If I Were You - 531: Cool Professor (w/Evan and Andrew Gregory!)

Episode Date: March 14, 2022

A few Gregory Bros (Punch Up The Jam podcast) join us to discuss Swedish music, American teachers, and their Punched up Jam for Jake about Amir. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a Head Gum Original. Jake, Jake says that he has already won it. American I believe it, Jake always fuckin' does this. If I were you, if I were you. Wow, there's two and a half minutes more of that just so you guys have something to look forward to at the end of the episode. Very thorough. He sent us a full punched up jam which is kind of ironic

because we have the hosts of Punch Up the Jam here today. Let's go. Evan and Andrew Gregory, how are you guys doing? Let's go. What a segue. Thank you. What a tie in. Thank you.

You guys remember that song. You guys remember Crash Test Dummies, right? I remember the Crash Test Dummies as the main thing I remember is that they're the only band ever that had a bass as their lead singer. Yes, just revolutionary that that was like at the top of the charts with just a guy singing this. When do you ever hear that? Yeah, and the song is not like any other song

and I don't know any other song that they've ever made so it was kind of this weird anomaly. There's no words in the chorus. It's mmm. Yeah, and that's also the title. Yeah, yeah, that's right. It's perfect. The title is a noise a man makes when he's barely singing

and that was the number one song for a year and a half in the 90s. Yeah, the only person I can think of who was very popular that's saying in a similar register is Johnny Cash. I think like Johnny Cash is having a really low voice, but he's in, I don't know, he's just in a different genre where wailing vocally, there's a little bit less of a, a little bit less of a cash to that in the country world. Right.

It's cool because we usually just play these songs but we can't really analyze or understand what makes them good or bad really, but. Jake, you had an expression on your face like that was the first time you'd ever heard that, is that? No, I loved the Crash Test dummy song. That was the parody though. Oh, the parody?

Yes, of course. The punch. That was the first time you'd ever heard that. Yeah, Amir does all the, he does the song sourcing as it were. So, yeah, so that was a surprise to me. This one was a real home run really put me in that spot. Yeah, and again, there's a three minute rendition. It's not like he just did a theme song.

No, he went for the entire fricking song with like multiple verses. I respect it. As someone that is now doing a song parody weekly, we call them the punch up. Yeah. It ain't no mean feat. No, it's hard. And I respect this dude for not giving you the 30 second theme song.

He went end to end with it. Yeah, exactly. The number of times that we have looked at like a four minute song that we're having to punch up and said like, well like maybe we could just make the outro half length. They're like, well maybe we could skip that last verse and then we pump ourselves up and say, no.

Yeah. No, we got to go the distance. Give them what they want guys. If Diana Ross could make a four minute long version of upside down, that's what we're punching up this week then. God damn it, we can too. Yeah. Even if it's for some reason about the plot of the Phantom of the Opera.

Does it have to be the exact same time? Is a punched up jam like a shot for shot remake of a movie or can you? You know, there are no rules. I don't think it has to be the exact same length because for instance the tempo might change. Yeah, what if we want to make it a little faster? I think I'd be very flexible on the length of time

but I think I'm less flexible on this like, if you look at it as like parts of a song, you have the first verse, you have the first chorus, you have the bridge. I would be inclined to keep all of those individual parts. Andrew is very conscious of this stuff as like a personal code of honor that he can't excise pieces of the song just to get to the end quicker. I don't care.

I will change everything. I will take the whole song, pan it to the left, mute it and delete it. Wow, got it. So the song doesn't exist at the end. That's exactly right. It's almost like you shouldn't have wasted time panning it to the left then, right? Well, that's a famous studio engineer trick.

If you're a really high level studio engineer, you just know when you have the perfect take to pan it all the way to the left, drench it in reverb, put a compressor on it, mute it and then delete it. It's like putting your thing down, flipping it and reversing it. The Missy Elliott song but yours is pan it to the left and delete it. That's just another punch up idea I have. This guy wrote in and said,

I hope Jake does the right thing one of these days and gives a mirror the golden mic. I don't know if you guys know but Jake, I guess awards himself a trophy at the end of each and every one of these episodes. That's not quite accurate. I think that's the golden mic and I get the turdy and it's never been the opposite. I've been following it on and off. This week could be the week. That's right.

It's always up for grabs. I was saying it's always up for grabs. The golden mic and the turdy. You just always have it happening. Then he says, anyway, if I can plug something, I have a dumb little sports podcast with my buddies, Eric and Alex called first round busts. If anyone wants to check it out or don't,

or check out Eric's podcast, Lost in Narration, that one's better. Wow, he's promoting his friend's other podcast. That's great. Even within his own plug, he wants to plug someone else. The best kind of self-effacing. How generous. He's a real mensch over here.

That's Daniel House, not to be confused with basketball player, Dan Wellhouse. This is just Daniel House. Thank you, Daniel House. Would you describe Dan Wellhouse as a first round bust, Amir? Was he a first round pick?

I don't know. That's a great question. You put me on the spot. He's actually pretty good now, too. Yeah, I will say Dan Wellhouse, because he might not even been in the first round. Not a first round bust. I think just as a society,

we have too high of a standard of whether someone is a bust or not. If they play in 20 games, hey, that's pretty good. Better than me. Yes, but there are plenty of people that get picked in the first or second round. Just get cut from the team.

That's the only true bust. Greg Oden, great job. Well, it's hard, because if you were tall, you're in the NBA, but you don't necessarily like basketball. There's a lot of tall guys who were drafted because they were tall, but they're like,

you know basketball is not for me. I like computers instead, so they go off and do something else. But at the same time, they wanted to secure that bag, which is what we're here to do, guys. Let's get paid and let's get played. Just to, if you guys don't know,

Evan and Andrew are the new hosts of Punch Up the Jam, an older headgum show that was gone for a little bit and is now back with new hosts, but the idea is the same. These two are punching up a new song every single darn week. How many episodes are there at this point?

At the time of this recording, we are 11 episodes into our tenure. The podcast has a back catalog of another 150. Will this come out next week, this episode we're recording now? Yeah, either Monday or a week from Monday. Okay, so episode 12 comes out this week. We're doing Diana Ross upside down.

Your episode was just released, Jake, where we punched up Flavor of the Week. Yes. And Amir, you were a couple of weeks ago. You did Brass Monkey. Yeah, and I actually wrapped with you guys. Yeah. And our punch up is mostly about you, actually.

Really? I call it our punch up, but you guys did everything. It's our punch up. It was a delight and a surprise. It's a great, great chat. We couldn't have done it without you. Yes, Jake, it's our punch up in spirit, even if we did all the work.

But it wouldn't be wrong to do a react segment where Amir hears the song for the first time and finds out it's all about how much he sucks. You've never heard the song, right? What's that? You've never heard their punch up. No, Andrew just texted it to me. I'm like, Flavor of Amir, what's this?

All right, let's start recording. Yeah, we should definitely, definitely play it. I wonder if we should. I would say we should play it during this episode, but we have another entire frickin' Crash Desk dummies cover to get to. No, we should do it after a break. We'll come back and we'll have you listen to it.

A live react. Wow, okay. Did you specifically request Crash Test Dummy covers where you got more than one unrequested in a single week? It's one, but since it was three minutes long, I'm like, let's play a little bit at the beginning, a little bit at the end, rather than listening to an entire three-minute song

at the top. Yeah. Sometimes Amir will call out for a specific parody. Like you've asked for Beatles ones before. Yeah. But, oh, I'd like a Billy Joel one, actually. Really? Yeah.

Okay, there you have it. Billy Joel, if you're listening. Uptown Monk. Uptown Funk for Bruno Mars, the Billy Joel song. An Uptown Girl slash Uptown Punk parody. No, no, no, no. I wanted to be about it. I feel like with Billy Joel,

you have a unique opportunity to do scenes from Italian restaurant and just cover every single headgum podcast. That would be really epic. God, that's awesome. Yeah. And that would be a nine-minute song for us to play at the top of the episode.

Yeah. You know, Andrew and Evan are over in the corner. You know, here's Caleb and Shelby. There's Jake and Amir. That's cool. And then maybe a painting to go along with it or something. I don't want to, like, put too much on these fans' plates, but some of them are really talented.

Yeah. We do need a painting. Okay. Guys, you know the drill. We're answering emails, real people, who are in desperate need of our advice. Sometimes it's just us. Sometimes we've got friends with us to help out.

Today we got you two. But we like to preserve these guys' anonymity. We don't want to out them. This show is world-famous. What if they show up to school the next day? It's like, holy shit. You're the person who asked about this specific thing. So do you guys have a fake name that we can refer to this?

College professor. So maybe a doctor or something. Umberto. Wow. Dr. Umberto. Right. Yeah. That's the first thing I thought of for no particular reason.

Yeah, don't show us the email. I'm a leak risk. Okay. I will ask them to say the name on the air. I will say it's a lady. So maybe give her a fake name. Umberto. Dr. Umberto.

That's good. Okay. Dr. Umberto. Her last name changed because she was a woman. I'm a new young college professor and I feel like I peaked too early. After a great first two years, I now go into the classroom each day feeling less and less confident and I even forget how to be cool around kids,

which was something I always used to fall back on. So can you jog your memories from being college students way back when and give me some advice about how to be a cool and respectable professor? What were some characteristics and curricular approaches of professors that you liked? Maybe I could just picture all my students as cartilage pierced jakes and then I'd feel more confident and comfortable.

How would you approach college teaching if you were professors? That's a good question. Do you have any clue as to what Dr. Umberto's subject is? I feel like that's pretty clear. Could you just Google her? Can you Google her real name? Okay, I'll Google her real name while you guys get it. I think that's pretty crucial for the advice.

We have to admit that culturally you're having a different experience as a professor. If you're at FIT versus at the law school, you're teaching anthropology. It feels different than if you're teaching math. Right, exactly. What was your coolest college professor and what did they teach? Holy shit, she's teaching at Harvard.

Wow. That's so funny. You landed a whale, boys. Oh my fucking god. You're molding lines with this one. She teaches a class called My Real Name is Doctor. Pulling off her mask. That would be really the way to make her not look cool in front

of her students that she wrote into our dumbass podcast about how to be cool in front of them. Maybe she just went to Harvard and she teaches somewhere else, but there's Harvard on her pedigree and it looks like it's geography and urban studies. Geography and urban studies. Now you have effectively Dockster because her students can definitely deduce.

Okay, so this is great because... There's only one person in the department. So we know she's in the social sciences, the hard social sciences, geography and urban... Well, I guess what I would say off the tip of my brain is this is a little bit of a confidence racket. The problem that Dr. Humberta is running into and I think the worst thing she could do

is start to try to appear cool. So my advice for leather jacket, you think it's not a problem? I was going to say sideways hat, sunglasses, a skateboard. How's it going fellow kid style? That's cool. I just think if she started saying stuff like, so what's been on your guys for you page on your TikTok?

I feel like immediately every student in her class is like, what a lame-o trying to keep up to date with. What if they say good morning, Dr. Humberta, and then she's like, hey, give me some skin and then don't forget the flip side or whatever. Just like a nice little language thing. And she also has a little horn that she'd honk. Interesting.

So you imagine her as almost like a French-Canadian mind, in a way. What if they come in to give her five and then she goes up and rubs her hair? There it is. Kind of just really puts the student in their place while reminding the student who's really at the top. And then they go to school because it's kind of a vanilla ice

Harbo Marx thing. And then they turn around kind of dejected to go back to their desk and she kicks them in the small of their bag. Or even better, puts a sign on the small of their bag that simply says, kick me. There it is. And then she shotguns a fucking Red Bull.

That's really cool. That's kind of cool. What if she flips a coin a lot so she's in the doorway flipping a coin? There is something that like Brad Pitt, I was always eating, you know, in the movies. Yeah. Imagine if she was just queuing on a neely pair

for the entire class. There's no reason. Yeah. That could also be a teaching crutch. Just constantly eating in front of the class. Crunching an apple. Cheeseburgers. Maybe she has a Jacobs ladder.

That's cool. Yeah. One of those things. I go click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click. And then click, click, click, click, click, click. Oh, God. I thought you were talking about the scary 90s Tim Robbins movie. And I was like, I hope she doesn't have Jacobs ladder.

That movie's too scary for anyone. These are DVDs that I'm talking about. That movie, Jacobs ladder, made out of Jacobs ladder. Yeah. That would be amazing to make a Jacobs ladder out of Jacobs ladder DVDs. Or VHSs because that would have a really satisfying click, click, click, click, click, click. Extremely loud. Yeah.

I mean, so here's, so in all seriousness, maybe you don't want to hear my serious opinion, Dr. Umbereta, but when I think about my favorite college professors, there was one I really loved who's a great political science teacher. I had a great art teacher. I had some really great religion professors. That was my specialty. I liked them because they were really good at their subject and were like really in,

like I remember a moment where my art teacher pulled up a slide of a da Vinci painting and it was like just a da Vinci painting of like a sheet. He just like, who knows why, but Leonardo da Vinci just spent like two months of his time painting a sheet and he was just like, I don't know how much money I have in the world, but I think I'd give it all for that painting. Wow. This is a man who truly loved painting and I imagine to have gotten as far as you have

in the world of geography and urban development, it's like the students that should matter to you, like that's what they want is just your depth of interest and your depth of knowledge in your subject and by being devoted to it. I think you'll excite them. That's the winning piece of advice. You don't have to hang around after class to trade Pokemon cards with them. You just lead the top of your lecture with an amazing fact that shows your passion about geography.

Did you know Germany was next to France? Boom. Wow, hammer drops. Do you have to be funny to be cool as a professor or can you be humorless but passionate and that's still good enough? I stopped you guys. I think the humor helped me because I like things to be funny, so that helped me connect with some professors.

Maybe there are other students that are like, why is this professor wasting his time digging around making jokes? The key is just not trying because if you think that being funny is the way to the student's heart but then you're not naturally funny in a certain way and you try to be funny in that way, kids can just smell when you're trying too hard. So just be yourself, whatever that is, and some of the students are going to like you. I also just really like my teachers that didn't assign a lot of homework, so you could always do that.

The other thing is just carry a motorcycle helmet. Do you need a motorcycle? Don't need the motorcycle. You have the helmet, walk in, slam it on the desk, let's get started. Everything else just as you would. What about walking in with a helmet and then when she takes off the helmet and it's like a long head of hair, they're like, oh my god, it's a woman motorcyclist. She walks through the hallways.

Well, they wouldn't be surprised because her last name ends with an A, so she can't surprise them. Motorcycle helmet, you can get pretty cheap because just anytime you're walking by a motorcycle wreck where someone has died, you can just take that helmet. Yeah, that's perfect. And every time, if you end class five minutes early, every single time, they'll really like you. So you say, all right, so you're teaching five minutes ago. You say, I got a jet, grab your helmet, walk outside, shut the door,

and then just play a really loud motorcycle revving. On your phone. There's no H loud enough. You're like, what was that? Hold on. Playing YouTube. It's a three-year-old. Hold on, actually.

Lock the door. All right, here we go. Liberty Mutual. Oh, sorry, skip that. She might already drive a motorcycle. If you already drive a motorcycle, then just start bringing the helmet to class. That's cool. So be passionate about what your subject is and also wear a helmet to class.

So maybe we are coming back around to the leather jacket, too, because if you're going to be convincing as a motorcyclist, you should probably be wearing leather just to impart a sense of safety to your students. Because my understanding, I've never ridden a motorcycle, but my understanding is the leather jacket is really a safety component. It helps for sliding, for skidding, for sure. I never even considered that. That it was thicker.

Yeah, that's what it's about. If you talk to a motorcyclist, they say it's for when you lay one down. So maybe you could say that's your class at one point. You could say, I don't like wearing leather jacket, but just in case I lay one down. Anyway, let's get started. And they'll know you're talking about falling over on your motorcycle and not taking a shit. That's right. They'll have to.

And the skid marks are about the tires peeling off, not about the shit that's sort of running down your assless chaps when you walk to the geography class. Actually, I have a question, teacher. The skid marks on your backside. Yeah, that's about my motorcycle, actually. All of a sudden, the whole class realizes that everything about motorcycling is a euphemism for pooping. That's why it's so cool. That's why it's a number two wheels.

Nice. I had a problem with my tailpipe. Okay, good luck, doctor. But listen, hey, if you're teaching at Harvard or not, you're already cool enough in our books. And that's probably good enough. And your students are not cool. Your students aren't cool. Get that idea out of your head.

They're nerds. Definitely. So you're automatically cooler because you teach there and they're just going there because their fucking parents bribed a dean or some shit. Okay, let's take a break, come back, and maybe listen to the flavor of Amir on the other side of these messages. Yeah. Thank you to Helix Sleep for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell, yes. Thank you for making the sleep test, the sleep exam, and letting me ace it and become the doctor of the mattress.

Yes, sir. Yeah, so Helix makes a really great mattress line and you take a little sleep quiz to see what mattress is right for you. Yeah, right. Jake's been bragging about completing this two minute, honestly, like Buzzfeed light quiz. I don't know how you sleep for the better part of a decade. Excuse me, I do not brag about completing it. I brag about acing it. Because you got the mattress and it was great or?

Yeah, I got the perfect mattress. Thank God. Thank God I took that test. That's right. And if you want the perfect mattress, you can go to helixsleep.com if I were you for 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows. Amazing. Free pillows? Come on.

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You click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code if I were you. And that gets you a free four week trial, free postage and a digital scale. That sounds pretty good. Thank you stamps.com for sponsoring the show. And we're back. So we had the idea in act one to play the punched up jam. Jake went on punch up the jam hosted by you two and discussed his one of his favorite songs flavor of the week. Not my favorite.

Not my favorite. Why did you choose that song? Our requirement is not that you bring your favorite song to the podcast. Just a song you have opinions about. I see. I just know Jake enough to think that that's one of his favorite. It was it was an early top song of mine for sure. But it's yeah.

I didn't I never really thought it was like good. And then we talked about how there's a genre of songs where like the nerdy guy sings about the girl with the jock and how he doesn't appreciate her and she should be with him. Girl all the bad guys want. Yeah. And I'm a good guy. Yeah. Exactly.

Also flavor of the week had like a pretty a pretty like standout moment, which is just them screaming. He's to stone. Nintendo. Yeah. Just like a very, very weird line. It's an iconic line, but it's so catchy. It took it to the top of the charts.

And what was the thing that we discovered? Like we thought that they were a one hit wonder, but this dude like does music now for. Yeah. The band was effectively a one hit or according to Wikipedia, that's their highest charting song. Yeah. To date. To date.

Very. Yeah, hopeful. 23 years later, but they were all music students together. And sure enough, the lead singer and songwriter has gone to a very fruitful career and he writes for all these massive acts. Miley Cyrus among them is coming to my memory. Yes. And he tours with them and writes for TV and all this stuff.

Like when you watch Miley Cyrus tours, he's her music director on stage. He's been music director for all these other stars like Ariana Grande and has had a very, very major career career. So that band, American Hi-Fi was just a jumping off point. It was like his hobby band almost. Right. Which is so funny. He gave himself a challenge, which was like, he's a drummer.

Yeah. And he himself almost was like, could I do this if I played guitar? And the answer was like, yes, you could. And then he quit. When you think about that, I almost imagine them just like every summer they go on like the ever clear cruise and they play their one song. And that's like, that's what his life is. But instead he's just probably immensely rich plays sold out arenas with Miley Cyrus.

That cruise would kill. That music came for a moment in time. And those people are all 40 years old now and would love to pay for a cruise to go out and just belt out. I would swallow my pride. Oh God. Yeah. I definitely would do that.

But why be ninth on that boat? So I could stay there forever. Why be ninth on that bill when you can just. We were only fresh, man. What about a Gilligan Island reboot where it's a 90s pop punk tour and it crashes. So it's there on an island, but it's all your favorite bands from the 90s. Right. So it's me and Sugar Ray.

He's the professor. And I'm there too. I'll be honest. I don't want to watch the reality show of that where they actually do that and just put Sugar Ray and some 41 on an island or whatever. But if they write those characters into the Gilligan Island so that you have the archetypes of Sugar Ray as the demented jock and some 41 as like the impish minions. So it's like a clone high meets that episode of Gilligan's Island where the Harlem Globetrotters

are there, but it's animated. Yes. For adult swim. Okay. Think on that while we play Flavor of Amir. Here we go. But he don't know. Amir's running two hours late.

Jakes up all night. Writes all their jokes. Amir's on Draft Kings again. Posting Lakers Twitter threads. While he leaves all Jakes, takes his own bread. And he means everything to Jake. Jake's best friend is so fake. He don't know about taking space down.

Tasting cloud. We wish that we could make it clear. Takes just the flavor of Amir. So far so good. It's Monday night. Jake's feeling down. Amir's voicemail is full. Jake, we won't say you're home address.

But we're just two blocks away. Plus we're great at D&D. My Druid Elf rolled all 18s. Amir's charisma is a free. Takes best friend. Sets our dork. He don't know about forms. Lakers games.

LeBron James. We wish that we could make it clear. Takes just the flavor of Amir. Yes, let's go. This next bit we didn't really change because the guitar solo pretty much rocks but we just took it up a notch by adding a whistle. So we did here.

There's the whistle. It almost can't be perfected until you found the whistle. A little better. Takes best friend. You don't know anything about Jake. Why Amir looks so near. Let's grab beer literally right here.

Takes best friend. Complete trash. A face we want to smash. I hate it. Best line. We wish that we could make it clear. Takes just the flavor of Amir. Yes, he's the flavor of Amir.

Did we make it weird? That's so fucking offensive. Did we make it weird? If we made it weird, it definitely got weird now. When we play this for Jake, I feel like we didn't make it weird but playing it for Amir, I feel like we did make it weird.

That was a mistake. For sure. I felt cool because I'm the cool guy in this. He's playing sports and not D&D with Jake. I'm like, yeah, this is kind of nice to me even though it's mean to me in a way. I thought you were guys were going to say, because he sucks on Xbox,

but you use PlayStation instead. That's not bad. I hated PlayStation. Xbox, we could have moved gaming consoles between courses. That would have been a pro move to go to move from Tindo to Xbox to PlayStation. I like Laker games.

Dreamcasters. What rhymes with Dreamcast? Mean blast. Put me on a mean blast. Put him on blast. That was a flaw in the original song. The original song is basically saying, this boyfriend over here really sucks

and he's implying get with me, but he never says it. He never makes his case. In our version, we want to not only say, Amir sucks, but also say, we're right here in real life. We're two blocks away from Jake's house. Come on over and play D&D with us.

Yeah. Do you guys play D&D? Yeah, Anderson. I've taken it back up. It's been a pandemic pick up for me. We played when we were kids. We played second edition when we were kids in the late 80s.

Yeah, classic like Stranger Things, middle schoolers in the basement type experience. Oh, wow. And the Druid elf that rolled all 18s. Do you know why that's impressive? You guys can't say this, squeezing my knees so hard. Do you know why that's good?

This is a test and this is like, we're getting to see on screen whether Jake is going to continue to be your best friend or come be our best friend. 18s are hard to roll. Yeah, or are you two focused on Danwell house being in the first round? By the way, he was in the second round.

Yeah, I should have looked it up. I do think he was in early second round, but now I can't remember. Yeah, wow. Okay, that was great. I mean, if that's not reason enough to listen to all of Jake's episode, and then at least my episode,

and then at that point in your hook, subscribe, listen to all of them for sure. Thanks guys for making that for us. It's been a blast. It's been fun. We've been having a blast. I mean, Amir's song off of Brass Monkey came out great, but we made the mistake of not starting the beef

between Amir and Jake at that point. Now we have to have Amir back on to do a diss track response. Right, he has to respond. And like this song, that song was also about getting drinks in Brooklyn. So there's kind of a motif that permeates throughout every song that you guys write.

When you punch up a jam, are you replaying the instruments, or do all these songs exist instrumental only that you can add to? A lot of them we are remaking the instrumental. This one, Flavor of the Week, we I think just use the karaoke track for most of it. Yours, I kind of don't want to spoil a surprise in yours

because there's a fun surprise. It started as a karaoke track to Brass Monkey, but it does not finish that way. Yeah, we ended up remaking quite a bit of it. Depends on what our angle is on the punch-up. Some were just doing a totally different genre, so they wouldn't make it from scratch. Yeah.

A couple of episodes ago, I did a version of the Gambler. Yes, I heard that one. That was very good. I wanted to modernize the Kenny Rogers song, The Gambler. So I felt like I needed to have all the like 2022 country instruments, like the over-crunchy guitar solos

that you always hear in country now and like there's always like a snap doing the snare sound in the country. So me and our producer made like a 2022 country song for the 2022 Gambler. Wow. And I was going to text you about this. This is the most niche thing that 99.9% of people

can just tune out right now, but yours was sort of vaguely about fan dually fantasy football-y gambling. It was about fantasy football. Yes, it was where in 1972, Kenny Rogers was talking about poker, but in 2022, people are putting their money down on fantasy football.

Right. So I, when I was playing fantasy football like 10 or 15 years ago, there was a player named Deverey Henderson, and I kept singing because every hands a winner and Deverey Henderson's a loser, and that would have been a perfect line for this song.

No. For some reason, it worked 15 years ago, and then you did it again. I meant to tell you about that. And this was very synchronistic in that I was looking for, that line ended up, I needed a cornerback. I needed to use a cornerback there.

I needed to vaguely rhyme with the word team. So I landed on Jalen Ramsey. I didn't watch any football this season, so I was just like, I was literally Googling like, who are the best cornerbacks in football? That was good. And then that episode ended up coming out the week of the Super Bowl when Jalen Ramsey

was like the most talked about cornerback at the Super Bowl, but I think my line was every owner knows the secret to a head to head is a quarterback, don't throw it away. Good kicker for your special team. Every wide out is a winner till your wide out is a loser when the cornerback he's playing

is all pro Jalen Ramsey. Wow. Okay, let's take one more break because we got to answer more questions. I mean, music is fun, but we have a job here. Ladies and gentlemen. So let's take one more brief intermission. Thanks to sponsors that come back

with more questions and answers with a Gregory Rose after this. Yes. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this Head Gum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire Head Gum network, Jake.

Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon,

these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents.

Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great. Really easy way to like stay in touch

with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents' kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. Yeah.

This is actually how we told Jill's grandma. She was pregnant. We got her the Aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant? Really nice, asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife.

And you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit. This is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah. Kind of like she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way.

By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh, my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame? Holy smokes. And we let her know with an Aura. Yeah.

Thank you. The Aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app. Add me to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me at a pool or something.

That could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal

video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah. It's a great gift. It's a really, really iconic gift. And right now you can save on the Perfect Father's Day gift and visit Aura Frames. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com.

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Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames. A-U-R-A-Frames.com. Okay. Go get your parents something. All right. All right. All right.

All right. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation, talking to a professional

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Yes. Dan Wellhouse, by the way, undrafted. Undrafted, yeah. Whoa. So was he a draft bust in the other way? Undrafted. Because he should have been drafted. Yes, that's right.

I called draft bust. Just like me, I wasn't drafted and thus I'm a draft bust too. Okay, we got one last question that I think we can all help this person out. It's another 20-year-old female. Okay. This one's not a professor, but she wants to apply

to a few music schools in Sweden. Do you have the name of a Swedish? Allison. Is she Swedish? She is Swedish or she's not Swedish? Well, I guess so with a name like Allison. She's obviously a sweet. Allison, last name?

Allison, son. Everybody's name ends with either Olsen. Allison Olsen, I think would be good. Oh, Allison Olsen. Allison Olsen. That's a cool name. That's a really cool name. Yeah.

Not the name of a porn star, but just a cool name for a 20-year-old female who's about to apply to a few music schools in Sweden. All right. Allison writes. And I'm wondering if I should go ahead and apply to the one that my ex is currently at and next year as well, attending,

or if that will bring up a bunch of weird, awkward feelings that I've managed to move on to on from while alone. We were together for a year and I broke up with him about eight months ago. He's my only ex, so I'm not used to these dilemmas. Does the weirdness last if you keep spending time with them? Or would I stop thinking about it after a while?

The program only has 30 students in it, so we're bound to see each other if I get in. I like the school, but is it worth it? Please help a confused chipmunk want to be, such as myself. Love. Insert IKEA-related nickname here, since I know that's all Amir knows about our country.

Oh, my God. Oh, sick burn. That's so fucked up. I know a lot of things about Sweden. Go ahead. Well, she mentioned IKEA, which is obviously a huge factor. Sure. She said that's the only thing you would know.

All right. So you didn't even know without her mentioning it? Well, IKEA, yes. And then also, in addition to that, they have a whole furniture like something here. That's IKEA. Yeah. I'm saying it's the,

and the meatballs they have there and the lingonberries that they have there are IKEA. All right. I know a lot of things about IKEA. And I accept the accusation that I don't know anything about IKEA. You are proving her right. I mean, you are proving yourself to be a real grundeltar.

There's a, what's that? I have a bookcase. You don't know what a grundeltar is? Wow. You really don't know anything about Sweden. It's a bookend that looks like a grundel. Yeah. And the A has two dots above it.

So need I say more? Okay. Are you guys friends with any of your exes or is that awkward? We, well, I would say that I'm not friends with any of my exes, but I will say through strange coincidence. Oh boy.

We are friends with someone that went to a small music school in Sweden. Oh my God. Yeah. So I feel like I have a little bit of insight, having spoken to him for a couple hours about what it's like to go to a like professional level

post high school music school in Sweden. One thing your listeners need to know about Sweden is that it is like the pop music factory to the world. Really? Sweden is known to be the top exporter of pop music. That started with ABBA,

but peaked in the late 90s where all the producers are Brittany Spears and Backstreet Boys are Max Martin in particular, but other guys that are all from Sweden. So if she's going to an elite school, like she's probably going to be a top pop producer. I'm guessing. I could be wrong,

but I'm guessing that she's not going there to like study the cello or study how to sing. Maybe she is. Maybe I'm wrong. But our friend who went to such a school, it was like a pop songwriting school. Like Sweden had been like, okay, this is what we're good at.

So we're just going to make schools that a few people can go to and write the pop hits of the future. That's not sick. I want to go to that school. Like Dr. Luke. He's an actual doctor in Sweden. Well, Dr. Luke was, although he is an American,

he was trained by Max Martin. He was the protege of the peak swede pop dance. Yeah. So in like, in the family tree of Swedish pop music, I think a lot of people would still put Dr. Luke as like part of the Swedish fish, as they call them. It's Swedish fish. Pop music is seemingly easy

because it's like, oh, they all sound alike, but it's hard to, I guess, make a good one. Otherwise, everyone would. So it's like, how do they crack that nut? How do they crack that nut? Exactly. And I made a lot of assumptions here. Maybe it's, maybe she's not going to a pop music school.

Maybe she really is going to study the cello. Well, I'm glad you're making the assumptions because she has not actually given us the vital information here of what's good about the school and why would she care to go there. The only information we have here is that there is an X. So we're forced to make our decision based on do you want to be around this person

or not, what are the merits of being at the school? Here's one thing I'm going to ask you all. This is a rhetorical question. So we can't answer it, but let's hear it. It's a rhetorical question. In Swedish, of course, that's called a retoriko question. Interesting. It's what would be great for writing pop music songs about love?

Yes. Let me turn that over. So you're saying she could major in pop music and then get an almost an independent minor in a heartbreak by attending a school with an X. You're really trying out a real life experience. Like I said, there's a big assumption here that it's a pop music writing school,

but the strife obviously is bad. We don't want the strife in our life, but in this rare situation, do you want the strife? Take the hurt and use it. Do you want the strife, an X in my life? How many times has a musician that's really, really, really great then released an even better album that's their breakup album? Casey Musgraves just put out her amazing follow up to Golden Hour

and it's a whole divorce album. In the course of two or three years, she managed to fall in love, get married and divorce. Great example. The worst sophomore albums are always about, oh, I got famous and it's hard. The best sophomore albums are always about, I fell out of love. Right.

They're almost forcing it. Isn't there a Julia Michael song about almost causing a breakup to write a good song or something like that? She would. It works for her. It fucking worked because first albums, like you said, are about having fun, meeting the love of your life. Second one has to be about breaking up,

so this would be a great crash course. And just my sincere advice is this is predicated on the assumption that this guy gets to go to the school. Screw him. You're 50% of this equation. You have just as much right, if not more, to go to the school than him. Why are you reacting to his decision? Just own it and go.

He's already been there, right? He's already been there a year. How long is the school? Is it two years? Is it four years? How long are you going to have to overlap with them? I guess the one other issue is how many of these... Do you have other options?

She said she's applying to a few... I wouldn't write this one off just because an X is there. If it's just about applying, you might as well apply to all of them and then choose based on the merits and where you want to go, removing the X from the equation. And maybe if you go there, if you're going there to incur the heartbreak, maybe it's kind of like second level burn heartbreak. It's not like that good sizzle you get when your heart is first broken.

Maybe you have to go to the different music school and get your heart broken in a more original for you way to get that real scalding heartburn. I think that's the move. I feel like go to the new school where you can fall in love and break up and that's going to give you the best overarching album right there because there's not that much fun about chasing your ex to win your ex back. How many good songs are about winning your ex back?

Well, counterpoint, you go to the same school and exact a torturous revenge by dating someone else in the class. That's only three people. Yeah, that's HLSE by the Google Dolls. Jim Blossoms, actually. Jim Blossoms, yeah. If you break up with someone in Sweden, are they your Daniel X? Sick!

Oh, God. So I'm holding up a picture of Spotify CEO Daniel X who is Swedish, I believe. See your Daniel X. That's another thing I know about Sweden. Hold on a second. You've already shown the photo enough. He's showing it up so I can confirm.

And yes, Amir is holding up a photo of Daniel X. Yeah. He thought, Amir thought that we couldn't see it. But I can. Nice. Oh, good. Now we're having fun just in time for the episode 10. Okay, so real quick, lightning round, would you still go to this school?

Start with Andrew. Even, I think I sent us down a weird tangent just to brag about my knowledge of Swedish schools. I think as long as there's another school that serves the same function, you go to the other school. Yeah, okay. Would you say this one? Is her last resort suffocation ex-boyfriend? Don't give a fuck if you're going to Sweden. Is that even kind of a pop song?

What's that? Nothing. Sorry. No, I'm trying to audition for this podcast. You should be singing it while holding Daniel X. Daniel X. I don't like looking at his smug face. I like using his audio service.

Yeah. I don't like looking at his face. Okay, would you go to the Swedish school, Evan? Yes. Yeah, I'm a definite yes. I think she probably would have dismissed it already if this weren't one of the best schools. It's probably what seems like one of her top choice, again, an assumption. But also, just from the perspective of developing yourself, it's really healthy to get over this.

Better to work on it sooner than to let it eat away at you. Yeah, as is my want, I'm going to continue to waffle if it's the best song-running school out there. Why have your ex scare you off? That's right. I'd say look deep into your heart and decide if you're going to the school because the ex is there, or if you're afraid to go to the school that you want to go to because the ex is there. Wow. That's a really good sign.

Do it for you, not as Daniel X says. That's the professional take. That's the take of someone who's doing this podcast every week and isn't just coming on as a guest. But you guys know how to sing. I would trade it all for the ability to strike a note when the feeling is right. Feeling is right, we got a song. Full effect. Oh, why's it got to be so complicated?

Nice. All right, sweet. And I would not do it because I'm a scared little boy and I want all the toys. So, yeah, I would probably go to an auto mechanic school. There's other music schools. That's a runaway from the career. Where in fucking Finland? It's not going to happen for you if it's not in Sweden.

I'm sorry. Yeah, another school, Norway. Nice. Oh, very good. All right, one last time. Punch up the jam. Evan, Andrew, punch up a song every freaking week. Do you guys regret that yet?

No, getting close, but it's still fun. Okay, that's good. See if you can pinpoint the one song that turns it all around. If you tune in now, you can be witness to our mental demise. I think it was close to this week. We're working on having to punch up Akon's sexy bitch. Whoa. And there's just so little.

The song is hateful. There's so little in the song. There's no meat on the boat. There's no meat to sing our teeth into. But I think this morning we cracked it and we're happy again. All right. There you go. The highs and lows.

And thanks to you guys for listening to this and writing in your own theme songs as well, punching up your own jams just for our joy. So that's if I were you show at gmail.com is the email for your questions and theme songs. As you remember, the crash test dummies cover that we started was just the tip of the iceberg. Let's listen to the end of this episode or the end of this song right now at the end of this episode. Thank you again, guys, for coming by. Thanks for having us. This is a major treat and huge props to your fans.

Most talented in the game cranking out these themes. Wow. For real. You guys hear that? Most talented fans in the game. That's cool. We're not talented, but our fans are. Right.

Everyone else. Exactly. All right. We'll be back next week. Bye, everybody. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.