If I Were You - 500: Memory Lane

Episode Date: August 10, 2021

In this episode we discuss some old bits, some new questions, and reminisce about the origin of this show. Thanks to all our Day 1's, Day 500's and everybody else in between.Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a Hit Gum Original. A little nervous, but we don't have to use it. Right, it's like the lowest stakes ever. The absence of stakes. Should we give these people names on the questions? Uh, yeah, I think we should make them up. Alright, here we go. Alright.

This is my singing debut. This is my love song. It's recording? Yeah. If I were you, if I were you, if I were you, the show starts now. There we go. That was awful. Respect.

There it is. The first episode, May something or other, 2013, eight years later. Can you imagine? Here we are, episode 500. We peaked early. I was, I was, I was thinking we would sound differently like little boys, but I guess I was still like 29 years old. So it makes sense that I sounded relatively similar to what I sound like.

Right. Yeah, I kind of had the exact same thought, but then I was like, oh yeah, I guess my voice hasn't changed since 2013. That's the tracks, but it does change like at age 50 will sound differently. I assume a 50 year old sounds different than a 25 year old. Doesn't it? I don't know. I think it doesn't really change until you're like 80.

Yeah. So everyone sounds like they're four until they're 12 and then they sound like they're 20 until they're 90. I actually sounded like this when I was two. Yeah. My first word was mom, mom. In that exact voice. Yeah.

You didn't want to waste any goo goo, God, God, this, that and the other. I just said, when I grow up, I want to be a paleontologist. That was my first sentence. Yeah. All right, sweet. So what do you remember of that first memory lane style? What do you have cooking up there about our first record? Do you remember where it was?

I remember where it was. It was on Berry Street in the one bedroom apartment that you had there. Yep. I remember the, actually it's funny because with all of the golden mic-ish, our first microphones were actually emerald and gold. Yeah. And we were asking Jeff Rubin what he used to record on and he gave me a suggestion, I think, of these microphones that I already forget.

And fairly early on, we realized they were not great and one of them just stopped working entirely. Remember when we were recording in Alison Williams' hotel room and her microphone just wouldn't work anymore? Yeah. They looked good though. They were photogenic mics. They looked great.

Yeah. They looked really good. Yeah. It was just for the style of them all. The nostalgia factor. Yeah. Yeah. I do remember, I remember, I mean, I did a lot of research.

I did a lot of research before this recording because it's so monumental. So I, first of all, I found the origin of this podcast. Wow. So the origin origin was an email from our agent. This is the one that I sent you. I'll read part of it. Wait. This is before we even started the podcast?

That's right. Yes. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see. Okay.

Let me one second. We should say, for those of you listening as a podcast right now, we're also live streaming this thing so people can ask us questions, chime in live. We got a few hundred people watching as we speak. Well, let me see. And yeah. So this is live. You have to vamp because I can't find it.

And we have to just like make sure that everything is orderly and set up and organized so that we don't have to kill any time, waste any time. So let's hear it, the email, the opening email, the origin story, and it goes a little something like this. Hold on. It's little, it's tough to find. It's tough to find. That's why, yeah.

That's why I could have found it beforehand. Well, the thing is, I actually, I sent it to you. I sent it to you. That's why. It's on. Well, it would be in your inbox. I have to go through my fucking scent. Yeah.

And I know you send close to 40 emails a minute because you also moonlight as a bot that sort of sends spam from your email account. It's impossible to see. It really does not make sense. Oh, wait. No, here it is. I have it. I have it.

It was part of another email. Love that. Okay. By the way, Jared Oates just wrote in on the chat, that's a 30 for a mirror. For what? Yeah. How is that? For not a 30 for me.

For not having that on hand. I sent it to you. I sent it to you, Blumenfeld. I sent it to you, okay? You produced this? Uh-huh. Okay. Anyway.

Yeah. Tuesday, November 13th, 2012, Andrew Russell, shout out to Andrew. Why don't you and Amir have a podcast? Great question. That is November 12th. And I said, like of our videos or like a separate thing, because yeah, at this point you have no idea what a podcast is or something like that. Yeah.

And I think it, like also in my research, I had found another, I searched the word podcast and I found the earliest time it was mentioned in my email. And one of them like there was, we had just found out that like somebody had made a podcast, a video podcast of all of the Jake and Amir's like in order and we found out it was a popular podcast. Right. But it wasn't. Yeah.

It was just our videos. Anyway, he writes back separate thing that is not college humor related at all. Podcasts in the comedy space are becoming huge. This is in 2012. Wow. Lots of no-name comics are starting to build on their podcasts. And then he lists them all off. Who the fuck is Mark Marin?

And then he writes, the thing you guys did at Yeshiva University was funny. Just put that onto a podcast. It's perfect. Right. Which was a Q&A that we did at a Jewish university in New York. That's right. Sometimes the organizer of an event was just a Jake and Amir fan and like let's do an evening with Jake and Amir because that person wanted to meet us and then the audience had

no idea who we were. So it was a little lopsided in that way. But I guess he heard it and thought it was funny. He thought it was going to be a podcast. And I write back truth. Amir actually suggested this once. We do have a deep bench of people who would be awesome to interview. Wow.

I think it's a matter of learning how the thing works, which Amir might already. I just emailed him and asked what he thought about doing it. I'll keep you posted. And so I did forward this to you and I wrote podcast suggestion from Andrew Russell. Maybe it's time. Wow. And you didn't respond. But that's fine.

Okay. I remember one of the big fears was that like do we do it in character? Because people only knew us as these characters. Like the number one question you got asked is Amir really like that? I guess people thought it was like almost a borderline documentary series. How could I, this dumbass host a podcast, it makes no sense. And it was weird. Because we'd been on the internet forever.

And I guess we had like tumblers and stuff, but that was, we didn't even really have like, you know, there's no Instagram. There was not a lot of like being ourselves out there in the world at all. Yes. It was all just like. In character. Us playing dumb versions of ourselves. Us.

Yeah. All scripted. Right. I think that we could just be like ourselves on a podcast. And then a bizarre idea. And before we even came up with the advice idea, it was just, do we interview our friends? And you had the idea that it should be like bad advice is the theme of the podcast, right? Yes.

So this is the, this is the other origin of the actual podcast. An email that I wrote to myself, which I do sometimes as like notes with the subject line podcast. This is also in April of 2013. So a couple of months after Andrew's idea, April 2013, we must have been talking about doing a podcast in general, but not knowing what it was going to be. So I write podcast, the body of the email says advice like car talk relationship advice. So that is the first, that's the inception of if I were you, right?

Which is you wanted it to be like a car talk radio show that you used to listen to. But those guys were experts. Yes. Right. But the thing I always loved about car talk was that I didn't know nothing about cars. And some, and you didn't have to cause people would call in and they would ask them questions. Like they'd ask them car questions, but it was really just about getting the brothers clicking clack to talk to each other and hearing them laugh and make each other laugh and like

teasing their, uh, their callers in and stuff. Right. So, um, so I was like, well, what can me and Amir wax about that's like car talk? What do we know about? And the answer was nothing. But I was like, I guess we're not experts at anything. Yeah. Which is like, oh, so we could just give people bad life advice.

Yes. And that was the origin. So we just called it if I were you, because then we can't be wrong when it's just talking about our opinions. This is just what we would do. Yeah. So did you get that other email that I sent you, which is the first chat that you and I had?

Uh, yes. But why don't you read that? Or should we read it, uh, back and forth like a script right now? That's, that's exactly what we should do. Wow. Okay. So this is a Gmail G chat conversation. Remember those?

Yeah. A G chat conversation with you, with you April 29th. So it's like, um, a couple of days after I, three days after I wrote myself that email. Okay. Um, all right. So I'll start with me saying bad advice with Jake and Amir. And then I said, my friend Rami, shout out to Rami says there's already a podcast like that.

And then I sent you a link to my brother, my brother and me, which I guess has had already existed at the time and was very similar. And I said, I don't know if it matters though. And then I said, I thought you found one called bad advice. And I said, yeah, there's one that like that too, but this one is more popular. And then I sent a clip of, uh, Jeff Rubin telling me that he had an idea to do an episode of his show where he had answers, um, advice podcasts and columns from other people. So one week we're answering Dan Savage's letters.

One week we're doing 17. One week we're answering questions from a religious podcast. And I say, so we are guests, giving advice on advice, on advice podcasts. And I said, no, we take questions that people posed on different sites and podcasts and answer them ourselves. And I say, oh, I guess advice shows are not original in any way. Just calling one bad advice is copying. Yes, exactly.

And then I said, I guess there are hundreds of advice podcasts, so we would just need to create a hook like that. And then I say, maybe we bill it as what I would do, what I would do Wednesday with Jake and Amir. That way we can be funny because what I would do is usually something dumb or crazy. And then we end by saying, maybe what you should do is blank. Right. Uh, and then at a certain point we start, uh, coming up with name ideas, um, if you scroll

down a little bit. Oh yeah. Um, instant domain search, shout out the website we still use for finding square site domains. That's right. Um, I write, if I'm you.com is available. Pretty good. And then I say, if I am, if I apostrophe M, you, excuse me, I didn't sneeze in the chat. That was just sort of, yeah.

And then I say, if I am you, if I'm you, if I were you.com are all available. Um, and I say, oh, and I say true, true. And then I said, oddly enough, advice podcast.com is available. Too boring. Haha. That's nuts. And I think it is. Maybe that's why it's available.

Advice podcast. And I said, no retrospect, we should have got it. And then you say, maybe that's why it's available. And I said, ha, ha, no human is that boring. And then I say, if I were you podcast, Oh, now we're getting real close too long. I say, Hey, what about what I would do show? That's also long. What about if podcast doc, I just blow by your recommendation that we end up using.

I say, kind of nice. Maybe we should name the podcast first and I suggest pod crastinate.com and we laugh. We don't have a name for the podcast. We're trying to buy a domain first. Yeah. And then you write, ha, ha, ha, if I were you is pretty good. There you go. And then I suggested also what I would do.

Yep. And then I say, I think I'd like if I were you. And then I said, W, W, M, E, D, what would me sis do instead of Jesus do? And then I said, if I were you show.com is available. And I say, I like if I were you show. All right. I told you, he likes it too. Look at us.

Now we're really going. Wow. Um, and then do you want to read your last, uh, the last thing you said to me right before I say bad attitude? No. Yeah. Of course. Yeah.

Absolute course. So there we have it. That was sort of the origin of coming up with the name. So as usual, you just like head gum, you came up with it. Wow. I'm good at naming things, I guess. That's why you won probably the first golden mic was based on the fact that you came up with the name idea.

And then I got my brother to make the podcast art for it. Yeah. Wow. And I think your brother was the first person that ever made art that looked like my face. Yeah. You were hesitant at first because any, um, any art that we did for busted T's for t-shirts never looked like when we went to make them. Yeah.

That's right. Uh, and it's funny because now in retrospect, I kind of think that the original Jake and Mirso Ace shirt did look like me at the time. I just gave up on a hard time. Yeah. Who, who did that illustration? Do you even remember it? I think it was Trey one.

Uh, oh wow. Uh, okay. So that was, that's the pre-origin and we actually kept that artwork for like eight years or something until like two weeks ago. Yeah. We really, we like just switched it way, way, way too long. Uh, all right. I also wanted to talk about the running bits that began with episode one.

Episode one had our first. Episode one. The story for our running bits, but let's take a break. We'll thank some sponsors, come back and answer questions maybe on the other side of these messages. Thank you to Helix Sleep for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yes. Thank you for making the sleep test, the sleep exam and letting me ace it and become the

doctor of the mattress. Yes. Uh. Helix makes a really great mattress line and you take a little sleep quiz to see what mattress is right for you. Mm-hmm. Yeah, right. Jake's been bragging about completing this two minute, honestly, like Buzzfeed light

quiz. I don't know how you sleep for the better part of a decade. Excuse me. I do not, I do not brag. I don't brag about completing it. I brag about acing it. Because you got the mattress and it was great or? Yeah.

I got the perfect mattress. Thank God. Thank God I took that test. And if you want the perfect mattress, you can go to helixsleep.com slash if I were you for 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows. Amazing. Free pillows? Come on.

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And we're back. Hey, hey. What did you get that we made in episode one? I believe it was killing yourself at a Starbucks. That's correct. Do you remember the questions that were submitted for that episode? So we've discussed this before, but I do remember that we made them all up. That's what, yeah, that's what I want to get to.

We couldn't answer questions that were submitted because the podcast didn't exist yet. So we just fabricated three questions to answer. One of them let us down a bit where a guy was either threatening to or we suggested that he should threaten to kill himself in a Starbucks. That's crazy. I don't remember which one, which question that was. Yeah, I don't remember either. There was something about like, my boss is taking me to dinner and I don't have the money

and I want to, but I feel bad asking him to split or something like that. Yeah. I should say that none of the other questions since then have been fake. So while we are copping to that, everything else has been 100% real, but the killing yourself in a Starbucks was a running bit that we did for like the first few months of the show. Yeah. And people still reference it when they're like out of options.

They're like, should I try this, this, or should I kill myself in a Starbucks? The answer is never. Yeah. Obviously. And then a little bit after that was Seize the Cheese, which came up either in that episode or like the first few episodes as well. Yeah. Seize the Cheese was later on, it was definitely not the first episode because we wouldn't

have been able to come up with that question. It was like the guy whose friend's dad was trying to take him to a car show. Right. But he was like, shouldn't I go with my dad or something like that? Yeah. Seize the car, a police seizure auction, and then we referenced Seizing the Cheese in a way. I thought it, the Seize the Cheese was his own thing or did you, maybe it was, no, yeah,

it was something you did about grabbing nacho cheese. Yeah. Our fans are chiming in in the chat saying that the Seize the Cheese was the name of the episode. And then another earlier runner, which was the Yoduyu, which you would say is Yoda or something like that. Oh yeah, Yoduyu was kind of a Drake impression that I did way back then. Yes, that's what it was.

Yoduyu. Yeah. Wasn't that a shirt at some point too? I don't know if we ever made it a shirt because I don't think we ever knew if it was Yoduyu or Yoduyu. Right. Hashtag dope was a shirt. That was something I used to say for a while.

We're getting all these great bits that we forgot about. Tom Fletcher weighs in with Surge Dude. Yeah. Remember that one from maybe year three or four? And crowbar 5555 with the Kanye. Hey. Shout out to, I mean, it was Kanye, but really it was Dave Rosenberg was the reason I did that bit all the time.

Yeah, you impersonating Kanye was a bit that we kept alive for weeks at a time. Surge Dude being a real guy that we met named Surge. Yep. Surge. But the bit was that his friend was, I guess him and Surge were four year olds and they wanted to just sort of hang out. They talk cool, but they do kindergarten or stuff. Yeah.

I want to do a coloring book with you, man. Let's play a fucking guess who, dude. Me and you, Surge. Oh, right. Raven's Nest. Raven's Nest. People are bringing up Shorty Steps. Based on a real book, a real house that we found.

Yeah. It was a real house. It's funny because we were doing this bit for such a long time, just you and I, and we eventually put this in lonely and horny, too. We called this house Shangri-La meets La La Land, Nirvana, Utopia. How so good. We don't even deserve to live in it. Yeah.

And we changed, but we were like, we were laughing so much doing this bit. We're like, well, we want to put it on the show, but there was a time that we actually thought we might live there or at the very least it's like it's in our neighborhood. So we changed the name to Raven's Nest, but do you remember the actual name of the street? Yes. It was in Los Feliz, the street was called Einvernes, which already sounds very mythical and cool. We would raise a glass to Einvernes.

The house was like $10,000, $15,000 a month. It was like a four-bedroom modern mansion with a pool, floor to ceiling, glass amenities. Everything was super nice. We could afford it and we didn't live there. Yeah, exactly. Ryan Furge. No, it should we have lived there. Jake's dad is a gourd.

My dad's been the butt of the jokes. This is my mom. My mom is an angel. My dad is a gremlin. That for sure. I like my dad's money. Yes. Mom, turn off the podcast.

Mom, turn off the podcast. Zainish. Amen. Yep. Yep. That was a classic one. John Wolfe, who another one is based on reality, but he's just a really nice guy, but we joked about this idea of a guy, John Wolfe, who would troll society like the Joker to the point

where he used to introduce himself in crowded bars as global because it makes no sense and it's hard to hear and nobody would believe that that was uncomfortable. It's a needling little dickling thing to do. Introduce. Why do you do that? Why does it make people feel weird? Why would he do that? Well, that's why.

That's why he would do that. It's not like illegal, I guess. It's just weird, sort of morally questionable behavior. Yeah. Kobe, RIP, before he passed away, a running gag was him being in the corner of all of our podcasts, but being too shy to talk. Yeah. That was good stuff.

And then Matt Damon, of course. I think that one might have lasted longer than most. Yeah. Almost as long as the golden mic. Actually, Damon's back in the news. I don't know if you've been seeing more of Damon, but now that Damon has resurfaced, I think somebody sent me a tweet that he did the hot ones, the show where you try to answer questions while being too sweaty and spiced out from spicy chicken wings.

Oh, wow. And that's basically, we always were just like, Matt Damon doesn't get flustered. So if he does, yeah, that's going to come our way. You think Matt Damon like sweats from eating something too spicy and is like, oh, God, this is really, really spicy. I can't enjoy this anymore. That would never happen to Damon. Right.

That's in which case. Yeah. And then what was the most recent one was the, of course, the golden mic. Yeah. Long running. Yeah. Now that it's episode 500, should we say that we both, should we say that we both have one one at this point, like sort of call an end to the monumental episode number.

But it's actually, this is only my 499th golden mic because I wasn't able to do one episode of the podcast. So I haven't won every single golden mic. So it's not that much of a milestone is all I'm saying. I already won the golden mic this episode because we've sort of proved that I had the idea for if I were you and the name. It's kind of like how on earth would you get that you tried to name the podcast? What would Mises do?

So that's the turdy for you. That's a joke. People are chiming into the chat. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't even, it's cool to see it in the chat. Wow. I don't even get to, man, let me, we can almost do this every week.

Okay. So Casso actually new life. Yeah. So that's correct. Ben Schwartz has one too. So my unprecedented run and dominance has not been solidified yet. Maybe at 500, I hang up the mantle. I hang up the crown.

I rest on my laurels. But today I humbly and happily accept the 498th golden mic and I appreciate it. I'm chuffed, cheesed, honored and humbled by your generosity. It's really cool to see it here in the chat. Ross, I haven't said anything for me. I've asked for it. They're having generous. They're fucking trying to placate you.

This is only the beginning and I fucking respect that. Popcorn says congrats, Jake. Just really, really cool stuff. What are you taking? You're taking? McMuffin. Jake our humble king. Jesus Christ.

I feel like a tears coming to my goddamn eye. Why tears? Because it means a lot to me. Why tears? Because it means a lot to me. And it obviously means jack shit to you. But why would it? Because you only have 500 fucking turkeys.

Because you're a joke. All right. People are referencing Gattie and I being elementary school friends, which is also a solid bit from back in the day. That was a bit that was entirely on like your own too. I think just one day you said it. So there's some bits that you and I talk about like, especially when we were living together,

we would often like do bits just in house. Yeah. And then they would make their way to the podcast. But Gattie was one that surprised me even at the time, even though you were my roommate. The joke being that in fifth grade, I was sort of best friends with Gattie. Yeah.

So he and I attended the same, I guess a Jewish middle school for lack of a better term. And it was me, Gattie and a few other friends. And I would just hang out with Gattie. Yeah. You got me there for sure. Ofer. Actually, it does kind of make sense.

All of your friends kind of like, yeah. There's, Ofer could also be a big musician just based on the name. So I'll have uniquely Jewish names. And Gattie could be one of them. And it was just, yeah. I mean, Gattie, laying NBA Jam until all hours of the night.

And if, oh, the pinch of course, how can we forget the pinch? Yeah. That was a fun one where I think we just picked up an episode by introducing ourselves as Vance and the pinch. Made a joke about how it should stick. Right. And then Vance didn't, but the pinch did.

The pinch being, of course, crab that you would also become sort of. Yeah. During live shows. Right. So I would come out during live shows and I would yell, and then do the pinching with my hands. We did so many live shows.

Like it geared like three, four, five. I feel like we must have done like 50, 60, 70 live shows all around the world. Yeah. Man, there's so many fucking shows. What was our first live show? Was it in Brooklyn? It was in Brooklyn podcast.

It was in Brooklyn. It was at Little Field. And I remember specifically being backstage and like you, Streeter, our manager, Brian and Andrew, everyone was just like mystified at how honest I was on the podcast. And I was like. Cause you were.

Cause I was single and insane. Yeah. Yeah. You would admit to it, which was sort of the theme of the first hundred or so episodes. Right. And once we lived in LA, I was like, I basically had, I think that was when I started dating Jill.

Like the last year of the show, or the last, in like 20, I don't even know like when, when we announced that I was getting married. But that was like when people found, like when a lot of people found out that I wasn't single anymore. Yeah. That had to be like a bombshell that we dropped. Right.

Yeah. It's really funny. Um, some people asking for the virginity story. Do you want to own up to that? Or do you want to leave it be? Um, well, I can tell everybody that the story that I told on the road is false. Wow.

Yeah. It's not. Wow. I mean, if you, if you, if you saw the show, I think it's a good thing. I think anybody, anybody that saw the show would know that it's a good, it's a good thing that that's not a real story. So, so what's, what's the, what's the real story there?

Um, no, I don't have to get into the real story, but people wanted to hear your virginity story. You made one up one time. Right. We came up with it together. They're, I don't know why this happened, but people wanted me to tell my virginity story. The chat is going off saying that this is a turdy.

Yeah. Does that mean I get the mic? Well, it's too late. I can't win the turdy. I'm protected by winning the golden mic this episode, but I respect everybody's. Um, don't dab. Don't dab.

Don't dab. Cause people listening to this at home aren't going to understand what was happening. Amir was waddling around the room dabbing. Waddling. Um, okay. Yeah. So we wanted to come up with a funny,

entertaining virginity story that, wouldn't get anybody in trouble. Um, but you can, you can tell in public. And you always swore to the audience the secrecy cause we wouldn't record it or release it. Yes. Cause I didn't, I don't know why we, I get, I have no idea like why this story took on like a life

of its own and it got too big for me. It's my, it's my prank wars. This is, this is what it is. Yes, exactly. It's mythical proportions. Yeah. Do you want to tell what the story was that we told people that it was?

I don't know. I, it's so uncomfortable. Um, Basically you sleeping with someone that then became part of your family later on. Yes. Yeah. The, the idea was that my uncle paid someone for sex

to take my virginity when I was young. And then he fell in love with that person, eventually married him and. Great story by the way. The punchline. As far as stories, if that were true, that would be a great story. The punchline of the story always was just like people were

aghast, you know, aghast, like, aghast, applauding, excited, horrified. Cause I would just be like, uh, the short story is, I fucked my aunt and then everybody fucking, uh, applauded that for some reason. It was great to build in an applause break within the show itself. Like, no, it was, it was really fun.

It was fun to tell that story in its heyday. In the last couple of years telling that story, anyone can understand why and they can imagine that it, I got less and less comfortable telling that story over time and people would always, uh, kind of chant until I did. So I had to, but I didn't like it. So I'm glad that I can retire it now. It's good.

It's, it's nice to put an end in an episode 500. My aunts, multiple aunts of mine came to the show where I had to tell that story and I had to warn them up top. Multiple cousins of mine came to the show where I had to be like, this story is not about your mom or dad. It's not, it's, it's not my real uncle. The story is made up. Um, and then I also mentioned that, uh,

John Snow, Fox Daenerys and Game of Thrones, who is his aunt. So I think George R. R. Martin and I are two of the, I mean, the greatest storytellers of all time. I mean, we don't do standup, but like that joke is basically the equivalent of like we crafted a joke that we told every night and it did well every night.

It's like coming up with, I guess, a really good bit, but the difference is we kind of cheated because we were able to convince people it was true. So that's part of the shock value. And, um, it wasn't necessarily a joke that we came up with from scratch, but, but you know, telling it, telling that story to that packed tent in Dublin, that's one of the highlights of my life.

So I'll always have that telling that story. Oh man. And the fucking, um, what was the name of the theater that we did in Sydney, the Metro, the Sydney Metro? Yeah. It was like 1200 people there. Oh God. Yeah.

That was fucking incredible. That was insane. I was also almost 1200 people watching this one right now. So if you think about it, full circle a little bit. Very cool. Um, another running bit, which we can bring back for the third act of this podcast is the Game Boy. I don't quite remember the origin of the Game Boy,

but maybe when we come back after these messages, we can play a little Game Boy. Oh, nice. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire headgum network, Jake. Wow. That's correct.

I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any, not so tech-savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect.

I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now,

but they're great, really easy way to stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents' kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant. We got her the Aura frame.

We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant? Really nice, asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife, and you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit like, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah, kind of like she misheard it or something like that.

Or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame? Holy smokes. And we let her know with an Aura.

Yeah. Thank you. The Aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app. Add me to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me at a pool or something. That could be funny.

Yeah, like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah, it's a great gift. A really, really iconic gift. And right now you can save on the Perfect Father's Day gift

and visit Aura Frames. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com. And our listeners can use code HEADGUM to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best-selling frames. There it is. Oh wow, this is timely. The deal ends on June 18th. So don't wait.

Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames. A-U-R-A-Frames.com. Okay. Go get your parents something, all right? This is the code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place and it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area. But BetterHelp makes that all easy because it's online therapy

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We should say that we're going to try to answer some questions from the people in the chat. So if you have any questions there, we can play the Game Boy. And also we should say that Jake and Amir is coming back, our first new episode. We shot three new episodes, the first of which is releasing, I guess, as soon as this is done, I'll put it on our YouTube.

We're going to throw it up. We're going to throw it up. I want to clarify one thing on our first Jake and Amir, actually, because this is a good chance. We basically, the first episode back, we were like, let's see. We were high. We were so high. We didn't know what to do.

We were being random. We thought we could do it ourselves. We thought we could do it ourselves. We were like, we're doing a quick cuts thing. The iPhone cameras are nice. That's what we film Patreon on. Easy. We'll use like, we have nice microphones.

Let's film it ourselves and we'll get good sound. I don't think it looks as good as the, we filmed three total, but two of them we used nice cameras. We like rented good equipment. I see. So I just want to tell, I don't want anybody to think that this is the, the first one is the quality,

at least video wise going forward. Comedy wise, yes. Comedy wise, yes. Which, yeah. Was it that much work? It was still better than what? Half Jake and Amir videos, right? Just cause iPhones are a lot better than anything we shot on,

for the first 500 episodes. Video quality wise, it's better than anything we shot in Park Avenue. Let's say. Yeah. And it is one of the, from IAC. Also, it's one of those classic episodes that the outtakes might be funnier than the actual video,

which we're putting on our Patreon. So episode for free on YouTube, it's a quick cuts one and then the outtakes we're putting on our Patreon. So hopefully everyone gets to enjoy that. That's right. All right. Game Boy is a game we invented

when we couldn't come up with, or it couldn't find enough questions to answer. So let's come up with, like, some phrases to search in our Gmail inbox and see if we can answer some randomly. Yeah. It was something that we actually used to do sometimes before, like, live shows.

Cause it was tedious to just, like, go through question by question, looking for good ones. And we always wanted, like, the best possible questions for live shows. So we would search words that were funny. Like, one time I searched diaper and it gave us a lot of, like, good questions.

So we're like, so it was just something that we would do sometimes when we were trying to zero in on, like, a funnier, unique question. Correct. And then I think we decided to play it one day when neither of us had found questions for the episode. Like, let's just do it live.

Live. All right. So I don't know, do you remember the origin of actually becoming a half-man, half-game boy who's sort of orgasms? Every time he hears the word game? No, that happens slowly over time.

I don't think there is, like, a moment where it happened. Oh, how about we get some Game Boy suggestions from the audience here? I like that. I also want to shout out Michael Trainor for saying that you look like Leo Messy, which is something I've been saying for a long time. Yeah, my dad has been beating that drum for a while, too.

He wants me to, like, either dress up as him for Halloween, just sort of get tattoos like that anyway. It's kind of cool cause he's the goat, but he's also just like a five foot seven inch sort of normal looking dude. So it's not like I look like Ronaldo, but he is a very talented athlete,

so that's also cool. True, true. People like me are not used to looking like great athletes, so I'll sort of take what we can get. Ooh, I like this, Johanna's suggestion of seaweed. Oh, that's pretty good. All right, I'm searching seaweed.

April Hill also has egg, which could be good if you spell it wrong, like April keeps on doing it with multiple Gs. Who suggested seaweed? Johanna, I think. She fucking hole in one. Not only is it a winner, but it's a question and there's no other spam involved.

It's a true Game Boy victory in one. You won the game. Oh, and if it's like, if it's an actual good question, then this is the equivalent of a perfect game, not just the no hitter. Insane. Absolutely insane.

Johanna is the Game Boy. Johanna Montima. This is an email from December 17, 2014, the only one in our inbox of thousands of emails that uses the word seaweed. And it's short and sweet. I can't stress how much this person nailed it. Wow, it's so early in.

Let's give him a fake name. We call this person Johanna, who wrote this, who suggested it, right? All right, yeah. Johanna writes, working at Subway, first day on the job, the door opens, my first customer, a very small Korean girl comes up to the register.

All right, this might be a joke. I'd like a foot long cock sandwich, shit lord, she says. I don't know how to respond, so I got the bread out. See, this is the problem with Game Boy. You sort of go in blind. Sometimes people are sort of like... This is not on Johanna, though. No, no.

They did win, but they didn't burn a good question. It's a no-hitter, but it's not a perfect game. Yeah. This isn't a true question. At one point, this person yells and says, put some fucking mayo and don't forget the seaweed, she shouted, should I quit because of this? Yeah, I don't think this is a true question.

I don't think this is a real question, and this is actually a good peek behind the curtain. The questions we get are people trying to be funny. Right. And we're usually pretty good about, you know, knowing that. Johanna wrote this. Wow, can you imagine that? A fucking double agent.

A long time. A global proportion. Yeah, why would this person do it? It's just an absolute John Wolf thing to do. Yeah, it's not illegal. Turdy for Johanna. You gotta hate to see it, but I think I really think it is a Turdy. No, you tried to...

You had to one the game. That's a Turdy for you. There's that Turdy of the episode. Is there another one or another question from the chat that you've been seeing? Somebody said, search turbo. Turbo. Wow, turbo. It feels like there's real lot.

It's two words, but iron lung, which is pretty funny. I'll search turbo first. All right, well, turbo's pretty good. There's five. Any on red? One on red. Okay. And it is for a George Foreman grill.

Huh? Yeah, it's just an ad. Okay, so are they all ads? No, four of them are real questions. One of them is an ad. Give me the subject lines. What is the sexiest Slayer mobile a cowboy can roll hard in? Are you sure that's a question?

What's the sexiest Slayer mobile a cowboy can roll hard in? Oh, they're asking for like car buying advice? Perhaps. Should I read it? Hey, turbo virgins. That's nice. Which, by the way, is not even true. Yeah, I fucked my aunt, actually.

I'll have you know. I'm a cowboy dumbass. Cowboy dumbass 15 kid shit ass year old with an ace in the hole to make me not die alone like a diva roach. I live on a ranch in the middle of the country. I go to high school on the west coast. And in that, uh, the age, in that the age, in that the age of 17 or something dumb. So that means this coming summer, summer, I'm going to get fucking wheels. Seems like there's some words missing here.

So I'm going to buy a car and drive it across the mountains before the school year. Then hopefully I can get me this coastal dime I fucking fell for by accident. But here's the question. What is the hottest car slash truck I can get without spending way too much. So weirdly written question, but he's basically asking what's the coolest car you can get for $23,000. I like that. I think it's a little pickup truck. I think it's a little pickup truck, but I'm biased because that's what I had for a long time.

How much was your pickup truck when you bought it? Um, $10,000. And you bought it when you moved to LA originally like 10 years ago? Yeah, I bought it in 20, I guess it was like 2012. And you bought, it was a 10 year old car at the time. Yeah, it was a, it's a 2001. So it was an 11 year old car, Toyota Tacoma, four runner, not four runner, sorry, pre-runner. V6, rear wheel drive.

You go to a used car salesman or? Yeah, yeah. I think I worked with a guy on Craigslist. No, it was AutoTrader.com. I knew what I wanted. I knew I wanted a Tacoma. And did you have a price in mind or are you like $10,000 is my upper limit? I'll take it.

$10,000 was the tops. I wanted to spend eight, but I went big because I had to because I had the pre-runner of my dreams. And you, how many miles did that car come in? Do you remember? And then how many have you added since? 100,000 miles on that car when I bought it, but Toyota's will run forever. There's 190,000 on it now. Wow.

So I put about 90,000 on it. So it's almost like the person who had it before you had it for just as long as you have it now and put roughly as many miles as you did. But you also drove around the country like three times. So that's a lot of miles that he put on. Yeah. Yeah. I think I drove it across the country twice, maybe at least twice. Yeah, twice.

Fuck. I'm not sure. Wow. Yeah. It's legit. Congratulations. And then you still have that car or you sold it for $2,000. I actually, this past Christmas, I gave it to my sister.

Oh, that's nice. That's a little Christmas gift. So what'd you charge her for it? $12,000. So I made about two. You cannot charge. You cannot make a profit. You profited off your sister.

Toyota's a car that I'll appreciate over time, especially at Tacoma. Especially at Tacoma. And I appreciate a good deal. People like that Tacoma profile. Yeah. Yeah. You also sort of ran it into the ground and then sort of, you had to push it towards her house the last mile and then you charge her $12,000 for it.

Yeah. It's $12,000 just to get it up and running. We're getting some more Game Boy suggestions. Any one of these catch your fancy? We got conditioner. We got Fugazi olives. I like Fugazi. I think, but I do think that Iron Lung is pretty a choice and I don't think you put that one

in yet. No, I did not. Iron. This is a long shot. Iron Lung. Of course. Yeah. Nothing.

Nothing. How about Iron? Just Iron? How about Lung? Lung is pretty good. Let's see. Hell, how about Lung? Lung is 32.

Too many. Too many. Iron is 41. Also too many. Too many. Yeah. Keesh. That's a pretty good one.

Keesh is not bad. Yeah. Conditioner I like because of its resemblance to semen and I feel like that's going to get. Conditioner has five. Not bad. Not bad at all. Yeah. They're all pretty long though.

Oh. All right. Unfortunately. Yeah. So we're not going to. That's another problem. You find the questions. They're like eight minutes long to read them.

No one's going to get to the other side of that. Conspirator is pretty solid. Conspirator. Yeah. I like the energy that's in that word. Conspirator. Wow. Three.

Nice. So now you guys can sort of tell how insane it was that somebody had one. And one of them has been labeled questions to answer. Interesting. I wonder if we did. It was written in February of this year. Let's. So maybe we'll remember it.

Yeah. I'm a 22 year old. Wait. Who suggested conspirator? Damn it. It's okay. Let's see. I'm not going to be able to find it.

All right. If you did read it again so we could see it. I'm a 22 year old student from Ireland currently laying low in the Netherlands. And I found myself in a quandary. I recently started seeing a nice guy but coming off the back of a wacky relationship last year. I've been talking. I've been taking things slow. He's an artist and a little unconventional.

He oils his hair and burns sage after sex. So there's been no pressure from his side to make things committed. However, today he dropped the I love you bomb. Now this in and of itself is fine. I really like him too. But my quagmire stems from the fact that we were sporadically seeing first seeing each other. I somehow found myself a co-conspirator and a rather raunchy sexting relationship with a 31 year old man from Israel that I met in a Facebook meme group.

Todah. We actually have a very sweet thing going and he wants me to come over to him when I graduate. Oy Gevault says I. So do I drop this unsheathed mench to blue ball in the Holy Land and focus on my real life man? I'm bonking. Even though I know it's unlikely never to amount to anything. Or do I throw caution to the wind and put my fingers in as many pies as I like? Am I weird for this?

Todah Rabah. P.S. been listening to you guys since day one. All right. Shout out. This is a great email. Yeah. Also Kevin Levy wrote Crandis, which is another great bit that I didn't mention. Every single live show we would ask for a name from the audience.

I think based on the first live show or at least a very early live show where someone yelled Crandis as a name suggestion. That was always the first name that we picked everywhere we went. Crandis was a crazy person that went to every single show. Anyhow, this person, neither relationship is serious enough right now to call anything off, right? You can just. Well, one of them said I love you.

So I don't think you can go from I love you to I love you to I'm going to go to Israel for a second and point this guy. I met in a Facebook meme group. Yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Break it off with the guy that said I love you. Yeah. I love you with the Israel 31 year old Israeli. There's also a change. You'll meet the 31 year old Israeli and be like, oh, this probably wasn't worth breaking because the idea of somebody is always better than the actual person you meet. Correct.

Everybody's hot in the story. Yeah. But I feel like this has the it's the vibe of like, I want to go travel to Israel. I want to go and like do exotic hot things. So it's not just about this Israeli guy. It's about just like the the notion in general that you're not trying to be tied down right now. Yes.

So for that reason, you are out. Who? Me? You think I'm the 31 year old Israeli? That's absurd. No, you're 50. All right. I'm actually not 50.

How old are you? I'm 38. You just turned 36 and you're a piece of shit for thinking that I'm older that much older than you. I am older. I am older, but not by that much. Yeah. Okay.

Cool. All right. Cool. Thanks for. Yeah. Thanks for everybody's suggesting those Game Boy questions. Words I should say. Absolutely loved it.

I kind of like this. We should do this once a month. I don't know. Once every other month it infuses a breath of fresh air to the podcast. Yeah, definitely. I hope other people like it because I had a good time. And it's just as easy as this might as well be over Zoom, but instead it's just over stream yard and we could put it on.

It seems like there's no lag. It's pretty fast. It's definitely as fast as Zoom. Oh yeah. Absolutely. All right. Sweet. I'm going to get to editing this and then we're going to post the the Jake and Amir episode.

When are we going to do that? When are we posting this Jake and Amir episode? I have to log into the back end, maybe like set it to debut in half an hour and then people can like watch it together. Okay. Well, everyone go watch it. Share it. Thank you for your support from our day ones.

That's right. Fuck day ones. 500 episodes. I guess technically 498, 497 for me, but yeah, there were some episodes you weren't even in. And by the way, I had to not get the special award for funniest person. Yeah. Because I mean that's like fucking stolen valor.

You like did an episode with Riley and Jeff that I didn't even know was happening. You were busy that week. So we filled in for you. No. Yeah. Didn't. And then one week you were sick. I recorded with Ben.

Yeah. And that's. Those are really nice things that I. Yeah. You get. Stolen valor. Yeah. It's stolen valor.

You don't get an award when there's no competition. That's not right. You're fucking. I don't. It's tacky. It's tacky. Yeah. All right.

Sweet. Thanks for listening. We'll be back probably on Thursday. Another testing, testing Thursday. Enjoy that. Enjoy the the new jacademy episode outtakes again on patreon.patreon.com.j. Hell yeah. Ciao everybody.

Thanks for watching. Bye. That was a hit dumb original.