If I Were You - 452: Hawaii Time

Episode Date: September 14, 2020

In this episode we convince ourselves to move to Maui, then discuss Corona Bullies and iPhone aliases.Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fmSee omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. What is that end from? Is that a jake in a mirror? Did I say that on the pod? I would think the pod because it sounded really clear of you saying that I have a bad voice. Right, yeah, that's good. I really liked the remix of like a weird sound that you made. It's kind of cool. It was very like it reminded me of a Tom Green Freddy Got Fingered adjacent song. That's nice. Grandpa, would you like some sausage? Exactly.

Very good. Connor wrote that and he says, play it on the show and at the beginning, please. I want it at the beginning, please, okay? It's going to be really good at the top of the show, please. I'm here and Jake, just the top. I look like Daniel Radcliffe.com, please, by Connor. So I don't know if that's a real URL, but... Let's test it out. It is. There we go.

He does not look that much like Daniel Radcliffe. Yeah, but you don't have to look that much like him to have the URL. Does he look more like Radcliffe or do I? This is so insane. It's like the top image is not even aligned quite right, so Daniel Radcliffe looks just like four inches taller than him. Yeah. Then underneath that, it says, I look just like Daniel Radcliffe. Then there's an about and a contact and below that, it says, I look a lot like Daniel Radcliffe. The about is, hey, my name is Connor and ever since I was a teenager, I've had a couple people tell me that I look like Daniel Radcliffe.

So I thought I'd better do something about it. Do something? So it was time to take drastic measures and I was gonna, yeah, make a website about it. Good stuff. All right. Good stuff. Thanks, Connor and the host of I Look Like Daniel Radcliffe.com. Shout out.

Congratulations on that. Hope you use Squarespace. All right, we're back. Post Labor Day. Still in our two different states. I'm in fiery California. You're in smooth, smooth New York City. What's the weather there?

It's a beautiful day. Perfect day. 73 partly cloudy. Wow. No humidity. Interesting. And you can see the sky? I can see the sky.

I can see the skyline. I can see out the Hudson East River. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Free power. I can see haze. So it's sort of this tan gray and it's not really the sky as much as it is like a melting mist.

A fiery ash that sort of burns away and lands on cars in this dusty fashion. The ash, the ash is coming down. The ash isn't currently coming down, but you can see it on like cars that were there overnight. So there's just like dusty ash. A nice dusting kind of like when you put like powdered sugar on a pancake or something. Right. Except it's like kind of like poisonous to breathe. Yeah.

Oh no, you don't want to be outside because you can't breathe that. Yeah. You can't breathe outside because you can't breathe that air, but like what do you think you're breathing inside? It's just the outside air that's gone in. Yeah. I'm hoping that it's somehow filtered because it's like I have an air conditioner and there's like filters happening.

So I'm hoping that inside my house is not as dangerous as outside. Definitely less. Yeah. I'm just curious because like, I mean, it still doesn't seem good. No. It's not good. No, it's not good because like every window sort of just lets in this like orange haze. It's almost like it's like 5 p.m. on Thursday, like that magic hour, but instead it's like

noon or something. Could I pause it a question to you? Because I think you're in a fortunate position in that you have like a choice where you would live. Yeah. So why do you choose this, the place where it's on fire and getting hotter and hotter? Because. In an unsustainable way.

Yeah. It was 115 on Sunday. Oh, in the grand scheme. The grand scheme of things. Yeah. Like living a place that would never be that hot. Yeah. Yeah.

That wouldn't be on fire. Kind of like it. Okay. Times a year. That's a good question. To me, every place has like pros and cons. So for example, if you want to remove fires, you got to get out of the entire West Coast. Like even Oregon and Washington are ablaze right now, worse than California, some might

argue. So like that eliminates those cities. Then you want to go a little further inland. Am I going to live in like the Midwest where it's like super cold in the winter and there's tornadoes? Do I live in the Southeast, maybe Florida, but then there's hurricanes there? Do I want to live in like Trump country and like South Carolina, North Carolina, beautiful cities, but like surrounded by, you know, MAGA heads all the time?

Do I move back to the Northeast where I live for 10 years, but then again, occasional hurricanes, cold winters? Very occasional. Very occasional. We can, you can weather. I think that's what I'm pitching is that if you move to New York, you'd have a healthier life. Yeah.

Except the, I think I prefer these weeks of ash to three to four months of winter. Wow. Yeah. I'm a, in my blood, I'm a California, Israel desert child where I need, I need like the warm dry air to the point where the East coast and the cold, the snow, the sleet, the winter remix that really bites into my bones and makes me feel worse than this. Then when the air is on fire outside your house, you're like, this is fine. As long as I don't have to do February in Manhattan or in anywhere.

Really Boston, Chicago, it's because the winter, this is not as long as the winters. What if it gets longer? Because I feel like the fires are definitely getting more and more intense, more and more prevalent. It's last, the season is lasting longer. And that's correct. And with climate change, not being a priority under the current administration, these times of year that's like weeks now will soon be months and then there'll be fire seasons.

And at that point, I'm going to have to start looking elsewhere. Then you'll move. Yeah. Then you'll live somewhere else. What about Hawaii? What about Hawaii? Yeah. Like what's wrong there?

It seems like the weather's always nice and it rains like every day, but in like certain like parts of the islands and like it's like more of a fine ocean mist. I don't never hear about hurricanes in Hawaii. Are there any hurricanes over that part of the Pacific? The winters aren't very bad. And they're like some kind of like, I don't know, what's that huge like a monsoon, a typhoon? One of those like big waves. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Tsunami. Was that in Hawaii? That's like something that could happen or maybe did happen there. I don't think it did though. Yeah. There was like, oh, there was that warning for it, I think. Right.

That seems like the equivalent of earthquakes in California. Like occasionally you'll feel one, but it's not necessarily going to happen. Right. It's like, maybe this is like the fear of the big one coming. Yeah. Hawaii seems nice. The only, I mean, yeah, Hawaii seems fine. I'm down with Hawaii.

I looked into what's going on like corona style in Maui, for example. Like does anybody have it? Are they like super safe about it? Is it just like don't even come over to our island because we're so secluded? So what is Gucci and Maui? It looks like they don't have many cases and in order to visit, you have to quarantine for 14 days. So they're sort of doing like, yeah, like if I wanted to fly to Maui, they'd be like,

all right, but for 14 days you have to stay in a hotel. So like we're not like about that like come here for a week or a weekend lifestyle. Like if you're coming to Maui, quarantine for 14 days, make sure that for two weeks you didn't get COVID on that flight over and then we'll let you out. So it's more of a long-term investment. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'd be down to do like the winter in Maui.

Then we wouldn't have to record remote because we'd also quarantine separately then get to be together. Yeah. That's a good call. We could just move every person at head gum. So it's like we have like a Hawaiian office almost. So it's like everybody can just work in the office because, you know, we'll all quarantine and then we'll all be fine.

Yeah. We'll be there all winter. So it'll be like, you know, pretty temperate, won't be cold, at worst rainy, which is, you know, at the very least fresh air, it's not on fire. Right. And then we can sort of see how everything plays out election wise. So like if it goes south and there's like riots in the street because, I don't know, Trump is saying he doesn't consider the actual results legit.

And we're on an island 3000 miles west of California. And then I say we keep flying west because at that point I'm not returning to, I will, I renounce my American citizenship. Mainland wise. And any, any, it won't be my nation anymore. Oh, interesting. I will become, I will become a man with no country. How hot is that?

Would you move somewhere? Um, I, yeah, yeah, I would. Yeah. So that's a nation, right? Delaware, I think. That's America. First state. Right.

Yeah. The first state. Um, no, yeah. I would, I moved to, I'd become a Kiwi. I'd go to New Zealand. I think I'm not like technically allowed to do it though. It's hard to move to New Zealand. But maybe from Hawaii it's easier because it's like they sort of trust that we were

cool and copacetic on this island of non-corona people. That's interesting. That is interesting. Okay. Let's, let's, let's consider moving. Yeah. I wonder what the, yeah, real estate is there. Like, uh, can we get a condo up in fucking Kauai for three to seven months slash indefinitely?

Or is that like something everyone's trying to do and there's, and they're price gouging all those fucking assholes that are like, uh, fleeing the fire? Yeah, but most people have to work somewhere and we can work anywhere. It doesn't make sense that we're both living in expensive cities, especially if we can't even enjoy the amenities the city has to offer. Yeah. Yeah. We're, I'm paying New York prices with a, with no New York lifestyle.

Yeah. There's no upside. We should move to Detroit or Maui. I choose Maui then. Really? Given the option. Yeah. Cause the real estate in Detroit's actually pretty affordable too.

That's true. Everything's closed, which is, you know, fine cause it is here and there too. All right. Yeah. If you can live, and it's just unfortunate that like your parents kind of already live in LA so you can't like really move too far away from them, that wouldn't be nice for you. Yeah.

But Maui is just as close as New York and they would rather visit Hawaii I would think than New York city. Okay. Fine. Yeah. Let's move to Hawaii. All right. Cool.

Should we still do this episode or do you want to just start looking into the details of like that hashtag Maui lifestyle? Let's do, let's do the episode, but continue thinking about Hawaii cause maybe we could do kind of like a cult thing too. Oh, interesting. Like a compound. Yeah. Like what if we just invited anyone listening now to like start checking out property in

Maui? Yeah. Like listeners in Maui? You think there's somebody in Maui right now being like, yeah, I can help you sort of, I could be your man on the street here or woman on the street. Hang on one second, I'll check our art 19 stats. Oh, it's, it goes down to state, state by state. Yeah.

Goes down to, it goes down, I think it even goes down to like city by city. Wow. I can, I can look up where we get the, the most to the least listens. Okay. Here's a question. Are there cities on Maui or is Maui just an island and there's like the little sections of Maui, but like there's no cities in Maui. That part, I don't really know.

Yeah. I wonder if there are 10, like is there a synagogue on Maui? Are people getting bar mitzvahed on Maui? Siri, can I have my bar mitzvah on Maui? What if I want to fucking have a benay mitzvah at the cannapaleali resort and spa? Wow. So it, it, it does not go down as far as that's crazy. I don't.

Are you seeing anything? We don't have a listening, we don't have a single listening in Maui. That's, that can't be. If you're listening in Maui, please let us know. Send a selfie of you running on the beach, listening to this pod. Maybe you're golfing somewhere. Okay. No, wait, there's, you're listening to us.

All right. We can, we can also broaden it. It doesn't have to be Maui. It can be another island as well. This week there was 331 listens in all of Hawaii. Oh, great. Okay. So if you're one of those 331 listeners in Hawaii, please let us know where we should

open up HGHI. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Oh, HGHI. That's awesome. That fucking Aloha for 2021. The other place that we could maybe do is, where do you think we have the least listens? That's the other place I was thinking.

In the world or in America? Yeah. In America, because that's what I'm looking at right now. I would go wherever we have like the smallest population, Wyoming, Nebraska, South Dakota, North Dakota, those giant planes. You were right when you said South Dakota. Okay. And we can.

Very good. Yeah. I wouldn't want to spend a winter there because it's really, really biting on those planes, but I wouldn't mind spending a summer at that motorcycle festival that's sort of responsible for millions of Corona cases. Sturgis, was it? Yeah. Yeah.

I could go first. Very nice. I could weekend in Sturgis if necessary. Why not? That's cool. And what's the temperature right now in Maui? I just assumed there's never any forest fires there. Let's see how to, all right, Maui.

Yeah. It's just 80 degrees and partly cloudy. That's just, wow. That's a nice place to be is right now. And actually, the website is MauiNow.com. You've been to Hawaii, right? We've been to Hawaii together. This is very relaxing there.

It's hard to be sad in Maui. And well, I've never been to Maui. I've only been to Honolulu. We've been to Honolulu a couple of times, right? Yeah. You've been a couple of times, haven't you? Yeah. Yeah.

And Honolulu is more of a city, but Maui is more of a island resort style vibes. I have like a cousin that lives in Kauai. Oh, interesting. My only hesitation with living in Kauai is that I don't like Kauai Leonard that much. So I'd hate to like shout him out. If you were a Laker, you would fucking love Kauai Leonard so much. He'd be my favorite player ever. He's so fucking reserved and strong and good.

He's like, yeah, the second coming of Kobe Bryant in a way. But because he didn't choose us, I'm sad and I don't want to live in Kauai. Yeah. That's fair. But I mean, that always sounds good. So we'll go with Maui. We'll look at real estate there, both permanent and semi-permanent. Maybe there's like an Airbnb we can rent for a few months or something.

Or if one of those, one of the 331 people listening, any advice, maybe you have a compound there that's not being used right now. Right. That'd be really helpful. It's also a very blue state, so you're not going to like be dealing with a bunch of Trump supporters in Hawaii, I don't think. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah.

Real estate's not cheap there. In Maui, yeah. It's all beachfront property. Yeah. I mean, the cheapest, I just searched on Zillow for the cheapest place. Oh wait, never mind. That was a suggested home. So there are cheap places.

That's good. I don't think they're nice yet though. Airbnb though, or you're looking at like straight up purchasing? I don't rent. I don't give money to the damn man. I split a purchase with the bank. That's cool. That's what I do.

I split a purchase with the bank. If we can go all cash on some of these places, that would be solid. Yeah. Or why don't we just go Dutch? Oh, nice. On a condo in Holland. Really? Yeah.

Like go really Dutch. This is as Dutch as it gets. We'll become fucking, we'll become Dutchmen all the day. Yeah. Amsterdam was really fun. I don't know what it's like weather-wise, but I can only assume they have corona in a better situation than we do in America. Well you can assume that based on just where, we have it the worst.

So anywhere else is good. Yeah. I hear Brazil's pretty bad. It's fine. Yeah. Okay. That's good. It's good that we're not dead last.

This is if I were you. The only advice podcast on the internet that has two hosts sort of in a depressed haze looking to move far, far away from their current places. I'm Amir. That'd be awesome. I'm Josh. It'd be cool if it actually happens because like we'll be able to pinpoint where it started. Like this, this was the episode where Jake and Amir talked about moving to Hawaii or

Detroit. Yeah. And now they live there. It's been like 10 years and they're just in Hawaii. The thing is, I don't think you have the guts. Did you do it? I'd have more of the guts now because everything is sort of unlivably bad in California. Like five years ago, I'd be like, California's no Hawaii, but it's close enough and it's,

you know, there's a city here, friends, family and stuff. But now I can't see anybody or do anything. There's no point to being here. I can't even see my parents. What would you do today if you were in Maui? I would probably go on a jog, go on a jog, eat in a Saibol, sort of like walk to the beach and listen to a podcast while like dipping my toes in the water, going back, watching like basketball would start at 2pm.

It would be like an afternoon sport. Then I would have the entire evening to do whatever the fuck. I don't know, watch a movie, play video games, make dinner, fall asleep. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be nice. Making dinner. I don't know now, but like there's not just this orange hazy smoke monster outside.

So like, you don't smell the sadness in the air as much because it's like a fresh ocean breeze in Maui. And when you're in Maui, everything just sort of, it's like a don't worry, be happy style life. Would you start surfing or would you be more of a, you'd be the jog? Yeah. I don't. Maybe swimming.

I don't know if I can take a dip. Yeah. I would boogie board. Boogie. It's fun to boogie. Surfing is like, that's a, you got to get there early. You got to have like a cool lifestyle. You got to have abs.

You have to have good balance. I can't even stand on a skateboard. You want me to like stand on water. Right. No. Yeah. But I think, I mean, we could be boogie boarders and live in Maui. That's cool.

That'd be kind of dope. Remember Sean Joest? Yeah. He lived in Maui. Yeah. Well, he lived in Honolulu. Right. Yeah.

But he had like. Even before Corona and the fires, he was just like, Minnesota's cold and I can live anywhere. So I'm going to go live in Honolulu. Yeah. And he had a real job. So he like had to, his barrier to entry was a little harder than ours. We just need to like pack up a few shirts, bathing suits and a microphone. Literally nothing would change about our day to day lives except we'd be in a much better

place. We'd also, it would be easier. Nothing. It would all be the same. It would be easier. It would be better. Yeah. Nothing would change, but it would be better.

Nothing would change except it'd be better. Okay. So we should do it. We should move to Maui. Yes. Yeah. We're dumb if we don't. Yeah.

We're dumb when we don't. We're dumb because we haven't. Yeah. And we still probably won't sadly, but we can at least try. Let's at least try. Let's look at what's available in Maui. Yeah. Would you be able to vote if you were in Maui for November?

You could still mail in, I guess. Yeah. I already, wait, no, I haven't voted yet, but I'm voting early here, so I'll be able to do it before, before I even go to Maui. That's cool. Or I can have an absentee ballot or something, you know? Yeah. All right.

Cool. That's nice. That's important to vote. Any tips on how to reduce how much coffee I drink every day? Says, yeah, we'll call this guy fucking Phils. He's at a point where he gets mad headaches and can't focus unless he's had three to four cups of that bean juice. This guy's from Canada.

I've been there. I've been there. I still am there sometimes. And I think that it's not like, sometimes I just can't stop drinking coffee even though I'm making me jittery, even though I can feel it making me anxious. And then I'll just have a way too wired afternoon where I'm not actually getting more work done. I'm just sort of like, I have a feeling in my, yeah, I have a bad feeling in my stomach, and I have a lot of anxiety.

I think the way to do that, or I'm trying to do it myself, frankly, one for me has been to eat more because I was not eating enough and I was drinking too much coffee. Yeah, it sort of suppresses your appetite. Right. So I'd like wake up sometimes like skip breakfast and then have coffee and then I like would just drink coffee straight up until lunch and then that's not good. So I think, I guess I would taper. You can't go cold turkey, but if you have like three to four cups, try having three cups

and no more. And then once you level out there, you go to two and a half cups, you just bring it, you bring it down. No one's asking you to quit cold turkey. We're not saying zero cups of coffee, but get it down to one if that's what you want. Yeah, or have let like when you could still have it like twice, but like have half a cup instead of a full. So it's like, you still get that itch where it's like, oh, I'm still tasting it, but it's

like not as powerful or strong. Right. And what about drinking decaf? You could go half and you do like a half calf too. Yeah, that's true. A little happy. Do you ever do decaf? No, I never do, but I wonder if you would notice the difference.

Yeah, I think I mean, I probably would at least on my first cup. I feel like my first cup of coffee actually does something to me and then the rest is just like, because I like the taste and I like the ritual. Yeah. I mean, there's like an entire sort of Maui cottage here. That's like three bedrooms for like 4500 a month. It's cheaper than paying rent where we are for sure. We can almost rent out our place and live here for free really if you really want to

like talk about cost cutting. So like we're also getting rid of like the pain point of paying cash will probably break even and improve our mental health moving to Maui. Wow. Yeah. We send it to me. Wow. Yeah.

Let's take a break. We'll answer some real fucking questions on the other side of this break. All right. Enough. Let's get in touch with a realtor. Let's get in touch. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this head gum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire head gum network,

Jake. Wow. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah. Not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time.

Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes.

We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great. Really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo. Yeah.

Frame. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma. She was pregnant. We got her the aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife.

And you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit like, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God.

Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. She told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes. And we let her know with an aura. Yeah. Thank you. The aura announcement.

So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the aura app. Add me to your aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something that could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. So you can preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah. It's a great gift. A really, really iconic gift. And right now you can save on the perfect Father's Day gift and visit auraframes. That's A-U-R-A frames.com.

And our listeners can use code HEADGUM to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames. There it is. Oh wow. This is timely. 18th. So don't wait. Terms and conditions apply.

That's A-U-R-A frames.com. Okay. Go get your parents something. All right. And use the code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping. Right on. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation, talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place. And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area, but BetterHelp makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient, flexible, and suitable to your schedule.

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That's betterhelp.com, slash if I were you. Check them out. Thanks, BetterHelp. And we are back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a lift through the fire. Yes, yes, I actually do. My sister Rachel and her and her band, Honey Magpie, just released a new album.

Oh, a full album. Not just a song. Yeah. I think they're, I can't tell what they have released because I backed the Kickstarter, so I might have gotten it early, but it's called Midnight Morning. Honey Magpie is the band. The album is Midnight Morning and either the album is there or their first single is out Midnight Morning.

They're on Spotify though. You can find out. Oh, sweet. All right. So Honey Magpie is what to search and then the album is called Midnight Morning. Yes. Yes, yes. Tight.

Absolutely tight. Did you download the album? No, not yet. But I can now that I have internet access again. Oh, wait, was your internet was out? No, I just have been having rolling blackouts due to heat and fire. So like for hours at a time, I just don't have electricity, but I think I'm good to go now.

I really appreciate it if you'd support my sister's band is all. Yeah, I said I would, it was just really hot in here. I know you're going through your shit, but it's petty compared to the struggle of an artist. And it's because it's so hot out in the fire. They're sort of starting to come into the house and start to just trying to figure it all out. It's hard because without electricity coming in, she's seeking refuge.

I actually took in a family of coyotes, but in a sad way because they're all trying to kill me. I'm Noah's fart to dominate you know, that's good. My unsolicited advice, the exact opposite of your last week's off the grid, I am leaning into the grid more than ever. I'm getting more and more into tick tock. Oh, tick tock. And if you go to my page, it's literally a grid, a grid of the content that I'm uploading.

What's the last thing you uploaded? I got to tell you, I was fucking around with this app, I think starting in July and it all felt very foreign and crazy and weird and dancing and singing and I couldn't quite figure it out. But the more I get into it, the more I really like it. There's huge sub-communities like Reddit dedicated to everything. So there's like videos for everybody and it's not just like singing and it's not dancing and it's like you can get into tennis tick tock and learn how to play or tennis highlights.

You can go into cooking tick tock and learn how to make food. So in gardening, DIY, there's little bite-size entertaining content and the app does a very good job of showing you what's been upvoted and watched and viewed a lot and it also does a good job of blasting out the videos that I put out. Some of them are old videos of us, some of it are new videos that I put out there and if the algorithm finds it powerful or useful or people are finding it, I have some videos that have 600,000, 700,000 views. An old video of mine that I uploaded has 2 million views.

Wow. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. That's crazy. Avital uploaded two stand-up clips of hers that would get a couple of thousand views on Instagram. Each have one and a half million views. She has like 30,000 followers now on the app. It's really cool.

Holy shit. Is she going to keep on uploading those? Yeah, of course. It's amazing. That's pretty smart. It's insane. That's crazy. It's amazing on the front page of YouTube, but it's all done through TikTok.

Wow. I should tell my sister Liza to put her stand-up on it too. Yeah. People discover stuff with hashtags, but there's other different ways, like filters. You can search by green screen filters, anybody that's done a green screen video, anyone that's done a duet video. It started off very immature and I felt very old on the app and now I feel like I'm starting to understand what the hell is going on there.

Very cool. Yeah, I downloaded TikTok, I think maybe around the same time you did, and I went the other way. I recently deleted it. Yeah. You got to get back in there even without posting videos. Just like videos of rock climbing, Yosemite, whatever the fuck, fitness, there's a bunch of fitness videos.

There is something for everybody not on Reddit. I think I needed to just do a better job of curating. I was just in the random discover page. Are you following specific communities too, or is it just like based on your behavior, it's showing you those communities? Based on my behavior and based on my likes. When you fire up the app, it shows you your for you page, which is just like trending videos that they think you'll like, and then there's also a different tab that's like people

that you follow. It's like, oh, I like this guy who's making food. Yeah, I'll follow him. Oh, I like this whatever dude that's doing political humor, I'll follow that, and then it shows me. Then your discover page starts to show you more stuff like that. Yeah, exactly. And there's also just a bunch of silly stupid videos as well, like a guy who goes to McDonald's

and orders food and then pours all the food on his face and lap inside of his own car to prank the people who are working there, but they're all just confused. Why did you pour a milkshake down your shirt? So stupid fucking ridiculous content like that is fun to watch as well. Wow. All right. And how is your VR world? VR has taken a backseat to TikTok.

Really? Yeah. You're spending less time in VR and more time on TikTok. Yes, because now I'm trying to like game TikToks. I'm like watching these videos like which sounds are trending? How can I like make a video that blows up in this fucking hashtag because I'm trying to get as many followers as possible on TikTok so that as Twitter and Instagram invariably die like Facebook did, I still have this community of followers somewhere.

Interesting. So if you're on TikTok or if you want to get TikTok, follow me, OKBloomer is my name. Man, I just don't, I'm almost convinced to redownload it, but I have to, I've got to wait and let it marinate. It's very like, it's almost like Instagram on drugs, it's just like feels very hyperactive and there's so many like niche, interesting little things about it. I also, somebody emailed me and verified me, shout out to Anthony and told me about like the TikTok Creator Fund, which I qualify for, that TikTok like pays people to post.

They pay you per view. So there's like a world where if I post popular videos, they'll give me cash, which is like this weird ad bonus, I'm not really sure how that works out. That's nice. Yeah. But I'm learning about that. Maybe the other platforms aren't doing that. Yeah.

I think they're trying to win over creators that have put their stuff on YouTube and Instagram and they're like basically saying. Right. I guess it's like a music model too, right? Like on Spotify, you get paid per play. Yeah, exactly. Not a lot, but. People post their music on there for sure.

Somebody posted an old video of us that got like hundreds of thousands of views. I'm like, oh, I should post old videos of us. I have old videos of us. I am us. Yeah. Can we just post Jake and Amir's on there? It's tough because it has to be between 15 and 60 seconds. So we can't post full episodes.

They also have to be edited vertically and it helps to have subtitles. So like it's best to like take like fun 30 second chunks of videos, but it also can't be the only thing you post. So I'm posting some new stuff, some old stuff, seeing what works out well and what doesn't. But it's been fun. Gaming it indeed. Gaming it. You are brother.

So check it out. Tiktok. I don't know if you guys have heard about it, but it's pretty fun. Yeah. It's this niche app that we should probably get paid to endorse it, but here I am doing it for free. Wow. They're running commercials.

Have you seen the Tiktok commercials? I have on the Bill Simmons podcast that he was talking about Tiktok. I was like, oh, I could talk about Tiktok. In fact, here's an example of a seven minute editorial I just did. They're also doing like television commercials. Yes. I have seen during basketball. It almost looks like a Facebook ad.

It's like. They're showing like all the cool, interesting videos you can view. You're just one click away. Heartfelt moments. Yeah, exactly. There is something for everybody. There is something to it. Check it out again.

Okay. Fine. That's just my advice for you. Everybody else can take it or leave it. All right. Cool. Done. All right.

Should we try to answer a few more questions before we move to Maui? Yeah. Why not? I just popped up this Airbnb you sent me. My God, man. It seems very relaxing, right? Yeah. That's really nice.

And like the bad part is quarantining for two weeks in a hotel, but even that part sounds fine. Definitely. Because you're sort of still in Maui while you do that. Two weeks of what you're basically doing now, except the reward is that you are in Maui after and right now you're in, you're still in the same place after. Yeah. So like instead of opening the window and hearing a freeway and breathing smoke, you'll

open a window and hear the ocean and breathe fresh air. That's good. Oh, here's a guy that's been ridiculed by his co-workers for being cautious about COVID. So we'll call him Kohner. Kohner. Kohner. Spelled Kohner. Right.

I love it. I work at a law office that has brought 33% of its attorneys back to the office. Still cautious over COVID, I decided to use one of the empty offices to eat my lunch instead of a communal break room. Living in our own office is not allowed. So during lunch, a couple of co-workers walked by and roasted me for my choice. They even fetched other people to come watch me eat through the glass window. After that, I moved to the break room just in case my manager didn't approve.

I didn't want to have a disciplinary hearing scheduled or anything. Was I in the right or was what they did weird? Yeah, that one. Yeah. They're bad. You're cautious. You're not supposed to just go into work where they're probably not testing you and they're just all eating and breathing in a small room together.

That's the number one way to get it. It's so weird to me that people that aren't essential workers that have been able to work from home this entire time are being told to come back into the office before there's a cure. Yeah. What's essential about these 33% of attorneys that work at their office? It's crazy. Just why rush?

There's no need to do that. I asked them. I responded and I said, where in America is this? Do you have any guesses? What state? Georgia? Close. Texas.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There you have it. Why is half the country wrong on it? That doesn't make any sense. There's no other country where half the country is just wrong on this thing. That's my question about literally any debate we're having in America right now.

Women's rights to choose. Why is half the country wrong? Climate change. Why is half the country wrong about this? Yeah. It doesn't make any sense. It makes sense that there are people that are trying to divide us, but it doesn't make sense that it's just so specific, so inconveniently even.

Yeah. It makes sense that they're trying to divide us. It just doesn't make sense that it's working. Yeah. Yeah. Like anybody can think we're dumb, but why are they right about it? Why is it accurate? It's just so unfortunate.

Yeah. It's so unfortunate. Because he's not only loud, but it's working for him. So he'll say stuff that shouldn't work, but then most people agree with him, or at the very least, majority of large states like Florida and Pennsylvania. Who is our congressional representative in Maui? That's a good question. We should know about local politics before we move there.

But I did look up and Hillary got 60% of the vote there, which is pretty high compared to other states. All right. Nice. Yeah. Nice. Okay. But that's a pretty blue state.

Okay. That's good. That's good. All right. One last question. Yeah. Here we go. We'll call this guy Barack Obama because he's from Hawaii.

Over the last year, I had to change the contact names of all the females on my phone in case I would get a text in a romantic way. This girl I consider a friend had really hard feelings for me for reasons of wanting to protect her. I changed all the girls' names I'm interested in to common guys' names like Phil or Bob so that my female friend wouldn't be upset. But here's the problem. I no longer need to encode the female names to talk on my phone because I recently got

back on the dating scene. This problem is I forget the true identities of some of the names of the people I talk to. I met most of them on dating apps, so how do I re-find out the girls' names without offending them? I mean, you can't. Why did you do what you did? Because he'd be getting texts from Phil and Bob instead of Carol and Caitlyn, so if he's

seeing a girl. But you didn't have a girlfriend. Yeah. He had a girl that he was interested in, and she would see that. Oh, I thought he said, okay, I thought it was just his friend. I thought he said it was his friend. I think he was saying it like a lady friend, something more than a friend. Yeah.

A friend that would get offended that his phone would be blowing up with lady names. So someone he was dating, getting more serious with that he wanted, okay. So he changed it all, and now he's like, I'm not seeing that girl anymore, but all the phones, all the names in his phones are like Phil and Bob and Joe, and he can't, he feels bad asking what these ladies' names are. Okay, so go back into the dating app where you originally met them, find the number, type it in your phone, press call, and it'll say calling Bob, and then you can hang up really quick and change it.

Yeah. That's if you still have the messages. Right. I guess if he deleted the apps while he was dating this girl, that's going to be an issue, but I feel like he, I feel like this guy didn't delete anything. He just hit it, right? It's not like this guy, he didn't delete these girls' numbers. He didn't stop texting them.

He just changed their names. So I feel like he's a little secretive horn dog. I feel like this app just went to the back of his phone and he turned the notifications off. I think that's what happened. That's good. What about the classic, hey, just got a new phone, what's your name, what's your, how do I know you or whatever the fuck?

I think you just don't ever ask their, like you can't text somebody and say what's your name and then also try to have sex with them. That's not it. Oh my phone. Oh my God. My phone just deleted all my fucking texts. I'm so sorry. Who is this again?

That's believable. Yeah, but you also could just, anybody whose name you're talking, like any, like if you're talking to Phil and you don't know Phil's real name, why do you need to know it? Why wouldn't you just be like, hey, how is your week going? You want to meet up and then you guys meet up and you know how much she won't say her name. But like, oh, that's Seinfeld? Yeah, exactly.

I feel like, I feel like he hasn't forgotten the names of the people. He just forgot the name that he changed it to. So it's not, you know, like if he sees somebody, he'll be like, oh, this person is this person. Right. Like, I think he just confused himself. I don't think you need to know everyone's name. You'll get that information soon enough. Yeah.

Like you'll meet up and then you'd be like, all right, let's use some ID and see sort of like doing like, I think he'll know that I think he'll know them when when they meet up. I think he'll know them when they meet up. Not if he never got met up with them. Oh, I don't know. I feel like I thought he was talking about you just get a scent like this is a Jessica. Like you're getting that.

I thought that he was talking about girls that were that he had been hanging out with that are trying to meet up with him, try still texting him and stuff. Yeah, I think if he's like straight up starting from zero, yeah, just like I was flirting with these people. No, I don't know their names. That's right. It's still fine. It's still fine.

You can get the name on the day. All right. Get the name on the day. But I suggest also saying, I just had to get a new phone because I went fucking skiing hella skiing and it dropped and I had to get a new iPhone 11 Max. It's really nice. It's rose gold and I want to know what your name is. It's like, I don't want it's so unsexy to text anyone that you had a problem with your

phone. It's not a problem. It's I had an issue where I where I where I lost all of my contacts. I went to the genius bar adding all my old contacts. My phone's in rice you I'm texting you from my dad's iPad. Hold on. My fucking kid sister needs to watch TikTok. Don't text me for like an hour, but let me know what your name is via email.

Subject line your phone number, please. Thank you. I'm filling out my Rolodex actually. I want to know your address, your middle name, write it on a card. Here's a random question. What's your middle name? And then she'll say like, Sarah, and you're like, so what's your full name? And then she's like, Jessica.

Sarah Jessica Parker, Sally, Jesse, Raphael, holy shit. All right. A lot of options. Let us know what you end up going with. All right. That's it. That's our episode. We daydreamed a lot, but we finally got it.

We answered some questions. Yeah. Yeah. For more questions and actually for your questions and theme song, send them to if I were you show at gmail.com. The opening one as you remember was by Connor and this closing one is by Matthew Trevano. He hopes you like the song because it's a parody of one of his own songs called Back to You.

If you could plug the song, it's on all streaming services. So there you go. Cool. A song called Back to You by Matthew Trevano. This is a parody of that song. There's also more videos of us doing these podcasts, watching Jake and Amir episodes, all that stuff on our Patreon, lonely and horny season one and two, and that's at patreon.com slash ja.

We're also on this week's Headgun podcast. So listen to that. The headgun. Both of us together. A lot of content. A lot of content for you to enjoy as everything burns, burns, burns. There is a season burns, burns, burns, burns. All right.

See you next week, everybody. We got questions for Amir and the bitch, not to worry, send them to if I were.