If I Were You - 455: Rubik's Cube

Episode Date: October 5, 2020

In this episode we discuss birds, hoops, and Tik-Tok in a lightning round fashion.Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a Head Gum Original. I need a helping hand. Here's what I do. Here's what I don't even know if I were you. If you find yourself out again, or you can't stand your stupid friends, maybe these two Jews are both Tom and Matt. Tell me what to do if I were you. Here's what I do if I were you. Wow, that put me at ease. It was calming and nice to hear. I'm like, blissed out Zen capital right now, man. Well, you did take that edible an hour ago, and then I saw you sipping on scissor,

so it looked like you were just sort of chilled out, zenned out before that song started playing. I had a cognac on my way back. Yeah, it's 4.30 on the east coast. It's really light out, and you're sipping a port. Yeah, a syrupy digestive. Don't do that so early. It's still a brandy. The decanter has made its way into the living room. That's right. Don't act like it's 1 a.m. after a long fun dinner, and you're just sort of wiped and happy and ready for sleep. It's like Friday afternoon.

I'll have an espresso. Head to bed for eight hours, wake up at two in the morning. You're on Barcelona time is the problem. That's a siesta, baby. That was written by Edison Lowe, great name, who's a full-time touring musician in LA, makes sense, but now is just a mostly unemployed asshole thanks to COVID. But he has stuff on Instagram. I am Edison Lowe, just L-O for Lowe. I am Edison Lowe, cool. Nice. I liked it. It was great.

I wish I knew more about music because I can say, oh, that sounded just like, I know it sounded just like something, but I don't know what. It's kind of sound like Sufjan Stevens' Death Cab for Cutie. I don't know anything about music either, but I know like three indie pop acoustic bands. Yeah, and that sounded like all of them melted together. That's right, and it was, and that's all of the bands that I know. Ch-ch-ch-ch-Trump Corona. Nice. Nice. Trump Corona.

Yeah. Good stuff. We're recording this on Friday. If he's dead on Monday, would you release that? Would you really use that? I, if he actually, if he did pass away, honestly, thoughts and prayers, like I don't wish poor on anybody. If he released that, I will, if he dies, I will start an only fans. I really will start an only fans. Yeah. For that song? I want, I want my, that moment of elation just sort of captured on video. Yeah.

I want to like, literally, naked. I'll just do, I'll do the fucking nude, whatever the fuck. Right. And the den in it? That's you swinging your flaccid penis around in a circle. Yeah. I thought you were going to say, we're recording this on Wednesday, so we're just fingers crossed. Who knows? He hasn't been tested yet, but we really hope. We should do something like that someday. I'm surprised we haven't done it before. Yeah. Recording this on Friday, found out last night. Like I said on Twitter, couldn't have happened to a more deserving person.

He sort of makes fun of people for wearing masks, brags, downplays the coronavirus. It's somewhat directly responsible. Yeah. For people getting it. He should have had it by now. Honestly, he just sort of walks around hugging strangers for a living. He went to a fundraiser after knowing that he was around someone who was sick, endangering other people's lives. He makes fun of other people who are sick, either disabled or like when Hillary was feeling faint. So like, you should have no qualms, sort of wishing poor on this man. I would agree. I would say that it's nice that it happened now. I feel like the timing's good. You know, like middle of the election, there's like a lot of stuff.

The stakes are high for him. This is like the worst time for him to get the virus. Yeah, you want to like maybe like maybe get like a couple days before the election would be worse. Is this almost like the exact same timing as like the Access Hollywood tape also though? Yeah, grab him by the pussy. Was that like in October? Yeah, what's worse for him is like a tape that comes out bragging about sexual assault or like him getting coronavirus. Probably the sexual assault was worse and he's still one. It's also funny timing though because like the big story a few days ago, like on Tuesday was that he paid $750 in taxes and now he's probably just going to get away with that one.

That's not going to come up again. Which is why the conspiracy theorists are out in full blast. Like, don't you understand he's doing this? He's just saying that he's sick. Oh, another distraction. Yeah, he's distracting us from the fact that he didn't pay taxes. A distraction from the taxion. I don't think he really knows like when he's doing a distraction. He's chaos and we are distracted. But that's not like him being like, I'm smart. I'll distract him with this.

He just happens to do a lot of bad things and so they all kind of blend together. It's a train wreck and it's just our job to be like, oh look, now that's brain. Oh look, that's on fire. So we can't really keep track of the entire 20 car train but there's something horrifying in every single car. Yeah, and like you said, the election's a month away. So it's like, all right, for the next two to three weeks, he can't be at a rally. He cannot like drum up support. He can't campaign. Yeah, it's awesome.

Basically, if he still wins, then it's like, that was it. That's it. Like, we gave it the best shot. He had the corona thing. He had the protest thing, the dead soldier thing, the taxes and then he got sick and he still won. So like that was, it's like if the Lakers can't beat the heat. It's like, if we didn't beat them with their injured players, then yeah, we don't deserve to win the championship. And I think Melania Trump, there's like a tape that leaked yesterday of Melania Trump saying like, the kids in the cage is big fucking deal. Yeah. Which is awesome.

And she's like, who likes Christmas decorations? Yeah. I noticed that whenever a tape leaks of Trump or Melania saying something anti-religious or like anti-Christmas, like that's the only time I agree with them. It's like, yeah, who does give a shit about Christmas? That's actually pretty endearing Melania. Yeah. Like leaking that Trump's called these super priests and pastors who run these mega churches, con men.

I'm like, yeah, I agree with that. I only agree with the secret shit you say. Nothing you're saying on the record. Yeah. All right. But you know what? The show must go on, I guess. So here we are answering questions.

I posted about it on Twitter. I also posted it about these questions on the new Jake and Amir Patreon Discord. Oh shit. That's right. Very cool. That's fun. On the Head Gum server, the Head Gum Discord, there's a channel now for Patreon. Yeah.

I love the Head Gum Discord. What a fun community. Yeah. I wasn't really super familiar with Discord. It's basically like a dynamic chat room. So like people are in there. Like a hyperactive Reddit, but it's an ongoing Slack or chat room where a bunch of our fans are there.

There's a Head Gum server, which is like the main room that you can hang out in. And then there's sub channels. And one of them is the Jake and Amir Patreon chat, which is just for our patrons, I should say. And so I asked if anybody has any questions there as well. I love that you did that. But let's hit up Twitter first. First question we got is not necessarily groundbreaking, but one we've never answered before.

Brendan Metz asks, what's your favorite soda flavor? I guess that's true. We have never answered that. I think it's because I don't have soda. I guess I have like Lacroix and stuff, like seltzer, sparkling water. Yeah. But I never had like Coca-Cola or Dr. Pepper or Pepsi growing up. Right.

I mean, I love a Coca-Cola now. When I was younger, I would have a Coca-Cola for like every single night with dinner, sometimes for breakfast. I'd have like an egg o' waffle with butter and a glass of Coca-Cola before school, before fifth grade. And that was fine because you're 10 and who cares? Yeah. It's like, okay, Coke for breakfast.

Yes. And I would have Coke for breakfast pretty often. I wasn't having Coke. It was because I was eating cookies and I would have milk with cookies. So sometimes before school, I had cookies and milk. And other times I had an egg o' waffle and a Coca-Cola. It's weird that you now are not into sweets, as you say. I'm more of a sweetsman than you, but you grew up having all this sugary stuff.

Maybe that's what ruined it for me. You got turned off. I still like sweet. I like sweet drinks. I like, I mean, I like coffee either way. I like it black and I like it with sugar. I love Coca-Cola. I just, and I like an old fashioned.

That's kind of a sweet drink. Yep. Yep. I like eternal palmers. They're a little bitter though. So now you're back on sodas, what you're saying? No. Oh, no.

I mean, I, now, even though I like that stuff, I just drink it sparingly and I don't really miss it, you know? Yeah. But anyway, the question is what's our favorite flavor of soda? Yeah. I think the, every, like maybe a couple times, really not very often, maybe like a couple times a year, I have one of those tall Mexican Coca-Colas. Oh yeah.

And I think that is- The super boys. Yeah. I love it so much. So I think that's, that's my answer. Do you remember the last time you had a tall glass bottle of Mexican Coke? I do. It was in February when I was in Mexico.

I was in Sayulita and I think it was like February 18th. Whoa. That's, we're coming up on the eight month anniversary of that. You should do something to celebrate. Pretty cool. Maybe you should have like a unflavored LaCroix in its honor or something. Yeah. Maybe I could get a, I could get a Mexican Coke because it's been eight months.

You can have a champagne, which is kind of a, kind of a soda if you ask me. Okay. Why don't you just focus on yourself and I'll, I won't sell it at the end. I'll have a Mike's heart lemonade for brunch. It's not really a big deal. It's also not that close to the eight month anniversary. It's the second today as we're recording. Yeah.

No, I'm saying it's coming up two weeks away. Yeah. Does ginger ale count? Yeah. Ginger is a flavor. I like a ginger ale. Used to have it on airplanes. Now those don't exist anymore.

So I haven't had them in a minute, but yeah. I like ginger ale. I think it's my favorite. When was the last time you went on a, when was the last time you had a ginger ale? Actually recently. I had it at a friend's house. We were socially distance watching the Laker game at Jesse's house. And he's like, I have ginger ale too.

If you want, I'm like, yes, I do want ginger ale. I probably haven't had a ginger ale this year. Yeah. It was still as good as I remember it. I asked for it in a little plastic small cup too, just so I can get the full. Yeah. A tiny little red stirrer thing. Yeah.

And like two very thick ice cubes that are hard to bite through. Right. The circular ice cube and a really like rough square napkin. Yeah. Like doesn't really seem like it would absorb anything. It's almost dry. It's really dry. Yeah.

And I put it on like a piece of a table in front of me that was like slanted. So it like spills on my lap. And I'm like, oh shit, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And I go to call, I went to call the flight attendant, but it's like the oxygen mask, you know, and it falls. And I'm like, holy shit, we're going down.

That happens every time you're on an airplane. Next question. Yeah. 2021, the upcoming year thoughts. Huh. Have you thought about a much about next year? So much has been given to 2020. Yeah.

I don't know. I haven't really thought that much about next year. I think I think about next month a lot. I think about the election. Yeah. That will change. That will decide what the next year will be. Yeah.

I guess I think about the next four years. That's what I'm thinking about. I think, yeah, no, I don't, I don't really think about the next year. I haven't thought about it at all. I feel like to me next year we'll just be still more of this, but like we'll be more used to it. So like, I remember like when April and May were happening and it's like, how long are we going to be locked down?

How long are we going to be quarantined? And now like people are just like, they don't even ask that question anymore because like this is what life is. Like I don't think about when I'm going to go back to an indoor restaurant or a movie or a sporting event. I just assume it's not going to happen ever again. So I don't think that is happening next year. That's true.

I guess I, I missed, I really miss traveling. That's the thing that I miss the most. Yeah. Any updates on that? Can we go anywhere? I don't know. I did just submit my name for a directing job in Colorado, a commercial job. Whoa.

And you would just dress safely and fly away? I don't know. I'd have to figure out, I'd have to figure it out if I got it. But like, yeah, I think I would, I think I might be down to travel and be super safe. Yeah. Or at least like drive there. Yeah. Oh yeah, good.

That'd be cool. Drive to Colorado, Rocky Mountain High. When would that happen? November. Oh wow. All right. I keep us posted, the podcast listeners too, of course. Jake Klassen asks, what is 18 times seven?

Do you want to take that one? I can fill in the gap if you need help, 18 times seven, yeah. All right. So what I would do with the way my brand would work is 11 times seven is 77. That's right. I know that because that's one of the little tricks. And that's like the highest you can get with like getting it right away. Like you can go up to 11, but it's still seven shy of that.

Yeah. Great. You obviously know that one is, I think it's 49. Right. Yeah. It is? Okay. Yes.

So you would do 49 plus 77. Yeah. 9 plus 7. That is, there's six. That is 86. You've made it harder. It took you two minutes just to get to a harder question. 100.

And 29, 126. You abandoned everything. No, it's, oh, fuck. What is it? You were right about breaking it down into two like chunks and then adding them up or subtract. What I should have done is 70 times, or seven times 10. So 70 and then eight times seven.

And I think that, and that's 56. So 70 plus 56, that is 126. That's correct. That's what, yeah, nailed it. Okay. You got there. Okay. Yeah.

I think this came from a tweet that I said that somebody should just ask Trump that at a press conference once and see what he does. Like kind of fluster him with something easy. Like how would he answer that? He couldn't know the answer, right? Right. No, every time he doesn't know something or something's going to be bad, he goes on, it's a counter punch.

So it's like, I know math. You don't know math. And then he starts asking that and rattling it off and steam rolling, you know? That's good. It's like when Biden said the word smart of the debate and sort of triggered something within him to say like, smart, did you just say the word smart to me? Don't say the word smart to me. You went to a bad college, you know, you got, you did the worst grades.

You were awful. Don't ever call yourself smart. So like maybe that's what he would say if somebody was like, what's 18 times seven? Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. I would do seven times 20 minus two of those sevens. So like similarly, try to break it up into something you can do.

Oh, interesting. Yeah. Very interesting. I go to like the nearest 10. Yeah. That's smart. Okay. Like what's seven times 20?

That's the problem. That's what people don't know. I would guess 140, but like there's no possible way to find out. Yeah. That's tough. All right. Here's a question from our discord. Shout out to the head gum discord.

What's the URL for that? If people want to go there. It's head gum.com slash discord. Sounds like that would be good. Yeah. And you do have that. This is a head gum server. Yes.

That's correct. And then. Noise. Or you can Google it. I'm sure you can find it. And then there's a Patreon channel for patrons. You just got to link your accounts and you'll have access to that. Do you think the NFL gets shut down?

Says Candy Corner for Yam Worthy. Whoa. Are a lot of our teams testing positive? Yeah. One of the teams, the Titans had like five positive tests and they're pushing the game. They shut down their. Oh, okay. This week.

Um, I don't know. I don't think they. I don't think they do shut down because I feel like they're too conservative and proud. Like the NBA did the right thing. I can't imagine the NFL doing the right thing. Yeah. The NFL is doing like what baseball did, which is like, listen, we'll test a lot. And if somebody's sick, they just won't play next man up, whatever.

We'll push the game. And if they can't play, then we'll just keep fucking forging along. We'll keep making hundreds of millions of dollars. And if people get sick, that's unfortunate, but fine in the sake of Tennessee Titan football. Yeah. Blake Portals can't play, but I guess that's fine. Isn't it? Yeah.

We're like in basketball, if LeBron got sick, everyone would be like, ah, we have to cancel the NBA. This whole thing is a sham without him. There's no player like that in baseball or football. Yes, yeah. That's right. And he's on what team again? Do you know?

Um, no. He's on the Dodgers, right? He did. He used to be on the Dodgers. That's right. Yeah. What about Darvish? You.

Darvish. You. Dune. Dune. Dune. This baseball is so dumb. I mean, I, I, I love baseball. Okay.

I look, I really, I actually do, but it's so not, it's just so not cool that like anytime they try to like make baseball seem cool, like on the homepage of ESPN, I'm like, oh, this isn't. Yeah. Like the reason I like baseball is because it's not cool. Like Mike Trout can walk in here and you'd be like, who are you? And he'd be like, I'm the highest paid, maybe best baseball player ever. Right.

He wouldn't look familiar to you at all. Exactly. Uh, all right. Let's take a break and answer a lot of these questions on the other side of this pause. Oh, yeah. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire headgum network, Jake.

Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah. Not just Father's Day, but if for any, uh, not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time.

Yeah. Personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting, yeah, uh, my first child. Uh-huh. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma.

Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys, uh, in our family right now, but they are, they're great. Really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice. That's cool.

So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo. Yeah. Frame. This is actually how we, how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant. We got her the aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole.

This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife and you're trying to make a joke of it. Oh, I was just being goofy a little bit like, uh, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah. She misheard it or something like that, or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's, Jill's grandma is pregnant.

Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes. And we let her know with an aura. Yeah. Thank you.

The aura announcement. Uh, so you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the aura app. Add me to your aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something that could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah.

Yeah. Exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah. It's a great gift. A really, really iconic gift.

And right now you can save on the perfect Father's Day gift and visit auraframes. That's A-U-R-A frames.com. And our listeners can use code HEADGUM to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames. There it is. Oh, wow. This is timely. The deal ends on June 18th.

So don't wait. Terms and conditions apply. That's A-U-R-A frames.com. Okay. Go get your parents something, all right. And use the code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to.

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That's betterhelp.com. Check them out. Thanks, BetterHelp. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Come on, let's do it. Mom, I'm coming. Gross.

No. No. I don't. I got one that I took from Jenna Cohen recently posted about this to her Instagram story. Remember these? Yeah, the Rubik's, the Rubik's Cubics. That's right. The Rubik's Cube phase.

And I saw Jenna playing with one on her story. I'm like, oh, that seems fun because it's like a non-digital way to pass the time. So I bought this new cube, which is much better than the old, like, stiff cubes. I mean, this guy's really, it's called the Speed Cube, and it's very affordable. You can get them anywhere. And I sort of re-taught myself how to complete it. And it's a good way to, like, disconnect and still stay mentally engaged in something, which is why she got it.

But I'm glad to have this back in my life. Oh, yeah, the single spin. I remember we used, you and I were competing at one point to see who could solve it faster. That's right. I think I was the first one to break a two-minute barrier. That was... And then you got it down to, like, one minute and 18 seconds. Yeah, I'm not even close to that right now.

Yeah. Right now, I'm like the four to five-minute mark, sort of trying to remember all the algorithms that I've forgotten over the course of that last however long. I can't remember if I told this story on a podcast or not, but I once, I was at a bar with some friends and this girl that I was interested in, and in this bar, on the tables, they had a bunch of rub... It was like some party, and the party favor was Rubik's Cubes. And it was, like, maybe a year after you and I had learned how to solve it.

So I didn't, and I was like, oh, okay, I can impress this girl if I... It's finally here. And we're all, like, everybody's, like, messing with it, they hand it to me, and I'm like, I can do this in fucking three minutes. And I was kind of drunk, though, and I just... I couldn't solve it, but I felt like I was close. And then I just, like, sat on the couch for, like, 30 minutes by myself trying to solve it.

It was completely not impressive at all, and also, I never solved it. It's to the point where it's like, yeah, I got it, like, yeah, I guess. I saw you on YouTube for, like, part of it. Yeah, well, I forgot, like, how to fucking arrange the corners on the second layer, but I did the rest of it. Yeah, like, that's what it is. There is, like, there's the hack. It's just knowing exactly which ways to turn it, right?

Yeah. The double L, L right, L up. Right, exactly. It's memorizing, like, geometry more than, like, knowing math. So it seems like anybody can do it if they just spent, like, a few hours for a week figuring it out. Definitely. I mean, I did it, and I know nothing.

There we go. Yeah, we struggled with 18 times seven, and we were able to do it in under two minutes. So how hard can it be? So get yourself Erno Rubik's Magic Cube. I remember that's what the YouTube tutorial called it. Jesus Christ. Just landed on my cat. You got a cat, congrats.

Oh, yeah, that's my unsolicited for next week. Next week, yeah, I get a cat. All right. Favorite bird asks Stanley, do you have a favorite bird? Yeah, I got a couple, I think. Really? I think, yeah, I think I, you know, I always, you know, I think I have five. Let's talk about the robin.

The robin, it's nice to see a robin. I mean, spring's coming, so you're through the winter. I think it's a positive sign to see a robin. OK. Blue jays, I think, are super cool. I love the way a blue jay looks. Yeah, I was going to say a blue jay because it's, like, instantly identifiable. It's like, wow, that is a bright blue bird.

Got an awesome mohawk. Yeah, blue jay is pretty definitely high up there. Then you got hawk, which have really distinct flight patterns, and I think they're beautiful creatures. I have, like, a relationship with hawks because me and my sister are both like hawks, and every time we see a hawk, it reminds us of the other ones, so that's kind of nice. That's cool.

Bald eagle, I think a bald eagle is pretty dang cool. Just for obvious reasons, because it's a fucking eagle. Right, endangered and, like, yeah. Majestic, huge. And let's not forget the mighty owl. Let's not forget the mighty, mighty bostone. Never had you knock on birds. Nice, a woodpecker.

That's another good one. Oh, yeah. I'll throw in peacock if that counts. Is a peacock a type of bird? Flightless. I think peacocks fly. Don't they fly a little bit? They just, they don't, they, like, can flap.

They're, like, kind of like chickens. They don't, like, fly and, like, migrate, but they can. Yeah, they can, like, hover. They can haul ass. They can hoff. Yeah, they can hop off the ground. Yeah. All right, so peacock and blue jays, my answer.

You like the colorful. Flamingo's pretty cool. Yeah, there's a good, it's nice to see a flamingo. Every once in a while, you're, like, in Las Vegas, and you're, like, look at that, it's a big old pink flamingo. Yeah, that's nice. Ain't nothing wrong with a toucan, right? I was going to.

Ain't nothing wrong with a toucan. That's pretty cool. Yeah, I was going to sort of move on. I feel like we got through a lot of birds. I like parrots. And I like parakeets. Like, ferrets, not really a bird, more of a mammal. And I am into lizards as of late.

So that's been fun to have. Tom Knight asks, can you name any Formula One drivers? Oh, yeah, the one that was in the news, Bubba. Bubba. I think that's NASCAR, wasn't it? Was he Formula One? OK, so I guess the question, I didn't even know the free indifference between that.

OK, I just thought it's all racing. So Jeff Gordon's not. Yeah, that's NASCAR's, Jeff Gordon. Formula One is like. Those guys are so famous too. It's like such a popular sport. Yeah, those are like the really low cars that like zoom, zoom super fast around tracks and city streets.

That's like where, yeah, that's like where James Bond goes. And like there's the guys that own the cars that are like drinking champagne. And it's like super, yeah, it's like a real status thing to be into Formula One. Yeah, a car. So the one that I could name was Michael Schumacher. Remember that guy?

He's like a German. Yeah, he's Formula One. And then the new current hot Formula One driver is Louis Hamilton, who's kind of like young and cool. Louis Hamilton, he's British. Cool. Yeah, so those are, that's my Formula One. I bet there's a documentary on it that we can watch and

learn all about it. Oh, yeah, I did watch that like a documentary, like Tesla versus somebody or something. Oh, yeah, that was Ford versus Ferrari. You were, you were watching a movie. It was with Matt Damon, right? That wasn't a documentary. You can tell.

I'm not saying it was documentary. I learned a rhyme that you can tell the difference between a doc and a movie. It wasn't a documentary. It wasn't a documentary. A documentary has no actors. And if a movie starts, you'll see a guy who's pretending to be someone named Hal Sparks.

So like Hal Sparks is the name of like a guy, like an E-Entertainment host. And if he's in a movie, then it's probably a doc. I know the difference between a movie and a documentary. I didn't need a rhyme. I don't need a rhyme. It doesn't barely, and it doesn't work. It rhymes kind of, but it's not helpful.

Hal Sparks could be an actor. They list people before documentaries. Some documentaries have like reenactments. They have actors in them. Really. I actually didn't know that. That's really cool. So how does the reenactment work?

So they'll pretend that something just happened again. Don't pretend like you're teaching me about movies when you don't know anything, right? Yeah, that's true. That's fair, actually. That's a really good point. Another question from the Discord. Headgum.com slash Discord.

What are some of your favorite non-Headgum podcasts to listen to? Damn. I think I only listen to Headgum podcasts. Good. Good. I was going to say there was a basketball podcast that I listened to, but I don't listen to it either.

All I listen to are Headgum podcasts. Oh, you know what? I listen to Men in Blazers, an EPL podcast. I don't listen to it all the time. Yeah, that's good. It should be a God I wish were a Headgum podcast. They're so funny. Yeah, and I listen to the low post.

But again, that's basically a Headgum podcast. Everything else is a Headgum podcast. Those are the only two podcasts that we accidentally start listening to because our app starts to play a new episode after we listen to 10 Headgum podcasts. Yeah, that's right. And not a second before. Oh, here's a good one.

Your urge to block asks, socks or sauce? Would you rather never wear socks again or never eat sauce again? That includes dressing, dipping sauce, condiments, and of course, normal spaghetti sauce. Socks or sauce? Which one would you rather give up? Never wear socks?

Yes, or never have sauce. Never have sauce or never eat socks? No, never wear socks. Never wear them. So I would definitely give up eating socks. Of course, that's not the question. The question is, would you really be that meaningful? What would you rather have?

A plain food or a sockless shoe forever? It's really tough. I cannot give up socks, though. I love I like I like a good, comfortable sock. You know, I don't like a sweaty shoe. In the summer, I don't love socks, but you get the ankle cut, the no show, the nice breathable sock.

It's the best you can do, and it's better than a sweaty shoe. And in the winter, you have a nice thick wool sock in the autumn. Oh, man, just a friggin' tube sock with some cuffed jeans. Yeah, that fucking dad look. I love it. I think. And as much as I'd miss sauce, it can be unhealthy.

It's kind of like committing to going on a diet forever. You couldn't have pizza. I'm sorry, but you could no longer have pizza. You're giving up pizza. You're giving up salad. You're going to have to have dry meats, chicken tenders for the rest of your life, fries with salt and nothing else. So choose wisely.

Yeah, but you could do spices. You can do spices. You could put cayenne pepper. You can put some yeast. You could do nutritional yeast, I mean. You can do paprika, cumin. No, I know what spices are. You know what what is?

You know what spices are. You know what you said, but you said sauce. Gotcha. Nice. Gotcha, dude. Gotcha journalism. I would also choose socks. I would choose to have socks, because I'm sort of a plain

kind of guy anyway. You don't like sauce. I like sauce, but in moderation. And I like tomato sauce. Yeah, I like tomato sauce, but I like socks in excess. Yeah. You know Christmas stockings. I'll wear them as socks.

You can't even get your shoes to fit over them. They won't fit, because they're very flat and rigid. And like the way they go up. You'll go sock, shoe, and then a Christmas stocking over the whole shebang. Yeah, and that sort of keeps my sock in my shoe. That's nice. I love that.

Comfortable and affordable. And then I'll stuff a toy in there too, because it still deserves to be stuffed. It's a stocking stuffer. That's right. All right, another sports one. Haunted World writes, will this NBA championship feel different as a Laker fan if they win due to the bubble

slash general 2020 fuckery? You're a LeBron stan. I'll ask you the question. Will it feel different than like the Cleveland title felt? Because it's been such a weird unorthodox playoff. I remember thinking that when I wasn't watching basketball, I still don't watch that much, but I watch most of the playoff games between everybody.

And the level of play is really intense. There's still buzzer beaters. People are still diving for loose balls. LeBron winning this championship is his team beating all of the other teams. That's right. I think that it's a little annoying that he's not going to get to beat the Clippers

or beat the Rockets or whatever. Yeah, or the Bucks. Yeah, but those teams lost. I think that people were playing at their peak, people were playing hard. And for that reason, this is going to feel like a real championship. Yeah, I remember when they were talking about bringing

basketball back and I'm like, am I even going to be as invested as I was if it was a regular playoffs? Like, am I going to be rooting? Are the players even going to celebrate a buzzer beater if there's no crowd there to celebrate with them? But as soon as the playoff started, I was like, oh my god, I'm just as invested as I was if this is a regular playoff. I'm watching Clipper games hoping they lose.

Like, it's a regular playoff. I'm watching buzzer beaters and jumping for joy. If anything, I feel more kinship to this team because they're saving such a shitty time in summer where we were doing nothing and we had no sports at all. So now like I'm savoring every game and victory so much more so. And then like if like many basketball experts have said,

if there's an asterisk on this title, then it's like almost like a badge of honor than like a mark of shame. Totally. And I think that like they're dealing with COVID but also like a social justice uprising and like handling that beautifully also. Yeah.

So I just I think that the NBA is just doing like everything right and they're still professionals who know how to put on an amazing show. Like when I'm watching these bubble games, it does not seem to me like, I don't know, a budget worse athletic event. Yeah. And like the amount of adversity LeBron specifically

had to deal with has been insane between like Kobe, COVID. They were in China a year ago, still part of this season. So I don't think that this is like a false or dummy final. Wild. Yeah, definitely. Personally. Personally. LeBron's a goat.

Big Mike asks, how's Jake doing? So that one's sort of like personal to you, more of like a subjective question. I can answer first or you can. OK, yeah, yeah, go for it. Yes. The Eskimos have a specific word for this. It's smiling over sadness.

It is anutpok, the type of depression. You can't just smile these through because one coat of primer doesn't fully hide the dark, natural, thick blackness of a year gone wrong. Like you can keep yourself busy, but sadly and slowly the fog begins to settle and no amount of activity can blow away this heavy cold steam. So like a man is only as strong as his weakest thoughts.

And frankly, by month, what is it, eight of a self-imposed isolation, we are simply, you are simply soft. I mean, did I forget anything? I feel like that sums it up pretty well. I'm enjoying bike rides. No, yeah, totally. You also like to bike ride. I forgot that.

Yeah, you can bike. You basically have been liking to bike ride in addition to that. Yeah, just like little DIY homebuts. Yeah. Oh, how does Jake feel? Oh, I guess we already answered this one. How does Jake feel at the finals as a Laker LeBron

stan and what's his favorite bird? Blue Jays and LeBron's the goat, dude. Yes, and I'm looking forward to oblivion. Oh, yeah. What's your favorite bird and what's your favorite baseball team? The answer to both is the St. Louis Cardinal. There are a lot of birds in the baseball, huh?

Yeah, we got the Blue Jays. There's no Robin. We got Orioles. Oh, yeah. The Giants, the San Francisco Giants. Because it's short for giant bird. Yeah, like an eagle or something. But there's also the Eagles.

Yeah, but that's a different sport, as we said. What else? There's the Blue Jays, the Cardinals. They're Robin. Yeah, the San Diego Robins. All right, one last question. Let's go back to the Discord. OK.

Question, how has the TikTok fame changed your life? Let's generalize it a little bit. About a week or two ago, I told you to get on TikTok. Did you do it and how much are you enjoying or not enjoying it? I am on TikTok. I think my algorithm is broken. I don't like. I want to be able to pandora it and thumbs down stuff.

But I don't understand. It's showing me shit that I don't like. And because it's the only thing it shows me, I feel like it thinks that I like it. And I don't know how to make it stop. I think you have to skip videos that you're not feeling and heart videos that you are. So what does it show?

I have to like videos. I don't like anything. I just scroll. But for some reason, it keeps on showing me 24-year-old millionaires that started their own online businesses. And then also super earnest people that have been through a hardship and share that over them, looking in a mirror or something.

Weird. Yeah, it's really weird. But then it also shows me girls in bikinis, which I'm fine with. And then how to get abs, which I'm also cool with. Yeah, you've got to get into fitness TikTok. You've got to get into the singing and dancing, the jokes specifically, maybe cooking if you're interested in that. Not that into cooking, but I have

been into just different stretches on TikTok. There's all these doctors that are physical therapists. This is for sciatica. This is for neck tightness. And I like it, but now I'm getting a little too much. I'm not that tight. And I actually resent the accusation TikTok. Cool it.

I don't like TikTok. I kind of hate it. But I'm there. I follow three people. Oh, wow. Who? You. Great.

Let me see. The Jesus Christ. Louder. Jesus Christ. Louder. OK, wait, how do I find it? Yeah, I'm following three people. You, Mason McHoney, who's got abs.

And then Dr. Afer DPT, which is the guy that shows me stretches. Got it. I think I know all your algorithms fucked up then. Definitely. That's really bad. Yeah, you follow one guy with abs, one guy that stretches a lot, and my political memes.

That's right. I'm still loving it. I'm still into it. It's been fun for me so far. Have you wanted to post it all, or that's one step too far? I had one idea for a post, but I don't want to share it yet. But I think I might do it. But I'm not entirely sure if I will.

Wow. I'd be honored to steal that idea if you want to give it to me. I'll show. I'll film it and send it to you. And you can tell me if I should post it. That's good. All right, cool. Yeah.

The answer is yes, regardless. But I look forward to seeing it anyway. And what's your name on TikTok in case somebody wants to follow you? Right now, it's Jake Hurwitz OK. That's cool. And mine is OK Bloomer. Oh, we both have OK in it.

Oh, wow. That's funny. I definitely didn't. I must have just been in myself just when I did it. Must have. I did it. You're not trying to like. OK.

You did OK with just the letters. Oh, yeah. So it's totally different. Yeah. I don't know why I was accusing you of stealing it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. OK.

OK. Change your name OK. It's not OK. I don't post. I don't follow anyone. I follow three people. No one follows me. No one follows me.

I don't post. I don't clean. Let me tell you, I got this ring. Gaba means what I mean. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. That's from WAP, yeah. Yeah.

All right, that's it. Maybe we'll do a bonus Thursday episode because we got a lot more questions to go through. So we'll start chipping away at more. Remember the opening theme song, that lovely one by Edison Lowe? Yes, Edison Lowe. This closing song, also great, written by Ethan,

which is a Basanova Blink 182 parody theme song. OK, send that shit. Send that shit. Yeah. And he would like to plug his Spotify Instagram, which is Ethan Sermon and my band, The Neighborhood Watch. They're from Canada, so you know, neighborhood is without you.

Right. Neighborhood. Sweet. So check out Ethan Sermon and The Neighborhood Watch on Instagram and or Spotify. And thanks for sending those emails for more theme song submissions or questions. If you guys have any email address for both is

if I were you, show at gmail.com. Shout out one more time to the Patreon Discord channel in the Headgum server. That's headgum.com slash discord. And we're still making videos on that Patreon. So if you want that sweet, sweet video content or access to the Patreon Discord, it's all at patreon.com slash ja.

Join us. We're having fun in there. Indeed. And shout out to Ethan one more time for his closing theme song, Starting Now. Can I meet Basanova, if I were you? Sitting by the park with two cradges. Can I meet Basanova, if I were you?

Baby, don't you want to want to advice, too? And then I think to myself, what would they do? They don't like classy jazz, only blink 182. One, two, three, four. J.K. and Amir make me cry tears. J.K. and Amir make me cry tears of sadness. That was a Headgum Original.