If I Were You - 474: Another Super Bowl Bet

Episode Date: February 8, 2021

In this episode we discuss drinking tea, watching football, and judging rap battles.We are also doing a virtual LIVE show for THIS PODCAST on February 24. Get your tickets now at JakeAndAmir.com.Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a Head Gum Original. But they can get you what you want if you can run with it. Not like Starbucks Suicide Cud. Absolutely epic. Really cool. Savage. Savage. Absolute savage for that.

Yeah. That was a really savage cut. I don't think there's anything... Oh God, you're so low energy. This is a really weird day. That was different. You don't like wine at the end of your... He was mad.

Mad flow, dude. You're obviously over tired. For Ambien. You're on drugs. I got my wisdom teeth out yesterday. We can't host the show. Ambien and a cocaine pill in a jar in a sauce. Dude in a jar with a sauce.

Cocaine in a pill? Yeah. And a sleeping medication. I took Z quill, night quill, day quill, drink quill, and I feel fine. I feel fine. I bet I could do the rap like he did a little bit better than... They left your wisdom teeth in a little bit. I could see them bobbling around in the back of your mouth.

I got an implant. I never had wisdom teeth. I shoved two more in there so that I can convince the fairy. I owe $20 a piece in all it costs me was $6,000. You're middle-aged. You're collecting money from the tooth fairy still? I steal from the rich insurance companies and I give to the poor me. I see. Very nice.

That guy was named Jacob Ulicky. Ends with a J. So I hope that J is silent. Sure is. You made it silent. He sent the theme over in February of 2019. I guess I missed it. Back then he had just met Jake while dressed as Balnor at the first NAD pod show in Seattle.

Wow. Look at this. Nothing to plug, but Amir is probably the first person to ever pronounce my name correctly at first guess during an Ask Twitter episode. It's funny because I did the same thing right now which is said Jacob Ulicky and I hope it's spelled correctly and pronounced correctly, but I guess I got it before

so I trust myself. Yeah, it'd be wild to have gotten it once and it's like hardwired into your brain the way you would know how to pronounce it, the way you would interpret how to pronounce that, right? That's like eating comprehension. Nothing's changed. Unless I'm a different man now in the last two years because of COVID.

I guess that's possible. COVID's made a lot of people different for sure. Yeah, I don't even pronounce things the same way anymore. Everything about me is not as it was, as it were. What's the biggest difference between you now and you two years ago? Hmm. The biggest good difference or bad difference?

Ooh. Ideally if you can come up with one of each, that's good, but I'll take what I can get. I think that my hectic travel schedule of flying every other week and not ever really being able to give myself my me time made it so I was dealing with chronic pain

for longer than I needed to. Since in March when we went into lockdown I basically just started working out every single day and I no longer have pain in my lower back. I no longer have any foot pain. I feel better physically. I just don't have any pain in my body. Wow.

I also was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid and I started taking thyroid medication, which I never would have gone to the doctor if it weren't for that, but I think that wasn't until the summer. So yeah, have you noticed the difference? Yeah. Waking up is easier.

I don't feel like tired in the middle of the day. Interesting. Yeah, no crash after like, no 3 p.m. crash really. So that's better. And then I'm mildly depressed, which I think is worse overall. Right, so it's like physically better,

stronger, faster, no more pain. Emotionally and mentally sadder. If I could see my friends and family and travel and I felt the way I do physically, I would be probably the happiest I've ever been. Oh, interesting. But since you can't do that, then I'm a little sadder for it.

But that's fine. I'm healthy still. So that's, you know, I have it better than most. Oh, for sure. Yeah, a lot of people are still struggling right now, dealing with homeschooling kids right now with no space of their own.

You have plenty of space, minimal responsibility in the grand scheme of things. So job health, everything is good. But that kind of just goes to show you how rough all of this is, because even the people that have it good are a little sad. We're not as sad as we could be if we had it bad. But still not nice to have the virus. I wonder if in Florida,

where they're just going out still, eating restaurants, people are partying, if they feel like COVID is kind of over or never really affected them. There's got to be people that were just like, yeah, I don't know. Last year just sort of felt like a normal year for me. I didn't do anything differently.

I still went to work. I still saw my friends and went to restaurants and stuff. They must feel some type of way, because other people were behaving so different. Even if you're being as normal as you think you are, there's still everything around you has changed. It's not easy for you to do all of the stuff that you were doing before.

So even if you think they were people wearing masks and honoring closures and social distancing along, you still had to at least be confronted with it. Yeah, yeah. I should think so. But yeah, I guess it'd be nice to talk to someone who just hasn't adjusted at all, never really felt the ill effects of COVID whatsoever,

like in a small town somewhere. Or maybe in New Zealand. I know a guy that lives in Sweden where there was like, they pretended it didn't happen. Oh, and then who is this guy in Sweden? And how are they doing? Yeah, I haven't heard from him. But somebody that I used to rock climb with in Los Angeles.

Shout out to Shane. Oh, there you have it. All right, let's bring him back. We'll give him a call. Get him on the podcast. How was Swedish COVID? The best kind of COVID was Swedish COVID. It's like meatballs.

They just do it a little bit better over there. I'm curious to hear how you've improved and unimproved in the last year. I would say I feel like, yeah, mentally I'm just like slowing down because there's like very little stimulus. So I'm not going anywhere or planning anything or dealing with anything.

So I feel like kind of crazed where I'm, every week is sort of the same week over and over. Like on Sunday nights, I play poker. Monday, I go to work. Tuesday, I'm playing tennis. Wednesday, I'm working out with Billy. Thursday, my off day. Friday into Saturday is the Mario Kart.

Sunday is the poker again. And I just do that and see nobody over and over. So I'm going a little bit crazy and my attention span is like all over the place. Like I'm trying to like read books, but like my brain is too frazzled or stressed out or anxious to like just sit down, relax and do nothing.

So that's my mental like acumen has changed. Physically, I'm probably not as strong because I used to go to the gym and like lift a lot of weights. Right now I'm like, you know, trying to do like the at-home workout. Like we'll do push-ups and squats and mountain climbers and maybe two to three times a week. And I'm not like playing basketball.

So I'm not like sweating and sprinting with my friends. That was like a great endorphin boost. Now I'm playing video games with my friends. So like I feel an endorphin drip. Yeah, I feel like mentally and physically a little bit lower, but not like to the point where it's dangerous yet. Another year of this, I don't know if we're getting used to it

or if it's just going to be an exponential decline. I feel like are you happier now than you were in the beginning of lockdown? I was more stressed out in the beginning, not without knowing anything. Now that we've been doing this for so long, I think that I'm like balanced out. I'm not like, I'm not as worried.

Yeah. Well, the first, the first, the beginning of lockdown was worried. It's like, holy shit, is everybody going to die? And now it just feels like the, the never ending slog of dealing with COVID will never go away. So it's going to be like this low grade COVID issue. It seems like to me for years and years. Like as long as there's 10 people in America that have it,

won't it just always do what it does? 10 becomes 100 becomes 1000 becomes 10,000. Like we're not going to completely eradicate it. Will we? Well, the vaccine, no, the vaccine is not 100%. And there's, there's, I don't see a world where of the 400 million people in America that have it, zero cases of COVID,

unless we literally limit international travel. Okay. So that ruins that part of your life or limits interstate travel. Or yeah, it just seems like I don't see an end in sight. And I'm just dealing with it in a fine way. Put on a happy face. I'm a little depressed, frankly.

Yeah. After that small monologue, I'm sad. You've saddened me. You've saddened me. I feel hopeless. I'm listless now. You listlessed me. You listless as grant.

I wonder what happens after everyone gets the vaccine or doesn't 150 million vaccines administered it by July? What's September looking like? We go into a baseball game again? Or is that also scary? Can I go to a movie theater? I don't know. Or is there also a danger of death?

I really don't know. I, yeah. I hope I will as soon as I, I guess like the only thing that I know is that when, when like the WHO or like the CDC says I can go to a baseball game, I would go to a baseball game. Like,

Oh really? You're like that. You're, you're listening to the CDC and you're not going to be like, let's wait and see how it affects other people first. Yeah. I would be on, I would be the frontline of like things reopening, I think. Yeah.

And I would not be like, I would, I would, I would be the wait and see guy. It's like, all right, everyone's been vaccine. You can go to restaurants again. I'm like, all right, I'll catch you later. I'll see if it's, if it's actually dangerous in a month with cases spike again. And it's like nothing has actually changed. Yeah.

Definitely. That's smarter. But, But I really want someone to give me a burrito on a plate with a fork on the side. I haven't seen or talked to a waiter or bartender. Yeah. Probably in a year. So you wouldn't even do the outdoor dining?

No. I mean, I got like to go and sometimes would eat it outside, but mostly would eat it at home. Crazy. I know. Yeah. It's fun. Anyway.

It's fun. It's crazy. It's fun. It's good. It's awesome. I don't need to see people anymore. I see, I'll be tall and my parents and that's it forever. And that's

I guess it's good. Maybe we've just compartmentalized because like talking about it makes me really sad. I'm bummed out now. I've, Yeah. My afternoons ruined. But like day to day when I'm not really thinking about it, when I'm just like going through the motions

of COVID, you know, like not going outside, like doing the normal stuff that I'm depressed about right now, thinking about it, I'm not that depressed. It's, Yeah. You can sort of convince yourself that that's like your worldview. Right. Like for a few days. Oh, now I'm doing this.

It doesn't feel extra. Yeah. Right. It's, I guess that's the structured aspect that helps. Oh, here's something new and exciting, our virtual live show. Yeah. We can't go to Seattle or Canada, New Zealand or Australia, but we can still do a live show over zoom.

That's nice. It's been way too long since we've done a live show. I almost forgot the structure of them. And then I remembered we just read questions. So yeah. It came right back to me. So we're going to do, we're doing our live podcast and you can get tickets, which will let you watch that night, which is Wednesday, February 24th at 6pm Pacific, or you can

watch it for a few days after if you miss the live recording. Right. Yes. And I guess the, the bonus of that live show is that we're able to, just because it's a, it's a zoom link instead of, you know, asking someone to fly to Calgary with us. We can, we can invite more people. We can have more friends and guests and people will drop in, which would be fun. Yeah.

And another frequently asked question, aside from will we have guests is, uh, will this be released as a normal podcast episode? And I don't think so. I think it's going to be an exclusive. We got to make it special. We got to make it in that moment. And we can't just put it on the feed because then it's like, why, why would I pay to see that shit?

That's not right to do, to ask people to pay cash and then to drop it on the feed the next week. That's, that's, we wouldn't do that shit. That's tacky. That's really tacky. That's actually really tacky. It's small. It's petty.

It's tacky. There's no seats cause it's always, it's you in front of your computer. So every seat's a front row seat. So there's no like meet and greet. There's no front row seat. You don't have to travel. You don't have to get in line. You can just, it's 15 bucks and, uh, that includes everyone's treated equally.

Yeah. And that includes all the fees, uh, sign in, watch us, um, talk to each other. And then also some special guests, which we really have to get on. Like we have to start asking our friends, which one of them is available Wednesday night. I don't know where they're going Wednesday night. Where's Streeter Wednesday night? What if he can't make it? Streeter might have SNL.

I think they're still doing stuff. Really? Yeah. They still do the show. So Streeter could easily be our hardest to ask. Everyone else will say yes. They have to. They have to be available for us.

We can. They're sort of cornered at home, not doing anything. We would have done it for them. Is that true? Cause I will, I probably would have told, I see you on buckets a lot and you're always like, yeah, kind of pulling the family card as it were. Yeah. My mom doesn't want you to be on the show.

My dad doesn't like you and for me to be on that show, it's not really pulling the family card. That's me being insanely honest. My dad doesn't like you. So I can't do your podcast. You're sort of a bad influence in a way on the day. You're pulling the my dad doesn't like you card. What card?

Well, I pull a basketball card. Oh, I want to send you a pack of my basketball cards. I bought a case of basketball cards so I can send you some. You're going to send me a pack? Yeah. You said you wanted a pack, right? I can't send you a whole box, but I can send you a pack. And then I said, yeah.

Well, then you said the text thread, I asked for a pack, you said you couldn't send me a box. I said I only wanted a pack. And then I think you said no. Yeah. I said they'll crease in the mail, but you know what, fine, fuck it. Have your Michael Jordan card graded PSA to you think I'd give a shit? Yes, dude.

That's what I want. That's what I want. Actually, if you had to buy it, not a basketball card, but any trading card, what do you think you would pony up the dough for? Would it be like an nostalgic thing from your Yankee days? Would it be a new exciting player that you you learned to love recently would be like a Tom Brady? I would probably do basketball cards because I feel like the only the only impulse I have

is to like relate to my friends and everyone and like my friends are into that right now. Like I don't think I could. That's good. I would probably give more of a shit about like early 2000s baseball cards like an Andy Pettit. Oh my God. Can you imagine? Or a fucking rocket?

Holy shit. I mean, actually Jason GM brought your key cards. They've all been destroyed. We should make a bet because it's the Super Bowl this weekend. We can make another classic Super Bowl bet loser has to get the winner a $50 playing card from eBay. Wow. I don't even know.

I guess. I feel like the the easy money is on my homes. Right. But then you don't want to bet against Brady. Yeah. I feel like I'll just I'll just bet Brady. I'll just say Brady's gonna win. I feel like he always finds a way.

He really does. It's very annoying. I'm sorry. I bet against him the last two weeks and it's always like Tampa is not that good of a team going into Green Bay and Tom Brady wins again. It's like, all right, so he's just always gonna win. He's not even that good. Yeah.

What is he doing? That's so special. It's just being Tom Brady. Like he makes the other coach call bad plays. It's like the will of the universe is for him to win. Yeah. And it's funny because he used to be like an average quarterback in college and like was drafted 200th out of the draft.

And then for whatever reason, he made this deal with the devil where he became hot, successful and the best quarterback of all time over the last 20 years. He's the kind of guy we're during COVID like we're talking about. He's like, I didn't really notice anything. My private chef kept me sharp and my barber kept me hot. And I'm back in the Super Bowl with what team is this? The Tampa Bay, whatever the fucking ears. Anyway.

I spent 14 hours a day in my hyperbaric chamber and that was kind of my thing. And then I beat the best team ever, the Kansas City Chiefs. They were no match for me. I'm Tom Brady. Best friends with the fucking devil. It seems like he should lose. So I think you should take the, you're gonna take my home. Yeah.

I'll take the Chiefs. I'll take the Chiefs. What do the States have said that? Um, I think the trading card loser has to get the winner a traded card from eBay. We'll cap it at $50. Okay. All right. Cool.

That works. That works for me. Um, all right. Okay. Let's take a break and then we'll come back and answer some questions on the other side of these messages. Yeah. Thank you to stamps.com for sponsoring this episode of our show, visiting the post office

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Just go to stamps.com. You click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code if I were you. And that gets you a free four week trial, free postage and a digital scale. That sounds pretty good. Thank you stamps.com for sponsoring this show. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this Head Gum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire Head Gum network, Jake.

Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah. Not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time.

Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes.

We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great, really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame.

This is actually how we told Jill's grandma. She was pregnant. We got her the Aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife and you're trying to make a joke of it.

Oh, I was just being goofy a little bit like, uh, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God.

Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes. And we let her know with an Aura. Yeah. Thank you. The Aura announcement.

So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app. Add me to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something. That could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah.

Yeah. Exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah. It's a great gift. A really, really iconic gift.

And right now you can save on the perfect Father's Day gift and visit Aura Frames. That's A-U-R-A Frames.com. And our listeners can use code HEADGUM to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames. There it is. Oh wow. This is timely. The deal ends on June 18th.

So don't wait. Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames. A-U-R-A Frames.com. Okay. Go get your parents something. All right. I'm going to go code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping.

Right on. Thank you Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh it's a lift to the fire. Oh it's a lift to the fire. Mom I'm coming.

It looks gross. Yeah. Yeah. I do. I've been drinking tea. I'm a tea guy now. Okay. Yeah.

I see what's happening here. Yeah. I'm drinking tea. I'm drinking tea. I'm drinking tea. I'm drinking tea. I'm drinking tea. What's happening here?

In the last two months you started cooking, you're drinking wine, you're having tea. You're adjusting to this quarantine by becoming sort of like this boring middle aged man. Like the next thing you're going to do is like I'm into records and classical music. It really is. Yeah. Just like you're slowly devolving into a different person. I agree. I think that I would have not grown up except for this time to sit and reflect quietly.

And then it happened. My life, every single weekend was the exact same from when I was like 20 until I was 34. For sure. Like the exact, like I did nothing different. I was, I was an immature little brat. I was a piece of shit. I was a garbage man. I really was.

Okay. Okay. I get it. I was a trash pail kid. I think I, but here I am. Now I'm fucking, now I like tea. I like tea now. Okay.

I learned how to make it, which is really the hard part. You don't know. Yeah. I feel like tea always seemed like a chore. I'm like, I don't want to make tea. That's takes, that's too much time. Yeah. But it turns out it's actually really low effort.

I don't know if you knew that, but it's just, yeah, you put a bag in hot water and then the bags. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, Avi Tal's been getting into tea and making me tea. So I've been having tea. It's a good post dinner drink to have. It helps with digestion.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Helps you sleep. It's, I love it in the afternoon because I feel like I always just wanted something new to happen in the afternoon. I was a majorly off afternoon coffee now. You remember I used to have a post lunch coffee. Yeah.

And that's not white. Yeah. That's not me anymore. That's not me anymore at all. It's also a good wintery drink. It's cold outside. You want to hold a hot mug. That's right.

Yeah. It feels good to sip on. It feels nice to put a lemon in there. It's just, it's nice. There's something very nice about the kettle whistling too, the whole ritual of pouring. What she taught me, what Avi Tal taught me is that you can't, like I used to just leave a bag in there half an hour, an hour while you're drinking while you're not. Right.

And she found out that like you have to steep for like five to seven minutes, then you take the bag out. Like if it over steeps, it ruins the flavor profile and you're not actually doing the tea justice. Like we, yeah, we got some nice tea bags and it was like, steep this for five, steep this for seven, steep this one for nine, add this, don't add this. So there's different steeping requirements as well. I had no idea.

I was doing, I was doing the post steep. That's when you just drink the boiling hot water and put the bag up your ass. Sorry, say that again. What do you do? Post steep, I was saying, because then you, so the, the bag doesn't soak in the mug. You don't have to soak or steep, I should say for, you were saying five minutes, seven minutes. What you do is you, you, you boil the water, you heat up the kettle, pour that into a mug,

a cup. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. Don't even get to that part yet. First things first. You're drinking just boiling hot water and you're looking at it. Okay.

It's brutal. It's in you. It's bad. It's hard. Yeah. So you, and then you drink what do you say you do with the tea bag? Then the bag, be it your English breakfast, your Earl Gray, a green tea, a ginseng. What do you do with that?

I don't mind the honey ginger. You shove that up your ass. You put that, you put the bag. In your ass. Are you positing that the boiling water hits the bag somewhere in the middle there or it's too unrelated activities? I don't know how it works. I don't know how it works, but it's, what I like about it is the ritual, I think, I

was saying, the ritual aspect of it. Just doing something, you know, every day. And it's a dry bag or you're soaking the bag? It's dry because you don't need it to steep. It's a dry bag. Yeah. I do. You're post-steeping.

Yeah. And then they say there's caffeine and tea like there is in coffee. I don't feel that same jolt. Do you ever feel that same level of caffeination from a tea for whatever reason? I never do. No. I do not. I wouldn't hate to feel some caffeination, but I don't really.

But I think that it's not the kind, like coffee, caffeine, like you feel it. You're like, I'm like almost jittery, you know, I can tell when I have had the right amount and the wrong amount of caffeine from coffee and I often strive to have the wrong amount. I like want to feel wired. And then with the tea, I'm not like looking for that, you know, that's more just like, I think that it must be working without me really, really. I see.

Okay. All right. So you've, you've moved from, so your daily routine is basically water, coffee, water, tea, water, wine. You always have to have this specialty drink. It seems to look forward. I do. Yeah.

I do. I do love a drink to look forward to. It's nice. That's good. And will you have, will you have wine and tea at the same time? Are you keeping those? Those are separate. For me, I don't have the nighttime tea.

I have the afternoon tea. I have the two to four PMT sometime around there. I made some tea just before this podcast, actually. Let's see it. It's a fucking little mug, your sweet little mug and how you, you, you blow on it to make sure that it's not so hot. Yeah. I can see you.

You hold it with two hands and you don't sit and cross-legged with a little book or whatever. Very Higa. Very Higa. But you don't see the, it's empty because I drank the boiling water and it's empty because I put the bag of, I believe it was green tea this afternoon directly into my eyes. You know, I'll just assume that you're butt-chugging the tea for now and you don't have to say directly into your ass.

Just know that we all think that you're drinking the tea. When I say post-steep, you'll know. I post-steeped that. Not a thing. No way. That's an actual thing, by the way. I could make that trend. That trend.

Where? Parlor. Parlor. Oh my God. Did I mention I'm MAGA now? So ever since Trump, quote, won the election, but wasn't allowed to continue to serve, I've been doing a deep dive into what brought him here and the election was stolen and I do think he's the president and I'm MAGA now and I'm on parlor and I shove tea up my ass.

That's I guess the biggest thing is I've changed since COVID a lot for the better. Quite frankly, I've changed for the wetter too. Aren't you also into baths now? I do love a fruit forward full-bodied red with those grippy, grippy tannins. Let's go. Give me a pino. Get out. Give me a bath.

A bath is when you're the tea bag, if you think about it, so you're just like dipping things in hot water, whether it be you or yes, a tea, a dry bag, post-steeped. I know what you're going to say up your ass. We know. We really have to answer a question, but we need some help. We didn't quite find a gem and I figured maybe we can turn this into a game a little bit. If you know anybody who can help us out- Oh my God.

Game boy, have you changed since COVID? Are you also drinking tea game boy or is it more of a Jake thing? Game boy doesn't really believe in the virus. Oh. What? Game boy is a COVID truth or what? Even you don't believe in the virus like game boys can't get the virus or like it's not real.

Oh. How is it not real? You see the images. You see the data. You think everybody's just lying to you game boy? Yeah. Oh. What?

It's absolutely undeniably real game boy. I'm kind of disappointed in you quite frankly, but you invented this game and I guess we have to use you to play even though you're not really- I really don't understand your role in this at all game boy. I'm a little problematic. Oh. Yeah. Right.

And look, what do you bring to it? Like we're the ones guessing. You just, you kind of just say, oh and things either go right or wrong. I just like the game. I just like the game. Okay. Oh. Anyway, so game boy or Jake, do you want to guess a word?

We're looking, we're going to search our email for a word that has only one search result. One search result. That's how you win the game. Barnacle. Barnacle. You think it's a shit? Look up barnacle. You little dick.

Let's do it. Let's see what happens when you look up barnacle. Fucker. Come on. Ooh. It looks like the only thing is a thumbnail submission, which we should also talk about. We changed our podcast art for the first time in seven years, haven't really brought it up.

Right. But if it worked out well, you can see it on the apps and if the apps are still grabbing the old image, you can see it on headcom.com. But we do have a new podcast art thanks to Dave Clark. Shout out to the goat. Shout out to the goat. Dave Clark looks good. Love holding that golden mic in the art.

It's really fitting. It's beautiful. And I think I'm also holding a little trophy as well, a little golden mic, which is fitting, which is nice. It's fitting what you're holding for sure. And then the other email, this is interesting, the other email that has the word barnacle in it is a potential intern application from five years ago. And this guy was the editor in chief of the Quinnipiac college newspaper called the Barnacle.

So is that why you thought of it? No. But it's interesting. My proximity to Quinnipiac right now is very close. So there must be something close to the barnacle. The New England air. Okay. Do you have another word or?

Seahorse. Since that one didn't yield anything. It yielded something. Yielded two. You're just in a nautical theme. That's right. Nothing. No seahorse.

Blowhole. Blowhole. All one word? Yeah. It's going to have to be. Otherwise, it'll be way too much. Oh my God. Is there one?

I think this is it. It's a one of one. Oh my good Lord. Holy shit. That's insane. We won the game. I think this is a question. It's called, Filet-O-Fish ruined my life via rap battle at Billy Scafuri.

Huh. Did we ever answer this question? Never. It's not even, it's an unread? No, not unread, but unresponded to or unforwarded. Okay. Okay. Wow.

Here it is. Let's start at the beginning. I've always been intrigued by the Filet-O-Fish. For me, it holds some sentimental value. It reminds me of the times my mom would take me to the Golden Arches and make me order fish fingers because she thought they had some nutritional value. Spoiler alert, they don't. But I've always been far too embarrassed to order it.

I mean, can you imagine the cashier would lose all respect for me? However, me being the beautiful fool that I am, I entrusted this information that I was embarrassed to order the Filet-O-Fish to my closest friend. But what I received in return for my honesty was an acceptance. No, she was furious. So after weeks of back and forth teasing and public humiliation, she finally forgot until Billy posted that photo of you guys eating a Filet-O-Fish at McDonald's. She then added my Insta in the comment section ready to hit me right where it hurts in the

goddamn blow hole. But I didn't want to let her get away with it. I had a retort. So these people are having a rat battle in the comment section. But I didn't just let her get away with it. I had a retort and within a couple of messages, we're in a full on rat battle spitting bars in the comment section of Billy's Instagram. So my question is, who wins this rap battle?

If I win, we have to eat Filet-O-Fishes together, and if I lose, I'll eat five burgers one after another in one sitting one hour maximum time. So we have to judge this rap battle competition that happened in this Instagram photo. I'm going to pull it up right now so we can read it. I guess we just need to just let's judge based on two lines, a line from the person that wrote and a line from the other. Okay. The person that wrote writes.

The delusions of grandeur, a sense of entitlement, and fantasies of being a god, you're a narcissist on the world's largest metaphorical bod. Okay. So that's one. And then her friend, AKA ex-friend response, you think I'm delusional, honey? What I say is provable. No mortal's flow is this nice. It's clear that I'm Christ.

Ooh. That's pretty solid. Pretty good, right? Yeah. I think the friend based on, let's go one more, one more bar. Give me one more. Okay. The email writer will call her Billy Holiday because it's a female Billy.

Put that palm leaf down. The only waves I will be making are grabbing your crown. And then her friend responds. You're trying to hurt me with Drake. Oh, bitch, for goodness sake, go find yourself a Quentin because my pride ain't gonna dent in. Who's Quentin? I don't know.

Tarantino. I think she just said Quentin to rhyme with Denton. All right. Then the writer wins that round, I think. Oh, God. Give me one more. One more back and forth. This is the rubber match.

Our email writer, Billy writes, boo, a blast from the past. Halloween is over, but this ghost has been recast. I might be your nightmare, but I'm old McDonald's dream bitch. We're in Connecticut because I'm about to take this haunting to an extreme. I'm Ronald McDonald's dream bitch is a great line, all time fucking great. I think I want to make that my Instagram bio. And then the friend responds, bitch, hit me up like boo. I turned around like bitch who had to Google your name.

Don't keep irrelevance in my brain like Satan. You're not too easily forgot. That's really tough. I think it's a fucking, it's a draw, man. I just can't. Can you call it? I don't know. No, they're both too similar.

I think you guys have to go out, make amends and much like we did go out and get a filet of fish together. There's a picture of you eating this filet of fish and we didn't know how good we had it. You know, you sitting in that fucking McDonald's holding that fish sandwich with half a slice of cheese. Nobody's wearing a mask. We're all just happy to be alive.

Yeah. It's, it was a, it was better time. We should have enjoyed like it's deep fried fish. It shouldn't be that bad, right? I'm sure it was okay. I think that we must have been hamming it up. I'll go back. I'll get another filet of fish this weekend.

I'll get another. Get like a chicken sandwich as well, just in case that filet of fish is actually as bad as we remember. Absolutely. Yeah. You'd have to. The weird thing was the half slice of cheese. Just go for the full cheese.

Okay. Let's, uh, let's take another break and I have to play the Game Boy. One more question on the other side of these messages. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place. And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area, but BetterHelp

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I bet that's available and you can have it today and you can buy it through Squarespace and build an awesome website dedicated to me or I guess dedicated to anyone else in your life. Maybe you want to give somebody a gift this season, a summer birthday coming up. Who doesn't want a website? So the best way to do that is to go to Squarespace.com slash if I were you for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain again, Squarespace.com slash if I were you free trial.

Everything looks good. Let's launch it. Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off that first purchase. Thank you. Squarespace. And we're back yet again. Okay. My turn.

I'm going to search antibody. This is going to be a really popular question. It's actually only two. And one of them, one of them is an LA County advisory something, antibody testing sort of a win. Sort of a win. Oh yeah. That's that's for real.

This one comes in July and it is about indeed my friend's aunt, the antibody queen. This is from a 22 year old guy living at home. We'll call him dude for dude for high. I'm a 22 year old guy living at home. As I'm single, I've been abstained from sex for five months now. However, when I go on my daily walks, I'll often run into my friend's divorced aunt, a gorgeous and friendly woman in her mid forties. We chat, we chat and walk together and she recently asked for my number and texted me.

She says I should come over to her place for some wine sometimes soon. I haven't told my friend about this. I haven't told my friend about this as I'm not sure he'd want me to sleep with his aunt. Four years ago, this friend, his friend fucked my cousin without asking me. But I didn't mind and laughed it off. As I see this cousin twice a year and I'm not personally close to her, he sees this aunt about twice a month, but they aren't particularly close. Here's the catch.

The aunt took an antibody test after dealing with a cough and she has antibodies, antibodies I should say. My research suggests that she should confer at least some immunity so I can probably seize the cheese without permanent lung scarring. Do I go for it? I don't know how much longer I can do this intimacy without intimacy and it seems like the safest opportunity. My friend also broke his ankle last week.

Does this make it an insensitive time to have sex with his aunt? Any help was appreciated? I mean, I feel I'm going to go out on a limb and say this has already happened. I don't know how old that email is, but he's slept with the aunt. They're actually living together. It's July. I can ask. You should ask.

I think, let's ask. Let's find out. We'll get a good follow up pup for next week, but my vote is yes, obviously yes. He should do it or you're saying he has done it. I mean, as long as he's okay assuming the risk, which as it sounds, it's pretty low. He's got the antibodies. You're not seeing anybody. You haven't slept with other people.

You can ask her like, hey, before I come over for wine, have you been pretty isolated? But maybe you already know based on your walks that you're both being sick. Your walks and talks. I can't imagine what it's like to be single these days. I don't think anybody is actually waiting an entire year to go on a date. People are finding ways. I would say he should ask for permission first, but you don't need to ask for permission from somebody's nephew.

Do you owe this person a heads up at least? By the way, I'm going over your fucking aunt's house. How random is that? Yeah, I think that you don't need permission, but you do owe your friend the heads up. At least post. At least afterwards. I don't want to make things weird, but I did fuck your aunt. Just a little FY aunt.

I don't want to make things weird, but I've been hanging out with your aunt. I think it's weird enough you're going on walks, right? That seems kind of strange. I'm walking around with my friend's 40 year old aunt. It's kind of a weird thing to care about, and yet I think I would. I don't want anybody sleeping with any of my aunts. It feels like a tense borderline dramatic situation that I'm being thrust in, because then it's like people accuse me of something.

It's like, I didn't do anything. They met independently. I'm sorry. I don't think it's a bad thing, and then people start, you know. If your mom was like, why did Jake fuck my sister? Yeah. Thank you. Jake doesn't ask me for permission.

I didn't grant it. I didn't say it was fine. Yeah. It just, it can be family drama, it seems, potentially, and I don't know. It feels, it's a sticky situation. So if you're thoroughly lonely, I guess you should go for it, you know? Because it's a special situation. It's a special time.

These are extenuating circumstances, and I don't think it'll stop the relationship with your friend. Yeah. And you emailed this person to ask? Yeah. I sent them an email. We're going to get a follow-up. We deserve a follow-up.

We deserve to know what happened. He fucked his friend's aunt, potentially, and that's something that everyone here listening deserves to know, at the very least. Yeah. Bear. All right. Cool. Go for it, unless you have already or not, but let us know.

Let us know. The advice generally is to go for it. Yeah. Okay. That's it. That's our time. If you have your own questions or theme songs, send them to ifireusshowatgmail.com. The opening one was, of course, Jacob Ulicki, hopefully, and this closing one.

Oh, my God. Let's see who wrote this one. You want to talk about the live show again? That's a follow-up. Yeah. You know, you can get tickets to the live show. Come check it out. Watch what we're doing.

See who our guests are. See who we texted right after we recorded this episode to ask if they would be on our live show. You can get your tickets at jakeandamere.com. This closing theme song is written by Jack. I am at Sprag Jacket on Instagram and shout out to his music producer Richie, whose name is Rich underscore IE on Instagram, and to my friends Lisa and Seiji. So thanks, everybody, for working on this song.

Thank you. Thanks to Jack for recording it. Thanks to Jacob for the opening theme song. Thanks to you guys for listening. For more of us, you can always check us out on our Patreon. We're making weekly videos over there. A lot of Jake and Amir watch videos coming out recently, and it's all at patreon.com slash j.a.

And we'll be back here next week, of course, as always, for free every Monday. See you soon. Ever in a mood? You again kind of screwed? Your boss said that you're fired? Cause you reply it all with nudes? Boyfriends acting rude? Listen to Serge, dude.

If they work on all your issues on the way, by the way, in a way on the day, tell your every problem, shoot. You're in a bond, trying to seduce a girl or snatch a dime. You hate the grind, trying to deduce what life's about and find? Don't go and blunt. For the love of Jesus, please just freeze and let these two just tease you, seize the cheese and freaking ease your mind. Ever feel the need a yellow hat?

Listen to the gameboy and his chipmunk chum, and if it personally needs it, throw some like an almond and make him get their head in the gum. They'll take you to school when you tune into Schmoolyn, Jake's killing a pellet thing but gold, and next fuckin' winnin' again and again and again and again and again and Amir is a cool. Do you ever ask God for a new pod with co-hosts who could kick it with a squad who are one of a kind? A couple of goofballs who riff and are charming and cheerful and shy?

We should check out review review by Jeff and Riley. I mean, I'm a fan, dare I say I'm a stan if you will, but I hope you will. That was a head gum original.