a once in a lifetime, you won the lottery to have that money in the first, you'll never have, you're ruined. 10 lotteries, yeah, 10 lotteries. I won 10 lotteries and I dropped all the tickets into a garbage disposal. Your great-great grandchildren will be in debt. Yeah, so instead of having generational wealth, I have generational debt.

Every person that I bring into the world will come in with a negative cash above their head floating forever and they'll never be able to crawl. Your babies are delivered by a creditor. They're carried directly to a sponging house. A creditor and a predator got together and made my children and now they owe half a billion dollars because their great-granduncle dropped a fucking treasure in a broth. How is that okay? System, yeah.

To bear the Blumenfeld name is to bear your great-granduncle's shame. Fireupmyancestry.com. I want to look at this shit again. I want to see into the future, see what the hell's going on if you scroll down past me. I will also say that there are non-Bitcoin cryptocurrency that you can invest in quite easily. Ethereum has also gone up from like the 200 range. I wonder if I even still have that Delta wallet that you made me invest like a thousand dollars in those stocks and I lost it all.

I lost it all. That was a weird month. That was about a month where I was buying altcoins which are like anybody can make up a Bitcoin, a cryptocurrency. I just fired up my Delta wallet so I lost my initial investment. I'm down $1,400 in this fucking venture but I still have three shares of Tron. There was this month like two and a half years ago where everybody was buying like, like, wait a minute, Bitcoin's at $10,000 but all these new coins are still at like

four cents, two cents, one cent. So I'll just buy 10,000 of them and then when they become worth $10,000 I'll be a billionaire. Most of them disappeared or died. I read that wrong. I lost $500 on Tron. I have 3,700 stocks or 3,700 pieces of Tron. So if anybody out there listening just starts buying and selling Tron, maybe we can manipulate this market.

The best part is like when all that stuff was happening, all these like just crypto dumbasses were like, I read a lot about Tron and it actually makes a lot of sense what they're doing. It's like, do they or are you just an 18 year old who's like down to get rich? You don't really know what Tron does. I don't think the makers of Tron know what Tron does. Jesus, yeah, it's just like fucking penny stocks. It's the market propped on absolutely nothing. Anyone can make these things.

That's right. It was a house of cards. So why is Bitcoin any better then? Because more people have bought into it? Yeah, more people trust it. More people bought into it and like there's actual real world applications of it. Like you're not buying anything with Ripple, but some businesses do accept Bitcoin. My laundromat takes Navcoin actually.

Really? Fire up the Nav wallet and do a fucking load of whites. No, I did lose close to a quarter trillion dollars. At one point, I owned 90% of the Ethereum in the marketplace. I strutted around like I was the king of this virtual world. You were on a private jet as it crashed and you had been, I guess, so rude to the pilot because you tried to come into the cockpit that he landed the plane when he found out you were in ruin and he just he booted you from the airport.

He just tossed you. Jazzy Jeff style onto the tarmac. Uncle Phil style to Jazzy Jeff, you mean? Yes, that's right. Yeah, so give it a shot. I don't know what apps are good for it nowadays. I still use Coinbase though I hear they're bad. So do some do some research into that.

Gemini? As always when it comes to financial advice, don't listen to us. Yeah, Jake did and he literally lost thousands of dollars. Yeah, that's true. What do I know? Yeah, take it from me who learned the hard way. All right, let's take a break. I'm going to check on my altcoins and we'll be back after these messages.

Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire headgum network, Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is, yeah. Yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time.

Yeah, for me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great.

Really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents' kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma. She was pregnant. We got her the Aura frame.

We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice, asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife. And you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit. This is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah.

Yeah, kind of like she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my god. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame? Holy smokes.

And we let her know with an Aura. Yeah, thank you. The Aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app. Add me to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me at a pool or something. That could be funny.

Yeah, like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah, it's a great gift. A really, really iconic gift. And right now you can save on the perfect Father's Day gift

and visit AuraFrames. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com. And our listeners can use code HEADGUM to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best-selling frames. There it is. Oh wow, this is timely. The deal ends on June 18th. So don't wait.

Terms and conditions apply. That's AuraFrames. A-U-R-A-Frames.com. Okay, go get your parents something, all right? And use the code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping. Right on. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation, talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place. And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area.

But BetterHelp makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient, flexible, and suitable to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist. And you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. It's incredibly helpful. Therapy has helped millions of people over thousands of years.

So give therapy a try. It can give you the tools to find a more balanced life. I've tried therapy. It's been very helpful. So you can find that balance better with BetterHelp. All you got to do is go to betterhelp.com. Slash if I were you. You do that today.

You can get 10% off your first month. So the prices are already affordable because you're not paying rent for a building somewhere that you have to drive to and wait in a waiting room. This is done entirely online, but you're still getting professional licensed help. And it's extra affordable. That's BetterHelpHELP.com.

Slash if I were you. Check him out. Thanks, BetterHelp. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a lift to the fire. Mom, I'm coming. Gross.

Not this week, man. But do you? Me, yes. Not so much about this reality, but about a virtual reality that I've entered. Um, that's right. I bought an Oculus Quest headset and remote controls. Do you know what that means?

I guess I know what it, I know what it means in a figurative sense. Your, your slow decline is, is complete. It means I never have to talk to you again. Right. That's what I, that's what I thought. You will leave this world for a better one. Yeah.

Yeah. And I don't have to talk and deal with shit in the reality. I haven't paid my mortgage this month. Yeah. But that's not real. What's real is VR. And in VR, I don't need you. That's the real world.

You're the fake world. You have real estate. I have virtual reality estate. As in, I can build a mansion with ones and zeros and then live in it virtually for the rest of my life. What are you playing? What are the games? Good question.

So I, I just learned about it. I mean, we knew about it because Mars has been touting Beat Saber for years now, but I always thought it was a very difficult thing to get and set up and attach to a PC. So it was like a little bit beyond my pay grade. Right. But then my buddy Sean got this Oculus Quest,

which is the same headset, but it's not attached to any computer because the computer is built into the actual headset. So you just put on this headset and you're in the universe. You're already there. Does it come with games in it on it? So there's, instead of games, really, there's apps. So some of the apps are free, like a VR chat

where you can walk into any world and chat with anybody who's in this world or universe. And there's like rooms that- How do you chat? You just, you're literally, you put on the headset and then it's like, where do you want to go? And it's like the Seinfeld department, a cliff in Iceland, underwater on the moon in Mars,

floating in space. And then as you choose that room, there's other people who have chosen that room anywhere in the world and you're just floating, walking up to them and talking to them. So like, I'm a giant fucking David the Gnome and I walk up to someone who's like a Garfield the Cat and I'm like, hello, what's your name?

And it's like, hi, I'm whatever. Mr. Trigger Man from Spain or whatever. Are you typing or talking? Talking, it's a built-in microphone video thing. So it's like an old AOL chat room, but come to life. And you're just talking, you're, ah, that gives me so much like anxiety. I would be so nervous.

Yeah, well, that's one thing you could do is this VR chat, but then there's also like Beat Saber. And then there's also this game I've been playing called Super Hot, which is right up your alley, which is like, you're just in a white void and you see a gun on the ground and you pick it up. And then there's like red robot mannequin men's who are like, all have guns in front of you

and they don't move unless you move. So if you go to shoot them, they all go to shoot you. But if you don't move at all, then they don't move. So as you like slowly lift up your gun and point it to his head, he's also doing the same thing to you. But then like, if you don't move at all, the bullet comes out really slowly so you can avoid it. And then like, as he shoots you, you shoot him in the head

and his head explode and falls down. And then it's like onto the next level. So it's like this John Wick robot shooting in the head game. And also as you shoot them, they throw their weapon up and you get to catch it with your other hand and like shoot another person. So you're just shooting people in the head, catching their guns, shooting other people

all in like matrix style, bullet time, slow motion. Are you standing up? Are you dancing around the room? Like, have you cleared space for all of this? Yeah, you need like a six foot by six foot rug that's relatively empty. So I use it right behind me here. Have you like stubbed your foot on a desk at all?

Like, are you pretty cautious? Like you're not jumping around the room. Yeah, not jumping and dancing, but like I'm reaching for like a machine gun on the floor and I like hit my computer. I'm like, oh, shit. It's like very, and then I like look up and it's like, oh, I'm just alone in this fucking empty office.

And then it's like, all right, back to being the fucking man. This John Wick God violence, man. Do you love it? I've been having a really, really fun time learning about it. And some of the games are super enjoyable. Like this super hot game. Another example of a fun thing. Once a day, there's an NBA game

that's broadcast on Oculus VR rooms or events. They're called the Oculus events. So you can basically put on the headset, join the crowd, which is like a virtual crowd who's watching this game courtside. So it's as though you're on the floor, you look to the left, you see one basket, you look to the right, you see another basket, you turn around, you see the virtual crowd.

And Ben Schwartz, who also has this Oculus headset, was able to join the event and sit next to me. So we're watching this basketball game. That's a real basketball game going on, just like you're watching on TV. But it's as though you're on the court and the players are running by you. And then if I look to my right,

I'm seeing an avatar that's Ben who's looking at me. And we can talk to each other during this game that's happening. That's wild. Wait, does the avatar look like Ben or is it a Garfield thing? It can look whatever you want. His looked like a pilot with a parrot on his shoulder. Can you make them look like you if you wanted to? Yeah, you can choose their outfits for every app.

You can choose the outfit, the hair, the glasses, basically like a me. Interesting. And the quality of the game, does it feel like you're watching on a headset? I feel like anytime I've worn VR headsets, I get a little dizzy. Or does it feel like you're there?

It feels like I'm there. And then I have gotten dizzy before in games where I'm walking. There's like two types of motion when you're walking in a game. One of them is like actually like walking like smooth motion. And that gets me very motion sick. And then some games have teleport where you're like, I want to go over there. And it just like snaps to you being over there.

And that makes you feel less nauseous. How do you go over there? Do you guide it with your eye? Do you have controls on your hands? Yeah, you have these two almost like joy cons, like little remotes that you're each have a D-pad. So you're like pressing up and it moves you. And it also has a trigger.

So like you're like holding it and shooting it like a gun in games where you have a gun. Jesus. Okay. Have you tried porn? I have not though I hear good things. I don't know which app porn is, but there's like YouTube VR.

So I'm guessing there's porn hub VR where it's like completely immersive. Wow. I'm only interested in it for the porn I think. Well, that's the thing. The universe is so vast. There's like, there's games, there's apps, there's social media things. There's like YouTube experiences.

There's like poker games. There's porn. It's like, it's almost like a new type of, it's not just like a Nintendo where it's just Nintendo games. It's almost like a new type of computer that you can wear. And I just wish I could like test it. I, you have to, I have to buy this thing. But you're saying there's nothing like crazy to learn.

Like I can just unwrap it, plug it in, put it on my head and I'm there. Yeah. That's what, that's what I sort of learned recently, which like I thought it was too technologically advanced to get into. Cause like I don't even have a PC and I don't want to like attach. Whenever I saw Mars set it up at the office, it was very complicated to me. But this is literally just like a headset that you put on and you're in

and like it throws you into like this yurt in big sir. So like right off the bat, like you're tricking your brain into thinking you're in the wilderness. And so, and it's like, it's picture perfect reality. Like it really, cause I feel like I've done, I've done like versions of VR where I just like, it feels like I'm in a video game and it doesn't, like it feels like I would be getting the exact same thing.

If I were just watching this on a really nice TV or something. Yeah. The, the TV is higher deaf. So like the image on a TV is sharper, but the fact that it's like you look to the left and look to the right and it's like you're still in the universe. It really does trick your brain into thinking that like, for a minute you're not trapped inside your apartment or house.

It's like a really good, my buddy Sean is like, this is like the perfect thing to get during quarantine where like you, you can't move very much. So like there's an app where you put on the headset and you choose a movie theater and you're like in a movie theater lobby and like there's a bunch of people around, real people. They're virtual selves, but yeah, they're real people in their houses and you can go into a movie theater and watch it on like a big screen

and you look to the left and right and people are watching this movie with you and it can even be a 3D movie because the whole thing is 3D. Wow. How expensive is it? What's the price point? What are we talking? It's not that expensive. It's about as much as a Nintendo switch.

Let me see. Um, Oculus Quest 64 gigabyte is $399. Okay. That is definitely less expensive than I thought it was going to be. It's not expensive. It's not expensive, but you don't have to buy a computer. It comes with a computer built in.

Yeah. And yeah, it's good for, it's also like has like fun fitness types apps as well. See like while you're playing Beat Saber, you're sweating a little and there's other like fitness related apps that let you dance or box or do whatever. Fitness apps are kind of cool. I've been, I used, uh, I do the Peloton app here in, in my apartment. Right. I wonder if Peloton is VR because that's sort of like, if you put this on and get on an exercise

bike, must be insane. Maybe a bike would be great because the Peloton apps that I do are like, uh, core strength ones. So I would be afraid that I would definitely be afraid to do a burpee with a VR thing on my face. Yeah. It's a little heavy, so I wouldn't want to do like squats with it on my head, but everything else is a little bit of a workout.

I would say I am, I think I'm kind of entirely convinced, honestly. Yeah. There's no risk if that's what you're worried about. Like you get it. And if at worst you just don't use it, but like at best you do use it sometimes and it's pretty awesome. And the more of our friends are on it, the more we can like use the social aspects like watching a basketball game together or watching a movie.

Like, you know, have you done like a zoom movie night where it's like, I'll watch it and I'll dial up the zoom or Netflix party and don't pause. And when you pause, I'll talk and all this stuff. Right. So this lets you like, I'm in a room with you so like I can whisper or talk or not while this movie is playing on a, in a movie screen theater. Can the other people that you're in the theater talk with talk or you like have to be quiet? Anybody can talk, but you can also mute anybody.

All right. All right. Yeah. I guess the risk is, I feel like I don't play my switch anymore. I got like a month, a month out of it. And that's not a good, that's not a good ROI on a switch. It's not a good investment because you never got into a specific game. You just need to get into one specific game.

But I think the quest has enough games and free apps that would keep you interested. Right. I guess maybe now I'm feeling like the risk, the bigger risk for me is that I, is that I get sucked in and I don't come back. Can you, you can't stream any of this on your Twitch, right? I think you can because it just has to be on my TV and the Oculus itself comes with like an app that lets you stream on the phone. So like if AviTel is playing Beat Saber, I can see what she sees on my phone or cast it to my TV.

Oh, so you can, you can play these things together. That's nice. Yeah. Well, I'm not really playing. I'm just watching what she's doing. Right, right. That's, yeah, that's what I meant. Right. To play together, I would need to also get a second headset.

And you can do that? Yeah, you can buy, I mean, you can just buy two headsets. And you guys would both be there. That's interesting. Okay. And if I bought one, me and you and Ben could go to a basketball game. Yeah, there's one game every day where it's like you can just sit down and basically feels like you're watching from the third row and you can sit down next to anybody you want

who's also in the theater. That's crazy. All right, sweet. I'll, I'll buy it. Great. Use my coupon code. Really? You had it, you have a coupon.

I figured. Yeah. Well, the thing actually costs $2.99, but I was going to buy it for you and say it was $2.99. So why don't you just send it to me and I'll send it to you. Yeah, just saw that. Wow, you piece of shit. Don't look that up. You absolute piece of shit. That one's not good.

It's used or some shit. Let me buy one for you. Oh, shit. It just went up. Venmo me $7,000. Every time a video game or a Dungeons and Dragons things, like gets delivered to this house, Jill doesn't, it's not like she's mad or upset, but she just looks at me with pity in her eyes.

Yeah. I'd be really sad if she came into this room and just saw me dancing in a VR headset. Yeah, there's nothing sadder. There's, there's a huge disconnect between what you see you're like immersed in this fucking John Wick world where you're like blowing people's face off and then like cut to someone watching you and it's just you're quietly on the floor wearing a headset in your underwear and like a dog position being like, oh, shit. This is, we did a cold, one of the cold opens in Lonely and Horny was, was this.

That's right, predecessor. That was the, the OG. That's where I first fell in love. That's right. You and Mia Malcova. But yeah, highly recommend it. Especially again for these times where you're like stuck in, stuck inside for 90% of your day.

Right. Okay. I'm done. I'm in. Sick. And I am sick. No. I, uh, yeah, I have a low grade fever.

102.6. So shitty. You have. All right. Let's try to get to more questions here. Enough selling you on virtual reality. I'm sold. Okay.

Good. And, uh, this guy has an ugly laugh. Oh. So we'll call him Janice, like the lady from friends with an ugly laugh. I remember that. Janice writes, hey dudes, a couple years ago, I saw a video of myself laughing and I thought, oh my God, I'm an ugly laffer. Oh no.

It's hard to explain, but I kind of look like an exaggerated version of Jake's Tom Cruise laugh impression in that I retract my head into my neck, creating something of a quadruple chin. My top lip also rolls up, exposing my teeth and too much of my gums. I was, I was horrified when I saw this, but, uh, assured that I was just being self-conscious and that laughter is an expression of joy so no one will notice her care. Fast forward to a week ago and I was laughing with a group of friends and one said, has anyone told you that you look weird when you laugh? Immediately.

Oh, that says that. We're spear confirmed. Don't worry, it's just your joy. Everyone. Immediately, everyone tried to make me laugh to see my quasi-modo ass face in action, but I was too embarrassed to laugh. So they all dropped it and moved on, but now I feel like an idiot because everyone noticed my ugly laugh.

My question is, should I try to change it? Is that even possible to do? Should I just try to embrace my fugly laughing face? Have any of you guys tried to fix a mannerism because it was off-putting to the common man? Thanks for the advice, Ned. A mannerism feels different. Like laughter is like an involuntary reflex. Like, yeah, that's just, maybe you can change your laugh.

That, I think that was a premise of a Jake and Amir, right? A new laugh? There was new voice for sure. Our new voice, yeah, new voice. I wanted to talk like this. So do I. This is my voice. Yeah, can you make that?

Can you just talk in a voice your entire life and then have that be your voice? I think you can definitely change your voice way easier than changing your laugh. Changing your voice is nothing. I could do that. Laughter is impossible. Yeah, laughter is a lot harder. I once tried to change my smile. Like, I would smile with just my top teeth and I thought it looked weird.

That, like, and you wanted that to be your smile? I hate it. That's the most chipmunk you've ever looked. That's what my smile used to be. Really? Yeah, top teeth only. Like, that was just your involuntary smile? Yeah, well, I don't know if it's involuntary because, like, when you smile for photos,

it's not like, it's almost like a smile that you reserve just for photos. You don't actually smile like that. Yeah, I feel like a slightly mouth open. That's what I do. Yeah, yeah. Show the whole, all the teeth, both rows, every single one. It is so stupid to smile in a photo. You have to smile.

Like, nobody wants to see a photo of you where you're not faking joy. Stand over there and smile. Now look over here and smile. You have to smile. When did it, like, the earliest photos got it right. That was just like, it was like, hey, we're going to take your picture. Like, just look like you always do. Look normal.

You don't have to look happy. I'm fine today. I don't have to, I'm never, I'm not just smiling, walking around like this. Well, I think the pictures mostly, most of the time now are like capturing a moment. You're like, you're trying to capture a feeling. And then like, everyone's happy. Everyone's having joy. And then it's like, okay, now it's time to post for a photo.

Stand in a row. Yeah. So it's sort of, but it does the, it does the moment a discredit, a disservice if you don't smile because you're like, this is a nice moment. So you have to sell it with the smile. Say cheese. Tricking your kids into smiling by making them say cheese. Cheese.

I wonder what came first, smiling or cheese, saying cheese. Probably smiling because that seems like a natural thing. And cheese is just like a word in the English language. So that's. I don't know which one came first. And I don't think anyone really could ever prove that fact. I know why you got a D now because you would posit these absolutely moronic questions in the middle of bio, was it?

Did you say you got a D in bio? What came first? Yeah. My question was about how this cell changes. The chicken or its leg. Taking a bite out of a turkey leg in the middle of class. Yeah. You can't eat that in here.

I like an ugly Laffer. I think that that's, I like, I prefer that because I feel like when I'm watching somebody laugh ugly, I'm like, wow, that person is fully committed. They are in the moment. There's no vanity there. The reserve is gone. I think there's something beautiful about it. So.

Fail is lifted. Yeah. Take, take that within your heart and go forward. I don't think you should change your laugh. I think you should embrace the ugliness because like when you're doing your ugly laugh, that's how your friends and everyone you love will know that they got you to really laugh. Like, you know what a courtesy laugh sounds like. You know what a fake laugh sounds like.

Anyone could do that. So this guy could change his fake laugh to, to being something else. But then your friends are going to be like, yo, you just gave me a courtesy laugh and I know because your real laugh is ugly and you look normal when you did that. And then you could be like, yeah, I gave you a courtesy laugh and you're being an asshole to me right now calling my laugh ugly. So I don't feel bad about giving you the courtesy laugh.

Okay. Or what about this? Or. Oh, the Kauai Leonard laugh. That way it's sort of like you're laughing, but like you're kind of accidentally shitting yourself at the same time. Anything that'll be an improvement from this laugh? We can't stand looking at you when you do it.

Are you laughing or you constipated? Are you happy or does your asshole hurt? I'm a hot laughter, but an ugly shitter. So when I laugh, I also look like Tom Cruise, but it's not like an impression. It just looks like him sprinting in Mission Impossible 5. But when I'm on the can, I look like a fucking turtle. Like I look like Mitch McConnell.

I get glasses and no chin. I'm on the can. I'm the man. I would love a video of my face while I'm shitting. Thoughts? My birthday's coming up. What the fuck are you suggesting to me? Do you really think that I can do that?

Your birthday? So what? I'm not suggesting anything. I'm just telling you that my birthday's coming up and I'm telling you about a gift that I would love to have. Which is a fucking- I don't know what's going to happen. Glory whole picture of you taking a shit.

Your face while you're taking a shit. Just my face. Timing that, setting that up. Knocked off while I'm taking a shit. A one by one. Perfect square of the face. That's what you want. You talked about potentially getting, yeah.

What about the VR thing? That seems like a good gift. Like it's something that you wanted to dabble in. It's like a pretty expensive price point. It's something you're not really willing to pull the trigger on quite- Would you rather have the VR headset or the picture of yourself taking a shit as a square? I think one of them is a little more thoughtful. I won't say which one, but I will say that I'd really love to have a video of my face while

I'm taking a shit. A video now. You want a video. You want a fucking hidden camera video of your face. Not even a picture anymore. You want like an 80 yet. Can I frame it up with you knowing it or does it have to be done in- I'd like it to be a surprise.

I'd like it to be a surprise. It won't be. It won't be. Your birthday's in two days. I can't surprise you with this video. I have to actually convince your fucking wife to take a video of you taking a shit as a gift. How is it going to be a surprise for you? She's going to be in there.

That sounds like an interesting plan. I was wondering how you would do it, but getting Jill involved would definitely work. There's not a lot in our bathroom. She would never. She would never do that. Are you insane? And nor should you let her want that. And then once I have the video, what do you want with that?

I have a fucking video file. Are you taking a dump? That's your gift. Congratulations. Check your email. And it's a video of you taking a shit. Your face. I was going to say if it's, well, because I want it to be high res.

So it'd be, I would do like a Wii transfer or Google Drive. Okay. High res like an iPhone video. Yeah. 1080 ideally. But I don't want to talk about it anymore because then I won't be surprised. Okay. We're getting too much into the weeds here.

And look, if I wake up on my 35th birthday and I have a video of my face, while I taking a shit, then that's awesome. Why? Maybe you do a Wii transfer. Why? Don't worry about how I'll get you the file. It's not going to happen. And why do you want it?

I don't want it. I don't want it to be compressed as all. Yeah. I don't want it to be compressed. But I'm compressed. Yeah. I won't compress the video of you taking a shit for your birthday. I want it HD.

Styly. So it has to be more than an iPhone. I have to fucking set up a DSLR in there or something. An iPhone, an iPhone has some really high quality. If you have a DSLR, it would be preferred. Okay. Okay. Then why bring it up?

Asshole. I didn't. Oh my God. Now you're mad at me because the video of you taking a shit wasn't fucking shot on a nice Canon. It was shot on an iPhone, which I'm also not going to do. Okay. Oh yeah.

You're not going to do it. I love it. That's perfect because I do want to be surprised. So you're not going to do it. Okay. No expectations. Yeah. All right.

It's on Wednesdays. Don't change your laugh. Yeah. Don't change your laugh, but you should change your attitude. Wait, me or him? You. Oh, fair enough. Yeah.

Your laugh is beautiful and so are you. All right. That was our show. That was our ep. If you have your own questions or theme song, send them all down to, if I were you, show at gmail.com. The opening theme song was, I don't know if you remember, it was the Shigard, Cigar, Cigar, Cigar, Cocaine Lemonade,

who's got an EP called Cocaine Lemonade coming out. And this closing one was written by a guy named Eli Smiren. Eli Smiren. It's hard to pronounce names. I hope I'm doing it right. He said, everybody should be donating to whatever organizations support Black Lives Matter. But since I think a lot of people know about it,

I'd like to plug votesaveamerica.org, where you can take action in different ways to help kick Trump out of office. That would be nice. Great. Also, my friend Josh would want me to plug his YouTube channel, but I'm too lazy for that. All right.

Thanks, Eli. Sorry, Josh. Would you go by Eli or Ellie if it was Eli? Eli. That's cool. Yeah. Eli Manning style. Okay.

Yeah. Thanks, Eli. Thanks to Cigard. Thanks to you guys for listening. We'll be back next week for more of us. Check out the Head Gum podcast on the Head Gum network. Oh, yeah. That's right.

And we're also on Patreon making new videos every week. You can listen to those as podcasts, or you can watch them at patreon.com. Slash J-A. J-A, baby. And we'll be back next week. See ya. That was a Head Gum podcast.