If I Were You - 48: iPhone Debacle

Episode Date: September 30, 2024

In this episode we discuss the future of technology, media, and pizza.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a head gum original. New Year, same extra value meals at McDonald's. So now get two snack wraps, plus fries, and a medium soft drink for just $8. For limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. Jake and I'm near two Jews that you can't forget. In 2010, they were big on the internet. And all things considered, their success.

Are you white? Now here's one more effort for Oudipi since they swear. You're in a food coma. You're in a real coma. You can't fucking vamp. Will I catch a little shut eye for two seconds? You're so needy that I need to be here doing like a back and forth ping ponging dialogue around all the time. You can't hold your own for just a few minutes.

Like a soliloquy or something? I can't just talk by myself for minutes at a time. Try just to vamp for a second while I rest. Is it a second or do you need like an hour? I don't know how long I'm going to be out for. I can't even fall asleep with you squawking in my ear this way. You need white noise. That's what you are providing.

That's what I call you. My nickname. If you guys are watching at home, the reason the video looks so crystal clear right now is because I did get the new iPhone. It is the 16 Pro. And I am downsourcing recording an HD so it will look exactly the same as my three-year-old phone. So they won't notice. You said that they would notice. They won't notice a thing.

They won't. And the entire transfer from one phone to the other was a double. debacle. Do you enjoy the new iPhone? It's imperceptibly different. And once again, getting it was a small deal that became a giant headache. What happened? What happened was everything all in one day? Last Friday. I'm going to open up this protein shake so I can really enjoy this story. Yeah. ASMR for the fans at home. That's me shaking up this OWYN. Double-shot caramel rock macchiato. I think it rocks Iado. I've actually never had this before, but it has 20 grams of protein. Oh, it's carbonated. Oh, no, why?

Carbonated milk. Okay, let's, we'll see if this is any good. They're not a sponsor, everybody. I'm just thirsty. Okay. So, yeah, you want the new iPhone. I pre-order the new iPhone. the iPhone because I have a three year old phone. I'm ready to get it day one. It's actually

terrible by the way. September 20th, it's available at the Apple store and I'm fucking first in line. You, wow. You got a time slot, which is 12.30 p.m. But you got it basically the day that it came out. Yes, which was ultimately not a great idea because when I arrived, there was a line out the door. When I got inside, there were 400 people all doing what I was doing, which was trying to transfer their old phone to their new. Why were you so desperate to get it on this day? Your phone was fine. Like, it's going to come, it comes in the mail. It comes in the mail a few days later. Why didn't you just wait? Yes. I could have actually had it delivered to my house. And I said, you know what? I want to do it all in store in case anything goes awry. Right. You guys handled the trade in. You guys handled the

transfer. I just want to leave with a phone that looks like my old phone, but it has all the new bells and whistles and the charger actually works because the charger was dying for the last one. Right, that was the thing. Okay. So I get there at 1230 and they give me my phone. And then they said, all right, let's set up a phone to phone transfer. And the timing said 11 hours. 11 hours to transfer the old phone to the new.

Why? Do you have a lot of stuff? Because I had so much data on the phone. Because you had podcasts. You had the pictures for the last 10 years. Yeah. Apps. WhatsApp.

Family threads. 500 gigs worth of crap. Right. You have the max. Is that the max that is allowed stored on the phone? The max is one terabyte and I was climbing rapidly towards it. Right. Wow.

Okay. So to go from the old to the new would have required a 12-hour transfer from phone to phone. Otherwise, you can upload to the iCloud, which I guess takes a little faster, but I had to have done it beforehand. Right. Okay. I didn't do that because my eye cloud is only 200 gigabytes. Right. I don't want to pay for the additional storage because I can just keep it all on my phone.

Jokes on you Apple. I'm not giving you that $9.99 a month. I want to give you $2.99, barely use the I cloud because it was filled up four years ago, and I can do it all myself. Right. Turns out I can't. Why not? Because the transfer takes too long. I said, when do you guys close?

They said, nine. I said, okay, it's going to stay 12 hours. I can't be here for that long. What do you recommend? And they said, I guess you can try to put it on your computer. I said, no, my computer is smaller than my phone. I don't have enough space on my computer. Yeah.

Phone 600 gigs, computer 512. I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah. Well, this is why I didn't want to do at home so that you genius. You literally call yourself geniuses. Tell me what to do.

That's where it is at the Apple bar. Exactly. Oh, right. Best Buy Geeks Squad. Okay. Yeah. I didn't go to the geeks. I went to the geniuses.

And they told me to wait until they closed and then another four hours. I'm like, I can't do that. I value my time. So then one of the geniuses, and I don't use that sarcastically, they actually called themselves that, suggested I put all of the data not on my computer, but on an external hard drive. Do you have one? They said, no, I don't have an external hard drive. They're like, great. We got ones here.

That's what I use my phone for. We got a ton of external hard drives. Just buy one, dump all the phone from one phone to the. external hard drive and then dump the stuff from the external hard drive to the new phone. It'll be faster because it's wired. It's not wireless. Uploading it to the cloud right now would take too long. Everybody's here uploading it.

The cloud is slow. The Wi-Fi is slow. It'll take too long. All right. Great. Fine. I'll spend $300 on an external hard drive. Then return it 10 minutes later after I transferred my phone to it.

Oh, so they said you could return it? Yeah. Interesting. I buy the hard drive. I plug it into my computer. And another genius walks by is like, what are you guys doing? Like, why?

Everybody else is acting normal. Why is there an external hard drive that you're buying? Why are you plugging it into the wall in the Apple store? Yes. And the other gene is like, oh, I'm told him, because it's going too slow, he has too big of a phone. I told him just to put it on the external hard drive and then to put it on this computer. And the guy's like, you can't do that. You have to put on your computer.

It's like all, it has like all your information, all the ICloud stuff, your names, your passwords. You can't do that on an external hard drive. And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. Okay, let's return the external hard drive. I'm like, wow. It's already, the end of plan B. We didn't even start.

And you didn't know that. You had to have this guy tell you that it didn't work like that. That was so simple. And he's like, honestly, the only thing you could do is upload it to the cloud, your old phone, which you should have done yesterday. I'm like, okay, I tried to do it yesterday. I guess it didn't do it for whatever reason. upload your entire old phone to the cloud and then download it from the cloud to your new phone.

Okay. And trust me, that'll be faster than the phone to phone transfer. And you have to return the external hard drive. That was a false idea. That was a bad move. We shouldn't have done that. Sorry, I'm just trusting people blindly at this point. Go get in that really long line to return the hard drive.

The returns the two hour line. At this point, they keep pushing me closer and closer to the actual genius bar because I'm getting pushed and pushed for the people who have been there for like an hour and a half for no reason. I basically haven't even started after an hour and a half. Okay. Click upload to iCloud. 45 minutes. Two hours, six hours, 11 hours. I show up, we're back to 11 hours and now it's 4 p.m. I've been here for three and a half hours. Obviously, I can't stay this long. I'm talking to somebody else at this point, a lady. She's like, yeah, we close at nine. I'm like, right. So what do you, what do you think I should do?

And she's like, I don't know what to tell you. I'm like, nobody else is in this problem. We're all here and everyone else is doing it quick. And I'm the one guy who has slow Wi-Fi. I'm the one guy who has like a phone that's too large to do this before 9 p.m. Why can't they just give you the phone? Why can't they just give you the phone to take off? We get there.

So then I say, what would you do if you were in my place? The chat GPT in her brain is not allowing me to get like an answer that I want. And she says, well, I wouldn't be in this situation if I were you. Oh. At that point, I laugh really loud, and I think she's angry at that. Yeah. Because I thought it was a good line, so I actually did laugh and find it funny, but she thought I was like making fun of her or something.

Right. So then I said, you know what? I can picture that laugh. It was that really loud. Ha! Yeah, it was loud. And at this point, everyone at the table is looking at me, because I'm the guy with a fucking external hard drive rappers

and talking to like seven guys at the same time, the geniuses. I'm like, okay, I'll just go home with the phone, the new phone, and give me the old phone, and I'll do this 12 hours transfer overnight, yeah. I'll do it overnight at my house. And they're like, did you do the trade-in though? I'm like, yeah, I did the trade-in. You guys have an envelope that'll send my phone back to Verizon. They're like, so that's not your phone anymore.

You can't leave with it. And I was like, well, it's still my phone. It's all my data. It's just backing up very slowly because the Wi-Fi here is so slow. I was going to take it back to my house. Starts reaching for it. I'm like, what do you mean you can't? I can't leave with my phone.

Well, technically it's not your phone. I'm like, okay, I know I can't leave, but what if I just went home and I did this all overnight? And I come back tomorrow. And he's like, I'll say that you stole the phone and then Verizon would cut your account off. Very combative. It's getting very combative. I wouldn't be in this situation.

If you do that, I'll say you stole the phone. What about? Why? Why? I didn't do anything wrong. I'm being wrongfully accused. So I'm like, so I can't leave because you'll say I stole my phone and I can't stay because it says 11 hours and it's 5.30 p.m. at this point. I've been there for four hours.

What should I do? Right. What do you want me to do? Imagine it's nine and you want to go home now. What would you tell me to do? Because it will get there. Can I go to the Barnes & Noble across the street and use their Wi-Fi? He's like, no, you can't leave with a phone.

I'm like, okay. And at this point, it's like getting like 536. I'm like, I'm just going to leave my phone here. Let it upload. I'm out. You guys look after it. And he's like, I can't, if somebody steals it or takes your phone, I can't be responsible for it. I'm like, that's okay.

I just have to go. I have to like get out of here. Basically calling their bluff. I'm like, I'm going to leave my phone. You say, I can't leave it. So I'll leave it here. It's uploading to the cloud and let me know when it's done. And he's like, all right, let me talk to the manager and see if we can put your phone in the back so that we won't touch it.

but nobody else will see that it exists. I'm like, okay, go for it. Yeah. But my phone didn't finish uploading yet, so I just leave with my new phone that's empty, bare, nothing on it. And my old phone is in the manager's office, I guess, uploading to the cloud still very slowly because the internet's too slow. But you're trusting that at some point in nine hours, you'll just...

It'll finish. And you'll get... And then I can hit download from iCloud from my house. Right. But I have to go back to the Apple store to delete the phone because they won't touch the phone. Oh, all right. So then it's not their problem. They won't just send it off.

They need to go back. They will not send it off. I have to go back and hit E-Race because they are not allowed to touch the phone. And I'm not allowed to leave with the phone. This is so dumb. And at this point, it's been five hours. I'm like, this is great. Like, how is this not a, I'm the first guy that's ever had a phone that's too big to do this all in one day?

Like, what if somebody had an appointment at four? and it took six hours. Like, there's, there's got to be a backup or a faster way to do this stuff. They were so perplexed. They had no answers. So I left. My phone kept uploading overnight. And at like some point overnight, I got like the notification that the ICloud backup has been done.

You can start downloading your stuff. Okay. And you also have to, and I had to go back. You upgraded your Apple, I cloud storage. Yeah. Oh, yes. That's another thing. I had to upload, update my, uh, iCloud.

from 200 gigs of storage, which costs $2.99 a month. The next level up is two terabytes of storage, 10 times that for $9.99 a month. They know what they're doing. They don't want to give you the 500 gig, the one terabyte option. Too little or way too much for a lot of money more. There's nothing in between. Right, right, right, right.

God, that's so fucked. So at the end of the day, it took another day or two to download everything onto my new phone, and it looks and feels exactly the same. Yeah. I'm paying more for, storage that I don't need and I had to go back to the Apple store to delete it myself because they wouldn't delete it for me. My good Lord. And was it any of the same people when you went back?

Yeah, they were all pretty much there the whole weekend kind of stressed out. So I felt bad that I was like the whole gang. Yeah. Hey guys, me again. Remember when he told me to stay and then I said I couldn't and then I want to go home. I'm the guy that made your bad day even worse and then I went home. Did anybody else have issues? Because I think I'm pretty like on top of my shit. So like I can't imagine everybody else was also like even more so than that. Another highlight during when I was there was an old Asian man who came in and bought 36 iPhones and left. Wow.

And they're like, who are those four? And he's like, um, uh, my son. He's like, he's buying 36 iPhones to resell them. He's like, I don't know. They put 36 iPhones in like four bags and he just walked out of them. It's amazing for my son. If it's a lie, it's such a bad lie. So it basically has to ship these internationally tonight.

You could say anything. I don't know what he's going to do with them. I'm the manager of a sports team. They're for my classroom. But he just said my son. So I guess all this is to say, my unsolicited advice is to upload your phone to the E-Cloud before you transfer it or just do the whole thing at home. Yeah, you have to just do it at home.

You don't want to do the trade-in. That's the real issue. But that's how you get the good deal, because the trade-in is worth like several hundred dollars. But you can always do a trade-in after the fact, can't you? I don't know how it works. I did it all through Verizon, like monthly payments and all that stuff. I usually, I think I order the iPhone. Sometimes if someone in my family has a very old phone, I'll give my old phone to them.

and then sometimes I'll resell it. There's some, there's like a bunch of different places that will buy it from you. But maybe you get a better deal if you do it through Apple. Yeah, but also like the phone, my phone, like my crap is get, every three years I've accumulated more pictures, more videos. And it's only going up and up and up and it like snowballs. Yeah. I guess I could just dump it all to an external hard drive that I completely forget about. Well, the trick is to delete all of the podcast videos.

That'll bring you down real fast. I have 10 years worth of photos and videos on my phone too, but I delete all of the giant files. Yeah, I have to stop treating my phone like an external hard drive basically and get an actual external hard drive. Yeah. You know, I also remember the last time I tried to buy an iPhone in store, I had a significantly less but, you know, oddly similar bad experience

where the guy was like, I wasn't even doing a trade-in. I was just like picking up the new phone and he was like oh you can like do this transfer now or you know you can do it at home I was like oh sure like yeah let's just do it now then I can I was like going out that night and I was like yeah I'll just go out and I'll have a new phone that sounds great we started it instantly was like it's going to take I think it was like three hours or something oh I have a dinner reservation I can't I can't do this he's like well we can't stop it I'd like they had like once it's in motion it's keep going.

So that's why I can. There's so many, like, different, like, variables and things to throw it off. Like, you can do the set of Verizon store. You can do it an Apple store. You can trade it in. You can not. Like, there's dealing with, like, 10 different permutations for, like, thousands of people transferring their phones. It just seems like a complete shit show.

Yeah. Well, I think they don't really care about customer service because they just make a product that everybody inexplicably wants and needs. And then the geniuses sort of have to deal with it. Yeah. And then it's like, yeah, because you can't, like, who would you possibly tell about, this bad Apple experience. Do you think you? You? Right.

Yeah. Do you contact customer support? And they're like, oh, we're so sorry. We'll make a note of that. We have 200,000 employees. We're worth a billion dollars, a trillion. What's their market cap? It's so much.

Yeah, it's a lot. Even with me staying there past their clothes, they were doing fine as a business. You're having a rotten time at Apple and you saying people should not go to the store. we're shooting this on an iPhone. We're on a video call on a Mac. They're not going anywhere.

They can mistreat us as much as they want. And I did go out that night with two phones, neither of them working. I had to just kind of wander around hoping my friends would find me. Yeah. At one point somebody was like, well, you can buy your old phone back if you want to leave.

I'm like, I'm not going to spend another $1,000 buying my old phone back. And then I have to retrade it in. I'll just stay for three hours. Yeah. I like this actually because I'm mad. I can be self-righteous. I guess at a certain point, the longer you're staying, the funnier it is.

Yes. And it starts to become euphoric, like when you fast for three days and you start feeling high. Right. Or when somebody is late to pick you up or then you start being like, wow, if they are like much later, then they'll feel really bad. Wow. They're like an hour late. That's kind of an amazing story. We're...

Apple's going to apologize to me. You think so? I have to apologize. Yeah, I could see that happening. Anyway, this is segments. All right. Ever-changing podcast. Let's take a break.

Thanks, some sponsors. Come back and talk about something actually useful for once. We'll see. Not this fucking tech bullshit. The HeadGum podcast is coming to San Francisco Sketch Fest. January 18th, Amir's birthday hosted by Jeffrey James, with special guest, Jake Hurwitz, Amir Blumenfeld, Riley Ansbaugh, Ali Khan, and of course, Anya Zero.

Go ahead and get your tickets over at sfsketchfest.com. We'll see you out there. Stay classy, San Francisco. Kind of like an anchorman. Stay classy. I said your name twice. Yeah, Ron Burgundy says, stay classy. San Diego, yeah.

Yeah. But it's kind of like, I don't know. I did my own little spin on your end. It's not your own because it's just plagiarizing the movie. But then quoting you wrong. Yeah. Right. Well, I'm curious.

There's something there for. But this is it. This is the final ad. Okay. Yeah. And we're back. Yes. All right.

You suggested we pitch a television show or talk about an old TV pitch? That's correct. So we, so we've talked about and we've read our TV pilot home again. Yes. What I found, because I had the idea that we should. come up with a TV show on the podcast as a segment. Easy. And I found from August 15th, 2012, an email to our agents, here are five network TV pitches

for you to peruse. Let us know if any of them tickle your brains in the same way Scoops did. So Scoops was our first TV pilot. Yeah. Okay. So I'll read these five. and we can choose one to break the pilot. These are five log lines that we sent to our agent and being like,

do you think any of these will be good enough to sell? Yeah. So I'm reading these cold. I have not read these in 12 years. Idea number one. The apartment. Pete just dropped out of law school to pursue his dream of moving to New York and writing the next great American novel.

He's given himself one year to make a name for himself. In order to save as much money as possible, Pete moves in with Aaron. An eccentric 20-something who owns an amazing apartment in Soho handed down from a recently deceased grandfather. Okay. And his cute sister, Jenny, what Pete saves on rent, he sacrifices in having to spend time with Aaron. So this is, it's kind of, yeah. So it's just two roommates.

It's just two roommates. Yeah, exactly. And like the, yeah, I guess the reason that I'm there is because you don't pay any rent. You need a friend and your apartment is really nice so I can live there cheaply. And I have a crush on your sister. Seems pretty banal. The premise is thin. Yeah.

But like so is the premise to New Girl. Right. It is basically a nothing show, but like so is other shows on TV at the time. Yeah. I mean, it's definitely as good as the New Girl premise. Mike Rowe Brewery. Clay and Arthur early 30s are two beer delivery men from Boulder, Colorado, who were just laid off by their employer.

A super national beer chain, think Coors Miller Budweiser. Okay. Yeah, we know for no good reason. Fueled by their rage for this mega corporation and with extra time on their hands, they set off to create their own microbrewery specializing in a craft beer they call Justice Brew, a workplace comedy about the little company in Middle America that could. The show could either begin on the day the brewery opens or the day they decide. to open a brewery with the brewery opening on the first season's finale.

Okay. So it's kind of like cheers, but instead of about a bar, it's about the people that make the alcohol for bars. Right. It's a, it's a show set. It's a workplace comedy set in a brewery. And we were, we were beer delivery men. That was her job. Number three, home again.

Five friends, Jenna, Arthur, Sarah, Roger, and Mike. that's not what it ended up being. But anyway, that's home again. We already know that's the one they went with. Four, the dispatch. One day, Ben is going to open his own taco diner, but for now, he's a bike messenger working in San Francisco. It doesn't matter what he's going to do later.

So the show's about a bike messenger. Well, it's about a guy who wants to have a taco diner. What is that? It's a taco diner. It's a diner, you know, like a greasy spoon, but it's for tacos. It's a Mexican diner. He spends all his time in the dispatch center where he and his fellow bikers wait for errands. Bike messengers by nature are a quirky bunch, and Ben finds himself having to get along with a strange cast of characters.

Think a modernized taxi but set in the West Coast. I see. So there's, yeah, I don't know if there actually is a bike messenger. or dispatch anymore. Maybe there was in 2012. Number five. All of our ideas are successful shows reimagined to be about either a taco diner or a beer manufacturer company.

It's kind of a snapshot in time. In 2012, craft brews were very big. Exciting and of the moment, zeitgeisty location. Number five, Daily Planet. This is parentheses, long shot idea. Set in Metropolis Those first four are layups But let's hear this long shot

Yeah Well they obviously wanted The Taco Diner Set in Metropolis The Daily Planet focuses On the employees of this infamous newspaper Who aren't Clark Kent

So it's just kind of like The Sports Writers of the Daily Planet Well I actually kind of like that one the most Now that I think about Yeah that one's fine Superman sort of happening in the background It's like Who in the baseball game

And then you see like Lex Luthor they're flying in the background. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That kind of works. That actually does kind of work. It's like a show that like Disney would have or something. Yeah. It's like in the Star Wars universe but not Star Wars.

Yeah, it seems like I mean, it seems like this is what they're doing now. This, if we looked at, if we dusted all of these off, that one is clearly has the biggest chance of going. Your character is no chance at all. Right, of course. Your character is an obituary writer for the Daily Planet. Are people still doing this? Like our comedy writer is still coming up with ideas like this?

Or like, did everyone stop? Because I know we stopped, but I don't know if it's because we became so jaded and cynical that we've given up. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I think there is like still a network pitching season. I just think that it's for the most part concentrated around the same like five to ten guys. So it's kind of like the the Chuck Lurie's of the world. But it also feels like there's not like network TV shows. And like are there still comedies on Fox and NBC?

Like what's on NBC Thursday night? I assume it's just like the biggest loser and not like a new comedy about an office or something. No, I think there are still new comedies. I mean, our friends are on. sitcoms? Yeah. Ghosts, CBS. That was.

Yeah, but what's on NBC? NBC. Isn't Rob McElany's wife or forget her name, D from always. sunny. I think she's on something. A show, a comedy, on Thursday night on NBC? Yeah. Let me see. This is us in the pitch. Like, are you guys still even doing

anything? Why are we even here? All right, well, now I'm on NBC's. Okay. It looks like they're on NBC.com, looking at their comedies. Their top one is Third Rock from the Sun. So that's an 11-year-old Joseph Gordon. Love it. Yeah.

At Brooklyn 9-9. Oh, these are in alphabetical order for some reason. Right. Yeah. Go to this Thursday night. What's on NBC? Okay. NBC Thursday night lineup.

Here's the schedule. What's on NBC? Let's go. I'm going to Thursday 7 p.m. Yeah. Oh, it's just it's, okay. So the, it appears that the news. starts at 4 p.m.

and goes until 10 p.m. Which one Jay Leno comes on? When brilliant time comes on. Yeah. So is that... So it's just the news all night. It seems... Oh, Chicago Fire.

That comes on sometimes. That's show. America's got talent. That's one. Reality. Yeah. Maybe comedy's dead. Maybe comedy is dead.

Who's to say? Why don't we pitch the news? Jake and Amir are newscasters. Yeah, like there's no sitcoms anymore. They're all just talking about the news, just fucking come. Like, how hard can it be? Here's one. J.D. Vance gets into the wrong cab and gets kicked out.

Right. That's something that the news can talk about. Yeah. Cool. So, yeah, we're basically just covering. We're covering the election. We're covering the election. So, yeah.

We're coming up with ideas. What do you mean idea? I don't think the news. Ideas for news. Is it pitched in advance? So he can do it so that they can talk about something. I don't even think they come up with ideas for it. I think they kind of just for the most part are getting all of it from the associated press.

There's like a single news source that's like spouts all of it. And then they just have different newscasters say it and put a different spin on it depending on what channel it's on. Right. And then like one day a week, there's also Abbott Elementary on ABC. Well, I actually think it would be a lot easier for us to do to come up with Fox News stories. Like, because most of that shit is made up. Like the kids getting gender reassignment surgeries at school.

Like, yeah, like we can pitch jokes to Gutfeld. Yeah, we can, we can pitch basically jokes like that they would be like, oh, that's good. Yeah, let's tell everyone that that's seriously happening. The eating the pets thing. That's immigrants are eating people's cats. Seems like it has to just be like that comes from the mind of a comedy writer. That was the brave one. This one's kind of a long shot.

But what are your thoughts on somebody eating a pet? Right. Like you're probably going to hate this one. The immigrants are eating the dogs. Based on a picture I think I saw on Facebook of a guy holding a goose. But we can say we fucking misheard something or something like that. I feel like, yeah, we could definitely be. newswriters for Fox.

Well, that's sort of the only thing. Like, I don't watch comedies anymore. I watch the news during the day, like, on Twitter. And then I watch, like, John Oliver and John Stewart talk about the news and joke about the news. Yeah. So I watch the news and then jokes about the news. That's comedy to me. That's really all you.

And sports. Yeah, in sports. But I'm talking about in terms of, like, my primetime television watching. Your primetime television watch is news. You and all they watch a show together? jokes about news or a football game. I see. I do a lot of TV viewing with Gillian.

But you do like prestige television on like Netflix and Hulu. Yeah, yeah. We do on-demand critically acclaimed series. And when we've run out, then sometimes we will watch old rom-coms because I've never seen any. But now I've seen a lot. That's just easy watching. You know, that's like Sandra Bullock movies. Julia Roberts, we just covered.

Yeah. Notting Hill. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Notting Hill. I actually didn't watch Pretty Woman yet. I think we did Notting Hill and Runaway Bride for the two that I did. Oh, wait, not Runaway Bride.

It was Notting Hill and my best friend's wedding. My best friend's wedding is like a very kind of bizarre movie, but it's great. It's just like the guy is such a jackass that they're like kind of fighting over and she like really tries to break up a marriage. Young Cameron Diaz is, she's incredible. Cameron Diaz is, they don't make actors like this anymore. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

Cameron Diaz made America fall in love with her in this role is what I think. Cameron Diaz made America great again. She really did. She really did. And I mean, Julie Robbins. Roberts is just so charming. So yeah, those are fun. And then the other thing that we watch is every once in a while, we will watch Love is Blind.

And that reality. Yeah. We'll like binge a reality thing. And that's a great show. Yeah. But sitcoms might not exist anymore, which is why I think it'll be funny. If we reply to one of these emails after 12 years, we'd be like, hey, just checking in on this. I don't know if you want to set up a general at NBC, but I'm still down to pitch.

or if they're only taking meetings with like peacock at this point. Interesting. That's not a bad idea. It looks like there's definitely two people that still work at the management company. Oh, really? I was going to say odds are all the agents have also been fired. Well, the agents, I think none of the agents are here anymore. There's one agent that definitely was kind of pushed out of Hollywood for,

Not so politely. Yeah. And then our main agent left, went to a different agency. So that email would bounce back. But our manager, our two managers, they definitely still have those email addresses. Which is why it's the perfect time to nudge. Yeah. Hey, just nudging.

Hey, just trading. Hey, let us know. Checking in. Re, Taco Diner. Did you guys like that? This isn't even a TV. show idea anymore. I just really think we should open a restaurant. It could also be an Indian deli or something. It really just two ideas pushed together. Right. Would kind of make sense like a

Thai food dive sports bar. Yeah. The important thing is that it's Ben's dream. Ben is the Jake character. He's 39 now. It's funny because this one doesn't even have like the other ones have like, all right, so I'm Pete and you're Aaron in the apartment. I'm Clay and you're Arthur and microbrewery. Yeah, why do we just keep the names the same? Well, in the dispatch, we don't even have, your character doesn't even have a name. It's just been.

Did you really just be Jake in a year every time? Right. It should be. I don't know why we Clay and Arthur. Clay is a classic brewery name, I think that's why. We did often make your name start with an A, I think.

Like, there's definitely, there's, there were a couple things where your name was Aden. Not Irish me. Yeah. All right. Let's take another break. And so. And we're back. Okay, let's play a game.

All right. I'm ready. Okay. This game is something we've played before. I've taken it from the web. And I'm putting it back onto our version of the web, this podcast. It's called, I think, Brainwave in which you roll a die to pick a number between 1 in 10 and I don't know that number.

But I ask you to rank things that I think deserve that number. And then I try to guess what that number is. Oh, I see. All right, great. Okay, so you'll roll a die either digitally or real. You have a D10, you said? I do. Always.

Okay, so roll it, but don't tell me what the number is. Okay, got it. Okay, you have it? Yeah. All right, I'm going to take my headphones off so you can tell the audience what it is, but I won't hear it. Ready? Right.

The number is two. All right, you did it? Yeah. Okay. So now I'm going to try. try to guess what that number is by asking you to rank a sandwich. Wait, so I rank a, I don't understand. So if you got like a two out of ten, this will be a shitty sandwich, a sandwich you'd give a two to.

Oh, I see. I see. So, all right, so you're telling me a sandwich and I thought you were like, I thought I was going to just like need to rank a sandwich. Like, sandwiches are 10, man. Now I see. Okay. Yeah. A sandwich. Oh, you know the sandwich from Fire Fest that was like a piece of cheese with a lettuce or something? Yeah, or lettuce or something. Yeah. That. Okay. So that seems pretty bad, but also seems like something you would love. So like I'm sort of like in the three zone. Because you like, yeah, kind of like slap together quick meals like that, gas station cheese sandwiches. Yeah.

Okay. Give me an athlete. An athlete. Okay. An athlete. This might be hard because if it's really bad, you can't really think of a bad athlete. No, it's fine. I could think.

At the end of the day, they're all professional athletes. Right. That's what I was. Okay. Manny Ramirez. Whoa. Okay. So it's a guy who's really good.

but you hate him. Right. I see. So he was arguably the best Red Sox, but you hate the Red Sox. Okay, so then I'm back to one to two. Okay, I'll give me one more. I'm going to say, um, uh, movie. Movie.

Hmm. Okay. Okay. Okay. I can do that. Okay. It's, it's

it really is kind of hard okay give me two seconds give me two seconds okay um you know like

because most of the movies that you that come to mind are of a certain um you're thinking of porn movies only you have to think about just like regular

like the Julia Roberts movies yeah I mean those were great um yeah uh twisters You didn't like that one at all. Okay, I'm going to say two out of ten.

Correct. Yes? Yes. Two is right. It could have been one. It could have been one. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's really hard to come up with a professional athlete who sucks and a movie that sucks that much.

I guess I could have said like, G-Lie. A famously bad movie. Right, right, right. Okay. But yeah, no, I got there. And you got there. I'll try to roll one. Okay.

I'm rolling a die. All right. I've muted myself. The number is three. The number is three. Which is kind of annoyingly close to two, but what are you going to do? All right, we're back. I feel like you were talking for a long time.

Yeah, I was editorializing a little bit. Yeah. Okay. You're talking shit about me? No. What are you talking about? Okay. Let's go my Jake's haircuts.

Interesting. So your version of hair. Right. Yeah. Like not about like, more like, you know, which one you thought was,

you know, I was the hottest when I had this haircut. That's 10. And then. I'll say the really long hair with the really long beard. Oh,

wow. Interesting. Like the longest grown out version of you. Yeah. Okay. So it's kind of, it's not necessarily for everybody.

And I don't know that. you liked it. But at the same time, it's kind of a luke, and it was iconic. Okay. A cookie, a style of cookie. A style of cookie. Or flavor. Yeah.

Cookie. Oatmeal chocolate chip. Oh, that's very good. That is very good. You don't hate oatmeal. We're in the seven. We are in the seven range. American city.

American city. Washington, D.C. That's actually taking me a little more mid. All right. I think we have to do it after three. I'll go six. It was too high. I tried to lower you down with D.C.,

which I consider the worst city in America. Wow. But the number was three. The number was three. I guess I overestimated how much you like oatmeal cookies. Yeah, because chocolate chip is the goat. So I'm like, let me give you, but it's not oatmeal raisin. Omeal raisin is a joke.

Right, right, right. But I guess in retrospect, I should have said that. Oatmeal raisin, yeah, because, I mean, three would have, you know, it's not your fault. It's not your fault at all. I also overestimated how much you like my long hair. Yeah, I guess I was like, yeah, I should have. It's not the worst, but it also wasn't your best. Right.

For sure. Okay. You go again. Okay. As in, I roll a number or you roll a number. Oh, I'll roll one. Okay. But then you do the thing where you mute and I won't look.

Okay, are you muted? The number is nine, everybody. Nine. Oh, if I get two in a row, I get the 50K bounty. That's when you owe me $1,000 a week. Every week for a year. Well, less than a year. Yeah, a little under.

Okay. But so a lot of pressure on this one. Can I pay it? All right. Can I pay it over, can I do like interest only payments for a period of time? It really has to be $1,000 a week for 50 weeks in a row. If I get this one. But if you give it to me over 10 years, I'll end up giving it to me straight.

Give it to me honest. I'll give you $118,000 over 15 years. Okay. Will you let me do that? That's fine. Yeah, I'll let you do that. Okay. As long as $118,000.

With interest, yeah. For my birthday. Yeah. Okay. We'll do one. balloon payment. We'll do interest only payments for 15 years and then we'll do a balloon payment. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Give me pizza. Pepperoni. Oh, wow. Kind of goaded. We're in the 8, 9, 10 spot. Okay. Give me a television show. Um, the wire. These are your.

favorites. I can't imagine it not being 10. Give me one last one. Sport. Like, for spectating or participating? It's just general sport. Fine. No clarification. Okay. Sport. Surfing. I mean, like, last one could have been one. I said two. This one could be 10. I could say nine, but I really think it's just the best of the best for you.

Pepperoni, surfing, and the wire. I'll go 10. Fortunately, it is nine. I was, I think soccer slash football is the best sport. The money, I really, really could have used that. I actually wanted you to get it. I wanted to give you the money. I wanted you to get that. So just give it to me anyway. No, because it's not right. It ain't fair to do it that way. Pepperoni. I know that's your favorite.

But I didn't say Sicilian-style pepperoni, did I? No. No, I did not. And the wire dragged in season five, it kind of jumped the shark. And everybody knows. And I've talked about that before. Have you seen The Sopranos? I, no, I can't get into it.

I mean, I've tried. Interesting. I've tried. I don't know why. I don't like mafia shit. Well, I haven't seen it either, but everyone says it's the greatest. Yeah. I'm inclined to believe them. All right, should I roll one more? Yeah, yeah. I believe them too, but I think, like, even, it would be hard for me to recommend the wire now. Like, it moves so slow. And I think that's what I find with Sopranos. All right. Okay, I've rolled. I'm muting myself.

This is unbelievable. Nine. It was fucking 10. I guarantee it was 10, and he fucking lied to you guys. This is such bullshit. Anyway, my number is seven, although maybe I should lie to you. Set them up to fail. All right. Headgum employee. Oh, Marty.

Easily. Ooh. You should honestly get it at this point. That's very interesting. That's very interesting. Sports franchise. Let's go the New York Mets. All right.

So that's, that's. That's pretty bad. That is pretty bad. It's got to be middling Mets. Could it be five? Middling Marty, that's kind of interesting. Maybe you're doing five for mid. Last one.

Mexican food. A burrito? A burrito? You can say what's in it. Is that Mexican food or what do you consider that? Say a chicken or a steak brie. You have to describe the burrito. It's a bean and cheese burrito.

I mean, come on. It's a chicken burrito. That's it. Nothing else in it? Why did he say that? You're all over the place. You're all over the place. You love chicken burritos, but you hate Marty and you don't care about the Mets. You don't give a shit about the Mets. But maybe you're saying like they're the second best team in New York, so it's kind of, Can I ask you one other question? Yes. What was your number? Okay.

One other question. Country. Country. Let's go. Canada. Canada. So pretty good, not great. Just like the Met.

Pretty good, not. Eight. Close. Seven. Damn. I wanted to feel like what it would feel like to win to get that number. Yeah. Seven.

More of a Cohen than a Marty, but I can respect it. Yeah. And the Mets are like, you know, fun to root for, but not like. Anything. Elite level. And they're not like, you know, like the Kansas City Royals or something boring. Yeah. And a chicken burrito is good, but it's the standard.

It's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I'd rather get something else. I'd rather get a horacha. Or thara. Or enpevada.

You're allergic, isn't the thing? Your tongue is swollen. All right. Well, I guess I won that. So just Venmo me, what? $25,000. I don't know if you won it. I feel bad taking the full bounty at this point.

I guess you got one. You did get one? I got one. But I feel like that. And I actually got the hardest one, too. Yeah. Well, I think it's more about me nailing the descriptors, me like getting the right answers, right?

You don't have to do anything. I have to do everything. I thought of the game. I invented it actually. You didn't think the game. You pulled it from the fucking TikTok. Yeah, but I watched the TikTok from scratch. I watched it from scratch.

And I am recording this on a 1700. $100 phone. That's not an upgrade. Two days for. And it did take three days to transfer the soul of my old phone onto it. So now it especially feels like an old phone. At least this video can live on there for another 10 years. I'm not deleting this source footage just in case we need it one day.

Okay. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching if you are. More of us on our Patreon. Patreon. Patreon.com slash J.A. Ja. We're talking Tottenham, guys.

We are talking Tottenham. So we're talking soccer on there. Football for those in the know. We're recording this before the Spurs United match this weekend. So you can only imagine what we're going to be discussing by the time this comes out. We'll be talking about it today or tomorrow on Patreon. And we will see you next week. Ciao for now.

Bye. That was a Hidgum original.