If I Were You - 521: New Year

Episode Date: January 4, 2022

In this episode we discuss kissing, climbing, and ringing in the new year.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a Head Gum Original. Cut off my dick and I will pick up Starbucks to sit and blow my fucking brains out. My meat is thick and I use it quick to make some more time to listen to the show now. Yes dude, but I digress dude. Dre and Nate can watch me undress dude. Jake's a pinch, he don't flinch and inch. So raise your fucking crab claws, he make it look like a cinch. Amir's got a beard, he's a fuckin' chipmunk.

He can swallow bees nuts, probably sleeps in a tree bun. Together so much better than they ever would separate. Never let up whatsoever, yeah, the pleasure they generate. And Jenna make me read a hopper, measured it's emigrate. Never said that they forever ever legend they celebrate. Bow down cause the show starts now. Unless they play this at the end. Huh.

Wow. We would never relegate that to an outro theme song. Don't shit on the outros, that's not fair to the people that you play the outros with, you know? I was actually thinking that we might want to start doing intro and outros the same song because the outro doesn't really get a lot of respect and we just sort of play it and people will stop listening to it. Yeah, cause it happens after all of our plugs, the sign off. Nobody is waiting for that intro.

Like I think you're right, I think we should do that. That's a better move. I guess it won't be a problem until more and more people sent us theme songs. Like for a while we were getting like five a week and then we would choose two and then like the backlog would grow and grow. Now we're getting one or two a week. Right, so it's actually a great time for an artist to submit a theme song now because not only are there less, there's less competition, you're likely to get chosen

but we're also implementing a new thing that's going to allow your song to be played twice which is also really nice because we also plug whatever the person who's like song we're playing at the end, we plug their thing. But that's like a throwaway plug, no one gives a shit. Yeah, it's like the ads that go after podcasts are you pay less for those, the post rolls as they say. The post roll. You really want the pre-roll, you really want the mid-roll

and Keegan Mew from Australia deserves them both. Yeah, we're giving him the sandwich, that's what's up. He's sponsored in the beginning and the end. He sampled an old Aussie show called Soup Opera. I guess it was a show based on soup and soap operas. Right, cool. It played for a few minutes in between shows on TV, not sure if you had that over there. Of course we did not, Keegan.

Man, I wish we were trying to make TV shows in Australia. It seems like it's easier because they just like will let you play a TV show during the commercials over there. You say it plays in between other shows, that's the commercial. I remember in Israel growing up, I used to love watching TV there because they didn't have commercials in their TV shows. What? And as like an eight-year-old, it blew my mind. I'm like, I'm watching Full House and yes, all the episodes are a year late

because they had to like pay for the rights and syndicate whatever. But they played them without commercials, so it was like 24 straight minutes and then they had six minutes of ads and then the next show would start and they would cut out the commercials. That sounds lovely. I guess monetizing every square inch of programming is a purely American thing and other countries don't necessarily need it to be that way. Yeah, I mean look at the sports, frankly.

Football, I feel like they implemented the replay and the challenge like partially for the game but really for the advertisers, don't you think? Yeah, they just like baked in like nine more breaks somehow. Now they're starting to show commercials during free throws. So it's like LeBron's at the free throw on like they go to a picture and picture and it's a jack-in-the-box ad during his free throws. Is it a small picture? Like is the jack-in-the-box smaller or bigger than the basketball?

It's equal size. It looks like this Zoom, like the TV shrinks to the size of half of a TV and on the other half is a jack-in-the-box. Fucking lame. I love that. What about like adding branded content to old episodes like, so like Don Draper puts on a fedora and it says like Pepsi on it or some shit? That's interesting.

I don't mind monetizing shit like that. Actually, so you're saying- Get off to the idea of making cash from older content. But how is that even your cash to me? What's that? How would you make money off of Don Draper wearing a Pepsi hat? We would add it to our Patreon. You're talking about like, what?

We would fucking put it on our- It doesn't matter. We're watching old videos on our Patreon, right? So I'll wear a fucking visor that says H&R Block. Okay. How are you going to get the money? How are you going to get that cash? Are you going to tell H&R Block that we have a very small Patreon

where we rewatch a web series from the late 2010, 2009 era. Yeah. And you're going to put an H&R Block visor on your character, which is in a small picture-in-picture window. Yeah. Yes, exactly. But then how much money do you think they'll give you for that? Even if it's a couple grand, that adds up because it's like two-

You'd be laughed out of the board room for that, bud. You think I'd make it to the fucking board room? They would put you in with a low-level junior exec, somebody that needs to cut their teeth out there in the wild. But yeah, no decision makers. Nobody with buying power is going to be in that meeting. And it'd actually be a Zoom room if they're being completely frank. It's probably be a Cisco WebEx meeting.

Really? It'd be candid. Damn. I don't actually want to do that then. I sort of swore off all of the Microsoft slash Cisco Webinar products. You would be on a Skype call with a junior executive's assistant from H&R Block's sister agency who is in charge of their digital content buy, but actually can't make any spending decisions without going to their skip-level boss.

Do you think that's worth your time? You know they have to run it up the chain. They can't make a decision in the room. Susie, let alone the Zoom. If you get on the phone with your boss, this deal goes away. I'm offering you prime real estate in the show of the head. Anyway, this guy, Keegan Mew, the Aussie, he has a sound cloud and it's Yogi Boy.

Hmm. Y-O-G-I-B-O-I. Cool. Nice. Yogi Boy. Yeah, Yogi Boy. Come to Melbourne when it's safe, he says. Oh, yes, please.

I would fucking love that. It should be nice in Melbourne right now. It's getting into their summer months, right? I believe it is, yeah. The opposite of us, so just about. It must be nice. I love watching my friends in Australia go through their summer. It's fun.

You have friends in Australia? Yeah, of course. You do too. Who? Basil. Josh and Steve. Oh, yeah, that's cool. Two of them blocked me on Insta, but I can still see Basil's stuff.

What about Shrimpy? Shrimpy blocked me. Shrimpy blocked me. Yep, yep, yep. I would DM him a shit ton of like left to center, even right of center, sometimes alt-right memes, and he would sort of had enough of it. He stopped responding and I realized it said that like,

when I would go to his page, it says like, you can't view this content basically. Like this user is. Yeah, but I still can see him. Yeah, like, I mean, I DM with Shrimpy sometimes. So that means that he blocked you for sure. Did you say you were sending him left to center, alt-right memes? Well, it started, I got like basically over the pandemic,

I've been radicalized. So it started with like some like, a little bit like liberal sort of like, propaganda, but like infographics that sort of like, basically the rich pay more in taxes than the poor, even though, you know, they make more money, they should pay even a bigger percentage. Yeah.

And then slowly, but surely I've been like watching YouTube videos to the point where I think like, if you do, like when I do become a billionaire, I should be able to sort of live off of that in a way that's like, I beat this game of life. And I'd be paying any taxes at all. I basically figured it out. Taxes are for poor people to sort of fund their little,

the little systems that they have, the games that they have going on. You're like an alt-right, like, I shouldn't have to pay taxes if I'm a billionaire person, but you don't have any cash. Why do you want to protect musk and bezos and the like? Because to me, I will be that. And if I don't do that,

then I'm like considered a failure anyway. So like, I treat them as gods almost to the point where like, because you feel like they're your peers, even though they're kind of using you. Not using me. Not using me. As it were. I'm a willing soldier.

I'm a willing soldier. Yeah. I'm a willing soldier. Actually, a lot of these videos are actually fucking low-key funded by them to get us to like be complacent about the fact that they shouldn't necessarily pay that much because I will also be them. And so will all of us.

You're kind of self-aware. You shouldn't be this dumb. You're like, you're intelligent enough to see the gimmick, see the game, see the con, but dumb enough to feel like you're benefiting from it somehow. Right. Yeah. It's kind of like this.

It's unique to see the way your brain doesn't work. It's an odd gray area. Or gray area for sure. I knew you were going to say gray area. I knew you were going to say gray area. It hurt my ears even before you said it. You said a gray area. And I was like, here it comes.

Don't do it. I tensed. And you were like, gray area. An agrarian. I am a modern-day agrarian. Nice. All right. If you're listening to this, it means we made it.

2022. Wow. Epic. Holy cow. Can you believe it? Can you believe it? But I guess we'll take what we can get at. I guess Teslas are pretty cool.

I mean, self-driving. That's sort of like a step in the right direction. That is pretty cool. And there's rapid tests for the virus that we have. You couldn't have predicted that we'd be moving at light speed to test for the deadly virus that's taken over the world. That's kind of interesting. Those are miracles of modern science.

The fact that we can rapidly test for the virus. Not always that accurate, but that's fine. Because you'll take one a day if you can find it. But they're sold out, obviously. They haven't made enough. But that's just because we're still so early. We're still so early in this. I think they're actually, maybe they have made enough

and they're just enjoying the price gouging. I think that's another, I forget who I was talking to, but somebody said that they tried to paper a rapid test somewhere in another country and the person was offended. They're like, these are free. You see where we come from, people are stockpiling them and selling them for $1,000. It's funny, it's a dystopian movie where that's how

an American gets outed as living in Canada. It's like, all right, how much do I owe you for this test? And then the guy like, oh, it's actually calling a silent alarm underneath his table. Yeah, it's free. Where are you from? Every Canadian citizen knows. Quebec.

Montreal, of course. Packing out of the convenience store, getting tackled, tased and killed instantly. Both draw a shotgun on each other. What's your favorite, you should do a goat show episode about your favorite rapid test. Are you a binance guy? Are you an avid guy?

Or like the goat variant. Am I a fan of the super contagious ones that are a little more mild? Or do I like a rare one that's tough to get but is dangerous? You all like gamble. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer Delta. God. Wait, I was gonna say something about, oh yeah.

We should write a dystopian future movie. Oh really? When would it take place? 2023, just nine months from when we're writing it. That's how close we are. Have you been watching Station 11? No, but I do hear a lot about it and people are loving it. And I will watch it, but I haven't yet.

Is it all out yet? I think you'll, I don't know. I think there's like three or four episodes or something. I've been watching it. I like it. But you don't love it. It's tough to like anything as much as, like I think it's really eerie, beautiful.

It's like kind of interesting, but it's just like sometimes it tries to be funny and it's just not. And Succession is the funniest show of all time. Yeah. So it's really tough. Stuffed back to follow. Yeah, when a serious show tries to be funny in its own way, I'm like, you're not doing it.

It's like you had an amazing relationship and it ended for some reason and you're on a first date and they make a joke. And you're like, you know, you're not Greg. You're not cousin Greg. I don't know what to tell you. That was funny, but it wasn't Tom's Wams Gams level. Yeah. So you might as well not even try.

It wasn't Roman. So it's a show about a deadly plague, but it was written as a book before COVID. Was it? I didn't know that it was written as a book before COVID. Yeah, that's what my buddy told me. He was like. Interesting.

It was written and they started to shoot it before COVID. So like. Whoa. Yeah. I'm almost like they should put that in the disclaimer of the show. Like just so you know, we're not like commenting on COVID. That's crazy. Like to me, it fully read as like this is like based on COVID.

Right. That's crazy. Yeah. That's wild. Maybe they've adjusted some things to be COVID related. Yeah. They had to have. There's too many similarities.

I think it was written based on swine flu. If you remember that you, we did an episode based on swine flu. Yeah, we did. In a way, we were ahead of our times. And in other ways, we weren't because I wasn't wearing a fucking fanny pack. That said ex on mobile in the episode so that I can monetize it in the future. That's what we're talking about. All right.

This is if I were you, the only ep only pod on the web hosted by us. I'm Amir. Great. And we got some questions from the past. These are questions all the way from 2021. If you remember that year. Okay. Here's a question about taking back my ex's kids Christmas gifts.

Hmm. All right. Yeah. All right. So this is a 28 year old man in New York wondering if it's chill to take back my ex's kids Christmas gifts. The subject says it all. I was dating my now ex girlfriend for three years.

What should we call this New Yorker? What about Dustin Hoffman, the classic New Yorker? I'm walking here. That's good. Yeah. And he was also helping her raise her two sons. He saw them as his own. Love them unconditionally.

Yada, yada, the regular stepdad thing. But here's the dilemma. They had a great Christmas and she told me two days after Christmas that she cheated on me in October. Like, she went away from a girl strip to Vegas, watched. I watched the boys and took care of the house and it turns out she wasn't blowing off steam. She was blowing off another dude. Hell yeah.

So naturally I left her when she told me and I can't because I can't look at her without picturing someone without picturing her slapping some other guy's baloney. Good. I told her to stay in the house with the kids and I'll figure shit out, whatever. All right. Love how casual he is for his entire life in floating. He talked about getting the kids gifts, a new purse for her, electric quads for the gifts for the kids and a really sick gaming PC for the oldest.

And then he says, boys, I really want this PC. This shit is so tight. I mostly got it to play video games alongside the oldest, but fuck, I want it to play some of the games too. Is it cool for me to ask for the personal computer back? Do I just take it? Do I chuck it up to a lost cause? I'm out here slapping my own baloney, figuring out where I'm going next and man, does porn

hub on that son of a bitch sounds good? Maybe I'll get a D&D campaign going with some friends across the country, play a video game to take my mind off of her, you know, computer shit. What do I do? Love and cuddles. Dustin Hoffman. Damn, Dusty. He wants the computer.

It's a hackintosh. It's a gaming rig. It's a nice, it's a modded up, souped up PC. Souped up, souped to nuts. Yes. It's a hard drive for my hard on. What can you possibly do? Yeah, I mean, it's tough because it being for the oldest, like that kid really already

feels ownership over that PC. That's, that's the problem. You're not taking this, you're not taking it from the... You don't want to punish the kid. Yeah, you're not taking it from the girlfriend anymore. You are taking it directly from the child. Yeah. And with something like a computer that feels like, you know, they were probably pretty

damn amped to get that. Yeah. And like... What you could do, you could, you could ask the girlfriend, you could be like, I don't want to take the computer back, but you have to give me cash. You have to buy it off me. So the kid can keep the computer, but I want $2,100. Yeah.

Yeah. It's really fucked because I don't think that he should have to just like two days after Christmas, be out thousands of dollars to somebody that cheated on him. That's rough. Yeah. But you also don't want to punish the kid. I think you got to be... I'm not...

I'm saying... Yes, you don't. You say to the ex, give me the cash or I'll tell the kid that you blew a guy in Vegas. I think you can't, you can't risk being the bad guy now. She cheated on you and now you have to take the high ground and say like, all right, I'm walking away from the situation and keep the gifts. And if you start getting into the petty world of give me the computer back, then people are like, she blew a guy.

He asked for the computer. They're both equally bad people and you don't want to get into that tit for tat, that quid pro no, that quid pro hell no, actually. I think you have to buy your own computer again. I think you say the kids can keep the gifts, but you casually mention to the ex, you should pay me for the gifts because that ain't right. It's not right. It's not right.

I don't think you press the issue because then I can understand you get into that greiria of being like, you know, we're in the mire here. I'm bad. You're bad. You're shitty. But I do think you say, I'm out of here. I didn't like that you cheated on me. Your kids can keep the gifts.

I think the right thing to do is toss me some bones for that because, you know, kind of weird that I have to be Santa on my way out after you've broken my heart, but do with that information what you will. One thing you have to claim that is on your side is that she did it before the computer gift and told you about it after. So in theory, anything that happened in that dead zone in between the blowing and the telling. Or that greiria. The greiria, exactly, should be retroactively null and void.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. But I'm saying you cannot take the gift from the kid even though you should be able to. So it would be funny to show up in the house dressed as some sort of Grinch type character and put things back into a red sack. You're a mean one, Mrs. Mom. She blew a guy in October. Can you help me unplug it?

Because my back is killing me and I feel like it's kind of wedged behind this fucking chair, dude. Shit. Hodge needs to jump outside. Fucking. You've got to be shitting me. Do you guys have T-Mobile or Verizon because I don't have any bars to call AAA? That would be a good episode of stuck.

A guy dresses up like the Grinch to troll his ex-wife and gets a flat tire. We do have to write more episodes of stuck. It's been a minute. Exactly. We started making Jake and Amir's instead. Okay. So that's, I mean, we came up with two ideas so far with the dystopian future that we didn't really flesh out and an episode of stuck where I troll somebody as the Grinch and get a flat

tire so I'm stuck in their house. It also sounds like an episode of lonely and horny. That's true. It's very much a Ruby Jade thing to do to try to get a gift back after like a date didn't go well. Yeah. Actually, have you been, I think you had seen the great. I'm watching the great now.

Yeah. Yeah. They love that one. That one's funny. Yeah. Peter. Is that the main King's character? It's kind of like an Amir slash Ruby Jade character on steroids because it's like if

Amir became the emperor so he like forces people to laugh and they have to laugh. He fucks somebody's wife in front of them even though it's his best friend. Yeah. He's so like oblivious and unsolved aware. Yeah, exactly. What season are you in? I've been told watched the whole show season one and two and now we're watching season one where I think we're three episodes deep.

Wow. He really only gets funnier. He's great. Who is that guy? He looks like Matthew Lillard meets Tom Cruise. Just like a hilarious British hot dude. His name is Nicholas Holt. Is he famous from anything?

He's been in a bunch of stuff. Oh yeah. He was in Mad Max. He was in the X-Men. Oh, that's right. I do imagine. I do see him sort of huffing silver spray paint. Not that I think.

Yeah. Yeah. He's like going to Valhalla. It's crazy. Yeah. He's so like British and attractive and he's also insanely funny. That seems kind of crazy. Yeah.

It's not right. He's the boy and about a boy. Interesting. You know that movie in like 2004 with Hugh Grant and a little boy? He's the boy. Holy shit. I didn't know that. This is incredible.

It makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. It absolutely makes sense. Okay. Let's take a break. We'll look at more Nicholas Holt's IMDb trivia and... After this.

Yeah. After these messages. Thank you to Helix Sleep for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yes. Thank you for making the sleep test, the sleep exam and letting me ace it and become the doctor of the mattress. Yes, sir. Yeah.

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Just go to Stamps.com. You click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code if I were you. And that gets you a free four week trial, free postage and a digital scale. That sounds pretty good. Thank you Stamps.com for sponsoring this show. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a little bit too big to fight.

Oh, I'm coming. Gross. I don't think so. Do you? Here's a small one. On a group trip, somebody brought not whiskey, but a bottle of pre-made old fashioned whiskey from Trader Joe's. And it was good?

And it was quite good because it had the sweetener, the simple syrup and the bitters already infused into the bottle. You just have to pour it into a glass and add a cherry. Wow. And an orange peel. Yeah. Well, I think they have that infused orange peel zest in there already. You need it for the visual of it.

It might be. Yeah, the garnish. Let's not throw off traditionally. I never really understood the orange peel. You see people make the old fashioned sometimes and they just sort of squeeze an orange peel and nothing falls off of it. You rubbed it. You rubbed it on the lip.

It's a little bit of zest. I don't think any of the oil fell off. I think that was just fake. I think that's unnecessary, actually. It might be a performative. But it is. I think it's nice to see that in the drink. It completes the old fashioned.

You really want that. I also, I mean, beside it being delicious, it is funny that like an old fashioned is considered like, you know, like a very cool Dantrapery drink. But really all you're doing is adding sweetness and sugar to whiskey. It's really should be like a little kid's drink. Like I'm drinking like a vodka cranberry, basically. It is very. It's true.

It's the marketing is really good. Give me an old fashioned. That's when you take that whiskey. Add sugar and oranges to it and add a cherry fruit and sugar and don't forget a dash of the red food coloring. Wow, that's cool. This is old fashioned, right? Not really sex in the city kind of invented it in 2007.

Give it to me. The minimal is like the middle minimalism on the old fashioned, I think is what makes it cool. Now, it like if you go to like a golf club and you get an old fashioned like the way they used to do it is like a fucking taller glass, I think. Oh, really? With like muddled, like full on orange peel and cherries. It's like so much fruit at the bottom.

It's a fucking saint. Chippy ice. Yeah. It looks awful. And even when John Draper drinks them in the show, they kind of look like that. They don't. In the 60s, they didn't have the big fucking cube. You know, that's what it's all about.

A single huge cube. Yeah. You're going to need the cube. Wait, does Dantrapery, you're watching Mad Men again. Is he actually ordering an old fashioned or does he just drink whiskey? He drinks rye whiskey. That's like his drink. But there's like one episode.

There's two episodes that I can think of where he gets an old fashioned. And it's a drink that Dantraper drinks during the day. So I think that is kind of that. That does say more about it. Like it's closer to what you're saying. It's like an Arnold Palmer. Right. It's like, yeah, it's a lunchtime drink to Don.

It's what he drinks before having a sandwich. Yeah. He drinks that with a club sandwich. Yeah. So that's it. If you like old fashions, just like me and Jake, you can get a pre-made. Like it just, it eliminates a lot of the, I was never like buying whiskey and melting sugar and getting bitters.

I never treated it that seriously. Right. If I'm at home, I'm not really making an old fashioned. I love when someone makes me one and I love an old fashioned, but yeah, I get one when I go out. If I'm at home, I'm just drinking whiskey on the rocks. Are you drinking one every day? Do you have beer every day or is that not a daily drink for you anymore?

That's actually not kosher to ask. It's a little invasive. It's a little tacky, don't you think? Not really. I'm just curious about if you have a beer, lifting up a bottle of whiskey. Oh God, that's hot gin. You're doing a shoey. I probably have like maybe three beers a week or no, it's more than that.

But like on a Friday and on a Saturday and on a Sunday, I'll definitely drink a beer. Sometimes I'll have two. So it's probably three to five, but Monday's Tuesday, Wednesday, beerless in Seattle. During the week, I don't really drink. If there's like maybe if we have people over for dinner, which happens every once in a while, I'll have a beer, have wine and then probably drink in whiskey twice a week. What happened to your wine phase? You were going through sort of wine and cooking phase of the pandemic.

Did that ever survive? It's interesting you ask. I sort of became a psalm for a brief spell. I was a psalm, a sommelier for a spell and it continued in its own fashion. I still enjoy an occasional glass of wine. If somebody brings it over, I'll have some wine and I'll discuss the wine. But I didn't really follow the path of like collecting wine or like. You didn't go whole hog.

No, but I still, I think I found an appreciation for wine. Like when I go out to, when I go over to Jill's family for dinner, her dad like breaks out a bottle of wine. We can talk about it. And as far as cooking goes, it's actually a little cacti. You could have just not brought it up again then. I said, what about wine? What about you?

But I knew you were going to drill down on it. I knew you were going to drill down. So I guess the answer is no, you're not cooking anymore because it seems like you're kind of offended. No. I cook. I am, I am cooking. I'm just, it's, I'm cooking in a way less ambitious fashion.

I was, before I was like spinning the globe, I was reading about different cuisines. I was like going, I was leaning into becoming a chef. And now, and actually that phase made me feel a little more comfortable in the kitchen. Like now if Jill is like, Oh, will you make the chicken or will you do this? Will you X, Y and Z? I'm like, okay. Yeah, sure. Maybe I'll cook it on the stove top or in the oven.

Maybe I'll use these spices. So I like, I feel a little more comfortable cooking, but definitely not like whipping up elaborate meals by myself anymore. And frankly, I know I was fine. We all had pandemic hobbies that came and went. This thing has lasted so long. We've become new people and then drifted back to old and discovered new stuff. I used to play Mario Kart.

Now I haven't played it in a year. It's just, it's the ebbs and flows of staying at home, you know, you're going to have to find new stuff. Do you, I have, I have gotten one hobby that really stuck, which is cycling. I've been very into biking since early in the pandemic and it's only gotten more robust and I care about it more. I'm doing it more. That's healthy.

Is there anything like that for you? Has anything become a pandemic hobby that's stuck around? Yeah. Turned into a ritual turned into a part of your life. That's a good question. I don't know. Oh, VR maybe I'm still playing like VR mini golf and stuff like that. Who do you play with?

I'll play with Jesse. I'll play with Ben sometimes. Um, Cohen, the occasional, sometimes Sean Perlman, anybody with a headset. I feel like we should, if we all get headsets, we can try zoom meetings in there. It's kind of fun because like you can walk around and see and like talk to somebody face to face. It could be a fun alternative to zoom in 2022. Do you see like an actual face or do you see like your avatar avatar?

But you can make the avatar anything. So you could be like a pirate with a little birdie on your shoulder, which is kind of so it's not really a face to face conversation. Is it be like a penguin talking to a pirate? Yeah, we're like a carrot talking to a trash. Imagine having like a heavy discussion. Yeah, so we're running out of money. So like we need to find hold on.

This is a part two. Watch this. Oh, hit the windmill son of a bitch. How much does an Oculus? They're like 500 bucks or less. I think they're like 200 or 300. It's pretty. And there's a newer Oculus since I've gotten one.

So like they're lighter and more HD. I think it's two ninety nine. OK, we should. I mean, at head gum, we should buy them for everybody. That'd be kind of cool. Yeah, and then we can have full fucking town hall meetings, all hands meetings. But everyone is, you know, in a, I don't know, 7-Eleven on the moon or some shit. Be awesome.

OK, here's a question about another climb or another hobby of yours, rock climbing. Yes. This lady writes, we'll call her Stacey, our friend from the rock climbing gym. All right, who may or may not still listen to the show. Yeah, Stacey is like a professional rock climber now. So I feel like she's got better things to do, but it'd be sick if she listened. Yeah, she I mean, she didn't block me on Instagram. So I'm still seeing her weekly trips to these insane spots.

And she's like fucking Alex Honnold climbing this boulder that seems completely upside down one finger at a time. It's pretty funny. Me and Stacey climbed for the first time on these exact same day. Oh, really? That was her use. You and her started at the same exact time. Yeah, I think we met each other on our first day climbing

at the gym in Santa Monica, and it's kind of interesting that we both became sponsored professional climbers. You wouldn't really think that would happen. It's almost like she. It's a coincidence isn't the credible and you are still. You've gotten like one or two levels better. You did a V2 that day and you've maxed out at a V4. She's doing like V7s and 8s outside and she's getting like.

Yeah, like you said, sponsored content built around her, her friends, her climbs. She's a fitness model now. She's she's an absolute rock climbing influencer. And you're just like a guy that likes to go to the gym still. You still have tried just as hard as Stacey. You try just as hard just for whatever reason. You kept getting hurt or you kept like breaking your bones. She's never been broke my heel.

Yeah, my toe. Yeah, I had a couple of pulleys injuries, which hampered my progression to be sure started on the same day getting sponsored, tougher. But I was my mind. She seems like a lifelong climber and you feel like a two day chump. We both prevailed and became professional rock climbers against the odds. You were a mat in her last post I saw. You sort of planked underneath the climbers and if they should fall.

Because I guess your ribs are. Her shoulders directed her feet onto your stomach. You're a human mat for a group of climbers. You're a crash pad, man. You're a crash pad, man. OK, here's the question. I just got home from the climbing gym, right, Stacey? And I was thinking about this cute guy that was working at reception.

I'm pretty sure I remember his name, Sean, from when I joined a couple months ago. And he gave me a tour of the gym. Oh, I thought of another thing that stuck around for my pandemic is getting into TikTok. I'm still into that. Oh, all right. Because I see climbing TikToks all the time. Anyway, do you really? I see this guy two to three times a week. Briefly, every time I walk in or out of the gym, whenever he greets me,

I notice how friendly and warm he seems. He has very inviting eyes and a nice voice. Anyway, today I walked in and he said he liked my beanie. And I said, thank you. And I awkwardly tried to scan my gym card and I and get through the gate. I don't think this guy is going to ask me out while he's working there. And I don't even know if he's single or interested, but I am interested. And I wish I could ask him out.

I just need advice on how to approach the situation. Given I don't know anything about him. I hate dating apps. And I realized this is an opportunity to get a date with a guy who at least shares a love of climbing. Thank you so much for answering this. Your podcast is the only thing that gets me through drives from San Diego to LA. Nice. So she's a SoCal climber, just like you used to be.

Whoa, I wonder what gym she she climbs at. Probably Freehold, right? Freehold, which one is Freehold? I don't know. I see signs for it. I think it's another one downtown. Oh, yeah, in the brewery district. That's right. That's right. They got top rope there.

I mean, the people that work slash frequent. I remember we used to go like two or three times a week. But like the culture of the people that work there slash went there all the time. Basically, Stacy and her friends, they were all so warm and friendly and ripped. They were all so nice and ripped and invited us to like go on weekend trips. And we never used to go. And then they just got better and more ripped and more nice. And they're so cool.

It's like such a fucking warm and inviting community. Yeah, I think the trick if you're in it, the trick is to just stay at the gym longer. Like that was we used to go climbing after work for an hour, hour and a half, go home, make dinner. But like we would arrive. People were were there and had been there for a while. We'd be leaving. People were still there. There were times when I went out to dinner in the arts district area.

It's like 11 p.m. people are in the climbing gym. It's like a social club for them. Almost like you hang out there or you're going to. Yeah, you'll hang out, hang out around that gym or you will eventually talk to this guy. That's kind of like the that's the that's the. And it seems like an incestuous community of like, you know, we're all hanging around each other. We're all hot. We're all ripped. We all love this thing like we can't get enough.

We might as well pork each other as well. It's probably a good setting. A third pile to show to throw on the pile is that it's a good setting for a multi camp sitcom. It seems like. Yeah, we should be pitching these things. You know, the problem I'm pitching is that it usually takes a lot of time and effort. And then like we don't even hear the no. It's just sort of like we're screaming it into a abyss. And then that year ended and it was over.

But at least we have a Google sheet with 400 weeks worth of revisions. And God, how many fucking calls and meetings? Yeah, all of that and practice pitches just to get the nose. Should we flesh out the Harriet character a little more? I don't think so. Because like usually we don't even hear a no in the room. It's just sort of like we'll let you know. And then it's the silence that follows it.

That really hurts you because you don't even hear the rejection anymore. I love that. I think a climbing gym is great, though. Yeah, it's a good location. It's of the moment. It's in the zeitgeist. You are climbing. Hold on. That's pretty good. It's like cheers, but a climbing gym. Yeah.

Anyway, this guy who works reception, again, the people that work there and the people that frequent it, it's this it's this one big crew like they're constantly hanging out. There's, you know, there's going to be some in dating. It seems like this girl can, you know, hang around a little more. Like you said, ask this guy out eventually. Like you said, or even like, you know, are you going on any trips? And it seems like that's when it happens, these these weekend getaways.

Yeah, I think look at the board at your climbing gym or follow your climbing gym on Instagram. And they're always doing like events, you know, like my climbing gym around here had like a Halloween party. I remember like the one at Los Angeles, Los Angeles boulders in downtown would have like competitions where you can go and like drink a beer and watch professional climbers and stuff. So I started attending stuff like that, do the outdoor trips.

And then barring that you could also climb in the cave, fall, try to brace yourself, snap your wrist. So you like have a really severely broken and dislocated like arm and then limp up to the front desk and you need a ride to the hospital. And that that's like your meat, cute. Dislocate your wrist, you said. Yeah, like your shoulder and break your wrist.

I just mean like fall directly onto your arm outstretched as if it's trying to break your fall, but I can't do that. Not from 10 feet up. So you break your arm and twist in the wrong way. And then you have to go to the hospital. You need to ride the guy behind the front desk. He's the guy and then in the car, you get to know you think you'll probably be hyperventilating and passing out from the pain

as the adrenaline wears off, but it's still kind of an interesting. I already mentioned. Yeah, meat, cute. Yeah, you did. Let's let's pretend you didn't say that. Obviously, you're not suggesting she seriously injures herself. Let's take a break. Let's actually thank some sponsors right now. And I really think you need to reset. You need to time out.

You need to think about what you just said, just because that makes it. Yeah, I was could have been a really, really debilitating fall that you recommended. Yeah, fortunately, I don't want that. I don't know what's wrong with you, man. It's something that you want. Something happened to you since the new year. This is a completely new you. I've never heard you say shit like that.

Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire headgum network, Jake. Wow, that's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech, savvy family member that you need a gift for soon,

these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah, for me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents.

So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're they're a great, really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents' kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. This is actually how we how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant. We got her the aura frame.

We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife. And you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit like, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah, yeah, kind of like she misheard it or something like that.

Or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh, my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes. And we let her know with an aura.

Yeah. Thank you. The aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the aura app. Add me to your aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something. That could be funny.

Yeah, like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah, it's a great gift, a really, really iconic gift. And right now you can save on the Perfect Father's Day gift and visit Aura Frames. That's A U R A Frames dot com.

And our listeners can use code head gum to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames. There it is. Oh, wow, this is timely. The deal ends on June 18th. So don't wait. Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames A U R A Frames dot com. OK, go get your parents something.

All right, and use the code head gum for $30 off plus free shipping. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the headgum podcast you were listening to. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation, talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place.

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Check them out. Thanks. Better help. The fall down. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. And we'll be back on the other side of these messages. Oh, yeah. And we're back. OK, one last question.

This one made me laugh because it was so quick and easy. Wow, let's hear it. We'll actually call him queasy. Good. Dear Jake and Schmuel, I have a pimple on the side of my lip, not a cold sore and a second date with a gal tomorrow. Can I kiss her? That's the question.

A pimple, not a cold sore. A zit on the lit, a.k.a. the lip. The I mean, medically speaking, I guess, but I feel like the decision is ultimately hers. And she might not. You know, when she sees that, she doesn't know that it's a zit, not a cold sore. The problem is, it's really hard to diagnose

because all zits are not created equal. There's the red kind where you can't see the white. There's the little thin ones where it's like all it is is white. And you like you could easily pop it and you're not for some reason because you have this fucking life ethos, which is to never pop a zit. Yeah, I last actually right around this time last year, it was so cold and my lips had gotten chapped. And I had like the tiniest little cut on the

like the corner of my mouth just from like my lips being too dry. Yeah. And every time I like took a bite of anything, it would crack and reopen. Oh, God. It was so I it was so painful. I have a very specific memory of driving and eating a burrito and needing to take like half bites of it and Jill cracking up at me because I couldn't get my mouth around the whole thing. I recently had a in inner mouth thing.

I think I must have chewed on my cheek in my sleep because like I woke up and I felt like I had a raised like almost like a pea sized bump on the inside of my cheek. I'm like, yeah, this is just never going to go away. Like I'm constantly touching it. I'm constantly biting it. If I wear a grind, it's rubbing against it all night. It will never heal.

And then slowly but surely it healed. That's the beauty of the mouth. Yes, amazing. It's a self healing machine. Yeah, me and Stacy are just fucking. What's that crushing? I just said the human body is really impressive. The things that it can do, the things that I can scale. Yeah, she dead lifted 500, it looks like the other day.

She's yeah, yeah, really lifting impressive weight. Your back hurts a lot. So you can't really do exercises like that. I can I do dead lift. I just do it with like a kettlebell instead of any weight or something. I'll just do the bar. Wow. Oh my gosh, you picked up surfing.

It looks like too. She's just like she has great balance and yeah, straight. I've been actually I've been watching surfing videos. She's not watching videos, man. She's out there. I watched a documentary 100 foot wave. It was pretty epic. So I Stacy doesn't really watch TV.

She likes to like be out and about. And then I didn't watch TV either. It was a it was a mini series. So it's different. Yeah, yeah, it was a limited. So I'm watching a TV show. Wow, look at her send this fucking. Is it still like V stuff if it's outdoors like this?

Because like this looks like an absolute. Yes, it's V stuff. Clifters. Yeah, right. It's still V stuff. Wow. She's like barely holding on. She's doing these like I guess she trains by doing these two finger pull ups. You know, I climbed outside with Stacy just so you know. I was that when you broke your foot.

Yes, it was when I broke my foot. Yes, that's right. Stacy was there. Pretty cool. She actually guided me to it in a way to fuck. I guess sabotage me. She's obviously competitive. She didn't carry me to my car afterwards, though.

I think you I don't think you kiss with. I don't think you make the move with. If it looks like a cold sore, I don't think you make the move because it puts somebody in an uncomfortable position. So just don't do it. But if it's possible, address the fact that it's a zit, because I think I would be more conscious kissing or no kissing. I would want whoever I was going out with to know that I didn't have herpes.

So I would I would be like, oh, yeah, no, things are good. I just have this zit on my lip and that's annoying. But yeah, everything else is fine. Zit, I said. It's hard because oftentimes you'll think it's such a big deal when it's actually not and like the person will bring it up too much. Or it's like, I know this fucking zit. It's such an annoying zit.

I got this zit. And it's like, I really can't see. You have to tread lightly. Yeah, right. But I think you have to also be self-aware enough to be like, they might clock this. Like you're looking at someone's lips if you're going to have to kiss them. You're you're, you know, you don't want to be in that position where you're like, oh, I'm I want to kiss you, but I think you have herpes and you'll give it to me. So I shouldn't, you know, I need to cancel.

If it's me, I cancel the date. But yeah, I would like a follow up up where I get to look at this thing. That would that's really what I need. By the way, that's a fun idea for our podcast is you and I discussing people's like faces, appearances, zits, beards, hair cut. Yeah, almost like like I want to answer very specific advice about like people's outfits. So like hit us with those questions. I then but like, don't you feel bad if it's like the email?

It's like, yeah, this is a really bad zit. And it's like, that's what our show is, is telling people that sometimes people. Yeah, sometimes people need that. They they this guy does not care if he has a bad zit or not. He needs to know if he should kiss somebody or if he should bail on the date. I feel like I could give the pure heart rule. I could give honest feedback. I could say, you know what, I love you, buddy, but I think you should cancel

this date because that's it is it's too it's too obvious. That's it. Let's sit this one out. OK, let's zit this one. So like, yeah, if you're losing your hair and you want to see if your comb over is hit me up, send me a photo. I'll tell you if you've got to shave the head or not. So the podcast is called The Hard Truth. No, it's called The Easy Truth, The Friendly Truth, because it's it's actually doing somebody a service and then will anybody ever know the noble

truth or I can sort of see your your defenses went up so quickly. Just your face changed when I said, can anybody critique you? It seems like he got a little sad and surprised that I even brought it up. Well, I'm fucking cold so on my lip and nose. I don't know what they have to say. Yeah, they're a professional climber and surfer. They're bleeding already. You have an open sore, perfect hair and skin.

You have a cold sore and a hot sore. You have two different temperatures of sores on your face. How did that happen, man? The hell is wrong with you? Uh, wait, what's this guy? What did we even tell this guy? Wait, we don't know. I say bail on the date, sit it out, wait till it clears up.

Yeah, it's not worth it. And I mean, I need to see it. Like if it's I bet it could easily be a small ass is it and like nobody would notice slash care, it probably is. But you do that a lot too. You do the like, I like this it. I can't stop thinking about it. I treating it, cutting it.

I'm like, I can't even see what you're talking about. Yeah, it happened before our live shows. Yeah, I had I was I like, I think it was a mask that I was wearing that made me break out and like three spots right where like the mask sat. Um, and it was so fucking noticeable to me. I couldn't think of anything. It's like when you have a mustache and you're like, I know I have a mustache and you just want to tell people you have a mustache.

But then sooner or later you get used to the mustache and you forget you even have a mustache. Yeah, I used to do the same thing with with new glasses. I'm like, Hey, like just picking up fucking pills at a pharmacy. It's like, Hey, new glasses. This is like weird. And they're like, Yeah, I don't know. I've never seen you before.

So it doesn't feel weird. You don't have to address it. Right. I just know you wear glasses generally. Uh, okay. I, Jake says, push the date. I say, I need more information. D remember that on test A, B, C or D need more info.

I can't answer. I have to pass. I always needed more info. I put D on every question because I never had enough info, which is one of the info I needed was the answer to the fucking question. That's right. Okay. Uh, happy new year.

Thanks for listening, guys. Thanks for sending questions, theme songs. We need more. Uh, if I were to show at gmail.com, opening theme song is the closing theme song. And it was written by Keegan. Was it Keegan Mew? Keegan Mew, the Australian Yogi boy. That sounds about right.

Yogi boy. Check him out on, um, SoundCloud Yogi BOI. Uh, more videos as always on our patreon, patreon.com slash J. Hey, yeah, uh, big changes, big changes coming to this podcast. We every week we're instituting something new. Um, the theme song thing is just the fucking beginning. We don't even know what next week we'll bring to the tip of the damn iceberg. Cause next week, the new year starts for us.

So shit's going to hit different. I'll actually, I think I'm going to be on the road touring. So we're probably going to, uh, make a quick episode, but we after that, we hit the ground running. Oh yeah. Well, then it's the, the, like the MLK break. We kind of coast until spring. Um, but we'll probably try something different, uh, around March or April.

That's when we really hit the ground running. Running. And we should do something silly on April fools though. So like that won't be like the classic episode, but like, yeah, that's right. By June, I feel like we're going to hit the ground running with some cool new shit. I'm going to be gone through, uh, June through August, December. I'll be gone till November.

I'll be gone till November. Yeah. Uh, that's Thanksgiving holidays. And then we hit the ground running, running 2023. Although I don't think I can do that. Cause I think January of 2023 is when I'm going to take my sabbatical. Nice. Yeah.

Every, every 14 years I started to, you have a gap here. Yes, I'm a gap in my teeth year, but after that, I'm going to hit the ground running. Uh, so yeah, my sabbatical stick around, let's hit the ground running together and we'll be back next week. Bye everybody. Peace. So check me, please protect these days, perfect TV.

So please get the treatment out of my steeze and while you're down there, could you give it a squeeze? Cut off my dick and I will pick up Starbucks to sit and blow my fucking brains out. My meat is thick and I use it quick to make some more time to listen to the show now. Yes, dude, but I digress, dude. And they can watch me undressed, dude.

Jake's the pinch. He don't flinch and inch the razor fucking crab cause he make it look like a cinch. Amir's got a beard. He's a fucking chip. Monty gets one of these mats, probably sleeps in a tree bump together so much better than they ever would separate. Never let up whatsoever.

Yeah, the pleasure they generate now and Jenna make me wetter hop a measure that's emigrate. Never said that they forever ever allegedly celebrate. Bow down cause the show starts now. Unless they play this at the end. Huh. That was a hit gum original.